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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > December
December 2007
A Year’s Worth of Dating Lessons
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Start the countdown people. There are mere hours left in 2007, and I, for one, am happy to see it go. This past year brought a lot of fun, excitement and adventure for me. Not only in dating, but in travel, personal growth, and new opportunities. What will the new year bring? I can hardly wait!
I always get reflective on the last day of each year. I think about the decisions I’ve made, (including the mistakes) and try my best to take a lesson from everything. What did I learn about myself? What have I figured out?
I have a year’s worth of dating lessons, but for a quick summary: be open to dating different types of guys because there is no such thing as the ideal man; be extremely patient with guys who don’t understand the importance of me time; you can’t make a guy grow up, men are not projects to work on; I can’t change/compromise myself for a guy, no matter how much “soul” he thinks I lack. My absolute favorite dating lesson of 2007? Celibacy does not kill you!
So let’s get a little reflective today: What dating lessons did you learn this year? What do you think you figured out?
If you managed to get coupled up this year, what have you learned about relationships? If you could pass on a dating lesson to other single people, what would it be?
Did you find a way to balance dating with your work, school, and/or parental obligations? How did you juggle it all?
How would you rate your Atlanta dating experiences this year?
Happy New Year to the Misadventures in Atlanta blog readers!
Permalink | Comments (133) | Categories: Holidays
Happy holidays!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The MIA blog will return next week. Enjoy the holidays!
Permalink | | Categories: Holidays
Dame Distraction
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Women are blamed for many things in society. We seem to be the root cause of many problems that men endure. Now women are blamed for the loss of a football game!
There have been numerous articles, blogs, news reports about Tony Romo’s performance at last week’s game. Many speculated that Jessica Simpson being in the stands cheering him on was a jinx and distraction.
Wow! I thought supporting your man was something girlfriends were supposed to do? A professional football player loses his cool on the field because of a pretty blonde he is dating? Seriously?!
I think that most of the coverage was tongue-in-cheek, but I have wondered if men ever felt that dating women distracted them from their goals. Are women sometimes the reason why men can’t focus and achieve? Do we throw men off their A-game ? If so, is that really our fault or is it a scapegoat kind of thing?
Guys, have you ever had to sideline a woman (pun intended!) because she became a bit of a chore to date? Did she distract you from work, obligations, or your daily life too much? Do you think your decision making abilities are impacted when a pretty woman is in the picture?
Ladies, have you ever dated a guy and realized that you distracted him to the point where you disrupted his life? Has a guy ever told you that you were his weakness - not the good kind?
If you are a football/sports fan, do you think that Romo’s performance is a result of his off-field romances? Are there many athletes that get distracted by females to the point where their head is not in the game?
Permalink | Comments (466) | Categories: Sports
Worth the wait
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We have all heard the expression Good things come to those who wait. This may work great as a slogan for Heinz ketchup but in dating? Not so much. Clearly the author of this quote spent VERY little time on the dating scene!
My friend Kelly thinks that she has met Mr. Wonderful: He is 27 years old, extremely handsome, accomplished, kind, and has the perfect touch of class (non-pretentious). Mr. Wonderful also has his plate full these days; a full plate from the many return trips to the buffet of single women.
He hasn’t asked her to wait until he is ready to see only her, but that is her plan. Now, I was the queen of dating mistakes, so I can’t knock her for doing this. I can only advise her to be absolutely certain about her decision. I don’t want her to use this as an excuse not to take a chance on somebody else.
Would you be willing to wait for someone? What if they were dating multiple people?
Do you think you could hang in there while they took a few trips to the single buffet?
If you met someone new and the timing wasn’t ideal to start a relationship, how long would you wait for them? Have you ever asked anyone to wait for you?
Has waiting for someone ever worked? Do you have any regrets about that or are you happy that you took the risk?
I know I have pulled that “oh, we are just at different times in our lives” line out when I needed a fast exit from a fling. Do you think that bad timing is really an issue in dating or a crutch we use to avoid getting too close?
Permalink | Comments (355) | Categories: Dating
It was a compliment!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When your guy friends find out that you write about dating, they start griping, ahem, I mean telling you all about their issues with women on the dating scene. I am charged with the mission to get their gripes out to single women everywhere!
It’s quite fine by me because I always want to get their perspective on dating and what it’s like for them. I try to remember what they tell me so that when a guy approaches me, I can be mindful of how to react.
