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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > March
March 2008
The dirty word
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have a single friend who’s got the response to all-too-curious older women down pat. When some nosy, unfeeling acquaintance asks her why she’s still single she replies, “What? And give up having meaningless sex with all these random men?” It’s a tongue-in-cheek response, but she says it in such deadpan manner that it usually shocks whoever’s asking into silence and gives her deadspace to exit the conversation.
For some reason being single in America has a social stigma attached to it, and even members of this blog are guilty of perpetrating the negative connotation! If you’ve ever told someone, “You’ll never get married,” you might be guilty of making single sound like a dirty word!
Since when does being single equal unhappiness? And this is not a man- or woman-hating rant either. Sure, I may want an $80,000 car, but it doesn’t necessarily follow that I’m unhappy without one. Just like I may want to be married to a wonderful man one day, but it doesn’t mean I’m missing out on life right now!
Is it not logical that someone either a) just doesn’t want to be married and won’t be persuaded otherwise or b) is simply waiting for the right person?
Has anyone ever treated you like being single was a disease (including other singles!!!)? What was your response to them?
Permalink | Comments (338) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Mr/Ms. Multiple
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I know you read the title and your thoughts immediately went to something naughty. Shame on you! We are still on the sexless dating path. No, the Mr/Ms. Multiple I am referring to is the Mister with multiple marriages under his belt aka The Marrying Man. Or a woman with a lifetime subscription to Bridal Magazine.
Question: What is an acceptable amount of ex-spouses your date should have? I ask because I heard about a guy that could possibly be working on wife number 3, and this dude isn’t even 40 yet. So, if you count one as a “starter” marriage, that leaves one marriage that was torpedoed, so maybe the third time’s the charm? Would you be concerned if you discovered your date has been married multiple times?
It’s interesting though, on the same dating scene, having too many marriages, and no previous marriage, can both work against you. A guy could look at me, my age, and see that I have no children, and they could think: she is too selfish to be a wife, and too self-absorbed to have a child. Believe it or not, I heard nearly the same implication from some narcissistic douchebag last year. He figured, if she is such a great catch, why hasn’t someone snatched her up and made an honest woman out of her? shudder. It’s a fair question, I suppose?
What do you think? If a person has had multiple marriages, does it make them undateable? Would you date them with caution? Isn’t it possible they are just the type that fell in love too fast? How many ex-spouses are you cool with your potential mate having?
Permalink | Comments (352) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Mental Seduction
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
If any of you plan on trying the sexless dating, you will need to sharpen your skills at seduction! I know plenty of guys with swagger and confidence, but when it comes to engaging a woman intellectually they stumble a little. I also have seen ladies who are beautiful and smart, but act very silly when they are around men.
Seducing people isn’t as easy as it sounds. Once you get past the physical attraction, mentally connecting with a person is a little challenging. Some people don’t even know what it is. I always think of it as a form of foreplay only you are stimulating someone..with your clothes on.
What do you think about mentally seducing your date? How do you engage them to the point that they are so intrigued to know more about you?
Have you ever dated someone who captured your brain before your body? Why is it hard for some of us to intellectually entice people?
Permalink | Comments (314) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
No Sex in the City
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As if I don’t already swoon over Lenny Kravitz enough, the rock star has gone on record that he is abstaining from sex. Kravitz recently told The Sun: “The women have got to come with something else, not just the body, but the mind and spirit. It trips them out, but I’m looking at the big picture.” Oh yes, his sexy quotient just went through the roof. How hot is that?!
I have some guy friends that have a similar stance as Lenny. They think the casual thing is fine, but finding someone who is just as appealing outside the bedroom, is very important to them too. Many of them have the same desires to have meaningful relationships as women do.
Lenny, who is 43-years old, claims that he hasn’t had sex for the past three years. You know what? I believe him! He certainly has NO need to lie to get laid. I mean, this a hot shot, with plenty of options. This further affirms my belief that not all single people are controlled by their hormones. Yes, we like sex, but intimacy with someone we feel a connection with is worth the wait for many of us.
You may have heard about the 30 day challenge for married couples. I wondered if single people could try a 30 day dating challenge to abstain. How do you think your dating could change? Could you handle 30 days of sexless dating?
Topic suggestion by: “M”
Permalink | Comments (424) | Post your comment | Categories: Current Events
Love & Litigation
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
In a perfect world, single people would be open and honest. I’m talking about total dating utopia: no game playing, no misleading anyone, no casualties of dating war. But alas, we are mere mortals, flawed humans who are all about self-preservation, self-protection, and sometimes self-serving.
