Misadventures in Atlanta

By Definition

February 27, 2008 8:12 AM | Link to this

Succumb - to yield to superior strength or force or overpowering appeal or desire

By Rell

February 27, 2008 8:36 AM | Link to this

Men have the capacity to Lead two women at the same time…love, only one at a time…..one will be for love the other for lust…or they switch roles…and like definition stated…ya boy rich is way wrong on the succumb part..no man succumbs to a women….what part of the game is that

By pisces08

February 27, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this

Morning All. I’m not really familiar with the succumb part, I disagree. I think it is possible for a man to love two women. The “love” will be of differing levels, and may/will include a lust factor. One woman may do to him the things he most desires. While the other may provide an inner need.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 27, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this

Morning, all. :-)

WiseDiva, with all due respect to your friend, I must disagree with his position that men don’t “fall” in love.

Men absolutely do “fall” in love, but whether we “fall” or “succumb” is simply a matter of semantics. As I see it, the larger issue here is not the difference between men and women relative to what we call the process of loving someone, but how we might differ in managing that process. And in that context, we’re ALL different - whether male or female. It’s how we handle the process that results in our loving (or not loving) the person, regardless of what label we attach to it.

To that end, yes, I think it is possible for a man to love two women, but I also think such a scenario does not bode well for the character of the man (or woman, such as the case may be.)

By Beautiful

February 27, 2008 8:47 AM | Link to this

Wow! Excellent question WiseDiva. I never really thought about my ex loving the women he cheated with. I mean, if he did love (her) them, he would have done for her as he did for me right? From what I understand, he needed someone who would listen to him more, like a therapist (and of course sex). After speaking with several of them, he went to them for what I didn’t provide. To a woman, that’s a lame excuse for cheating, but to a man it’s apparently a valid reason to be selfish. Throughout the eight years I don’t recall him coming to me and saying “this is what’s bothering me”. Fellas, would you or do you go to her and state what’s on your mind? Please do, cause we can’t read your mind. But no, I don’t think a guy can love two females at the same time.

By QC

February 27, 2008 8:50 AM | Link to this

Happy Hump Day Bloggers..enjoy!

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this

Morning all. Hope you had a good birthday Darrell.

Good responses from the men thus far. I had no idea that men didn’t fall in love. Glad to see the fellas on here dispel that.

I’ve definitely had feelings for different guys at the same time, but I’ve never been in love with two people at the same time. From my experiences, I don’t think it’s really possible.

WiseDiva - I’d like to hear more about your friend Richard. He seems angry and/or bitter or something. Did he just get dumped or does he always make statements like that?

By Raqi

February 27, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

The whole truth and nothing but. In fact both women will be lied to. There is no way to equally love two people and one of them not get shorted. Questions of your whereabouts and actions will arise prompting one to lie thru their teeth or come clean. And I haven’t met a woman yet that will gladly accept a relationship where she has to share. Even when it’s a mistress it’s only a matter of time.

Now on men succumbing, my brother the psychoanalyst told me this when I sought his advice during my early days with the man, he said “man chooses to love whom he will”. After talking to him in depth I accepted what he had to say. Woman fall in love because it is in our nature to bond. We are nurturers by nature.

And Rell that’s just it. It is not part of the game. It is the truth. Some men grow up and ditch the “game” to have a meaningful relationship.

By kimmie

February 27, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this

Rell & Truth - Okay, did you see Millionaire Matchmaker last night? The rollerskating guy was a trip! He did not want to take any suggestions, but HE is the one that is 39 & hasn’t been in a relationship in 10 years! He came to HER for help to find dates! And was it just me or did his date look alot like Ivana Trump?

On topic- I think one can love 2 people for different reasons, but I can’t see a deep “romantic” type of love going on with more than one person. JMHO

By Page1908

February 27, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

Rell are you serious? Why does everything have to be a game? smdh

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 27, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

Beautiful “Fellas, would you or do you go to her and state what’s on your mind?”

I absolutely do. I may have my faults and shortcomings, but communication isn’t one of them. At times, however, the ability to articulate my needs and concerns so “effectively” has been both a blessing and a curse for me, because I tend to “wear my emotions on my sleeves”, so to speak. Meaning, if something’s bothering me, you’ll definitely know it, and chances are you’ll never even have to ask me “Is something wrong?”

I’m just a firm believer that clear, unambiguous communication is the best thing for a healthy relationship, because all the other benefits of being together flow from that - being able to communicate openly and candidly to one another - without fear of reprisal.

