Misadventures in Atlanta

By Demi

July 17, 2008 8:23 AM | Link to this

Nikki ain’t nothing safe about “Camp Crystal Lake”…SHUSH…run!!! Wise is coming up out of the lake!!!

Great topic WD

Wise is now dragging Demi to his watery grave.

By Sunshine

July 17, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

I married in my early 20s because I was madly in love…needless to say it didn’t work out for a myriad of reasons, but now that I’m 30, if I marry again finances will most definitely be a factor. I want and expect a potential mate to come to the table with at least as much as I have. With age comes experience, knowledge, and wisdom. With these things come the realization that financial stability makes life a hell of alot easier!

By Raqi

July 17, 2008 8:38 AM | Link to this

WOW?!?!?!

A marriage void of love, intimacy and emotional support on purpose would probably be an open marriage. It takes a lot, and when I say a lot I mean a LOT to live with, sleep beside and share a life with someone every single day. And all the money in the world couldn’t make me live with such proximity with someone I don’t love. Ask abc what happens when there is no love in the marriage. He talks about it regularly.

I would imagine to have an arrangement like that the whole traditional sense of marriage would have to be done away with.

I guess it could work if the two maintain as agreeing business partners.

I wonder what the rules to such a marriage would be. Separate living quarters? Sex with outside individuals? No sex with each other period? No husband/wife roles? No accountability other than the agreed upon financial contributions?

I am interested to see what people will say are the benefits of such.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this

I only recently started thinking about marriage and kids…and all that.

It was only after I heard the benefits of the 2 income household that I was sold on the idea.

As far as a business arrangement, after a number of years, isn’t that what it becomes anyway?

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 8:41 AM | Link to this

Demi stop trying to run Nikki off.

Good morning gang…

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this

Good morning all. Come on weekend!!!

Have you ever heard a married person say, “The first time I married for love. The next time will be for money”?

Why no, actually, I have never I know say this. But then again, my crew contains newlyweds and never-marrieds.

Raqi, thank you for your post on this perspective.

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this

Being Financially stable is important. I mean they say Money (or lack there of)is #1 reason for divorce. If I have great credit and marry someone with bad credit, that will affect us no doubt in a negative way. Or even if you start having kids or whatever, nice to have money behind you.

But, End of the Day … money gets you by. There is always a way to make it happen. Always said “I’d rather be poor and have the woman of my dreams THAN to be rich and with someone I can’t stand”

Money will allow you to be comfortable, but the struggle in many ways can really enhance a relationship because you appreciate eachother and the small things more.

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this

Raqi when marriage was created love had nothing to do with it so really we’d be going back to the traditional marriage.

After you get over the googoo feelings the question you should ask about a potential mate is would I start a business with that person. Ultimately that’s what you’re going to do. She or he may be fine going in the door but you’ll get to a point where you can’t stand the sight of them when those bills and bad decisions start kicking in.

Love is overrated. Give me a cool chick with mutual respect and similar goals and it’s a wrap. Oh yeah, it would help if she were against marriage, kids, and hopefully she’ll be bi-sexual.

Dan As far as a business arrangement, after a number of years, isn’t that what it becomes anyway? Well said and true.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 8:53 AM | Link to this

why can’t marriage and relationships be a business arrangement?

I actually see nothing wrong with that, if both parties know up front that is what they are getting into.

I have one ex, the one I was actually friends with after we broke up, tell me that he would certainly marry as a business move. In our field, marriage is a bonus and he knew it would help his climbing of the corporate ladder.

He got married last summer, I believe it was for love however, he did pick a girl with all the right credentials. He was engaged to a girl before his wife, who had tons of connections on Capital Hill, for some reason he they didn’t go thru with it though.

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

Morning I think I’m with Raqi on this one…but I’ve never been married so I guess my opinion is just based on my idea about marriage as opposed to experience.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this

We’ve all seen that 1800 freecreditreport.com (a hustle by the way) commercial where dude marries the woman of his dream, only to find out she got bad credit…

I mean I’m all for love and romance and the whole “story book romance”, but in the end you’re going to be with this person for a while, quite possibly the rest of your life, and if you all aren’t financially or mentally compatible, all the love and “equally yoked” yada in the world won’t help when them bills come due….

Trust me on that one

By Poppa Grande

July 17, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

Good Morning…

Wise

*…Let’s say you are in a relationship only to get your mutual needs met. There is no emotional support, no real intimacy, and no real effort in maintaining a love affair. *

First, I have a question…

Why do you assume that there is no emotional support in a benefits arrangement? IMO both parties have something to lose/gain in this type of relationship as well. Emotions will be tied into that. If you see the traders on the NYSE floor. You can see all kinds of emotions there. Just wondering…..

I am married. We married for love. Although, I have a little stash from my NFL days, I am no ways loaded. I hung in there mostly for that NFL pension really.

Being rich isn’t necessarily as important finding a financially responsible and stable partner. You can lose rich with in a bad weekend in Vegas or by acquiring a bad drug habit.

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

as i said yesterday, marriage is not on my agenda. but, if i was to entertain/indulge in it the business perspective would be my main angle, to reap the benefits of the union.

but chick would have to be giving up the draws, there would have to be some levels of compatiblity and respect to make it a peaceful home.

i’m with Truthwhen the loving, warm fuzzy feelings are gone, a business arrangement/partnership is what it becomes essentially.

By Raqi

July 17, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

From the comments already submitted I had to go back and read the entry. And I am correct in my interpretation of what she wrote.

She is talking about a marriage based solely on financial benefits void of love. Not making sure there is financial stability in the marriage. Heck anyone over 30 should make sure of that no matter how in love you are.

But she said:

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

It will be interesting to see how my sister’s marriage works out. She is terrible with money and only recently got her checking account back. Her credit is in the toilet. I don’t think her fiance has any clue how bad her finances are. I believe he knows she’s broke, but I don’t think he knows how bad her finances are.

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

I’m with Raqi. I too have said if I marry he will have to have more $$ than me. However, I couldn’t just marry for $$. I need the intimacy, the love, the desire to drum up exciting sexual experiences. If I don’t have any feelings for you I can’t do that, so I’m with Raqi. Dan, I’m with you as well that many marriages wind up that way. Again, if I were to marry I would do my damndest to make sure it doesn’t turn into an exclusive business arrangement. At the end of any day, knowing you have funds makes life easier. I’ve struggled w/a partner far too long to rest solely on emotions…sorry, that ship has sailed!

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

im surprised its even an option…how many financial marriages do u know of,out there Diva?

By mqew

July 17, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

AAAHHHH Yes…. the everlasting talk of marrying for the duckets.

Morning ev1

To be completely honest there was definitely a time when I was contemplating taking the easy way out, divorce SO and go marry for $$$. I just would have… not proud, mind u, it is what it was… business failed lost a LOT of loot BUT

I married for LOVE and, on this day and for ever more wouldn’t trade it for nathan!!! ;-)

I agree Ared I believe that the marriage for $$$ could work as well. As long as all parties know what that means to each other.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

Like you said Raqi

Marriage, strictly for love is a concern for the young, as they tend to be prone to impulsive behavior.

Noone’s disagreeing with what you’re saying I’m attempting to say that more than people care to admit, the financial concern are more relevant than most people would care to admit.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

uhh yeah, I can see how this was confusing, LOL. Let’s see if I can clarify.

Marrying someone you aren’t in love with (or like with) because they fulfill some time of need, whether it be sex, money, sheer adoration of you, or career advancement.

Does that make a little more sense? Sorry, I was on sinus meds when I wrote it! :(

By M.

July 17, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

@Wise Diva

They mentioned something to the effect this morning on Good Morning America that with the economic times, the divorce rate is going thru the roof because so many married couples married for money. For example, if a wall street guy gets huge performance bonuses, but now they have stopped many women are leaving.

If people marry for money, I think they should also be allowed to be in an open relationshhip. You get your financial needs met, but what if Im not interested in your from a physical aspect? I think if this is the arrangement, the other person should be able to do what they want as long as the obligation is met. Look at Alex Rodriguez…

I think Nick Cannon is with Mariah Carey for the money…He spent $1 Million of her money by the 2nd week of marriage….

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

Amazon yeah thats tough. I mean your sister not having a ton of disposable cash is one thing, but being in debt or having collections after you … is something the fiance will need to be aware of eventually.

When I meet someone, the package is they are educated, fun, attractive, caring, stable, and killer personality.

No one wants to get married and take on someone’s 30K debt right off the bat. Just causes initial stress. But, the feelings HAVE to be there or its just an arrangement where you go with the motions…

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

i’m with Truthwhen the loving, warm fuzzy feelings are gone, a business arrangement/partnership** NO,thats when pple divorce coz they cant stand waking up seeing that person they dislike, in the same bed/house.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this

Dan As far as a business arrangement, after a number of years, isn’t that what it becomes anyway?

Not for me buddy! No way no how. I/we plan to be ackin like to teenagers mad in love wit our ole wrinkled azzes on a beach somewhere tryin to find a place to do it ;-)

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

I hung in there mostly for that NFL pension really.

PG, now I have heard that many a time! I knew this one guy that got cut right at some cut deadline and he needed that season to get his pension.

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Melo im surprised its even an option…how many financial marriages do u know of,out there Diva? all of them that work over a long period of time.

Fellas, in a womans vocabulary there’s one word that trumps love. They’ve named it security. We call it money. The more of it you have the more of them you can have. It’s a simple equation. In general conversation, like this, they speak of love but if we weren’t here they’d be talking about where are the rich men at. Thats why they say prostitution is the oldest profession. These chicks have been doing it forever. LOL

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

What up yoll…

Have you ever heard a married person say, “The first time I married for love. The next time will be for money”?

Ared Why no, actually, I have never I know say this. But then again, my crew contains newlyweds and never-marrieds.

We’re on the same side of the fence on this one. (can you believe that LOL). When I read that I was like, what kind of people is she hanging out with? With the exception of TV, I have never heard anybody actually say that. I’m with Raqi on that, “WOW!”

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

SamIam you make really good points. Yesturday you mentioned singlemothers and divorcees alike are easy to simp. Do you think singlemothers should make it a point that their next partner should be as keen on the idea to marry for business? Just askin’…i mean to reap the benefits of the “union” you know?

By S&P

July 17, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

I have a lot of student loan debt and I a facing bankruptcy b/c I’m completely insolvent. Is this something that should be shared in the early getting-to-knows of a relationship?

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Morning Leggy Pooh, and Lady Red {:p}

By abc

July 17, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Marriage primarily for finance and position makes you a ho, and the man a fool.

By Ken

July 17, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

I think Wise Diva misinterprets the saying “The first time I married for love, the next time will be for money.”

Just because you marry for money, doesn’t mean your relationship is devoid of emotion. People naturally become attached to each other after intimacy, especially if kids are involved. There are levels to love. It may not be the ideal perfect person for you, but the money can make up for that.

Overall, this is a false dichotomy. You can have both love and money. You just have to be flexible about who you’re willing to love.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

I’m sorry you could take the classes, put a pole in every room, diet until I can see your spine when you breathe, but when them bills come due and the money ain’t there, love don’t mean much.

@WD to your point, love is a self state of affairs, you’re with someone that in some way makes you either need (something) them or makes you want to give something (to/for) them, so why not extrapilate that to money, sex, or security….a logical progression I might add.

@M The sad part is (funny to me actually) is that now, selling the house to “split the assets” has become who pays the bank back (cause the house ain’t worth what you paid for it!).

I’m not cynical about marriage or love, just realistic, emotions take you so far and then the business of life has to be a priority.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this

I have two examples that have tanked. Both women married for $$.

1st couple Met in college, his fam had loot, he went to Brown. She loved him, but he was an azzhole and now recovering alcoholic. Two kids later, house paid for, lexuses paid for (by his daddy cause his azz couldn’t keep a job) she wants out cause he’s still an ahole and she found tru love

2nd couple Chick w/o much loot meets white man that adores her and adorns her wit gifts/loot/vacay the whole 9. Well… after a few years.. she stopped head bobbin, said she got tired of the pink thing. Well i don’t know why/how she thought that he was gon get it colored…

Both situations it’s like well what you think was gon happen, DUH

By Poppa Grande

July 17, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

I knew this one guy that got cut right at some cut deadline and he needed that season to get his pension.

Well, that sux.

I was mainly a practice squad player, but I did indeed get a paycheck.

By DeCori

July 17, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

A broke person came up with this question.. LoL..Getting married for money is never a good idea because when the economy starts taking people’s money that marriage is over. Anybody who marries for money should just be a prostitute, but don’t insult a religious union of husband and wife.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

@Truth

Right on, semantics be a mofo

BTW why does every “ladies anthem” have something to do with what she gets out of the program?

@S&P That’s somethig you say on the first date. “Hi, my name is….and I’m broke.” Now if he Capt’n Save ‘em or you’re particularly attractive, the dude may stay, but you owe him the choice to decide.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

ok you guys only have discussions with people who are your close personal friends? LOL( Well, I love meeting new people, so maybe it’s just me)

I have heard this from random strangers, at dinner parties, at wine tastings, on the airplane, etc, and at least one personal friend of mine has said it. I am sure some of them said it in jest, perhaps they meant it. At any rate, yeah, I hear it all the time.

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

Blue_Kolla no need for the translator now, k.

With the exception of TV, I have never heard anybody actually say that.

Uh-hunh…see your boy Sam on marrying or not for the benefits of the union. read up

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

He spent $1 Million of her money by the 2nd week of marriage can i have a link to ur source on that story…..? They’ve named it security i do not argue with u that a lot of women want security,but we(men) tend to underplay our own rational thinkings and reasons for choosing a mate.When i was dating,i was going for the chic with no educa,no job,unemployed and with no long term propects of a successful career.If i saw one like that,i immediately bypassed and focused on those in the category i wanted..then, i went on to explore the possibility of a relatiosnhip. So the issue of security u highlight aplies to both men and wmen,we just seem to dwell on wmen’s desires more coz 1) they are more vocal about it,men are laid back 2) men generally do not share those issues with other males/fam etc..our decisions are in our subconcience. But i do not believe someone is simply going to decide have kids with sme wman he dont love simply coz he wants her to have his kids and look after them while he works and brings back home all the bacon.Or that a woman will put up with sme azzhole simply coz he got money.That wnt last,i can tell u.It may happen,but when there is no luv,the misery is hard to endure for a long time.

By PurpleOne

July 17, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

I’m with you mqew…I just reconnected within the last month with my high school sweetheart and we split on the way to college but were on the same campus and have lived within 5 miles of each other for over 20 years and now we’ve come full circle after creating families and now finally realizing we can’t fight it any longer, not sex but actual adoration, mutual respect, never step out of line and have both watched the other grow up and mature to be the people we wanted to be with back all of our lives but were just too young (and of course he got scared) and just tried to make the best of life and find someone halfway decent and created families…well, now we realize how unequally yoked we were to our past partners and have always yearned for the other and we are talking about 30 years so that love thang, when you know your soulmate and see them at the grocery store, mall, blockbuster, concerts, etc., for the last 20+ years, and you get butterflies and your heart pounds and you both have to keep a straight face, it is ‘for real’ and now that we have our careers on track and all of that, now comes the real deal love and we will be business partners as well as lovers and at 45, both of us, if you are healthy, please believe that we both have it jumping off like we are 15 again! We are like our teenage years right now and plan to keep it that way until they put dirt on our faces. It is unreal…no one is in need of any medication to aid in anything and we both work out and are healthy as heck. We are doing it for love! AND it is NEVER too late!

By mqew

July 17, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

S&P I have a lot of student loan debt and I a facing bankruptcy b/c I’m completely insolvent. Is this something that should be shared in the early getting-to-knows of a relationship?

NO It’s none of his business until you two get serious…

By Lollipop

July 17, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

NEWS FLASH

Women marry for security, that is in the form of finances and protection. Sex is inevitable, it has to be great and frequent.

I dated a dude that I really, really liked. He wasn’t loaded, didn’t even own a house but he was cool people and fun. Come to find out the dyck is small and garbage and I just had to bounce. Could he have provided financial security for me? Maybe, but the sex was whack which would have been a free pass to cheat on that a*.

Lets me real her folks. Sex and money have always gone hand and hand. If mandingo is beating your back out but don’t have s** then you’re still looking for the man that can provide a sense of comfort for you. If you have both security and great sex, you are one of a select few.

By mytwocents

July 17, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

Good Day. Have heard it from those who do claim to be religious and believe in the sanctity of marriage. I like to flirt with this idea…to no avail. I can’t even make myself try to date that way so how could I ever permanently mate that way? Heavy sigh as I cling to my naiveté.

Those who could I guess just have to agree on terms: which needs can be met & how often, procreation, escape clause if one falls in love… Should be good listening.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

oh well, Ken, I am fully aware that you can have both, I was just wanting to explore a relationship where you don’t WANT both. Would it make it just as appealing? Could you see the benefit in it?

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

abc Marriage primarily for finance and position makes you a ho, and the man a fool.

Now that’s getting to the point.

Cee You don’t know how much I’m over here thanking you for the clarity on that 9:27. …no codebook needed :)

Sam I see ya champ. LOL

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

WiseDiva people say that stuff all the time because its a quick fix. If you look at all angles of marrying JUST for money, it would 9 times out of 10 suck. I mean drama all the time, not getting along, its terrible! People have the Grass is Greener on the Other Side mentality. They love what they don’t have. But, if you married just for Money, imagine the excellent ear plugs you could buy so you don’t have to hear your significant other!!! What a Life! Haha

By Deeva4Life

July 17, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

Having been one that married in my early 20’s and now divorced, I can honestly say finances were the least of our issues. Actually our financial position was great for two young people, but there were so many other things missing (hindsight is 20/20). However, when the time comes for me to re-marry it will be for love…not money. I’m a firm believer that when two people work together they can have whatever they want. But to be with a man simply because he has money has never been of interest to me. Peace of mind is truly invaluable and I’ll struggle alone anyday before I commit to a man just for the money.

