Misadventures in Atlanta

By Miket

August 4, 2008 8:13 AM | Link to this

The only time I dated a co-worker was when we got a job together after we’d already been dating. Even when the relationship goes well, some people can deal with being around each other all day every day, and some need their space.

If you don’t date “friends,” then how do you meet potential romantic interests? There’s always a chance you’ll meet the perfect someone in the grocery store or while waiting for an oil change, but isn’t it most likely you’d be compatible with someone who has friends (and presumably interests) in common?

By Mike

August 4, 2008 8:14 AM | Link to this

The only time I dated a co-worker was when we got a job together after we’d already been dating. Even when the relationship goes well, some people can deal with being around each other all day every day, and some need their space.

If you don’t date “friends,” then how do you meet potential romantic interests? There’s always a chance you’ll meet the perfect someone in the grocery store or while waiting for an oil change, but isn’t it most likely you’d be compatible with someone who has friends (and presumably interests) in common?

By GOLDfinger

August 4, 2008 8:16 AM | Link to this

By Blanca

August 4, 2008 8:16 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone - hope you had a great weekend!

By GOLDfinger

August 4, 2008 8:19 AM | Link to this

By SlimOne

August 4, 2008 8:21 AM | Link to this

Good Morrrrrrnnnin Blogsville

I’ve only dated someone I worked with twice in my life. First time was in high school and the second time was how i met my ex.

I guess due to the nature our the job it actually turned out pretty well in our case. But i guess it did help that eventually he ended up not working there anymore so I really can’t speak on the topic. I would assume it leaves a large room for error and discomfort to date someone on your job unless they work on a different floor, different department, and maybe a different company.

By Blanca

August 4, 2008 8:29 AM | Link to this

Hey All I agree with all about co-workers, but I’m looking for advice on friends to relationships. What say you?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 4, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

Good morning Good People, Have any of you dated a friend, only to lose him or her if things tank? Sure did, I knew the risks matter of fact we talked about this same thing before moving from friendship to dating and to no avail not only did the relationship tanked the friendship was a lost because things just weren’t the same as it was before we indulged in each other. I miss our friendship and if I could do it all over again I would not have taken it future than friends. A tough lesson to learn.

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

Every situation is different for everybody.

You are correct in that you have to determine whether it is worth it. Are you willing to possibly end a good friendship if dating doesn’t work out?

Dating co-workers has never been a desire of mine. I have seen it done and it’s usually a series of on dramatic episode after the other until one person leaves the company. I couldn’t take seeing and working with someone every day after a relationship went bad. Especially if they broke my heart.

By GOLDfinger

August 4, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this

Consider TV shows where coworkers jump into the sack & have affairs all the time: Grey’s Anatomy” for example. If they do it on TV, common sense says, it is the wrong . Females on the show are depicted as permiscuous sluts..Noone ever gets a sexually transmitted disease. Unreal..

By GOLDfinger

August 4, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this

Consider TV shows where coworkers jump into the sack & have affairs all the time: Grey’s Anatomy” for example. If they do it on TV, common sense says, it is the wrong . Females on the show are depicted as permiscuous sluts..Noone ever gets a sexually transmitted disease. Unreal..

By GOLDfinger

August 4, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this

Consider TV shows where coworkers jump into the sack & have affairs all the time: Grey’s Anatomy” for example. If they do it on TV, common sense says, it is the wrong . Females on the show are depicted as permiscuous sluts..Noone ever gets a sexually transmitted disease. Unreal..

By Deeva4Life

August 4, 2008 8:39 AM | Link to this

QC can you e-mail me at puridee7@yahoo.com? I have a question for you about some job postings.

On topic I’ve never dated a co-worker. Never wanted to deal with all that on my job because I would think that if it were to go sour things would be quite awkward. Not to mention one of my close friends is dating a guy that she works with and all of sudden she’s become incessantly insecure (not a good look).

As for dating a friend…that one is hard. I kinda feel the same way Blanca does. My fear is losing my friend if things didn’t work out but I think that is linked to chemistry. If the chemistry is there, I’d be willing to take the risk but if it wasn’t there then why ruin what’s already established for something that isn’t?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 4, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this

Raqi you are right, you never know how these things will work out. Me and ex friend/lover discussed this subject for months before moving from friends to dating. He said he was mature enough to handle things if it didn’t work out but he wasn’t.

By SlimOne

August 4, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this

Blanca I have indulged with a friend who was a really good friend to only have now compromised the friendship. However, there have also been a time where we were friends but obviously felt some connection….went there only to make our friendship stronger because we now had the “pink elephant in the room’ now dismissed. Overall, i’d say its a huge risk but i guess it also depends on what type of friendship you and said person has…Plus you’ll never know until you try. Did i confuse you even more? LOL

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 8:47 AM | Link to this

Blanca because I believe that friendship is very important in romantic relationships I have not qualms against dating a friend. But like you said what if doesn’t work out.

IMO when you get with a friend there is a lot that you already know about each other. That eliminates a lot the first stages of dating pressure. And then you also move pass the getting to know you process a lot faster. You are possibly, not always, but possibly already familiar with some of habits of theirs. Depending on the depth of the friendship. It sort of creates an avenue for you to go into the relationship with your eyes wide open. Having a clearer picture of what you are getting into. But you must be ware because some things you don’t pay attention to or even find to be no biggie in a friend and can be an annoying matter when you are dealing with someone in a closer connection.

You will find yourself going “Wow, I didn’t realize they were like that.”

But again every situation varies from person to person, couple to couple.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

Friends to lovers…

I have done it, and it can be great (when it works) the best of both worlds, my homie, my lover, my friend.

But when it sours…..it’s like..the person I used to talk to about these things is the person that I can no longer talk to.

It’s tough enough when you break with your girl, but when your girl was your best friend….that’s the stuff of country songs.

To your specific question Blanca friends to lovers is not that difficult a transition. The spark for love is there (you love your friend), it’s the intimacy factor that the greatest hurdle.

But then again, I’m cute…sooooo

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone!

By Blanca

August 4, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

Dan I’m beginning to wonder if I know you… lol

By Ivedoneit

August 4, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

I dated and then became engaged to a very dear friend. My ex-husband and I were friends with him and his wife. My ex and I divorced and shortly thereafter he and his wife divorced. She had been cheating on him for years (neither one of us knew that). I dated a few guys and he dated a few women. Then he and I began a dating relationship. I had two kids wanted no more I knew from our long friendship that he did want kids (had none at the time). I broke off the engagement as I knew he wanted kids and would be a great father. We remained friends and both married someone else. Unfortunately his wife did not like me, my husband liked him, no problem with our friendship in my husband’s eyes. Not the case with his wife. He recently passed away and his wife admitted that she was sorry she’d been so “ugly” about our friendship and that me and my husband were very important to him. However, after it’s all said and done I do wish we’d never had a romantic relationship as it did change our friendship and I really missed that and I think he did too.

By Bit-O-Hunny

August 4, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

BlancaI think you nailed it. The essential difference between friends and lovers is romance and that “electric” feeling. If it wasn’t there to begin with and now you’re considering taking a friendship to a loveship, then maybe you are resorting to the low hanging fruit of dating. Its easy, comfortable and you know him.

I tried this once in highschool. Said guy and I basically grew up together and then we kinda “fooled around” and had sex once. We didn’t have any real “love connection” but to this very day there is something between us that neither one of us has addressed.

He’s married now with two kids and he was recently here for business so we decided to have dinner. During dinner he went on and on about what his wife is not doing and how he’s so not happy. I tried to remain neutral but this guy clearly married b/c of pregnancy #1. I asked him if he would have married her if she wasn’t preggers and he said no. Is this a stupid reason to marry absolutely, but he did…I digress…

Short of an even longer story, we’re friends and I imagine we always will be. We have 20+ years of friendship and I don’t see us ending it ever. I’m his son’s (1st child) godmother, and he and I talk from time to time. They live in another state. I’m happily in a loving, respectful relationship.

By Utopia

August 4, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Blanca

From my experience, it’s a HUGE risk and you cannot foresee the outcome, no matter how cool the friend. For about six years I was labeled as his best friend. Once that attaction kicked in, we both wanted to test the waters but to be certain or feel as much out as I could before engaging (silly me), I asked the what ifs and what abouts and wouldn’t he much rather keep the friendship than moving forward type questions. Of course his answer was absolutely. We both were clear on what was needed from each in a relationship. We crossed the lines and he didn’t bring it so I abruptly and completely removed myself. He resurfaced over and over and over again giving me time to get over it and went into overkill on “friends” and why can’t we be. One of his funniest analogies was would you toss your mom aside if upset with her or would you work through it and love her still? I dunno, just couldn’t step back like he could. He wanted to laugh it up and hang out like old times but by then, I couldn’t find humor in anything.

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

Good morning all. Hope everyone had a good weekend. What an enjoyable summer this has been!

Dating co-workers…just be open to it. It worked for my parents. And the Obamas too!

As for established friends. I’ve done it once, with my HS sweetheart. Haven’t really done it since because if you haven’t approached me, you probably aren’t interested. I understand the whole “ruining” the friendship aspect, but I feel that’s rather a weak argument for the chance at true love.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Morning!

Don’t date your close neighbors. Don’t date anyone related to a close friend. Don’t dip your pen in the company ink. Sometimes these relationships are very likely to wind up being bad relationships.

Part 2: That dude that’s tryin’ to get a job at your company so he can get up with you…ah, he’s serious and need to be taken seriously. Transfer, move, get a new job/company, ‘cause that nut is crazy. Leave now!

Breakfast: egg sanmiches and water for everyone. recession has blog breakfast on low.

By Kitty Kat

August 4, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

When I was in high school I got into a relationship with a co-worker. This was forbidden at my company, because he was higher up then me. However, when we were at work no one knew we were in a relationship and we kept things professional. The only problem was a lot of the guys I worked with liked me and they would tell him…So, he would tell them to go ahead and try talking to me and see what I say!! They were all unaware of our relationship! The relationship ended but we were still good co-workers/friends afterwards. I mean that was 8 yrs ago and we are still good friends.

Relationships with friends well that can be iffy. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes the relationship is lost and sometimes it isn’t; it really depends on that person and you and how you relate. Me I have tested the friendship waters and dating and for me those relationships were the best compared to the non friends one. For me I have to be able to be your friend before we can be in a relationship; because if I don’t see myself as your friend how can our relationship lasts? Your partner is suppose to be your best friend, if you’re looking to marry him/her. When your friends with someone you practically can talk to them about anything and if you want your relationship to work you want to be able to talk to your partner comfortable about anything and everything! Currently my bf and I we were friends before we started our relationship. When I first saw him I was like man that guy is HOT! Then one day he saw me and started a conversation with me and we became friends and we did the strictly friend thing for awhile and then one day things happened, etc. I have only lost one friend out of 6 friends to a relationship not working. I’m still pretty cool with the others! I think it’s worth it b/c then you won’t sit around and be like man I wonder what, would have happen if me and so and so had dated, etc. Now if you have an insecure partner they may have a problem with you still being friends with your exes.

