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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > May
May 2008
Battle scars of the sexes
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I was talking with one of my male friends this weekend who told me that he thought, generally speaking, it was much more difficult to be a woman. That made me wonder about the dating aspect of things and who has it harder — the gentlemen or the ladies?
Some arguments I came up with on the ladies’ end:
Some of us go through an extensive beauty routine to go out on dates, which may take anywhere from one hour to one day, and many of us spend a lot of money upfront (hair, clothes makeup, salon) to look great.
Women tend to become emotionally attached very easily, so some of us have to work to control that urge early on.
Women have to fight off truly ridiculous, aggressive men in social situations (I’m not saying it doesn’t happen to you, too, guys. But statistically…)
But here are the downsides I thought of for the gentlemen:
You have to actually plan all the aspects of dates (transporation, place, time, activities) if you’re assuming traditional gender roles in dating. And that can be a lot of planning! And a lot of money!
Sometimes you have to do scary things, like kill bugs or kill another man to defend a lady’s honor! (OK, maybe not the second one. But the first one is totally true.)
You have to deal with neurotic women who think that you’re dating them exclusively after you’ve only been on one date.
What other challenges or obstacles would you add to this list? Who do you think has it harder in dating? Men or women?
Permalink | Comments (156) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
The decline of chivalry
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This weekend I met a guy who pleasantly surprised me. Every time I picked up something large or especially heavy he looked at me and said, “You don’t need to be carrying that,” and would promptly remove the item from my arms.
It was so sweet! But it was surprising, as chivalry is much more the exception than the rule these days. The thing is, it’s not that I can’t carry something. It’s just nice to have someone else offer to take care of it.
Maybe it’s because this guy was a little bit older, or maybe it’s just because he was reared this way, but he definitely scored some extra points in my book!
Ladies, do you even care if men are chivalrous anymore? Are any of you offended by men trying to open doors or carry things for you? Does chivalry improve your opinion of a man you’re interested in or does it not matter?
Men, do you consider yourself chivalrous? If so, are you that way all the time or just when you’re trying to impress specific women? Have you found that being chivalrous improves your standing with women or that it has little to no effect?
Permalink | Comments (237) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
What’s your number?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have a friend who 1) dates a lot and 2) decides to be intimate with everyone she dates, and that’s her prerogative. But when you put the two together, you realize that she’s slept with more men than I can even count. Seriously. Imagine trying to determine among grains of sand on the beach, people.
Do you ever become concerned about how many notches on the bedpost you have? Are you ever worried that your track record is going to be alarming to someone special one day? How choosy are you about actually becoming intimate with someone? Is it something reserved for a loved one, or are you unconcerned with your number?
What about people you meet on the dating scene? Have you ever met someone who slept with X number of people and thought, “My goodness, that’s too many!” Is there a number you consider too high? Why does someone give you pause once they reach this number of sexual partners? What does it tell you about them?
Or do you conceal your number completely? Have you ever known someone who wouldn’t tell you theirs?
Permalink | Comments (233) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Pack your bags
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Memorial Day weekend means that it is unofficially summer, for me at least. And the summer season is when I begin vacationing — mostly to the beach. This past weekend I ventured down to the coast with a large group of singles with at least a few catches in the bunch!
And although I’ll hop on the group vacation bandwagon almost any day, I’m very particular about traveling with people I’m seeing. Maybe I feel like we both have to earn the right to spend that much time together. I don’t choose to spend my whole week or weekend with just any random guy!
At what point in a relationship (or while dating someone) are you comfortable vacationing with them? Does it matter where you’re going (Hawaii vs. Tybee Island) or what the plans are? Does it make a difference whether the trip is for a weekend, a week or two weeks?
Have you ever run into trouble in paradise while road-tripping with someone? And how do you split vacation expenses with someone you’re seeing? Is it 50-50, or do you see even an extended vacation as a date, in which one party or the other usually chooses to foot the bill? What has worked well for you in the past and what hasn’t?
