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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > April > 09 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USRelationship Threat Levels
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I am super proud of two of my buddies who started a new relationship centric from the male perspective. These are two of my own personal guy decoders who have helped me with my own dating misadventures. They hit the ground running with their post about emotional cheating. Apparently, they think it’s an oxymoron. To wit:
Asking a man whether or not there’s a difference between physical and emotional cheating is akin to asking him whether or not there’s a difference between bananas and Santa Claus. You can’t compare and contrast two entities when one of them doesn’t exist.
Sooo, uh emotional cheating doesn’t really exist? Interesting. Admittedly, they think this argument is “semantics-based”, i.e. it’s not cheating until something physical happens. Fair enough. Personally, I would worry if my man didn’t share my idea about what constitutes cheating.
This just means I will tell him about my relationship threat levels for our happy homeland security: The green level threats cover any behavior that would raise my eyebrows but not really anger me. I would want to have a pow wow about respect, and possibly give a little cold shoulder action for 24 hours - maximum. The red/severe threat would be anything that would make me want to punch you in the throat. All the levels in between could result in a range of reactions from me but I think that about covers the basics!
Guys, would it bother you if your woman was spending face and/or internet time with another dude? Is it all good as long as they don’t get physical? Where do you draw the line?
Ladies, would you feel guilty about emotionally connecting with a guy that wasn’t your man? Do you think it would bother you more if your man was having a physical relationship or an emotional relationship with someone else?
Do you think that emotional cheating should even be recognized as a relationship offense? Why or why not? What are your relationship threat levels?
Quote excerpt taken from: Very Smart Brothers. Please note: May contain mature subject matter
Permalink | Comments (244) | Post your comment | Categories: He Said/She Said
Comments
By demi
April 9, 2008 8:12 AM | Link to this
Relationship Threat Levels??
Wow, you learn something new each day…Time for Ms.Eyes and her long posts on how evil men are to her
Colt.45 to and all good morning
By Angie aka Beautiful
April 9, 2008 8:15 AM | Link to this
wake up QC!!! ha, got you first. lol.
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 8:27 AM | Link to this
Do you think that emotional cheating should even be recognized as a relationship offense? Why or why not?
their not dead! but again, show me respect.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this
Morning, all. :-)
“Guys, would it bother you if your woman was spending face and/or internet time with another dude? Is it all good as long as they don’t get physical? Where do you draw the line?”
Yes, it would bother me because you have to consider that a woman who consistently spends that kind of time with another guy is, at a minimum, risking opening the door to something physical happening. This is why I’m a full believer in “emotional cheating”, because it’s that emotional connection which leads to the physical one, not the other way around.
With all due respect to your friends, Diva, ‘emotional cheating’ is not an oxymoron. “Cheating” is not applicable only to the transpiring of the physical act. If you doubt this, ask any husband or wife that’s been a victim of an “Internet affair” and they’ll tell you their spouse’s cheating began long before they actually “slept” with the other person.
By AmazonRed
April 9, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this
Good morning all. I’m being held hostage in Tampa. LOL
While I wouldn’t sit up there and talk to my guy about “emotional cheating” - that sounds like some Dr. Phil bleeding heart stuff. I would however have a talk with him regarding appropriateness. Sure, he can have friends and talk to folks online, but there is a line you don’t cross with that stuff. If you’re overtly flirting or talking about sexual things, you’re crossing the line. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing those things right in my face you can’t be doing it elsewhere either.
As for one of the final questions, it would bother me way more if I found out my man was phyically cheating over emotionally.
By IslandGirl
April 9, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this
Morning Everyone
IG stayed in the kitchen and made breakfast for the blog.
Johnny cakes w/ cheese, cod-fish salad, and orange juice (courage juice w/cruzian rum) for the island folks.
Scrambled eggs, grits, fruit salad, bagels, and muffins for everyone else…enjoy!
Morning Demi, Truth, Cee, Ared, Mo, QC, abc, Sexy, Jazzy, GaMan, Real, Rell, and everyone else
I be back to comment on the topic later.
By AmazonRed
April 9, 2008 8:42 AM | Link to this
Morning Island Girl. Thanks for breakfast.
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 8:46 AM | Link to this
IG i’ll take some eggs and muffins please. thanks girl!
By Mo (aka Moeisha)
April 9, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this
Morning all!!
IG thanks for breakfast chica! I’ll take some courage juice and a muffin!
I’ll brb, lemme eat first before I comment
By demi
April 9, 2008 8:53 AM | Link to this
IslandGirl ummmm…you provoke a lot of childhood emotions with your breakfast, LOL
*Do you mine throwing in a filleted King Fish with sides of yellow grits and corn…and a glass of V8…you have me smiling over here.
By 6'1 & Luvin it (Don Dada)=Playin both sides
April 9, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this
Goodt Mernting, I am in an exceptionally good mood today. Went to the concert last night and Balled out. Breakfast for everyone. I was rushing so have at it * Krispy Kremes (various flavors,) Bagels with cream cheese, Cinnamon Toast crunch, frosted flakes, cherrios, raisin bran, fresh fruit, various juices, water, and 24 oz. pepsi’s for all.
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this
Emotional cheating is very much a reality.
My heart is where my emotions bleed from and once you have that you have me. All of me. Every inch, ounce, nook and cranny.
From where I stand I would think that to be true for every woman. Probably not but I choose to believe. So to find out my guy has an emotional bond with another woman leads me to know the physical is not far behind.
My bond with my guy is 60% emotional, 40% physical and the two cannot be separated.
But that’s just me.
By IslandGirl
April 9, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this
Demi I can do better than that….here is your king fish, beans and rice, and fried plantains for lunch. I’ll keep it nice and hot for you at lunchtime. muah
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this
6’1 i’ll take a water, thx. did J look as cute in person?
By DreamsMaterialize
April 9, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this
Morning Ya’ll Let me start off by taking one of Demi’s Colt 45’s and like 5 of IslandGirl’s Johnny cakes. Do you have any sorrel wine to go with those? or maybe some conch stew?
Mo sup witcha.
By QC
April 9, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this
Morning Bloggers Yes Beautiful the “Queen” is moving slow this morning, but i’ll catch up later hey IslandG…today is my friday i’m taking the next 2 days off..i hope you all have a blessed day! What up D i’ll holla! Hey Demi it’s a beautiful day to fly through downtown..so what’s up Man?
By 6'1 & Luvin it (Don Dada)=Playin both sides
April 9, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this
IG Didn’t know you were bringing breakfast too girl. Thanks! I was busy going from page to page trying to start off this hectic day.
By AmazonRed
April 9, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this
My bond with my guy is 60% emotional, 40% physical and the two cannot be separated.
Raqi - That’s a good point.
I’d like to modify my answer. LOL. I remember dating a guy who still pined for an ex. I didn’t want to deal with that emotional burden.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this
Raqi “Emotional cheating is very much a reality.”
Even the psychology site ‘Suite 101’ concurs with you (us). Check this out: Emotional Cheating: Intimacy Without Sex is Emotional Infidelity
By Sxzscorpia
April 9, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this
Cheating constitutes ANYTHING you wouldn’t want your mate to do to you! PERIOD. Guys kill me with that “if it ain’t physical, it ain’t cheating” mess! Or should I say BS! If your woman was talking to, flirting, going out to lunch with- another guy, you all would be ready to fight!!! But according to your rule, it’s not cheating if she hasn’t kissed or slept with him??? Are y’all serious?? :/
By IslandGirl
April 9, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this
I can’t stay in the kitchen all morning guys lol
Dreams.. your conch stew with dumplings and sorrel juice is ready….enjoy!
By the way, I’m all out of Maubi and soursap juice…so check back tomorrow.
By Sxzscorpia
April 9, 2008 9:15 AM | Link to this
Cheating constitutes ANYTHING you wouldn’t want your mate to do to you! PERIOD. Guys kill me with that “if it ain’t physical, it ain’t cheating” mess! Or should I say BS! If your woman was talking to, flirting, going out to lunch with- another guy, you all would be ready to fight!!! But according to your rule, it’s not cheating if she hasn’t kissed or slept with him??? Are y’all serious?? :/
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this
all that cooking IG is doing for you fellas, don’t forget the tip!
By Mo (also known as Moeisha)
April 9, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this
DreamsMaterialize Sup man, how are you?
on topic emotional cheating is cheating period. Once you check out of a relationship in any capacity (and yes emotional cheating is checking out, IMHO) then you are leaving yourself open to go a lil further. More importantly though, an emotional connection is very sacred and something you should cherish to share with your significant. If you cant be emotionally connected at home (i.e your relationship) then you need to rethink your relationship. Just my .02
By dyoung (aka "the champ")
April 9, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this
I think there’s an important distinction to be made between “inappropiate or inconsiderate behavior” and “outright cheating”.
Excessive flirting, late-night convo, etc, etc, all fall under the “disrespectful behavior” umbrella, but you haven’t actually cheated until something physical happens.