By SexyCool

August 4, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this

Goldfinger…you’re obviously not a TRUE Grey’s Anatomy fan…otherwise..you would know that there was a nurse in the second season that had both Alex and George burnin’…

as to the topic…judge each situation by it’s own merit and learn not to broadstroke EVERYthing…

By Kitty Kat

August 4, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

When I was in high school I got into a relationship with a co-worker. This was forbidden at my company, because he was higher up then me. However, when we were at work no one knew we were in a relationship and we kept things professional. The only problem was a lot of the guys I worked with liked me and they would tell him…So, he would tell them to go ahead and try talking to me and see what I say!! They were all unaware of our relationship! The relationship ended but we were still good co-workers/friends afterwards. I mean that was 8 yrs ago and we are still good friends.

Relationships with friends well that can be iffy. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes the relationship is lost and sometimes it isn’t; it really depends on that person and you and how you relate. Me I have tested the friendship waters and dating and for me those relationships were the best compared to the non friends one. For me I have to be able to be your friend before we can be in a relationship; because if I don’t see myself as your friend how can our relationship lasts? Your partner is suppose to be your best friend, if you’re looking to marry him/her. When your friends with someone you practically can talk to them about anything and if you want your relationship to work you want to be able to talk to your partner comfortable about anything and everything! Currently my bf and I we were friends before we started our relationship. When I first saw him I was like man that guy is HOT! Then one day he saw me and started a conversation with me and we became friends and we did the strictly friend thing for awhile and then one day things happened, etc. I have only lost one friend out of 6 friends to a relationship not working. I’m still pretty cool with the others! I think it’s worth it b/c then you won’t sit around and be like man I wonder what, would have happen if me and so and so had dated, etc. Now if you have an insecure partner they may have a problem with you still being friends with your exes.

By abc

August 4, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

The friends-to-relationship issue is a bit of a contradiction. If a relationship is successful and lasts, you’ll eventually hope that your significant other is your best friend. If you have someone who already fits that description, what’s to hold you back?

On the other hand, if you have a friend of the opposite sex and you’re attracted only in a platonic way, why should you think for a second that you should give them a whirl in any other way?

If you have a friend that interests you romantically, to avoid pursuit due to risk of losing the friendship if it doesn’t work out means that you don’t have a lot of faith in the friendship, at which point, what do you have to lose, really?

Of course, leave co-workers alone. Especially if you’re a man, the risks of dating co-workers is just too great, it’s not worth the potential fallout.

By SlimOne

August 4, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

Has anyone ever experienced sleeping with a long time friend and the chemistry was better than the actual act? If so, if you were the one on the receiving end of the bad sex, did you lose respect for them a little?

I recall ‘attempting’ to cross the line with a friend and we couldn’t even get past the kissing part. I felt like i was kissing a skeleton…arrrggghhh! All that curiosity and built up sexual tension went ODD! (Out Da Doe) lol

By Foots

August 4, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Good Morning!!

I’ve had a couple of “friends to lovers” situations, and no, they didn’t work out. But then again, I’m single and never married, so NONE of my situations have “worked out” so far. The point is, all of dating/relationship interactions have two outcomes when you get right down to it, whether it’s a friend, co-worker or a complete stranger: 1. Stay Together, 2. Break Up. So why put limits where you can find love? Where ever you find it, it will have one of the above outcomes.

I dated a co-worker too, and it helped that we were not in the same group. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have gotten any work done. There are plenty of married people in my old department that met at work and got married. Work is where we spend a huge part of our day. It makes sense that some things would pop off there.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Correction:

Don’t date your close neighbors. Don’t date anyone related to a close friend. Don’t dip your pen in the company ink. Sometimes these relationships are very likely to wound up being bad relationships.

I gotta get better breakfast.

mytwo Yes ma, i will date the personal trainer. The way he cools me down be the same way he heats me up :)…i’m wrong.

By Sugar

August 4, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

Drop the rules, drop the guidelines, and you will find your mate.

Relax and when you least expect it, it will drop into your lap. These things don’t happen on YOUR time. Take your time, and just have a good time.

It’s like going on Match.com, and limiting your search to 25-35 year olds. You are limiting yourself to a specific age group, but your perfect mate may be 36 years old, and you cut it off at 35.

Open your mind, and think of it as an adventure. If you like younger guys, try an older man (They have the money, and don’t play these stupid games). Try something different, but always look at it as an adventure…..

Don’t rush these things. It will come when you least expect it.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

@abc

I think what you’re describing is the process of becoming friends by being in a relationship. It does happen. But “crossing that line” with a friend is something entirely different, it brings up a whole host of issues that each of you must be ready to deal with.

How long have you felt like this? Has our whole friendship been a lie to get here? Are really even my friend or playing an elaborate game to tadaazaup?

In the end though, my experiences have been wonderful, and it really teaches you what to look for in a potential mate.

One of the reasons that I can be friends with my -ex’s, is that a lot of time we were friends to being with.

@Slim

You’re right, that curiosity can get the CT murdered.

By CT

August 4, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

My best friend as a young teen was a girl that I had a lot in common with and we would talk all the time about everything, including each others romantic interests. Our romantic interest in each other began when I went away to college. Coming back home we went to catch up and became romantically enthralled with each other. This was a huge mistake. We lost the relationship and the friendship. The two things that I took from it was a Scorpions love song and that there quite possibly is no such thing as men and women being platonic friends. I think the co-worker thing is probably a bad idea as well. I think you have the right idea. Wait for the electric connection. It is probably best.

By Blossom

August 4, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

Thanks Sugar for that 9:52!

By Foots

August 4, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

Sugar has a good point with the Try something different, but always look at it as an adventure… advice. The Mars and Venus on a Date book goes in depth about where to possibly find a mate, and it details how sometimes opposites attract and how that person for you can be out doing something completely different than you would be doing. Like if you like to go to clubs, go to the zoo, park or museum sometimes. Or if you like to watch sports on TV, go to a live game. Doing something outside your own comfort zone may put you in contact with someone who is in theirs.

Anybody else find it funny that Dan mentioned CT, and then the CT posted RIGHT after??? LOL!

By Foots

August 4, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

This situation may be different, but I had a friend who liked me from our first meeting, but I was with someone. I really didn’t feel anything for him other than platonic friendship. When me and my boyfriend at the time broke up, my friend made his move and told me how he felt. I thought about it for a while, but eventually decided that I would not pursue anything with him.

He was hurt by that, and it took a while for the friendship to recover. But when it did, it was stronger than ever. All of the tension born from his attraction was out of our friendship. There were not any undercurrents remaining. So really, exploring the possibility of a relationship was the very thing that made our friendship what it is today.

He is my best friend, to the point that when I marry, he will be standing on my side, along with my other attendants. Coincidentally, he married a long-time friend that he grew up with and their relationship was made better by the fact that they were good friends first.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 4, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

freidns to lovers? excellent move!

co-workers….depends; as for me, since I never plan on staying on ANY job for any serious length of time, it doesn’t (didn’t) bother me! Females be like, “but we’re co-workers..” and I’m like, “gal, before my pict even fully develops on this ID badge, I’ll be outta here….let’s live!”

But my next gal gon’ be picked from one that I’m currently dealing with…ain’t that right, “Corn on da Cobb”…..

By abc

August 4, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

Not really, Dan. I’ve had friendships develop with and without being relationships with them. If I had a friend, regardless of gender, that I thought was a better friend to me than my significant other, I’d be admitting that I had a severe relationship problem, to my way of thinking. Being a reliable friend is far more important than about anything else one would want in a person, whether the friendship develops before or after one sticks a romantic flag in the top of the hill.

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Has our whole friendship been a lie to get here? Are really even my friend or playing an elaborate game to tadaazaup?

Do people really think like that? Really?

By QC

August 4, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers, have a great day everyone

^5 Sugar, that’s a very good point & so true!

www.blackthen.com

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

I agree abc. My mate and I must have a solid friendship. It wouldn’t work any other way. Been there done that.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

@abc

Can we agree that this notion of your mate being your friend is at least, culturally, something that has developed in the last 10 years?

I know marriages that are partnerships more than lovefests..and really when you think about it, it’s only later in life that the friendships of married people become relevant. (After all the friends outside that relationship have passed away or moved on to new adventures).

But admitting that someone is a better friend doesn’t constitute a breach of the relationship, it’s actually quite healthy.

@Raqi

Yes. Yes, they do. There are some truly scarred people in this dating world.

By SexyCool

August 4, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

IF guys (and gals) really bought into the “we gotta be friends first” theory…there wouldn’t be a mad dash/countdown to how soon you can get a chick (dude) in bed…

in a perfect world…yes, friends first is a nice thought…but reality proves that chemistry outweighs that logic nearly 100% of the time…

By Blanca

August 4, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

I definitely want to be best friends with my partner, but I’ve always built that friendship while building the relationship itself.

Has anyone here married an old friend and is still happy?

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

Sugar

Has the best advice. I said it last week. There are no rules to this crazy thing called love.

Sometimes all it tales about getting outside of the comfort zone.

In meeting my wife, I did something that I’d never would guessed that I would do. Speed Date. Keep in mind in Sept 1997 (when we met), speed dating wasn’t common. Yet, a buddy of mine said that he was gonna try it and I thought I give it a try. I was a little hesitant, and it cost $28.00 to sign up (later you wait to cancel, the lower the refund). Even the day of the event, I thought about just writing the money off. Apparently, I wasn’t the only hesitant male because there were so few of us that the event almost had to be cancelled. (The friend who talked me into the event didn’t even show up.)

Yet, the tightwad in me gave me that push to attend the event. I met Ms. PG after the event as we both sat at the bar watching a Spurs playoff game.

Had I not done something different or outside my normal comfort level, I may not have met her.

Also, love finds you not the other way around.

You may be blocking your blessing by putting all the your rules on this thing.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

Raqi Do people really think like that? Really?

I guess that overly paranoid people do. Normal people realize that ish happens. Even with my friend who had feelings for me from the beginning, I never thought that our friendship wasn’t real. It was real for both of us, but for him, it was just more.

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

It would be ideal to be a friend w/someone before you bed them, but then lust flies out the window. Sometimes lust overrides the factor of being a friend first. Right on SexyCool!

By Blanca

August 4, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

Poppa Grande

“Blocking your blessing” - I’m in love with this expression now. Thanks!

By Crazy...might be you

August 4, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

“I don’t like being called crazy, it’s dismissive. It’s you dismissing my feelings or my reaction to a particular incident.” —- Dave Chappelle

By DarkBrown

August 4, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

I will agree with SexyCool. Anyone that says that friendship should be the foundation of a relationship wouldn’t be AS caught up in the physical aspects of the attraction. Guys wouldn’t be so quick to say that they didn’t date women who don’t put out.

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Correction:

Sometimes all it takes is getting outside of the comfort zone.

Lo Siento. Estoy cansado. Quiero dormir.

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

Yes Blanca.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

SexyCool but reality proves that chemistry outweighs that logic nearly 100% of the time…

And that’s because we’re out of school, and most people don’t belong to social clubs, so we don’t get a lot of those proximity friendships (those that develop because you see each other nearly every day and have some things in common) that we did when we were younger. Work and church are some of the only places left at our age to develop those proximity friendships that may lead to attraction and relationships.

So when a man comes up to me and we don’t know each other, he’s approaching because he’s interested physically, not for friendship. It’s hard to develop those types of friendships where attraction isn’t part of the equation as adults, if you’re only meeting people of the opposite sex as a result of attraction.