Permalink | Comments (266) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Why did you get dumped?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
If we ever hope to improve our dating successes, it could be helpful to get feedback from your former flames, dates, ex-boyfriend/girlfriends. Now, I am NOT talking about feedback in terms of getting closure. (I can not STAND the whole closure concept). No, this is a completely self-serving, opportunist move on your part to get a leg up on the next romance.
You don’t want to stay on the same vicious cycle of tanking great relationships because you never took the time to self-reflect. Some of us are dating, looking for mates, and are completely oblivious to the fact that they didn’t learn from mistakes made in prior relationships.
I read a really funny website where people anonymously shared the reasons they dumped their mates. I wondered if the people they were talking about had any idea why they were given a pink slip. Single people get the walking papers for the most random, strange, or utterly justifiable reasons. It’s kind of sad, funny, and ridiculous all at once. I guess it’s all par for the course on the dating landscape.
Do you know why you got dumped? If you were to take a poll of your old dates or relationships that didn’t pan out, do you know what they would say caused the biggest problems or conflicts?
For those of you who never get dumped (yeah, right), do you know the reason things didn’t work out with your last relationship or potential romance? Do you think you gained any lessons from the experience?
Thanks to Mr. “M” for today’s topic idea
Happy Friday!
Permalink | Comments (235) | Post your comment | Categories: Breakups
Didn’t Mean to Lead You On
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One of the most frustrating things about the dating scene are those oh so lovely mixed signals. What is a mixed signal, though? Therein lies the rub, unless you are one of those in your face, straight no chaser, types - you can very well be leading someone on right now, and not even know it!
I was reading an article last night about a guy who sent flowers to a woman’s job. Totally sweet, right? Well, apparently the gesture did not go over well. Read the story here. Go ahead, read it now. I will wait.
What stood out to me was the comment “I didn’t know that she accused me of stalking her. “She never said, ‘Stop sending me e-mails.”
If a person is being nice to you, do you automatically think they are interested in you?What if they are flirting with you, innocently or not so innocently, does that mean they want a shot?
Guys, have you ever made a chivalrous gesture that didn’t go over well? Did it ever result in a call to Atlanta’s finest? How do you avoid leading people on and sending mixed singles?
Ladies, when you accept a chivalrous-like gesture from a guy, what kind of message do you think that sends? Do you worry about letting guys do nice things for you because you know they are really into you?
In the film Love Jones, my favorite film to watch on rainy nights, Larenz Tate gets the street address of the target of his obsession, Nia Long, from a check that she wrote. He then proceeds to show up at her door, uninvited. Would you call that chivalry or stalker behavior? Has anyone ever made a creative or grand gesture to get your attention before?
Permalink | Comments (299) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
We have nothing in common
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Recently, someone asked me if it was difficult meeting men in Atlanta. I really don’t think there is because that hasn’t necessarily been my experience. Meeting men is not the problem, meeting men who are willing, able, and compatible to dating someone like me..well, that can be tricky.
Here’s the thing with me: I don’t date scrubs, thugs, or close-minded men. I have long since abandoned unrealistic “he must have” lists, but I stick to what I think is most compatible to me. A jobless, no class, narrow-minded man would absolutely drive me bonkers. I don’t care how hot he is, we won’t mesh.
The reality is that I can be judgmental about some things and I know it is a little mean but I don’t care. Experience has taught me that clashes in culture, interests, tastes, etc. can definitely impact a potential romance. To be fair, many men rule me out in the same way. If my “status ain’t hood” enough for them, I am sure men won’t find me appealing.
Dating is a compatibility game, and I don’t imagine things would ever work out with someone with a vastly different set of morals, values, interests, etc. than mine. Now, before someone jumps on me for being a raging snob doomed to be single forever, I should say that I would not rule out someone for less education, income, etc.
There are a lot of things that don’t even matter in the grand scheme of things. I just know that there are things that I will want to be able to share with my partner. Do you agree?
