AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > March > 06 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USCountering the stereotype
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There is a young man in my circle of friends who just wants to get married. Badly. He’s using a tactic in which he approaches a woman and expresses interest in dating her—very seriously, as in, to see if the two of them could be married soon. No dating around: immediate exclusivity for the purpose of seeing if a long-term partnership would work.
So he’s a little serious. This, in itself, is not the worst thing I’ve ever heard. But he’s already approached multiple women I know, all of them so drastically different that it makes me realize there are some issues here! How many women in one year could you possibly want to marry?
Now, if I heard this somewhere else, I would assume this guy is looking for sex and is offering exclusivity up front in order to seal the deal. But this guy has chosen to wait until marriage to have sex, so that’s not part of the equation here!
One of my friends originally felt very flattered by his offer, as if he had singled her out among many women. But when she found out he was just going from woman to woman once the first one said no, she was no longer flattered but kind of appalled!
Sometimes we stereotype women as the ones who want to be in a committed relationship or married (and many of us do!), but in all honesty, some men want to be in a relationship just as badly as we do!
Women, do you know men who seem overeager to be in a relationship? How do you think the stereotype about what women will do to be in a relationship has been exaggerated? Have you run into men who assume that you’re dying to date them simply because you’re female and you must want to find a mate?
Men, do you know guys who will jump at the chance to be in any relationship? What has caused them to lower their standards so as to date almost any woman? Do you know men who have professed love multiple times in one year? From the male perspective, what do you think causes this “overeagerness”?
Permalink | Comments (363) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Comments
By Dan
March 6, 2008 8:23 AM | Link to this
When wrong, I say so.
So to is there praise for the righteous.
But be real, maybe he was after them for those fie, fie tax deductions!
By QC
March 6, 2008 8:46 AM | Link to this
Morning have a great day all
By ImAPeach404
March 6, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this
I don’t see anything strange about this simply because when a guy is ready, he is ready. I think I’ve said on here time and time again, men DECIDE to get married. If a woman meets a man at the right time… BAM! A wedding x months down the road.
Ladies, we all know that we can say we’re not ready for a relationship, and we’re just enjoying our single life, and we just want to date and have fun right now, and we’re focusing on xyz instead of a man… but if the right man comes along, we will change our tune. Quick.
Dudes on the other hand… if they say they don’t want a relationship and aren’t looking for one. Believe.That. $hit.
It’s not that Divas friend has met the woman of his dreams and is now ready to settle down - he has DECIDED he wants to get married. Period.
By Raqi
March 6, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this
Bella It is an obvious fact that your friend just wants to get married. His love of being married is more important to him than the love he should have for the woman he chooses to marry. Maybe he believes in growing to love her. There is nothing wrong with that if that’s the chance he is willing to take.
The down side is all of the trials he is going to face marrying a woman he has not taken the time to get to know. Not even a little bit. I was with Mason a little over 4 years before we got married and we are still learning things about each other. So although I think he is setting himself up for a treacherous journey, I wish him all the best.
As far as stereotypes, I find it hilarious when I hear men stating that no man wants to be married. I know men that truly want to be married and they are doing it. Willingly.
I mentioned just recently about my friend who has a S/O that is pressing the marriage issue instead of her. He is ready to settle down. Can’t hate him for that.
By Simp
March 6, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this
Bella Are your circle of friends aware that you put them on blast on a regular? Dating with a purpose If you’re around a group of people for a while. You get to see them in different phase of their life. In any circle we insitute a pecking order as who we would like to date first. Although it never comes. It a guy decides he wants to chose someone out of the group, I dont see a problem with that. If he is ready to settle down, so what. We say we are tired of people playing games and playing on words. I don’t think dude just want to get married for the hell of it. Sounds like he is willing to work at it and to take the sex out. He knows what he want and I dont see it as overeargerness. Make yall minds up already. Now who can I take to lunch in the Cumberlad area……LOL
By Raqi
March 6, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this
ImaP I have to agree with you. I was of the mindset that I was fine the way I was. Dating Mason was working out and I didn’t necessarily have to or want to get married. He asked me and we were married 10 later. So I agree.
By Binford2K8
March 6, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this
Sounds like Bella’s friend is the hare! The girls I’ve dated always consider me slow-as-mo-lass-ess.
I know plenty of guys who have settled because they wanted to fill a void or deficiency they have. And they pay …they always pay!
By melo
March 6, 2008 9:15 AM | Link to this
Now who can I take to lunch in the Cumberlad area thats better Simp..why add the lol when u serious, are u shy?!!!
By BriteEyez
March 6, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this
I agree wholeheartedly with ImApeach regarding men deciding to get married and once they do, it’s a done deal. But I still find Bella’s friend to be a bit odd in his approach. Randomly, approaching any and every woman he knows with this proposal makes him seem somewhat desperate.