As far as a business arrangement, after a number of years, isn’t that what it becomes anyway? if you allow it to become that. It’s all about choices…yeah life happens but it’s how your respond that determines what it becomes. Running a household does consist of handling business but when it becomes devoid of love, respect, etc. and is simply a business arrangement it would be a problem for me.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

@Ken

Like the discussion yesterday, you can never truly know anyone’s motivation. Everybody that you meet has an alterior motive. To believe that you can meet a woman (or man for the ladies) you can never truly know this person’s intention, you can only assess the information that they give you.

So while you may marry for one reason, hers may be something entirely different, even the polar opposite.

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

mqew hi dear. So 1st person is saying i’ll take love and forget this crazy mess. 2nd friend just couldn’t see herself w/p and looked around and said hummm “can’t do dis mess”.

both sad situations.

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

i meant to say i wasnt going for the chi

By SlimDiva

July 17, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

I have a male friend who is about to get married for the money. His fiancee makes three times more than him. I asked why he was marrying her and he stated because she stood by him during his hardest moments and he’s been able to get a lot accomplished financially because of her.

Why is she providing for him? Ladies are we that desperate for a man that we will buy his affection?

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

SlimDiva times have changed. Sugar Mommas please stand up!

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

I’ve heard a few folks say that if they ever marry again, it will be for $$$.

Call me naive or whatever but my vision of marriage is to be with someone i care about and see US both working towards a common goal to make $$$ together for a basis of our legacy/family/household/life. I’ve always thought 2 heads are better than one, just so long as there is a brain in each one and a drive to do it. I’ve never seeked out a relationship based on material things. But the way life of dating has been and the way men are opting NOT to do the marriage thing, only thing left to do is try to struggle to achieve a success solely on my own. Call me cwazy I guess.

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

i think Diva is talking of celebrity pple,like ur Kimoras and the like,not simpletons like us.I see NFL/NBA etc wmen doing this type of thing,but i also think that those type of wmen are in their own league.If u have the sense to be a groupie,following those players from city to city for the purpose of getting hit in some random way,then its quite a possiblity if he decides to marry u,not much thoght is going into that decision.Those wmen are emotionally unbalanced,w******* and prostitutes at best,and i dont think Diva is putting blog women and men in that same despicable category.

By M.

July 17, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

@Melo

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24938691/

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

mytwo sometimes it is the ones hat “claim” to be religious and believe in the sanctity of marriage are the ones that will take the business marriage route. What a motive! sad no need to reply there You made a good point tho.

Blue shadd up!

By Dan

July 17, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

Yes, Sugar Mama’s say yeah!!!

Wave your hand in the air like you just don’t care!!!

Pay for my oil change and I’ll take you there!!!

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

Abc Marriage primarily for finance and position makes you a ho, and the man a fool. Then what does marrying for love make you? We are humans, our feelings change on a single incident. Banking your future on how you feel today is just as stupid. My solution: Don’t get married. Shack up with a cool chick with loot. Btw, just because you didn’t marry for money doesn’t mean your exes didn’t.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Suga Mamas. Now I have Beyonce’s song in my head! damn, that was so good, I’m going to buy you a shortset

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

I’ve heard a few folks say that if they ever marry again, it will be for $$$.

Call me naive or whatever but my vision of marriage is to be with someone i care about and see US both working towards a common goal to make $$$ together for a basis of our legacy/family/household/life. I’ve always thought 2 heads are better than one, just so long as there is a brain in each one and a drive to do it. I’ve never seeked out a relationship based on material things. But the way life of dating has been and the way men are opting NOT to do the marriage thing, only thing left to do is try to struggle to achieve a success solely on my own. Call me cwazy I guess.

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

SlimDiva he may have grown to luv her coz of her seemingly kind, generous and luving behaviour,but she may be with him for a diff purpose and masking the real reason all along…time will tell.

By DeCori

July 17, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

SlimDiva why does the woman have to be desperate to do something for her man? Do you know how much a guy has to do before a woman claims him as her man!?! (Especially in Atlanta) Your male friend shouldn’t marry her only for money, but it sounds like they’ve weather the storm and just want to make it official.

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Hey there SAMIAM.

SlimDiva = NOPE!

I’m happy for you PurpleOne. I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about.

By THE INFAMOUS DK

July 17, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

And thats why we treat ya’ll the way we do because we know ya’ll are after the dollars.. No matter how you phrase it..

It amazes me because most men get married because he loves the woman but low and behold she was marrying because of security.. The truth finally comes out…

Now let me be frank..

I only dress and rest… Women are purely entertainment..

By Raqi

July 17, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

WiseD I don’t doubt that it happens. I truly believe that if my friend Lacy ever marries it will be for other benefits. She is incapable of love. The only way I can see that arrangement working is both parties will have to be in agreement and in it for the same reasons.

A man willing to come out of pocket for some regular aloof nookie would be better off getting a girl to call. I will go so far as to say some women will be willing, and then go spend his money and her time with the one she actually loves. Or at least gives good love.

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

I’ve heard a few folks say that if they ever marry again, it will be for $$$.

Call me naive or whatever but my vision of marriage is to be with someone i care about and see US both working towards a common goal to make $$$ together for a basis of our legacy/family/household/life. I’ve always thought 2 heads are better than one, just so long as there is a brain in each one and a drive to do it. I’ve never seeked out a relationship based on material things. But the way life of dating has been and the way men are opting NOT to do the marriage thing, only thing left to do is try to struggle to achieve a success solely on my own. Call me cwazy I guess.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

Good morning bloggers! Marrying for money is a recipe for disaster. Money can be here today and gone tomorrow based on business decisions, economic environments and/or emergencies of life. There are a lot of people who marry for financial reasons and end up in divorce court. Things money cannot buy you: 1) Love - The glue that is supposed to keep people together 2) Peace - Inner repose and quietness during times of adversity 3) Patience - The ability to show restraint even during times of provocation 4) Kindness - Benevolent towards the your spouse and the things he/she values 5) Goodness - Extending your hand to your spouse even after they’ve wronged you 6) Faithfulness - The ability to remain trustworthy through the thick and the thin of a relationship 7) Gentleness - Considerate of your spouse 8) Self-control - The ability to not allow your flesh to drive your decisions

Think about all of the wealthy marriages that are ending. Money cannot buy happiness or love. However, TRUE love can get you through adversity and trying times.

(KP sitting back waiting for the onslaught to be fired at him :))

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

Melo

my folks been married for 42 years…my folks met in Nashville. my dad was at Meharry and my mom at TSU. mom knew she wanted to marry to Doc, b4 she even finished HS, so she planned accordingly. she did not want to struggle financially like she saw her parents struggle and they lived and died in poverty. so she picked dad out, got him, married him and they been “making it do what it do” eva since.

my moms say she and pops have mutual respect, friendship, trust, and a wonderful marriage. dad says, she’s the best thing that eva happened to him. she kept him focused and caused him to soar in the medical field.

a marriage financial benefits, yes. a partnership, yes. this example worked out for the best.

intimacy, yes===> cause they got me and siblings.

the model couple, yes they lead/teach marriage seminars locally and nationally.

By M.

July 17, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

@ATL Guy

LOL, also will the Cougars please stand up!!!

By melo

July 17, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

M thanks,see my 9.54.We(simpletons) cant live our lives by hollywood standards,coz marriage in hollywood dnt mean the same to us.I hope thats not the premise/standard for this discussion,that wld be above my paygrade.

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

Slim Call me naive or whatever but my vision of marriage is to be with someone i care about and see US both working towards a common goal to make $$$ together for a basis of our legacy/family/household/life.

That’s how I thought it was supposed to be too. Oh well…

Cee Blue shadd up!

See…?! And, since Maury just went off, and dude ain’t the father, I’m going to get some breakfast. LOL

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

@ The melo, well, no I wasn’t only talking of celebs, and why would anyone think that the blog entry is putting someone here in that category? It’s just a discussion, not an indictment on anyone. If they feel convicted, well, that’s not on me, LOL

I am not just talking about finances either. I know a girl that married a guy only because he put her on a pedestal, she really got off on that, and she felt that was all she needed/wanted in a marriage. Needless to say, when he put her off the pedestal, things came undone.

By THE INFAMOUS DK

July 17, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

Look if you get married you better make sure all the ingredients are there because if not it wont work.. No matter if youre marrying for money or love.. The main ingrdients better be there.. Love and respect have to be there because if not you’ll do anything to someone you dont love.. You’ll also do anything to someone you dont respect.. these ingredients keep you in check so to speak.. Money comes and goes.. But true love is everlasting.. Capitalism has infiltrated our relationships..

By mqew

July 17, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Purple I feel ya… have fun!!! This shyt is real it aint fa play play. To find the one might feel unreal but again I feel ya…. but it taint ;-) Do da dam thang!!

Ceemee 1st chica asked for the divorce, his azz is mean as he11. One thing I cant do is an azzhole! I don’t know how she did it for this long. the oldest is six.. 2nd chica Dude asked for the divorce, he’s like how ima provide for you both chica’s no job and you ain’t providin for me? he gotta point

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

I mean “luscious lips”. I have to come up with a new name. I can see a bad typo occurring with a name like that!

Don’t get this wrong, a lot of women marry for love. A lot marry simply for money (and those probably don’t last). A foundation built solely on money will surely burn. Love is like oatmeal, it sticks to your ribs (ok, that was corny) but you know what I mean. I truly need both.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

@KP

No onslaught, but everything on your list…each individual should have all of those qualities, well before marriage.

No one can give you peace, love (of self), patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness or by definition selfcontrol.

For whatever reason one would get married (money, love) you’re marrying an idiot if you coming looking to fill an empty bag, whether financial or emotional.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Sexyleggs Both is nice, but as long as he ain’t trife like it should be okay, No?

By abc

July 17, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

Truth, while the flightiness you describe doesn’t describe me — I’m just not like that, it takes an awful lot to change my mind about such things — I’ve certainly seen that attribute in women. They can decide the grass is greener and be out of there for some pretty trivial stuff. It’s not hard to let them go on those accounts.

My exes didn’t marry me for money, I didn’t have that much back then. Currently, if I didn’t make a good living, I’d be judged as being less than a man — not to say that I have to have all that much to make her happy, but materialism goes hand-in-hand with a woman’s yearning for security: financial security, emotional security, knowing the man can be trusted as security, physical security, everything is about security. She’d be horrified to hear that from me, she’d argue vehemently (and probably pretty effectively) against the point, but she is a materialistic girl.

Nothing is ideal; reciprocation is always uneven, whether emotional, financial, romantic, practical, whatever. And, I don’t even want financial reciprocation. A man that is attracted because of a woman’s money is, indeed, not really a man, just a beeyotch in pants.

By melo

July 17, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

SAMIAM do u think ur mom wld have married ur dad if he was an azzhole and drunk from jump,or she wld have targetted another doc to explore a relationship with……just based on ur own knwledge of own mom?

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

KP first off for every money based marriage that fails 100 (random number) love based marriages fail. The difference is wealthy marraiges are broadcast whereas joe blow just goes back to his hut alone and broke. Of course you’d support marriage because the church profits from it. Thing is I never see you at the divorce hearings, you mostly leave that to the attornies. Who wants to be sandwiched between a pastor and a lawyer?

Really your church doesn’t believe in marriage either or they would realize with a 50% failure rate somethings not working. They sell that shyt like they sold time out of purgatory, to anybody that’d buy it.

Finally, do you know what true love is? Have you experienced it? I didn’t think so. Just some more mumbo jumbo.

And that list is for passive pudsies.

Other than that how are you my friend? LMAO

By Soulfinger

July 17, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

Last year my boyfriend and I decided to move in together even after only dating for 6 months because we saw the finacial benefits. While our relationship is based off of love, our living arrangement is purely economical. I think it works as many of you have said already if both parties fully understand what they are getting in to.

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

One thing I cant do is an azzhole!

mqew you know i’m like i say. Birds of a feather flock 2getha. Lol. No seriously i don’t see how folks do it. I have to be free…i have the type of heart and spirit that flourish in a real relationship. come on ppl!

DK the Infamous. Hey up.

Sam great story about your parents.

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Cutie Cee

hey li’mama. to be honesty with you, a single mother will have a harder time pulling off this type of sceneio. why you ask? cause as a dude, all we gone see from jump street is all of the responsiblity/mouths/clothes, etc. we takin on. and from there we watching you real close, cuz we trynna figure out if you looking for “captain save us” or “child support supplementation.”

now if you coming with yo finances tight and right, we probably gon try to work with you unless you got some bad a** kidz. but if shawty slim come by with out the baggage and she is financially in order, i’m might have to dip for the lighter load.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

@abc

Then call me Danetta….

‘cuase if I don’t have to work no more, I won’t.

By melo

July 17, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

It’s just a discussion, not an indictment on anyone from where i stand and just so we can have that discusion,yeah its an indictment.Cause most conventional marriages are not framed that way…then again,i may be wrong.Divorces do occur even in those marriages based on mostly luv,coz a lot things hapen in the marriage and either party become something else that they were not in the courtship phase or worse.But in my life time i do not hear of any such marrieags based solely on the money/ business arangement and even if we hear of 1 or 2,the consequences are always disastrous.Even the so-called and now popular(on tv) pre-nup is not a feature u hear of in the average joe’s marriage.I bet even if u Diva suddenly met ur long lost high school sweetie and rekindled that lost luv,there is no pre-nup there to talk of coz u are both pple of average means.So a money marriage is really prompted,from a wman’s persptive,by ultra greedy ambitions,which invariably cause pple to indict the person’s character.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

• have heard this from random strangers, at dinner parties, at wine tastings, on the airplane, etc, and at least one personal friend of mine has said it. I am sure some of them said it in jest, perhaps they meant it. At any rate, yeah, I hear it all the time.*

WiseDiva - I still haven’t. And I’m from Los Angeles. LOL

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

mqew are you asking me if he’s a good person, loves me and I love him, is not a trifling butthole and we are both financially providing to the household will that be ok? Yes, cuz then we can build even more together if and only if we are on the same page! I will no longer be on one page and his page is curled in the corners.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

@Sam

Check out the playa! Glad to see the game hasn’t been lost on the younger generation.

BTW that last post was ROT and perfectly stated.

By Raqi

July 17, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

“…he stated because she stood by him during his hardest moments…”

SlimD was her standing by him only financially. Or did she provide the emotion support that he needed to make it through the hard times in addition to finances.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Dan, I totally agree with you. The bottom line is two broken people cannot come together and build a harmonious marriage. Both need to be whole prior to joining in holy matrimony.

Truth, I knew you’d be the opposition to my statement, but wanted to give you the opportunity to respond. I think you need to confirm that random number you through out :). You are right about my support of marriage. I support marriage 100% for those who are prepared and ready to go the distance. If you are in like, lust or simply infatuated, I say hold off until you can truly assess the character of the person you are considering. Otherwise, once the good sex, love letters and sweet compliments taper off, you are left dealing with the core of the person.

The church is struggling in the area of marriage support as I have admitted to you before. One of the problems is couples don’t like to admit a problem until it’s almost too late to address. It’s hard for the church to provide support when the husband and wife come into the church smiling from ear to ear, but go home and argue until the sun comes up. The church isn’t at fault for that!

Do I know what true love is? Yes, but this is the wrong forum for my soapbox address.

Other than that I’m doing well…over here writing a blog entry on the dating dilemma of men! Go pick on someone else today…lol.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Soulfinger Shackin up playing house does not a marraige make. PLEASE believe!

Nothing is ideal; reciprocation is always uneven, whether emotional, financial, romantic, practical, whatever… A man that is attracted because of a woman’s money is, indeed, not really a man, just a beeyotch in pants. ABC - I like all that!

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Melo

knowing my mom’s “no-nonsense” stylo, had he had any of those characteristics she would have passed on my pops. VI real.

to some my mom could be described as a “gold-digger” and maybe she was/is. but she also had plan “B”. She got her creditials in order too just in case she had to make it happen by herself and still maintains that mentality. she got her stash($$) on the side, her connections, she say “you neva know when a man might decided to upgrade.” and her main goal is maintain the lifestyle she has grown accustomed too.

By Jason

July 17, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

I’m not sure which creature’s more pathetic: the woman who marries solely for money and convinces herself she’s not a w******* or the man she marries whose wealth has deluded him into believing a pretty woman, nay, any woman, could actually find him attractive (e.g., Melania and The Donald).

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

oh right, let’ say that it is prompted by a woman’s perspective (we are, after all the root of all evil, LOL) the men pay up gladly to have the trophy wives. There are no victims in that, do you agree?

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

My Friends invited me to this event thing with open bar for 2 hours so of course I was like hell yes! Went to it with some friends. Aparently this thing was a single to mingle party. They were all like 30’s and up … I guess trying to get back in the Love game. Before I hit the bar…I had 3 Cougars talkin me up. I was so over these older women trying to dress all stylin and it wasn’t cool! My hot chick friend showed up and knew why I like girls around my age.

The whole facade about Cougars being hot etc etc…just went out the window for me that night!

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

ABC if chicks want to be equal and they’ve been getting with men forever for money then turnabout is fair play. It’s a free for all out there and may the best man/woman win.

Personally I’m going to bump off Steadman and try to fill that vacancy. Talk shyt if you’d like but me O and Gail are gonna be layed up living la vida loca. LOL

By abc

July 17, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

Truth, as far as marriage and the church goes, divorce rates are significantly higher for Christians than for atheists and agnostics, and higher yet for Jews. It’s a surprising statistic, to me — but then, I hear all the time about how the church is a hotbed of adultery and other immorality. Folks are cheating with their church brothers and sisters all the time, apparently. Pretty weird.

