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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > June
June 2008
Bad Boys: Just Misunderstood?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I am starting to think that bad boys get a bad rap. Just because a man has a little bit of edge and slickness to his “image” doesn’t necessarily mean he is a heart breaker. I think women can stereotype guys rather harshly, especially in Atlanta.
There are admittedly some very flashy dudes on the dating scene. A lot of the single men are polished, cultured, wealthy, and they have a perception of their social stock on the dating market. Some guys let this go to their heads and take it a bit far. However, I think others are just very mindful about not being the “needy guy” so they are sending a message that they are no pushover. How many times have I heard my “edgy” guy friends proclaim that they refuse to “trip over some broad”.. a lot!
So what do you guys think, what is a bad boy? Do you think some men are unfairly labeled as a bad boy?
Ladies, do you prefer the bad boy type with a little edge? How much of a bad boy are you willing to tango with? How do you engage them when it comes to getting their attention and keeping it?
Guys, do you scoff at the stereotype of bad boys? Have you ever had a reputation as a bad boy?
Permalink | Comments (283) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Back to basics
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Good morning!
Today will be my last entry on the MIA blog! I’ve enjoyed navigating the dating scene with all of you for the past year!
I find myself wondering what, if anything, I’ve learned about my dating life in the past year. And it’s this: always go back to the fundamentals. The basic things I knew to be true four years ago are still true, and it’s only when I stray away from those that I find myself unhappy with my dating situation.
FUNDAMENTAL #1: Be choosy about who you date. I found myself questioning some precautions I’d been taking in dating this year, wondering if I was being too picky about who I let into my heart. But as soon as I let my guard down, BAM! I got my heart jerked around. I need to be picky by acknowledging any red flags from the get-go, because it always ends up saving me a lot of emotional trauma later.
FUNDAMENTAL #2: Dating is easy. You call, you go out, you have a good time. Rinse and repeat. Any confusion, pain, or otherwise negative feelings associated with this process simply means they’re not into you. (Actual relationships, including marriage, are a little more complicated. But nothing should be difficult during the dating process!)
FUNDAMENTAL #3: Trust your gut. It’s a cliché, but we don’t really trust our own instincts sometimes. If you think he’s cheating, he probably is. If you think she slept with your friend, she probably did. If you think that hottie giving you the sizzle eyes is trouble, he or she probably is. This concept applies to almost every situation, yet sometimes I’m so goo-goo-eyed “in like” or in love that I forget how effective it is!
What sort of dating fundamentals would you add to this list — things you’ve known for a long time but sometimes have to remind yourself of? Possibly things your family or friends taught you a long time ago or things you learned the hard way? What basics do you always go back to after years of dating?
Happy Friday and happy dating everyone!
Permalink | Comments (310) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Expiration dates
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I think almost everyone’s experienced the very fast-paced relationships—the ones usually filled with passion in which you feel an immediate spark with someone, the feeling’s mutual, and you wonder how you ever enjoyed life without this person. Consequently, you attempt to spend every waking moment with this person in order to get to know them as quickly as possible. (Sometimes these end up being the successful married-in-three-months stories, but I think those are rare.)
And while these relationships are fun while they last, many times they burn out just as fast as they started, and we wish we’d taken things slower instead of opening our entire lives to someone who wasn’t worth it.
On the other end of the spectrum, it is possible for things to go too slowly. Such is my latest experience with a guy I’ve been seeing. Honestly, he’s the nicest guy, and I haven’t discovered anything truly disturbing about him, but things. Are. Moving. At. A. Snail’s. Pace.
It’s great that we occasionally go out on dates, but at this rate, it would take three years to ever figure out if there’s long-term potential! I’m not going to pull the plug just yet because I want to keep seeing him until one of us decides otherwise, but I just don’t know that we’ll get anywhere at this pace.
Do you think it’s true that dating relationships have expiration dates, at least in the beginning? That is, there is a reasonable amount of time during which you both must start putting minimal (if not more) effort into the relationship?
Have you ever grown bored with someone because they didn’t seem as excited about getting to know you as you did them?
