Misadventures in Atlanta

By test

July 24, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

test

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone.

LOL. This is very much an Angie topic. I don’t see how much you can say about this one.

Most people know that I’m single because heck, I’m not married. I’m dating, and doubt people care either way. I do have some friends who are always looking to play matchmaker. That’s about it.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 24, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

Glad to see the blog is up and working!

I agree with Dan, we should discuss that first segment from the CNN special last night. In referece to the chick with the white guy, that same footage was on MTV when they did their interracial dating documentary.

By Raqi

July 24, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

Some of my worst dates were with men that came via social networking. Everybody always got a brother, cousin or long lost uncle that they want to set you up with. And because they are sympathetic to their little “issues” they fail to reveal that info to you.

By Dan

July 24, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

@Slim

I saw it and was so struck by the comments of the women that I didn’t know whether to be p**sed or hurt.

How is it, esp. in the A that we could be so close (in proximity) yet so far away.

Assuming that she wanted to talk…

Well then, here’s my answer to that. If you’re so busy, so “on your grind” that contact with the opposite sex is no longer needed when the opportunity is there…then you no longer have a right to complain about being single.

If you’re not open to experience what someone offers…then don’t complain that “there are no good men”.

I mean, the President from Bennett sited “education, incarceration, and employment” as barriers to single, successful women.

As I watched the story, I saw something different: Ego. On the one hand the ladies want a man, but on the other, he has to be this, this and this.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 24, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

Good morning Good People, although I don’t go around blasting that I’m single I do let it be known depending on the conversation with whomever or when appropiate. I’m content with being single just as I was content when was married HOWEVER there are the few who play that pull off the wedding ring stunt and it leaves a bit of confusion here as whether to approach or not.

By Raqi

July 24, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

But if someone is busy then obviously that is not the right time or opportunity.

And then I don’t care what you may be engaged in if someone that find attractive cross your path a quick smile, eyebrow raise or nod will be presented in acknowledgement. If the person is actively seeking.

By melo

July 24, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

I feel there are enough brothers for every educated single sister..the problem is both sides do not want to concede to the other.Its all about power.Educated wmen feel being a wife is taking on an inferior position and brothers feel that educated women wil want to run them in the house.So we have this impasse.Its amazing that when you actually get an educated woman taking on a traditional role,thats where u see the marriage thriving. WE either have to go back to the basics of teaching our wmen folk once again, what it is to be married and at the same time teaching the guys the responsibilties of a man in marriage.The alternative is just having baby mamas.

By Rell

July 24, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

@DAN….mayne those ladies dont count…they are in the wrong profession if you ask me….hollywood would be alot better with some of these academy award winning actresses we have in our community….i mean they have bs themselves so long they actually believe the character they become…and stay there…..again a women only goal in current relationships is not end up like the rest of the heart women..so they insulate themselves with bs theories on what a man needs to bring to the table to avoid hurt….not going to happen when you dealing with a relationship..you will get hurt…..and again dan dont listen to that bs coming from those women..avoid them..there are plenty of women spread all over gods green earth looking for a brother like yourself….ATLANTA IS NOT GROUND ZERO!!!!….atlanta is a mutant in the grand scheme of things….go to two blades of grass alabama and your options maybe limited but they will be a bit more realistic when it comes to dating/relationships…etc

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

Most black women don’t “complain” about being single in the first place. Just like we don’t complain about being black or being a woman, it is what it is. Can it be a source of frustration at times? Sure. Just like being black and a woman.

Black men dropped the ball long ago. Many of us simply picked it up and continued on the grind.

By Endless Romantic

July 24, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

Out of all my friends, I’m the only one that’s single. Even though I love the companionship on a man, I’m enjoying my new found freedom of going where I want to go, and doing what I want to do without having to think twice about it… Its always fun meeting new people. I don’t advertise being single, but lately I’ve been going to a lot of events around Atlanta by myself with hopes of finding a new male companion… Any suggestions of where I should go where the men aren’t afraid to approach a woman these days?

By SlimOne

July 24, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Dan Maybe you’ll feel vindicated once we see the Men’s issues on tonights segment.

By melo

July 24, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Most black women don’t “complain” about being single in the first place u bullshyting…..they dnt verbalize it that much but complain they do,we hear that every day on radio,in forums etc.We are not living in diff worlds,heck even on this blog they do, so what u talking about?God created us in such a way that we have to interact and fugg each other,that is the natural order of things and women feel the urge as much as man do.Women just happen to be more responsible and seem to have more discipline and staying power if they happen not to have a mate with them for along time. Cmeon sisters, we know u hurting and lets work to have this issue resolved. Well, ill speak for me, i luv my pudsy,single sisters tell me u luv ur Dykk too and aint getting enough!!!

