Misadventures in Atlanta

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 8:11 AM | Link to this

Good Morning everyone! Happy hump day

By anonymousella

July 2, 2008 8:17 AM | Link to this

define “grow up.” i mean i don’t live with my parents. i think before i act and i plan for the future. i think that makes me an adult. no need to drag a man and a child into it. :-).

that said, i’m motherhood-averse, marriage-averse, and kind of ambivalent about relationships in general. so yes, that behavior shines through in how i act in relationships. might have cost me the last one, even.

By QC

July 2, 2008 8:33 AM | Link to this

Morning!

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 8:42 AM | Link to this

Trade it??? Why does there have to be a trade? Why not an inclusion? Happiness, personal fulfillment, marriage and kids can all co-exist despite popular belief.

Contentment is like the ocean, it has no end. An assessment based on individual mindsets however never fully obtainable. Nor should it be. When we cease desire we cease to live.

There is growth in marriage. Why do people think life’s journey ends at marriage? It just provides another a co-pilot to help man the helm and plot the course.

Yeah, yeah I am on some whole other spiritual life substance today that has me lifted high above the course of the mundane.

And Good Morning.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Okay Wisey you know this is a chick topic right?

Do you guys ever get freaked out about your future?

Use to but not anymore..why freak out about something I have absolutely no control over what so ever?

Does it ever affect how you handle relationships?

Nope, well not anymore. It is what it is..and I am who I am. He is who he is.

Do you think that responsibility, expectations, and obligations prevent a lot of us from attempting to grow up?

Yes, because we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves..at 30 I was suppose to be here..at 40 I am suppose to be here..shoulda coulda woulda and didn’t oh well.

Do you think we fail at being content, as the song says?

Yes, and I am sure For Real is going to bang me upside the head for this..but the one thing I appreciate about Tolle is the quote..”There is nothing in our past that can affect our present moment.”

The past can not harm the present and living constantly in the past or worrying about the future is going to keep your present moment extremely stagnant..so that each moment will become frightening. Including loving and developing a relationship with someone..because you are always waiting for that mysterious other shoe to drop.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this

I’m mid 20’s and meet many females talking about their Maturnal Clocks etc etc. Really do think the ladies panic more about the future (to be married, kids, etc) than us guys.

Also, I think in the South it seems like there are more social pressures towards it. For whatever reason. Just something I noticed.

Live for the Moment People!

By abc

July 2, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

That song sounds like The Loser’s Manifesto. Expand your musical horizons, try instrumental music, perhaps?

If the men you meet continue to be Mr. Wrong after Mr. Wrong, start looking elsewhere. Repeating the same behavior and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

Now, I can’t point to my own life as an example of non-stop marital bliss, but getting married doesn’t have to equate to being miserable. The right one for everyone is out there somewhere.

By ChrystalBean

July 2, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this

ATL Guy Live for the Moment People! Very irresponsible IMO.

Afro-dite You got my attention. Don’t stop now!

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

we have had this argument so many times abc, your musical taste is not superior to anybody else’s, LOL. Leave me alone!!

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

Oh yeah, the future…

Fabricated

Uncertainties

Toward

Unimpeded

Real

Existence

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

Good morning!

Do you guys ever get freaked out about your future?

No. My friends and I have all just turned 30 and it’s funny how it affects us in different ways. I was so excited. I think if I wasn’t doing what I wanted with my life, I would be freaked. Other than expecting to be married @ 30, everything else in my life has fallen right into place.

I love being an adult. I know it can suck sometimes but I love being able to control my own destiny and having nothing holding me back right now.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

CrystalBean living for today is irresponsible!? Come On… you should plan for the future, but live for the present. I meet so many people so consumed with what is coming up etc they miss the moments that matter. Prepare for the Future, live for each day

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

I am a chick, so ALL topics are chick topics, LOL. The men are welcome to answer all questions but I can’t inject anymore testosterone in my topics than I already have :)

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

One other thing…your life is what YOU make of it. A lot of people need to change their attitude when navigating the challenges of life. Bad things are gonna happen, no need to add a bad attitude on top of it.

By abc

July 2, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

Diva, you embrace music that tells you that you fail at everything and feel alienated by the era in which you live, and consider that musically tasteful? Come on… you’d be better off with instrumentals. The music itself will speak to you, you don’t need a lyric. Lyrics these days are nothing more than extremely poor poetry.

Listen to some nice Copland, Mussorgskey or Tchaikovsky for the 4th of July. Shoot, it’ll be hard to not listen to 1812 Overture, anyway! Turn the radio off, put in a CD. Stop downloading mp3 tripe.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 2, 2008 9:15 AM | Link to this

Morning All! I am cramming trying to get this post in before my class starts

I dont stress about the future anymore. I used to freak out about my future before I got married and had a kid but now that both of those have taken place, I live for the here and now. Like Kym said, why stress yourself. And whereas some females were worried about doing certain things by a certain age (marriage, kids, etc), my concern was more about would I be ready for those events to take place.

I’ll try to pop in, only here for half a day.

Rell if you pop in, hit me on the email.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Good morning! Good comments Afro.

Do you guys ever get freaked out about your future? Do you think that responsibility, expectations, and obligations prevent a lot of us from attempting to grow up?

I’m already good and grown, responsibility out of the ying yang for a single person. My growth has come in ways internal to me and so it’s been slower, not external like through marriage and children, those things really grow you up fast. I look at the 35 that my sister is versus the 35 that one of my good friends is and they look so different, mainly because my sister is married with kids and her different responsibilities grew her up in a different way. I wonder if I will grow to meet my challenges in that way when I have different responsibilites staring at me.

A few times a year, I think about myself pregnant or with a baby. I’ve stopped the uncontrollable laughter at the thought, but it all still seems a little far away and hazy. I know that I want at least one child, but the thought of all that responsibility for another person’s life scares me and amazes me at the same time. That’s the only part of my future that I really freak out about.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Wise I was kind of thinking the same thing. I’m newer to this Blog but majority are chick topics (because you are a chick I get that). I just figured it was general dating topics…male & female.

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers! The weekend is almost here, Baby!!

ABC - Love your post, especially about doing the same things but expecting a different result. Someone pointed this out to me about a year ago and it’s in the top 10 of the best advice I’ve gotten over my lifetime.

Amred - Loved yours too! I do think folks freak when they are not even close to accomplishing the things they want by a certain age. Both my parents are gone, but if I was still dependent on someone and had not obtained certain career goals by this age, I probably would be freaking, but that is not the case. Yes girl, I love being GROWN!

As for the marriage & family stuff, all that will fall in place when & how God sees it for me. I stopped (well, never really started) feeling the pressure from others to do “certain things by a certain age” a long time ago! Everyone should try it - it makes life grand!

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this

I think this topic works for the guys. How many sitcoms do we watch where a guy is all freaked out because he’s getting married or turning 40? Many guys can feel pressure that comes with being head of a household.

Last night I sent Beau a text just letting him know I was thinking about him. He responded back and asked me why. So I ran down 5 or 6 things that I liked about him and he was like “wow.” I jokingly sent him a text back telling him not to freak out. The next step is not me camping out under his bedroom window. LOL

By ChrystalBean

July 2, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this

ATL Guy Thanks for clearing that up. Next time say what needs to be said up front. Don’t leave me guessing. Ok. Wink.

I’m being the best person I can be. I make mistakes everyday, but their mine. My manifesto would include keeping it movin’ and knocking the goals out one by one. A husband and bambinos are excluded from my list, because I have left that part of my life up to Him. At this point, a family isn’t needed for some to have a fulfilling life. That might not be his plan for me ——-> and you!

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

I think it is time to draft a single girl manifesto to remind me about my personal goals, intentions and principles. What do you think you would put in your own manifesto?

A couple of my friends have used a “visualization” technique to remind them of their personal goals, intentions and principals.

For example, one of my good friends always wanted to own a home on Martha’s Vineyard. So she put a picture of the Vineyard on her bathroom mirror and in her office. She was constantly staring at her “goal” everyday and it impacted her attitude and decisions when she was itching to buy the newest pair of Jimmy Choos.

A year later, she closed on her Vineyard house.

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

Afro- Liked your post too, very positive outlook!

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

Do you think that responsibility, expectations, and obligations prevent a lot of us from attempting to grow up? responsibility,expectations and obligations actually make u grow up.I had them when i was in college and used to help my parents pay for my siblings school fees.As i started working, i wld help out other members of the extended family who were not as blessed as i am.That growth helped me transition into relationships and navigating marriage. A selfish mind,i must say, will make u want to avoid responsibility and relationships that last because all you are worried about is your happiness and not the happiness of those around you or you with.We all do have some measure of control over what happens in our lives,not everything,but some. Go to school,maintain healthy friends and dating relaionships,choose them wisely and judiciously and save money and start early doing that for your retirement.That somewhat guarantees you a better life than the other guy who thinks life is what it is,you have no control over what happens to you. The only thing guaranteed in lyfe is death, success or failure can be managed whether in business or personal relationships and you can mitigate against failure or failure’s impact by making good decisions.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Chrystal…you are such a General, keep telling me what to do!

By az

July 2, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

Great - so now all you have to do is decide what makes you happy and fulfilled!

“Husband and children are still in the optional category”, “I won’t trade it in to have a marriage and children”… sounds like you’re not ready for husband and children… like they might be kind of a “bummer” or cramp your style. There might come a time when you think having a husband and children will add to your overall “happiness and personal fulfillment.” Not fair to them to carry the pressure of constantly being responsible and maintaining your personal happiness and fulfillment. I would suggest holding off on husband and kids until you can find a way to include them as part of your overall happiness and fulfillment while still maintaining your integrity as wife and mother.

you know… just my 2 cents

By Foots

July 2, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

kimmie Speaking of the good advice, a few years ago, I realized what I consider to be the piece of advice that gets me through a lot of the uncertain times: Everybody is where they are supposed to be at any given moment. That works if you believe in God (or any other Higher Power), because you know that there is a purpose and a reason for things that we may not understand. It takes so much pressure off of a person to know that things actually ARE how they should be at the time. We don’t have the capacity to see the huge picture and how all of the cogs and sprockets work together.

So when I have felt like I could have been doing more, I fall back and realize that maybe what I’m doing now is preparing me in some way to do that “more” later, and more successfully.

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

@Atlguy, yeah, I mean my perspective is from my experiences, so I stopped “apologizing’ about that long ago. I try to write universally but if someone is SO gender-focused that they can’t appreciate a topic from the author’s viewpoint, then I really can’t do much about that anymore. I’m here and I’m a girl, DEAL. LOL.

I love the male feedback we have though, so I am working to include male voices and topic suggestions, and that’s all I can do.

By THE INFAMOUS DK

July 2, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

TI No matter what sums it up.. Life can change direction, even when you ain’t planned it All you can do it handle it, worst thing you can do is panic Use it to your advantage, avoid insanity manage To conquer, every obstacle, make impossible possible Even when winning illogical, losing is still far from optional

Thats how I look at it.. I have been knocked to my knees on more than I care to mention but as long as I keep trying to get up I consider myself a success. Times that I thought it wasnt even worth it to get out of bed but I knew I had to cause its just not in me to lay down and give up.. The future is coming no matter what so embrace it, look forward to it and everything will be all right..

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

Ok here’s some good Future Advice. I definitely have a plan and goals for everything. A co-worker had to tell me sometimes in life you have to take a risk or leap of faith. If you plan for the exact plan for your future, you are destined to fail. Things unexpected happen, but if you have a goal at the end of the tunnel…thats what you shoot for. No one but Miss Cleo can predict how things will play out perfectly…sometimes just have to take a leap of faith heading in the direction of your overall goal

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

My biggest concern for the future is security. Even with Mason in the picture my concerns have not changed. Yeah he makes me feel safe, secure, protected and all that but because the slightest turn of events can throw life into a tailspin I can’t help but to dwell mostly on the things that will ensure I have a sheltered future. With or, God forbid without Mase.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

What do you think you would put in your own manifesto?

I’m a natural planner, and people who plan a lot like to be in control. I’ve had to fall back a little in that, so that I can enjoy the moments that come everyday and learn to look at the trees sometimes, even when the forest is all around me.

By ChrystalBean

July 2, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

az I agree, but TODAY she has options. Women are making that decision everyday ——-> to not marry or have children. I think it’s wonderful that there is no pressure on her. She sounds satisfied and happy to me.

Saying you want to be married by a certain age is wrong wrong wrong. Most people see it as a big disappointment or failure in their life and then they rush to find the WRONG MAN!

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

@az, i should have explained that part of the post more. This particular guy had a problem with me being so “active” and involved in different things. I tried to tell him that I have no problems with changing my schedule and making time for a boyfriend, and ultimately a family. However, when I found myself constantly defending my lifestyle to him, it bothered me. I may blog about it in more detail later but i hope that clarifies things a bit. I actually agree with everything you said.

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

The secret to life is enjoying today. Tomorrow will be what it is but today is the moment you should capture. Do what you absolutely love to do and do it alot.

My future doesn’t freak me out because, based on my past, it will be everything I want it to be.

ABC good point on the music. They don’t get it though. Their ideas on love and marriage come from music and movies and they wonder why they’re unhappy.

Afro-Dite nice post. Next time let me know before you do that so I can light some candles and put on my tye dyed t-shirt.

Ared guys get freaked out in the movies. In real life most cats just roll with it no matter what it is. It’s usually not that big a deal. The women in your life to blow up the importance of everything.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

LOL. I had no idea that was Raqi. Good morning.

kimmie - Thanks for the shout out. Your post was very good too.

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

”…she put a picture of the Vineyard on her bathroom mirror…”

AmazonRed I can definitely relate to that. We are working toward an early retirement and building a home by the lake, (I hope, I hope, I hope), and we have the plan drawings for our future home on the wall. It gives us something to look forward to and continuously work toward. Seeing that every day makes me think twice about making a frivolous purchase. Well most of the time.

That’s not the reason we put it there but all the same it helps.

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

Truth I bet you wouldn’t have said that if I had posted under Raqi. LOL

I thought the “Afro” was a nice added bonus to Aphrodite. It adds a little soul.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

Maybe I’m missing something…..I don’t need a manifesto to remind me of my “my personal goals, intentions and principles.” As far as the future is concerned, every seed that I sow today, is in hopes of reaping the rewards later….how that correlates into dating?….I guess we both gotta get in where we fit in;

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

In real life most cats just roll with it no matter what it is. It’s usually not that big a deal.

Truth - “Most cats” can get freaked out from time to time. Even if it’s in the privacy of their own mind. You can see this in relationships which is why some start sabatoging them or employ that “hurt you before I get hurt” mentality. Sometimes you don’t even know that you’re doing it.

But I do see your point.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

WISE I know you love my Male perspective!

European Views on this… my Uncle who lives in Europe called me when I graduated from University a couple years ago. He asks me “So are you going to travel the World, live it up!?” I told him, “no Uncle, I’m going to work right after Unversity” He told me I have my entire life to work. Enjoy life while I’m young! This is a European view vs an American view.

To be honest, he has a point & I have a point. Often times people will work work work then look back and say I wish I saw things, lived it up. My European family measure happiness with people, events, etc … where here in America we measure it on Money or Job or something. Its a different measure of Success. Interesting though…

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Atlguy, I certainly do, keep it coming! :)

oh I forgot to say: Happy Birthday Sister! I love you!

