Misadventures in Atlanta

By SlimOne

January 30, 2008 8:11 AM | Link to this

Good Morning I can’t say I recall a guy ever trying to be everything I said I liked in a guy. Some folks may have a hard time being their authentic selves, however with me what you see is what you get. I don’t have the energy to keep up a facade for the sake of you liking me. Yes, folks still ask what you’re looking for. For me it just depends on the person because none of the guys I’ve dated were alike…except they all had a sense of humor, which is important to me.

By Cherry

January 30, 2008 8:31 AM | Link to this

Hey…Im a somewhat lurker & I really enjoy reading you all….Question:Do u guys really like it when your girl waits on you hand & foot sort of speak….Just curious…..My guy really doesnt have to lift a finger when Im around so Im wondering is that too much on my part…Thanks

By T-Mango

January 30, 2008 8:36 AM | Link to this

Personally, I welcome the question “What are you looking for?” It gives me the opportunity to tell him that I want to build a friendship first. However, I can also state outright that I ultimately desire to be involved in monogamous relationship with a marriage minded man. Therefore, if he is looking simply for the next “hit” with minimal investment in me as a person…I’m not the woman for him. I think that question is a chance to see if you are on the same page in terms of the type of relationship you want in basic terms. By building a friendship…you learn the details in time.

On the flip side, WD I understand what you mean by not “looking for a man.” I’m not either in the sense that I have a profile up on multiple singles or social networking sites, or feel the need to hit up every singles event because I want to increase my chances of meeting someone. I just go about my daily business and do what I enjoy. While doing that maybe I’ll meet someone with similar interests to build a friendship with which may lead to more.

Have a great day-

By melo

January 30, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

When i was dating, it was the other way round, we would find the girl and she will try and be the girl i want to put in the home.Its till today.Guys have to man up, do the chase and let the girl know u want them.Leave it to them to spoil the show or get in line.Once u adopt that attitude guys, u will be well supplied with potential suitors.Its up to u to make the right call. Do u guys really like it when your girl waits on you hand & foot sort of speak Yes and No.U obviously luv him but give him some space to receiprocate and do the same to u.Otherwise u are setting urself for a sdrious heartbreak.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

January 30, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

Morning All!

Since I am divorce, I get asked alot if I will marry again. That seems to preceed any other questions, once I disclose my status. Now I do ask men what qualities they are looking for in a potential mate and where they stand right now (cut buddy, LTR, etc).

SlimOne I agree, I am not trying to keep up a front! A relationship is work enough without adding any uneccesary pressures.

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

Good morning all. Sorry to hijack the blog so early with a dating vent.

Fellas: If a girl gives you her number, it’s intended for you to CALL her. What is up with this texting nonsense, especially if actual conversations are few to NONE? We all know that conversation over text is even more prone to misunderstanding because you can not guage TONE. So why set yourself up for failure out the gate?

Besides, we are not 15 and share mutual love for Hannah Montana. Grow up. This is particularly distressing to have this happen from dudes over 35. :-/

Vent over - So what’s the topic today? LOL

By 2CPTG©

January 30, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

morning….Diva???? you??? molding yourself to be “that” girl? Now, that is funny!!!!

No, Cherry, it can become annoying, to say the least; however, moderation is the key…

By 900K aka Mr 2008

January 30, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this

Mornin People - Not changing for no one, I dont mind hearing what a girl is looking for. Cause if she has a very relaxed answer then we have something in common. If she pulls out the list… then it could be downhill from there.

Cherry -What up! Do u guys really like it when your girl waits on you hand & foot sort of speak….Just curious…..My guy really doesnt have to lift a finger when Im around so Im wondering is that too much on my part… YES! But you really dont have to trust me. Its the fact that you’re willing to do the lil stuff for me that drives me nuts so yeah its a good look. However if you man has even the slightest hesitation when it comes time for him to step up and be there for you, it may be too much. When you need him most and he is unavailable then it is time to stop. But if you’re both happy and doing for each other than keep up the good work!!

perhaps you should think about writing a book: How to Guide

By "Longtime Lurker"

January 30, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

@Wise Lurker Long sigh…

Whenever a guy asks me what I am looking for in a man, I have a stock answer ready. I’m not looking, he’s going to find me.

Unless you have been living under a rock, do you realize that there are more women single now than ever? Do you realize that there are fewer men on this earth than women? Do you realize that there are more professional women 5-1 for every professional man? Do you realize we have the lowest marriage rate in 2008, than we have ever had? Do you realize that most women all want the same ‘5’ dudes?

With all of the above said, I think in coming years it will be more like the woman will find the best man for her situation, not the other way around! With that said, get out of the fantasy and jump into reality and think outside the box.

I won’t give any guy a blueprint of my ideal man so he can work to become him. Besides, the guy of my dreams is probably in Tibet somewhere, why bother dealing in fantasy?

You lost me on this one! Why would you not want to help a potential better get to know you? In every other situation I can think of you work as a team and you help each other with the building process, so why would you not want to assist someone with getting to know you better?