By melo

July 24, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Any suggestions of where I should go where the men aren’t afraid to approach a woman these days? hw old are u and what do u like doing etc?

By Dan

July 24, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Let’s not start with the generalities…Black men didn’t drop anything, some have, not all.

And Red, stop playing, women talk about the lack of available men all the time. Here and in real life. Maybe it’s not a constant compliant, but it is a constant frustration.

@Raqi

If she’s busy..

We’re all busy, at the precise moment that I see her, I’m on my way to pick up my dry cleaning, hit the gym, buy groceries, something.

But when it’s worth it, you make time. Think about it like this, the time spent getting ready for, going to, and being at a club takes more time than those few moments on the street.

By ATL Guy

July 24, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

I never know when girls are taken or single. Girls I talk to are usually really attractive so they always seem to have a guy they’re seeing. I’m not big on wrecking relationships or contributing to them cheating on some guy. Not my Style.

As for me…I’m not sure how I put the single vibe out there. People have told me they are surprised that I’m single. Actually, had a co-worker wanting to sign me up for the Q100 radio station Bachelor of Atlanta competition. Haha.

But, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hit it off with some girl and to find out oh yeah…she’s got a b/f! That sucks, but its the Game

By Rell

July 24, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

@melo….bingo..that is the breakdown…everyone needs the basics taught to them…not many have come from productive loving homes….here is a thought….when white folks get married..they celebrate….when black folks even think of getting married out comes the naysayers and folks that say naw dawg dont do it…you going to be tied down…etc..etc…hell just having a steady black relationship is a balancing act between being with friends and reassuring the insecure women you with…that presented herself strong

By Dan

July 24, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

@Slim

It’s not about vindication.

I date regularly. Whether a dating relationship or a friendship, these are stories that I hear, and they bother me.

I see my married friends, and I’m happy for them. Not just becuase they found someone, but becuase they’re out of the game…

By WilderBeast

July 24, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

Goodbye!!!

You haven’t learned a thing I haven’t changed a thing My flesh was in my bones The pain was always mine

You haven’t learned a thing I haven’t changed a thing My flesh was in my bones The pain was always mine

I’ve felt the hate rise up in me… Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves…I wander out where you can’t see… Inside my shell, I wait and bleed…(x2)

And it waits for you!

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

melo - When you hear about it, on the radio on this blog it’s because it’s a forum to discuss. Go out to the bars and social scene and that’s not what we’re complaining about.

Danetta - I didn’t start with the generalities. You did. And on a whole, yes, black men have dropped the ball. I don’t care either way, I don’t see as a problem for me. I know there are enough good black men out there to keep my attention.

Constant frustration? Sure, just like you men have your frustrations with the female gender.

And Raqi, you are completely right. A woman will definitely slow down for a man worth her time. Just like a guy would. If you can’t get or keep her attention, move on.

By SexyLeggs

July 24, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

Beautiful, this topic fits you very well. I believe in “not looking” for any particular guy right now. When it happens, it happens. No one is playing matchmaker w/me cuz my friends know my taste varies. I’d rather find someone on my own.

By Endless Romantic

July 24, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Well I’m 26, and I enjoy going to places with a variety of people. I usually go to bars in the Vinings area and downtown. This past weekend, I attended some events with the National Black Arts Festival. I go to lounges a lot… Shout out to Old School Saturday, that I attend the second saturday of every month. For example, I went to mingle at the W hotel. I’m a little old school I guess when it comes to Men approaching Women. I’ve been away from the dating scence for a really long time. So my question is, these days do Men wait for women to make the initial move?

By melo

July 24, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

When you hear about it(complaining) on the radio on this blog it’s because it’s a forum to discuss u got it and i do……..

By ATL Guy

July 24, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Endless Romantic I’m 26 (single) and actually hit the similar spots you mentioned. Guys don’t look for the girls to make the initial move. I think, we look for a sign that you’re approachable. I’ve always been in relationships with different girls and I’ve been single for the past 5 months and its been fun for sure! Just have to be willing I think to put yourself out there and not force it. Some of the best people I’ve ever met were in just random situations

By Dan

July 24, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

@ARed

“…a woman will slow down for a man that’s worth her time…”

Well, here’s the thing. Up to the point that we meet, we’re both single. We’re single becuase the choices we’ve made and our selection process has allowed us to be single.

So, at 30, I realize that maybe, just maybe it’s time for me change my own process. So, if I’m approaching and I’m not your “type”…

maybe I’ll see you when you realize that dating “your type” is what has kept you single.

By LisaK

July 24, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

As I watched the story, I saw something different: Ego. On the one hand the ladies want a man, but on the other, he has to be this, this and this.

Sad but true.