Have you ever dated someone and shared nothing in common? What made it work? How did you manage the chasm between your personal tastes and interests? Could you be interested in someone who seemed like your complete opposite?
I remember how I could tell if a guy would never last with me based on his taste in random things like music, books, or even movies! I don’t think I could get along with a man who didn’t like to fly. Weird, I know! What are your unconventional deal-breakers in relationships?
Permalink | Comments (146) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
It’s not about the when
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One of those timeless dilemmas in a single person’s dating life is deciding when (or if) to sleep with someone. Most of my male friends tell me that if a woman makes the decision to sleep with them, it’s not about when it happens that matters the most.
This is a long debated argument but it really comes down to your own personal choice. Let’s just explore a couple of things though:
How many of your relationships started after you slept with the person on the first or second date?
How does sex change the dynamics of the dating “relationship”? Good and Bad?
Is their a shift in power between the man and the woman after they seal the deal? Should there be?
What matters most: when you sleep with someone or why you sleep with someone?
Permalink | Comments (309) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Chameleon Dater
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Have you ever noticed how you can sometimes adapt your behavior when you are dating someone new? Arguably, women seem to do more inclined to do this, especially when we are younger. I often refer to this as Chameleon Dating.
Chameleon dating is when single people meet someone, assess what they think the person wants in a mate - then works to become that ideal person. It never, ever, ever, ever works. I know this from personal experience. It’s an exhausting, deeply disturbing, exercise in futility. Nothing good can come from it!
Raqi sent me a quote from a recent Glamour magazine interview with Jessica Simpson. In it, she was referring to the Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback, Tony Romo:
He reintroduced me to myself. I thought that I had to be deeper, more profound and more artsy. You change with the guys you date. [I thought] I had to be more intellectual. Come on—just be yourself! Tony taught me that because he loves me [as me]. He made me feel comfortable [being myself] again. Oh Jessica, it’s like the Chicken of the Sea comment all over again.
What do you guys think about women who practice chameleon dating? Do you think you would recognize a CD?
Ladies, have you ever met a wonderful guy who asked a lot of questions about what kind of man you wanted? Did he then attempt to become that man? Creepy, right? How did you handle it? What do you think about what Jessica Simpson said, do you change with the guys you date?
Has anyone ever dated someone who helped “reintroduce” you to yourself? In what ways?
Before you start a relationship, how important is it to know who you are first? How do you convey this to the new person in your life?
Permalink | Comments (227) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Your worst date ever
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have to say, I’ve been fortunate when it comes to dating, as I’ve never really had a bad date. I’ve been on dates where there were no sparks, I’ve been on dates where I was sick, and I’ve been on dates where I was tired. But I’ve never been out with someone who was downright creepy, clinically insane or so obnoxious that I ran away from the restaurant screaming.
But I’ve heard the horror stories — dates who were unforgivably egocentric, dates who turned out to have significant others, dates who stole all of someone’s electronics after staying over.
What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? Whether it’s far-fetched or more realistic, tell us your dating horror stories! Please specify whether this was a one-time, first-date sort of deal or whether this is someone you had seen a few times already.
At 4:50 p.m., AmazonRed gets to choose the story she thinks is the craziest, most entertaining or simply the most horrible as the winner! The prize is a slew of great dates for life, loser-free!
Permalink | Comments (262) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Sizing up the competition
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have to admit that my closest girlfriends are beautiful women. And I mean, tongue-hanging-on-the-floor-beautiful. I don’t know why, but it’s always seemed to be that way, ever since I can remember.
And I’ve been lucky, because none of them have ever been catty enough to fight with me over a guy. In fact, I can only remember one instance in which my friend and I sort of liked the same guy for a bit, and the situation was quickly remedied — or maybe we both instantaneously matured a few years, I can’t remember! But the issue was resolved with little bloodshed.
Even though I’m sure we’d like to all think that we’re older and mature enough not to have all-out catfights anymore, that element of competition can still be subtly prevalent on the dating scene. Or not-so-subtle: check out The Bachelor!