By Veda

August 4, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

I totally understand where you are coming from. I just happened to meet my current boyfriend at the job and we have been together for the past 4 years, but it was slightly different because we worked different shifts. And even with that I found random bits of speculation about my personal life. When you start to see someone at the job you end up open to all types of nonsense and personally this will have been the one and only time I involve myself in this occupational hazard. As far as dating a friend goes, on that road lays the path to heartbreak. If you are lucky and you and your friend are willing to try and can be amazing, because you are with someone and it’s more than just physical. But on the downside, you will be with someone who knows which buttons to push. You may find that you are better as friends, which is on the better end of the break-up scenario or you will lose someone who very important to you. Even if you can maintain a friendship after the break-up, what happens if your ex who is still your friend meets the love of their life who doesn’t see you as their partner’s good long-time friend, but as an Ex who is always around and a possible threat to their relationship. I have been in this and it sucks more than making the conscience decision to never talk to that person again. I would warn anyone away from this pitfall, it insidious.

By Veda

August 4, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

I totally understand where you are coming from. I just happened to meet my current boyfriend at the job and we have been together for the past 4 years, but it was slightly different because we worked different shifts. And even with that I found random bits of speculation about my personal life. When you start to see someone at the job you end up open to all types of nonsense and personally this will have been the one and only time I involve myself in this occupational hazard. As far as dating a friend goes, on that road lays the path to heartbreak. If you are lucky and you and your friend are willing to try and can be amazing, because you are with someone and it’s more than just physical. But on the downside, you will be with someone who knows which buttons to push. You may find that you are better as friends, which is on the better end of the break-up scenario or you will lose someone who very important to you. Even if you can maintain a friendship after the break-up, what happens if your ex who is still your friend meets the love of their life who doesn’t see you as their partner’s good long-time friend, but as an Ex who is always around and a possible threat to their relationship. I have been in this and it sucks more than making the conscience decision to never talk to that person again. I would warn anyone away from this pitfall, it’s insidious.

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

PoppaGrande/Sugar, this was my motto this entire weekend. Going forward, I am going to do things outside my comfort zone. I have too much personality to remain bottled up!

By mytwocents

August 4, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

Just realized I don’t even have that many truly single guy friends left to even flirt w/ for play-play. Some of em may still think/act like they are, but it’s a wrap…

Beautiful It’s after 7 on the left coast… You’re tardy. (1 demerit) If this was a gf getaway wknd you’re excused.

Cemeeli Only dude comes to mind got guerilla tactics. Workout focus - stretch n strengthen inner muscles.<-Heat you. Cool you->Frosty cold smoothie fortified w/ special ingredient afterwards. K, don’t go anutha futha if u can’t tell I’m in the mood to mess…

By Foots

August 4, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

abc I agree that friendship is important, whether before or after a relationship is formed. I’ve been in relationships with people who I didn’t really LIKE, so I know how it is to be with someone who you probably wouldn’t even choose to be your friend. That usually comes with getting involved too fast and by the time you really get to know them, you’re like “What have I gotten myself into?”, so you start backing away.

But saying that he’s a better friend to me than any of my other friends is a bit of a misnomer for me. Because out of all of my “best” friends, none are any better than the others, because they each offer something so different to my life. They all have in common the fact that I can talk to them about anything, they are supportive and kind and we love each other. And despite the fact that I could in theory, talk to any of them about anything, I probably wouldn’t, because there are friends who handle certain situations and information better.

For instance, I consider my SO to be one of my best friends now, though our friendship is still new. I can talk to him about anything, but I wouldn’t, because I know that he’d be put into a coma if I talked to him like I do with my female friends. So he will never replace them and I will never ask him to be “My Every Friend” rolled up into one. Too much pressure for him and a disappointment waiting to happen for me.

By For Real

August 4, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

For Real now singing If I was your girlfriend…..

The question is relationship with a best friend or good friend?

best friend no

good friend yes

Oh and proof why Prince is the Man!

Is it really necessary 4 me 2 go out of the room just because u wanna undress?

I mean, we dont have 2 make children 2 make love

And then, we dont have 2 make love 2 have an orgasm

Your bodys what Im all about Can I see u? Ill show u Why not?

U can think its because Im your friend Ill do it 4 u

Of course Ill undress in front of u! And when Im naked, what shall I do?

How can I make u see that its cool? Cant u just trust me?

If I was your girlfriend u could

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

Blanca

Thanx but it isn’t mine. It is old saying. Patti LaBelle has book that uses that phrase in it.

There aren’t many blanket answers for this thing.

It should be done on a case by case.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

…well now, ah, 2C coming in here with your idioms, again? Now if your picture hasn’t dried on your id, uhm you could be Vick from the 5th flo’.

PoppaG me too, i’m going home to get a few at lunch time.

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

people who I didn’t really LIKE

That’s why it is very important that you be/become friends. You have to like each other in order to deal with each other. Love has it’s high and low points, as we all know. Friendship keeps you during the lows IMO and experience.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 4, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Off Topic:: Has our whole friendship been a lie to get here? Are really even my friend or playing an elaborate game to tadaazaup? Do people really think like this?

Yep, they do and I don’t think it is just the paranoid. Thinking about recent events in my life I have come to learn that everyone who calls you a friend is not really a friend. And after the demise of the friendship you have to wonder and question were they really a friend..enter my new favorite word RECIPROCITY.. and I think for any relationship to work, friendship, dating, etc..this is the key element. If one person is always taking and never giving..if there is no BALANCE(my second new favorite word) then that relationship is going to burn out fast.

Now on Topic: I see nothing wrong with dating a friend if the attraction is there and there is true friendship. Because if you plan on dating someone seriously then who better to date then someone who is willing to accept you even when are funky and when you are fine? I mean who else can do that but a friend?

Off Topic Again::: I had a wonderful weekend at the National Book Club Conference. I discovered some new authors and met some of my favorites. Any myths that I had about authors being snobbish were thrown out the window. They were all very down to earth and extremely gracious to their fans.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

cents I don’t know who’s the worse at idioms and ESP…might be time to make that cocktail.

…yes TODAY i am going anutha 1.

By SexyCool

August 4, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

foots…for debate’s sake…using the logic in your 1042a post…wouldn’t that make co-worker’s logical candidates for establishing romantic relationships? like you said…where else are we in consistently in close proximity with individuals that would allow us opportunities to learn more about them as people?

and using the opposite logic…do you think that the very reason that high school/college relationships tend to be SO chaotic is because once relationships fail, you are forced to live with a daily reminder of that failure?

By SlimOne

August 4, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Poppa G I am stepping outside of my social comfort zone. Had a blind date this weekend. It was cool but i’m not there with the ‘chemistry’ yet…then just so happened that a friend of my cousins friend hung out with us for a drink and now he’s stated his interest in me. So now, like in spades, I got one and a possible. LOL!

Like Grandma say….date ‘em all

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

Poppa Case by case it right.

You have people who are drawn together by lust and/or chemistry but end up in the friend zone.

Then you have people who were just friends that ended up life mates.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

Fellow reader Kym your trip to book club conference. Cool. What new books did you pick up (if any) that seem would be good picks?

Friends that love us even when we are funky and fine are the ones to date. that was funny but make good sense.

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Kym aka Lady Sage, wow, sent WDiva something similar along that line of thinking this morning.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

SexyCool wouldn’t that make co-worker’s logical candidates for establishing romantic relationships?

Right. I’m not for limiting where you can find love. Each relationship has its share of risks, regardless of where you meet. But you can definitely do worse than to enter into a relationship with someone you’ve gotten to know on a personal level first.

For co-worker relationships, I’m not talking about hook-ups though, which a lot of them tend to be. Not the “He’s fine, she’s fine” variety, but the “I’ve been working with him/her for a while now, and I’ve really gotten to know who he/she is as a person” type of interaction. If you have the second type, one day you can wake up and notice that not only are they good at what they do and you respect them and like them, they are also not bad looking. I’ve seen it happen so much around my company cause I’ve been here for so long.

By mytwocents

August 4, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

Dan Must’ve blinked & missed it. Did you mean even today it doesn’t matter if folks take those vows w/ someone they’re not cool with? If you’re not connecting on a friendship level what would even propel you into long term dating? Or is having a less intense friend-like connection just a useful tool that helps you walk away once the physical one wanes?

By For Real

August 4, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

Foots Even in school attraction is and will always be the first step between men and women. This whole friends first deal is another one of the those Woman Euphuism. It’s no different than wait 90 before sex. The most important feeling one should have toward the opposite sex is I LIKE YOU. Not even chemistry can overtake I DON’T LIKE HIM/HER.

Slim You got a weak hand lets go board!

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

Raqi

My wife has a saying: People come into your life for 1) a reason, 2) a season, or 3) a lifetime. Only time and experience will tell you. This makes you evaluate things on a case by case method.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

…speaking of having those ever so great experiences and conversations with friends. I had a very profound and pivotal (to the friendship) conversation with a good friend over the weekend. She and i talked 4+ hours i think. she’s having a testy time right now so imma send this out to her.

You’re my ride or die girl. My smile or cry girl. Never trashy, very classy fly girl. I love you girl!

That’s for you Treasure.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 4, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

I have a 5 mile radius rule….I do not date/sleep with anybody who lives or works within 5 miles from where I live or work. Now a few years ago I did the office romance thing….it was quite funny for me because he was known as the office lady’s man. I broke that myth. The dizznick was little and wack and he thought we had something going….trysts of some sorts! He never go that second chance! And now all the ladies know about his “short comings’! LOL Ok…I was young and mean! I did not have to tell about his little problem…but it felt good to take him down a notch! LOL

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 4, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli,

Depends on what you like to read..but I discovered

Victoria Christopher Murray..heard her speak at the conference she was so cool so I am going to get her book “The Ex-Files” and borrow some of her others from a friend.

Then there is Nathan McCall..I am going to get his book “Them” because that is our next reading selection.

I of course saw and was inspired as all ways by Tina McElroy Ansa..(She spoke a word at her reading that has stuck with me all weekend) and I am reading now her lastest..”Taking After Mudear” she just started her on publishing company..

Then there was Iyanla Vanzant..she has a new book coming out..and she was inspiring as always..looking forward to her new one.

And then there is Pamela Samuels-Young..okay I am a huge legal thriller fan and she writes a series about this black female attorney.. I picked up her latest book “Murder on the Down Low.” it is next on my list to read. I was so excited to see her..and she was just cool.

Finally there was Victoria Rowell(Dru from Young and the Restless) I will be getting her book “The Women who raised me.” Now talk about loving your fans..she signed books, photos, and talked to everyone..just down to earth. I really enjoyed meeting her.

Anywhoo those are my recommendations oh yeah I got one local self published author who shall remain nameless until I read the book.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

No, my two. What I’m referring to is the phenomenon of the past 10 years. In the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s the criteria for shopping for mates were different. The 60’s was directly related to the previous decade in that the role of the “providing male” was significant. In the 70’s and 80’s, the rise of women in business began to shift to what in the 90’s became the “empowered female”, exhibited mostly notably by fictional character ‘Murphy Brown’ having a child out of wedlock, and the Vice President commenting.