I know many females who seem to be blind to the fact that they are the only thing standing in the way of them having a healthy, happy relationship with a man.

By Cemeeli

July 24, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Educated wmen feel being a wife is taking on an inferior position and brothers feel that educated women wil want to run them in the house.

It has been said that if both play their roles then noone will feel inferior to their mate.

WE either have to go back to the basics of teaching our wmen folk once again what it is to be married and at the same time teaching the guys the responsibilties of a man in marriage.The alternative is just having baby mamas.

I am a “babymama” and have to tell all my married friends i’m not bitter. My married friends (men too) asks me if i still think there is hope with how the rate is going? My answer is yes, i do. I still feel the same way they felt before they married. Of all the men in the world i am bound to be with one that is for me. And no, i’m not walking around a hurt soul with baggage. ir 2)Thinking most blk men i see are “The One” nor do i become the aggressor and find out. Yes i’m traditional most times b/c i’m the woman. Not pursuing a man heck no! If i missed the oppurtunity w/ a guy i’m okay with that, heyal i’m okay to go home and continue to hold my pillow until my time comes…maybe right now it’s not my time.

By melo

July 24, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

these days do Men wait for women to make the initial move? for the most part, i think yes…u seem to be doing the right moves ie getting urself out of the house.But appearance and ur facial presentation matters too.If u out there looking nice but ur face potrays smbody who is unapproachaeble,then guys may pass on u.Smile a lot,learn to flirt a lil,dress nice and fresh and just go out to have fun doing what u like to do without putting urself out there like the wwhres on piedmont,….sooner or later smeonne will notice.Good luck.

By mickiedee

July 24, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Rell, a lot of women are insecure when dealing with men because of our fathers and they we were treated growing up. I know that is what happened with me. My father was not stable so (would leave home for days at at time) that has affected my relationships with men tremendously. When they are out of touch for more than a day then I feel like they are not coming back.

By Demi

July 24, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

Cause you can feel my ANGER You can feel my pain You can feel my torment Driving me insane I can’t fight these feelings they bring only pain You can’t take away Make me whole again

Mudshovel

By test

July 24, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

…

By Cemeeli

July 24, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Wilderbeast!

I think i know what is it that makes us go plug the ear w/ music? I need a new list! Dealing w/ the other corporate politics. They’ve gotten rid of cpl of us. Why i missed that drama. sigh

Glad i didn’t get caught in the jest of that mess.

By Raqi

July 24, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

Dan “But when it’s worth it, you make time.”

Bingo my brother.

By SexyLeggs

July 24, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

I like this…reassuring the insecure women you with…that presented herself strong I have seen one of my friends do this exact thing and it cost her her relationship. Told her it would, but she didn’t believe me.

Endless Romantic, I’ve been single 2 years now and I have to force myself to go out. It’s something I don’t do. With lil leggs in Nebraska I find myself still going straight home because I’m not use to going out by myself. This is something I have to work on. Glad you’re getting out there. I may bump into you one day (LOL).

Ok Beautiful, this is your topic suggestion, where’s your comment?

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Dan - I’m never “too busy” to meet people. And I’m not married to my career either, so like I said, it’s not a problem.

maybe I’ll see you when you realize that dating “your type” is what has kept you single.

And see, I don’t mind being single. So I’d rather stick to my values and convictions rather than to lower my standards and expectations of how MY black man should be just to have a relationship.

There ain’t a lot of black men like my daddy left these days, I don’t want this new school type of man you’re offering. Sorry. I’d really rather be single.

By LisaK

July 24, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Most black women don’t “complain” about being single in the first place.

Maybe none of the black women you know, but I hear my sistahs complaining on a daily basis (at work, on radio shows, on the way to work—public transportation, on television shows, on internet blogs).

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 24, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this

Complaining is still complaining Ared whether it’s via the radio, blog, in person or written down on a piece of paper. I hear women complaining all the time about the lack of quality men.

By Raqi

July 24, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

(Sorry I didn’t finish my statement)

Dan “But when it’s worth it, you make time.”

Bingo my brother. So when we don’t make the time we obviously don’t feel that it (he) is worth it.

Like I said when we likey, you will knowy.

By SlimOne

July 24, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

Rell when white folks get married..they celebrate….when black folks even think of getting married out comes the naysayers and folks that say naw dawg dont do it…you going to be tied down…etc

This is exactly why i got frustrated earlier this week because I just can’t understand why all the negativity surrounding it. The “M” word is like saying Candyman Candyman Candyman 3 times in the mirror or something.

One of homeboys stopped by last night and he said he’s sort of taking a pause…because he was getting tired of just dating to be dating. I guess him seeing an old roommate of his do it allowed him to see that that life is not fulfilling for him. But it seems so much dating just to see a new face day-to-day is being done by many. Where are those folks that are in a healthy long term relationship?