One reoccurring male gripe is that some women don’t always accept their compliments graciously. Apparently, women often interpret a man’s compliment as game playing or pulling a slick move.
I urged my guy friends to check their tone and delivery. Sometimes, that really is the case. Some men can come off as that creepy, suggestive dude who is clueless about what women like. Further, it helps a lot when your eyes don’t drop to our breasts mid-sentence!
Maybe it all comes down to charm and charisma, though. Is it possible that a guy can deliver his compliment so effectively, that the target won’t realize that they are being tagged as prey?
Ladies, how do you receive compliments from men? Does it depend on the social setting, timing, and/or looks of the man? Do you ever compliment men that you meet or spot on the dating scene? How do they receive it?
Guys, do you find that women have a hard time accepting your compliments? How do you recover from this? Do you make efforts to avoid being stereotyped as a player? Have you actually strayed away from giving compliments to women anymore? How do you like to be complimented?
I think it is important to know the difference between a sincere compliment and a backhanded one. How do you distinguish between the two?
Permalink | Comments (317) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Holidazed & Confused
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I agreed to help out a guy of interest with his shopping this weekend. He was utterly perplexed about what to buy, so I figured I could find out his personal style/taste while I helped him pick out gifts. Ok, I also was nosy about who he was buying for, too.
We found some really nice things for his family, but we saw a lot of men milling around looking dazed and confused about what to buy. I turned into a little personal shopper for about three frustrated men because I felt so bad for them!
Guys, do you need ideas or tips on what to get? You have exactly seven days to find something. Send out your SOS, maybe you could get some inspiration from other readers!
Ladies, do you have an exciting or unique gift for the men in your lives? Did you plan a romantic holiday surprise for your sweetheart? Is there a new guy you want to dote on for the holidays?
Let’s swap ideas: Guys, who do you have left on your shopping list? Do you know what you will get for the new girl in your life? Have you thought of something romantic for your significant other?
What is on your ultimate wish list?
Permalink | Comments (280) | Categories: Holidays
He just wants it to be over
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
So the holidays are in full swing and the men in our lives aren’t exactly as jolly as Ole’ Saint Nick. What do you do? Well ladies, you should keep in mind that holidays are a lot of work, expectations, and headaches for guys. After polling a few of my favorite guys, here are the main reasons men are often channeling Mr. Scrooge:
Shopping. It’s rare that you meet a guy who just adores shopping. It’s tolerable when you are buying for yourself but when you have to step to the dark side (read: pink and girly side) of the crowded stores, your eyes may start to glaze over!
Honey-Do List: From unwinding that big bundle of lights, to hauling in a tree from the truck, this time of year men are called upon to do a laundry list of things. When these things interrupt watching sports? Oh, not a happy camper!
Expectations: Let’s face it, some men feel pressure during the holidays: impress the family, be cordial to co-workers, devote quality time to the kids, and other obligatory social expectations that may exist (internal or external). Not to mention the challenge in buying the ideal gift.
Guys, we know you could add to this list (and feel free to do so!) but what are the things you actually enjoy about the holidays? How do you relax and unwind during the holiday madness and rush?
What do you think your family, friends, dates, or significant others could do to ease the pressures of this season for you?
Ladies, are you dating Mr. Scrooge? Have you ever dated someone who was extremely difficult during this time of year? How did you handle it? Did you give him his space? What are fun ways to hype the holiday season for the men in your lives?
Permalink | Comments (195) | Categories: Holidays
Naughty or nice
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Last week Wise Diva mentioned dating during the holiday trifecta — Christmas, New Year’s and Valentine’s Day — and how some people may avoid it completely.
But what if the holidays sneak up on you and you’re already with someone who you might be…well, losing interest in. Where does that put you in the gift-buying realm?
Do you buy a present for the person you’re dating, only to break up with them after the holiday (and don’t lie — you know this happens)? Does it lessen the blow to buy the person something inexpensive and then break the bad news later? Is there a statute of limitations on how close to a holiday you should break up with someone? What if it’s the day before? The day of?
Or do you drop the bomb before the holiday to avoid having to buy a gift? Is it always better to end things as quickly as possible when dating during the holidays? Have you ever had someone give you a Christmas present when you were preparing to break up with them? What did you do?