I saw a book the other day, “I’m fine with God — it’s Christians I Can’t Stand”. I’m kind of like that.

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

Hot topic today! I’ll have to catch up on the posts.

I was reading a book last night that stated that we expect so much from relationships now, both sexes than we did in the past. In the past, women married for security and men married for sex/to have someone to nuture and raise his children. That was the ultimate business arrangement. Emotional needs and needs of affiliation were taken care of by family and friends, I guess.

Then once the women started being able to provide for themselves and the couple moved farther away from family, women started looking towards their man to provide the emotional connection. That introduced a new expectation of men, to be intimate and be a best friend. All he used to have to do was bring home a paycheck. And it introduced a new expectation of women, to be a decision maker and a breadwinner. All she used to have to do was have a clean house, clean kids, have dinner ready, and lay down occasionally. We’ve messed this thing up.

Would a benefits only arrangement be appealing to you?

If we’re being neutral on the types of benefits involved, not just financial, everybody marries for mutual benefit. If they were not getting anything out of the deal, they wouldn’t do it. I don’t know anybody who could marry a person JUST for love. Sure, they may love each other, but we don’t marry everybody we fall in love with. We marry those who meet the other needs that are important to us, whatever those may be.

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

SAM knowing my mom’s “no-nonsense” stylo, had he had any of those characteristics she would have passed on my pops.

In reading some of your past comments about how you treat women, and now reading about your parent’s marriage and your mom’s no-nonsense style, do you think you’re the kind of man that your mother would have passed on or are you the type she would have kept around for 42 years?

By 2 Can Play That Game©

July 17, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

This conversation can go both ways…..Cee, you asked my folks the other day, when he said he measures worth in dollars and cents, to explain himself…..is clarification still needed?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

Good morning Good People! the first time I got married it was for love, if I get married again it will be for a help mate, I help you, you help me we do the darn thing….since that’s the orginality of marrige anyway. I’m witcha Truth @ 8:52 minus that stuff about against marriage, kids and bi sexual..LOL

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

To be honest, dealing with guys that already have their own loot scare me a little. A lot of them are into “things” and women are often just another prize in their collection.

Truth be told, I’d rather build our empire together and look back on the days when beef stew was the main course for dinner! I want someone who will be there thru the lean times and the prosporous times. And I’d want my husband to know that I’d be there even if the money isn’t rolling int.

LOL, just my own little fanatasy.

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Whew! Atl Guy, had to laugh at those cougars all on you like a fresh piece of meat. Hopefully this doesn’t come across the wrong way, but the last 2 50th b-day parties I went to, I would look around the room and wonder why these women let themselves go. Nothing stylish about their hair, clothes and especially, those old looking shoes they seem to wear. Not that I’m the finest thing out there, but most were surprised at my age. Goodness gracious, I doubt I would ever let myself go. If I did, best believe I was sick and had to be bedridden for a while!!!! Not all cougars are hungry and salivating at the mouth.

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

i’on care what you’ll say, finances play a major part in a relationship. and should be covered before joining up with anyone under the geist of holy matrimony.

love ain’t neva been a bank account/grocery sto/electric or gas company/ain’t neva financed a car/brough a house/paid no daycare, etc.

all that marrying for love, cuz i’m so consummed with a emotion, in a haze, cna’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t stop thinking bout you BS is for T.V., fairy tales and romance novels. betta wake up, shake yo’self and fiqure out how we gone the mortgage/rent wit yo jacked up credit and my 2nd bankruptcy/garnishment.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

@WD

A trophy wife/husband is in no way a victimless crime, ask Juanita Bynum, Star Jones, or Terry what’s her name.

Ain’t nothing wrong with a man being a trophy, hell, that why I’m in the gym so tough.

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Sam I respect you for honesty. No sweetie I’m not trying to get in the game. Trust it ain’t hittin on shhh. Just preciate a cat that can ‘plain his stance w/o sheisty intent.

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

ABC I’m not surprised. When marriages did work it was because 1) It was necessary to exist 2) The church put pressure on it’s memebers to stay together. Now there is a 3rd and 4th option. Either stay single or if you mess up clean it up, aka divorce. It’s a scam. If you need documents to be with someone you may need to be by yourself.

KP The church is struggling in the area of marriage support as I have admitted to you before. I like how you said that. LOL Struggling is an understemant. Marriage is a profit center to a church like alcohol is to a bar. Big money. They’re not struggling, they’ve realized that instead of getting folks to stay together they should let them remarry and collect those fees again.

Outside of that the chuch has NEVER addressed or corrected any of societies ills. Thats not their function. They’re there to tax people for their feelings of guilt.

How do you feel about Jesse calling Obama the N word?

By melo

July 17, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

There are no victims in that, do you agree?none,they are all losers and pple of normal rational thinking look dwn on such pple.If there are kids involved,those end up losing big time.Have u ever wondered why some pple end up killing their spouses or commiting other gruesome crimes?Its because the lives they lead are very cindirella,really unreal and the women they marry,yes they put them on a pedestal and it strokes their egos that they coght that hot chic every guy in twn wanted.And for the chic,her mind and judgement is clouded by the money,trips etc and a lot of times,her own gutter upbringing provides her with no moral compass upon which to base her dating/marriage decisions.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

What do you think are the risks involved in this type of arrangement? there are risks involve in everything, a marriage with all the love can end just as fast as a marriage of benefits.

By PurpleOne

July 17, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

That is key SexyLeggs and Atl Guy, people, male and female, more times than not tend to get ‘comfortable’ and I’m all for maturing and not being hung up on superficial stuff but you GOTS to keep your stuff tight, in a relationship or not. My baby is like, you are still as narrow as in high school, though I filled out in a good way :-)…I make it my business to ‘fit’ right up next to him. In otherwords, if his back was facing you, you can’t see me. And he hits the floor and keeps that stomach at bay too. Gotta do that to keep it sexy. We are truly Grown and Sexy!

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

THe Truth, take that great question to another website/blog LOL Stay on topic to at least noon! Geesh ya’ll kill me wanting to transform the blog from a dating/relationship blog

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

What do you think are the risks involved in this type of arrangement? there are risks involve in everything, a marriage with all the love can end just as fast as a marriage of benefits.

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

Truth I’m trying to think around your statements, and I’d like for you to expound on the ways that churches make money off of marriage. I know that the wedding industry is balling, but how do churches fit into that?

By PurpleOne

July 17, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

Amen MLL(mammalongleggs)…life is a risk. When you sit up on the side of the bed, you might stumble out and bust your head. It’s about calculated risk and stepping out on faith but that faith without works is dead is a tried and true…you gotta put out into the universe what you want to receive.

By melo

July 17, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

Truth be told, I’d rather build our empire together and look back on the days when beef stew was the main course for dinner thats a very rational viewpoint,u never dissappoint me on that….. Truth and KP what uall are calling church is not church anymore anyway.Our churches used to be small,u knwe the pastor and they knwe u too personally and they came round to visit and pray with u and u met at the grocery shop etc.These days,most of these folks go to what supposed to be church and they dnt even get a chance to shake the pastor’s hand.Its now a sunday morning fashion show for the attendees and remittance collection session for the thugs running the business. (last week while getting ready to go to ur own small church,the wife passes by in a knee length,totally inappropriate in my view..if u cant bend in it at church,dnt wear it,i told her to take it off,it wld have been appropriate if we were going out,not in church)

By DasV

July 17, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

good morning ppl

Infamous i appreciate your 1007 post. having all of the qualities necessary to sustain what all marriage can (even the unforeseeable) is a must.

M’K what you described earlier was nothing more than a room-mate agreement. i think that marriage requires more, but it should be approached from that level at some point before signing that binding document. i agree with most of Truths opinion in that regard. there is a thirty day notice for breaking a rental agreement…. very similar to the amount of time you have to wait to divorce after you initially file for it.

if anything is contested, a judge is going to rule on matters in a strictly ‘business’ fashion. you in for a rude awakening if you wait until then to look at things from that viewpoint, KP.

your premise that ‘true love’ is only established if every adversity and difficulty is mounted is a fallacy.

for me i found that once a new life solely dependent on us for everything was introduced the pressure of that was met and dealt with better by me than my husband. and i suspect that with the wall-street trophy wives walking out on marriages noted by MK that it is because the men arent dealing well with having their security blanket tangled and the women are ‘forced’ to leave.

this ‘security’ that Truth speaks of is not an exclusive desire of us females. not at all.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

all that marrying for love, cuz i’m so consummed with a emotion, in a haze, cna’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t stop thinking bout you BS is for T.V., fairy tales and romance novels. - SAM

Marryin for love is real dude. What you’re saying about the bills is real as well. They don’t cancel each other out. Just because you married for love does not constitute a disregard for financial health. Just the opposite! Me and mine are trying to build a legacy because we love us and child.

In essence, dude, you aint really sayin nothin…

hubby designing a family crest…

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

2C no, I don’t need more clarification… what’s important is makin sure your game is right. I guess.

Sam all is well with u bruh. I singlemother will not get caught in the ‘web’. Hell like u say don’t let anutha futha in all up in yours. Makin’ sho u see a real one when in ur presence.

head nod

By Poppa Grande

July 17, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

A trophy wife/husband is in no way a victimless crime, ask Juanita Bynum, Star Jones, or Terry what’s her name.

Dan, I agree.

Personally, I think that all three of the females were more in love with being married than the dudes that they were marrying.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

…but then, I hear all the time about how the church is a hotbed of adultery and other immorality. Folks are cheating with their church brothers and sisters all the time, apparently. Pretty weird.

ABC, that is an awful random and broad accusation you make. Can you place specifics to your accusation?

Foots, The Truth believes ministers make significant $$$ by marrying people, which is totally false. Go talk to the reception halls, caterers and formal wear shops who are the real beneficiaries of marriages.

Truth, Historically the church was the source of change in our communities. You may have heard about a minister by the name of Martin Luther King, Jr. who was a pretty powerful figure in history. Just a thought!

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

melo - Knee lenghth is inappropriate to you? You know that length is appropriate in business dress too, right?

By Atl Lady

July 17, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

Hello Everybody Good topic again. I’m very old school. I always wanted to marry for love, but with a person that ha vision. Finances play a big part of that, but wasn’t the total deal. I’ve never had a problem with getting out and helping my ‘future husband’ make it happen because it was a we thing. I was raised around people that didn’t necessarily have a lot of money, but they were in it to win it together. The dating scene has changed so radically. Now, everything is money related. What type of job you have (as it translates to money)? The kind of car you drive (you gotta make a lot of money to drive this)? Where you live (the rich live here)? It’s crazy. Now, I’ve heard a few women say the slogan, there’s no romance without finance. But those women were talking specifically about men looking in their pockets for men to take care of them financially and the mind set of men who are stingy and not just frugal.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

*the wife passes by in a knee length,totally inappropriate in my view..if u cant bend in it at church,dnt wear it,i told her to take it off,it wld * - melo

There is def some1 4 ev1 cause I’d told you to kiss mi azz

knee length dude, come on

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

Suga Foots

my mama will be first to tell a chick, “he ain’t ready.” she knows me best.

but i’ll tell you this, i’on go round doggin’ women. i just do me, now if you see me and feel me and you still get in, that’s on you. don’t come round later on’ talkin’ bout “how could you?,” naw shawty, “why did you?”

By DasV

July 17, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

for the thugs running the business dang, melo. thats ‘seriAus’ right there! :)

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 17, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

Mqew I am cracking up at your 2nd chick! LOL To be honest, dealing with guys that already have their own loot scare me a little. A lot of them are into “things” and women are often just another prize in their collection* Me too…but I have met the broke dudes who are just as bad. So I’d rather deal with the dude is not broke. A broke male h0 is a no win situation! What’s in it for me? LOL

On Topic LOVE IS DEAD! It is overrated! So a business marriage would work for me. The only expections would be laid out from the begining. No hearts being broken! Right up my alley.

ARED *

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

Sam the model couple, yes they lead/teach marriage seminars locally and nationally.

Pick another example, ‘cause the Bynams did that too. ^^^ And we all know what happened to old girl in that parking lot.

Ared I want someone who will be there thru the lean times and the prosporous times. And I’d want my husband to know that I’d be there even if the money isn’t rolling int.

I see that you’ve been reading my book.

And that’s why when I hear a chick say something like, “I live life to the fullest,” I gets the h3ll on.

I’ve seen way too many dudes breaking their necks, working two jobs, putting in overtime, talkin’ ‘bout, “Well wifey wants that new blah blah…” I just sit back and LMAO at that idiot.

By melo

July 17, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

How do you feel about Jesse calling Obama the N word? what waz the context..i suspect jesse is jealousy of Obama’s profile,smewhat?

By Angie

July 17, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

hi MLL! how are you?

i had a opportunity to marry for money before i left atl. i couldn’t do it. i wasn’t attractive to him at all. and the sex prolly would have been a nightmare. being with him meant no financial problems. i’d give it six months tops! i need love. i want to be with someone i can’t live w/o. money is important, but love/intimacy/emotional support is #1 to me.

did anyone see G’s to Gents? i’m hooked! The Truth was kicked off. lol. he had a big mouth. figures. wink lol.

still sleepy

By mqew

July 17, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Staceye LOVE IS DEAD! u wouldnt change if the world depended on you too… LOL!!

By abc

July 17, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

Church people tell me about it all the time, KP, I don’t verify what they say. Take it or leave it, I’m not an authority on dating and marriage topics, I just hear what I hear, know what I know. Your mileage may vary.

By melo

July 17, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

ared,maybe knee length was an inappropriate description,but it was just short….

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

I’ve seen way too many dudes breaking their necks, working two jobs, putting in overtime, talkin’ ‘bout, “Well wifey wants that new blah blah…” I just sit back and LMAO at that idiot. I’m with you on that one. Nothing wrong w/taking care of family, wife and home. If your SO is deep into materialistic things that you have to work 2-3 jobs just to provide some luxury item to her, you deserve to get played!

By Dan

July 17, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

@KP

Martin Luther King was a man…not a church…he used the church as a base for the movement that he was the public face for…

Even then, the church served as townhall to these meetings, supposedly safe congregation sites, and really provided no other function than shelter.

All that aside, what has the church done recently (or lately as Ms. Jackson would say). When was the last time you saw church members or churches, or even an entire denomination join together for a single cause…again lately.

Don’t get me wrong the church is great as an institution, as a meeting house, but brother, in the day to day the Black church really don’t get down like say….the Catholic church (save the child molestation).

As far as marriage goes, your own church charges astronomical rates for weddings in the sanctuary, with the “pastor” (extra charge) and becuase it’s all tax free income….how does the church not make money?

Get right….I’ve seen more than the picture you painting, I know the artist playboy!

By Atl Lady

July 17, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

Melo ^5 on 11:28 post. He’s very jealous. He has that entitlement thing going on in his mind like Bill had with Hillary. Tomorrow Fox news will release another tidbit tomorrow of more that he said in the same conversation. I’m starting to believe he knew his mic was on.

By melo

July 17, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

Well wifey wants that new blah blah…I just sit back and LMAO at that idiot he is an even more BIG idiot for sputing that in public…dumb idiot 4sho….

By Starr

July 17, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

There is nothing wrong with marrying for money; or even being with someone for their money. During these times you gotta do what you gotta do; ride or die, go for yours, git dat money, cheese, paper, dem dollas! What ever

I saw G’s to Gents and could not stop laughing, i also enjoyed Runs House. Jesse Jackson really needs to sit his a$$ down somewhere. He’s jealous of Obama cause he ain’t “shining” like him. I agree with Staceye, Love is very overrated; why even read a book about “how to fall in love with “him” and make “him” stay; puulleeze. Just do what it do and get yours

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

DasV, I suppose your right, but the goal is not have to have a judge intervene in a situation that he doesn’t have a vested interest in. Judges come in to settle matters that two grown people have trouble working out. I would share your perspective if I supported divorce as an option. However, I stand firm in what I believe so it’s not an option for me.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this

right on PurpleOne LOL Hey there Angie how ya doing? Staceye the reason why I think love is overrated is b/c some ppl can’t ditinquish love from lust/obsession. There is a big difference.

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Wise what did i tell you about trying to regulate my conversations?

Foots A single man operates at a different gear than a married guy. A married guy is easier to “control” and keep in the church, and tithing. It’s like “KP” saying he needs to control the women and that would control the guys. The more people they have underfoot the more money they have, and that’s what it’s all about. They don’t know one ounce more about someones soul than Bush but they’ve found a way to profit off of it.

They basically take everything that was necessary and bring it under their fold so they can profit from it and tax it.

Also, all churches charge for use of their building, pastor, and everything they can. But the big money comes from that 10% they collect for doing absolutely nothing.

The system is corrupt so how can a marriage be right? And how do you know it’s corrupt? Man is involved in it. LOL

I’m marketing the latest in wedding packages. I’ll introduce you to the pastor who will perform the service and the attorney that will oversee the divorce for a one time up front fee of $1495.00. It’s gonna be huge. LOL

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

And that’s why when I hear a chick say something like, “I live life to the fullest,” I gets the h3ll on.

BK - Why? Living life to the fullest means you are enjoying and living life. Life to short to waste time doing things you don’t enjoy. I live my life to the fullest. Doesn’t mean I’m running up my credit cards or living beyond my means. It also doesnt mean she’s looking for a sponsor.

I’d think it be wise to find a girl with a joie de vivre for life. It means that she’ll be happy what with life has to offer. You won’t have to worry about you providing her only happiness.