By Rell

February 27, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

@beautiful..if every man told his women what was really on his mind..he would crush you as a women…we dont say things or just left things unsaid because we have the ability to adjust to the situation and we TRY and make it work in our favor..now the other side to this is how and when we meet you under what state of mind…because we may meet you in our “seeding” days and say we care but really dont..we just care about your sex or how you look on our arm….feel me…different stages..but please dont ask us to tell you what is on our minds because you will not like the answer…i had the question posed to me

Why do men go to strip clubs..by my SO…i said to look at what we dont have at home…..guess how that went over….yea not good…that attacked the self image….so i have learned to stop answering truthfully to idle questions

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 27, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this

Thanks, Amazon, and yes, it was a good one. :-)

By SlimOne

February 27, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this

kimmie & Truth I saw the Millionaire Matchmaker last night. Did you get the feeling that the guy from New Jersey seemed a little weird? His date also seemed a little fake to me. The Rollerskating kid was just that a grown azz Kid. And was he living in the Bates Motel???

By melo

February 27, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

One of the reasons there are so many cases of AIDS in some parts of Africa is becoz, culturally and customarily, having more than one wife is allowed.By extension, single men date more than one girl in some instances and it may be viewed as more like a badge of honor(not condemned in the strongest of terms)This applies even in non-Islamic countries where traditional customs allow more than one wife.So to answer ur qs Wise, yes it is possible for a man to love more than one woman.The customary restrictions in Europe and USA create this illusion(in my view) that it is not possible simply becoz the law enforces not having more than one woman when married.Our laws condition us men to have only one women but i think the fact that others even try to date more than one women(thru cheating) suggets that if given a chance,man can pull it off.I partly agree with Rell and Pisces on the lust factor but i must add that in other instances, u may truely love two pple differently and have a hard time choosing who to pick.I have not had the experience tho.The reason pple lie then Wise is becoz it is not the culturally and legally correct thing to do, and not so much about the feelings the man feels inside for the women involved.(if u get my drift) thanx Raqi on ur messge yesterday.

By Rell

February 27, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

@page/raqi…did not mean game literally, and out of all i typed that is all you can focus on…yea shake your head at yourself…

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

I truly believe that one can love more than one at a time. Been there done that..Its quite possible and some can, some can’t.

I agree with some men ditching the game and grow up or prepare themselves for something better in their lives. On their grown man looking for one on her grown woman.

By SexyLeggs

February 27, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. I’d like to apologize for throwing in that recipe yesterday when the vibe was flowing so well. Now, let me read to see what’s going on.

By Raqi

February 27, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

Page I know. Forget the flicking game. Grow the hell up and stop chasing cheap arse.

By The Truth

February 27, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Having loved 2 women at the same time I know its possible. I dated a woman for a year and a half while stationed at Ft Stewart while being engaged to my wife. The women were exact opposites of each other but both very good at what they did. Really neither would have been a bad selection but both at the same time was heaven. Admittedly the second woman was more the lustful situation a few spoke of but I grew to love her just the same. She was more the friend/sex partner type while my ex was the straight wifey material.

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this

The whole truth and nothing but. In fact both women will be lied to. There is no way to equally love two people and one of them not get shorted.

Raqi - Great point! I’m really interested to see if any guy on here can really claim they LOVED two women at the same time. Sounds like it could be a very painful experience.

By Page1908

February 27, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

Raqi ^5, I know, right! I mean come on, Rell. Yes, that is what I chose to focus on in your post, because that is what YOU chose to talk about on a daily basis on this blog. I’m just trying to understand why you haven’t been able to get passed that type of mentality. To me, it seems like a lot of work to be always thinking about the game. It would seem as though you would be tired of always having your brain consumed with rhetoric such as that on a regular basis. Doesn’t that get old after a while?

By Beautiful

February 27, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

BigD good morning. can i ask how old you are? i hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday.

thanks for your response. do you think if would be overkill to go to him and ask him if he wants to talk ABOUT ANYTHING? It can be about work, friends, family, etc. this would be a great time to give a back massage so he can relax and feel comfortable.

By Raqi

February 27, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Whitebread told me loved me. Even after we parted ways he said that he did truly love me. Part of me wanted to believe that, but the logical side of me said that he could not have because he was married to another. He was lying to both of us. But I gave him something that his wife didn’t and wouldn’t give him. I gave him a son. Not on purpose but it happened. In his last attempt to try to get me, he stated that fact and said he loved me for it. That dude is one charming, slick SOB.

melo what message are you speaking of?. The congrats? Yeah congratulations dude.

