Misadventures in Atlanta

By Kym aka Enchantress Divine

June 17, 2008 8:32 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

While I have opinions on this one I am going to lurk for awhile..not sure I am feeling chatty today.

By SlimOne

June 17, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

Wise D I hope you realize you’re asking for it again today…lol

Slim now building a cubicle fort out of copier paper, white out and paper clips…then says a prayer: Lord please don’t strike Truth down today.

By Dan

June 17, 2008 8:42 AM | Link to this

As far as the political arena goes, I heard sexist comments, but (depending on the channel) they were few and far between.

I heard comments that outright shocked me regarding Mrs. Clinton in some cases, but I think the hype about the media “being sexist and pushing her out of the race” is crap. Point blank: she lost after 11 straight, no coming back from that.

As far as sexism in the workplace or relationships, I might have a tin ear, but I don’t hear it. I know far too many capable women that perform their work (and after work) related responsibilities admirably.

So maybe I’m not aware of sexism, maybe I could use some sensitivity training. But, um, at least right now don’t see as a real big problem.

By Alvin

June 17, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this

What were you taught as young boys about a woman’s role in relationships and/or marriage?

Not a Got Dayum Thing!!! I’ve learn most of what I know thru trial and error…And them dudes off the street corners, LOL

Dang, I miss those days, LOL.

And Foot since when has building relationship with other people gotten so serious…Some people are meant to enriches our lives and some are not. It is just that simple.

Y’all hearing folks kill me at time.

By mytwocents

June 17, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this

tee hee hee

The quote masters probably know the right phrase. The one about how sometimes those unaware of an issue are at the root cause of it… This should be good listenin today. Have a great one, sexists!

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

Demi: And Foot since when has building relationship with other people gotten so serious…Some people are meant to enriches our lives and some are not. It is just that simple.

So what do you take seriously? These same people who enrich our lives (or not) also have feelings. No you will not make a connection with everyone, but relationships with other people whether permanent or temporary is one of the greatest things life has to offer. Why be callous on something like that?

Just thinking outloud…

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

A sexist attitude is an immature attitude. And yeah I can be immature at times. But all in all I am very much into the traditional relationship roles. I believe that there is a position that each individual takes in the relationship.

The problem with our society today, IMO, you can’t deball your man and then still expect him to come thru as the man (leader,provider,protector) in your relationship.

And men you can’t tell or force your woman to grow a pair and still grant you the place of being the man in her life.

We can’t have it both ways.

I caught part of the Baisden show on the way home yesterday. What I got a chance to hear was one of the better shows of his that I have heard. It was about the roles that men and women hold in a relationship. Can a woman be too strong and make the mistake binding the man’s hand in her relationship? Those are not the words he used but it’s how I took it.

By ATL Guy

June 17, 2008 8:56 AM | Link to this

So I took summer courses while interning in Atlanta and car-pooled with a girl in my class who by chance lived 2 mins away from me. We’re on I85 she tells me how she’s a feminist and came across as Sexist as I’m driving! We were friends at this point, not like I just met her. So I told her “ok, you’re going to have to get out of my car…” Haha! Of course just playing but her stiff feminist demeanor didn’t vibe with that comment. People, quit taking yourselves so serious, let the damn guard down…

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

By the way good morning everyone.

Ladies, how do you handle sexists in the city?

While I don’t mind a little caveman in a guy, a pure sexist does not get handled, he gets ignored. I don’t have time for all that!

Do you tone down your outspokenness to keep from sending the wrong message?

With people I like and respect, yes. But those type of people tend to have similar views to mine and also don’t come at me with crazy talk!

Do you think you have sexist views about men that you should correct?

I’m still a traditionalist so I do have certain views on “roles” that men and women carry.

What were you taught as young girls about a man’s role in relationships and/or marriage?

Grew up in the old school tradional model. Dad worked, Mom stayed home. Dad is definitely the head and gets the big piece of chicken. But my Mom was definitely no shrinking violet and had her say.

By brian

June 17, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

What were you taught as young boys about a woman’s role in relationships and/or marriage?

Ummm, wow.. Thats not a good question this earliy in the morning… but uhh I was taught to respect women, to a certain degree… a womans role in a relationship no longer applies to what I was taught as a young man.. Today’s Woman is alot different from yester woman… (the diva effect, im a princess, I want to be just like one of the sex in the city girls, ect..)

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

The problem with our society today, IMO, you can’t deball your man and then still expect him to come thru as the man (leader,provider,protector) in your relationship.

Raqi - Amen!

By abc

June 17, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

Sexist views (and racist views, for that matter) have to do with embracing stereotypes, applying them to those who can be so labeled.

When males on the blog wax crudely about having sex if in any way available, feeling no responsibility for the messes they leave behind as she should have had more sense anyway, and pretty much “shut up while the game is on, make me a sandwich and get me a beer”, it’s tough to not get at least a hint of what some of the stereotypes are.

Females that imply that they need an optimally upwardly mobile candidate with more than a couple bucks laying around similarly portray the stereotype of women who are attracted mostly to position or money. What kind of car does he drive, ladies?

White people aren’t athletic and have no street sense; African Americans can’t swim and are somehow genetically predisposed to be afraid of dogs.

So, men can’t be trusted, women are after money. Women want that perfect man… for them to change. Men want that really special someone… who will leave them alone.

By ATL Guy

June 17, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

Brian I’m with you. I totally respect the females as well. Thing is…you must give respect to receive respect. These girls that have this sense of entitlement like the world owes them something is unreal. Then dress a certain way and wonder why they only attract specific guys or get negative attention.

Stay Classy Ladies…hearing that from a 25 year old

By Dan

June 17, 2008 9:15 AM | Link to this

Ok, I’ll throw the grenade…

Here’s your chance ladies to educate us neanderthals about what sexism is, how to spot it, even examples of some sexist behaviour, language, etc. that we should watch out for.

So have at it…give us the lists!

How are we to learn and improve if you don’t tell us?

By QC

June 17, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

Morning all…i hope everyone has a fantastic day Hello Alvin/Demi you should try to fly through here today.. i’ll be in Lurkesville, Ga

BK ;)

Good commente Brian

By Foots

June 17, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this

Demi And Foot since when has building relationship with other people gotten so serious…Some people are meant to enriches our lives and some are not.

Do you believe that building a relationship with the child you are raising is serious? What about your family? Do you have friends? What about the people who you network with in order to build your reputation and business? The dude who cuts your hair? You don’t want to get jacked up in the chair do you?

Let me ask you: Do you think that the word “relationship” only applies to male-female romantic interactions?

By Dan

June 17, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

^5 abc!!! Right on!!

By ATL Guy

June 17, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

Dan how whipped are you!? Use some common judgement

Guys are sexist when they degrade women either physically or emotionally. Sad thing is, too many women tend to put up with this & Accept.

Women can be just as bad with the Control Thing…know its true!

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

Guys, do you think that your sexist views interfere with your dating success? Do find it hard to meet women who uphold traditional values? Traditional values as we know them are in themselves sexist.But I belive they were put in place in order to maintain order.In the 21st century, some of those traditional values may need to be adjusted and tweeked to make sense, but those values still have a place.God created man and women differently and He endowed us with unique but different talents.Women are good at nurturing and men at fighting and hunting.The nurturing,fighting and hunting in the modern day is a bit different but it still applies to our setting. The problems we have nowadays are the lack of families especially among African americans.Whites do not face as many problems as blacks do,in my opinion because the family is not as messed up as ours. In families where the wife is a stay at home and the man works to feed the family, for example, it seems the families are more grounded.They may be poorer compared to 2 working parents but not necessarily poor and struggling. My point is that when we choose dating partners, the focus shld not be on high profile careers, money etc but on on how we view each other’s role and if we are to raise a family, what roles each one of us will play. My wife and I established traditional roles, even as we were dating.It worked.We transitioned that into marriage and it is still working.Ofcourse we tweeked it when we entered marriage.It may not be equal,fair etc, but it works as far as raising kids etc is concerned. Nothing in this life is 50/50 and i think that is where most miss the point.

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

When males on the blog wax crudely about having sex if in any way available, feeling no responsibility for the messes they leave behind as she should have had more sense anyway

Dan - You do know that you are one of the guys this applies too…right? LOL

By Foots

June 17, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Raqi I heard a bit of that show as well. I don’t usually agree with everything that he says, but when George was saying “What about the woman who gives up control to the man, only to have him disappoint her time and time again?”, Michael responded with something like “She needs for a man to demonstrate that he can handle his own business first to know if he can handle both of theirs.” That man has to demonstrate that he is capable of taking care of himself before he can take care of a family.

I can remember telling one of my friends that same thing when she was considering getting back with her ex-husband. Dude had never lived on his own, never took care of his own bills, couldn’t keep a job, but yet and still, she expected him to know how to be head of a household. I told her to at least let him get on his feet and show her that he can be responsible before she let him move back in. But love got the better of her. They are still going through the same issues years later.

Mike had it right on that one.

By Biff

June 17, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

There are a lot of confused chicks out there. Many lesbians and feminist man haters do not realize that men and women are different. It is genetically programmed for chicks to have qualities for breeding and raising children. When they don’t have those they naturally can be bitter and turn their anger towards men.

Men should treat women as gentlemen until you find out they are man haters due to their inadequacies.

By Dan

June 17, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this

@abc

I agree with the theory of the stereotype and how they apply to certain biases, but to me the stereotype only applies to me…if I let it.

Sure I like chicken, I won’t be swimming the English Channel but I can swim well enough to save my own life.

But as with most stereotypes they are generalizations that have a basis in someone else perception of cultural or gender specific activities (i.e. “all men are dogs”, no just the one you’ve dealt with are).

But for a stereotype, or for that matter, the association of a particular trait to be tied to you, one must exhibit those tendencies. Just because I like chicken, can shoot a basketball, doesn’t mean that I’m no conversant in the finer arts. But I don’t necessarily need to wear that badge of distinction, because I don’t feel I have to prove anything to anybody.

@ATL Guy

Sarcasm, Sardonic…dictionary.com

By Lurker

June 17, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this

ABC’s comments (all of them) are dead on. I hope though, while some are high fiving it’s not selectively.

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

SlimOne, just read the first 2 posts and you are in my head in terms of Truth. Now, going back to read the rest.

By Foots

June 17, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

What were you taught as young girls about a man’s role in relationships and/or marriage?

From the examples in my family, I know that male-female love relationships don’t all look the same. As for roles, our family operated on the basis of “whoever does what best”. My aunt and uncle, who were married until death parted them, had non-traditional roles. He loved to cook, so that’s what he did. My aunt didn’t drive (once she got married) so he drove her everywhere she needed to be. But she could clean the hellz out of a house and run an organization better than a CEO. They both were good, involved parents and they both worked.

My cousin and her husband both work and raise their children. He does most of the cooking, she does most of the cleaning. They find the situation that works best for them.

My own daddy was a hard-working man who did a bunch of work outside of the house. My mom basically cleaned, or made us do it, but they both cooked (70% Mom, 30% Dad). They both had careers.

I’ve grown up surrounded by examples of two-worker households who were able to find how who did what best and what worked best for them as a couple. There are no concrete lines drawn for me as to who SHOULD do what based on your chromosomal makeup.

By Dan

June 17, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

@ARed

No. No that statement doesn’t apply to me.

I believe in personal responsibility mine and anybody that I interact with. Naive as it may be, I hold people responsible for their actions and inactions and expect them to hold me accountable as well.

As far as sexual relations go, I’ve never taken anything from a woman that was not offered so at some point, on some level, she made a conscious decision. That said, she is accountable for her decision as I am for mine.

The outcome in this equation is negligible, its the inherent responsiblities of both parties to make decisions and live with them.

So no, if she (nebulously) made an informed decision as an adult I have no responisibility what…so…ever.

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

Ared I agree…completely…My daddy got the big pieces too!! @ With people I like and respect, yes. But those type of people tend to have similar views to mine and also don’t come at me with crazy talk!

Melo Right on point with your post!! I agree %100….Now on the black and white thing….I somewhat agree…I think the white family you think of have been perputated in the media. They have some screwed up families as well. But I must say there are more single family black homes then whites. That has alot to do with BLACK MEN abandoining the traditional roles. Yea, let’s talk about it! Traditional values as we know them are in themselves sexist.But I belive they were put in place in order to maintain order.In the 21st century, some of those traditional values may need to be adjusted and tweeked to make sense, but those values still have a place.God created man and women differently and He endowed us with unique but different talents

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

So no, if she (nebulously) made an informed decision as an adult I have no responisibility what…so…ever.

Dan - this statement alone is exactly what abc’s post applied to you.

But whatever.

By Foots

June 17, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

abc Need your opinion…

Does “feeling no responsibility for the messes they leave behind as she should have had more sense anyway” effectively equal “she (nebulously) made an informed decision as an adult I have no responsibility what…so…ever”? LOL

Hey Dan, I agree with you on The outcome in this equation is negligible, its the inherent responsiblities of both parties to make decisions and live with them, as this not only applies to sex. The same can be said about dudes who spend their money on a woman without getting a “return on their investment”. You should school them about owning their decision to spend their $ and that the responsibility of their choice falls on them, not the woman. I think you understand this well, hence your cheapness.