Since the 90’s the role of marriage has become less about security and more about happiness. So the idea that “my mate should be my friend” is relatively new in that respect. That said, there is the idea that self-actualization is becoming increasingly important prior to relationships, making them less about the couples and more about the individuals.

Thus completing the cycle. Of course, my analysis is in broad general cultural terms. But specific relationships tend to follow these patterns as well.

By Demi

August 4, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

QC that was some nappy roots B.S.!!!

Things to do with a lawn mower…who knew?

Good Morning All

SlimOne just go “Board” bey and hope ya boy Demi doesn’t run a “Dime” on yo a$$!! LOL

Now heading back to my new Slave Row (I am looking for the row number now)…I found it with my co-worker’s…E155

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Kym okay cool i’ll look up some of those to see if i can read the sypnosis. The book club read one book last month that was a very short read. I’m thinking we need to get a longer novel, the next suggestion.

Sounds like you had a lot of fun at the conference.

By mytwocents

August 4, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

PG Stop runnin the streets late nites.Or runnin round the house late nites. Then again those sound like good ressons to be worn out… Carry on.

Cee The worst or the best? Methinks you can be penciled in ASAP if u act right. Won’t touch mid day pick me up since u weary. Aren’t I the sweetest?

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 4, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

Sexyleggs I can’t take credit for that word choice like I said it was an awesome weekend. Tina McElroy Ansa used it in your session on Friday and it just stuck with me all weekend…she also said..

“Everyone does not deserve a front row seat in your life..”

It really provided the comfort and confirmation I needed for the next leg of my life journey.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

OC/Demi…morning.

that is definitly south florida. I’ve seen that spot before. The only place i know that has SUNCO stations is the S. florida area.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

For Real Even in school attraction is and will always be the first step between men and women.

Chemistry is important in ALL friendships. I’m not even friends with every woman I meet because I don’t mesh well with everybody. So that will always be a factor.

Because men and women are different, our levels of attraction comes in a different order. But it doesn’t make either order less valid, because it is what it is. Most women might like to know something about a man we are involved with. Seeing them on a daily basis, like in school or at work, helps with that. Most men just need to know that a woman is fine before they decide that they’d like to hit it. No other info needed. Nothing wrong with either, we’re just different.

By Binford2K

August 4, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Blanca While fireworks may be nice, and even necessary at first - the fastest and hottest flames burn out the quickest. Hence the wave of women I know who got knocked up by the bad boy because they were so enthralled with him now looking for “the provider”.

I actually forwarded a wedding pic to my bud and I gave him minimal backstory on one of these girls and he could tell she was marrying a provider. So the point is Blanca: beware of strong physical attraction and that WOW feeling. That isn’t what is going to get you through life with a companion, it’s actually a pretty minimal part (which is a contradiction to Bit-O-Hunny).

SexyCool I’m not ever in a rush to get anyone in to bed. I prefer nature to take it’s course.

I’ve had relatively good experience with both friends and co-workers and wouldn’t hesitate if the right situation came up again. I’d rather take my chances with somebody I’m friends with(and I don’t consider that picking the low fruit at all) - then somebody I’m lusting over (hence LUST-GOGGLES).

By Atl Lady

August 4, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All Good topic that I will comment on later. KymCan these books be found anywhere or am I going to have to do some digging? Some writers are difficult to find even in some of my usual spots.

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

Kym - I loved “Makes Me Want to Holler” so I rushed out and bought “Them” hardcover because I couldn’t wait to read McCall’s latest work. It was just okay. If you must buy it, go for paperback. I’d check it out at the library.

I’d never put money in Superhead’s pockets but I did check her book out this weekend. I need some nice drivel for the plane ride. LOL

By Tazzee

August 4, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

I dated a friend for almost a year. He’s the guy I came closest to marrying. After we broke up the friendship was shattered, but I don’t regret the romantic relationship at all. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

As far as dating co-workers, I’ve never done it but I don’t have any rules against it. I’m pretty good at keeping my personal life out of the work place and I’d like to think that any man I choose to date would be the same.

Kym I’ve read all of Victoria Christopher Murray’s books, I would love to meet her. I’ve never heard of Pamela Samuels-Young, but I’m going to see if they have her work at the library.

melo how was your trip to Dallas? I thought about you as I was checking the weather this weekend.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

mytwo I say, what you say when you say to Poppa go head and run ‘round the house and get tied.

The worst or best? Cain’t be put out there like that. now popping your favorite bottle. Like that beastboy say…and aaall skeet…skeet…skeet…YOU WRONG!

By QC

August 4, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

Demi..i know right…lol

Hey Cee-me-me

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 4, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

Atl lady

Girl no..all of them can be found at Barnes and Noble…and on Amazon. Well except Tina’s Book she is selling hers via her website. www.downsouthpress.com

But Terry McMillian was there —ohh yeah she is working on a new one too—-and was stressing the importance of buying books from black owned bookstores because they are going the way of the dinosaur.

Amazon I will most likely do just that..check it out. As for the “hip-hop fiction” I am not one for reading that stuff..I like my fiction with a bit of substance..and I could care less who so and so got their rocks off with.

By Demi

August 4, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

I’m like, “gal, before my pict even fully develops on this ID badge, I’ll be outta here….let’s live!”

LOL….too funny*

Foots I can relate to your friend all too well…But if I do marry, she will be my best friend as well.

Demi ain’t got time to potty train new Bishes of the wickedness of his ways

By mytwocents

August 4, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

OK Dan, initially sounded like you were endorsing the historical foundations of marriage. There are plenty folks who don’t wanna kick it with their lovers. Ever. Doesn’t even count as FWB if y’all don’t like each other enough to be friends. But still, they consider it a ‘real’ relationship meanwhile sexual is the least of their tensions.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

Binford So the point is Blanca: beware of strong physical attraction and that WOW feeling.

Y’all know I’m on that last John Gray book I read. In that, he says exactly what you just said as it relates to women. Because he says that the natural order of attraction for women is Mental, Emotion, Physical, and Spiritual, if women experience that Physical attraction first, it throws us out of balance. We’ll be lacking something we need to progress the relationship. For whatever reason, I’ve found that to be true in my own life. Whenever I connected with a man on a mental level first (I liked his sense of humor, I appreciated his confidence, I respected his drive and ambition) then emotional (I liked how he connects with his friends and family, I liked how we relate to each other), the move to a physical connection was much more satisfying. Those are the people I remain friends with to this day, though the relationship didn’t work out. The ones where it started with “Dayum, he fine” went nowhere fast.

He says the opposite for men though. Because it is understood that men are usually more visual, he says that men need that physical attraction to move to other levels, or else he’ll be lacking something in the relationship. I think that’s why a lot of men claim that the relationship doesn’t begin until the sex is there. But I think that they mean that it doesn’t begin for men unless the physical attraction is there. The only thing is that a lot of men don’t distinguish well between a physical attraction and sex, so they lump that in as one. Still, it goes along with what Gray says. That book is da bomb.

By SlimOne

August 4, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

For Real & Demi I guess it’s better to go board than to get stuck. lol

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

mytwotatas

PG Stop runnin the streets late nites.Or runnin round the house late nites. Then again those sound like good ressons to be worn out… Carry on.

LAMO…to be honest,

You must have spoken to my wife. j/k It was an evening to be sure. She planned a fancy evening last night. I don’t mind hosting dinner parties, but folks need to learn to go home!!

To quote Kat Williams…”Gas is too high to __.” It has come down some, but its sad when we are happy to see $3.77. So, there are no unnecessary rides around the city.

By Atl Lady

August 4, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

KymThanks. I try to buy from Shrine of the Black Madonna and Kareem’s, but sometimes they don’t have it but Wal-Mart does or Barnes & Nobles might have it but it’s cheaper at Books-A-Million. You know the routine.

By Demi

August 4, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli nah…no plam trees in the pics…you need at lease one palm in your pic and that looks to be shell…and what in the hell is a SUNCO? I’ve seen a few in KY/NC area…it doesn’t give off a south fl feel…I know P’rines, Gouls (LOL) and Na’ran’ya (LOL) area quite well.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 4, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

Tazzee Victoria is just funny..I think it was her personality that got me really interested in reading her work so I am looking foward to getting her book.

Oh yeah..and there was one other book I want.. “Black Pain..it only looks like we are not hurting.” it deals with the issue of depression and mental illness within the black community and how it is still a taboo subject..the panel discussion was just wonderful and the stories extremely touching.

Okay I am done hocking books..for now

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

As for the “hip-hop fiction” I am not one for reading that stuff..I like my fiction with a bit of substance..and I could care less who so and so got their rocks off with.

LOL. I feel you Kym. I’ll admit I’m not above reading that type of stuff. I’ll read stuff to relax and just for the heck of it. With Superheads book, it’s more to see what all the hype was about.

I’ve subscribed to People Magazine for years, so I guess I do care who folks get their rocks off with. Someone also sent me a subscription to US Magazine, and I read that too. No shame in my game.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

Kym I posted before I could ask my question. Did they mention any black-owned websites where we can purchase from?

By Dan

August 4, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

@Foots

For men, the sexual begets the rest.

There has to be the attraction to begin the relationship. The sex is what (ironically) causes the man to evaluate on a deeper level, the possibility of a relationship.

And it’s not just the sex, it’s intimacy in general. The continual sexual nature of the relationship is what prompts it.

@My2

I do value the traditional relationship, I think it’s a healthy thing, but the society in which we live has made the 50’s model irrelevant.

You can’t prosper in this economy with only one salary, “not ganna do it”, unless you making the high 6. But Demi hit the point I was trying to make..

Regardless of the “I am woman hear me roar!” the cultural imperative is for a “traditional” relationship involving a partner that on whatever level makes one feel secure, whether mentally, emotionally, financially, et al.

By Demi

August 4, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

Question for the men…..

Do Y’all read Books on Relationship?

A few co-workers are quoting that mess like the bible….if I starting reading those type of books…i’ll become a player with little or no respect for women. (That’s all they can teach me.)

*How much help do you need??!!

Demi is now walking over to slap the Ish outta co-worker with her relationship book.

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

FYI —-> You can bring your lawn chairs to Arizona’s (Stonecrest) and sit outside in their parking lot on Friday nights listening to jazz and ordering drinks!

Thanks to all for the books!

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

Demi Sunco’s are those s. stations that are frequent seen in s. Fla there. Okay now you got me re thinkin’. I might be wrong…yea, you’re right… no palm trees can’t be pampano nor pine groves. Lol

Lol @ Kym exhausted from book talk.

By SexyCool

August 4, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

when you start looking back to the 50’s and 60’s…don’t you go back to a culture where women primarily went into the workplace to find a suitable mate?

By SlimOne

August 4, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

Foots If you’re ever on the southside of town, there is an Black owned bookstore in Southlake Mall, 2nd level. Many times they’ll have the authors come in to do book signings and such. I haven’t been there in a minute so i’ll need to swoop in there soon.

Dan *The sex is what (ironically) causes the man to evaluate on a deeper level, the possibility of a relationship.

And it’s not just the sex, it’s intimacy in general. The continual sexual nature of the relationship is what prompts it.*

What about in those cases where chick & dude have a GREAT sexual connection and a high level of intimacy but the guy still doesn’t move it into something more than just that. Seems if it was that great then he’d want to continue to have that and build on it as opposed to being all Willy Nilly about it.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

Dan Sounds like what I said. But nothing I’ve read or experienced said that actual intercourse is what moves a relationship forward for a man. I thoroughly agree about the physical attraction, with the knowledge that physical attraction and expression does not come in only one form (unless the person is quite unimaginative).