By Ga. Man

February 27, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

We as people…have an inner desire to fall in love. SOME may never admit it, but we all do

I think it is possible to Love two women at one time…like it has been stated already they both can give different things(Not saying it is right)

You have to Love yourself first and not be stupid, then others can see the true value in YOU this makes it easier for them to love you

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

February 27, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Mernin.. I disagree.. I think men have the capacity to love more than one woman at a time.. You love one woman for certain qualities and you love another for other qualities.. Its very Possible..

I’m gonna keep it 1 hunnid this morning.. I loved my girlfriend just as much as I loved my wife.. Actually my girlfriend kept my home life cool. I’m not proud of that because that was one of the things that ultimately ruined my marriage. I had always dated and been in relationships with more than one woman so i thought I could still do it while married. Unfortunately it didnt work out like that especially when girlfriend wanted more time than I could give her.. I said when I got married I would never cheat but a series of events kinda made me seek out the affection I wasnt getting at home and the rest is history.. It was me that could have not gone outside my marriage but the crazy homelife made it easier to get at someone who always had eyes for you.. Although I was WRONG..

Men succumb to marriage not love.

By Rell

February 27, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

@page…..i am not going to hijack the blog to explain my post….just know some things are tongue and cheek period…and i dont feel my head with useless knowledge..you have no idea what i read or fill my thoughts with..feel me..and this is the end of back and forth with you today

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Happy belated B’day Darrell One of the main reasons that Africa has a extreme case of AIDS is not because of multiple wives its because of the unprotected sex of people who are infected and the no medical coverage and lack of funding and money and resources as well as lack of education, man I tell ya.

By DasV

February 27, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

good morning good ppl

i cannot get with the whole premise that anyone falls in love.

i could not, would not be flattered by a man ‘succumbing’ to or ‘falling in love’ with me. i am a goddess, but i dont wish that…. my preference would be for a man to use his mind and make a conscientious choice/decision to love me, first with his mind and then his body. bring it!

that having been said, a man (or woman) COULD decide to love two or more at the same time, but as darrell said, that would really speak to their poor character to do so.

theTruth mornin! how did you break it off with the lust factor…self-respect intact??

Beautiful when i watched raisin the other night i had the same question…. cause the combs’ character had that problem…. he could not articulate what exactly was his problem. and then i was confused cause he got some money and he was all loving, and attentive and completely different…. cause of some money??!

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 27, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

Beautiful “do you think if would be overkill to go to him and ask him if he wants to talk ABOUT ANYTHING?”

Speaking only for myself, it would be like heaven for me to have a woman actually approach me with that question, because it would convey to me that, at least for that moment, she’s focusing only on me and my needs, which would motivate me to reciprocate in-kind. As I’ve said many times on this blog, it’s all about keeping your mate’s “love tank” full and being proactive in that way is definitely one way to keep mine running over. :-)

As for your “other” question, you’ll have to e-mail me for that info. :-) (darrellbharrison@bellsouth.net)

By Blue_Kolla

February 27, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

What up Blog…

Considering how men view/perceive love, is it possible for a man to love two women?

Well let me ask Solomon, the wisest of wise men, and Man of many wives.

Solomon: Absolutely. But honestly, would it be wise in these times? Resist these temptations.

LMAO @ Rell Why do men go to strip clubs..by my SO…i said to look at what we dont have at home…..guess how that went over….yea not good…

By Beautiful

February 27, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this

Rell i can’t do anything right then. and according to what you posted, why try. i’ll keep that in mind. btw, if he wants to go to the stripper clubs, have fun! i’ll see ya when you get home. :)

By abc

February 27, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this

Men and women are not different in this regard. To assert that they are is ridiculous. Of course people can be in love with more than one person at a time; look at the entire history of literature, where do you think the idea came from?

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 27, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this

DK “Men succumb to marriage not love.”

LOL!!!! Good one. :-)

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

Raqi, Page - Don’t hurt em today. LOL.

As for the rest of the commentary, I can see that the ones who have loved 2 at the same time loved on different levels. Does lust = love?

By Bre'

February 27, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

Of course anyone can love more than one person at a time. I don’t think its gender based. And the whole fall in love thing I really can’t get with; even as a women. I really feel one makes a choice to love who they want to.