Do single people still ask each other that loaded question: what are you looking for? If so why? If you have been asked this question before,how do you respond?

Unfortunately,yes! It amazes me when someone asks this question to me,as I usually always just look at them like they have three heads!

My usual answer is why do you think I am looking and I usually get a blank stare and a moment silence.

I have found that when you go looking,you never find what you think you want and most people don’t truly know what they want, they think they have an idea or a fantasy of what they think they want.

It is like shopping,you always want what you can’t have,but buy what you can afford!

By DasV

January 30, 2008 9:15 AM | Link to this

good morning good ppl

Kudos yet again oWiseOne for the direction of dialogue today. I agree: “chameleon dating” never works… for the reason you stated, and I will add a 2nd one….. Because someone looking to fit in does the pursuing, and if it’s the woman then she throws the whole scheme off course. She cant be woo’d cause she is too busy investigating what she needs to be to keep his interest.

I am not totally against finding out what someone wants in a relationship and making the attempt to, on some levels, accommodate their reasonable unspoken requests…. But Janis Joplin said it best: Don’t compromise self. You are all you got. And in the end, that is very true.

By Beautiful

January 30, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

good morning cali! i see you 900.

Cherry your fine, but it’ll get old fast.

By Str8

January 30, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Diva - I am having a hard time imagining that you were once “that gal”… LOL

Yes, I have dated “that gal”… you can tell when someone rarely disagrees with your views/opinions/ways regardless of how outrageous they might be or even goes ahead and starts adopting habits from you and you know are not positive just to try to be like you!

and about the loaded question “what are you looking for?”… it has it’s place in the first couple of dates, it can help you know what the other person values (even though the answers tend to be exagerated)… but still it tells you something about the other person, not to mention that the answers can open up news topics of conversation that can help both of you understand each other.

But there is not substitute of spending time and getting to know someone over time and in different environments

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 30, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

Morning, everyone. :-)

Cherry To your earlier question, there are two ways you could look at it, think:

1. You’re just naturally “wired” as an “acts of service” person. Meaning, you garner a great deal of personal satisfaction from being able to do things for your mate. I’d suggest you look back over your life (and relationships) to see if this pattern of behavior is something you have exhibited in the past. If so, I wouldn’t look at it as being “too much” at all, but as one component of what makes you who you are.

2. Become sensitive to how your mate is “receiving” the fact that he “doesn’t have to lift a finger when you’re around”. If that seems to frustrate him, you may want to back off a bit and leave some things for him to do himself or he may start to feel you’re being controlling. Conversely, you could always start asking him if he’d like you to do this or that for him.

Just my two cents. ;-)

By pisces08

January 30, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

Morning All. @ARed, dude should have looked at you and knew you didn’t roll like that. Poor judgement. On topic, it’s ok to bend a little, but mostly just be yourself. @HAND & FOOT, easy on that… ^5 the reciprocate comment. I’m out to lurksville….

By DasV

January 30, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

Cherry do you feel you are doing/giving too much?? that is the real question. I will however offer this: I had a convo with a fellow blog bruh and shared with him something I was willing to do in a past relationship (not in the bedroom, not even close - - - more like at the dinner table) and he was impressed…. Said it was a ‘turn on’. So yea I think that waiting hand and foot on a male is appealing to them….

Conversely though it may just be an ego-trip which has the potential to go very bad. power trips are never good

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

Now onto today’s topic. One of my strengths is that I’m very adaptable and I’m willing to try new things. Because of that, I go with the flow and don’t object to things my mate wants to do. However, I had to find a balance because I found myself always doing the things he wanted to do and none of the things I was into. I definitely felt at times that I was losing myself. I had visions of a guy trying to shop for me and having no clue what to get me because he really didn’t know what I liked. There is a scene in The Joy Luck Club that talks about this.

Now I’m still down to do whatever, but I also make sure I voice my opinion on the matter as well.

By DasV

January 30, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

blog bruhs i have a question along the lines of Ared’s vent (thanks for sharing btw)… if you give me your number, why not put yourself out there and ask for mine?? cause now you have me ‘making the first move’ and thats suppose to be on you, right??

By SeanJohnson3000

January 30, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

Sup Blog…only question i need to know in requards to what you are looking for is…are you looking for something casual or long term/serious….dont have the time to pretend to be some ficticious character that is a combination of your favorite actor/ball player slash rapper…i come as iz..

@Cherry…keep it simple..like leaving a plate in the oven or microwave for us…scratching and greasing our scalp once a week…dont asked to many questions when the game is on..etc…anything overboard and you seem more like a “momma”…and u are his woman not is momma..

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 30, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

WD ..I’m not looking, he’s going to find me…”

Not being funny, but this sounds like the tag line to some new female fragrance. I can almost see it now….cue the harp music

(as a close-up of the smart, sexy and single, Wise Diva moves slowly from left to right on my Phillips 37” LCD HDTV)

Male voiceover:“Wise Diva. The new fragrance from L’Oreal.”