By Endless Romantic

July 24, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

To Melo and ATL Guy, thanks for the advice from a guys perspective… I think I got a little comfortable in my last relationship. After all we was together for 8 years. So I have done things to step my game up again. I’ll let you know how my weekend goes. Now I have to find out what’s going on this weekend. Now I have to update myself on the conversation about the special on CNN last night so I add my two cents to the conversation… :)

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

LisaK - if someone puts a mic in my face or a comment section on a blog, I might “complain” about a whole lot of things. That’s not indicitive of just complaining on GP.

So yeah, maybe it is the black women I know. I don’t kick it with a lot of negative, complaining a* people. Waste of time and energy. They just bring you down with em.

By Rell

July 24, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

@endless…you can not be 26 and old school….lol…that is funny…

@ared..you starting with the name calling early….you the most frustrated women on this piece…i take that back you not frustrated..but dayum disrespectful

@mickidee….i hear you but at some point you have to take responsibility of your emotions and get over it…i could go on and on about my painful childhood but why?…i am 35 now far removed from that and well adjusted…i advise you to do the same..move past that hurt…everyman is not your father

By ATL Guy

July 24, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

SexyLeggs I go about it way different than you. I’m actually out few times during the week and every weekend partying at clubs, lounges, whatever. Going out as almost become a second job for me…its a chance for me to just not worry about work and just have a great time with friends. But, I like not having someone as relationship mode right now. I like the flexibility & being able to do whatever. I’m probaby single by choice I’d say. If I found a great girl then I’ll move at it, but no rush.

You don’t go out that often, I’m always out … we’re both single. LoL!

By Raqi

July 24, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

Rell that 10:27 is the gospel. We are our own enemy.

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

Rell - Get over it. You have the most fragile ego on this blog. I made the comment because he called himself that.

In any case, stop caring what you think I am. Either accept it or get over it. But please quit crying about it.

By Endless Romantic

July 24, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Sexy Leggs, It’s something you have to force yourself to do in the beginning… Trust me… But once you get yourself out on the scene. You’ll have so much fun. I can’t even imagine being in a relationship right now. This is on another note, but I spoke with my ex-boyfriend yesterday, and he told me that he is about to be in another committed relationship. I had mixed feelings about that. My main thing is we just broke-up, why would you do that to yourself? Just a week ago he was saying how he’s enjoying being single. Not to mention he claims to still have feelings for me… Like I said, that’s another topic for different day.

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Rell - One other thing is yes, I am frustrated. I’m tired of men and women always being on different sides. I think we should be on the same team but we keep pointing fingers at one another.

By Demi

July 24, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

The kisses of the sun - Were sweet I didn’t blink I let it in my eyes - Like an exotic dream The radio playing songs - That I have never heard I don’t know what to say - Oh not another word

Just - la la la la la - It goes around the world Just - la la la la la - It’s all around the world Just - la la la la la - And everybody’s singing La la la la la - And now the bells are ringing

There ain’t a lot of black men like my daddy left these days

My mom is a good black woman in her own right…But I ain’t look for women to be just like my momma…Times have change.

Cee I keep my headphone on just so I will not get caught up in all of this corp bs.

By missPharmD

July 24, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

Regarding the CNN Special, Why are our problems always the focus of a special on CNN that makes us look bad. They spent more time last night on the negative than on the little positive they had in the show. I can’t imagine what tonight is going to be like when they talk about our black men.

I am TIRED of black folks falling for the okey dokey everytime a tv program wants to raise it’s ratings for one night so they decide to do a black special….knowing damn good and well that blacks folks will tune in along with their momma, sistergurls, boo, etc.

but cnn is not the only one……..nytimes.com wants to increase traffic to it’s website? they just get someone to write YET ANOTHER article about being a single woman in america and have folks circulating the link all over the internet then ……….. bam! increased website traffic —> more viewers —> more advertising money for them.

folks need to wake up and IGNORE the hype

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 24, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

I didnt watch the special last night and don’t really have plans to watch the special tonight(I have my reasons)

But I do think the one problem we have in all relationships black or white. Is the ideal that someone else is responsible for our happiness. Finding a mate is not suppose to make you happy or a word I hate more than anything else(WHOLE). Finding a mate is suppose to enhance the happiness you already have. I think the game is twisted sometimes for all of us(including myself) because we can’t shake the idea that we have to attached to achieve the state of happy. Happy comes from the inside out..not the outside in.

By melo

July 24, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

Endless another thing i notice with african america females is the attitude,call it bad attitude.If smeobody says hello its only courteous to reciprocrate.Ladies just have bad manners and it just may be a sign of the mental anguish some face as single mothers etc.Nothing beats a good attitude when u are a prospective.Just sitting there and not being chatty, mixing and mingling will not get u far,no matter how pretty and beautiful u look!

