Misadventures in Atlanta

By Jazzyone

January 31, 2008 8:28 AM | Link to this

Morning ya. I have never dated anyone that died that I know of. I would think if it was someone that you were with at the time of passing it would be extrememly tough! I can’t add much to this topic but I can say that when one of my parents passes it will be tough for the surviving spouse…I don’t know how my parents would survuve without the other…it would be tough to get thru and with that thought I am feeling tears coming so ya have a nice day…can’t do death topics today…but a good topic never the less…

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 31, 2008 8:29 AM | Link to this

Morning, all. :-)

WD asked: “What happens when she decides to date again? It seemed like a drastic move to me. How can she ever really move on?”

I’ve never been in a situation where I lost a mate to death. However, I would think that the issue of “moving on” is more a matter of the mental than the material. In other words, this person having moved on (or not) is best evidenced by the aggregate of her behavior over time, not a one-time event like having her fiance’s name/image tattooed on her body.

Besides, when you consider the combination of the depth of her love for him (as proven by her getting the tattoo) and the fact that he ws taken from her so tragically, his image is already forever emblazened upon her mind and heart anyway, so, I wouldn’t say getting a tattoo is going to make it any more difficult for her to “move on.”

If anything, when/if she decides to date again, the mere fact that she’s decided to do so - in spite of having a visual reminder of her former fiance - would indicate to me as a man that she’s well on the road to overcoming the mental hurdles of such a tragedy and is now ready to move on.

That said, however, I would hope the guy she eventually meets would be mature enough to deal with the fact that the name/image of her former lover would be ever-present with them.

By SlimOne

January 31, 2008 8:36 AM | Link to this

Good Morninga

I must give props to Truth & LL for yesterday’s posts. I was just able to go back and speed read the blog from Wednesday. Don’t let others encourage you all to stop dropping ‘jewels’ as you like to call it. Some of us welcome any real knowledege from the male POV.

Now back to your regularly scheduled blog topic

By QC

January 31, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers

Have a great day

www.blackthen.com

By Karin

January 31, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this

I lost my boyfriend of 2 years in ‘01 when he was packing up to move in to my place. He was boxing up his guns when one went off striking him in the head. It was a freak accident and I didn’t know until work the next morning… everyone knew but me. That was something I didn’t think I was going to survive myself…The pain of grief was beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined…My heart physically hurt and I always thought if I had an x ray, they’d see it in a million little pieces. It took a couple months before I could even function like a normal human being. I eventually started having the most amazing dreams about him, almost every night. I looked forward to going to sleep bc I couldn’t wait to see him again…I still have my days after all these years, sometimes I’ll smell him, or I’ll think I feel someone standing behind me…I’m sure I’m crazy, but I take comfort in thinking he’s still with me…

By Rell

January 31, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this

@SLIM…ya know it has been a minute since any female blogger as even stop to thank the men for giving ther POV..at one time couple seasons back 2canplaythatgame..ALWAYS dropped them..and other male bloggers gave sound advice that i still remember..but NOW not so much…thats why i said stop…but i digress

I never lost anyone in this way or dated anyone who has lost…i try to avoid those types..the emotions will linger for a long time regardless of the impact you have on them…

GOOD TOPIC CHOICE!!!

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 31, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

Jazzy

Per your 8:28, my sister and I lost our father suddenly (heart attack) in 2002 and, ironically enough, we both had those same concerns of how one would “survive” without the other. They grew up together, were high school sweethearts and would have been married 46 years that September.

My mother has always been an incredibly strong woman so, as strange as this might sound, we think it was a blessing that my father passed away first (as oppopsed to the other way around). Nevertheless, I’m convinced she misses him terribly even all these years later. I don’t even have to ask her that (and I never have.)

By 2CPTG©

January 31, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

got me thinking of an old *UGK song….“One day you’re here, and then you’re gone”…..

Never had an SO die on me, but I’m sure it must be one helluva thing to deal with…like losing anything you love.

By "G" Dad

January 31, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this

I lost my companion a few months ago and have not been able to get thru a day yet without some tears. Probably will never date, would not want to expose anyone to the person I am right now. Dealing with grief is the hardest thing I have ever done.

By Jazzyone

January 31, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this

As far as Gem dropping?? I’m sorry but I have to consider the source cause all advice/information isn’t worth the read…but glad some of it was….

By Alvin

January 31, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

Rell that’s because women don’t believe half the things we say anyway…good or bad.

Darrell I am a fool wit-it, but even I don’t see myself hitting any thing that read: ‘Tyrone’, every night…Issssh, see me add ‘TATOO REMOVER’ into the bath water if she’s fine and my self image is low.

On topic

If I die, I expect her to cry for 5min and then F/K someone that night to get over it…wait, that sound like something I would do…never mind..

I am not even being funny…

Good Morning All

By 2CPTG©

January 31, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

wow…..thanks, Rell…ya know, I try to do my part, but it gets aggravating at times, so I try to stay somewhat tempered….and just drop bits and pieces of knowledge and let ‘em try to get it….