By Angie

July 17, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

i would like to add that i can’t marry someone making less than i. nope. my husband will be head of household. with that title comes responsibility to keep yo money tight, and above mine. also, he would have to have a career. no side jobs and silly stuff like that.

i need love, but i ain’t stupid.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 17, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

Melo no man would “tell” me to change my clothes. Ask me nicely and I may consider it! But I wear what I want. He is my husband not my daddy and I am not a child. If I feel comfortable in it then that is all that matters. If he is not…that is not my problem! I would say he is insecure! I have my own mind and I will use it! I had a boyfriend like this years ago…I just laughed and put on an even shorter one. The nerve of this dude! You met me in a short skirt…so why try to change me now? You scared that some other dude will look at me! So the hell what! Get a grip! You wouldn’t wnat anything that no one else found attractive! So why try to turn me into Burka Barbie?

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

Starr During these times you gotta do what you gotta do; ride or die, go for yours, git dat money, cheese, paper, dem dollas! What ever

Translation: I’m a h0.

By Soulfinger

July 17, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

Beats marrying someone for money! Oops!

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

ARed, what I got from BK’s living life to the fullest comment is that she’s more negligent than responsible with her finances and her priorities.

By DasV

July 17, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

KP love that you have and take that position on things. that is the maturity that i think is not there (maybe not even available) to those you enter marriage prematurely and are uneducated as to what it will require. the vows are ‘for better or worse’ cause there will be a ‘worse’.

my position at the start of entering my first marriage was ‘lets see how things work out’. now (if im so blessed) its ‘i am going to do all in my power to have it work and what i cant, HE will’.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

Dan your premise on the black church is a lil off. I know of a few that have organized a program for mentoring to high school kids program. Literally, goin to the school… it’s kinna cool…

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

In every situation a persons intent dictates what type of person ur dealing with. Like someone said; all these games just reveals what type man/woman a person is.

Blue bruh jus b/c I wanna “live” and u read some book that said it means “going 2 the cleaners” u get ghost? Noooo can’t be.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

Dan your premise on the black church is a lil off. I know of a few that have organized a program for mentoring to high school kids program. Literally, goin to the school… it’s kinna cool…

but what have you done lately?? hmmmmmm

By Dan

July 17, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

Working 2 jobs, man please.

I might work ‘em to save up to pay off bills, but get right…you want it, hit that grind and git it…ain’t nothing wrong with your two feet..

I’m all in for making sure my lady is well served and taken care of, to a limit, becuase we don’t spend for today at the neglect of tomorrow.

By Angie

July 17, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

from what i’m reading, ppl need to step back and really think about marriage and why two individuals do it. starr how long do you think your marriage will last marrying for money? money is not the foundation of a marriage. you must have a solid foundation.

By melo

July 17, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

melo. thats ‘seriAus’ right there! :),DasV,the moment ur preacher travels in a lomborgini,pvt jet,live in a 25 bedrmed hse and they have maids at the house,what do u have in common with him u simpleton.Do they speak in a lang that u understand at all anymore or u just go there for his status etc,to admire his/her trappings.The only thing i cld learn from him is hw to build my own church and bring it to a stature as big as his is.Their minds are so clouded by the money they posses that they dnt think like us ordinarily folks do. If i won the lotto today $200ml,i wl be out of my hood in a week.The hse can be sold after all our stuff is out,no biggy and i go and live with pple who dnt cme to my side of the fence to borrow a hose or my grill.And i wonder folks who go to these churches are trying to do what.?..fit in with the jones.and the other suckers paying into this pit…. on a side note,one of my wife’s friends attended eddie’s church 4 a minute..she was angling 4 a loan coz she was on hard times..she was declined and was outa there in a heartbeat the moment she got the news…that was hilarious!!

By abc

July 17, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

Tithing is practiced by 6% of Christians, or less.

By m'karyl

July 17, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

Actually, marriage for the sole benefit of financial security is not a novel concept. Until the very late 19th and early 20th Century most marriages were arranged or established stictly for asset security and augmentation. The idea of romantic marriage did not really evolve until the Victorian era began to wane…the more a Middle class demographic increased the more social changes evolved with it.The same goes for the concept of more modern paradigms about family and children…progeny was seen a either an heir, a dowery or another body to support the family economy…the idea of nuturing children in infancy and childhood began to change at this same time…so, marriage for the sole purpose of financial benfits is probably the world’s second oldest profession…

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

SAM Personal responsibility is a good thing. I’m guessing that you’re under 25?

I’m starting to believe he knew his mic was on.

Of course he knew his mic was hot. I really think this is orchestrated political magic and it’s not due to jealousy. These are rational, political minds we’re talking about, not newbies to the game. Because black people tend to get lumped into one category and because most non-black people think that all black people follow Jesse and Al blindly AND because most non-white people HATE Jesse and Al, the easiest way to get the swing vote is to convince the voters that Jesse is not on the same side as Obama. They are playing this Oh, Jesse doesn’t like him, Jesse doesn’t support him, so Obama must be okay. He’s not down with Jesse’s agenda. Is it working? Yes, even with some black people who are thinking there is really a division. JMO.

By Filbert

July 17, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

My wife took all my money and all I get back is heck. She don’t even give me no candy. She needs to be gone, that’s all I’m sayin’.

By MochaTreat07

July 17, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Demi, Raqi, Foots, GaMan, Alvin, abc, Melo, Slim, QC and Wise

It has been about a year since I had the opportunity to Blog!! I hope everyone is well!!

I haven’t had a chance to read today’s topic….give a minute….

Until then…

By melo

July 17, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

no man would “tell” me to change my clothes. Ask me nicely and I may consider it! im sure,one of these good days, u will meet a man that is as good as i was back then, in hiding my real intentions when going in a relatinship, and they put u on a pedestal that u so deserve.I’ll pray 4 u tho.

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

Ared Why? Living life to the fullest means you are enjoying and living life. Life to short to waste time doing things you don’t enjoy. I live my life to the fullest. Doesn’t mean I’m running up my credit cards or living beyond my means. It also doesnt mean she’s looking for a sponsor.

That might be your program, but that ain’t the norm out here in these streets.

Now I can roll wit’chu on this one. ===> I’d think it be wise to find a girl with a joie de vivre for life. It means that she’ll be happy what with life has to offer. You won’t have to worry about you providing her only happiness.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

ARed, what I got from BK’s living life to the fullest comment is that she’s more negligent than responsible with her finances and her priorities.

Yeah, I get that. But that’s not what it’s supposed to mean.

Those negligent people are “living it UP” to the fullest. LOL

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

Mqew

Me and mine are trying to build a legacy because we love us and child.

see mayne, that’s what i’m talking’ bout, you bought in on it (love, warm fuzzies)…now you trynna build som’tin. naw dog, you both shoulda had som’tin from jump then all you had to do was merge and evaluate the portfolio. not “try” to build som’tin. foundation for the legacy should have already been laid. just sayin’

By Angie

July 17, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

we chat about, all the time, on how character is important. well, marring for money … isn’t that a bad character trait? i say yes!

y’all have a good one.

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

KP You may have heard about a minister by the name of Martin Luther King, Jr. who was a pretty powerful figure in history. Just a thought! Ok, here’s the skinny. MLK was a failure. Sure he was popular but as far as achieving his goal he failed. We are still 3rd rate citizens in a 2 bit society. What I and history know is there is no equality without violence. That’s just the way things go. Nobodies going to consider someone equal just because a law is passed. your opponent must fear or respect you, and we have neither. The thing is now is the pefect moment in history for change. The country is teetering on collapse, the army is off fighting, law enforcement officers are being shelved daily. If we were a unified unit hell bent on equality we could have it within a week. Others would still talk but they’d keep it under wraps because they’d know the repercussions. But since the ineffective church is the only leadership (That word doesn’t really apply) we have we’re forced to miss another opportunity.

Yes, I’ve heard of MLK but I’m not impressed. Had he been packing we’d of been somewhere today. LOL Btw, you know he was knocking off major azz too right?

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

Dan, so it is okay for caterers to charge $35+ per plate? It is okay for formal wear places to charge $100+ for tuxes that will be worn for 3-4 hrs? It is okay for the videographer to charge $400+? It is okay to pay thousands of dollars for a bride’s dress, which most people won’t remember 6 hours after the wedding is over? The church is supposed to allow all weddings to be held without cost at their facility? Just asking.

You are right about the struggles of the mega-church and the influence, or lack of, in addressing some societal issues. However, don’t forget the thousands of other small to mid-size churches who are still fighting the good fight for social justice each and everyday.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

That might be your program, but that ain’t the norm out here in these streets.

BK - So YOU say. You don’t even know cuz you “gets the hell” on. I think using that statement alone as a deal breaker is just selling yourself short. You’d be able to tell after one or two dates what’s on their agenda.

By mytwocents

July 17, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

Cee Stuck. Thinkin on more cons. Cooking —> expression of love, k. Really ain’t making big fluffy omelettes, homemade pasta sauce, whateva for a bizness associate! Cuz d@mn sure can’t play Florence… Then that steals even more my joy. Where I’m gonna replenish in such a sterile home, not warmed from within? Yeah, keepin my rose colored glasses.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

Hey M’Karyl there are some countries that still practice the method of arranged marriages. They look at marriage as a business. The divorce rate is far much less than Americans since some tend to marry for love.

By melo

July 17, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

Btw, you know he was knocking off major azz too right? well,thats a black man’s favorite pass time……

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

Angie i would like to add that i can’t marry someone making less than i. nope. my husband will be head of household.

Now, I CAN marry someone who makes less than me. We both have more together than either of us had apart. What I couldn’t marry was a man with no drive, no financial sense and no concept of saving/frugality. I can respect a man as head of household who makes $20K less than me, no problem. It could have been the simple fact that I negotiated better or that I was hired at a different time. Shoot, there are people on my level who make more than me and people that make less than me. Same type of job. Pay ranges are a bytch and are dependent on many things. My respect for his head of household abilities has nothing to do with whether he makes more than me. That can change in a split second.

Blue During these times you gotta do what you gotta do; ride or die, go for yours, git dat money, cheese, paper, dem dollas!

So when the guys on this blog has said this very thing about how they chase money, why are they considered real G’s?? Is it just the context?

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

Melo what would you have done had she said no? Just wondering.

KP so you’re saying everyone else is making money so why shouldn’t we?

By DasV

July 17, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

doggonit… i thought melo was laying it down today… but with that 1202 truth you bringing it. you wrong though for wrappin it up with reference to his sexual prowess LOL

By Dan

July 17, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

@KP

Wait now. The caterers, the tux spot, the designer of the dress, even the guy that cleans up afterward pay taxes for the wages they earn, doing their job, to your logic and statements, the church has a moral obligation to the institution of marriage. So why charge for what is by definition something the institution was formed to do.

Churches should not be about profit structure, or income streams, it should be about the community. Remember when preachers had other jobs?

Remember the passage of Jesus at the temple…well, if I see one more church selling DVD’s of past sermons, that will be I said the large black man

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

KP The church is supposed to allow all weddings to be held without cost at their facility? Just asking.

Actually, my church is free for weddings for members. You give a “love offering” to the pastor for his time and your appreciation and to the pianist if you have one.

I take it that yours isn’t like that?

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

Truth, Man you are hilarious! We will always end up in a stalemate position, but I still respect you because you stand firm.

“Anyone who stands for nothing will fall for anything!”

By Starr

July 17, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

BlueKolla, i’m no a “hoe” By me saying we gotta do what we gotta do; i was not talking about myself dear! I have a great job plus have my own business, i failed to find the humor in your comment!

By Tazzee

July 17, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

I’ve heard folks mention marrying for money too - but I just took it as a joke. Those that have had a serious talk with me about marriage stressed the importance of both - love and financial security.

KP on the church charging for a wedding - I have always felt that if I’m a faithful tither then I shouldn’t have to pay to have my wedding at that church - but that’s just my position on the matter.

BK I’m going to assume that you won’t actually discount a woman for just making that statement. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you will also look at the way she carries herself and handles her life, coupled with that statement. I always say I live life to the fullest - but let me tell you there is nothing negligent about the way I handle my finances and in now way am I looking for a sponsor for my abundant life.

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

Question for all

Why would you want to get married?

Why *wouldn’t you want to get married?

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

M They mentioned something to the effect this morning on Good Morning America that with the economic times, the divorce rate is going thru the roof because so many married couples married for money. For example, if a wall street guy gets huge performance bonuses, but now they have stopped many women are leaving.

I think my other post about this got eaten. So here goes:

Think about it this way: Maybe the MEN are leaving wives they wanted to leave anyway. If a man makes a LOT of money, and is concerned about his alimony and child support obligations, when is the best time to leave his wife? When he is balling, or when he is broke? It’s possible that they are divorcing now because of his lessened obligations due to his losses.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

@Foots

When guys chase money, they are working for it. Sometimes in menial unfulfilling jobs, sometimes in rewarding enterprises. But working, all out, nonetheless.

When some ladies talk about getting money…well you saw Playa Club “using what you got to get what you want.” In every connotation possible.

Of course that’s not all women, but to meet one or two in your lifetime can change one’s attitude. “Do all women have this instinct and she’s just up front about it?”

By Starr

July 17, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

Besides “BlueKolla” you said you were going to get some breakfast; so take yo a$$ on! It ain’t like you’ve never “hustled” to get what you wanted right?!

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

On Jesse Jackson

first let me say, i appreciate his efforts during the civil right movement. but as of late, i’m really feelin’ the dude. personally, i think he jealous of Obama. he doing something he was never able to do(effectly run for president). i think that thru all of this his relevance to “this” movement has become void. having no relevance at all.

but knowing the media like i do, this is just another distraction and a ploy to show “white” americans further dissention within the AA community. to say that “not all AA are in support in Obama, so why should we be? look at’em, even JJ isn’t 100% sold on Obama, and you know JJ has been one of the voices of the AA community for a long time. we need to rethink this Obama, thang.”

JJ needs to be silenced, like in the old “civil rights dayz.” “silence!!” said in my dave chappell voice

just my pov

By Starr

July 17, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

My church does the same thing Foots for members who have weddings.

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

foots I was married by a cat named Rev Flippen if any of you kow that dude. He was trying to counsel me on marriage and I straight up went off on that dude. I was a youngin but full of fire. Anyway, he said I’m not going to perform the service if you’re going to behave like this. I was like fugg you. Finally he agreed to do it because wify’s mom agreed to double the “love offering”. I was like wtf??? Me and exey still laugh at that experience.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 17, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

Hey MochaTreat07!! Glad to read you chica! How have you been??

Back to Lurksville for a spell

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

Leggs ARed, what I got from BK’s living life to the fullest comment is that she’s more negligent than responsible with her finances and her priorities.

Thanks for the assist.

Cee Take notice. Plus I simply can’t stand that played out phrase.

Melo DasV,the moment ur preacher travels in a lomborgini,pvt jet,live in a 25 bedrmed hse and they have maids at the house,what do u have in common with him u simpleton

I gotta cosign that sentiment right there; but you ain’t have to call that broad no simpleton though.

DasV You know I’m messin’ with you. I apologize for the “broad” remark. LOL

And on Martin Luther King, there ain’t another like him in this whole U S of A. Can’t even compare him.

Truth Ok, here’s the skinny. MLK was a failure. Sure he was popular but as far as achieving his goal he failed.

Check. Move your King… How can you say some idiotic sh!t like that? That mission that he was on, was way bigger than any one man. This man held down the point truer than any other Black in the history of America, and that includes MY man Malcom X. The problem was that when he went down, the supposed leaders of the time, a la Jesse Jackson, didn’t have the guts to stand in there and take them shots.

You show me one dude, just one, that’s willing to walk down a street, knowing that he’s about to get hit upside the head with bricks and bottles, called a gang of names, spat on, and whatever else, and still make that walk. All’at was Jesus like, and there ain’t another in this USA willing to make that sacrifice.

By star1

July 17, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

@Truth(it would help if she were against marriage, kids, and hopefully she’ll be bi-sexual).Im Good for the against marriage & kids. Oh well. LOL

By Dan

July 17, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

@Slim

I would get married when I meet the woman that I can actually just talk to…about anything…and the better the sex, the quicker the wedding date..

I wouldn’t get married if she has bad credit, bad teeth (and gums), and/or any psychoses (sp?)

By m'karyl

July 17, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

@MLL

Yes indeed the practice is still very much in existence in other cultures…and yes, the divorce rates are much lower…personally,I think as long as all parties concerned are aware of what dictates the contract of the marriage so be it…in my youth I believed (and still do) that all marriages should be based on some romantic or emotionally notions, but as I have grown older I have also come to accept that marriages strictly for the provisions of mutually agreed upon benefits is ok too…like Tina said what’s love got to do with it?…

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

SAM See my 11:54 for my political take. Jesse isn’t stupid, and neither are the people who run Obama’s campaign.

Welcome back MochaTreat!!

Truth What did you say during counseling??

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 17, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

melo I don’t give a d*mn how good he is…I will not be controlled like I am some mindless twit!

Foots “love offering” that term has always tripped me out! So are they saying if I loved you I’d pay you? LOL I love when you go to church and they have a guest preacher. Now..you’ve paid your tithes…your offering…your building fund and now you wnat me to pay a “Love Offering” on top of that? Now I know he/she was paid fr preaching anyway. So why should I go broke to pay you double? I’m spiritual but I have lost the love of church. Everything is money money money It makes you feel funny about attending church if your funds are low. They make you feel like less of a Christian for not tithing. I feel like you pay admission for entering. Heck even clubs have a free before time! LOL

By mqew

July 17, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this

SAM Go back an try again… I’ve been married for 11ys. We got married in college that was our fdtn at the time. Should we have waited to we got out and got our shyt 2gether…maybe. We didnt’ so eva since we’ve been doing do dam thing. Just cuz we lobbed ea other from the jump and jumped the broom doesn’t mean it’s not cool we didn’t wait. And… we aint tryin to build, we are.

