Misadventures in Atlanta

By beth

April 22, 2008 8:23 AM | Link to this

I am 32 & my 81 year old grandmother said to me the other day I don’t even care anymore if you have a baby out of wedlock just have one so I can see my greatgrand baby before I die. I told her I would be happy to if she was going to pay to raise it. That shut her up.

By QC

April 22, 2008 8:25 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers, Lurkers, Newbies..everyone! Have a great day!

By kinderbabe

April 22, 2008 8:25 AM | Link to this

good morning all.:) i’m not sure how far this trend will go regarding single motherhood but i pray that it ends soon. working w/children, i see the product daily of mothers who treat their sons like their man. in my opinion, this is the second generation of super selfish, “momma won’t say no” type men coming up. basically their mother’s worlds have revolved completely around them forever. i remember a convo i had with a guy in his late 20s who admantly claimed that “he was his mother’s life” and she had no social life/male suitors etc. while he was growing up (and currently). just the thought of such a thing took him on a borderline frenzy…lol. i am hoping that a balance in family life occurs very soon for the sake of the mothers and especially the male children.

By 6'1 & Luvin it (Don Dada)=Playin both sides

April 22, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this

Goodt mernting everyone! I hope babies aren’t the new boyfriend, but over the weekend someone asked me were my dogs my men and I answered them Might as well be I snuggle up with them at night.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 8:32 AM | Link to this

Morning

Yes people will still seek out the traditional family, just as some women may want to go ahead and have a baby before their clocks explode outside of the typical “trad family”. I’m not sure I’d necessarily call it Babies, the New Boyfriends even though some single parents of boys tend to overdo it as if they are providing for a male companion….which often leads to the emasculation of the male species. We are so backwards. Single mothers seem to overall be much harder and stricter on their daughters but become protective and overly smotherly to the boys…when in fact it needs to be the other way around. But what do I know?

No, i’ve never considered motherhood minus the man. I have considered having the man minus the motherhood though.

By Satoria Lynn

April 22, 2008 8:41 AM | Link to this

Hello and Good Morning,

SlimOne, QC, 6’1 & Luvin it and kinderbabe!

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this

Whoa…this is a doozie.

I know of two women that is seeking to have a child without a male companion.

The first woman says her reason is she has given up on men altogether. Though it takes a man or rather what he has to offer (their soldiers) to make the reproduction process possible, she has chosen that her child would be better off without a man in its life. She is a true man hater and has opted for the other side.

I talked to her over the winter holidays and she has truly come to the conclusion that men are incapable of honesty, loyalty, true love, and just simply appreciating a woman for what she really is. She is planning to be inseminated later this year.

Then the other (36yrs) has pretty much the same sentiments but has not chosen to go to the other side. She feels men are just not worth the effort any more. (I will try to get her to tune in with us today.) And jokes about not emotionally tying herself to someone who is guaranteed to not stick around anyway.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

Morning, all. :-)

“Men, what do you think about women who choose to be single mothers?”

I guess the operative word there is “choose”, right? Well, personally, I’m old school on this one and think children should be conceived within the bonds of marriage. I mean no offense toward anyone when I say this, however, there are already enough instances of children being born out of wedlock without women exacerbating the situation by latching on to some kind of “fad” like this and purposefully having children in this way.

Not that my opinion would matter to anyone, but I’d be more willing to give the benefit of the doubt to a woman whose pregnancy was “unplanned” over one who deliberately went out and got pregnant - regardless of the means she chose - just to make some sort of personal statement. That is the height of selfishness as far as I’m concerned.

Darrell now commences to put on his tailor-made, pin-striped Blog suit with 3-button jacket and pleated pants with cuffs.

By BriteEyez

April 22, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

Morning All

Kinderbabe I have to agree 100% with everything you said. It is really a sad commentary for the what the future holds regarding male/female relationships to come if things do not change drastically and soon!

I have watched some women pamper and cater to their male children as if they were a mate, not a child. It can be a very disturbing thing to see. Especially how completely oblivious the mothers are to what they are saying to their sons by behaving that way.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

Raqi I’m normally laid back & silly as hayo but the first chick you spoke of seems to be the wrong person to have a b******* child. I say that because you stated she’s a true man hater. So i’m pretty sure her feelings about men will rear it’s head in the way she raises the child. You said she feels the child would be better off w/o a man. BUt what if that child is a boy…How can you say a male child is better off w/o the example of another man aka father figure in it’s life. Even if she were to have a female her position, IMO, is wrong to off the rip want to rear a child in a manless situation. People need to understand the demise of the family unit and seriously think through the detriment of carelessly & selfishly making decisions to keep adding to the issue. True, there are a plethora of parents raising kids because they have to due to the absecse of the other parent for whatever reason…Divorce, deadbeat mother/father, death of other parent etc….and the kids are suffering…Society is suffering. Anyone who believes there are no consequences in doing so i sadly mistaken. I am not jumping on you but it’s just careless overall. IMO

Slim now wrapping herself in aluminum foil since due to recent rising gas prices cannot afford the cost to rent an acutal Blog BulletProof Vest

By Mo (also known as Moeisha)

April 22, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone!!

Hey Kinderbabe! Good to read you chica.

I’ll comment on topic later, as this should be a good one. But I will say this for now, I dont think anyone should chose to raise a child alone. BRB

By QC

April 22, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

Hey Satoria Lynn

Darrell, you sure are dapper today…what’s the occassion?

By QC

April 22, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

HAPPY EARTH DAY EVERYONE

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this

QC “Darrell, you sure are dapper today…what’s the occassion?”

Well, the way I figure it is, if you’re gonna be attacked you might as well mack. LOL!

By Bit-O-Honey

April 22, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this

Morning folks I don’t think babies are the new boyfriend, although they both take a great deal of care and attention. I personally thought I’d be married w/child by now (30 yrs) but it just hasn’t happened yet. I’m still holding out for a husband before conceiving. Now, in about 5-6 more years I may have to revisit that thought.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

While talking to my husband’s cousin, I asked myself who is to blame. (Yeah I know there is no blame but work with me). Have men really let us down in a way that women are choosing “life” without them as a better way? Or are our expectation of men too high and we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment?

Word on the street is there are no good men left out there. Maybe. Maybe not.

By Kym

April 22, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Ladies, do you think babies are the new boyfriends?

No, but I do think alot of women are going this route for the reason Raqi described and because frankly motherhood is fulfilling for those who seek it. We spoke last week of how men who go outside of marriage need a friend well for some women (who want children)motherhood fulfills that need to be needed. But I wouldnt say it is the new boyfriend..(lawd I hope not).

Are your friends and/or relatives opting to have babies alone on purpose? I have known a few who had babies in the hopes of keeping a man. But not for the purposes of not being able to find one…so my answer is No.

Have you considered motherhood minus the man to raise it with you?

Well, hmmmm considering my son’s father was there when he was born and for most of his young life until he died when my son was 7 I would say No. Eventhough we were no longer a couple and had gone on different paths in our life…he was still apart of his life..maybe not always the best part at times..but he was his Dad. My son thinks his Dad hung the moon and that is alright with me

A friend told me that my relationship with my kid was different from most and I was like what do you mean? I think she was refering to the fact that we get along. I always think Ha. We get along to a point. He knows where the line in the sand is drawn. I told him I am your biggest supporter but I am also judge, jury and executioner in this camp.

By Duck

April 22, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

I think that those who cannot form a stable relationship with another adult should refrain from a permanent relationship with a child.

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

WD great topic. E1 put on your vests.

Kinder great post 100% co-sign.

While I have said many times the state of our race began its decline with the actions of the AA male it is quite obvious that the aa female is doing everything she can to insure our further decline. I guess the question is how low can we go?

By Satoria Lynn

April 22, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

I always thought that single women were looking for love. There’s nothing more easier to love then a baby. The baby will love his mommy back unconditionally.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

You know SlimO there is a 50% chance of her child being male. Sad situation. How will she raise a male child? Will she instill lesbian love into her female child?

I personally feel she should wait until she has exhausted her being of such hatred but who am I. She is grown and will do what she feels is necessary. Now I don’t know if her mate is a man hater too. I have never spoken with her.

Sidenote: Why do grown people feel the need to shield themselves in a “vest” because their opinion differs from someone else? We all have a right to our opinion.

By I am Legend

April 22, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

@slim…you on fire today lady…i feel the same way

@duck….preach!!!!

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

Good Day Everyone!

Babies are the new boyfriend!?! whoa…never thought of it that way.

Hi Mo, QC, Bankerbird, Satoria and all the bloggers.

lol @ beth tellin’ grandma them boogers are not cheap!

By QC

April 22, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

D…lmao!

hey Kinderb

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

Word on the street is there are no good men left out there. Maybe. Maybe not.

I guess it depends on what one would consider a “Good Man”. Plus just because a guy chooses to be unfaithful or because a relationship doesnt last between a man and women, doesn’t mean he can’t or won’t be a good father. Over the last year I’ve had the oppurtunity to see more black men wanting to participate in kids lives whether they were a parent or not as far as recreational sports go. (My cuz has a 6 year old son so i attend a lot of his events). Sadly enough I was shocked to see the guys involvement. Had I not had this oppurtunity I would think men were anti-kids or something. I do think women are guilty of using kids as some sort of bargaining tool or lack of seeing them punishment for the men, when the relationship doesn’t work.

Example: A guy i know is going through a divorce. He is still very active in his sons lives. So he had tickets to Lion King this past weekend. He had let the mother know of his plans to take them to see it. Why on the day of the show she makes sure she isn’t home so he can come pick them up. When he calls her, she doesn’t answer the phone. So she finally texts him back basically saying…why don’t you take your GIRLFRIEND to the show because the kids aren’t going now. WTF!!!

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

Raqi

“Have men really let us down in a way that women are choosing “life” without them as a better way?”

Excellent question. :-)

Personally, I don’t believe this question can be answered without first considering the extent to which women have contributed to men “letting them down”. As I see it, there is a cause and effect for everything, and in order for men and women alike to address this question objectively, I think we need to be open-minded enough to acknowledge that there has to be a reason behind women who profess to this so-called “been let down” mindset and to what degree their own behavior, attitude and background was a factor.

It should go without saying that it would be patently unfair for men to label all women as espousing to that way of thinking. However, it would be just as unfair for women to think that “all men are dogs” simply because their own personal experience has been less than ideal.

By QC

April 22, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Hello Cee-me-me

By Kym

April 22, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Slim I hope you are not suggesting that because a woman or man(I know a few single dads) (divorce or become widows/widowers/things didnt work out etc..)they should immediately go out an seek a mommy or daddy for their child. This is where I think the game gets twisted. You date for your own companionship not because you are looking for a replacement.

By Satoria Lynn

April 22, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

SlimOne - You’re speaking about every mother who was hurt behind a break-up. The child becomes the smoking gun. I believe Truth when he said that women/single mothers who take this route is bringing us down.

By Foot2Azz

April 22, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

I actually had an ex approach me about donating my soldiers for her cause. She was dead azz serious too. Her reasoning was I would make a suitable father because I was smart, nice, and I got good hair WTF!! She was in pharmacy school then and is a full fledge doctor now. Still, she was up front in that I would not have to be responsible for helping raise the child. The only stickler was she didn’t want a natural conception, because she couldn’t handle that with me … by the way this chic broke up with me. Needless to say I declined her offer because it was too strange … Women, yall some crazy MF’ers.

By I am Legend

April 22, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

@slim…i voting yes..slim for pres…lol

@darrell….well said homie…alot of folks dont believe in cause/effect…but what “some” women do…notice i said some…will adopt the victim mentality…and I HATE THAT…like ish is always happening to them…..they take no resposibility for nothing!

By Mo (also known as Moeisha)

April 22, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

SlimOne I agree with your first post 100%! By me having a son, I am thankful everyday that his father is an active part of his life. The fact that daddy and mommy didnt work out hasnt detered him for being there for baby boy.

As for you friend who is divorced, that is a touchy subject. Women (some women) use the kids as a way to get back at the father and that is soo wrong. You are putting the child in grown up situations. There was no reason for her to deny her children that opportunity but I bet everything that if someone were to ask her, she would say she was getting back at the Dad (your friend). She has thought nothing of what she has done/is doing to those children. I know we can be angry but when a child is born that child is first. You ought to be glad that you have a willing parent. Some are doing this all alone, period and they would kill to have some one to share that responsibility. smdh

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

Foot2 *”and I got good hair…”

You’d be amazed at how important that is to a lot of women. :-/

By BriteEyez

April 22, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

Darrell (www.blackthen.com) ^5 That was an excellent response to Raqi’s question. I completely agree with you regarding cause and effect. IMO, it is how the world works. I believe we all play a major role in how things turn out in our lives. To me, the good news in that is there is always the opportunity to change yourself and your circumstances until you create the situation that will yield the result you desire.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

Truth While I have said many times the state of our race began its decline with the actions of the AA male it is quite obvious that the aa female is doing everything she can to insure our further decline

I think women have been taught that no matter what they need to be able to take care of home, still be able to make it w/o a man, Not to have to depend on anyone else etc. So by them doing whatever it takes to ‘keep it moving’ in turn is slowly squeezing out the need for man or the position of man. So even if they do come in line of dealing with a dude, they are so use to be the one to do it all, it eventually doesn’t work out. We’ve discussed it, dissected it, rebuilt this topic a thousand times. Who wants to play on a team with a ball hog? Who wants to play on a team where the self-proclaimed MVP doesn’t feel your contribution is worth a dime or even tries to trust a play suggested by any other players?…It’s sort of like that skit show “In Living Color”..the jamaicon skit where one person is the 1. Reservation Agent 2. The TSA security officers 3. The tram driver 4. The flight attendant 5. The Pilot 6. AND the air traffic controller.

When a person gets use to having to play all these roles, then you try to put some else in the mix, its hard to know how to step back and allow them to participate in the duties…then every time the other party doesn’t handle it the way you would you get on your high horse and tell em how well you been doing so and so before you came along….yall see where i’m going.

Raqi You pose some great questions. Maybe one day you and her can have a chit chat to see how she would raise her child knowing how she feels about the opposite sex. I’d love to know how the convo turned out.

said in my lamest island accent LOL!

By DreamsMaterialize

April 22, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Morning Ya’ll This phenomenon is NOT a fad. Increasingly, women are admitting to being comfortable without the prospect of marriage. So, it’s expected that more women will choose to have children without a man. Let them do what they like though. Power will be still be held by real men/women, and the increase of underdeveloped (no father’s touch) children just makes it easier for my children to be in power. BTW, this is a perfect topic for dave. where is he?

And for all the women who have “given up” on men because all of them are no good, maybe those women are single because none of the men considered them marriage material. Maybe all of the men have given up on her. I’m always skeptical of women who blame their situation on all the ‘no-good’ men in the world. Those same women are themselves often the cause of their relationship failures, even if they haven’t realized it. If people focused on their own contributions to their failing relationships, then those relationships would have succeeded or would have never existed in the first place.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

Darrell I agree. The second lady that I spoke of is a member of an organization that I am a part of. She says constantly that men are not worth the effort anymore. I laugh at her and with her but I can’t change her mind.

IMO both parties are to be looked at. Are we women putting undue pressure on men? Are we expecting too much? Have we dramatized and traumatized men to the point of feeling that women are no longer good for anything but a jump-off?

Has this generation of men conceded to unaccountability? Has man fallen for the faux notion that there are 10 women to 1 man?

Who knows why except the one who makes the statement? The fact remains that there are women who are choosing to have babies outside of a traditional relationship. If you asked them they will all give a reason that is “justifiable” to them.

We are not discussing the fact whether or not the child is better off with or without the father but what women are choosing.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

Her reasoning was I would make a suitable father because I was smart, nice, and I got good hair.

whooooaaa…please be kidding…wth!!!

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

Morning everyone. Traffic was a beast.

I’m with SlimOne, I personally have NO interest in being a mother without a husband. But I was talking to my girls in LA and two of them (both Libras) would fully consider having a child if there was no man in site by the late 30s (they are currently at 30 now). One friend went as far to say that she’d never go to a sperm bank because there is never a shortage of men to sleep with. But me and another friend (both Sagittariuses) argued that if these men weren’t good enough or willing to be your husband, why would he be a dependable father?

Just sounded azz backwards to me, but their decision was simply because of biology. They weren’t going to give up finding “the one” but they were going to be realistic and know they can’t reproduce forever.

To each his own I guess!

By Bit-O-Honey

April 22, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

Slim its unfortunate that the kids are used as innocent pawns in the dysfunction between their parents. Old girl was wrong and is obviously not over her children’s father. She cheated her own children out of an opportunity to see The Lion King. Spite bites!

