Misadventures in Atlanta

By beth

April 22, 2008 8:23 AM | Link to this

I am 32 & my 81 year old grandmother said to me the other day I don’t even care anymore if you have a baby out of wedlock just have one so I can see my greatgrand baby before I die. I told her I would be happy to if she was going to pay to raise it. That shut her up.

By QC

April 22, 2008 8:25 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers, Lurkers, Newbies..everyone! Have a great day!

By kinderbabe

April 22, 2008 8:25 AM | Link to this

good morning all.:) i’m not sure how far this trend will go regarding single motherhood but i pray that it ends soon. working w/children, i see the product daily of mothers who treat their sons like their man. in my opinion, this is the second generation of super selfish, “momma won’t say no” type men coming up. basically their mother’s worlds have revolved completely around them forever. i remember a convo i had with a guy in his late 20s who admantly claimed that “he was his mother’s life” and she had no social life/male suitors etc. while he was growing up (and currently). just the thought of such a thing took him on a borderline frenzy…lol. i am hoping that a balance in family life occurs very soon for the sake of the mothers and especially the male children.

By 6'1 & Luvin it (Don Dada)=Playin both sides

April 22, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this

Goodt mernting everyone! I hope babies aren’t the new boyfriend, but over the weekend someone asked me were my dogs my men and I answered them Might as well be I snuggle up with them at night.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 8:32 AM | Link to this

Morning

Yes people will still seek out the traditional family, just as some women may want to go ahead and have a baby before their clocks explode outside of the typical “trad family”. I’m not sure I’d necessarily call it Babies, the New Boyfriends even though some single parents of boys tend to overdo it as if they are providing for a male companion….which often leads to the emasculation of the male species. We are so backwards. Single mothers seem to overall be much harder and stricter on their daughters but become protective and overly smotherly to the boys…when in fact it needs to be the other way around. But what do I know?

No, i’ve never considered motherhood minus the man. I have considered having the man minus the motherhood though.

By Satoria Lynn

April 22, 2008 8:41 AM | Link to this

Hello and Good Morning,

SlimOne, QC, 6’1 & Luvin it and kinderbabe!

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this

Whoa…this is a doozie.

I know of two women that is seeking to have a child without a male companion.

The first woman says her reason is she has given up on men altogether. Though it takes a man or rather what he has to offer (their soldiers) to make the reproduction process possible, she has chosen that her child would be better off without a man in its life. She is a true man hater and has opted for the other side.

I talked to her over the winter holidays and she has truly come to the conclusion that men are incapable of honesty, loyalty, true love, and just simply appreciating a woman for what she really is. She is planning to be inseminated later this year.

Then the other (36yrs) has pretty much the same sentiments but has not chosen to go to the other side. She feels men are just not worth the effort any more. (I will try to get her to tune in with us today.) And jokes about not emotionally tying herself to someone who is guaranteed to not stick around anyway.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

Morning, all. :-)

“Men, what do you think about women who choose to be single mothers?”

I guess the operative word there is “choose”, right? Well, personally, I’m old school on this one and think children should be conceived within the bonds of marriage. I mean no offense toward anyone when I say this, however, there are already enough instances of children being born out of wedlock without women exacerbating the situation by latching on to some kind of “fad” like this and purposefully having children in this way.

Not that my opinion would matter to anyone, but I’d be more willing to give the benefit of the doubt to a woman whose pregnancy was “unplanned” over one who deliberately went out and got pregnant - regardless of the means she chose - just to make some sort of personal statement. That is the height of selfishness as far as I’m concerned.

Darrell now commences to put on his tailor-made, pin-striped Blog suit with 3-button jacket and pleated pants with cuffs.

By BriteEyez

April 22, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

Morning All

Kinderbabe I have to agree 100% with everything you said. It is really a sad commentary for the what the future holds regarding male/female relationships to come if things do not change drastically and soon!

I have watched some women pamper and cater to their male children as if they were a mate, not a child. It can be a very disturbing thing to see. Especially how completely oblivious the mothers are to what they are saying to their sons by behaving that way.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

Raqi I’m normally laid back & silly as hayo but the first chick you spoke of seems to be the wrong person to have a b******* child. I say that because you stated she’s a true man hater. So i’m pretty sure her feelings about men will rear it’s head in the way she raises the child. You said she feels the child would be better off w/o a man. BUt what if that child is a boy…How can you say a male child is better off w/o the example of another man aka father figure in it’s life. Even if she were to have a female her position, IMO, is wrong to off the rip want to rear a child in a manless situation. People need to understand the demise of the family unit and seriously think through the detriment of carelessly & selfishly making decisions to keep adding to the issue. True, there are a plethora of parents raising kids because they have to due to the absecse of the other parent for whatever reason…Divorce, deadbeat mother/father, death of other parent etc….and the kids are suffering…Society is suffering. Anyone who believes there are no consequences in doing so i sadly mistaken. I am not jumping on you but it’s just careless overall. IMO

Slim now wrapping herself in aluminum foil since due to recent rising gas prices cannot afford the cost to rent an acutal Blog BulletProof Vest

By Mo (also known as Moeisha)

April 22, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone!!