By ATL Guy

June 17, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

Of course this topic leans on Chilvary. Women love the Chilvary from guys, but being so sexist or feminst will squash the idea of Chilvary. Instead of being considerate of guy-girl or girl-guy … its a barrier established that divides the sexes

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

As for traditional roles when I was growing up, my dad made all of us (boys and girls) learn how to cook. But the unspoken separation came when house cleaning and yard work had to be done. The views were formed based on what we were given to do. My mom nor dad never stated this or that is a man/woman job, but my sister and I cleaned along with my mother, while my brothers did the yard work and washed the cars. It was only after the two oldest began working and went off to college that us youngsters shared more of the same chores. The fact is we sort of grew into certain roles from there. And then seeing how my mom and dad interacted with each other impressed a lot onto us.

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone.

Can a woman be too strong and make the mistake binding the man’s hand in her relationship? Most definitely! When a man realizes that he can continuously make mistakes and his woman will ALWAYS be there to fix matters, will only weaken and destroy his role as man of the house because in due time she will start to berate him on any given level.

We will Atl Guy!

When Melo posts like an open-minded individual, he makes sense (and no typos).

I don’t care how independent I am, I believe in the traditional roles of man and woman. I don’t consider myself a sexist, yet I want a manly man that can handle himself and take care of me when I can’t take care of myself.

By Dan

June 17, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

@ARed

In what context?

Sexism, as a construct says that women and men have certain “roles”, i.e. women and men cannot perform the same tasks or rather should not at least that’s what I take it to mean.

How does a mutual choice to engage in sexual congress somehow put more responsibility in the hands of one party over another (in that I have more responsibility to her than she has to herself)?

I’m not understanding what you’re saying, speak it plainly, are you accusing me of something specific?

And the subtler argument that abc is making, simply becuase I don’t marry the women that I sleep with, does not make me a bad person. She’s an adult and the same basis of logic for being independent, being strong willed, and having her own now negates her other responsibilities?

So a woman can work, manage her household, have children, but has noooooo responsibility in the outcome of her chosen sexual interactions? Is that the gist of what you’re saying (either of you)?

By brian

June 17, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

Question? How do single mothers of young boys, teach a boy about a mans role.. If she is on, a all men are evil kick”, ur daddy is a dead beat, im in and out of relationships all the time. And there are alot of single mothers out there, ALOT. It just seems like we are going back wards, to many proud people(women), no ones to take the back seat anymore… I think could swallow my pride to deal with a hardheaded woman to be there for my boy… Thats not the case with everyone…

By Kym aka Enchantress Divine

June 17, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

I pretty much agree with abc’s comments regarding race and sex..but I will add that both require a internal shift in attitude..not external.

In a leadership seminar a few years ago we did a experiment where we had several sheets of poster paper taped to the wall under on each sheet were the name of a different race of people (Asian, Black, Hispanic, White) along with a sheet for man and woman.(specfic to each race)

Each table as a group took turns and went to the sheets and wrote down ever truth(suspected truth) or sterotype we could think of about each race and both sexes. All the negatives we could think of in 2mins.

From Hispanics are all illegal, Blacks are lazy, Asians can’t drive, Whites are racist, White men are sexist pigs, Black men are thieves, White Women are witches(with a b) and Black Women are on welfare.

It was shocking and revealing because in that 2mins most of the posters were filled with negatives.

Our next task was to go back to those same sheets and in the same 2 mins write all the positive things we could think of about each race.

While it took us no time to come up with negatives we were stuck on positives.

Mind you these are people I worked with, ate with,and laughed with.

And here we sat in this one room confronting the attitudes…we all share about our own race and the race of others. Not to mention how we felt about women and men.

The air in that room was thick because we were surrounded on all sides by the attitudes we had about each other. The instructor didnt ask us to say what we wrote or added to each poster but to simple think about our attitudes.

So Dan making a list and saying here read this is not going to change anything. There has to be a internal change or shift to cause people to change.

Back to lurking

By SlimOne

June 17, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

Foots I am with you on your 9:39…maybe when we get into expecting the other person to uphold a steadline list of things according to our own way, you bring on unnecessary issues. I totally agree with setup your household to what works best for you. If the man is a great cook, enjoys doing it, then why not have it where he does majority of the cooking. Or is she can wash the hell out of a car and detail it to a tee, why not let her do the car washing….I myself have no problem with cooking, cleaning etc but when i feel the other person is EXPECTING me to do something, or making me feel I HAVE to do it, then it takes away the joy of doing it because I WANT to. No one wants to feel taken for granted. When i was shaking up, it was a pleasure for me to have the food timed just right to be hot when Mister came home. In the same token, if i got home after he did, it was just as nice to see he had picked up or cooked something for dinner and not chose to wait for me to get there to figure it out. Shaking up was definitely a learning experience for me. One of the things i learned is that some things that i may find ‘common sense’ or a big deal, aren’t necessarily a big deal for the other person. For instance, he didn’t think anything of opening a cabinet or a drawer in kitchen and leaving it open. I myself can’t stand it….However, when he turned around one day and bumped the hell outta his eye on the corner of the cabinet door, he got a great example of why i don’t like it….all-in-all communication is key. We live in a “I want it now Fast-food world” and it seems the art of getting to know one another a few and far between.

By Foots

June 17, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

Raqi Another question he asked is “Why do women find it hard to admit that they would like to be taken care of by a man?” I took that to not just mean financially, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally as well.

I wanted to call in and tell him to read this blog occasionally to find out why. Men constantly talk about getting azz, getting more azz, and getting rid of the woman who is giving old azz to replace her with new azz. They talk about wanting a woman to leave them the f/k alone, to accept that he will cheat, that it’s okay to chase dollars instead of meaningful relationships, to shut her mouth unless she has it open to receive his private parts.

Are these men actually prepared to take care of a woman’s heart, body, and soul, if she were to offer them to him?

With examples of such on a daily basis, would Michael Baisden still wonder why it’s hard for some women not to take these attitudes to heart and not build walls around themselves for self-preservation? For them, to admit that they need a man is like admitting that they like mistreatment and disrespect, especially if they don’t see examples of how wonderful men can really be.

I’m glad that I have good examples in my own family and friendship circles of men who were raised in good families and who honor and love women. At least I know that all men don’t think the same way and that I can feel free to admit that I want and need a man in my life, because there are some really good ones out there.

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

Dan

By Binford2K8

June 17, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

Is it sexist to say the WNBA sucks compared to the NBA?

By kimmie

June 17, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

Raqi - Your 8:55 is dead on. I also caught quite a bit of Michael Baisden and yes, I agree it was one of his better shows. I also really appreciated his stance on the R. Kelly thing-did you catch that? He basically said is was a non-story to him, it’s been drug out too long and was inappropriate to discuss on Friday, when he had the kids calling in praising their fathers for Father’s Day. But yes, it was a great show yesterday, I was going to bring it up on here if you hadn’t.

I’m also with you Foots, about the “whoever does what best approach”. That’s the approach I’ve seen work best in most relationships I admire. That’s what a real partnership is all about, 2 people working together for the common good of the family. I am somewhat old school too. My parents had very traditional roles, but like AmRed said, my mother definitely spoke her mind and my father respected her opinion. I think like my mother in that there are just certain things that require a “ladies touch”, though I realize there are men that can and do do those “things” just as well or even better, and vice-versa.

As for the political stuff, most of the news shows I watched during the primaries had the thinly-veiled racism that got my blood boiling, not so much the sexist stuff, though I read a few blogs that made sexist comments about Hillary, not surprising. America is not the most progressive country in the world, and a lot of people don’t realize this. That being said, before Barack came on the scene, I do believe the Dem nomination was Hillary’s to lose. Just like there are some people that will never vote for a black person, there are some that will never vote for a woman, period. There are other factors that cost Hillary more than sexism, in my opinion, and it was still very close.

By abc

June 17, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Dan, I’d say that in most cases of irresponsible sex, supposedly without consequence, the female bears the majority of responsibility, if for no other reason than the man can feel free to skip out since he isn’t the one that becomes pregnant — at least, that would be an assumption based on stereotype.

In cases of sexually transmitted disease, I’d say the parties bear equal responsibility because the negative consequences are the same. Knowledge beforehand that one is contagious should constitute criminality should one engage in sex without informing the partner (and maybe even if they do inform them… maybe), but another stereotype could reflect that those so infected got that way by being so irresponsible, what’s to suddenly make them more responsible now?

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

Foots Are these men actually prepared to take care of a woman’s heart, body, and soul, if she were to offer them to him?

LOL. Not the men on this blog!

(for the most part, I fully understand that there are a few real men here. And I appreciate you!)

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

Oh, and to answer this question What were you taught as young girls about a man’s role in relationships and/or marriage? I wasn’t taught with words. My mother schooled me with her actions. I watched and watched and watched all the wrong things going on around me. I knew what I wouldn’t and couldn’t tolerate. Yet, when I realized I was relinquishing myself as a vital and productive woman to someone who didn’t deserve me I “manned (sp?) up” so to speak and took back charge of my life. Reading you guys have me wondering if these “traditional” roles still exist!

By mytwocents

June 17, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

abc So, men can’t be trusted, women are after money. Women want that perfect man… for them to change. Men want that really special someone… who will leave them alone. Now don’t these generalizations look crazy… missin your favorite one, tho.

ATL Guy The hazards of pursuing Negative Attention are seen across all age groups and demographics - from the hood, to Hollywood. I attribute some of this to a defeatist attitude…ladies who hear enough negativity about “how women are” may accept it as fact and proceed in the same vein, like they’re afraid to disappoint or challenge it. Then others don’t conform to it at all but while you seem able to, many other men won’t mentally or physically embrace a non-stereotypical woman. I guess since they’re not as easy to pull out the manual and operate step by step. But then, you’re young yet, so they may say you’ll become jaded with time.

By anonymousella

June 17, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Ladies, how do you handle sexists in the city?

i ignore him because we do not have compatible values. then i say a prayer to the goddess that he evolves (or has a daughter…i suspect a lot of your attitudes about gender roles change when you have a daughter).

Do you tone down your outspokenness to keep from sending the wrong message?

um. no. i just roll my eyes and keep it moving. no point wasting time trying to convince someone to change his/her worldview (cuz yes, women — my sistahs especially — like to uphold the patriarchy).

Do you think you have sexist views about men that you should correct?

my one even remotely sexist belief is that men — my brothas especially — prefer the gender role status quo. but then, i’d say that’s more fact than belief.

i think we’re more alike than different, though our militaristic culture likes to tell us otherwise.

What were you taught as young girls about a man’s role in relationships and/or marriage?

i wasn’t taught anything beyond stand on your own since prince charming ain’t out there.

my father was at least as emphatic about that as my mom. i’m not sure whether they were progressive, realistic, or just cynical about a black woman’s prospects for marriage. but the lesson stuck.

my parents split the housework and child care as needed. my dad did almost all of the cooking from the time i was seven. mom did the house cleaning. dad did the yardwork. we all shoveled snow. we did most of our own laundry and ironing.

in other words i grew up with an unusually balanced example of gender roles in a marriage. and trust me when i say that folks who also want an equal marriage are hard to find below the mason-dixon line.

By Dan

June 17, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

I want to be left alone when I get home becuase I don’t want to bring the problems of my job into my house, to my SO, and have her take on the responsibility of counseling me about the day I’ve had putting up with…whatever I have to put up with.

I don’t want to sleep with you, that’s not my motivation for speaking to you, it can better be described in getting to know you. Your dreams, your past, and who you are today.

I don’t want to take care of you, I want you to be an active participant in your life. Make decisions, live with them, and if at any point you feel like my opinions, my life history, my perspective can help, I will gladly give you all of that and any other information that you need to make your choices.

I don’t owe you anything. I’m not beholdent to you for anything that I choose to give you…or you choose to give me.

We are adults, capable and indeed responsible for making our own decisions in this life. Be they for this life or the next, the outcome of our collective and respective choice lie soley with each of us. Individually as adults.

It does take a man to raise a child, and any fool can make one. That is why I have no children, not fool enough to make one, and not in a position to be the man that I would want to be for my child.

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

Sexxy i have typos coz iam stealing time from work and rushing,if u get the context in my writing,good.Am an open minded person..u knw this..other times, im just having fun and messing.I aint as bad as sme wmen on the blog think iam.Just a lil dog in me from yrs gone by.Nostalgia…..

By Dan

June 17, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

@ARed

Nice dig, having sex with me is regretable? Riiiight, and sex with any female is the Holy Grail….

But to what extent does my responsibility lie? I stay checked out for all manner of ailment, I wear the condom, and in the end if there is no child…what do I owe her?

@abc

There you go. Fear is always a motivation to not do something. Of course statistically there are a million and one chance to catch something, but you know for yourself that your odds decrease as you decrease your risky behavior. To your line of thinking, why drive? Why let someone else prepare your food? All becuase of what might happen?

And where did the baby come from? Every woman that I sleep with at least has my phone number (and that hasn’t changed in 10 years) so prayerfully, if there was something that I needed to know, someone would’ve told me by now.

By Foots

June 17, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Slim I myself have no problem with cooking, cleaning etc but when i feel the other person is EXPECTING me to do something, or making me feel I HAVE to do it, then it takes away the joy of doing it because I WANT to. No one wants to feel taken for granted.