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

Beautiful - going back to your 8:47…you said you spoke to “several of them.” Are you saying you sat down and had conversations with the trollops that were going out with your man when he was cheating?

By Rell

February 27, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

@beautiful..the funny thing is this..if people would be the best them for there mate…then all these questions or thoughts of someone coming in on the side would not be possible…if you give energy to it then it may happen…but folks are negative..no one gives energy when they get with someone to be the best them…what happens is folks start to think how to lock the person down or make them do what i want them to do….things of that nature…not let me eat right, work out, keep my money right, plan events, communicate..and not just about the day work, bills, etc….feel me…change your focus…

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

Loving two people at the same time doesn’t always equate to lies, cheating etc, there are situations and circumstances and all parties are aware that prevent two people being able to come together etc that doesn’t mean you fall out of love with that person, but one can manage to move on and fall for another..its not always so black and white or negative as the blog tone always leans towards..Gee wiz.

By Blue_Kolla

February 27, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

Raqi Even after we parted ways he said that he did truly love me. Part of me wanted to believe that, but the logical side of me said that he could not have because he was married to another. He was lying to both of us.

He may not have been in love with you, but trust me, he loved you.

A person’s ego is what stops them from believing that a person can love them and someone else. If you have two children, you love them both; two grandma, you love them both; two brothers, you love them both; same principle. It’s the in love thing that brings on the trickery.

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

February 27, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Love comes in phases.. I my book your love stock could be great one day and take a tumble the next.. This gives the other woman a boost on her bell curve.. However there is that time when both the lines intersect at the same point thus making the love for both women the same.. The women never start at the same point but life helps them trade positions.. A second stringer can become the first stringer in a heart beat if the starter isnt perfoming well. Sorry..

By kimmie

February 27, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

Slim - Yes, the NJ guy actually kinda gave me the creeps. And his date was very fake, seemed a little like a “beauty pagent contestant”! Seems like he was looking for a little fake blond type though, so they’ll be perfect for each other! I think the reason why he can’t find any dates in the NJ/NYC area is because he wants the fake plastic Barbie type & maybe the local ladies are a little too real for him! The first girl was not as worldly, but probably way more real! I think it was a bad idea to have such exotic food on a first date like that, all that raw seafood! Suppose she had been allergic? And looks like it was room service! Yet you take the other girl on a helicopter ride and dinner - I think she got the shaft! Yeah, the other guy was just an overgrown beach bum! And isn’t it ironic that he told Patty he did not want to be set up anymore, but yet as the credits were coming up it said he is presently dating ANOTHER lady from the dating service?!

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

Jazzyone - You are cracking me up this morning. But you’ve made some very good points. Stuff to think about.

By Beautiful

February 27, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK my child support payment is late!!! don’t let me have to call … … . wait, your not my ex. your post described him to a tee. my bad. lol.

will you cheat again if you had the opportunity?

By Blue_Kolla

February 27, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

Jazzy Loving two people at the same time doesn’t always equate to lies, cheating etc, there are situations and circumstances and all parties are aware that prevent two people being able to come together etc that doesn’t mean you fall out of love with that person, but one can manage to move on and fall for another..

I’m wit’chu on a lotta lines of reasoning, but does this here throw you into the Playa column?

By SexyLeggs

February 27, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

Yes, a man can love two women at the same time, but for different reasons. Each woman brings a different side to the man. Whether it’s more sexiness, better romance, a better ear, or even kinder words. Yes, he can love two at the same time.

By QC

February 27, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

Page Girl, check out the email i just sent you…

Hey Jazzy, BK (smooches)

What’s up Darrell…

By DreamsMaterialize

February 27, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Morning

People can love more than one person at a time, and it can even be done without lying. The lying is a by-product of the fact that our culture makes it taboo to be with more than one woman. Remove that cultural restriction (such as in other countries) and the need for the lies vanishes.

Beautiful In Raisin In the Sun, Walter Lee’s problems weren’t really the money. It was the fact that he had big, unfulfilled dreams, and (most importantly) those he loved most seemed not to support or understand him. So, getting the money made him feel that his mom trusted and supported his dreams.

By SeanJohnson3000

February 27, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Sup Blog…regarding the topic and reading some of the responses…how can someone put a limit or limitation on who you love and say its possible to only love one? Women act like they dont love more than one person at a time..Rell’s post was the truth..and yall are not always able to handle the truth and how men really think.