Here’s a the link to the entry the Diva’s refering to, btw
verysmartbrothas.com
By DreamsMaterialize
April 9, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this
IslandGirl Thanks, that was fast. I’ll be back tomorrow for that Maubi, but I coulda used that kick this morning…sure you don’t have some more. Could you throw in some oxtails and yucca (cassava) with that?
By The Truth
April 9, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this
IG you taste good. I mean your breakfast tastes good.
On topic: I operate in a free will state. You do what you do and I’ll make my decisions accordingly. I don’t have levels, I just have Go/No Go. There really isn’t much middle ground or much to talk about.
My thinking is if you need to spend that much time with someone you should probably be with them, and I can help set that up. You can’t can’t possibly take care of me and someone else.
Me being second best or sharing just isn’t on the menu. Bring you’re A game or go where you’re really happy. I don’t do partials.
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this
dyoung the disrespectful behavior should only be defined by that individual in that relationship. what’s disrespectful to you might not be to me.
By IslandGirl
April 9, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this
Dreams I’ll have it all for you tomorrow..lol
Truth hush…morning handsome
By demi
April 9, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this
IG what type of chip would you like…don’t mind the horns
QC i will start flying once them white folks stop pollen counting.
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this
Darrell We women are emotional beings. Even the ones who declare they aren’t are. So when we choose to open up to a man, we are giving him a great part of us whether he realizes it or not.
And then some men do know that is how to get next to woman and they will use that tactic. Sometimes she never knows what came over her or when it even happened.
By Suga&Spice
April 9, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this
Diva-Thanks for that link. I was wondering when this site would be up. These guys are definately intertaining.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this
What’s up, Champ.
Question for you from one smart brother to another.
When you say, “Excessive flirting, late-night convo, etc, etc, all fall under the “disrespectful behavior” umbrella, but you haven’t actually cheated until something physical happens.”, is it not logical to first consider why the person feels the need to engage in such behaviors in the first place?
You see, where I’m coming from is that regardless of what “label” you place on it, the carrying out of those behaviors is rooted in a desire to go beyond the boundaries of their existing relationship to meet a need in a way they already know is wrong. And acting on that desire - even in an emotional context - is cheating, because I’m taking those affections, which previously were intended for one woman, and am imparting them to another. As I see it, any physical act is only a consummation of what has already transpired emotionally.
By Sxzscorpia
April 9, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this
Cheating constitutes ANYTHING you wouldn’t want your mate to do to you! PERIOD. Guys kill me with that “if it ain’t physical, it ain’t cheating” mess! Or should I say BS! If your woman was talking to, flirting, going out to lunch with- another guy, you all would be ready to fight!!! But according to your rule, it’s not cheating if she hasn’t kissed or slept with him??? Are y’all serious?? :/
By Gemini
April 9, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this
I agree with Darrell’s first comment that the physical cheating is preceded by the emotional aspect. We connect with people on a deep level emotionally and with our hearts and minds and then the physical relationship begins. That’s the basis of ANY relationship.
So for them to say that it does not exist, is not true. Now for your other question, if both were to happen to me, I would not like it. It doesn’t matter if its emotional or physical—-if someone cheats on me in either way, they have decided that obviously what they have at home is not up to par with what they’re seeking.
By The Truth
April 9, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this
Fellas, if you’re girl spent her late evenings on the phone with some dude or flirted alot what would you do?
IG I meant to say hi to you yesterday but had to run in and out a few times. Good morning.
SXC “If your woman was talking to, flirting, going out to lunch with- another guy, you all would be ready to fight!!!” Who is there to fight? That ones over. Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away. WE can’t “discuss” how bad I’ll let you treat me.
By DasV
April 9, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this
theCHAMP LOL@ you planning to steal ‘the slag’ comment, should the need arise. cute
on topic i wouldnt think men would appreciate the concept of ‘emotional infidelity’ cause they arent emotional… but we women are. we cant justify spending exorbitant time with an individual without an emotional connection.
men seem to stay in the moment; they dont add it all up…. whereas women add, multiply and divide time spent with someone on a cumulative basis. i think its cause of our agenda motivated mind-set. men’s mindsets are more on the level of ‘huh?’
By dyoung (aka "the champ")
April 9, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this
Darrell:
In my opinion, even if you have that “desire”, the relationship contract isn’t breached until something physical actually happens.
The distinction has to be made because without it, something as simple as watching porn and masturbating could be misconstrued and interpreted as cheating
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this
Infidelity starts with contact and not a moment before…according to the male species.
Dyoung That is because men are more physical than emotional. It was stated on here a couple of weeks ago, by a man, that a union is not considered a relationship until the two engage in intercourse. So that feeds into why men would think it is only cheating when it gets physical.
But how did it to that? What led up to it? Is it accurate to say that every thing that takes place prior to the physical holds zero value for the man?
By demi
April 9, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this
Raqi Aries women tend to more open with their emotions for some reason…but some of the strongest women when times get tough
Raqi is now sending Demi to hell for calling her Ms. emotional rollercoaster
By Susie
April 9, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this
“emotional cheating” is too intangible to be a useful label or concept. What is “cheating?” Cheating is a behavior, a set of related actions which are observable and consequential. Moreover - excluding that of schizophrenics and the autonomic nervous system - all behavior is unambiguous and intentional. Therefore, since “cheating” is a type of behavior, it is easily recognizable and unequivocal. To quote Aesop: “Action speaks louder than words.”
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this
Men Answer this question for me please (emotional). If your partner at home isn’t making you feel wanted and/or like a man, don’t you go out and make sure you still got it? This is where the emotional cheating is ok to me. Work has to be put into a relationship every single day.
By Jazzyone
April 9, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this
Sexyleggs I read your post yesterday directed towards me and the difficulties of dating and not knowing how to get to the basics I guess you were saying I make it difficult along with a few other names posted. You have no idea what you are talking about…surely you jest.
People that know me from this board and my fam know that I don’t do or have drama/stife/bullshyt in my life. When I encounter it I squelch it with the quickness. Dating is not an issue for me and I’m enjoying the simplicity of it. I tend to shoot straight from the hip not getting mixed up in words and the like as you suggested Now you might be talking to Darrell on that note. One or two sentences (exept this post) from me and I think all ya get my point at any time.
Dating is the bomb in my world had one yesterday evenning and a lunch date today…How about you?? Some make the cut some don’t and vice versa. take a couple of notes ma’..LOL
ON TOPIC As far as the topic goes yep extensive outside communications with another while in a relationship can be detrimental depending on what is being conveyed. I prefer 3rd parties remain on the outside looking in.
My man has an issue with me Im the one he needs to communicate it with…All that side white noise can put a relationship to bed like taking a sleeping pill. In my zone emotional and phisical ‘extra’ trife can lead to the end and I don’t have the time nor energy for such games with the opposite sex..um no…
By Susie
April 9, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this
“emotional cheating” is somewhat of a misnomer: how can emotions “behave” in an unfaithful fashion? What kind of specific behavior demonstrates emotional infidelity? Is it possible to objectively gauge and monitor the intensity and progress of rogue emotions? Lust, intellectual sympathy, infatuation, admiration, loyalty - is it a form of betrayal to experience these emotions for someone other than one’s partner? Perhaps it would be, if people were in total control of their feelings. However, does it seem like most people reason out their love lives? That they “decide” to have feelings for someone, in the same way that they choose to have a sexual encounter? I don’t think so.
By Poppa Grande
April 9, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this
Raqi-
The answer to your question is it depends on the male’s intentions.
If he just wanted to get a female in the sack…then the stuff prior to the physical act was just done for that purpose only. There is no need for intimacy if he wants to “hit it and quit it.”
However, if he truly cares for the female than there is more of an emotional investment. Then the pre-coital actions mean more.
By abc
April 9, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this
WD, tomorrow is National Hug A Retard Day. Tell your friends with the male relationship website not to be afraid; everyone’s just trying to show them the love.
Here’s the rule I live by: don’t do anything you wouldn’t want them to do. Platonic or not, emotional/physical, whatever. It’s a simple rule, easy to keep track of, easy to tell if you’re following it. If you can’t follow a rule like that, then you’re not caring much about the other person.
By Light
April 9, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this
Who do u belive in? If you and your mate belive in Jesus you will hear his word in
Matthew 5:28
but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart
By DasV
April 9, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this
theCHAMP you say as simple as watching porn and masturbating …. that depends on what simple position they playing in our set. if that is the primary jumpoff for you, and i am not getting what i need out the relationship, then yea… yous cheating. i dont care whether its porn, an internet friend, a TV program, a job, frequent visits to the booty club…. whaeva distracts you from successfully pleasing me in the relationship we both agreed to be in, i constitute that as infidelity…. or ‘slippage’…. anything or anyone you place above what me and you got, then thats the culprit and the behavior is deemed cheating.
By dyoung (aka "the champ")
April 9, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this
Raqi
Is it accurate to say that every thing that takes place prior to the physical holds zero value for the man?