But really what is a marraige without the warm and fuzzies….Love

By melo

July 17, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this

Melo what would you have done had she said no? a no on that day wld not have been a revelation..i proly wld have seen it cming a long time ago,in fact becoz iwld have knwn,iwldnt have even asked her to change then coz it wld have been an embarrasment cming.Wmen are naturally obstinate(ie if u marry a smart,brainy girl) and they can test u in so many ways.But in a fam,thats where the leadership aspect cmes in.If a wman believes in u,they are prepared to listen to what u say.I described that encounter in a simple way,like she gave in just as i said it.Truth is,she had her own view,thats why she put on the dress anyway but the moment i told her my counter argument,she did not say oh i see that,she quietly went up and came dwn in a more classy and approrpiate dress for church.Now thats my whoore,lets go to church!!!

By m'karyl

July 17, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

@Dan

Yes women of that ilk do abound or so it seems…I never met so many women whose main intention and purpose was to locate a husband or man as a sponsor until I moved to the ATL…in my upbringing, the women worked equally with the men so that a better family economy good be earned…and as young women, we were inculcated with values to have our own resources to support ourselves-just like our mothers did…I believe that if a woman objectifies a man as a means to a financial end, then he is all proper to objectify the woman as a piece of stuff…works that way…either attitude is a shallow means of engaging…

By melo

July 17, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

but you ain’t have to call that broad no simpleton though. No,that wasnt a personal to DasV(thats my girl),i meant u simpletons,as in u and me and everybody else in that category.

By DasV

July 17, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this

Blue One LOL you just wanna be startn something heeheeheehee. he was sayin ‘u’ but it wasnt directed at me per se. and he didnt mean ‘simpleton’ … he meant ‘simple’… as in ‘insignificant’. now cut-it-out! just cause you and Ared on the same pg today, dont mean you need to start with me. LOL

hey. lemme askt you: i hv always thought that the use of the n-word is rooted in jealous. a man is one when he got more money than you and hustling bettern you and he is one when he is acting crazy (cause you cant even see things like that) and when white ppl say it, its cause they are jealous of the comradery amongst us…. what you think?

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this

Sam dissention. In order to have dissention you must of at one time had unity. We NEVER have. Much is perpetrated on us because we have no unity.

Jesse Jackson has been a caricature since the 60’s. He’s a walking photo op. If I was a caucasion and about to do no good to aa’s I’d have Jesse on speed dial to come in and calm down the masses. After he left nothing would have changed and JJ would have made a little more money.

Why are we so enamored with people that speak well and get no results. Farrakhan, JJ, MLK. They’re all rewarded for their oratorical skills but none of them have busted a grape. I guess we want the sizzle without the meat. LOL

BK the truely idiotic shyt is he was willing to walk down that street and take those shots and not hand them back out. He was walking down the wrong street. Non violence has never worked because there’s always some cat that is willing to bust you open to the white meat. AA’s feel like we’re taking the high road because we won’t fight. The real truth is we’re cowards, the reason we’re here in the first place. We simply won’t fight for ourselves and expect everyone else to do it for us. They’ll manage us, but we won’t like the way we’re treated, kinda like things are right now.

By melo

July 17, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this

Why would you want to get married? marriage saved me,gave my life control and balance plus morals.Before,i was a dog in a literal sense….

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

so you’re saying everyone else is making money so why shouldn’t we?

Truth, I’m not saying that, but I am saying why is the church the only entity being targeted for fees?

Dan, How much do churches charge for weddings?

Foots/Tazzee, I would love to see that service in more churches. I think we (mega-churches) could go to that structure if people actually tithed to support the ministry. I’ve seen large churches who provide those type of services, but they have larger financial support from members. I pray we get back on track.

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Suga Foots

i’on know bout that…well from insider information, JJ has had a stoke and is still suffering side efforts (random outburst), this is not the first time he acted irrational/out of sorts. so, i am inclined to believe som’tin a little bit different.

By melo

July 17, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

I will not be controlled like I am some mindless twit! i understand that,but have u ever wondered why u still pine badly 4 ur ex….u dnt have to tell me the truth,just tel it to urself.

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

Star1 hows my future ex wife doing? LOL Can we agree on you at least watching with participation based on the amount of alcohol consumed?

Dan what is your purpose for getting married? what do you want to get from it?

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

My respect for his head of household abilities has nothing to do with whether he makes more than me. That can change in a split second.

Foots - Amen.

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

Staceye LOL! Girl, I don’t get that guilty feeling about money in church. They try to give you the guilty speech, but I can cite New Testament teachings that support my idea of how much I want to give: Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver. The verse before that states that whoever sows sparingly shall reap sparingly, and that whoever sows bountifully shall reap bountifully, and I’m okay with that. But that’s talking about everything from money to forgiveness to kindness. Whatever you do, do it out of what’s in your heart, not because you feel they are making you. Anything you give grudgingly will be accepted gladly in the collection plate, but Heaven doesn’t acknowledge it.

Even my church’s favorite offering song talking about “Give and I’ll give it back to you, pressed down, shaken together, running over” is not just about money. In context, the verse it references speaks of not judging, not condemning, forgiveness, and giving. Nothing about money. People just interpret it that way.

That’s all my church talk for today. LOL!!!

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 12:47 PM | Link to this

Mqew

mayne, “trynna” was yo word, dude. so reading yo words, seems like you’ll working on it (credit, mortgages, cars, etc). ‘cuse me for being so literal. but, whateva, dude. keep twerkin’ yo plan :o)

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

Cee/Ared/Tazzee OK, ok. No a chick ain’t out the door simply on the “living to the fullest statement”. I should’ve stated that when I hear that my radar goes into super-sensitive mode, and more times than not it’s been a precursor to the boot being given.

Starr By me saying we gotta do what we gotta do; i was not talking about myself dear! I have a great job plus have my own business, i failed to find the humor in your comment!

Did you see me laughin’?

It ain’t like you’ve never “hustled” to get what you wanted right?!

No. Ain’t neva. Not my stylo. I got me.

Foots So when the guys on this blog has said this very thing about how they chase money, why are they considered real G’s?? Is it just the context?

You ain’t never heard me exhaulting none of that type sh!t. I don’t feel sorry for them bammas when they get locked up, shot up, and fugged up. I grew up on “Good Times” and I have a healthy respect for “struggle” and the character that it builds. If you can be bought for $1,000,000 you can be bought for $1; the only question is how bad you need the money right then. Not me doh, fugg dat.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

@KP

For the sanctuary at your church $15K, the chapel $5K. The pastor charges $10K, an associate- $2K.

That’s based on the last wedding of my homeboy…last August.

Any more questions?

By DasV

July 17, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

kp you looking for financial backing from the parishoners but you wont consider that when getting married?? aint God the source of your church (thats the premise you pushing) and you talk about God being included in your marriage… so quantify those two for me…. how can money be holding up what belongs to God and money not be a factor (something one should seriously consider)when i get married??

By Dan

July 17, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

@Truth

Two income household, kids for the tax breaks, and I guess someone to come home to…

By Starr

July 17, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

You missed my point BlueKolla no worries, no problem.

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

My bad, make that exalting. I was way off on that one.

By star1

July 17, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

@TRUTH (Star1 hows my future ex wife doing? LOL Can we agree on you at least watching with participation based on the amount of alcohol consumed?) LOL, I dont drink but open to watching.

By Atl Lady

July 17, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

Dan The only women I know that are upfront about it are women who are just as driven as some guys are about the money. They want the good life and all the trimmings that come with it and are willing to work to get there, but they are not trying to mask the fact that their man has to be on equal if not higher footing. I have worked with a few females that think they have the look to be a trophy wife, but their minds are jacked-up and they’re just as transparent as a piece of glass.

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this

Melo I for one, know marriage saved you from being a true blooded DAWG!!!

Why *wouldn’t you want to get married? Don’t want to! No, seriously, I just don’t believe in the institution of marriage. It’s not what it’s cracked up to be and I don’t see the point. Of course, if I had the right one, I might think differently, but I didn’t so I’m not an advocate of it. It amazes me that that “mere piece of paper” changes both parties. Don’t want none of it!

By mqew

July 17, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this

If you can be bought for $1,000,000 you can be bought for $1; the only question is how bad you need the money right then. - Blue not tru, people have their number and for most it aint for just one $

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

SAM so, i am inclined to believe som’tin a little bit different.

Just showing you another viewpoint. Some things aren’t always so “face value”. People strategize in ways that most of the public don’t think of. That’s why it works so well.

KP Well, you could go the other route. In our business, to free up money, you either increase revenue OR decrease expenses. Some people here, their WHOLE job is to find out where the areas are that can be trimmed to create more positive cash flow. I do it everyday in my personal life. Gas is high, so I drive my smaller car that gets better gas mileage and I park my SUV. Maybe since jet fuel is high, the plane may need to be grounded. To quote SAM, i’on know…

By m'karyl

July 17, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

Churches that put too much emphasis on the prosperity theology where the amount of $$$$ one can give to the church and be more within the will of God nonsense are way too abundant and growing…greed is greed and lasciviousness is lasciviousness…plain and simple…I have seen members of megachurches where they have place all of their money into the tithes and yet they can not pay rent, buy food or tend to daily survival expenses and the churches are not offering any support…you need to try harder sistah/brothuh to get closer to the Lord…you struggle because you have not learned to live within the will of God…your financial lack is due to disobedience to God’s will…now, don’t forget to tithe this week…Amen…lol

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs yeah these cougars do need to keep fresh and stay tight…I get that! But, I don’t need these Cougars approaching me like they have a shot when I hang with Show Stopping Girls.

I’m just not into women that are closer to my mother’s age. Loses a bit of Sex Appeal to say the least!

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 1:01 PM | Link to this

Dan For the sanctuary at your church $15K, the chapel $5K. The pastor charges $10K, an associate- $2K.

Your boy should have found another venue. Even if I had it, I wouldn’t pay that kind of money for a building.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 1:01 PM | Link to this

I should’ve stated that when I hear that my radar goes into super-sensitive mode, and more times than not it’s been a precursor to the boot being given.

BK - I understand now thanks. And to be honest, with your radar being sensitive to this issue, the boot is probably best for both you and her.

If I told some guy that I “lived life to the fullest” and he found that statement to be suspicious, we will probably not be on the same page anyway.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

SAM yes, it was thas why i wanted to clarify. But what about the marry part.

You’ve said thas not your premise, but what when it is? Surely you would want warm & fuzzies…(LOVE)

By THE INFAMOUS DK

July 17, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

I hear a whole bunch of people speaking on marriage and havent ever been married.. First off if you havent ever been married.. Its not what you think.. Things you think you can control.. You cant.. People are individuals.. Period.. and will do what they want and how they want to do it.. Money and all.. So the best thing you can ask for in a marriage is a person that will accept you for who you are with no pretexts.. Who you are and not your rep.. You know that girl that will drive you home when you had to much to drink.. Or that dude that will hold your hair back out of your face while you vomit when youve had too much to drink.. Not that its about drinking.. Its an example of a person who wont judge you afterwards but will love you before during and after said incident.. Personally I dont drink where I cant drive and nor do i want a chick that vomits..

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this

Foots he was asking me if I’d be running my home in accordance with the churches wishes. I told him I’ll run my house in accordance with my wishes. It went downhill from there and I remember telling him to fugg himself, a few times.

Star1 I dont drink but open to watching. The TRuth now dropping to one knee and pulling out his favorite decoder ring to ask for Stars hand in marriage. LOL

Dan you gotta come better than that. You want to keep one of my dogs for a few weeks? You’ll definetly have a wagging tail to come home to. LOL

By Star1

July 17, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

@TRUTH..Why cant I meet men like you. My current SO is 45 & wants a baby, can u believe that, but then again not like he has to have it. He’s not the only one either a few of my ex’s talked about marriage & a kid. Thats something I never bring up. People say Im selfish & Im like darn right, LOL.

@STACEYE-agree with ya.

By Lollipop

July 17, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

Uh Foots do you attend FCC in Smyrna? Offering song rings a bell is all….

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

Dan, I think you quoted fees from the whitehouse.

DasV, Your statement doesn’t make sense to me. Money is needed to provide services for the church membership.

Foots, I understand your perspective because I have a consulting background. I worked for Accenture and we built a successful business by helping people improve efficiency, etc. Churches do need the same type of guidance, but unfortunately egos prevent this from happening. Churches with egotistical leaders will eventually fall because God isn’t impressed with jets, etc. when people are losing homes.

By MochaTreat07

July 17, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

Have you ever heard a married person say, “The first time I married for love. The next time will be for money” No, I have never heard a married person say that…but I have heard plenty of divorced people say that!!!

As for me…there has be more to him than just money. I still believe in romance and love!!!

MO I am enjoying my new job (been there for a year now)!!! I am also getting my daughter ready for her 1st year of college! Most importantly I am loving having the summer off!!!

How are you?

Foots Are you still dancing?

By Dan

July 17, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

@KP

Elizabeth Baptist Chuch on Cascade

By DasV

July 17, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

kp if money is a factor to keep the church running, then why shouldnt money be a factor when i sit down to decide if i should be your wife? that make better sense?

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

S&P have a lot of student loan debt and I a facing bankruptcy b/c I’m completely insolvent. Is this something that should be shared in the early getting-to-knows of a relationship?

Many good people have had financially difficulty for one reason or another, many people have student loans and all in all, it’s not a deal breaker in most cases.

I would wait to have a financial disclosure conversation after the relationship is established enough for you to trust the person with the information and for you to trust that they will not see your admissions as some type of request for a handout. Not too early, but DEFINITELY before a ring. I don’t see how people can get engaged without having a clear financial picture of who they are tying themselves and their financial future to.

In sharing it though, it would help for you to give reasons why you’re in the situation (taking personal responsibility) and what you plan to do to get out of it and get back on track.

By THE INFAMOUS DK

July 17, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

ATLGUY I hear ya but I have to say… Shouldnt the show stoppin girls be hangin with you.. Because thats a sure fire way to become D in a glass In case of emergency call ATLGUY.. Or deep in the friend zone..

A true player plays it how it goes and if that cougar requires some of my time.. Then she gotta pay like she weighs.. She has to bring her stock up cause a young fine thang versus a fine seasoned vet with her cash straight.. I’m just saying.. Keep ya options open Pimpin and dont burn no bridges expecially if you havent crossed them yet.. Cause Pam Grier, Beverly Johnson, Iman and a host of others can get it all day and I can be their boyfriend..

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

Staceye I’m spiritual but I have lost the love of church.

That’s where I’m at. Everything that I’ve read and seen pretty much had Jesus standing on a rock or the side of a hill, doing his preaching. And never have I read or seen anything where he hold out his hand to accept any coin. As a mateter of fact, didn’t he tell the one dude to give his cash to whom it belonged, meaning the gub’ment? One more for yoll and then I’m done on this one, why do you think that the Apostle Thomas’ book is not in The Bible?

Ared If I told some guy that I “lived life to the fullest” and he found that statement to be suspicious, we will probably not be on the same page anyway.

You don’t know what makes a dude suspicious. That’s why you’re all surprised and dumbfounded when he rolls out “out of the blue” and “without warning”, and you’re still standing there holding the bag, with the cat missing. Come on now…

Truth BK the truely idiotic shyt is he was willing to walk down that street and take those shots and not hand them back out.

When you’re one man fighting for the masses, the eye-4-an-eye won’t work - at all. You just don’t have the numbers. So that one man takes on the sacrificial lamb role. It takes a helluva lot more courage to take that slow painful death that you know is coming; than to run out guns blazing, knowing that you’ll be dead in 30 seconds. All of the advancements that’ve been made, were made because some Black dude took a lot of shyt, and didn’t bash a mofo in the mouf. And if you don’t think that there have been a lot of advancements, then you need to get in your way-back machine and set it to 1973, not even a whole 40 years ago; or better still call up your grandfava and ask him if he can do more shyt now, than when he was a young cat. See, an old dude like that gon’ give you the real.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Truth, I swear I can’t stand your tale some days, you just need one good session with a dominatrix, hey Staceye, will you consider taking up the challenge?

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this

lolli Uh Foots do you attend FCC in Smyrna?

Nope, but I think a lot of churches use that one as the “offering march”.

KP Churches do need the same type of guidance, but unfortunately egos prevent this from happening. Churches with egotistical leaders will eventually fall because God isn’t impressed with jets, etc. when people are losing homes.

That’s a very honest and true statement. You’ll be fired for that for sure. LOL!!

MochaT Yes, ma’am!! Still enjoying it too.

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

Atl Guy, I was with you until I got to the part of “show stopping girls”. Don’t be so lame. There are a lot of “show stopping cougars out there. Just say you don’t like older women and leave it at that! Sorry, about the lame part, but….

Ok, going to an All Associates Meeting for the next 3 FREAKING HOURS!

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

Blue You don’t know what makes a dude suspicious. That’s why you’re all surprised and dumbfounded when he rolls out “out of the blue” and “without warning”, and you’re still standing there holding the bag, with the cat missing. Come on now…

I LOL at this, but then it made me say HMMMMMMM…….

What are some things that make a guy suspicious that women don’t even think about?

By melo

July 17, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

@STACEYE-agree with ya. u agreeing with her about what…..? “mere piece of paper” changes both parties anybody married who is changed by that is a fool.i dnt wear a ring and wl probably not wear any.My wife says she wants a ring,i told her i will buy her one when i get the money.Its not a priority to me,it is to her but she has tempered the demands smewhat.We are married in court etc but what really makes us married is the fact that our minds connected and we agreed to make a fam based on out traditional and sme modern western beliefs(which are no diffrenet from u all’s for the most part)A white wedding(which is what we call it back there) is not a requirement for everybody.Not everybody wears a ring and not everybody has a piece of paper,cme to think of it.Customary rules do apply. So my point is if u two are not on the same page mentally,no piece of paper can bring u 2 together to make a fam.Just as the tithing thing is a mental illusion by them Bishops to suck u of ur money.U better of giving that tithe to ur homie who is down,ur pops,sister or cusin whose luck has run out,than help prop the lyfestyle of a bible bytch calling themselves pastor and building massive structures and spending money on expensive toys to stroke their ego and move up the income bracket.God will see ur charity still.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

Poppa Grande - MOMania has another winner of a topic today. LMAO.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

@S & P

Don’t believe the hype!