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Whoo wee…we got some (former) cheatin dogs on this site! But thanks for your candor and sharing your experience with us today. Hopefully it’s something you won’t do again?

The dating game is a cruel place boy…

By Beautiful

February 27, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

ARed yes i did. there were a couple of them who were very nice and helpful. but there were three who i wanted to get my hands on: Cely (the main one), a chick from Sacramento, and the one he married. today, i really appreciate what they all did though. i was so blind back then.

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

AMRED loving more than one had nothing to do with lust.. not for me anyway I know the difference…

By The Truth

February 27, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

Das self respect is never an issue for a dude, well most of the time. Those are tags women put on it. The other chick went into the air force after I left and went to Ga Southern. BTW, she knew the whole time I was seeing my ex.

Kimmie I saw that one. I was confused becuase skate boy and that chick seemed to be having a great time then it was over. I thought the NJ and the NC girl would be the ones. I think when she told skate boy to spend alot of money on her he lost it. His head dropped and his whole mood changed. Can you imagine a chick saying “your a millionaire spend alot of money for a date”? The matchmaker really is wack and I wouldn’t listen to her azz either. Then again I wouldn’t spend 10,000 for some chick to hook me up with a chick I could meet at Barnes and Nobles either.

Melo one of the reasons africa has the large aids cases it does is because of the prostitution and unprotected sex. These guys go knock off some hooker without a jimmy and then go home to wifey.

Question: Does anyone have an email address where I can send a note to our congressman saying “I dont give a fugg if Roger Clemens used HGH or not, concentrate on your fugging job”? Try Bush for lying to the country you cowards. THank you The truth LOL

Pamela anderson has dropped another one after a few months. How many folks in blogsville have been married more than once and how many times?

By Blue_Kolla

February 27, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

DasV …my preference would be for a man to use his mind and make a conscientious choice/decision to love me, first with his mind and then his body.

Sorry babygurl, but real choices like that don’t start getting made until at least 3 months down the line. Up til that point, most dudes are wingin’ it.

By 6'1 & luvinit (aka Don' it All)

February 27, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

Hey everybody!!! I couldn’t get online any yesterday. My lights were out at home, Lights were out at the vendor site that I had to visit and my laptop was not charged up. I missed you all. Happy Belate B’day Darrell. I did catch up last night but unfortunately I couldn’t post. Wise, you have been reading my diary.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 27, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

What’s up, QC (a.k.a. “Waitin’ on 5ive”). :-)

By Raqi

February 27, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

Unfortunately it didnt work out like that especially when girlfriend wanted more time than I could give her.. Yep It always happen that way.

BlueK Why did I know someone was going to try to bring up a mother’s love? It ain’t the same. Take it from a mother of two and wife of one. It ain’t the same.

By Beautiful

February 27, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

SexyLeggs Whether it’s more sexiness, better romance, a better ear, or even kinder words

from what i gathered, it was the kind words that he seeked. that really hurt my heart, because i don’t rememeber NOT saying kind words and thanking him, etc.

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

February 27, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

Beauty You know I’m a little older now and more in tuned to what I need from a woman. I dont think I will ever get married again just have a ole life partner that has her spot and I have mine..

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

February 27, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

Morning All!! I see its going ot be interesting today.

Hey Page1908

Rell Why do men go to strip clubs..by my SO…i said to look at what we dont have at home…..guess how that went over….yea not good… In my opinion, you could have said this with a different outcome. As adults you have to know how to talk to people period. Some people can handle info straight with no chaser and others need tact. Some people would call it sugar coating. I mean really, think of how many different ways you could have said that, but it sounds like you wanted to strike up a ruckus. (And since you are who you are that fits! lol) You are a mess. You can still answer truthfully….

Hey GAMan! How are you

on topic, I dont believe you can actually love two people and pursue relationships with both. Like someone stated already, someone will lose out.

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

No Blue Nope no player here all parties involved knew we were not in exclusive relationships no games to play not my style but I have loved more than one at one period of time. Had to move forward circumstances prevented us from moving forward as I returned to the states and left him behind but fell in love when I returned with another still loved the other…its quite possible.

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

Beautiful - Damn. Your man cheated with all those women? I hope you got your hands on him. Or at least put some ground up glass in his food. LOL

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 27, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

DK “just have a ole life partner that has her spot and I have mine..”

Anyone else get a vision of DK and his “life partner” sitting in rocking chairs across from each other listening to old New Edition CDs while reflecting on the “good ole days”. LOL!