By BriteEyez
March 6, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this
I agree wholeheartedly with ImApeach regarding men deciding to get married and once they do, it’s a done deal. But I still find Bella’s friend to be a bit odd in his approach. Randomly, approaching any and every woman he knows with this proposal makes him seem somewhat desperate.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
March 6, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this
I’ll readily admit that I’m one of those men who is ready to be married. Call me ‘crazy’, but it’s the truth.
I’ve been on my own now for several years (10), and in that time I’ve dated only twice. So, although the desire to be married is definitely there - and strongly so - the desire to actually have someone to love is what is first and foremost with me. It’s the “being in love” that I miss moreso than being married, though I definitely desire both.
By kinderbabe
March 6, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this
great post peach:) i agree totally. how have you been? haven’t read you in a while.
By Binford2K8
March 6, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this
FYI for the wimmenz….
Besides the thought in his head, a man is pot-committed when he puts the ring on her finger. At the point, for all intent and purpose, he is married.
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this
Well good morning everyone! Sorry to hijack the blog so early this morning but I wanted to update y’all on Midnight Rider we had a lot of fun with this yesterday.
As you know, I was suspicious of this poster from jump, and I’d like to let you know my suspicions were right. Midnight Rider is Rell! That’s right. Rell made up a blog name, picked a blog fight with himself and then gave me a new email address so that he could FINALLY get an email from AmazonRed.
Did I mention this dude is like 35 and MARRIED playing such games?
He had the nerve to get mad when I called him a stalker yesterday. Now do you see why? This 35-year old MARRIED man has been trying to get my picture and contact information for MONTHS now. Do you see why I’m creeped out about that? If not, let’s review:
And now this.
So tell me blog family…what do you think? I think he’s gone WAY past the point of fun and game and has gone into dangerous territory.
At the very least his MLB card should be pulled, but I have half a mind to contact his WIFE and let her know what a CAD her man is. I’m sure she already knows and I bet they sleep in separate bedrooms. He’s the only married person on here that DOWNPLAYS the fact that he’s married. In fact, he’d rather be known as a flirt! You don’t see posters like Raqi and melo behaving that way.
So Blog family weigh in! We all had so much to say yesterday when it was all fun and games. Now what do you think? And do you see why he gives me the heebie jeebies? At the very least don’t you think he crossed the line?
Speak on it.
By Raqi
March 6, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this
And your friend proves my point, a man needs a woman like a woman needs to shop.
Some Saturdays I head out looking to buy a particular item. If Macys doesn’t have it I don’t just go back home, I check in Talbots. And then Nordstrom. And then Eddie Bauer. Ann Taylor, Neiman Marcus, St. John…You see what I am saying.
Oh, almost forgot. “LOL””
By DreamsMaterialize
March 6, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this
Morning I different take on Bella’s friend. ALL of the men I’ve ever met who are waiting until marriage for sex tend to have an urgency for marriage. So, although it seems commendable that they’re taking the sex out of pursuing a woman, they’re really making sex the priority by trying to marry quickly.
By Rell
March 6, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this
Wow, Ared…..i got you that paranoid….come on lady….now why would i do that?
By Blue_Kolla
March 6, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this
Morning Blog…
QC ;)
LMAO @ Peach Dudes on the other hand… if they say they don’t want a relationship and aren’t looking for one. Believe.That. $hit.
Plenty of dudes would like to be married, but not to any woman, and anybody that is, is asking for financial and emotional catastrophe.
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this
Dreams - I was thinking the same thing. Dude is in a rush to get married because he’s HORNY! LOL
I mean, he probably does really want to be married, but he’s really horny at this point too. LOL
By The Truth
March 6, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this
Binford I couldn’t agree with you more. This cat is gonna pay.
Ladies, there’s a difference between a dude deciding to get married and a guy that’s scared to be with himself. I had a buddy in germany that decided he was tired of dating and the random sex and refused to participate in the available activities until he was married. Six months later he met Ella and their still married today. He didn’t do it out of loneliness but it was a decision that’s what he wanted. That was in 1983 btw. He’s now sending me pics of his son who’s going to college. This cat here is just looking for someone to land on. I could even see if it was a “business” move but this doesn’t seem to be the case. I bet if Bella came clean she’d say ol boy has some weak tendencies.
Simp you starting early tis morning. LOL
By Binford2K8
March 6, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this
If that is in fact true AR , it justifies a full case of the heebes and the jeebes.
It’s beyond the comprehension of most normal people to become obsessed with a person on a blog. This is VIRTU-LAND! It’s the SIMS.
By Simp
March 6, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this
morning melo THe reason I LOL, was in a reply to a comment Truth made late yesterday. I am shy. I also wear my emotions on my sleve.