The longer you wait to tell that man about your situation, the less likely he is to continue dating you. In his mind “what else has she not told me about?” “Jealous ex-con boyfriend?” “1,2,3,4,5,6 kids?” “Has she slept with Truth or Sam?”

Honesty is always the best policy, concealing facts in evidence is akin to disrupting the investigation, no good can come from it. You concealment of that information speaks more about your other guilts than it would about the actual situation….

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 1:27 PM | Link to this

Dan * would get married when I meet the woman that I can actually just talk to…about anything…and the better the sex, the quicker the wedding date..* But if it worked in the dating stage, what about just being able to talk & have good sex would make you get down on one knee tho. Can’t you have that w/o the ring, ceremony, wedding cake and gifts?

melo how did marriage give you morals? I thought either you had them or you didn’t. Or is that your way of just saying your wife made you a better man?

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 1:27 PM | Link to this

Dan, Not for members, but I cannot speak for non-members.

DasV, Financial stability should be a component of your mate assessment. However, it shouldn’t be a leading factor as today’s topic outlines.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

That’s why you’re all surprised and dumbfounded when he rolls out “out of the blue” and “without warning”, and you’re still standing there holding the bag, with the cat missing. Come on now

Naw BK that rock doesn’t hit me. If I’m not feeling him, I’m out. If he’s not feeling me (for whatever reason) he’s out. Not suprised or dumbfounded, it’s just life.

Try that statement on one of those wounded chicks. ;-)

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

The Infamous Actually it was funny because a Cougar was trying to talk all this game to me etc etc. When this girl I hang with arrived and walked up in this rediculous dress in heels. Turning Heads. The Cougar checked her out and I think she realized she’s just been one up’ed and moved on to the bald old guys with the glasses…she has more of a chance with them!

I don’t know if it hurt me or helped me…this girl I like was actually there too (she’s my age) and her g/f was saying to me about how sexy the girls I’m friend’s with are. See that can either make me look good for the girl I’m going after or make her feel insecure. She’s sexy too, no doubt…but it was kind of a funny situation.

The girl I liked we talked and she was laughing about all the Cougars approacing me, but I hope the girls I rolled up there with didn’t make her distance herself either

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

Mqew Blue not tru, people have their number and for most it aint for just one $

If I tell you it’s snowing in a Marta train, you better run down there looking for the miracle.

By Shaye

July 17, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

Have you ever wondered what is really that awful about marrying for financial benefits only? No, because it’s clear—it’s prostitution. Yeah, that’s what it seems a lot of marriages are about anyway, but that’s not what it’s supposed to be about IMO. Sure, you want to be financially stable, but good god, it’s 2008! Take care of yourself first and you won’t have to wh0re yourself out. A “business relationship” = roommates, not husband & wife.

Making sure someone is self-supporting is okay, but marrying for the money is just not IMO. To each their own. Hope their money keeps them company in their lonely old age.

I can’t believe all the people who seem to think this is perfectly fine. It’s a sad commentary.

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

Dan * would get married when I meet the woman that I can actually just talk to…about anything…and the better the sex, the quicker the wedding date..* But if it worked in the dating stage, what about just being able to talk & have good sex would make you get down on one knee tho. Can’t you have that w/o the ring, ceremony, wedding cake and gifts?

melo how did marriage give you morals? I thought either you had them or you didn’t. Or is that your way of just saying your wife made you a better man?

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this

Staceye I’m spiritual but I have lost the love of church.

That’s where I’m at. Everything that I’ve read and seen pretty much had Jesus standing on a rock or the side of a hill, doing his preaching. And never have I read or seen anything where he hold out his hand to accept any coin. As a mateter of fact, didn’t he tell the one dude to give his cash to whom it belonged, meaning the gub’ment? One more for yoll and then I’m done on this one, why do you think that the Apostle Thomas’ book is not in The Bible?

Ared If I told some guy that I “lived life to the fullest” and he found that statement to be suspicious, we will probably not be on the same page anyway.

You don’t know what makes a dude suspicious. That’s why you’re all surprised and dumbfounded when he rolls out “out of the blue” and “without warning”, and you’re still standing there holding the bag, with the cat missing. Come on now…

Truth BK the truely idiotic shyt is he was willing to walk down that street and take those shots and not hand them back out.

When you’re one man fighting for the masses, the eye-4-an-eye won’t work - at all. You just don’t have the numbers. So that one man takes on the sacrificial lamb role. It takes a helluva lot more courage to take that slow painful death that you know is coming; than to run out guns blazing, knowing that you’ll be dead in 30 seconds. All of the advancements that’ve been made, were made because some Black dude took a lot of shyt, and didn’t bash a mofo in the mouf. And if you don’t think that there have been a lot of advancements, then you need to get in your way-back machine and set it to 1973, not even a whole 40 years ago; or better still call up your grandfava and ask him if he can do more shyt now, than when he was a young cat. See, an old dude like that gon’ give you the real.

By melo

July 17, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

Or is that your way of just saying your wife made you a better man? u got it…

By Dan

July 17, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

@KP

Both of my brothers (despite my misgivings about it) are/were members at the time of the weddings. One was a member before the Right Rev. got in from Florida, or was a gleam in his daddy’s eye for that matter. The other, my age, has been a member for years….so there… nana-boo-boo, you smell like…

@Slim

Sure you can have all that without the blood test and paper, but I don’t have kids outside of wedlock…so when the baby bump swells, I get the ring for the chain around her neck…

By m'karyl

July 17, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

Off topic

Did anyone see the news last night and the mention of a list of some of the wealthiest ppl in this country with the foreign bank accounts and the billions that they have not paid taxes on being hidden in this foreign bank?

By DasV

July 17, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

kp thats funny. cause we of the same mine. i thought that what i read earlier was your premise of a financial component being un-necessary in a ‘true love’ relationship. my badd

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

catching up … training was cancelled.

foots regarding your 12:10, i do take into consideration that he can be laid off at any time. he will still be head of household, he will still have my respect, and i will still love and support him. and he will know this by me saying those words. i didn’t think i had to actually type this comment for you to understand that. do i seem like that type of person? sheesh

i want to change something i said above. if he makes less than me and HAVE A PLAN TO CORRECT THAT, i’m ok with it. i like to see someone work hard to better themselves and enjoy doing it.

slim Why would you want to get married? honestly. cus that’s the norm and i need the intimacy of one person. also, i am not throwing playing house out the window. i don’t see anything wrong with it. if it fits, it fits.

blue co-sign your MLK comment.

dan bad credit is temporary.

star1 you’re not selfish, you just know what you want. do you.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

@Beautiful

I’m sorry Boo, but a bad hairdo is skin deep, bad credit is to the bone

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

melo i have to ask you this. when you post, are you portraying someone you want to be cause it’s fun and you love the feedback you get? cause i’m tired of thinking that you’re a dirty old man, pervert, child molester, etc. you have a fam, so it’s hard to think of you this way.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

Dan, I just received the wedding fee sheet and it reads as follows:

Sanctuary - $700 + $300 deposit Chapel - $500 + $300 deposit Fellowship Hall - $500

The $300 deposit is refundable.

I will forward to you if you desire to see it. Thanks!

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

Talk about getting married for money, how bout getting married to stay out of jail. I just heard a rumor (will call him to see if it’s true) that a long time friend of a friend got married to his on again off again gf whom he is abusive to. Rumor is, she pressed charges against him, went the whole nine yards with the court preceedings and when it was time for him to go to the plea and arraigment, she told him she would drop all charges if they got married. I want to know why would you marry somebody who kicked your butt? If he did it one time chances are he’ll do it again. Goes to show ppl will marry under ANY circumstances and for any reason.

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

Foots What are some things that make a guy suspicious that women don’t even think about?

It’s small shyt that women say. You won’t even know because he probably won’t tell you. But here are some signs to be on the lookout for:

By OhTheDrama

July 17, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

I think the best answer for a second marriage would be to marry for Love AND Money. It doesn’t matter if your vase costs $10 or $100,000, it’s still just a vase. And a loveless marriage for money would leave a person surrounded by lovely things, but alone. What matters is the enjoyment you get from the things you have. An in a marriage, a couple is able to enjoy the lifestyle they’ve earned only if there is love in the marriage.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

M I heard about that this morning on CNN. That’s how the rich stay rich.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

@KP

I stand corrected.

And the price for the minister vs the Right Rev?

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

BK it may be better than it was but not as good as it could be. As I’ve said, I want everything I have coming. There’s a better life out there and really it won’t be reached as a group. It’s an individual call. I remember when me and my 2 partners were starting our own businesses. It seemed like we were all alone. We just kept lying to each other until we reached our goals. There was no community, no we. It was just us. We had to get information from “other” sources because we had none in our community. My point is there are to many of us satisfied with the status quo and not trying to force the envelope. We’ve accepted just enough to be complacent but not enough to be fulfilled. Thats why our schools get less funding, our communities experience more crime, more drugs, and we in general get less than we should. We’re not really moving forward, we’re still just creeping along. Alot like the 70’s.

Ared did you see the stats on the crime on Cascade? Wow, I thought that area was the new black belt. It was something ridiculous.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

child molester?! ok wait, did I miss something? Beautiful, what in the world are you referring to?

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this

KP Sanctuary - $700 + $300 deposit Chapel - $500 + $300 deposit Fellowship Hall - $500

Do you need to say anymore? Probably not…

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this

It’s confirmed, they are married since May. His words “I had to do what I had to do to stay free and not lose everything I worked so hard for”……

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this

dan you should first find out why she has bad credit. she’s human and humans make mistakes. that’s very shallow of you.

wise that part i was j/k. it came from a joke to him the other day on the blog.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Since we doin’ it

$800 for the chapel with the $300 refundable deposit…

And even then my point was why charge a dalla….

Never really got to that answer…

But hey, even I can be wrong.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

did you see the stats on the crime on Cascade? Wow, I thought that area was the new black belt. It was something ridiculous.

Truth - Unfortunately, I’m aware. Heck, I chose to move into Zone 4! I am fortunate to have a very active HOA and we look out for each other. We have breakins where folks are stealing flat screens. Turns out the kid doing it lives down the street. But yeah, neighbors are getting frustrated and putting their houses up for sale. I’m from L.A. I’m not all that moved by crime. LOL But I do stay aware and alert. I love my home and neighborhood.

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

mytwo now u are on point. I am not about 2 be a bizness potnah hookin’ u up like Florence! Da hayo.

Blue i see and notice. And nah, I’m not going to be irrespondsible when I’m out doing me.

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

And a loveless marriage for money would leave a person surrounded by lovely things, but alone.

this is a sad situation. a pair of new stilletos couldn’t replace intimacy in my book.

By M.

July 17, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

@KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

KP,

I was gon send your blog to some people. I read it today. Good work. Im a EBC member.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

That’s far from shallow, Beautiful

If you just keeping head above water, and somebody throws you a stone, are the helping or hurting.

Bad credit is repairable, but it’s the decision making that makes or breaks the case…

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

Mgew

mayne, i just do me. i love women and women love me. i’m attracted to various women, various women are attracted to me. the essence of it all is that i get bored fast and frequently, i always gotta be on the go, always doin’ som’tin.

i travel light, if you know i mean, always have.

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

Why was Blanca doing this now WiseDiva is doing the Blog!? I’m confused. Are there two moderators!? If so…when does Blanca come back!?

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this

ohh ok, thanks for clarifying, I thought The melo said something outrageous, well more outrageous, than he usually does, LOL sorry

By melo

July 17, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

mammalongleggs a guy who busts ur lip may be doing u a favor,so look at it from both angles.Consdier what u probably said or did and take it in that regard.Coz the next time u say or do it,smeone may actualy put a hole in ur skull…and all along u thoght u were str8. If i hadnt busted my wifes lip when we were single,she wld have still been brainy,rocking body,mouthy etc,but a real chicken head, like sme on the board, having been born with a wooden spoon in her mouth.Her world view was kokai…messed up.Thank good i was born with sme sweet juice and talents(i think) and cldnt let me go.(i regret it 4 the bust up and wlndt do it again,nw that im wiser too,but i welcome fact that she is herself wiser now) * cause i’m tired of thinking that you’re a dirty old man, pervert, child molester, etc* u 40 sme right, ill leave that to ur mature brain to make a call..i dont care what anybody let alone u think about me or what i post on diff days….its sunny today,it was a lil cloudy yesterday on the east coast….feel me..?

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

atl guy they take turns. she’ll be back Monday.

dan my sis had horrible credit. now she has a credit score of 780. what, what did you say? speak up bruh!

wise no prob.

By For Real

July 17, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

For every woman that says they will marry for money next time, there is another woman that will say the next time I’ll marry for love.

Bottom Line:

Women only want what another woman has because all women deserve what other women have.

Turth it may be better than it was but not as good as it could be

Quote of the Day.

By melo

July 17, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

But yeah, neighbors are getting frustrated and putting their houses up for sale. sweetie,cme to the east side..havent had of such things in my hood..never!

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

Ared after Dan gets finished with my dog you can borrow him. I think you need him more than I do. LOL I should have known. The s/d I had the listing in out there got broken into and the neighbors were getting robbed right and left. The kids were cutting the whole power line to cut off the security system. Its safer back home in cali. LOL

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

calm down sweetie, we co-write the blog, She writes a week, then I write a week. She will be back on Monday, ok pumpkin?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

melo a guy who busts ur lip may be doing u a favor well I guess we’ll be two busted lip fools…lol

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this

melo as i said, i’m tired. i would like to read the real you. you prolly a teddy bear. lol.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this

@Beautiful

Good for her………………..

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this

BK, What is your point?

M., Welcome fellow EBCer!

Dan, Electricity, AC/Heat and people’s time are free correct??? Let me know how much Chateau Elan, St. Tybee Island, Marriott, W or any other banquet facility charges? They have overhead too correct?

Once again, the church can provide this service for free and I’m an advocate of doing so, but operational costs have to be met in some form or fashion.

(KP now accepting proposals on how to host free weddings at churches worldwide with non-tithing members)

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

sweetie,cme to the east side..havent had of such things in my hood..never!

melo - Please. If you are in metro ATL crime happens everywhere. I’m just glad it’s petty crimes and that no one is getting hurt.

Truth - Thanks man. Good to see my blog brothas looking out. But yanno, think I’d rather be robbed than have a dog. LOL

By melo

July 17, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

By Beautiful July 17, 2008 2:20 PM | would like to read the real you, that means i wld have to post under my real name and i dnt intend to,right nw.So ill be diff personalities on diif days,depending on hw i feel and u can either feel me or not…

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

As stated earlier today my sister has crappy credit and I think she has no business getting married until she cleans that stuff up. You are fully grown and can’t manage your finances but you expect to be able to manage a home?

Good thing money isn’t everything!

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

wise how you gonna call that green eyed leprechaun sweetie and pumpkin and I been on this dam blog over a year and you’ve never called me anything outside of SOB and MF’er? That ain’t right. I’m pulling the race card.

KP I have a recommnedation. Close all those houses of sin down and trash the marriage model. That should keep the costs down. Also, lets line up JJ, Al, Creflo, Long, and we can throw Primtime in there since he wants to make some more money off of folks and shoot em. Then we work our way down to you and you’re crew. What’s funny is I can be a coldhearted sob but I would never screw people like those mf’ers do. (in my scarface voice) I never gave it to noone that didn’t have it coming. LOL

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

WiseDiva … I’m Calm! LoL

Just a question, my bad for asking

I like you too, no worries…

By DasV

July 17, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

KP now accepting proposals on how to host free weddings at churches worldwide with non-tithing members ask one of Jehovahs Witnesses next time they at your door.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

@KP

Let’s just agree to leave it here. My problems with church’s in general, and yours specifically are a lot deeper than we have time to discuss here.

Let’s just say this, there was an idea of church, written about in the Bible and in some places, still practiced, but the idea has been corrupted modernized and led true believers astray. “Beware false prophets..”

And like most faithful churchgoers, read that entire chapter of Revelations and tell me that coming from left field.

By melo

July 17, 2008 2:37 PM | Link to this

okay ared, stay there,maybe they are after u so if u cme to my side they wl follow u…the hse across me is vacant,was a rental 4 long time and i think the owner fell on hard times…we can arrange for u to move in there…i leave my doors unlocked,i swear, we have no crime over there.But then again,lemme backtrack, i got that zulu magic,black americans are so afraid of african mystics…

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 17, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

MochaTreat07 I am good chica, working and chillin. So Lil Mocha is off to college huh? Arent you the proud mommy! Congrats!

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

Is tithing still relevant/required?

By Atl Lady

July 17, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

WOW. A sistah go to a couple of meetings… Ya’ll off the chain.

For the record, I understand the misgivings about a church charging for weddings being held at their venues. I was a little offended because I always felt that if you were a member that it should be for free. Then I thought of it as another way the church brings in revenue. People pay top dollar to get married at other venues. Why not church? I had a friend that paid $1500 to a church that neither she nor her husband attended just so they can say they got married in church. (He was saved, she wasn’t but his home church was were he was stationed.) Plus they had the facilities to have the wedding and reception on site.

Blue IMO It was his disbelief. From my teachings that’s where the term ‘Doubting Thomas’ comes from.

Truth I can’t believe you went off on preacher man!!! LOL I probably would’ve said the same thing. lololololol

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

Sam Is tithing still relevant/required? It is to the church. LMAO

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

melo - No crime where you are huh? What is your zip code?

Thanks for the offer tho, but I’m fine just where I am.