Hey Kinderbabe! Good to read you chica.

I’ll comment on topic later, as this should be a good one. But I will say this for now, I dont think anyone should chose to raise a child alone. BRB

By QC

April 22, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

Hey Satoria Lynn

Darrell, you sure are dapper today…what’s the occassion?

By QC

April 22, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

HAPPY EARTH DAY EVERYONE

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this

QC “Darrell, you sure are dapper today…what’s the occassion?”

Well, the way I figure it is, if you’re gonna be attacked you might as well mack. LOL!

By Bit-O-Honey

April 22, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this

Morning folks I don’t think babies are the new boyfriend, although they both take a great deal of care and attention. I personally thought I’d be married w/child by now (30 yrs) but it just hasn’t happened yet. I’m still holding out for a husband before conceiving. Now, in about 5-6 more years I may have to revisit that thought.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

While talking to my husband’s cousin, I asked myself who is to blame. (Yeah I know there is no blame but work with me). Have men really let us down in a way that women are choosing “life” without them as a better way? Or are our expectation of men too high and we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment?

Word on the street is there are no good men left out there. Maybe. Maybe not.

By Kym

April 22, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Ladies, do you think babies are the new boyfriends?

No, but I do think alot of women are going this route for the reason Raqi described and because frankly motherhood is fulfilling for those who seek it. We spoke last week of how men who go outside of marriage need a friend well for some women (who want children)motherhood fulfills that need to be needed. But I wouldnt say it is the new boyfriend..(lawd I hope not).

Are your friends and/or relatives opting to have babies alone on purpose? I have known a few who had babies in the hopes of keeping a man. But not for the purposes of not being able to find one…so my answer is No.

Have you considered motherhood minus the man to raise it with you?

Well, hmmmm considering my son’s father was there when he was born and for most of his young life until he died when my son was 7 I would say No. Eventhough we were no longer a couple and had gone on different paths in our life…he was still apart of his life..maybe not always the best part at times..but he was his Dad. My son thinks his Dad hung the moon and that is alright with me

A friend told me that my relationship with my kid was different from most and I was like what do you mean? I think she was refering to the fact that we get along. I always think Ha. We get along to a point. He knows where the line in the sand is drawn. I told him I am your biggest supporter but I am also judge, jury and executioner in this camp.

By Duck

April 22, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

I think that those who cannot form a stable relationship with another adult should refrain from a permanent relationship with a child.

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

WD great topic. E1 put on your vests.

Kinder great post 100% co-sign.

While I have said many times the state of our race began its decline with the actions of the AA male it is quite obvious that the aa female is doing everything she can to insure our further decline. I guess the question is how low can we go?

By Satoria Lynn

April 22, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

I always thought that single women were looking for love. There’s nothing more easier to love then a baby. The baby will love his mommy back unconditionally.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

You know SlimO there is a 50% chance of her child being male. Sad situation. How will she raise a male child? Will she instill lesbian love into her female child?

I personally feel she should wait until she has exhausted her being of such hatred but who am I. She is grown and will do what she feels is necessary. Now I don’t know if her mate is a man hater too. I have never spoken with her.

Sidenote: Why do grown people feel the need to shield themselves in a “vest” because their opinion differs from someone else? We all have a right to our opinion.

By I am Legend

April 22, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

@slim…you on fire today lady…i feel the same way

@duck….preach!!!!

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

Good Day Everyone!

Babies are the new boyfriend!?! whoa…never thought of it that way.

Hi Mo, QC, Bankerbird, Satoria and all the bloggers.

lol @ beth tellin’ grandma them boogers are not cheap!

By QC

April 22, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

D…lmao!

hey Kinderb

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

Word on the street is there are no good men left out there. Maybe. Maybe not.

I guess it depends on what one would consider a “Good Man”. Plus just because a guy chooses to be unfaithful or because a relationship doesnt last between a man and women, doesn’t mean he can’t or won’t be a good father. Over the last year I’ve had the oppurtunity to see more black men wanting to participate in kids lives whether they were a parent or not as far as recreational sports go. (My cuz has a 6 year old son so i attend a lot of his events). Sadly enough I was shocked to see the guys involvement. Had I not had this oppurtunity I would think men were anti-kids or something. I do think women are guilty of using kids as some sort of bargaining tool or lack of seeing them punishment for the men, when the relationship doesn’t work.