The thing is, when we better understand how each gender operates, and begin to accept our differences, not berate them, things will improve relationship-wise.

By lurker

August 4, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

I can’t EVER understand or relate to Demi’s posts. It must be me, because no one else seems puzzled.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this

@Demi

Men don’t read relationship books, becuase…we don’t place that much value on “relationships”. Most guys that I know kinda just stay with the one that brung ‘em. It’s the “down-for-me” woman usually. (And she proven her worth).

I’ve tried, but to me most relationship books are like manuals on how to tie your shoes. It’s stuff you already know and the author(s) are simply placing it on paper and framing the issues in a way that, frankly, sells books.

Not knocking the hustle, really. But do you really need a book by a half gay dude to tell you that men and women think differently about stuff; and that most of this is based on the gender roles we form throughout our lives?

jus saying…

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this

lurker - Some battles you just learn to stop fighting. I don’t think anyone really takes his posts all that seriously.

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

Tazzee I thought to myself that was going to ask you about Texas style French toast today on Saturday morning when my husband told me “Lil’ darlin’ Imma ‘bout to make ya some of the swankiest Texas French Toast you eva tasted.”

Texas French Toast just sounds funny to me for some reason. Not to mention he was speaking with a crazy southern drawl at the time.

But yeah, is there a true Texas style or is it just the bread that makes it such?

By Outsider

August 4, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

Falling in love with a true friend is the best thing that can happen to anyone. Been married to mine almost 17 years now.

When times get tough (for whatever reason) this is the best person to have next to you. The “true” friendship will hold up through it all and only gives a stronger foundation to the “love” relationship.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

demi if I starting reading those type of books…i’ll become a player with little or no respect for women.

The only thing that it will give you is knowledge. You can decide whether the knowledge has value to you and then decide whether to use it for good or evil.

The best ones are balanced and offer advice for both men and women. I like the John Gray books and the “How To Love a Black Woman/Man” (by Ronn Elmore) books and there was one my cousin gave to me, can’t remember it’s name now, but it was written by a Black man. It’s not a coincidence that the ones I like best were written by men and from their point of view.

I know that men don’t typically like to read any type of advice books pertaining to relationships because they don’t feel they have anything they need to learn, but really, they can be eye-opening in explaining things about women as well as about yourself and why you do the things you do.

It would certainly clear up the notion that women don’t like nice guys for you. Mostly all of them cover why men think that is and why it’s not how they really think it is.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 4, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this

The upside of dating a co-worker is you know that they have a job! LOL

By Tazzee

August 4, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this

Demi that is a good question. I think that if a man is serious about a relationship he would read a relationship book to see how we relate. But in my experiences, most men feel that they don’t need any help.

By Binford2K

August 4, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

Foots: Is this the book: Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress?

I have a pass or fail on the physical part and think it is a reasonable range - my only insistence is that a woman is physically fit. But if they pass, as I’ve stated before, I’m not really in a rush to be intimate because I’ve learned it just can inhibit getting to know someone truly.

Hey. but once it’s on, IT’S ON!

By Blanca

August 4, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

There has to be the attraction to begin the relationship. The sex is what (ironically) causes the man to evaluate on a deeper level, the possibility of a relationship.

I can totally understand that and I don’t think it’s just a male habit. If things don’t mesh in the bedroom for me, I have little interest in continuing the relationship. It’s not just that I will be unhappy with the sex as much as I know that such unhappiness can lead to bigger problems down the road.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

Oh yeah, Dr. Myles Munroe. He wrote the “Understanding the Power and Purpose of Woman” and “Understanding the Power and Purpose of Man” books. My male cousin gave me one of them as a gift because he got so much from the “Man” book. They are both really good.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

Leggs that sounds cool. Lawn chairs, some good jazz sounds and an order of shrimp and grits. Arizona’s food is good.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 12:47 PM | Link to this

@Slim

What’s usually not factored in in these discussions is maturity level. A man simply has to age to understand the value of a relationship. A woman thinks about that naturally.

“When I put away childish things..”

We meet people in these times that may well be the ideal person for us, it’s just that one party may be experiencing a “phase” at the time the other person is not.

So chemistry and all that are a part of it, but to get down to it the question becomes:

“Do you want from me, what I want from you?”

Dan now considers sending Paypal links for all this free advice…

By Tazzee

August 4, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

Dan while I already knew we were different, the books help me to understand what’s going on in a man’s mind during that differing communication so I can act accordingly.

One thing the book stresses is a woman’s need to talk things out without a man trying to solve things. My take is that either men don’t know this is important or they don’t care - they are just going to be who they are and respond how they normally respond.

I would think that if a guy really wants to make a relationship work, he would take a vested interest in why we are different and what is important to his woman.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

@Foots

Those books really do strike me sometimes as bs.

Think about it, not everyman is the same, and not every woman is the same. So reading a relationship book is akin to asking your gay hairdresser how your heterosexual male boyfriend feels….

Two different people with two different planes.

By Demigod33

August 4, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

lurker ‘cause most of the masses just ignore my posts as we do yours.

And Fugger if you aren’t from South Florida, how would you know of any of those place…Just keep fuggin on fuggin on…blog’in ain’t that deep…Go and Shyt Rocks!!

I am trying to be childish here folks

Slim sometimes “Board” turns into a 5 or 6 books, because the other team may slip..thinking:

Mayne, I’ve never seen so many high spades in my hand!!

But don’t know how to play their hand…just do you bey.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 12:53 PM | Link to this

Binford I haven’t read that one yet, I was talking about the Mars and Venus on a Date book. Very helpful for the dating stage.

It interests me to no end when I find that I don’t have to figure out everything, that common male/female behaviors can be explained. One of my girls is going through something now with a guy that she met, hit it off with and has now broken up with, and I’ve offered her my copy, not only so that she can see what he may have been thinking, but so she can see where she was at fault in how it turned out also.

I look at relationship books like this: Yeah, I know how to drive, I’ve been driving since I was 15 years old. I get in, turn the key, the car runs, I get routine maintenance every now and then and it gets me where I need to go. But in order to REALLY know how the car works internally and what I need to do to keep it running its best, I have to put forth some effort in seeking out the information.

People that only care about driving don’t want or need to know all that extra info. People who really care about cars and have a deep interest in them will read everything they can to learn more about them.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

Dan You’ve said the “Most women” disclaimer a time or two yourself. We know that all women or men are not the same, but if you can form your fingers to type “most women”, then you understand that women do share some common characteristics because of the fact that we are women. There are commonalities in gender, whether we like it or not, and that’s what these books explain.

In fact, every book I’ve read like that highlights that every man and woman is different, but that we can’t get away from the fact that each gender is different from the other in certain ways. If you are open-minded enough to read it like that, you’d get more from it.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 4, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

Foots Black Expressions was one of the sponsors of the conference and they of course have a website..then there is Booking Matters Magazine…they publish a magazine for black authors.

Amazon I can’t lie I avoided all authors with book titles like Hookers to Housewives, and Sex Nymphos of the Planet ding a ling or whateva like the freaking plague..I just can’t read that stuff. How some of them got a book deal I will never know…and if they self published all I have to say is “bless your heart..but apparently there is a audience for it soo..

By Dan

August 4, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

@Taz,

One, see my last comment.

Two, a man does understand what’s important to you over time and based on what you tell him. Where the disconnect is is in his response. He is not programmed to “just listen” he has to act to try and correct the problem because it’s the aggressive stance- what he has been taught to do as a man.

Passivity is not a trait a man can be acused of. It makes him effeminate.

But you know this. Where problems erupt is him trying to get you to understand his logic and vice versa. It’s just getting to the acceptance that “this about him/her is going to annoy me”. That’s why you should always have friends outside your SO relationship.

…Aaaaand that’ll be $5….

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

The best relationship advice does not come from a book or even people you may know. The best advice comes from your mate. No one can tell you how your mate wants to be treated or what makes them happy better than that person.

Outside of that person the only one I would ever put any credence in is someone in a thriving relationship. And they can only give you the basics because everybody is different.

The biggest mistake I think people make is trying to have a textbook relationship. It can lead to you missing everything your mate is telling you because you have embedded theories of someone who knows nothing about you and yours.

It’s kinda like trying to convince your guy that he loves football because a book says so. Not all men like football.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this

@Foots

Reading them, baby girl, I write ‘em.

That’s how I know that the arguement are specicious and generalized. Yes, there are commonalities among the sexes…and the sky is blue…

By Dan

August 4, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this

For Black owned bookstores…Medu in Greenbriar right next to Gingiss.

The onwer is awesome.

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this

I can’t lie I avoided all authors with book titles like Hookers to Housewives, and Sex Nymphos of the Planet ding a ling or whateva like the freaking plague

LOL. Kym, I’m with you there. Even I have my limits. I bought one Zane book, I had heard good things. I almosted ended the friendship with the chick who suggested her trash! LOL. I’ve ready E. Lynn Harris and Eric Jerome Dickey and am pretty much over them too.

I went to see the Civil Rights exhibit at the High this past weekend and am now on a Civil Rights era kick.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

If you want to resolve a problem with your SO….talk to your SO.

Really? Dag.

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

what’s going on in a man’s mind

Tazzee I’m going to give you some advice on that statement that I learned the hard way. Ask him what he is thinking and then take him at his word. Chances are what he tells you will be the unadulterated truth.

One thing I think we women do wrong is try to make more of a matter than what it truly is.

I also like to use my slice and dice take there. We tend to have to analyze everything.

By GaMan

August 4, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

Well since I have written a relationship book Myself

Shameless Plug

Am I a Priority in your Life or an Option it is in the top 10% at

WWW.BN.COM once there just put my name in the search area Manswell Peterson

I feel as though I do help the ladies understand how a man thinks and why we do some of the things that we do

By Tazzee

August 4, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

Raqi I agree - the best relationship advice comes from your mate. But it’s good to know ahead of time how to react to certain things a guy will do within a relationship. Foots mentioned the rubberband theory last week. In every relationship I’ve been in, a guy has done that and while I knew men did it - I never knew why. It wasn’t until I read why that I was able to accept it. I’m not one to just roll with the ‘that’s how men are and I’ll accept it’ theory.

And unfortunately, Dan I don’t have any close male friends that I can really talk about my relationships with. So when I experience those frustrations in a relationships I’m left to ride it out while I consider if it’s worth it.

By West Cobb Dad

August 4, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

Friendship can turn into love. Love can not turn into friendship. — Old Spanish Proverb

By jovan

August 4, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

I am a guy, but I would never date my best friend. She is all I got to communicate with outside of my family.

I would date women who I am not that close with, though.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

Dan Okay, okay! LOL!! I said it earlier, but it bears repeating: I know that men don’t typically like to read any type of advice books pertaining to relationships because they don’t feel they have anything they need to learn…

By Dan

August 4, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

@GA Man

Self promotion is the mating call of the Mute.

@Foots

I know, NBF, it’s just that for all the books in the world, there is some dude in your life that should have or would have told you all this, saving you the money or time spent reading the book.