By SlimOne

January 31, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Question Why do you all think that when a couple is together for a long time, when one dies, the other seems to die shortly after? Anyone have any insight to this phenom or is it merely dying of a broken heart?

By For Real

January 31, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

Rell That’s because women don’t believe anything a man says unless he is lying.

On Topic: Got nothing to say……..

Yet!

By Cocoa

January 31, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this

ALVIN

SMH. THIS IS NOT THE TIME HUN.

By AmazonRed

January 31, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

Rell - You know the last time the female bloggers thanked men for their POV? YESTERDAY. I know that the new poster “Cherry” said thank you and I also thanked everyone for their candor. That included the men. Just because we argue and debate back and forth doesn’t mean folks aren’t taking in information. It just proves that folks really do engage in selective reading.

I see today is just gonna be harping on old stuff and playing that “they don’t listen” game. Boring. Played. Y’all be easy today.

By Rell

January 31, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

@2CAN…ya know how it was dawg..ya had to come correct before…it was some real talk going on daily….it was amazing..but i digress

@jazzy..the source…????…we are all a source of our experience…if we share then it comes from the world as it comes to us..nothing to figure out..some folks are you giving there testament..you may not like it..but i believe it to be true…you can get alot off your chest when no one really knows you

@slim….grief can kill you…hell i get severe chest pains when i am p** off or stress…hell just the other day a friend of mine got under my skin so bad..my chest got tight..thats when i knew that i need to chill on some things.

By 2CPTG©

January 31, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Slim….good question, and yep, it is a phenom; granted, there’s been no scientific study to prove it, but imgaine losing a part of you (this ties into the biblical theme of becoming one); and I mean that literally, and figuratively…look what happened to Derwin Brown’s widow, she just went into a meltdown after he was killed…

By Jazzyone

January 31, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

Now this is a GEM and so true

By For Real

January 31, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

Rell That’s because women don’t believe anything a man says unless he is lying.

On Topic: Got nothing to say……..

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 31, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Alvin I see your point, man. I guess my point was that someone getting a tattoo doesn’t in and of itself mean it will be more difficult for that person to move forward. Much of it has to do with the intestinal fortitude of the person and their own desire to move forward with life.

Slim Your question on “dying of a broken heart” sort of ties in to my comment to Alvin about a person’s desire to continue to live.

I have no data to back this up, but I would offer that in certain instances where one person dies shortly after the loss of another, there is somewhat of a connection between the impact of that incident on a person’s desire to live and the hastening of their own demise soon after.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 31, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

2CPTG Good call on Derwin Brown’s widow. Perfect example, man.

By Tazzee

January 31, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Morning all!

Karin Thanks for sharing with us. I can’t imagine losing a mate like that.

I did lose a boyfriend a long time ago. I was 18, so the pain is definitely gone but there are some residual effects. I always refer to this relationship as my fairytale. I’ll try to give the cliff notes version:

First saw him and was like ‘whoa’ when I was 16 at a basketball game. He played for the opposing team. Then about a year later, I saw him again talking to a friend of mine from church. I was just awestruck and wanted to meet him so bad but I didn’t have the nerve to say anything. Every time I saw him, I was with my best friend and she would joke me about not speaking to him. Then the day of my HS graduation, my older sister took my friend and I to this club (with our fake IDs). My friend and I were walking up the stairs and this guy grabs my arm and asks can he talk to me. I look up and it’s him. Of course I got all tongue-tied and I pointed to my friend and said ‘you mean her?’ He was like naw, I wanna talk to you.

That set off a whirlwind romance (as whirlwind as it could be for an 18 year old). We saw each other almost every day! He was home from college for the summer (one year older). Because we both had jobs, he would pick me up in the evenings and we would go riding around talking and stuff. We would always get back to my house and sit in the car and talk until the wee hours. Every time he left I would kiss him and say ‘don’t forget to roll the windows down and turn your music up loud so you’ll stay awake’ Well one night we actually fell asleep in the car. We both had to go to work the next morning, so when we woke up, I jumped out the car and ran in the house. Less than 2 miles from my house he got in a car accident.

He was in a coma for 2 days and died the morning after I snuck in the hospital to see him. His mother said that when I went to visit, it was the first time he opened his eyes. So we all thought he was going to pull through. I was devastated. I went off to college devastated, I thought I would never love again.

To this day, I am adamant about loved ones checking in with me when they travel. When someone is late or just doesn’t show up, I never say ‘he better be in the hospital or something!’ - it’s funny because the night Lawrence got in the wreck, we had argued earlier about him being late and I said the exact same thing.

The only other person I loved dearly that I lost was my grandmother. Since then, I always try to make sure the people I love know that I love them. I really try to seize every moment and not take time for granted.

Sorry for the long post folks!