This was exactly the issue I had with an ex. He had these rigid ideas about what each sex should do that it was stifling. I felt unappreciated and taken for granted and I didn’t want to do anything for his azz. In other situations, including this one, I love to have food ready when my man comes over, I fix plates, I get refills, I don’t even sit down to eat until he’s got everything he needs. But he does the exact same thing when I’m at his place. When I walk in, the food is just about ready, he serves me food, he offers me a drink. The reciprocation is great. To treat somebody well goes beyond traditional roles, it’s just plain caring about someone and wanting them to feel loved. With the right person, and a little discussion, things should fall into place.

For instance, he didn’t think anything of opening a cabinet or a drawer in kitchen and leaving it open. I myself can’t stand it…

OH..MY..GOD!! Do ALL men do this?? LOL!! I had an ex who did this, left open cabinets, microwaves, drawers, etc. I used to be fire hot mad about it. The new man does the same thing, if it can possibly be opened and closed, he leaves it open. I just laugh now and close them behind him. What a difference 5 years makes in my own attitude!! LOL!

By Kym aka Enchantress Divine

June 17, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Foots surely you are not going to make a comparison to the 3 or so men on this blog to rest of men in Atlanta?

To answer your question.. Are these men actually prepared to take care of a woman’s heart, body, and soul, if she were to offer them to him?

I would ask the woman why would you give yourself to a man who does not even begin to express that which you desire? I mean lets cut to the chase..if a man says I am only out to get some booty from you and the woman goes in knowing he just likes her doggy style then why is it when the deal is sealed is that man a dog? If it walks and talks like Fido and barks at you and says “Hello my name is Fido” well then -I am pretty doggone sure its a Fido.

Yet, I am willing to bet that most of the men on this blog have been hit up by women…or if they have hit women up have gotten responses that don’t match any of the attitudes expressed here.

Disclaimer I dont know jack about any of you so your blog side lives are safe with me.

By kimmie

June 17, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Kym - I went to a similiar seminar a few years back that did that same excercise! It was a trip - you could cut the tension with a knife! I almost got into a “heated” discussion with a white woman who pulled me aside and asked me why “a lot” of black people think they are entitled to things just because they are black and should not have to work for things! I told her I did not know what she was talking about because everybody I knew worked their a*******es off and did not expect a handout and after all, deadbeats exist in every race, every color! I looked evil as H at her and she got out of my way quick!

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

playing the tiniest violin in the world for Dan.

What you described in your 10:15 would be better served in search of a good roommate, than a wife, IMO

Sounds like selfish way to live, and to go thru life never making a real connection with anyone. Cuz you don’t owe her anything and neither does she…

But I’ma stop now, because if that is what works for you, so be it.

And PS, That wasn’t a dig and I never implied having sex with you was regrettable, I was speaking on regrettable decisions, such as doing something like having sex on the first night or something like that. Cuz we no you’ll have no remorse since she’s “grown”

By abc

June 17, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

Oh yeah, mytwocents, all women keep secrets and lie to maintain them, about everything under the sun. Yeah, I apply that stereotype to all women, I admit it.

Dan, just sayin… talking stereotypes.

By Kym aka Enchantress Divine

June 17, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

kimmie Then that was your angry black woman showing. (It was also a negative on our list) The point of my post and I think that exercise was that we all have these sterotypes and we proudly display them in some cases or hide them when necessary.

By Dan

June 17, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

@ARed

I don’t like the violin…how about a flute melody?

As far as my comment, I need to decompress when I walk through the door, esp. if I haven’t been to the gym before. Reason is the problems at my gig are mine to deal with, until I get ready to share that with her in rational and calm manner. Which from time to time, I’m not ready to do right when I walk into the door after work.

And you’re right, naan regret about anything I have done or chosen not to do…..

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

Foots I think most women find it hard to admit because the word on the street these days is it make her powerless. Less than an “independent” woman. A digger and the sort. Which is not at all true. The thing is there are men out there that want to be that man to the woman he is with. He wants to be there for her. But when you listen people now if you didn’t know any better, they would make you believe any man that is willing and capable of loving his woman and providing comfort and support for his woman is less of a man. Maybe less of a barbarian. But not a real man.

The one thing women and men both have in common in terms of relationship…we want to be respected. You stand you in role and I’ll stand in mine but let’s respect each other.

And another thing, folks are just lazy. You hear more of what I won’t or don’t want to do in a relationship than you hear of I want to make it work.

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

Melo, I know who you are, and most times I know you’re playing. Nut man you are HARSH (even if it’s a throwback to yesteryear).

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

What a difference 5 years makes in my own attitude!! LOL!,my wife does this Foots, she does not close doors,leaves her shoes downstairs, anywhere, leave her purse by the stove etc.I am the opposite, i try to have my stuff in an orderly place and i always knw where i left my keys. But the important thing is tolerance and accomodation.When u find the one u luv, u must be in a position to be flexible and accomodating,nobody is perfect and i do have my own weaknesses.So does evrybody!!

By The Truth

June 17, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

Raqi great post. Give me an example of how a woman can deball a dude.

We’re all guilty of stereotping, sexism, racism (even within our own culture) and much more.

Sexism isn’t a problem when an unqualified chick gets promoted because she has c cups and bends over alot. It’s ok then. Or when a chick goes clubbing expecting dudes to buy them a drink. It’s only sexism when a chick is told to do what she was put on earth to do.

Slim Slim now building a cubicle fort out of copier paper, white out and paper clips…then says a prayer: Lord please don’t strike Truth down today. Don’t worry Slimmy, I have a great relationship with MY god and he says not to worry about the commercial god sold to the masses at 10% of their income. I’ll be ok.

In the end you can be as independent as you like on the street. When you come into my home your azz will be a woman or we’ll deal with it. I never want to get so sophiscated that I forget what I’m good at. We’re not going to negotiate how much of a man I’ll be. Sexist, hell yes but thats the way it rolls in Camp Truth. I feel sorry for dudes trying to negotiate with a woman how much of a man he’s allowed to be. SMH

Foots Are these men actually prepared to take care of a woman’s heart, body, and soul, if she were to offer them to him? Isn’t that alot to throw at someone. Ultimately you’re responsible for all that, I’m only here sharing apart of your life with you. I’ve had a FEW women tell me they didn’t feel I would protect their heart. I told them all the same thing, I won’t. It’s not my goal in life. If your feelings get hurt so what, get in line. If you’re soul is that delicate it will be damaged at somepoint by someone anyway. Your body will feel pain too. This is a part of that fantasy women are sold on a daily. “If he loves you he’ll never do anything to hurt you”. Bullshyt. Ask the folks in love who hurts them the most, their mate or their boss. Not even close. Happiness is knowing this person will hurt you and knowing you can go forward anyway.

By SlimOne

June 17, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Foots LOL on the open cabinets & drawers….let me tell you. This same dude got me good one day. He goes in the kitchen and opens EVERYTHING with a drawer, door, or knob. So then he says he has a suprise for me and makes me walk into the kitchen with my eyes closed. So I open my eyes and almost freaked out. He got me good…I must admit…sly joka. So i laughed my azz to tears as I politely closed every door back. lololol I can honestly say that I had a “Sleeping with the Enemy” OCD moment.

But lets not leave out men’s idiocracies…lol The same man that had no problem getting undressed throughout the house leaving clothes everywhere could not stand breadcrumbs in the butter, or butter in the jelly or anything like that. lol So out of respect for him, i made some modifications. See how that works. lol

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

OMG, sorry meant to say “But man…”

By Foots

June 17, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

Kym surely you are not going to make a comparison to the 3 or so men on this blog to rest of men in Atlanta?

Well, no, if you say I shouldn’t. This blog is a good cross-section of people in general in their behaviors and beliefs, and I can nearly guarantee that several women on here have occasionally run into men with the same negative attitudes like the ones expressed on here. I have, and that’s why I learned how to keep it moving.

would ask the woman why would you give yourself to a man who does not even begin to express that which you desire?

And yes, you hit on the point. Some women have experienced such negativity from men in their lives that they believe the lie that all men are dogs. Those women will never fully give themselves to anybody. And the men who have their best intentions at heart are left to tear down all of the walls she has built because of past disappointments.

Michael’s question was “Why won’t some women admit that they want to be taken care of?” And my question in return is “Why would they, if the men they’ve experienced aren’t prepared or willing to take care of them?” It takes a lot of courage, trust and faith to remove emotional barriers in order to have meaningful relationships, but like he said “How can you get it, if you won’t admit it (that you need each other)?”

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Dan I’ve never played the flute, so will the recorder work?

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

The one thing women and men both have in common in terms of relationship…we want to be respected. You stand you in role and I’ll stand in mine but let’s respect each other.

And another thing, folks are just lazy. You hear more of what I won’t or don’t want to do in a relationship than you hear of I want to make it work.

Raqi - Again, AMEN! Sometimes you only have to come to this blog to see why the state of the family is in such disarray.

By kimmie

June 17, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

Kym - Yeah, you’re right, that was my “angry black woman” showing!LOL We all admitted we hold stereotypes, good or bad, about others, in the class. Actually, the thought that “Blacks are lazy or feel entitled” was also one of the negetives list too. I was like “why did she have to pull ME aside to ask me this?”, when we already discussed it in class as a negative? Didn’t do the neck-roll, but yeah, it definitely rubbed me the wrong way!

By Alvin

June 17, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Foots and A.Red the only thing I do is treat people with respect and treat them how I want to be treated…With Respect. I don’t need a degree to do all that. Let me ask you: Do you think that the word “relationship” only applies to male-female romantic interactions? No, I just don’t think about relationships with people as you do…I either respect you or I don’t. As long as the respect (and trust) is there, nothing else matter…I am a people person, so I don’t count no way. Since I’ve change my character, I have more good’n’postive friends than negative.

QC Hey Bay!!

By Foots

June 17, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Truth See Raqi’s comment: The thing is there are men out there that want to be that man to the woman he is with. He wants to be there for her. But when you listen people now if you didn’t know any better, they would make you believe any man that is willing and capable of loving his woman and providing comfort and support for his woman is less of a man.

When I speak of taking care of mind, body and soul, I speak of being “willing and capable of loving his woman and providing comfort and support for his woman”. No one (I hope) is naive enough to believe that they will never be hurt by the person they love, either intentionally or unintentionally. Let’s be realistic. I’ve hurt people I’ve loved knowingly and without any intention of doing so. We all have buttons that people don’t even know are there, so they can’t possibly realized that they’ve pushed them. So that’s not what I’m talking about.

Again, Raqi explained it better than I did. See if you can understand it her way.

melo But the important thing is tolerance and accomodation.When u find the one u luv, u must be in a position to be flexible and accomodating,nobody is perfect

You are definitely right. As everybody in longer term and marriage relationships tell me, you just have to put up with some things that will irritate the ish out of you. I realized that I’d rather suck it up and shut the doors and have him there, than have everything orderly and in place and have him gone.

By Dan

June 17, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

I’ll admit to playing on here some days (like yesterday, Truth you a fool!), but today I’m actually quite serious.

I’ve seen what damage a failed relationship can have on a person, but in the end (one of the 5 stages of grief) they find happiness when they come to accept the role and responsibility that they had in the demise of that relationship.

@Foots

To the point you made earlier about relationships it can boil down to those semantics that we discussed to the other day. A business associate is not a friend, the guy that cuts my hair is being paid to perform a service - and thus not my pal. Buy to-may-to, to-mah-to right?

Micheal Baisden? Really? I always thought he was Frank Ski with less of the Soul Glo and a deeper voice….for a mintue, I thought they were the same person…

By SlimOne

June 17, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

Truth I have some Protection Beads & Incense on special just for you today. One of each for a low price of $79.99. If you buy now, I’ll even throw in a yaga mat and 2 capsules of vitamin E.

By Wise Diva

June 17, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

I just want to say THANK YOU for putting some thought into your comments today. I am enjoying what people are contributing so far…when I get this quiet, that’s a GOOD thing, LOL

By star

June 17, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

The Truth your 10:42 turned me on.I like your attitude.

By Foots

June 17, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

Alvin the only thing I do is treat people with respect and treat them how I want to be treated…With Respect. I don’t need a degree to do all that.

Respect is the foundation of a good relationship. It does seem like it’s important to you, so you addressed your own statement.

But where did the degree comment come from??

Dan I was speaking in generic relationship terms, not only close ones. Relationships are defined as a state involving mutual dealings between people (or parties or countries). I have a relationship with the guy who sits across from me, though sometimes I wish I could kick him in the chest and balls at the same time. But that doesn’t minimize the importance of our working relationship. We need each other. And yep, I have a good relationship with my stylist. If it turns bad, I’m leaving her azz. LOL!

By Dan

June 17, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

So after all that…

Can anybody tell what sexism is? So that’s I’ll know it if I see it?