@Raqi

Oh…my..goodness…that may have been the smartest piece of advice I’ve ever heard….color me impressed…

@Taz

I’m only 2 hours away, come sit down, we’ll have a chat..

By Demigod33

August 4, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

Dan Dude, these ladies at my job hold study groups about relationships and them books. Most are single or divorce in their mid-to-late thirties/forties…and still picking dudes who make me look tame in my early twenties. I just feel a lot of women aren’t growing with each R.Bs.….Foots a lot of those books are poisonous to the mind….I feel folks just need to put those relationship books down and pick up a copy of “self help” anything. If my mind isn’t right or jacked up…I don’t see how those relationship books will help.

It would certainly clear up the notion that women don’t like nice guys for you.

That has more to do with the maturity/insecurity level of that woman…I rarely run into that B.S. with the 35 and up crew.

And

But in my experiences, most men feel that they don’t need any help…

Tazzee this is my opinion; most men really just need help in our own personal growth. Once I learned to love myself and came to term of who I am. Things just started clicking for me. Beside, I have enough lady friends who don’t mind telling me when I am messing up, LOL.

By Tazzee

August 4, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

Raqi Asking him when he was trying to hang out in his cave to solve his problems is what resulted in the demise of my last relationship (well that and some other things, but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back). Which caused me to finally pick up that book that folks had been trying to get me to read - which helped me understand the entire cave theory in the first place.

By Page1908

August 4, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

Top 10% of what?

By SlimOne

August 4, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

Foots I think the whole, men reading relationship books goes back to the same thing when a female suggest counseling…I suggested that to my male cousin last weekend since he’s having issues with his wife of 2months…first thing outta his mouth was, how some dude gonna tell ME how to run MY house? I couldn’t even get all the words out of my mouth before he said that. For some reason men just aren’t taught to seek that type of support unless it does actually pertain to a vehicle or some other ‘manly’ issue. Dudes get labeled or get grief from friends when it comes to the emotional crap.

Phone Rings

Dude 1: Hello?

Dude 2: What’s up mayne. Whatchu up to?

D1: aw, nutting too much. Just reading

D2: oh you must’ve got dat new Maxim?

D1: naw dawg. but did you know men are like rubberbands and women are like waves?

D2: WTH you tombout mayne? Ion know what’s up wit you but me and da crew was bout to head to the courts before all the youngins get up there.

D1: Mayne i’ll pass. But hey, did you know that both men and women expect the other to communicate and react like themselves?

D2: ha ha ha mayne you trippin. You gotta be joking. Quit playin and get yo azz up to be at the courts in 15 min.

D1: naw, mayne. I’m jus learning so much. I’ve highlighted a few passages I want you to look at. Maybe we can even start like…a man’s relationship book club or something.

D2: Don’t make me come whoop yo azz dude.

D1: matter of fact, i was thinking we can get the first group together after the game Saturday…you think you can make some pigs-n-a-blanket and get Pycho to bring a fruit tray or something. I’ll bring the wine.

D2: click

D1: Hello?…Hello?…saying to self Dayum, I lost my page…where was I…oh yeah, The Awakening of our Inner Qualities.

By Binford2K

August 4, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

An unofficial Binford stat for the ladies.

Guys do not usually marry the woman they have the most physical “sparks” with. In fact, about 95% of men polled said the best sex was NOT with the person they married, just that it was more emotional with their mate.

Interesting stat I’ve compiled over the years.

By GaMan

August 4, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

Dan well then just MUTE me then….lololol

Barnes and Nobles.com (Page1908)

By Foots

August 4, 2008 1:38 PM | Link to this

Tazzee The “cave” thing and the rubber band theory helped me to no end. The best part, I learned that it wasn’t about me. To relate that to my SO now, when he’s a little distant, I don’t automatically think I did something wrong, nor do I stay after him to try to find out what’s going on with him. When I’ve done that in the past, I’ve always made things worse and ended up blaming them for the demise and not the way I handled things.

I had to get down the concept before I could recognize it in practical application. His manifestation of needing “cave time” is going running. When he says that he needs to go run, I know that he’s not just doing it for health reasons, I know that it’s not just to get away from me, I know that it’s his way of dealing with something, so I let him go with nary a word.

So there’s not just one way to learn anything. It’s like saying that on-the-job training is more beneficial than formal schooling or vice-versa. Both are important and have their place.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

Slim You stoopid! But you right. LOL!

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Tazzee I don’t know anything about your relationship but could pressing the issue have been a problem? I have learned again getting an answer of “nothing” being wrong sometimes mean “nothing that I need to be concerned about”, “nothing that he cares to share with me at the time” and simply “nothing”. Now I just leave it alone. If he wants to tell me he will. If not, I asked in an effort to do what I could, if anything. I did my part. That’s that.

By Tazzee

August 4, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

Raqi on the Texas toast - I think they call it that because the bread is bigger than regular bread. They say everything is bigger in Texas. So I guess when they make French Toast with that thick bread, it becomes Texas French Toast which does sound kind of funny

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

Self promotion is the mating call of the Mute.

LOL. The irony. Dan aren’t you the same guy that called yourself “cute” this morning and is feeling your posts today so much you’ve mentioned you should start charging for it?

Hilarious.

By Demigod33

August 4, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

GaMan Dude you know you got these ole birds talking about your book this summer, LOL

Raqi great advice!!!!

Tazzee you need to find yourself a good gay friend…My lesbian home girl helped me out a lot in my dealings with women.

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

I just googled GaMan. Shole did.

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

Foots & Tazzee I don’t think we ever can or even should understand everything about the opposite sex. I truly sometimes concede the “it’s a man thing” concept. Because you know for us “it’s just a woman thing” sometimes.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

greens n’ cornbread for lunch will make you reeeal comfy for the rest of the day…zzzzz, i now realize workin’ out is more invigorating for lunch.

@ Demi - I’m with you on the why so serious? tip.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

Amazon You are straight up crazy!! LOL!!

Y’all please pray for Morgan Freeman and his passenger. Hearing about that accident really shocked me for some reason.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 4, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

“I’s been know you fo’ a long time (shorty’), But f’in’ never crossed my mind (shorty’), But tonight, I seen sumthin’ in ya (shorty), That made me wanna get wit ‘cha (shorta’), but You ain’t been nuttin’ but a friend to me (shorty’), And a niqqa never ever dreamed to be (shorty’), Up in here, kissin’, huggin’, squeezin’, touchin’ (shorty’), Up in the bathtub, rub-a-dubbin’ (shorty’), Are you sure you wanna go this route? (shorty’), Let a niqqa know before I pull it out (shorty’), I would never ever cross the line (shorty’), Shorta’let me hear you tell me one mo’ time…one mo’ time…”

It happens to the best of us……shawty, you sure this what you wanna do? We still cool, right? Bet!!!!…run it……

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this

Raqi

Not all men like football.

Shhhh! Don’t you know that you are in the south! Those kind of words might get you cut…lol

One of my best friends can’t stand football. He attended UGA both for undergrad and law school. He left town most football Saturdays.

He fences instead. His wife, who attended UGA also, loves football. So it can be backwards. As I stated, case by case situations can different.

By Demi

August 4, 2008 2:12 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli I am pulling back now…work load is heavy, thanks to the storm we’ve had this past week.

SlimOne you know we can’t stand emotional homie…When a good friend of mines was hurting because his relationship of 7 years…ended with her putting him in jail and her taking all of funiture…all because she was caught cheating.

I made sure to keep him in strippa clubs and “beautiful high class anything goes women” in his face, LOL

Now he is in a very postive relationship.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

@ARed

Yes, and I knew it when I wrote it!

@GA

I love the hustle….

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

Foots - Thanks. I’ve been getting that a lot lately. LOL

The Morgan Freeman thing shook me too. Why was homie driving a 97 Maxima through the bowels of MS though? I hope he pulls thru.

By GaMan

August 4, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

Dan I started in the trunk…and then i got online…now my dating book will be in stores soon….

finally making it work…so hey if you want something you go to go after it….LOLOL

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this

Poppa I have attended a few couple seminars that my friend invited us to. One thing I noticed is the instructors will not tell a couple that they are doing it (the relationship) wrong. They will call out acts of blatant selfishness or deceit. But all in all they address the issues the couples want to share as case by case.

My husband is not the next woman’s husband. So although they may be doing something similar, they are possibly doing it for different reasons. She has to deal with hers and I have to deal with mine. There is no textbook answer for all.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 2:25 PM | Link to this

@GA

Hit cha boy up offline:

danbynight@netzero.com

I got questions

By Demi

August 4, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

Poppa Grande I can’t stand foot ball…but I am so looking to hunging out with the lastest Falcon cheerleaders.

Only if no one lays claim on me, LOL

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

*Why was homie driving a 97 Maxima through the bowels of MS though? I hope he pulls thru. *

I think that it is a good sign that he was joking about the incident with the emergency personnel.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

For those of you who love affirmations, we found one on a framed piece of artwork yesterday. It said: Ambition The world makes way for those who know where they are going. We couldn’t stop looking at it, so he bought it.

I guess it really spoke to me because I’m going for a certification of my own beginning in September. Just gotta give these folks my money and I’ll be back in school for something else to hang on the wall and to prep me for my next career. The word excited doesn’t even begin to cover it. I got my backpack and calculator on Friday, just like a kid!! LOL

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

If i’m the last to say it, ok imma say it agian. Life happens…and all we can do is roll with the punches.

…speaking of friends…different outlooks from friends…yada, yada…

PoppaG and 2C i’ve thought about you twos writing styles several times and remember thinking; both those dudes write/tone are opposite of each other and yet still have some very informative and profound out looks in life. I have high regards for people that i call “extreme live-rs” = living on purpose.

Respect that.

By SexyCool

August 4, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

GA Man - question for you…being that you are doling out dating advice…what is YOUR relationship status?

By Foots

August 4, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

Dan Reading them, baby girl, I write ‘em.

Why would you write something that you don’t believe in?

By Atl Lady

August 4, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

Ared Morgan Freeman lives in MS when he’s not working and he has a restaurant there.

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

SlimOne, you never disappoint. No doubt the conversation would have went EXACTLY like that. Pigs-n-blanket and wine…whew!

As far as Arizona’s don’t think you can order food in the parking lot.

GaMa, I’m proud. Keep up the good work. Tell when book signing so I can get my book signed.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

@Foots

Being able to argue the negative position in a debate while beleiving the affirmative, is important to winning.

Meanwhile, Jim Bakker was telling people how to get into heaven, while painting his own road to….

You don’t have to believe (and most people that write book don’t) everything you argue for or against.

You just have to be able to make a capable arguement, one that will be marketable.

Who says I don’t believe in love…I am a romantic at heart and a cynic in every other way

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

mytwocents

Si usted traza la clase derecha del plan yo podría obligar.

As far as Arizona’s don’t think you can order food in the parking lot.

…now of course you were making a funny. Part 2: If i order and take it out to the lot…

By lurker

August 4, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

* feel folks just need to put those relationship books down and pick up a copy of “self help” anything.*

Amen!

By GaMan

August 4, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

SexyCool I am Single….

Sexyleggs you know I will….i hope to have one in Stonecrest soon…just got to wait for the paperwork to finish so that the book will be in stores…

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

GaMan is taken…I proposed to him last week!