By Jazzyone

January 31, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

Rell My statement was in regard to advise not experience…and with that I mean if some men can’t fight their way out of a paperbag, don’t have it together, constantly berate and abuse others verbally and the like, live an alternate lifestyle than mine and have the basics of protecting themselves, mentally, physically and emotionally then I could care less to read or ‘heed’ anything they spew on this blog but some of ya yeah I can relate and it doesn’t get lost in translation..

Im sure the feeling is mutual for some men in my regard and others info or advise….its all good..not hatin just my point of view…

By Skeeter

January 31, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this

Years ago, I had a boyfriend who committed suicide. I was devastated over how hopeless he obviously had felt. He left a cassette tape for me to hear after he was gone. Although I listened to that tape only once, I couldn’t bring myself to part with it for many, many years.

By 900K aka Mr 2008

January 31, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this

Morning All

I’ve never lost anyone however I can relate to the fact that shortie went out a tatted her lost Husband to be on her. I can see myself going overboard if I lost a fiance or newleywed, the fact that marriage seems so distant, then to be blessed with someone for life only to loose them… Wow. I say she is strong for being able to keep his memory alive, while living her life to the fullest. Now could I have a serious relationship ship with a lady thats got another mans image on her??? No, just about impossible, however in her case I do completely understand and respect that.

By Cemeeli

January 31, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone!

Karin soorry to hear about your loss…WOW what a story.

900K hey u School Daze…oh!

By SexyLeggs

January 31, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone.

SlimOne, thanks for this…Don’t let others encourage you all to stop dropping ‘jewels’ as you like to call it. Some of us welcome any real knowledege from the male POV. I would have said something along these lines if I hadn’t left early in the day.

By DasV

January 31, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

it must be one helluva thing to deal with…like losing anything you love.

aawwwww dayum. for me, that is the sobering thought in this topic. anytime you lose anything, it hurts BAD… . and in my opinion divorce is worse than death….cause with we hv no control with death… divorce is a decided choice not to be in someone’s life. for me suicide is the worse death, cause again there was a choice made…..

and much like the grieving process when someone dies, i grieved the loss of my marriage, my mate, our life together… there was anger, immense sadness, denial and acceptance.

i remember comparing it to my first island taste…. i had heard about someone going at a high rate of speed straight off the turn from the connector onto 20east. suicide was suspected, but the police ruled that he just failed to navigate the turn. a few weeks later, out clubbing, i ran into a mutual friend and asked about my boy from bermuda… and his faced dropped… and he took me aside and told me it was he who had died… i remember hearing cymbals, crashing waves in my head, and the earth stopped spinning and then suddenly started back up off beat, jerking me around causing my eyes to lose focus and i gasped at the thought that i too was mortal and so began my brief but absolutely love-affair with the spliff…. that was my Mr.Big. he got me through my divorce too.

By Actually

January 31, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

I was just thinking about LaToya as she’s back to work today. I personally couldn’t come back this soon. I’m putting her biz out there in hopes of stirring some support/funds for her. Because as much as you guys banter I believe you are a carrying bunch. She’s a temp here. (And actually works for an azzhole. I would have been cursed her out.) Not making much AT ALL. So, if you are interested, I’ll find out where to send the $$$.

By SlimOne

January 31, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

Rell grief can kill you I wouldn’t want to ever experience that. An ex of mine’s mother died while he was in elementary school around Christmas. Even to this day around that time of year he gets depressed really bad. I know that is his mom but it seems as if it would get easier with time. However, I’d probably be chilling somewhere with Britney Spears if i lost my mom. She had me when she was young, so we sort of grew up together in a way. I don’t want to imagine life w/o my best friend.

With regards to your chest getting tight, do you have high blood pressure?

2CPTG© You do have a point there with becoming one. Just goes to show the mind is such a powerful thing as well as having something to live for. It’s almost as if they are keeping each other alive and when one dies, they leave the physical world to join their loved one again in the spiritual world.

By Alvin

January 31, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed ladies on here are rare bleed, same as the guys…but most ladies really don’t listen. hell, one of my lady friend cuss my a$$ a good one for calling her man a punk for beating on her…things happens.

Coke-a-Coca hey…and what is SMH?

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

January 31, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

Morning All

I have never lost anyone that I have dated and I really cant imagine going through something like that.

I do have a friend though whose husband died and they had only been married 3yrs. I later told her that though I know she grieved that I admired her strength. The one thing she said that stuck with me was that she didnt grieve dramatically b/c her husband wouldnt have wanted that. But she also stated that there was no unfinished business b/w them. They had expressed their love to each other and she had no doubts about how he felt about her and vice versa. I will never forget that.

SlimOne I think dying of a broken heart does happen, moreso with those that have been together for a long time. My grandparents have been married for 60+ yrs and I honestly think that if one of them died the other would follow shortly. I know that is morbid but….

By Raqi

January 31, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

I never dated anyone that lost someone however I was on the end of losing someone. I have said it before on here but I lost my first husband. He was my first love and the father of my first born. I can tell you this that is one feeling that I will never forget. To this day one of my biggest fears is suddenly losing the one I love.