I was reading an article about a book written by David E. Talbert, called Love on the Dotted Line. In the book, a contracts lawyer decided that she would make her next man sign a relationship contract. Of course, this was a direct result of her last relationship’s demise. Somehow she managed to convinced a man to agree to the relationship contract, most likely in a drunken state or post-romp haze. When he breaks one of the rules of their agreement, she hauls him into court.
Can you imagine? What would happen if dating became regulated? Just thinking about the romantic crimes that I have committed (in my 20s alone)…um, let’s just say, Diva would have been sporting an orange jumpsuit!
If you could write up a dating/relationship contract, what sorts of things would you be most interested in protecting? What kinds of consequences or legal repercussions would you want to impose for your dating rules violations?
If you could haul someone into dating court right now, who would you subpoena, and why? Do you think winning your “case” could help you move on and let it go?
Permalink | Comments (292) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Dating the Hot Shots
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As I read Bella’s “Stand by Your Man” post, I thought about a joke I heard. Chris Rock once said that a man is only as faithful as his options. As much I as laughed when he said it, that is not funny in reality!
It can be tough enough dating a regular person in our ADD dating scene. Dating someone with plenty of options, offers, and appeal..let’s just say it can be tricky keeping them interested.
When you are dating someone powerful, wealthy, or simply adored by many, you probably have to contend with different dating challenges. I know people who have dated popular ministers, news broadcasters, professional ball players, and even wealthy geeks. There was a common complaint: you have to share your date with their adoring public - even when you don’t want to.
Have you ever dated a hot shot? How did you handle being in the limelight? Do you find that they were non-committal because they had so many options to date other people? Do you think that hot shots who have more options really find it that much harder to commit and stay faithful or is this a way to justify bad behavior?
I once dated a guy who worked in the entertainment industry. He was well-connected, had access to high profile events, and had wealthy and celebrity friends. I remember how often he was used for his connections. Dating someone who wasn’t in that “social climbing” game was very appealing to him. Have you ever dated someone who used you for your social connections?
Permalink | Comments (202) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Pacing yourself
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My friend Laura is the Speedy Gonzales of romance — she falls in love, or “in like” very, very quickly. She is selective about who she dates, but by golly, she can tell within a New York minute of meeting someone whether she’s interested.
I, however, am more like the tortoise in Aesop’s Fable — slowly but steadily wading through my feelings until I figure out how I really feel about someone. Once I’ve realized I’m interested, I’m an incredibly passionate being, but I don’t throw that passion out there from the get-go.
Do you fall “in like” very quickly? If so, is your assessment of people usually accurate? Do you ever experience consequences from bestowing your feelings so readily upon people?
Or are you slower to determine your heart? Have you ever experienced downsides to taking so long to decide whether you’re into someone? Has anyone ever decided they’re not going to wait around for you to figure yourself out?
TGIF, everyone!
Permalink | Comments (343) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Spring flings
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have to admit, although I don’t have fling relationships anymore, I have had some that have gotten me through difficult times.
There was a three-week stint with Sweet Sasquatch that helped me recover from a difficult but necessary breakup. And then there was a whirlwind one-weeker with Goofy Garrett that sort of helped me transition into the confident woman I have become. And let’s not forget Tongue-Twister Trey, who was really just around to make me feel like a woman.
We’re not talking about just a one-night stand here, but someone you actually spent a little time dating. Have you ever had a fling that helped you transition from one period of your life to another? What about a fling that ultimately helped you to feel better about yourself or heal from another relationship?
Have you ever started out thinking someone was just a rebound relationship or a fling only to find out that you felt more for them? Who was the best fling you’ve ever had?
Happy first day of spring!
Permalink | Comments (297) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Stand by your man
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The Gov. Eliot Spitzer prostitution case just confirms what many of us already think — that our system of government is increasingly being corrupted by the people we elect to office. But what else is new.
What struck me is the willingness of Spitzer’s wife to stand by him, as other prominent politicians’ and celebrities’ wives have done in times of drama. Sometimes these women literally stand by their men at the podium only until controversy dies down and they can divorce. But other women really stick it out for the long haul; Look at Hillary Clinton!
Obviously, these men and women are married, so the stakes are a little different, but do these seem like forgiveable offenses to you? If someone cheated on you under these circumstances, would you be able to stay with the person?