By Beautiful

June 17, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

What were you taught as young girls about a man’s role in relationships and/or marriage?

maybe that was the problem. i wasn’t told about the man’s role in a relationship. i seen what was going on around me. i’m gonna be honest here. it still bothers me that we (women) fight to be equal. i want to be equal. BUT i do want my husband to be the leader and protect me. i’m not confused, lol. what i’m saying is that i can mow the lawn too, and i’m pretty sure i can change a tire if you show me how. and my ex-supervisor at work, we seen how he treated the male employees. smh. i could have made a stink about it, but why? what would it have changed? nothing. hillary, that poor child. she would have been a great president. but try to find one man who would allow her to lead us!!! as soon as she cried in front of the cameras, i knew she lost her chance.

By Beautiful

June 17, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

Sexism isn’t a problem when an unqualified chick gets promoted because she has c cups and bends over alot. It’s ok then. Or when a chick goes clubbing expecting dudes to buy them a drink. It’s only sexism when a chick is told to do what she was put on earth to do.

it never fails. everyday i get what i come here for. thanks!

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

June 17, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

Good Day all…

Raqi I caught some of that show too…and I say the words, “too strong” are oxymorons. How can a person be too strong. These days when people are not reliable and do not keep their words, promises and expected actions…you have to be very independent. I prefer not to lean on anyone to help me do anything. I do not care if I break my back doing it or go broke paying to have it done right and on time…at least I know it will get done and I owe no one but God and myself. I refuse to bite my tongue out of fear that some weak azz man can’t be with a strong-minded/strong-willed person. That means he has control issues and he feels that the only way to be with a woman is to try to dominate or control her. They try to be like Mister to Cellie, hence the reason he married a child…so he could control her! Some guys seek out mindless spineless twits who add stilts to his ego. I am not one. I am who I am with or without a man. I will not change. If he expects me to change then he doesn’t really like/love ME. He likes the idea of taking my physical as is a shell and gutting out my personality to make it into what he wants it to be. Sorry buddy..not gonna work! I am not putty! I do not try to change you…I just decide if something about you is dealable or not and go from there. I think the only traditions that should be kept is the biological ones…such as men make babies and women carry and give birth to them. Other than that, all the sexist pigs in the world need to take the cork out of their azzes and release! I am perfectly capable to ding things for myself, just as many women. now, I will let a guy fix something for me or put something together for me..but as long as he knows that I am able to do it myself. If it will make him feel better…by all means. Less work for me! LOL

ATL Guys are sexist when they degrade women either physically or emotionally. Sad thing is, too many women tend to put up with this & Accept. I agree. It is so sad that just to have a man in their lives they will allow this type of behavior!

Foots see at least there was no…”you are the woman you are supposed to cook and clean”. It was whoever did whatever best. I am fine with that. I can cook…however I hate to do it. But I will clean the crap out of crib because I am borderline OCD!

Sexyleggs I co-sign your 9:56! I for one hate to reliquish things over to somebody else to do because that fear of them letting me down or not doing what they are supposed to do is too nerve wrecking. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop (that is how I feel about relationships) I would worry so much until whatever the task is, is confirmed done and done right. Too much for me.

Brian how can somebody who has had to take the front seat and drive all her life, now just up and take the backseat and let somebody else drive? Men make it sounds so effortless. It is not! If men stop leaving behind the responsibities and leaving the women to be mom/dad…wife/husband then maybe that woman could be a little more laxed.

Foots I co-sign your 10:05 girl!

By Kym aka Enchantress Divine

June 17, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

Well Dan as people pointed out in the political race(speaking about sexism) People refered to Barack Obama by his last name..Obama. But when people talked about Hillary Clinton they called her by her first name Hillary. If you noticed with all the other political candidates in the media they called them by their last name…not the first except during the debates where they were addressed Senator (insert last name).

By Alvin

June 17, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

Foots degree come from speaking with my cousin…she call me a non-degree having thug in Relationships 101

And I am still salty about that!! LOL

By Dan

June 17, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

@Kym

I thought that was mostly due to the years of experience she spoke of. To my mind commentators, moderators, and like refer to each other by their first name…completely missed it….

Staceye

Thanks for the Odessey!!! I’ll finish reading it after lunch.

By Foots

June 17, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

Dan Sexism is discrimination or prejudice imposed on someone based on gender. Here is the Wiki definition:

*Sexism is a belief or attitude that one gender or sex is inferior to or less valuable than the other and can also refer to a hatred or distrust towards either sex as a whole (see also misogyny and misandry), or creating stereotypes of masculinity for men or femininity for women.[1]. It is also called male and female chauvinism.

Sexism can refer also to any and all systemic differentiations based on the gender of a person, not based on their individual merits. In some circumstances this type of sexism may constitute sex discrimination, which in some forms is illegal in some countries.*

Plenty of examples: Giving your daughter an earlier curfew than your son, Believing that a man can’t be just as good of a parent as a woman, Lesser pay for equal work, Beliving that having two X chromosomes makes one genetically predisposed to wash dishes, Believing that all woman are good for is a piece of azz or all men are dogs. I could go on and on.

Check the Wiki article on sexism, misogyny, and misandry.

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

Truth Examples of deballment: Insulting his every decision, idea and/or plan. Talking down to him especially in the presence of others. He has no say in the house. No say so with the kids. No input on how the finances are dealt with. No voice whatsoever.

To do all of that but then turn around and tell him he supposed to be the man. Go out work, bring home the money, take care of your family. STFU already.

And the same goes for a man that pushes his wife into the position of holding the reins. She has to see to the bills getting paid. She has to work an extra job to make ends meet. She has to be the spokesperson for the family.

Then he has the cotton balls to expect her to stand down when he speaks. GTFOH.

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

I thought they refered to her as “Hillary” because “Clinton” could mean her or her husband. I have to admit for the longest time I would automatically think of Bill.

I still hear a lot of “George W Bush” to refer to the President as to not confuse him with his dad. Though it’s less and less further into his presidency.

Not saying there is any sexism going on with “Hillary” thing.

By Dan

June 17, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this

@Foots

Then the courts systems are sexist…why can’t men get sole custody?

Thanks for the definitions…

By Foots

June 17, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

Kym But when people talked about Hillary Clinton they called her by her first name Hillary.

I didn’t think much of that, I thought that it was to prevent confusion between her and Bill Clinton. They refer to him as “Bill”, so I just assumed that it was to avoid confusion. If they would have referred to her as Mrs. Clinton, I’m sure some would have been opposed to that.

But you have a point. Men are mroe often referred to using their “formal” last name, whereas women are referred to using a more “familiar and friendly” name. That maybe why we all just use first names at my job.

By Kym aka Enchantress Divine

June 17, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

Amazon when people refer to President Clinton..then that is how they refer to him either President Clinton or former President Clinton..rarely does the media refer to him as Bill. The title is retained even when the person leaves office(along with the salary and protection and other perks) So no the media was not doing it because of confusion with her husband.

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

Raqi, you’re my girl. Your 11:34 was on target. My ex would say “you took my manhood away from and stomped on it.” My reply was “nope, you handed it to me on a silver platter.” That’s why I said at 9:56 in due time a woman will berate a man on any given level if they’re living a life like you just posted.

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

Staceye “too strong” is someone that is unable let go even when the man standing before her has been proven. I am one that has made the transition from a “do-it-yourselfer” to a team player. It takes time to fully let it go. There is nothing wrong with being self-sufficient. In fact it is honorable. Been there done that. But so is being part of a team. So is allowing that special person in your life to let it rest on him because he ask for it. He wants it. He is a man created for the task. I don’t have to hold first position. Just respect the position that I do hold.

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

She’ssss baccccccccccccck!!!

What’s up Beautiful

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

So no the media was not doing it because of confusion with her husband.

That’s not entirely true. But it’s not entirely false either Kym.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

June 17, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

Dan you got jokes?!? LOL

By Foots

June 17, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

Dan why can’t men get sole custody?

Men can, and do, get sole custody. I worked with a man who had custody of his three teenaged sons and my friend dated a man who had two of his three children with him (he had custody of all three, but his parents kept the little baby to help him). These men either fought for their children or the women abandoned them and were considered unfit. It happens, and kudos to the dads who are being both mom and dad.

By The Truth

June 17, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

Foots here’e my value proposition. Had you lived with me over the last 25 years (This is how it has been, not how I wish it would have been) you would have NEVER been asked to put down half on the mortgage or utilities. You would have NEVER had to do the lawn or empty trash, unless that’s something you really enjoyed. You’re car would have always been cleaned, because my girl ain’t driving around in a nasty car. And if someone got out of line in the house, I would gladly take care of it (That includes brothers, mothers, fathers, grandfathers, robbers etc)

You would be responsible for food in the fridge and paying for whatever you drive. I do the things I do because 1) It’s in me to do it 2) If I carry the weight you have no reason to be anything but the woman I thought you were 3) I look for pleasure when I look at a woman (Not always physical but a good spirited woman) and if I shoulder the burden you can be that pleasure 4) If I do these things and you still can’t be pleasant then that alone tells me what I need to know

What we will never have is 1) Your babies daddies come to visit, ever (Once again, I’m not negotiating with some dude about how I run my house) 2) You flaring up because you feel like it 3) You or anyone you may have met in life thinking you’re running my house

This is what I offer. There’s no bartering or negotiating. I can deal with more than you without it turning me into an animal and I will if I can come home to a soft warm woman. When I start seeing you as anything other than that we will renogiate the deal and that is usually a painful experience, on alot of different levels.

Is that sexist? I’d say so but that’s the only offer on the table. The thing is I know more women that would take that deal than any type of negotiated peace settlement where dude has to wear a dress Mon Wed and Friday.

Raqi thats what I thought. Being deballed is actually a dude volunteering to be neutered. None of the things you mentioned would not go unpunished with me. That’s not possible. Thanks for the examples.

Slim if I go to hell we can be roomies. Word is out that JC saw you smoking that j last year. He’s not happy, that came from his private stash. Plus I’m gonna need some jokes to deal with that heat. Don’t worry about sex, something tells me neither of us will be in the mood. LOL

By az

June 17, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

a woman that blindly follows her emotions is equal to a man that blindly follows his peniz

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone!

Just finished conversation about Tiger’s win on yesturday. Almost the entire bldg gathered in the common areas to watch the US Open yesturday.

On Topic comment; this is not to make anyone uncomfortable. After i read the topic and thought about being “sexists” i remember this debate/subject amongst friends. I said or added one take on it then so i wanna add it agian in this discussion.

Men are supposed self-confident because they grow up identifying w/ superheroes, striving to master games, sports and challenges <—(a lot of their focus). Women have supposed wavering self-images because we grow up with babydolls (housewife mentality).

Most women are introspective. = Am I being emotionally and creatively filled?

Most men are outrospective. = Did our team win? How’s my car?

Sexists is how one would belive the other sex is “not as good” as the same gender. Well if i beat a man at his own game then…or he is more introspective is there balance?

brain to comment on your statment about single moms teaching “roles” to a young boy. I was taught to to respect the individual, and as a single mom i impart the same philosophy to my child. ….”roles” hmmmmm hopefully as he grows and learns what they are he won’t be defiant of them.

By brian

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

Beautiful Hillary can’t even run her husband let alone the country…If it was just her…Yeah maybe. But I believe a man is meant to lead. Sorry. Jump on me ladies. But that part I agree with…As long as he respects me and has my best interest at heart it’s a go. My father was the bread winner, had the best credit, took care of his family….Being that dominate it would be very hard for some woman to take away his crown. But to bad they dont’ make um like my daddy anymore.

Back to Hillary She is too damn emotional and does not know how to keep her feelings intach. She lets it show to much and was caddy as hell. No one wants a messy, emotional wreck to run the country. Those uncontrol emotions can ruin a woman.

By az

June 17, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

a woman that blindly follows her emotions is equal to a man that blindly follows his peniz

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

Hmmm…I don’t really have a problem with Truth’s 11:50 response to Foots! Good thing I don’t have any baby daddies tho. LOL

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

Truth Omgosh…I just felt the spirit move through me….Sir yes SIR!! LMAO!!

Foots here’e my value proposition. Had you lived with me over the last 25 years (This is how it has been, not how I wish it would have been) you would have NEVER been asked to put down half on the mortgage or utilities. You would have NEVER had to do the lawn or empty trash, unless that’s something you really enjoyed. You’re car would have always been cleaned, because my girl ain’t driving around in a nasty car. And if someone got out of line in the house, I would gladly take care of it (That includes brothers, mothers, fathers, grandfathers, robbers etc) LMAO @ ROBBERS!

By Dan

June 17, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

@Foots

My point exactly, she has to be proven to be unfit, she has to abandon her children, he has to fight to get his children.

See how the pronouns are treated differently?

@Stace

All day, for you!! You silly!!!

Being strong by yourself don’t mean not being strong and working with someone else. Unlike Truth, I can share the responsibility of leadership by consensus. Yet like Truth at some point, some decisions are mine alone to make, as I alone will bear the wieght of them, like exactly how to deal with the intruder and his remains.

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

Hillary can’t even run her husband let alone the country…If it was just her…Yeah maybe. But I believe a man is meant to lead. Sorry. Jump on me ladies.

Ugh.

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

I agree w/everything you said Truth. When a woman is confronted with that, she has no choice but to be all WOMAN for her man. That’s how I see it. Feminity should be at its all time high, sexiness should be oozing until you close your eyes at night, and a bunch of forehead kisses throughout the day. Anyway, you got my drift!

