Misadventures in Atlanta

By Michelle

February 26, 2008 8:10 AM | Link to this

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST BROTHER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD “DARRELL”

HAVE A BLESSED DAY, LOVE YOU

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 8:29 AM | Link to this

Random pre wake-up statements:

Aren’t I a good employee? I left early and the roads were clear. So now I’m here early. More time to blog! LOL Hope everyone makes it in today safely.

Man, was it a wise move to get my wiper blades replaced this weekend!

I bought Pilot gas last night. It was $3.03. I thought it was a bargain. :-/

What happened to the beach weather we had yesterday? Oy.

Is it 5 p.m. yet?

Happy Birthday Darrell.

By SexyCool

February 26, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

wise…you know that india.arie’s the truth is one of my fave songs of all time…and i believe that dating someone who is like you is better than dating someone who is not…opposites attract…similarities lay the foundation for building bonds that can last a lifetime…

coach in many ways is the male version of me…we think a lot of like on MOST things…sometimes, i look at him and wonder wtf is going on in HIS head…lol…and that can be cool…especially when it comes to my positives…

but…when it comes to some of my negative character traits…it’s kind of scary because i have to trust that the same reasons that i stay true to our relationship will keep him true as well…

sometimes, i’m totally confident in us…sometimes, not so much…but i think that’s normal in the course of any relationship - so i don’t sweat it…

By pisces08

February 26, 2008 8:36 AM | Link to this

Good morning All. Happy B-Day Darrell…..

By SexyCool

February 26, 2008 8:42 AM | Link to this

birthday wishes to you, darrell…may the most you wish for be the least you get…

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 8:47 AM | Link to this

What most people call falling in love is really falling in pattern. Relationships are about getting our own needs met, often on an unconscious basis. In other words, we try to find someone who is complementary to us and can help us learn, heal, and grow.

By SlimOne

February 26, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everybody.

Blog Men who responded to me yesterday…sorry I had to dip away from the blog and didn’t get a chance to comment. It got crazy at work.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this

Did everyone watch Raisin in the Sun” last night? Very good. Though “Sean Combs” was just okay.

It got me excited about Broadway plays again. I decided last night I’m going to see Debbie Allen’s “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” in NYC next month!

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this

Happy BDay Darrell…Great Post Tuesday…

By SexyCool

February 26, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this

tuesday…i used to ask myself something similar to that all the time…am i in love or am i in habit?

answer…i’m in love with a habit…lol…

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

Is it ok to date someone who you think is to good for you, but can better your life (financially, family values, outlook on life, etc)?

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 8:56 AM | Link to this

Happy BDay Darrell…Great Post Tuesday…

By Tuesday's Mirror

February 26, 2008 8:56 AM | Link to this

I think once we get into relationships, it’s hard for couples to recognize how they are a reflection each other - good and bad. Our mates reveal to us those things we cannot or refuse to see about ourselves. The very thing we don’t like about our mate is the thing we need to change. The thing we love about the other person is a hidden, undeveloped or unrecognized asset that we have. They reflect back to us every thing we do. Most of us reject this idea. But then again, most of us reject criticism, too.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this

Happy BDay Darrell…Great Post Tuesday…

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

Tuesday - Your 8:55 is incomplete, I think. What’s the problem of dating someone who’s good for you? Isn’t the point to find someone who is good for you and better your life?

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

Our mates reveal to us those things we cannot or refuse to see about ourselves.

This is how we grow together. I would appreciate him telling me this, would you?

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 26, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

Morning, all, and thanks for the birthday well-wishes. I really appreciate it. ;-)

“Guys, what about you, could you date a female version of yourself?”

Though I understand the context of “dating with a mirror”, I, personally, don’t think that’s what one should do. As I see it, a mirror reflects what’s already there, right? However, when it comes to being in a committed relationship, what I need is someone who can fill the emotional and physical voids that a mirror doesn’t show, while at the same time appreciating the fact that while she’s not a mirror of me, neither am I a mirror of her.

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed

Good for you and to good for you are different, well to me. If I’m holding my mate back financially (let’s say for example that my credit score is very low), then I would feel guilty.

By pisces08

February 26, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

@ARed. you got mail!

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

February 26, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

Morning Every1! What a helluva morning..

Our mates reveal to us those things we cannot or refuse to see about ourselves. ^5 for this one! I dont want someone exactly like me but I definitely would love of my mate to have a number of things in common with me. You all have heard me talk about the college sweetheart. We had so much in common and in all the right areas so it made for a very good relationship. Our differences were things that made us really want to understand each other as well.

Hey Lady J! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARRELL!!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

Tuesday - I get it now, you meant “too” good for you. I missed the “to” [sic] part.

Well, I’d have to say, what makes him better than you? Just because he has more money or a better credit score? Don’t you bring your own fabulousness to the relationship?

I think the problem could be thinking that anyone is better than you just because they might have their stuff together in certain areas. Espcially material ones. That can all disappear in a heartbeat.

By CAT LADY

February 26, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

Tuesday….Yeah she missed that part….she doesn’t know how to listen or comprehend very well.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

Hey Mo!:)

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Good morning Cat Lady. Did you dream about me last night? Did you add any new pictures to your “AmazonRed” shrine?

Have a good one.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

Hey Mo!:)

By CoSign

February 26, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

CATLADY - you noticed that too?

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Hey Mo!:)

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this

My husband tells me all the time “school girl I know you like the back of my hand” or “I can read you like a book” and I have to admit he knows me pretty well. And I have pretty much got him figured out. I sometimes wonder is that because we share twin souls? Or maybe we don’t. Despite those little idiosyncrasies that annoy us about each other, we are in sync. We share the same work ethics, we share the same faith, we have very similar outlooks on life, we agree to the path of our future, and we agree how to run our house. All of that is the stuff that matters the most.

Petty Parallels we share:

Now on the other stuff we are worlds apart.

Changes that have occurred: (Or rather works in progress)

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

Alright! My fan club is out working early this morning!

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed

Don’t you bring your own fabulousness to the relationship? Thanks for that! Yes, I do. I know for a fact that there are holes in his life that I can fill, like * Darrell* stated, but his holes are not as deep as mine. Since I’m a selfless person, this bothers me. How close to being ridiculous am I?

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

@ Darrell..you and QC seem to still have the type of relationship yall had when yall were kids…thats refreshing….

Regarding the topic…i totally agree with MO…things in common seperates something of meaning versus something that is just physical…standing out as an indivisual in a relationship makes the person attracted or intriqueing…but what i have found is the longer you are together you can become as one and often mirror each other..

Wire spoiler…I knew Mike was gonna get that ruthless stud..

By CoSign

February 26, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

I knew you would not be able to keep from responding to my post. Learn to rise above. Ignore the instigators. You might actually become this great person that you keep advertising yourself as.

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

Happy Birthday Darrell

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone! Happy Birthday Darrell!!

LOL @ Raqi’s husband having the patience of Job. Oh dear, I am afraid my potential hub may need that too. Bless his heart, LOL

By kimmie

February 26, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

What’s with the cattiness this morning?LOL!

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

LOL @ cosign and cat lady.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

Raqi - The sleep number part is cracking me up. My sleep number is also 45.

Tuesday - I don’t think you’re ridiculous at all. Just as long as you don’t go overboard with it or think he’s better than you. Nothing wrong with a gut check to make sure you guys are both bringing stuff to the table.

By Binford2K8

February 26, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

I definitely could date the female version of me.

I’m damn sexy, so my counterpoint would be one sexy b***. She’d be a good conversationalist and a “giver” and much, much more.

Now if I could only get her to stop procrastinating and force her to pick up after herself!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

CoSign - You just could not wait to respond to me. I don’t have to ignore anything. I have fun on here, and I suggest you do the same. Lighten up.

Here’s a thought: Ignore me. Since you’re dispensing advice you should use yourself. But your fan club membership packet is in the mail.

By the way, I’m already a great person. Take care.

By Michelle

February 26, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

SJ that’s very nice of you…i’ve always looked up to my brother, even though he’s the middle man…he’s still my HERO!

By Ms. P.

February 26, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

Trust me, there are days when I can’t live with myself, so I certainly wouldn’t want 2 of me hanging around. (just kidding, I think). Seriously, my fiance and I are opposites in a number of ways, but that works for us. We discussed it a lot when we first started dating. He is adamant that he didn’t want someone like him. We balance each other in ways that we couldn’t do if we were alike. I tend to be pretty serious and structured, and he’s a comedian, among other things, so he brings a great deal of laughter and lightheartedness to my life. We also have different ways of viewing situations, so it’s nice to get a different perspective on an issue. A girlfried tried to set me up with someone who turned out to be a lot like me. And we became great friends because of it, but it was clear I didn’t want or need someone like me.

By DreamsMaterialize

February 26, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

Hey Everyone

Can’t say I’ve ever dated anyone just like me, nor would I want to. One of me is enough. lol Dating me would just be exposing myself to everything I already know…no fun in that. We should both be able to add to each other’s life by contributing new and different ideas, perspectives, and behaviors.

By Rell

February 26, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

@sj3k

MY NAME IS MY NAME - MARLO

and the all time line of this season, better than the prop joe snuff out is

MIKE, HOWS MY HAIR - SNOOP

and why did i feel extra bad for all involved…specialy DOOKIE…that kid cant catch a break…dayum…i am going to miss it when it goes off…

ok on topic

ummmm mirrors….yea you get it how you live…nuff said…you cant escape it…if you have a fugged up aura around you that is what you will attract….if you sending off save me vibes that is what you will get

@slim..yesterday you mention seeing avg males with booger wolfs…that is because he is going with the path of least resistance..feel me…

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

February 26, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Alright Rell and SJ! I am watching The Wire tonight so no more freebies please!! I already could forsee the Mike/Snoop thing but no more please. Rell you know how fiesty us lil folk can be! lmao

Hey DreamsMaterialize!

On topic: Some of my traits I need my potential mate not to have to help me get better about them like procrastination and not wanting to apologize. (And before everyone faints, I dont like to apologize if I feel that I have been provoked into a certain reaction. At that point you deserve what you get, I take many measures to try and ward that kind of attitude off first)

By 900K aka Mr 2008

February 26, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

Stormin Mornin to all…

I’ve never dated a girl just like me. I think it would be okay, the fact that we would “Get” each other would be ideal. Also I do believe we would be able to add to each other and build seeing how we’ve both gone thru different experiences in life. Also trust is a huge issue for me so if we’re like minded it would put me at ease.

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Good People!

Hope you all had a safe drive *(if you drove in) this morning.*

Darrell Happy UP to you guy!

What’s poppin Page/Mo? I see you up and early QC…hey LadyJ.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

rell stop it I am patiently waitiing for sun as I am dreading the end but it is near…now j is looking for an entire set of it…lol

By Simp

February 26, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

ARED. what did you do that has everyone checking your every move? Happy birthday Darrell. I’m going to buy cake and ice cream for everybody.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

rell stop it I am patiently waitiing for sun as I am dreading the end but it is near…now j is looking for an entire set of it…lol

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

Hey Cemeeli!!:)

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

Good Morning to all…..

I think dating someone like me would not be half that bad. I know how to have fun, serious when need be, love sports, excellent in….(oops) and I enjoy travel a whole lot…. For the most though I’ve dated men that are the direct opposite of me on many levels. The current one does not drink, toke or dance…all things that I like in moderation.

Question to the men If the young lady you are dating whom you see a future with has more liquid financial assets than you do; should she cater down to what you can afford or do you work harder to come to her level?

My apologies WD this is not meant to get off topic, but I really want to know what the gentleman here have to say.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

rell stop it I am patiently waitiing for sun as I am dreading the end but it is near…now j is looking for an entire set of it…lol

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

Hey Cemeeli!!:)

By DreamsMaterialize

February 26, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

*Mo Wassup. Blog hug to you. Do I need to start calling you Triple F (Fiesty Five Footer)? lol

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

February 26, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

Hey Cemeeli!!

Lady J you find that set of The Wire holla atcha girl!! :0)

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

What up Blog…

Rainy Day Tip: It’s raining out, so Ladies, just put on your tennis shoes for your commute. No need to get your nice shoes and feet wet. Sometimes practicality outranks lookin’ good.

On Topic: I kinda like that Equally Yoked gem from The Bible.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

Hey Cemeeli!!:)

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

@ Rell…Snoop went out like she lived..i feel you on feeling bad for Dookie..but you gotta like and respect Mike..young cat is a leader..that thinks..i’m gonna miss it too…i GOTTA buy all 5 seasons on dvd…pound for pound..the Wire is the best shyt i have seen on TV period..

By Staceye

February 26, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Happy B-Day Darrell!!! Blog kisses to ya!

on topic I have dated guys that are similar to me and we did not work. When you’ve got 2 people that won’t back down, it’s like 2 Rams butting heads! Now I do like a guy with the confidence, humor, and the adventourous spirit that I have! There is nothing more boring than a quiet uptight dude whose boxers are in a bunch! If you feel something…say it! I will not hesitate to say what I feel. My mami always says I don’t have a filter so whatever comes to mind, I just say it! I have once or twice ran into to guys that have that Alpha-Male personality! I must say it was funny because their usually intimidating persona to women only fueled the fire in me to push back. So of course when they realize they CAN NOT find a submissive bone in my body, they get all mad and huffy and acts like lil’ biotches! I swear…it makes my day to p1ss them off! Muahahaha! Take that sucka! LOL

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Hey Cee

Hey Mo

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

BK I concur J is so comfortable today in the New Balances as I don’t want to break my other ankle…Mo you know I got your back hun!:)

By Binford2K8

February 26, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Bre’ You come to a middle ground. I have a life/financial plan and path, and I’m not going to make myself unhappy to keep up with the Joneses. I don’t make chump change, so if a woman can’t meet me in the middle - I’m not for her.

By Rell

February 26, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

@Mo…ya know i have thing for midgets…lol…when you did the high jump off the bar stool i was like FINALLY A CUTE AZZ MIDGET….lol

…sorry for the wire talk…but dayum it is good tv

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

Simp - Are you gonna be hanging on the blog for a while? I thought you were just a gag blogger. Welcome.

I’m sure if you hang around long enough, you’ll find out why I’m so loved. ;-)

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

February 26, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

Mo standing with hands on her hips…SJ..I KNOW you saw me post to chill with the Wire freebies. Come on now shawty…for real.

Thanks Dreams for the hug! You know the folks always like for the lil people to act up! :0)

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

BK I concur J is so comfortable today in the New Balances as I don’t want to break my other ankle…Mo you know I got your back hun!:)

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Mo What time does “The Wire” come on? Hope it’s not after 8, I couldn’t even stay awake through “A Rasin In The Sun” lastnight…geesh.

On Topic:…never dated anyone that had ways like me and i have never sought to. I’m an extremist so i date like such. I would appreciate a potential mate differences more than he being anyways like me.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

BK I concur J is so comfortable today in the New Balances as I don’t want to break my other ankle…Mo you know I got your back hun!:)

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

why yall telling the episode…stop it please…LMAO…J can’t do on demand and will be ending HBO after the final episode…LMAO…lol

By Lulu

February 26, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

Dating a mirror would probably not be an ideal relationship for me. I can admit I can be difficult, at times. I can barely stand myself sometimes much less put up with it from another person LOL!

Although I would like a mirror image on the values, spirituality, and the core of me, I would value the differences in a person that can bring out the best of me and balance out the areas that need stability.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

why yall telling the episode…stop it please…LMAO…J can’t do on demand and will be ending HBO after the final episode…LMAO…lol

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 26, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

I think many of us already date with a mirror, but all too often that mirror is facing the wrong direction - away from ourselves and toward the other person. If we’re going to date with a mirror at all, it should be in the context of allowing our mate to serve as that “mirror” and reflect back to us the image of who we really are as it relates to how they see us, not how we see ourselves.

This is why it was so funny to me yesterday to see people rating themselves on a scale of 1 to 10. In relationships, it’s not how we see ourself that’s important, it’s how our mate sees us. So, yeah, date with a mirror, but it is your mate - not you - who should be the one holding it.

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

@Moiesha…my bad lil pinky…i didnt see ya post..

@Bre..explain further…if u dont mind..gimme an example.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

why yall telling the episode…stop it please…LMAO…J can’t do on demand and will be ending HBO after the final episode…LMAO…lol

By kimmie

February 26, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

BK - Nice tip for the ladies. I wonder why some people look funny when they see me do this? I also have a rain scarf I wear until I get to the building door. No need in messing up my hair & shoes! Instead of looking cute, I would look stupid. Not to mention I tried to wear heels in the rain once and yes I slipped & almost tore my butt up:)!

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

February 26, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

Rell lmao @ the fine azz midget!! Feet swinging and all boo! Stop hatin on the vertically challenged! :0) The Wire is great tv but I will be watching on demand tonight so leave me something.

Cemeeli The Wire 9pm Sundays

Lady J since we have no dress code round these parts you know its sneakers and a sweatshirt for me! :0)

By DasV

February 26, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

good morning good ppl

i see ARs narcissism is threatening real blog talk as usual … (yea i am insinuating AR is her own fan club) LOL AR you know you good wit me…… but for real tho, cut it out!…. LOL i saw Raisin last night….. up to when that man lost all that money. My stomach couldn’t take what I knew was coming. smh

raqi thanx for sharing…. I enjoyed the glimpse and comparison

LOL@binford and his issues wit his female counterpart

Does anyone remember the coined phrase for a man dating his weight/height counterpart mentioned a couple of weeks back??

morning BKolla … i look good in my tennis shoes too smilin

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Rell! You didn’t see Mo’s feet swinging from the bar stool? lmao

LadyJ girl, honey please do something about those triple posts you got going on! mean muggin

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

Bin Thanks for replying, I appreciate it. I have no issues with the middle at all. Small example: I can get up and go when and how I please vacation time and money not an issue. When I know he can’t do as much, ok cool I save the big trips to go with him and the other ones alone or with the girls. But when it gets beyond that, just the living basics and getting things done are not equal is what I’m speaking on. I really don’t give a flip about the Jones. I’m speaking on just above the basic things.

SJ You can say that all day long and it will still be true. The Wire is the best thing on TV. I love it….

By DreamsMaterialize

February 26, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Bre’ I would never ask anyone to “cater down” to me, but I work at MY level according to MY plan. My goals are as lofty as the next person’s, probably even more so, and I’m working hard to make those things happen, but they will happen on MY terms in accordance with the CREATOR’s plan. If I spend beyond my means in order to date, that would actually slow down my financial momentum. Seems irresponsible to me, a trait no good woman would want in a man.

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

My sleep number is 69.

I see the world as jagged edges and blunt objects and look for a woman to round out some of the corners for me. I enjoy the differences we may have as long as we have some major common threads.

Darrell happy birthday you old b*******.

Is Hillary Clinton losing some of those poise points she accumulated in the Monica Blewbillsky affair or what?