Example: A guy i know is going through a divorce. He is still very active in his sons lives. So he had tickets to Lion King this past weekend. He had let the mother know of his plans to take them to see it. Why on the day of the show she makes sure she isn’t home so he can come pick them up. When he calls her, she doesn’t answer the phone. So she finally texts him back basically saying…why don’t you take your GIRLFRIEND to the show because the kids aren’t going now. WTF!!!

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

Raqi

“Have men really let us down in a way that women are choosing “life” without them as a better way?”

Excellent question. :-)

Personally, I don’t believe this question can be answered without first considering the extent to which women have contributed to men “letting them down”. As I see it, there is a cause and effect for everything, and in order for men and women alike to address this question objectively, I think we need to be open-minded enough to acknowledge that there has to be a reason behind women who profess to this so-called “been let down” mindset and to what degree their own behavior, attitude and background was a factor.

It should go without saying that it would be patently unfair for men to label all women as espousing to that way of thinking. However, it would be just as unfair for women to think that “all men are dogs” simply because their own personal experience has been less than ideal.

By QC

April 22, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Hello Cee-me-me

By Kym

April 22, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Slim I hope you are not suggesting that because a woman or man(I know a few single dads) (divorce or become widows/widowers/things didnt work out etc..)they should immediately go out an seek a mommy or daddy for their child. This is where I think the game gets twisted. You date for your own companionship not because you are looking for a replacement.

By Satoria Lynn

April 22, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

SlimOne - You’re speaking about every mother who was hurt behind a break-up. The child becomes the smoking gun. I believe Truth when he said that women/single mothers who take this route is bringing us down.

By Foot2Azz

April 22, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

I actually had an ex approach me about donating my soldiers for her cause. She was dead azz serious too. Her reasoning was I would make a suitable father because I was smart, nice, and I got good hair WTF!! She was in pharmacy school then and is a full fledge doctor now. Still, she was up front in that I would not have to be responsible for helping raise the child. The only stickler was she didn’t want a natural conception, because she couldn’t handle that with me … by the way this chic broke up with me. Needless to say I declined her offer because it was too strange … Women, yall some crazy MF’ers.

By I am Legend

April 22, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

@slim…i voting yes..slim for pres…lol

@darrell….well said homie…alot of folks dont believe in cause/effect…but what “some” women do…notice i said some…will adopt the victim mentality…and I HATE THAT…like ish is always happening to them…..they take no resposibility for nothing!

By Mo (also known as Moeisha)

April 22, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

SlimOne I agree with your first post 100%! By me having a son, I am thankful everyday that his father is an active part of his life. The fact that daddy and mommy didnt work out hasnt detered him for being there for baby boy.

As for you friend who is divorced, that is a touchy subject. Women (some women) use the kids as a way to get back at the father and that is soo wrong. You are putting the child in grown up situations. There was no reason for her to deny her children that opportunity but I bet everything that if someone were to ask her, she would say she was getting back at the Dad (your friend). She has thought nothing of what she has done/is doing to those children. I know we can be angry but when a child is born that child is first. You ought to be glad that you have a willing parent. Some are doing this all alone, period and they would kill to have some one to share that responsibility. smdh

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

Foot2 *”and I got good hair…”

You’d be amazed at how important that is to a lot of women. :-/

By BriteEyez

April 22, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

Darrell (www.blackthen.com) ^5 That was an excellent response to Raqi’s question. I completely agree with you regarding cause and effect. IMO, it is how the world works. I believe we all play a major role in how things turn out in our lives. To me, the good news in that is there is always the opportunity to change yourself and your circumstances until you create the situation that will yield the result you desire.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

Truth While I have said many times the state of our race began its decline with the actions of the AA male it is quite obvious that the aa female is doing everything she can to insure our further decline

I think women have been taught that no matter what they need to be able to take care of home, still be able to make it w/o a man, Not to have to depend on anyone else etc. So by them doing whatever it takes to ‘keep it moving’ in turn is slowly squeezing out the need for man or the position of man. So even if they do come in line of dealing with a dude, they are so use to be the one to do it all, it eventually doesn’t work out. We’ve discussed it, dissected it, rebuilt this topic a thousand times. Who wants to play on a team with a ball hog? Who wants to play on a team where the self-proclaimed MVP doesn’t feel your contribution is worth a dime or even tries to trust a play suggested by any other players?…It’s sort of like that skit show “In Living Color”..the jamaicon skit where one person is the 1. Reservation Agent 2. The TSA security officers 3. The tram driver 4. The flight attendant 5. The Pilot 6. AND the air traffic controller.