How do you think the public nature of these relationships has an effect on the couples’ decision to stay together or not? Have you ever had a problem in your own relationship that was made public to your circle of friends or maybe even to strangers? How does it change things when your business is dragged out into the limelight? Does it make it easier or more difficult to work through an issue?
Permalink | Comments (425) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Solo sick days
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Ugh. I’mb sihck.
Although usually I’m excellent at avoiding all the pitfalls that come with flu season, I find myself typing away with a stuffy nose, a disgusting cough and an inability to pronounce words without attaching b’s onto the end of them.
And although my mother has always described me as “fiercely independent” (a description I don’t always agree with) and I have seemingly proven her right through my ability to be content in my own skin, the one time I really want to be “in a relationship” is when I’m sick.
I’m lying here in fuzzy socks and an old t-shirt watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls wishing there was someone who would run out and buy me medicine or make tea for me. Instead, I’m dragging my sorry self into the kitchen to make my own stupid chai.
Sure, there are friends or roommates who gladly pitch in for an errand or two, but they aren’t the sort of people you feel it’s appropriate to impose upon for too long. Ultimately, although I miss the comfort of having a care-giver, I have to pull myself through injury or illness.
What are the other unsung benefits of being in a long-term relationship with someone? The things that no one really ever talks about but are sometimes the best? What are the things you don’t really appreciate when they happen but end up missing when you’re single again?
Have you ever dated anyone who put a lot of effort into your relationship (in ways you may not have noticed) in ways that weren’t traditionally recognized such as taking care of you when you were sick, etc.?
Permalink | Comments (259) | Categories: Relationships
Luck of the draw
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Happy St. Patrick’s Day! And congratulations to my parents, who have now been married for 35 years!
I don’t know if it’s because of their lucky anniversary date or simply my parents’ commitment to each other, but somehow they got really lucky by not only finding each other but also being able to make a partnership work for so long. My parents still kiss each other in front of us in the kitchen!
Who do you know who seems really “lucky” in their partnership? A couple who found each other in unusual circumstances? Someone who’s genuinely happy? Someone whose relationship should be a model for us all?
Do you know anyone whose “luck” in a relationship has inspired you to keep searching? A couple who has convinced you that the stars can truly align when you find someone who’s worth it?
Wishing you all a very green holiday with very little (or a lot) of pinching!
Permalink | Comments (151) | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Do you remember MIA?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Happy Blogiversary! After over 800 blog entries, over 100,000 comments, the Misadventures in Atlanta blog is officially 4 years old!! On March 10, 2004, one brave AJC staffer decided to share her dating experiences. Her name was Mia and she was young, fabulous, and just as frustrated with dating as many of us were! Do you remember Mia?
I thought it would be fun to check back in with the one who started it all. I sent Mia a list of burning questions I thought her old readers would want to know. So after the jump, check out what she said. Maybe she will even drop in and say hello.
For our new readers and lurkers, feel free to join in today! Introduce yourself to our MIA blog community.
Everyone, consider this a reunion day, a day to share your weekend plans, vent about the dating scene, or talk about what’s on your mind. What has the MIA blog meant to you? What have you learned about dating or relationships?
Catching up with Mia What fabulous gig do I have now? Y’all may or may not remember I left Atlanta to take a job at the New York Times. And I hated it but God always has a plan in place for my life. I landed at Sports Illustrated (where I met my current beau…that’s another story for a later question) and after a year and a half at Sports Illustrated I got a promotion to another magazine website within the company. I’m now a manager at InStyle.com. How Mia went from sports to fashion I can’t logically explain but it’s a perfect fit. My side hustle is coordinating speed dating events in Manhattan. Those who can’t, help others.
Are you engaged? dating? Those that remember me, remember I always somehow end up in some unconventional scenario. So here’s the story…and I always have a story or I wouldn’t be Mia. When I started at Sports Illustrated, one of the very first meetings I went to there was this guy. Throughout the entire meeting I kept staring at him because I couldn’t tell if he was close in age to me although he seemed younger than everyone else in the room. And I couldn’t tell what race he was. After the meeting, I’m always on Facebook, so I decided to see who else from the company network was on. And there he was. So I checked out his profile (still couldn’t tell his race) and his AIM name was on there so I IMed him. We started talking, getting to know each other and in the course of our first conversation I said, “Don’t take this the wrong way but what are you?” He started to laugh. “What am I in what way?” “Are you black, white, arab?” He laughed again. “What do you think I am?” “I think you are other.” He laughs again. Turns out he’s black and white. Mom is black, Dad is white.