Do you have beautiful or charming friends who command attention from strangers when you’re out? Have you ever thought twice about taking a handsome/beautiful friend out on the town or to a social engagement with you?
How do you tend to “compete” when you want to draw someone’s attention away?
Ladies, what’s the best thing a man could do in order for you to give him a second glance, especially if he was competing with someone who was more charming or attractive?
Men, have you ever had multiple women compete for your attention? What did the winner do to win you over?
Permalink | Comments (231) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Six degrees of dating
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When I was in college, I was hanging out at a student ministry for awhile where there was a ton of dating going on. A ton. There was so much dating going on that the students there had their own “6 degrees of dating,” by which they could connect everyone in the group to each other via whom they’d dated. Upon hearing this, I vowed to NEVER date anybody in this group because I didn’t want to be caught up in this crazy flow chart.
But it was already too late. I’d dated someone in high school who’d dated one of the girls there. I was already connected!
Although my professional life is much less, um, weird, I’ve found that networking through friends (not dating every single one of them!) is one of the best ways to meet potential dates. I meet more people through friends who are already interested in what I love and many times share my outlook on life. I mean, if someone is showing up with my friends to a Braves game, I already know he 1) likes sports 2) gets along with my friends. It makes the whole getting-to-know-you phase a little less interrogational.
Do you find your dating pool is better when you meet people randomly or when you meet dates through trusted friends? Do you find it easier to ascertain someone’s character upfront when you meet them via someone else? What are other benefits from dating people you meet through your friends?
On the other hand, there can be pitfalls that come with dating your friend’s friends — private information that you wouldn’t normally want to reveal early in dating can travel through the grapevine. Or what happens if things don’t work out? Could it strain your original friendship?
In your experience, which circumstance seems to produce better results?
Permalink | Comments (388) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
When his best friend is Jose…Cuervo
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One night I met a guy, who was a friend of a friend, as a group of us were going out to a bar together. He was refreshingly conversational and had graduated from my alma mater, which gave us loads to talk about as my friend skipped off with her boyfriend. There was definitely some flirting going on, and I found myself wondering why I hadn’t met him before.
But as the night wore on, his eloquent conversation skills and charm were dwarfed by his need to drink…and drink…and drink. By the end of the night, this guy was sloshed, boring, and no longer the articulate, intelligent man I had met only a few hours earlier.
Now, it would have been one thing if I had been matching this guy, drink for drink, on my way to becoming an uninhibited wreck. But I only had one drink that night and gave no indication that this was going to be a group hammering.
The impression I got from him was not that this was an isolated event, but rather the way he conducted himself every time he went to a bar. It was unfortunate, because up until then this guy had a lot of potential, but who wants to date an alcoholic? Especially if you know this information up front, and that you would never be able to take him anywhere alcohol was served.
Have you ever imbibed a little too much while on a date or when you first met someone? What were the consequences of your choices? Do you ever feel like your first impression on someone was tainted by a poor, isolated decision you made when you met them?
Have you ever gone out with or met someone who got drunk on your first encounter (without your participation)? What about someone who became a completely different person when they drank? How did you handle it? For those of you who have been in relationships with alcoholics, your expert testimony is valuable today!
Permalink | Comments (313) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Eliminating intimidation
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Today, I’m inviting the blog men to enlighten us about a word I’m beginning to hear thrown around more and more. Several times I’ve met women, often pretty and successful, who seem to have a difficult time landing dates. And I’ve heard men say back to them that they’re just probably too intimidating.
What?
Is the “intimidation” factor real? Have you ever met someone who was actually so beautiful, talented and successful that you thought, “she’s amazing. I’m just too intimidated to ask her out.”
I can’t imagine why you’d ever let something amazing — be it a woman, man, dessert or financial opportunity — go simply because it’s so wonderful that you’re too scared to do anything. Let’s get this out in the open right now. Is intimidating really a synonym for undesirable?