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed LOL. Two of my friends and I are thinking about starting a blog titled “Shafts Cherub’s” co-authored by Dye-ana, Tar-a and your’s truly Afro-dite. The soulful side of the goddesses Diana, Tara and Aphrodite. So I used it today.

But AtlGuy who wants to work their entire life. Work while you are young to build a stable future for yourself and then live it up and die happy. And that European view you have differs much from what my grandmother talked about.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

Not to be all preachy..(well maybe a little) but this topic reminded me of this verse..Now faith is the substance of things hoped for.. you all know the rest. The keyword in that whole verse is not faith..but NOW I am not trying to get into a big debate about religion but I think if you are going to call yourself a believer then instead of saying I have faith that the future will work out..how about having some Now faith in what is going on right now..in your life and relationships.

waiting on all the church people to flock to the podium

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

Wise I think it is time to draft a single girl manifesto to remind me about my personal goals, intentions and principles.

Go right ahead. If I recall, that was the same mindset of The Unabomber; publishing a manifesto. SMH

Some of yoll make living life way too complicated. Maybe it’s the self-inflicted stress, and not the grease-fried chicken or the bacon grease in the greens, that’s blowing yoll’s hearts up?

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Don’t get me wrong…people in Europe work hard. My Uncle out there has a great job & is very driven. But, enjoy life while you can. Nothing is for certain. Build for a stable future yes…but take a chance and see things when you’re young also because nothing says you will make it to 50. I’m not saying be irresponsible, but do it before you have family, different priorities, etc

Question is … do you Work to Live or Live to Work

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

Kym - Let the church say AMEN!

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

ATL Guy, I concur with your philosophy on happiness and “working”…..I do think we got it backwards over here….most folks cain’t “chill” til they’re about 60+….hell, what can you do at 60, ‘cept wait to die? Shiiid, live while you can!

By Atl Lady

July 2, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

AtlGuy I understand your Uncle’s point, but it is also well known that most European countries give more time off for their employees to enjoy their life. I don’t know too many twenty-somethings that have that kind of money to travel. I have a friend that moved to England several years ago and he has six weeks of vacation a year. Plus there’s the close proximity of other countries.

By Binford2k

July 2, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

It is common to get introspective when another milestone comes to pass - I’ve done it recently as well.

But besides my dating situation, I have a very, very good life. On a daily basis I do things I love and then a few times a year I go on vacation. My married friends and co-workers always ask what I am up to because they (with their families) don’t get to do as much!

There is no “growing up”! I think a great attribute is not to be jaded and to approach things in a simpler matter. Sure I am wondering what I should do about my 401k and how to keep healthy and yada yada yada. But, when I can enjoy simple things as they are - life is so much easier. People who laugh a lot enjoy life more.

Enjoy what you can anytime you can, but keep one eye on the future.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Kym….say it again, sister!…that “Now” philosophy is why I don’t believe in a damn “income tax” check! I want my money upon completion of services rendered, whether that be at work, or wherever….I need mine now! of course that means gettin’ your tax liability to zero….

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

LOL @ unabomber, geez, I don’t think it’s that serious, Blue Kolla. I like to enjoy life to its fullest, I feel happy in life now. at the same time, I also would like to figure out a few things in terms of what will bring me more joy and personal satisfaction. Life is what you make it, that’s my point too. Some folks have it all figured out, some folks need time to do it, some like to put it down in a journal. TO me, it doesn’t make anyone stressed or less stressed. Just how you choose to go about your journey. I won’t knock anybody else’s methods to do so (unless they are blowing stuff up like the unabomber or something, LOL)

By BennyB

July 2, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

Before I depart, I want to explain why young women love bad boys and why they changes their dating approach as they age using evolutional psychology theory.

Women seek the best of both worlds in dating. They want a good gene provider to produce healthy offspring that will last longer and help to reach genetic immortality. Genetic immortality will not be achieved if a woman doesn’t have a kind and hearted good material provider to protect a woman and her children. A perfect solution for women is to seek a man who can provide good genes and also be a kind and hearted good material provider, however, this kind of man is rare and only few very attractive women can successfully land a man that fill both roles. The classic modern women fantasy is to find that rogue guy with good gene and transform him into a good hearted provider.

Through the years, women have evolved and adapted. They have learned a way to achieve genetic immortality and keep a hearted provider and protector. The only twist is that the gene provider and the hearted provider don’t have to be the same man. When a woman is fertile / ovulating (between 8th and 14th day after their PMS) they are more likely to seek men that have good gene. Women in relationship with men that they perceive as just provider are more likely to cheat or see their lovers during this period. This explains why 10% of us have a different biological father other than our dad. Women tend to be romantic with guys perceived as just material provider when they are not ovulating and have not chance of getting pregnant. When they are with men that they perceive as good gene provider, women increase their sexual drive, become very aggressive and dress provocatively when they reach the ovulation period. Women are ten times more likely to reach climax when they are with men that they perceive as good gene providers.

Young fertile women unconsciously see bad boys as good gene providers. A young woman will fall in love with a man she sees as good gene provider. If she marry him and have children, she will do anything to change him into a good material and moral provider. If he doesn’t change she will leave him for a soft romantic material and moral provider. This is why 70% of all divorces originate from women. When women past the conceiving age or they are not interested in having children anymore, their mental state shifts. They are no longer looking for a good gene provider; all they want is a hearted good material provider and protector to help them raise healthy children from a good gene provider. Those women don’t want bad boy in their life anymore (because they don’t need their gene anymore) and are more likely to be interested in romance and courtship to give a meaning to their lives.

In sum, the best indicator that a woman is into a guy is that she can’t get enough of him when she is in her ovulating period. If a woman is interested in you just as a moral and material provider, she will let you romance her and be with her when the chances of her getting pregnant are minimal. When her ovulation is on corner, she will pull away and hit the street to look for a good gene provider or just fantasize about it. Remember that women conscious is aware of searching for a good hearted provider quality in a man; however, searching for a good gene provider is unconscious and more powerful. This is the reason women can’t understand why they are drawn to bad and abusing male.

Guys, the so called love is just a mental trick to reach genetic immortality. What kind of provider do you want to be (gene or material)? The payoff will always be sex from a woman but investments are very distinct

By TyBoogie

July 2, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

Hello everyone…its been a minute since I have been here…its so great to be back. Anyhow…my future never freaked me out because I felt as long as I continued making more positive steps than negative I would be alright. I agree women to tend stress way more about the future than men do.

WISE DIVA Hey how ya been?

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

But AtlGuy who wants to work their entire life. Work while you are young to build a stable future for yourself and then live it up and die happy.

Afro - The only thing is…tomorrow is not promised. I am so excited for you and your goals, but what happens if you die before you get there?

I’m a plan for the future girl, so I hope I live long enough to see all my dreams come true. However, I have to stop for a moment and smell the roses while I still have time. I don’t have a lot of money, but I do value my TIME. And I’m intent on preserving my work life balance. If I’m never a CEO because of it, so be it.

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

ATL Guy & 2C - I think most would love to be able to “chill” while they are young enough to really enjoy it. The thing is LIFE & MONEY & RESPONSIBILITY sometimes get in the way. For example, most don’t have the option financially to travel the world for a year after finishing college. You may have student loans to start paying back or you have other siblings behind you that still have to finish school like I did. Now I will say, when opportunities present themselves too many of us allow fear or lack of faith to stop us from taking a chance. I had an opportunity while in grad school to go to England as sort of an exchange student for a month. I was working my way thru grad school by working as a res sales agent at Delta. My tired boss I had told me if I left I would have to give my job up. I was afraid I would not be able to get another one and would get behind on my bills and since I would have to quit, I would not be able to get unemployment. So I bypassed on the trip. I look back now and should have gone on and taken the chance. My parents would have backed me, but I was so fiercly independent plus my younger brother was in med school. But I have no regrets and if I want to I can go to England. But now I want to go to Italy more!:) I do believe that most of us don’t “stop and smell the roses” enough while we can and enjoy more of the smaller things in life. Simply enjoying a nice meal or a concert is a stretch for a lot of people, even before the bad economy. Life’s too short, people!

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

OMG hey TyBoogie! how is Fitchick and the baby boy!

By Atl Lady

July 2, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

BennyB Where are you going? One day I’m going to read your dissertation, but not right now.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

BennyB I bet you’re really fun at a party. LOL!! So for women who don’t ovulate because they are on The Pill, can you write another novel to modify the premises you’ve put forth in your first edition?

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

Some of yoll make living life way too complicated. Maybe it’s the self-inflicted stress, and not the grease-fried chicken or the bacon grease in the greens, that’s blowing yoll’s hearts up?

BK - Kind of a strong response for someone against making things complicated. Unabomber? Really? LOL

Nothing wrong with keeping your eyes on the prize, whatever you deem it to be. Just don’t get tunnel vision with it. You’ll miss the enjoyment of the journey on your way to the destination.

By My Goodness

July 2, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

Morning blog What ever happened to do what YOU can and allow GOD TO DO THE REST! Some of us have picked up too many burdens and allowed them to weigh us down when it wasnt your fight to begin with. GOD could send everyone on this blog what they thought they needed and YOU all would still question it!

By BINFORD2K

July 2, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

BennyB

You haven’t cited your sources! Where’s the bibliography.

My hope is that even though I would see your point as being a reasonable assertion, that women are not only ruled by hormones.

Then again, I have seen many examples of the BennyB Theory

By Foots

July 2, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

kimmie For example, most don’t have the option financially to travel the world for a year after finishing college.

Of course, I was thinking this as I was reading his comment. I graduated college in May 1999 and in June 1999, I had bills to pay. And really, I was happy to do it because it meant I was completely on my own. Like you, I was able to travel a few years down the road (after paying off some debt that I accumulated because I moved here with no money and a lot of faith), but it wasn’t an option to take a year off and find myself. I already knew where I was: in debt.

One of the things I would like to do for my children, is give them the money I’ve saved for their college educations if they receive scholarships like I did. Then they will have the choice to travel, use it to start their lives, put a nice down payment on a home, or whatever they want (with parental guidance to help them decide what’s best). We need to think in terms of leaving something for our children, so that they can have the options that we didn’t have.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

“What ever happened to do what YOU can and allow GOD TO DO THE REST!”

cause he also said, “faith without works is dead”!

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Wise I like to enjoy life to its fullest, I feel happy in life now. at the same time, I also would like to figure out a few things in terms of what will bring me more joy and personal satisfaction.

You won’t really figure that out until you’ve gained, accomplished, and had… and then lost it all. Then you’ll see that all’at star-gazing and shooting at the moon really ain’t that important. You’ll find yourself concentrating more on the intangibles.

And speaking of which, BennieB, change your name to Manifesto. Good Lawd…

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 2, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

Good day all…I am in until lunch and then I go home to NY to act up! LOL

Wise girl how did you know I have Peter Pan syndrome? LOL I mean my childhood nickname was Tinkerbell. But that was because I was always wearing my ballet costumes whenever I could. I like the whole being a fairy/pixie thing. So the name stuck with me, except I’m called Tink for short. Do you think that responsibility, expectations, and obligations prevent a lot of us from attempting to grow up That is me…I think having a child/family would make me feel like my life is over and I am old and I’m supposed to morph into soccer mom. That my enjoyment of traveling, shopping and just being free would be sucked out of me and my new enjoyment is supposed to be watching kids play. Snore…So not my thing I hear people say all the time “I can’t do that or wear that because I am a mom”. I am such a free spirit and I do not want anything in my life to hinder that. Not tht I gave a rat’s azz what people say and think of me…but how come when you become a mom, now all of a sudden you have to go “Old lady”? I as a childfree woman I would not do/wear anything to embarass myself. So why should I change simply because I get married or have a child? I think the whole husband and kid thing is not for me. I love being who I am and I make no apologies for it. I have told family members who try to change me that if they don’t like something about me…stay away from me! Simple! Life is too short to be lived by the standards of others. If a wife is what you want to be…good for you. But not every woman is dying to get hitched and pop out brats! That does not make her a bad person…just one who knows and goes for what she wants instead of caving to what others think and expect of her.

ATL Guy I agree with you…live for the moment…the next one is not promised. Carpe Diem!

Melo you d*mn right I worry about my happiness…who else is going to worry about it for me? No one! I am happy to see others happy..but I will not sacrfice that of my own for it. I used to be that way and I was miserable. I was always worried about everyone else and never myself until I found myself depressed and felt utterly helpless. Then I snapped out of it. Being single is a great free feeling. No responsibility for anyone but me. If I want to move to another state every 5 years…I have no husband or kid to consider…I just do it! I like the fact that when I want to do something, I am not looking for a sitter or worried that hubby may have a problem with me going. Ahhh…freedom! Great thing…why give it up for the ankle shackle?

By BINFORD2K

July 2, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Benny’s manifesto would NOT apply to the Hulk Hogan saga. That Linda woman is almost about 50 dating a 19 year old - that’s just crazy stuff right there!

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

Foots- We need to think in terms of leaving something for our children, so that they can have the options that we didn’t have. - One of the best things I’ve read on this blog! This is the way my parents thought and the way I think. Leave a real legacy for your children or if you don’t have any, nieces&nephews or a child you mentor! And it really needs to be more of this mindset in the AA community!

By Foots

July 2, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

2CPTG Regarding your 10:50, that’s the same thing.

I remember taking tests in school, doing the prep work and studying beforehand, and getting to class and saying “God, I’ve done what I can do. Meet me the rest of the way”. One time, I was really specific. In one of my toughest grad classes, I knew exactly how many questions I could miss on the final to get an A out of the class. I told Him that I could miss 12 questions and still get the A I worked so hard for (guess He already knew that), and I said that I could get the rest right by my own knowledge if he met me that far. I missed exactly 12.

By abc

July 2, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

I don’t think “happiness and fulfillment” are the result of job, income, or even more broadly, lifestyle.

Happiness and fulfillment come from an appreciation of being alive, no matter your circumstances. Having and having not are valid and valuable aspects of life, one should not allow their happiness and fulfillment to depend on that. Rather, happiness and fulfillment are spiritual aspects of one’s life.

If you’re happy and fulfilled being single, chances are you’ll be happy and fulfilled as a couple. Likewise, and even more so, if you’re unhappy and unfulfilled being single, that’ll persist if you marry. Happiness and fulfillment don’t rely upon such status.

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

Then you’ll see that all’at star-gazing and shooting at the moon really ain’t that important. You’ll find yourself concentrating more on the intangibles wow, good point, and thanks Confuscious! LOL

By Utopia

July 2, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

My perspective is to just roll with it. I sure I’m of the majority that started out with a list of things to be done/had/accomplished. There are a few things I would like to have accomplished by now and more than likely won’t and some things accomplished, although never intended. Back-pedaling for the things passed or that didn’t happen in my opinion is futile. I’m of the mindset that the roads in life were paved and well traveled long before we arrived and choices we make sets the wheels in motion for the one we’ll travel. Relationships being inclusive. If you’re closeminded or stuck on what coulda shoulda woulda been, you’ll miss out on other chances and opportunities. I wouldn’t say be done with your dreams but make some adjustments. For me some of the unexpected were necessary filters, allowing me to not waste time on things next to impossible and sort of cast a better view of what’s attainable. Landing somewhere between perfection and nonexistent.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 2, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

Kym and 2C, I see ya’ll preparing for your initial sermons. Keep preaching!