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

Dreams…maybe those women are single because none of the men considered them marriage material. Now see that statement is what we really need to figure out. Wanting to have a baby all by her lonesome? …who would REALLY wanna raise a child alone!?!

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

Kym I hope you are not suggesting that because a woman or man(I know a few single dads) (divorce or become widows/widowers/things didnt work out etc..)they should immediately go out an seek a mommy or daddy for their child
Abosutely not. I was only saying that YES there are currently parents that are rearing their kids w/o a co-parent for various reasons already. (Big Ups to all single parents!) But i think it’s very careless to set out to have a child purposely w/o a co-parent stating you’re a man-hater or women-hater. It seems that attitude, depending on how they raised the child, would overflow into shaping that childs mindset to further the demise of the family unit. If you end up a single parent for whatever reason, I don’t see why it would be a bad idea for your kids to still have some sort of male-figure whether it be an involved uncle, cousin, grandfather etc. Hope that clears it up for ya!

Satoria Lynn When my mother and father divorced, my mother never bad mouthed him to us. She always said that he is our father and it is up to us to make our own assessment about him if it comes to that. So not all mothers going through a break up use the kids as “get-back”..i’m sure they find other ways to punish the menfolk tho. lol

I am Legend Is blogsville ready for a black female pres? lol

Mo I know it has to be a great feeling to have your childs father be a active part of their lives. Even though you and him aren’t together, it still shows them that if they find themselves in the same situation, that it doesn’t mean you dip out on your responsibilities. I am very happy for you and the fact that you allow him to be the dad he needs to be.

By bobbalouie

April 22, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

Many people, not just single, these days seem to think of their children as “pets.” They decide they want one — “Oh, they’re so cute….” A self-centered desire to procreate and have a cute little thing to trot out. So many single mothers are struggling to maintain simple survival. My husband and I have raised four awesome children…I need him and he needs me and our kids definitely needed the yin and yang of both of us. It is a tough world our kids are growing up in, more sophisticated and difficult than what we grew up with. You need all the help, support and energy you can muster to see it through to adulthood. It’s one thing to get pregnant and even to raise a toddler. Things get mighty, crazy thick in the middle school/high school years, and then they still need your ear, your stability in their young adult years. I’m truly concerned about the next twenty years.

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

Morning Everyone

Hey Truth, Slim, QC, Cee, Ared, Real, Kym, Mo, 6’11, Raqi, Kinder, Demi, Darrell, abc, and everyone else.

Where is SJ3000??

Beth that was funny.

Truth are you starting something this early? lol

On topic: I have a lot of friends in their earlier thirties that desire to have children, but have found it difficult to meet a suitable partner. One very close friend is that strong executive type that holds no bar in going after what she wants. I remember she went through a phase of yearning to become a mother and I waited to see what her next move would be. She recently told me that she has given up on the idea of having kids, and live vicariously through the lives of her siblings (who all have children of their own). I think it is sad, but a responsible thing to do. As a single parent, I know firsthand how difficult it is to raise a child alone (especially a male child).

By Bit-O-Honey

April 22, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed I assume you’re wanting to draw attention to the differences in how Libras and Saggitarians view this issue..what is it?

ps. I’m a Saggitarius

By kinderbabe

April 22, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

thanks briteeyz and truth:)

hey mo, QC and IG top of the mornnig to ya!

By I am Legend

April 22, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

@truth

While I have said many times the state of our race began its decline with the actions of the AA male…i agree dude..all the way..the brothers have let the wheel go…they must think this thing called life is really named K.I.T…like K.I.T take over

@foot2azz

Yes that whole wannabe/jigboo thing spike sang about some 30yrs ago is still going strong today…i have heard comments like..me and her would make a pretty baby..she has nice eyes/hair/complextion…..it is the fear of the nappy headed baby….like the parents themselves are perfect…..the devil is a lie!!!!…

By Foot2Azz

April 22, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

What’s even sader is that single women with no kids eventually will meet a single dude within the same age range without any kids too, and they’ll think something is wrong with him?! Yeah I just made a general statement, but its a statement I’m willing to bet is true at least 8 times out of 10. I mean damn you can’t win for losing.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

Let me just say, great discussion so far.

Raqi - I laughed about your blog vest comment. I’ve noticed that a lot of times people put on the vest when they are actually making the most sense. Weird. LOL

Island Girl - Good morning back at ya!

One thing I want to add is making a child the “man of the house.” Kids are kids. Let them be kids. They have plenty of time to be grown. That’s not to say that you can not give your son tools to prepare himself for manhood as he grows up. But to consider him the “man of the house” as a child is just wrong, to me.

By Satoria Lynn

April 22, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

bobbalouie - I’m concerned also.

Be back later!

By I am Legend

April 22, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

i am a libra

By Kym

April 22, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

AR I am not following your need to stress astrology with this particular issue. I mean while astrology sign can determine personality traits. I know women who are Cancers (which are the mothers of the Zodiac) who have no desire to have children. So what does astrological signs have to do with anything?

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

Raqi ^5! on your 9:46. Good stuff. :-)

“Are we women putting undue pressure on men?”

To answer your question, I don’t think it’s as much an issue of “undue” pressure as it is “unrealistic” expectations.

I think a real man welcomes pressure because it affords him the opportunity to be and do what he was created to be and do. However, (and let me put my Blog suit back on for this), I think women have been “Oprah-ized” to such an extent that they’ve been programmed to expect - if not demand - the world and everything in it. This “Oprah-ization” of women has been very detrimental to men as it relates to them finding and fulfilling their God-ordained role, and this is the kind of “unrealistic” pressure I think we’re being put under today.

I’m tellin’ you right now, the last thing I’d want to hear from my mate is, “You know, baby, I was watching Oprah today and…”

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

IslandG…you hit it on the nail, it can be difficult doing it alone (yea specially the man child!!). Sorry that your friend has “given up” on the idea. I hope something happens for her to change her decision if she really wants a baby. This is sad.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

I assume you’re wanting to draw attention to the differences in how Libras and Saggitarians view this issue..what is it?

Bit-O-Honey - Beats me. LOL. I just found it interesting that we’ve been such good friends for so long but one half had such a strong and differing opinion than the other half. I know environment is a better indicator. But I like the astrology stuff.

I know that Sagittarians are fiercely independent so maybe that’s why we don’t feel pressed to “burden” ourselves with single motherhood. Maybe Libras are better nurturers or something. LOL

By Mo (also known as Moeisha)

April 22, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

SlimOne Thanks for the compliment. And your mother was right in not speaking ill of your father. You do have to let the child decide for themselves. I get so irritated with adults taking out their frustrations with the other parent on the kids. The child didnt ask to be brought into this world, so why should they have to bear the brunt of your and co-parents issues!

By Skegee

April 22, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Well…this IS Atlanta? Not much choice….

By kinderbabe

April 22, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

AR i agree w/that statement you made about a boy child being the “man” of the house. i think it’s wrong also. like you said, they will have plenty of time to be grown.

another problem i find w/women taking on sons as their “man” is that their is an unrealistic expectation and perception of the child. for example, i can think of countless mothers right now that come up to the school constantly defending their children(mainly) sons, when they are dead azz wrong. the mothers’s lens is tainted b/c she views her son,s evidence of “imperfection” as an inability to be loved. that stems from unrealistic expectations of a mate…”i can only love him if he’s perfect.” well they treat their sons like that….straight foolishness! treating them like they are perfect so they can still continue to have a love of their life. that is so unfair to the child b/c it builds a false sense of accountability and esteem.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

bobbalouie - Thank you for your comment. Welcome! And I agree with you.

Duck - No one touched your 9:11, but I think you may be on to something. LOL

Kym - See my response to Bit-O-Honey. It’s just something I threw out there, I know it’s not gospel. LOL

By Kym

April 22, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

Darrell Time out.. What does Oprah have to do with anything? I think that is a cop out for men and a excuse for women. Oprah is one woman with a show period. She brings on guest who state what has happen in their lives or their opinions.in the end it is up to each indivdual to walk their own walk. I dont know who these “women” you speak of are..but I think the problems that lie with society as a whole have nothing to do with Oprah. I think we had “Sisters doing it for themselves” long before Oprah. There are wayyy to many variables to consider other than Oprah. For example, right now on college campuses. Women(black, white, asian etc.) make up more than 50% of the population of students (Pick a college and look at who is enrolling) More women than men. so education is a variable. In the workforce women make up a huge population of the workforce but are underpaid what men make(which means that woman is working hard at times to get less money). That is a variable. An this God-ordain role.. please explain to me what my God-ordain role is because last I check God was not handing out roles for us to play..Life is not a stage production.

By Bit-O-Honey

April 22, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

I know that Sagittarians are fiercely independent so maybe that’s why we don’t feel pressed to “burden” ourselves with single motherhood.

AmazonRed this statement is definitely true of myself. While I love children and aspire to be a mother one day, I don’t want to do it alone. Could I do it alone? Certainly, but it’s not fair to the child for me to “choose” to go into a situation that wouldn’t be advantagous to him/her in the long run.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

kinderbabe - Great point! There was a robbery in my neighborhood a few weeks ago. Kid stole a purse out an unlocked car. Anther neighbor saw it and gave chase. Kid ran HOME.

Police show up and the mother is all beligerant saying how her son is not in the home. Of course the police find their way in and the kid is there. Turns out the kid had just come out of juvie for theft.

I hope she doesn’t wonder why her kid is all messed up…:-?

By DreamsMaterialize

April 22, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

The ambiguity of astrology notwithstanding, Libras are supposed to be well-balanced and able to see things from many perspectives, resulting in a holistic approach to life.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

kinderbabe Do you see how those same mothers act when their ‘perfect love child’ begins to seek out women?? The mothers become the ones that hate on every chick the boy brings home..because they become jealous of the time that the gf is now taking away from her & son. Thank goodness i’ve haven’t had to deal with that type of mother yet.

By cool breeze

April 22, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Some things are just SELFISH and a woman who has a baby without a father (this doesn’t include adoption.) is just selfish. How about asking the kid if they would like a father? Does that factor into the equation or is it just “I” want a baby? Kids need TWO parents. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

@ByFoot2Azz YOU ARE SO RIGHT! I’ve encountered that more than once. You’re 34 and don’t have any kids and never been married? what’s wrong with you?it’s like when I hear black women say there are no good men out there. Me and other guys I know Have never been married, no kids, no crazy ex’s, got degrees, working and like doing various things. Seemingly I think black women would be looking for us but I’ve been here 10 years and I have seen not so much. The only time I get mass attention from black women is when I’m out with a white or hispanic girl. There are good dudes everywhere.

By Bre'

April 22, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

I’m going to try to chime in for a hot second to give the other side of the equation. If you respond and I don’t get back with you “I’m working” and I will try to respond later in the day depending on market.

Give me a ticket later if it ends up being long.

Once I was that woman, I wanted a child from age 26 to 27 more than I wanted or needed a man. Not that I did not have good men around me, but I just did not feel I believed in marriage and the whole white picket fence thing. Since I can remember I’ve always wanted to be a mother, my mother is one of 15, I’m one of 8. Wife not so much at all, too much work for me. My finances were more than I needed at the time. Plus I had a great family around me, so at that point I said why not. I interviewed candidates, narrowed it down to 3 then finally picked one, papers got drawn up. We were on our way.

Then I talked to a older sista, about 56 years old then I guess. We worked out at the same gym. For no other reason than the heavens were lining up. We talked one night and I told her I had things all in my order. She broke alot of life down to me in that one talk, more than I can ever put here. But I walked away with a new sense I still had alot left in me to do and with a child I would not get to do those things. The next day we pulled the plug on it all.

I think back to that conversation with her and I see her every time I venture to MN. I was young, I thought I had it all planned out, that I had lived a full life. Because I had come up hard and fast, most of my friends had there first child in there teens or right after college. They had gotten it out of the way, and I thought I might as well make it happen also. There was plenty of money in the bank, lots of people in the villiage to help me. But in the end, something bigger than I was lead me to a different road.

Now I’m in my mid/late 30’s and once again all of my friends have at least had there first many working on number 3. And I remain child free, I love being an Auntie though nothing beats it. I can say now I’m way more prepared for a family than in my 20’s. So I now believe if it is meant for me to have one when/if that times comes then that’s the time for it. Life is precious it should be something of love and want not need and replacement.

okay gotta go……

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

bloggin’ from CA. regarding yesterday:

staceye i hope you feel better girlie. i’m coming back to atl late next week to get mine pulled. i forgot i rescheduled. since i had my last interview yesterday, might as well. meeting my lifelong girlfriends in vegas this weekend to celebrate the one and only. whoo hoo! i’m coming back with secrets, believe that!. lol.

kym the school system is the third reason why i decided to move back home. even though i’m happy that kels received a’s, in the back of my mind i question how the teachers are grading. next year, if he doesn’t do as well, then i’ll know. also, my guyfriend called and ask me if i needed anything and i told him about the book. he’s bringing it by before i head back.

raqi i decided to stop dating last summer. i didn’t want to start something i couldn’t finish. that’s why i stated that i didn’t have a life, my choice. it wouldn’t be fair to both him and i. i did break my own rule since then, twice.

wise i prefer the winter also. i love cold weather. give me 19 degrees anyday. i burned my fireplace on every cold night. love scarfs, gloves, my leather coat, boots, no hats though. lol.

truth you’re right about balance. gotcha! and I’ve never had a problem with the more women in atl than men. thank god! i don’t see this issue everyone is talkin’ about. men are everywhere.

rell i hate to say it, but the number one reason why i wanted a babygirl was because of my hair and my grandmother’s hair. and also to go shopping. sad but true.

slim i bite my tongue when speaking about pumpkin’s father. the main reason is because he always tells me how cool his dad is.

i’m gonna try to keep up today hi everyone!

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

Good morning Everyone

Babies being the new boyfriend? I can’t see them being the new boyfriend per se but I can see children being used to fill the void of lonliness or love, it goes both ways though, there are men who seek women to birth a child for them just as well.

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

Morning.. This topic hits me close to home as I am in this situation.. I never thought I would get married become divorced and be away from my child but life happens. My upbringing saw Mom and Dad staying together for the kids and her upbringing was a product of a bitter divorce. I saw no love in my household and she saw the same, so our relationship was challenged from the beginning. I said that to say that although we divorced we are committed to being our sons parents despite living in different households. Although it is a tough road to ho sometimes we both know we have to maintain a favorable environment and relationship for him. I’ll admit I love her more now as an EX wife than I actually did as my wife because we now communicate/listen to one another instead of talking at each other. I didnt want to be a divorced dude because i hate failing at anything but I didnt want my son growing up in the classic disfunctional family like I did.. At least now he can see Mom and Dad have a mutual respect for one another. The key is the child is what matters. No one else can be Moma and no one else can be Daddy. Since you two made the child its your responsibility to the other parent to be civil to one another. It even moves over into dating because everyone doesnt need to know your child and he doesnt date everyone you date. Actually he dates no one you date just people that will be there in a long term committed situation. Thats part of the sacrifice to raising a menatlly stable healthy child.

Also ladies please know that a real man who has to separate from his seed feels a pain that only God can help him with..

By kinderbabe

April 22, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

AR chile, that’s the kind of mess i see everyday!! their sons can do no wrong, even when that joker is caught in the act. it’s just sickening. and yes slim they do grown up to be those kind of men w/mommas always blockin’ a good relationship. i have met a couple brothas like that. they wanted to be the only woman in their son’s life…keep in mind they still were single after all those years….

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

Cool Breeze - I did not feel a “cool breeze” after reading your post. Tell em why you’re mad son. LOL

But I’m with you. I think the whole “there are no good men/women out there” argument is one of the dumbest of all time.

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

IG good morning beautiful. I hope you have a great day.

Darrell “I think a real man welcomes pressure because it affords him the opportunity to be and do what he was created to be and do.” While I wholeheartedly agree this is a slippery slope. Nobody can take continous pressure forever. Everyone has a breaking point. Alot of guys get to a point where it’s just easier to bail out than cope. While a child may be all that a woman has dreamed of it seldom is for a man. It is something that comes along with a woman. This is why men are choosing not to settle down nowadays. It’s easier. Not many women actually sit down with a guy and talk about starting a family and all that goes with it. They know that would reduce an already small pool of men. They simply get pregnant. A guy, while caring for a chick, usually doesn’t need the extras that come with a woman. It is straight unwanted pressure. This problem stems from underdeveloped men and overdeveloped women.