When a person gets use to having to play all these roles, then you try to put some else in the mix, its hard to know how to step back and allow them to participate in the duties…then every time the other party doesn’t handle it the way you would you get on your high horse and tell em how well you been doing so and so before you came along….yall see where i’m going.

Raqi You pose some great questions. Maybe one day you and her can have a chit chat to see how she would raise her child knowing how she feels about the opposite sex. I’d love to know how the convo turned out.

said in my lamest island accent LOL!

By DreamsMaterialize

April 22, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Morning Ya’ll This phenomenon is NOT a fad. Increasingly, women are admitting to being comfortable without the prospect of marriage. So, it’s expected that more women will choose to have children without a man. Let them do what they like though. Power will be still be held by real men/women, and the increase of underdeveloped (no father’s touch) children just makes it easier for my children to be in power. BTW, this is a perfect topic for dave. where is he?

And for all the women who have “given up” on men because all of them are no good, maybe those women are single because none of the men considered them marriage material. Maybe all of the men have given up on her. I’m always skeptical of women who blame their situation on all the ‘no-good’ men in the world. Those same women are themselves often the cause of their relationship failures, even if they haven’t realized it. If people focused on their own contributions to their failing relationships, then those relationships would have succeeded or would have never existed in the first place.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

Darrell I agree. The second lady that I spoke of is a member of an organization that I am a part of. She says constantly that men are not worth the effort anymore. I laugh at her and with her but I can’t change her mind.

IMO both parties are to be looked at. Are we women putting undue pressure on men? Are we expecting too much? Have we dramatized and traumatized men to the point of feeling that women are no longer good for anything but a jump-off?

Has this generation of men conceded to unaccountability? Has man fallen for the faux notion that there are 10 women to 1 man?

Who knows why except the one who makes the statement? The fact remains that there are women who are choosing to have babies outside of a traditional relationship. If you asked them they will all give a reason that is “justifiable” to them.

We are not discussing the fact whether or not the child is better off with or without the father but what women are choosing.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

Her reasoning was I would make a suitable father because I was smart, nice, and I got good hair.

whooooaaa…please be kidding…wth!!!

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

Morning everyone. Traffic was a beast.

I’m with SlimOne, I personally have NO interest in being a mother without a husband. But I was talking to my girls in LA and two of them (both Libras) would fully consider having a child if there was no man in site by the late 30s (they are currently at 30 now). One friend went as far to say that she’d never go to a sperm bank because there is never a shortage of men to sleep with. But me and another friend (both Sagittariuses) argued that if these men weren’t good enough or willing to be your husband, why would he be a dependable father?

Just sounded azz backwards to me, but their decision was simply because of biology. They weren’t going to give up finding “the one” but they were going to be realistic and know they can’t reproduce forever.

To each his own I guess!

By Bit-O-Honey

April 22, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

Slim its unfortunate that the kids are used as innocent pawns in the dysfunction between their parents. Old girl was wrong and is obviously not over her children’s father. She cheated her own children out of an opportunity to see The Lion King. Spite bites!

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

Dreams…maybe those women are single because none of the men considered them marriage material. Now see that statement is what we really need to figure out. Wanting to have a baby all by her lonesome? …who would REALLY wanna raise a child alone!?!

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

Kym I hope you are not suggesting that because a woman or man(I know a few single dads) (divorce or become widows/widowers/things didnt work out etc..)they should immediately go out an seek a mommy or daddy for their child
Abosutely not. I was only saying that YES there are currently parents that are rearing their kids w/o a co-parent for various reasons already. (Big Ups to all single parents!) But i think it’s very careless to set out to have a child purposely w/o a co-parent stating you’re a man-hater or women-hater. It seems that attitude, depending on how they raised the child, would overflow into shaping that childs mindset to further the demise of the family unit. If you end up a single parent for whatever reason, I don’t see why it would be a bad idea for your kids to still have some sort of male-figure whether it be an involved uncle, cousin, grandfather etc. Hope that clears it up for ya!

Satoria Lynn When my mother and father divorced, my mother never bad mouthed him to us. She always said that he is our father and it is up to us to make our own assessment about him if it comes to that. So not all mothers going through a break up use the kids as “get-back”..i’m sure they find other ways to punish the menfolk tho. lol

I am Legend Is blogsville ready for a black female pres? lol

Mo I know it has to be a great feeling to have your childs father be a active part of their lives. Even though you and him aren’t together, it still shows them that if they find themselves in the same situation, that it doesn’t mean you dip out on your responsibilities. I am very happy for you and the fact that you allow him to be the dad he needs to be.