Women, although I’ve never heard you say this word, I wonder if any of you have ever felt this way. Ever let an amazing man pass though or walk out of your life without making your feelings known, simply because you were “intimidated?”
Permalink | Comments (243) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
80-20 Rule in Dating?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Over lunch recently, BFFs: Grandeur Girl and Princess C. asked me about a recent date. When I said that there wasn’t a real connection, as far as I could tell, they asked me why. I admitted that it was probably me.
Full disclosure: I was not really excited about going out with him. When I first met him at a friend’s birthday dinner, I could have sworn I felt a spark. However, in the conversations leading up to our date, the sparks went M.I.A. No pun intended, really.
Then I had a horrifying thought: Was I becoming the bitter and jaded single chick? Oh, you know who she is, don’t you? She nitpicks and complains about every single thing about men, ruling them out for no good reason. Did I just up and relocate to Bitter City unknowingly?! Man diet ring any bells?
In his book, Your Girlfriends Only Know So Much, Atlanta’s own, Finesse Mitchell talked about the 80-20 rule. Mr. Mitchell, the oh so fine comic, says that if a guy is not 100% of what you want, but has 80% of what’s most important, you don’t toss him out all willy nilly over the 20%!
What are your thoughts about the 80-20 dating rule? If you met someone that embodied 80% of the important traits, could you make it work in a relationship?
Let’s also consider this: some women have a bad habit of dating men based on potential (read: her idea of potential for him). To wit: my friend Panama muses: “It’s like a man is every woman’s potential playdough. Add just the right amount of TLC, throw in a little common sense, help him mature and then wham.. he could go from Morris Chestnut in Boyz In The Hood to Morris Chestnut in The Best Man”
From your experiences do you think singles break the 80/20 rule a lot? Conversely, are you guilty of dating someone’s potential instead of accepting them as they are?
Happy Mother’s Day to all our Misadventures in Atlanta Mothers!
TGIF!
Permalink | Comments (350) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Coming attractions
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As I was sitting through about 98 movie previews last week, something occurred to me. In the “coming attractions”, the trailer shows the best parts of the film -without fully revealing how it will end. The intent is to entice you to the point where you must see it, right?
When you meet someone new, you probably see them all shiny and smelling good. They are most likely in a great mood because they are in a social setting or some event that they enjoy. You meet the so called “representative” of who they are. Can you see where this is headed?
Dating people is like watching the previews for a movie. The “coming attraction” is the preview, meant to entice you to buy a ticket. Unfortunately, we all know how movies can turn out. They can totally bore you, disappoint you, or even irritate you!
Perhaps the worst is when the coming attraction turns into a cruel tease. You could even feel manipulated. I know many people who confuse flirting and teasing and they can cross the line into deceit.
Have you ever met/dated someone who was a tease? Did they somehow convince you that there would be some payoff that never came? Is it their fault for being manipulative or does the responsibility rest on your own shoulders for falling for it?
How can you spot the “tease” and how do you handle them?
I am sure the discussion will undoubtedly take this turn anyway, so let me just go ahead and ask it! Who is more guilty of being a tease: men or women?
Have a Terrific Thursday!
Permalink | Comments (263) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Girlfriend Trainer
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Some single men are reluctant about seeking out relationships because they have bad memories of past experiences. Perhaps they were involved with women who used and abused them (not in a good way), which left them feeling apprehensive about investing time, effort, and even money into a potential romance.
To be honest, I don’t blame them for this. Men are expected to give a lot in a relationship, especially in the beginning. If they find a woman who is totally worth the risk, it’s great when things work out. That’s when it’s time for the woman in their lives to step up and show appreciation for her man.
It may surprise you how much women are clueless about being in a relationship with a man. If they are used to being doted on and put on a pedestal, chances are she will not know how to reciprocate that.
Guys, if you were to open a Girlfriend School, what type of classes would you teach? Imagine the ways you would want to be catered to, treated, or shown appreciation - what would you want your woman to know?