Mason told me once that he and his friend were planning to do some daredevil stunt and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. I told him if he dies I would kill him. I wasn’t having it. No matter how safe he tried to convince me that it was, I cannot imagine losing another mate to a tragic accident.

I could come to terms with him falling ill. That’s out of his and/or my control. But to just do something stupid and uncalled for and have him taken away from me…I would never…could never love again. My heart can’t take it.

Although one may try to conceal that inner fear, it does bear on your emotions when entering into a new relationship.

By Cemeeli

January 31, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

Sexyleggs i just gotta tell you…i re-read your leave early on yesturday post and want you to know that your giving & serving your neighbor will bless you sevenfold (that is just great). The WORD speaks about serving those that are sick, heavy laden, hungry, lost and/or unloved…we are blessed to also help others. :-)

By For Real

January 31, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Slim I think it depends on the age of the couple. When my grandmother died, my Paw-Paw just seemed to lose the fire in his eyes. This was a man that would command respect when he walked into a room even at 88 yrs old. From my experience I believe my grandmother was my Paw-Paw spark that started his fire and without her no one not even his favorite grandson could re-light it.

For Real now giving Jazzy a wet Willy with extra slob.

By 900K aka Mr 2008

January 31, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli - Where ya been? So you went and listened to the song huh? Whatcha tink bout it?

By The Truth

January 31, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

My college buddy lost his wife to breast cancer a few years back. He has 2 daughters and constantly talks about how much they need her. She was the kind of mother that took pride in her children. His sister has filled in to some degree but his wife was another level, she was old school mom. He’s keeping on but it has defintely humbled him. Its obvious in everything he does and says.

GDad take the time to grieve and say goodbye then pick it up and keep on moving. If she loved you its what she’d want. Sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what your going thru.

Slim thank you.

By SexyLeggs

January 31, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

You’re not crazy Karin.

By DasV

January 31, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

good morning good ppl

thank you 2CPTG for the topic, and blog bruthas we may not say it as often as you’d like, but we hear everyday cause you all hold it down. And ‘hearing’ you is not the same as ‘agreeing with every POV you have’. Trust. I listen with application in mind.

ForReal yesterday your skit shut me up… I saw immediately that Ok, that man mustve been feeling me and he had made the first move…. And Darrell you and * nine huuuuunndredK* got me to understand that insteada focusing on what the first move is/was, go with the flow… and Rell you and SJ certainly had me thinking I ought to adopt the ‘be about it’ mentality but I was comforted that even if I didn’t and stuck with my tried and true theTruth would work with whateva and I’d still be happy. i appreciate all that…. trust, thats why i am here… it aint to bicker, though i can get down and durtay. :)

By T-Mango

January 31, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

This is a good topic for my morning AJC read…

No, I have never lost anyone that I dated. That would be extremely difficult for me to deal with.

Nevertheless, life is very fragile. Too many of us take it for granted because we think we always have tomorrow. But, your tomorrow could be today. So, I think if you’re dating someone & you care for that person and/or love them you should appreciate them while you have the opportunity to. I don’t believe that we meet the people that come into our lives by accident. You meet them for a reason.

…So, if people take the time to stop jockeying for position, fighting over trivial ish in friendships/relationships and constantly trying to determine who’s dropped the best pearls of wisdom maybe you’ll learn the lessons that are being brought to you by using that individual as a conduit to increase your own self-understanding.

Have a great day-

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 31, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

Slim your 9:41 to Rell reminded me of this song by Steven Curtis Chapman called “What I Would Say” from his CD ‘Signs of Life’. It’s a song dedicated to his grandfather and if there’s any way you can either get the CD or stream it on the Internet, I encourage you to do so. This is a POWERFUL song.

What I Would Say

She was a lovely girl, a charming brown eyed beauty

You were the bright young man who swept her off her feet

The high school class ring soon became a wedding band

And you went off to sail the seas for Uncle Sam

But they say it was the demon in the bottle

That took you far away never to return

And you never knew your son would be my father

And now sometimes I think about you and I wonder

If I could talk to you what words would I choose

I would say I wish I could have known you

And I would say I wish you would’ve stayed

But most of all I would say I forgive you

I know your love was strong I read it in your letters

I read how hard you tried to break free from the chains

I know we all could say how you should have done better

And wear our anger and resentment like a fetter

But that’s why I would say this to you if I could

I’d love to tell you how the lovely girl you married

She’s been my hero and a treasure to us all

I know you’d be proud of the way your name’s been carried

These are things I would love to tell you if I could

I wish you were here to hear what I would say

(Instrumental fade)

By Raqi

January 31, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

Slimone My mom’s aunt died less than two months after her spouse. It is said that she grieved to death. I think that is possible.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 31, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

DasV Glad I could be of service. :-)

By SexyLeggs

January 31, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

Thank you Cemeeli, helping others is a “high” for me. I thorougly believe in going beyond the call of duty to help others (if necessary). It takes so little to help another. So what I used 2 hrs of my PTO. In the big scheme of things what is PTO if you can’t use it for yourself and for others.