By Blue_Kolla

February 27, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

Queen ;)

Truth Google “Write Your Congressman”

Raqi Why did I know someone was going to try to bring up a mother’s love? It ain’t the same. Take it from a mother of two and wife of one. It ain’t the same.

Not being confrontational, but would you please reread my entire post and employ some deductive reasoning? My last line said exactly that. I’m gon’ chalk this one up to left-brain right-brain thought processes.

By Beautiful

February 27, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK awww. don’t say that. i truly believe in second chances. and you should give yourself that second chance at being happy and finding a wife/life partner. you and i both have learned something that is so valuable, better than money. do yourself a favor and don’t cheat yourself out of something that can be so beautiful. do you have or want kids? there’s probably nothing better than having a baby with your wifey than an SO.

By The Truth

February 27, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

Beautiful its not the kinder words or anything other than people cheat. I never ever cheated to hurt my wife, I cheated to pleasure myself. Don’t try to understand it just accept it. A man is as faithful as his options. You judging a dude on his faithfulness is like him getting mad because you have a cycle once amonth.

A lady friend told me monday that women basically downgrade men afte childbirth because she found what she truelly wanted, unconditional love from a child. Mothers, how do you feel about that?

“Men succumb to marriage not love”

Thats tight.

By Raqi

February 27, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Love happens as a result of time spent, activities shared, feelings expressed with your whole being. Are you all honestly saying that a person can be out their doing this equally with two different people? How does one turn on and off that switch from one person to the other? I love my husband and I am in love with him. I cannot see myself leaving the house and going to be with another man and having the same depth of feelings that I just left at home. Why would I need the two?

I can see where some have sex just for the thrill with another. But love I can’t.

I stated I think last week, that I was sweet on this guy Randy when I got with the man. The more time I spent with the man, the less my interest was for Randy. I didn’t need both of them.

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

February 27, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

D Lord willin we will be on some cruise ship or foreign beach in those rocking chairs..

By DasV

February 27, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

dreams that was me wit the raisin question…. thanks for the insight.

seanJ rell’s post was based on immature, irresponsible choices and i think everyone was shocked that it sounds like he still thinks that way.

its as asinine as a cheating man saying i tripped and my d* fell in her… i dont know who she is. what? it just doesnt happen… couldnt happen.

women can love two ppl at the same time but most of us choose not to… we recognize and acknowledge or feelings but we choose to respect the first choice, whateva came first. men dont seem to value or esteem what or who came first. which speaks to a persons loyalty, which is very serious.

thePasta u kill me with your unscathed livin. all your lessons learned in marriage then eh??

BluK mornin…. re what you said: then we are kickin it for 3 months… till him know what him feel.

By 900K aka Mr 2008

February 27, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

Mornin Team - 1st off its kinda strange that we have a discussion goin on ONE mans view of the love world. I am not capable of loving 2 chix at once, nor do I believe that Many men are able to. If you are the exception and in love with 2 women at once then someone is being lied to… YOU, you’re lying to yourself if you think what you feel is love for both of these women. I will not attemp to answer or give an opinion on the issue of women fallin in love with multi men, nor do I believe any woman could give an accurate answer on how & why a man can be In love w/ multi women. The exceptions I think are the men that will actually have two wives & families at once, but there is always a primary target for our affection. I believe in cases like these the Man has fallen in love with the Convenience of the situation more so than all of his wives.

By Rell

February 27, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

@MO, ruckus..not even….that was asked after the club and after a session…during “pillow talk” time..its like this….i have a thing for petite slim women…so when i got to the strip club i seek them out…just for the eye candy that is all…now my SO is opposite of that…i dont go to the club to seek out that thick big booty ga peach…i can look at that at home….naw i want to see what i dont get to see on a daily basis..it is called variety…i have to scratch that urge somehow….hey online porn does not cut it all the time…..and really mo, i am not the ruckus type of dude…i just read that way…peace is my motto…because i know how irritional i think when angered…and if i speak it then i act on it…period

By Beautiful

February 27, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

ARed yea! where you been? can you see why i had to leave now? it wasn’t pretty. it was so unreal to me. my life, everything was destroyed. and my poor babies. i could have went back a million times, but he would have cheated again. he calls me now saying he will never love anyone more than me. wtf! dude, aren’t you married???

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

Man put abortion pills in lover’s food

Goodness, what is the world coming to? Why do folks feel they won’t get caught?