By Atl Lady

July 24, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

Ya’ll off the chain early this morning. I’m almost scared to jump in. I agree and disagree with a lot with what was said in the earlier posts and a lot of what displayed on the show last night.

On topic Everyone in my peer group knows I’m single and looking. Most wonder why I haven’t met a husband yet because in their opinion I’m a good catch. With that said they aren’t going to necessarily introduce me to a brother that they know is not a good fit for me. I’ll be friends with almost anyone including brothers that have had run-ins with the law and have been incarcerated. I have play brothers that have done time in jail, but can come to my house and look and eat out of my fridge. Are they marriage material? Hell to the nah! Their minds ain’t right.

My problem with some of the women in the piece last night was the stupidity of some of the decision making. Ole girl had 4 kids by the same man!!!! What the hell was she thinking about???!!! Why won’t she do something that would generate more immediate income??? None of her kids had a smile during the entire interview!!!!

By SexyLeggs

July 24, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

Atl Guy, it’s all about disposable income. I don’t have a lot of that right now, and what I do have will not be spent in a club drinking and partying.

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

My mom is a good black woman in her own right…But I ain’t look for women to be just like my momma…Times have change.

Demi - They sure have, and like I said, I’d rather be single then.

Maybe if we stop being so lax on things important to us, we’d have a more solid family unit.

By ATL Guy

July 24, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Melo is on Point. Great Attitude or Fun Personality will get you way further than just modeling at the bar.

By Endless Romantic

July 24, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Rell, Have you been to Old School Saturday the second sautrday of every month. They play music from the 80’s and 90’s. I promise if you go, you’ll love every song they play if you grew up in that era. I suggest going, especially if you love to dance… REAL DANCING…So that’s what I meant…

By Rell

July 24, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

@ared…again

new school type of man you’re offering….like the new school type of women is any better…raise your hand if you can cook…hell when i was single i did it all again i allowed my wife to take the reigns on some things otherwise she would feel like she did not add anything to me….when she meet me i was hell on wheels..you hate me know you would have wanted me dead in 2001…i was arrogant, independent, and could care less if you stayed or went…trust me love, as a women you will never experience that true freedom…you will always want a mate…men not so much…

@slim…a couple of days ago i realized that since me and my wife have been together 2001-present we have not been apart for more than 48hrs in all that time…..after the night we had sex we have not been apart…

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 24, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

PharmD You pretty much up summed up my reasons for not watching.

By Beautiful

July 24, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

hi kids!

on topic i don’t advertise, but sometimes i wish i had the guts to allow ppl to keep their eyes open for me. i emailed Blanca this topic because of two advertisements i saw. one was a huge billboard seen as you drove by which looked like a profile from match.com. would i go that far for a man? sure … if i had $5000 to waste. the other advertisement was a lady looking for a date for her job’s xmas party. i believe it was placed in the newspaper there in GA. she referenced a website to visit and there an eligible bachelor would leave a reason why he was worthy to accompany her to her party. would i go that far for just a date? maybe. right now i’m doing the not looking thing. it’s working so far.

off topic dan, As I watched the story, I saw something different: Ego. On the one hand the ladies want a man, but on the other, he has to be this, this and this.

it’s called not settling. most women have a list of wants in a man. i have one, she has one. but don’t worry your pretty little head so much. as soon as that man walks by us in the grocery store, that list just flew out the window.

By m'karyl

July 24, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

FACE IT PPL… THERE HAS BEEN A CONTINUAL DECLINE IN THE VIABLE RELATIONSHIPS BWTN BROTHERS AND SISTERS FOR SOME TIME NOW…AND BOTH SIDES ADD STANK TO THE MIX…

Dan has some very valid points and observations about the attitudes of some sisters…I know b/c I have listened to this ilk of colored chile bemoaning the lack of good black men…but they have this laundry list of what he must bring to the table…and some of it is not very realistic…period…they seem place more emphasis on the material and financial criteria than they do the character of the man…granted, I do not want to be with any person who can do less for me than I can for myself…but that is the operative here…do for myself…if it is a we can do this better together, then fine…does he have to be a white-collar, college educated man…that would be nice…blue-collar is cool too…especially if he is a firefighter…ooohh, rescue me…

By SlimOne

July 24, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

Kym Finding a mate is not suppose to make you happy or a word I hate more than anything else(WHOLE). Just curious…if we supposedly came from man…would we really be whole without the other?

By Cemeeli

July 24, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

But I ain’t look for women to be just like my momma…Times have change.

Demi that’s right times have changed, and if your are anything like me, just keep chillin’ any your Demi-mama will be there change the station on your plugins.