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

2CPTG I disagree. When you are young it is easier to juggle work and fun so you take that time to work mostly to build for you retirement days while still having a certain amount of fun. That way you won’t be caught having to work door duty at Walmart at the age of 67 because you do not have a savings or retirement funds, and that social security check ain’t hitting on nothing. Work and save and then enjoy.

So many people don’t think about how they are going to make it after the age of 60 until that time stares them in the face. I don’t want to be hitting nobody’s clock at 60 so I prepare now. I truly believe I will enjoy seeing the international world at 60 the same as if I were 30.

AmazonRed But what if you do and you haven’t prepared yourself?

By Bre"

July 2, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

I’ve always been a fly by the seat type of person….So planning a future or making a list I never worried about in life. I let life take me where it should. I dropped out of college after a year because I wanted to travel and see the world. I figured why read about when I could be about. Now things were not always easy, but I had very few bumps when I did not plan that is for sure. People would call me a gypsy…I would just get up and go wherever, never a care in the world….I had zero clue about NYC when I came here, but something moved me to be here so I went. Now that I’m older I try to be a bit more responsible. I have neices, nephews, and others that depend on me. I don’t just go with the wind however if it pushes me hard enough I have to really take a look at it. The one and only focus I have is to never be poor or without a roof over my head. Money has never been my first motivation or my joy in life. What has is the ability to be free/blissfully happy to do as I please.

Even now after buying up a few things, and having a guy..all in the family and friends circle everyone wants to know what’s next. I’m like whatever happens, that quickly stopped the inquiry on marriage and kids. If I get prego I will handle it, if ol boy hits his head and is like lets go to the courthouse…then I deal as it comes. If he walks out or I walk away I will deal with it like everything else life has thrown my way….simply handle it.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Staceye …but how come when you become a mom, now all of a sudden you have to go “Old lady”?

You ain’t gotta go old lady, but dayum… some of yoll dropping shorty off at school looking like you on your way to pull a shift at the strip club - back tats out, G-string showing, t!tties poppin’ out the shirt. :-| And I’m like, hold up… my lil youngin’ is too little to be seeing all’at. But then you (<=== understood you, not you) wonder why they don’t respect grown-ups.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Foots…..yeah, I guess you could say they were the same….with the example you used….maybe I read her post wrong….cause you do have to take some measures into your own hands…..

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

KP - been preparin’ my whole life, bruh….I know I got a callin’, but like my folks been tellin me, I’m hardheaded; so I’mma take a spiritual beatin’ ‘fore I receive the “fullness thereof.”

Raqi -“I truly believe I will enjoy seeing the international world at 60 the same as if I were 30.” gal, stop playin…..

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

Foots Speaking as a parent I think the idea is great to want to leave a legacy for your children. Yes I want to “help” my son pay for his college education and provided guidance as necessary.

But I also want my son to suffer a little bit. I know that sounds strange because the idea is to make our children not have to go through what we had to go through. Some of the phrases I decided to retire this year is “When I was a kid we did.. and Alot of the stuff that goes on didn’t happen when I was a kid..and my favorite..the world is so different when I was younger. Well duh of course it is..because people are different, life situations are different and the world keeps spining. I can’t plan for my son not to suffer or go through all the things I did..because frankly it is his life to plan..what if college is not what he wants? Right now he wants to be an inventor..but he is 12. He also wanted to be superman, spiderman, and a fireman.

But at 21 for all I know he could decide to climb Everest or join the Peace Corp. All I ask is that he does what will bring him joy peace and happiness.

I know abc says music can be tripe..but two of my favorite mother to son type songs is “If I could by Regina Belle” “If I could I would try to shield your innocence from time..but the part of life I gave you isn’t mine..I’ll watch you grow..so I can let you go.”

and “I hope you Dance by Lee Ann Womack..

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance, Never settle for the path of least resistance Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’, Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’, Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter, When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider, Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance….I hope you dance.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

2CPTG Agreed. I’m all about faith, but I know that in my life, He has really made it happen after I’ve completed my share of the work.

LOL @ Blue covering up his son’s eyes at the school drop off. I feel you though. I’m just 31, but seriously, the older I get, the more I believe that the younger clothes need to be left to the younger women. I’m at the age where you learn that you can be sexy while leaving something to the imagination. In my opinion, 15-year old boys need to be addressing me as “Ma’am” instead of “Hey Shorty!”. How I present myself determines which title I get.

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

wow, so is that what the urban soccer mom looks like nowadays? LOL

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

But what if you do and you haven’t prepared yourself?

Afro - I say prepare, but be flexible on the time table so that you can enjoy life on the way.

I might have an opportunity to go to Japan in a couple of weeks, and I just might go. Some of the trip will be put on a credit card that I will have to pay down. If I end up adding a couple months of extra payments to my Visa bill in exchange for a trip of a lifetime, sounds worth it to me. But if I get caught up in having to be debt free by X, then I’m gonna miss out on some good opportunities.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

Foots We need to think in terms of leaving something for our children, so that they can have the options that we didn’t have.

Now that’s where I am. I look at it like a baton relay race. When kids from other cultures (White, Indian, Asian) get the stick, there already up to speed - college paid for, first car out of the way, down payment on the starter crib on lock, bread in the bank, etc. But when we come around the corner with the stick, our AA kids are still sitting on the track tying up shoes and sh!t.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

AFRO who says you can’t still be spontaneous and do awesome things before 60!? I mean work for sure and definitely save. But, don’t wait till you’re 60 to do everything you’ve wanted to do. I mean you could have artificial knees or hip and can’t walk around so easy at that point, who knows. Planning is so important. I’m a Planner. But, I’m also spontaneous. I worked out of Denver for 2 weeks and made the most of the opportunity because I really wanted to go Snowboarding. It was Great!

Life is a Journey not a Destination … be smart about it and enjoy the ride!

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 2, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

Kym I am totally co-signing your 11:16 post, from one parent raising a son to another. I couldnt have expressed it any better. I dont want my son to suffer either but I know that he will be a better man if he does suffer some. Its called life and it comes with some disappointments, struggles, etc.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

Blue…speakin’ of track, did you see ‘ol boy, Tyson Gay, run the 100m in the Olympic Trials?? a wind aided 9.68!!!! mayne, bruh’s gon’ be flyin soon! 9.68….

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 2, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

bre wow..you are a Sag…a gypsy. Me too. I love to move around. I like the newness of things. I get bored easily. I travel and there are so many places that I want to see…I need to remain free. I feel you. I have kids in my family…so why have my own. In that rare time I get a maternal yearnign…I babysit and that takes it away! LOL Or when I go int a store and hear a crying brat…that is my birth control.I can’t stant whiney kids. I wanna yell, “shut the F up”! I have ZERO patience and ZERO tolerance. Now when I see a good quiet child…oh I just love them and want to play with them and hold them…but that is rare. I have a friend here is daughter is like that. I love her to pieces. I’d probably have the kid from hell! LOL

Blue I feel you that no one should come to a school looking Pole Ready. But some women go from hot to not after becoming a mom.

2C I feel you…I would not want to be one of those folks who start to enjoy life and see the world at 60. Heck at that age I want to be able to say all the places I have seen and things I have done. My grandparents always said once grappy retired they travel. Yeah..he retired sick with Parkinson’s and colon cancer and died before any of those dreams were complete. Its been 8 years and granny is still talking about what they were “gonna” do. I told her he is not coming back and she needs to make some windowed friends and they should travel. But she sits and mopes…not going to be me. I am trying to enjoy my life now because no one knows what the future holds. Or if there is one.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

Amazon Congrats on your Japan trip!! Now you get to see the toilets, such a variety! Stay away from the “traditional” ones, i.e. the holes in the floor. We don’t have that kind of aim.

My trip was with a class, but it was to be paid with money I didn’t have, not all of it. So you know what I did? I wrote my family members a letter and told them about the trip and what an opportunity it would be. I asked them to sponsor me. I got one older cousin to give me $800, and my mom did $400, I think. My dad gave $400 in matching funds, since he doesn’t do anything more than what my mom does (LOL) and I took care of the rest of the $2000 plus spending money myself.

That way, I didn’t have any debt for the trip. Because it was a school trip and we had an assignment based on the companies we visited, I gave the report to my family when I completed it so that they could see what I did when I was there. Everyone was so happy to help me have that experience and I wrote thank you notes, instead of IOUs.

It might work for you too. Hit up your peeps for the cash! LOL!

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

Blue/Kym - I feel you both on the legacy tip. And yes Kym, I believe kids don’t have a true appreciation of a “financial” legacy unless they do “suffer” a bit and not have everything handed to them, even if the parents are able. Look at how some of those spoiled celebrity kids are! A little suffering or having to really work toward something builds character and prepares you for lifes twists and turns. Money and material possessions can be lost overnight!

Remember also that legacies don’t have to be monetary. I read somewhere that one of the biggest determinants of what profession a child decides to go in is family. There are not a lot of AA in NASCAR because their parents & grandparents were not involved in it. I come from a medical family and I think we all can point to certain families where there is a dominant profession or skill. My great-grandfather on my mother’s side was a skilled carpenter and did furniture upholstery and design. Whites used to send him furniture from all over to be reupholstered. My great-grandfather inherited the skill and my uncle put together a solid wood entertainment center that would blow you away.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Thanks Foots, I will take all that into account. The trip is coming up way too fast (August) that it might not be feasible and might butt heads with my sister’s wedding. So if SkyMiles can’t get me there, I’m not going. But I can just save them for my potential Ghana trip in 2009!

By Foots

July 2, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Blue But when we come around the corner with the stick, our AA kids are still sitting on the track tying up shoes

Exactly. My parents didn’t have anything prepared for me, though my dad did pay for a car for me for a year. But when that first car payment after graduation was due, he was looking at me with his hand out like “Where’s my money?”

I would love to give my children a head start when they get to be on their own. You’re right, plenty of us were at a disadvantage and though we turned out okay, it’s not my intent for my child to start out at a disadvantage. They won’t be living off a trust fund or anything, flying around the track, but at least they won’t be still on the track, tying up shoes. They’ll at least be standing and ready for the baton.

By Bre"

July 2, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

No I’m Pisces Stacy..I like fresh water….

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

Foots LOL @ Blue covering up his son’s eyes at the school drop off.

Naah slim, I’m covering my eyes, b/c sometimes I wonder if some of these moms are like 17/18? WTF?

2 Mayne, I’ve been crazy busy with another TOP PRIORITY (bike woes :D), so I only read the headline. I hope like hayo that dude ain’t on them ‘roids. But man, that is crazy speed!!! You gotta catch those middle distance runs too. Those cats be battling for real.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 2, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

Foots Oh girl my mother is Maam…I am Miss. LOL I will correct someone with a quickness that calls me shorty or Maam. I guess because in NY we all say Miss or Mr. I expect that. We always say Maam is a southern thing.

I feel like Erin Brokovich…as long as I have one azz instead of two I will wear what I please. LOL I am very expressive in fashion. I met a woman who is a poet with a purple and black mohawk and nice style of dress and was shocked to know she is a grandmother. She is sharp as hell on her poetry. I had to tell her I liked her style. Who says you gotta go granny once becoming one.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 2, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

Foots I may have to have some sponsors for my trip to Italy or Greece in 2009!! Sounds like a great idea!

Staceye my father has no patience yet he has three children. Some things come with parenting and some dont. It depends on what your lack of patience is attributed to. My father doesnt like repeating himself and he instilled that in us early! And of course you know everyone doesnt raise their children the same way. So what you see as bad children, those parents dont see a problem (or are in denial), LOL! I say all that to say, you may never feel ready for a child. I didnt when I got pregnant but maternal instinct kicked in and took over!! :0)

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 2, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

Bre My bad..you sounded like a Sag. My mom is a Pisces (2/29) and she is like you in some ways.

Mo wel being celibate makes sure no kids are created by me. Not to mention that when I come off of my celibacy, I have been on the pill for 10 years and I do not believe in going out in the rain without a raincoat….again, no kids coming from this body.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

Blue, I caught the middle distance runs, as well….I saw Angelo Taylor damn near fall out trynna run the 400, only 20 minutes after the 400 hurdles….

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

2 I know you remember this scene…

meter #40

Announcer: It’s CL out front

meter #60 *… (whoosh)

CL: WTF was that?

Announcer: It Ben Johnson ladies and gentlemen!! It’s Ben Johnson!! To win the Men’s 100 Meters…

CL: Ben Johnson? WhoTF is Ben Johnson?!

10 minutes afte the race…

Internation Olympic Committee after call from CL: You’re right CL, he was haulin’ azz. Dayum! We’re watching the tape right now. Dayum he’s fast. LOL

CL to IOC (sniveling): Yeah I understand that, but I’m CL. Ain’t nobody blowing by me like that. He needs to be tested immediately.

IOC: We’ll check into it.

after the aftermath…

CL on Camera: Yeah I knew that he was drugging…

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

I feel like Erin Brokovich…as long as I have one azz instead of two I will wear what I please. LOL

LMAO @ Staceye. Work it girl!

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 2, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

Staceye I hear you chica!! LOL! I am done myself, no more kiddies for me!

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this

2CTPG Yes you can. Or I can. The point I am trying to make is just by energy level alone you are able to accomplish more in your youth. Working necessary hours and time to get that mortgage paid off in half the time and save, save, save.

I have fun now but will have more when I (we) can up and spend 3 months in Paris without the burden the grind hanging over our heads.

My dad travels all over the place now. He worked hard as a young man. Put his kids thru college (smh at myself) and prepared a good solid retirement plan for himself. Now he is free. That’s what I want to be.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

Foots/Blue Sorry but what in the hell is this defeated attitude? My son is not left behind in anyway shape of form because frankly I am not raising him to compare his life to anyone. “White folks do this..white folks do that.” SO? I tell my son he is just as good and just as capable as any other child out there..regardless of his race. I mean damn..of course AA kids are behind because folks tell them all the freaking time you are behind because they are black. Do you know how many nights I spend counteracting the bs my kid hears in school about well we have to do it a little different because black males learn different..or reminding my son there is not a damn thang wrong with him liking the things he likes because there is no list of only things blk folks do or white folks do. You want to talk about a legacy how about building a legacy of Self and not this pity poor mouth..our kids. Say your AA kid..because my AA kid is not left behind..he is in the race, his own damn race and I am right there on the side lines cheering him on.

By BennyB

July 2, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

Atl Lady, How can you possibly know that I’m going somewhere, do u read minds?

Foots, evolutional psychology explains human behavior from pre-history, at that time, science wasn’t even born. Science will change many things……..I like how women smell when they are in ovulation. In their baby clothing, their breasts are bigger and more symmetric and curvy…I really don’t know the effect of the pill…..my girl is not on that regimen

BINFORD2K I used to like psychology. I come across this at an evolutional psychology conference but if you want more you can read “The Mating Mind” by Geoffrey Miller or “Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex” by Robin Baker.

A 19 years old may be what a cougar like Linda Hogan needs. He may be passive, protective, soft and romantic and provide a connection that she needs. She does not need his genes or his money just his energy. The evolution theory works again….

By Foots

July 2, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

Kym I think you have misunderstood the point. The point is that I want to leave my children something to start their lives with. Who the hell said anything about a defeatist attitude?

Of course, they can accomplish what others have accomplished. No one said they couldn’t and I certainly wouldn’t say that. What I’m saying is that if they are running 100 meters and I can help them start out at the 5 meter mark instead of 0 meters because Sally or John is already at 10 meters when the race is starting because of the way their parents prepared for them, I will do that. The race to be run is still the same and it is assumed that my child will take care of the of 95 meters himself, with his parents cheering him on.