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this
Rell - Why would you do the other things you’ve done?
By Willie Dynamite
March 6, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this
Morning All,
Rell come on bruh say it aint so, say it aint so.
Ared* do you have anything other than deductive reasoning as evidence. I see ya point but come on you can’t get on the stand with that. A rookie public defender can get ole boy off on hearsay alone.
By you're not crazy ARed
March 6, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this
i peeped out some of the stuff that you mentioned also. especially about woofing down other guys’ throats that inquired about you. that’s one of the benefits of lurking…you don’t miss much…lol. yeah, he’s definitely gone too far. i hope his wife gets as much attn as he was trying to give you. now this is exactly why all this time blogging would be better spent in therapy! lmao
By call_her_onit
March 6, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this
Seriously AMRED You are truly your biggest fan. DO you work at all?? Do we have to talk about you everyday?? Do you have to post a answer to every post Gee wiz. I am so sick of you already. Get over yourself already. Don’t hijack the post with your rants and madness you are such and immature young woman @ 30 years old. Gotdamn
By ImAPeach404
March 6, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this
He asked me and we were married 10 later
Raqi what were you saying? I’m ok the way I am now, but I’d love to be in a relationship. I don’t dwell on it b/c I can’t. It’s not up to me. It will happen when its supposed to. Unlike when I was younger, I am wiser now :)
Binford are you slow as far as showing interest or are you slow in regards to settling down? To me, there is a difference. I need to know soon enough if you are interested, once we have that established… im good with molasses! As a matter of fact, I NEED molasses!!!
You’re spot on Brite, his behavior is a bit odd. Even for a man :) Maybe he needs citizenship…?
Darrell nothing crazy about that.
Hey kinder!!! I’ve been good. I’ve been busy at work (my manager is off today!) plus, if I don’t have anything to contribute, I tend to stay away. You doing ok???
By Raqi
March 6, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this
LOL Amazon. I have said it before, I have accessible sex sleeping beside me every night. No need to cyber stalk anybody.
I keep it at having fun with yall on here and that’s that.
By Dan
March 6, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this
@ARed
That may be at once:
The creepiest, lamest, most uuuuhhhhh, thing I’ve ever heard of!
By Simp
March 6, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this
ARed..That is scary. We all have fun but hell thats too much. Write a book. I want to buy you lunch too I will wait till spring.
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this
Willie - Very valid question, and yes I do have more evidence. It won’t be released at this time, but soon. In any case, he’s been acting out of pocket for a minute anyway, so he needed to be called out on that too.
Thanks not crazy.
callheronit - Of course I’m my biggest fan, why wouldn’t I be?
By The Truth
March 6, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this
Ared did you talk with him or what proof do you have it’s him?
By DreamsMaterialize
March 6, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this
ARed Yeah he’s probably ready to explode. lol And his behavior probably turns women off because it makes him look desperate or obsessive (i.e. stalker). Hope he doesn’t resort to priestly alternatives… smh
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this
Dan - I woke up thinking about Six Feet Under this morning and I think you should go there for lunch!
Yes, I find it unnerving as well.
By Grace
March 6, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this
Is he obese? The only men I meet who are ready to settle down are the obese. They are ready for some home cooking.
By Raqi
March 6, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this
ImaP That was suppose to read 10 days later. That is how much I was “okay”, I thought, not being married to him. LOL
By Willie Dynamite
March 6, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this
Bella you have quite a cast of characters in your circle.
As for dude I think he’s more in line with the new school of dating and lationships. He is a man in that he decided he was ready to settle down. But he does have some issues with how he’s going about doing it. He comes across like someone said earlier with romanticizing the thought of being married or in a relationship moreso than the love part. Either way he’ll settle or end up being played seriously.
By pisces08
March 6, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this
Morning All. Dayum ARed!! you were right.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
March 6, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this
Peach
Thanks for the affirmation. I appreciate it. :-) I guess that was my attempt at trying to dispel the notion that there are no men out there who are serious about getting married. As for me, I couldn’t be more serious about it. I’ve been blessed to where many aspects of my life are already established (career, home, finances, children, church, etc.) with the exception of that “one thing” - which actually isn’t a “thing” at all, but a person.
By Jazzyone
March 6, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this
Its a blog who really cares AMRED seriously do we have to have the blog high jacked for this shyt. Deal with it how you will deal with it and move the fugg on Seriously???
By 6'1 & luvinit (aka Don' it All)
March 6, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this
Hi everyone good morning, just peeping in!
By 6'1 & luvinit (aka Don' it All)
March 6, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this
Hi everyone good morning, just peeping in!
By Cemeeli
March 6, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this
Good Morning to no,… beautiful Morning to ya!