By bobbalouie

April 22, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

Many people, not just single, these days seem to think of their children as “pets.” They decide they want one — “Oh, they’re so cute….” A self-centered desire to procreate and have a cute little thing to trot out. So many single mothers are struggling to maintain simple survival. My husband and I have raised four awesome children…I need him and he needs me and our kids definitely needed the yin and yang of both of us. It is a tough world our kids are growing up in, more sophisticated and difficult than what we grew up with. You need all the help, support and energy you can muster to see it through to adulthood. It’s one thing to get pregnant and even to raise a toddler. Things get mighty, crazy thick in the middle school/high school years, and then they still need your ear, your stability in their young adult years. I’m truly concerned about the next twenty years.

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

Morning Everyone

Hey Truth, Slim, QC, Cee, Ared, Real, Kym, Mo, 6’11, Raqi, Kinder, Demi, Darrell, abc, and everyone else.

Where is SJ3000??

Beth that was funny.

Truth are you starting something this early? lol

On topic: I have a lot of friends in their earlier thirties that desire to have children, but have found it difficult to meet a suitable partner. One very close friend is that strong executive type that holds no bar in going after what she wants. I remember she went through a phase of yearning to become a mother and I waited to see what her next move would be. She recently told me that she has given up on the idea of having kids, and live vicariously through the lives of her siblings (who all have children of their own). I think it is sad, but a responsible thing to do. As a single parent, I know firsthand how difficult it is to raise a child alone (especially a male child).

By Bit-O-Honey

April 22, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed I assume you’re wanting to draw attention to the differences in how Libras and Saggitarians view this issue..what is it?

ps. I’m a Saggitarius

By kinderbabe

April 22, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

thanks briteeyz and truth:)

hey mo, QC and IG top of the mornnig to ya!

By I am Legend

April 22, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

@truth

While I have said many times the state of our race began its decline with the actions of the AA male…i agree dude..all the way..the brothers have let the wheel go…they must think this thing called life is really named K.I.T…like K.I.T take over

@foot2azz

Yes that whole wannabe/jigboo thing spike sang about some 30yrs ago is still going strong today…i have heard comments like..me and her would make a pretty baby..she has nice eyes/hair/complextion…..it is the fear of the nappy headed baby….like the parents themselves are perfect…..the devil is a lie!!!!…

By Foot2Azz

April 22, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

What’s even sader is that single women with no kids eventually will meet a single dude within the same age range without any kids too, and they’ll think something is wrong with him?! Yeah I just made a general statement, but its a statement I’m willing to bet is true at least 8 times out of 10. I mean damn you can’t win for losing.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

Let me just say, great discussion so far.

Raqi - I laughed about your blog vest comment. I’ve noticed that a lot of times people put on the vest when they are actually making the most sense. Weird. LOL

Island Girl - Good morning back at ya!

One thing I want to add is making a child the “man of the house.” Kids are kids. Let them be kids. They have plenty of time to be grown. That’s not to say that you can not give your son tools to prepare himself for manhood as he grows up. But to consider him the “man of the house” as a child is just wrong, to me.

By Satoria Lynn

April 22, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

bobbalouie - I’m concerned also.

Be back later!

By I am Legend

April 22, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

i am a libra

By Kym

April 22, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

AR I am not following your need to stress astrology with this particular issue. I mean while astrology sign can determine personality traits. I know women who are Cancers (which are the mothers of the Zodiac) who have no desire to have children. So what does astrological signs have to do with anything?

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

Raqi ^5! on your 9:46. Good stuff. :-)

“Are we women putting undue pressure on men?”

To answer your question, I don’t think it’s as much an issue of “undue” pressure as it is “unrealistic” expectations.

I think a real man welcomes pressure because it affords him the opportunity to be and do what he was created to be and do. However, (and let me put my Blog suit back on for this), I think women have been “Oprah-ized” to such an extent that they’ve been programmed to expect - if not demand - the world and everything in it. This “Oprah-ization” of women has been very detrimental to men as it relates to them finding and fulfilling their God-ordained role, and this is the kind of “unrealistic” pressure I think we’re being put under today.

I’m tellin’ you right now, the last thing I’d want to hear from my mate is, “You know, baby, I was watching Oprah today and…”

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

IslandG…you hit it on the nail, it can be difficult doing it alone (yea specially the man child!!). Sorry that your friend has “given up” on the idea. I hope something happens for her to change her decision if she really wants a baby. This is sad.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

I assume you’re wanting to draw attention to the differences in how Libras and Saggitarians view this issue..what is it?

Bit-O-Honey - Beats me. LOL. I just found it interesting that we’ve been such good friends for so long but one half had such a strong and differing opinion than the other half. I know environment is a better indicator. But I like the astrology stuff.