Female voiceover whispers: “Wiiiise Divaaaaa…”

Male voiceover: “The fragrance that tells him you’re not looking, he’ll find you.”

Female voiceover whispers: “Wiiiise Divaaaa….”

Male voiceover: “No need to look any longer, ladies. Let him follow the fragrance of…”

“Female voiceover whispers: “Wiiiise Divaaaaa….”

(Close-up of Wise Diva fades)

By SexyLeggs

January 30, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. Wow, to mold myself to the guy = I’ve never done that. I understand what you’re saying WD, I just couldn’t be anything but myself. I cuss, and if I dated a guy that didn’t like cussing, I wouldn’t tell him I didn’t do it all. Shyt, by doing that cuss words would be leaking out my mouth left and right.

I’m not stuck in one personality. I love trying new things and would usually try just about anything once. Bring it on and let’s see if my personality and beliefs can adjust. If not, I’ll continue to be me and move on.

ARed, you got mail.

By Rell

January 30, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

Me assimilate for the pleasure of being with a women…NEVER…lol…hell half the time it is enough to find someone that can put up with me…lol..i am a handful at times..so no clone here…i look for the women cut for me….

@ared….he texting you because he is busy or thats how he deals with his other women…feel me…to me textin is a lazy form of communication..

ooo yea whats folks

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

January 30, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

Do you think single people have difficulty being their authentic selves?

No, I think insecure people have difficulty being their authentic self. I have a female friend who said that if her husband knew who she really was he wouldn’t like her. The moment you give up your desires/likes to please someone else the question begs itself…do you know who you really are?

What are you looking for? If so why? If you have been asked this question before, how do you respond?

Of course and that is a very valid question that should continue to be asked. On v-103 this morning they were talking about can a cut-buddy ever graduate to real relationship. There were several responses from callers that stated the key is to be honest about what you’re looking for every step of the way.

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

DasV - Good question. This happens to me too. But I tell them upfront that if they give me their number, I’m not going to call…I DIDN’T STEP TO YOU. LOL.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 30, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

Das “if you give me your number, why not put yourself out there and ask for mine?? cause now you have me ‘making the first move’ and thats suppose to be on you, right??”

I disagree. As I seeit, if I’ve voluntarily given you my contact numbers, that was the first move, not you calling me. So, in fact, the first move was still on me. Your calling me is the second move.

By 2CPTG©

January 30, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

SexyLegs you like to cuss??? Why am I getting a crazy visual over here…….

By Beautiful

January 30, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

Ared on texting. if the guy just sends text messages, then he ain’t into you. and he probably showing off in front of whoever is in front of him at the time. if it’s mixed up alittle with text and conversation, then it’s a go.

By Jazzyone

January 30, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

Morning ya!..I can honestly say that yes thruout this growth in my life I would tend to open myself up to a guy and his interests etc to see if I could possibly connect with him in different areas. I tend to meet men who can appreciate some of my interests and are willing to indulge or become part of..otherwise dating can be so boring and drudge filled..

Yes I have dated from time to time people who aren’t who they say they are and don’t put their true selves out there..A few i’ve found the scale is so tipped in who they really are that integrity and character were in question and I had to move on..I do believe that some of the small things can be overlooked..For me tho core of a person, his idealology, character, foundation are things I tend to not be able to overlook..

I love me and like who ive become as a woman, so I try to be myself and put myself out there in truth to save us both self inflicted pain and drama..

I prefer a man to know who and what he is dealing with becasue my time is valuable and so is his. I would prefer a man that can do the same..be genuine, no fronts not drama just be you and I can deal allot better cause thats who im putting forth the real jazzyone…

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

Rell - I completely agree. Text has gotten dudes extra lazy. Especially if we don’t know each other well, why would you text me? How do you ever know I have that feature on my phone?

If you want to get ignored, send me a text as your primary means of communication. You’ll get *crickets * LOL

By melo

January 30, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

Ared in response to ur qs,he may have just misread u.A call back to his number immediately, with a smile and *why u texting,instead of calling * will result in a blush on his part and back on point.Just ignore it but let him know u prefer one on one(if u wanna give him a chance, that is)

By 900K aka Mr 2008

January 30, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Beautiful - whats buzzun cuz’n? You all right today? Listen its time to stop all this hip-hop beef and come 2gether girl! Me and you could be the spark that starts the revolution!! Sista are you with me?!?!

ARed If a girl gives you her number, it’s intended for you to CALL her. What is up with this texting nonsense - I cant shed much light on the texting thing cause I just cant seem to get into it. So your frustration is valid. However, perhaps you may have given off a vibe that you were taken. I can say that I got a girls # 2wks ago that I thought was Nice, however she seemed taken, in a hurry to get back to her man. So I never called, I messed around with too many Girlfreinds of somebody else in ‘07. I guess Im getting old… the clean up man is tired

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

LOL Beautiful I wasn’t asking for advice. I know what texting is and what it means. It’s just a vent because it’s happening more and more often.