By SlimOne

June 17, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this

Truth Now that you laid an outline of how life would be in yo house, I have a respect for that. What you described is not too much further off from how other men i’ve known runs their homes. As far as the hell part, that wasn’t JC’s personal stash, that came from yours. Secondly, I wouldn’t count out sex just yet and lastly, I doubt i’d be in a joke telling mood. Something about the heat makes me angry. lol (nothing a good earmuffilectomy wouldn’t cure)

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

Sme of our women need healing so they can sit back,relax and allow the menfolk to lead.Its not easy, esp after years of neglect by the menfolk, but with a lil prayer and trust, it can be done.Ladies, let go of the contortion on your face, smile a lil so u wont be so intimadating and let go of the emotional baggage and in Jesus name, let it go..even Eddie, to whon u trust a lot, said so in one of his sermons(ctesy frank ski)…

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

like exactly how to deal with the intruder and his remains. i like that Dan

By Foots

June 17, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

Dan Actually, your question was why can’t they get custody and my answer was some do. And yes, fight, as opposed to laying down and handing over his children without a word. Many get shared custody, if that’s what they want. Some men gladly accept full custody arrangements where the woman keeps the child. How can you speak in absolutes when there are so many scenarios and situations possible?

For the record, my mother had full custody and my father had weekend visitation. I don’t believe for a second that my dad wanted the full-time responsibility of caring for two girls on his own the majority of the time. Did my mom want all that responsibility full-time and alone? Probably not, but that’s what she got.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

June 17, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

Dan I know a few guys that have sole custody of their kids. It is hard though. I know a guy who wants his son because the mother is being a b*tch about visitation…but let him not send child support….stop the presses. he has calle dthe cops on her to make her let him come to NJ to get his son for the summer. It is women like that who make it hard for the good fathers. I know some really dedicated dads..and I have ran across some deadbeats! It just depends on how much that dad is willing to fight for his kid.

Dan some decisions are mine alone to make, as I alone will bear the wieght of them, like exactly how to deal with the intruder and his remains. Now why would you take away my joy of helping to shoot him and dismember him to be distributed in different states? I would be the Bonnie to your Clyde. Riding shotgun in that decision! You don’t give me enough credit! LMAO

Truth I am starting to think I have a little testosterone…lol I find myself reacting to things justa as guy sometimes! Wow!

By DasV

June 17, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

does sexism exist? really? hadnt noticed. cause i know my place in the game and i play my position. i admit there are times when i forget a particular play and have to consult with the coach … but coach is cool cause him love me and he lays things down in such a way that allows for my dignity to remain intact. i respect him for that. i dont mind ‘rules of the house’… there are rules at work too and i gotta abide by them if i expect to get paid on the 15th and the 30th. conversely, i cant expect to repeatedly drop the ball and not get docked…. and fired if an outlined NI plan isnt followed/met.

the hardest thing is finding a man with a gameplan… an idea on how he wants to manage his team. has he selected me because of my skill in the areas needed to play my specific position?… or was he focused on my cuteness, my money, my car or my kids?? i need to evaluate his level of synthesis…. the combination of a strategic mind and a kind soul…. who operates at a level of reasonableness at all times.

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

Ared What’s the “UGH” for?

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

Blow - it was for that stupid statement.

By Ding Dyng Deng

June 17, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

What’s the “UGH” for?

By Dan

June 17, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

@Stace

I’m not a chauvinist but if there’s ever a Man job, it’s the dismembering (if necessary).

@Foots

What I’m talking about is not the myriad of outcomes, but the court’s initial decision. A man has to prove the woman is unfit in some way, he doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt regarding custody. Case law…

@Das

Most men have a gameplan, what we lack are specific plays for specific defenses. Hellz, that flea flicker ain’t working against the blitz, it just ain’t. That where adaptation and improvisation comes in, when you have to scramble sometimes just to get that first down.

@Melo

Personal responsibility, when the cat hear that shotgun, he makes the choice: home to his mama or Jesus.

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

If I do these things and you still cant be pleasant then that alone tells me what I need to know

That says a heck of a lot right there. A man and woman has the right to want what they want in a mate. So when all “obstacles” that was previously holding you back has been moved out of your way, what’s now preventing you from stepping up to the position.

By Wildnfreeone

June 17, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this

“Guys, do you think that your sexist views interfere with your dating success? Do find it hard to meet women who uphold traditional values? What were you taught as young boys about a woman’s role in relationships and/or marriage?”

No not really, one I don’t hold those traditional values. Two, I’m more of odd ball kind of guy. Being rasied by a single mother I was always taught that women are equals in life and in the workplace. Which in turn makes me hold women in a different light. I don’t believe in a man should make the first move, should always plan and pay for the date. If you find me cute then you should get my attention, just because I don’t notice you doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to you. I’m probably not really paying attention to anyone normal looking (I like to people watch). Also take some initiative and plan and pay for a date. My rule is who ever suggest the date pays. If I’m always suggesting then I stop calling. I guess I take the whole equality thing a little too serious or maybe not.

By DasV

June 17, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Dan i respect you for stating that. because another very common problem is the ability for you all to admit that you just dont know what play to run…. and that what you really need for us to do is scramble, make it happen. in a word its humility…. nothing more beautiful than a man whispering baby lets just make it look good…. i like that and imma go over-n-beyond and make it look easy too! :)

By Wildnfreeone

June 17, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

No not really, one I don’t hold those traditional values. Two, I’m more of odd ball kind of guy. Being rasied by a single mother I was always taught that women are equals in life and in the workplace. Which in turn makes me hold women in a different light. I don’t believe in a man should make the first move, should always plan and pay for the date. If you find me cute then you should get my attention, just because I don’t notice you doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to you. I’m probably not really paying attention to anyone normal looking (I like to people watch). Also take some initiative and plan and pay for a date. My rule is who ever suggest the date pays. If I’m always suggesting then I stop calling. I guess I take the whole equality thing a little too serious or maybe not.

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

1 Dad is definitely the head and gets the big piece of chicken 2 I’m still a traditionalist so I do have certain views on “roles” that men and women carry. Blow, im like u coz i cannot figure out how and why ur statement was stupid considering it basically agrees with what Ared said early this morning.. those 2 quotes above… the wman is in a conundrum,spinning her head with/in semantics….signifying nothing as in hamlet..

By Beautiful

June 17, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

Wildnfreeone i co-sign your post. i’m aggressive in dating. i’ll let you know what i want. i hold back alittle now though, but you’ll get a sense of what i’m talkin’ about. i always pitch in too. even after being with my ex for years, he would always appreciate my .02 (pitching in).

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

taught that women are equals in life and in the workplace not true,i can tell u were raised by a woman and thats not the ideal for our society.If we were created different, how can we be equal? U are looking at life from a legal standpoint….and missing the point in this discussion.

By Wildnfreeone

June 17, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

No not really, one I don’t hold those traditional values. Two, I’m more of odd ball kind of guy. Being rasied by a single mother I was always taught that women are equals in life and in the workplace. Which in turn makes me hold women in a different light. I don’t believe in a man should make the first move, should always plan and pay for the date. If you find me cute then you should get my attention, just because I don’t notice you doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to you. I’m probably not really paying attention to anyone normal looking (I like to people watch). Also take some initiative and plan and pay for a date. My rule is who ever suggest the date pays. If I’m always suggesting then I stop calling. I guess I take the whole equality thing a little too serious or maybe not.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

June 17, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

Dan I’m not a chauvinist but if there’s ever a Man job, it’s the dismembering (if necessary). Just cause you are a man does not mean you have the stomach for it! Who’s to say I would not be able to go Lilttle Shop of Horrors on an intruder!!!???

Wildnfreeone Being rasied by a single mother I was always taught that women are equals in life and in the workplace I thank you for your statement! That means you are not threatened by the strength of a woman! Kudos!

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

im like u coz i cannot figure out how and why ur statement was stupid considering it basically agrees with what Ared said early this morning

melo - So why don’t you just ask. Being okay with traditional roles does not mean that I agree that “Hillary doesn’t even know how to run her husband.” She is an extremely successful woman in her own right.

In addition, just because I feel a man can lead, does not mean there will never be exception to these rules or that there can never be a woman in power because of it.

To me, Blow’s statement was just another example how women are part of our own demise and tear each other down. I can let a man be the head of my household without being his doormat and I most certainly let a woman run this country.

By Beautiful

June 17, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

the hardest thing is finding a man with a gameplan

that was easy for me in atl. the hardest thing for me was finding one who was ready to play.

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

gets the big piece of chicken As opposed to the piece he actually wants and/or prefers.

I understand the statement is an effort to show respect to the man, but I just laugh every time I read it.

My dad does not eat fried chicken breast. He will take it baked or grilled, but he didn’t make my mom make it special for him. When she chose to make fried chicken he took the legs and let my brothers have the breast.

By DasV

June 17, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

RaQi out-n-out fear. a fear to concede, to acquiescence, to submit, to relinquish, to follow … i have always wondered at the accusation: you have too much pride to be happy….. i think that holds true for some ppl.

By The Truth

June 17, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

Staceye I am starting to think I have a little testosterone…lol I find myself reacting to things justa as guy sometimes! Why do you say this?

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

I specified fried? Or did that statement just dovetail? LOL

Anyway, y’all have a good afternoon, off to earn more frequent flier miles…exhale

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

Ared Nice choice of words. But I am not even gonna go there with you. Like you said yesterday, which I agree ppl are entitled to their own opinions! That’s my opinion you may not like it but you should respect it. No I do not want her running the country if her household is a mess! That $hit is messy….UGH as much as you like. But she is too emotional and certainly not more qualified for the job then a Level headed, unemotional STRONG black man. For you to think she holds a match to him is ridiculous. Maybe another opponent. Maybe she could. But sorry that’s how I feel. You of all people should know how to respect ppl’s opinion …You scream the same speech on the fluckin DAILY….What’s good for the gander is good for the goose! Don’t fluck it up…I started liking you. We can disagree like adults…but I wont’ tongue wrestle with you like a child…I’ll save that for Truth, Darrell and Beautiful. LMAO!!!

The Melo I don’t know….Beats the $hit out of me.

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

Hmmm…actually I don’t see where I specified breast either. All I can’t see in Raqi’s story was Dad still getting his choice of the chicken first, which was really my point. LOL

By Dan

June 17, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this

Appropos…Joe’s “what if a woman” is playing on Pandora…

What is she were just like me, or if I had to deal like she does, could I?

By DasV

June 17, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

Beautiful chuckle they scared of some hard work, aint they?? opportunity is money in overalls …. or something like that. LOL

Raqi just ignore me…. i was thinking that question was posed at the female species…specifically me. got my own issahs going on and that question resonated with me. forgive me. :) returning to formation

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

She is an extremely successful woman in her own right. TRUE,but in the home, a diffrnt animal and not so successful,which was Blow’s point. In addition, just because I feel a man can lead, does not mean there will never be exception to these rules again True, but an exception is clearly,an exception. Im still confused coz ur response seems way off mark..Stupid?? ur contra points points are reasonable,ur resonds kinda IMMATURE Maybe ure just being a bytch to a fellow bytch..am i missing sme??(sorry Blow,am just asking, dnt wanna get in betwen wmen/sme personal fights)

By AmazonRed

June 17, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

Blow - All I said was “ugh”. That doesn’t mean I didn’t respect your opinion. Or deserve that emotional rant you just gave. I didn’t even vote for Hillary.

Funny how you say “jump on me ladies” and I make a comment and your feathers get ruffled. Sounds like those emotions of yours are acting all little “uncontrolled,” - sounds like you and Hillary may have that in common! ;-)

Be easy, girlfriend, I wasn’t “going there” with you in the first place.

By Alvin

June 17, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

Blow Me Blown you’re back? what did you leave? LOL J/K

Tell T I say hi.

DavS can you hit me via text…left my other phone on top of the car, LOL…Any way I am thinking of getting full custody of li’demi. I feel he will benefit the most living with me full time. My access to help, is a lot better than hers.

The only thing I am giving up is my freedom…Which I’ve wasted for the most part.

By Beautiful

June 17, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

DasV let me tell you what i experienced in atl. most of the handsome and successful bachelors i met were divorced. dayum. their wives had cheated on them. now that i can’t understand. they (guys) had trust issues and were scared to go at it again. they were willing to go there with me eventually, but i would have to wait for what i want a looooooong time. i was paying for what they (wives) had done to them. biatches!!!

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

Ared Damn I thought you were gone…The “UGH” comment was not what I was jump on. The “Stupid statement” is what I was referring too. So get your facts straight.It just irks the $hit out of me to see you actually and yeah YOU of all ppl got something to say about someones’ else opinions that is different from yours! The same $hit you holla day in and out. So stay on topic….the “UGH” was cool…emotions….!! Emotions! ARE you serious? Seriously! You give yourself wayyyyyyyyy too much credit if you thought for a damn sec you can pull some, even a millimeter of emotion out of me. Friendly discussion….you should definitely know me by now I use this as entertainment tool ONLY throughout the day. Besides they blocked YOUTUBE! So take that emotional $hit somewhere else. Have a nice flight and brings some peanuts back…!!!