Ladies, when you are dating someone new, do you show the man that you would appreciate him? How do you do this and when? Forget about wifey material, do you think you are good girlfriend material?
Let’s keep it light and fun, and more importantly informative!
Thanks to reader, Dreams Materialize for this topic idea
Permalink | Comments (340) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
5 Signs He’s Not Interested
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We have a guest blogger today, the infamous Fly Guy of Fly Guy Chronicles! You may have noticed that he joined in yesterday. Today, he gives the ladies helpful signs when a man’s not interested.
Guys, feel free to respond to his list, do you agree with them? Have you ever shown this kind of behavior? Do you think you could provide more signs? Ladies, read over the list and offer feedback. If some of this behavior sounds familiar. How did you handle it? What signs do you have for the men? How can a guy know when a woman is not interested?
The writing had been on the wall for quite some time now. You just refused to read it. Why? Because as far as you were concerned, you had found the man of your dreams, and there was nothing anyone could say or do to change that. There was however, one slight problem … The feeling wasn’t mutual.
If only you would have paid attention to my “Top 5 Signs That He’s Not Interested” … perhaps this could have all been avoided.
- He never calls first.
Do me a favor and check how many times you’ve called him over the past two weeks. Once you’ve written that number down, compare it to the number of times he’s called you during that same period.
Big difference?
Listen, when you’re the one that calls first … every single time … what he’s actually showing you is that he’s about as interested in you as Naomi Campbell is in attending anger management classes.
- He never attempts to make any plans with you.
Another indicator that he’s not interested in you can be found in how aggressively he tries to make plans with you. Does he immediately come to the table with the “who, what, when, where, and why” of a romantic night out? Or does he talk about seeing you in terms that are about as vague as Al Sharpton’s job description? (After all these years, I still don’t know what he does.)
Side Bar: Late night calls asking you to “come over and watch this movie with me,” don’t exactly equate to him making legitimate plans.
- He constantly cancels the date at the last minute.
You look beautiful tonight. In fact, you always do on date night. But shortly before it’s time for you to meet, the phone rings. It’s him on the other end, beginning the same conversation you’ve heard many times before …
“Hey I’m sorry, but my job is making me work late again. My boss always seems to find a way to keep us apart.”
Fly Guy Translation: “I really don’t feel like going out with you tonight. Plus, I forgot the game was about to come on, so I had to weigh my options. Let’s see: spending money on you … watching the game … spending money on you … watching the game. I think we both know who won that battle.”
- He becomes a master magician (now you see me, now you don’t.)
In the beginning, the two of you would speak several times a day … kind of like Kevin Federline and The Unemployment Office. And just when you thought something positive was about to happen, he up and disappeared … kind of like Kevin Federline and The Unemployment Office.
In fact, you were THIS close to giving up on him; then conveniently, he reappeared. Of course, he apologized and gave his word that it would never happen again. But it did, and the cycle continued … kind of like Kevin Federline and … well you get the point.
- He begins to point out your differences.
A rather obvious sign that he’s not interested is when he starts pointing out your differences … no matter how random or how insignificant they may be. Maybe you like to argue and he doesn’t. Perhaps you’re a Democrat and he’s a Republican. Or maybe you like fried fish but he prefers baked … Doritos to his Sun Chips … Colgate to his Crest … Connect Four to his Battleship … Should I go on?
Here’s the bottom line. By highlighting your differences, what he’s really trying to say is this: “We aren’t made for each other.”
The Fly Conclusion: So now that you know the truth, what’s next? Will you continue to hold out hope that he will one day change his mind and make you the love of his life? Or will you gracefully walk away, and avoid being labeled as the “crazy chick that just doesn’t get it.”
I pray you choose the latter.
Permalink | Comments (384) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Approach Anxiety!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
So I ended my man diet (lasted about a week!) and I am ready to mingle. So far so good; I hit up a rooftop party, selected my favorite places to watch sports, and found the best patios to do brunch.