But everyone has or will have a different parenting style. It’s okay for you not to agree with this.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

Kym Sorry but what in the hell is this defeated attitude?

You(‘re) trippin’. Ain’t nobody said a a thing about defeated. We’re talking about how kids from other cultures already have a head-start on life when they get out of college, as opposed to AA kids who get out with a gang of debt and no real assets.

UN-chip your shoulder, dammit!

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

What’s going on in here? Talking about kids.

I’ll be back later.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

yeah, Blue, I remember that……his gay azz!

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

Our kids are in a race with every body else,white,black,brown,orange and the other shades out there….give them a chance to be competetive……unless you truly want them to be the house cleaners and care givers in the nursing homes.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

Kym I don’t even hit broads, but sometimes you make me want to come over there and give you a Sense Slap. You so ready to mix it up with somebody, that you ain’t even paying attention.

What side of town do you live on? So I can call one of my boys on your side, and have ‘em come over and put da dyck on you. SMH

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

Blue my shoulder is not chipped..and not all AA kids are in a gang of debt when they leave school. So maybe you and Foots should practice a disclaimer and refer to your kid..and the AA kids that you know. I know plenty of AA men and women who worked through college…had no loans..and if they did get them they paid them off upon graduation. They never talk about how I didn’t get anything from my parents because frankly as one guy told me one my parents didn’t have it to give and two I wasn’t entitled to anything. Like you said different parenting styles for different folks but it is that give me attitude that has some negros standing at the starting gate.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

BennyB Research it then. Bring your theories up to date. Also, include what they say about men’s evolutional history in those books in your next edition.

Kym And let me say this. When I moved to Atlanta, I had nothing but a Good Luck and a Smile and a good dose of Common Sense from my parents. Nine years later, I have two of everything, except for kids. I did what I had to do and I actually didn’t struggle (imagine that). I paid my bills on time and was blessed to have my health and I worked for what I have. I’ve been working since I was 16 years old.

You’re talking about your child NOW, I’m talking about grown children fresh out of college and giving them the ability to have options on how they want to start their lives, so they won’t HAVE to start work straight out the gate like I had to. I want to give my kid something other than a Coke and a Smile, and if you don’t agree with that, that’s your right.

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

What’s going on in here? Talking about kids i now know why u like those watermelons that much mr Truth,thats ur natural blue pill…….

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

LOL @ The Truth, did ya’ll run him off with the “children” discussion?

Are you allergic to kids The Truth? LOL

By Atl Lady

July 2, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

BennyB Your 10:25 post started with “Before I depart…” The text suggested that you might be leaving the blog for a period of time or just leaving in general. No I don’t read minds. I just READ!

By Poppa Grande

July 2, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon to all….

The future doesn’t freak me out. I had plans and the lil’ lady fit right in and joined me on the journey. I didn’t have to stop for her and she didn’t have to stop for me.

As for life in general:

Respect the past, Live the Present, Create a Future

Respect the past so that you don’t keep making the same mistakes (the reason things repeat is that people don’t take note and make changes accoringly), Live the present (it is a gift, hence the name present & enjoy it to the fullest), create a future (use what you’ve learned to make things better for yourself or those behind you …that includes making a will and/or a living will. That way you have some control of everything that you want to happen.)

By abc

July 2, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

Lack of sufficient financial resources to pay for a college education etc. is not an African American-only phenomenon.

Not having a college education at all is not a hindrance in making a decent living.

Being of average stature, or even below average, should not have that dramatic of an effect on happiness and fulfillment.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

I am not raising him to compare his life to anyone. “White folks do this..white folks do that.” SO? I tell my son he is just as good and just as capable as any other child out there..regardless of his race. I mean damn..of course AA kids are behind because folks tell them all the freaking time you are behind because they are black.

Kym, I’m with you and frankly, this is an attitude prevalent in the south. I grew up in Cali (and lived in the northeast) and I didn’t hear about all this “black kids come from less” crap til I moved here. Everytime the AJC posts a story about Clayton County the bigots have a field day about how less than black people and their children are.

In addition my sister (also raised in CA) teaches in S. Goergia encounters how even the BLACK children think they are inferior to whites. She’s trying to show them another way but it’s hard to break that mentality.

In my HS, there was an equal mix of races and yes, some stereotypes are true, but I know a lot of cultures were on the grind for their kids just like the black kids were.

By Teresa

July 2, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this

I wonder if i get my tubes tied will it be covered under my PPO plan, let me call and see…

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Foots So are you blaming your parents because you had that Coke and a Smile or are you counting your blessings that they gave you the common sense to go on the path you choose and not the other way around? I am speaking of grown adults too. Once you pass the legal age of 18 to vote and 21 to drink you are by a law an adult. Yes of course we can agree to disagree and Blue I am not trying to mix it up with anyone but trust me nothing about either of your statements was a positive statement about the abliity of AA kids.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

…’bout to break Melo down like a shotgun

Our kids are in a race with every body else,white,black,brown,orange and the other shades out there….

Yeah right. If you believe that then you’re drinking out of the same cup as Kym.

These other kids are in the Pros and we’re busting azz to get them in Triple A, hoping like hayo that they shine enough to get a Pro tryout.

give them a chance to be competetive…

Ask anybody that’s ever fixed anything. You gotta have the right tool, so look in my tool box over there and get out the college fund, CD’s, bank accounts, will, deed to the crib, blah blah…

…unless you truly want them to be the house cleaners and care givers in the nursing homes.

Ain’t that why I work everyday, report to my second job from 6pm - 7am, periodically upgrade the toolbox, and no longer spend $150 on AirMax?

Come on man…

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 2, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

Wise I think kids amke Truth itch and sneeze! LOL

I’m out…have a great 4th everyone. Be safe and make sure you and yours use common sense in whatever you do.

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 12:47 PM | Link to this

I agree Kym with “…list of only things blk folks do or white folks do.” is bull.

But I must moreso agree with Foots argument on leaving something for the kids. Why not? Should our kids not get this benefit just because they are black. Is not that what you say you are shielding your son from? If you can give it to him, why not do it?

To run thru a list of folks that put themselves thru school is adding to your list of who does what. I bet had those people been given a trust fund they would have accepted.

(I only scanned the comments to get down to here so I think that’s what we are talking about. If not, disregard my comments)

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

Amazon trust me I have come so close to knocking a black teacher across the head because she didnt like a book my son was reading. “Well it is not a book I would have choosen..well hell you are not an 11 year old boy.”

My son is a boy he doesn’t want to read about Sweet Valley High or some other mess he likes sci-fi and anything with a good fart joke will make his day. The key is to get him to read and he will want to read more and his vocabulary will expand once he reads what he likes. My only requirement is that it be a chapter book(no pictures) and it be something that he enjoys and for his age level. We both read all the Harry Potter series and now he is on Artemis Fowl. And if I had a quarter for ever time I heard black kids don’t read Harry Potter or black people don’t like sci-fi..whateva negros.

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

Ain’t that why I work everyday, report to my second job from 6pm - 7am

u working hard,NOT SMART…….

By Blow Me......PLEASE blow me!!

July 2, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

Staceye Have a safe trip momma….Bring me a chanel from Canal shhh!! Don’t tell nobody..and nice BK brotha back….Show ya sis some love! lol! Have a good time girl!

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

Kym Blue my shoulder is not chipped..and not all AA kids are in a gang of debt when they leave school. So maybe you and Foots should practice a disclaimer and refer to your kid..and the AA kids that you know. I know plenty of AA men and women who worked through college…had no loans..and if they did get them they paid them off upon graduation. They never talk about how I didn’t get anything from my parents because frankly as one guy told me one my parents didn’t have it to give and two I wasn’t entitled to anything.

Oh my bad, forgot who I was talking to, Miss Big Bad Got It On Lock Kym Go dunk your head in the toilette ‘cause ain’t nothing but some BS coming out’cha mouf right now.

How far in the Financial Black do you think you’d be right now if you went straight to college out of high school and when you finished, mom and pop had you set up with you crib down payment , ride, no student loan, and a Suzy Q? Imagine the high credit rating of a 22 year old with all’at… another feather in the cap of life.

That’s all that’s being said and I’m sure that that’s what you are trying to accomplish for your kid. So sit down and behave, always trying to be a knucklehead.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

Amazon Nobody is speaking of Less Intelligence or Closed Doors or You Can’t Do It. I grew up in S. Georgia and I never heard that I couldn’t compete. What you hear depends on what your family says, and I had the most supportive family one could have. Kym read something altogether different than what was intended, but it’s not against the law to misunderstand.

What I DO understand is that I was raised to compete and my children will be raised that way also. Which implies that there is and will ALWAYS be competition who may have a head start on you. My children won’t run the race thinking they are in it by themselves, they will run it with the knowledge that somebody may be ahead of them and somebody else may be gaining, so prepare accordingly. I will do my part to help them prepare to run.

By m'karyl

July 2, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

Respect the past, Live the Present, Create a Future

Amen Poppa. Simple said enuf!!!

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

These other kids are in the Pros and we’re busting azz to get them in Triple A, hoping like hayo that they shine enough to get a Pro tryout.

Then how about addressing and treating your kids like they are in the Pros..and readying them for the game of life? Instead of telling them they are triple A and treating them as such.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

Kym - I have real reservations about educating my kids here. The attitude is just so vastly different from what I’ve experienced. The kids in my sisters school think that math is something that only white people need to know. She teaches 9th grade.

One of my sisters came to Atlanta to go to college. Now granted all THREE of us had to put ourselves thru school, but my sister in Atlanta is the one who had a problem paying for her education. She was on that, “white people got this and how come y’all didn’t prepare better.” We never knew where she got that attitude, but now I know. Thanks to today.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 2, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this

Alright folks, enjoy your weekend and be safe! I will holla at everyone on Monday!

By m'karyl

July 2, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

What I do wonder about is how the aging baby-boomer population is going to deal with our geriatric years. According to an article published about 4 years ago in Newsweek, we have established a precedent in our generation that was non-existent in those of our parents and grandparents…our generation has more ppl who are single in their middle aged years compared to the previous two generations…we are the first generation born in the 20th Century to be grwoing older without long-term, committed relationships. Either, like myself and many of my friends, we have never married; or like so many others, we have married and divorced multiple times…I wonder what the psychological and emotional impact of this precedent will be as we continue to age.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

What I DO understand is that I was raised to compete and my children will be raised that way also. Which implies that there is and will ALWAYS be competition who may have a head start on you. My children won’t run the race thinking they are in it by themselves, they will run it with the knowledge that somebody may be ahead of them and somebody else may be gaining, so prepare accordingly. I will do my part to help them prepare to run.

Foots - I don’t disagree with this. But how much of this “other races are more prepared” mentality came from what you heard or what you actually saw?

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

Ared I’m with you and frankly, this is an attitude prevalent in the south. I grew up in Cali (and lived in the northeast) and I didn’t hear about all this “black kids come from less” crap til I moved here. Everytime the AJC posts a story about Clayton County the bigots have a field day about how less than black people and their children are. I gotta 100% co-sign this one. I didn’t hear I was disadvantaged till I got here. LOL They pump this shyt into our heads here and folks start acting accordingly. SMH

Staceye/Wise I have nothing against kids, other than I don’t want them. Kids prevent you from walking away from an undesriable chick and never having to speak to her again. I like having that option. LOL

Melo I just read that. Now I know why I get riled so easy after a juicy one. LOL

By Poppa Grande

July 2, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this

Blue

I have to disagree. I know plenty of friends that graduated without educational debt. I even had that opportunity to attend UGA on a academic scholarship, which i declined and chose a football scholarship elsewhere. (This was pre-Hope grant).

Now, you have to do research. For example, the state of Georgia will pay for people to attend technical schools to learn a trade. If a someone wants to learn the things for auto repair or air conditioning, the state of Georgia has been paying for it. (This was true as late as 2007, I haven’t checked this year. With this economic climate, I’m not sure that it still works this way.)

There are ways to get through. However, it 529s are probably the way to go if you have children.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 1:07 PM | Link to this

Foots Why am I sitting here trying to water and fertilize a cactus? They only flower once they’ve gotten old and run e’rybody off with those pointy azz stickers.

By BennyB

July 2, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this

Foots, this is academic psychology about human sexual selection based on fitness indicators. Sexual selection is always directed by a woman but I’ll tell you what they say about men….. Men are less choosy than women but they work hard to impress and impregnate many women as possible. Men become very protective when their mates are ovulating. This behavior disappears when the ovulation cycle end or when the women becomes pregnant. Read Geoffrey Miller, you’ll get it…….

Most animal become sexual only when the female is in heat. Female human can be sexual at any time. Have you ever think that it may be possible that women adapted themselves to this kind of sexual behavior just to be able to satisfy a man who stays around to protect and provide for her and her children?

We are animals that survived many crisis because human females have been very choosy in selecting a male that can produce healthy and resistant offspring and (in some cases) another male that helped to raise them. The worst thing that can happen to a male or a female is the failure to reach genetic immortality, which is why most of us race against ourselves trying to get married and have children. We are very much enslaved by the nature to ensure the infinite continuity of the genes passed to us by our ancestors.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this

Kym I am not trying to mix it up with anyone but trust me nothing about either of your statements was a positive statement about the abliity of AA kids.

Show me where I said something negative about their ability. This was all based on ATLGuy comment about traveling after school and kimmie’s comment I think most would love to be able to “chill” while they are young enough to really enjoy it. The thing is LIFE & MONEY & RESPONSIBILITY sometimes get in the way. For example, most don’t have the option financially to travel the world for a year after finishing college.

I said “We need to think in terms of leaving something for our children, so that they can have the options that we didn’t have.” and “I would love to give my children a head start when they get to be on their own.” and I still mean that. You came on here talking about your son’s “abilities” what they said to him and whether or not we can “make it” and I said nothing even remotely like that. Read it again.

I appreciate that fact that my parents gave me moral support and kind words, and I don’t think a word of blame came out of my keyboard. Would I have been further along if they had left me assets? Yes, but to have bought a home of my own ON my own at 23 wasn’t bad either.

Let me give you an example to clear it up for you: A lady came by to look at my first home when it was on the market last summer. She had a daughter who would be a freshman at Southern PolyTech last fall. She told me that instead of having her rent an apartment, she was planning on BUYING her a small house to live in so that they would have that asset for her to decide what to do with when she graduated. This didn’t surprise me, considering that my boss told me that his parents bought a condo for him and his twin sister when they were in school, so that they could already have something in their portfolios.

This is what I’m talking about Kym, maybe not to that extent, but this is what other people are able to do to give their kids a head start. You wouldn’t do it, fine. But these are the kinds of thing I want to be able to do for my children. A gift of stock, a down payment, something, so that they continue the mindset that savings, investments, and assets are desirable and pass that along to their children.

My cousin, who retired from the military, already has his childrens’ college educations paid for. They have stock certificates in their names. They have financial knowledge above what any 17 year old and 12 year old probably should have. They are firm in the mindset about what success means to them and are free to pursue that, without wondering how they will eat in college. That’s my example.

I think this answers your question Amazon.