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

You read and/or hear all the time about what is keeping one from venturing into that world that they so earnestly desire. I am very familiar with some of the obstacles that prevent some to freely love. But once I happened upon the one who recognized it with me and was willing to take it on, I was able to go where I wanted to go. Deep in my heart I wanted to love again but I was deathly afraid to. I convinced myself day after day “I don’t want to fall in love”, but when the right one came along I tripped over that load of baggage I had been carrying and fell right into it.

My friend Design for longest talked about the kind of man she wanted. But when she got him she tried to find all the reasons in the world to not give in to him.

When a person has busted all of your myths and disbeliefs, what more can they do? The ball is now in your court.

By Beautiful

June 17, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this

alvin go for it babe!

By Dan

June 17, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

@Raqi

That 1:18 is a hell of a post.

We all guilty of finding fault with the people we interact with. But the effort it takes these days to get through the marathon of misconceptions, misunderstands, and distrust of simply the spoken word is daunting to say the least.

It’s, as the old term suggests, a Herculean effort sometimes to overcome those doubts and at a certain point, one gets tired of trying.

And the load of baggage…classic metaphor…now if we could just get some of the ladies in the A to check those a the door…

By Alvin

June 17, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

Beautiful I will do my best…pray for me, LOL

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this

WOW Alvin. Besides her turning over parental rights, wouldn’t you have to legally adopt lil man? Also, how can you say you’ve wasted your freedom. From what I’ve read, your past has made you a better person! You’ve experienced quite a bit in your young life, and you’ve grown into a caring individual. Don’t use “waste” every again…JMO!

By kimmie

June 17, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

Beautiful - let me tell you what i experienced in atl. most of the handsome and successful bachelors i met were divorced. dayum. their wives had cheated on them. now that i can’t understand. Yeah, that’s what THEY told you. Remember it’s 2 sides to every story. The wife’s story might be totally different. Some of them might not have even been divorced. “My wife just didn’t understand me, she cheated on me, so now I’m afraid to trust.” Oldest copout in the book. Don’t fall for the okey doke, girl. That was just their way of putting you off, so they did you a favor, you just don’t realize it.

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this

most of the handsome and successful…their wives had cheated on them. now that i can’t understand.

Beautiful are you serious? Looks and success rate are usually attracters. What kind of active mate were these men?

Honesty, attentiveness, loyalty, responsibility are all parts of the glue that binds a relationship. Do they possess these?

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this

Alvin I did not go anywhere..I have been here. I just been working…I have thrown myself into work a bit more. But I am back to goofying off! lmao!

By Foots

June 17, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this

Alvin Any way I am thinking of getting full custody of li’demi.

You’ve adopted him already? That’s cool. Let us know how the custody hearing works out. It’s rare that a young man chooses to take that responsibility on his own.

By SlimOne

June 17, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

5 Things Fathers Should know before going to court….June 2008 issue Eboney

By Rell

June 17, 2008 1:38 PM | Link to this

what it dew blogsphere…rell checking in…..

whats up Los ANGles…..how you doing on the left side of things….

so what is the topic now…no way i am reading up for the jibber jabby

what it dew players…you know who you are!!!

where my girl fine azz amazonred at with her duck mouth…lol

By DasV

June 17, 2008 1:38 PM | Link to this

Beautiful i have my own trust issahs. i cant fault anyone theirs. all of our life experiences have the potential to mold us…. create who we are today, in this moment. i trust no one till i have a reason to…. and even then its meted out in increments… tiny increments.

RaQi unlike you im not saying i dont want to fall in love… im saying i do, but im fighting it every step of the way. (poor guy)

By Beautiful

June 17, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this

kimmie, raqi that’s all i had to go by. i wouldn’t dream of asking for proof of their story. yea, they did do me a favor, but no regrets.

By kimmie

June 17, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

Raqi - Girl, you’re on it today! That 1:18 described that fear better than I’ve ever read it.

When a person has busted all of your myths and disbeliefs, what more can they do? The ball is now in your court. I don’t know a better way to put it!

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

Alvin are you trying to get closer to Cee’s own heart?

I’m having one ot those weeks but parenthood is a wonderful thing. …wouldn’t trade it.

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

their wives had cheated on them. now that i can’t understand this line is just for getting sme azz,and Beautiful fell for this sme of the time.U need to mature up Beautiful,u 40,right?

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this

DasV, if you really wanted to you wouldn’t be fighting!

I want to fall in love. I will not be fighting when I find it, but I will be taking a lot of notes until I’m positive we are on the same page and evenly yoked.

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

kimmie You took the words right of my mouth lol! * Yeah, that’s what THEY told you. Remember it’s 2 sides to every story. The wife’s story might be totally different*

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

Hey kimmie was or have you and special guy taken your belts? What happen with that?

By Beautiful

June 17, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

melo kiss my azz then die!

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this

Beautiful Whatever happened to you giving us a break? I thought you promised us you would not show up for a while. What happened?

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

kimmie I ironed out some the issues that put disdain in him also. He has had his share of MIA in dating that left him bewildered. For him I am the reassurance that the ride or die chick does exist.

I am done for today until the topic changes. Oh wait, have even been on topic today? Well imma sit over here on the bench for a minute.

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

melo kiss my azz then die!ur azz smells of down-low skunk.The gay men of Atl had a field day on it,im not interested…..

By DasV

June 17, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

sexyLeggs being that dayum vulnerable again gets me to itching and scratching and clawing … the sun starts fading and i get claustrophobic and i swear i hear shoveling dirt. LOL

and remember wit me love is choice…. there is no fall. my rational mind sees the advantage of it, recognizes and identifies a good man and is aware of my abilities to fulfill my duties….. but for arbitrary reasons (and i admit that they are fickle)i choosing not to.

By Rell

June 17, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this

Dont tell me back on the bashing of beautiful….lol….come on folks lets move on..she spitting from her POV…..bull ish or not…those guys prolly did have a valid point…there are alot of nut cutting females out here that dont respect there cardboard cutouts….i dont have to repeat myself but you know how i feel about the current state of chicks that p** standing up and men that p** and sit…so check it ladies….pay attention to your men..stop with the drama and you want have to worry about a chick like beautiful listening to your mate…none of you are any different alot of you i see have larceny in your hearts for that type of behavior…heres a thought think on it before you call it crazy….and you might see what she is talking about

By The Truth

June 17, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this

Beautiful kiss my azz then die! Now thats a well thought out reply.

By kimmie

June 17, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

Cee - Yes, we had our tests Saturday and had the belt ceremony last night! The kids got their yellow belt and me & SO got our white belt senior! The judges said I needed to work on my left front kick a little, but otherwise they said I did a great job! Some of those kids in the class are amazing though. One kid about 10 yrs got his 1st-level black belt last night. Even though my SO’s kids are 5 & 7 and only have a yellow, they could hold their own if they needed to defend themselves. What I like about the kids program though is the respect it teaches them for not only the sport, but their parents and teachers. Some of the parents remarked about the change in attitude since their kids have been been involved in it. Thanks for asking:)!

By Jamoca

June 17, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

Hello Everybody….Sup MyTwo and “Lady of the Cee” LOL!

@ Raqi:

Luvin’ your post(s) today!!…..

…”I don’t have to hold first position. Just respect the position that I do hold…”

That’s it right there!!!

@ Staceye:

…” and I say the words, “too strong” are oxymorons

I’m sure you’ve heard of the old sayin’…”Too much of ANYTHING is bad for you”…..I believe that also goes for strength. To have such a tight grip on anything, you only bring more stress upon yourself, which in turn takes a toll on your body internally and externally, thus speeding up the aging process as a whole….for you will not always be in the shape or health that you are currently in…I know a few who are very successful, independent, and even “got it goin’ on”, but they no longer have their youth, the years caught up with them so quickly, esp quick w/ their do-it-myself “rants”…and they’re alone. I am in no way saying that this depreciates their own value, but get yourself the right one,and it will definitely enhance it! I believe I mentioned this before, life has a way of forcing you or putting you in a position to someday have to rely on or simply call on someone else for a need…a need that you were accustomed to handling on your own…better to learn this now, rather than later.

A closed fist will have you missing out on many blessings, opportunities, etc…that had your name on them, but how could “they” fit in, when there was not room enough for YOU to receive them?….at some point you’ll find that you will have to put down that control panel in order to be truly happy. Of course use your own discernment and some common sense, however there is no guarantee that by “holding out’ – your next time around will be successful, but you’ll be that much closer…letting previous experiences hinder you from taking this journey with yourself, will only lead to your demise – demise of one self.

Grandmama says to me sometimes: “Baybeh, nothin’ from nothin, leaves NOTHIN’ and you will only receive out of life whatchu’ put in it”….keepin’ a steady grip on whatchu’ already got, gal, how you expect to receive anythang else?….mus’ mean you on’ (don’t) want that much.” IMO, real strength is not defined by how hard the blows come at us (courteousy of Life), but how many times we can get hit and yet we can still GTFU and “be“hungry” for more…(get cho’ azz up!)…spoken in terms of endearment, sis.

This coming from someone who held out for several years ( approx 2 1/2 yrs) at a time and yes, part of it was because it took awhile to get over the love I had lost….but the other reason was for keepsake of my heart and not being able to imagine ever being so open and vulnerable with someone else on that level again …out of fear (you see that …FEAR) of being hurt again….Soooo not the case any longer.

@ …”…you have to be very independent’…

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being independent, however too much of it would be a detriment only to you, not so much HIM. A lot of times, some women tend to forget to leave that shyt at the office or when she’s out handling some business, but when you come home to your man….he’s expecting “his lady” not some dude…JMO.

@ … “If men stop leaving behind the responsibities and leaving the women to be mom/dad…wife/husband then maybe that woman could be a little more laxed…”

Based on your generalizations regarding men, how could you possibly know how to identify a man that does not possess this type of irresponsible behavior or to at least identify some positive characteristics about himself, if (in your own words) : “waiting for the other shoe to drop (that is how I feel about relationships) I would worry so much until whatever the task is, is confirmed done and done right”…YOUR words….-and- …” that fear of them letting me down or not doing what they are supposed to do is too nerve wrecking.”…..again, YOUR WORDS.

By Wise Diva

June 17, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

Let’s elevate the discussion instead of drag it down.

By Beautiful

June 17, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

hi rell! lol.

By Wildnfreeone

June 17, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

Melo… Whether or not society holds women in a certain place has little to do with what I believe. Yes we were created with differences but being the more intelligent speices means we can form our own ideas. Therefore why be a follower when you can do your own thing?

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

well must be the cat this time cause the mice were having a discussion.

abc, mytwo, Jamoca, Kym, QC, 2C, PoppaG, WillieD, Blue, IndredibleD, Sean, Lurker, Simp, Simply…lurkers/new flk I know you all are in the lounge somewhere maybe not into much chatting but i know ya there.

Raqi don’t go to bench…stay, sit chat for a minute. You’re on a roll and i’m catching up. Don’t be a quitter.

Kym soundoff.

..amongst having a humongous headache for 2 days, my energy bill has doubled i’m real sick at that (as a wise single mom we better have savings) the gas/oil seems as if it’s burning faster and now i need brakes (it’s possible to find an honest mechanic, there again man relate better w/man saving time, money and having to drive father b/c Joe is trying to get over). Don’t forget the kid is wonderful but at the same time is having high testosterone week = decided he wants to halfway listen to me as i give instruction. (actually stabbed his bestfriend during fencing class because bestfriend said something to him ‘left field’ now he forgets hometraining.) Now look all my hats/roles go into play now, So i gotta get w/him/camp and rectify/apologize, oops don’t forget that astronomical energy bill is due, car repairs and i’ve been sick for 2 days. “Refresher course for me = i have to play all roles no matter what, doesn’t matter how i feel/emotionally it must be done.

I want 2 dozen Krispy Kremes before i go home tonight.

By kimmie

June 17, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

Rell - Can’t speak for everyone, but I’m not bashing Beautiful. Just giving her a little sisterly word-up. In my experience, some of the biggest liars were married or “divorced” dudes. For the most part, truly single guys, I can figure out their intentions from jump. But every married or so-called seperated/divorced dude will tell you they aren’t being treated right at home and their wife is a B, so it’s so nice to have someone that really “understands” them! If that’s all Beautiful has been meeting up with, something is not quite right. I’m just telling her don’t fall for the okey-doke! Not a put-down at all!

By Jamoca

June 17, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

Dannngggg!!!…I apologize for the long one you all….really.

Sup Truth, Demigawd, BK (if you lurkin’ mayne)…and 2C, hope you’re enjoying your trip!!!

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

Jamo are you serious?…i was about to turn the page and remembered it’s a blog/reading screen and not an actual book? Dang!

By Alvin

June 17, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this

Foots I am sitting over here try to slap myself back to reality. I don’t know…anything that throws my emotions off balance like little man. He and I are alike in many ways, if I am walking down the street mean muggin, he is right next to me straight mean muggin folks. I’ve learned to keep my “inner feelings” in check…I can be moody as hellz and that dude can sense it well before anyone else and I can sense his…Y’all God has a sense of humor…I be like, “Dude!! the two of us can’t be moody at the same time!!” A father/son moment *Let play Rock, Paper, or Scissor and see who can be moody today.

Cemeeli I am just getting things in order now…I’ll keep y’all posted.