I think about the civilizations where a man had to prove he was a man (Spartans, Romans, African tribes where a man had to kill a lion) and wonder if we need a test like that now, actually a series of tests. Start with an IQ test, then a courage test, then a test on running a home. All tests would be go/no go. If you fail you’re taken to a room out back and castrated. Wait a minute, most of these guys are nutless already. Nevermind. LOL

Cool Breeze/Foot2AZZ someone said it before but a part of the problem is that none of the available dudes sees these women as partner material. Y’all need to stay around and represent.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Bre’ - Thank you for your post! I really appreciate those of you who can share on certain topics because you’ve been there (are almost there, lol)

Angie - Enjoy Vegas and thanks for your honesty regarding why you wanted a girl. It was like “whoa” but at least you aren’t fronting about it.

By QC

April 22, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

Hello IslandG

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Angie Please continue to exude restraint when feeling the urge to talk bad about pumpkins father. I may not have any kids but i do know that kids tend to be very protective about their parents whether they’re deadbeats or not. Let them form their own opinion about them. One of my co-workers child’s father is locked up…but do you think her daughter speaks any less of him? Not at all. That’s still her pops.

I on the other hand have pretty much given up on having a real relationship with my father…but it was decided by me alone.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

Thank you for your post…enlightening.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

DK - Thank you for your testimony as well.

I was speaking to my dad, who never knew HIS dad and he admitted that there were points in his marriage (still married to my mom) that he was around just because he wanted to stay in his kids life. I commend him for that because we had a good situation growing up. He just didn’t want his kids to have the same fate he did. In his situation, I’m glad he stuck it out because my parents weathered both ups and downs together and sometimes you can get out of that rut you are in. Clearly your situation is different and better off now that you’re divorced.

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

bobbalouie I agree with your 10:02 post. I truly believe it is better for a child to have two parents in the household (preferably male and female, but that is another topic).

Children today are faced with so many difficult situations. Peer pressure, the availability to drugs, sex, etc has flourished in our homes and schools. The bad thing is there are so many incompetent parents and there is nothing no one can do to stop them from having more children.

I can go on and on about this, but from a personal perspective I am taking a child whose mother is a drug addict. The resilience this child has chosen is remarkable, but yet sad. It is an uphill battle dealing with a child that has abandonment issues, and the lack of parental guidance and supervision.
While in undergraduate school, a psychology professor once said. “While the US government chooses the regulate various components of our society, why don’t they do the same in regards to population control”. Essentially a person would have to seek permission to become a parent….is this extreme position to have, maybe so.

By Deeva4LIfe

April 22, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

I think a real man welcomes pressure because it affords him the opportunity to be and do what he was created to be and do. Darrell there’s the problem there…I think the key phrase in this statement is real men. I’m not hear to bash ALL men because despite my experiences I do believe good men exisit. However, since when is finding a man that you’re attracted to, who isn’t full of drama and games, who calls when he says he’ll call, do what he says he’ll do and basically keeps it 100, consider “undue” pressure. I mean, I lurk here often and I feel that too many times women are pegged (not necessarily from you) as expecting too much from a man but when we cut them at the wick for the mentioned offenses then we don’t give men a chance…that double standard is too much energy. But again, maybe we haven’t been dealing with real men.

On topic I’m 30 years old without children and I too get the puzzled look when I state I have none. However, as much as I want a family I will not purposely make myself a single mother…that’s one of my fears even if/when I do re-marry because there are no guarentees in this life. But as stated earlier, to each his/her own.

By QC

April 22, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

Hello Angie

By The Melo

April 22, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

Satoria Lynn,mammalong,mytwocents u all got mail, i cracked ur inboxes….lol merning all..am going to jamaica for hedonism.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

ARed there are other reasons why i wanted a girl of course, but i’ve been told forever that i better have a girl. well i didn’t. kels ended up with the good stuff. lol.

slim after our break-up, i screwed up once. pumpkin asked why we don’t live with dad anymore. i told him because dad had too many girlfriends. ooops!

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

All these comments are good, on-point and plausible, however we are still dancing around the initial question of why. Why are women willing to take this route?

Entry questions presented: Do you think this means women are giving up on finding men? Perhaps women think the men won’t show up during their child-bearing years?

By Deeva4LIfe

April 22, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

I think a real man welcomes pressure because it affords him the opportunity to be and do what he was created to be and do. Darrell there’s the problem there…I think the key phrase in this statement is real men. I’m not hear to bash ALL men because despite my experiences I do believe good men exisit. However, since when is finding a man that you’re attracted to, who isn’t full of drama and games, who calls when he says he’ll call, do what he says he’ll do and basically keeps it 100, consider “undue” pressure. I mean, I lurk here often and I feel that too many times women are pegged (not necessarily from you) as expecting too much from a man but when we cut them at the wick for the mentioned offenses then we don’t give men a chance…that double standard is too much energy. But again, maybe we haven’t been dealing with real men.

On topic I’m 30 years old without children and I too get the puzzled look when I state I have none. However, as much as I want a family I will not purposely make myself a single mother…that’s one of my fears even if/when I do re-marry because there are no guarentees in this life. But as stated earlier, to each his/her own.

By mytwocents would consider it

April 22, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

Why do some folks think if u say:

ya wanna be in a relationship- ur tryna trap a man into marriage.

ya wanna be married- u tryna trap a man into fatherhood

ya don’t wanna be in a relationship- you’ve got issues and probably bi.

ya don’t wanna be married- ur a man hater & definitely a lesbian.

ya wanna have/adopt a baby with ow without dude- ur bitter and have lost hope.

While not many would just choose single parenthood as a first option, some do. Still others consider it once other options seem less viable. Doesn’t mean you reject all that’s holy, don’t want a committed relationship and despise men. But it does mean you’re reflecting on several possibilities and not limiting yourself to the mindset of those who insist on forcing faux weddings, often built around relationships in shambles to somebody you half way care about just so society thinks it’s okay for you to parent. Or even more likely maybe you just don’t feel like basing your happiness and the timeline of your life around the presence of a man. So if you’re cognizant of your desire to be a mother and you’re realistic about your ability to provide life’s necessities then why not?

By Deeva4LIfe

April 22, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

I think a real man welcomes pressure because it affords him the opportunity to be and do what he was created to be and do. Darrell there’s the problem there…I think the key phrase in this statement is real men. I’m not hear to bash ALL men because despite my experiences I do believe good men exisit. However, since when is finding a man that you’re attracted to, who isn’t full of drama and games, who calls when he says he’ll call, do what he says he’ll do and basically keeps it 100, consider “undue” pressure. I mean, I lurk here often and I feel that too many times women are pegged (not necessarily from you) as expecting too much from a man but when we cut them at the wick for the mentioned offenses then we don’t give men a chance…that double standard is too much energy. But again, maybe we haven’t been dealing with real men.

On topic I’m 30 years old without children and I too get the puzzled look when I state I have none. However, as much as I want a family I will not purposely make myself a single mother…that’s one of my fears even if/when I do re-marry because there are no guarentees in this life. But as stated earlier, to each his/her own.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

hi QC! hug your brother for me.

where in the heck is 900? i need someone to sing to. :-(

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

VILLIANOUS That is definitely great to hear. I think when parents are no longer together but still have a united goal of taking care of the kids…it teaches the kids a good lesson of responsibility and respect. You said that you and the ex now talk and listen to each other as apposed to talking at each other. I’m sure they’ve picked up on the positive change of yall’s vibe. Keep up the good work.

Question Anyone know where I can get a pair of solo operated skates, that has a battery life enough to get me to and from work everyday? Gas is a sonofabytch and i figure it’ll be my way to GO GREEN!. lol

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

The Fithy Villianous DK do you realize your moniker does not compliment the way you read/post? ;-) just sayin’

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

Despite what any of us believe or know what is best for the child involved that does not undo the fact that women are choosing to be mother’s without the traditional relationship. Like I stated earlier if you ask those women they will all have a justified reason whether the child was an “mishap” or a well thought out plan.

What is it about relationships now that have women taking this route?

I know I asked this already.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

however we are still dancing around the initial question of why. Why are women willing to take this route?

Raqi - I didn’t respond since I wouldn’t consider this route (at the present time). But I think that some women believe that kids to come first. So a husband will always be secondary. And you can have a kid without a husband, so there you go. When watching “Juno” Vanessa stated that she was born to be a mother. She got her wish at the expense of her husband.

Even the article WiseDiva posted had one woman stating that her desire for motherhood was stronger than marriage. I think we women go into life hopeful for the fairytale, but reality (and our 30s) set in.

If us women could reproduce forever (like men) I think that there would be less women chosing single motherhood. Cuz it is a biological fact that we can not have children forever. That’s a scary realization for some!

By cool breeze

April 22, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

I would say some women are giving up on men but there are reasons. The big one being that as they say there are no good men. This is false of course, but it’s because these women are not really looking for a good man BUT a good man who makes six figues and own properties and that they can talk to like a woman.

By I am Legend

April 22, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

@cool breeze …dont you know the white/hispanic = new black women…lol

ByFoot2Azz YOU ARE SO RIGHT! I’ve encountered that more than once. You’re 34 and don’t have any kids and never been married? what’s wrong with you?it’s like when I hear black women say there are no good men out there. Me and other guys I know Have never been married, no kids, no crazy ex’s, got degrees, working and like doing various things. Seemingly I think black women would be looking for us but I’ve been here 10 years and I have seen not so much. The only time I get mass attention from black women is when I’m out with a white or hispanic girl. There are good dudes everywhere.

^^the funny thing is why you wearing this like a badge of honor..there are countless women who could spit the same script….adults should not get any extra kudos for doing what they suppose to be doing..feel me

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

Children can feel when Mom and dad arent happy together.. My sister and I used to wish our Parents would get a divorce because we could sense how miserable they were even though they never said a word.

By BennyB

April 22, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

I have a question for women: Why women choose men who will reject them and complain about the unavailability of decent men? They learned (at young age) to attract men who will always reject them. Once they become desperate of finding a fulfilling relationship with those men, they sure find others deplorable options: find happiness in children. Contrary to common sense the older modern single women becomes, the more screw up and dramatic they get. They become expert at attracting men who will reject them that it becomes a way of life. Some become resentful; some become men-haters, other becomes single mothers. Now tell me how a woman who was incapable of attracting a stable man will be capable of raising a stable child. You can’t give what you don’t have, the same way you can’t teach what you don’t know. Some women never been with a man for a couple years, some average 3 to 5 men a year (a boyfriend, 2 rebound guys and 2 cut buddies) and when you meet them next year, they expect you to settle. I’ll advise every single woman over 30 to take some dating lessons before it is too late, because then y’all will be looking for new boyfriends: babies.

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

Raqi for some women the answer is yes they’ve given up on waiting on a man to have kids. For others, they have high expectations or don’t know what they really want.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

i believe some women have already given up finding a man. even though their everywhere and are actively dating, their not committing. committing to what? the responsibility of taking care of a family. also, men don’t want to give up their freedom. i wish they would understand that if they find the right person, they wouldn’t have to. if she wants to put you on lock, she not the one. me, go hang with your friends, etc. etc. in others words, yea get a life outside of me. y’all get what i’m saying, right? it’s like we kinda scared them off.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

Rell - Good observation. Cool Breeze’s post reads with a sense of entitlement. He’s been here 10 years and think that black men aren’t “looking” for single, educated men with jobs? WTF?

Nothing wrong with thinking (or knowing) you’ve got it going on.. but there is something missing out of his posts, especially if you think the solution is to date outside your race.

By Kym

April 22, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

Raqi that question of why varies depending on the person. I know of women who have adopted children not because they gave up on men..but because they were seeking to fulfill that nurturing need. You cant just put your finger on one thing and say this is it.

By mytwocents would consider it

April 22, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

So only your chest is protected, Darrell? Cuz I’d really like to kick you in the shin. The height of selfishness? Whatever! Some make that same statement about folk who have kids but dissolve their marriages- and likewise they’ve usually never been in the situation. So please, get off that lil pedestal & attempt to look @ it from a female’s perspective. Meaning first consider that it’s not necessarily about bucking the man or the family unit. Coming from a divorced dad I find your comment to be a bit pompous. You had a wife, you have your children and you can still coast on into your 50s and procreate w/ the next wife IF you so chose. Women don’t have that luxury. Many doctors will say get to poppin by 35 @ the latest b/c health risks steadily increase (And FYI men’s advanced age can also affect the child’s health. So let’s call those Larry King/David Letterman types selfish too.)

And I’m sure all the women who unexpectedly became mommies are breathing a collective sigh of relief since you’ve now granted them the absolution they’ve been waiting for as you deem them of a higher moral fiber than us heathens who’d consider opting for motherhood on our own terms.

Today is busy but I’ll sneak back in cuz I’m sure you’ll come back.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

DK - There are times my sisters and I wished our parents would divorce. But there are othertimes that we knew things were going very well.

Nowadays, too many folks give up on their marriages. When you decide to divorce, you’ll never know if eventually you would have worked things out in the end and found that love you had when you decided to marry. I think that’s when you really pay attention to the “for better or worse” part. The “worse” is a real thing. But you come out of tough times in real life, you can do it in marriage.

Again, not saying this applies to your situation. You and the ex clearly made the decision you felt best.

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

I am really loving the discussion so far, there are some very thoughtful comments, wow..it’s giving me something to think about.

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

IG I think you’re on to something. People should have to demonstrate they’re prepared to be parents. Folks have had freedom and proved they can’t handle it. That’s why past societies had strict laws. Eventually we’ll go back to those days because this isn’t working. Congrats on taking in the child.

Ared “So a husband will always be secondary.” This is another major factor in guys choosing not to step up. Why be there to help someone elses fantasy come true while you languish in a measley support role. A dude alot of times maxxes out his possiblilties by flying solo. In this world someones gotta win and someones gotta lose. Personally I’d rather she lose then me mailing her a check for 1500 bucks a month. Sad but true.

Benny “Some women never been with a man for a couple years, some average 3 to 5 men a year (a boyfriend, 2 rebound guys and 2 cut buddies) and when you meet them next year, they expect you to settle.” Did you just say it out loud or what? Alot of these chicks preaching about “good men” have been run up in more than the local 7 eleven. They never stop to think that based on their actions they’re not “good women”. They’re leftovers and fugged over.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

I have a question for women: Why women choose men who will reject them and complain about the unavailability of decent men?

because women are not being realistic. every women should make a man list and stay true to themselves when making it. for example, i can’t put that i want a man with a masters and make 120k a yr when i don’t have that myself.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

mytwocents okaaay…posting like that can be dang near anit-vest. :-)

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

LOL @ mytwocents. Get him girl.

I think lack of faith is a real reason why one would chose single motherhood. I don’t feel particularly pressed about forcing the issue because I believe that it’s all going to work out in the end. I believe I’ll find a good man to marry and I believe I’ll have some kids. But I also believe that if it’s not in the cards for me, that I’ll still be okay.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

Raqi I’m just as interested to hear from the men: Men, what do you think about women who choose to be single mothers? Would it bother you if you met someone who decided to become a mother without a mate? Do you ever worry if the woman you are dating is only interested in you for procreation only?

As far as the other questions: Entry questions presented: Do you think this means women are giving up on finding men? Perhaps women think the men won’t show up during their child-bearing years? I don’t necessarily think it means women are giving up on finding men…but more so, just not sitting around waiting on a man. They probably feel like their love of the child will fill that void of not having the man in the childs life. I guess if they can attain a good career, financial stability etc…they can also deal with having a child alone especially since it appears less men are taking the marriage route.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Why be there to help someone elses fantasy come true while you languish in a measley support role

LOL Truth. I see your point tho.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

WiseDiva - Were you (or are you) considering the single motherhood by choice route?

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

BB you realize that you are agreeing that there are a bunch of unstable men out there? How else would a woman go from and rejecting man to an unstable man? Men need to be held responsible for the negative way they are betrayed in society. I don’t think there are women out purposely meeting men who are not good for them. Most men put on a front and disguise themselves as being someone they are not. Men sit back and complain that a woman can’t raise a boy to be a man so why aren’t those same men raising their own sons? Sure there are some women who got out and get pregnant with out thinking of the long term commitment but men need to step up to the plate too and MAN UP and take on his responsiblities as well.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

mytwocents you made a point earlier that wasn’t touched…ya wanna be married- u tryna trap a man into fatherhood..what about when there is the situation where the man is trying to trap the woman into motherhood? More common than not.