Blue that spin on the chair added a lil more to the end of the day. Thx
Dreams - Could a single mamma that treated 3 (count ‘em) 3 hungry, boister-rug-rats and giddy lil guys out for dinner last night Blog Theater rapartee today? I’ve got my snacks and turning off the cell phone.
Oh goodness…melo already had his oatmeal!
Hey Peach…you’ve been missing.
By The Truth
March 6, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this
Grace lmao. That’s a good one.
Dan is it on for today? Represent.
By Rell
March 6, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this
OK, what is really going on…lol. Mayne yall can turn on folks quick in here
By Jazzyone
March 6, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this
If you were so worried about being stalked you would not have emailed him..you did, you see what it could possibly be or not and chalk it up to that and move the heyal on seriously
By melo
March 6, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this
ared* i had similar feeling it was him.Truth* observed on the fact too that he seems to freak out when another bloger wants to talk to u.As for me, when i read Rider s last entry where he said something like* its on yu ared**, i kinda thoght that waz way too much pursuing effort there to make smebody freak out. How did u find out tho? Too funnny but dangerous too when u think about the possibilitites and consquences!!
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this
Truth - Either it’s him or someone setting him up. But as I told Willie, I’ll have more later.
I figured most of the blog would not want to touch this one. I know very well how crazy this reads. LOL.
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this
Jazzyone - Fine with me if we move on. I’ve stated my peace.
By Rell
March 6, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this
@melo……dang bruh you too….smh
By SexyLeggs
March 6, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this
I am stunned! Rell, can you prove you’re not Midnight Rider? I’m curiuos. Come on now, this is ridiculous. I know you’re obsessed w/meeting her, but doing it this way has me SMH!
By ImAPeach404
March 6, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this
ALL of the men I’ve ever met who are waiting until marriage for sex tend to have an urgency for marriage.
You might be on to something Dreams. I forgot about this caveat to the story. Bella how old is this guy???
Plenty of dudes would like to be married, but not to any woman, and anybody that is,
Blue I wouldn’t argue with you on that statement, but would like to be married is much different than ready to be married. You can ask a 21 year old would he like to be married and he’d probably say “Yea, one day”.
I had a buddy in germany that decided he was tired of dating and the random sex and refused to participate in the available activities until he was married. Six months later he met Ella and their still married today.
Truth, keyword in your post… decided. If he would have met Ella six months before he decided - we might be reading a different story, with a different womans name.
By Cemeeli
March 6, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this
ROTFLOL @ Grace…Is he obese? The only men I meet who are ready to settle down are the obese. They are ready for some home cooking. Dang!
Hi Darrell!
WillieD it’s gonna be a good one. Get cho’ grab bag…
By Dan
March 6, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this
@Truth
She tried to back out on me. But we got a tentative plan.
@Jazzy
As a former stalkee, that kind of stuff is creepy. I don’t doubt ARed’s sincerity on the issue (why lie?), so I can only assess it from that angle.
But that’s the thing about obessession, it starts out as cute, even flattering, then it turns into ….something else.
By The Truth
March 6, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this
Darrell there’s nothing wrong with you being ready to marry. If you ask every chick you encounter to marry you there is something wrong with you.
Rell deny it and we’ll call it a wrap. Otherwise come clean and at least say you were messin with her. Either way this is starting to get a little weird
By kimmie
March 6, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this
Truth - I did not get to respond to you yesterday again about the Millionaire show. I agree that Patty takes it too far with the pushing the dudes to “spend a lot of money or buy a big ring”. That’s where she cheapens the whole thing. She deals with millionaires, but she obviously knows very little about true class and wealth. Truly wealthy & classy people don’t flaunt the bling-bling or brand-name drop all the time, they don’t have to. Their class speaks for itself. And the last thing they really want is someone hanging on to them because they have money. Thats why a lot of extremely wealthy people marry other extremely wealthy people, or royalty marries royalty. I know people who are really wealthy, and while the wife may have a nice ring, it’s not over the top huge. They put their money in stock or real estate or private school for the kids. Have you ever seen that documentary on, I think MSNBC about Warren Buffet, who Forbes just listed as the richest man in the world now, beating out Bill Gates? He is a smart, humble man. He drives something like a Lincoln Towncar and gives a lot of money to charity and education. He said he provided his own kids with the best educations in the world so they could make it on their own and they are doing well. He said he is leaving all his money to charity when he dies, no spoiled-rotten kids waiting on him to die for a handout. These dudes Patty deals with are millionaires, but a lot might be one stock market crash away from being religated back to a “thousandaire” like the rest of us! She can try to make them spend all that money if she wants to, but they did not get rich blowing all their money on flashy cars & bling. That’s my lesson for today!