It’s about context. The stuff that happens before the physical counts…but only if the physical actually happens.
Am I making any sense?
By Staceye
April 9, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this
Morning all…dying from allergies over here….
Time for Ms.Eyes and her long posts on how evil men are to her *shut up Demi!!! lol
Cheating constitutes ANYTHING you wouldn’t want your mate to do to you! PERIOD Well put!If people stopped to ask themselves if my SO did this would I be upset..a lot of drama could be avoided.
IG Dreams.. your conch stew with dumplings and sorrel juice is read Hello…why can’t I get that? COh I get it…because I am from NY and my famliy is from the Caribbean I gets no love! LOL
Strange that this topic comes up…I have a frend (male) who is in a relationship and is always trying to hang out with me..even to the point where he asked me to dance for him. I keep telling him no..I will not be a part of any type of cheating…that includes tempting him. I have offered to him to give his girl the dance lessons where she could do that for him..but I will not be part of ruining a relationship. So I do not hang out with him and I barely speak to him.I feel if I gave him the chance to down and dirty with me he’d do it.
Fellas…what would make a guy want to do that?
By AmazonRed
April 9, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this
Here’s the rule I live by: don’t do anything you wouldn’t want them to do. Platonic or not, emotional/physical, whatever. It’s a simple rule, easy to keep track of, easy to tell if you’re following it. If you can’t follow a rule like that, then you’re not caring much about the other person.
applause to this post abc
By SlimOne
April 9, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this
????
By Bre'
April 9, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this
I’m in agreement with Truth & ABC. It’s a pretty basic thing, do unto others as you would have them do to you. Kind of hard to grasp for some I guess with so many different ways around being honest in today’s world.
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this
Speaking from my aspect as a woman, the disconnect takes place once the emotional communications cease. At that point in my heart there is separation. An emotional divorce is in play. Whether the physical is there or not.
But from my understanding with men it is only after the physical cease to be that the “divorce” kicks in.
Now saying that in reverse, for me whether the physical is there or not, the “marriage” begins with the emotional bond. If he is sharing that time with another…
To find out my guy is revealing his feelings to another woman would cut right thru me. Mainly because men don’t talk about things. They don’t let you into their mental world too easily. So for a woman to get that from him says much about where their “relationship” stands.
By DasV
April 9, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this
Susie you conveniently are forgetting the definition of ‘maturity’ with asking all those questions. granted most ppl have to learn to reason out their emotions and learn not to be slaves to their ever-changing whims, but it stands to reason that we all do learn. maturity is not something that can one can escape. our only choice is whether or not we grow … with whether we use the knowledge of the bigger picture to evolve.
By Light
April 9, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this
Who do u belive in? If you and your mate belive in Jesus you will hear his word in
Matthew 5:28
but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this
Dyoung “The distinction has to be made because without it, something as simple as watching porn and masturbating could be misconstrued and interpreted as cheating”
The only issue I have with your logic is that it infers that a woman who does view as emotional cheating something as “simple” as watching porn or masturdbating, has somehow “misconstrued” the true reality of the situation.
The truth is that you can’t afford to make such an assumption at the expense of her emotions. If she thinks it’s cheating, then it’s cheating. And if a man values his woman enough, he’ll at least take her feelings into account as he considers whether or not he’s going to change his behavior, because in her mind she’s already wondering to herself, “Why the hell does he need to do that when I’m right here?!”
The very idea of “emotional cheating” underscores the truism that people shouldn’t get married until they’re “ready”, because marriage demands faithfulness of the heart (emotional) as well as the bed (physical).
By DreamsMaterialize
April 9, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this
We need to be careful about convicting people’s thoughts. If people could be charged for their thoughts, then most of us would be in prison right now. Thought Crimes…sounds kinda Orwellian.
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
Angie Most men don’t emotionally cheat, Some men do…Cause if you are all up in my thoughts like that…I am cutting it. Not sitting around not doing anything about it…I’ll invest a little convo, just for them drawls to drop.
There is no in between for most men.
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
Dyoung BINGO!!! That’s exactly what I knew you would say. It means nothing if the intended payoff does not take place.
See for me, this woman, it’s different. Although the physical is in sight, the moments leading up to it are just as important. It all holds dear to my heart.
There is this one guy that I dated but never became physical with. I will always cherish some of the days that we spent together. But for him those times probably means nothing now because it led to “nothing”.
By skeeter
April 9, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this
abc, as usual, you bring the mature adult male perspective to the blog. Thanks for that!
National Hug a Retard Day…thanks for a good laugh, too!
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this
alvin you’re right, sort of. my ex had to hear it from another that he is all that! i wasn’t telling him. he had to make sure that he was still up on his game. emotional cheating is a tool.
By DasV
April 9, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this
DreamyONE i dont think anyone is taking a stab at Orwellian-ism. we cannot convict on thoughts alone, but here we are discussing the actions that follow said thought….. is it cheating at the time i create a myspace page or when i meet for dinner or when we go back to his place for some alone time?? what say you??
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this
Raqi
“It means nothing if the intended payoff does not take place.”
The “intended payoff” may not have materialized that time, but what about next time? Because unless and until the root cause is addressed and resolved to everyone’s satisfaction, there will most certainly be a next time.
By dyoung (aka "the champ")
April 9, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
darrell
If she thinks it’s cheating, then it’s cheating
I’m sorry but I disagree.
Disrespectful? Yeah. Inconsiderate? Sure. A slippery slope behavior that can eventually lead to cheating? Possibly. Actual cheating? No
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
To find out my guy is revealing his feelings to another woman would cut right thru me. Mainly because men don’t talk about things.
Raqi I think most most have tried to open to open up to our SO at one point doing our live and got our a$$ shot down, LOL.
So from that point, I don’t tell women I am with, what i am going thru…Heeeeeell to the point of F/K NAW!!!
I don’t want you losing repect for me.
HEEEEEY Bre’!!!
By mytwocents
April 9, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
Good Day All- It’s so much harder to get someone to volunteer their emotions to you than their body. So while each would irk the mess outta me, I’d feel more betrayal for the emotional w/ real live dialogue w/ real live persons. (Not to be confused with normal healthy fantasies n stuff.)
By Rell
April 9, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
what is so interesting how cut and dry folks make this…but try to add mult-levels on a relationship..there are many things that can start an emotional connection with someone and usually you dont know it starting out..from my experience…emotional connections come from shared experiences…there is no way around it….men start these relationships more so than women….with the intent of finding the key to getting at the women in a psychial nature….again men lets be honest
By 2CPTG
April 9, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this
G’morning…
cheating is cheating…damn! whether emotionally, physically, or just “thinking about it”……If you’re in a ‘lationship why is another person even on your mind? How did they seep through the crevices of your emotional boundaries, that should only be reserved for your SO?
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this
Dyoung “’m sorry but I disagree.”
That’s cool. I’m just thinking that in the “spirit” of a committed relationship I wouldn’t want my behavior to convey even the appearance of anything my mate might deem “inappropriate”, “disrespectful” or that could launch us toward a “slippery slope”. The irony, however, is that cheating - in any form - still consists of all those characteristics.
Good discussion, bruh.
By The Truth
April 9, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this
Light is there a switch where I can turn your azz off?
Dreams good post.
Darrell speaking as a recovering cheater I NEVER considered anybodies feelings but my own when I cheated. It was never for revenge. There was a need and an opportunity. Nothing more or less.
Staceye I thought we had progressed past the “evil men empire” thing. Lets just say most men you’ve met. LOL
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this
Angie and your dude was being a punk. Unless she is a Bish, most women I know who are treated well by their mates, tend to sing praises for their man, even when he is being a jerk… (@Raqi. LOL).
Buddy wasn’t doing his job point blank…I need to leave single women along and hit up them married and unhappy chicks
By DasV
April 9, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this
hol’up. wha gwan?? sorrell??! mi nuh tek no time to read pon the bkfast menu, so meh caint fault no man. weh de petals dem? weh yu get dem? meh have hard time find dem pon meh side a street. plus wit likkle ones spill… and yu done kno sorrell stain everyting it fall pon…..right??
By IslandGirl
April 9, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this
Stacyeye girl, much love to you too. I saved some of the good eats for you …lunch is on me, ma.
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you”.
I can’t separate physical from emotional cheating. If you don’t want me to act inappropriately with other men, I expect you to do the same. It comes down to respecting each other and having boundaries concerning our outside relationships. It’s that simple to me.
By DreamsMaterialize
April 9, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this
DasV I was under the impression that we were discussing the act VERSUS the thought, and not the act that FOLLOWS the thought. If there are actions following the thought, then the behavioral implementation of those thoughts is cheating. If the thoughts never yield any action, then you haven’t cheated.