So it all started with a random project meeting and a few IM’s. 18 months later we are still DATING…note the word dating. As with all twenty something, well educated, good career having men in NYC he is a commitment phobe. To his credit, part of it is that I am crazy, always admitted that I am crazy…but not crazy in a bad way. I’m crazy in the scars from my past relationships can make me a combination of paranoid and insecure. And Lord knows I have done some things that would have driven the average man away. But he’s EXTREMELY patient. Puts up with my crap, calls me on it and for some odd reason he’s still here. And what is here? Well we don’t have a title but anyone that is important in our lives (friends, family, coworkers, etc.) knows we are together. I’m learning to accept that the title is not so important if you have someone that accepts you for who you are and loves you inspite of yourself. As his best friend put it, “Honestly, I didn’t think you would last this long but one thing I know is that you are down for my boy. It’s okay, we all know you are his girlfriend.”
How did I overcome that “one of the guys” dating dilemma? I actually didn’t. For purposes of this blog we’ll call my guy Audacity. Because one of my friends likens him to Obama (the audacity of hope.) So Audacity and I started off as buddies or really office spouses. We would go to lunch together, talk on IM all day, watch Monday Night Football together…I was one of the guys. I think part of Audacity’s attraction to me was that I was one of the guys and I could hang with the guys and that we both obviously loved sports working at Sports Illustrated.
Do you ever hear from Hurricane? Are you still friends with his family? Hurricane and I are still friends. We talk all the time and it’s cool between us. We have both moved on personally and professionally. After Katrina, Hurricane’s sister lived with me for a semester. While living with me she met the man she is now engaged too. I’m going to be one of the bridesmaids in her wedding. Weird to some to be a bridesmaid in my ex-boyfriends sister’s wedding but I’m still friends with the family. And if she hadn’t lived with me when folks thought that was crazy to let my ex’s sister live with me…she wouldn’t have met her future husband.
Do you ever hear from/about Mr. Potential? Military Man? Shortly after I moved to NYC Mr. Potential sent me an email, “You just crossed my mind and I know that things weren’t the best between us when you left. You really where a good person who I would consider a friend and we had lots of fun when we did hang out. I hope all is well and you are enjoying NY.” Every now and then Mr. Potential will send me an email but he’s in a relationship now. I think it’s serious, close to engagement, he denies that. I haven’t actually seen him since I left Atlanta. Military Man I never heard from again after he moved out.
Are the single men in NY more challenging/less challenging than Atlanta? In NY I would say they aren’t more or less challenging but it’s a different challenge. The difference is the social options NY offers versus Atlanta makes guys less inclined to want to settle or get in to a serious relationship. It’s very hard to find a guy here who wants to do more than just date but to actually have a relationship. The men have a lot more choices/options of women.
Permalink | Comments (307) | Categories: About Mia
Text, Lies, & Videotape
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dating drama. Why does it happen? You can be the sharpest, smartest, savviest dater in Atlanta, but unfortunately you aren’t always spared of the dating drama. The last few incidents of dating drama I have heard of involved text, lies, and a little bit of videotape footage:
Text messaging tanked a potential romance for my friend Brian. He sent the wrong SMS to the wrong MS., and boy was he busted. Fellas, when you have more than one Jennifer in your blackberry, please identify which is which. You will thank me, just trust me, on this one. Unless your naughty, racy texts can apply to all of your “groupies,” you could have a major mishap with the text. Safe texting, people, it can save your property!
A friend of mine met a guy online recently. On their first date, he claimed to be a member of a specific church organization. When she inquired about which area church, somehow the name escaped him. Right, because I always forget the name of the church I allegedly go to week after week. Then out of nowhere, the guy randomly mentions that he has REALLY bad credit. Wait, why is this information disclosed on a first date? No really, can someone answer that? Is this really socially acceptable now? Are we going on first dates with our beacon score in hand?! Oy vey!
Videotape. So here’s the thing about videotaping yourself, uh with someone. When things go south, you may want to destroy all evidence, instead of, you know, shopping it around to porn sites, or showing your friends. I don’t know why people agree to be taped then act all shocked that their private parts are scattered across the world wide web. Gosh, I have some dense friends. I blame Paris Hilton and Ray J for this dating trend.
How do you handle dating drama? Have you been caught up with the drama queens and kings club lately? How did you escape it?