By truthbeliever

April 22, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

I have two sons without having been married. The first was unplanned, but it’s kind of ridiculous to say a second pregnancy was “unplanned”. Knowing what I now know about what the Holy scriptures say, I wouldn’t engage in another sexual relationship without marriage. However, my sons are intelligent, gentlemanly, hardworking, responsible, moral, unselfish, kindhearted young men. They are no more perfect than anyone else, but strive to do what is right at home and away from home. I’ve always loved them, shown great affection, provided for them physically, emotionally and been a spiritual guide. I spoiled them some- sometimes they got video games they didn’t deserve; other times I made them save their own money for things they wanted. I’ve never allowed them to blame anyone or anything for the decisions they make, but hold them in strict account for their actions. They are more well-adjusted than about 90% of the (male or female) raised in two-parent picket fenced prep-school kids with whose parents with whom I have the pleasure of spending 8 hours in the office. Women mollycodling boys is not new; it was passed down from women who weren’t even allowed to work outside the home. They washed, ironed, cooked, cleaned and lied for their half-cocked husbands, fathers, brothers and sons. I do believe marriage is ordained by God and that two responsible parents should rear children to be upstanding and moral persons. Maybe your friends who are single parents are idiots.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

Kym that is exactly what I am saying. We are talking more about what is good for the kid (which that is extremely important) more so than how we as men and women have come to view relationship and are choosing to do “relationship things” outside of a relationship.

Since some women do say there are no more good men out there.

Good man…Real man versus one’s Ideal man.

IMO a Real Good man is one that is responsible, reliable, loyal and honest. Now what he looks like, where he works and how he swaggers are all personal preferences but does not a real good man make. The same goes for a Real Good woman.

We all have the right to want what we want, but should not categorize those outside of our preference to be no-good.

I stated earlier that I laugh at this associate of mine as well as with her. At her because she hasn’t tried every man, those in and out side of her personal preference, yet still says they are not worth the effort (common denominator) and with her because I can relate to and sympathize with based on my personal past experiences.

Guess where I am going for lunch??? Java-U. (Chanting to myself “Be strong Raqi”)

By DreamsMaterialize

April 22, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

mamalongleggs Men sit back and complain that a woman can’t raise a boy to be a man so why aren’t those same men raising their own sons? No doubt that men have to take the lead and do what they’re supposed to do. However, I think most men who say a woman can’t raise a man are actually the ones who ARE raising them. It’s all those other boys out there who aren’t raising them. I’m sure they think women can raise a man just fine, at least their actions say so.

I also think that those boys (masquerading as men) tend to overshadow all the wonderful men who are responsible and are actually better parents than the mom. Sometimes we romanticize the image of the single mom as strong, responsible, virtuous, and morally sound. Now, I was raised by a single mom and feel my mom exemplified those characteristics, but for every one of my mom, there were probably 50 sorry a* moms. I taught in the public schools, and I saw the sorry moms firsthand. Most simply aren’t living up to the romanticized image we’ve created for them.

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

MamaLong Most men would take care of their children but will the Mamas let them? Would mamas pay them child support?

By I am Legend

April 22, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

I have a question for women: Why women choose men who will reject them and complain about the unavailability of decent men?

because most women dont have anything left for the so called “invisible man”..the nice guy…see if you think of her like a glass of water that was filled when she started and most of the dudes like empty cups..some big and some small…so which each dude she pours out a lil of the water(herself) into them the cups(guys)….SO her levels drop..so when you come along remember that she may not have much left to pour into you!!!…..

@ared..i dont like “invisible men”..the cats that rest on there station in life…like that station in life rates you a certain type of women..if you not willing to make an effort to make better choices as an adult you dont need to date…

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

truebeliever - You made a couple of stupid decisions and had two kids out of wedlock. You “now” know better and believe that marriage is ordained by God. Good for you! (sincerely).

However, don’t knock the single mothers that haven’t reached your enlightened state. I’m sure your kids are darlings, but all mothers tend to think that. I don’t know if you are going at it alone or if you have your son’s father for help, but you are doing what you are supposed to do.

I guess I’m just not seeing your point. We all know how babies are made and being careless is often a spur of the moment “stupid” decision. Just because the stick turns pink does not you are well equipped for parenthood. Some folks like you, step up to the plate. Others don’t.

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

Truebeliever I was giving you props until you said Maybe your friends who are single parents are idiots. GOD DO NOT MAKE IDIOTS

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

mamalongleggs come dear…

sit over here wit Cee and let’s relinquish what you just posted to B.

Oftentimes it’s a jaded situtation.

By kinderbabe

April 22, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

cemeeli i think the instance you brought up re: men trapping women into motherhood is only an attempt to have someone around who’s going to constantly take their ish. sometimes they saw their own mothers do it re: them or re: their fathers. some men that do that are putting a bid down on someone dealing w/their bullish for life…especially when they know that there’s an “option” to participate or not in the parenting experience.

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

Slim most dudes past the age of 30 know that a woman wants a child as much as she wants him, if not more. That’s a apart of his decision making when he walks away.

Ared are you Co Will?

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

I definitely thought about it when I hit 30. I think I even declared myself to be on the single mommy track(via adoption/foster motherhood).

Right now, I think life has taught me to stop over planning, and enjoy what life brings because you know that saying, life is what happens while you are making plans. I don’t have the burning desire to have children that I had 5 years ago, so my biological clock’s cord got cut, not sure by what though. So if I don’t have a child biologically, it would be fine by me. I think there are so many other ways to express my maternal urges, LOL.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

To help Raqi out

Question MEN & WOMEN….what do you think about a person CHOOSING to have a child without a co-parent?

Women: how would you feel about a dude asking you to bare his seed but not be a part of the childs life?

Men: how would you feel about being asked to donate your seed to help a chick have a baby and not be a part of the childs life??

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

“Darrell Time out.. What does Oprah have to do with anything?”

I knew there’d be at least one. LOL!

(Sorry for the late response, but I just got out of a 90-minute job interview.)

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

Dreams I can admit there are some mothers who need a course in parenting but then think about the kids who do come from 2 parent households and yet they still fall in the cracks. I know a slew of men who are there in the household but fail to parent their child(ren.

DK I think that is a cope out, and it is spreading like wild fire, IF the fathers would take care of his child(ren) then he would’nt be faced with paying child support. Why have a man order another man/woman to take care of his/her own?

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

Ared are you Co Will?

Truth - What is Co Will? LOL Also, to your point to Slim, since I’m 30, I guess I need to be aware that guys may (erronously) see me as just wanting them for just for the ring or the kid. I have to make it known that I only want marriage and children under the “right” circumstances. So they can calm down. LOL

WiseDiva - Thanks for answering.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

wise practice being patient now if you plan to adopt. it’s tough. big daryl and i decided to adopt a babygirl way back when. after checking it out, i was like dang! the rules, laws, etc. are way out there.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Women: how would you feel about a dude asking you to bare his seed but not be a part of the childs life?

Slim - I’d ask him if I was on the tv show “Punk’d” LOL

Children need two parents. If he wanted to parent a child so badly on his own, I’d direct him to the nearest foster home.

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

Hey Cee scoot on over I need a sit and a shot of your best black label LOL

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

slim i would have in the past, but his reason had to be a valid one.

By star1

April 22, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

Hey Truth.

I personally dont see the big deal with having a kid. I have a shopping habit & a shape to maintain & I am not trying to give that up.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

Let’s not ack like there aren’t men out there that want kids whether the chick wants one or not. I’ve been around dudes chilling before and they bring up a particular young lady…and have heard one of them first hand say, I’d skeet up in that, Or I’d plant a seed up in that, or if she let me hit Imma try my best to knock a boy up outta dat. I also know a dude who…If he hits, he gonna hit it raw. Thank God he only has 2 kids right now by two different baby mama’s. (even though baby mama #2 already had 2 kids).

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

kinderbabe gurl…you know what? to dance around it would be shady so imma add. heck yes it’s about the putting down the bid for someone and opt out. For instance’…short version he said he wanted 3 kids by her…she obliged…now he don’t want her anymore…right that is having someone around who’s going to constantly take their ish wth? And he brags about he has all his kids by ONE women on purpose! When he says that i’m like, who are you? She knows he don’t want her…

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

^5 Slimeone

By abc

April 22, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

Intentional single motherhood does a grave disservice to the child. It is utterly and completely irresponsible and selfish on behalf of the woman.

That said, 47 or 48% of African American women will never marry due to inability to find a suitable partner within their own race. This phenomenon if fairly unique to Black American women.

It’s a tough spot to be in.

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

^5 Slimeone

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

ARed LOL! That would be one helluva Punk’d show. But whatever if dude said he’d offer you a large sum of money to borrow your womb? Would that make a difference?

I know when I was in college and briefly when i was around 22 I thought about donating my eggs for the 6k they were offering. I even ordered the packet but that shyt was like 1 million pages long. They asked every question from what your grades were in 2nd grade to the types of things you like to eat. The process isn’t as simple as going in for a GYN visit…it’s multiple more invasive deals that come with it. Plus I’m not sure how i’d feel about having a child somewhere out there of mine but not being able to have a relationship with he/she.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

Have you considered motherhood minus the man to raise it with you?

never! by now, i should be happily married to my best friend with two boys, both careers on high, phat a$$ house with pool in backyard, vacationing every year, rollin’ in our dream cars, etc. i have never imagined doing this by myself. it sucks and it’s lonely as h3ll!

had all of the above, but at what cost?

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this

mamalongleggs mocktail for meh and a cocktail for you chica!

Listen i let my son father of the hook with child support $$$…i told him if he would not be consistent in EVERY area in my sons life then he didn’t have to pay. Simple. I have one child & it is not at all about where’s my check…it’s about the short guy (my son) having healthy consistency in his life. The men in my family think i took the high rode. I didn’t, i did what felt right (prayed and spoke) and every since we had that conversation guess what? I have NO DADDY DRAMA!

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this

abc “Intentional single motherhood does a grave disservice to the child. It is utterly and completely irresponsible and selfish on behalf of the woman.”

^5! And welcome aboard the pompous male bandwagon, my friend! LOL!

By BennyB

April 22, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this

mamalongleggs

You are just looking for excuse saying that Most men put on a front and disguise themselves as being someone they are not” The truth is that women who think like you once they fancy a man, they find reasons to be with him ignoring what the reality is (red flags). You need to learn to avoid this trap, learn to attract decent men but you’ll have to become decent yourself. You attract what you are, if you attract men who put up a front then you’re the same: you put up a front by being someone you are not. Yes, there are a bunch of unstable men out there but why u attracts (and are attracted to) them? Maybe you are unstable too.

You need some dating lessons

Truth Oh my……..they’re leftovers and fugged over, they know this trust me; they just don’t want anybody to mention it. Why low self esteem? Why are they attracted to a purposeless crack head man instead of a clean good guy? They will tell you anything and everything but the truth is that deep inside they know they are bad enough, don’t deserve a good man but deserve an azzhole man to punish them - Hence the false theory that women like azzholes

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this

Kinder Real men know that parenting a child is not an option.. Women just want it that way so they can call the shots..

Mama Men are pushed out of their childrens lives by the courts and women use the courts to their advantage… If they allow it to happen.. My Ex and are good today because I let her know in the beginning that my Pitbull Lawyers will have her in court for contempt for anything I felt would be interferring with me being my sons Dad.. Not all dudes have the resources so most fathers are pushed into a corner and accept what the court allows for them with their child, they are paying some ungodly amount of child support for. Every other weekend for a dude paying 23% before taxes is an insult. I know this is hard to believe but its that Fathers child also and he deserves the same amount of time and consideration for that childs upbringing.. Oh and believe this Men are waking up to the fact that the more time they spend with the child the less they have to pay you so guess whats happening.. The fathers are spending more time.. That is what women want right? Surely they dont just want a big ole check and the I dont have to listen to him because this is my child thingy..

By 6'1 & Luvin it (Don Dada)=Playin both sides

April 22, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

Here I go, this might be a long post so don’t say that I didn’t warn you This topic reaches very close to heart because my son Big Foot is currently 11 and he is off the chain literally. I have been begging his father, Osama Jr to just take him for a little while spend some time with him. I informed him that since we are in the same school district, shyt we stay on the same street, I stay on the Union City side and he stay on the Atlanta side can you please just help a sister out. Now mind you I even throwed in the fact that I will get him every other weekend, then entire summer along with paying for that high a* summer camp and pay child support. That muthaslayer didn’t even respond. Now when we are procreating we can’t choose whether we have girls or boys but I would rather have 5 Blondies to my 1 Big Foot. I know, I know women been making women since the beginning of time and all that but I have a good job for now, I am highly educated, I am self sufficient and Big foot got me going crazy. So for all the women out there who are considering inflicting the pain of being a single parent when your are not being thrust into that situation as a way out, Just get a dayuum dog or something because it aint easy trust me. & I’m out!

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

if dude said he’d offer you a large sum of money to borrow your womb? Would that make a difference?

Slim - Yeah, the difference would be my kid would have proof that his dad was able to buy me out of his life. How terrible. Anything that comes out of my womb is going to be cared for by me until God removes me from this earth.

I always strive to think about how my decisions will affect others. In your scenario, it would be my future kid. I want to attempt to provide him the most stable environment I can. That means having to married parents who are committed to raising a child together. I can not help if my husband dies or leaves me, but I can at least attempt of obtain a child born into wedlock the best I can.

By Gina

April 22, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

it is utterly and completely irresponsible and selfish on behalf of the woman

wait, aren’t you divorced with children? Were you irresponsible and selfish to not stay in the marriage for the sake of your children? Were you irresponsible and selfish to select the wrong woman to marry and stay committed to?

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli i tried that with pumpkin’s dad. and it didn’t work. i let him pay me $300 a month, and he screwed that up by paying when he wanted to. he made about 70k a year at that time. when he became tremendously behind in his payments, that’s when i filed. it’s not my fault he pays $900 now. he learned a valuable lesson. right now, it’s suppose to be $1,300, but i can’t stoop down to do it. consider yourself lucky! i prayed for no drama too, and finally got it four years later.

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

Cee there are more and more women declining child support because of all the hassel that comes behind getting it. The court/jail house is full of dead beat dads, how can you get child support if the paying parent is locked up behind bars or misses days from work to attend court to answer to charges for not paying child support? wouldn’t he be continually be behind?

Cheers Cee

By ThirdWheel

April 22, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

Hi everyone! This is a great topic! I plan on having a child by myself when I turn 32. I don’t need a man…. I thought I wanted one but they are nothing but trouble. They all cheat and lie and they try and tell you what you can and can not do. I can be just as great as a parent as two people are. The times are a changing and I think in the future a lot of women will end up just being alone because its easier…

By kinderbabe

April 22, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

cemeeli that is very true. like you said where’s the noblility in having all kids by one woman when the man wasn’t the stand up type? smh

dk i agree totally w/your comment about real men. i know that to be true as well. i was talking about the a-holes…lol

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

6’1 - LOL @ Big Foot. Sorry it’s not going better with you and the ex. Since he’s so close, does your son spend a lot of time at his house.

On another note, kids are freakin expensive. Geesh. (Yes, Duh, I know. lol)

By kinderbabe

April 22, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

cemeeli that is very true. like you said where’s the noblility in having all kids by one woman when the man wasn’t the stand up type? smh

dk i agree totally w/your comment about real men. i know that to be true as well. i was talking about the a-holes…lol

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

A little help from some men….I just got a call from an older female friend. She is currently the guardian of an 11 year old boy. (long story) However, he is now starting to act out, do things he knows he isn’t supposed to do, damage things around the house, even attempted to runaway to the BP down the street a few months ago etc…she is flustered and feel’s something needs to be done but what? I suggested some sort of military school but what would you all suggest as I have no kids.

By Alvin

April 22, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

Slim only dudes I know who say shyt like that, are cats who aren’t bout nothing, but be fooling women folks left and right.

Mama think about it bay, only dudes I know paying high child support are for the most part damn good father…And dem lame cats…dem Bishes don’t even bother putting them dudes on child support!!

Like my girl said…what is the point? I am off to a meeting

By QC

April 22, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

Hey 3rd good to read ya!

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

The times are a changing and I think in the future a lot of women will end up just being alone because its easier…

LOL. Wow. I guess I’m on a mission to Mars then. LOL.

ThirdWheel - Your post sounded so optimistic yet tragic all in the same breath. How old are you now, since you haven’t hit 32 yet?

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

BB Stop pointing your crooked finger In no way am I going to tell you that I haven’t experienced a drift in dating cos I have, I gave it and I took it as well.

Thank you but no thank you on your dating lessons, I’ve learned all the lessons I want to learn by my own expereinces.

DK high 5 to you man.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

“I thought I wanted one but they are nothing but trouble. They all cheat and lie and they try and tell you what you can and can not do. I can be just as great as a parent as two people are.”

Wait a minute! That sounds pretty pompous to me. LOL!

By Mo (also known as Moeisha)

April 22, 2008 1:01 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli your 12:33 post, I did the same thing and I havent had any drama either. It works out much better now. He is consistently involved in every area of lil mo’s life. this is the best thing, aside from us all being in the same household

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

only dudes I know paying high child support are for the most part damn good father

you are so right!!! great comment.

and ^5 to the fathers who are taking care of kids that are not theirs and who are not currently living in the household. wink, wink.