Suppose I have the fleeting thought to punch the sh^t out of someone. If I actually do it, then I should be charged. If I don’t actually do it, then no big deal. Maybe I should even be applauded for having the fortitude to maintain my moral composure. When I have thought, I’m presented with a choice. If I choose the path of righteousness, then why is the thought relevant? It’s the choice that counts, not the thought.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this
Angie, your 10:43 to Alvin brings to mind what I’ve often said about the importance of knowing and speaking your mate’s love language because, as you do that on a consistent basis, their emotional “love tank” stays full and there’s no need for them to look elsewhere to have those needs met.
By Bre'
April 9, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this
Hello Alvin I hope all is well.
Rell It is pretty cut and dry if the simplicity of it is “cheating”. Levels come within the relationship, when you step away from re-lat-ion-ship, it is very simply cheating. I don’t feel there are too many shades of gray when it comes down to it.
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this
Truth Stop before i am add back to her list of evil men, LOL.
*
By Suga&Spice
April 9, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this
i havent been around here in forever…kind of nice in this place
By Binford2K8
April 9, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this
Raqi I agree that when an emotional disconnect occurs for one of the parties and that party “checks out” of the relationship, anything forward is cheating.
Part of wearing the big pants is letting somebody know when you are no longer interested in a relationship. But sadly, too many people can’t step up and say they are done - that’s when separation becomes infinitely harder and murkier.
Darrell Good post @ 10:32
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this
alvin he was being a man. that was my fault in the fake marriage.
:(
By Very Sexy
April 9, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this
Well according to some post, I guess I am cheating on my man (emotionally). I interact with men all day long at work. Most are very attractive, yeah in my mind I have wondered what so-in-so would be like and yes I have found myself attractive to a number of them, have I cheated physically, no. I think it is natural to have thoughts of other men but for some I guess it isn’t. for the record I am very happy with my man in fact we sit down and laugh about it, heck he has shared his thoughts with me, did I get upset no. I guess we would be considered rare.
By DasV
April 9, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this
ROTFLOL @ *Light is there a switch where I can turn your azz off?
BRE i agree.. theres too many loopholes for what it means to be ‘honest’ these days.
2can well said.
DreamyONE yea. i think everyone arguing the act that follows the thought. and i entirely agree with you. we have a choice. some would have us believe that we dont… that emotions rule the day, but a mature person wouldnt stand for that. snappin fingers in air at chu
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this
DreamM we were discussing whether it is actual considered cheating if the person shares an emotional bond with someone outside of their relationship. Not just having a mere thought.
There is a difference.
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this
darrell don’t you think i know that now!!! at the time, i didn’t think it was important. i was there making love to you, cooking you dinner, making our house a home. i learned a valuable lesson. but AGAIN, that relationship was to get me ready for the next, the real one.
By The Truth
April 9, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this
Darrell if you start that love language thing there’s going to be a blog murder in this place. I’m not saying i’m going to do it but it’s going to happen. (The Truth now looking for a solid alibi)LOL
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this
Truth Per your 10:59, I understand your saying it was “never for revenge”, nevertheless, my question is: why cheat in the first place? In other words, what was it about that relationship that made you opt for cheating over just getting out of it altogether? Just curious
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
Angie “darrell don’t you think i know that now!!!”
Um, that wasn’t a criticism; was just making a point of the significance of that in the present tense. ;-)
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
The indiscretion of cheating-physical or emotional-can be a devastating blow to the trust factor in a relationship. I think the emotional cheating is just a detrimental. It does not have to pave the way for physical cheating, but it does put one on that path a lot quicker than not. I think some ppl do not equate it to a form of cheating because it is a tactic action of emotion that can only be perceptually measured. When does it go from an affectionate, platonic emotional exchange to something more concrete and explicit??? It is hard to tell. I think this is why Diva’s friends classify it as a matter of semantics or as an oxymoron because it can be a very gray area.
But I do believe that there are criteria that can be applied to determine whether or not an exchange has taken on an essential emotional value that one would expect to find between two ppl who have a commitment to each other, and that is when I think that it has entered the danger zone.
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this
Just because you are in a relationship does not blind you. We will always see someone whose physical appearance catches our eye. I think that’s fine. It’s normal. You look and go on.
But the problem starts when you move from that to actually engaging in an emotional connection with said person.
Just because you talk to someone does not mean you share a bond with them. IMO when you find yourself thinking about someone long after they have left your site, you find yourself fantasying about them time and time and time again, you share thoughts with them that you don’t share with your mate or anyone else…you are heading for catastrophe.
That’s my opinion.
By Jazzyone
April 9, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this
SUGA
????? um….?????? well look who got TOSsed over board..thankfully she has on a life jacket…I know of a nicer place you should swim over to.!!!!!!!
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this
Truth You should be glad I kept it that short. LOL!
By DasV
April 9, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this
theTRUTH lets alibi each other cause imma murder him for askin you the ‘why cheat?’ questions… with two possibles and two very good motives, we can point the finger at each other and go free on reasonable doubt.
By Rell
April 9, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
@very sexy…..that was my point that it is not cut and dry…if you human of course you going to look…smh….thanks for your HONEST post
By IslandGirl
April 9, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this
As I give this topic more thought, it seems to me the concept of emotional cheating is more applicable to women. Why? We’re more likely to connect emotionally first, then allow those emotions to control our actions, hence the physical connection. I don’t think men operate like this. For most, physical first- then emotions after.
However, there is a fine line here. Some men may have very close ties to female friends that they consider just friends, but in a heartbeat that friendship can turn into something sexual. I don’t know if I’m making sense….I’ve had four cups of coffee.
By navy10767
April 9, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this
As someone who has VERY recently experienced the infidelity of “emotional cheating” I can tell you it feels EXACTLY the same as physical cheating. Hours long conversations, sweet little emails about how much they miss each other and their opinions and you’re the only one I can talk to…big ouch!
Read the book “Not Just Friends”. It is one of the best resources for this subject. Boundaries are important. If you are committed to someone, THEY should be your sounding board and confidant. Emotional cheating, can and usually does, lead to physical cheating.
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this
darrell your post had my name in it. we held a 7 hour convo on the phone, and i know you know me. that’s why i commented like that back to you, because you know this already.
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this
Bre’ All is well on my end, life is treating me very good. what about yourself.
Angie I wasn’t try to call you out or anything bay. Can you believe, I once thought all women had the some emotions as guys, LOL…Nearly got my a$$ killed
By Bre'
April 9, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this
VerySexy I work in a very much dominated male work arena, and have for almost 14 years. What I think we are speaking of is more of the emotional side of it, when thoughts become feelings then feelings may/not lead to physical. What you are experiencing might be more of a natural human process than cheating. We all look at people and wonder for a hot sec. Me and my guy look at ppl all the time make comments and question each other when checking ppl out its more humor than seriousness to it.
Hey Das V
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this
DasV/Truth just don’t post it on Utube, like the my white girls…dumb a*******es
By Light
April 9, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this
Why do you want to turn my off because i ask what do u belive in or because i recited what Jesus said?
By demi
April 9, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
…but in a heartbeat that friendship can turn into something sexual.
So we hope.
IG is now beat demi down with his King fish
By Suga&Spice
April 9, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
Jazzy—I love you too!
By 2CPTG
April 9, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this
excluding the act……was Kwame Kilpatrick cheating on his wife with those text messages to his Chief of Staff?
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this
Angie, I’m kinda like Alvin. Wasn’t trying to call you out or anything. The context of my comment was only with respect to what you said earlier to Alvin and how that simply reminded me of how the “LL” concept applies, that’s all. I was speaking in general, but with your comment to Alvin as a springboard, so to speak, to make my point. We cool?
By mytwotatas
April 9, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this
Delayed Response Off Topic
Pimpstress TaTas Hmm… it just sounds so duurty, TRUTH. And since we’re business partners, I want you to be able to respect yourself in the mornin’. Let’s just go w/ Publicist tho my intent to pimp remains the same! (15%? Pretty Please?)
And Cesar has nothing on you in the Psych Dept, not when your rules of engagement apply to women & woof woofs alike. Lemme know when that MLB Lecture Series begins- know a few clowns who should enroll in the Givin Her the Feeling She’s Been Lookin for all her Life course…
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this
Bre Your 11:33 makes an important distinction between ‘cheating’ and ‘human nature’. ^5!
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this
navy10767 will you be my new bootie, uh ummm, i mean new friend? lol. wow, i feel ya.
By The Truth
April 9, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this
Darrell in a word puddy. At one point the only thing better than puddy was new puddy. The more the merrier. I cheated when times were good and bad so it didn’t matter. I just wanted puddy.
I would be more inclined to be faithful to a chick I respected than loved. I’ve cheated on a few chicks I loved but never a chick I respected. I respected the last woman I dated.
Das we were at your place cooking spaghetti till 10pm, then we fell asleep till morning. I was wearing jeans and timberlands and smelled like gunpowder, I mean Black label. You were butt azzed naked and wearing a smile. Nah, you had on pj’s, pink. Let’s get this right cause I can’t do time in the poky.