By QC

February 27, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

yes i’m waiting & sleepy i’ll be aight…check back in here later

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Beautiful - I definitely see now. I know you left for a cheating man, but I didn’t know how bad it was and how he flaunted it so much in your face. He’s dirt.

So you left, but in June you’re going back there?

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

February 27, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Beauty I have a wonderful son with my EX that we co parent so I dont want anymore kids.. Its not a bad thing not bitter about marriage. I just like being at home alone sometimes.. More than I like living with someone.. I love the fact that I can come home and shut the world out at the fortress of solitude.

By chrissy

February 27, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

@ melo

In an ealier post you discussed Africa and men having more than one woman. I am from Africa and yes back in the day men openly had more than one wife. today alot of deciet/lies are involved in having more than one woman.

By Blue_Kolla

February 27, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

thePasta? LMAO DasV you are f/k stoopid as hayo. hahahaha I’m ‘bout tah choke on these graham crackers.

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

Truth, **DK - Was there anything your fiance/wife could have done to make you not cheat at the time? Or was it just a purely selfish decision?

By The Truth

February 27, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

Beautiful you know I luv your azz like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but I cannot figure out this post.

“do yourself a favor and don’t cheat yourself out of something that can be so beautiful. do you have or want kids? there’s probably nothing better than having a baby with your wifey than an SO.”

your projecting your wants and desires on someone else. The vast majority of men don’t go around thinking “I can’t wait to have kids”. They entertain the idea when they meet a woman they feel is suitable, not before. Or when some chick gives them that phone call. For most fellas children is the last thing on the list of things that will bring them joy.

Bk I’m going to do that. As a matter of fact i’m going to send a note to the head of that committee telling him to chill the fug out. So, if I go missing know they got the message and sent the goon squad for me. Y’all put your pennies together and get me a good lawyer. LOL

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

February 27, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Raq Thats the difference between men and women.. The laws of the jungle.

By Raqi

February 27, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

Each woman brings a different side to the man. Sexy sounds like a case of split personalities.

By Rell

February 27, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

@DASV…immature….wow!!!….is that what you think..how is what i said immature….and all this assuming on how i think is crazy..but keep goin….lol..so you have all the answer…ok ladyda…lay it on me..what did i say that was so immature

By Page1908

February 27, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

QC YEAH! I saw that email.

ARed Girl, I am gonna leave it alone today, lol.

By THE FILTHY VILLIANOUS DK

February 27, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

AR No. Because once a man starts looking at the front door especially after he has seriously tried to make it work.. She’s toast. Something in the relationship dropped her stock.. We are very unforgiving creatures..

Most women think they are the perfect mates when in actually they are more like broomhilda than Cinderella..

By Beautiful

February 27, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

ARed yes i’m moving back June 1. my intentions were to stay here, find a SO and be happy. things changed, plus my heart has healed. i’ve been thinking about taking Truth’s advice and give it some more time, but i don’t know right now.

DK i understand.

By Blue_Kolla

February 27, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Truth Had {THIS](http://www.irstaxattorney.com/elecmail.html) in my favs.

By DasV

February 27, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

bluKolla did you read how that mayne was puttin it down yesterday??! him dont have to have on his cloak for me to know whats up.

u blog bruhs was helpin me yesterday…. cause you know i got two lil mens at home. had my head in my hands just reading and reflectin yesterday…. wonderin how my two thought processes flowed.

By DreamsMaterialize

February 27, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

DasV my bad. Guess I should stop drinkin and bloggin. lol

By SexyCool

February 27, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

throwing up the power to the people fist in support of wise…and moving on…enjoy your day…

By Beautiful

February 27, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

Truthbaby sometimes y’all need to hear it from a females POV. that’s why your here. we’re always tryin’ to convince one another on this blog to see each others point. well, it was my turn to try it on DK 2day. ;)

By SexyLeggs

February 27, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Raqi, that’s exactly what it is. The “cheating” man has two completely different women in an attempt to create one woman.

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

DK - I just want to make sure I understand. You did start looking at the front door, but only AFTER you “seriously tried to make it work.” If she had not done what she did that “dropped her stock”, you would have been satisfied in your marriage. And if you were satisfied, you would have had no reason to stray?

Did I get that right?

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

February 27, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

Rell I know you arent a ish starter I was just messin with you man! Told you I would be cuttin you at the knees!! :0) But what you posted initially and what you said at 10:18 made all the difference in your response from old girl. If you had explained it to her the way you did at 10:18 she may have been receptive to it. You simply saying “I go to see what I dont have at home” is so vague that it sounds like you were putting her down. But in your last post you said you wanted to see something different. Me personally, I dont see anything wrong with that. But that is just me!