Do you consider yourself naughty or nice when it comes to handling gifting and holiday breakups? Would your exes agree?
Permalink | Comments (203) | Categories: Holidays
Desperate or genius?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We talked a little last week about simply going to holiday parties to have the best time possible—show up, mingle, meet some folks, have some cocktails and go home. No need to stress over finding a date.
But at least one single woman in Atlanta has made it her goal to not only find a date for her company’s holiday party, but to also have a great time doing it. For the full story, click here.
I’m encouraged by Karen’s bravery to put up a very public blog to find a date. It’s not that different than a dating service, but her blog doesn’t require a fee to view and she’s using her full, real name. Plus, it sounds as though she’s being very open with her coworkers about her goals.
Have you ever gone to extreme measures to find a date for a particular event — holiday party, wedding, family function? Maybe to save face around an ex, maybe to just to have fun? Have you ever bid on a date at an auction? Do unusual dates lend themselves to an extra dose of creativity or excitement because of the way they are set up?
Men, does something like this just make women sound desperate, or does it simply open up doors for you that wouldn’t have been open before? If all women took a more “open door” approach to dating, how would the dating scene change?
Women, how open are you about your dating situation? Do you advertise yourself well when you’re single? I mean, would you be willing to put yourself out there this way?
Do you spread the word when you need a date or when you’ve just broken up with someone, or do you leave it to fate that people will catch on?
Permalink | Comments (271) | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Bearer of bad habits
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My friend Abby just realized this month that she’s gaining weight because of her adorable boyfriend Jake. Simply going out to eat all the time, taking extra bites of his food here and there, and consuming the cookie cakes he keeps surprising her with is not helping her stay trim!
So she’s now trying to lose weight not because Jake (who is very thin) has asked her to or made comments about it. He loves her just the way she is. She simply cares for him, and he’s inspired her to look the best she possibly can now that she’s with him.
Abby told me it’s kind of ironic that she’s trying to slim down for Jake — because he’s sort of the cause of her weight gain! Not that she’s shirking responsibility for her eating habits, but she’s realized that all she and Jake do together is eat! She recently explained to him that their relationship can’t “revolve around food.”
She’s built one “free” day into her diet when she can eat whatever she wants, and that’s one of the days she and Jake go out, so she doesn’t feel as though she has to order a salad every time. The rest of the week she’s a drill sergeant about her diet, and she’s doing great!
Have you ever started gaining weight because you picked up a boyfriend or girlfriend’s eating habits? Or because of an SO who was a fabulous cook? Have you ever had to explain to someone that your metabolism just doesn’t function like theirs?
What about the opposite? Have you ever been inspired to lose weight because of a loved one’s healthy lifestyle (NOT because he or she guilted you into it)? Can someone’s healthy eating/exercise habits rub off just as easily as the not-so-healthy? Do you think it’s easy to co-exist with someone whose lifestyle habits are drastically different than yours?
What about other bad habits you might pick up from someone you’re dating? Have you ever been with someone so long that you started to mirror an unusual habit or vice?
Permalink | Comments (386) | Categories: Dating
Kiss and tell
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Last week CNN published an article about bad kissers and the intent behind kissing. And with all the mistletoe and new year’s eve kissing coming up, I thought we should all brush up (that is, as much as is possible via the Internet)!
For the full article, click here.
Here are three examples of kissing styles one of my editors sent me after reading this article:
THE SAY ‘AH’ — This technique is to open wide, say “Ah” and then 1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a tongue war. See “Top Gun” scene when Kelly McGillis and Tom Cruise attacked each other to Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away.”
Repetitive JIM — This is a lip-intensive kiss with very little tongue responsibility. You’ll still want the tongue to make an appearance, lest you feel like you’re kissing your stepmom or aunt, but basically it’s a quick repetition of fish-like mini-bites. Change up the cadence of the kissing for best results.
BITER — Biting can be a decent addition to any kisser’s repertoire, but moderation is key. Small bruise, fine. But if your partner’s lip puffs up like Angelina Jolie and she’s not Angelina Jolie, then you went overboard.
What other kissing styles have you experienced or can you come up with? (Let’s keep it PG-13, OK?) Don’t forget to give a clever name to the style you mention!
Have you ever broken up with someone because he or she was a bad kisser? (And please, describe in detail the problem!) Do you think bad kissers can be reformed, or are they destined for a life of horrible makeout sessions? Is anyone out there a reformed bad-kisser?