Permalink | Comments (284) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Heating things up
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Now that it’s toasty outside, I find myself both wanting to spend more time soaking up rays but also retreating into air conditioned buildings whenever possible! Am I the only one with a split personality in the summer? I guess I love the outdoors but can only stand the heat for so long! But I’ve been totally open to any dates involving the lake, river or ocean — any excuse to buy a new bikini is OK with me!
Do you take advantage of the summer months to go on dates you normally wouldn’t? How about going jet skiing, kayaking, or swimming? Will you brave the outdoors with picnic dates and art festivals, or will you escape into the cool of a movie theater?
Do you worry about, um, sweating when you’re trying to impress someone new? Or do you think they might as well “take you for who you are” from the beginning?
Ever planned a pool date in hopes of seeing someone show off a little skin? How about planning something outdoors only to find out your date wasn’t comfortable with that?
How do you take advantage of the summer months when it comes to dating?
Permalink | Comments (289) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Second best?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This weekend we were at a bar with a group of friends having a great time, and all of the sudden I started getting signals from the male acquaintance sitting next to me. The compliments, the heavy flirting, the tickling, blah blah blah. Which I’m sure would have been very flattering except that he was definitely flirting up one of my best friends the last time I saw him!
So I called him out on it, reminding him that the last time we were together he was busy romancing my girl. To his credit, he explained that afterward he had analyzed the situation, had realized he wasn’t into her and never called her, which is definitely better than just wasting her time.
But really? I’d like to think that my girlfriends and I have similar qualities, but we’re definitely unique individuals. So the leap from him being interested in her to hitting on me seemed like a big one. Maybe he just doesn’t know what he wants?
And how do I know he’s not some superplayer? Everyone has the right to change his mind, to be initially interested in someone and then decide elsewise later. But how do I know he’s not just hitting up everything that walks by? Plus, I don’t love the idea that I was maybe his second choice, since he wasn’t interested in me to begin with.
Men, have you ever made the jump from Girl #1 to Girl #1’s Best Friend? Were you sly about it, or did you keep everything out in the open? Did you genuinely have a shift in your preference, or were you just taking anything you could get? Were there any complications during your change of heart?
Ladies, do you have a problem being Girl #2? How do you discern the players from the confused men who’ve simply changed their minds?
Permalink | Comments (344) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Dinner for two…or ten
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’ve been hanging out with a particular man lately, but that’s all it’s been — hanging out, because there have been no formal dates. We’ve definitely spent some time getting to know each other in groups, which can be super important, even necessary. I think you learn so much about people in groups that you sometimes don’t see when you’re by yourselves.
But it’s time for an actual date. A pick-me-up-wine-me-and-dine-me date. A girl cannot live on group interaction alone!
But I wonder if it’s actually going to happen. Call it a woman’s sixth sense. I just don’t know if there’s something there — laziness? insecurity? passivity? — that’s causing this guy not to step up to the plate.
And I would probably even wonder about his interest level, except for a kiss that occurred this weekend. So there’s at least some chemistry, if nothing else.
So what’s up? Guys, can you shed some light on the situation? Are you still trying to gauge a woman’s affection if you’re holding out on a real date? Or are you just not really interested? Have you ever met a woman you were truly wild about that you took a long time to get to know first? Should I start declining group invitations if I’m looking for some one-on-one face time?
Ladies, fill me in on your experience here. Have you ever known someone who was interested in you that seemed to drag his feet about actually taking you out? Did things ever work out, or did things die out before they ever started? How long are you comfortable just hanging out in groups before you get antsy?
Permalink | Comments (198) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Colossal Waste of Time
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When it comes to dating, I generally don’t like to waste anyone’s time. I just don’t think it’s fair to someone who expressed an interest in me. If I feel as if I would be a bad date, or at the very least unpleasant to be around (yeah, I know, hard to believe!), I will cancel. I just like to spare the poor guy and avoid being labeled the worst date ever.
When I have raging PMS and I feel stabby (sorry, TMI?), I have actually postponed plans with men. Why sit there all evening feeling miserable? Misery may love company, but PMS likes to be left alone! One guy was very irritated that I asked for reschedule, and I wanted to tell him: “I’m doing you a favor, dude!”