Ared you get the largest blog fan club award this week. Your pulling them out of the woodwork. LOL

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Happy Birthday Darrell

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

Simp I’ll take some cake and ice cream. I forgot brkfst this morning so i’m sure i’ll be real hungry in a min. Imma take my piece and share it with admiral…

Hey Blue You right about looking cute in these harsh elements. Forget that!…this jean jacket and these cargo browns gonna have to work for Mr. Corporate today.

yep…equally yoked is what’s up. At the end of the day, is this the end result of the two?

By Rell

February 26, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

@lady j…your computer has torettes…i am just waiting for one of your post to say… …lol..

the raisin in the sun was good….the funny thing is that most of the subplots still go on today…i am thinking WE HAVE NOT CHANGED AT ALL!!!!…..

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

If everyone would stop talking about AmazonRed you could go about your blog business. If the topic is me, I can go all day. DasV, I thought you were smarter than that. Way to keep it going. Ignore this post and I bet you the solution to your irratation will be solved. ;-)

By the way, you’re in the fan club too. LOL

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

February 26, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

Page1908 Hey chica!

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

sorry page honey it is the way it is for now and I am doing paperwork and blogging..it is the browser hun..sorry…stp being mean…lol..i mean no harm with the triple post…lmao…

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

LOL WiseDiva I wonder how many times did Job have to say “Look Here WOMAN…!!!”

Our likenesses help keep us bonded however our differences allow us the space to be individuals.

When he goes off with the boys rock climbing or whatever, I have no immediate desire to join them. I take that time and do my thing. But I am able to adjust when asked to tag along. Just like he follows kicking and screaming with me to Bed, Bath and Beyond. :-) We both share the will to compromise.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 26, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Bre’ “Question to the men If the young lady you are dating whom you see a future with has more liquid financial assets than you do; should she cater down to what you can afford or do you work harder to come to her level?”

I have to start with what I see as the “operative phrase” of your question, which is, “…whom you see a future with…”

Now, assuming she has come to the same conclusion relative to me, then I would hope she would have the attitude that material possessions (hers or mine) will have no bearing whatsoever on our love for one another or the future we’re planning together. I would like to think that her blessings are also my blessings (and vice versa) and, as such, there would be no need for me to attain to her “level” nor her to mine.

Our financial portfolios being of equal “asset value” won’t make our love one another any deeper than what it already is, and if it did, then, well, it wasn’t really love to begin with, was it?

By Michelle

February 26, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Yes Ceemeeli i chimed in early i wanted to be 1st…hey BK don’t you go out and get wet now you old sexy thang you hey Page

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

sorry page honey it is the way it is for now and I am doing paperwork and blogging..it is the browser hun..sorry…stp being mean…lol..i mean no harm with the triple post…lmao…

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

mean muggin at Truth

By Staceye

February 26, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

Kimmie Not to mention I tried to wear heels in the rain once and yes I slipped & almost tore my butt up trust me girl..it takes years of practice being able to do that! LOL This is coming from the girl who has still rocked her stillettos with broken toe and a sprained ankle…go figure. It’s pageantry’s fault. You learn to go numb from pain for beauty! LOL I’m sure I’ll need therapy one for physical and mental! My mami never even went to the corner store with her perfume and red lipstick. She said you never know who you may see or what may happen. One day she got stuck in the elevator coming in from the cornerstore. When the firemen pulled her out the commented on how good she looked and smelled for being stuck in the elevator for such a long time.

By SlimOne

February 26, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

I was listening to Q100 this morning. A guy had an issue with a chick he’s been dating and really seems to like. However, the girl has a…how should I say…smell pddy. He was asking advice on how to go about bringing it up.

Blog Men Have you ever had to tell a woman she was not so fresh-n-so clean down there? If so, how did you go about doing it & was she appreciative of your honesty or mad & embarrassed?

Blog Women How would you like a SO to come to you to tell you that your environment below is OFF? It can be embarrasing especially if you have no idea. It’s sort of like when you put on perfume or cologne, you stop being able to smell it, even though others around you still can.

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Bre in all matters the flow should go upward toward growth. If she has more money and better management skills use that knowledge to better both of your lives. Only an insecure coward would ask a chick to be less than what she is.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

sorry page honey it is the way it is for now and I am doing paperwork and blogging..it is the browser hun..sorry…stp being mean…lol..i mean no harm with the triple post…lmao…

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 26, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Raqi “I wonder how many times did Job have to say “Look Here WOMAN…!!!””

According to the King James version, he said “Lookest thou here, woman!” LOL!

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

Rell leave LadyJ alone…you got me lol already and it’s not even 12 yet!

DasV what’s really going on chica?

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

@rell my adult adhd doesn’t help it either…seriously i am not pressing it 3 times…when I blog from home it works fine so it is the work browser as I know I should not be blogging and working lol but hey we do what we want to do it is just for some reason I am being exposed more…lol…let me stop…lol

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

I see the world as jagged edges and blunt objects and look for a woman to round out some of the corners for me. I enjoy the differences we may have as long as we have some major common threads.

Great post! I really like my guy and can see us sometime in the future starting something wonderful, but I have baggage. How do you guys suggest I get pasted this?

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

I have a GOOD mind to delete those Wire spoilers! Why would you do that to us!?

Everybody doesn’t have HBO on Demand!!

hmph!!

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

@Bre…well…motivate him a little…help him find a better job..or a 2nd job…some men dont have a lot of get up and go about them or hustle..but it also could be other factors…you DO UNDERSTAND we are in a recession and things are tight for a lot of folks…but on the real…if you love dude and from your own words…see a future with him…pay off some of his bills to free his money up or pay the expenses on things..men do for females all the time…the ones they are serious with to the ones they just trick off with…

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

@rell my adult adhd doesn’t help it either…seriously i am not pressing it 3 times…when I blog from home it works fine so it is the work browser as I know I should not be blogging and working lol but hey we do what we want to do it is just for some reason I am being exposed more…lol…let me stop…lol

By Staceye

February 26, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Slim you are a hot mess! LMAO But ole boy should ask his girl, Hey babe..you ever get that not so fresh feeling”? Then introduce her to the product called Refresh. It restores the PH balance there. If that doesn’t work maybe she should change what she eats and/or visit her GYN. That could be the sign of a more serious problem.

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this

Slimone

When you go to the restroom and pull your panties down, you’ll know if you stank. The order is unbelievable.

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

LOL Darrell that’s pretty good.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

@rell my adult adhd doesn’t help it either…seriously i am not pressing it 3 times…when I blog from home it works fine so it is the work browser as I know I should not be blogging and working lol but hey we do what we want to do it is just for some reason I am being exposed more…lol…let me stop…lol

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

Also Slimone

Like you said last week or the week before, it’s probably his fault. Cheatin’ A$$!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli - If you go to bed early, do you get up early too? LOL @ your food order to Simp.

kimmie - I might chuckle at seen a rain bonnet. My great granny rocked those. But it gets the job done.

Truth - That rounding out the edges part was tight.

And for those who are talking about the rain, my feet DID get wet this morning. But they dried quick too. It didn’t even cross my mind to bring another pair of shoes. Dang. LOL

By DasV

February 26, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

naw. trust. i am not a fan…. you in here talkin to yourself every morning…. posting as this one and dat one…naw. you making us real women look bad, switching up monikers like u do. not good LOL@u sayin its us that keeps a thing goin… i bet ppl on sidebars that you gonna respond and you so predictable i even throw in what you gone say. (ie u gonna respond to this one with have a great day DASv)

theTruth sup, bruh?? been missin yo postings….Monica Blewbillsky affair… that is classic :)

darrell you are too smart for me, boye. salutin

CeeCee wassup, chica?? all i have to say is the flu is a very serious thing. good to be back tho

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

Staceye oye mija, lol @ “not so fresh feeling”

Slim the problem not only occurs in women, but in men too, who have what Musing used to refer as Spongy Ballz. It’s basically when the dude has that not so fresh feeling (or smell, rather) because they get that yeast down there and it gets musty and funky.

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

Please forgive me if my responses are delayed.

Darrell you do realize that 60 percent of relationships/marriages come to end due to either the bedroom or the boardroom(finances). This is not putting love into, comparing things with the Jones, or to go beyond ones means. This is the simple fact that when in todays society when two people come together to be committed long term the bottom line its uneven. One is more accustomed to the finer things in life and the other is not really there yet. It could be due to past setbacks, offspring, or divorce. Now in most cases if its the man doing better than the woman it is what it is. However though when its the woman handling her things and the man is not there its pretty much a drawback.

I’m simplying asking that you if come into a relationship with a woman that you are really thinking of walking down the isle with. But just so happens her wealth is in a much higher tax bracket than yours do you continue to pursue the relationship or do you fall back until you are where she is?

Its hard when I don’t do this on a daily bases to convey what I’m really trying to say in a few short sentences.

When we are looking to date with a mirror is it an overall thing or just the positive parts you see within yourself?

By Michelle

February 26, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

Truth What other sleep number would you have besides 69 LMAO!!

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

Lady J, a little trick I use when I was a victim of multiple post…as soon as I hit post, I would just close that browser out, it will show up in the comments, but it won’t stick up there more than once (usually)

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

Slim Body odor is a definite deal breaker. Just ewww.

This is going to be a very good lighthearted day for me. I wore black denims to work with a grey turtleneck sweater. I never wear jeans to work. My son spassed out on me this morning and to avoid running late I grabbed something quick and dressed down. Boy I feel liberated. LOL

By mytwocents

February 26, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

I want a complement, not a matching book end. He must share some of my concerns about the world at large but not necessarily my opinion. Luv when someone can enlighten me or even try to get me to see from a new angle.

It’s a beautiful day so have a wonderful BDAY, Darrell! Feb babies are special even if u don’t get to be an Aquarian. ;)

Why does the rain make you extra philosophical, BK? I would like to pose the idea that sneakers can be slippery on many surfaces and allow water to slosh in since u are closer to the ground —>leads to soggy hosiery. A low square or wedge heeled ankle boot is better at rejecting this type of tom foolery - essential when navigating P’tree w/ it’s no drainage havin’ @#*!!.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

ok, dang Slimone, can you wait till noon to completely switch topics?! LOL I know yall get bored with topics on here, but let’s enjoy them for a hot minute!

and personally I don’t want to talk about coose that smells. WTH!? umm eww

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

Hey Carmen

By Rell

February 26, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

@DIVA you need to delete lady j 340403030 post…lol

@slim…i told several women that i messed with that it was not fresh..so that is the reason for me not doing something i like to do…and that is please you with my tongue…alot of the women i told were during my weed smoking days….yes smoking effects the smell…but it has been a minute since i had to say that..but best believe i have no shame in saying that your poo see smells like hawt gabage!!!!

..and like someone said appove…ya ladies know when your sh it is not spring time fresh…do something about it

but i have to get on my brothers as well…fellas since i have been swinging i had to shave my pubs…guess the ladies dont like that musty ball smell or trapped p** droplets that are warmed and heated over…so i say fellas if you want to increase the “courtsey” you get shave off or down your pubs….ladies what do you think….

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

Ok Diva so you saying to hit post and click on te x and come back…that is what I do…I truely don’t hit no f whatever button or hit post three times I write a post hit post and hit x…I don’t know it is just weird when I am on my laptop @ home this issue doesn’t occur and I post the same exact way but thanks Diva for looking out!:)

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

Rell, while watching A Raisin In The Sun I was thinking the same thing that we haven’t changed much. (Forced my child to watch w/me). BTW, there was a line in the beginning of the movie that caught my ear and will use as my closing today.

SlimOne, I too was listening to The Bert Show. How can someone not know their “honey pot” smells like garbage. There’s not way around this, you just have to sit her down and gently tell her she stinks (LOL)!

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

Pisces for Feb 26, 2008

Who made you responsible for every single item of this partnership? It’s time to look at a more fair and equitable way to handle the joint duties. If that requires a state-of-the-union talk between you two, so be it.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

Ok Diva so you saying to hit post and click on te x and come back…that is what I do…I truely don’t hit no f whatever button or hit post three times I write a post hit post and hit x…I don’t know it is just weird when I am on my laptop @ home this issue doesn’t occur and I post the same exact way but thanks Diva for looking out!:)

By DreamsMaterialize

February 26, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

If we really dated a mirror image of ourselves, we’d be dating our opposites since that is what you actually see when you look in the mirror.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Ok Diva so you saying to hit post and click on te x and come back…that is what I do…I truely don’t hit no f whatever button or hit post three times I write a post hit post and hit x…I don’t know it is just weird when I am on my laptop @ home this issue doesn’t occur and I post the same exact way but thanks Diva for looking out!:)

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

SJ* Really, seriously? Pay off some of his debt?

Thanks Truth

Slim Wow, I can’t imagine. Even if you can’t get your nails done every week or your hair. The least one can do is wash, and wash well. Because if someone else can smell I’m sure one can smell themselves. Its just gross even having to type that…..ewehhhhhhhh.

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Tuesday I would suggest you spend a few days looking at what happened in the past and determine it won’t affect your future. Take an emotional chance. Just say whatever joys or pains this new situation may bring you’ll be open to deal with them. Or, to put it another way, something that happened with some dude that moved on will mess up something with this new cat. Good luck.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 26, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

Bre’

In response to your post at 11:00, all I can say is that if this is indeed a woman with whom I see myself having a future (i.e. marriage), I can only hope that I will have been discerning enough to gauge how important it is for her to live a certain lifestyle as opposed to having a future together with me.

For a woman to place an asterisk (*) on our relationship - in this case, to expect that I would work to reach her same financial station - is to say to me that her “love” for me is based on a certain “if”, “and” or “but” and that’s not the kind of relationship I want. I’ve been incredibly blessed myself, so, in my mind, it would take a pretty materialistic woman to make that a component of our relationship and, needless to say, I would not pursue a relationship with that kind of woman.

By kimmie

February 26, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

Staceye - Your mom sounds like mine! A diva always!:) Ared - It’s a Totes brand that looks like a regular scarf, but water will slide off of it! I got a rain pancho too, but I only rock it when I get caught in the rain at Chastain Park in the summer!LOL

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

Dang it Slim Eeeewwww!

This is a prime example of why it is sooo very important that momma (or some other woman figure in your life) teach young ladies about ‘womens hygeine’.

If you keep it clean, you may not need for powders, sprays, FDS wipes and all these cover ups/fixes, if it’s not clean, it’s not clean. WASH your area (harsh soaps can cause more prob) wash it with gentle cleansers/soaps. Then dry gently…but make it dry. Somebody must need this. I was gonna leave that one alone.

When going to the gym it’s okay to use the showers that’s why they are there…(bring shower shoes, your puffy sponge and a towel) see only 3 main items. Your Vickys and Bath n Body lotion covering that sweat and stink is not cute! Then you talk about you have an engagement right after working out… so you gonna get dressed/cute up w/no shower!?!…

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

DasV - Glad you’re paying such close attention. I’m flattered. Can you also predict what kind of gum I’m chewing since you’re all up in my face? LOL

Change monikers? Huh? Why in the world would I do that?

By the way, you do a good job of making yourself look bad everytime you post.

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

Even unconditional love comes with conditions.

By 900K aka Mr 2008

February 26, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

Slim -I told shortie flat out that it aint smell right. She had that its all good until you get it going. It really hit me when I left the room and came back I just said: Dam!!! girl what the hell you been eatin, jump yo azz in the shower! Yeah we had a mean vibe going and that was the last time I saw her, but I do not condone the phunk C*

By Here Today Gone Tomorrow

February 26, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

Rell you get the TMI Oscar for the day.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

DasV, I am surprised at your comments for AmazonRed. Have we not all heard about all your dating issues with that guy? I think it went on for weeks, and yet, people gave you feedback. We all share stuff on the blog, and maybe even over share, but that is kind of what makes it so unique and interesting here. So when you come at one person for doing the exact same thing as YOU do, and THEN say she is making us “real women look bad”, uh wow?! Make a date with your mirror, darling. Retract your claws, and that goes for Cat Lady and that Co-signer. Come on, people always say that women can’t get along and you guys are proving it. Get your grown woman on, ok?

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

Tuesday - What kind of baggage do you have? Share with the class. LOL

kimmie - I do have a rain poncho. For some reason, I only use it on business trips and not when I’m at home. LOL. I don’t know why I do that.

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

@Bre..yes…u said u see a future with dude…if you have the funds and he is in a lil debt…whats the problem? like those preachers say…you spend your money where your heart is…lol

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

Darrell Thanks I appreciate your candor and insight.

Stacy It was raining in the city today and I put on my stiletto boots not even caring about the rain. I walked to the subway and then walked to the office. I own one pair of sneakers and they are in GA with my bike soon. Only need them for the bike and gym, besides that I always have on heels. In GA you guys have cars, you go from the house front door the car to the door of the office.

By SlimOne

February 26, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

Tuesday LOL, Reading your post made me think of the loud mouth wife in Tyler Perry’s “Why did I get Married”. LOLOL Like you said last week or the week before, it’s probably his fault. Cheatin’ A$$!

Staceye If i were a dude, seems like no matter how you broke the ice, it would stil be a touchy subject to bring up w/o hurting a chicks feelings.

Page1908 There was this dude in HS that me and my friends called Stank Ballz…I never actually smelled them but he just look like his ballz were ripe. lol

Raqi I’m surprised this dude is willing to keep messing around with the chick being that it’s only been 2 months since they’ve been talking. So she must be doing something right..no matter if she has funky va-jayjay

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

WiseDiva - No you did not just pull DasV’s card! BWA HA HA.

I don’t even know where the “switching monikers” part came from. But I’m sure you can vouch that I only post as AmazonRed. I’m not afraid of any TEXT on a screen, so I will most certainly post whatever I want under my regular screen name.

Did this chick say that she bets people on sidebars? Stalker anyone?

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

ha! very funny Dreams..it’s still a reflection, though, which according to dictionary.com is “an image; representation; counterpart”

By IslandGirl

February 26, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Good day Everyone

Happy Birthday Darrell

It’s a busy day today. I post later.

By abc

February 26, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Per scientific studies on the subject, opposites attract. For instance, a study group of women were presented with a bunch of dirty tshirts and asked to pick the one they preferred by odor. The shirts were chemically analyzed and compared with blood workups of the women. Every one chose the tshirt with the most different chemical composition of them.

Taylor-Johnson personality profiles indicate conclusively that the most stable couples score the opposite of their partner in most if not all 12 categories.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

FATBURGER ON WENDY HILL OPENED LAST WEEK. WHOO HOO

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed

My friend recommended this joint and I really appreciate him doing that. Anyways, my baggage consists of bad credit and not having a real career. He has it going on (job, home, etc.)