…now channeling my SouthAfrican/Caribbean station… Shabba!

On another note…When did bridal/bachelorette parties become red carpet premieres? And the bride requests you wear her wedding colors for the party night.

By Dan

July 24, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

A definition of insanity:

Repeating the same action and expecting different results.

Now, I may be a little sensitive, but if the implications in these statements is that I may not be worth the time. I’m good with that. Becuase for every woman that fails to see my value, it’s her loss. The same point hold true for me, if I can’t get past my own preconceptions, notions, and uninformed speculation to meet a good woman with a nice spirit, then that’s on the D. No doubt.

That said, I’m working on me and mine.

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

new school type of man you’re offering….like the new school type of women is any better…

Rell - yawn Here we go again. I didn’t say the new school woman WAS better. I’d much rather get back to the basics, personally.

i was arrogant, independent, and could care less if you stayed or went

And this is PRECISELY why relationships are what they are. When did men, who claim to be men, give up on being fighters?

Seriously, that’s why these aggressive women can go ahead and have men like this. I’m really not the one to fight for a guy who doesn’t even CARE if I’m there or not! Goodness!

By ATL Guy

July 24, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

SexyLeggs Disposable Income!? I don’t spend that much at all going out! Eating out you spend way more. Connections, get VIP wherever and just don’t pay anything. Pre-game in the Car if you want to drink alot.

Thing is…females don’t spend much going out, guys buy your drinks! Whats the problem!?

Go to the “Paint in the Pods” event thrown by Ted Turner at the Sundial (top of the Westin) revolving restaurant. Its completely free 1st Thursday of the month…7pm - 10pm … has jazz music, really good odourves, desserts, all for free. Check out some Art Work, meet people, have a skyline view.

By SexyLeggs

July 24, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

Endless Romantic, you’re right, I have to make myself go. You should see me at home talking myself into going out and most times finding an excuse to not go…rain, low gas, $18.00 in wallet, need to mop the kitchen floor (not really). I realize I’m making it hard on myself. I realize I have a problem in this area and am working on it.

That’s sweet *Rell.

By melo

July 24, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

My brother was married to this afr-america chic for about 3 yrs..they have since divorced.My bro dropped my nephw at my hse 2 weeks ago to go on the road..he runs his own trucking bizz.Nepw lives mostly with the mum tho.But the mum is the most disrespectful chic i know and she is oblivious of that.She calls me to say she cming to pick kid later at night after wrk so wl be a bit late…i say no problem.By the time she cmes,my wife is hme dwnstairs and iam upstairs.All she does is ring the bell, wife opens door and neph,anticipating its mum,runs to the door.She says hie,to wify,(all the while talking to smeone on the cell), and hollas james,lets go and never steps in the house or say thank u etc.We dnt mind being with kid coz he is mine too in a way,no big deal here. My wife tells me kid had to intervene and saymummy,hw come u not even cming in the hse,thats not right,but she hears none of that and takes kid and goes. We were not p** or anything coz we are of a diff cloth and all i told wify is upbringing is just not right, there! Now a wmann walking around with that kind of attitude cannot expect to find a man that will find her good at anything other than just for p******…she pretty by the way!

By Atl Lady

July 24, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

MissPharmDI personally watched it because I wanted to see for myself how Soledad O’Brien was going to conduct the interviews. She has always struck me as the type to straddle the fence as far as how black she wants to be on any given day. I’ve seen several interviews about her over the years and sometimes her heritage will include Black and other times it won’t. So how she edits the stories is crucial. I can’t say that CNN is just trying to increase ratings because I watch CNN on a regular basis anyway. Furthermore, you can’t step to CNN and say the piece didn’t show an accurate picture if you don’t watch.

By m'karyl

July 24, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

@SlimOne

And the bride requests you wear her wedding colors for the party night.

Bridezillas abound…that is a little too much for me…but I stopped doing weddings years ago…I was in about six…and they all ended in divorce…ain’t wasting my money and time…good luck if you want to make it work…

By Cemeeli

July 24, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Lady Sage hey.

None of her kids had a smile during the entire interview!

Atl Lady As i was on the phone w/ my cousin who is married w/o kids and ask the same thing; Why are the kids looking so somber? I told her; Remember those kids are living this experience daily, they are not actors…Children know when their parent is hurting, struggling, downtrodden, lonely, ect….Kids feel ALL THAT and UNDERSTAND all that. They have no filters of their feelings whatever is ailing their spirit is shown in the natural.

Mamma/daddy hurt, they hurt.

By Beautiful

July 24, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

here in the valley where i live, there is a lack of quality black men. and the ones that are ripe only date latino and white women. figures. i really should be used to this by now, but i’m not and refuse to accept it as the norm.