I’m just amazed at the audacity. They literally go above and beyond to meet you (cuz with me you might have to make more than one approach) just to end up sending you a text. Very counter productive!

By Wise Diva

January 30, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

@ Mr.2 and Str8

I know, it’s so NOT the person I am today, right? I tell ya, queen of dating mistakes. It really is funny, thinking back to when I busted my tale being a “poseur”. The biggest facade was when I pretended that I loved to exercise, LOL. Dating that dude had me in the best shape of my life but I couldn’t openly admit to him that I adore being on the sofa with a book eating ice cream!

By Staceye

January 30, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

Morning all

ARED girl who peed on your parade? LOL Woosa!

LL in my case about not giving the blueprint….is because I can show you the real me more so than I can tell you. I mean…I can say what I like in a guy. I can also say things I like and do not like to do. But to really know me, you have to be around me. Do not judge a book by its cover is an understatement!

Cherry I’m no dude…but I think if you wait on your man hand and foot…he will take you for granted. You are not his mom and her is not 10. Now I am not saying that you should never do things for him. Sometimes surprise him with a pamper night….where you do everything for him. Just do this in moderation. I think he will appreciate it. Guys, please let me know if I am wrong…this is just my female opinion.

By SexyLeggs

January 30, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

2C, not that I “like to”, more like I DO. I only use 3 words and I stay clear of the “F” word. I’ll only go there when I’m hopping mad.

Cherry, I have a married friend that still (30 years later) takes the chicken off the bone for her husband. I always thought this was a bit much, but to each his own. If you’re comfortable w/waiting on him hand an foot do it. It’s something I couldn’t do, but we are all cut from a different piece of cloth.

By Tater

January 30, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

WD

Do you really wonder why dating in Atlanta stinks? Your previous dating life started off with complete lies about who you were (are).

I’m sooo glad that my honey is from another State.. I can’t take the lying Atlanta crowd anymore..

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

melo - I will not contact him at all until he grows a pair. Period. I’m not hurting for dates!

900k - I did give him a hard time at first, because his come on line was a little lame, but he was nice. I let him know by the time we parted that I looked forward to and would welcome his call. I suspect he’s trying to play it casual because he came on so strong initially, but it backfired if that’s his agenda.

By Rell

January 30, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

@dasv/ared….For me if i give a women my number and tell her to call me..is a test or let me say to see if she is willing to invest time into me…so yea give me a call…why do i have to give you a call first..hell i made the first move…you can meet me half way…i mean if we are going to power struggle over a simple phone call..then i know what i am dealing with…and it will be short lived…again folks make dating to hard with there comfort checklist….no invest in me, like i am doing with you and we will both be happy

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 30, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

Staceye “Just do this in moderation. I think he will appreciate it. Guys, please let me know if I am wrong…this is just my female opinion.”

I wouldn’t say you’re “wrong”, necessarily but, per my earlier post, I would defer to Cherry’s mate in determining whether or not she should “moderate” her behavior. After all, her “hand and foot” approach could very well be a healthy thing if it keeps his “love tank” full and, consequently, motivates him to reciprocate in ways that fill hers as well. It is possible that this is a win/win for all involved.

By cherry

January 30, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

Thanks u all for the comments…..The funny thing is I never did this before but then again Im feeling things I never did before…Im not to overbearing with it(like a mama) He makes me happy so I dont mind…so as long as he continues I will continue…until then….Thanks again…

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

Staceye - Girl, it’s becoming an epidemic! I had a guy text me for a date a week ago, he got ignored. Now this! I’m not the one!

But because I ignore the texts, I can’t tell them off, so you guys get the vent. LOL!

By Wise Diva

January 30, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

pardon me, I meant to say Good MORNING!

Thanks DasV

@ LL..long sigh
I think in coming years it will be more like the woman will find the best man for her situation, not the other way around .. say what now? Let’s say I find said “best man”, am I to spend my time convincing him that he is in fact, the best man for me? No, I want him to know, with full certainty, so yeah, he’s gonna have to find ME. I was raised on the bible: He who finds a good wife, finds a good thing. Now, what fantasy am I in again?

Believe me, that if the man doesn’t find me, it wasn’t meant to be, so what despair can I have over it? Life’s too short and precious to stress about it.

By Jazzyone

January 30, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

If a man gives me his number I don’t have an issue with whos going to call who and all that…If you had the inclination to give me your number there is a bases of interest there and I will call to find out if we should make some moves or if its not worth my time or his..so no issues there..I consider myself to be a mature adult and don’t have time for P**y pat games dealing with a man…insecurity is not one of my character traits….