I know that Sagittarians are fiercely independent so maybe that’s why we don’t feel pressed to “burden” ourselves with single motherhood. Maybe Libras are better nurturers or something. LOL

By Mo (also known as Moeisha)

April 22, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

SlimOne Thanks for the compliment. And your mother was right in not speaking ill of your father. You do have to let the child decide for themselves. I get so irritated with adults taking out their frustrations with the other parent on the kids. The child didnt ask to be brought into this world, so why should they have to bear the brunt of your and co-parents issues!

By Skegee

April 22, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Well…this IS Atlanta? Not much choice….

By kinderbabe

April 22, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

AR i agree w/that statement you made about a boy child being the “man” of the house. i think it’s wrong also. like you said, they will have plenty of time to be grown.

another problem i find w/women taking on sons as their “man” is that their is an unrealistic expectation and perception of the child. for example, i can think of countless mothers right now that come up to the school constantly defending their children(mainly) sons, when they are dead azz wrong. the mothers’s lens is tainted b/c she views her son,s evidence of “imperfection” as an inability to be loved. that stems from unrealistic expectations of a mate…”i can only love him if he’s perfect.” well they treat their sons like that….straight foolishness! treating them like they are perfect so they can still continue to have a love of their life. that is so unfair to the child b/c it builds a false sense of accountability and esteem.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

bobbalouie - Thank you for your comment. Welcome! And I agree with you.

Duck - No one touched your 9:11, but I think you may be on to something. LOL

Kym - See my response to Bit-O-Honey. It’s just something I threw out there, I know it’s not gospel. LOL

By Kym

April 22, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

Darrell Time out.. What does Oprah have to do with anything? I think that is a cop out for men and a excuse for women. Oprah is one woman with a show period. She brings on guest who state what has happen in their lives or their opinions.in the end it is up to each indivdual to walk their own walk. I dont know who these “women” you speak of are..but I think the problems that lie with society as a whole have nothing to do with Oprah. I think we had “Sisters doing it for themselves” long before Oprah. There are wayyy to many variables to consider other than Oprah. For example, right now on college campuses. Women(black, white, asian etc.) make up more than 50% of the population of students (Pick a college and look at who is enrolling) More women than men. so education is a variable. In the workforce women make up a huge population of the workforce but are underpaid what men make(which means that woman is working hard at times to get less money). That is a variable. An this God-ordain role.. please explain to me what my God-ordain role is because last I check God was not handing out roles for us to play..Life is not a stage production.

By Bit-O-Honey

April 22, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

I know that Sagittarians are fiercely independent so maybe that’s why we don’t feel pressed to “burden” ourselves with single motherhood.

AmazonRed this statement is definitely true of myself. While I love children and aspire to be a mother one day, I don’t want to do it alone. Could I do it alone? Certainly, but it’s not fair to the child for me to “choose” to go into a situation that wouldn’t be advantagous to him/her in the long run.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

kinderbabe - Great point! There was a robbery in my neighborhood a few weeks ago. Kid stole a purse out an unlocked car. Anther neighbor saw it and gave chase. Kid ran HOME.

Police show up and the mother is all beligerant saying how her son is not in the home. Of course the police find their way in and the kid is there. Turns out the kid had just come out of juvie for theft.

I hope she doesn’t wonder why her kid is all messed up…:-?

By DreamsMaterialize

April 22, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

The ambiguity of astrology notwithstanding, Libras are supposed to be well-balanced and able to see things from many perspectives, resulting in a holistic approach to life.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

kinderbabe Do you see how those same mothers act when their ‘perfect love child’ begins to seek out women?? The mothers become the ones that hate on every chick the boy brings home..because they become jealous of the time that the gf is now taking away from her & son. Thank goodness i’ve haven’t had to deal with that type of mother yet.

By cool breeze

April 22, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Some things are just SELFISH and a woman who has a baby without a father (this doesn’t include adoption.) is just selfish. How about asking the kid if they would like a father? Does that factor into the equation or is it just “I” want a baby? Kids need TWO parents. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

@ByFoot2Azz YOU ARE SO RIGHT! I’ve encountered that more than once. You’re 34 and don’t have any kids and never been married? what’s wrong with you?it’s like when I hear black women say there are no good men out there. Me and other guys I know Have never been married, no kids, no crazy ex’s, got degrees, working and like doing various things. Seemingly I think black women would be looking for us but I’ve been here 10 years and I have seen not so much. The only time I get mass attention from black women is when I’m out with a white or hispanic girl. There are good dudes everywhere.

By Bre'

April 22, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

I’m going to try to chime in for a hot second to give the other side of the equation. If you respond and I don’t get back with you “I’m working” and I will try to respond later in the day depending on market.

Give me a ticket later if it ends up being long.