By Pussycat

February 26, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

@SJ3000 Don’t you think paying a man’s debt sets the tone of dependency? I mean I agree with being patient as sometime thing happen and being there to see him through but paying off his debts. I like the idea too of maybe suggesting resolution and even going along (2nd job - i.e. cleaning, mowing lawns) but I think paying his debts are a bit extreme. Just my thoughts.

By Rell

February 26, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

@a hole..that is not an over share…that is good info…period…most women dont like a mouth full of pubs…grow up….dont make me come out today i am trying to be nice…and why do all these regulars feel the need to post under different names…cotdayum cowards!!!

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

Bre If the young lady you are dating whom you see a future with has more liquid financial assets than you do; should she cater down to what you can afford or do you work harder to come to her level?

If that’s an issue for you then you need to find a dude with the same EP as you. And that’s assuming that neither of your situations change. Ex: If I’m a technician at AT&T, I may max out at 80k. If you’re an Account Manager at Wachovia, you might max out at $150. But like I said, things change - layoffs, career changes, lottery tickets, inheritance, etc. For that reason, you probably should concentrate on the person and not their portfolio. Then AFTER marriage, yoll merge assets and hopefully continue growth. Ain’t that they way it’s supposed to go though?

Part 2: A dude should NEVER move into his girl’s/woman’s/fiance’s crib, EVER. A woman is more likely IMO to let it be known that she makes more, can replace him, pays most of the bills, etc. Dudes do it but I think it’s more of a woman’s thing. Plus some women seem to feel that they are being short-changed if she makes more, and will subconsciously play down dude’s worth strictly b/c of the finances.

Kimmie/DasV Personally I like a female in sneaks on the way to work. Shows me that she knows how to properly prepare for life’s tasks. Small things like that speak loudly.

Michelle hey BK don’t you go out and get wet now you old sexy thang you

Ain’t that serious, but I do believe in being prepared.

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

DasV that Dang It flu again…i’ve had quite a few co-workers out with that bug. Hope you feeling better…

kimmie what’s the word? Rockin a cute lil Totes, go girl!

Page OMGosh..Spongy Ballz! wow…

Ared Yes maam..i get up at 3 and then again at 6. Late night showes are hard for me to stay awake and watch.

By Teresa

February 26, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

@Raqi lol at sleep number

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Tuesday - That’s not baggage. Heck, you sound like my sister. Credit can be fixed, and you can find a career.

Girl, I thought you had some secrets. LOL

Please don’t stress yourself out about this. Does your dude make you feel like you’re less than? If not, why do you?

By Foots

February 26, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Bre Do you believe that he is the one with a problem of how much money you make? Are you feeling like you have to cut back on doing things you like to do to save his feelings and ego?

By DasV

February 26, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

WD i am surprise you are takin it that serious. and that you do have some words for AR (yall the same person? JOKE) AND im teasing AR with her fan-club self. LOL i thought it was fun-ny this morning when there was this back-n-forth and thought it might be AR arguing wit her dayum self…. anywhoo i am on the blog same as she and everyone else including lurkers, to share and vent and whateva…. so i will take your advice. smh at a time when things were not so twisted on this blog

BluK i like that you have made the observation… love a man that notices the small things, cause that means he is into details as well. whoeva said tho is right… sometimes the sneaks are slippery.

sigh what ‘card’?? seriously. the name in lights thing is obviously an illness.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

LOL, we are a cranky bunch today, geesh… Can everyone grab a (cyber) cocktail at lunch, and lighten UP

I’ll take some Maker’s Mark with a splash a coke :)

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli - Goodness! Why do you get up at 3? Do you have to plow the fields and slop the hogs? LOL

By SlimOne

February 26, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

Wise My bad…it was just fresh on my mind.

Slim now going to stand with her nose in the corner

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

DasV - Nice backpedal.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

no, don’t go in a corner Slim! I was half joking, you usually have GREAT discussion questions, even when it is off topic, I just couldn’t get with that stinky coose topic today, I didn’t mean to fuss @ you..sorry, forgive me?

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

it was just fresh on my mind.

SlimOne - I am rolling at the pun!

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Diva pulling cards today.

Slim LOL @ being ripe! Yeah, that’s off the chain. I just think its funny when dudes complain about the females they are with not even realizing that their ballz are kinda tart, too!

SJ a woman, or a man for that matter who pays their counterparts bills is definitely NOT the answer. Being in debt is more than just paying off the person’s bills. I think ARED said it best when she said credit can be fixed. To me, it’s the reason for the debt that is more important. People sometimes get into bad situations due to things out of their control, such as medical bills, job layoffs, etc. A better use of time would probably be to communicate with your mate to understand why the debt was created and develop some solutions to avoid it in the future. What if ole girl pays dude’s credit, and he messes it up again? Then what?

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

@ Simp can i have another slice of D’s b-day cake Admiral is hoggin all of that last piece.

Blue no cute hair with the cargo’s and denim jaket though…sis got the hair pinned up today. That wet air will do it.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

oh DasV, sweetheart, you crack me up. I can recall a time when it was not “twisted” either,I think it was pre-DasV days. Your humor didn’t translate, I guess? It’s cool, though. Get your jabs in, but be prepared when folks give it back. shrugging shoulders.

i was commenting/observing as a fellow commenter in the community, not as a moderator though, next time, I won’t use the red.

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

@PussyCat..i think a lot of women dont love like men do…women focus too much on the intangibles..if Bre thinks she has a future with dude..and she seem to be a level headed chic that has male friends that have schooled her.. so Dude must be a decent guy..why not help him financially? Women want and expect their men to do the same but are not as quick to help a man out of a real crisis. Thats part of being in a serious relationship…to have each others back..emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially. all i know is…if it was me…if my lady dont have it..before any trip is booked…i will make sure she is straight.

By BennyB

February 26, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

The nature is a perfect equilibrium. You attract what you are and you are attracted to what you are at that moment. If you are insecure, that what you attract. If you are clingy that exactly what you attract, if you are F* up then that’s the reason you attract F* up people in your life. Good girls don’t attract abusive men and at the same time insecure nice guys never approach healthy women. Basically, tell me who you hangout with and I’ll tell you who you are.

By 900K aka Mr 2008

February 26, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

Hey Cee-Cee wit your fresh & clean self! How’s life? Win this weekend?

Wise -Makers Mark??!!! Oh I see you’ve been schooled by the OG’s

By mytwocents

February 26, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

Tues What does your gut say his reaction would be to your attempt to assist? Financially? Just make sure however you extend yourself, it’s not in a demeaning way. And if you really can’t gauge it btwn you two, what did he think of Bobby & Whitney Maybe that’ll give you a hint hahahaa

Slim That’s a mess! Mommy always said you smell yourself first. I’ve been hearing about this phenomenom recently & I’m thinkin how embarrasing! and how does she face him again?!?!

It is beneficial to tame, Rell & Dreams, re 11:14 Tis true.

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

Foots I have to cut back on almost everything in order to make him not feel bad. Now believe me when I say he is a great man, I really can’t find any other flaws besides the balance sheet.

By Tazzee

February 26, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

Happy Birthday Darrell!

On Topic The more I get to know my sweetie, the more I see how much we’re alike. It’s refreshing when that stuff comes out because all I can do is laugh when he responds to something in the same manner I would. And these are not things that he’s picked up from me.

Bre I can sort of relate to what you’re talking about. With me it’s more a result of my guy’s profession - he just does not have the same amount of disposable income that I do. So I have to think twice when I want to just up and go. Just the other day I was online getting ready to schedule a trip. The first thing I had to remember to do is check with him on that time - I really would like to go with him, but if not I need to make sure he doesn’t have anything else planned for us that weekend. But the second thing was the cost.

I can’t remember who mentioned going to see Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, but be advised that Boris Kodjoe will be filling in for Terrence Howard from April 15 - May 22.

I’m thankful I was pre-warned about the Wire spoilers before I came on the blog, so that I knew to skip the posts of SeanJohnson and Rell.

On the smelly puddy - I would think the woman would know it smells before anyone would have to tell her…

By Here Today Gone Tomorrow

February 26, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

Rell is name calling necessary?? whose the one that needs to grow up? yeah, I thinks you need lookin in the mirror.

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

Ared —->Beat down for makin me the field plower…lol. My granny was the same way and brkfast was always fabulous at her house. Now you know why i always have brkfst ready for the blog.

Actually commune is @ 3, then at 6 i embrace the day for real.

By Staceye

February 26, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

Slim EWWW! LOL

Page hey you know that commercial, “hey mom, do you ever get the not so fresh feeling?” LOL Girl that si where I gto it from!

Kimmie I wore my heels in the rain too..but I had to put them in my big bag when it snowed…Bre you know the city does not stop for snow! So is that why you are moving to GA? I know I left because of the weather and the ridiculous cost of living.

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

DasV i bet ppl on sidebars that you gonna respond and you so predictable i even throw in what you gone say. (ie u gonna respond to this one with have a great day DASv) LOL You stoopid.

.02 A low square or wedge heeled ankle boot is better at rejecting this type of tom foolery -

I only said sneaks b/c they add extra comfortability, but your solution would work just as well, if not better, depending on the outfit.

rell so i say fellas if you want to increase the “courtsey” you get shave off or down your pubs….

No can do.

Bre SJ Really, seriously? Pay off some of his debt?*

Pick your chin up. You did say that you were considering marrying this dude didn’t you. That’s a helluve a character check for a chick BEFORE you go and spring for that 2kt stone she wants.

Hey baby, I’m gon’ need a little assistance with this bill over here. That’ll free me up to do some other things that I’ve had on my mind for a minute.”

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

I am cracking up over here…realizing that their ballz are kinda tart, too! That truly got me!

Is Marker’s Mark a whiskey?

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

Tazzee - It was me that was going and I LOVE Boris Kodjoe (though my sweetie can’t act). Terrance Howard will still be playing Brick when I go. Maybe I can still see Boris if the play travels and comes to Atlanta.

Bre - I was thinking you had a nice problem to have, but I can see how things get sticky. Get a prenup. LOL

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

@ Page…i am looking at them being in something serious..moving towards getting married..in that aspect…from the responses i see…makes u wonder how much black females are really down for you….how much are u willing to invest in love and the relationship. But i bet if buddy was about to be drafted or run into a lump sum…yall would sell puddy to get him back on his feet..some my opinion.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 26, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

Bre’ “I really can’t find any other flaws besides the balance sheet.”

I’m curious why you chose to use the term “flaw”. If the guy is working and showing some semblance of ambition, that’s all that should matter, right? After all, we (men) take enough heat from women as it is about being lazy and not taking care of our responsibilities, that we don’t need that extra pressure of having to “measure up” to yet another level of expectation!

I’m sorry, but I just can’t see a differential in your respective balance sheets as being a “flaw”. I’d hate to see where I am financially right now (which ain’t bad at all) NOT be “good enough” for some woman. That would really deflate me on the inside, especially if I had hopes that we might make something meaningful together.

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

Yall keep laughing at my sleep number but I am serious. I refused to buy that bed at first because we had just remodeled our entire room and paid a grip for the new mattress set. Then somebody kept talking about let’s get a sleep number bed. Dude we sleep on the same side of the bed so why would we need different feels. That would be a silly purchase “Mr. Money Don’t Grow on Trees”. After finally giving in I am sooo glad I did. I love that bed.

Well Slim you know some dogs like to wallow in shyt. And pigs definitely do.

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

SJ Are you in a relationship or living with someone? or just single with a kid? Would you accept a woman who is helping you financially in any way?

By Michelle

February 26, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

Cyber Cocktails…ummmmm, where’s Demi

By Foots

February 26, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this

Bre I feel you on that. Has he noted that it’s a problem for him? I know he probably won’t come out and say that, but has he made any “side comments” about your freedom with your finances?

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed

I just met this wonderful man six months ago and I have been hinting around trying to tell him about my situation(s). The reason why it’s on my mind so heavily, is because he deserves the best. If you would see him, you’ll see he has the best. I just don’t want him to settle. Wise what do you think?

By For Real

February 26, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

Pussycat Do you find this extreme as well?

Don’t you think paying a womman’s debt sets the tone of dependency? I mean I agree with being patient as sometime thing happen and being there to see her through but paying off her debts. I like the idea too of maybe suggesting resolution and even going along (2nd job - i.e. cleaning, mowing lawns) but I think paying her debts are a bit extreme.

Be Do you have a problem with his finances? Does he have a problem with your finances? I think you the two of you need to answer those two questions first. IMO it sounds like you flaut your liquidity a little but I have to admit you are girl after my own heart. I absolutely believe being liquid is the best possible position… well… financial position you can be in.

Slim I would buy her 120lbs bag of Baby Powder and send it to her job. Ooops!

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

900K we ended the season quite nice. Win 20-12. My guy starts baseball season in a couple weeks and that’s a whole nother for me. I HATE that red dirt! But i love Spring time, so it balances.

How has it been with the team? Is your season over as well?

Tazzee only a lil while for Lent season. Easter is rather early this year. March 23rd.

By melo

February 26, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

i hate it when i have to work and not blog.u’all enjopying urselves and smacking at each other..just catching here and there..fck it!

By GOD OF WAR

February 26, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

Newsflash If you cant take it dont dish it..

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Red Tuesday - That’s not baggage. Heck, you sound like my sister. Credit can be fixed, and you can find a career.

Awww come on now. Talk about a double standard. A dude with the above deficiencies simply AIN’T got his ish together. At least that’s the message that I get from this here blog.

Cee no cute hair with the cargo’s and denim jaket though…sis got the hair pinned up today. That wet air will do it.

Naah slim, I think you got it twisted. We understand that e’ryday ain’t gon’ be Bronner Bros. But if it ain’t, pony tails and caps do just fine. Cargo’s and denim jacket? I got’chu beat, I’m in a sweat suit today. LOL

Now that’s funny for real, peeps hiding to call Rell out. Why not just be you and say something like, “Rell, you m/f. That’s some bull ish!” LMAO

By Staceye

February 26, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Raqi you got your a part time gig doing the advertisement for Sleep Number beds? LOL Girl I heard that they are really comfortable! I may have to toss out the Saely’s King size and go for a sleep number…but since I sleep alone ai can set it at my number fro the whole bed! Sounds great! LOL now if they could invent a sound proof bubble for the sleeper that snores like a run-away train…my mami may actually let my dad back in the bedroom at night! LMAO

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Good Morning All

Yes I would love to meet someone like me. The same values for family, finances, life and morals. That would be great. The only exception I would make HE would have to be more Budget conscious and a big saver. I am ok with money I just need for him to be EXCELLENT with it.

SJ3000 Please..He needs to have his money right before he steps to the table. If you have all those money issues. You need to be thinking more about YOUR life than I do. When I fell on hard times…I wasn’t thinking about dating or bring anyone into my life. I need to get myself right first. How would I look coming to the table with Filet mignon DREAMS on a fried bologna sammich buget!??!? Someone with decent morals and self respect would WANT to get themselves together before they even decide to get in relationship or hell even a friendship. Get ya money right first. When I ain’t got no money I dont’ feel right. Hard times happen to everyone But you have to know how to get back up! Got to stay focus. Don’t come discombobulated and throwed off and want me to come save you and be your guiding light…I am going to need for you to know how to get it.

Truth Don’t let what happen yesterday happen again today. I was sick to my stomach knowing the fact that I agreed to you. Don’t’ let that happen today. Lmaoooooooooo!

Cemeeli & Slimone I feel the same way. I have to be clean when I walk out the door. A shower is a must. I don’t play that lotion/spray cover up. Give my Dove soap or give me death! If you POO-PIE ranks and soap & water don’t do it. Antibiotics is the only thing to get it back right. Go to the gyno ASAP!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

Tuesday - Girl, do you know how many men in Atlanta have their stuff together? Throw a rock and you’ll hit several. That being said, you KEEP selling yourself short. Are you a bonafide hoodrat? If not, stop thinking you’re a consolation prize.

My dad made significantly more money than my mom when they met. She was a bit flighty. However, when times got hard, she was right there by his side.

Your man is gonna need a woman down for him, no matter what. You’re talking about material things. Focus on the other aspects of your relationship and make sure they are equal.

By Tazzee

February 26, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

Tuesday If you’ve been hinting and he hasn’t picked up on it, he probably doesn’t care. If it were important to him, he would have asked. And in his eyes, dealing with your issues may not be settling - he may want a woman that he can help in that way.

By 900K aka Mr 2008

February 26, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

Cee - We have our last game on Sat, then the playoffs start… to the top baby!!! Baseball is a good look. 3am huh? Im a nite owl myself.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

well, Teresa, I suppose I would realize that what I bring/contribute to the relationship is equally as important as his financial status. Now, I completely understand your feelings because I would never want to be a liability to my man either. If a man knows you are with him for him, and not the financial benefits that come with being with him, he can appreciate you for what you bring to the relationship - at least he should. You just have to believe that you deserve him and he deserves you because you are both GOOD people - a reflection :)

By Foots

February 26, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

Darrell I’m sorry, but I just can’t see a differential in your respective balance sheets as being a “flaw”.

From what I can tell, both from reading in between the lines and from being in that situation, that the “flaw” isn’t really the differing balance sheet, it’s how HE feels about the differing balance sheet. If she feels like she has to pull back to save his ego, then she knows that his ego needs saving, meaning that she knows he is likely to feel bad when he can’t do some of the things she can do.

The guys on here that are doing well for themselves and have never been in that position can’t fathom (or wouldn’t admit) having an ego issue with a woman who is able to fly to Paris on a whim when you are having trouble keeping DirecTV from being cut off. Most women aren’t throwing it in the guys faces on purpose, she’s just going about her life, doing what she does. But after a few snide comments from that man (i.e. You sure go on a lot of trips. Do you really need another purse? You already have a couch, why you need a new one?) , she will begin to feel like she has to hide (pull back) if she wants things to continue as is. Sometimes, it will motivate a man to do better for himself. Many more times, he shuts it down and finds someone who isn’t a threat to his ego, purposely or not. Do you know that this scenario is quite alive and well?

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

Staceye - You only need a Sleep Number bed if you share a bed with someone, IMO. If you sleep alone most nights, just get the mattress that feels best to you.

Raqi - When you and the hubby are intimate, do you even out the sleep number? Or do you use the firm side for one purpose and the plush side for another? LOL!

By THE INFAMOUS DK

February 26, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

You should always look at yourself in the mirror when dating and even when the relationship is over.. More so when its over to know your role in the demise of the relationship because afterall it is two sides to every story.. Well really three. Your side, their side and the truth..

Some of ya’ll need to look in the mirror before you post because you cant even be honest to people that dont know you and more importantly fall apart when people tell you the truth..

Oh and if you cant take being chumped off try not to chump someone else off..

By Michelle

February 26, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

They are jamming on V-103

By Tazzee

February 26, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli Girl! I have been craving some Pop Secret Homestyle like nobody’s business!!! I’m going to be out of town Easter weekend but as soon as I get back I’m going to pop some up, LOL.