By 900K aka Mr 2008

January 30, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Das -* if you give me your number, why not put yourself out there and ask for mine?? cause now you have me ‘making the first move’ and thats suppose to be on you, right??* You’re reading a lil too far into this one. The 1st move has already been made, he approached you then engaged you with convo and then gave you his number in case you would like to continue the convo later. I’ve done this alot myself. 1st off it stop the whole crazy 1st phone call: “Hello Das this 900!” 900 who, where I know you frum? 900 wit tha red car??? Also when you call I know that its a great time for You to talk and the convo flows great. Ladies get tied up so when you hit me I know you have the time to speak and trust me I will always make time for you. Lastly, believe it or not Grown Azz women will still give their number out Repeatedly while out and about as if it means nothing to them, so I know when you call me it Means sumtin… ya dig?

By "Longtime Lurker"

January 30, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

@Staceye That’s kewl and I can respect your comments, but to just have a dude out there hanging and not give him some basic things to work with and a plan is crazy in my opinion!

Any woman I meet, I will give her basic things I like, I don’t like, my views on most things,how I roll, how I flow,how I get down,where she stands with me, etc., but to have a dude out there starting a new job with no direction is crazy and you settin him up to fail!

Give the cat some tools to build that foundation or he will never be able to do his job!

By Rell

January 30, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

@Tater…lying atlanta crowd…again fellas….up ya game….of course there are scallywags out here..but do they count no…should you get tender if a bust down rebuffs your advances…HELL NO….she prolly doing you a favor…just move on to the next one….i am not understanding this new sensitivity in men…i mean they act like every chick is suppose to be upfront, honest or in to them….geesh…

@ared…again guys only approach women after reading the body language..so he prolly sat and watched you for a second then he devised a plan and stepped to you on what he say….so if you getting guy s coming at you crazy..thats because of the vibe you give off…feel me…soften your stance to attract what you want…really it works..because if i see a chick shooting down all the guys, then i will go at one of her girls first…then i will on a limited basis engage the one i want…at the sametime i am really treating her like one of the homies…at the same time i am showing her girl a great…but i am making sure to engage them both in light banter..this is called creating triangles..this way i can indirectly get info on her with out the drama..and from this triangle the one that is really into me will emerge…trust me fellas creating triangles work….i do it all the time…i will never directly approach a chick with the machine gun out..i will get at her girls first and then work my way to her…feel me

By BINFORD2K8

January 30, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

Being authentic doesn’t get you many second dates - I know. I have a strong personality and most women don’t get it at first.

It takes a special woman (and by special I may mean the short bus) to get me :)

But hey, I stay close to my roots and keep it real. The future ex-Mrs. Binford knows this!

By Beautiful

January 30, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed ooops, sorry. i should have read your ? better than i did. but maybe it’s just me, cause i don’t see anything wrong with text messages. as long as their short and sweet. i have a friend in CA that doesn’t like any of the new technology that’s out there. but yet i see her on IM all the time. anyways, what i’m tryin’ to say is the guy is used to texting everyone including his friends, family, etc. everyone does it. the next time someone you dont mind spending time with textes you, just simply text back and say you dont text and to please call instead. within 30 seconds, he’ll be on the line.

By DasV

January 30, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

darrell i see what you sayin… but are you hearing me and Ared?? we dont consider you giving us your number as a first move…. mostly cause there is nothing to it. calling someone requires thought, more than extending a hand to someone….

By Jazzyone

January 30, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

You know dating isn’t that hard just go with it..be you..tell a man what type of man you enjoy in your space..tell him who you are up front and what direction and path you would like to travel down..either he can travel with you down that path and create a foundation..or you both can travel light if the path is not suitable to either parties…

Don’t get all emotionally involved on the first date or vision him at the alter in your mind or spending his money etc..just do you, be you..catch more bees with honey baybeh not smoke…

A real woman or man will step to you and let you know what they want if they are in the zone of trying to get the one they want…nothing and no one keeps a man away from a woman he wants trust it ..and If i want him in my zone..I am upfront and let him know…

By SexyLeggs

January 30, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

Rell, you’re the second male to talk about the “traingle.” A friend hipped me to this years ago. Personally, I think it’s a great plan for those who know how to use it effectively.

By Staceye

January 30, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva have you ever watched that show Half and Half? There was an episode where Lil’ Dee-Dee was so into this guy and he was a fitness/health nut. I mean hiking, running a lot of miles, you name it. Well Dee-Dee ran herself ragged trying to keep up with him. Her whole body was sore and finally she had to tell the truth and she broke down and scarfed down a platter of wings in the end!

I think I tried chameleon things once. There was this really cute guy and his family was really religious. I ment they were true bible thumpers! Let’s just say we lasted all of 2 weeks. They people pray before any move was made…in car, before they got out of the car, in their destination, back in the car, and when they made it home. Im sure God himself wanted to reach down and back smack them and tell them, enough already”! The lesson learned….always just be you! Now tell that to these fake ballers. You know the dude that spent his rnt money to get a VIP section at the club and pop bottles. The shiney chromed out Benz that the valet parked up front it rented. Notice how he will not dance because he does not want to break a sweat in that designer outfit because the tag is still in it and he will hang it up and frebreeze it to take it back to the store for a refund. Oh and when he comes to meet up with you for the first date…he will arrive early so you do not see him park his hooptie (which is his real whip). Oh yeah and that nice dinner he paid for on your first date…girl just know he will be sitting in the dark because that was his GA Power money! Do let him fool you on…you go to his crib and its all candlelit. It’s not him setting the ambience…

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 30, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Tater “I’m sooo glad that my honey is from another State.. I can’t take the lying Atlanta crowd anymore..”