Have you ever had a potential romance sidetracked by text messaging, outrageous lying, or videotape? Did you at least learn your lesson? Maybe you have some tips to share after your own experiences. How did you rid yourself of the dating drama?
Do you think all this new technology is even safe in the hands of single people? I am starting to really wonder. It seems to be yet another thing singles have to worry about in dating. Do you think our dating etiquette will evolve to accommodate the new modern dating techniques?
Permalink | Comments (279) | Categories: Dating
Dating an Alpha?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A reader sent me an email asking for feedback about her current dating (mis) adventure:
I’m currently dating an ALPHA male. He won’t let me pay half of dinner, he won’t let me drive him anywhere. Anything that I want, he wants to buy it for me. He wants me to pretty much rely on him like a damsel in distress. How do I deal with it? Should I just learn to let things go his way? It does feel good being treated like a lady, but I find myself pretending at times. Sometimes I act like an airhead, by taking things literally. I think he is a really great guy, but sometimes his ideas about the so called balance in power in relationships is too much for me.
Oh, I can totally relate to this situation. Dating the alpha types (leader, sometimes dominant, strong-willed, Type A personality) can be quite a ride. I used to be drawn to this type, but I definitely had to learn how to interact with them. I also had to figure out how to recognize the Alpha man from a plain old Jerk.
My advice: It’s always best to show your authentic self as much as possible - even if it may not be what the person “wants to hear”. If he is the great guy that you think he is, he should not be resistant to you respectfully voicing your opinions, handling certain things on your own, or contributing more equitably to the relationship. Don’t expect him to change and definitely don’t think about trying to get him to.
What advice do you have for her?
Ladies, have you ever dated an Alpha male? Did you mesh well or clash? What do you think draws you to this type of guy? What turns you off about them? Do you think you are an Alpha female? If so (or if not) how does this impact your dating?
Guys, if you are an Alpha male, do you find it challenging to date? In your experience, are women receptive to how you engage them or relate to them? Have you ever dated an Alpha female? What was your experience?
Permalink | Comments (261) | Categories: Dating
Dating: It’s a Private Matter
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When you are dating someone new, one of the most important things is gaining trust. You slowly begin to share intimate things with each other - personal things. The moment this happens your relationship starts to take on different dynamics.
I think it is important that whatever is shared between two people is kept confidential. I can remember a time when I tanked a potential romance by blabbing stuff when I shouldn’t have. You know that saying, “Loose lips sinks ships”, it also applies to relationships!
Have you ever dated someone who betrayed your trust by blabbing something private about you? How did you handle it?
In my situation, I told something personal to my girlfriends, and things sort of came undone when he found out. Not only was he embarrassed by what I spilled about him, he felt that he couldn’t trust me - rightfully so.
Guys, does it take you a long time to open up to women because you fear that it will come back to haunt you later? How can a woman gain your trust over time?
Ladies, do you think that sharing and venting to your friends about your relationship is helpful or harmful?
Permalink | Comments (437) | Categories: Dating
The Beautiful Ones
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
You make me so confused
The beautiful ones
You always seem to lose
The Beautiful Ones - Prince
I have to admit that there is a certain thrill that comes with dating a super hot, extremely beautiful person. Your ego gets inflated and you strut around like a proud peacock standing next to your trophy date. You may as well being wearing a flashing sign that says, Yes! I’m with him/her, don’t hate me because he’s/she’s beautiful!
There is also a downside to being with the beautiful ones. Sometimes extremely attractive people can be lacking in the personality, brains, or bedroom department. (Yes, I know this is major stereotyping here.) It’s really easy to disregard their bad behavior because, well. ..look at them! Shallow? Yes. Human nature - absolutely!
What has been your experience with dating beautiful people? Was it challenging for you? Did you find them boring, dull, or uninteresting underneath all their hotness?
Did you find that you put up with more than you would normally because they were so beautiful?
Have you ever dated someone just solely for their trophy girl/guy factor? Were they too hot to handle?
Do you think beautiful people have more personality flaws or hang-ups then average looking people? I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but for the sake of discussion, go with it.
Permalink | Comments (339) | Categories: Dating
America’s favorite couple
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
They say that real love is enduring, but sometimes it’s hard to believe that, especially since “’til death do us part” doesn’t seem to mean anything anymore.
But at least one couple is going against the odds when it comes to staying in it for the long haul. For their story, click here.
Who do you think is America’s favorite couple? Do you know other stories of Atlantans who have defied the norm by making it through particularly difficult times?