Have you ever been on a date where you KNOW you could qualify for worst date ever? Did you act disinterested? Were you late, a no show, or distracted?
How do you handle it when your date turns out to be a colossal waste of time? What is your worst date experience? How did you handle it?
Thanks to “Mr. M” for this topic suggestion.
HAPPY FRIDAY!
Permalink | Comments (278) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Operation Date Three
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Ladies, the mission, should you choose to accept it, is to secure date 3 with Mr. Wonderful. This is the same Mr. Wonderful who brought his “A” game on the first two dates. He had solid date plans, he had humor, he had chivalry (these men exist, I know they do!), and you are super impressed. So what do you do? RECIPROCATE!
That’s right, it’s time to charm him right back. Proceed with caution! You also don’t want to send him running for the hills with annoying or creepy behavior. NO talking about your psycho ex who is stalking you. NO mention of your annoying co-workers. Guys are just being kind, they really don’t want to hear about that! You have an interesting and fun side, please showcase this as much as possible!
Today, let’s cover some of the things single women can do after the second date. I know what many of you will proclaim: Just be yourself! Ok, that works for some of us, others? Not. so. much.
Guys, we could use your input because we would love to hear what you want from your dates at this point. Do you like to see our fun and spontaneous side? Are you sizing up our frisky or naughty girl side? Are you ready to get in to the deep, philosophical discussions about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness? Or do you prefer to keep it light, where the heaviest topic of discussion involves the importance of flossing?
Ladies, when you have a great guy that has given you sweet, consistent attention, what do you do to show him you appreciate it? Do you ever have problems reaching date three? Do you know why? What kind of help do you think you need to keep from blowing your chances for date three. Do you know how men size you up? Does it bother you or do you welcome the scrutiny?
*Note: The mission for Operation Date Three is for people who are interested in possibly starting a relationship with someone. If you are out to just get laid, this does not apply to you.
Permalink | Comments (314) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Space to breathe
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
If a guy meets someone who he really likes, is it possible that he will lose interest if she has too much going on in her life? I ask because many men don’t want to start relationships with “party girls”, yet some guys dread the cling-on types. When single people have been single for a long time (ahem me), they may need a period of adjustment when a new romance begins.
The band 38 Special had a song called, Hold On Loosely:
If you cling too tightly,
you’re gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in.
When you are dating someone new, does that mean your freedom goes out the window? I admit that I have this hang up about “checking in” with someone who I am casually dating. It’s not that I am trying to be dishonest, but I don’t feel the need to be accountable about my time/schedule in great detail to someone who is not my man. Do guys see that as a red flag?
If you are the type that requires a lot of space to breathe in, how do you communicate this to your date?
Have you ever dated someone who asked for a little space? Was that a sign that they weren’t meant for you? How did you handle it.
Permalink | Comments (293) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Sexist in the City
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I don’t know about you guys, but I am personally hooked on media and politics these days. I can’t get enough of political talk shows, blogs, and any coverage related to the presidential campaign.
Part of what has me so captivated is the way attitudes about race and gender have been revealed. Listen, I am no Pollyanna who thinks that Americans always gets it right. However, I still get frustrated about the comments, discussions, and remarks that media pundits, talking heads and others present in those roundtable debates.
I can recall literally throwing my remote control at my television as I foolishly watched The O’Reilly Factor. When asked what the downside to having a female president, one man responded, “You mean besides the PMS and the mood swings, right?”
Even on this blog, the sexist comments that are made by male and female readers, perplex me. I just wonder how sexist attitudes will impact future dating and relationships. How do we manage to even set it aside long enough to date?
Guys, do you think that your sexist views interfere with your dating success? Do find it hard to meet women who uphold traditional values? What were you taught as young boys about a woman’s role in relationships and/or marriage?
Ladies, how do you handle sexists in the city? Do you tone down your outspokenness to keep from sending the wrong message? Do you think you have sexist views about men that you should correct? What were you taught as young girls about a man’s role in relationships and/or marriage?