I have noticed that we have all this eye candy on the dating scene - but it’s like the pollen in Atlanta. Eventually you just get used to it. The ones that cause you to pause become few and far between. So, word to the wise (diva!), when you see someone with uber dating potential, you simply have to be prepared.
If you don’t, more than likely, your window of opportunity will close! I know this because it just happened to me recently. I noticed someone intriguing and what did I do? I walked behind him and never made eye contact!
Of course, as soon as he left, I came up with 800 witty, fascinating, and engaging things I could have said to him. I like to think that I have a healthy dose of self-confidence, but I think this happens to all of us at one time or another, uh doesn’t it?!
Have you ever experienced approach anxiety? How did you handle it?
Is there someone you had the chance to ask out, but decided not to? What held you back? If you could do a “do over”, what do you think you would do differently?
Ladies, what compels you to approach a man? Is it how he carries himself? His body language? How do you deal with the approach anxiety and make your way over to him? What signals do you send to let him know to approach you?
Guys, I bet you deal with this ALL the time! I know, what do I have to complain about, right? Seriously, how do you guys DO it? Does it get easier with age, experience, and/or more confidence? Have you ever met a woman that completely threw your approach/game off? How did you handle it?
What makes you go from the approach to pursuing/seeing someone who enamors you?
Happy Cinco De Mayo Everyone!! Where will you be celebrating?
Permalink | Comments (181) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Rocking your body
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have never been so worried about teenage women.
Forgive me if I’m way behind the curve on this one, but I just discovered the wave of thinspo videos on youtube this week. (Thinspo is a shortened version of “thinspiration,” a combination of the words thin and inspiration.) It doesn’t take but one or two videos to make you realize that many of these girls don’t want to be healthy—they want to be as anorexic as possible, and they’re encouraging each other to do so through these video montages. It’s crazy that this kind of concern about our appearances begins at such an early age.
And unfortunately, many of us grown women (and a few men!) still have body issues, even if we’ve escaped the clutches of eating disorders. And sometimes people we meet on the dating scene seem to reinforce our insecurities.
Ladies, do you ever feel like men are only looking for women who weigh under 100 lbs.? What kind of social pressures have you felt out on the dating scene? Have any of you ever felt accosted from the opposite end — people accusing you of being too skinny? What’s your ideal body type when it comes to men? And what are you willing to settle for?
Men, what’s your true ideal when it comes to the appearance of a woman? And what are you happy with, realistically? Do you feel like you meet women who won’t settle for anything less than physical perfection from a man?
Thanks to those of you who’ve sent in e-mail about the blog issues; it helps when it’s not just me complaining about it to tech support! Happy Friday!
Permalink | Comments (254) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Sharing your passion
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Last week we talked a little bit about chemistry, which is important between people who are dating. But once that chemistry tapers off a bit, you’re able to recognize who that person really is. And different kinds of “passion” become important.
I find myself thinking about the few things that I would want to share with a partner. Mind you, he doesn’t have to enjoy everything, or even most things, that I enjoy — just a few that I love.
For example: the beach. I know this sounds silly, but I really adore the beach for a variety of reasons: the peace it gives me, the warmth of the sun, afternoon showers, constantly having to sweep sand out of your living space. I love it all!
And I think it’s something I want to share with someone for the rest of my life. I don’t know that I would be happy married to someone who couldn’t stand the things I love! I can’t imagine beaching it once a year, leaving hubby at home and not getting to share the beauty with him.
What are you passionate about? Are there things you simply HAVE to be able to share with a long-term partner? It could be something seemingly trivial like the beach or the mountains, or it could be something more humanitarian like helping the homeless or assisting in HIV research. What makes you feel alive?
Have you ever dated someone who didn’t care to participate with you in your passions? How long did it take to realize things weren’t going to work out? What about someone who didn’t share your interests from the beginning but made an attempt to enjoy them with you?
Permalink | Comments (227) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