On Topic - Bella’s friend creeps me out. I’ve seen dudes like that, it’s not attractive, just like it’s not attractive when a woman acts desperate. I’ve known a few dudes like that and they are straight psycho. I’ve also know guys that were really ready to settle down, but they calmly dated and when they found what they wanted, just didn’t waste time. Those marriages seem to work out. On the other hand, I’ve seen dudes that took 10 years to decide to marry someone, and when they did, in another few years, divorced. Or they string along with someone for 10 years saying he’s not ready, the woman gets tired of waiting around & they break up. He meets someone new & 6 months later they are married. When a guy is ready, he’s ready, and it ain’t gonna happen anytime sooner, unless he’s crazy enough to allow someone to pressure him. Pressure or “shotgun” marriages don’t seem to do well!JMHO
By you're not crazy ARed
March 6, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this
peach glad to hear you are well. i’ve been m.i.a. too for similar reasons…just following momma’s good home training of “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” lol. did you get to check out jill scott last week? i heard it was a great show.
By Binford2K8
March 6, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this
ImAPeach404 Well, I don’t think I show my interest as good as I could. Before I get romantic, I really want to know if this is someone I can log some serious time with so I’m keying on traits and behavior (sounds strange I know). And to me, I can’t be bringing flowers or being overly romantic if I don’t know HOW I feel. That, to me, is phony and trying to lure a woman with a false front.
When I open up, I open up. But I figure if a woman is interested she’ll keep communication and know that I’ll keep communicating and we’ll get to that point. And scary enough, I’m not wanting intimate contact until I know I like her at this point in my life.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
March 6, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this
Hi, Cemeeli.
Truth “If you ask every chick you encounter to marry you there is something wrong with you.”
I totally agree with you, man. There’s definitely something serious underlying any person - man or woman - who uses that sort of “revolving door” approach to marriage.
By Jazzyone
March 6, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this
I didn’t say she lied DAN I said deal with it how you will and lets move on period. She responded to him and it is what it is so she took part in this those are the chances you take when you do things blindly so it will be and is what the fugg it is. This is a Blog man a BLOG. If you use it for dating purposes then those are the chances you take in the shyt.
By SexyLeggs
March 6, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this
JazzyOne, I think it’s only appropriate for her to “out” him here on the blog. In this blog community we still look out for each other if we know something isn’t right. We educate and lift up each other wherever the need is. Only fitting to let the family know not only the “ups” of things going on, but the “downs” as well. This blog is used so often as our own “alert” station, why shouldn’t she update us on how it went w/Midnight Rider? We all gave kudos for a blogger asking her out.
By melo
March 6, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this
On topic:there are men ready to settle but at the rate dude is proposing, it looks suspect.I think he is ready to be admitted to one of the area psychiatric hospitals.A man will focus on getting married and will try to court the right girl, not every two legged silhouttee with a vagina!! That is damn desperate and suspicious…really bordering on the stalkerish tendencies of our own rell When a guy is deperate and annoying..almost, trust me, there are some other mental disorders at play and u are better of running for cover.That simple rule of thumb always works ladies:if its too good to be true or too perfect to be plausible, sniff and withdraw…otherwise we will pick up ur body parts from the dumbster!! Its dangerous out there and i really dread for my 2 daughters!!
By abc
March 6, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this
Bella, your friend sounds a little crazy. Women should run from him like their hair is on fire. Talk about a divorce statistic waiting to happen.
By Willie Dynamite
March 6, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this
Similac no need for the grab bag yet. This just some morning frogginess. No need to draw lines in the sand. Either way we the peanut gallery and we too grown for this she say he say shyt.
This is a decent topic today and hopefully we can get some more good thoughts about it before we get off topic as always.
Morning Leggs
By Blue_Kolla
March 6, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this
Hey Cee, Whassup.
Hmmm… this Rell-N-Red saga is gettin’ thick. LOL
Red I’m with Dreams on this one. You can’t be accusing dude of no serious stalk ish w/o some real evidence. Otherwise you just doin’ a softshoe at The Appollo.
By ImAPeach404
March 6, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this
ALL of the men I’ve ever met who are waiting until marriage for sex tend to have an urgency for marriage.
You might be on to something Dreams. I forgot about this caveat to the story. Bella how old is this guy???
Plenty of dudes would like to be married, but not to any woman, and anybody that is,
Blue I wouldn’t argue with you on that statement, but would like to be married is much different than ready to be married. You can ask a 21 year old would he like to be married and he’d probably say “Yea, one day”.
I had a buddy in germany that decided he was tired of dating and the random sex and refused to participate in the available activities until he was married. Six months later he met Ella and their still married today.
Truth, keyword in your post… decided. If he would have met Ella six months before he decided - we might be reading a different story, with a different womans name.