By Poppa Grande

June 17, 2008 2:43 PM | Link to this

Cee I’ve been lurking all day.

As far a your energy bill, I don’t know if you have budget billing, but look into if you can. We have it and we pay the same price every month for a year. Sure we pay more in than we use in some months but it evens out in the months that we use more than normal. Both Atlanta Natural Gas and Georgia Power offer it. It is helpful to know the amount that your bill will be no matter what. After a year, they reassess and adjust according to your use from the previous year (and the amount per therm (gas) or watts (electricity). It really comes in handy in the summer for electricity when we use more A/C and winter for Gas when we use more heat.

By Rell

June 17, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

@kimmie - there is truth in fiction….it has to come from somewhere

and congrats on your belt promotion…i did tae kwon do for a number of years as a youth..i was a green belt..when i left…i continued in the marines but i have not practice since 98….i know the focus it takes to get where you trying to go…congrats

By Kym aka Enchantress Divine

June 17, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

Cee I know the feeling(diving head first into a sea of blueberry krispy kreme’s) But it will all work out. Where did you find a fencing class? My son saw a demostration when he was 7 and has wanted to take fencing ever since. He took some golf lessons last week..and he liked that so we may have to keep that up…although he did the typical male thing..he couldn’t putt the ball each time so he got mad and started mouthing off.

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

Whether or not society holds women in a certain place has little to do with what I believe true, what u believe was shaped by ur upbringing,ur mama..u said so.And what ur mama told u was/is a result of where women are in society based on the laws that have been enacted to protect their rights.She was articulating whats legally correct in most places all over the world. And ur right that u or ur woman dont have to be a follower when you can do your own thing? But all im saying is that what has been tested and found to work as far as households etc is concerned is the traditional approach.The encroachment of equality in the home setting has resulted in more broken families or none at all because men and women end up pulling towards different and opposite ends.

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this

“Dude!! the two of us can’t be moody at the same time!!” A father/son moment. Let’s play Rock, Paper, or Scissor and see who can be moody today. That’s funny.

Alvin

I’ll see your twist on enjoying parenthood with your ability to balance (if you will) loosing your “freedom” to lil Demi.

By Jamoca

June 17, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

@ Cee:

Without checking the length of my posts, prob b/c I am not sure if I’ll be able to post much of anything else later, I just did the dayum thang…may be in the future when I have much to say on the issue I’ll chop it up…but doing that may cause me to lose my train of thought…or rather: My Point.

But to “ansa” your ques, yes Madam Cee….Mocha, she serious tho.

By Beautiful

June 17, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

If that’s all Beautiful has been meeting up with, something is not quite right.

they were 80% (divorced). the other 20% were too young, too selfish, etc. it wasn’t my time. now, keep in mind again, my dating started three years ago. new in the dating arena. i have grown folks, lol. i post alot about the past. i think that’s why y’all don’t understand me. i post alot about the mistakes i have made. i’m gonna start adding in disclaimers. lol.

By kimmie

June 17, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this

Rell - Thanks Rell! I’m having a lot of fun, but it’s not as easy as it looks!

I still stand by what I said to Beautiful, don’t fall for the BS, have a healthy sense of doubt when dealing with people you don’t know, that way you’re less likely to fall for the “fiction” part of the truth!

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

June 17, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

Well afternoon all!! Glad to see you all have it going steady in here today.

For all of you that chimmed in on my late post yesterday, THANKS! My homey is a work in progress and I’m gonna stay on him about his baby mama/children issues. I actually had him read some of your responses (since he thinks I’m just talking and taking baby mama’s side).

I’ll catch up in a few.

kimmie my baby is taking Tae Kwon Do and I was a lil skeptical at first but you have shed some light on it. Thanks!

Wassup Cemeeli

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

That was funny DasV, I too am scared, but when I sense it’s coming my way, I’m not going to run, I’ll just trot along until I know I can start skipping…

By kimmie

June 17, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this

Beautiful - Gotcha. Yeah, in this camp you have to clarify & disclaim everything!LOL

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

PoppaG budget billing is my debate with the representative. So she tells me i switch sometime back in November (of course i didn’t so now it’s in their court) b/c WHY would i call and say: Take me off budget plan? all i could do was laugh.

Kym Atlanta Fencers Club…they actually come out to the day camp and bring equipment for the boys…he’s taking it as well as Chess. Uhm, can we say woooooo-saaaaaah together on the temper thing so far. The friend told me this morning that he apologize but i told Jackson that lil Cee siad that no one was hurt so why is he on PSP punishment. All i could say was you know better and why would you even think to stab your friend’s hand b/c he was acting out at you. It’s the princple. Yea today they’re bestfriends again.

sorry to rant.

By Kym aka Enchantress Divine

June 17, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this

PoppaG I have today’s wacking lawsuit for you..(I love smoking gun)

A Los Angeles woman claims that a decorative metallic piece flew off a Victoria Secrets thong and the struck her in the eye, causing injuries and a new product liability lawsuit against the underwear giant. The woman 52, alleges that she was hurt last May by a defective “low-rise v-string” from the Victoria’s Secret “Sexy Little Thing” line, according to a lawsuit filed last week in Los Angeles Superior Court. Her lawyer told The smoking gun that a “design problem” caused the decorative piece to come loose and strike the woman in the eye, causing damage to her cornea. He added that the eye injury, which caused the woman to miss a few days of work, will be “affecting her the rest of her life.”

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

June 17, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this

Speed reading thru the post stop mid way thought I’d start somewhere round 2:30ish. Good point to everybody. I echo Raqi at her 8:55 and Melo on his 9:46.

I’m withcha Beautiful about dating in Atlanata, 99% of the men I’ve been meeting/have meet are divorced with a boat load of hang ups. It’s not surprising either since Atlanta has such a high divorce rate. And most of them have the tail between the legs effect, just a big arse mess.

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this

Cee, I too use budget billing and it is very comforting knowing what your monthly will be. As PoppaGrande stated, it evens itself out.

By SlimOne

June 17, 2008 3:09 PM | Link to this

Bumper Stickers We’d like to See

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 3:09 PM | Link to this

kimmie what’s really good? that’s cool you know. And to find that as a common interest with your guy is icing. I know the kids were cute doing theirs.

Jamoca i just gotta pick on ya cause Blue not here. It’s all gravy lady. Sup with the Madam Cee?…sounds a lil old lady like.

Mo hey chica…

By Poppa Grande

June 17, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

Cee No problem. We’ve had to fight with both of them as well from time to time. Best believe that at the end of the day, we were on it.

BTW, there is one catch on the budget billing: you have to pay your bill on time or they will kick you off. So, it forces us to keep up with the date as well as the bills as we should do anyway.

No problem with the rant. Everything is going up right now except our salaries (at least not at the rate to keep up withinflation). But I could be life former Falcon Jimmy Williams: Out of a job (He was cut today)

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

I think my oldest is going to be a chauvinist. He is for ever telling me what I don’t know or understand because I am not a man. Hell he has only be a man for a short minute (as far as I am concerned he is not a man until he is completely from under my care, but I digress.) and now telling me what I do and don’t know. I can just sense it in the way that he carries himself now. And in certain things that he says. Mason has only lived in our immediate household for nearly 3 years and the boy is already corrupt. Knucklehead.

I admire his manliness but he needs to bring to down a bit for the time being. He has long forgotten those days when mama was doing it all by herself. Or does he think The Man had his hand in it all the while? Hmmm. Inquiring minds need to know.

By mytwocents

June 17, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

Cee Sounds like some CAN shoulder, but ohhhh if ya didn’t hafta on ya own type melancholy…

Quick Fix Prescription-
PM: 2 doses Mary My Life, The Tour, 1 dose Jill Collaborations, 1/2 dose Leela James A Change is Gonna Come And let Calgon take you away (if they still make it.)

AM: Lil Kim Hardcore as you dress. Refill til ailment subsides, usual swag returns.

Moca Your thoughts sound kinda familiar…Got at least 50 cousins, but you might be one I never knew I had. Prescribing some Joss Stone for you cuz she’s older than her years as well…

Currently self medicating w/ Crisette…

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

June 17, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this

Truth just some of my actions make me say that!

Kimmie High 5 on your 1:33.

Jamocha I do not feel I am missing out on anything by choosing not to date or get involved seriously with someone. If anything I think I am saving myself a lot of trouble, drama and heartache. I am focused on a big career…one that I have beem dreaming of since childhood. I do not need the distractions of a relationship. I do not need the demands of my time for one when I have to focus on my career. By me being single it just saves my heart. I have no desire to jump off a cliff and pray the wind catches me and keeps in the air.

Wildnfreeone Therefore why be a follower when you can do your own thing? I think I’m in love! LOL

Melo the reason for the broken homes you speak of is because some men can’t get the fact that not every woman wants to be a glorifeeid maid, drawers washer, baby machine…a housewife! I’d rather die than be one! I would feel I am wasting my talents…I am creative and need to do creative things! Not every woman is cut out for that stuff. I do not want to depend on anyone for my survival other than God!

By ATL Guy

June 17, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this

* Do you Ladies Work or just Blog all day Long !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

BTW, there is one catch on the budget billing: you have to pay your bill on time or they will kick you off.

PoppaG …well didn’t think about that…maybe i didn’t back in November…it’s possible this one bill is not on direct debit/pay from my account. I’ll have to check into that but she hadn’t said.

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 3:19 PM | Link to this

Hmmm, if it fell off her thong, wouldn’t it have fallen downward? Even if she was about to do the horizontal tango, wouldn’t it have fallen downward. Even if she was giving a BJ, wouldn’t it have fallen downward? Unless she was bending over to pull them off and it popped, but still wouldn’t it have fallen downward? Ok, ok, I’m in a silly mood.

By Poppa Grande

June 17, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

Kym lol. That’s funny.

The attorney is taking the design flaw angle. Its actually a good approach because it makes this a strict liability case and puts all of the pressure on VS. There is no need to worry about her conduct at all.

They will probably pay her something to make her go away.

The Smoking Gun has some crazy ish on it sometimes.

By For Real

June 17, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

What Blog Fam!!!!

Lets see:

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

June 17, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

Okay is anybody listening to V-103? The chick that was the star witness for the prosecution in the R.Kelly case is on live.

Now back to your regularly scheduled blog

Mytwocents I’ll have a lil of that Joss Stone myself..girlfriend is bad

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

By Jamoca

June 17, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this

@ Cee:

…”Jamoca i just gotta pick on ya cause Blue not here. It’s all gravy lady. Sup with the Madam Cee?…sounds a lil old lady like….”

I figured that …but that was just in case he decided to lurk by way of his hometown….ya’ neva know….

Ohhh…you mean like Madam C (Madam C.J. Walker)….hahahaha….LOL!!! sounds kinda wholesome doesn’t it…LOL!!!…aight, then I guess we’ll have to go w/ “Lady of the Cee”…how’s that?…nice ring to it….speaking of, there used to be a seafood “hut” by that name ( here )…

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

not every woman wants to be a glorifeeid maid, drawers washer, baby machine…a housewife! partly agree..but why must every argument boil dwn to u personally Staceye,that bothers me and sme on the blog. I do not want to depend on anyone for my survival other than God!

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this

ATL Guy, I don’t work. I get paid to sit here looking pretty! (JK). It’s very, very slow here.

By ATL Guy

June 17, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

If I were your Boss … I would FIRE everyone of you for Blogging all day!!!Quit living off your govt stimulus package and actually be productive for a dollar!

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

mytwo mamma ice-cream, I am trying not to snap on the next thing looking like he owns a 7/11 that come to my desk smiling talking about and Audit!…if he don’t come back later…woooosaaaah. But guess what?…thy beloved son, energy Co., BP & Shell, mechanic for brakes, Aleve capsules, AND 7/11 getting all their part from me b/c that woman is IN ME. That lady i call mamma learned me to man up as a woman & keep it moving. So what do i do…take my big girl pills.

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this

ryna cameroon is rolling the R-Kelly tape rght now.That man and his fiance,punk….

By Kym aka Enchantress Divine

June 17, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this

PoppaG This one was my favorite yesterday…

From the smoking gun Last June, Matthew Lincoln was attending an evening service at his nondenominational Tennessee church when he approached the altar where a visiting minister was offering individual prayers for parishioners. Assigned “catchers” were present on the altar in case congregants fainted, fell, or otherwise lost control.

When the minister, Robert Lavala, slightly touched his forehead, the Knoxville-area man “received the spirit and fell backwards.” Except nobody was there to catch him, Lincoln charges in a $2.5 million lawsuit filed yesterday against Lakewind Church and its pastors. Lincoln, 58, claims that he fell backwards, striking his head against the “carpet-covered cement floor.”

Cant you just see this sign in churches if this guy wins..

The Church is not responsible for injury due to the Holy Spirit, slipping on annointing oil or any other acts of God.

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

Well thank goodness you’re not our bosses. Next!!!

By ATL Guy

June 17, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs … ok I wouldn’t fire you because you’re hot … everyone else would get the Donald Trump Treatment (including comb over with bad NY dialect) Yahhhh Fireeeheeed!

By Wise Diva

June 17, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

Oh, ATL Guy, having a bad day, are we?