By Poppa Grande

July 2, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

Truth/AR

To put it in this context (to borrow Darrell’s MO), my dad is 58, and remembers segregated kindergarten. Therefore, I am only one generation from Jim Crow. It takes time for most to unlearn all that junk from that time. I remember my grandad talking about having to call all white males sir no matter if the male was 8 years old or 80 years old. Meanwhile the same 8 year old would call him boy. Furthermore, my grandpa would even talk about black men having to look to the ground whenever a white women was around, otherwise it was consider disrespect. Heck, Georgia even had a governor (Lester Maddox) who decided to close his restaraunt than to serve blacks. These things are all within the last 50 years. It takes time to unlearn them.

The West End was consider the place where you sent the “undesirables”.

I do think that it is one positive from all of the migration here. That people who weren’t really affect by this stuff, won’t pass it down to their kids.

I am grateful that he taught me that I wasn’t “defective” because of my skin color.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

She told me that instead of having her rent an apartment, she was planning on BUYING her a small house to live in so that they would have that asset for her to decide what to do with when she graduated. This didn’t surprise me, considering that my boss told me that his parents bought a condo for him and his twin sister when they were in school, so that they could already have something in their portfolios.

Foots - Great example. But from where I’m from it’s not something OTHER people do, it’s what we all are trying to do. This wasn’t a foreign concept to my family or the black kids in our circle. Out here, it’s a big surprise that a lot of blacks think that other races do and not ours.

The perception of who does it is critical.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

Blue I did go to college straight out of highschool (GA Southern 1990-91) and then I came back home do to financial reasons.

I then took and paid for classes(bit by bit) until I had my son..and then I went to school at night work days and got grants for school and got degree number one-taking my son to classes with me.

I then worked fulltime and did school fulltime -taking my son to class with me summers and nights and got degree two.

And now I will start school again and..when I told my son the only question he asked was… find out if your professor will let me come to class with you. So you see Mr. Blue got all the answers to everyone’s life I have prep my son all along the way from the time he was in the stroller until now. He is not limited because he is black..there is no time limit on anything you can dream up. And he can be anything in this world he wants if he sets his mind to it.

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

Mase and I had a controversial conversation once with a couple during the intermission at a seminar about ones whiteness and/or blackness. The man tends to think that the color of your skin automatic determines your “ness” as oppose to your upbringing and environment. But I believe that while one may inherit a general gene of “ness” your overall outcome is determined by rearing. Take Tommy Davidson for instance, he exudes Caucasian traits all over. And when I was growing up I met this white girl that acted, sounded, looked just as black as black comes. So…

I don’t know…why did I just type that?

But anyway, my son broke his arm this morning. Well it was morning here but in the early evening there. But yeah, he broke it in two places.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

These things are all within the last 50 years. It takes time to unlearn them.

PG - Very true. I understand where it stems from. My mother also grew up in the segregated south. She also had parents who paid for her education and bought her a car.

It’s just interesting to read the viewpoints of the “natives” as opposed to teh “imports”

By m'karyl

July 2, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

@Poppa

I think that it really makes a difference on racial identity perspective when we take into account the AA’s who grow under Jim Crow and the legacy of Jim Crow. I am from uptop where we had racism, but not a legalized system of coerced subordination. I really felt the major impact of that difference when I moved to the South. It was funny how much of my racial identity values I took for granted as a given until I had to deal with the perception of it from within Jim Crow’s extant legacy…blew my mind…

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

PoppaG They still do. It is called the Workforce Investment Act..and it has been around for decades..it is how I got degree one. The program pays for many types of degrees in fields where personnel is greatly needed(like medical).

I mention this on the blog a year ago..because I happen to work in the workforce field.

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this

Poppa not to be disrespectful of your grandpa but we’ve been using that “it takes time” excuse for 200 years. Now is the time. We have lost so many generations to the slavery excuse it’s a shame. Nobody has ever asked for equality and received it. You have to take it. We aren’t capable or won’t do it so we gotta go to the back of the bus. Vietnamese, mexican, jews, russian, italians, and everyone else that came here did so under conditions that were less than ideal. They kept it moving forward and got where they needed to be. 100 years from now we’ll be saying the same old stuff.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

PoppaG I grew up here as well and right in the AUC area..I think because my grandparents and parents experienced Jim Crow..they pushed me to never feel defective either because I was black. And because my auntie never learned to drive..(just was not something good southern black women did back then) I was never going to feel defective because I was a woman either. It gets to me because as a parent I see these same progressive negros going around saying how defective our poor black children are..buying into ever study and sterotype until it becomes their identities.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

Kym Blue I did go to college straight out of highschool (GA Southern 1990-91) and then I came back home do to financial reasons.

That’s the whole point of what Foots and I were talking about. Not that you weren’t smart enough. Now, if Momma and Poppa had it set up for you all nice and neat, you probably wouldn’t have to drop out ha? And you probably would’ve had your MBA before you had your kid too ha? And you probably would be living in a nice big house at least half-way paid off too ha? With at least 30 G’s in cash sitting in the bank ha? And a boat-load of stock ha?

By Foots

July 2, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

Amazon But from where I’m from it’s not something OTHER people do, it’s what we all are trying to do.

It so happens that regardless of who does what and on what level, it’s what I’m trying to do, while I’m being told on here that it’s not the right thing to do because it gives our children a sense of inferiority. Screw that. I don’t KNOW any people personally who look like me who has had those types of opportunities, starting out with a portfolio. Most people I know got everything they have on their own. The legacy mindset is beginning to appear in my family now, and I’m glad that our next generation will have opportunities that this one didn’t have because of better preparation. I was saying what I wanted to do for MY children.

It isn’t a foreign concept, since we’ve watched it, but it’s a new one for us, seeing as how more and more of us are now reaching middle and upper class, moving on up to the east side, and all of that. It HAS to be new, because what did grandma and grandpa have to leave us beside knowledge and love? I know you understand that, seeing as how you and your sisters put YOURSELVES through college, instead of having education funds set up for you. Are you saying that your parents were able to help you, since they understood the concepts AND had the money, but didn’t?

Even with having college educations, my mother and father didn’t have it so they couldn’t do much and I understand why, but I do have it and I will help and my children will understand why I did.

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this

I realize that everyones experience is different. I was fortunate in that I had positive role models at home, at school and in the community growing up in the A and visiting family in S. Georgia. No one ever told me or my siblings or my friends we couldn’t do anything. I grew up seeing black folks RUNNING THINGS! The folks that didn’t have much were proud and some of their kids went on from grade school and college here to ivy league professional schools. I actually didn’t know I was supposed to be “country” or less well-off until I got in the work world and started talking to folks from NY & Cali. So I couldn’t wait until I got a chance to go to these places! I just knew I would see most of the black folks RUNNING THINGS. Imagine my shock when I saw a lot of them were not doing even as well as some of these “country folk” here!LOL If the south was the only place where a defeatist attitude is instilled, why aren’t black people any better off in the rest of the US? When bad stats come out about Aids rates and heart disease, diabetes and men in jail, I never hear them divide out the south from the rest of the country. If you Cali or NY people are so great, lead the way and be role models for the rest of the country. LA & NYC are where the big media & advertising markets are right? Yet you’re always hearing about some stupid gaffe a national newspaper or magazine has made that is racially insensitive.

I guess times really have changed quite a bit if the schools are doing what you all say they are here. None of the kids & parents I come in contact with have the same complaints, but again my experience is different.

The pot really can’t call the kettle black in my book - JMO.

By Poppa Grande

July 2, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this

Kym

That is good. I heard that they were gonna tighten it some, so I wasn’t sure. The state is starting to complain that there are too many people with Bachelor Degrees that weren’t working in their field for example, how do you use political science degree other than law or journalism? People need car repair, a/c repair, medical care.

There are other programs out there. It just takes some investigation.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

yeah….all this inferiority mess is a learned behavior….if any of y’all ride Marta, just watch…when we get on the bus we go straight to the back…..that shyt is ingrained….

By m'karyl

July 2, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this

@The Truth

In all honesty, it does take time for the psychological and emotional aspects of identity revaluation to evolve from a place of devalued subordination. I do not believe it is an excuse, but a rather indelible reality that the Southern culture is trying to revise. The social paradigm that held these views of coerced identity subjugation were in place for a long time…one can change laws to eradicate the processes, but it takes about 3 generations for the social mindsets to change with regard to the perception of self and others.

If I had not known the *”whoness” of my being before I moved to the Deep South, then I would have been in long trouble about my identity.

By WiseDiva's Sister

July 2, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

Thanks Sister for the Birthday Shout out!!

By Foots

July 2, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

How did we get on “inferiority complexes” anyway from a conversation about wanting to financially give our children the option to not have to work right away upon finishing college, like ATLGuys uncle wanted for him?

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

Pop I have to disagree. I know plenty of friends that graduated without educational debt.

You’re coming in on the back end, so I don’t know if you’ve read the whole dialogue. The education debt was just one example what I cited were things that we could do to give our kids a headstart on life period. School was assumed because we’re to the point where college is just about automatic.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

Blue One I never wanted a MBA..but I see so lets blame my dad..because I am not where I think I should be..negro please spare me.

Same folks this morning talking about you are where you are for a reason God makes no mistakes are now are going backwards and saying well if Mama and Papa had given me this and that then I would have done this. again spare me. You can’t have it both ways. There is nothing in my past or my upbringing I would change..not one single thing. Because each and every step is past and gone but has brought me to a present place that I am thankful for daily. So how much gratitude do you think I would have if it was all given to me on a sliver platter? How many trials and things would I have overcame if it all so different back then? Please to quote a old hymn..I wouldn’t trade nothing for my journey now. Because I don’t spend my life going what I could have had. All that crap you mention is material and irrelevant because it can be gone in a instant. HOuses burn, stocks fall, and banks close. But what I gain in growth and appreciation that is for life..and that is what I plan to pass on to my son.

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

Kimmie don’t make me chop you in the neck. It’s easy to discriminate here because everything is segregated. For instance, the Atlanta Public School system has very few non blacks in the majority of their schools. There are pockets of schools with non blacks but those are controlled by the residents of that community. In our community for the most part parents send their kids off to daycare and forget about them. There’s a big difference.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

Are you saying that your parents were able to help you, since they understood the concepts AND had the money, but didn’t?

Foots - Pretty much. Like I said earlier, my mother had the school paid for and the car and no debt. And her parents did it on a teachers salary and a mail carrier salary. My dad channeled his income into his own business so that that legacy could be left to us, but during Reagonomics, the business failed.

Had he just coasted on his 6 figure income, I would have been set, but he took a gamble and he crapped out. I still respect the hell out of him for what he was trying to do.

So I will state again it’s NOT a new concept for “us” seeing as how I know plenty of folks who look like “us” who have it straight. My parents are in Baldwin Hills (yes like the show) and many of “us” got there becaues their parents and grandparents bought that land for $25,000 and now have million dollar properties to leave.

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

if any of y’all ride Marta, just watch…when we get on the bus we go straight to the back…..that shyt is ingrained…. mayne u killed me with that…lol

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

I’ll be the first to admit…If I knew then, what I know now…..I’dda said, fvck college!!! another societal mis-nomer, in that I need to ago to college in order to succeed in life……y’all tombout y’all grandparents and what not….My *Great Grandfather was a damn slave! GrandDad was born in 1913, the youngest of 14, so y’all tombout one generation removed from Jim Crow….shiiid, imgaine hearing true slave tales from a grandfather, who heard from his father….

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

PoppaG You are correct but WIA(Workforce Investment) just covers a 2-year degree in trade fields..like medical tech, truck driving, auto repair, computer networking etc. The state has started a Hope Grant also to assist with fields outside of trade..like Paralegal training(that is how I am paying for school this go round) and you don’t have to have the same rules as the Hope scholarship. Like you said you have to investigate it because there is money out there to retrain people who are without skills..or who want to make career changes. As for my poli sci degree well I am pretty close to my choosen field… law and policy have pretty much been where I wanted to be.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

Imagine my shock when I saw a lot of them were not doing even as well as some of these “country folk” here!

Trust me, if the cost of living were the same in CA as it is here, the Cali people would stay right where they are. I left because for what I wanted to do it would take me longer to “run” things in my hometown then here. Same goes for NY. I will build my wealth here so I can take it wherever I go if I chose to leave (I do like it here).

I am always so impressed with my several friends who have bought real estate as single people in California! I didn’t see it happening there for myself until I was 50 or someone in my family kicked the bucket. LOL

By Foots

July 2, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this

kimmie I grew up seeing black folks RUNNING THINGS!

I did too. Our dry cleaner was black, restaurants were black-owned, most of my teachers were black, my whole neighborhood was full of black homeowners. Talking with my 70 year old uncle over Memorial Day weekend, I learned more about my grandfather; he was the first black man in the county to have his own Yellow Cab service. He was a master barber with his own shop, and owned several lounges. He was also an accomplished saxophonist. My grandmother was a master beautician and ran her shop from home while raising her children and when she was in her 50s, went back to school to become a nurse. So I know what kind of stock I come from, no identity crises based on where I happen to have grown up.

They left us with a rich can-do attitude for a heritage and a belief that we can do anything, though they both left the earth with nothing to their names except their house, their children (all college educated) and grandchildren.

Now, the generation of the grandchildren (of which I am a part) is extending that legacy to include financial knowledge and asset creation.

And the first person who can tell me what the hell is wrong with that gets the prize…

Amazon So they didn’t have the money, but they would if they could have? That’s what I’m saying. Why not do it if you can?

many of “us” got there becaues their parents and grandparents bought that land for $25,000 and now have million dollar properties to leave.

Exactly the point. This is where I’m starting from. So why the dissention?

By m'karyl

July 2, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this

* @AmazonRed*

Hey sis, folks should read “The Aristocrats of Color” is covers the hisotry of AA affluent and elite, educated, etc from abut 1876 to 1930…new!!! Since when?!?!??! Or how about the AA Brahmins of the Boston area…never were enslaved and lived good lifes of affluence and value…new!?!??!Huh?!?!?

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

yeah….all this inferiority mess is a learned behavior….if any of y’all ride Marta, just watch…when we get on the bus we go straight to the back…..that shyt is ingrained….

LOL. Wow. But I do sit in the middle or the front. If I do sit in the back, I make a joke about it to make the white folks uncomfortable. LOL

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

Foots How did we get on “inferiority complexes” anyway from a conversation about wanting to financially give our children the option to not have to work right away upon finishing college, like ATLGuys uncle wanted for him?

‘Cause your girl Big Bad With Little Understanding made it a Black Inferiority Convo and we tried to explain that that was not the point.

And Kym, I’on’t know jack ‘bout cho your daddy, but unless he is deceased, the I’m gon’ tell you yeah; if your momma and daddy/and my mom and pop had laid it out for you/me as I’ve described what I’m trying to do for my kid, then hayo yeah, I’d be on Easy St., USA right about now.

You’re too old to be playing the idiot role. So stop tripping on the technicality of word usage. But I’m done, I’m tire of putting air in a tire with a hole in it.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this

My *Great Grandfather was a damn slave! GrandDad was born in 1913, the youngest of 14, so y’all tombout one generation removed from Jim Crow….shiiid, imgaine hearing true slave tales from a grandfather, who heard from his father….

2C, I love to hear that! My great great grandmother was born in 1899 and she died when I was 13! So I got to know her well and hear her stories. She was a slave and had my great grandmother who came from “massa.” My great grandmother was born in 1913 was died when I was fresh out of school. I’m so greatful to that I was around to share in their legacy. That’s the only downer to wait til have kids in your 30s. My kids may only know their grandparents. :-(

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Well my grandparents aren’t even American so…sigh

But you know 2CPTG I do like listening to Mason’s dad talk about how things were when he was growing up. It is what it is. All we can do is our best.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

Exactly the point. This is where I’m starting from. So why the dissention?