Light blind posts quoting the bible usually aren’t the answer in here. This is blogsville baby. (Said while throwing up BV hand signs.)
Suga I was going to say welcome back but 2 posts in and you’re in a blog fight. I want you on my team. LMAO You’re my kind of woman.
By IslandGirl
April 9, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this
Demi….lol
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this
darrell always
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this
I would be more inclined to be faithful to a chick I respected than loved.
you got me on this one. no need to explain. it’ll hit me one day.
By DASvenus
April 9, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this
Alvin LOL! ok, but i done changed my mind, cause DARRELL is right. TRUTH should be thankful the post was short and i can be thankful he only asked 2 questions. :)
btw. missed your call… and i wish i hadnt cause i dont remember that what you mentioned in your text. we did??
By Noneya
April 9, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this
Darrell - you give me hope! You get it :).
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this
Good Health Cheating = Living out my craving for java vicariously through taste of it on Johnny Storm’s lips and the smell of it on his breath.
Hanging sign on my door: OUT TO LUNCH.
By demi
April 9, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this
2CPTG Hell yeah!! Dude was senting 100 ‘i love you’ text mess a day, LOL…on the company blackberry.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this
Truth “Darrell in a word puddy.”
As usual, man, I appreciate the honesty. That question was just me doing my own Sigmund Freud imitation and trying get inside the “mind of a reformed cheater”. LOL!
Angie I’m glad. Big smile
By Jazzyone
April 9, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
Its not a blog fight Truth It’s a language of family love..this is a lane that isn’t open to ALL traffic. LMAOFF….
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
Truth
“would be more inclined to be faithful to a chick I respected than loved. I’ve cheated on a few chicks I loved but never a chick I respected.”
Okay, now that raises yet another question: How do you differentiate between “love” and “respect” as it relates to women you date?
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
IslandGirl i think that you are right about the fact that women may be more prone to emotional cheating than men. Women tend to be more emotionally-based in terms of how the stucture their relationships to others. And because there are so many gray areas in emotional relationships, the fine line can be crossed with or without the intent of it happening. If a woman is feeling emotionally neglected and0or needy, then she may be more vulnerable to emotional cheating.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this
Thanks, Noneya. I appreciate the luv. :-)
By LucyLue
April 9, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this
SUGA
Stay away from the light! WLB needs you. They will dog you out.
By 2CPTG
April 9, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this
my point exactly, Demi!!! Cheating starts with simpleness like that, then escalates.
By Light
April 9, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this
So Its not me that you want turned off, its just that you believe Jesus had it wrong in this one?
is that why u said “blind posts quoting the bible usually aren’t the answer in here.”
By demi
April 9, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this
Me and my guy look at ppl all the time make comments and question each other when checking ppl out its more humor than seriousness to it.
Bre’ cause hubby knows if he slips up, your 10 brothers will show up with their thousand friends in the middle of the night..asking,”What happen between you and bre LOL
DASv I forgot, you had me rolling yesterday…when it comes to me I will let you know.
By DASvenus
April 9, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this
TRUTH LOL. aight. but lets save it for when it really needs to be done… plus i believe we ought warn him first… you know, a courtesy ‘heads up’ if he dont quit. LOL
i have though made a mental note to leave the spaghetti on the stove and our dishes on the table…. cause we fell on each other, i mean, fell asleep on the couch right away w/o cleaning the kitchen. and by way of suggestion, could you supply a used condom that we ‘hide’ in the folds of the sofa? i could help if you want…. that way we deny theres a sexual relationship but they find evidence to the contrary and we look like wanna-be moral agents that couldnt possibly be smart enough to do someone.
By demi
April 9, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this
…we held a 7 hour convo on the phone, and i know you know me…
What in the hell can you talk about for 7 hours??!!??!!
Dayum!!!
By Bre'
April 9, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this
Demi Funny but pretty true.
Darrell Knowing the difference(cheating/human nature) and having a free flow of expressing oneself is one of the keys to a healthy relationship.
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this
Truth
Just for a point of clarity…love vs. respect?!?!?!?? Are the tow mutually exclusive for you?!?!? Jes’ askin’
By demi
April 9, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this
2CPTG Too many folks don’t view things that way. If I am texting some one five hundreds times a week, something has got to give. Either I stop texting that woman or we’ll be checking into the first hotel we see.
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this
Truth
Just for a point of clarity…love vs. respect?!?!?!?? Are the two mutually exclusive for you?!?!? Jes’ askin’
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this
demi do you need a spankin’?!? don’t make me come ova there. 4 convos in one weekend nosey.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this
Bre “Knowing the difference(cheating/human nature) and having a free flow of expressing oneself is one of the keys to a healthy relationship.”
Well-said. ;-)
By Blow Me a.k.a ROOKIE Cookie
April 9, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this
Truth So did you love the woman you respected? And why did you not respect the woman you loved? I don’t understand the difference. I thought you would respect the person you loved???
By Very Sexy
April 9, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this
I hear you Bre and your are exactly right. However I get the insane look when I share that thought with others. Some people look at that as a mistake waiting to happen. Thanks for letting me know we are normal. You to Rell
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this
Truth
Just for a point of clarity…love vs. respect?!?!?!?? Are the two mutually exclusive for you?!?!? Jes’ askin’
By Blow Me a.k.a ROOKIE Cookie
April 9, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this
M’karly Took the words right out of my mouth. lol
By The Truth
April 9, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this
Jazzy my bad. That was a private convo. LOL
Suga welcome back. LOL
Darrell love is a cheap feeling that’s thrown around as the end all be all. Respect is the glue that keeps it all together. You can go much further on respect than love. Hell, 99% of the folks out there cheating have someone they love. Most don’t have someone they respect. Love is a feeling where respect is based more on their actions.
Das good thinking on your part. We’ll give him a pass on this one but let’s go thru a few dry runs with the condom thing anyway. I’ll be by tonight at 10.
light in blogsville we live our lives in real time. WE appreciate real life experience over re-hashed quotes.
Pimptress Tatas 12.5% and not one cent more. We’re gonna clean up though so you’ll make it up in volumn. My first class is titled “Corrections, How hard and when”. LOL
Darrell I’ve signed you up for one of those “Get in touch with your inner animal” courses. You’ll be living outdoors with the wildlife, howling at the moon at night, and killing rabbitts for food. The course was 1 week but I told the instructor you may need a little more time so you’ll be gone for a month. And no, you can’t take your bag of toiletries. LOL
Mk read my post to Darrell. Yes they are 2 separate things. Think if you loved a cat that cheated . While you loved the person you would have no respect for his actions. Or you loved him but he blew the mortgage money, alot. Ultimately actions are what keep a relationship going, not words or feelings.
I have a few women I could think of right now that I have a great deal of respect for. I’ve known them all for years and the way they carry themselves is just tight. Not saying they’re perfect but I respect what they are. For me love should come from respect, not respect from love.
By Bre'
April 9, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this
Apologies that this is off topic
Is anyone in ATL going to the Fox Theater to see Big Boi and the Atlanta Ballet starting tomorrow. I heard the word all the way in NYC its going to be good. A few girls from AA Dance Academy are flying down just for it.
By Poppa Grande
April 9, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this
I think that I sorta agree with Truth. It is probably semantics, but here is how I see it.
To love someone is to have affection them, and respect someone is to hold a high regard for them.
To love someone, you care for them, hold them dear, cherish, them…etc. Nothing more, nothing less.
To respect someone, you hold them in a higher regard than most people.
During my single days, I remember some females that I dated who I held dear. I wanted nothing but happiness for them, etc. However, I felt they were inferior for some reason or another. (I’m just being honest here.) I felt that one female in particular was dumber than a tree stump. While I loved her and felt that she was sweeter than Cane Patch Syrup, I didn’t respect her. I felt that she was inferior.
(Once again, just being honest.)
By Very Sexy
April 9, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this
Truth you should change your moniker to Truth or Dare cause you will say anything. LOL
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this
Truth I understand that love and respect are two different things…I just wonder how or why a person would love somebody they did not respect??? I can see respecting someone without loving that person…a familiar, a noted person, etc. But I do not think that I could exclude respect from consideration if I claimed to love a person…but I guess that goes back to each person having his/her own personal definitions about something…
By SexyCanI
April 9, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this
Cheating is cheating, and it deals with how insecure you are inside too.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this
Truth Man, if you only knew. Don’t let my seemingly mild-mannered blog demeanor (or the fact that I’m a Toto fan) fool you, bruh. LOL!
By IslandGirl
April 9, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this
Love vs Respect:
While in love: some men will cheat
Out of Respect: some men will cheat, but will try his hardiest to not get caught.
Underlying message: he will cheat irregardless. A cheat is a cheat.
I still understand the difference though.
By noneya
April 9, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this
Don’t let the “inner animal” fools get you down, Darrell!