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

Stacy I’ve lived in MN and Chi town, it takes a blizzard to slow down my shoe game. Its just how comfort is too me. No I’m moving back to GA 2009 or 2010 because its home for me.(Augusta and Decatur).

BK Yes marriage is still in consideration, and you know I’m a ride or die type chick. I’ve been with him a minute now almost two years. And I deal, and done a huge part of let me take care of this without a flicker of a thought. I work my tailparts off to continute to grapple with the ladder of success and making sure I build wealth and not just being in the rich for now status.

At the end of the day its my right to question, “is this what I will have to deal with the rest of my life” I build him up and do whatever I can to help on the level I feel is cool. But when I begin to see bending over to far, yes I can pull back. And seek a lil bit of advise from the blog and male friends.

Now my male friends which I have plenty out there doing there thing. They say hang in there, give it a minute if it does not get better then come back to the table and chat.

Darrell I’m not a wordsmith, flaw is the word that came to mind that was then typed. It was not meant to define the whole tone of what I was trying to convey in my note. Hopefully you are in a very good place financially.

As a people we need to do better with money in alot of ways. This is by far not to look down on brotha’s with at all. It was just a question on if you are dating with a mirror does both cost the same…LOL(being sarcastic with that last sentence)

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

Uh…so Tuesday and Teresa are the same person?

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 26, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

Blow “The only exception I would make HE would have to be more Budget conscious and a big saver. I am ok with money I just need for him to be EXCELLENT with it.”

Money management is actually one of my strengths, but the only question I’d have for you (or someone like you) is how well would you be able to accept the word ‘no’?

If you’re saying you want a man with that attribute (to offset your own), then it stands to reason that you’d be willing to give him a certain leeway in the area of managing the household finances, right? Well, if so, I’d advise you to make sure you’re willing to humble yourself and accept the fact that that little two-letter word might pop up every now and then. :-)

By THE INFAMOUS DK

February 26, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

Oh and the differences between to people become more glaring when the pressure comes down. Its better to have someone that thinks like you and is somewhat like you in your makeup, because you will operate basically the same when times get rough.. Nobody will be exactly the same so you dont have to worry about that..

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

Track season has started for my child. She blew them out the water last Saturday. I was impressed. Told her she had long legs for a reason (she hates her legs).

By Here Today Gone Tomorrow

February 26, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

Infamous that was a great and eloquent post. Thanks.

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

@Page..i have 3 wives and one son..you wanna be number 4?…but seriuosly…..if i was in a serious relationship and i needed help i would ask…pride is a sin..now knowing how i am…that will be my last option…i am fruegal and i dont spend money foolishly..but like i said…the responses i see….makes you wonder the benefits of getting married and how it does NOT favor men…yall dont put/risk/sacrifrice nearly as much as we do….pzzy and good looks really aint nothing..

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

Tazzee Just the other day I was online getting ready to schedule a trip. The first thing I had to remember to do is check with him on that time - I really would like to go with him, but if not I need to make sure he doesn’t have anything else planned for us that weekend. But the second thing was the cost.

I was waiting for the rest of the story - If he ain’t got the ends, does he get to trip with you or not?

Bre Bre’ “I really can’t find any other flaws besides the balance sheet.

Advice: Break up with this dude, then jump in your time machine and hop out 10 years in the future. You see your boy with his wife and kids, doing his thing. AND… let’s say that he’s still not up to your level of finance but you can see him shining b/c he’s at the park with his family, wifey got that glow, and kids are all giddy. How would you feel?

Blow Please..He needs to have his money right before he steps to the table. If you have all those money issues. You need to be thinking more about YOUR life than I do.

Since when does life stop at Hard Times Drive? But you’re right on point #2 though, ‘cause your type will only be in a dude’s corner when the goin’s good.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

@THE INFAMOUS DK keep preaching folk!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

How can anyone, who has a momma called “SexyLeggs**, hate her legs? Aint that a trip?

By BennyB

February 26, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

SeanJohnson3000

I have a different view on the statement that Women want and expect their men to do the same but are not as quick to help a man out of a real crisis. That’s part of being in a serious relationship

Women do not expect anything from men, they are just selfish. If you do something for a women or anyone else, do it for selfish reasons. God himself created love for selfish reasons. He (she) want us to love HIM first, love ourselves and finally love our neighbors as ourselves. Women expect men to do things for them because they are selfish and they better be, hence they love themselves. Men should learn a lesson from women; they should learn to become selfish in relationships and view them as business transactions between two independent emotional accounts.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 26, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

Bre’ “It was just a question on if you are dating with a mirror does both cost the same…LOL(being sarcastic with that last sentence)”

Okay, I got you. LOL!

All I can is with me, the cost of the mirror is completely irrelevant, as long as what is revealed by it is genuine.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

@THE INFAMOUS DK keep preaching folk!

By Foots

February 26, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

Slim I’ll share this va-jayjay story, though it’s probably TMI. Several years back, I thought I was expecting. Your whole body chemistry changes pretty doggone fast, and if your man is really close to you and knows your body, he notices just as quickly. When I was almost sure, I told him that I thought I might be pregnant (on BC faithfully, but also had an overlap with antibiotics a few weeks before). He wasn’t surprised at all and told me that he noticed a change in my “scent” a few days before. He picked up on it before I did, it didn’t knock him the F/K out, it was just not like the usual me. But he was comfortable enough with me to tell me that he noticed. We were together for about a year at this point and yeah the situation was different, but I think that if ol dude on the radio is comfortable enough with her, he should be able to put it out there.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this

@THE INFAMOUS DK keep preaching folk!

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

@ Wise - 12:18 that is very well said.

900K Trust i’ve been 3am for a while now. It makes a better Cee. Good luck on Saturday’s game hope you all win the game. So headed to playoffs ya’ll the bomb. Were planning the banquet and night with the Hawks.

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

For Real The farthest thing I do is flaunt it. I am very humbled and so thankful for all that I’m blessed with its not even funny. Unless I got Bill Gates or Boone Pickens type of money I’m on my grind no time to flaunt.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

Blue_Kolla - You’re posting some good stuff today.

I like the time machine analogy, however, what if she jumps in and he’s cleaned her out like Michael Strahan’s ex-wife did?

Oh and to your reply to me. Yes, it is a double standard. And finally one that works out in the woman’s favor!

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

I hear what you guys are saying and thanks.

But he is very materialistic. The car he drives, his home, clothes. Ok, I’m just going to have the talk with him, spill the beans. The worst thing that can happen is he gets turned off and bolts.

By DasV

February 26, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

there are never any jabs… sigh if you read it that way so will everyone else… never read my posts that way…. always laughin, WD. i havent figured out yet how to get that to translate…. and im laughin atchu being able to take the ‘red’ off. that is waay cool.

bluK so cool that you get my sense of humor… i joke about everything.

ceeCEE much better. thanks gurl-friend. if you havent gotten the ‘bug’ yet, please tell me your secret. imma start your fan club… LOL

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Darrell I could definitely accept no! If it’s for the better for our team and what we are trying to accomplish. I am decent with money. But I need a SUPER SAVER…I would definitely appreciate this trait in my mate. To have math skills and discipline like an accountant…..OH yeah I would love and respec that.

Blue Kolla I cant take it when it’s bad. You completely missed that. If I met you and you were up and things got bad. I would proudly stand in your corner. If the relationship has proven itself…I would have no problem in helping my mate. That is part of the relationship. The sun is not going to shine EVERYDAY. My whole point was in the PRELIMINARY stages….then I would not be giving and understanding. You can not come to the table with rabbit ears and except me to save you. I have no problem later on in the relationship to kick in …That is a privilege that is tried and TRUE….Dont’ jump the gun so quick….ask question first BK…

By Foots

February 26, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Blue Since when does life stop at Hard Times Drive?

Just asking… When speaking about emotional baggage, people say that folks should clean it up and pack it away before embardking on a new relationship. Folks tell folks not to carry that into a new relationship and that you should be healed and healthy before moving on. Do you think that that same advice should be given as it pertains to finances, for both women and men? Do you think that there could possibly be a tie between financial health and emotional health for some people? (i.e. some folks overspend because they are depressed and some folks get depressed when they are down and out financially)

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Benny God himself created love for selfish reasons. He (she) want us to love HIM first, love ourselves and finally love our neighbors as ourselves.

I don’t know exactly how you meant that, but I’m gon’ get the fugg away from this screen! Helluva time for lunch…

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

@ Blown…you know..you have a point..and the reason i am agreeing with you is because i was talking with a few of my homeboys this weekend and two of them were like there are not really interested in getting any pddy…they will take some… but they are more focused on getting their money right….but to break your post down….ideally u would want someone who is financially secure..but the reality of it is ..alot of folks arent…i wonder if i scutinized the baggage and emotionally short comings women bring to relationships..what precentage would be eliminated from the dating pool…

By mytwocents

February 26, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

Oops, I think I meant Bre, not Tues…

P.S. Some of y’all are acting like Aubrey today - EXCESSIVE! (Then again, some always do.)

By melo

February 26, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

I get neurotic and won’t shut up. with panties on raqi that may not be too bad!! Darrell..you and QC seem to still have the type of relationship yall had when yall were kids…thats refreshing is that a compliment SJ Is DasV catty today And slimOne, u see all these ladies giving u advice about the coochie..dont worry about it coz the flu bug is affecting ur sense of smell…but once the flu goes,u might get a serious headache!! Bre if the man is comfortable with u earning more(and u dnt mind either), i dont see a problem myself.However, ask urself why women who earn more than their man always seem to contribute to problems but when a man earns more it is what it is as u say.And why does a women have to characterize a man earning less as a flaw I see a flawed mindset here.When u start looking at dollar bills when trying to pusue a relastship, sme wrong and i know a lot of women are wired that way.

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

At 13 she thinks she’s too tall. Told her when she reaches her 20s she will be loving her legs because the guys will be filling her head talking about her legs.

I know this should be on Momania but I need to ask this. She watched Raisin in the Sun w/me. She was texting so much I made her give me her phone and pay attention to the movie. She said she was doing both, and I replied not to my satisfaction. I gave her back her phone this morning. I was told that I was a little harsh. Really?

By Michelle

February 26, 2008 12:47 PM | Link to this

melo i took it as a compliment and see nothing wrong with it…there are some siblings who don’t even speak to each other, i’m thankful to have my brother in my life as well as the special bond we have it’s all good Boo..

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

DasV - What planet are you on, seriously? Do you read what you post? You talk about there are “never any jabs”… tell me, how is it supposed to be taken to tell another woman “you make us look bad.” Oh right, you were just “teasing.” Well, just note you and I aren’t blog friendly enough for us to “tease” that way.

But continue to shuck and jive and do whatever you need to convince yourself that you were just “teasing.”

By I love Pizza

February 26, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

Melo stop trying to be DrPhilBlog; just loosen your belt on your britches everyone is entitled to their own say so, learn how to spell correctly!

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

Lets be for real folks. A dude that can’t hold his own financially can only make so many demands in a relationship. The truth is most women are on the grind more than dudes are. They’re trying to come up and alot of dudes are laying down. You can’t make demands if you can’t run your own house, and paying the bills is a part of running your house. Thats the way it is. Some double standards run in your favor and some don’t.

BRe long term what do you see happening with this guy? Do you think you’ll stay with him?

By Foots

February 26, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

SeanJ but they are more focused on getting their money right…

I think we’re on the same page, esp about the money vs. baggage thing. I have heard SO many guys say that they don’t want to be in relationships until they get their money situations right, to me, they get an extra drop in the character bucket for not wanting to bring drama into the relationship. The same for women who refuse to date until they get themselves right emotionally, and we have a few on the blog. Not saying that you can’t ever have a financial hiccup or that you can’t blow up the spot every once in a while, but folks should generally have themselves together before they bring somebody into potential madness.

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

…Do you think that there could possibly be a tie between financial health and emotional health for some people? Most definitely. There has to be a correlation to a person’s brain waves, biorhythms in terms of being happy when they have money and worried when they don’t. When I have $$, my emotional stance is pretty much in tact!

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

Tazzee Oh, I have about 4 single serve Pop Secret bags in my desk right now. Easter weekend is the week before my SouthBeach trip…countin down.

Speaking of trip…Page Jill Scott’s concert Sunday @ the Greensboro Coliseum. This weekend is gonna be slammed with events while in Carolina. It bet icing to the CIAA festivites to see Jill perform.

…Lil Leggs puttin them in the dust! She’ll understand about her legs soon enough.

By Where u @?

February 26, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

Binford, 2CPTG, GAMan, Beautiful, Dan, Teresa.

By Foots

February 26, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs You did the right thing. You wanted her to pay attention to something that would enrich her, so you did what you had to do to gain her attention. You even gave the phone back less than 12 hours later, and she was asleep during the majority of the time you kept it. You were her parent, not her friend, last night. You go!

But you realize that the responses to your question would depend on which demographic you ask.

By Atlanta Pearl Girl

February 26, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

I really happen to like myself ALOT…so I would be happy to date someone as a mirror image of myself.

By pisces08

February 26, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

@Tazzee. Blog meet and Greet @ Frenchy’s (OST) fo sho. Sat 5pm, can’t wait..

By melo

February 26, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

learn how to spell correctly! u ddnt graduate hgh school,so look in the mirror wman.

By THE INFAMOUS DK

February 26, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

In a marriage it isnt your money or his money anymore, but therein lies the problem.. Actually the we is much better than me, so who earns what is irrelevant. Take this lesson if I dont know anything else I know Finances can destroy a relationship. The money should go into one pot to pay the bills and its one less arguement to have. If you arent ready to SUBMIT to that principle then dont get married men and women. All decisions concerning finances are done together, no one will do whats absolutely right eventhough you might think you are, the resentment from the otherside can build because he or she couldnt buy cheap walmart underwear when they wanted to..

Ladies if you do make more than your man dont treat him like you do, still treat him like a man because some of ya’ll buy a pair of socks and throw it up whenever you do something for him. If it wasnt for me you wouldnt even have no nice socks to wear Look in that mirror as often as possible to keep yourself in check so if the relationship doesnt work you dont have regrets about becoming a ghost.

By DasV

February 26, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this

AR. note you and I aren’t blog friendly enough for us to “tease” that way i will keep that in mind. whew…seriously regreting my 1st post of the day

LOL@ BluK goin to lunch on benny’s note.

melo come’on…. not you too. anywhoo whats been up?? u dont know me anymore…LOL….u got mail

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

Truth Well said…..Hmmmm its still early for a yes or no. Right now I’m riding the wave. Life is so full of twists and turns. I can’t fly into the future as BK suggests and say what if on how I would feel. All I know is some days I wake up on the right side of the bed feeling I can go thru this with him because he is a good person and I care for him. I’m not one to run away from a few struggles. Then other nights I lay down on the left side of the bed, and say my shoulders are only so strong and carrying a man financially is not somewhere I really saw myself being.

With growth and a positive attitude with a side of advise from a strict few. I’m taking it day by day.

Thank you Darrell.

By I love Pizza

February 26, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

* @ melo-yello..Who said i was a woman???* Go suck on some lemons it’ll fit your attitude to a T! Have a nice day everyone

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

Excellent post Truth. I have a girlfriend in a relationship w/a dude I don’t really care for. My opinion of him is not important so I keep it to myself. He brings little or no money to the relationship and had all of these demands on her when she was looking for a place to live. She didn’t take heed to any of his suggestions because they didn’t fit her needs. He had the audacity to stick his chest out and asked, in my presence, why she’s not paying him any attention. It took all of my nerves of steel to sit back and see how she handled him. She read him his rights. If she hadn’t I probably would have. Yes, he moved in w/her (main reason why I’m glad I didn’t say anything). Sheesh. Talking about settling. Prime case right there!

By Foots

February 26, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs Oh, yeah… I hated my long legs too when I was younger. My mama told me to just prance like a pony. Now I stomp like a stallion. A thighmaster ain’t got nothing on a pole for building thigh muscles and strong calves! LOL!

melo I think we have to be clear. If a guy doesn’t make as much as his woman, I don’t believe that most women see that as a flaw, as long as he can handle the business that he has and can take care of himself with what he has.

I think that the main trouble introduces itself if he becomes spiteful of her because of her position. Y’all can correct me if I’m wrong…

Truth You can’t make demands if you can’t run your own house, and paying the bills is a part of running your house. Thats the way it is. Some double standards run in your favor and some don’t.

You put it down like I knew you would. Blog men who would ask their women to pay their bills What kind of response do you have to Truth’s POV?

By mqew

February 26, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

Afternoon people!

Now whose cooch stank! Thas not right. To me, that means you need to go to the doc. That reminds me, I had a friend next door to me in the dorm. I had just met her that previous semester and she had a guy friend come visit her. It was a big party w/e so I had a girl friend come up and kick it. Well, she would open her dorm door and it was all you could do not to choke. Ole girl was rank. I mean just foul! My friend was outraged, like wth is wrong wit her, can’t she smell that? And what dude would want to hit that. It was so bad that at the party and the union, she went to the bathroom and funked up the hole joint. She eventually went to the doc. To this day my other friend ask about the “funky chic”.

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this

ROTFLOL @ Blue’s 12:40 to Benny…o-me, o-my…imma stay inside and not run to the local eatery on that note! Dang!

You can’t make demands if you can’t run your own house, and paying the bills is a part of running your house.

Amen

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 26, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

Bre’ “Then other nights I lay down on the left side of the bed, and say my shoulders are only so strong and carrying a man financially is not somewhere I really saw myself being.”

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that a woman’s shoulders were never meant to “carry” a man. Never. Conversely, nor were they meant to shrug themselves at a man simply because of his financial standing. (Not saying you have that mindset, Bre’. Just speaking in general.) Yes, a man’s means to provide for his woman should be of the utmost importance. Absolutely. However, as I said earlier, I would hate to think that my character as a man was overshadowed by the fact that I might not measure up to a woman’s bling-o-meter.

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

LOL..how many of you went back to see DasV’s first post of the day.

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

Foots, laughing and clapping at the same time. I had a friend who would always tell me “girl you have a great gait”, and that’s why your pony/stallion walk got to me. I totally understand!

By Beautiful

February 26, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

couldn’t stay away. it’s a shame that i’m so addicted to this damn blog. sneakin’ in to say happy birthday to BigD!