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this
Jazzyone - I don’t date married men. And like SexyLeggs said, if it originated on the blog, we can talk about it on the blog.
But really, a lot of bloggers have been commenting on his behavior towards me for a while now. It’s simply NOT appropriate and we’ve been chalking it up to “fun and games” some folks can go too far.
Back on-topic
Truth - This story is so inspiring. I really feel that too, because that’s the way God wants it to be as well.
By Rell
March 6, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this
@melo….so are we going to talk about this all day?
By ImAPeach404
March 6, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this
Ok Raqi, I got’cha! That is so special. I love to hear stories like that.
kinder another reason i stay away at times is because of the type of dumb s** Ared pulled earlier. It’s quite silly if you ask me and totally unnecessary. Someone said she is 30… I don’t believe.
Darrell if it seemed like I don’t think men take marriage seriously, that wasn’t the case. I was simply saying that guys decide to get married. I do believe ( or, I hope) that they take it seriously once they make that decision.
Cemeeli hey! Whats up? I haven’t been missing - I peek in on you guys everyday to see what the topics about :-) I’ve been a little busy at work and I mostly post only when I have something to contribute!
By The Truth
March 6, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this
kimmie if this works our for Paul I’m coming in here next week with a 4 carat cubic zirconia ring and asking for your hand in marraige. LMAO (This may not be a good time for jokes like this)
Grace can you cook?
peach for him it was like a switch went off. He just looked at us and said that’s it. It was a wrap. And I’d put money that dude hasn’t cheated one time since they’ve been together. Btw, he was about 6’4 and a hell of a basketball player so he wasn’t a fat dude Grace. LOL I do think at some point a cat can see so much of what he doesn’t like and just get sick of it. Also, she was out slinging azz when they met but they needed each other. It was obvious from the moment they met.
By Simp
March 6, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this
what is the purpose of dating?
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this
You can’t be accusing dude of no serious stalk ish w/o some real evidence.
Kolla - You’re right, but with the exception of what happened on here yesterday, the evidence of all his past weirdo behavior can be read right here on the blog.
By WhatsInAName
March 6, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this
@AmazonRed If you have information to confirm your allegations agains Rell why are you waiting to reveal it? If He has done as you say, it sounds serious enough to put him on blast. Otherwise, you come across as playing games for the drama and the attention.
By Raqi
March 6, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this
You date to marry. If you don’t believe me ask my dad. LOL
By ImAPeach404
March 6, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this
Ok Raqi, I got’cha! That is so special. I love to hear stories like that.
kinder another reason i stay away at times is because of the type of dumb s** Ared pulled earlier. It’s quite silly if you ask me and totally unnecessary. Someone said she is 30… I don’t believe.
Darrell if it seemed like I don’t think men take marriage seriously, that wasn’t the case. I was simply saying that guys decide to get married. I do believe ( or, I hope) that they take it seriously once they make that decision.
Cemeeli hey! Whats up? I haven’t been missing - I peek in on you guys everyday to see what the topics about :-) I’ve been a little busy at work and I mostly post only when I have something to contribute!
By Cemeeli
March 6, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this
WillieD we the peanut gallery and we too grown for this she say he say shyt.
…a select few…
I’m with Darrell and Peach on this; Bella’s friend decided he is ready to marry…ergo he “dates to marry”! Is he overeager? *probably, that all depends on his “motive”.
By Staceye
March 6, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this
** I met a dude like this and after talking to him a times I started to notice his psycho tendencies. Besides calling me al the time and wanting me tochange my life around to spend time with him and that got mad and picked and argument with me would not bend to him. he figured because he was attractive and had money that I would go totally in enema mode (wanting to be up his azz)! WRONG! So I cut him off and funny to say I still get occassional text, VMials and emails from this dude! I’m like we never even dated…you never even sniffed it and you talking all this, “I want to get married” crap. he had the nerve to call me a trophy wife! What the heck kind of crap is that? He is the one that flew over the cuckoo’s nest..and that dude should have landed and stayed!
As I read this morning topic..Bella why do I hear the theme from Psycho playing? LOL It’s like your boy is saying if you are a woman with a pulse with no diseases…let’s get hitched! he should be careful of that. There can be a woman who just wants to get married just cause..and she does a complete 180 oh ole dude! I have an uncle whom Ilike to call serial groom! Dude has been married 4 times since he was 19. It’s like everytime he gets divorced, a full page ad is placed in the paper for any chick desiring to be married. And my God the woman he has married…UGH!!!! he should heave stayed with his 2nd wife…but I concur that marriage is his addiction as crack is to Pookie! LOL
Dreams I co-sign your 9:33 bruh!