What the…?! How you could interpret what WD was saying as “lying” is absurd. If you understand the concept of context, then how can you possibly accuse her of that? And speaking of “context”, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear your comment implies that lying in relationships is limited only to the Atlanta area. LOL!

By melo

January 30, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

so if you getting guy s coming at you crazy..thats because of the vibe you give off…feel me I feel u dawg.If u carry urself like a tramp, the pimps will be hovering around yo azz.And u knw this mayne…..

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Rell - Guys don’t come at me crazy. And dudes here don’t talk to my girls first. Most likely I’m rolling with only one anyway.

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

Beautiful - I see your point but that’s not me. It’s the lowering of standards that have gotten these dudes lazy in the first place. He’s a big boy and unless his finger is broken, he knows how to dial the phone. If he doesn’t get the hint when I don’t return his text, then it probably wouldn’t have gone anywhere anyway.

By Beautiful

January 30, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

A real woman or man will step to you and let you know what they want if they are in the zone of trying to get the one they want…

^5

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 30, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

Das “darrell i see what you sayin… but are you hearing me and Ared?? we dont consider you giving us your number as a first move…. mostly cause there is nothing to it. calling someone requires thought, more than extending a hand to someone….”

Yeah, I see what you’re both saying, but, as I see it, this is whole “who-calls-whom-first” thing is the equivalent of relationship semantics. In other words, why bother getting bogged down in the various definitions of “first move”, when the more important issue is that moves were made in the first place - period - regardless of the sequence you give it. This is the kind of thing that hinders relationships - people are so “textbook” about it.

By Staceye

January 30, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

Binford there is absolutely nothin worng witha strong personality! You know what you wanta dn don’t want. You say what you feel and feel what you say. I have the same personality and I feel if you can’t deal with it, then you are not the one for me anyway! I need a guy with a spine! LOL

* I have a question…why do guys say you look unapproachable? I mean I have had guy tell me I look so mean and like I will snap a guy’s head off. I think that is just the way NY woman look period! LOL Help me out Sexyleggs!*

By Rell

January 30, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

@staceye…you sure can pick em huh…lol, my god no wonder you walking around shell shocked…lol

@ared…dudes dont do it..because they dont know…and if it only one..then she will get my attention FIRST..and i will think about engaging you if you act right..but if you have your azz on your shoulders..then you get the gas face..trust me alot of dudes really dont think it thru..they just in or feel like they need the flash or wallet to get or keep a womens attention..i may have forgotten to tell you but you are speaking to a vet in the “game” hon..so i am spitting to you pre-game…trust you would not know when the play is going down…i have worked the triangle to many times for you to even think of degrading it

@melo..cosign…

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

Darrell/Rell - Don’t get me wrong I completely see your point. In the grand scheme of things, the power struggle over a phone call can definitely hinder relationships. You know…what’s the big deal right?

Well, the big deal for me is that I want a man who sees what he wants and is not afraid to go for it and put himself out there. He’s the man, right? He’s the leader? I’m not going to make it difficult for him, but I don’t think you taking my number and actually using it is asking a lot. I don’t need you “testing” if I’m interesed in you. I don’t know you. And I didn’t approach you. It’s your job to contact me and then we start the give and take.

The concept of men courting ladies is completely foreign today. Lucky for me there are still men who get it, or I might never date again. LOL

By Wise Diva

January 30, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

I think Tater meant that there are extreme posers in Atlanta, and although I was not living here in my chameleon dating days, I definitely have had my experiences with men who are GREAT PRETENDERS.

Darrell, LOL @ that 9:36 comment, I see you got jokes?

By Rell

January 30, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

@Staceye…again re-read what i typed to ared….dudes are hunters..so they watch your body language before they approach..if you look closed off..either they are going to come crazy or not at all..but if you look receptive to a lil convo then he will come respectful…if not shy…ya know no direct eye contact..voice low….i mean what is wrong with some light idle chatter or a simple hello…and if there is no chemistry say that…men like honest feedback..trust me…but that is just my POV on this issue

By melo

January 30, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

if you give me your number, why not put yourself out there and ask for mine?? some dudes do that coz they dont like rejection in their face in case they ask for it and u say ill call u or no Best thing is for u to offer it once the ice is broken or not to, if u not feeling him.

By Tazzee

January 30, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

Morning all!

Now that’s the LL I remember, LOL!

I’ve never been ‘that’ girl, but I have done some stupid stuff in the past in order to get the guy. I’ve also had guys try to be what I said I was looking for in a man. Now when men and women (trying to hook me up with a man) ask what I want in a mate - I always tell them that I know what I DON’T want (dated them before) and I’ll know what I want when I see it.