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

@ Foots & Truth….Basically both of yall need to understand how vicious systematic rascism and the system is…its not a coincidenced more black men are in prison than in college..the system is designed to give black women more financial and corporate oppourtunites than men..You can’t make demands if you can’t run your own house, and paying the bills is a part of running your house. Thats the way it is. Some double standards run in your favor and some don’t. basically you need to read and trully understand the willie lynch papers..and how its designed to keep us mentally enslaved and tear our families apart..enlighted yourselves

By DasV

February 26, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

ROTFLOL@ sexyLEGGS. gurl. stop. LOL how u doin?? i like the way you keep baby-girl busy and are active in her life. she isnt going to become preoccupied with the wrong things with that necessary parental intrusion. ^5

By melo

February 26, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this

Foots, u right. If pple see the SO as their lyfe partners and solve issues togetther, relationships arent as hard. When pple start introducing the me in relationships, that is where things go wrong. In a lyfespan of regular wking folks, a man may earn more some years and the woman in others.I have known women who really hold the family down financially, but the husband contributes in so many other ways around the house, raising the kids right, keeping the homestead in condition etc. I personally respect such women with strong family traits.They are so sexxy to me too.The problem we have nowadays is that sme of our women have such short attention spans..the moment they feel a little uncomfortable, they start thinking about what could have been…and if they shld have married joe instead of mason.

By Ga. Man

February 26, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

Someone called my name?!?

Hello to all of my Blog family; ok here i go if i miss you blame it on my head and not my heart Truth, Foot, Raqi,Slim,Tazzee,SeanJ and then there was Sexyleggs,Staceye

oh i cant forget Melo,QDT,hey Wise,Cemeeli Derrell,Rell,Mo

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs - ROTFLMAO! I told her to ignore me. She didn’t. I try to issue a warning before I strike. LOL

But I’m glad we reached a happy medium and now I hope she has a nice day.

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

Where u @ They’re having a lurkers party on this cloudy day. That’s why i just keep eatin cake’.

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

Truth You can’t make demands if you can’t run your own house, and paying the bills is a part of running your house. Thats the way it is. Some double standards run in your favor and some don’t.

Don’t start that today! I completely agree! Right on point! SCHOOL em…I love the one from yesterday.

This is classic!! When a dude does his job he FORCES e1 around them to do theirs. So you are not the MOST diabolical hater I thought you were! Wow! I was wrong about you Truth

By mqew

February 26, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

Bre Curious. How close is he to be where his financial issues aren’t weighin on you? Is it that you want to do somethin else wit the funds you’re contributing to his cause? I’m a lil torn on this one. I would venture to say SJ hit it on the head when he said men pay for women’s debts/wants/needs more often than women do the same. When I met my SO and I knew we were going to be together, if I had it like that, I would pay for us to have a lighter load in a heartbeat. Especially to start off ‘right’. This wasn’t our case, but if it were, and if I had it, I would have done it without blinking.

By melo

February 26, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

Who said i was a woman??? u may have a penis,but ur’e female among blog men.COWARDS DIE MANY DEATHS BEFORE THEIR ACTUAL DEATH ever heard of that..oh my bad!!,u were throwing rocks & stones at ur teachers when others were getting on board the school bus.Cme out with a correct blog name if u wanna wrestle.

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

I’m reading you Darrell, and I’m clear on what you are saying trust me. I’m not shrugging just thinking out loud on the blog. I hope you have a grand celebration on your personal new year.

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

SJ no paper that was written 100 years ago controls my destiny. I control that. We have the world at our feet. The truth is the dudes that are in jail are there because they are in fact GUILTY. Women have more corporate opportunities because they have taken advantage of the tools available to them, basically education. They strive for more than most guys and thus have more rewards.

I just got off the phone with my brother who has been taxing his wife for 20 years. She is a jewel and he works when he wants and then takes years off. He knows she wants her family to be together and he takes advantage of that fact. She deserves better but since she accepts it I have nothing to say.

That systematic racism statement is an excuse not go out and take care of folks that bare your name and share your blood. I know SJ your better than that. I’ve read your posts and you never came across as the kind of dude that would squat on a woman.

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

SJ3000

basically you need to read and trully understand the willie lynch papers.

What does having a job and being financal able have to do with the Willie Lynch? That has nothing to do with anything. I have read that book it has truth to it. But that has nothing to do with AMBITION….SMH

By Foots

February 26, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

SeanJ the system is designed to give black women more financial and corporate oppourtunites than men..

Have you personally used this explanation in your own life to explain why you are not where you should be?

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

Bre’ - You say you’ve been with him for 2 years. Has the situation gotten better, stayed the same, or worse?

Is he actively trying to change his station in life, or is he happy where he is?

Just curious. But I think 2 years of being with him has already given you a gauge of the future. Is that why it’s weighing on your mind so much now?

By Michelle

February 26, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

What up G-Man

By Ga. Man

February 26, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this

While Speed blogging

I guess havinsomeone like me might be good and then it might be bad

the person you get with should offset your weakness just like you do the same…

i.e my stregnths are your weaknesses and vice versa

remember that to be in a relationship it is not 50/50 but actually 100/100 you give your best and i will be sure to give mine

stop looking for perfection, because no one is!!

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs are you postin’ NaVan? ROTFLOL @ you chica. sshhh my 8yo watched all of Rasin lastnight & i feel asleep twice and dude was like Momma you fallin asleep.

DasV no flu for Cee. I’m quick to run to cod liver oil, Echinacea and power smoothie to make bacteria flee.

Hi GaMan what’s really going on.

Lurkers coming’ on out….

By mqew

February 26, 2008 1:38 PM | Link to this

On topic: Ain’t no way I could be with me. Okay that didn’t sound right. But I’m being real. My SO is truly a check and balance for me. We are oposites on stuff like drinking I do, he don’t, smoking I do, he don’t, going out I do, he well you get the pic. He is def more laid back and JOB ain’t got nothin on him! I’m alot to handle, and handle me well he does ;-> Don’t get me wrong, I try to relieve him of his duties, so its not taxing but…. that’s just stuff I need to work on.

By Tazzee

February 26, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this

Darrell - it wasn’t my intent to tell the entire story, but if he doesn’t have the $$$ he definitely could go on the trip with me, but he’s the type of man that wouldn’t be down for that. So to answer your other question (I think it was you) I’m definitely prepared to hear the word ‘no’ He and I are going to spend that weekend together regardless. If the trip is too pricey for him, we’ll do something else and I will make that trip with my girls another time. However, if we were married I would simply do without the trip.

What I was trying to convey though is that I’m used to just going when I’m ready to go. My travel partner is the same way - we don’t really think about cost when it comes to quick weekend trips. So my mindset has to change in that area.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this

Truth - You need to add that preacher and bishop title to your name again, because you are coming with it today.

By SlimOne

February 26, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this

melo slimOne, u see all these ladies giving u advice about the coochie..dont worry about it coz the flu bug is affecting ur sense of smell Um…i never said I was having issues down there. The topic came up on the radio this morning. No worries here. Slim smell like Sweet milk…Oh so I’ve been told. BUt you ain’t heard dat from me, cuz I ain’t da one to gossip. LOL!

By Ga. Man

February 26, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Hey all just taking a break…

Off Topic my books are now in the top 10% at BarnesandNobles(online) so see i am getting my grind on…then i can worry about other things later

To para-phrase Jaz-Z

Men lie, Women lie..Numbers dont Lie

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

DasV, by the grace of God I’m maintaining. All’s good! I have one child…no reason for me not to be “hands on”. Don’t understand man nor woman who doesn’t take care of their child. Anyway, she says I’m mean and I say that’s cool w/me!

Cemeeli, you’re in corner eating cake…sure hope it’s not “black cake”. Sorry, had to go there!

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Cee yeah, it’s gonna be bananas this weekend. My sorority is also having one of the many parties, so of course, the ladies who rock the pink and green will put on a show stopper, too. I also got invited to an Omega and Alpha party, but ummm…..I don’t know…lol

SJ Ok, but you didn’t answer the question I asked you earlier.

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Mqew I will not go into that deep of details as that is really beyond the scope. Sorry. It was not the case in point in your life then good for you. We can all say what ifs if it was not that….I never imagined I would be at the crossroad myself and I’m in it…so there you go.

ARedWith him almost two years its for sure not getting better. After recents bumps in the road the attitude seems to be changing that he is going to try to do better for the future. That’s why I said I’m not ready to throw the towel in the ring.

By Beautiful

February 26, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

Slim did you see the email flick?

pisces08 muah!

on topic: i don’t want anyone like me.

By Tazzee

February 26, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

oops - I meant to address Blue_Kolla in my last post…I shoulda known Darrell wasn’t that nosey, LOL

By 900K aka Mr 2008

February 26, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

SJ3 - I do feel where you’re commin from Brah, dont bugg out that most in here will take offense with your point. But if I must say to the blog fam remember the BIG picture. We have a history of families being torn and those old papers may not always be the reason however its still goin down today. Just cause I’m good and out of jail dont mean I cant take up for the chosen few who have lost their way

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

In the spirit of Sisterhood I took a stand at 12:30pm to be an active participant of the “I Hate Men” Tuesday. Had lunch with two of my friends who totally hate their SO at this very moment.

One of them is freaked because her SO referred to her as wifey. She knows that she wants to marry him, but the nerve of him to assume it and verbalize it in front of his family without her consent. She is hilarious.

The other one says she has been pregnant for over a flicking year and it’s all her husband’s fault. I told her well flicking is usually how it happens. She didn’t find that to be funny but I did.

By IslandGirl

February 26, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this

Truth…..I love you more each day. True wisdom.

By IslandGirl

February 26, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this

Truth…..I love you more each day. True wisdom.

Hi GaMan…..

By melo

February 26, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

Truth mayne i applaud u for standing up to SJ conspiracy theory lines.We need man like u in the hoods to preach this becoz, like u say,most guys are in jail becoz thay are guilty,but more so becoz they are ignorant.Man and wmen have equal opportunities in this country.But if u dnt teach ur kids when they are young about money,credit, hw to be good citizens, then u are digging deep graves for them.Big up man for that Truth There is so much ignoracne in the African American community and we all need to play a part in educating each other so as to uplift those that are still behind.

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

@Truth…we are at two different understandings of how the world works and we as a people have been affecting by the past which continues to be a cancer in the present and future..

@ Blown…u need to get your weight up…because right now…you have no idea that…you dont have a clue

@ Foots…why didnt you post what u wanted to post? replace experience with excuse…but to answer your post…i have come full circle..and like i said the other day my thought process is different than the average….the things you or most folks put value in have a price and can be pricey…i value things that are priceless…knowledge,wisdom, family and health….and i even got a few material things yall treasure so much too…but it doesnt make me..

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

Raqi - HILARIOUS!

By Ga. Man

February 26, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

Hey IslandGirl how have you been?

By BennyB

February 26, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

DasV

Why regretting?

Seriously regretting my 1st post of the day

There’s nothing wrong speaking your mind girl, also I don’t think that it is exaggerating calling someone who think that people are intimidated by her a narcissist unless you are intimidated by her……..

By DasV

February 26, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

CEEcee that herbal thang should work for yah up to a certain age… be careful tho …. nov thru feb as you age.

sexyLEGGS i dont get it either.

GAman i likes that quote by mr.JZ myself. facts bah-bay. thats wheres it at.

ROTFLOL@ seanJ getting willie lynch’d on the blog…. i think i understand where you were coming from tho.. there is an almost inherited mentality that lends itself to us not being successful.

By Rell

February 26, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

@slimeone…its TRUE!!!

on snoopy dogg show is uncle told the nephew “dont let dem gals p** in your face and call it sweet milk”…and what did you just say….LMAO, ya poo see smells like sweet milk…..yea right….lol…uncle junebug said it does not

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

Off-topic - I am sitting over here eating one the most tenderest roasts I’ve ever cooked. Sure wish I could share w/you guys. One day, I’m going to host a dinner just for you bloggers!

Cemeel, am I coming across as drunk? That NaVan can really sneak up on a person (LOL).

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

yup Sexyleggs, Maker’s Mark is a brand of whiskey..good stuff. @900, yeah, that’s true, because someone hipped me to it about 2 years ago!

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

whew eye opener up in here…what is done in the dark shows it face one day…believe that…lol

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this

Slim *it didn’t knock him the F/K out, it was just not like the usual me. *

You have a helluva way of puttin’ things. LMAO

DasV so cool that you get my sense of humor… i joke about everything.

That’s ‘cause I’m not some spoiled spoon-fed bratty type, gettin’ my feelings hurt just because DasV is crackin’ jokes. Some of yoll should’ve grown up ‘round my way. Them fools woulda cut you up e’ry day if they knew it got to you like that.

DK The money should go into one pot to pay the bills and its one less arguement to have. If you arent ready to SUBMIT to that principle then dont get married men and women. <===Jewel

Blow/Foots Dont’ jump the gun so quick….ask question first BK…

I like your tone on this response. Sounds like we’re dialogueing. The point that I was trying to make is, since when does meeting people depend on your financial state.

Foots, You ask some good questions but first, may I ask, at what point is a person seen to “have their ish together”? I ask b/c when I first got here, I was on my way down - from sugar to ish in terms of materialism, moving into a hotel with nothing but my job, a suitcase, & peace of mind. And I’ll tell you that chicks that I was meeting at the time were mostly some of the best. I just wasn’t mentally ready for anything major. I was more than willing to sit the bench. But that had nothing to do with the fact that my credit and cash on hand were on their way to an untimely demise.

And for whoever it was that asked, no, I don’t ask chicks to pay my bills.

Truth You can’t make demands if you can’t run your own house, and paying the bills is a part of running your house. Thats the way it is. Some double standards run in your favor and some don’t.

Naah dawg, me runnin’ my crib has nothing to do with my earnings. Now I’m gon’ get out here on the grind, but if I should happen to fall off the curb and get my hands smashed by the Marta bus, don’t you believe for a minute that my girl is gon’ be the new Commander-In-Chief. My authority comes from me being the Security Force for me and mine. I’m the one ON POINT meeting all foes, providing, and telling e’rybody else “Go left.”

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs …well you never know. Don’t hate…appreciate cake.

…as i speak to soulja boy in my jamaican girl accent…’taakin mi wild wit dat cake boi’…Lol just messin.

mqew you alright.

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this

Guess I am posting after NaVan, I know “tenderest” is not a word..oui vey!

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

whew eye opener up in here…what is done in the dark shows it face one day…believe that…lol

By SlimOne

February 26, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

Beautiful Yea, I actually watched it when i got home. I was on the phone talking to one of my bf’s. When it finally started playing, I was like GIRL lemme call you back. OMG! That was crazy. Even I wouldn’t want to go to a show like that. Doing too much.

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

Amazon Will you join us?

Wise, Tazzee, Sexy, Staceye, Island, Mqew??? Together we stand…

Chanting: “Men are pigs, men are…” LOL

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

whew eye opener up in here…what is done in the dark shows it face one day…believe that…lol

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

Atlanta Pearl Girl, GaMan, good to see you pop in today :)

I’m catching up, over here

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this

SJ3000 Let me guess…no one has an idea but you. I do respect your opinion. Sometimes I take valuable info sometimes…I don’t. Do like wise.

By Pussycat

February 26, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this

@SJ3000 11:50

For me not to come to my bf’s aide in relieving him finacially does not mean I don’t truly love him. For me, to love him IS to stay by his side and be understanding during his crisis and not judge or bolt because of his financial position, or the lack thereof. But as a man, he needs to be assertive and make it happen. Like I stated, I’m there to offer suggetions/resolution but me taking on his debt is not the answer. I don’t want him to come to depend on me “bailing” him out. I don’t expect any man to bail me out but I do expect to you be understanding and be there for me until I see it through. Lastly, he’s not my husband. In the role of the husband, what’s your is mine and what’s mine is your. Tangibles, intangibles (body, mind, soul,debt, material) being inclusive of that statement.

@For Real 12:07 I concur, yes re-written with “woman” inserted is just as extreme. Sets the tone there as well. It shows a lack of responsibility and potential gold-diggerism if she’s not made accountable for her own debt. Now if she has debt and is working on it and not expecting the man to pay it off cause he can, she’s just a good potential mate with the roles reversed.

By DasV

February 26, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Benny cause the fly wont go away…. keeps buzzin. i made a joke at 1030 and i guess what amounted to a jab a lil bit lata and it just keeps going and going and going, like the battery bunny. annoying

hey, did you clarify your ‘love’ statement from earlier? i was curious about that. did you say that IAM created love for selfish reasons?

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

@ DasV..its not just about what your idea of successful is…and ya boy will never get willie lynched..

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

Tazzee oops - I meant to address Blue_Kolla in my last post…I shoulda known Darrell wasn’t that nosey, LOL

That was a great response to my question. I likes that.

…now cueing up that Run-DMC joint - Ha Ha. Ha Ha. Ha, Ha, very funny muh… LMAO

SeanJ @ Blown…u need to get your weight up…because right now…you have no idea that…you dont have a clue

Blow is suffering from a severe case of vanity. She’ll be aight after a few trips to the canvas. Hopefully she’ll have the gumption to take the “Standin’ 8” and come back out fightin’.

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this

Sj and 900 being that you are 2 of the tighest fellas in blogsville I must say I’m dissapointed.

The system is set up for EVERYONE to fail. If you have a fairytale life and go to college, graduate, get married, have kids and stay together your whole life what you’ll find is you make 25k each and owe $300k. At some point you’ve got to jump off the train and plot a path for you and yours. Hence the dude with no plans is a loser before he starts.

One word that sums it up is lack of ambition. We want a chick to submit to us and they will, if you just give them incentive to do so. Ol girl wants to do everything you could dream of of but you’ve got to provide her with something. But with that submission comes responsibilty. Now you’ve got her take care of her. It’s real simple.

And please don’t get my statements mixed up with money. Its not about money but usually a cat that has a plan has more loot.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this

ohh Raqi, I have had some hall of fame male bashing sessions with my friends before. You don’t want to get me started, LOL. I am loving men (this week)!

By Tazzee

February 26, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

Raqi LOL, I have been known to participate in a few male bashing sessions. Those are always fun!

By Foots

February 26, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

melo But if u dnt teach ur kids when they are young about money,credit, hw to be good citizens, then u are digging deep graves for them

Big ups for you too. Your post was on point.

Your point about educating each other is well received too. In the literal sense, it makes me think about the deacon who runs our Tutoring Ministry at my church. That man is down there nearly every day, helping students who want to help themselves, and has been for over 10 years. When I signed up for it, I assumed that I would be joining a large group of people just as dedicated as he was to helping these kids perform better in school, to give them more opportunities. What I found was about 5 people (including me) doing what they could to make a difference. The numbers pale in comparison to the number of church folks that show up to the various teas and social gatherings. Folks beat the door down to get to those, but when it comes to helping the kids succeed, where are they? And as a matter of fact, the tutoring is free; why don’t we have more parents making sure that their kids get the help they need before they fall behind or even when they fall behind?? Just a rant…

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

Raqi you did not just sound like me @ my hacklin meeting over the w/e? Lol…they are ALL married and I was the only single one and was listening and looking sideways at the “He get on my nerve” comments. ONe other sis that is the dominate partner in her marriage was doing alot of the …I told him, he better and we ain’t doing la da da…i felt my spirit and i was neutral/keep comments to self.