By Demi

July 24, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

m’karyl it would be nice if more women place more emphasis on a man’s character…Then they wouldn’t be complaining about these snaky dudes…being a former snake you do get a lot more play and love from women…Thanks Satan For Teaching The Fine Arts!!!

Demi is now realizing he is sounding like a hater

Ladies please keep men’s characters at the bottom of the list. Those young cats after me need to keep the cycle going.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 24, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

Slim Honey it is not that deep. IMO to be whole person is to learn to find COMFORT AND ACCEPTANCE with who you are. That means accepting all of your own flaws and imperfections, triumphs and tragedies. What I know..is that there are wayyyy to many people who are looking to be whole(Good grief I can stand that word) when they don’t realize that as soon as they accept that they are where they are suppose to be at this present moment in time..that right now their lives are exactly how it was designed or planned.. for this appointed time in space. it is..at that moment you become whole(UGH). Now we can go all church in here if you like but if people keep feeding the idea and notion that I need Man X or Lady Y to feel whole(UGH)..then you are setting yourself up for a endless search.

By Endless Romantic

July 24, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

Reli, I’m going to check out the SunDial… I love doing things like that. Thanks

Sexy Legs, I might have that problem this weekend because all my friends are going to be out with their significant others. So unless, i just settle for anyone to go out with, I’ll be out on the town by myself. So go get your hair done, put on your little black dress, and go have a good night out on the town…

By missPharmD

July 24, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

ATL guy Soledad is Black by popular demand. When it’s convenient. No skills, chided the interviewees. I mean what was that about “we all know some successful dark skin people”. What? Are they so small in numbers they are able to be counted? She said it like it was a “few”.

By Bre'

July 24, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Greetings to all…..I hope all is wonderful and dry in Atlanta.

On Topic When I was single I don’t think I advertised it all. People could never fix me up my “likes” varied too much and bit out of range than the normal sista. However even dating in a place like Minneapolis where a sista could be looked over quickly by a brotha I never had issues dating. I don’t think I wore a sticker on my sleeve saying, “I’m single”. I’ve been just a pretty happy person with a decent sense of humor I don’t take too much in life very serious. So I think men were attracted to the fact that I was chill and could be one of the boys at times. When I moved to NYC I did not date for almost 4 or 5 years and I was cool with it. I was pretty busy with work life and focused on money that men really took a back seat. But I could have a date when I wanted one.

Now Slim I feel I’m a pretty good healthy relationship now. I realized some of the issues I had with him I needed to first look at self. Overall I can say I’m cool with being out of the dating scene. It was pretty easy at first going from single to commitment. Some things in the middle got a little wavy but two people really have to communicate and be on the same page in the same book. I mean really how do you take to people in there mid 30’s that’s single been doing your own thing. To change that mentality to its US, WE and Together can be a challenge. I think we start growing into who we are easily when your older and single, then trying to open and let another whole person in is not the easiest process. But the reward is not bad at all its just has to be what you really really want. If not you just really waisting alot of time and energy.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 24, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

Ok…I am late today….

So Beautiful…you are co-moderating today? I know you get up with the roosters and still manage to be chipper! LOL

Do you advertise your single status to the world in hopes of attracting a mate? Heck no..I say it to keep the guys away! I want to stay single! So I say I am single and and keeping it that way!

ARED Don’t you hate the friends trying to play matchmaker? I feel if the guy you are trying to set me up with is so great why the hell aren’t you with him!!!???

Dan So are you saying we should settle because the men can’t get his game up? We should expect and accept less? I see heartache at the end when yu settle. You will never be happy. You may feel trapped and seek out what you really desire anyway…but now it is wrong because you are already in a relationship/marriage! I am glad I am not one of those chicks who long to be married and pop out babies. I have other things to focus on!

Black men dropped the ball long ago. Many of us simply picked it up and continued on the grind Ared So well put! But now they want you to sit back and let them take lead on what YOU have done while they slacked off. Don’t try to come claiming thr glory when you ahev not done any of the work! LOSERS!

Melo Well, ill speak for me, i luv my pudsy,single sisters tell me u luv ur Dykk too and aint getting enough!!! That is the problem..sex is too big of an issue in what a relationship is. Sex comes first and everything else falls behind! Some dudes marry the good puddy and find out later she sucks as a person and a wife. The woman marries the good d*ck and he sucks as man!

By missPharmD

July 24, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

sorry, I my last comment was to Atl Lady not the guy

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

they seem place more emphasis on the material and financial criteria than they do the character of the man

M’Karyl this is soooo true. Character is so very important…it really is Demi!. LOL

By SexyLeggs

July 24, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

You know Atl Guy, now that track is over and I have a more flexible schedule I will be doing some things. However, can anyone recommend a nice spot for Friday or Saturday. Heck, I already don’t get out much I would be hard pressed to hang on a workday.