AmazonRed I feel you on your dating rant. It’s funny because my local phone doesn’t have text messaging - I turned it off. So it’s funny when a guy tells me he’s been texting me. I can’t stand when folks text as the first form of communication.

By For Real

January 30, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

What up Blog Fam!

On topic: As the Isley Brother said Don’t change, don’t change

Wise If you are not looking and the dude you are suppose to meet is not looking how can he find you. This is the “Mixed Message” that men get from women. I am a strong independent women and I don’t need……. (fill in the blank). Then you turn around and say, a man will fine me, a man must make the first move (which according to some women means the first, second, third, fourth etc.) a man must know that this particular chick doesn’t like to be texted when the last 5 chicks did, a man must know me without me saying anything…. Then women say, if he does not find then I guess the Good Lawd didn’t want it to be. So, what about the bible phrase that says someting like “for every step you take God takes two steps”. So, if you don’t do your part in finding a good man dont’ blame it on “there ain’t no good men left” and please don’t blame it on God.

For Real now looking for his Rob Base greatest hit cd.

Which is it?

By BINFORD2K8

January 30, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Stacyeye A lot of people in the world are shy and don’t speak up and don’t care for people who will say whatever they want (though I have gotten better and more tactful with age) when they want.

To answer your question, if you are not smiling and are wearing that perpetual “Northeastern Scowl”, it makes you unapproachable. Men want to feel invited in and so we look for a smile or a playful gesture to give us the green light. I, for one, am not walking in to what could be a warzone. I need to know a woman wants me to approach instead of warding me off with the death look!

By kimmie

January 30, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

Staceye - Guys say that about me too, the whole “unapproachable” thing. I hate it! It’s not limited to NY women either, I’m from the A. I know I tend to look serious when I am busy doing my thing and thinking about the things I have to do or are doing. But I’m not going to run around looking like Suzy Sunshine all the time. I HATE IT when dudes come up & say SMILE! I think the whole unapproachable thing stems from their own insecurity. They may not have the balls to approach a good-looking confident woman! Other people don’t have a problem approaching me, what’s up with you?! Most folks will just strike up a conversation or I’ll strike up one and it’s done, I’m a pleasant-enough person! Don’t have time to bother with those who feel they can’t approach me, I guess they missed out:)

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 30, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

Amazon “I’m not going to make it difficult for him…”

Then I have no problem with that. That’s all I would ever ask of you anyway.

Diva “Darrell, LOL @ that 9:36 comment, I see you got jokes”

Glad you took it the right way. Just tryin’ to lighten it up around here, that’s all. ;-)

By Staceye

January 30, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

rell I am very outgoing. I am very friendly. I speak to strangers…even though mami said not to. I used to have conversations with the homeless people in the train station. But people judge me based on what they see..so I do not get the chance. However at the gym I must look more approachable. Now that is when I really want to be left alone!

By SexyLeggs

January 30, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

Staceye, here’s a little food for thought. When I first arrived in the ATL at the ripe young age of 19 I was a true NYer. Fast talker, sassy mouth, always had my arms folded across my chest when talking to folk and not smiling much. It’s something we just didn’t do. I too was told I was always mean looking and unapproachable. I don’t know how long you’ve been here, but it will eventually burn itself away. By that I mean the true, sweet side of you will emerge if it’s in there. We are hardened by our environment and neigborhoods in NY (if you’re in the city). Yet, you don’t have to remain hardened. You’re not ready to let your butterfly emerge just yet. Being independent keeps your guard up and the brick wall up. Believe you me, I know all too well. Unlike you, I was receptive to love and didn’t run from it. In time, you will shine, just like I now shine!

By DasV

January 30, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

CLARIFICATION

heres how it went… cause blog-fam got me “insecure” and “textbook” and “complicated” etc etc…..

i went to a card party and ended up playin scrabble… OK. cool. im versatile. drinkin hindered everyones word flow and was funny about it… makin jokes and using ppls words in sentences that fit his observation of them… i laughed and had a wonderful time. throughout the game we would have snatches of ‘private’ dialogue… nothing serious though. at the end of the game (i won btw) he gave his business card to my gfriend and then one to me in case we ever need our carpets cleaned. he walks me to the door as we leave and helps me with my coat..then he takes my card back and writes his cell number on the back and his email address…so i can contact him whicheva way is convenient. huh??? that is a first move?! come’on ppl. i am sorry but that is just not good enough! call me textbook or complicated or insecure if you want to … but nah! it aint going down like that.

(sorry about the vent but ya’ll got me hawt!)LOL

By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED

January 30, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Morning all

LMAO @ STACEYE……d@mn Ga power money or his baby mommas tax refund…the kid that he stole and never broke her off half! Lmao!

Being who you are is the best thing to be. There is no one better @ being YOU.