DasV Vitamins = not daily only when i know the surrounding viruses are going around. feel me…oh yea, i age slow. ;)

By Beautiful

February 26, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this

We want a chick to submit to us and they will, if you just give them incentive to do so. Ol girl wants to do everything you could dream of of but you’ve got to provide her with something

that’s me!

By SlimOne

February 26, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this

Blue_Kolla That was Foots not me.

Everyone, man or women, aren’t going to smell the same everyday. Sometimes what you eat will affect your odor, being sick, certain medicines, running around in 110 degree weather, and certain scented products may throw you off. Folks have some good days…folks have some bad days…BUT if you smell like chitterling juice out of a landfill ALL the time, then Houston We have a problem.

SJ3K I feel ya fellow Gemini. This world is definitely about just what we can see or what we’re spoon fed. Some haven’t mastered using that 3rd eye just yet.

By IslandGirl

February 26, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

GaMan…been busy at work. I’ve been checking in on the blog, but not blogging as much. Currently trying to get rid of a bad cough…had the flu.

What about you?

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

@Pussycat - great comment @ 2:03! Let me ask this, if a woman has X amount of debt (a sizeable amount) prior to marriage, and her husband does NOT want her to work outside the home full-time, do you think her debt becomes THEIR debt, in the sense that he would pay it off as part of the household bills?

By For Real

February 26, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

You know it’s interesting how ladies are responding Tuesday and Bre about the same issue. Tuesday is being uplifted and Bre is being told he should have his ish together. Why come it’s different advice for the same issue?

Bre You sound like you are the one that have the issue with his money. I don’t think you are being honest with yourself nor your dude. Finance is #1 on your list and everything you claim ole boy has isn’t enough to overrule #1.

Blow I agree with you on getting yourself right before entering someone else’s life. 3Stacks I think Blow really only wet behind one ear. Oh and Blow can I an apple pie for jelly on the cuff?

By 900K aka Mr 2008

February 26, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this

Truth - you good wit me so I see what you have to say and you are right on point. However you seem to go off on SJ3 too soon to me so I came in to let him know I share similar thoughts from time to time. Like I stated I’m good, I can take of me and everything connected to myself. However I will not always judge every other dude that may have walked a path I have not been on. Mindless crooks and deadbeat dads and fulltime PS3 sofa cushions get no love from me… And yeah just because your life aint goin right dont mean you gotta turn wrong, but I was influenced by different folks commin up than others. So how can I judge?

most guys are in jail becoz thay are guilty,but more so becoz they are ignorant.Man and wmen have equal opportunities in this country.But if u dnt teach ur kids when they are young about money,credit, hw to be good citizens, then u are digging deep graves for them - melo you make some great points in here, but again you fail to realize see the larger scale. What happends when his father is not there as his father was b4 him and so on. See we get so caught up with the okey doke stories of Mr No-good. What about Mr Life Cut Short? Mr One Wrong Move? Its cats out here man who come from generations of men being gunned down b4 they hit 30. Moms smoked out, who the h3ll goin teach him??? his dam self, so when he makes that wrong move at the age of 17 its out of ignorants correct??? Well guess what homie… Ignorance is major weapon used in those so called “excuse” papers. If you cut off the head of the household the rest will fold. I would never refer to those papers as the blame for all the ills we have in the hood. But to ignore & forget about them would be to live in complete Ignorance… that I cannot do.

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this

…oh yea, i age slow. Please pass your secret along to me. You have my addy (LOL). I’d love to join you guys in the male bashing, but I don’t have anyone to bash. Yeah, not even the ex!

By Foots

February 26, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

Blue may I ask, at what point is a person seen to “have their ish together”

I’d like to submit that “having your ish together” is more about your mindset for success than the number of your material possessions. If you start at Point A with nothing, but have enough drive, patience and wisdom to progress to Point B (add some personal responsibility in there too), you’re good with me.

For some folks, having their ish together is strictly financial, but I believe that your thoughts play a large part in your path, so I check thought patterns first. Does he/she have a long-term mindset instead of one of quick gratification? Is he/she willing to accept his/her role in shaping their destiny? If he/she wants it, but doesn’t know how to get to it right now, does he/she have the intelligence and the determination to go after the knowledge he/she needs? Are they working towards their goals with visible progress?

By IslandGirl

February 26, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

Slim….OMG….LOL….smell like chitterling juice out of a landfill ALL the time stop it….mayne!

By Beautiful

February 26, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this

For Real whose fault is that? y’all always want the big piece of chicken, well h3ll then take it!!!

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

Cee ONe other sis that is the dominate partner in her marriage was doing alot of the …I told him, he better and we ain’t doing la da da…i felt my spirit and i was neutral/keep comments to self.

You’re better than me, ‘cause I cain’t stand broads like that. The dude is probably the “polar bear rug”, ultra-nice guy type and the chick is so full of herself that she can’t appreciate or respect that.

She ain’t gon’ ack right until the day comes when dude snaps and puts hands ‘round that neck. From then on she’ll be like,”No he didn’t?!” and plottin’ on how to put some ish in his food. SMH

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

y’all always want the big piece of chicken, well, h3ll then take it! LOL @ Beautiful!! I nearly spit my water out reading that, CLASSIC! That’s a great point, though.

By Simp

February 26, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

Cee…dayum!!!! The cake was for everyone. I bet you love to eat. ARed are we going to Fatburger’s on friday?

By mqew

February 26, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

Sexyl Just tell me what I need to bring.

Bre Didn’t mean to pry…. It’s just hard to give sound advice/feedback w/o details. I can fall back though….

DK I agree with you on the one pot, but I say whateva the he11 work then hey… we got enuf stuff to touch n agree on if the two pots is cool wit both

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

BK not you too. Take away all material possesions and return to the cave days for aminute. You and your girl are sitting on a hill and a herd of buffalo (food and clothing) walk by. Do you pick up a spear and run that mf’er down or ask ol girl to do it and then want some azz when she gets back? Thats what these cats are doing, their sending these women out to do their bidding. The only thing left is for ol girl to shoot robbers.

At some point you’ve got to provide some value just like we want women to. Whats the use of a woman that won’t give you some azz? ZERO What value for a hard azz chick? ZERO

Melo how anyone can blame some cat from 200 years ago for their failings is beyond me(Not your SJ but our race as a whole). Education is the key and while most will focus on slavery I focus on those that bucked the trend. I’m getting mine. LOL

900 I’m not saying you won’t be down but if your whole life is down thats your fault. Life is a bytch and if I need some support now and then I hope some chick can provide it. However, if she is MY plan for success then I have a major problem.

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

BK Don’t get so emotional…I hit a sensitive nerve. But ain’t no way I am dealing with a dude who has a 300 beacon score and a negative bank account..That’s THE last thing to worry about…is kicking it with the HONEYS! You need to straight a few things out first. That’s the last thing ppl want to get tied to…..MESSED UP CREDIT!! LMAO!

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 2:31 PM | Link to this

BK have you been married before? What is your view on having a dominant wife?

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

@900 & Truth…900..Truth has a way of always going hard…its part of his background…military and or upbringing….and at times if you dont see eye to eye or have the same outlook or opinion he dont understand…but when clayton county pull his azz over on the way to mcdonough for a suspected dui..which he may or may not be guilty of and tazzer the shyt out of his azz..wonder if he will be singing the same tune..

By Beautiful

February 26, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

nrr’mind For Real. misread.

By For Real

February 26, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

3Stacks My fellow Gemini. I agree with you to a point and that point is stupidity. Some of these dudes don’t want to understand the system and the way that it holds them back. Thus, they are stupid and get everything they earn.

Foots/Truth It is obvious that the system was either explained to you or you were shielded from it so you don’t believe that it exist or it power is over exaggerated. What the saying “The greatest trick that the devil has ever done is to convince man he doesn’t exist.” However, remember we are a product of our parents and family. So if it was not given to you at home where else will you get it? At college I had an Ethiopian professor for Black Studies. He told me when he first came to the US he thought like most foreigners that Black people were lazy good for nothing people. Yes he said Black people bc he believed an African is incapable of that kind of behavior. Well he went on got married and was living the American Dream and still had the mind set that Black Americans are lazy. Well it wasn’t until he had a son and watched him as he went thru the education system here. That’s when he realized how deep the rabbit hole is. It fact he was truly amazed at how early of an age it all starts. It hurt him so much that he wasn’t knowledgable enough to protect his son that he took his child out public school. He then made it his job to explain the system to every student that took his class. The first book he makes each student reads is the Willie Lynch papers.

For Real now thumping ARed behind the ear and pointing at DasV

By Tazzee

February 26, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

Hey GaMan! I missed you sneak up in here.

ForReal the difference is, it appears that Tuesday’s man doesn’t have a problem with it and Bre does. Furthermore, guys are always on here talking about how they don’t care how much money a woman makes - that she could be working fries at McD’s and they would be fine with it. So we’re just following that lead, LOL.

By Rell

February 26, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

@FOR REAL

You know it’s interesting how ladies are responding Tuesday and Bre about the same issue. Tuesday is being uplifted and Bre is being told he should have his ish together. Why come it’s different advice for the same issue?

Well

Tuesday is in that damsel in distress role/save me role..every womens fanasty to be rescue of responsibility..feel me

BRE

Well she is going against the code..her situation is not typical..no woman wants to take care of a man or have a man that brings less to the table….sisterhood will not allow another man to be in that position…so that is why

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 2:37 PM | Link to this

Page dominant wife is an oxymoron.

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

For those here that are divorced, did any of you have a hard time financially? If so, when did you see a light at the end?

Truth, you are on fire today!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

BennyB - I agree there is nothing wrong with speaking your mind. But own up to it when it comes back on you, don’t hide behind “jokes” when you know it wasn’t just jokes.

Blue Kolla - You should really stop being so passive aggressive. You keep talking out the side of your neck, but it’s cool. I find it humorous. For the record, anytime I go at it with anyone on the blog is because I don’t let anyone, especially internet ghosts talk to me any old way. You wanna dish it, cool, I’ll dish right back. If someone says something nice about me, I respond in turn. If someone comes at me froggy, we can go there too. Just funny on what folks chose to focus on. One thing it isn’t about is hurt feelings. Pligga neeze.

I can play the dozens with the best of em. Don’t get it twisted.

By Pussycat

February 26, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

@WD 2:17

That’s a tuffy. I would think with the husband wanting her to not work and being in the know of the outstanding debt, it’s naturally assumed he’d have to take responsibility for it. But I’m sure that would have been in the course of the discussion of him wanting to take on the full-time stay home wife/mom.

By DasV

February 26, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

seanJ never i knw this sir. smilin

bluK feel meh, tho? shakin my head. representin chi-town here… where the jokes flow smoother than jd and marky mark on ice or wit ginger ale.

lovin the blog bruh dialogue goin on…. i learn so much when they happen

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

Mr. Rell

Where in the heck did you get damsel in distress from? I have bad credit and is not on top of my game regarding a career. I don’t want to hold him back. I’m willing to let him go to not bring him down. Whatever dude. Go reread my post!

By Foots

February 26, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

SeanJ Nobody is saying that systemic racism isn’t there. But there is also no doubt that many will use that explanation as an excuse for not doing what they should be doing to create their own paths in life. Going back to the basics, what they are saying is that the least a man should be able to do is take care of himself (we can extend that to women too).

From reading you, I’m guessing that you never had to use that Willie Lynch paper explanation in your own life because you did what you had to do to get where you are, no matter what obstacles you had to get around. You got out there and got yours, and didn’t waste time on blaming others and women for opportunities that did not fall in your lap. If I’m wrong, let me know. Willie Lynch is no excuse for non-existent ambition and laziness. I know that you understand that.

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

Diva if a woman has X amount of debt (a sizeable amount) prior to marriage, and her husband does NOT want her to work outside the home full-time, do you think her debt becomes THEIR debt, in the sense that he would pay it off as part of the household bills?

Those parameters have nothing to do with the solution. Her(His) debts will become their debts.

Foots For some folks, having their ish together is strictly financial, but I believe that your thoughts play a large part in your path, so I check thought patterns first.

I’m in agreement there. As long as a chick has her mind right, I could care less that her credit is fugged up, driving a civic, or can’t trip off to Europe this summer. But as you said, everyone’s useing a different measuring stick.

By mqew

February 26, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

Raqi I join. It’s a good cause why not.

Wise D Pls bring the Makers Mark, I like ginger beer with mine.

Sexyleggs You don’t have to have issue to take part of the bashing. Maybe we can mash it into the blog dinner (I guess it would have to be an all chic one though) You should cook, I’ll bring some good wine…

nothing like a good male bash session

By Free Samples

February 26, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this

http://www.mysavings.com/

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

Sj what your talking about is somethinig (tazering, and yes I’m laughing my azz off) that is out of my control. What I can control is the overall direction my life is going. I’m not going hard but the facts are the facts. We have let our people down in droves. Jews went thru similiar, if not worse experiences but used it to come together. We used our experiences to permanently set our people back. Thats our fault but its not my choice. I want better.

Foots I couldn’t agree with your 222 more if I typed it myself. Its not about what you have but where your mindset is.

By melo

February 26, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

until the day comes when dude snaps and puts hands ‘round that neck. that is evidence of mental defeat…best thing is to just walk away, if she is that unbearable. 900K aka Mr 2008 i share ur thoghts there, thats why in my post i referred to us, collectively, helping the african-america community so that we can uplift each other.Pple go inside jails to preach and mentor and u and i need to consider that so we help those folks u talking about.But there is personal responsibilty also in all of this. I had a dude from miami that my wife was trying to help buy a hse.He mentioned that he had to move outa that area becoz the association alone with his hme folks waz not conducive, so he had to move to atlanta.Otherwise his lyfe was gona be cut shot.He actually didnt want his brother to knw he was buying a hse, coz i gues folks there are just knee deep in ignorance and they view that move like u selling to the white men..smh SO ambition mayne has to come in. A man has to have drive and ambition and shw it before u get smebody else to help u. I spk from personal experience.Of all the pple on the blog, i may the one with the most humblest of upbringings….but look at me.I came to the states after paying for one semester worth of fees at my school.I figured the rest of the unknown about student loans and aid when i got here, in my second semester, after running outa of money.I grew up sorrounded by insects and all vile stuff and wld go to pick the crops before going to school..in the deep of the rural back country..overseas. And sme of these suckers eating free food and watching cable in jail tell me the system is letting them dwn.Where is their own personal responsibiltiy coz i tell, even a man with a felony conviction can use his hands to make a living.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

February 26, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs For those here that are divorced, did any of you have a hard time financially? HELLS YES!!! LOL If so, when did you see a light at the end? I feel like the light is soooo much brighter now than it was say around July of last year. And its not so much the divorce itself as it is the adjusting back to doing things on my own. Many people say divorce is expensive. Since my ex & I agreed, it didnt cost us (no attys, etc). But like I said, readjusting to paying everything again and having a lil person in the mix (along with the fact that the economy is shot to h3ll) and its gets difficult.

By Beautiful

February 26, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

I could care less that her credit is fugged up, driving a civic, or can’t trip off to Europe this summer.

that’s so sweet. sigh.

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

Blue I really don’t like attending when we have paticular ‘hacklin hens’ around. It is good in the sense for me to see/know of how not to be that jacked mindset. The ultimate ‘i don’t play by his rules’ and overbearing type persona. Poor hubby… She IS the bread winner of the two, but still…Every entire time she would intervene (with that…and he does/doesn’t do la da) during simple our conversations my face was like - Dayum shut the hellz up! One of the other blissfully married sis gave me a sly tap and i looked over at her like this chic ALWAYS get on my nerve with that mess. One time i did say to them …Remember i’m single & don’t wanna hear that ‘he get on my nerve’ mess. Chatty Cathy keep runnin’ her mouth. smh

Simp Lol @ …Cee…dayum!!!! The cake was for everyone. I bet you love to eat. There’s some crumbs left.

By For Real

February 26, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

Wise You ain’t slick. I told you I would help you with your debt but ain’t no way in Hell you not working. Stop putting our bizness out like that.

Oh, what did you take out for dinner tonight. I’m tired of spaghetti and please can we layoff the mac-n-cheese!

For Real now wrapping the big piece of chicken in Beautiful Wednesday’s panties.

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

Truth I know it is. But that seemed to be the basis of his post.

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this

I am trying my darnedest (LOL) to catch up with the convo but I keep reading Truthys comments to make sure it is really him.

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this

Fellas, you all had th exact same opportunity to be lazy, shiftless, mf’ers as our forefathers. You chose different. In the end that slave shyt is no excuse for not doing what you can do. Everyone wasn’t meant to be bill Gates and thats not the measuring stick. However, a dude is real if he takes care of his, whatever that may be.

Really, we don’t need to go back as far as slavery. Hell, as I just said my brother is a piece of work and he’s a blood relative. What we’re talking about is choices and vision. What do you see when you see your future and your family? Really thats all that matters.

BTW, fugg Willie Lych.LOL

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

Truth I asked you nicely to stop doing what you are doing today. I don’t like agreeing with you. But today I dont’ know…maybe you had some great EPIPHANY of the weekend. Is this really the TRUTH?? Or is it someone else using his name….Baby truth is that you? lol! lmao!

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

Truth I asked you nicely to stop doing what you are doing today. I don’t like agreeing with you. But today I dont’ know…maybe you had some great EPIPHANY of the weekend. Is this really the TRUTH?? Or is it someone else using his name….Baby truth is that you? lol! lmao!

Thats our fault but its not my choice. I want better. Another great one….

By Beautiful

February 26, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

For Real lol. i deserve that. blog reading to fast.

By Foots

February 26, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

For Real So if it was not given to you at home where else will you get it?

Now THAT’S the million dollar question for me. I have ALWAYS wondered where drive actually comes from. Is it in a person when they are born as part of their personality, or it is nurtured into them? Can certain situations spark drive and ambition in a person (think Judge Mathis, who turned his life around)? There are so many people who came from nothing, no father in sight and not a piece of paper to wipe a booger on, who have become great leaders and thinkers and go on to blaze trails for the rest of us. Shoot, former slaves began institutions of higher learning. People with no families to guide them have the capacity to succeed, just like those with everything spoon fed to them have the capacity to fail.

So, where does drive and ambition come from? If it is external, how do we give it to our (meaning “The Village”) children?

By Staceye

February 26, 2008 3:04 PM | Link to this

Foots A thighmaster ain’t got nothing on a pole for building thigh muscles and strong calves that’s it..you have sold me. I am signing up for the next session after this session of Belly dance is over.

Sexyleggs I think you were right in making your daughter see what was back then to make her appreciate where she is now..though It’s not far…but better.

GA Man Where ya been love?

Raqi you know I got your back girls…men are pigs! LOL

Page What is your view on having a dominant wife for some reason that sounds like that would be me. LOL

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this

Truth Do you pick up a spear and run that mf’er down or ask ol girl to do it and then want some azz when she gets back?