I’ll be lurking today, I don’t like to talk about death.

By Cocoa

January 31, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

KARIN

I AGREE, YOU’RE NOT CRAZY. HE IS THERE WITH YOU NOW. WHAT YOU SMELL AND FEEL IS REAL. DON’T IGNORE IT. TALK TO HIM AND LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU APPRECIATED HIM, ETC.

By C tha 1

January 31, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

Rell That’s because women don’t believe anything a man says unless he is lying. Damn For Real you spoke the honest to God truth with that one. ^5 bruh!

By Cemeeli

January 31, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

900K well….well…well…had me grinning for about 30min…and then i thought…THAT SUCKA!… i can’t wait to post him in the morning…lol!

I been under massa’s thumb the last couple dayz.

Hey Mo! Your friend is a strong woman.

By SlimOne

January 31, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

Did any of you hear about the 7 year old boy that killed himself? He was found in his room with a belt around his neck. Earlier, he got in trouble at school for throwing a piece of chalk. Ryan Cameron mentioned it this morning

For Real Yeah, you mostly hear about that sort of thing happening with much older couples who’ve been together for a long time.

question Do any of you think you’d feel guilty trying to date again after losing a girlfriend, fiance, or wife?

By 6'1 & luvinit

January 31, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

Ahhhhh dayum, I would like to start off this post by saying good morning and thank you to everyone from yesterday that help me get thru my day. But here we go, I need to turn amy off, I really do. But when I did I put on Alicia and I lost my first love years ago. It hurt me so bad that I didn’t want to get out of bed for it seem like the entire year following. But it wasn’t an entire year, He died in September and I didn’t come out of the house until May of the following year. I know that this may seem a little drastic but I had a very tumultous adolescence and he help me get thru it. He was indeed my knight and shining armor and he made everything so worth while and when he died I thought that I wouldn’t be able to go on and he died so meaninglessly. He got killed in a club. But needless to say I did recover and he person that helped me recover was one of his best friends. He would check on me to make sure that I was alright and sit and chat, of course you know that he being my only key to the outside world besides the television, I fell for him and we becaume a couple. He filled my previous boyfriends shoes and made me realize that I could go on. Well to make my story even more morbid you guys he was murdered leaving my house and I watched everything happen. After that I felt as if I was cursed. I have a huge angel tattooed on my right shoulder with the both of their names and surrounding it says “Angels in Heaven watching over me”

By Tazzee

January 31, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

Raqi I thought about you on this topic. Losing someone I love is my biggest fear too. I don’t fear or worry about much. Honestly - there is nothing other losing a loved one that I truly fear. And its not just entering into a new relationship. I know I drive my single, living alone friends crazy but we HAVE to check in with one another regularly.

Wait, I lied, the other fear I have is me or my loved ones dying alone. That happened to two people I knew. Both lived alone and were dead in their homes for 3 days before anyone found out. When I’m working and doing things around the house, I am so careful! I was more careless when my friend and I lived in the same cul-de-sac, but here - if something happened to me on a Friday afternoon no one would know until Monday morning.

By Staceye

January 31, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

I have never lost a romantic loved one. I have an ex that I dated one summer I spent in SC that was killed in a car accident a few years ago. When I saw his brother after the fact, I was shocked and deeply saddened. Then right before I moved to ATL I found the letters and pictures he sent me when I went back home to NY. We lost contact after I garduated high school. But I still think about him.

GDad if you really want to honoor her memory…do it by living life. She would not want you to stop because she is no longer here. You will always love her. My girl’s fiancee was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got shot and killed. Mind you he was about to be drafted into the NFL and everything…so they had a great life ahead of them. She got a tattoo in memory of him. It’s been so many years and of course she misses him. But life does not stop.

Karin I feel you on that. I always tell my loved ones call me or text me when you get home. That way I know you made it. Things happen so quickly that you have to be that way. My mami still calls me every morning to make sure I am still breathing. She fears my nocturnal asthma will get me. Do you think that now when you date that your are even more adament about someone calling and being on time because of this?

Sexyleggs girl you are a good person…taking care of your neighbor like that. God Bless!

Tazee wow girl!

By melo

January 31, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

ALVIN SMH. THIS IS NOT THE TIME HUN-Cocoa*

I see we in serious funeral mode @proceeding in single file procession today.I will be tender today! good morning all

By Willie Dynamite

January 31, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Morning All,

not much on topic I can say as I’ve never been through it. Can’t imagine the grief. I do agree with some other posters regarding the will to live. IMO- It seems that once youv’e lived a full life and your SO passes then it would seem to be the right tim to mentally and emotionally call it a day. That’s real love right there. That’s something that has grown and cultivated for many many years.