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this

Thirdwheel, self-fulfilling prophecy is a real problem for single women. If you believe that about men, that is the type of situations you will always attract, pay attention to, and see. I know this from experience, believe me.

I urge you to find positive males to have in your life, in a variety of roles, not just romantic. I know my faith in men gets redeemed by my father and the many wonderful men in my life every day. I love them for this.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

Hol’up!!! Hold the f. up. Irresponsible on behalf of the women?!?!?! And how pray tell do these irresponsible women manage to get knocked up?

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this

mamalongleggs/angie dude has a industrial business and supposingly is always busy. As if i’m not…but trust, i know what it takes to put business aside and minister to our child. He can not identify with it, it doesn’t register to him that dem $$$ can not replace the bond. He’s afraid that J (lawyer friend) and i are gonna take him to court. I’m not thinking about his blessed self.

angie my co-worker is trying fix her DRAMA. she now wants to opt out (hers is not court/state support either). She would ask me how come i did it and now she realizes through her drama, that, that mess is for the birds. I told her she’s been getting it to long she’d probably miss the 1700/month. it amazing what these men are having to pay.

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

SLIM Act as crazy as he’s acting and beat him.. See Boys when they start smelling themselves need some physical reality.. The talking is social/emotional reality.. He needs some physical reality.. He needs one crushing blow to the chest that knocks the wind out of him.. He has no fear and needs some.. Not a domineering crazy eye beat him black and blue fear but a fear knowing that consequences for his actions will be dealt with. The fear of letting him know he is not a man yet, the he knows his place fear.. She gonna have to take of the earrings or get ready for round three and four which is hands upside her head.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

Alvin “only dudes I know paying high child support are for the most part damn good father”

Does $12,000 a year count as “high” in your book? LOL!

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this

I think therefore I am.

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

This phenomenon if fairly unique to Black American women. It’s a tough spot to be in

The disintegration of the “black family” dates back to slavery. A lot of folks hate to hear this, but it is true. During the time of slavery husbands were taken away from their wives and children. The wives were forced to be sole caretakers. I truly believe over time the mindsets of our ancestors have left some people with an intimidated mmentality (disenfranchised) in regards to what it means to have a family.

It simply does not make sense to see so many people of particular race act selfishly and recklessly in regards to conceiving children, and not caring for them. We are all making valid points in terms of why this and that is happening, but it really all begins in the mind.

By I am Legend

April 22, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

@slim…that boy needs a hobby, sport or an a* whopping…i got the perfect sport…boxing….and also martial arts…he may also need a strong male to look up too…..but overall like DK said he needs to know he not a superhero

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

Raqi

You didn’t just drop some Descartes on us, did you? LOL!

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

He needs some physical reality.. He needs one crushing blow to the chest that knocks the wind out of him..

The Gospel in it’s purest form.

By Got that?

April 22, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

If children didn’t need both parents, then we’d have to capability to self-pollinate and not have the need for sex. It’s a shortsighted and completely selfish outlook to think that one person can successfully raise a child. There’s no counterbalancing viewpoint in single parent households. Therefore, children grow into adults who have insufficient capacities to deal with others, especially those of the opposite sex.

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

12,000 a year for child support.. Have that revisited because if you spend a certain amount of time with your child you are spending money while you child is with you.. So up your time, keep a journal of what where when and how and get that looked at.. Also find a Dad friendly attorney to get you straight.. Fight to get it reduced but only if you are going to do the right thing and spend time you desire with your child. Dont ever PIMP your child to reduce your child support.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

IslandG who made this statement so I can go back and read it?

This phenomenon if fairly…

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 1:27 PM | Link to this

abc made the statement and I have to agree with him. I really think this problem is more prominent among black American women.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 1:27 PM | Link to this

IslandGirl how are you? i believe most women are thinking of themselves more. like me, i do whatever the pluck i want. if i want to move to atl, no problem. if i want to move to hawaii, no problem. if i want to have another baby on my own, no problem. me, me, me! we are strong, and whatever falls we have no problem dealing. this all comes from issues in the past and not waiting on someone to make things happen in our lives.

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

• it doesn’t register to him that dem $$$ can not replace the bond.* exactly Cee

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK you don’t know who you talkin’ to do you? lol. bigd makes bank! i doubt it if 12k is alot to him.

By Got that?

April 22, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

me, me, me! we are strong, and whatever falls we have no problem dealing. This statement sums it all up. It is the most selfish, self-centered, but authentic statement anyone has made on this blog. And that’s the problem. People have become supremely selfish. There’s never a consideration of how their actions may play out over time or how their actions affect others. We live in a world where it’s all about me and to hell with everyone else. This mode is unsustainable.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this

abc how are you stating the “inability”? Are you implying it be something lacking on the women’s part? Or is it just that there is not a collection of “suitable partners” within the black race to choose from?

And if that is case, would you say that black women should start seeking suitable partners within other races?

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

12K for whoever is a lot of doe for child support.. 50 Cent got his reduced so can he.. Especially if he pays for other things and spends time with his child more than every other weekend..

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

If you’re so strong don’t ask for support.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

DK I appreciate your 1:21 post, man, and I’m not so much making an issue of the amount of child support I pay as I am the fact that I do pay it (in light of Alvin’s point earlier). I just want to make that clear lest someone misunderstand what I’m saying.

All my other faults and shortcomings notwithstanding, those who know me will tell you point blank how much I love my children and the lengths to which I’ll go for them. Words cannot express my love and concern for them. Trust me. Every weekend I’m with them is like Christmas. :-)

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

Mo i knew you would understand. Like we always say…Let Dat Mess Go!

mamalongleggs see the blog CAN school you on what not to do. Lol…

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

abc And if you are implying that black women lack something that make them possess that “inability” what would you say it is? Confidence? Integrity? Sensibility?

Or maybe it is something that she possess too much of? Attitude? Drama? Sovereignty?

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

Got that? but did you get what i was saying in my post? some women don’t want to wait 5 to 10 yrs to do what they want. she wants it now. she wants to live now. for example me again, moving here was selfish, but in the end my boys won. well, we both won!

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

we are strong, and whatever falls we have no problem dealing.

Angie - I know this is not your own personal POV. However, I question this mentality by women. Because if we were so strong, we’d realize that we can’t nor shouldn’t do this alone. We’d realize we do need men in our lives to compliment us and balance us out.

I think it’s a sign of weakness to resign ourselves that “men aren’t worth the trouble.” If we were so strong, we’d allow ourselves to be led and be vulnerable.

Of course, the lack of men a woman’s life is a big contributor to thinking women have to do it on our own, so I can’t necessarily fault a woman who thinks this way based on what she’s experienced growing up.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

VILLIANOUS DK & I am Legend She also has a fear of him telling folks she abuses him because he’s so light and let’s face it…they are in Fayette County. I do know his brother gave him one of those You aint grown punches in his chest before. I’d hate to see him get put in a kids home to be around even more ruthless kids.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

Truth you play, you pay! you knew what i meant.

THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK i agree w/you. he should have it looked at every two years.

By For Real

April 22, 2008 1:54 PM | Link to this

What up Blog Fam!

If a female chooses to wait to have a child that is her right but she can’t wake up at age 32 and blame men (there are no good men) for her choice to wait.

A lot of women and aa females chose feminism over men and family. The feminist movement leadership has been taken over by Gay females which leads to the I hate all men mindset. A female planning to have a child without father IMO is a very selfish act on her part (see above) but it is her right to do so. However, what I can’t stand is when the female has the child and then she walks around screaming to anyone and everyone that she is a “SINGLE MOTHER” and she needs help from friend, family and the government. You made the choice now live with it!! Women are not entitled to be mothers. The other thing I can stand is when lil Man-Man turns 14, 15 or whatever age and starts stealing, doing drugs, or any other crime the first person that is to blamed for lil Man-Man’s behavior is the father. WTF!!! She raised his sorry azz why isn’t she the one to blame??

Why do women always claim they have given up on men and will no longer deal with them? I am officially GAY! As if they don’t play a role in their own life.

YOUR ARE 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT DOES OR DOESN’T HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE!!

By Got that?

April 22, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this

Angie, I got your point. The point I was making was, at what cost? It is inherently selfish for people to do something just because they want to do it, as if there’s no accountability. For every choice we make, there’s will be consequences. How many actually calculate the real cost of doing something before doing it? And by costs, I mean the totality of it all — emotional, physical, environmental, societal, etc.

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

CeeI won’t suggest getting all your schooling from one source. As so many have said, the blog is for entertainment, getting thru the day.

I can attest that some topics have been helpful enlightening.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

Ared i’m going to post this again: this all comes from issues in the past and not waiting on someone to make things happen in our lives. we/they/me have been down this road with a man, but for right now we’re making things happen w/o one.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

Darrell yes i must say you do care and love your kids much. Tell me, do you think it’s a “high rode” for a mother to say to the dad if you’r not consistent don’t worry about child support money?

By DreamsMaterialize

April 22, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Raqi And if that is case, would you say that black women should start seeking suitable partners within other races? There are lots of reasons I would NOT suggest this, but it wouldn’t work anyway because there are a shortage of men PERIOD, no race excluded. It’s a tough position for all women to be in.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

Angie - No need to post it again. I got it. And I was posting my own opinion. :-)

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this

mamalongleggs yea, you caught my drift. i’m not suggesting this be the ‘mean all’.

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this

Cee Just worry about what you do.. Dont worry about him being consistent he is going to have to deal with that child later because of that.. Its not up to you to determine when that child sees daddy.. Just continue to be a good Mom, dont talk bad about Dad or whatever that child will determine the relationship they will have with dad..

By Kym

April 22, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

Darrell I see you never address the Oprah factor.

Why is it these discussion always turn into..some woman and or man done me wrong? Or the sorry daddies, or the women just want my money etc.. Good grief this discussion is not really about the state of the black union, or white union. The fact is.. alot of single success women or all races, are adopting children, or having children out of wedlock. Tina Fey has a movie coming out(if not already) called Baby Mama, where a 30something woman is trying to have a baby and cant so gets a surrogate mom to do the job for her. This is growing to be a more common than not thing that is happening in all of society black and white.

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

For Real,that seems like you are stereotyping feminists. I wonder if you even know one? and how does one choose feminism over family/men?

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 2:12 PM | Link to this

SLIM Thats why he will call childrens services because he doesnt fear his Moms wrath over going to childrens services.. She might not even have to hit just break some stuff and get real crazy to frighten him into thinking she has lost it.. I fear it may be too late as we speak.. Go upside that Boys head Stat..

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

Ared gotcha! let me just state this. no one wants to do this alone. i know i don’t. and every women with a pulse would love to have a man by her side right now. but waiting to have a baby is tough for some. making a decision to not wait on a man or marriage can’t be easy.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli “do you think it’s a “high rode” for a mother to say to the dad if you’r not consistent don’t worry about child support money?”

I look at it this way. It depends on why the dad isn’t consistent. (Kinda goes back to my point about cause and effect.)

I believe both parties should act in good faith, okay? The mother shouldn’t look to take advantage of a well-to-do father, nor should the father take advantage of a mother who’s willing to “work with him” when it comes to support. If she’s of a mind to tell him “Hey, don’t worry about it”, then that’s entirely up to her, but I still don’t think he should see that as some sort of “Get Out of Jail Free” card.

On principle alone, he should still make every effort to be as consistent as possible in supporting his children in whatever way he can. After all, they are his children, and whatever the mother might say does not cancel out that fact. So, although it could be said that a woman who takes that approach is indeed taking the “high road”, I wouldn’t respect a man who looked to take advantage of that and wipe his hands clean, so to speak, of his obligation to his children.

But, that’s just me.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

WiseDiva - All I got from For Real’s post is that he was official gay. LOL

Kym - I also noticed that Darrell avoided your post about the Oprah factor. Which is a shame because I think you presented an excellent rebuttal.

By SexyLeggs

April 22, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

Hello everyone! Can anybody recap for me?

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

Kym “Darrell I see you never address the Oprah factor.”

You know what? You’re absolutely right. I didn’t address it. Why? Because you took my reference to Oprah entirely out of context and I didn’t want to get involved in some protracted debate about it. So, if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to just leave it there, okay? :-)

By Mo (also known as Moeisha)

April 22, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK & I am Legend I agree w your posts regarding the boys smelling themselves. I KNOW it will happen, saw my brother/cousins go through it. Like I said before, I already told ex-hubby I have no problem handing lil mo over. He will be preparing to enter manhood and I would rather we handle than some judge.

Cemeeli its called putting the child first!! I’ll be fine cause Mo is gonna take care of Mo. But since we created this child then we need to raise/take care of him!

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this

Angie - Good post. I understand where you are coming from. I guess I’m grateful that I don’t have an overwhelming urge to be a mom because it would make it that much harder to wait on the man.

There are a couple times in my life when I was so in love that I didn’t ever want to not have the guy in my life. I guess I could have done the “keep a man” baby, but there was another voice in my head saying that if he’s not trying to marry me, then he certainly is NOT the one I need to have a baby by!

But all it takes is a moment to make that decision to “happen” to get pregnant. And you can’t take it back…

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

Angie when I plan on something I bare the brunt of the backlash, solo. I don’t ask anyone to help me. I take it on the chin. And believe me I’ve fugged up some things in my time. If you want to be a single parent do it but don’t ask for help. You want to beat your chest in public well handle your business. Personally, if I have a child with a woman that I didn’t plan on or want she’s on her own. I don’t want to be with her, support her, or see the kid. While I’m responsible I don’t pay for every mistake that people make. Fugg that kid. Someone’s gotta lose and it might as well be him/her. My policy on all matters is someones gotta feel pain it should always be YOU. He’s already lost having a conniving azz mom. If she wants something go to the courthouse. There is a war going on out there and someones gotta lose. I don’t like losing.

Now if it was my wife I’d fully expect to do my job.

The best thing is just not being involved in all that shyt. Life is so much simpler.

Star what are you doing saturday around 1? I want to take you down to the justice of the peace and marry you up. You’re my kind of woman. LOL

There’s a line in Heat that goes “Don’t have anything in your life you can’t walk away from in 10 minutes”. I like that.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

DK I’ll tell her to try that if she hasn’t already.

For Real A female planning to have a child without father IMO is a very selfish act on her part I agree.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs - The discussion has been good because for the most part a majority of the bloggers feel that the intentional single motherhood choice is a selfish one and that it is a threat to society.

Several women and men have shared their own personal testimony on this subject. And a couple have admitted that they are “over” men.

By Jamocamecrazy

April 22, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

Hello, Everyone!!! WiseD: great topic, interesting feedback!

Based on several comments mentioned on this blog, is it to be understood that all children conceived ( or even born, since there is a difference) into wedlock were “planned” or ‘wanted pregnancies” by BOTH parents? It is amazing at how critical we are as people of one another’s downfalls or short comings, heyal…or even matters that were out of the child’s hands, which were most situations. We ALL at some point in time were children and despite how some parents decide to inform their children of how they came to be here, we will really never know this for sure for our selves… as it is said “God doesn’t make any mistakes.” Looking down on others because either your situation was somewhat easier or privileged than some are all shallow thoughts. Speaking of slavery, many of our ancestors were caught off from their families, humiliated and stripped of their man/womanhood, raped, etc…scuffled, sacrificed, fought and died so that some of us could someday live and indulge in our lavish lifestyles and so that some of us and even our children could grow up to have the simplest and most common privileges. Why do some of us act as if we as a people have always had it like that? …and then have the audacity to make comments or judge those who did not share similar qualities. But hey, realize though they are few and far between, they are still many single mothers out here giving each day “all she’s got”, till she and her children find “that better day”.

Some women tend to believe that “a piece of man, is better than no man at all”….(and that’s sad). And some of those same women become so co-dependent on their husbands to handle and “take care” of things, to whereas they are “SOL” when it comes to handling unexpected obstacles, from budgeting and managing finances to uh-oh…..having to raise her child, ALONE. However, when she refuses to allow not only her children, but allow herself to be seen as a pushover, weak-minded, taking orders via “submission” as they call by being taken for granted, disrespected, abused (or whatever applies), she finally decides to leave what has now (so surprisingly) become a “loveless marriage/ relationship”….to whereas, having a child together was not an excuse to remain and to watch her child grow up in a (two-parent) household this way, and with great hope that the child will somehow grow up to become all that she has sacrificed of herself to instill in him/her….all but first and foremost, self-love and self-respect. Because to allow what she has put up with in her marriage for the “sake of her children” does not exemplify self love and respect, for she allowed and accepted this treatment for so long, how could she (have the nerve) to then teach this to her own?…..So here, she then has to make a sacrifice. Ironically, either way you slice it, the child will be affected, whether she stays or whether she decides: ENOUGH.
Just my .02…not necessarily for validation.