Permalink | Comments (259) | Post your comment | Categories: Current Events
Can’t Finish What You Started
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Have you ever met, dated, and decided you weren’t a good match with someone in 10 days or less? You haven’t? Oh you should try it, it’s BIG fun (NOT!). So here is the Reader’s Digest condensed version of my dating misadventure with Knight Ryder:
We were set up by mutual friends (i.e. part matchmaking/part blind date). From the first phone call, I got the full court press pursuit: Texting, calling every day, etc. We had a grand total of two dates. After that came my all time favorite male move: the disappearing act. I had to put in a final call to confirm my suspicions that it was indeed a wrap (No worries, I was very kind). So on the 10th day, she rested.
I have always said that you have to be resilient in dating. The best thing to do is try to learn from the experience and move on. So file this under God has a great sense of humor: I check out the Tivo suggestion for the list of shows my dvr thought I should see and I spot an episode of The Tyra Banks Show. The topic? Seven Ways to Keep Your Lover. Oh great, even my gadget boyfriend thinks I can’t keep a man!
Now, I wanted to watch it in the name of topic research. I really did. I just could not bring myself to watch the entire show. Fortunately, good ole Google rescued me:
1. Don’t go longer than two weeks without having sex. 2. Don’t be a ..word that rhymes with witch 3. Don’t be clingy 4. Trust or get out 5. Keep it fresh 6. Don’t let money rule your heart 7. Love yourself
Well, I am sure some of us could benefit from reading this list. Do you think this list of things can help you in your current dating situation? Do you have any to add? What pitfalls do you avoid to scaring off a potential romance?
Sometimes people come on so strong in the beginning. How do you get them to ease up without turning them off completely? How do you handle it when you meet people who can’t finish what they started with you?
Have you ever met someone new, thought they were the greatest thing since slice bread, only to discover they were, um NOT? What turned you off? Do you think that if they had watched The Tyra Banks Show, you would probably still be together? (I hope my sarcasm is detectable, here)
Happy Monday!
Permalink | Comments (306) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Date-iversaries
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I had a friend in college who didn’t celebrate anniversaries with his long-time girlfriend. He celebrated “date-iversaries.” His rationale was that anniversaries were for people who were married, and it almost cheapened the word to use it on someone you were dating.
And I still have friends who celebrate sorts of date-averseries with their significant others — every 6 months or every year, depending on the type of relationship. I guess sometimes we need to celebrate the time we’ve spent with someone, even if the M-word isn’t happening.
Do you celebrate anniversaries of some sort with people you’re dating long-term? How often? Do you think sometimes we put too much emphasis on relationships when we celebrate “anniversaries”?
If you don’t celebrate your relationships this way, have you ever dated someone to whom it was really important? Were you able to compromise somehow?
Permalink | Comments (333) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Give it to me straight
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When was the last time you were in a relationship with someone who told you, “This has been a great 6 months, but I’m just not attracted to you anymore.” Or when was the last time you were out and someone said, “There’s definitely some chemistry here, but I’m going to buy you one or two more drinks to make sure you can carry a conversation for more than 10 minutes.”
Sometimes I think part of the reason dating/relationships/love can be so confusing is because of the preferred social etiquette most of us follow. And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it just means you know a) how to properly address people and b) how much they really need to know about what you’re thinking. (For example, sometimes she doesn’t need to hear that you think she looks fat.)
But it does mean that we’re not quite as honest with people as we’d like to think. Not dishonest, mind you, just a little more tactful. And sometimes more confusing.
What are examples of “socially acceptable” things people have said to you that they could have just been straight-up about? How would it help our dating lives if we curbed social etiquette occasionally for the sake of clarity? Do you think we’d be able to communicate better?
What are the dangers of being honest to the point of losing tact? Would the pros outweigh the cons if we decided to start being blatantly honest with people?
Permalink | Comments (386) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Flirtation inflation
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This weekend I got to be a spectator on the sides of a very sweet, blossoming romance. My friend Keri was being subtly pursued by a man many of us already know and respect. And despite the mutual attraction that was present between them, there was no flirting.
None. At least, not in the over-the-top, artificial sort of way. Just a few smiles and some genuine conversation.
Which led me to wonder, is flirtation even necessary during the mix-and-mingle process? Are you going to chat someone up regardless of how witty or playful they seem? How much encouragement do you need to keep talking to someone or to keep pursuing their heart? Is it true that you need some signals to continue your chase?