I never did or understood why ppl would want to change who they are …just so someone can like them better. I can never do it. My inner self would not allow such a thing. To not be “BLOW ME”…I’ll rather kill myself (in my southern twang) RATZ NOW. I love who I am.. I could change the physical a bit . But not the core and soul of who I am and what I believe in. You can only respect someone for who they really are. Faking and facades is just too much! If they don’t’ like oh well….they gonna not like you anyway no matter who you are or what you do. But definitely be true to yourself!

By Rell

January 30, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

@ared…so there is no trying new things with you huh…you see the point…well try it…..if i say hey ared give me a call tommorrow at 5pm….would you have a problem with that?….to me that would speak volumes on your level of cooperation and flexibility in this dating thing….feel me…lil power struggles like who calls first..from my experience..usually means you have a bigger power struggle coming

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Rell - To clarify, I don’t walk around with my nose in the air. I love social functions because I like to talk and meet people. I’ll go on the dance floor and dance by my damn self! I keep a smile on my face and I strut around like I’m auditioning for Top Model! When I said I gave dude a hard time, it’s because he literally jumped in front of me mid-stride. So I ribbed him a bit for breaking my stride just to ask me my name!

Also I didn’t degrade the triangle. I just said it doesn’t happen to me. If you talk to my girl first, you’d better ask her for her number because you are now off-limits for me.

By 900K aka Mr 2008

January 30, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

why do guys say you look unapproachable? - Well Staceye some folks are just timid. I actually like to see a woman out on the town holdin it down, telling the beat-offs to beat it! thats a real turn on. Unlike some of the beatoffs in here who will tell you to soften your stance, I will approach with confidence (If you’re my type) and prob tell you that you aint that tuff with a smile of course. I dont like gullible type women who will fall for anything, jump into a car w/ a stranger or except a drink out of a guys hand instead of ordering it herself. So when I see you from accross the room ignoring the meatballs’ advances and not just speaking and hugging any and every guy who said hi to you. I’ll be right over… in other words I like them mean. Then I can tell my pops: I got a MEAN bytch! LoL

By 2CPTG©

January 30, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

“I’m glad my honey is from another state”

ya know, sometimes it’s hard to ignore dumb shyt….cause that right thurr…..don’t matta where you’re from, a fugaze is a fugaze anywhere!!!

By melo

January 30, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Do let him fool you on…you go to his crib and its all candlelit. It’s not him setting the ambience… goes both ways Staceye, there are girls who look so fly in the streets, but have unkempt aprtments,go on borrowed clothes and sleep on makeshift beds.Its a juvenile move played by some adults in the dating game.

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

The very fact that when I put on heels I will be 6’2” will always make me unapproachable to certain men. I’m used to that. LOL

Darrell - I won’t make it difficult for to talk to me but I will make it known that I will not call you first. Do guys have a problem with that?

By For Real

January 30, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Kimmie HATE IT when dudes come up & say SMILE! I think the whole unapproachable thing stems from their own insecurity. They may not have the balls to approach a good-looking confident woman!

I hope you truely don’t believe that. Please re-read what you wrote. Oh I have been called unapproachable too so I guess they may not have the CT to approach a good-looking confident man!

By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED

January 30, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

Melo WOW!! Is all I have to say at @ 10:53 am…but have unkempt aprtments,go on borrowed clothes and sleep on makeshift beds.Its a juvenile move played by some adults in the dating game Damn you just $H!TTED on em didn’t you?!?! But that’s real though…I have seen it with my own eyes. Trifling I must add

By AmazonRed

January 30, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

Rell - Yup. I’d tell you that you are more than welcome to call me and that I’ll look forward to your call. If you don’t I guess you weren’t flexible either. Goes both ways.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

January 30, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

Amazon “Darrell - I won’t make it difficult for to talk to me but I will make it known that I will not call you first. Do guys have a problem with that?”

As long as I know you won’t make me “work” to get to know you - as if it were a second job - then no, I do not have a problem with that. Not at all. Now, what’s your number?

LOL!

By Rell

January 30, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

@2..ya right a fugaze is a fugaze..and i see Mrs2k8 as me back in his dycksuckers again….

Mrs2k8…again homie…if you have something you would like to discuss..i gave you my info….the lil slick azz comments or references are not needed..remember the new direction…so again if you need to say something hit me on the sideline…and yea i told her to lighten up….she is a female so all that tough look straight face crap is lame and tired….nothing wrong with being friendly or receptive..and i can approach anyone..but why approach a women who looks like she needs to take a sh it or worrying about if she has enough in the account to feel me..

By Jazzyone

January 30, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

DasV Im not calling you anything if you are talking to me, this is how You do it so stand on it…some do it differently and view it different…Some of us are in a different place in many ways..no more or less just different…so if thats how you feel then thats how you feel…

By Wise Diva

January 30, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

wait a minute, who tossed out strong independent woman? looking at my previous posts - stop projecting that on to me, please.

I desire a mate. I would love to share my life. I am open and willing and ready. I just don’t feel compelled to hunt down a man, kick it in high gear with self-promotion, and convince him that I am THE ONE! I’m going to be me, and hope that he sees what I can br