Yes, I learned from a young age to never depend or get too comfortable in any good situation. To prepare for the unexpected, because it can happen to any of us, but if and when it does, never to dwell or complain about your present situation, “just put a handle on it.” (Sitting back and complaining with all the shoulda coulda, woulda definitely doesn’t pay the bills).

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

bigd i’m considering giving pumpkin to his dad full-time in a couple of years. what do you think about that? they are like best friends and they talk on the phone likes their in love or something. his dad switched to verizon for him. lol. and yes, i will give up the cs. will i pay him? yes i will! it will also give me a chance to travel to new york, hawaii, take a cruise, etc.

By For Real

April 22, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

Wise I’m not sterotyping, the leadership has confirmed their sexual preference and yes I do know several feminist but you can’t sit there and tell me that the feminist mantra hasn’t changed from equal to female dominance. Oh and how does a female choose feminism over family/men, SELFISHNESS. You can’t have a family nor a man when you are only thinking about your goals, your happiness, or your comfort. And before you reply ask your mother which one she chose.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

Personally, if I have a child with a woman that I didn’t plan on or want she’s on her own. I don’t want to be with her, support her, or see the kid. While I’m responsible I don’t pay for every mistake that people make. Fugg that kid.

Truth - Why don’t you see this as a mistake you made as well as her.

That whole post was a hot mess. Thanks for your honesty, but what a terrible attitude.

By 6'1 & Luvin it (Don Dada)=Playin both sides

April 22, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

4REAL You have no observations for us today?

By DreamsMaterialize

April 22, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

Slimone, DK I remember when I was 12 I told moms that I would call children’s serivces if she touched me again. She looked up the number in the phone book and handed me the phone. Straight called my bluff. After I backed down, she kicked my a^s again. lol I called myself running away once too. Of course moms knew the neighborhood way better than me, so she put the word out and had some cats find my dumb a^s, talk some sense into me and bring me home. The thing I found out later in life is that alot of cats in the ‘hood respected my moms and what she was trying to do. So, even those cats in the game hard tried to keep me staight, cuz deep down they wished their moms cared as much about them to keep them out of the life…they even told me as much. Slim your friend has to find a way to get some men involved in his life. At his age, there’s alot of times when he’s feeling that his moms just doesn’t understand him, and half the time he’s probably right. His line of thinking makes him vulnerable though. He’s starving so much for a male figure to relate to that any one will do, even a bad one.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

On principle alone, he should still make every effort to be as consistent as possible in supporting his children in whatever way he can.

Darrell that was very well said.

Reason i don’t get upset when he say…this or that is my blame is when i reiterate the conversation and i’m at peace with it. He should find himself consistently in his sons life and following in action. And as much as possible leave me out of the equation.

By SeanJohnson3000

April 22, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

@WD…more than half of the females on the blog are feminists to some degree…anytime its mentioned about females having natural “roles” and u see females all up in arms…cough..kym.cough..when ever you here that “real man” bs…you are a feminists..i am with for real on this one…the majority of females that are single mothers..not all but most…are because of choice…or shall i say.. bad choices….

By For Real

April 22, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

ARed That was funny. Good one…

For Real now hiding all of ARed’s feminine product.

By Blue_Kolla

April 22, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

What up Blog…

Man Tip: If you’re over 30 and already have a kid or two, don’t have anymore. Is it really worth it, at this point in life, to go through all of the possible problems, headaches, and BS associated with being a real father in today’s society?

Got That? You’re killin’ ‘em today.

Angie if i want to have another baby on my own, no problem. me, me, me! we are strong, and whatever falls we have no problem dealing.

Just when I think that you’re on the ball, you always manage to say some dumb sh!t that blows me away.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

truth your post was NOT directed at me right? because you know my story on why i moved to the A. if you want me to remind you, just holla.

By Kym

April 22, 2008 2:37 PM | Link to this

Darrell How did I take your reference to Oprah out of context? Of course we can drop it..because in the end this is a discussion I dont know you from Adam’s Tomkat anymore than you know me. So I can’t draw any conclusions or judgements from your statements based on the words on the screen.

Wow Being present does work…thanks Eckhart Tolle…thanks Oprah.

By SexyLeggs

April 22, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

From what I’ve read you guys seem to be on point w/your rationale. It appears as though many women are giving up on men simply because of the “spit game” out there. However, to have a child and intentionally “discard” the man is selfish. A child needs both parents. Life experiences from both the man and the woman balances out the child. At least, it should. I was raised w/out a father and I sorely missed that experience. For those men who intentionally walk away from their children are jerks and are also selfish.

Are there any good men left….OF COURSE! Are they hard to find….YOU BETCHA!

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

“Reason i don’t get upset when he say…this or that is my blame is when i reiterate the conversation and i’m at peace with it. He should find himself consistently in his sons life and following in action. And as much as possible leave me out of the equation.”

Agreed. Good post. :-)

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

SJ3000 - Wow. I can’t totally agree with your post, I can’t totally disagree either.

B_K - So now you’re saying to men to not have anymore kids because of all the BS out there? Isn’t life full of BS? Sounds like a cop out and a sign of weakness as well. Maybe better advice is to really know the woman you’re skeeting in?

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

Slimm Yeah just get him round some dudes and he will be alright.. Somebody that will pull his coat and give him a Man to look up to.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

I chuckle every time I read that “shortage” among men statement. Mainly because I know of a few men that are actively seeking.

Why can’t the seekers find each other? LOL

I guarantee you if you put 50 single and eligible men and 50 single and eligible women in a room together there is will only be a 1.5% true love connection.

By Kym

April 22, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

SeanJ I asked what exactly is this God-ordain role? Because frankly I have come to realize that in life we are so caught up in being this role, or that role..when we should really just be. That doesnt mean you dont love and respect your spouse you should do that naturally not because that is the role you are assigned, you dont love and displine your children because that is your role as parent..you just do. Again I asked why is it there is some assigned role for everything?

By Kym

April 22, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

SJ You have a child correct? You are not married correct? You have stated before all of the things you do for your child before correct? Well then wouldnt it stand to reason that if you are not with the mother of that child then you made a bad choice or maybe you were her bad choice? The street has two lanes.

By SexyLeggs

April 22, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli, I agree with your 12:33 post. It’s not about the $$$. I have a friend that insisits I take my daughter’s father to court to ensure I get monthly child support on time. He doesn’t have the money and I know he doesn’t. He’s struggling being on his own for the first time in his entire life. He’s having trouble w/rent and just about every other aspect of existing. As long as he doesn’t come knocking on my door because he’s homeless his struggles are his. I see no reason in going to court to get what I know is rightfully due to my child. She’s not wanting for anything. He’s in her life and I feel that’s more important than any $$ he can give. Yes, I get child support from him, just not every month.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

Mo remember the “ride”…I told my cousin lastnight to take my lil-look-a-like for a ride during the famliy reunion this year in July. i can’t wait lol.. He turned 9 last month whew and now tries to talk when i’m talking and decides he alread “know”…hmph…dat ain’t crakin’. I’m not a pro-testosterone so i’m passing this one to a one that already grew his, cause i can’t.

Sup…Blue and SJ3000 good to read you.

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

Well, I wouldn’t compare my mother’s life choices to mine, b/c we started out at different times. However, I have asked/spoken to Mama Diva in depth about the choices and options I have that she didn’t, and how that affects my journey in life, because it does.

You wrote: You can’t have a family nor a man when you are only thinking about your goals, your happiness, or your comfort.

so is this what a lot of women do, think ONLY of themselves, their goals, happiness?

I think a woman should think of these things, who else would? But I don’t think it has to be at the expense of others though. At the same time, I don’t believe that a woman isn’t a good woman unless she is a martyr. I don’t buy that. Many people think that is what makes a woman strong, putting herself at the bottom but I don’t buy that. I am all about balance.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 2:59 PM | Link to this

Blue_Kolla well, that was mean. please go back and re-real all of my posts. i wuv you 2.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

Dreams I remember my sister told my moms that and she did the same thing. Told her she would call them for her after she beat her behind. I told her today that this is the time where he needs to be around a dude that is going to help aid in his discipline and direction because right now he’s going through his period where he feel like, If i do such and such What YOU gonna do about it. He is not going to see what she’s tryign to instill in him right now until he see’s some things. Unfortunately, the father figure has a job that keeps him gone and when he is around he let the kid do what he wanna do. I told her I’d help look up some organizations that might be able to help. Anybody know of any off the rip in the Fayette area?

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

Angie/Ared my post wasn’t directed at anyone. It’s my thought. I don’t want kids and if you know that and get pregnant anyway you’re no friend of mine. And there’s nothing I won’t do to an enemy. While we can act like we’re all adults we’re not or you wouldn’t have gotten pregnant in that situation. Sometimes reality is hard but it is what it is. That kid is not what I wanted and I will not act like it is.

Always look at who won after the dust settles. In this case the woman wins because she got 2 things that she wanted, a child and some cash. I got zip but a bill.

I am college educated, prior service, never been to jail, and a host of other credentials. I have 2 opportunities to wreck my life. Go out and shoot someone for no reason or have a kid with some chick. Most men are like that. They were ok until some chick thought she was lonely and wanted someone to love her. What a fuggin loser. Like I said someone’s gotta win and lose. I’d rather you lose. No, I’ll make sure you lose.

Ladies, when you say there’s a shortage of good men you’re implying there’s an abundance of good women. If a dude is sorry for sleeping around remember there was a woman underneath him each time. If he didn’t rape her he took what was given. Would a man be better if he wanted to fund all of you’re fantasies? Mom, big home, nice life? Not one woman has posted an upside to a man getting married and having children as we discussed in the past. It’s a fugg story from start to end. Absolutely no upside and that’s why men would rather stay solo that dance with the devil. It’s a shame when some of the most honest women out there are the w*******. At least then you get whatyou pay for.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this

Why can’t the seekers find each other? LOL

I wish I knew Raqi. LOL. Maybe it’s because if it was so easy everyone would be doing it? LOL

As much as I try to be patient, baggage and drama free with a positive attitude, I do wish I knew if and when it was gonna happen for me. LOL

By star1

April 22, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

@TRUTH Baybe-LOL(what are you doing saturday around 1? I want to take you down to the justice of the peace and marry you up. You’re my kind of woman. LOL) ooooooooo how sweet.

By Blue_Kolla

April 22, 2008 3:09 PM | Link to this

Red Sounds like a cop out and a sign of weakness as well. Maybe better advice is to really know the woman you’re skeeting in?

That’s the direction that I, personally, am leaning in, and not out of weakness… bulee dat. And naah, it ain’t about KNOWING a broad, because there is no way to read a broads mind, and therefore know her true feelings about things; which unbeknownst to you may change anyway. So my advice to the fellas remains unchanged. Some things just ain’t worth the risks, especially if you’ve already had the experience.

Think of it as a guy who thinks it honorable to volunteer for service in Iraq and does two tours. Now is tour #3 honorable or stupid?

Cee What up slim…

Angie Naah I’m not being mean at all; just tellin’ you how that sounded. It’s just that everyone else was taking the time to dress it up for you, where I just gave it to you straight. LOL

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

I don’t want kids and if you know that and get pregnant anyway you’re no friend of mine

Um..yeah Truth, still not making sense. I also don’t want kids (outside of marriage) and I will tell my guy that. However if the condom breaks and it happens it’s my bad just like yours.

So are you saying the only way you’d be saddled with a kid at this point in your is if you are deceived? You’re always strapped?

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

Wow!! Some of you are sounding very cold-hearted on this blog. Thank God your fathers did not have the same attitudes (abandoning their own seed). For those that had no father figure growing up, I truly feel your pain. The attitudes expressed here are so evident in our society. You guys have a great day.

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

Not one woman has posted an upside to a man getting married and having children as we discussed in the past.

we can’t answer that question. but i’m going to find a man right now to answer that for you. hold on, let me see if he’s busy at work.

By anonymousella

April 22, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

i think among a certain moneyed set of women who can afford to freeze their eggs or go to a sperm bank, babies might be the new boyfriend. for the rest of us? uh. no.

most of the women i know tend to oops their way into motherhood. as in: “oops. i got pregnant. well i don’t believe in /want an abortion. guess i’m going to be a mama.”

have i thought about motherhood minus the man? uh. no. but then, i don’t want kids. the desire for kids just doesn’t compute to my brain.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this

As long as he doesn’t come knocking on my door because he’s homeless his struggles are his.

Sexyleggs sometimes i’m not moved if lil Cee’s dad doesn’t come knocking at my door at all. That’s why i don’t mind taking the high road. I am sometimes so rigid with things that concern my kid. Shooot ask my family… when he’s visiting wit them they call to tell me what he ate, watching on TV, where they going or comming from and those details. Not that i’m anal like that it’s more that they KNOW how important my kid is to me and what kind of investment i plant. What concerns me concerns them I love them nergros. It takes a village!

NOW they know why i said that $$$ thing was the last thing on my mind when i left.

By Alvin

April 22, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs soooooooo, it is true…women only take dudes to cost only when they know he can pay…That aint right.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

Every entity must have a head. The right of being the head was given to man and woman to be his helpmate. The catch is it takes a true man to not misconstrue and abuse that right. It is not a right of domination or supremacy but a right of leadership by way of responsibility and moral example. My husband lives by the fact that he is the head and I am the heart of our body. And I keep right on letting him think that.

By Blow Me a.k.a ROOKIE Cookie

April 22, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon All

A baby as a bf…Nah we need to get more responsible.

Get yo a$$ a husband and a family.

That’s just a sorry excuse for being rejected and making a bad DECISION.

SJ3000 Hey baby….how u doin? I’ve missed your sexy font! lmao!

Truth Blow a$$!! Same ole game nothing has changed. I heard your dream house was beautiful. It looks like a castle. You are going to need a family to fill that thing up.

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

April 22, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

Truth Wow!!!! Unadulterated!!! In Yo Face, nothing But the truth..

Dogg I aint never had a post make my mouth drop, but that one did.

Ladies, when you say there’s a shortage of good men you’re implying there’s an abundance of good women. Holy Smokes Batman..

By Got that?

April 22, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

Raqi, Why can’t the seekers find each other? Because they spend way more time concentrating on what they don’t want, not what they want. And guess what shows up for them? Exactly what they’ve spent all their energy on. If you say there’s a shortage, a shortage will be your point of view. Everything you see will support that, despite evidence to the contrary. What you think and speak about, comes about. It’s no mystery why some are so miserable when it comes to relationships when you consider all the negative talk. No one really talks about what’s great about being a man or woman, what they really appreciate about the opposite sex, or even the positive aspects of a relationship. It’s all doom and gloom and “woe is me.”

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

Alvin i don’t think that’s what Sexy was sayin…

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this

anonymousella - Now that is one thing I might consider if I hit 35-40 with “no mans” in sight. I might freeze up some eggs and give myself another 10 years to find Mr. Right. LOL

By SeanJohnson3000

April 22, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

@ Kym…not going to get into the ordained roles today…refer back to missadventures in atlanta 2007 numerous posts….but if you dont believe me…why when i go to lunch in downtown atl…i see so many same sx couples under 25 together…roles azz backwards….as far as who was who’s mistake…why you always gotta take offense to things…you like to fight too much…just like oprahs role in color purple

@ BK…i disagree..its more about WHO you have your kids with…and i want 1 or 2 more kids..but i know it will have to be with a older female due to the mentality of females under 30 these days…hate to say it…..but you have to break females….kinda like you do with wild horses…when they “buck” things dont go smoothly

By Alvin

April 22, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli I am guessing you only let your child’s father off the hook because he ain’t really worth shyt right?

By abc

April 22, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this

IG, I suppose a (somewhat) compelling perspective could be justified that Black American family disintegration results from 18th and 19th centure enslavement. (curious etymology, dis-integration.) The fact is, though, that as recently as 1960 or the early 60’s at least, 75% of Black American children were born to 2 parent households, and today that figure is at 33% or less. Something else is at work.

Raqi, the statistics I’ve read at least infer that African American women’s inability to find a ‘suitable partner’ has to do with African American male criminality, unemployment, and other cultural and attitudinal attributes. Certainly, if one is to assume that’s the case, then marriage outside their race is more than a viable option for African American women.

By mytwocents

April 22, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this

Skating in for a sec… Only made it to comments thru noon and wondering where this discussion was when I twiddled my thumbs yesterday, WD!?! Lol

Melo No email, hun, but there was a dead cat out front… Wonder how she got my address.