By Rell

January 31, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

@Slim..no high blood here…its just i am so happy go lucky that when i get mad…i stay mad for days…and i am extra irated over lil things until i calm down…i have an anger management problem that i constatly struggle with when i do angry…thats why

By QC

January 31, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Alvin/Demi

Will you 2 be flying through during the Super Bowl Halftime Show

By Jill

January 31, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

I guess the men are speaking from their personal experience, because they lie so much? Otherwise, you are talking about all women. If you think that all women don’t listen to men unless they are lying, I really can’t trust your wisdom. There is no such thing as “all women want…” or “all women feel”, same as with men, stereotyping like that is dangerous and does nothing for closing the chasm between the genders.

How about we get out of the business of slapping labels like that on people?

By SexyLeggs

January 31, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

See **6”1”, you have me crying over here.

My biggest fear in life is me leaving this earth before my daughter can take care of herself.

By The Truth

January 31, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

If I was with a mate for 46 yrs and she passed I’d be ready to take it home too. At some point you lose the will to fight, to keep going on without someone you’ve shared the majority of your life with. I look at my neighbors I’ve told you about and think they’ve been together over 40 years or basically my whole life. Thats amazing. Btw, she doesn’t have a wrinkle on her. Anyway, at some point I would say I’ve done everything a man can do on this earth and its time to move on. Wouldn’t be out of fear or anger but its “just time”. We can replace homes and cars and clothes but never 46 years. Thats just amazing.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 31, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

Slim About the 7-year old boy, yes, I’d heard about that, but I didn’t know it was a suicide. Not trying to plug my Web site, but it’s tragedies like this which moved me to create the site to begin with. To think that a child of 7-years old could be under such stress that he would opt to take his own life is serious business, ya’ll.

By Cemeeli

January 31, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

There are some very deep and emotional stories posted so far, Wow!…you are here to tell it and in your ‘right/sane’ mind (some stories like the posted have taken ppl over)…even being able to share the stories about the life and love of your SO can be hard. I hope even with this topic that can very well possibly bring up old pain/grief about our lost loved ones that we stay lifted and celebrate their lives.

By melo

January 31, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

6’1 & luvinit fake,ignore this pest!

By DasV

January 31, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

GDad and Karin and six1 i am very sorry for your loss. i hope you continue to cope and thanks for sharing…..

TAZZ you highlight the whole ‘not being missed’ fear. ive had those questions: would i be missed? have i contributed to ppl lives in a real and positive way? am i genuinely appreciated or just dependent on??

By Staceye

January 31, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

6”1 girl that is something I would only expect in a movie! WOW! I am sorry mami. You should NEVER listen to Amy again. I do not want to read about you on the news? As I mentioned yesterday…do you shop to fill a void? Maybe that is your vice to fillthe pain of losing not 1 but 2 lovers to murder. Did you ever go see a grief therapist? After my grandpa died I went into depression. But it took a over a week for it to sink in. I sang at his funeral (never shed a tear), thanked everyone for coming ( I mean I was in straight Bree mode, for those of you who watch Desperate Housewives). While everyone was inside the church eating, I felt I had to go to the end with him so I watched as they lowered him and I talked to him as the covered the grave. Still did not sink in until I returned to NY and felt his presence in my apartment. I then had to deal with the fact that that would be the only way I would still have him. It hurt like hell and then I broke down. I had to seek help because I was so depressed about it. Till this day I feel May 23rd is cursed fo me because 2 years prior to that I was in a bad accident with an 18 wheeler on that very day.

By kimmie

January 31, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

Actually, the man I am seeing lost his wife in Aug 06 to cancer. I also lost my father that same month/yr. He has 2 young children & an older teenager he is raising on his own now. I’ve dated men with kids & divorced, but never a widower. We are taking it very slow, especially with the kids. He is a wonderful guy and I feel very priviledged to have met him and know him. He is handling it all so well and I tell him that often. It makes all this BS that everyone talks about that goes on in relationships look just like that - BS! Most men I know would never be able to handle what he’s had to with the grace and dignity. He’s more than just my lover, he’s my hero.

Even though I’ve never lost a spouse or SO, I lost my mother in 96 to cancer. I lost my youngest brother in 98 to a car accident. He was a 2nd year medical resident in Tampa. My father had a stroke in 99 & passed in 06. I was his major caregiver from 99 on. Needless to say, I’ve dealt with death more than I care to, because before Mom I’d never really had anyone that close die. I don’t take life for granted anymore, and it in turn I cannot allow any man to take me for granted. Lifes too short.

By SlimOne

January 31, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

My folks are planning a huge party for my Grandmother. She’ll be 70 this St. Patrick’s day. My grandmother has never been married but wears a wedding band on her ring finger. (I have no clue why) She had seven kids, 5 girls & 2 boys. The 5 girls had one father (white dude) and the boys by a black man. I think she really wanted to be with the girls dad but in Alabama back in those days, it wasn’t safe to do so. He had Klansmen in his family. However, he would often come over to spend time with them, bring groceries etc. (He owned a little corner store) When he died my mom and aunts didn’t allow any of us to go to the funeral because they weren’t sure what would go down being that many of his family didn’t know he had 5 daughters by a black woman.