By Poppa Grande

June 17, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

*Hey talk about sexism. The law is the most sexist medium in this country. *

That is so true, especially here in the bible belt. There are judges that won’t respect a woman attorney that wears pants into their courtrooms. Some judges see it as a sign of disrespect.

The legal profession is one of the most conservative profession to enter. Some of my NY female classmates have to learn the hard way when interviewing for summer associate jobs. Especially in formal setting, women are expected to wear dresses or skirts.

By Kym aka Enchantress Divine

June 17, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

Sexxy She was putting the thong on when she got hit in the eye.

PoppaG Her lawyer wouldn’t let Vicky Secrets examine the thong so at some point they are going to have to look at the thong and see what if anything could have struck her in the eye from that design model. I mean did that particular thong have a decorative element on it?

By SlimOne

June 17, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this

5 Reasons not be a Dizzick

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

For Real Fyi..I am not meant to be understood…Only 1%!! lol

By ATL Guy

June 17, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

WiseDiva I’m just trying to inspire the American Efficiency because too often people are slacking, not a bad day at all.

About R-Kelly, I heard on V103 they are trying to say that wasn’t R-Kelly on the tape. Same story, if you have money…protected, even if you have a video of yourself. Must I name OJ Simpson!?

We have a culture of Protecting and Justifying unreal behavior. Makes me Sick. Own up, take responsibility, & quit blaming everyone for your damn actions. Its getting Old. That goes for everyone that backed Vick because he was a successful “brotha”. He did wrong, let him pay the price, move on. Stop Defending!

Oh yeah, you’re all Fired!

By Poppa Grande

June 17, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

Kym Eventually he probably will allow VS attorney to inspect. I wouldn’t until the very last moment. I would want my own expert to investigate and report before VS attorneys got their paws on it.

• & yes, I can see that disclamer sign posted in a church near you.

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

lmao @ Slim last few post..the bumper stickers and the dizzick!

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

June 17, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

Slim you have a nice padded room waiting for you. LOL

Melo it’s because I can only speak for me. I do always say some women…so that is not all about me. But I can speak with conviction only for me1

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 3:57 PM | Link to this

Thanks ATL Guy, but you just supplied another example of sexism in America (LOL).

I’m bored!!!!!

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

LOL I have typed an extremely racy pick-up line and deleted it twice instead of hitting post. I am so tempted but yet reserved. sigh

Maybe on day.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

June 17, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

ATL Guy why fire me..I can multi-task? Oh Iget it..since I am not Cougar status I get the ax huh? I tell ya….

By ATL Guy

June 17, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs You are Totally Correct! Guess what…you enjoyed my sexism! See its not so bad!

By The Truth

June 17, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

Staceye so are you saying that if I wanted to cover the bills you would not want that? Also, do you want to cover the bills and let a guy coast on you? Or are you strictly 50/50?

Atl Guy why do you keep posting about why other folks a re posting so much?

Jamo whats up woman. I’m recommending your post for our book club next month. Let me get my reading glasses ready. LOL

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

Jamoca “Lady of the Cee”…hmmm that’s be a little better. Can you get in on the woooooosaaaaah party? We need more sound effect while ForReal sing to me…watch his hands for me please…

Some of our women need healing so they can sit back, relax and allow the menfolk to lead. Its not easy, esp after years of neglect by the menfolk, but with a lil prayer and trust, it can be done.

Melo i read this on you earlier and thought men obviously recognize so now i have a new emotion about single hood…ahuh the laugh and then the cry, pray & prepare my burdens to be handled. Gotta remember it’s just me and God, relax, and continue to be BLESSED to breath this air and live.

.smile a lil so u wont be so intimadating and let go of the emotional baggage in Jesus name, let it go

It is hard to smile sometimes but i find that it confuses ppl when i do so i tend to smile more. I must add that ‘smile anyway’ statment was in a way a tease to me at this time. But i now realize & know that there will be valley experiences & problem times, and granted, if there are money problems i will eventually get more money. Health issues = other then tension headaches i have 0. Family dysfuntional as they are, i have a big one that love me. Job = substainable. Love life will take root as soon as it’s/he and i sit down and make it happen.

I’ll never complain but will only explain. My best leader philosophy!

sign ~Healed

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

Come on now Raqi. The things that have been posted on this blog. No children here. I’m now chanting…post it, post it, post it!

Staceye, there are benefits to being a Cougar. Girl you have me cracking up

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this

5 Reasons not be a womans Butt

You’re bald your whole life

You have a hole in your head

Your hole is protected from enemies by a deep strategic valley

The lady infront of you is a pussycat and…

Every time you get excited, you tense up,ur hole gets slimy, throws up and the valley that protects the hole miraculously disappears….

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

June 17, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

Truth I am strictly 50/50! No freeloading allowed on my half or his.

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs I can’t. She’s watching. LOL

By Alvin

June 17, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

For Real YES SIIIRRRRR…I am going through the legal process now…this is going to be a long summer and fall LOL

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

June 17, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs there you go…out your Cougar spell on these young bucks! LOL

I’m out guys! Good night.

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli are u a single mom….?

By Alvin

June 17, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

there are benefits to being a Cougar

Sexy and they are?

By Raqi

June 17, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

Pssst Ms.WiseDiva they over there < > acting up.

Quick SexyLeggs Read this:

The next time you get a complete wax, roll up to your guy, or any random guy if that’s how you get down, and ask “Do you like smoothies? Yeah/No? You wanna taste mine?”

Hurry and tear it up before she sees it. LOL

You all be good. Have safe evening.

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

Ok, save it and post it some other time.

Staceye, do you really believe that if you should fall in love that you will split EVERYTHING 50/50. I doubt that it will work like that. Forget that, I’m so inexperienced…I’m backing away from the keyboard!

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

i dnt knw if uall think iam crazy, considering that R-kelly hangs with kids…personally the only wmen i wld want to phluck/seduced by and risk my marriage wld be 1.babara walters 2 queen elizabeth and 3 Opprah..

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

Melo are you listening? Yes sweetie.

btw - today i don’t know if i’m teary b/c i have been heavy laden 2 days or that i’ve had 2 (count ‘em) friends that have called me about infant/baby questions today and not one asked if all was well with me. I swallowed as hard as i could gave my best advice including stopping one from crying and going off on her hubby, didn’t mention my probs once, told them to take care of themselves/families. Never let up that i was about to burst into tears if i heard one more married at home mother can’t get enough sleep and baby won’t latch on. Yall today, i’m going to finish my job today going home, slap a fat brawtwurst, eat and hit prayer and go to bed.

Wow…it’s really is hard for me today.

By Kym aka Contessa of Rapturous Delights

June 17, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

Well it looks like it is winding down in here..

By SlimOne

June 17, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

Melo Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I just threw up outta my…..azz!

By Wise Diva

June 17, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

ohh Raqi, such a naughty girl! LOL! Diva blushing

By Jamoca

June 17, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

@ Staceye:

Jamocha I do not feel I am missing out on anything by choosing not to date or get involved seriously with someone. If anything I think I am saving myself a lot of trouble, drama and heartache. I am focused on a big career…one that I have beem dreaming of since childhood. I do not need the distractions of a relationship. I do not need the demands of my time for one when I have to focus on my career. By me being single it just saves my heart. I have no desire to jump off a cliff and pray the wind catches me and keeps in the air.

That statement alone sums up the real reason, behind all of your energy going in only one direction….you always need more than one Iron in the fire, b/c next thing you know, one day you may turn around and realize, “Dayum, I’m all by myself”….. My statement(s) were not only to be directed towards intimate relationships w/ men, but overall as well….healthy relationships with those with whom are closest to you. I am sure you could use an outlet, heyal….I look forward to “hittin up” my resources, which sometimes serve as outlets…..otherwise some would began to refer to me as the “Ultimate Bag Lady”, which I ain’t….

All I can say, Stac is this, while you seem to have a tight-azz grip on your heart, I suggest you betta try figuring out how to do that and keep a firm grip on the reigns and whatever else you may need to keep you afloat as well (see right there, you have to let go of one in order to control the other, again, life has a way of forcing you to choose…all the down to your very last), b/c I believe in due time you will be tested, sistah gurl….and that shyt loves to creep up on ya’ when you least expect it.

The longer you take to realize this, you only hold up the process and ultimately - your own progress (you’ll grow weary of fighting something that’s already been written…)…it’s a long winding road that never turns, however the upside to that is, whenever you decide (if “life” doesn’t decide for you first), you always have the choice to go “at it” a different way….you may not like the options you’ll be presented with, but “take your pick”….you won’t regret it. (smile)

Again, it definitely takes one to know this….

@ MyTwo:

…”Moca Your thoughts sound kinda familiar…Got at least 50 cousins, but you might be one I never knew I had. Prescribing some Joss Stone for you cuz she’s older than her years as well…” Currently self medicating w/ Crisette…

Guuuuhhhhh….no you didn’t just bring up Crisette Michele…Along with Joss Stone, I truly love her sound as well…now you givin’ the bad@zz soundtrack for the day….and you neva know, we might be….

By The Melo

June 17, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli,cheer up, its like that sme days…tomrw will be different….keep ur head up.I be thinking about u!!!

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

I am cracking up over here. I like that. My first wax had me screaming. I was so ill prepared. Left Spa Sydell a little loopy and went to a bar. Whew!

By Kym aka Contessa of Rapturous Delights

June 17, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this

Cee my fellow Cancer moon child just blame it on the full moon and let it go when you get home. We are all entitled to have one of those days…(believe me mine started at 3:30 this morning and I looked like I did a few rounds with a boxer when I woke up.)

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this

By kimmie

June 17, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this

Cee - I’m so sorry you are having a bad day. You are always so pleasant to everyone, it’s only fair some concern be sent your way sometimes! Why is is for some reason I am thinking of that song by Tevin Campbell from back in the day, Tomorrow will bring, better you, better me…, sounds like other kids are singing along with him, remember that? Mama said there would be days like this!

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this

Jamoca/mytwo errbody is not realted to you J…you just like big those large cook-outs and family memebers floating everywhere don’t you? 2. Can i get some of that Stone, Chrisette and a dab of Ledisi this evening as i drive off into the sunset?

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli, I’m sorry. Girl, walk w/your head held high. Whatever is going on w/you remember this too shall pass. For every negative thing going on in one’s life there’s a silver lining in that negativity. It’s up to you to find out what it is. Believe you me, it’s hard to find, but it’s there. Email me if you want to talk this evening and I’ll give you my phone number!

By Atl Lady

June 17, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

Cemee We’ll touch and agree in the Spirit that tomorrow will be a better day. I’ve been lurking most of the day. I want to know how you’ve been since you’re usually one of the comics on the scene.

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 4:48 PM | Link to this

ATL Guy and Atl Lady, do you two know each other?

By mytwocents

June 17, 2008 4:48 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli I know, I know, I know, I know. Had to say it yesterday after super-dramatic-always-needin-to-vent pal came my way with a boat load of burden to unload. Like, can it be my turn for therapy? Maybe I wanna get sumthin off my chest for a change… Which is why I turn to the music. D@mn…Now I wanna here Peace, Come to Me. Said a lil prayer for ya.

By Cemeeli

June 17, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

Thanks ladies…

Kym sis…to the nines. But i’m a ten today…won’t let it press me.

kimmie i get lil guy to download that on my plug to listen to tonight i like that song too.

Leggs you know you know you know…and i got this momma thing tonight. thanks for the encourage.

Melo…wink.

ATL Lady continue to argree interceed and stand in the GAP for a sister.

Love you all.

~Cee

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

BTW Cemeeli, you handled your friends with great finesse!

By Jamoca

June 17, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

@ Cee:

Sure thing, sis….MyTwo will supply the background music for you….and you know Mocha gotchu’ with the “cool breezies” and I’ll even hook you up with a pint of my personal stash of HD CocoPine w/o the rum…(LOL)!!!…cuz this ain’t normal, we have to get chu’ back on track…I’ll even make you one of them newfound drinks w/ the “stank @$$ guavas…k, Cee? (Woo, Woo, Woo…)

MyTwo, come on with the music, nah…

For Real, quit “breevin” on Cee’s neck and playin’ in the child’s hair!! (LOL!!!)

By Atl Lady

June 17, 2008 4:54 PM | Link to this

Sexy LOL Never formally met him. What’s up Atl Guy? I’m an old blogger from waaay back in the day.

By mytwocents

June 17, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

Cee Look at how we both “know,know, know”… maybe we IZ related afterall. LOL Tired of folks complainin bout what we’d like to have to complain bout n such. Now we fussin too. Hmmph (Hugs!)

By Wise Diva

June 17, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

aww, I love how supportive you guys can be of each other. It’s so nice to see/read.

Cemeeli, stay up chica, hugs

By SexyLeggs

June 17, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

Good night everyone!

When things go wrong, it is far more productive to see if you can learn something from it rather than just getting upset!

Keep your ears and eyes open. Tell all your friends to do the same!!

By Wise Diva

June 17, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

It’s been quite a day in diva’s world, hey? do you guys ever feel as if your life is a sitcom? It’s been one of those days for me, just Hilarity all around, I tell ya. Life is beautiful

Everyone have a great evening!

By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie

June 17, 2008 6:20 PM | Link to this

Good NITE all!