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

Ared But yanno, think I’d rather be robbed than have a dog Cool, what time do you leave for work and can you pile up your valuables in a nice stack and leave the door unlocked for me? That kicking the door in thing is so Hollywood.

By melo

July 17, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

Dan most folks on this board have bad credit.i knw that 4 a fact…dont let the fronting fool u.We all broke 4 the most part..

By For Real

July 17, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

WD Whycome you ain’t never called me a name of affection. I gave you an earmuffintechtomy and i all I got was a one course dinner on a 2 piece dinnet set.

By abc

July 17, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

Sam, tithing is relevant and required, but 9 out of 10 Christians don’t do it, I presume because they don’t trust their churches to be good stewards of the resource. Can’t say I blame them.

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

Angie i want to change something i said above. if he makes less than me and HAVE A PLAN TO CORRECT THAT, i’m ok with it. i like to see someone work hard to better themselves and enjoy doing it.

That’s where the sticking point is. Why is correcting the income level that important to you? Is it just income with you, or is it the financial mindset you’re looking to correct? They are different. Somebody can make $500,000 a year and pay out $498,000 in debt. The amount of money makes no difference, it’s the financial mindset that determines what you do with the money you have, whether it’s $5,000 or $500,000. I didn’t think I had to say that either, but sheesh. LOL!!!

MLL Rumor is, she pressed charges against him, went the whole nine yards with the court preceedings and when it was time for him to go to the plea and arraigment, she told him she would drop all charges if they got married.

That’s crazy!! But I had a friend whose ex decided that he wanted to get re-married to her and rebuild their family after she had him located for child support payments. She married him too. And divorced him again.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this

DasV, I guess there would be more money available for church service offerings if we didn’t celebrate birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. However, I cannot fathom the idea of battling for 144,000 spots in heaven. That’s a whole different topic.

Truth, I knew the call on my life would bring about persecution, but think my life would be threatened via blog talk. LOL…now that’s saying something.

Dan, I understand your pain because I live it everyday. I’m currently teaching the book of Acts in Sunday School and the early church looks a lot different than it does now. My duty is to remain focused serving the people and influencing the people placed in my path. Everything will be corrected in due time!

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

most folks on this board have bad credit.i knw that 4 a fact…dont let the fronting fool u.We all broke 4 the most part.

melo - I might not have a big paycheck like you but my credit is straight!

I also give my 10% to the church!

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

melo most folks on this board have bad credit.

I have excellent credit.

My neighborhood is really great. I must have been out of my mind one night and forgot to check the front door or put the alarm on. I must have just pulled the door to the jamb because when I woke up the next morning, I was halfway downstairs and there was a weird light and birds chirping. The front door was WIDE open and I mean WIDE, because my door opens a full 180 degrees. I don’t know how long the door had been like that, but all my stuff was still there. I was like, thank GOD that He looks out for fools and babies, cause I felt like an idiot. My crazy neighbors didn’t even come see about me though. In my old neighborhood, if I left my garage door up past 11PM, someone would be ringing my doorbell to tell me.

By melo

July 17, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

well I guess we’ll be two busted lip fools…lol dont bolt after that escapade..if u manage to make luv after and laugh together about ur ordeal,thats real lyfe right there.The bond u sew henceforth,no man can break apart.A lot of pple mess it up by arguing and fighting but then breaking up.Lyfe wl never be all about agreeing,u have to fight each other smetimes.And if u can do that during the courting phase,trust me the marriage phase wl be much calmer.Based on my own experience,my wife now thinks things thru be4 talking or suggesting smething and by the time she opens her mouth to say blah, all i say is okay babe becoz she put mind and effort in formulating her thoghts and words.That bust up surely paid off coz she knws me better!! I just wish u wld find a boyfriend to practice my teachings with mamalong

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

KP ok, maybe the call for your life was a little much. I retract that part but the rest of em gotta go.

Atl Lady if I did get married again it would be by Elvis in Vegas. At least then i’d konw what clown was handling the ceremony.

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

ladies hypo question. if you had bad credit and some dude/guy you’re dating says he can’t get witchu on the long term cus of your credit. wouldn’t that kill your love buzz? wouldn’t you feel blessed that he showed his shallow side now instead of later? like i said, bad credit is temporary and as you age you get smarter regarding credit, money, business.

By melo

July 17, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this

church needs money just as we do in our daily lives.The unfortunate thing is none of these pastors is able to discern the happy medium where sme things can be free and others paid up.If they see an opportunity to charge,they suck it dry and it becomes a runaway to personal riches.And they are now hiding under the governmental laws so that they cant reveal their personal/church finances.And unfortunately,black american families and wmen are hurting,so the church has a ready pool of pple to exploit.Its a shame.

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this

KP Pssssttt…. You can tell me….was your July 8th blog post about your conversation with Truth?? LOL!

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

Angie - Credit is tied to responsibility. I am a responsible person. If a guy ran up his credit in college, that is one thing. It’s quite another to be 30+ and not being able to put the light bill in your name.

It’s not a shallow thing to want to have someone who has their stuff together!

So if bad credit is “temporary” how long should one wait until it’s cleaned up? Why would I want someone to take care of me if I can’t even care for myself.

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

Truth

one of my cousins and his wife going to this church…tithing/giving offerings and sowing seeds. mainwhile, electric and water off every other month. church says, “we’ll put som’tin on it, but won’t pay whole bill, you’ll need to learn good stewardship. but fo we give you anythang, we need to your financial doc’s (paystubs, bank statements, bills). btw, fill out this budget form and bring it back, then we will give you a check.” wtf

wife’s father dies, they ask the church if could have the funeral there…pastor says “no” cause the father was not a member. wtf

By MochaTreat07

July 17, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this

MO yes lil Mocha is on her way…1 down and 1 to go!!!!

@Beautiful yes and yes!! I would know that he is not the one for me and I would keep it movin’!

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

foots The amount of money makes no difference, it’s the financial mindset that determines what you do with the money you have, whether it’s $5,000 or $500,000. I didn’t think I had to say that either, but sheesh. LOL!!!

nope, you didn’t have to post it. we’re on the same page. all of the guys i’ve dated made more than me. just my reality. now if i meet a brotha working at walmart … if i like what i see and hear … i can’t really say what i’ll do. i might have to come back and retract what i just said. my dating changes weekly it seems like because of this blog. little things … mind is more open to how men think, etc.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

@Beautiful

From my forthcoming book:

“Your credit report is like your permenant record. The companies that have extended credit to you, report your payment history to the credit agencies, who in turn list the information for potential creditors…..So while conduct grades may not have matter on your report cards before, not your conduct regarding your payment history will…”

Credit reporting is about reporting behavior patterns, the number tells of your responsibility level concerning payment history. Low number bad history.

So why wouldn’t I want that information from someone I’m dating? I mean, without it you’re setting yourself up for failure from the beginning. Now to say you got a 520 and working on it is another matter, but if that is not a goal for you..peace!

By Atl Lady

July 17, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

Beautiful These days a lot of brothers who asks that question is asking because they have bad credit. I agree whole heartedly that bad credit is temporary as long as you are open and willing to grow as far as becoming more financially solvent. My credit was not top notch when I purchased my home for no other reason than I had no recent credit card history. (I had 20 by the age of 22 and I paid them off and closed the accounts. Yeah it was bad!! I was addicted to shopping.)

By melo

July 17, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

I have excellent credit,but my credit is straight! that makes 2 of u..im maintaining the count…i said most,so im still str8. 10% to the church sucker move i wl say…one of the bad decisions ive had u say u make.Granted ur paycheck is small,put most of that 10% in ur 401k and give $20/$30 max in church.U cant solve the worlds problems,no matter hw much ur church is involved in charity. ALARM whats that foots,smething to scare the zebras,deers animals off……havnt had alarm in 10 yrs and not intending to have one.Where do uall pple leave????

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

HOORAY!!! MY CARRIBBEAN VACATION IS BOOKED!!!

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 3:19 PM | Link to this

I’ve got 770 credit…because I pay everything off and stay away from the gold diggers

These women addicted to shopping Gucci or Louis V. just freak me out

Its like … REALLY!?

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

Foots, Yes it was…LOL! I may need to hire Truth because he offers-up some good debatable topics.

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

amazon you know, i have to remember that i’m on a diff level than most of you. you’ll only meet that special someone once maybe twice, if you’re lucky, in your whole life. credit can be cleaned up fairly quickly. ppl are engaged for the same amount of time. years fly by. my baby is starting high school next month. high school!!! it feels like my baby was just born.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

sucker move i wl say…one of the bad decisions ive had u say u make.Granted ur paycheck is small,put most of that 10% in ur 401k and give $20/$30 max in church.U cant solve the worlds problems,no matter hw much ur church is involved in charity.

melo - Good thing I answer to a higher power than you.

And trust to 401(k) is funded with every paycheck too. :-D

By Juicy Fruit

July 17, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this

This is totally off subject How does one learn to like giving head? I have a real mental block against it especially when asked. Before you ask, yes I love to receive it and I’m not opposed to giving it, just in my own time. Can any lady relate?

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this

Angie now if i meet a brotha working at walmart

Brotha doesn’t even have to be working at WalMart. You could make $80K and he could make $70K. It’s good that you are learning from (certain parts of) the blog. I learn a lot too.

To answer your credit question, KP had a blog about this:

http://chatkafe.blogspot.com/2008/06/is-your-credit-marriage-worthy.html

Personally, I wouldn’t blame a guy for X-ing me out because of bad credit if he was the type of man where financial responsbility was important to him and I was financially irresponsible.

Like I said earlier, if I came to him with the disclosure about my financial situation with an explanation of why it is where it is and a plan to ease myself out of it, I would hope that he would consider that and cut me some slack.

I’ve dated men with bad credit, some of them not bad enough that they couldn’t get housing or cars, just not good enough for prime rates, and some with just “I spent all that I could before I passed out” terrible azz credit. What I did was looked at the person they are now, their new attitudes about money, and the steps they are currently taking to extricate themselves from the debt and improve their scores.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

Foots that is some crazy mess.

Melo just shm…LOL

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

Melo

my credit is/has and foreva will remain tight. don’t believe in carrying a lot of debt anyway. don’t believe in late payments, high interest rates, hugh downpayments, past due notices. neva any of that or such things.

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

dan Now to say you got a 520 and working on it is another matter

yay! we now connect. that’s what i’ve been saying all along but you didn’t get it. i’ll try to be more clear in the future.

By For Real

July 17, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

Dayummm credit! The question is how liquid are you?

20 fugging credit cards?!?!?!?! And you paid them off?!?!?!?!?! Here is an example of a positive to hoeing.

KP I understand about church cost but my issue is that the church doesn’t conside cost saving measures. It also depends too much on it’s flock as a source of revenue. Oliver should focus more on money generating business to support church cost.

By abc

July 17, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

Last time I checked my credit score it was 819.

Thing is, I don’t like to use credit. Avoidance of its use can adversely affect your score, but then that’s okay with me, because I really don’t like to use it anyway! But, hey… folks use credit scores for various other purposes these days.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

you’ll only meet that special someone once maybe twice, if you’re lucky, in your whole life

So Angie does that mean that you’ll take just any “special someone?” If he’s an ex con or a child molester or a drug addict, as long as he’s “special” you’ll go with it?

The special person in my life is gonna be on my page. I have one friend who has terrible credit. That’s because he was shot as a college student and is still paying off medical bills.

However, anyone who is special in my life will have the balls to let me know that I might need to clean up some of my own messes before we start messes together. Doesn’t mean we wouldn’t be together, but it does mean we might need to get some stuff straight before the plunge!

By Atl Lady

July 17, 2008 3:36 PM | Link to this

Atl Guy As a recovering shopaholic, I would like to clarify that real shopaholics aren’t just designer heads. Just the word sale makes your mouth water, your mind run and other physical and psyhcological things happen. Just clarifying.

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

Amazon why are you all about Child Molesters today!?!? You have a past experience with an ex guy leaving you for a 12 year old or something!?!?

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

Thing is, I don’t like to use credit.

abc - Trust, if I had cash I’d use it solely too! LOL.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

why are you all about Child Molesters today!?!? You have a past experience with an ex guy leaving you for a 12 year old or something!?!?

ATL Guy - What are you talking about? The first time and only time I’ve made mention of a child molestor was in my 3:22.

You need to keep your posters straight.

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

atl lady These days a lot of brothers who asks that question is asking because they have bad credit.

i never thought of that. ain’t that a biatch! i know one thang, i’m not supplying a credit report, background report, pee test, hiv test, whatever report to any man who wants to find out if i’m worthy. i see this comin’. dayum shame.

atl guy good for you. keep it up, cuz life will be just that much easier.

Juicy Fruit it’s easier and fun when you’re in love with the person.

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this

DasV ask one of Jehovahs Witnesses next time they at your door

LMAO YOu know you silly right?!

AtlLady IMO It was his disbelief. From my teachings that’s where the term ‘Doubting Thomas’ comes from.

I can roll with that; but way more important is that he was the type of dude to not just go with something because another dude said it was so. And if you remember Jesus didn’t scorn him or anything like that. As a matter of fact he pretty much told him that’s what he was supposed to do, investigate, check thangs out. But you know that the essence of the Book of Thomas is about how the Church really ain’t about the big, fat cathedral right? Now what priest, pasta (<===thanks DasV), rabbi, or rootworker is going to preach that lesson. Send you on back to the crib with your cash in hand. NONE!! Naah, can’t say that. Probably 7% of all spiritual leaders are really doing it right IMO.

Foots You could make $80K and he could make $70K.

You wonder if even half the people on this blog are makin’ $25/hr, let alone $40/hr.

abc Last time I checked my credit score it was 819

Man you’re in the top 5% of credit worthy consumers; very little company up there.

By melo

July 17, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this

okay,i got about 6 responses on the credit thing.Im still good on my post. ared if paying 10% to ur church is ur calling to a higher power,then u go 1st.But trust me,that 10% thing is a convenient extotion tactic.Cause if it were the truth,all the hustlers wld have bribed their way to GOD.Nothing beats good works and treating ur neighbors as u wld like to be treated.If i were u,i wld help ur sister pay off her bills with that extra u think u have,so u and the rest of the fam can have a healthier relatiosnhip,than u trying to subsidize the lyfe of that sucker in the pew.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

oh juicy fruit, REALLY? YOu think strangers should be helping you with that kind of thing?

By melo

July 17, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

my credit is/has and foreva will remain tight hw old are u…life hasnt thrwn u a curve ball yet,yung one……

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

amazon So Angie does that mean that you’ll take just any “special someone?” If he’s an ex con or a child molester or a drug addict, as long as he’s “special” you’ll go with it?

this comment right here lost me, but the rest i co-sign.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 17, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

Slim Why *wouldn’t you want to get married? I like my privacy so I do not want to share my crib or bed. Also I do not want anybody thinking I have to “check in” with them. I don’t want to have to consult somebody on my decisions. Marriage is so easy to get into and hard as hell to get out of. Do I really want to wake up tot he same dude 40 years from now. Do I really want somebody touching on me when I am tired and want to go to sleep. Sorry..if I got one job I do not need another one as your ready fro actions chick! But then if he cheats it’s my fault..right! No thanks!

melo the reason I loved my ex was because he never tried to change me or control me. He loved the fact that I had a mind of my own and loved my determination and ambition. We both have a geniuine love for the careers we are pursuing.I have never met anyone with the same level of that is me. He is also the positive to my negative. When I let negative thoughts get to me…he is the one that was and still is the one to give me the positive reality check. He is the most strong willed individual I know…even more than me. That is why that love is still there.

Foots You know Reverend Make-Me-Rich? LOL

M’Karyl I simply can not stand to hear the pastor with the Rolls Royce and the mansion telling me to give my tithes! Obviously he is reaping what I sow. So if I can’t pay my bills but I paid my tithes, what sense does that make?

Wise Truth, I swear I can’t stand your tale some days, you just need one good session with a dominatrix, hey Staceye, will you consider taking up the challenge? Sure..I’ll use the 6ft. on Truth! LOL

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

ATLlady I’d be the opposite of what you described as a shopaholic.

When I go to the Malls … I have to get in then get out. To me shopping at the mall is like Holding my Breath Under Water…if I don’t come up for air I’ll suffocate!!!

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

Do not judge someone solely by their FICO score. People’s credit scores can be increased depending on their situation. However, you DO need to assess one’s personal responsibility regarding money and credit because a fool and money/credit soon part ways. I’ve seen good people with 500-range credit scores because of divorce, medical situations and job loss. Situations like that can be salvaged, but many times people make judgments based on score and not background. For those who have subpar credit, I have some helpful tips on www.integrityconsultinginc.com. They can help you increase your score, but they cannot help you stop shopping at Phipps, Lenox, HSC, LoveShack, Magic City, etc. Just a random thought!

By QC

July 17, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

Hey everyone, i hope you all are having a great day…hey Mocha I need a fly swatter…hey BK where’s Demi?

Cee-me-me what’s going on?

Hey Beautiful

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

But trust me,that 10% thing is a convenient extotion tactic.

Thanks melo. I’d rather trust in God and I certainly don’t tithe to buy my way into heaven.

If it’s not for you, so be it. But don’t think your advice on this matter is gonna make any sort of impact.

And my sister will be straight. She’ll soon have a husband to pay off her bills.

By Atl Lady

July 17, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

Beautiful I had to learn that the hard way. His credit is jacked up and he wants you to get all of this stuff in your name so if he decides to bounce he can. Luckily for me in hindsight it wasn’t a lot of money just a bruised ego. But I have witnessed women buying men cars only to have them drive off into the sunset. Then they go through hell trying to get the car back because it was allegedly understood that he was supposed to pay the note and he knew I can’t pay two car notes and all that jazz. Yeah right!!