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

Congratulations Foots! Hope you delight fully, in your new endeavor.

By GaMan

August 4, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

LOLOL

By SexyCool

August 4, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

being that you are single…from what perspective does your book come?

By mytwocents

August 4, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

2C Got a song in ya heart, huh? Hip hop luv songs can get a gal in trouble. Well really anything can get a gal in trouble if she lets it…

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

Nope, wasn’t making a funny. Merely repeating what was told of me all the while knowing I’ll find a way around that loophole (if it in fact exists).

By Foots

August 4, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

Dan But are you actually arguing the affirmative and the negative in what you write? It seems as though you’d write about something else, if you don’t believe that relationship books are helpful to many people. How will your readership believe in your words if you don’t believe them?

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

Congrats Foots. I’m scared of you. If I had a longer attention span or a rich uncle to pay for it, I’d go get some more edumacation too. Will I see you around the studio still?

Thanks ATL Lady.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

@Sexy

Being single provides for a lot of raw material for a book, a diary, a short story, a movie, depression, anger and suicide.

How you express those emotions speak to your health.

Being single also provides you with a dearth of research to find out what works and what doesn’t.

While being married is a blessing (in some cases), being single is a blessing too. What I propose in the book I’m working on is how not only channel the energy but to make being single the time that you prepare yourself for the relationship that you deserve.

Dan now self muting…..MUTE

By Dan

August 4, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

@Foots

A cynic is a romantic…..with a broken heart.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

Thanks Cee!! You should see my backpack!! It’s brown plaid!

Seriously, though, I’m getting so much confirmation that I’m doing the right thing at the right time. As with anything I do, I’ll do what I can to learn the material and whenever there’s a gap between what I know and what I need to know, I’ll call Him up and tell Him what I want!! :-)

Amazon I’ll have to move to the Tuesday classes because my CFP classes will be on Mondays, so I’ll miss seeing you. :-(

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 4, 2008 3:04 PM | Link to this

.02, I’m just sayin’, nah mean…..as it pertains to today’s topic, I’ve always said, the one you wife up, is the one in whom you can confide…..but at the same time, we’re grown!! So if me and you out one night, we vibin, and take the after party to the crib, and it just so happens to elevate to that level……we can still kick it without looking at each other kock-eyed!

By Blanca

August 4, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this

ATL_Guy Where are you today?

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

Hello all, long time no post (I took a job last summer that keeps me in airports more than Atlanta, both here and abroad). In town for a few days. I hope everyone is doing well, both old timers and newbie’s. Hello Blanca, HI WD!!!

I feel compelled to comment on today’s subject. I am not saying it cannot happen, and I truly envy those who can be friends then lovers…but I have to suspect that is rare. Those that remember me on the blog may remember that I absolutely despise the “FZ”. Did then, do now. Women have the ability to be friends with other women, and with men with no romantic interest but typically men do not. In “Harry Met Sally”, Billy Crystal said it this way, “men can never be friends with women because sex ALWAYS gets in the way”.

I’m not sure that I totally believe that, but I think there is a deeper wisdom there. I think men often pick out women to be friends with, but usually have an agenda. I know that I have been guilty of this in the past, (until I realized that the path almost always leads to the loss of friendship AND romance). Men, often (not always but often), avoid true friendships with men or women. Women like to date just to date; men are typically looking for either 1) sex, or 2) a relationship. Men will seldom ask a woman out, spend money on her, and do it just for the companionship…they are not wired that way.

For the record, I have tried it (going from friend to lover), and without exception, I lost both. If a person can go from friend to lover, then marry his/her best friend, and keep the friendship, then that one is truly blessed.

Oh and ABC, you were right, teachers are crazy. I went from Lynn (teacher), to Mary (teacher). Both were… So what did I do, met a Mary Lynn (teacher). Maybe I am the crazy one.

Bye y’all

By GaMan

August 4, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

it comes from me…lol was married one son…

i give details from my thoughts about things that i know guys do in turn it will help the ladies…lol

I am dating…noone serious right now…life is crazy right now….lol

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 3:09 PM | Link to this

Foot’s a school girl. I know where to get you a skirt to match.

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

Foots, well at least you’ll still be around. I’m making a move too. I’ll catch you. I might do one of the workshop weekends too.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this

feel folks just need to put those relationship books down and pick up a copy of “self help” anything

Now really…if a person needs a “self-help” book to relate better to themselves, and presumably, a person is with him/her self every second of every minute of every day and knows themselves inside and out intimately, you would think that a “relationship” book to give them tips on dealing with another person wouldn’t be that much of a stretch. If you don’t truly know yourself, I’ll be dayumed if you’ll ever truly know another person. It’s just the next step. Deal with yourself more effectively, then deal wtih others more effectively.

You know what they call folks with nothing left to learn? Dead.

By GaMan

August 4, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

FYI Sexy you know i told you I got to think about the marriage thang!!!…

By Raqi

August 4, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

but usually have an agenda

Good to read you Randy, but I don’t believe that statement. Yeah I believe that a man will think about it, consider it or even possibly act on it if given the chance. But I don’t believe it is a man’s agenda everytime with every woman he befriends. But then again I am not a man. So…

By Dan

August 4, 2008 3:19 PM | Link to this

@Foots

Most of these “truths” are within us all.

We need just take the time and quiet reflection needed to draw them out.

By lurker

August 4, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

Demi 12:51

Ouch! Wow dude, I must have hit low and deep. I wasn’t trying to be offensive. I was just asking…dang!

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

Cee

Thanx for the compliment.

Foots

Congrats. Get that new receipt.

It takes it minute to get back the study habits but then again, you are young and haven’t been out as long as I was between undergrad and law school (12 years).

By Sidelines

August 4, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

Dan, What I propose in the book I’m working on is how not only channel the energy but to make being single the time that you prepare yourself for the relationship that you deserve.…are you writing a male version of this, because a female version of this was already done, “What to do until Love finds you”…just askin’.

By abc

August 4, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

Testify, Randy, teachers are all about their job and expect a man to give up most anything to accomodate that. It’s like a sacred calling or something for them. If you want to be last on their list, go with a teacher. You can simply avoid them, you know.

And cops, and lawyers, worth avoiding.

By Tazzee

August 4, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

Randyt glad to read you man, you’ve been missed.

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this

Hi abc, Hi Raqi. good to here from you.

Re the teachers, I should avoid them, but I think it is like that syndrome where kidnapping victims fall in love with their kidnappers…I think the abuse is my comfort zone LOL.

Raqi, I truly hope you are right and I am wrong, and again I say it is not every man, but most maybe…I think so.

By Blanca

August 4, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this

Randyt Nice to meet you! But have a question about something you wrote… Women like to date just to date; men are typically looking for either 1) sex, or 2) a relationship.

Women like to date just to date? Most of my friends and I are dating to find our husband, not just for a good time! And where are these alleged relationship-seeking men? ;)

Welcome back!

By QC

August 4, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

Diva..mail call

Have a cool evening everyone!

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

Hi Tazzee. Missed y’all. I have looked in a few times, but have been out of town/country for most of the last 10 months.

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

Wow…the infamous RandyT! You do actually “exist.” Glad all is well, guy.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

@Sidelines

While there is really no difference in the advice, the book will be aimed more at men, for sure.

That is the only version of life I know.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 4, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

Hi RandyT we missed you dude!!!

By GaMan

August 4, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

Ranyt i got some of those shirts you used to talk about….

Good to read you

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

abc

And cops, and lawyers, worth avoiding.

Cops…C’mon, they have their own handcuffs and costume/uniform…fun times…lol

By Demi

August 4, 2008 3:47 PM | Link to this

lurker you’re cool…I am not trying to think all to too intelligent on here.

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

Hi Blanca …my bad. I meant to say that women CAN date to just date, but men normally aren’t wired that way. Women can go out just to have fun, men generally do not. Sorry, I do know women are looking too, I just find many (in my demographics) who are only casually looking but like to go out on the weekends.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

Poppa Thanks!! I’ve only been out of grad school for two years, and I told myself when I graduated that I’d take two years to recover (I was in for nearly three LONG years) then start working on the next thing. I’m just three months off the mark.

Hopefully, studying will come back to me quickly. You only take one class at a time, so I’m hoping that it won’t be as time consuming as my MBA program. I love school, so much so that my last career will probably be in academia. I think I like picking out a new backpack best. And if they still made TrapperKeepers, I’d be all over it. LOL!

By Sidelines

August 4, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

Dan, oh ok!

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

My sister is a teacher and you’d think she’d stop breathing if her husband left her side for more than 10 minutes. She LOVES teaching, but there is no doubt in my mind that her husband is #1!

By Page1908

August 4, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

Hey Randy!! Good to read you:)

By Foots

August 4, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

RandyT Good to read you man!! Glad you dropped in to check on us.

abc Really? Most of the teachers I know are extremely kind and nurturing. But I do know of one male teacher, we dated briefly, who took issue with my educational and career choices. He may have been crazy, but at the time I though he was just a hater.

By Tazzee

August 4, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

Poppa Grande When I go back to school it will have been 16 years since undergrad. And I know exactly what you mean regarding getting back in study mode - I’ve been studying for the GMAT all year. I finally set a deadline for me to take the test. If I don’t do it by then, I’m going to rethink my plans to go back to school…

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

Hi Amazon, Hi Kim yeah, no need to keep my picture on WalMart’s “missing persons” wall, just have been globe trotting and my company actually expects me to work sometimes. LOL

Blanca, I suspect that these “relationship seeking ” men are out there, but I know you are younger and a lot of younger men are still trying to avoid commitments. That changes as time goes on and begins to reverse itself as people get married, divorced, burned, etc. The men get more needy and the women become more independent. It is a reality that unlike a few generations ago, women don’t necessarily “need” men for food, clothing, and shelter…a good thing actually. It becomes real apparent in my dating group, the women choose the men regarding relationships…or choose to kick them to the curb.

By M'Karyl

August 4, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

Dialogue switchin’ & twitchin’ up in here…mighty interesting the last 7-10 blog days…quite good human interaction…not false barriers (race, class, gender, education, etc), but actual constructs of identity existence and existence…across all identity valuations…wow, how wahy cool and impression…groove on…talk is good.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 4, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this

I am starting school again too..this August. I am pretty excited..I like the smell of new overpriced textbooks and a fresh new laptop messenger bag.

By abc

August 4, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

Excuse me, did the moderator just confirm that most women are dating in their quest for a husband?

Thanks, Blanca, for the confirmation. No diss from me about that, either. I’ve heard quite a bit to the contrary ‘round here, though.

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

Hi Foots hi Page , it is nice being back, if only for a day or two.

Hey GaMan I could have sold you a load of my old t-shirts…for a fraction of what they cost me!!! They cost me a shyteload of money and a bunch of scars. Ahhh but it is all good in the end…I love em all.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

@M’k

All black folks is cumbaya today…

It’s BO’s birthday!

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

Hey RandyT, good to read you. Glad you’re ingesting as many of the things life has to offer.

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

Foots

I love school as well. I’m not that into shopping for school supplies. The wife loves to shop and that gives her another reason to go to Staples…they have some funky paper clips that she loves (they come in different shapes life a foot, g-clef, and other shapes).