By Raqi

February 27, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

Since it looks like the blog is broken, I am calling my SO to make a date for lunch. Wouldn’t want him looking for love elsewhere due to a lack of attention from me ya know. LOL

By 6'1 & Luvinit (AKA don' it all)

February 27, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

“BLACK” as I fondly refer to him as says that he was in situation, the first go around. He made the point to out to me some of the things that you have said such as it is easier to fall in love with two people when the two women are so different. With the woman that he was with when I met him, she was the exact opposite of me and at that point we were mirrors of each other. So it was easy for him to be with me because it seemed as if we were always on the same page. But just like the typical mistress, I did eventually grow tired of the sharing. So I told him if I make you so happy and she makes you so miserable, leave. Of course to me it seemed easy but it was more easier said than done. Me and her started having confrontations and things of that nature and she would always end the conversation by saying “U just dont know the bullshyt that I put up with, u don’t want him” He had gotten to the point where he didn’t even go home at all, and he would buy new clothes or either he would only go to their home when he knew she was away because he said that he couldn’t bear looking at her. But to make a very long story even shorter, he eventually left her for me and everything was good in the beginning and it was he had multipersonality disorder, because suddenly I seen all the things that he displayed with her, that he never did with me. He couldn’t do it to her anymore and it was like he just had to act that crap out. I eventually called her up and told her to please come get her man.

By 6'1 & Luvinit (AKA don' it all)

February 27, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

Sorry for the extremely long post u guys!

By AmazonRed

February 27, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

“Men succumb to marriage not love.”

Okay…so we have DK, Truth, and Darrell who all felt this statement. They are also all divorced.

Tell me fellas, did you feel this way BEFORE you got married or just after your marriages failed?

Also, are you saying that no men out willingly wants to get married?

Disclaimer: This post is in no way inflammatory or trying to start a blog fight, just asking a question because I’m intrigued.

By mytwocents

February 27, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

Catching up, but Whew! I feel a lil less crazy that someone else thinks this way: could not, would not be flattered by a man ‘succumbing’ to or ‘falling in love’ with me… my preference would be for a man to use his mind and make a conscientious choice/decision to love me, first with his mind and then his body. But u know, Das, lotsa guys think females are kinda cuckoo regardless, so I try not to sweat it.

I share your firm belief, Darrell (9:05) and have come to accept that this is why some love me & others just begrudgingly respect me. It’s also why I’m glad Rell gave her a truthful answer, at least from his p.o.v. Some of us (m/f) still need to learn to stop asking questions we don’t want the answers to!!!

By Cemeeli

February 27, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Overcomers!

…yesturday’s dialogue was bomb, I loved it!…I also made an adjustment with my guy last evening about some political things we’ve been dealing with w/him. Brought me and him to tears…healthy theraputic ones. Yea, ppl are right It is not easy trying to raise a boy to a be man.(exp from moms prespective)*! Anyway I took notes from - Dreams, Blue, Darrell, SeanJ3000, 900K, melo, GaMan and Truth and made it clear to dude that the world is not necessarily for him even though mommy is and will always be. We had a pivotal dicussion that left dude sleeping in my room (camping out on my floor) b/c of that heartbeat.

Ladies You all are really some cool chics that are outstanding overcomers also. Whether is was overcoming a crasi ex, family stituations, school or/and careers or lack there of. ^5 and “That a girl” to you all.

I’m very appreciative to those who were/are transparent to us/”me” daily and sheed light and a seed of knowledge to the ones that can use a little ‘pull on the shoulder”.

I’ll get off this box and let you all finish with today’s topic, just wanted to post that.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 27, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

6’1 “I eventually called her up and told her to please come get her man.”

Sounds like a reverse Erikah Badu moment to me: “I think you betta’ call Tyrone, but you can’t use my phone.” LOL!

By Beautiful

February 27, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

6’1 how you get em is how you lose em.

By Tazzee

February 27, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!!!

‘Love’, ‘in love’, ‘fall in love’ - I don’t care how you phrase it just love me and only me!

some points I missed yesterday:

Congrats on the new job melo

Pisces08 I guess I’m going to miss the Frenchy’s blog meet and greet too since I’ll be in the A this weekend, LOL.

By Testing

February 27, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

Testing

By