Come on homie, that’s not what I said. See where I said that I’d be on my grind, BUT if I lost/never had, the higher EP betwixt the two of us, ain’t no way that my girl is gonna Captain the S.S. Blue.

Your reasoning aludes to the fact that you either will pay ALL bills within your crib, or never marry a woman with an EP with the potential to surpass yours.

Page have you been married before? What is your view on having a dominant wife?

Big D’d up right here. Dominant wife? Ain’t happ’nin - that simple. Now I like an aggressive woman, b/c I want to be able to feel secure in the fact that when I hand over that wheel, we ain’t gon’ run aground. But she’s gonna respect my position, as I respect hers. And no, I’m NOT the type of dude that’s walking around the crib beating his chest either.

Red Not being passive/agressive at all. Having a word with Das but not interested in any jousting contests with you. But don’t you believe for a minute that I ain’t a worthy opponent, just ain’t into that like I used to be; part of my self-improvement program, ya digg?

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

Truthy if we were in the same room right now my husband would kick your arse because I would give you a big hug.

If there is one thing I instill into my sons is there is no one to blame for failure but the one who failed himself.

By melo

February 26, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

It hurt him so much that he wasn’t knowledgable enough to protect his son i agree..u have to mentor ur kids and tell them what they need to know.That Ethiopian lacked the basic parenting skills if he did not let his kid know stuff he needed to.Thats all u can do as a parent.The creit markets,govtmental systems etc are not designed in this manner in other(many) places overseas.When u cme here as an adult and an immigrant for example, its like u being born again coz everything is totally new in many respects.Hw do africans, chinese and asians(folks who grew up squalor and in rice paddy fields) get it when folks who grew up on macdonalds and wendys cannot?

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

For Real

At college I had an Ethiopian professor for Black Studies.

SSC! I had him too! He was the best and cool as could be.

but um…i won’t ask…keep it movin’.

By Foots

February 26, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

And I must say, I’m really enjoying the convo today. I don’t get a chance to exchange these types of ideas with my folks that often.

What I’m thinking is that we need a Blog Think Tank, a real round table discussion about real issues. Maybe it can spawn some real change if we can put our heads together…

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

Thanks Mo. Wow, my light is a little brigher than last July as well. Adjustment is hard yet necessarily. I’ve heard people struggle for years after a divorce and I won’t let that happen to me and mine! I know everyone is different and $$ scale is different. However, the motivation factor to excel should be way way high on the scale! I was just wondering.

You don’t have to have issue to take part of the bashing, really! I always thought you had to be mad at men to bash them. If you’re not angry, why bash? Curious!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

Blue_Kolla - I’m not trying to get into it with you either. My point is that you aren’t slick with your little side comments. Bratty, spoiled, yada yada yada. I’ll be dat then. If you’re really on the self improvement tip, you wouldn’t feel the need to make your little snide comments, but hey do you. I will respond to anyone respectful like who gives me the same consideration. If you’re done with the name calling then we can close today’s chapter.

By DasV

February 26, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

BLU didnt we know that was comin? when something is said and you take a stance, grab a weapon from an arsenal and mean-mug, there is something there, esp if it wasnt sd directly to you….. thats paranoia too. maturity (wha we’s got) is too cool for that.

theTruth droppin gems, Pasta, droppin gems….. is it possible that you (men in general) contribute to women becoming ‘hard’ or playin like dasmels in distress?

ROTFLOL@ forREALs jokin. boye u nd to stop

By Staceye

February 26, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

Blue But she’s gonna respect my position, as I respect hers and what position would that be?

Adding on to the financial questions…if the wife makes more than the husband..basically the bread winner…would men be so quick to try that I am man* crap? I think if put in that position I would die laughing! What puts you in the position to be in a higher position in the household than me period? We are EQUAL boo! But for sure if I am making the bulk of the money you dayyyum sure bettr chill with that crap!

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

Raqi i’m involved in a minor blog skirmish and you calling me Truthy is not helping. LOL

Blow you always loved me but didn’t know it because you’ve never met a dude like me. Now can I get a large fry and sundae to go? Smooches LOL

Foots drive and ambition are a part of a persons fabric. First a person must see something in their minds eye and then must have the motor to make that picture come true. Most will be bamboozled and convinced that their vision isn’t real where some will go ahead and reach the goal anyway. We call them winners.

It just hit me that all the dudes who brought up the willie Lynch slavery thing are from the south. I went thru similiar discussions while at Ga southern with southern dudes. I wasn’t raised to give a fugg about a racist.

Melo stong and powerful post. I like that personal responsibilty.

Of e1 I’m not supposed to be here. ALL of my childhood friends are dead, not dead or in jail but dead. I saw something different for my life and made a decision. It wasn’t based on Jim Crowe, or Willie Lynch or the KKK or the system but what I had to do to survive and thrive. In the end its always about personal choices.

By Royal Chic

February 26, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

Great topic…Diva

Darrell…it’s a joy to read you…..if nothing else, spend today celebrating YOU!

By THE INFAMOUS DK

February 26, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

Blue I told you yesterday not to save em cause you cant win with a loud mouth nothing chick..

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

Foots…*Is it in a person when they are born as part of their personality, or it is nurtured into them? I believe it’s a little of both. My crazy boss has even asked me what made me different from my 2 crackhead brothers and living on welfare sister. The way I grew up I knew I wanted better. I told my mother at 8 that I was leaving NY. The living was too hard from my brain to comprehend. What I remember most is that everyone can’t possibly live like this. Somebody someone is smiling when they wake up. I strove to be that person. I am a product of my environment, my environment is not me! (I tend to twist phrases, but hopefully this one is typed correctly.)

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this

Tuesday I have bad credit and is not on top of my game regarding a career. I don’t want to hold him back. I’m willing to let him go to not bring him down.

You got’cha head on wrong. Anybody, and I mean ANY BODY, can have his(her) credit/career snatched up at any time. If this dude has your back and you got his, don’t worry about all’at extra.

Keep tellin’ yoll to watch the world events. Them soup lines are comin’ and then we gon’ see who’s got the mettle to survive.

Truth Fellas, you all had th exact same opportunity to be lazy, shiftless, mf’ers as our forefathers. You chose different. In the end that slave shyt is no excuse for not doing what you can do.

Man I look at it like a bear in the forest. I look, listen and manuever. If I smell a snake I don’t go that way. If I see the bear in front of me fall off the cliff, I don’t go that way. If the grass is matted, probably a trap - I don’t go that way. Point is while not to be used as excuses, there are very real trap out here. It the job of the survivor to recognize and avoid them. But ain’t that what survival is?

By Ga. Man

February 26, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

Staceye i have just been on the Grind that everyone here is talking about…writing and promoting my books and writing more…Wow!! i have to say since i took the chance; it has turned out pretty good.

How have you been?

Hey Tazzee is it football season yet i am going thru withdrawal

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

me too Foots, and I have to say (again), that I always enjoy your contributions to the discussion. You seem to elevate our dialogue.

By melo

February 26, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this

Staceye boo,if I am making the bulk of the money you dayyyum sure bettr chill with that crap in a typical hshold set-up man dont cme in stretching their dyck and trumpeting and hollering signify entry and annouce that the man is here and wmen lining up red carpet for man.U all sit dwn and agree on roles from time to time and shift and re-adjust as u go forward.The money that cmes in is put in one pot and then u look at bills and pay them.Its all ours..not urs or mine.What typifies a man is hw he raise his family as head of household not as chief financial office.The chief financial officer in many two parent hseholds is the wman anyway.

By Binford2K8

February 26, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

I’M Still HERE! Had to work ;p

By Where u @?

February 26, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

Binford, 2CPTG, GAMan, Beautiful, Dan, Teresa.

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

For Real So, where does drive and ambition come from? If it is external, how do we give it to our (meaning “The Village”) children?

I can tell you for some it is inborn. My kid will burn down the crib trying to iron his own pants or dayum near break his neck climbing on the counter to get a glass, because I took too long to come and give him some kool-aid. LOL But I never chastise him for being independent, even though it scares the ish outta me sometimes.

By IslandGirl

February 26, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

Melo….^5 on 2:51pm post

Truth and SJ…you’re really touching on some serious issues. I have to agree with all that you have said. Everyone should determine and set a bar to measure their level of success. I think it is important for you to surround yourself with people that are progressive in order to learn from their wisdom. If you find yourself being the smartest person in your circle, then it would help for you to find others you can learn from. I think you disenfranchise yourself when you are no longer willing to learn and grow. In regards to racism, yes systemic racism exists…I see it all the time in the education system as it exists against our black males. It’s not by chance there are currently higher numbers of black males in special education. Even at the college level, although women outnumber men in college- men find themselves being more challenged with being accepted in certain institutions.

Anyway, SJ you made excellent points, and I hope others don’t look at those points as just an excuse. If a person holds onto the slave mentality then that individual is at fault for his or her failures. jmo

By mqew

February 26, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs It’s usually an excuse, for me personally, to have good food and good drink. Thas all, I neva really have anything to add other than the cleanin issue (his lack thereof) and we’ve sorta resolved that maid twice a month.

Staceye I do believe there is someone for ev1, but you girl are too much. I would have to meet who ever hem yo azz up and shake his hand or pray for him LOL

By 900K aka Mr 2008

February 26, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

Staceye - What up Mami?!! * I am signing up for the next session after this session of Belly dance is over.* You are really becoming a well rounded young lady. I am so proud of you!

Truth - Not sure how I got pulled into the daily Men vs Women $$ topic… maybe my own fault. Gettin over on chix and living off them is never a topic I even touch cause I cannot even see myself in that equation.

melo - now see Thats what Im talkin bout. You read my thoughts then come back with great logic. But still we ALL have to remember that being a leader is not easy cause you have to take up for the weak and misguided. Seeing how the blog is full of leaders I like to point that out from time to time. If everyone had exceptional drive, heart and ambition. along with the the will and knowledge to follow proper instruction then taking charge would be easy.

That Ethiopian lacked the basic parenting skills if he did not let his kid know stuff he needed to… - melo come on now man we dont know this to be true. Basic parenting skills does not include telling your kids to watch out for the “machine” when you yourself has no idea it even exists.

By For Real

February 26, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

Truth Fellas, you all had the exact same opportunity to be lazy, shiftless, mf’ers as our forefathers. Here is where your argument loses its steam. You are making assumptions. I can go back 5 generations and I all I see are strong men in my family. All I heard was what would your dad or paw-paw think. So no I didn’t get the opportunity to be lazy, shiftless, nor a mf’er because I was hip to the game by generations before me and I am quite sure when you have a lil Truth you will hip him as well. You know what it’s like when a boy is trying to become a man. Think how difficult it is when first he has to try and figure out how to survive as a boy. Then he has to understand that there are different types of men. So now, he has to look at the examples he has as to what a man is. If those examples of men are stuck in the system what chance does he have in figuring out what a man is. Then he has to take all of the info and try to become the man that he wants to be. 3Stacks and no one else look at the system as an excuse but potholes and obstacles exist in life for everyone. Those roads we chose can be made smoother or all of the roads can be potholes, it just depends on how you are raised. Just like my devil reference, the Bible tells you the devil exist to help you navigate your way around the devil’s traps but if you never read the Bible or no one has ever told about the devil, then you will fall in one of the devil’s holes.

By Staceye

February 26, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs you did well some people choose to become a product of their enviroment…but you choose not to! Good for you! You wanted more out of life.

GA Man so you’re doing the d@mn thing huh? Go for yours.

By Foots

February 26, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

melo I was wondering when you would share your story. You have a great perspective to bring to a discussion about personal responsibility and wanting more for yourself. Tell us the rest…

Truth And that’s interesting because I was born in South GA, and went to school in Athens. Y’all know how I love UGA, but it was NOT easy being there as the only black woman in my degree program (and oen of two black people). They did what they could to make me feel small. The other black guy is still my good friend to this day, because we held each other up. When no one would work with me in groups, he was the one who stood by me and we were a group of two the last two years of school. I put myself (me and God) through school with scholarships and prayer, no college fund in sight. That dude, here on a student visa from Jamaica, worked 40 hours a week AT NIGHT, so he could pay for school, came straight from work to school in the morning (drove about 40 miles one way) and in his spare time studied for the US Citizenship exam. I didn’t even know what he went through until we graduated because he NEVER complained or tried to place blame. I respect him and his drive so much and I think I’ll tell him today.

Thanks for dropping gems today.

Staceye Girl, you need to get wit it! With your dance background, you’d be a natural. I did some stuff last night that surprised ME! You have to try it, you’ll be hooked. Guaranteed!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

Wow Truth. Your testimony is deep.

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

@ Truth…let me ask u this being that you traveled the world in the military…was the mindset of people of color different in other countries? where you treated with more respect? i know u was doing more that getting twisted running up in german and swedish chicks

@ Foots..i know its hard for you to understand being that you were sheltered growing up in Waycross….went straight to Athens then to the A….and NO i never used an excuse..but then again..i didnt know how close to a controlled experiment our lifes and outcomes really are..from where i come from the fact that i am still alive to blog is successful…and whats so crazy is that this current generation reminds me of growing up in the 80’s early 90’s.

By melo

February 26, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

folks, i may not be blogging that regularly with u like in the past, so peace to u all.my job demands may not allow it. I guess today is my cming out day..im so happy!!! I just got a job offer to join anther company.And that job is paying me a few th$$ shy of 100K. So if i sound high-horse like today and preachy, forgive me.im living my american dream!!! I am mulling going on extended leave at this current joint,just to test the waters on the other side.

By Tazzee

February 26, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this

GaMan - last weekend I was watching the broadcast from the combine. Now I’m pretty much on hold until the draft - but yes I’m going through withdrawal too. I did just get a call that ticket renewals came in the mail today.

Foots I can tell you that I am different from my two sisters and folks always wonder what happened since we grew up in the same household. I have to think that I was born with most of my drive simply because of the stories I hear about me as a tot. To have my family tell it I have ALWAYS been on the grind, LOL. But at the same time, when I think about where I obtained the belief that I could do anything I put my mind to - I’m reminded of some of the things my grandmother used to say to me when I was young. In the end, I have to agree with SexyLeggs that’s its both

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this

I have always felt that just as easy as it is for a child to stray from a good upbringing, they can bring themselves up and out from a crappy one. Period.

Funny thing here: I truly believe that man is the head of the household no matter what. But I have to confess that the Lord knew not to put in one where I made more money.

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

GaMan Are you supposed to be Pete Peterson in your book? I tried to get past the first page, but I couldn’t.

By PICTURES PLEASE

February 26, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

IF YOU DO NOT MIND, PLEASE SEND A E-MAIL OF YOUR PIC TO ME. THE LADIES IN MY OFFICE ARE WANTING TO TAKE A PEEK. DDCA70@YAHOO.COM.

LOVE, LADY LURKERS

By For Real

February 26, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

Foots Ambition is God given. However, it can go in any direction good, bad or triffin without direction and advice. If the direction isn’t available at home, it is up to the rest of us to give that child or person the direction they need. That’s why you explain how this country is setup to your or someone else’s children at an early age but you just can’t give them the boogey man without giving them a way to beat the boogey man but how can you give advice on how to defeat the boogey man when you don’t believe he exist and is a worthy opponent.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

Congrats melo.

I won’t miss your arse tho. ;-) j/k

By IslandGirl

February 26, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this

Melo*…congratulations!!!!!

By Ga. Man

February 26, 2008 3:47 PM | Link to this

Stayece you can go check it out…i was blown away www.bn.com then put book title in

One Last Cry

with over a million books on there, to be in the top group in a very humble thing (GaMan wipes a tear from his face) sometimes when you go after your dreams; they can come true

Tazzee i feel you, i was shocked at so many of them doing bad ex. linebackers but that kid from Appl. st who had the 4.28 40 was mind blowing

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

mqew ok, I got it. Sometimes male bashing is used as another form of fellowshipping w/friends over good drink and food.

Foots, I can identify w/your last post in one area. I put myself through college w/my paychecks from my full-time job as a legal secretary. No grants, no scholarships. Did have a little help from Mama, but not much. Even went to classes on my lunch hour. I was determined to be one of my mother’s children she could be proud of. She deserved that much. I’m tearing up just remembering how all of my siblings chose the “gutter” over decent living. There are many pebbles in my path to progress, but giving up isn’t one of them. To be honest this believe system helped me get out of a marriage that just kept me down!

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

For Real I wasn’t speaking personally but of our situation as a whole. The topic switched to slavery and Willi Lynch and how sytematic racism has an affect on us. with that in mind historically our forefathers abondoned us but that’s not the end of the story. All you can do is write your own chapter.

Melo that 328 was nice also. I especially liked that ending.

My point started out as this. We want women to submit and be soft and feminine and they will if we step up and handle our business. The more of our responsibilties we push off on her the more her contempt for us grows. Sure, racism, bad economies, life will step in the way but we can;t let those things change our course, if in fact we had one. In the end you choose where your going or you let someone else choose. Either way its your choice.

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

…way to go for it Foots, and give your friend from school some additional cool points for keeping his game up.

congrats Melo. good reads today.

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

OK Red, you were in that subset of “some” that I was thinking about when I made that comment b/c at that moment you were acting petty; but I was not talking directly about you, meaning I was making a generalized statement.

If you’re done with the name calling then we can close today’s chapter.

SLAM! Now as long as we got an understanding we can be cool.

Staceye and what position would that be?

See You bein’ facetious. But since you asked, “Captain, CEO, figurehead, Man Out Front” are a few that come to mind. And if you know anything about leadership, you’ll know that no successful leader knows anything. He surrounds himself with brilliant people, from whom he will always solicit advice and ideas; and he will hold those individuals in high esteem. Many women however want the so-called glory that they think exists. That’s where the mistake is made.

Ex: Barack ain’t writing them speeches, he’s just giving ‘em. Now behind the scenes how do you think Barack treats his speech writers? Exactly.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

Congrats melo, GaMan! Doing big things!!

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

ForReal Ambition is not God given. If that was the case folks could blame God because they are lazy.

By Foots

February 26, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

GAman Hey bruh!! I’m so glad to hear that things are going well for you. Keep writing them; I go through books like tornados through Douglas County.

Diva Thanks! I like when I have time to join in.

SexyLeggs I agree with you. Your story sides with the “ambition is there from birth” point. Your daughter is fortunate that she will have both, it’s in her genes and she sees an example of it daily.

Island Great comment!

For Real All I heard was what would your dad or paw-paw think.

Nowadays, I don’t think we have this in most families. Growing up, I can remember hearing the same thing. This breeds not only personal responsibility, but familial responsibility. There was the desire that we had to uphold our family name and not to embarrass our elders. My poor nieces probably feel like the weight of our entire family is on their shoulders, if they misbehave, they get phone calls from me, their grandparents, their great aunts and uncles, etc. And in a way, our family name is on their shoulders because as long as they live, they will represent the Cooper family that got its start on a plantation in South Carolina.