Cee I’m feelin real Angela Davis with it. One Hand on hip, one fist in air, no vest to clash w/ outfit! And yup! ‘If you luv me you’ll lemme run up in that as iz…” 9 mos later here comes baby.

Now let’s put in perspective @ least when it comes to me- I’ve been listing pros & cons for adoting a puppy… Since about ‘03 and may do so next year. A rash decision for a human will not be made. But Truth pls send one regular and one modified Obedience training guide just in case.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

No email, hun, but there was a dead cat out front… Wonder how she got my address.

ROTFLMAO!!!

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

I like that Raqi, this guy I was dating said that the head couldn’t hold itself up without a neck, and if you aren’t supporting your neck, properly, the head won’t stay up.

By For Real

April 22, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

Wise My fault, I used a poor choice of a word. I should have used engulfed instead of think. I believe in a family setting that men and women should put themselves at the bottom. It’s for the greater good of the family. Oh and you should ask your dad about balance. It doesn’t exist.

Why do you and Moms believe that you have choices that she didn’t?

By QC

April 22, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

Hey BK…i been missing you Baby…..smooches ;)

Have a great evening bloggers!

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

No one really talks about what’s great about being a man or woman, what they really appreciate about the opposite sex, or even the positive aspects of a relationship.

WiseD There ^ are three good topics right there. I know Mia did a “What I like about (you)” topic before. But heck let’s do it again.

By Blue_Kolla

April 22, 2008 3:36 PM | Link to this

LMAO @ DK Holy Smokes Batman..

SeanJ I feel you mayne, but as of late I’ve been doing a risk assessment of this having another kid thing, and I’m coming up with a neg 5. I’m not sure that the gains justify the risks.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

April 22, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

Okay, so did anyone else read that 3:31 by WiseDiva and started singing to yourself: “Da head bone connected to da…neck bone. Da neck bone connected to da…shold’a bone…Da shold’a bone connected to da…back bone…Da back bone connected to da…”

LOL!

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this

wooooow, WHO are these women that need to be broken? and what is the definition of bucking? LOL geez. I don’t get that dynamic at all, I know nothing of it, really. I feel bad for people if this their reality.

I mean the whole Just eat the cake, Anna Mae/Ike Turner routine is so played out, isn’t it? I don’t think that is necessary when you have two mature, respectful individuals in a relationship.

By abc

April 22, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this

You know, Truth, you often come off as pretty blunt and crass, but there’s a grain of actual truth in what you’re talking about regarding “what’s in it for the man as far as marriage goes”.

It’s not like I’ve ever experienced it personally, but I can imagine what it might be like if I had a woman who focused on my emotional and moral support, creating a home with aspects of comfort only a woman can bring, absent all the willful, selfish and materialistic deceit. Just as certainly, they might imagine what it would be like to have a man who would represent the best of her beliefs, provide and lead from a position of not only strength, but wisdom.

The roles get mighty twisted. Churches teach them absolutely wrong. American culture puts forth that a career is the end-all of what one should strive for, definitely an influence contrary to the overall benefit of one’s family. I submit that American culture, in general, is anti-family.

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this

Anon great post. Thanks for presenting the real truth.

Blow is Co Will Staceye? Who is Co Will?

Check out the story on ajc about a mom and daughter beating a school teacher in the classroom, in atlant. WOW

By Alvin

April 22, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

Sexy I meant court not cost…

SJ you don’t count…you take care of yours…my son’s mom was able to remarry because I am a responsible adult and take care of what is mine…If more men were involve in their kids lives, this court system wouldn’t be the mess it is now…I bet your kids mom doesn’t worry as mush as women who kid’s fathers aren’t involve in a positive way…If I am wrong check me.

I will admit, my son’s mom can be very unappreciative…which sucks, but it is all about little man and not me

But I may not get myself involve with a woman with kids…unless ol dude is involving in the kids lives.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

Alvin pretty much…it is what it is. Even though dude has a lil change…i can’t go with him and that superfical stuff.

Mo ^^ more male traits.

mytwocents i’m thinking my second child may be a Shar pei. LOL

By SeanJohnson3000

April 22, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

@ Blown….str8 chill mode…enjoying the pretty weather…time for you to loose the air max and the mc donalds visor and put on a sun dress/ sandals with ya back. out…sip on something frozen

By anonymousella

April 22, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

Not one woman has posted an upside to a man getting married and having children as we discussed in the past.

hell, i can’t see an upside for women to do either … LOL. but it helps to have a husband if you’re the breeding type.

and since some bama asked the obvious: the upside to a man getting married and having kids is that it’s better for the kids when two loving, committed adults are involved in their lives — you know, same as for women.

eye rolling at the general schmucktitude displayed in that comment.

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

abc the statics show the evident decline of the two parent household. When statistics are being considered, we must consider the validity of census data taken several years ago, and how census data is collected today. Regardless, the decline is very evident.

In my humble opinion I blame the attitudes of people regarding marriage, child bearing, etc. Crime, unemployment, lack of are education are factors to consider. A person’s attitude determines their actions.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

April 22, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

I am late..what’s up all….

SJ I am a proud NON-GAY, Non-sinlge mom FEMINIST! It’s not a bad word nor is it blasphemous to not want to be treated as a 2nd class citizen.

Sexism is just as bad as racism in this world. When one group of people fear the strenth of another..they oppress them and make them feel less than what they are. Many years ago in this country of ours, Blacks/AA (whatever you want to be called)were not considered human…they were property simply because of the color of their skin. Well almost that same treatment is what is women endured. Its like to be born a Black woman you already have 2 strikes against you. So of course I get angry when men come chanting this, “I am man, my word is law” crap. Its just like when massa said it to his slaves back then. Now, men of all colors serve that same dish “Superiority” with a different spoon to women and finally some got fed up and said enough’s enough! Whoever said women want/need to be led is taking a book from the old massa’s library when he said the same of his property (slaves).

I do believe that children should have both parents. People should be more selective as to who they makes babies with. Actually knowing his last name would be a start before having a baby…but best of all get married first. If you can’t commit to a marriage…then why commit yourself to being responsible for the well being of an innocent life. I do nto want to be the reason some kid is in therapy one day!

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

That’s right WiseD we women are the backbones (neck) of the union.

By Tazzee

April 22, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

Afternoon folks!

I’m late to the game so I’ll sum up my thoughts this way - In my opinion, if you give up on finding a man you should also give up on having a baby. You can’t make a baby without a man (or his sperm, for the ones that go the sperm donor route), nor should you make it a choice to raise one without a man.

By For Real

April 22, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this

Ared you missing Truth’s point, yes rubber break but she still doesn’t have to have the baby with a dude that she knows doesn’t want one. Oh and not wanting to have kids period is not the same as wanting to have kids when you get married.

By Blue_Kolla

April 22, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this

QC Hey what’s up wit’cha? ‘Ey… um… I think your brother’s been hangin’ around that hemp spot again. He’s over there ===> trippin’. LOL

By SeanJohnson3000

April 22, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this

@ Blown….str8 chill mode…enjoying the pretty weather…time for you to loose the air max and the mc donalds visor and put on a sun dress/ sandals with ya back. out…sip on something frozen

By SexyLeggs

April 22, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this

Alvin, that’s not what I’m saying. Some women take the fathers to court even when they know he doesn’t have the funds. It’s a matter of principle for quite a few. I’m just one woman who decided not to try to squeeze $$ where there aren’t any. Hell, the little bit I asked for he can’t seem to consistently give so to be so bothered and go to court is a waste to me. I’ve taken the high road through this entire divorce. I take her to see her father every other weekend and they talk daily. I make sure she calls and says good night to him every night.

Cemeeli, I may feel differently about her father if he got a car and told he would come and pick her up on any given day and not show…

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

abc “disintegration”- from a psychological perspective. I can’t get away from psychology…

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

It’s not like I’ve ever experienced it personally, but I can imagine what it might be like if I had a woman who focused on my emotional and moral support, creating a home with aspects of comfort only a woman can bring

Wait…abc, you’ve been married twice and engaged 3 times and you’ve never experienced this? Not even for a moment? I really enjoy (most) of your posts, but I am really puzzled about your romantic decison making process…

Truth - You avoiding my questions in my 3:12?

By Alvin

April 22, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

abc/Raqi since black men ranks the worse out of males in the U.S., why don’t more black women just date out side of their race?

Shidddddd, dang near all WOMEN are crazy, it is just picking and choosing the lesser of the 99 evils.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

April 22, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

Truth who the heck is Co Will?

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

Why do you and Moms believe that you have choices that she didn’t? THAT is a loaded question, but it primarily relates to her family dynamics prior to her getting married. (It’s like a bad Tyler Perry play in my fam sometimes)

By Foot2Azz

April 22, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

Did you all read where a mother/daughter tag team gave a beat down to an Atlanta Public School teacher?! WTF. Of course this isn’t even relevant to today’s topic but that’s beyond a hot, ghetto mess that’s some hotazz, ghetto bullshyt!!

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

For Real the way truth is posting, if the rubber broke it’s all her fault. smdh!!!

BK i was actually givin’ it to you straight! seems to me you can’t handle that selfish women who want it now exist.

from marco I married my wife because I loved being around her, she was good mom and very spiritual, and she encourages me to be better than even I thought I was without coddling me, that’s what made me know I could spend my life with her. My wife is really one of the strongest people I know PERIOD, she puts God first above everything without being a religious fanatic, she’s a freak without being a slut and she’s tough without being aggressive.Is she perfect?? HELL NO!! but she’s as close as I’ll ever get..

By SexyLeggs

April 22, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

Truth, although what you just spewed was harsh, it was the truth and I have to respect you for that! I’m glad none of your girlfriends got pregnant knowing you didn’t want any children. If one had, I’m pretty sure she’s still wearing the neck harness from you breaking her neck after receiving the news!! JK

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

For Real - I do see Truth’s point but if the condom breaks and the kid is on the way… you don’t have any choice after that other than a difficult one. Not everyone believes in a abortion. If you could snap your fingers and undo pregnancy there’d be a whole lot of snapping going on. But it’s not that simple. So the guy didn’t want the child and the woman doesn’t want it either. But it’s on the way. You created the kid together and therefore you need to accept the concequences for your actions together. She couldn’t get pregnant without that man laying down with her.

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

I submit that American culture, in general, is anti-family ^5.. I agree and belive this is by far the truest statment I’ve read all day.

By Tazzee

April 22, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

I am so sick of this premise that there is no upside to a man getting married and having kids.

I’ve heard many a man talk about how they like being taken care of and having someone there when they get home. As a woman that does not want to have kids, all I hear from men that don’t have kids is that they want to leave a legacy. They want to have a little one (or more) of them walking around.

Now if you’re doing this the right way marriage is the pathway for having someone take care of you and birthing your legacy.

If you don’t want kids, or desire a lifemate - then no there is benefit to you and you shouldn’t get married.

Quit tripping on the money and let’s disregard the assertion that it only benefits the women, because if that’s the case then there are a lot of married men out there that I would label as punks for caving in to something they really didn’t want.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

April 22, 2008 3:57 PM | Link to this

Alvin since black men ranks the worse out of males in the U.S., why don’t more black women just date out side of their race? Trust me…I will go that route! LOL

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

I submit that American culture, in general, is anti-family

^5!!! I agree. This is by far the truest statement I’ve read all day.

By demi

April 22, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

A female planning to have a child without father IMO is a very selfish act on her part

I disagree, women have rights too!!

now come joint me my lesbian sistas as we practice procreation

Demi is now staging an orgy party

Mama, Kym, Wisa, Slim, Sexy, Cee, Angie and 6’1…feel free to join in

By For Real

April 22, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

Alivn The family court is all about money. The laws are gender bias toward men bc they have the money to fund their billion dollar industry. If the feminist got what they claim to want equality then the court system would not be needed. Both parents would get custody of the kids. The parents would have their kids 50/50. No child support will be required.

By SeanJohnson3000

April 22, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this

@ BK…i feel you ..but this is how i look at it…TOO many of the WRONG people are having multiple kids…and the intelligent and or educated people are having 0-1 kids…i think we need to strenghtened the gene pool…and i have to do my part…i have a lot to offer….i got future leaders in me….litterally

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

For Real…I know some men don’t always fully grasp the balance concept, probably because it would require that he does more than come home at night sigh

My father was the one that taught me about balance, while mother was on the night shift, he took us to school, picked up us, and split household duties with my mother. He balanced child rearing with his job, just as my mother did.

They both pursued careers, they both had outside interests, THEY balanced life, love, and family and they are STILL together. So I DON’T need to ASK about balance, I was raised with it, and that is the type of dynamics that would work for me, and ideally the man that I marry.

By Blue_Kolla

April 22, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

Wise Diva wooooow, WHO are these women that need to be broken? and what is the definition of bucking? LOL geez. I don’t get that dynamic at all, I know nothing of it, really. I feel bad for people if this their reality.

I mean the whole Just eat the cake, Anna Mae/Ike Turner routine is so played out, isn’t it? I don’t think that is necessary when you have two mature, respectful individuals in a relationship.

I would advise you to hit the political realm. You use of spin is incredible. Kym, this is exactly what SeanJ was talking about earlier.

Alvin …If I am wrong check me.

Aight dog, “Check.” Now while their are plenty of dudes that really ain’t worth two dead flies, there are lots of dudes out here handling and trying to handle their business, with no cooperation from the spiteful, greedy broads that are mothers to their kids. These same dudes are victims of the court system with no relief in sight. I guess I’ve got some angels in my corner as I don’t have these types of issues, which is why I’m not keen on taking any more chances. I’ve seen first-hand how broads change.

By Alvin

April 22, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs if I can struggle and take care of mines, the next dude should do the same. I am sick and tire of black women letting them lame cats get away with shyt!!

Now, I do not mind dating women with kids, but their father betta be involve in their kids lives some possible way and he is not…His a$$ betta be on child support/w no license.

Now I love kids, but hate sorry dudes women seems tho love.

By mamalongleggs

April 22, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

@Truth * I don’t want kids and if you know that and get pregnant anyway you’re no friend of mine. And there’s nothing I won’t do to an enemy.* WOW, are you doing your part in making sure she doesn’t get pregnant?

By Poppa Grande

April 22, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon to all….

On Topic There is a reason that God made men with a out-ees and women with inn-ees. They are supposed to fit together as should the relationship. We are supposed to need each other plan and simple. Women deliberately plan to have a child and be single mothers hurt the child and society as a whole. Its just a further reflection of the me first attitude that this world, especially americans, have.

I am married and have been for eight years. We have no kids, although it was the first questioned asked to us at the reception. We both want to put the child in the best possible situation. It is something that the BOTH of US discussed.

Truth I read the story about the teacher. Unfortunately, it happens way more than you know. I read you guys comments on school and educational system yesterday and Kym’s issues with it. Parents not working with the teachers. Reality is every time the teacher has to address Billy Badazz’s conduct, the other children miss time that they could have a question addressed for the whole class to hear. It affects everyone.

I have four friends that have gotten out of teaching altogether and not totally because of the kids. All four have had issues with parents that got upset when letters about their child’s conduct were sent home or calls made home about the child’s conduct.

Two of them have had to deal with the physical violence. One of which was on the high school level at Stephenson High. The other friend she was hurt so badly that she spent a week in Gwinnett Medical Center. The parent assaulted her with a desk. Two of them now work at Wal-Mart and actually claim that they get paid more and have more free time. They tutor on the side.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

hahaah…Tazzee walking up in here with stilts on, Dang! and with da truth! …whooo…between you and mytwocents i’m clicking/switching back to the blog page to see what cha’ll saying…LoL…

By For Real

April 22, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

Wise Loaded? Not my intention but from what you wrote, looks like moms made some decision based on her family conditions not due to lack of choices.

Ared It is obvious to me that Truth believes in abortions. If said chick after Truth has told her his feeling (which we have all heard) about children, why would she chose to have sex with Truth knowing that it is possible that she could become pregnant by a dude that has told you he doesn’t want children? Difficult choice, yes but one that should be made considering the knowledge at hand.

Chick: Truth I’m pregn…

Truth: Here is $500 cash

Chick: But I think I… Truth, Truth, where the hellz did he go!

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

Staceye I know now. How are you? LOL

Ared ForReal explained it. To answer your question yes. And don’t try to post me up in here. Listen, a chick like you or Staceye I know would be trying as hard as me to not get pregnant but it’s taken me a year of posting/fighting with you to find that out. At least your blog persona. Alot of these chicks aren’t like that and my job is to know the difference and act accordingly.

Angie if the condom broke that should only be one means of protection. You’re fugging too so you should be on the pill or something, go get that shot. What I’m saying is you want a man to be so responsible so why shouldn’t you be the same? You both had sex knowing there were no long term plans so act accordingly. I know that concept is foreign to you but think about it for awhile.