Have you ever been drawn in by someone who was an expert flirt? Did you find substance for a relationship under that clever facade?
Do you feel like your flirting ability sometimes scores you an extra shot with people who might not have originally noticed you?
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Absence makes the heart…
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When I was first house-hunting and walked through the home I now own, I didn’t think much of it. Sure, it was more spacious than many other places I’d looked at, and it definitely already had a home-y feel to it, but I wasn’t being blown away by new cabinets, walk-in closets or extras I had seen in other houses.
But after I went home that night, I found myself falling in love with this house. Really. I couldn’t sleep that night in fear of someone else making an offer on it. The wheels were set in motion the next day and now I own a house I adore, quirks and all!
And I find that once in a blue moon, the same thing happens with certain men I meet. They may not seem to have all these impressive bells and whistles up front, but once I’m by myself, letting the overall impression sink in, I realize how great they are!
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and that can be true in established relationships, but what about in dating potential? Have you ever met someone you weren’t necessarily impressed with at first, only to find that a few days later you were constantly thinking about them? Or do you pretty much know, up front, if your interest in someone is going to hold?
Do you think it’s difficult in our fast-paced dating culture to look past the immediate attractions — someone who’s a great conversationalist, an expert charmer or a beauty queen — to appreciate the important, sometimes indefinable qualities underneath?
Has anyone ever truly surprised you with his or her character? If so, why was it so hard to see who they were in the first place?
Permalink | Comments (297) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Your Achilles heel
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When I meet new people, I have one significant weakness: men who can dance. And I mean really dance — not men who pretend that grinding is a respected art form.
I don’t know what it is, but it’s like if I meet a man who can salsa, tango, swing or otherwise cut a rug, he gets a million bonus points. Which doesn’t always translate into enduring love, but it does mean I’m that much more interested in getting to know him from the get-go. Sometimes I even have to check myself to make sure I’m actually evaluating a man’s character and not just his footwork!
What’s your biggest weakness when you meet someone of the opposite sex? (And we all know everyone likes certain body parts. Let’s move past that!) Women who are into cars? Men who can cook? Beauties who love home renovation? What’s your biggest weakness with the ladies or gentlemen?
Permalink | Comments (331) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Fly Guy Friday
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Earlier this week we discussed how women sometimes tank a potential romance. Well, it’s your turn gentleman. Far be it from me to highlight the relationship mistakes of men, though. I recruited the Fly Guy again to help me out, so let’s call it Fly Guy Friday. Today he shares seven relationship mistakes (really, just seven FG?!) men sometimes make.
“I was so close.”
That’s what you kept telling yourself as you attempted to once again pick up the pieces following another failed relationship. But can you really be blamed for having those thoughts? After all, it wasn’t that long ago when you were so sure you had finally found “the one.”
Sadly, it wasn’t meant to be; and now you’re sitting at home, watching “Laverne & Shirley” reruns on Nick at Nite, wondering where it all went wrong.
“It was all her fault,” you tried to tell yourself. But deep down, you knew the truth. You blew it again.
But look on the bright side. If you could somehow manage to avoid the 7 Relationship Mistakes That Men Make; then maybe things will have a much better outcome the next time around.
#1 You start slacking off.
When you first started dating, she would brag nonstop to her friends about how romantic, caring, and thoughtful you were. But now when her friends ask about the relationship, she simply rolls her eyes, and says, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Let’s face it; you used to be the cream of the crop and a proud member of the “good boyfriend club.” But not anymore, as you’ve become about as lazy as Kimora Lee Simmons’ personal trainer. (I mean seriously …she deserves a refund.)
#2 You get too serious, too fast.
Whoa …Whoa…Whoa. I know you’re excited about your new relationship, but you can’t start having “marriage, kids, and soul mate” talk — on DAY 2!!! Moving too fast often leads to getting tossed aside faster than an empty Lindsay Lohan shot glass.
#3 You live in the past.
The two of you have settled into a pretty nice relationship. There’s just one problem though: you keep bringing up the past, using it as ammunition to fire off reasons why the relationship won’t work.
“My last girlfriend cheated on me.”