So why don’t we seem to have this anymore in our communities? Is it because we’ve dropped the “we” and moved more towards “I” and “me”? Is it because our families are so broken and disjointed that nobody is really sure who would be embarrassed if we cut up? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. And while you’re at it, can I have a piece of Black Cake? I’m a little lunchy…

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

ForReal Ambition is not God given. If that was the case folks could blame God because they are lazy.

By mqew

February 26, 2008 3:57 PM | Link to this

Congrats Melo

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

SJ3K Where are you from?

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this

Congratulations Melo. Keep up the apparently excellent work and level of professionalism.

By IslandGirl

February 26, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

GaMan…I definitely will have to add your books to my reading list…congratulations as well!!

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

Tuesday is in that damsel in distress role/save me role..every womens fanasty to be rescue of responsibility..feel me

Fellas, did I come off as this? Just trying not to be a burden.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Blue - Well, it’s nice to see you admit it. It’s all good, really. I didn’t start this morning bringing pettiness to the blog so cool, I’ll take your one sided criticism. ;-) I know folks on here have their blinders and alliances. It’s all so typical, but I’m certainly not surprised.

By QC

February 26, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

Have a great evening bloggers

Hey Raqi, Royal Chic & Staceye

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

Now I know I don’t stutter, so why I am I now double posting.

By mqew

February 26, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this

Truth luv your comments…

By Staceye

February 26, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

Blue that is great that you allow and support your kid’s independence. That means he won’t be one of the sorry grwon azz men out here with Baby Boy syndrome! Good for you. I can’t stand no whiney soft little boy. They grow up to be the same kind of men. But mothers will baby them and in the end…handicap them.

900 I have been dancing since I was 3…and I fell in love with Belly dance at 15 when I went to a show. I stopped ballroom dance a few months back. But I will go back. Going to different styles of dance keeps me busy and its a more fun way to work out then just hitting the gym and running and lifting.

Mqew I just refuse to have some man thinking he got some authority over me. There is only one and his name is GOD! So if a dude can’t except me as his equal partner..I have no problem with remaining single. I actually like it…no drama!

**Foots is now the spokesperson for the Pole Dancing classes! LOL

By Simp

February 26, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

Blue… you make a great point about Barack not writing his speeches. His delivery is awesome. Foots leave Douglas county alone. The wind is hish as we type.

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

Sorry I missed alot of posts, I got busy with the market.

Melo Congrads, when you move on to more money still spend like you you are still at your current salary for while. Makes a big difference down the road.

Sexylegs I’m with you on that. I always get the question, “what made you so driven”. I knew there had to be more to life than having a bunch of babies on welfare and running behind no good men. Tazee I really believe its what’s within. I can say I never dreamed of 5th Ave, never even knew of the place from where I grew up. My only single mindset was I was never going to have to ask a person for a roof over my head, food to be put in my mouth, or clothing on my back. WIth that thought I kept the grind going and still going.

Well everyone thanks for you replies I do appreciate it. At the end of the day I will find my way the insight is priceless.

By Willie Dynamite

February 26, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this

Fellas I don’t really have the time to sit and chat as usual. I’m just proud that you can have a deep discussion w/o it getting thugged out. Keep it up fellas and just maybe some of it will get through to the ones that need it most. Remember sometimes its not what you are saying but how you are saying it.

An oh yeah for the record whether I make $5/hr or 500K. I’m the Man of the house. Wifey will recognize that because that’s My DNA. I’m the man I’m sposed to be.

By mqew

February 26, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

Foots I know, let’s blame hip hop j/k bnr Sounds like a lil bit of errthang. All of your suggestions lend reason for the rhyme…

By melo

February 26, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

thank u all guys, sexxyL im tearing up too.But guys thanks and i hope to meet sme of u soon, u knw where. Foots i will tell my story soon and hpefully it will inpsire sme here.**ared,sexxyl,cemeeli,mqew,truth,wise,Island,thanks all in case i miss anybody.Wl talk smemore and share other details.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

well I didn’t think you did Teresa, I got exactly where you were coming from. Also, keep the comments in perspective (including mine), people offer their commentary based on their own experiences/views, so don’t let someone project something negative on you. Every thing we say may not apply, but it is good to see another perspective and ponder on it, you know?

oh and i was at the Jill Scott concert and had A BALL!! Jill’s performance was amazing..and Raheem was fantastic too. Worth every penny.

By Foots

February 26, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

Go melo, go melo!! Our blog men are doing it big today! GAman is the next Stephen King. melo is the next Bill Gates. Am I going to have to put the Blog Pole up in this camp and give y’all a show?!? LOL!!

Blog Ladies I’ll just bake y’all a Blog Cake or something… LOL!

SeanJ whats so crazy is that this current generation reminds me of growing up in the 80’s early 90’s. That’s interesting. In what ways??

And you’re right, I may have grown up a little sheltered and a lot loved, but I had a vision for myself at an early age and I worked hard for everything I have (plus I have been very blessed during the times when even my hard work wasn’t enough and obstacles got placed in my way). That’s what we need more of, more vision and action, regardless of where you came from, and less “I can’t do that because of __”.

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this

Ohh ish! I’m soundin’ like dumb azz Dubya.

you’ll know that no successful leader knows anything.

Correction: you’ll know that no successful leader knows EVERything.

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this

That was a lovely compliment Foots! Thank you.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

J is home testing the browser…

By 900K aka Mr 2008

February 26, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

Truth -please give it a rest homie… aint no one here pushin nothin off on these ladies. The title itself today is great “Look in the Mirror” Truth cause like you accuse some of using racism as some sort of excuse for not taking care of personal responsibility. You are using the Men gettin over on women and lving off them as an excuse for that fact that todays Black Male & Female buttin heads and not seeing eye to eye as we once did. There is a serious lack of communication going on between us and I refuse to use your brother as an excuse! LoL

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

SJ I guess thats the thing. people will believe what they want till we open our mouths and confirm it. I’ve NEVER been disrespected anywhere in the world and that includes the federal pen. I give respect and I get it. It has nothing to do with black, white, or whatever but what we are as people. I may have forgotten a fraulein I knocked off but I never forgot the german or italian or panamanian families that invited me into their homes to show me their culture and how they lived. I wasn’t black but just someone that wanted to know.

Somewhere along the way I learned that everywhere wasn’t like Oakland where you just survived but there were places you could actually thrive and enjoy life.

Melo congrats my brother. Go do your thang, you sure as hell sound like you deserve it.

The flip side: As most of you know I own my own real estate company. To say things have changed over the last few years is an understatement. I usually made 6 figures while taking 3 months off but now I have to hold on to funds because I don’t know where the next deal is coming from. I’m living the headlines your reading about. Luckily I have funds and resources that i’ve been using to supplement my lack of income but at some point if this market doesn’t change I’ll have to work for someone else. Something I haven’t done in a long time. Still, life is good for me. I see this as a humbling and necessary step for me to get to the next level. Really just another bump in the road. Every time I want to have apity party I hear about families being destroyed and people so ill that death is welcomed daily. I also have to look at my role in it for getting so complacent when things were good. I should have continued to push because I still have more in me. Right now I’m like the boxer that took 2 good ones to the body and a straight right to the head. The thing is this fight ain’t over and everyday I’m looking to land that knockout blow. Thats the only way I know to do it. Keep swinging till the lights go out.

So Melo I pray you get that job and oneday when you take your wife to a nice restaurant or Reynolds Plantation and you see a light skinned bald headed dude walk by just say to yourself “the Truth is back”. LOL

BTW, blogsville you have been my source of entertainment and enlightenment as I go thru this. So even as we may argue sometimes I thank you for being there with me and for me.

By Staceye

February 26, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

Blue “Captain, CEO, figurehead, Man Out Front thanks for the laughs Buddy! LMAO I needed that one!

By Tuesday

February 26, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

Wise

Thanks! I didn’t think so either.

By Foots

February 26, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

Blue As long as you don’t look your future wife in the face and say Woman, I’m the decider, then you cool.

Bre My only single mindset was I was never going to have to ask a person for a roof over my head, food to be put in my mouth, or clothing on my back.

That’s deep, imagine how powerful we all would be if we could get and keep that mindset, regardless of the number of mountains we have to move. Y’all are really inspiring me today. SexyLeggs and Tazzee, y’all too.

By melo

February 26, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

Bre,great advice,thnx.i been pushing that kia 4 a while u knw so there is this urge to upgrade,but if i do, it wnt be crazy!

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this

Time for a receipe

Salmon Fillets w/organge basil butter. (Absolutely delicious)

1 1/2 poungs fresh salmon fillet, cut crosswise into 4 pieces 1/2 cup of butter, melted 1 tblspn orange juice 2 tspns finely chopped fresh basil 2 tspns freshly grated orange peel 1 1/2 tspns garlic pepper 1/4 cup of sliced almonds, toasted, if desired basil leaves, if desired

Place salmon, skin side down, on foil-lined broiler pan Combine butter, orange juice, basil and orange peel in small bowl; reserve 2 tblspns butter mixture. Brush remaining butter mixture onto salmon; sprinkle w/garlic pepper Broil 4 to 6 inches froom heat for 12-15 mins, turning once, or utnil edges flake easilyu w/fork. Drizzle salmon with reserved butter mixture. Sprinkle w/almonds and basil leaves, if desired. Mouth watering.

Preparation time: 15 mins.

By Raqi

February 26, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

Congrats melo.

I was up pretty late last night (I knew my son was about to spass out on me) so I caught a portion of the Conan O’Brien show, his actual words were Barak Obama is our next President. Never knew Conan was that intelligent.

By Ga. Man

February 26, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

Thanks Foots

lol..i might not be there yet; but i do know with time and a very good Editor…i might.

Remember to always go after your dreams…everyone might not like it but find yourself and you find happiness!!

imagine what would have happened if Bill Gates, Tyler Perry, Sam Walton, Michael Dell, or John Grisham had stopped because their first go around the block didnt work out. where would we all be…

Jim Valvano had a saying before he died from Cancer some years ago “Never give up..never give up!!”

thanks for all the congrats…i will surely Never Give UP!

By melo

February 26, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

Bre,great advice,thnx.i been pushing that kia 4 a while u knw so there is this urge to upgrade,but if i do, it wnt be crazy! Congrats Gman

By DreamsMaterialize

February 26, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

Acknowledgment of the past does not translate into an excuse for failure. I am from the north, and I can say without dispute that Boston is as racist today as Georgia was 30 years ago. As a matter of fact, I could venture to prove that racism is equally existent in all parts of the country. I’ve lived in the north, south, midwest, and the west coast, and the effects of racism were about the same in all places. The method of expression for that racism may have varied from place to place, but transparent racism is just as potent as the kind you can see from a mile away.

I don’t think anyone on the blog is making excuses for cats who don’t handle their business, only recognizing the existence of a system that has a historical track record of methodically and insidiously (or not so insidious) obstructing the the progress (in every sense of the word) of a collective group of people. There is NO excuse for not doing what you CAN do, but sometimes the factors you cannot contol will overwhelm that.

By mqew

February 26, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

Truth Awwwwwww, come give me a nice sisterly blog hug. Smooches

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

Melo Trust, you have already inspired some. Do you darlin’.

Foots I’m always down for cake.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this

Truth Your 4:23 was touching. What the heck has gotten into you? Did you get visited by the ghost of Christmas past? But on the real, thanks for the positivity.

And for everybody’s sake, I definitely hope the market gets better. This stuff is no joke.

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this

Foots So why don’t we seem to have this anymore in our communities? Is it because we’ve dropped the “we” and moved more towards “I” and “me”?

‘Cause in families today the overtone is, “This is my ish, He ain’t bring ish to the table, I paid the down payment, She ain’t do this, blah blah… instead of “Yoll youngins better get your homework done while me and your mother take care of this business, with wifey right behind him with, “Yoll heard what’chall fava said!” See? Moms and pops had the unified front and anybody trying to breech was probly gon’ get fugged up. Nowawadays, peeps inside one crib are cliqueing up. Ain’t but 4 people in the house, but you got 3 cliques. SMH

Red Well, it’s nice to see you admit it.

That’s one thing that I’m gon’ give you is some truth.

Staceye But mothers will baby them and in the end…handicap them.

But you can’t tell some mothers that. Might mean that they have to give up their psuedo-boyfriend.

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this

My mistake…congratulations GaMan. Stay the course, stay the course and you’d be exactly where you want to be!!!

By melo

February 26, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this

and you see a light skinned bald headed dude walk by just say to yourself “the Truth is back”. and to think i alwayz imagined u as dark skinned..thats funny.But keep ur head up coz these things work in cycles and i knw, u knw, this bump in the road will be over before u knw it.Wll talk. thanx Foots

By Ga. Man

February 26, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this

same to you Melo….same to you

By Bre'

February 26, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

Foots its the only real thing that kept me focused. I can never lie about that. As a child I got kicked out of homes, had to beg for clothes just to go to school. And many days feed my two little brothers instead of myself. I really do know what it means to be starving. So to keep pushing is not a question, or a thought. If I can do it anyone can do it. Fear is only a hidden strength. We all have stories, read a story or was told a story. How it impacts you is your choice.

By Lady J

February 26, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

alrighty then everyone be easy…

By mqew

February 26, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

It was nice today. Yall b e z

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Blog hug to Truth, Melo, and GaMan

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Kolla - What you’ll give is your perception of the truth. ;-)

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Foots? Watch this…

Staceye Blue “Captain, CEO, figurehead, Man Out Front thanks for the laughs Buddy! LMAO I needed that one!

Staceye. I’M THE DECIDER! LMAO

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Wow….usually I don’t get speechless. NEVER ACTUALLY. But Truth…you have done the impossible. You have been quite inspiring today. It was VERY refreshing to read your post today.

Thats the only way I know to do it. Keep swinging till the lights go out.

By Foots

February 26, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

Blue You right. The household dynamics can be a big part of that. It’s a good reason why a family vision is so important to have, to make sure that you are all working towards the same goals, even the kids. A man and a woman going in the direction with intelligence and long-range thinking can eventually make a dollar out of $0.15. That divisiveness is chopping off success at its knees for some of our families.

By 900K aka Mr 2008

February 26, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

The realestate investment market does make me wonder: The black man finally gets a nice piece of the pie and now they saying the pie aint worth SHYT!!!

-now thats one h3ll of an excuse…

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

I don’t know whether to go in the restroom and cry OR give keep posting; Congratulations, Way To Go or/and Do your Thang. The you guys today are sharing “I got over obstacles” stories and it is cool as heck to read! my real work is now looking at me.

Author GaMan

Remember to always go after your dreams…everyone might not like it but find yourself and you find happiness!!

What profit will if be for us not to?! Thx guy.

By Ga. Man

February 26, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

GaMan hugs Page1908…( he gives her one of his Omega Psi Phi hugs

muuuaaahhhhhh!!

thanks

By SeanJohnson3000

February 26, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

@ GaMan..i will check your book out soon @ Truth…bruh you are one stubborn thinking dude..but its all good @Melo..do ya thing big dawg @Foots….to be contintued….. @ BK & 4real & 900…nice comments @ Blown…i am from out of my mothers womb…i take care the one i came out of….and the one i go back in..

By The Truth

February 26, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

Dreams that 430 was one of the finest posts I’ve EVER seen in this place. Very well said. I wasn’t talking about those that sometimes get knocked down in the struggle but those that don’t know their even in a fight.

Melo never down. Do you really drive a KIA? LMAO

Ared its nice to war and go back and forth about guys this and ladies that but I never forget we have bigger challenges to overcome. Sometimes they come out in my posts.

Foots I thoought I had respect for you before but that pales in comparison to what I have for you now. Now I know where the wisdom come froms. And to think your a pole dancer. LOL

By Blue_Kolla

February 26, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

Red What you’ll give is your perception of the truth. ;-)

Why do I feel like Big Sag being fugged with and pestered by Lil Sag?

Aight I’ll play wit’chu. (exhales) Run ‘round that back and grab that bag of mine.

now gettin’ the hell on before she gets back. Chairspin…

Dem C’s ;)

By Staceye

February 26, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

Blue Staceye. I’M THE DECIDER! LMAO Hey call them as you see them buddy! LMAO!!!!!

By Page1908

February 26, 2008 4:54 PM | Link to this

GaMan Omega Psi Phi hug! LOLOL awwwww not another one…lol j/k (not really) lol

By melo

February 26, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

Foots liked and bgt it when stll in college, yes.thnx page,SJ,gman* Gdnite all!!

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

I never understood how couples argue and all the love seems to fly out the window during a heated argument, along w/respect. I’m a firm believer that when you argue (which can be healthy), there’s a way to argue. Sure words are said that aren’t meant, but if you truly respect each other, certain words ARE NEVER SAID!

So, when I heard these words last night I had to jot it down. For all of you having problems with your SOs, and are being downright nasty ask this:

When did we get to a place where we can’t talk softness to each other (Raisin in the Sun)

This struck a chord w/me!

Blog hugs and kisses to each and every one of you.

Good night and as usual stay WATCHFUL!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

Kolla - You aren’t big Sag. You’re “pants sag.” LOL You can buzz off too.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this

OUTSTANDING discussion today! I appreciate that you joined in! A lot of different perspectives were shared, and respectfully. Lovin’ it.

Good night everyone

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

sj3000 Real mature….You callin Truth stubborn..You are the stubborn mule yourself. I should have know you were a crazy azz GEMINI moody azz hell and 2 personality. You ppl are crazy….

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 26, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

sj3000 Real mature….You callin Truth stubborn..You a stubborn mule yourself. I should have know you were a crazy azz GEMINI moody azz hell and 2 personality. You ppl are crazy….

By Foots

February 26, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

Truth LOL! You’re sweet… Don’t forget, I’m also an Electronics Engineer, Financial Analyst, a landlord, PLUS I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night…

Y’all be easy! I loved y’all so much today. Mad props for encouraging each other. The devil don’t know what hit him today.

By mytwocents

February 26, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

CONGRATULATIONS gentlemen! Enjoy the success your hard work has surely reaped.

Regarding mentality- Absolutely need to free our minds. My best friend, who’s a few years older than me and used to have more financial resources cannot force herself to leave NYC. Why? B/c while miserable & not going anywhere really, it’s a known existence. The dream snatchers have conviced her that no matter where she is she’ll be just what she is & always has been. Which in my opinion is brilliant, but when you’re surrounded by dull, un-extraordinary things, you see yourself as part of the same scenery. Maybe I can be too much of a dreamer, but at least I dare to.

By SexyLeggs

February 26, 2008 5:10 PM | Link to this

nmytwocents, exactly why not one family member followed me to the ATL. I’ve been here 28 years! I used fear as my hidden strenght (as so eloquently stated earlier).