Do you think the article’s scientific statement that women are “subconsciously evaluat[ing] mating potential from the chemicals in their partner’s saliva and breath” might hold some water? Or is it just a buncha junk?
Permalink | Comments (367) | Categories: Dating
Slow to launch
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’ve had some relationships that were, well, slow to start. One man I dated a few years ago had taken me out on one of the best first dates I’ve ever had, only to wait until five months later to ask me out a second time! Later during our relationship I asked him what took so long between date one and date two! He said he wasn’t really sure, just that he was “figuring things out” during that time.
Currently, I’m dating a guy that I see potential with and love getting to know, but this holiday season is proving a difficult time to do it! We’re both so incredibly busy and involved that we’re finding it hard to carve out time for each other this month! We’re both legitimately swamped with holiday parties, traveling home to see families and other activities we’re involved with this season. It seems as though we won’t really be able to start anything until the new year!
Have you ever had relationships that were slow getting out of the starting blocks? Is it because you’re someone who takes your time or because of other circumstances? Did it give you more time to reflect on how things were going early on in the relationship?
Are there seasons of your life (holidays, work-related, other) that make it hard to begin a relationship? Have you ever had a relationship not work out simply because it was too difficult to get a hold of the other person?
Happy Monday, everyone!
Permalink | Comments (311) | Categories: Dating
He dropped the (L) bomb on me!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There comes a time in a new relationship when the feelings you have start to intensify. You may get the idea to blurt out “I love you!” over sushi dinner when the urge hits you with a wave of emotions.
Before you proclaim your undying devotion, maybe you should stop and think: Is this the right time? Will these three words completely shift our nearly perfect, drama-free beginning as a couple? Am I ready for what may happen (or not happen) once I say I love you? Does the L bomb add pressure or expectations to a new romance?
I was listening to Mr. He’s Just Not That Into himself (Greg Bernhardt) on Q100’s The Bert Show the other day. A woman called in and said that her man dropped the L bomb. When he was unable to say why he loved her - she questioned his sincerity! Oy vey! No wonder guys think we are nuts sometimes.
What are your thoughts on the L word? Do you say it right away when you feel it? Should you say it back if someone says it to you first? Are you headed for a break up if the feelings aren’t mutual?
What has been your experience with saying I love you to the person that you are dating?
Do you remember the first time you dropped the L bomb?
Happy Friday!
Permalink | Comments (297) | Categories: Relationships
Dating a Misandrist?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Once you become a dating veteran, you start to believe that you’ve seen just about every type out there. Au contraire! There’s nothing like a date with a raging lunatic to mix up your ho-hum love life!
My friend Jeff had dinner with a young lady last month. It started out perfectly normal but when the conversation turned to politics, specifically the reproductive rights of women - things got a little heated. Then it got weird.
Jeff said that she made a lot of disparaging comments about men. It was a strange debate and he said that things only got worse as the evening progressed. It actually left him wondering if she even liked men at all.
He asked me, “Was she passionate about her views or is she a bona fide man hater?” The fact that he had to even ask me this question led us both to the conclusion that perhaps she wasn’t a good fit for him (with her being all “crazy creepy”).
I have met/dated guys who have made sexist comments before which left me wondering about that fine line of sexism and misogyny. Sometimes it was buried in humor, wit, or snarky comments, and other times in anger. Usually, time would reveal all I needed to know.
Word to the wise: if you are single and looking for a healthy relationship, avoid man haters and brutes. Yes, this seems like a no-brainer but sometimes the signs get overlooked. Educate yourself on the crazies, it could save your sanity.
In your opinion, what is the difference between sexism and misogyny?
Have you ever dated someone who had extremely sexist and/or misogynist views about women? Guys, have you ever dated a woman who you would describe as a misandrist (man hater)?
How did you handle it? Is it possible to really change this type?
Are you a reformed misogynist/misandrist? How did you evolve?
Permalink | Comments (336) | Categories: Dating
Man-Friendly Dates
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This past year, I have been escorted to art galleries, wine tastings, book signings, chef demonstrations, fitness boot camp, cooking classes, and even the nail shop. Ok, I may have dragged the poor guys to a couple of these, but they were troopers and endured it all! Not one complaint about my choices in date activities. Well, not to my face, anyway.