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this
Don’t worry, Noneya, I take it all in stride. LOL! Truth is cool with me. All the same, it is kinda funny how people make certain comments as if they know you simply from what you post on this blog. I’m just the kind of guy that’s always looking for the deeper meaning in things, that’s all. As a Pisces, I’m just a dreamer by nature. ;-)
By Hotlanta
April 9, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
I remember I had to breakup with my main man because my bootycall was doing more for me that he was. Atlanta had a snow storm one year and my booty call bought me a kerosene lamp, blanket, food the whole 9 yards, whereas my main man didn’t bring me nothing. When I broke up with him I told him what my booty call did, he was looking at me like he had lost his mind. Sometimes you have to keep a little sumthin, sumthin on the side. Why is it that folks are so gulliable to think that all a woman wants is a lot of emotions and nothing physical. Please we need it ALL. If I want emotion I will look at the old movie Imatation of Life. Stop the madness.
By Hotlanta
April 9, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
I remember I had to breakup with my main man because my bootycall was doing more for me that he was. Atlanta had a snow storm one year and my booty call bought me a kerosene lamp, blanket, food the whole 9 yards, whereas my main man didn’t bring me nothing. When I broke up with him I told him what my booty call did, he was looking at me like he had lost his mind. Sometimes you have to keep a little sumthin, sumthin on the side. Why is it that folks are so gulliable to think that all a woman wants is a lot of emotions and nothing physical. Please we need it ALL. If I want emotion I will look at the old movie Imatation of Life. Stop the madness.
By Very Sexy
April 9, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this
m’karyl
I just wonder how or why a person would love somebody they did not respect?
I know your comment was to truth. But I wanted to share how it is so. I can remeber dating this guy who I thought I would someday marry until I found out he was physically cheating on me. At once I lost all respect for him but I still loved him for a very long time. I didn’t like the fact that I loved him. but hey. JMO
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this
While sitting at lunch and looking that man in the face I took the time to think about what are my Relationship Threat Levels.
Green: Taking a second look
Yellow: A look accompanied by a smile of acknowledgment
Orange: Exchange emails, text messages, cyber chatting
Red: Person to person interaction and phone calls
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this
singing
after all of the times that we tried, i found out we were livin a lie and after all of this love that we made, i know now you don’t love me the same
By Very Sexy
April 9, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this
Hotlanta
LOL
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this
Truth I understand that love and respect are two different things…I just wonder how or why a person would love somebody they did not respect??? I can see respecting someone without loving that person…a familiar, a noted person, etc. But I do not think that I could exclude respect from consideration if I claimed to love a person…but I guess that goes back to each person having his/her own personal definitions about something…
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this
Hotlanta “Why is it that folks are so gulliable to think that all a woman wants is a lot of emotions and nothing physical.”
I don’t think anyone is saying that. And as a man, I certainly hope she would want more than just her emotional needs met. The two go hand-in-hand as far as I’m concerned. One should serve to augment the other.
By Suga&Spice
April 9, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this
LucyLue-That warning is a little late. I have been around since day 2 of this thing. Just had to spend some time earning my paycheck.But I am back! And i feel so loved
By DASvenus
April 9, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this
oooohh, my eyes hurt!…. please tell me i did not see ‘irregardless’ in print. got island folk losing they good english grammer smh.
M’K sista-friend…. this has been discussed before and ive said it before by way of example that i still love my ex-husband. i care about what happens to him, and that he finds happiness with someone else…. but do not respect his choice to end our marriage in the manner he did or the callous way in which things went down nor the failure to think through how his choices would effect our children.
that a helpful explanation??
By Blow Me a.k.a ROOKIE Cookie
April 9, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this
Hotlanta Maybe you had it mixed up? Sounds like you did. but lmao @ imiation of life..
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this
singing
i woke up kinda early one day, and something told me from that moment it wouldn’t be the same felt like you were hidin’ somethin, but I didn’t push it, i didn’t complain or say nothin i tried to act like i didn’t see it, ‘cause deep down I know i didn’t wanna believe it there it was, it was you and her (Him), you left your sidekick on the night stand and I read
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this
DASvenus I can understand that but the relationship has been terminated between the both of you, so I can understand that aspect of it…but I guess I was thinking more in terms of an ongoing and continuing relationship.
By 6'1 & Luvin it (Don Dada)=Playin both sides
April 9, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this
I rode my bike to work today and I was in a very good mood. Had fun at the concert. Had a great breakfast (Just walking on Sunshine) I walked into the break room and heard one of the ugliest hoes in the entire building talking about me. She was telling this other chick that I am cool with that she heard that I was bisexual and all that. So the chick that I am cool with was saying that she still cool with me. She has been laughing all day and slick hating. I really want to get so hood on her but I am so above her azz, but I am so dayuum close.
By Hotlanta
April 9, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this
Naw Angie that is just the way it was. I thought when I found someone I was gonna leave my booty call alone but something told me to keep him. I said he gots to go because my booty call is doing more than he was. See that is what is wrong with men they think all they gotta do is GIVE US A HUG AND A SMILE and we will be happy. I don’t know who started that mess. Men are emotional too but they don’t like to admit it.
By Hotlanta
April 9, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this
Naw Angie that is just the way it was. I thought when I found someone I was gonna leave my booty call alone but something told me to keep him. I said he gots to go because my booty call is doing more than he was. See that is what is wrong with men they think all they gotta do is GIVE US A HUG AND A SMILE and we will be happy. I don’t know who started that mess. Men are emotional too but they don’t like to admit it.
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this
BTW, this is the link for the test I mentioned yesterday…it is also referred to as the “police officer’s dilemna test”. This test presents 100 images of armed/unarmed black and white men. You see the image and then must decide in a few seconds whether to shoot or holster you gun. I took a little over 5 seconds for the white men (armed and unarmed) and a little of 6 seconds for the black men.
http://backhand.uchicago.edu/Center/ShooterEffect/
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this
BTW, this is the link for the test I mentioned yesterday…it is also referred to as the “police officer’s dilemna test”. This test presents 100 images of armed/unarmed black and white men. You see the image and then must decide in a few seconds whether to shoot or holster you gun. I took a little over 5 seconds for the white men (armed and unarmed) and a little of 6 seconds for the black men.
http://backhand.uchicago.edu/Center/ShooterEffect/
By DASvenus
April 9, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this
M’K in that case, lemme be the first to tell you that there are definitely moments in a marriage where you arent feelin love for the person you wit, but you still respect they position in the household.
i have to agree though that i dont really see a relationship based solely on respect lasting. in the end i think that one or the other would want out, and would end it in a respectful way.
theTRUTH were you actually saying that a relationship where there is respect and no love would be cool…. it would work for the long haul?? quoting a frequent blogger surely you jest!
By 6'1 & Luvin it (Don Dada)=Playin both sides
April 9, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this
B Stop singing that song, you making me cry! If that song don’t remind me of Black I don’t know what does.
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this
singing
i noticed now that when i’m around, you be tryin’ to lock the door, whisperin on the phone now wait a minute, since we been in this house you ain’t never did this before, tell me what’s this about.. i tried to sit and say to myself, this here is too good, he don’t want nothin’ else
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this
Very Sexy and DasV
I can dig the differences and I can see how ppl separate the two inside of relationships. I guess if I had no respect, there could be no love inside of a relationship for me. And I guess that is also because I am splittinghairs on how love is defined-platonic vs romantic, etc. Perhaps…too many gray hairs coming in to remember why…
By DASvenus
April 9, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this
M’K here are my results…. what do they mean??
Game Over Your Score: 585 Average reaction time: Black Armed:758.6ms Black Unarmed:791.36ms White Armed:725.96ms White Unarmed:806.44ms
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this
If nothing else this AJC site makes me consciously aware of incidents that I would probably on most days not really lock into my memory bank.
Here is one of those instances:
Last night while watching Dancing with The Stars, when Jason Taylor was on the screen I made an under the breath Mm remark which prompted The Man to nudge me with his elbow. We laughed it off. On some evenings while watching Deal or No Deal he will say “no don’t get rid of my girlfriend yet” referring to Hayley when her suitcase number is chosen. Neither one of us are threatened by such comments. Those individuals are media icons. Out of our reach. No harm done.
Now those same comments in another household could cause problems. One spouse could find it disrespectful or intimidating for their mate to admire someone else openly, although merely on a television screen.
In situations like that it is about respecting the wishes of your partner. Some things are truly called foul because of how your mate perceives it. That is when you take into account how much the relationship and your mate’s emotional state means to you.
Your deeds and actions may seem harmless to you but is it worth the ripple in your lining of love when your mate feels differently.
(Just thinking out loud)
By BigWords
April 9, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this
Let’s keep it real, shall we! I clutch my purse when I see a black thug. If I had a choice on which side of the street to walk down by myself, I’ll pick the white guy side.
By mytwocents
April 9, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this
Bre I’m planning to go on Sunday. Should be good. Maybe it’ll go national if well received. But just in case, I’ll shoot a bootleg video, ok?