Foots - Find the dissention from ME. I was never on the “don’t leave a legacy” side. Life is gonna be struggle enough. If you got it (money, resources) use it.

My argument those who can do it, do it despite race and that the concept is not all that new for us. Or maybe just in some parts of the country it is…You said “what did they have to leave other than love?” So that is what I’m answering.

By abc

July 2, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

My parents, while quite wealthy, didn’t pay a dime for my college educations. Plural, yeah… their perspective was that they owed me absolutely nothing. It was, for me, a valuable lesson. I possess none of an ‘entitlement mindset’. I worked my own way through school. I think it’s the best way to attend.

I learned a lot of invaluable things in music school that I wouldn’t have gotten elsewhere, and math was about the same; but computer science was kind of a waste. I use nothing from my college educations in my current career. I have peers that don’t hold college degrees, and they’re in the same salary range that I am.

I find that new holders of computer science degrees, including (and maybe even especially!) Masters from GA Tech, are absolutely worthless. They know absolutely nothing worthwhile to working with technology.

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

I am liking uall slave stories and such,imgaine hearing true slave tales from a grandfather, who heard from his father, some of u’ll are my long lost blood cousins/aunts,nep and nieces for real……

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

Hey sis, folks should read “The Aristocrats of Color” is covers the hisotry of AA affluent and elite, educated, etc from abut 1876 to 1930…new!!! Since when?!?!??!

LOL M’Karyl. I guess it depends on which glass you’re looking out from.

My mother however, has gone on record as saying that desegregation was not the best move for black people. I got to see a melting pot of people running things. All races and colors. It wasn’t “black” everywhere I turned but I think it made me more tolerant overall.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

Blue You are right you don’t know jack about my dad so please don’t lump him in with your folks.. We were raised into different worlds.

Foots I never said anything was wrong with leaving your kids a legacy(money) I said to you and others do you. But I commented on the idea that all black kids are some how starting out on the track of life without anything..and running the race falling down. I said there should be a disclaimer stating the ones you know. Because while the legacy may not always be monetary as kimmie pointed out hours ago the fact that you leave your child with the can-do attitude and provided them with a good foundation to build on— instead of the poor you standing at zero and white boy jim is at 5—- is no less a legacy than if you left that child millions.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

“Now, the generation of the grandchildren (of which I am a part) is extending that legacy to include financial knowledge and asset creation.”

damn sho…….that same grand father whom I mentioned ^^^, told me along time ago….in order to stake your claim in America, you gotta do it in land(Real estate)…..own some dirt! that other shyt gon fade away….but not that dirt! As told to him by a former slave!

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

My parents, while quite wealthy, didn’t pay a dime for my college educations. Plural, yeah… their perspective was that they owed me absolutely nothing.

Well, if I can help my kids out with college I will. But I will be looking out for my own best interests first. They have loans for college. They don’t have loans to fund my retirement years, and the people in my family live a long damn time.

I don’t have a high paying job nor do I see myself making a lot of money unless I marry well and I don’t see that happening either. So I’ve got to be realistic in what I’ll be able to offer my kids once it’s time to leave the nest.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

Amazon I am with your mother on that one. I actually read Miseducation of the Negro this summer and was discussing it with one of my cousins. Desegregation was not a help to black folks at all. If anything it made us more dependant on the system. As oppose to become more self reliant which was the goal to begin with.

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

All u ladies just wanting to put ur word in there, but really arguing about nothing and agreeing anyway….now u bringing out the cobwebs and ghosts,scaring us with the grand-pa slave,ghost stories…

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

A Red….shoot, my grandmother, whose still living is 91, and in sound mind…..she was born in 1917!!! Hell, I even think alotta today’s issues stem from the fact that we ain’t got no real “old heads” no ‘mo! what kinda wisdom can you impart as a granny at 35???? Hell, you ain’t even there yet!

By Foots

July 2, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this

Amazon * I was never on the “don’t leave a legacy” side*

Yeah, that was Kym, who doesn’t believe in leaving financial legacies. Good to see that your family believes in that. It’s more than just a possibility that the fact that they were in California had something to do with that. It’s new for mine, but now that we CAN do it, it won’t be after my generation is gone.

By abc

July 2, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

AR, she was born in 1899 but was a slave? How is that possible?

She gave birth at 14?

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

find that new holders of computer science degrees, including (and maybe even especially!) Masters from GA Tech, are absolutely worthless. thats encouraging coz im clueless on that..abc,i need a job…………………

By m'karyl

July 2, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

@AmazonRed

I like the overall experience I had growing up in an integrated social culture…yes, it made me more tolerant and knowledgable too about self and others…“Herein lies the tragedy of the age: not that men are poor, — all men know something of poverty; not that men are wicked — who is good? not that men are ignorant, — what is Truth? Nay, but that men know so little of men” W.E. B. Du Bois”

By Foots

July 2, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this

Kym But I commented on the idea that all black kids are some how starting out on the track of life without anything..and running the race falling down.

You understood the wrong concept and took it to mean that they were behind because they were black. We meant it to say that we didn’t want them behind because we failed to prepare for them financially. Get it?

By Poppa Grande

July 2, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this

Kym

Yeah I know that it just cover 2-years, but that is a start or at least 2 years less that a student would have to pay.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 2:25 PM | Link to this

Foots where did I say that about not leaving money legacy..please go back and find it.

By m'karyl

July 2, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

Rap with you good ppl later. I may be ack 4 5 to chat again…gotta go make groceries…

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

abc - I meant to say “daughter of a slave” but yes, she had my great grandmother at 14 or 15. None of the women I knew in my family had their first kids after 19 until mother came along and had me at 29. That’s how I was able to know my great great grandmother, great grandmother and grandmother.

By Beautiful

July 2, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

mood today: excited! working on more cases this week and loving every minute.

happy birthday to my pumpkin and wise’s sister! he turned 9. he’s gonna be a millionaire because he loooooves money. lol.

i’m paying it forward. whatever i do today, i will get rewarded for it tomorrow. i don’t have pictures to place on my wall, but if i did one would be a pic of me and my two son’s at their college graduations. also, i come to realize that a husband might not be in my future and i’m ok with that. but if He changes his mind, i’m ok with that too.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

2 I learned that jewel laid down by your GrandPop, from Pearl Buck’s “The Good Earth”.

Ared I don’t have a high paying job nor do I see myself making a lot of money unless I marry well and I don’t see that happening either. So I’ve got to be realistic in what I’ll be able to offer my kids once it’s time to leave the nest.

Somebody must be hi-jacking your name, ‘cause I know yo’ bourgeois azz ain’t said that?! LMAO

By Foots

July 2, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

Amazon They have loans for college.

In my family, they preached scholarship and studying hard to get money to pay for school. And I worked during the summers. It’s why I have no school loans. The money that my cousin has saved up for college for his kids, my little cousins won’t need it. The money I save up for my children, if I have anything to do with it, they won’t need it either. It will be theirs to use for their lives.

Desegregation was not a help to black folks at all.

In a sense, I agree. I hear stories of how Oak Street back home was filled with businesses, hotels, and banks of our own. That changed after the 60s and it all went downhill from there. It wasn’t only desegregation, I think that the people lost their sense of pride in their own accomplishments and feelings of community, which didn’t help.

Also, when you leave that environment and start competing with everyone to survive instead of just people that look like you, it becomes a different ballgame. It’s one reason why I decided to go to UGA instead of the AUC.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

what kinda wisdom can you impart as a granny at 35???? Hell, you ain’t even there yet!

LOL. Well 2CPTG, my great great grandmother was a mother at 15 and my great grandmother was a mother at 16 so she was a grandmother at 31!

She may not have been WISE then but by the time her great great grandchildren came along she knew a lot of stuff! LOL

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

Truth - Go somewhere & sit down! What does what you said have anything to do with my experience? I know all about APS. Having a teacher for a mother, I understand quite a bit. Strong community involvement is important for any school to be good, for every race. I knew and know areas where the income level is not that high, but the parents are involved and don’t just drop their kids in daycare and forget them or expect the school to babysit and raise their kids.

And by the way, I went to UGA and they had a bus system on campus. Me nor any of my friends NEVER sat in the back of the bus. We stood up before we did that! Growing up, if we sat in back of any bus it was so we could talk loud and goof off and not because we thought we were inferior!

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

Somebody must be hi-jacking your name, ‘cause I know yo’ bourgeois azz ain’t said that?! LMAO

BK, sorry, that’s all me. I’m not motivated by the pursuit of money or by climbing the corporate ladder. Happiness motivates me. I have a fun job that doesn’t pay me a lot and since I’m happy, I suspect that this is what I’ll do til it’s time to retire.

Also, it’s funny now, because you love to call me arrogant, pompus, cocky, and now bougie just because I have self-confidence. And i didn’t really hear that til I moved here. Now I see where such attitudes stem from. ;-)

By abc

July 2, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

So, she was born in 1899 to a woman who would have had to have been at the very least 56 years old at the time, figuring the latest possible timeframe. Perhaps she was born in 1899 to the daughter of a slave? These don’t seem to be details that would be such points of confusion.

I’m not calling you a liar, just sayin. The arithmetic is pretty simple.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this

Poppa If it weren’t for pipes freezing and busting in the wintertime when it’s all cold, I’d go to tech school and get a plumbers license.

Plumber: Yeah Mr. Kolla, that’ll be $75.

Blue: $75? For what? You ain’t done nothing but walk up talking about how the coffee ain’t hot. You ain’t even got started.

Plumber: Service call dude. snickerin’

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

PoppaG True very True and that is what I normally tell the adults who tell me they don’t have the money..Well this is a start and you have to look at it as an investment in yourself. Its quite a tough sell to some folks. Especially to young people.

By Dan

July 2, 2008 2:43 PM | Link to this

@Foots

As a AUC graduate, allow me to tell you that even when your competitors “look like you” that neither lessens the competition nor the effort needed to compete/win.

I and other had better offers in some cases to attend “prestigous” Ivy League schools, and chose the AUC.

But don’t get it twisted, the AUC has had more than it’s fair share of Magna Cum Laude.

I only made Summa…

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

In my family, they preached scholarship and studying hard to get money to pay for school. And I worked during the summers. It’s why I have no school loans. The money that my cousin has saved up for college for his kids, my little cousins won’t need it. The money I save up for my children, if I have anything to do with it, they won’t need it either. It will be theirs to use for their lives.

Foots - Again, no dissention on that either. However, if your financial goals don’t go as planned, they have loans for college. They don’t have loans for your retirement. Of course I’d encourage scholarships and any other free money that is out there first.

I might let my kids work during summers only. But kids are kids. I spent my summer in educational programs. I want my kids to enjoy the brief carefree years of childhood. They’ll have plenty of time to work. Heck, that’s all I did to put myself thru school once my college fund was gone!!!

By Foots

July 2, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

Kym Okay, Like you said different parenting styles for different folks but it is that give me attitude that has some negros standing at the starting gate. HOuses burn, stocks fall, and banks close. But what I gain in growth and appreciation that is for life..and that is what I plan to pass on to my son.

You said these things with the misunderstanding that I was talking about defeatism and leaving kids with a defective attitude. I’m still waiting on you to find where I said anything about either of these concepts, which apparently started you on the defeatist tip.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

kimmie I went to UGA and they had a bus system on campus. Me nor any of my friends NEVER sat in the back of the bus.

Girl, you know they never had any seats left on the bus, back or front!! I remember as a freshman learning how to get on a full bus when you had a class to get to. A bus was never really full, unless there were people falling out. LOL!! Good ol days!

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

I’m not calling you a liar, just sayin. The arithmetic is pretty simple.

abc - Is it quite possible I’m getting some details of the story wrong? Sure. I was told she was the daughter of a slave and I didn’t get out my encyclopedia and start questioning it. Maybe she was the granddaughter. Maybe it was another round of children born. One day I’ll go back thru the family tree and clarify it for ya. :-)

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

Foots I am still trying to understand how you got I was against monetary legacy. The fact that you and Blue jump on the whole our kids are out of the race or sorry waiting to tie their shoes..gave off the whole defeatist vibe.

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

i don’t have pictures to place on my wall,…. also, i come to realize that a husband might not be in my future and i’m ok with that. but if He changes his mind, i’m ok with that too.* *ITS NOW TIME FOR SELF PITY AFTERNOON

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

“I and other had better offers in some cases to attend “prestigous” Ivy League schools, and chose the AUC.”

I share the sentiment…..I chose Howard over Harvard, and then ended up having to obtain a “release” just to go to the other school…..so I know what ya tombout….and abc, I feel ya on them folks comin outta school with them CS degrees! I ran cross one dude who looked like he could build a rocket on paper, but couldn’t find his azz from a hole in the flo’ when put to the task……

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

damn…..now that I look back…..I was the shyt at one time or another……how’s that for “reg’la”, Foots?

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

The competition is never against another race. It’s against yourself. What can you motivate yourself to do? What can you stay focused on long enough to accomplish the mission? That’s the only thing that counts.

Cream rises to the top and always gets recognized so if you didn’t maybe your sour.

Kimmie I don’t want to talk with you after you get your yellow belt. APS is one of the shyttiest systems rolling. Your mom was a part of that. Sorry LOL

Those kids that robbed folks on the silver comet must have been white because there’s no picture of them. LOL

Ared you know you gotta have your numbers don fuggin with ABC. LOL

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

Ared And i didn’t really hear that til I moved here. Now I see where such attitudes stem from. ;-)

I only said that because you give off the air of a broad that only dates dudes 6’3” and up, makin’ 6 figures. That’s all. I always said that you probably ain’t as fugged up as you come off on here.

By shawn

July 2, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

amazonred why does your sisters lack of being able to pay for college have to be a mindset of the dumb, dumb Atlantans or south culture ? You’ve moved hear, you won’t educate your kids hear, when or if the time comes for a child will you move? You really made your sister (who is an INDIVIDUAL) look like she moved here and became some type of Jim Crow invalid. Way to go!

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this

Foots - A bus was never really full, unless there were people falling out. LOL!! Good ol days! You are telling the truth! Wouldn’t trade the experience for the world though!

Amred - I appreciate your perspective about the cost of living being higher in Cali & NY. When I talk about “running things” though, I’m talking about more than having your own home. I’m talking about running and owning businesses, holding political positions, community leadership and high positions in corporations other than Director of Diversity. I grew up seeing quite a bit of that and I did not see it as much when I first visited other places that blacks made seem like the land of milk and honey. I had friends that graduated college and got big positions in corporations in NYC & LA and the like. A lot came back a bit disillusioned because they faced the same challenges due to race, even though they thought they were going to a more racially-tolerant environment. Things were just more subtle. Again, I know my experience is unique, though.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this

2 Howard? That only makes me think about the Hostess bakery, the used-to-be projects up Garfield, and that raggedy azz McDonald’s. LOL

By Foots

July 2, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

Kym It gave off that vibe because of your recent experiences with your son, which you detailed this morning. Not from the words on the screen, where we were obviously talking about wanting to give kids financial options out of the gate that were comparable to their peers. It was a misunderstanding, as I have said several times. So be it.