It’s funny how guys are so accommodating because they want to impress their women. Honestly, I think a lot of times the fellas would be happy with a large screen tv, buffalo wings, and their favorite girl in the vicinity! Yet, they acquiesce. Why? Is it the gentlemanly thing to do?
If we are to be fair, ladies, maybe we could ask the guy what they prefer to do first. Candlelit dinners or shoe shopping doesn’t exactly spell F-U-N to them. It’s all about that reciprocity that keeps things balanced in dating, right?
Men consistently maintain that they are simple “Give us the 3 F’s and we are happy as can be” Yeah, no. Women don’t buy that. Sorry. How do you plan a man-friendly date?
If you have spent a significant amount of time talking, you could already have an idea of a man’s interests. So how can you translate that “man data” into a fun, testosterone-filled night? One that won’t leave the lady rolling her eyes or the mortified look because she is appalled at what actually entertains you.
Guys, help us out. What would be an ideal date for you? It doesn’t have to be anything traditional or romantic in the girly sense. What activity (for two) would you love to do on a date that is a guaranteed great time for you - er outside the bedroom?
Ladies, when was the last time you planned a really cool man-friendly date?
How did you take your cues about what he was in to? How did he react to the manly date?
Guys, when was the last time you were “courted” by a lady? How did she impress you with her plans for the two of you?
What is your idea of the best man-friendly date ever? To make it challenging - little or no physical contact involved.
Ladies, get those pens ready, take plenty of notes!
Permalink | Comments (252) | Categories: Dating
Happy Holidating!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
If you survived Thanksgiving and all those well-intentioned relatives asking about your dating life, congratulations! You cleared the first holiday without sinking into a funk about your lacking love life. Being single and dateless during the holidays doesn’t have to spell doom. For all of us who are single during the holidays, here are some tips on holidating:
Mingle: You know all those e-vites that are sitting in your inbox for holiday gatherings? Open them! Even if you don’t know who you want to take, just RSVP and go! The goal should not be to score phone numbers, though. Relax, be yourself, and laugh. When you aren’t focused on the numbers game, I think you are able to enjoy the people/experience more. Trust me. I’ve had the most fun at holiday parties without a date. I played the card games, sipped on yummy drinks, and grabbed random hot guys to stand under some mistletoe! (Yes, I have been known to carry my own. Don’t judge me.)
Venture out: It’s getting cold, the days are shorter, and the single people seem to disappear! This just means you need to be more creative and go where lots of people are gathered. Ice skating rinks, sporting events, bookstores, museums, or a cozy restaurant/cafe with comfy surroundings. Relaxed people are sexy. I bet you could strike up a conversation with interesting people who share similar interests.
What are other activities single people can do during the next few weeks? Lots of days off which means plenty of leisure time! What do you plan to do for fun during the holidays?
Do single people try to avoid meeting someone new because they don’t want to get caught up in that holiday trifecta: Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s Day?
Do you ever “relax” your dating standards just so you can get a snuggle buddy for the cold, winter nights? I have to admit that the thought of having a sweetie to curl up with in front of the fire is awfully tempting!
Is it wrong to do the “expiration” dating thing just for the holiday season? How does one even pull that off?
What are the perks for being single during the holidays?
Wise Diva is co-author of the popular Misadventures in Atlanta dating blog
Permalink | Comments (281) | Categories: Holidays
Celibacy Blues
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This past Saturday, December 1, was World Aids Day. This day is important because it raises awareness and educates the world. According to the CDC: In 2007, there are over 33 million people living with AIDS, 2.5 million of that number are children under the age of 15. 2.5 million people were infected with this disease just this year, and over 2 million have already died from AIDS in 2007.
This means that AIDS is still very much an epidemic and pretending it doesn’t exist is not only deadly, it’s stupid. I was a freshman in college the day Magic Johnson announced he was HIV positive. We all got a wake-up call that day: if you chose to have sex, you were taking a risk. Are (we) single people still asking their sexual partners if they have been tested? How do you think the AIDS epidemic changed the landscape of the dating scene?
I know a lot of single people that choose to abstain/become celibate, solely because of the health risks involved. It’s not always easy to do it and sometimes it can drive you bonkers. How do you cope with your celibacy?
This entry was written to the sounds of Jill Scott’s Celibacy Blues
Permalink | Comments (284) | Categories: Current Events