Now tryna conjure up Cemeeli. Hope you’re enjoyin your vacay. (bnr =) Either come back or have some sunshine for me…
By Jazzyone
April 9, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this
Bigwords* Don’t feel bad it works both ways..when I go down to the country to the pasture to ride my horse Zen, I try not to be out on the trails after dark cause the flag waivers might hang me and flog me. Gee wiz try again with that madness…smfh
By Very Sexy
April 9, 2008 2:15 PM | Link to this
DASvenus I didn’t play to the end, but I did shoot a lot of good guys. LOL
By Hotlanta
April 9, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this
Sorry to burst your bubble BigWords. You ain’t safe on the white side either. You might get killed, then he will grease you down with Vaseline, put you in a large ice cooler then dump your body in the middle of the ocean.
By Hotlanta
April 9, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this
Sorry to burst your bubble BigWords. You ain’t safe on the white side either. You might get killed, then he will grease you down with Vaseline, put you in a large ice cooler then dump your body in the middle of the ocean.
By DreamsMaterialize
April 9, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this
Jazzyone LOL at your 2:13. Amazingly enough, you don’t even have to go all the way to the country, you can right to cobb county to good flogging. lol
By DASvenus
April 9, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this
M’K i dont think you’re splitting hairs…. i am following your line of thought. i wish the originator of this would chime in… give us the male perspective on it. i wonder if you can submit questions to the very smart brothas??
verySEXY lol. i almost didnt make it to the end… it was long, right?? i kept shooting good guys that were white. seems my results are saying i took longer contemplating the whites more than the blacks. early on though i wasnt seeing color, just zero-ing in on what was in they hands…. and when i shot the good guys it was cause i thought something in they other too…. LOL either that or i have some unexplored rage. LOL
By demi
April 9, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this
Game Over Your Score: -255 Average reaction time: Black Armed:676.8ms Black Unarmed:713ms White Armed:672.84ms White Unarmed:698.32ms
By BigWords
April 9, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this
Jazzyone You’re right! I would fear the black thug first though.
By DASvenus
April 9, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this
DEMI! is that a negative 255??!! LOL @ that either way tho.
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this
The originator did give his perspective.
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this
DasV It took you almost 7 1/2 seconds to respond to an armed black male and closer to 7 seconds to respond to an armed white male. You were quicker in response to the armed image of a white male and a slight bit slower with the armed image of a black male. And it took you approximatley 8 seconds, give or take, to respond to the image of both the black and white unarmed male. I do not think that you were reacting to the racial identity of the men, but rather or not you could determine a threat with a seen weapon. I do think that the images of the black men are more obscure in that the darker skin, some items of clothing and color of the item being held made it a little less clear what they may have ben holding.
By Bre'
April 9, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this
My2cents Please let me know on Monday how it was. I’m so excited to hear the reviews.
By Jazzyone
April 9, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this
Dreams Good point for that matter come out of my cube…being the only black woman and less than 7 females on my floor in my company…great point…
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this
demi
Either you were shooting a lot of the good folks, or you were being shot by a lot of the bad folks with that score…
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this
Truth how can you marry a woman you don’t repect…or did the repect get loss along the way?
I dont care how good the puddy is, or how much I love her…I can’t be with a woman (long term) i don’t repect.
By demi
April 9, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this
DASvenus/m’karyl the good and the bad where mostly the same folks. if see them with a gun the first time, Imma shoot them and that cell/beer/wallet/PUMP looking thingly, outta this world.
By The Melo
April 9, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this
Your deeds and actions may seem harmless to you but is it worth the ripple in your lining of love when your mate feels differently.
well as for me, i have told the Queen that when i get the chance and she avails herself, im f*** Dianne Sawyer…her feelings are irrelevant to me on this matter coz i have said it many times and she know im sincere. Not a lot of fighting in here today, ua’ll comparing notes on ur cheating cyber friends/bootycallers…have a nice day!!
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this
DASvenus/m’karyl on the real, I had a good lunch and got sleeply half way through…I just kept clicking and hoped for the best…I am going to retest now that I am up.
By QC
April 9, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this
Allright Bloggers…QC is signing off for the day gotta get it right by 5ive…you all enjoy the rest of your day & have a great weekend; i’ll holla back at ya on Monday!
QC has left the blog
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this
DASvenus
Maybe not splitting hairs, but perhaps because I have never been in a relationship that really involved any real deep emotional committment my perspective may be skewed…because once I did not like the way the rock was rolling…I split…
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this
Game Over Your Score: 325 Average reaction time: Black Armed:670.6ms Black Unarmed:714.08ms White Armed:682.72ms White Unarmed:756.2ms
I did a little better.
By The Melo
April 9, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this
I remember I had to breakup with my main man because my bootycall was doing more for me that(n) he was U knw, some girls just have all the fun…this is the essence of lyfe babe!! Whats ur zip code,im feeling like getting some lessons from u…..schedule a class for 5, Staceye,DasV,Ared and Truth are cming with me.
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this
Does anyone who took the tst think that the imgaesof the black men were more obscure and less visible??? One of my co-workers took the tes yesterday and after we compared notes today, she said she noticed the same thing…mmmm…WTF!!!
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this
alvin i wish in real life we had do overs.
By The Truth
April 9, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this
A dude will marry you because he loves you and then work alot of overtime so he doesn’t have to be around you. Some of the fellas know of this. Or he doesn’t call to say he’ll be late because while he cares for you he doesn’t respect you. Probably more women respect men than men respect women. With a woman you can tell the moment she shuts down but dudes don’t for the most part operate like that. A dude says goodbye while looking you in the eye and walking away backward. Then one day you wonder where he went. After reflection you realize that he was leaving but at the time you don’t notice.
Ask some of these married cats if they respect their wives and they’ll enlighten you.
Das how long does the butterflies last? It’s easier to fall in love than to fall into respect. Respect happens over time and usually lasts much longer than love which happens fast and goes away even faster.
Darrell you’ve got a real cheerleader in Noneya. Ask her for her number. She sounds like the one for you. Das I need your help. I’m now planning a double murder. LOL
Very Sexy I was put here to present all with alternative viewpoints. The established ones aren’t working. LOL
By The Melo
April 9, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this
i remember I had to breakup with my main man because my bootycall was doing more for me that he was sme girls have all the fun…. Can u schedule a class on hedging ur dating game for 5,staceye,Ared,Dasv,Truth and myself will be in attendance.reserve extra 2 rooms becoz Truth and i will do practicals with the ladies.
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this
Truth
A dude will marry you because he loves you and then work alot of overtime so he doesn’t have to be around you. Some of the fellas know of this. Or he doesn’t call to say he’ll be late because while he cares for you he doesn’t respect you.
there is truth to this statment. I wonder how much of these attitudes and behaviors, and the associated expectations, have to do with the gender perception we bring into our relationships…what we expect the other to know by what we convey in behaviors…and how acceptable we beleive them to be if the person “loves/cares” for us.
By The Melo
April 9, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this
Truth how can you marry a woman you don’t repect…or did the repect get loss along the way? when she pressures u on it..possible that.Sme wmen just want that title..beng called smebody’s wife and having a home with him,they dnt care about the emotional connection untill they are in the home.Society/backgrounds also pressure sme women becoz they are brought up and taught that being married by a certain age is the norm….they end up marrying dudes who dnt respect them. All in all, thats good for sme guys..see Alvin..us dudes dnt really have a problem.we got an al carte menu out there…just go out,pick and choose a girl accrding to ur tatse…..
By bosseswife1
April 9, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this
Who should I text first my cheating husband or my worthless boyfriend?
By Would You Break Up with Someone By Text
April 9, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this
By noneya
April 8, 2008 9:15 AM | Link to this
I have to admit I did it once after an argument. I felt bad afterwards and the young lady never talked to me again. Oh well, that’s life.
By Would You Break Up with Someone By Text
April 9, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this
By noneya
April 8, 2008 9:15 AM | Link to this
I have to admit I did it once after an argument. I felt bad afterwards and the young lady never talked to me again. Oh well, that’s life.
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this
* bosseswife1*
Depends on who you want to ask what…and who you owuld rahter respond to what it is you want done…lol
By IslandGirl
April 9, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this
bosseswife1 text your worthless boyfriend first….since I assume he’s not paying any of your bills. lol
Truthy would you cheat on me?
Melo al carte you’re a nut
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this
Truth/Melo I ask 5 dude and only one honestly love and respect his wife…The rest had the “why in the hell did i get married” look on their faces.
The one who love and respect his wife, married her out of the respect he had for her…not out of love.
Makes no sense to me, but he has been married 15 years now.
By The Truth
April 9, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this
IG no I wouldn’t cheat on you. However, I’ve been known to say that before. LOL J/K
bosswife lmao. That’s funny.
Melo tell em.
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this
Love or Respect?
Love and Respect??
Love by way of Respect???
Things that make you HMMMM?!?!
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this
ladies when he drops down to one knee and ask you to marry him, at that time it might be a great idea to ask him if he respects you. if he says yes, well … … . i don’t know.