Dan Okay…. In my last few years of high school, I had universities that I hadn’t even applied to calling the counselor’s office to get me out of class so that they could talk to me and convince me to apply with them by throwing full scholarships my way. What’s your point? LOL

By shawn

July 2, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

amazonred why does your sisters lack of being able to pay for college have to be a mindset of the dumb, dumb Atlantans or south culture ? You’ve moved hear, you won’t educate your kids hear, when or if the time comes for a child will you move? You really made your sister (who is an INDIVIDUAL) look like she moved here and became some type of Jim Crow invalid. Way to go!

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 3:09 PM | Link to this

I only said that because you give off the air of a broad that only dates dudes 6’3” and up, makin’ 6 figures.

BK - Maybe that’s how you see it because none of my post EVER talk about the pursuit of the almighty dollar. I always talk about attracting what you are and rich is not one of the things I am.

But yeah, I do aim for dudes 6’1 and up because I’m tall too. Are you short? Just curious. LOL

shawn - Hear (Instead of here)? Are you sure you’re helping your case right now? LOL

By Utopia

July 2, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

ABC 2:10 ……I use nothing from my college educations in my current career. I have peers that don’t hold college degrees, and they’re in the same salary range that I am……I find that new holders of computer science degrees, including (and maybe even especially!) Masters from GA Tech, are absolutely worthless. They know absolutely nothing worthwhile to working with technology. This is how it is in the real world. It’s a waste to set aside money for college unless you have the reality that you have a piece of paper with four years of schooling with a degree resulting. Other than that, it’s a rat race and more often than not, it’s who you know.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

Not exactly, Blue…I signed a letter of intent with Howard, then at the last minute changed my mind, and went to another school…but I had to get a release from that letter of intent before I could sign with the other school…..

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

Truth - I agree, APS is not what it used to be, but I’m 40, so that was awhile back. But I’d put my education and that that my mother provided her students against any - BACK THEN! I don’t know what any of these schools are teaching now and how these parents are raising kids now. I have nothing to be sorry for, sir, and neither did my mom.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

Truth The competition is never against another race. It’s against yourself. What can you motivate yourself to do? What can you stay focused on long enough to accomplish the mission? That’s the only thing that counts.

That sounds good. Take the racial aspect out of it and look at practical examples. As long as there are other people, we compete against them for something.

Take the IT field for example. People spend money and energy to get more certifications, not just to know more themselves FOR themselves, but to make themselves more marketable, so that they have the chance to compete with every one else who has that level of knowledge. When I interviewed for my job, my skills, personality and competencies were rated against other candidates. I was never compared to myself five years ago and myself now. I was compared to myself now and everyone else who applied now.

The moment that a business (or individual) fails to consider the competition, they begin to fail. Competition drives you to become better, faster and more successful. We need that external drive along with our internal drive.

The only area where I don’t compete is in relationships. Y’all can have that ish.

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

BK I always said that you probably ain’t as fugged up as you come off on here. You got me rolling over here. That’s funny.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

I’m talking about more than having your own home. I’m talking about running and owning businesses, holding political positions, community leadership and high positions in corporations other than Director of Diversity. I grew up seeing quite a bit of that and I did not see it as much when I first visited other places that blacks made seem like the land of milk and honey.

kimmie - I understand what you are saying. But what I’m saying is that the whole “black owned empowerment” movement is not a focus in melting pot cities. The focus was on successful people of all races. I didn’t necessarily have to see black doctors and politicians to think that I could have it for myself. The milk and honey comes from knowing that you are judged on the content of your character than the color of your skin. Not to say black people arent qualified.

In college I marched when they tried to strike down affirmative action but understood fully why liberal Californians wouldn’t let affirmative action fly. The white guilt thing is not big in Cali and I could see why they would think that everyone has equal oppotunity now (though it is not the case).

Also, I’m not saying racism does not exist in Cali! It very much does, but I think there is a lot more tolerance there than the south at least.

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed I see correcting shawn’s spelling but we all make those errors and I know for me it is mainly, most of the time, because I am multi-tasking. Don’t believe me???

Check your 2:03 “…I’m so greatful…”.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

Ared But yeah, I do aim for dudes 6’1 and up because I’m tall too. Are you short? Just curious. LOL

Naah, I’m only 6’1” when I throw on the Nike Boots or the Timbos.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this

In addition to the desegregation comment my mother has also said that she could never move to Atlanta because “there are too many black folks” here. This is the same woman who remember segregation and went to an HBCU. LOL

By Dan

July 2, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this

Foots

They do that for everybody…of a certain aptitude.

What? You thought you were special…lol

I had coaches, recruiters from different (and sometime the same) colleges offering me the world.

But even with my aptitude..I chose to be educated in an environment of my peers intellectual as well as cultural.

While I won’t knock your decision to broaden your cultural horizons, why feel superior to those that chose to deepen ours?

By The Melo-Translator

July 2, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this

ARED…..You’ve moved hear, you won’t educate your kids hear, Shawn says he means,are u listening,hear

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

Foots my point is if you’re properly motivated you can get the certifications or whatever you need to get what you want. It’s not racial. It’s personal. If you have a motor you can get things done. If not you wait for someone to do it for you.

Kimmie you’re 40? Wow. LOL I have clients and my ex gf worked at APS and they told me the horror stories. Things have dropped off for sure.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this

Raqi - Duh.

BK - Well, at least you’re average then. LOL

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this

Truth BK I always said that you probably ain’t as fugged up as you come off on here. You got me rolling over here. That’s funny.

I always say, the best game is the truth, and Richard Pryor said the funniest sh!t is the truest sh!t. It’s easy to fugg with Red ‘cause I possess that same I-do-me-fugg-you attitude and she ain’t intimidating in the least to me. And as DK would say, I was once the resident MF myself at one time. LOL

By Bre"

July 2, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

I have peers that don’t hold college degrees, and they’re in the same salary range that I am.

I can’t tell you how many times I have to explain how I have the job I do without a college degree…

Since I can remember I’ve never let a piece of paper define me or what I can or can’t not have in this life. Too much pressure on pushing me might be the main reason I dropped out of college…Being from down south all I heard from the moment I understood English was: you graduate high school, go to college, get married, and have babies. That’s it….I’m like where is life? Really, seriously.

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

Amred - Gotcha. I’m guess I’m saying though, that growing up it really was not a “movement”, just natural to see black folks doing it. And doing it in spite of the obvious obstacles they had to face. I still question, if it’s truly a melting pot and the focus is not on race but success of all, why didn’t that “all” include more of “us”.?

By abc

July 2, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

Racism will always exist, and it isn’t isolated to African Americans. AAs discriminate against others as much or more, per capita; people of origin from the Pacific Rim are the same or more so, as far as being discriminating/discriminated against. So it is with all races.

Gee, wouldn’t it be nice if everyone could just get along? There must be some pop song tripe about that… don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter, dear, I hope you dance. Right. That’s why they’re waiting… waiting for the world to change. Wait awhile longer, Mr. Mayer. (Actually, that’s not an unpleasant pop ditty.)

If you expect to see ratios of more than 1 in 10 or 1 in 15 of black people in positions you admire, you’re being unrealistic. That’s the best it should get, because that’s representative of black percentage of population nationwide. Course, in Atlanta it should be higher, in Dubuque lower to non-existent, in Seattle about 10-11%.

Just the same, the point is taken: in Seattle the black man runs the hotel, in Macon he washes dishes in the hotel’s kitchen.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

I always say, the best game is the truth, and Richard Pryor said the funniest sh!t is the truest sh!t.

BK - Just because it’s your opinion though, doesn’t make it the truth. And LOL at bringing the intimidation argument into it. I don’t see why anyone would be indimidated by me. This is all done thru computer screen.

But it’s good to know you keep me on your radar, I suppose.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

Ared/Afro/Melo/Shawn You can tell when a MoFo is typoin’ <=== and making up words, or simply can’t spell. For example, This One Chick On Here couldn’t spell her way into a 4th grade Spelling Bee, let alone win it. But do I say anything? Nope. ‘Cause I know she would just a be MoFo about it. LOL

By Poppa Grande

July 2, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

Foots & Dan

People choose college for a variety of reasons. My wife went to an HBCU & I didn’t. Ultimately, you go where you feel comfortable.

For me, it was the fact the Morehouse didn’t offer the money that the other school did.

The wife chose Spelman because she wanted to do so. She had other offers with MIT among them.

The only thing that is asinine is to get in a contest over which was better.

The best thing that I really got from college was the contacts. A network of friends which whom I still fellowship today. Part of success is what you know, which you could get on your own. Another part is who you know.

I say this because the exhange in which the two of you are engaging sounds like to time the the Howard Law School of Admissions dressed me down for not attending an HBCU. I didn’t want to put the strain on my parents back home and had options. What was wrong with that?

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this

“This is all done thru computer screen.”

A Red….lil mama, it’s a bit more’n that!!! See how folks be fallin for other bloggers simply offa comments and stuff….this shyt is deep; Trust me, you can get a feel for folks thru their writing…one ‘o y’all bible thumpers quote me, “from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh”…well, in this instance, the fingers typeth…..behind e’ry computer screen is a real person, bleedin real blood……..look thru the scrren, and I bet you can “see” with whom you’re corresponding with!

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

You know Blue honestly, I give very little care to how good or not my grammar and typing is on here because I have to apply that energy to my work. I have to make sure that it’s in its proper order. But I just got tickled when I read someone correcting someone else and they had made the same exact mistake.

You know the mote and beam…LOL

Let’s let that kind of stuff ride. It ain’t that serious. Well at least for me it ain’t. See…ain’t. LOL

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

look thru the scrren, and I bet you can “see” with whom you’re corresponding with!

LOL. Shaddup 2C, cuz that is scary. No words on a screen should be able to “intimidate” you unless you allow them too. So yeah, maybe it you are desperate for blog love, you can make up an internet boyfriend too. LOL

I just think it’s funny how some folks pass their opinions off as ‘truth’ and really seem to believe that. LOL

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

When I was looking at colleges I looked at black colleges. Then I thought to myself “Truth you don’t need the black experience, you’ve lived it”. I’m so glad I didn’t go. Not to mention that most charge more for a substandard education and don’t offer as much assistance.

By The Melo-Translator

July 2, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

but I think there is a lot more tolerance there than the south at least. EXPAND ON THAT…i think i agree but i dnt knw for sure….

By Poppa Grande

July 2, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

AR

I may sound like Truth with the following statement:

The US is not a melting pot

We all co-exist but we tend to like to separate. Look in most major cities. NY has a Chinatown, Little Italy, and Harlem. Atlanta is pretty cut up as well although I see it more as a monetary thing.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

Ared I just think it’s funny how people that really want to dig in your azz, won’t. And that’s evidenced by the trolls that show up at 4:45 when it’s time to close the door. That tells me that somebody is scared. But not me… LOL

But it’s good to know you keep me on your radar, I suppose.

Don’t flatter yourself…

2 ….lil mama, it’s a bit more’n that!!! See how folks be fallin for other bloggers simply offa comments and stuff….this shyt is deep; Trust me, you can get a feel for folks thru their writing…

That’s why you gotta be cool meeting chicks off here too. Get the wrong one, (Staceye) and she might be trying to put The Hobbler on that azz. LMAO

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this

Let’s let that kind of stuff ride. It ain’t that serious. Well at least for me it ain’t. See…ain’t. LOL

Good grief. It certainly wasn’t for me. If I was serious maybe I’d make it more of an issue on here.

My ONE comment on his spelling was a joke as he was talking about “dumb” Atlantans all the while making a “dumb” spelling error. Maybe my spelling error I made 2 hours ago would have been more relevant if I spelled something wrong in my response to Shawn.

Jokes, folks, jokes. Lets ALL lighten up because folks are taking the tongue in cheek situation too seriously. :-/

Sheesh.

By shawn

July 2, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this

She still has not answered either way. The more she posts here the more others see.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 3:57 PM | Link to this

The US is not a melting pot

PG - I never said that.

By M'Karyl

July 2, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

*@Poppa Grande *

^5 3:41 post. I went to a major Big-10 school, a local Jr. College and finally in GA, I went to Agnes Scott to finish my degree (‘96). I went to ASC because the institution had a program in place for non-tradtional aged students and it offered the max in financial support to complete the degree. I listened to much monkey noise because I did not choose to attend Spelman. An acquaintance of mine from the U of Illinois told me that college is what you choose to make of it, not so much where you go but rather what you do with the opportunity once you have enrolled and are working towards that degree…get the degree, who cares whether it is an HBCU or not…the education is what is important…Hey-ale, Bush II went to Yale…and, just goes to show you that affirmative action don’t always work for white folks either. lol

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

you missin my point, A Red…..not only intimidation, but feelings can be evoked, period….that’s why it ain’t hard to tell when the regular bloggers change their moniker…..you’ve gathered a “feeling” for their style/person/being…….

and as far as that “makin shyt up” thing….I never got that….why be fake, when you’re invisible?

maybe I’m just on some other shyt….who knows.

By Beautiful

July 2, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this

Do you guys ever get freaked out about your future? Not anymore. Becoming single at the age of 36 did scare me a lot, because who wanted to date a single mom with two boys. Then I realized that every man I met had kids and all were divorced. Then I decided to go back to school and that freaked me out. Then I realized again that half of my class were older than me. Do what makes you happy NOW. You can live to be 110 yrs old. And don’t forget that some things you can’t do all by yourself. It’s ok to ask Him for help.

By M'Karyl

July 2, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

you don’t need the black experience, you’ve lived it

born in black skin, gonna die in black skin…so I guess in between all of that,then I will live in balck skin…ergo, I am the Black experience…ain’t we funky now, uh-huh…the black experience is a livity (Rasta culture) of being who you be born into being…it is a wide-range and diverse reality that is at once absolute and relative…livity for the soul…say it loud…

By Foots

July 2, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

Dan If my comment touched on something internal and made you feel inferior, I apologize. You were the only one.

By M'Karyl

July 2, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

@2CPTG©

maybe I’m just on some other shyt Let me be on something different (It’s my thang, do what I want to do)…better to be on something different and be true to you, than in a box with undifferentiated masses and still be lost in the box.LOL!!!!

By The Melo-Translator

July 2, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

if u have thoghts of ur own and dnt statter,why change monikker just to dig at ared,she beats u,u hit her back on da blog,lets make it exciting folks,dnt be scarrred.I mis-spell all the time,coz i think in zulu,type in english,but cant type.

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this

2CPTG I agree with you. It’s like actually hearing their voice behind a mask. Weird.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this

I just think it’s funny how people that really want to dig in your azz, won’t. And that’s evidenced by the trolls that show up at 4:45 when it’s time to close the door. That tells me that somebody is scared. But not me… LOL

We’ve got a “thinker” here folks. I give the bloggers more credit. The ones that want to dig in my azz, do. The ones that don’t give a shyt about me don’t. And yes there are some cowards behind the screen that I hardly concern myself with.

As for the “flatter yourself” comment, hardly. If I wasn’t on your radar, then the whole “it’s easy to fugg with ARed” post wouldn’t apply.

Shawn - If you want an answer here goes…I don’t care what conclusion you’ve reached about my sister. You’re entitled to it, so go with it. Doesn’t make it true.

that’s why it ain’t hard to tell when the regular bloggers change their moniker

2C - I guess this experience is how you make it because it’s hard for me. I don’t pay it that much attention. If Raqi hadn’t posted her hubbies name, I never would have guess it was her and she wasn’t even trying to hide herself. LOL

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

I grew up by the AUC but once my granny passed on..my auntie pretty much threaten to beat me if I applied to a HBCU. “The world is not all black so why go to a all black university?” I had to say I learned to understand her reasoning. Especially after my encounters at GA Southern.