Once I was that woman, I wanted a child from age 26 to 27 more than I wanted or needed a man. Not that I did not have good men around me, but I just did not feel I believed in marriage and the whole white picket fence thing. Since I can remember I’ve always wanted to be a mother, my mother is one of 15, I’m one of 8. Wife not so much at all, too much work for me. My finances were more than I needed at the time. Plus I had a great family around me, so at that point I said why not. I interviewed candidates, narrowed it down to 3 then finally picked one, papers got drawn up. We were on our way.

Then I talked to a older sista, about 56 years old then I guess. We worked out at the same gym. For no other reason than the heavens were lining up. We talked one night and I told her I had things all in my order. She broke alot of life down to me in that one talk, more than I can ever put here. But I walked away with a new sense I still had alot left in me to do and with a child I would not get to do those things. The next day we pulled the plug on it all.

I think back to that conversation with her and I see her every time I venture to MN. I was young, I thought I had it all planned out, that I had lived a full life. Because I had come up hard and fast, most of my friends had there first child in there teens or right after college. They had gotten it out of the way, and I thought I might as well make it happen also. There was plenty of money in the bank, lots of people in the villiage to help me. But in the end, something bigger than I was lead me to a different road.

Now I’m in my mid/late 30’s and once again all of my friends have at least had there first many working on number 3. And I remain child free, I love being an Auntie though nothing beats it. I can say now I’m way more prepared for a family than in my 20’s. So I now believe if it is meant for me to have one when/if that times comes then that’s the time for it. Life is precious it should be something of love and want not need and replacement.

okay gotta go……

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

bloggin’ from CA. regarding yesterday:

staceye i hope you feel better girlie. i’m coming back to atl late next week to get mine pulled. i forgot i rescheduled. since i had my last interview yesterday, might as well. meeting my lifelong girlfriends in vegas this weekend to celebrate the one and only. whoo hoo! i’m coming back with secrets, believe that!. lol.

kym the school system is the third reason why i decided to move back home. even though i’m happy that kels received a’s, in the back of my mind i question how the teachers are grading. next year, if he doesn’t do as well, then i’ll know. also, my guyfriend called and ask me if i needed anything and i told him about the book. he’s bringing it by before i head back.

raqi i decided to stop dating last summer. i didn’t want to start something i couldn’t finish. that’s why i stated that i didn’t have a life, my choice. it wouldn’t be fair to both him and i. i did break my own rule since then, twice.

wise i prefer the winter also. i love cold weather. give me 19 degrees anyday. i burned my fireplace on every cold night. love scarfs, gloves, my leather coat, boots, no hats though. lol.

truth you’re right about balance. gotcha! and I’ve never had a problem with the more women in atl than men. thank god! i don’t see this issue everyone is talkin’ about. men are everywhere.

rell i hate to say it, but the number one reason why i wanted a babygirl was because of my hair and my grandmother’s hair. and also to go shopping. sad but true.

slim i bite my tongue when speaking about pumpkin’s father. the main reason is because he always tells me how cool his dad is.

i’m gonna try to keep up today hi everyone!

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

Good morning Everyone

Babies being the new boyfriend? I can’t see them being the new boyfriend per se but I can see children being used to fill the void of lonliness or love, it goes both ways though, there are men who seek women to birth a child for them just as well.

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

Morning.. This topic hits me close to home as I am in this situation.. I never thought I would get married become divorced and be away from my child but life happens. My upbringing saw Mom and Dad staying together for the kids and her upbringing was a product of a bitter divorce. I saw no love in my household and she saw the same, so our relationship was challenged from the beginning. I said that to say that although we divorced we are committed to being our sons parents despite living in different households. Although it is a tough road to ho sometimes we both know we have to maintain a favorable environment and relationship for him. I’ll admit I love her more now as an EX wife than I actually did as my wife because we now communicate/listen to one another instead of talking at each other. I didnt want to be a divorced dude because i hate failing at anything but I didnt want my son growing up in the classic disfunctional family like I did.. At least now he can see Mom and Dad have a mutual respect for one another. The key is the child is what matters. No one else can be Moma and no one else can be Daddy. Since you two made the child its your responsibility to the other parent to be civil to one another. It even moves over into dating because everyone doesnt need to know your child and he doesnt date everyone you date. Actually he dates no one you date just people that will be there in a long term committed situation. Thats part of the sacrifice to raising a menatlly stable healthy child.

Also ladies please know that a real man who has to separate from his seed feels a pain that only God can help him with..

By kinderbabe

April 22, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

AR chile, that’s the kind of mess i see everyday!! their sons can do no wrong, even when that joker is caught in the act. it’s just sickening. and yes slim they do grown up to be those kind of men w/mommas always blockin’ a good relationship. i have met a couple brothas like that. they wanted to be the only woman in their son’s life…keep in mind they still were single after all those years….