By Suga&Spice
April 9, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this
i’m headed to fight atlanta traffic. You all be easy
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
April 9, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this
Is it just me or does anyone else get the feeling that Truth would be the only person here to take his marriage vows while hooked up to a polygraph machine? LOL!
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this
Alvin
I think that men and women are always going to get married for same differences of reasons, period. A man for a steady piece (if it ain’t annoying,etc), a good cooked meal and laundry; while women will want a roof over their heads, a man to validate their self-worth, and someonme to buy gifts for birthdays and holidays-lol!!
By The Melo
April 9, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this
Alvin married mine coz 1, she pressured me,2) i was guilty just shaking for 5 years and flucking without giving her a ring and gave her and me a baby 3) my fam and evrybody else knew her and it gave me pressure to do so called right thing. So i did it, then i popped another baby out of her, then another.The luv grew as we went along after that(seeing all the cleaning,feeding, bathing and screaming me she does in the bed).Now im stuck,but i think its better that way.Had i been alone till now, i think a dog wld be much better compared to me coz i wld have been dogging them girlzz like crazzy and sleeping in diff partmnts evey night..Smetimes my hornynezz is real crazzy, i need new puddsy but marriage puts sme control on u, if u have a head/brains to process ur thoghts.So its all good.Uall can do analysis,psycho analysis etc, but it wont change none..im stuck.
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this
Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor (i.e. Respect) and keep her For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health And forsaking all others, be faithful only to her. So long as you both shall live?
How many people actually pay attention to what they are promising to do in reciting their vows???
It should be a requirement that both parties be given a copy of the marriage vows to take home and ponder before being issued a marriage license. And then the two should have to come together and compare notes on their interpretation of each promise to be made. After that they should be told what the actual meanings are and then be told to sign on the dotted line. I wonder how many engagements after that will not result in marriage.
Not realistic but just a random thought.
By The Truth
April 9, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this
Alvin those numbers are about right. We need more proof before we bury love for good. LOL
Very Sexy my wild theory is growing legs. LOL
Darrell I resemble that statement. LOL
MK good post. ultimately we all trade what we have for what we want.
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this
Melo
At least you know why you are where you are and have made your terms acceptable to yourself for being there. I guess in the end, we all have to make peace with ourselves, our decisions and our lives-or remain at war with it…not bad, could be worse.
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this
LOL Darrell I just sent a post thru about marriage vows.
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this
melo in other words, she saved your life.
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this
m’karyl LOL sounds about right…lawd knows i am getting bore waving my AIDS/HIV tests around.
Melo dude you were trippin…I feel you have alrights to redo things, LOl
Angie blog rose to you sister…So do i
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this
Melo
At least you know why you are where you are and have made your terms acceptable to yourself for being there. I guess in the end, we all have to make peace with ourselves, our decisions and our lives-or remain at war with it…not bad, could be worse.
By The Melo
April 9, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this
Angie aka B saved me, yeah..u can say that.When i waz growing up in my 20s and early 30s, i used to tell ma buddies that i need a real boatload of wmen to feed my apetite on da regular..i wazz a w*******.Nowadays,physically im in check coz of marriage and my respect 4 everthing, my horniness is there but its either all mental/flirtation or i take it on her.Luckily for me, she is a better w******* in bed….so my fantasies are satisfied.And she is younger by a bunch so im sweating eve other night.Lyfe is good!!!!!!
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this
man for a steady piece
MKaryl my husband was debating the issue of marriage versus the “i may get lucky out on the town tonight” mind frame with one of his male cousins last week. He told him that “his wife, me, I was a sure thing.” (Now I know the sex stops after marriage fable that some are subjected to, but go along with me here).
It was clearly understood what he was trying to say. There comes a time in some men’s life where chasing the arse just gets old. They have a better chance with whats laying next to them than what could be.
Then there is the matter of knowing what you working with compared to not knowing what you might encounter.
By m'karyl
April 9, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this
Alvin
the older I get, the more I realize that it is just the way it is…what to do?!?!?!? I am so glad that I made peace with being single so long ago…and I have no regrets, at all.
By mytwocents
April 9, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this
At least you are being honest with yourself about your reality. If you don’t mind my asking, is your wife American? Do you think British women & American women operate the same way? Basically in your opinion are our styles universal when it comes to locking down men. Those first babies make lotsa men feel trapped but some ladies may feel the same tho folks don’t realize it.
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this
Melo There is a difference in being horny and being whor- ish.
By Booger D
April 9, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this
I’m threatin just by the pressance of women. A few bad apples and the way TV an society is guiding women to be is enough to hang my dating boots up.
Of course I will alway’s be civil to them in general, but other than that if they want anything more(freindship, money, relationship, help, or anything that deals with me having to derail from my routines. They would have submit court order and even then I’d take the punishment over it.
I resent women to point I do not date anymore. Allot of people don’t believe me when I say it, but when the wrong things happen you in the worst ways it can happen.
I’m very thankful at my age (36) that I have never had any children or anything that would lock me into a bind with a woman. I would fulfill those duties if I had to but thank god I do not. At times I wish I was born in a time that people actually valued relationships/marriage.
Men and Women alike these days seem to be real big on Open relationships or wanting there partner to over look them sleeping around on them. Imo thats just disgusting and I have no respect for them.
I see this more, an more common in Women than Men these days and I will not tolerate it, there for thats why I don’t date no longer.
By Wise Diva
April 9, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this
The melo, did she ever give you an ultimatum? Marry me or I’m gone?
By Angie aka B
April 9, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this
good nite good ppl. it’s so nice when the rude/mean bloggers are absent.
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this
m’karyl had li’Demi not been born…there is no way in the world I would marry or care about any woman’s feelings…I guess things happens for a reason.
I am happy with being single, but i am too good of a dude to be sharing myself around, LOL
By The Melo
April 9, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this
mytwocents cant tell u much about america women…i knw they are more upfront on their opinions on stuff than British wmen based on my observations.U been following me on the blog but u dnt knw me that well do u?i aint British,im african but brought up in a british setting(wl tell u more in time).My wife is too but uall(afr/amer wmen) toght her hw to be a freak..i told her * if u dnt up ur game in here.im gone coz these afr/american wmen are real whres in bed, i aint staying for ur missionary type pudsy* She got it and nw goes above and beyond!! Our next trip, strokkers, just for her live tutorial.We always mixing and analyzing coz, like i said, my libido/apetite is wayyyy up there!! Did i answer u baby?
By IslandGirl
April 9, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this
Booger D how long have you been in the “I’m not dating mode”? Is it possible you just need time out for yourself?
Melo good for you. I can respect that.
Truth ok, respect me then…to hell with loving me. Sounds like this is a great time for IG to change into her dominatrix outfit and grab some essentials (black leather catsuit, whip, muzzle, clamps, pliers, Vaseline, 12 inch wire, and mask) . I will show you some respect….might be a little painful, but I’m sure it will bring you pleasure. lol
By The Melo
April 9, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this
no ultimatum as such Wise, constant nagging on the subject which brings an uncomfy in u eve now and then..thats hw it went dwn. Raqi i aint stressing on the literal meaning, just the contextual one…need for constant pudsy,if thats better for u.The apetite varies from man to man,for me im in the top tier but unlike Elliot our stupid and erstwhile NY gov, i can never aproach a prostitute, either my wife gives it to me or another lady on the street can fix that fo me.I need it constant or im out!!!
By Teresa
April 9, 2008 4:42 PM | Link to this
@ Booger D….I feel ya
By Wise Diva
April 9, 2008 4:42 PM | Link to this
aww no Booger D, that’s kind of sad! I have felt that way before though. It lasts about as long as it takes for me to meet some Mr. Wonderful, and I get distracted from my man diet, LOL
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this
One could say polygamy runs thru your veins melo. We’ll talk about that some other time.
Yall be good.
By mytwocents
April 9, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this
The Melo Ahh… that had crossed my mind before(African descent) but the confirmation puts some of your comments into better perspective! So you say our collective wh*rishness benefitted your own? Well we do what we can, honey. LOL
By Raqi
April 9, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this
One more thing. I was once told that African men marry for status rather than love.
I’m gone this time.
By IslandGirl
April 9, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this
I will chat with you guys on Monday. It’s my Friday and I look forward to taking the next couple of days off. You guys be nice in blogville.
By The Melo
April 9, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this
RaqI ask me tomorrw so i can put sme of ur stereotypes to rest.
By Wise Diva
April 9, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this
LOL @ mytwocents..we are just beaming with pride, right!?
By The Truth
April 9, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this
IG i already love and respect you. Smooches.
Melo thanks for the real testimonial.
By Teresa
April 9, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this
Alvin I love you
By Alvin
April 9, 2008 5:09 PM | Link to this
Melo hit me up demigod33@yahoo.com
and *T8 you too can if you want, so we can get this I love you out the way, LOL…I think you may already know me.