“Things always seem good in the beginning, only to change down the road.”
“You’ve broken hearts in the past. How do I really know that you’ve changed?”
And on and on it goes. In fact, I haven’t heard this much whining since my aunt bought Keith Sweat’s “Greatest Hits” album.
#4 You don’t show her enough attention.
Here’s a bit of advice: stop trying to play things so cool. A huge mistake would be for you to casually overlook the fact that your woman needs to be shown some attention. Look at it this way; if you fail to make her feel special, then she will have no choice but to fill that void elsewhere — which will probably hurt your feelings when she leaves you for her “best friend” — or even worse, some Hollywood heartthrob like Will Smith, Brad Pitt … or Morgan Freeman (Hell, I don’t know who women find sexy these days.)
#5 You smother her.
On the flipside, some guys can show too much attention by trying to spend EVERY SINGLE MINUTE with their woman. And even when they aren’t with her, they call nonstop, and send at least one email a day professing how wonderful and perfect she is. While she may initially be flattered, no one wants to be suffocated by love. Being smothered in a relationship can be about as draining as trying to silence your outspoken ex-President husband. (Is that still a touchy subject?)
#6 You let her take the lead.
While no woman wants to be told what to do, she also doesn’t want a man with no backbone (I can think of a few prominent examples to insert here, but I’ll respectfully decline.) Step up and be a man that’s confident in who you are and what you want out of life. If you don’t, and allow her to totally run the show, then she will never respect you, and ultimately move on to a man that she can respect.
#7 You start going nowhere fast.
While your woman doesn’t want you to move too fast, she also doesn’t want the relationship to remain in neutral. If she looks up after a year, and feels like no forward progress is being made, then she’s not going to be happy. Not making any effort towards the development of something meaningful is an even bigger mistake than the time I let Wesley Snipes refer me to his tax accountant.
The Fly Conclusion: Now that I’ve shared with you the common relationship mistakes made by men, a choice must be made. Will you continue to fumble the ball at the goal line, ultimately blowing a shot at true relational happiness? Or will keep your eyes open, thereby avoiding those pitfalls? The choice is yours.
And now it’s time for me to hear from the men. Have you ever been guilty of these relationship mistakes? If so, did you eventually learn your lesson?
What about the women? Have you ever been forced to kick a guy to the curb for being in violation of any of these mistakes? The floor is officially yours.
*You can find the Fly Guy here. Please send all your angry MLB emails to him directly.
Happy Friday!!
Permalink | Comments (175) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Finding Neo
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
She was through with all of the women he use to do
See, each morning he left her cryin’
But she stays just a-hoping that he might change
So then she put up with all his lying
You Can Get By - Emily King
Yesterday, I hopped on Marta and met some friends at The Underground to check out some live music at Sugar Hill. It was a great line up of musicians including, John Lewis, Emily King, and PJ Morton. Everyone rocked their set to the fullest and I had so much fun jamming with them!
I got a chance to speak to Emily after she sang and I told her how much I enjoyed her album. She was very gracious and kind, just a total sweetheart. I love it when artists I enjoy turn out to be cool in person.
There is one particular song on Emily’s album called You Can Get By, that reminded me of a recent news story you may have heard about. It’s the story about the fake McDreamy trying to get his Grey’s Anatomy on at Piedmont Hospital.
As I watched Dr. McCreepy’s wife being interviewed on the news, I wondered how many red flags she may have missed. Did they simply marry too fast? Did she ask the wrong questions? Did she buy into his lies because she preferred to date in the Matrix?
Whenever single people fool themselves into thinking something far from what is happening in reality, it’s matrix dating. You know how it is, you don’t ruin the fantasy with pesky little things like truth and reality!
Have you ever dabbled in matrix dating? What would you do if you met, dated, and/or married someone, and later found out they were a poser or fraud?
Do you think this type of situation is why many of us support background checks?
How much do we really know about the people we date? Should we trust that they are who they say they are? How far would you go to do a little fact checking about them?
Are there some things that just need to be revealed over time? Are there other thing that should be researched or confirmed?
Are we too nosy or too gullible?