Family history can be a trip can’t it. And no, I have no idea why I posted all of this

By 900K aka Mr 2008

January 31, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

The only thing in my past that is close to todays topic. Waaayyy back when (10yrs) I had a BUDDY type of relationship with a nice girl, we would get up quite often I’d show up late she’d sneek me in the crib… I could tell that she was really into me and wanted to take it much further but me being young and dumb it never happened. I remember introducing her to my friends on several occassions and they would even ask me why I’m not trying to get serious w/ her and I had no answer. Well fast forward 5-6 years and I’m living here going back home to visit and I see her out at the club. We talked for a minute, and she looked the same. Nice shape, GREAT smile and still nice as could be, and I remember having a thought of …why did you stop talking to her again?

No more than 2 weeks later I get a call from back home and my man tells me that she was killed by her crazy boyfriend who shot her then shot himself. Although it does not compare to the stories I’ve read here, I do tend to blame myself for not treating her better so at least she would have not tolerated some dumb azz jerk in the future.

DasV - hey I do what I can do… when I can do it…

Cemeeli - I knew you would enjoy it… Ha Ha Suckaaaa! , I still have yet to get it on file myself but it is still playing in the back of my mind.

By For Real

January 31, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Jill guess the men are speaking from their personal experience, because they lie so much?

Don’t start your POV with an oxymoron, it makes it difficult to follow you.

Oh and did you know when you are typing your breast jiggle?

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 31, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

Staceye “Till this day I feel May 23rd is cursed fo me because 2 years prior to that I was in a bad accident with an 18 wheeler on that very day.”

I can relate to you as far as a particular date having significance in your life. Case in point, May 21 is the date for me as I married, divorced and lost my father all on that same date, believe it or not.

By Staceye

January 31, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

Slim that is a move too girl…your family all jacked up like mine! LOL

Kimmie girl I am sorry for all your losses mami.

900 that is a messed up situation that you had no control over. She probably would have still ended up with that fool..you just could have part of his massacre. So count your blessings papi.

By SexyLeggs

January 31, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

June 21st is my memorable date. I was in a car accident. I was the driver and the car in front of me stop quickly (Lakewood Freeway) and I swerved to avoid hitting him. Overturned the wheel and slammed into a lady leaning in her trunk on the side of the road. Both her legs had to be amputated. I struggled for a long time behind that!

By Tazzee

January 31, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

6’1 Lady, you have been through it. I’m sorry you’ve had to suffer through so much grief - healing is on the way.

DasV Oh no, I’m not worried about being missed. My fear is a little more morbid, like bleeding out and suffering for a while before I go. I’m not fearful of not being missed. When I lived in ATL - my closest friends and I always knew what the other was doing. Outside of work hours - 3 hours couldn’t go by that we didn’t know what was going on. We were family like that.

Here, I have a co-worker that has a key and she knows that if I’m not at work by 10am and I haven’t called in to my admin, then she’s on her way. But one Saturday I was changing a lightbulb and almost slipped off the ladder. It was one of those instances where I thought, dang if I bust my head, no one will know for at least 48 hours.

hope this isn’t a double post

By For Real

January 31, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Darth Vador: Slimmmmm I am your father!

Slim realizes for the first time the true purpose of her CT.

By 6'1 & Luvinit

January 31, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

Melo, What r u talking about?

By Alvin

January 31, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

QC who is this demi y’all keep mentioning? Where is he?

Demi: I AM RIGHT HERE IGGA

I am working sweetie, so no flying for us, I meant me.

Melo I think its good to talk about death’n’relationship now and then…it helps kept us sober.

Raqi girl, I am so glad I’ve got most of my death defying stunts out of the way.

On a positive note, I currently have ZERO points on my license…Now going shopping for a new gixxer thou

By Staceye

January 31, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

Darrell um…. dayyyyyum son! I would dread that day too! Somethign about May huh?

By Jill

January 31, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

Oh and did you know when you are typing your breast jiggle? Classy!!

Typical response from you, isn’t it?

If the someone on the blog can toss out a comment and then it is challenged, don’t get mad when the ignorance of the comment is highlighted. If you in fact know that women only listen to men that lie to them, back it up with how you arrived at that conclusion. Otherwise, you are just typing dumb stuff for shock value. It’s embarrassing.

By Cemeeli

January 31, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this

900K your story is becoming WAAAYYY to common. I had a friend that died at the hands of a crazy EX about 2 years ago here in the ‘A’. It was all over the news (Snelville/Gwinnett). Her name was Tammy Gilbert (the story is in the AJC archives) He killed her in her home she also has a son who was at home when the invasion happen. I still bothers to really talk in depth about it. But i celebrate her…and lil G he’s doing fine.