Cemeeli I am laughing at Grace’s post too girl! LOL It brings Homer Simpson to mind saying, “mmmmm…burger”! LOL
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this
Truth, keyword in your post… decided. If he would have met Ella six months before he decided - we might be reading a different story, with a different womans name
Hmmm…that’s a good point too.
By SexyLeggs
March 6, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
Good morning WillieD. Open the NaVan last night and took a gulp (LOL) for you! That is some damn good cognac.
Ok, Darrell you come across as a very intelligent, acutely aware of your self and your surroundings. Hope the woman of your dreams and one who is evenly yoked w/you come into your lift soon. You sound like a gem that shouldn’t be sitting in the sun all by yourself.
Bella, although your friend has decided he wants to get married, he shouldn’t be going down the train station ramp randomly picking women in the hopes that one will say yes. I too am curious. How old is he?
By kimmie
March 6, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
Truth - Alright, Truth, I said it didn’t have to be over-the-top, but it should at least be a real diamond!LOL Not tacky, didn’t say be CHEAP!!LOL!! But hey, you did go 4 carat, so I guess your heart is in the right place:)!
By Jazzyone
March 6, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
No Sexyleggs You commented on it allot of us didn’t and just moved on past it like we do with many of her ALL day posts. AMRED I don’t give a mufugg who you date.
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this
If He has done as you say, it sounds serious enough to put him on blast.
So tell me this, Name, if he’s only done say 80% of it, would it be serious enough?
If I “look” a certain way by the approach I’ve used, so be it.
By Dan
March 6, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this
@Simp
What is the purpose of dating?
No offense, but is a bullet dangerous?
The purpose of any activity that one would engage in is defined solely by that person. As we’ve seen here, different people assess situations from varying viewpoints one man’s meat, is another man’s vegetables.
So you define the purpose. As you define yourself, and your goals
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
March 6, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this
Peach
My bad if my earlier response made it seem as if you were making the point that men don’t take marriage seriously because, actually, you and I are on the same page. I just think that guys sometimes get caught up in this pseudo-machismo mindset where we think it makes us more of a man to not reveal that we have needs and feelings, too (as if that’s just a “female thang”.)
I’ve always believed that a man who is truly secure in himself is one who is willingly transparent about those things and who doesn’t give a damn who knows it or what others might think about it. Which is excatly why I have no qualms at all about acknowledging my own desire to get married. Hell, I don’t have anything to prove to anyone, so why not be real about it, right?
By Blue_Kolla
March 6, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this
Red You’re right, but with the exception of what happened on here yesterday, the evidence of all his past weirdo behavior can be read right here on the blog.
That’s trash.
What’s @AmazonRed If you have information to confirm your allegations agains Rell why are you waiting to reveal it? If He has done as you say, it sounds serious enough to put him on blast. Otherwise, you come across as playing games for the drama and the attention.
That’s Word. ‘Cause if you were still investigatin’, you should’ve kept all that extra up under your hat until you knew for sure.
I cain’t stand a minutha finucka that tries to make somebody look bad… and then talkin’ ‘bout I’m gon’ show you later. So now you got peeps lookin’ at dude sideways, and if it ain’t him then all you can do is say, “I’m sorry.” Nikkas and nikkettes need to keep they mouth shut sometime.
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this
AMRED I don’t give a mufugg who you date.
Then feel free to keep it moving as well, Jazzyone. Every reply to this situation keeps it going.
By Jazzyone
March 6, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this
No Sexyleggs You commented on it allot of us didn’t and just moved on past it like we do with many of her ALL day posts. AMRED I don’t give a mufugg who you date.
By Jazzyone
March 6, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this
No Sexyleggs You commented on it allot of us didn’t and just moved on past it like we do with many of her ALL day posts. AMRED I don’t give a mufugg who you date.
By DreamsMaterialize
March 6, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this
Cemeeli Are you participating in the repartee? I see you often in the audience.
Peach Yeah you gotta be careful with those “I’m waiting until marriage” dudes. When he does get married, I don’t give it more than two years.
ARed Come on over here by me. I won’t let the blalkers (blog stalkers) get you. ;-)
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
March 6, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
SexyLeggs “Hope the woman of your dreams and one who is evenly yoked w/you come into your lift soon.”
So do I. :-) (And thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it.)
By AmazonRed
March 6, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this
Kolla - That’s trash huh? LOL. Okay.
You can cry me a river on the rest. I don’t care what you can and can not stand.
By Raqi
March 6, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this
and who doesn’t give a damn who knows it or what others might think about it.
Darrell IMO A true man doesn’t care. He is living his life for himself and only himself. Very good statement.
By SlimOne
March 6, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this
Hi All, long time no blog…getting over a migraine…take a peak in and folks are becoming Virtual Stalkers…In the voice of Flavor Flav Wooooow!