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

Cool Breeze - I did not feel a “cool breeze” after reading your post. Tell em why you’re mad son. LOL

But I’m with you. I think the whole “there are no good men/women out there” argument is one of the dumbest of all time.

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

IG good morning beautiful. I hope you have a great day.

Darrell “I think a real man welcomes pressure because it affords him the opportunity to be and do what he was created to be and do.” While I wholeheartedly agree this is a slippery slope. Nobody can take continous pressure forever. Everyone has a breaking point. Alot of guys get to a point where it’s just easier to bail out than cope. While a child may be all that a woman has dreamed of it seldom is for a man. It is something that comes along with a woman. This is why men are choosing not to settle down nowadays. It’s easier. Not many women actually sit down with a guy and talk about starting a family and all that goes with it. They know that would reduce an already small pool of men. They simply get pregnant. A guy, while caring for a chick, usually doesn’t need the extras that come with a woman. It is straight unwanted pressure. This problem stems from underdeveloped men and overdeveloped women.

I think about the civilizations where a man had to prove he was a man (Spartans, Romans, African tribes where a man had to kill a lion) and wonder if we need a test like that now, actually a series of tests. Start with an IQ test, then a courage test, then a test on running a home. All tests would be go/no go. If you fail you’re taken to a room out back and castrated. Wait a minute, most of these guys are nutless already. Nevermind. LOL

Cool Breeze/Foot2AZZ someone said it before but a part of the problem is that none of the available dudes sees these women as partner material. Y’all need to stay around and represent.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Bre’ - Thank you for your post! I really appreciate those of you who can share on certain topics because you’ve been there (are almost there, lol)

Angie - Enjoy Vegas and thanks for your honesty regarding why you wanted a girl. It was like “whoa” but at least you aren’t fronting about it.

By QC

April 22, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

Hello IslandG

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Angie Please continue to exude restraint when feeling the urge to talk bad about pumpkins father. I may not have any kids but i do know that kids tend to be very protective about their parents whether they’re deadbeats or not. Let them form their own opinion about them. One of my co-workers child’s father is locked up…but do you think her daughter speaks any less of him? Not at all. That’s still her pops.

I on the other hand have pretty much given up on having a real relationship with my father…but it was decided by me alone.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

Thank you for your post…enlightening.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

DK - Thank you for your testimony as well.

I was speaking to my dad, who never knew HIS dad and he admitted that there were points in his marriage (still married to my mom) that he was around just because he wanted to stay in his kids life. I commend him for that because we had a good situation growing up. He just didn’t want his kids to have the same fate he did. In his situation, I’m glad he stuck it out because my parents weathered both ups and downs together and sometimes you can get out of that rut you are in. Clearly your situation is different and better off now that you’re divorced.

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

bobbalouie I agree with your 10:02 post. I truly believe it is better for a child to have two parents in the household (preferably male and female, but that is another topic).

Children today are faced with so many difficult situations. Peer pressure, the availability to drugs, sex, etc has flourished in our homes and schools. The bad thing is there are so many incompetent parents and there is nothing no one can do to stop them from having more children.

I can go on and on about this, but from a personal perspective I am taking a child whose mother is a drug addict. The resilience this child has chosen is remarkable, but yet sad. It is an uphill battle dealing with a child that has abandonment issues, and the lack of parental guidance and supervision.
While in undergraduate school, a psychology professor once said. “While the US government chooses the regulate various components of our society, why don’t they do the same in regards to population control”. Essentially a person would have to seek permission to become a parent….is this extreme position to have, maybe so.

By Deeva4LIfe

April 22, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

I think a real man welcomes pressure because it affords him the opportunity to be and do what he was created to be and do. Darrell there’s the problem there…I think the key phrase in this statement is real men. I’m not hear to bash ALL men because despite my experiences I do believe good men exisit. However, since when is finding a man that you’re attracted to, who isn’t full of drama and games, who calls when he says he’ll call, do what he says he’ll do and basically keeps it 100, consider “undue” pressure. I mean, I lurk here often and I feel that too many times women are pegged (not necessarily from you) as expecting too much from a man but when we cut them at the wick for the mentioned offenses then we don’t give men a chance…that double standard is too much energy. But again, maybe we haven’t been dealing with real men.

On topic I’m 30 years old without children and I too get the puzzled look when I state I have none. However, as much as I want a family I will not purposely make myself a single mother…that’s one of my fears even if/when I do re-marry because there are no guarentees in this life. But as stated earlier, to each his/her own.

By QC

April 22, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

Hello Angie

By The Melo

April 22, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

Satoria Lynn,mammalong,mytwocents u all got mail, i cracked ur inboxes….lol merning all..am going to jamaica for hedonism.