Permalink | Comments (318) | Post your comment | Categories: Current Events
Modern Masculinity
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Recently, I was reading one of my favorite male bloggers, Sam de Brito. He’s this hot Australian writer who writes about what it’s like being a “bloke” in modern times. He was speaking about modern masculinity: “So many guys get sucked into playing a role they’ve often put little thought or struggle into defining.”
I think I can agree with this because I have met, dated, and clashed with such males. I also believe the same can be said of women. There is little thought put into the role some of us try to play. He also touched on the Four Rules to Masculinity that a psychologist outlined in the 1970s:
No Sissy Stuff: Masculinity is based on the relentless repudiation of the feminine.
Be a Big Wheel: Masculinity is measured by the size of your pay cheque, and marked by wealth, power and status.
Be a Sturdy Oak: What makes a man a man is that he is reliable in a crisis. And what makes him reliable in a crisis is that he resembles an inanimate object. A rock, a pillar, a tree.
Give ‘em Hell: Exude an aura of daring and aggression. Take risks; live life on the edge.
It is very interesting to read these “rules” and think of them in a modern context, isn’t it? Do you think that the so called rules still apply today? Are they outdated or spot on? (Don’t get hung up in semantics about the word “rules”, let’s just go with it for the sake of discussion)
I wonder about the male and female roles that many of us seem to have a hard time grasping in our relationships. When you are dating or in a new relationship, how are gender roles established? Do you address it openly in conversations or does it become clear through actions over time?
In your personal opinion, what roles should men and women embrace? What roles should men and women change? How can we actively improve our dating interactions and male-female relations so that we have fewer misadventures?
We are not afraid of healthy debate here, however, please, keep your comments relevant, insightful, and valuable to our discussion. Let’s get away from making all of our discussions about personal attacks
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Ladies, You Are Doing It All Wrong!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It’s becoming painfully obvious that society is trying to tell women something about their dating habits. You can find clear messages (and subtle ones) in any magazine article, reality tv show, or scripted melodrama shows like Grey’s Anatomy. What’s the message: Women are tanking their relationships at an alarming rate. That’s right, we’re doing it all wrong.
From nagging men to death, to mishandling emotional baggage, women seem to make a lot of mistakes on the dating scene. The problem is that we rarely acknowledge this or our egos prevent us from calling ourselves out.
I will be the first to admit that I have been the queen of dating mistakes! I’m a smart girl, so I have managed to actually learn from each experience, regardless of whether I was the reason for the relationship’s demise or not.
I remember watching the film, the Wedding Date, and Dylan McDermott’s character said: Every woman has the exact love life she wants.” I can’t remember what I was going through at the time, but that really irked me for some reason. It wasn’t until later that I realized this statement had some truth to it. Do you agree with this sentiment? I think I agree to an extent. I can agree with the saying, you teach people how to treat you.
Ladies, do you think women are learning from their dating misadventures? What are some common mistakes that you and your friends have experienced? How have you learned from them?
Guys, do you have similar mistakes in dating? What kind of problems do you get hung up on while you are seeking Ms. Right?
Are you actively trying to work on improving your dating success or are you sort of Cest’ Le Vie about it all?
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The Trouble With Love
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It was a total Sex and The City Weekend. I got completely sucked in to the whole thing - we threw a SATC theme party, we had chinese food and sushi. We drank cocktails, watched the first episode, then piled in our cars to see the film. We fell in love with SATC all over again. We laughed, we cried, we got hot and bothered. Total bliss!
The film had such a wealth of worthy blog topics, I can hardly pick just one. However, there was one question that stood out more than others. What happens after you find love?
We spend so much time, energy, money, emotions, and effort seeking love. Many of us are extremely unprepared to handle what comes after we find it. Are we ready? Do we know what it takes to make it last? Are we expecting the passion and fire to stick around?
One of the most important things I think I have learned from my parent’s marriage is that love changes. It takes on different meanings, it evolves, it deepens, it expands, and some days it goes on vacation.
Today, our society seems to champion new love, when it is fresh and exciting but rarely explores love over time. So, I think we are the trouble with love. We don’t have a clue about what it means beyond the attraction, lust, and romance.
I’m still hopeful that we can learn though. What do you think the trouble with love is?
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