When have you stuck by your significant other during a difficult stretch? When has someone sacrificed part of his or her life to support you?
Happy Friday!
Permalink | Comments (344) | Categories: Relationships
Countering the stereotype
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There is a young man in my circle of friends who just wants to get married. Badly. He’s using a tactic in which he approaches a woman and expresses interest in dating her—very seriously, as in, to see if the two of them could be married soon. No dating around: immediate exclusivity for the purpose of seeing if a long-term partnership would work.
So he’s a little serious. This, in itself, is not the worst thing I’ve ever heard. But he’s already approached multiple women I know, all of them so drastically different that it makes me realize there are some issues here! How many women in one year could you possibly want to marry?
Now, if I heard this somewhere else, I would assume this guy is looking for sex and is offering exclusivity up front in order to seal the deal. But this guy has chosen to wait until marriage to have sex, so that’s not part of the equation here!
One of my friends originally felt very flattered by his offer, as if he had singled her out among many women. But when she found out he was just going from woman to woman once the first one said no, she was no longer flattered but kind of appalled!
Sometimes we stereotype women as the ones who want to be in a committed relationship or married (and many of us do!), but in all honesty, some men want to be in a relationship just as badly as we do!
Women, do you know men who seem overeager to be in a relationship? How do you think the stereotype about what women will do to be in a relationship has been exaggerated? Have you run into men who assume that you’re dying to date them simply because you’re female and you must want to find a mate?
Men, do you know guys who will jump at the chance to be in any relationship? What has caused them to lower their standards so as to date almost any woman? Do you know men who have professed love multiple times in one year? From the male perspective, what do you think causes this “overeagerness”?
Permalink | Comments (363) | Categories: Relationships
Dating sabbatical
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have multiple friends, male and female, who have recently taken dating sabbaticals — spending anywhere from six months to a year not dating. A couple of them did end up, er, fudging their timeline near the end because they met someone fabulous, but all of them took a significant time off from dating to reflect upon themselves.
While I have never intentionally taken time off from dating, I can look back and see that sometimes the periods of the most self-growth occurred while I was single. Right now, for example, I’ve gotten my finances in order and am buying a house! I’ve simply had the time to focus on things like this.
I could chalk it up to coincidence, but honestly I know that when I’m not seriously dating someone I pay more attention to my own needs instead of spending time on someone else.
Have you ever taken a specified amount of time off from your dating life? What was your reasoning? How did you find it helped or hindered you later in your dating experiences? If someone you knew was thinking about taking a dating sabbatical, what advice or wisdom would you give them?
Has anyone ever run into the, “I would be interested in you, but I’m taking some time off right now” speech? Were you willing to wait for the person? Or did you move along your merry way?
Permalink | Comments (327) | Categories: Dating
Relationship relapse
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My sister is having a bad week. She had been making a lot of progress since Jorge broke up with her, going out, having fun, and generally putting herself back on the market since her New Year’s Eve breakup.
But she’s had a relapse, which is understandable after only two months, and is missing him while she’s helping her best friend plan her wedding. After two months of solid self-esteem boosting, she wants him to come back.
My friend Ann told me last night that she had a boyfriend once who, after the breakup, would call every few months, telling her he wanted to meet. And the occasional call left Ann feeling like maybe this guy was still interested. It wasn’t until he finally stopped calling for good that she realized the relationship was definitely over.
Have you ever had a serious relapse after getting over an ex? Was it because you simply missed the person, because they didn’t stop calling you or because you really hadn’t moved on yet?
Have you ever had to really thump it into your own skull that a relationship is clearly over?
Permalink | Comments (318) | Categories: Breakups
Blueprint of the future
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
How quickly things can change! Last spring my friend Julie had just begun dating a man she was crazy about, and we could all see the stars in her eyes (and his!) when they looked at each other. This month, almost one year later, she’s married and holding a baby shower!
Julie always said that she didn’t see it coming, that she wasn’t really looking for a relationship when she met Dan. But there he was, out of the blue, and now they’re in love, with an addition to the family on the way!
It’s crazy to think that your world could change so much in 365 days, but it’s possible.
If you had to make an educated guess, where would you say you could see yourself in one year? Will you still be single? Do you think you’ll still be dating the same way you do now?
Do you think you’ll still be seeing the person you’re seriously seeing? Do you think you could end up in a serious relationship, engaged or even married within a year?
Where would you want to be in one year, relationship-wise, if you controlled the world? What are you doing to accomplish that?
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