I have always loved school. Of course, that got me dubbed as the nerdy jock. I hated it at first, but then I realized that some girls like jocks and others like nerds (especially as I got older). I could get them both….ha ha ha.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

@M’k

All black folks is cumbaya today…

It’s BO’s birthday!

the day the One was born..actually heard McCain referred to as The Zero..

By Dan

August 4, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

@M’k

All black folks is cumbaya today…

It’s BO’s birthday!

the day the One was born..actually heard McCain referred to as The Zero..

By mytwocents

August 4, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

Cee 2:44. That’s a lotta power for somebody to get drunk with. Let’s trust it’ll be used in moderation. ;) Now what was that bout playin dress up? Reminds me…

2C Yeah, man, we grown, BUT when you vibin like that, it’s kinda tricky. The right one make her blush enough to wanna act like a naughty school girl one night, then back to feelin shy the next. Be Stuck. Thinkin. Wonder if he really likes ME…

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

Dialogue switchin’ & twitchin’ up in here…mighty interesting the last 7-10 blog days…quite good human interaction…

M’Karyl - It’s funny you say that. I agree that the dialogue has been pretty good on here lately, in turn, I’ve been bored our of my gourd. LOL. This isn’t what I signed up for.

By Foots

August 4, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

Congrats to you too Kym!! We’ll need to form a study group up in this camp soon.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

Update

Just found out one of the homies last name is Mccain…and he’s in Chicago (black if you hadn’t guessed).

He gave the…single..most..ignorant answer to the “any relation?” question…Not that I know of, and if there is, it’s becuase the name was forcibly placed…lololololol

I know some really smart and ignorant dudes…..

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

Kym

Congrats. I remember you saying that you were student bound again. Enjoy your new Macbook or other apple laptop.

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

I can not believe school is starting back already. Didn’t those suckers just get out? LOL

By M'Karyl

August 4, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

@Dan

*All black folks is cumbaya today…

It’s BO’s birthday!*….LMAO!!!…Oh lawd come by here…sounds Hare Krisna to me…com Chirst, come…

@ARed

You know you be likin’ it…so quit frontin’…LMOA again.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

ah, from earlier. of course mytwocents you’d get the right answer to it, hypothetically thinking.

Now ask that when one is not expecting anything to come of it, THAT’S when you get the…just so…

RandyT Show some papers!!! Bustin’ all up in here bringin’ some alien from Dukforth, Mexico.

By Demi

August 4, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

Randy Good afternoon to ya!!!

Sideline hey you..

By M'Karyl

August 4, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

@Kym

Wowza… way too cool…I completed my degree at Agnes Scott as a return to college student (i.e non-tradtional aged college students)…the Wall Street Journal predicted that by 1995 this would be the fasting growng college aged population on campuses…I watched it happened…and was there…roll with it…it is at the best place it can be for you to have it happen…no fear, just space an opportunity…oh, you in.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

your welcome PoppaG.

…see as you say thanks your opposite sits and say un-huh head nod.

Kym Do you ma. Congrats!!!…hope you got that laptop periphials during the ‘tax free’ this w/e. i should not see Office Depot for several month’s now

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

Congrats Kym

I had planned to go back to grad school this fall, but I would end up doing it all by Internet, and so am putting it off another semester.

Ahhh Cameeli, no Latino here, but saw a Hispanic lady at lunch that I would have followed home in a heartbeat…alas she was wearing a ring as big as my thumb…but soooooo fine. If she had even said hi, I was ready to propose…I’m easy I guess.

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

Hey Demi how are ya? Hope the little one is doing well (if my memory is correct).

By Sideline

August 4, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this

Demi, hey Demi….waving, how are you feeling, hun?

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this

M’Karyl hey to you too!…thanks and good looking out.

Events are flowing in my inbox filling it up!

By Poppa Grande

August 4, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

AR

I can not believe school is starting back already. Didn’t those suckers just get out? LOL

It does seem that way. The wife and I talked about the fact that the next holiday is Labor Day (Which is apprently big for NY since they go back to scchool right after Labor Day.) After Labor the next holday is Thanksgiving (unless you are lucky enough to have Columbus Day off.) 2009 will be here before we know it.

By M'Karyl

August 4, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

Somebody give Randyt some itchin’ powder…scrathin’ might hard…lol…saw a Hispanic lady at lunch that I would have followed home in a heartbeat…got good taste in women.

By mytwocents

August 4, 2008 4:31 PM | Link to this

Tazzee At least you’ve been studying. Got a GRE book 6 mos ago so I could go back in the Fall. Uhmm just opened it last week. Maybe I’ll get past the intro this week. Sux cuz I took it before. But then my happy self got caught up in Corp America and put on pause…scores are now extinct.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this

RandyT meet…uh you say you don’t do latino or you do? ‘cause seems to me, fat thump was working more than her hand. i won’t Okay you have 2 days to get those papers in so we can validate your standing. You could be an imposter…channeling my blog vision. Do you eat egg sandwhiches?

By M'Karyl

August 4, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this

@Cemeeli

Awright then mami…it works…for free…like the price and can handle it…so glad…it is a great opportunity…a good resource and culture…blessings abound….money is only one resource…many ways to do without it and still have the same thing…called bargain hunting to me…be sure to share too.

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

Hi Cemeeli

Actually I like pretty much all women (okay the pretty ones, I am as shallow as the next guy when it comes to a pretty face).

I will bring my passport with me when I next blog. Will that be acceptable? And actually egg sandwiches just might hit the spot for dinner…easy and tasty.

By Senior Mgt

August 4, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

Is it safe to assume that all of you regulars that blog either are unemployed or have jobs that don’t challenge you in the least? Have you delegated out your responsibility so that you can spend your time doing this?

Perhaps your time would be better spent encouraging your career versus love in Atlanta. Just a thought

By Demi

August 4, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

Randyt li’Demi is doing very well…he just ask to many questions…to the point i keep my cell phone on wikipedia. LOL.

Sideline things are going well on my end…currently looking for a quality daycare for little man…A lot of work!!!

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

You know you be likin’ it…so quit frontin’…LMOA again

LOL M’Karyl, I’d love this blog so much more if it was full of bloggers who actually go on dates and don’t mind sharing their adventures.

By Dan

August 4, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

@Demi

If you near the Westside, i know the perfect daycare

@Snr. Mgmt.

Deese

By Blanca

August 4, 2008 4:48 PM | Link to this

abc

Excuse me, did the moderator just confirm that most women are dating in their quest for a husband? Thanks, Blanca, for the confirmation. No diss from me about that, either. I�ve heard quite a bit to the contrary �round here, though.

At least in my experience, that is what my friends in the 27 to 40-year-old range are looking for. My divorced friends, however, aren’t as worried about it.

By mytwocents

August 4, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

Senior Mgt Are you hiring? I have a resume to send…

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

That’s funny ARed. It would surely help.

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

Well Senior Mgt Since I have lost 9 weekends this year just traveling, and my timesheet generally has 50 to 60 hours, sometimes more on it, today I am taking it easy. Feel free to contact my employers, they know who brought in 3 to 4 million in follow on consultant orders that more than compensate for taking a day off.

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

Perhaps your time would be better spent encouraging your career versus love in Atlanta. Just a thought

Senior Mgmt - My job doesn’t care what I do as long as the work gets done. I’d rather be happy then make a whole lot of money. Mission accomplished. LOL

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

Amazon

Here is a date story…I am embarrassed at my age how many times in the last year someone has come up to me and my SO at the time and suggested we need to “get a room”. Life is good, and almost always fun, but people are really picky…maybe they are not getting lucky and are jealous, who knows.

By Cemeeli

August 4, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

mkaryl yes its all cool. wink

RandyT okay cool, passport will suffice. Lol And an egg sandwhich can knock the edge off.

Be easy.

By M'Karyl

August 4, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

@ARed

yeah, uh-huh…but you know colored folks improvise…give a genre and watch them seque into another morphed subject…gotta love it…may be that them that is successfully dating ain’t got time to blog…parellel universe.

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

Good night everyone!

Don’t get your meat where you earn your bread. ~GoldFirnger~

It’s hot out there so put your sunglasses on and stay focused!

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

maybe they are not getting lucky and are jealous, who knows.

Or maybe they think old people humping in public is gross! LOL. Time and place man.

LOL. Just messing with you RandyT. Thanks for sharing your story!

By Demi

August 4, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

Dan I am over on the eastside…

Senior Mgmt funny, I just had a little talk with my 3 & 2 level about why my numbers are too high.

By D'NLITEN1

August 4, 2008 5:05 PM | Link to this

I will not comment on the topic based on my own time constraints lol but I will say this to BIANCA : “follow your heart and do what is best for you!” What your friend is capable doing in relationships may not be for you! Just be patient! Keep up your energy level in this writing thing! PEACE

By Wise Diva

August 4, 2008 5:06 PM | Link to this

aw man I missed a great topic AND RandyT’s return! (hugs RandyT)

Great job Blanca!

By SexyLeggs

August 4, 2008 5:08 PM | Link to this

Did any of you notice Goldfinger spelled its own name wrong??

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 4, 2008 5:09 PM | Link to this

Hi WD!!!

How is my #1 lady?

By Senior Mgt

August 4, 2008 5:14 PM | Link to this

Funny the question would be posed b/c I am in fact hiring, but if you lodge here regularly you don’t really have the drive or initiative needed to excel in my field.

To those of you who responded with how well you’re doing your job, you just proved my initial statement that your job does not challenge in you in the least. There is no time for blogging incessantly when thinking and making things happen like you all say.

ps. Is 3-4 million a net figure? I’m sure you also contributed to great losses….like time value for one. Don’t bother responding.

By mickiedee

August 4, 2008 5:22 PM | Link to this

We need a blog topic on this whole cave and rubber band stuff. I have reading Men are from mars also. The original book as well as the “on a date” book. Also I read the website. They have a msg board where countless women are discussing these two topics. Men just drop out of their lives until whatever else that is stressing them out has been cleared up. Some are saying that some men never cave. I wonder why that is. Also for those that men do cave, how often do the women in their lives notice it?

By Dan

August 4, 2008 5:26 PM | Link to this

@Snr. Mgmt

I’m sure you recognize that productivity is a function of relaxation, interest (in the job) and ability.

In that, we may be the most productive people in our respective offices with these occasional excursions away from the harried workday.

In management, all options are on the table.

By AmazonRed

August 4, 2008 5:27 PM | Link to this

but if you lodge here regularly you don’t really have the drive or initiative needed to excel in my field.

All said while blogging along with the rest of us. LOL. Oh the irony.

Have a good evening all.

By mytwocents

August 4, 2008 5:34 PM | Link to this

Sr. Mgmt, why are you so testy? Are you tryna see if your current employees are slacking off? Or are you, perhaps doing so for a moment.

Also, consider the fact that the person who asked if you’re hiring, could actually be job hunting. Hence the question. Get some rest and have a great week!

Nite Nite

By Demi

August 4, 2008 5:53 PM | Link to this

mickiedee naw, too many women are talking about that dang gone book here at work…I feel the book is a good read and that’s it.

By Hot Lurker

August 4, 2008 8:17 PM | Link to this

Foots is always pompous, arrogant and so dxxn full of herself. She is a pathetic loser who wants to impress others she’s on the ball and knows everything. Stop it already Foots. No one cares.