BK sometimes being an arm chair quarterback is the best seat in the house. I’m like you, I’ve been lucky but I know some cats that caught enough for the both of us. It’s rough out there.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

Poppa Grande - I am glad you are here. Truth is on his “what are the benefits of marriage” kick again. No need to repeat what you said several weeks ago. I just wanted a man in here that was actually happy to be married. LOL

8 years and still no kids? I’m sure that’s always the fun convo at the family dinners. LOL. How old are you and the wife?

By abc

April 22, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

I have to admit, AR, that I have chosen extremely poorly. Both of my wives were mostly in it to further their own agendas, abc optional. It was either left to me to do things that created a real home, or we just did without; personal support was absolutely non-existent. Assertion that I deserved some focus, if for no other reason than to be in return for that which I afforded them, was met with derision, if not hostility. Being married really sucked, as far as I was concerned.

Women like to believe they’d be nurturing, at least with their own kids and husband, but it’s rare, in my experience.

I’m certain it’s not like that for everyone. I’d like to be optimistic about it, but it’s no surprise that folks would look at me cross-eyed for thinking I should try it a 3rd time, especially the way it went.

By Kym

April 22, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

Sorry Blue I dont follow your or SJ logic. The question was what are these God given roles? I am still awaiting a answer.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

For Real - That’s cool. You do need to know who you are sleeping with. The woman who gets pregnant by Truth will know what she’s dealing with. I hope she at least insists on him accompanying her to the clinic. :-/

Never been in the situation myself, but if I were facing an unwanted preganancy by a man who also didn’t want children, I’d agree to the abortion only if he was also willing to get a vaccum up in his insides. :-)

By For Real

April 22, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

Wise * know some men don’t always fully grasp the balance concept, probably because it would require that he does more than come home at night sigh* A little condesending don’t you think? Do me a favor ask your dad and ask him to be honest. Now, my point is what is balance? It’s not 50/50 because humans are incapable of perfection for a sustained period of time. That’s why I asked you to speak to your dad.

For Real now offering Wise a bowl of pea soup.

By Tazzee

April 22, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

Similarly - if a woman tells The Truth that she doesn’t believe in abortions, he should not have sex with her (or any other man for that manner) - if he does, he should be prepared to pay child support.

Unfortunately, I don’t think a lot of folks get that far in getting to know one another before having sex.

Based on what the fellas are saying, in addition to knowing your partners health status, you should also discuss their position on abortion before laying down with them.

By MsM

April 22, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

45 years old, two children 10 & 17, married 20 years, divorced 3 years.

Children’s father gone… disappeared. HOW do people do this, and are OK with it?

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

SJ3000…YOU THUPID!…loose the air max and visor…Dang!

okay…imma finish this last 45min closing accounts for real….but i had to reply to you crasi mess.

Demi I am not coming to your orgy party, K? corporate pervert all in the office dude?

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

right, and there were limited choices for her partly BECAUSE of her family situation. My original point was that I have different/more choices and options then she did, including dating outside my race.

By Alvin

April 22, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

Blue_Kolla/For Real but we dudes know 95.99% of the time, what type of women we’re sleeping with…That is our fault for the most part. I know plenty of hard working guys being screwed by the system as well, but who’s fault is it…you can’t blame the court for everything…must start with us.

abc the drug flow hit us hard in the 70’s. Killed off thousands of black men.

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

It’s like the same women that want a man with a plan and the drive to fulfill it want to be free to have a “lack of plan” when it comes to having children. WTF??? Here he’s planned this and that so she can come in and sideswipe him because her clock is ticking. And you wonder why you can’t find a good dude. You’ve met him, he just recognized you before you could run your scheme.

Poppa I always enjoy you popping in but sometimes when I’m trying to illustrate a point and you come in with the happy 8 year thing you kill my thunder. All I’m asking is you time it better or follow the fellas posts better. If you see it’s man/woman war time tell us how she hogs the bathroom or something. You give these women fuel to fire back. LOL That school thing is a shame though. Good to see things are working out for you and the wify.

By SlimOne

April 22, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this

Woooooow

By BennyB

April 22, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this

WD, balance is pure BS, just an excuse. You need relationship counsel lady

By Angie (formally known as Beautiful)

April 22, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

truth i’m fixed hun. no more babies for Beautiful. :-( and i appreciate your honesty. i was thinking about looking into adopting again when i turn 50. a babygirl for me. awwww.

also, i fixed your mac & cheese for my mommy and she sends you luv and kisses. muah.

By Alvin

April 22, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

mamalongleggs you know, it is pretty easy not to have kids. Most men can’t seem to think straight with hard wool. All about self discipline.

Yes, Imma fool…but me no want no kids…court will get me if I come up short

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

Listen, a chick like you or Staceye I know would be trying as hard as me to not get pregnant but it’s taken me a year of posting/fighting with you to find that out. At least your blog persona. Alot of these chicks aren’t like that and my job is to know the difference and act accordingly.

Okay…I’m back with you on this. You’ve already made mention that you no longer have sex with random women either. You’d rather do the ex sex. LOL

IF I were to get pregnant I’d be a mess with a guy like you because I’d KNOW that it was by no intention on my part. I could get an abortion but me being a fairly stable 30 year old and a guy who could say the same. I’d bytch and moan about it but I’d accept the hand I was dealt. I just don’t see why the guy gets off scot free just because he said he didn’t want a kid. Blah.

abc - Thanks for your response. So when you married did you have some idea of the kind of women your wives were or were you just totally clueless and therefore surprised when they wanted out?

On a (humorous) side note…you got a little bit of money, don’t ya? LOL

By MsM

April 22, 2008 4:31 PM | Link to this

45 years old, two children 10 & 17, married 20 years, divorced 3 years.

Children’s father gone… disappeared. HOW do people do this, and are OK with it?

By SexyLeggs

April 22, 2008 4:31 PM | Link to this

abc, I’m sorry you didn’t experience much in your 2 marriages….let’s get together because in our hearts we know what “loving/nurturing” someone means! WOW! How long were both your marriages?

By The Truth

April 22, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this

Wise either way great topic. Put your forehead up to the monitor so I can kiss it. Great job.

Ared we used to be so close. We were like 2 toes stuck together with toe jam. SMH

By Blue_Kolla

April 22, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this

Truth sometimes being an arm chair quarterback is the best seat in the house. I’m like you, I’ve been lucky but I know some cats that caught enough for the both of us.

Cosign Bruh.

Pop/Red 8 years and still no kids? I’m sure that’s always the fun convo at the family dinners. LOL. How old are you and the wife?

I hate nosey azz broads always askin’ a bunch of fuggin’ questions. What diff does it make. Next you gon’ be askin’ how many times a week is he hittin’ off his ol’ girl.

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this

oh dear BennyB, I am afraid it’s not BS to me, sugar. I am sure Rori Raye has all the wonderful answers for those women who seek them.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this

Alvin it’s hard out there for a pimp. i’m really trying to stay on multi-task island and THEN i read your 4:23 …gettin goood up in here and it’s almost time to go home.

So what i’mma do is blog/read and leave these emails til i get home. The offices on the west will not know the difference. I’ll reply to them later.

By Blow Me a.k.a ROOKIE Cookie

April 22, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

SJ3000 HA HA …THE MCDONALD’s joke is a bit old and played. stop it. So SJ3000…Since it is summer..Do you lick toes? lmao!!!

Truth Who is CO WILL?

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

gee thanks for the forehead kiss The Truth! LOL

For Real, oh that was me being a wise azz, settle down. Listen, I am not in some la la land about the balance thing, of COURSE there were/are days that it was unbalanced, it’s the ebb and flow of relationships.. that’s part of knowing that when one person is giving more, the other person will give that back at some point, because of the commitment. I just know that 2 people can co-exist with a common goal for the greater good of their marriage and their family. I know this because that is where I came from. I am sure my dad wanted to chuck Mom’s the deuces on many a day and I am positive my mom did! They made the decision not to though.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

I always enjoy you popping in but sometimes when I’m trying to illustrate a point and you come in with the happy 8 year thing you kill my thunder

Truth - That is why I’m happier than a pig in slop that PG posted today. If I could just get WilleDynamite in here I could banish you back to your cave for the day. LOL

By the way, we disliked each other then we met some middle ground and now we’re back on different sides (today). I just want all the bloggers who feel we’d actually make a good match to remember this convo today. At the very least our uglies should never bump. LOL

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Truth I agree with you 4:26 post. After reading your posts, I decided to call my doctor to schedule my hysterectomy. Would you go with me to the clinic? No more kids, no more kids. lol

By abc

April 22, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

AR, first time I was 21 and didn’t know any better, 2nd time I was 27 and should have known better. Looking back, I would not do it again. No way. In some areas, it’s a good thing that there are no ‘do-overs’. At the time, I thought I knew what they were about, and thought they gave a flip about me, but I was mistaken. I didn’t pursue them; they came after me. Got what they wanted and moved on. Chicks.

Regarding finance, I’m blessed with great good fortune. I think that has to do with having a job since I was 15, but mostly to do with God giving me the sense to know what to do with what He gives me.

By For Real

April 22, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

your mother’s options were not limited. Maybe her knowledge of the options available to her limited but the options themselves. You do not have anymore/different options that your mother had. Before you sigh again check your history and you will see women doing the same things that women today are doing.

Oh and dating/marrying outside your race didn’t just start when you were born.

By Raqi

April 22, 2008 4:43 PM | Link to this

ForReal You say 50/50 when referring to balance but it does not always mean 50/50. A well balanced diet does not consist of equal amounts of all things nutritious. It is an arrangement of different elements to create a harmonious entirety. Too many carbs are bad for you but it is still part of a balanced diet. When talking a balanced lifestyle and/or relationship everything is in its rightful place. Sometimes it takes a little of this and a lot of that to create the balance. There are things that my husband contribute to more than me and there are also elements that I contribute to more than him. All of it together is the process of us finding balance.

By IslandGirl

April 22, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

Truth I agree with you 4:26 post. After reading some of your posts, I decided to call my doctor to schedule my hysterectomy. No more kids, no more kids. lol

By The Melo

April 22, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

yuall were having fun today,but some of ur posts were too long,keep it short plz, hw do u think i will get over all this reading?

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

Blue_Kolla Get a grip dude. All I asked is how old he and his wife were. The age question is asked on here everyday and it does not require an answer.

And for your information, nosy azz yourself, I was COMMENDING him on waiting to have kids!

By Alvin

April 22, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

MsM sounds like dude was one of those never at home daddy or you were footing most of the bills any how.

Cee LOL, I will try to Im you later.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

April 22, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

ARED I’d agree to the abortion only if he was also willing to get a vaccum up in his insides* LOL…now that is too funny! I worked in an abortion clinic and saw what the proceedure was and I must say it is quite gross…especially the late term ones. I do not have a weak stomach but wow….let’s just say it involves scraping, injections of solution to desenergrate the fetus and then the vaccuming begins! That is only for up to 12-16 weeks. The later ones are a 2 day proceedure which include insert pins to dialate the cervix as if you are giving birth. The last one I saw the fetus was still alive when removed and it was what made me quit. I felt like I witnessed a crime. So fellas whothink abortion is the quick and easy fix….you are sadly mistaken.

Tazzee Similarly - if a woman tells The Truth that she doesn’t believe in abortions, he should not have sex with her (or any other man for that manner) - if he does, he should be prepared to pay child support I agree..but dudes are so willing to run up in the puddy without even asking a detrimental question such as this.

Alvin the drug flow hit us hard in the 70’s. Killed off thousands of black men SO TRUE!!!

By Blue_Kolla

April 22, 2008 4:48 PM | Link to this

MsM Children’s father gone… disappeared. HOW do people do this, and are OK with it?

You have my condolences. I don’t get this one myself. Who wants to be married for 20 years and then get divorced?! That’s crazy. Then you have to learn/accept somebody else’s quirks and hope that they do the same for you.

Red I’d bytch and moan about it but I’d accept the hand I was dealt.

Now maybe that would actually be cool with a dude like Truth b/c he’d feel that it was accidental, as opposed to you coming up like, “Surprise baby! Good news!” because we know how much Truth likes those kinds of surprises. LOL

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

Thanks for the response abc. Sounds like you’ve learned a lot since then. I’m glad you’re still open to true love and marriage too.

Just so you know: I didn’t pursue them; they came after me. This is further helping my case as to why I don’t pursue men. LOL

By Blow Me a.k.a ROOKIE Cookie

April 22, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

Truth Please…You talking all of this but I bet you would virtually come to tears of joy if you ever got that news!! So don’t front…..You are a SIMP in a PIMP costume…Knock it off homie! Stop it! lol

SJ3000 I want a Blog DIVORCE from you…you were my dream blog hubby..NOW I want half! Split the cars and YOUR balls down the middle!! lol

By Poppa Grande

April 22, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

AR We made a conscious decision not to have kids yet. Our lives are extremely hectic, and we are very goal oriented people.

I just turned 36 last week and she is in her early thirties.

She mentioned wanting a kid a couple of weeks ago. Last week we had to babysit her brother’s 8 month twin girls last week while he and his wife went away for business trips. She hasn’t mentioned it much since..lol

BK AR is a Delta and I know they ask a lot quesitons. I am married to a Delta. So I am used to it.

By For Real

April 22, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

Alivn So you never had a chick change on you? Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? As far as the legal system goes, it’s suppose to despense justice blindly.

Ared I just don’t see why the guy gets off scot free just because he said he didn’t want a kid. Blah. Scot free!!! I think not. No I know not. Man doesn’t want baby woman does, have baby and sue man for child support end of story for man. Man wants baby woman doesn’t, has abortion end of story for man. Man wants the baby but woman doesn’t. Woman doesn’t believe in abortions, gives child up for adoption end of story for man.

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

Staceye - Whoa at the abortion procedure. That is heartbreaking.

Blue_Kolla - I think with a guy like Truth if I came up pregnant, he’d still be the same way = not his problem.

So what I’m cool with is continuing to ride this abstinance bus. Eliminates a lot of worry about what the guy will or will not do.

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

For Real,I am only referring to what I know about my mother and her personal story, her limitations (whether they are perceived only by her or not, or deemed real by an outsider or not) made a difference in how she came to decide things at the time, that’s all I’m sayin’

By Blow Me a.k.a ROOKIE Cookie

April 22, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

ARED That is why I’m happier than a pig in slop!

You say some of the funniest things! I thought that was hiliarious! I am going to have to use that!! lmao!!

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

Alvin

Cee I will try to Im you later.

huh…what’s up?

By Blue_Kolla

April 22, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

Red You got it…

Cee …chair spin

By SexyLeggs

April 22, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

Good night everyone!

Remember, the tongue weighs practically nothing but few can hold it.

As always, stay mindful of your surroundings and the ppl you surround yourself with!

By Wise Diva

April 22, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

Hey everyone, thanks for such a lively discussion! I appreciate reading the different perspectives, it was all quite interesting.

Have a fantastic evening!

By Blow Me a.k.a ROOKIE Cookie

April 22, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

ARED I think that is TRUTH big talk…Ain’t no way you gonna take care of some DOGS but to hell with your OWN FLESH and BLOOD??!??! He’s just sayin anything!

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

Thanks Poppa Grande. LOL again at the Delta comment.

Just so folks like Blue_Kolla know, folks on here can really learn from other folks experiences. I have to read about people’s dumb azz decisions everyday I come on the blog. I learn from them. I don’t see why I can’t learn from folks doing things the “right” way.

My mother wants a grandchild so bad I think she’ll do anything. If I marry, I know that I’ll also be expected to give birth 9 months after the daggone ceremony. Unnecessary pressure. I’m pleased that PG and wife can shake it off. 8 years can’t be easy.

By Cemeeli

April 22, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

Y’all be easy.

awww…imma miss the closings and all, i gotta go we have a baseball game tonight.

bye.

By Alvin

April 22, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

For Real I am an A$$ hole dude, it’s no fun BS’n a cat like me….I am a very honest dude.

Cee* a few questions…peace!!

By AmazonRed

April 22, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

Blow - You know you kill ME when you say Truth lives in a garbage can and is softer than your grandma’s buttered biscuits. I do not forget that stuff. LOL! But glad I could make you chuckle today.

Poppa Grande - Happy belated birthday by the way.

And good night everyone!

By For Real

April 22, 2008 5:04 PM | Link to this

Wise Okay I understand and I agree with Truth on the topic. Now put your breast up against your screen. Here is a kiss, lick, slurp, a tug, and a fondle.

You didn’t expect me to kiss you on the forehead after Truth did you?

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November 13, 2008 7:31 AM | Link to this

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November 13, 2008 7:32 AM | Link to this

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