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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > February > 04
Monday, February 4, 2008
Have you seen this person?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Yesterday a group of friends and I went out for lunch, catching up on each other’s weeks and what was still to come the following week. This was a coed group of people, some of whom know each other well and some of whom are new in our social circle.
One of my girlfriends suddenly asked, as if it had just popped into her head, “Where’s Christie?”
“Christie is dating Jordan,” someone announced, which really translates as “Christie has chosen to spend seven out of seven days a week with her boyfriend and has literally forgotten about the rest of the world she used to live in. She’s planning hip-attachment surgery as soon as she and Jordan can raise the money to do so.”
Sigh. It’s the disappearing act some people pull when they start dating. What’s so unfortunate about it is that Jordan is actually a part of our group. It’s not as if he’s some guy she just recently met who has to go through the awkwardness of meeting us! He’s already in!
Naturally, if you go from single to being in a relationship, some of your priorities are going to shift. Maybe your Saturday nights have been reassigned to your new beau. And maybe one of your weeknights, too. But there are five other nights (plus weekends!) in your schedule! Is a couple hours a week too much to ask for friends who have been there for you?
And it’s not just women who act this way. My friend James and his girlfriend (also both within our social circle) have fallen off the face of the earth since they became exclusive almost three months ago. No phone calls, no showing up for our regular nights, etc. Just one appearance last week for the first time in months.
Do you have friends who disappear once they start seriously dating someone? Have you ever been this person? When did you realize that a healthy dating relationship can also balance with healthy friendships?
How do you cope with friends who are MIA because of their dating choices? Do you welcome them back when they break up and realize the error of their ways? Or do you rationalize that you’re not going to waste time on someone who’s not putting effort into a friendship?
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