BTW, won’t assume someone is going to buy me drink(s). I’m slowly stepping back into the dating pool. Just takes time.

By Mahogany

July 24, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

I think often men think more about how a woman makes them feel and how she looks (ie. are you nurturing, easy to talk to, are you aesthetically pleasing, etc.) whereas a woman thinks what can you do for me and our family. We look at the qualities that make a good provider (education, income, etc.). This is not to say that a smart man doesn’t also consider the intelligence and professional achievements of a would be wife, but I don’t think they are in the same order on their priority listl. That is why when a woman says “I own my own home, I make 150k, I graduated from Yale. Why aren’t I married”, it’s not necessarily reflective of what their mail counterparts have on their top 5. It’s not fair, but I think to a great extent that it how it is.

I think in general we are stuck putting new information into an old system. We are trying to process 2008 data in an 1947 system and that isn’t going to work. People IMO need to think about the world we live in today and learn how to make it work for you to get what you want. Fact of the matter is women of all races are going to college at a much faster rate than men. As a result, family dynamics are going to change whether we like all of the changes or not. That is why I say we have to stop putting new info into an old system. I think everyone out there deserves to be in a healthy relationship and I do think that everyone that truely wants a relationship can have the one they want.

I think we are just too relaxed on the major issues and too stringent on the things that don’t matter

By ATL Guy

July 24, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

MissPham what are you talking about? Are you addressing the right person?! LoL

EndlessRomantic from what I told sexyleggs if you’re into that kind of stuff check this out

Go to the “Paint in the Pods” event thrown by Ted Turner at the Sundial (top of the Westin) revolving restaurant. Its completely free 1st Thursday of the month…7pm - 10pm … has jazz music, really good odourves, desserts, all for free. Check out some Art Work, meet people, have a skyline view.

First Thursday of August will have black Artists work on display, see this link for info. I saw Nelson Mendalla’s work when he was in prison at this event last year. Its Free, why not! Good way to meet people

http://www.pennhouseproductions.com/sundial/pods_jun08.html

By Amina

July 24, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

It is your fault that you are single if:

By Atl Lady

July 24, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

CemeeWhen the man came to serve her the eviction notice…I just couldn’t imagine. The piece didn’t mention anymore about her father or their father or about her niece’s situation. Just a lot of unanswered questions.

By Rell

July 24, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

@staceye..come get your hug…lol

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

Now a wmann walking around with that kind of attitude cannot expect to find a man

LOL melo, she did find a man AND got him to marry her. So there is clearly a sucker born every minute. LOL

By Endless Romantic

July 24, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

Speaking of sex, I’ve resulted in my Battery Operated Boyfriend aka BOB, until I can find a good companion… I never thought I would result to that..

By Willie Dynamite

July 24, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

Late Morning All,

On Topic- your personality dictates how or whether you go about advertising being single. Sometimes desperation screams advertising to a point. Not much legs to that topic obviously.

New Topic- I saw the special last nite and came away feeling like I wasted a part of my life. We can view it as slanted or whatnot based on the examples given. The woman with 4 kids struggling is a Very,Very,Very small segment of our community. Yet it was presented as a case example of the black family. I would have liked to see the struggles of a single mother with 1-2 kids while balancing college and job. That would be more a realistic representation of what we see everyday. Another thing is that we pretty much already see the problems and solutions from our perspective. That show doesn’t change any of that. I think it also perpetuated some of the stereotypes that other races have of us because of the extreme examples given. They glossed over the Black Middle class family (of which I belong and see in my circle everyday). Needless to say I would welcome some dialogue about solutions to the major problems that cause our situation, underfunded schools and lack of proper nutrition in black neighborhoods.

By Jade

July 24, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

People like to smugly tell a formally educated woman that dudes ain’t checkin for a degree. But when you look at the state of the friggin children growing up in our community, perhaps dudes OUGHT TO BE. Oh but wait, my ‘no expectations supposed to be having azz’ got no right to ask a black man to think beyond his dangly bits when it come to selecting the mother of his chillun.

By AmazonRed

July 24, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

Endless Romantic - Why did you stay with a man for 8 years who didn’t marry you (I think). What were you not seeing all that time?

By SlimOne

July 24, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

Kym Suga, i wasn’t trying to get deep..was merely playing devils advocate but thanks for the dissertation though. As much as you hate the word, it definitely made me feel WHOLE WHOLE WHOLE WHOLE and WHOLE. lol I get the whole…oops my bad…i get the “being comfortable with who you are flaws and all”….I get it.

By Demi

July 24, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

Cee LOL for real.

ATL Guy I went there a month or two ago…I thought it was cool.

By NoStress

July 24, 2008 11:54 AM |