By M'Karyl

July 17, 2008 3:57 PM | Link to this

@Staceye

For sure…I have personally experienced living with ppl who were members of one of those megachurches…and time after time, I saw them struggling with their monthly living expenses while the pastor was living larger…yeah right..I did not grow up with that type of experience in the church, ppl tithed according to what they could very comfortable afford to give as church members…some less, some more…

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

melo just made an excellent point. all you younsters out there haven’t really lived. what i mean by this is … keep in mind that you can live to be 100 yrs old. all the mistakes we make in our 20’s and 30’s are not really important. think about it for a sec. life is great! we are allowed do overs.

By Juicy Fruit

July 17, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

Wise Diva probably no more than stranger should be helping me with dating, but this is a date blog correct?

I lurk here enough to know that the topics range from religion to metaphysics, so yes, I would like opinions and suggestions from the blog about the joy of giving head. If thats permitted and ok by you. Geez, you need some head Wise?

By melo

July 17, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

Trust ur pastor’s interpretation of the bible is more appropriate.Cause if u knw of a time and place where God is talking, iwld like to hear from him also, 1st hand.Lemme knw.

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this

Speaking of 401k, I had to hedge this week. I got tired of the bleeding…

melo You do bring up a good point. Giving money to the “church” doesn’t have to be literal. A “church” is really made up of the people in the congregation, and by extension, the community, not just the building. If you give whatever is in your heart that you can give cheerfully and not grudgingly, whether to the church building for its operation, or to people in need, that’s what’s required.

By melo

July 17, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

why break up mamba,why let a good thing go?!! and hw cme he controls ur mind smewhat..at a distance….what wld he/u do if u 2 were together and he was physically there?

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

I didn’t mention pastor the first in my response, melo.

LOL @ you thinking I should listen to you on something like this.

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

hey QC! i read that you guys had a history lesson at your fam reunion. i know you had fun.

atl lady that’s another issue right there. i believe finances should not marry until you two are married. my ex hated me because of this. too bad we did buy a house together and i regretted it until i got that check when it sold. cha ching.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this

all the mistakes we make in our 20’s and 30’s are not really important.

I believe that the people who say this are the ones who have done the most stupid stuff in their 20s and 30s.

Life is short, but it’s LOOOONG when you have to live with the guilt and regret of a bad decision.

We have to grow up sometime. Start now.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this

NO, sweetheart, i meant that advice regarding technique and such from strangers, you can be getting bad advice from people who have BAD technique and DO NOT KNOW IT, and yes, actually I can always use good head, thanks for asking, LOL

By Tazzee

July 17, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

melo 10+% to the church, max to the 401K and a great credit score - since you’re taking count.

By melo

July 17, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

you thinking I should listen to you on something like this NO,but ur invoking of GOD does not phase me either.When and where did u hear HIM speak?

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

Beautiful & Melo Because I’m actually balanced on what I spend on and practical with good credit means I “haven’t really lived”. WTF!? I’m 26 yes. Own my own place, paid off my car, & paid off school with good credit. Maybe I don’t want to “live” like the way other older people have lived. Doesn’t mean they are Financially Mature.

Its an understanding and habit to have controlled practical spending. Sure life throws you curve balls but you’ll have to do what you can to get back on track. I’m not in Vegas every weekend like some of my friends partying…I’m saving, paying my stuff off, and advancing in my career.

Enough Said. Don’t tell me I haven’t Lived, maybe I haven’t been divorced or have 3 kids or whatever. But, thats by choice of being responsible

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

and no it is NOT ok with me, so you want to take it somewhere else? kthxbai

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

melo - I don’t care what phases you or not. I can do what I please with my money. Duh. Why do you care?

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

Juicy I lurk here enough to know that the topics range from religion to metaphysics

Dang!! You right!! We probably HAVE covered metaphysics on here. I know for a fact we’ve touched on Marine Biology. So that’s 10 points for you my friend. LOL!!

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

Wise oh juicy fruit, REALLY? YOu think strangers should be helping you with that kind of thing?

I was wondering if you were going to come in and police that.

Juicy I lurk here enough to know that the topics range from religion to metaphysics, so yes, I would like opinions and suggestions from the blog about the joy of giving head. If thats permitted and ok by you. Geez, you need some head Wise?

Nice combo with the jab and hook to the body. LOL

What up Queen.

KP My point was, why is the Church charging anything more than a maintenance fee?

And Cee i see and notice. And nah, I’m not going to be irrespondsible when I’m out doing me.

I’ve also taken notice, long ago.

By melo

July 17, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

Foots the few times i go to my small church, i feel the pressure to tithe,based on the rumblings from church pple and sme elders.Im sure and based on what i hear,there is even more peer pressure in mega churches on that issue.My thing is there are a lot of broken families in the black community and i dnt hear much about the church strengthening families,healing to make fam stronger whilst repudiating/declining to get the collection from the one who is hurting, who proly needs a helping hand themslevs.Wld u honestly take a handout from a homeless man,even if u had a puncture or ran out on gas on the hwy and needed money to resume ur journey???? I bet $$$$$ and Eddie will.

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

amazon most of the 20 yr olds may not have been as mature as you were. wait, i know they weren’t. and i was one of them, but i wouldn’t change all of the mistakes i did back then for the world. and the mistakes i made do not define who i am today. so yea, do overs are wonderful.

By M'Karyl

July 17, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

Finally getting around to unwrapping Juciy Fruit’s comment about oral engagements from my thougts…ppl are into whatever they prefer or enjoy…and if something is not your cup of tea at the moment…so be it..but otherwise, I would suggest some honey to drizzle…orange blossom rocks…lol

By melo

July 17, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

can do what I please with my money. Duh. Why do you care? in case u forgot,i had asked u about where u saw God talking,but ill take ur amnesia as a negative.That was an uncomfrotable corner to be in…….

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this

well Blue, I am multi-tasking most days, so I can’t police every single thing, but I catch what I can, and go back at the end of the day to see if someone crossed the line. LOL

By M'Karyl

July 17, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

@ATL Guy My mother is 72 years old and she has always had spanking clean credit…period…and she has managed to do well for herself and her family…my daughter is 25 and she has spanking clean credit…I know lots of ppl who have excellent credit without any blemishes…

By M'Karyl

July 17, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

@ATL Guy My mother is 72 years old and she has always had spanking clean credit…period…and she has managed to do well for herself and her family…my daughter is 25 and she has spanking clean credit…I know lots of ppl who have excellent credit without any blemishes…

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

I have a lot to read but let me comment on this: …I want to know why would you marry somebody who kicked your butt? It’s called low self-esteem and desperation. Some only know the sensation of being loved through an a$$ kicking. This is a learned behavior and it sticks only with a person who hasn’t had any other role models to emulate.

I can’t read all these posts so I’ll dive right in somewhere. Can’t even keep my eyes open!

By melo

July 17, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

ATL Guy u adressing me what,im missing the discussion to respond.U only 26 so i cant even argue with u anything,i let u experience lyfe.Ur posts are so immature or irrelevant 4 me to respond.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

most of the 20 yr olds may not have been as mature as you were. wait, i know they weren’t.

Angie - I know they weren’t either. That’s not my point.

My point is that life is fragile and also fleeting. Your mistakes are important. They shape you to who you are. They affect your life AND, quite often the lives of others.

Yes, there are times to be careless and carefree. But our mistakes are important.

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

atl guy no you haven’t! someone who has lived is Anderson Cooper or your professor or uncle or pastor for example. boi, don’t start!

By M'Karyl

July 17, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

@Foots aka Giraffe

Now you kniw if I am on this blog then we done been done covered metaphysics…the kybalion, etc (hermetic philosophy)…one of my prime time digs…lol…

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

I have a friend who’s a car dealer and it amazes me how many ppl in Georgia have bad credit. They are making the money but not paying their bills on time. If you are late one day paying your utilities, etc your credit score drops tremendously. Also it damages your credit to pay off credit cards too. So keep those credit revolving and on time.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

melo - You can’t make me feel uncomfortable about my faith. It’s stronger than any petty question you may have.

I don’t “see” God talking. But I know His word and feel his presence. If that’s not a good enough answer for you…who cares???

By melo

July 17, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

Tazzee i applaud u 7 pple for having stella credit.U can judge me on the statement i made about the rest of the blog,im confident in my knwledge oin the issue and the impact on the rest of the ppn,i work in finance anyway.While credit is very important, it wld be on the bottom of the list as far as considering a mate.I personally prefer to judge pple by their tatoos and hw many they have and why, than credit…but thats just me.

By M'Karyl

July 17, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

@ARed

*My point is that life is fragile and also fleeting. Your mistakes are important. They shape you to who you are. They affect your life AND, quite often the lives of others.

Yes, there are times to be careless and carefree. But our mistakes are important.*

Amen…!!!

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

M taking notes for the honey and orange blossom…ice is a pleaser too!

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

Well dayum Ared, you on ol’ girl (Angie/Beautiful) tighter than a pair of apple bottoms on Staceye’s (:P) azz. You don’t like being fugged with either, remember?

Wise I have got to know what that ===> “kthxbai” means.

By Tazzee

July 17, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

Beautiful I’m one of those that did some crazy stuff in my early 20’s and my credit used to be jacked. But I worked on that.

Now at my age - if a dude is in his late 30’s with messed up credit and poor financial responsibilit, then we’ve got issues. I’ll give him a pass if he recently went through a nasty divorce or something like that. But when you talk about a man being the head of the household - if his credit is jacked and he can’t be on the mortgage….

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

Things to pay on time or else your credit score will drop:

1) Your mortgage 2) Your automobile payments 3) Your credit cards 4) Your student loans

Things to pay before default or else your credit will be impacted:

1) Rent 2) Utility 3) Cell phone 4) Medical invoices 5) Child support payments 6) NSF fees

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 4:31 PM | Link to this

Melo

guy, not everyone had or has had bad credit. i’m probably as old or older than you dude. just cuz my credit ain’t been screwed don’t mean i ain’t lived.

my folks taught us early to be responsible with money and finance and the importance of have a good name and good credit. they key is we listened!!!

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this

So you mean to tell me when I pull up to a redlight and a group of folk from different organizations ask me for money and i give them that sticky discolored dime out of the bottom of my cup holder, that I’m covered?

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this

Well dayum Ared, you on ol’ girl (Angie/Beautiful) tighter than a pair of apple bottoms on Staceye’s (:P) azz.

BK, that’s your opinion hun. I’m not “on her” or “fugging with her.”

It’s a discussion just like any other day. Buck up.

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this

amazon by me saying not important, i mean not following you into your 30’s if you messed up in your early 20’s. within 10 yrs a person can be debt free and no one will ever know that they claimed bankruptcy. = do over, clean slate, new beginning.

Juicy honestly. if you don’t like giving it, your man will be unhappy. if he says he’s ok with you not taking care of him, HE’S LYING.

By melo

July 17, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

If that’s not a good enough answer for you…who cares??? as a so called christian urself, i thoght u, just to save another soul…so are u pretending to make the numbers…is that not a requirement of ur faith.If u cant explain it say so,rather than trying to angrily dismiss my misgivings about that man made 10% tithing rule. I see so called christians in my lyfe tho, at work etc who who quote the bible and such,but the moment the subject changes,the chameleon develops another color and hw quickly they mouth mofos etc.Why wont u devouts live by the WORD for just 2 minutes.

By M'Karyl

July 17, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

@MML

Orange blossom is the name of the honey….yum, yum…lol

@SlimOne

So you mean to tell me when I pull up to a redlight and a group of folk from different organizations ask me for money and i give them that sticky discolored dime out of the bottom of my cup holder, that I’m covered?

Uh-huh…lol!!!

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

LMAO @ SlimOne

Angie - OK

WiseDiva - You killed me with kthxbai! You are a nut!!!

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

Too funny MML, I took a mental note as well. Aww SlimOne, try not to give those sticky dimes anymore. I’m on the street corners this weekend and I sure hope people are in a giving spirit. I’ll have a sign that say IT TAKES A VILLAGE….

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

Melo Yeah your posts are so mature…I forgot…Haha, Ridiculous…do me a favor and don’t lecture me

Beautiful I guess I’m not living huh!? Tell me what TV shows you are going to veg out to tonight then do the same day-2-day routine for work the next day?? You must be LIVING! Right…

By melo

July 17, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

guy, not everyone had or has had bad credit. did not come outa my mouth..im 45,u.

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

Slim LOL!! At least give them a clean one!

SAM You’re as old as melo?? Isn’t he in his 40s?

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

as a so called christian urself, i thoght u, just to save another soul…

Oh please melo. Go blow that smoke up someone else azz.

I’ve explained all I need to. Like I said, if the answer ain’t working for you, so be it. It’s MY faith.

I’m not one of those Christians that is gonna beat you on the head with it or drown you in Bible verses.

You’re not asking for spiritual enlightenment from me. You’re nitpicking. I’m far from angry but yes I am dismissing you.

So as a Christian, I’m telling you to go on somewhere with that!!!

And God bless you. LOL

By melo

July 17, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

do me a favor and don’t lecture me u have a lot to learn,where wld i start in that thankless job??

By Demi

July 17, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

QC i was workworking…Now, I ain’t doing a GODDAYUMMUTHAFUGGINTHINGFORTHENEXT15MINSTHOUGH.

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

atl guy omg. you need a spankin’! if you only knew baby boi, if you only knew …

tazzee i hear you girl! ain’t nothing worse than taking care of a grown azz man.

By melo

July 17, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

Go blow that smoke up someone else azz. my wife is getting the holy smoke up that azz tonite,thanx for the Holy ghost……

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

Leggs I’m on the street corners this weekend and I sure hope people are in a giving spirit. I’ll have a sign that say IT TAKES A VILLAGE….

Make sure that have on shorts so that I can see the leggs and know who I’m talking to as I say, “Naah slim, I don’t give cash to beggars. But if you want to come cut my grass or wash my car, or sweep my driveway, or anything like that, then I got’chu.”

Not being sh!tty at all; just sets a bad precedence for the kids - that it’s ok to beg for what you need versus doing without or puttin’ in some good hard work. Ya dig?

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

Melo I’ll learn, no worries…you should Man Up for a change & handle you business instead of straight crying about nothing.

Beautiful spanking!? Nice! I’d be honored

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 4:54 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Ared, I was trying to help the sista out and she put some extra stank on her response to me. Geesh, next time I will let her go into the blind leading the blind boat, LOL

although, that honey trick is spot on, LOL!! Good job M’karyl, girl!

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 4:54 PM | Link to this

Foots, ARed, SexyL Well sometimes that’s all i have to give. Hell, sometimes I wish i could ask them to donate to me. Like today, I left my debit card at home, only had $3 on me, and need some gas to make it to Conyers from Forest Park…Matter of fact, let me check to see if i have the HERO trucks number in my phone. lol

By anonymousella

July 17, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

i do remember reading about a woman who thinks every woman should marry three times, one at each stage of your life. once for love (when you’re young and stupid). once to build wealth (when you’re middle aged). once for companionship (when you’re old).

i think if i married, it would be for money. not sure what the point is otherwise … but then i see marriage as a legal and economic arrangement.

all that love mess? we can still be in love and shack up (preferably in my house, so i can put you out when you get on my nerves).

By Beautiful

July 17, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

atl guy you really need to grow up. after that episode you pulled the other week, i had in my mind what tyler was going to be like before i even met him. he’s my trainer, white, early 20’s, very handsome and fit. you two are so diff. like coke and pepsi. my conversation with tyler was like me talking to rell, blue, truth, poppa. you should cut back on your comments and lurk more, learn more and stop thinking that i’m attacking you. and i’m also taking my own advice.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

my wife is getting the holy smoke up that azz tonite,thanx for the Holy ghost

melo - Wow. LOL

By melo

July 17, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

ATL Guy im worried about u more,all these experienced and young outa towner wmen that have ur mind in a conundrum!

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this

Yes, BK, you are being s**! Nothing else needs to be said. I know where you stand.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 17, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this

Juicy Fruit I can not relate to your 3:27! Sorry! LOL I have no problem with it..as long as he reciprocates!

Melo We broke up due to distance. If he were here then I guess I’d be with him. We did not have any problems.

Blue Its funny..I do not own Apple Bottoms. I do not want an apple on my booty to further invite the attention to it. I already got bit on it by 2 strangers! LOL

By M'Karyl

July 17, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this

@Wise Diva

I have ruined plenty of men with that honey gig…some of them will never be able to see honey, extra virgin olive oil or almond oil the from the same frame of reference again…lol

By Alvin

July 17, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

Melo I’ll learn, no worries…you should Man Up for a change & handle you business instead of straight crying about nothing.

Not bad at all.

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

Good night everyone!

BK, I’ve been working this track thing since she’s been running. I know all about hard work. She’s been getting by on my dime, but I need help on Nebraska. Begging, yes that’s what it is and that’s what I’m going to do! There will be no shorts. WOW! For you fellow bloggers that heard my and Truth’s plea, THANK YOU. She’ll get there.

Peace out!

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

my conversation with tyler was like me talking to rell, blue, truth, poppa

Angie!!! - I’m mad you lumped Poppa Grande in the same group as thoes three jokers. LOL

By M'Karyl

July 17, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

@anonymousella

I thnik that was one of those Gabor sisters…Zsa Zsa, Eva or the other…may have been their moms…and they should know…lol

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 5:04 PM | Link to this

Melo my wife is getting the holy smoke up that azz tonite,thanx for the Holy ghost

I’m gonna be dying laughing all the way home.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 5:06 PM | Link to this

Have a fantastic evening everyone! Thanks for slighty staying on topic, LOL Diva out

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 5:12 PM | Link to this

LOL @ M’Karyl, that’s ok, they had it coming, no pun intended, LOL!!

ok gone for real!

By Juicy Fruit

July 17, 2008 6:20 PM | Link to this

Is this still on? Anybody want to chat? I’ll be at Dugan’s tonight.