By Blue_Kolla
March 6, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
Darrell I’ve always believed that a man who is truly secure in himself is one who is willingly transparent about those things and who doesn’t give a damn who knows it or what others might think about it. Which is excatly why I have no qualms at all about acknowledging my own desire to get married.
Hey I think that the editor over at “Women’s Weekly” would like to meet with you on a story for their upcoming “There’s Still Hope” edition.
By ImAPeach404
March 6, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this
You’re not crazy, did you forget to change your screen name back? Lol! No, I didn’t see Jilly from Philly. I do love her though. I’m sure it was great - I wouldn’t expect anything else from her!
If you ask every chick you encounter to marry you there is something wrong with you.
Well said Truth
Binford ok, I gotcha. I’m one of those people that needs interest shown before I feel comfortable showing interest - which I’m sure causes a lot of problems! I agree, no being overly romantic before you are sure. Very wise.
Sexy I know you weren’t talking to me and I wasn’t here yesterday, but just coming up on the situation today… the problem with the post was it came off as childish.
I should tell his wife… guess what he did… what do yall think… pretending like an email from her is some type of prize… pulling his “MLB” card…
It was Silly. Period.
My apologies for the double posts
By Tazzee
March 6, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this
ImAPeach404 Hey Lady! Good to read you and glad you’re doing fine. Please don’t let the silly stuff keep you off-blog, just ignore it and bless us with your insight.
On-topic Yes, I’ve met men that are eager beavers in the marriage department. Met one last fall. I felt like he held me up to a checklist when he met me. I told him first date that I didn’t want to have kids but I think my beauty and winning personality had him hang around for a little while longer, LOL. At the end of our first date, when he said he wanted to see me again I told him I was surprised at that fact since he was, as he stated, ‘purposefully dating’ - but we hung out a few more times. There never was a spark there for me but I was hoping we could be friends. He wasn’t looking for a friend, he was looking for a wife and since I wasn’t interested in birthin’ no babies he ended communication.
Today is my Friday!!! I’m headed to 4 days of debauchery in Vegas. ….well, debauchery-lite
By The Truth
March 6, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this
Simp dating is an obsolete term. It puts unnecessary pressure on the two participants. Try just breaking bread or conversating with someone or just getting to know them. If at some time you would like to be exclusive with someone let them know that and wait for their response. If they say yes cool. If they say no STALK THEM. LMAO No need for all the hubbub. just enjoy the person for what they are and decide what you want to do longterm later.
Blogsville I’m kind of confused here. We have seen this thing unfold in front of our eyes yet when it’s brought out you all shoot Ared down. Is it because you don’t like her personally (blogwise) or you do like Rell? To me this incident is as valid as any other nonsense we talk about on here daily. Someone please enlighten me.
Kimmie you’re right and I apologize. If I go with real rocks I’m gonna have to downsize to maybe a quarter carat and a marraige ceremony by Elvis in vegas where I’ll be gambling trying to win back the loot I put into the stone. Sorry hun but the economy is killing me. LOL did you get to see Paul yet?
By SexyLeggs
March 6, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
ARed, just speak on your evidence and this will surely move along!
By kimmie
March 6, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
Darrell- I’m feeling your posts. Your positive spirit will attract a like-minded woman(yeah, I’ve watched The Secret!).
Staceye - I swear I think you & I know the same psycho dude! Also, there was this guy that goes to my church I call a “serial groom”. Before he could get out of one marriage, he was in another. I know of 3 marriages for sure, but my mother used to say she bet it’s been more. He’s cooled down though, after this last one did not work out. It’s been about 10 years now, but that last divorce seemed to really rock him & he has not remarried, just helping raise his daughter. He was getting a little creepy there for awhile, though.
By Cemeeli
March 6, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this
Blue
Nikkas and nikkettes need to keep they mouth shut sometime.
…you know i’m not trippin for real. But i ain’t never been called a nikkette.
Blue: Cee nikkette shut yo’ @ up.
Peach you came off the ‘Lurkers Perch’ with the right word and on a good day. Hay now!
Staceye…you are wrong for puttin Homer Simpson in it….Lol.
By Staceye
March 6, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this
Slim yeahhhhh booooooyyyyyy! (matching your Flavor Flav voice) LOL Where you been?
By SeanJohnson3000
March 6, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this
Sup Blog…regarding the topic..dude bella described….has an agenda…and its the same agenda a lot of females 28-40 have…which is to get married..nothing wrong with it if you make your ententions known….the thing is….when you dont make them known yet you do put on an oscar winnning performance fooling the other party going through the motions of being the ideal mate only to NOT be that person once u get married..then it comes out that it wasnt really bout loving and being with that person til death do you part and more about wanting to be married..selfish.
By Simp
March 6, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this
Dan truedat. if a person is te