By 6'1 & Luvinit

January 31, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

You know that death is really a hard pill to swallow, but I am a person that has experienced it so much in my life time especially the last past 15 years, that I have somewhat grown accustomed to it. Like on Tuesday when it was my b’day I was thinking about all of my friends and family that mean the most to me are dead and that if they were here my b’day would have been different. I struggle with the lost of those that I love but I keep on keeping on and maybe I shop to feel this void or maybe I tattoo myself to fill it also, but whatever it may be I am still here. I am strong and I think the most high for the strength that he has bestowed upon me because I have known people to lose the one they love be it from them walking away from them or death and they either kill themselves, die of a broken heart or lose their mind. So again I am very thankful for the strength that I have.

By Staceye

January 31, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

Sexyleggs whoa girl! That is deep!

By The Truth

January 31, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

Darrell this is the worst part of these wimp assed fellas out here. If the man isn’t there to carry the burden and lead the responsibilty is handed to the woman and then the kids. A 7 yo has limited resources to deal with some of life’s curves. We’re built to take it but their not. This is what happens. Its a ripple affect.

Also, speaking of death is good because the truth is we wont be here forever so the goal should be to enjoy “every day” likes its your last. If there’s something you really want go get it. If there’s someone that needs to be exed today is a great day to do it so you can start healing and getting to the good stuff in life. Even if something turns out not like you thought it would you’ll be better for going for it. Failure can only occur when you quit.

Slim we may be related. When I was in germany a family member on my mothers side was dying and came to meet the family before going. Apparently something was going on that was less than predicted and alot came out and everyone moved on. I heard about it years after I got back to the states but seems like theres some skeletons in the closet. LOL

By Raqi

January 31, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Tazzee 2 Miles from your house? That’s the devastating part there. When you have just spoken to someone and then to hear just like that they are gone. I can definitely relate to that.

And yeah death is hard no matter what the nature of the relationship, family, friend or spouse.

I think it is really sad when you are not missed for days. I talk to 2 of my friends every day. Even if I didn’t have Mason I have these friends.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 31, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

Truth Many ^5s on your 10:57. You nailed it, man.

By SlimOne

January 31, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

Slim (to DarthVadar): You can’t possibly be my father.

DarthVadar: And why is that my child?

Slim: Because I was a test tube baby created as a result of stem cell research.

DarthVadar passes the f/k out due to the hot garbage grease smell of his own breath inside the mask

By kimmie

January 31, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Staceye- Thanks, girl. Like I said, I just don’t take life for granted anymore. Stuff like that makes you grow up real quick!
Leggs - I am sorry about your accident. I got hit from behind by a tractor trailer in Aug 05 & I am blessed to be here. When people see pictures of the car I was in they are amazed I came out with only minor scratches & a stiff neck. To this day, I get nervous when a truck is behind me. But I know what hurts you most is the lady that was hit. That’s tough. You are really being a blessing to your neighbor and I know that makes you feel as good as you are making her feel:)

By For Real

January 31, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

Jill Yep! I have a picture of your breast jiggling if you think I’m lying.

Oh and in your post you questioned if men lie (men = all men) due to their experience. That’s called generalization or sterotyping, then you moved on in your post to say “There is no such thing as “all women want…” or “all women feel”, same as with men, stereotyping like that is dangerous and does nothing for closing the chasm between the genders.”

Just trying to understand you that’s all. Oh and don’t be embarrased you have some nice breastates.

By IslandGirl

January 31, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

Morning everyone…

G Dad…hang in there. I pray for God’s grace over your life as you go through this time in your life. Remember this is a time. Once you accept your loss and decide to live life, the veil of grief will slowly lift. Take care.

By Tazzee

January 31, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

6’1 Every day that God allows you to see means that He still has a purpose and a plan for your life. It also means that He’s giving you another chance to get this thing called life right.

Every day - I thank God for seeing another day because of the above.

By 900K aka Mr 2008

January 31, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

Staceye - Thanks for the uplift but I still feel like crap just thinking about it. She was real quiet and shy so she just rolled w/ the flow, never had “the talk” but I could just see it in her eye… exactly what she wanted.

Cemeeli - yeah unfortunately this situation is very common especially up-top in my home town. These dudes now-a days are weak hearted punks who cant keep their emotions in check! The worst part is you know they’re treating these girls like shyt the whole time and cheating on them. Then do sumtin like that when they sense that she’s movin on. That right there.. makes me wish there is a H3ll just for them dudes.

Wow Wise, thanks to this topic you’re bringing the blog fam closer 2gether… No fights today!… I love everybody!!!

By SexyLeggs

January 31, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

Yeah Staceye, it is deep. I remember reaching home and opening the freezer door to get some ice. I just kept my head their crying amongst the ice cubes. I remember her to this day and on that day I say out loud “Ms.__, I’m so sorry! (21 years later)

By Cemeeli

January 31, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

900K ur so cool…luv you to darlin.