By M'Karyl

July 2, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

*Foots *

Dan more touchy than a feel from a finger…lol…always hit the dog and make him holler…bet he cool as all shyt tho’…just hiding behind som facade gig of attitude.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

Afro It’s like actually hearing their voice behind a mask. Weird.

That’s called effective communication. Think about your favorite books. It almost feels like you’re on the set.

By The Melo-Translator

July 2, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

BK, I used to be tough on that sister Get the wrong one, (Staceye) until i met her in person,real cool person,trust me…..and not deserving of the abuse i used to heap on her on blog,and she always has a good attitude….i aint comparing to the rest of the blog family tho…in case some think im speaking in tongoues….

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

Kym I graduted from GSU in 88. I stayed in the Pines and was a technology/management student. It wasn’t that bad for me. Did you have problems at Ga southern?

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this

Becoming single at the age of 36

Angie - You were married before? If not, you’ve always been single.

why change monikker just to dig at ared,she beats u,u hit her back on da blog,

melo - Yikes. I hope the same can be said for all bloggers.

By M'Karyl

July 2, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this

ARed rule!!! ARed rule!!! ARed rule!!! ARed rule!!! ARed rule!!!ARed rule!!!

Hater abound, make too much sound…hate cuz they can’t bring to the table what she got on her plate…don’t be mad…get your arse glad….

By Tazzee

July 2, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

I was advised not to attend an HBCU when I graduated high school, so I didn’t. However I did transfer from a Big-10 University to a MEAC University and it was the best decision I made in my life.

So it goes both ways….

When folks ask for advice about sending their kids to college, my first question is ‘what do they want to do’ and the second thing we do is look at in-state schools that have good programs in that major. If all else is equal, I would pick the HBCU though.

By The Melo-Translator

July 2, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this

The only area where I don’t compete is in relationships. Y’all can have that ish. u have been outcompeted,so u just give up and leave it to GOD……???

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

Afro It’s like actually hearing their voice behind a mask. Weird.

That’s called effective communication. Think about your favorite books. It almost feels like you’re on the set.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

M’Karyl - You are killing me. LMAO.

By Beautiful

July 2, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

You were married before? NO, THANK GOODNESS!

good nite.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

“I guess this experience is how you make it because it’s hard for me. I don’t pay it that much attention.”

yeen gotta pay it no ‘tention….with a “spirit of discenrment”, come the ability to discern……….but then again, lil mama, that comment may explain some things about you….and this ain’t a jab….but if you ain’t somewhat “feeling” what you’re responding to, then that means you’re flying off the cuff, perhaps?

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

Melo/Staceye …..and not deserving of the abuse i used to heap on her on blog,…

Man, I don’t abuse Staceye (or anyone else) but since she gets on here talking about deballin’ brothers, she fit that joke better than anybody else. Plus, she can take it. LOL

By Dan

July 2, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

@PG

I’m not arguing about which is better. And I too had offers from MIT, Harvard, and Yale. Columbia actually offered the most money but I choose to remain in the south and among my culture for as long as I could.

But it was never about competing with anyone or acculturation in a different subculture (I knew I’d have the rest of my life to do that) it was about deepening my knowledge and experience within my own.

All are welcomed to experience life in the way they feel most appropriate

By M'Karyl

July 2, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

When folks ask for advice about sending their kids to college, my first question is ‘what do they want to do’ and the second thing we do is look at in-state schools that have good programs in that major

when my daughter went to college, she made her decisions based on more practical reasons…the 2 years at the Jr. college at home allowed her to complete her core for low-cost, she transferred to a small state school where the student-teacher ratio was almost like I had at ASC..she got her degree in HR Management and she actually has a job with a company that specializes in HR Benefits…hey now, just what a degree is suppose to do..uh-huh.

By shawn

July 2, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

amazonred I did not reach a conclusion about your sister, you did. I just felt it was low budget for you to say…”she was alright until she got to atlanta”. Your comment about your sister and living here was just not cool.

Pointer - Think about what you post here before you post it.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this

Well, my mom went to an HBCU and my dad a PWI and it came down to Berkeley and Spelman. Berkeley was cheaper and had a great reputation so Berkeley it was. As PG said the contacts I made was one of the best parts. My sister came on down to the AUC a year later and I got to visit to get my HBCU experience anyway. LOL

But I was happy with my decision especially when I realized how much money I saved by going to public school.

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

‘what do they want to do’

Tazzee that right there is why my son is where he is. My father and brother both insisted that he go.

By Poppa Grande

July 2, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

AR

Last week, you blogged about the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and you asked about Sheree Whitfield’s Ex-Bob Whitfield.

He will be on the show for some episodes. (if it isn’t edited out..lol). He always has jokes and is entertaining so he should spice it up some.

There may be some other suprises as well.

The funny thing is that I probably won’t watch any of it. I detest reality TV…lol.

Truth

You see why Baron Davis opted out of the 17 mill. He had 5 years @ 65 mill waiting on him in LA. I’d do that, too.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

Afro It’s like actually hearing their voice behind a mask. Weird.

That’s called effective communication. Think about your favorite books. It almost feels like you’re on the set.

By The Melo-Translator

July 2, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

she was alright until she got to atlanta Shawn sounds like a grady baby…about your sister and living here was just not cool ahhhhhh,tears…sob sob…..

By M'Karyl

July 2, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

All are welcomed to experience life in the way they feel most appropriate

Amen.

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this

Blue I heard you the first two times. Dang man. LOL

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this

Truth I went 1990 the first year GSU became a university. Other than the Klan experience in N.GA all my run-ins with white people had been pretty tame. But my first semester on campus I got a white roommate who didnt want to live with a black girl..mind you the heffer was living off campus with her boyfriend and was basically using the room for storage space. But she went to the RA and stated she was not comfortable living with a black girl and that maybe I could trade roommates with her friend who was also assigned a black roommate. I said no..I moved all my stuff up 3 flights of stairs in Oliff Hall and I was not about to move again. They offered to “help me move” I said no I like it up here and besides I had classmates on this floor. The other girl was not willing to move upstairs because her mother had come and decorated her side of the room with carpet and everything. So the white girls were SOL needless to say they found room for them at another dorm and I got a room alone for a whole semester.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this

lil mama, that comment may explain some things about you….and this ain’t a jab….but if you ain’t somewhat “feeling” what you’re responding to, then that means you’re flying off the cuff, perhaps?

Maybe, because this is still an internet blog that is designed to be fun and entertainment. I refuse to put that much thought into it. And for all you “thinkers” out there, adjust accordingly. LOL

Shawn - YOU jumped to the conclusion that I wouldn’t educate my kids here, which is incorrect because I said I had reservations. You determined by my response that she was some “Jim Crow invalid” which I didn’t say or imply either. Something about MY post, out of the 270+ posts today made you come out of lurking and respond and erroneously at that. So yes, you did reach a conclusion that it was “low budget” and “just not cool” that is your right. And I don’t care what YOU think about it. There are several other posters that could have reached a vastly different conclusion than you and they aren’t any more correct about their conclusion than yours.

As for your pointer, I do think about how I post before I post it, but I don’t think about how every sensitive person on here will feel about my opinion.

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

I got Bill Withers on the brain.

By M'Karyl

July 2, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

Kym aka Lady Sage

*So the white girls were SOL needless to say they found room for them at another dorm and I got a room alone for a whole semester. *

Righteouness rules…amen…militant act of resistance…stand your ground…the sun come over the horizon in the morning…dawn!!!

By Poppa Grande

July 2, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Dan

*But it was never about competing with anyone or acculturation in a different subculture (I knew I’d have the rest of my life to do that) it was about deepening my knowledge and experience within my own. *

All you had to say was I chose an HBCU because I wanted to do so. There is no reason to justify it. That just where you felt comfortable.

Although, I will caution you that it is possible to accomplish that at a non-HBCU.

By Dan

July 2, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

@Foots

To think you have power enough for me to care…woooow…egotistical much?

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 4:43 PM | Link to this

I went back and re-read my post and Shawn doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

*”she was alright until she got to atlanta”.

If you are gonna quote me, quote something I actually said. My post about my sister was totally about her being salty about having to pay for her education (not about atlanta or the folks who live here).

Lesson learned, don’t engage the trolls. See you later shawn.

By M'Karyl

July 2, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

ARed rule…she’ll take y’all to school…ya’ can talk like a chump…on her you can’t dump…ARed rule… so you ain’t cool…ya’ make lots of sound…can’t hold your ground…ARed rule…so shut up fool.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

The funny thing is that I probably won’t watch any of it. I detest reality TV…lol.

Thanks PG! You don’t have to watch it then. Because I know I will watch every episode, so I will report back on what your friend is doing. LOL. Not like you asked for a play by play. LOL

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

A Red, it’s simple human psychology….this blog doesn’t cause me to exert one iota of brain power! However, being a regular participant enables me to be privvy to the inner thought processes of the other participants…and thus, get a feel for ‘em! I’m sure you ain’t interested in your co”irkers”….but all the same, if you’ve been there for quite sometime, I bet you know a lil some’n bout their “person.”

By Foots

July 2, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

melo u have been outcompeted,so u just give up and leave it to GOD……???

How can a person be “outcompeted” in terms of a relationship? It either works or it doesn’t. You only compete against yourself with relationships, whether you can be the best person you can be to offer to someone else. I can’t compete against other women, I don’t know them and what they have to offer, all I care about is what I have to give.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

Dan Hell, you were the one who started crying about something I said that hurt you, I had the power to make you post your tears of inferiority. You’re welcome.

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

Shawn - YOU jumped to the conclusion that I wouldn’t educate….long post* Is ur blood pressure alright sweety after that long azz post to Grady baby?

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

ARed rule…she’ll take y’all to school…ya’ can talk like a chump…on her you can’t dump…ARed rule… so you ain’t cool…ya’ make lots of sound…can’t hold your ground…ARed rule…so shut up fool.

M’Karyl - If that hadn’t been about me I would thrash you right now for blaspheming one of my favorite poems. LOL

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

Poppa thing is if he made that same salary with GS he’d of earned $85million over that 5 yr period. I don’t see it. That dude was nothing but the truth and my team won’t be the same without him.

Kym I never had a problem down there. Those cats were walking in mud they moved so slow. I was on pure jet fuel. Plus I was a “non tradional” student because I was a veteran so they rolled out the red carpet for me.

Ared even though some times you get on my nerves I must say I like you. Are you uppity? Hell yes. Snobby. A little. But I like that about you. Plus you can field a negative post and either brush it off or send it back to em. LOL

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

but all the same, if you’ve been there for quite sometime, I bet you know a lil some’n bout their “person.”

2CPTG - Yes, I can say that. I wouldn’t go as far to say I know “them” but yes, I do retain nuggets of blog personalities.

I’m back on your page now.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

Dan I had coaches, recruiters from different (and sometime the same) colleges offering me the world.

And by the way, I wasn’t talking about coaches and recruiters calling me. I was not an athlete.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

mkaryl I wasn’t thinking about it like that at the time..I mean seriously I was naive about white folks because frankly all my run ins with them were academic..I was on the social studies team, and science club, drama club so I went to competitions against White folks HellI even spent a week at Valley Forge with the Young Republicans (intro video by President Reagan no less) with students from all over the US and all of them seemed to be cool as could be. Heck I roomed on that trip with a white girl that looked like Barbie. no problem. This thing at GA Southern threw me.

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

It either works or it doesn’t. i aint feeling that.but lets wait until Wise introduces sme topic close to that,or we segway to that tmrw mid mmorning or next week…but i luv u tho……

By Poppa Grande

July 2, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

AR Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t exist. I just think that there should be one channel devoted to it all day and all night.

Thanks, I don’t think it airs until the fall. I think that you may find that Sheree is a character as well.

BTW, Bob laughed when I mentioned Cal..lol

By Tazzee

July 2, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

Raqi I should clarify that - I meant what they wanted to do in life - what major. I think that should be the first reason - find a school that has the program the child wants to pursue - a good program. Next I advise looking at the cost of the schools. I also advise looking at the placement of the students.

M’karyl I think we’re on the same page - I didn’t go into all the details, but what I was essentially saying is - the school name means nothing if the program the child needs isn’t a good one that has a good record of placing the students.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

Hell, you were the one who started crying about something I said that hurt you, I had the power to make you post your tears of inferiority. You’re welcome

LOL. Dan, you did come out of lurksville to respond. Something struck you. You know Foots means no harm.

I have noticed our most tense blog days are the ones where you talk about Atlanta or HBCU’s can’t no body talk about Ms. Jenkins!!! LOL

By shawn

July 2, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

12:55 at amazonred, since your waiting.

“…but my sister in Atlanta is the one who had a problem paying for her education.”

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

It’s been quite busy for me today, sorry I’ve been quiet. I caught up with the comments though, it’s been a very interesting discussion! Again, I could not have predicted most of it, LOL.

Have a wonderful evening people!

Diva Out

By Dan

July 2, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

Foots

“Tears…” come on!

I would hope you were better than that.

While I feel inferior to no one, never let it be said that your words have value to anyone but you.

Opinions are like…well, you.

By M'Karyl

July 2, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

If that hadn’t been about me I would thrash you right now for blaspheming one of my favorite poems

Uh,,just typed that off the top o’me noggin…trash talkin’ in poet be me style…

*@Kym aka Lady Sage8

itis all apart of the experience…for me it did not happen until I moved to the Deep South and I did not fit the paradigm of a AA woman based on the perception of my identity by class assessment…i.e. I carried myself higher than my means implied that I could…hating on a sistah…but we will all experience the crossing of the threshold where we learn,as Cornell West said, that race matters…

By Poppa Grande

July 2, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

Truth

GS wasn’t offering more than a year, yet. (Bird in hand worht more than promises) On top of that it appears that Don Nelson and Baron were butting heads. (Something about BD being benched by the Coach in one of the last games of the season.)

By M'Karyl

July 2, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

@Tazzee

Uh-huh…ciao peeps!

By Foots

July 2, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

Dan LMAO @ you!!!! I can’t help you came out the woodworks to defend your decisions to me. LOL!!! I even had to ask you what your point was. Just let it lie next time to avoid being seen as a cryer.

By Utopia

July 2, 2008 5:04 PM | Link to this

scoping people’s personalities behind their monikers…really it aint that deep

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 5:04 PM | Link to this

even though some times you get on my nerves I must say I like you. Are you uppity? Hell yes. Snobby. A little. But I like that about you. Plus you can field a negative post and either brush it off or send it back to em. LOL

Truth - I like you too. And I really don’t mind the snobby, uppity, cocky etc. labels. I guess it fits me more than some other things you could call me. But what’s funny is how some of you folks come across like you’ve gotten bloggers (not just me) oh so figured out when you don’t. I’m actually very humble and down to earth OVERALL. However, I’m very determined and headstrong in my relationships. Since we focus on one specific topic, we get to know each other on one diminsion of our personalities. Yet, folks post with such confidence that they have you figured out.

Check me out on the MOMania blog or Thinking Right and you might not even recognize me. I don’t know the first thing about parenthood or being conservative. LOL

PG - You talked to Bob and didn’t let him know about his future wife you talk to on an anonymous blog??? LOL You need to stop telling me these things at the close of business! LOL

By Lurker

July 4, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Hello! Anyone home on this 4th of July afternoon?