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DEL.ICIO.USNaughty or nice
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Last week Wise Diva mentioned dating during the holiday trifecta — Christmas, New Year’s and Valentine’s Day — and how some people may avoid it completely.
But what if the holidays sneak up on you and you’re already with someone who you might be…well, losing interest in. Where does that put you in the gift-buying realm?
Do you buy a present for the person you’re dating, only to break up with them after the holiday (and don’t lie — you know this happens)? Does it lessen the blow to buy the person something inexpensive and then break the bad news later? Is there a statute of limitations on how close to a holiday you should break up with someone? What if it’s the day before? The day of?
Or do you drop the bomb before the holiday to avoid having to buy a gift? Is it always better to end things as quickly as possible when dating during the holidays? Have you ever had someone give you a Christmas present when you were preparing to break up with them? What did you do?
Do you consider yourself naughty or nice when it comes to handling gifting and holiday breakups? Would your exes agree?
Permalink | Comments (203) | Post your comment | Categories: Holidays
Comments
By SlimOne
December 14, 2007 8:30 AM | Link to this
TGIF!!!
I have never broken up with someone before the holiday’s to prevent from buying a gift. Also, if i was losing interest I would still get a gift, just not that extravagant of a gift.
I have only been in one situation where I had already bought a guy a gift I was dating months before Xmas. However, during the holidays he started acting weird. So eventually we met up to give our gifts back to each other. I took it as he was too guilty to accept the jewelry that I had bought him. It was his idea not mine because I told him if i didn’t want him to have it, I wouldn’t have bought it. Later it came out that he had met another chick when I got an unexpected email from her titled “Woman to Woman”. LMAO A reminder why I’m not into Long Distance Relationships
By Beautiful
December 14, 2007 8:32 AM | Link to this
i only buy presents from the heart. all that guilty, cheap buying i refuse to do.
morning y’all!
By ImAPeach404
December 14, 2007 8:41 AM | Link to this
Good morning
Naughty, guilty.
This year I broke up with my boyfriend on Valentines day. About two weeks before, I found out he was doing things he shouldn’t… I was going to let it go immediately, but since I still cared for him (despite what he’d done) I couldn’t stand the thought of him spending Valentines day with someone else so…
I know that was real stink, but what he did was stink too!
Luckily I hadn’t bought his gift yet so I wasn’t out any change and my gift was going to be some big special dinner, but when he was like “You read to go to the grocery store?” Thats when I was like “Uh… we need to talk”.
So, I guess I was half naughty and half nice.
By 2CPTG©
December 14, 2007 8:43 AM | Link to this
Morning…..
may just be me, but if it’s over you ain’t gettin’ shyt!
By QC - leaving @ noon
December 14, 2007 8:45 AM | Link to this
Morning Bloggers!
HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY TO MY PRECIOUS, SWEET GOD-SISTER “YVONNE”
have a great weekend all!
www.blackthen.com
By AmazonRed
December 14, 2007 8:48 AM | Link to this
I’m not into gifts, really. Giving or receiving. I’d rather have your time. Let’s do something fun or have a nice dinner. I’m always surprised when guys suprise me with gifts for Valentines Day. It’s always something small, like a stuffed animal or homemade CD, but it still shocks me because I never have anything for them.
Maybe if I had a bonafide boyfriend during these times, I’d be different. But usually I’m just dating someone. I don’t expect anything in those instances.
You should never break up with someone during the holidays unless they are treating you really sh!tty.
By Lady Dark with Dimples
December 14, 2007 8:50 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everyone!!
I’ve never been in the situation of breaking up with someone over the holidays. But I would imagine that if my heart wasn’t into giving gifts that i would suggest we not exchange gifts. I get in those moods from time to time. It’s easier to focus on the meaning of the season. So I would probably suggest writing a letter, a quiet date, something that would either focus on repairing the relationship or letting the shyt hit the fan!
By Kym-Proud Steeler Nation Member since 1994
December 14, 2007 9:03 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All,
If you are giving a gift to get something in return then you are giving for the wrong reason.
If you are in a relationship and breakup with someone because you dont want to have to buy them a gift then you are warped as hell and should break up with them just to save them the aggravation down the road.
If you want to breakup with someone dont soften the blow..do it like a band-aid rip it off and keep it moving. Be it Chirstmas, birthday, Kwanzza, when the thrill is gone it is gone why look at the date on the calendar?
I give a gift because I care not because I expect something in return.
By DasV
December 14, 2007 9:03 AM | Link to this
good morning good people
this same blog topic is being used for ajc’s holiday blog, should be interesting how differently they pan out
a consolation prize never does the job its suppose to do. a breakup with or without a gift attached to it is still a breakup…. and when its time, its time.
By ImAPeach404
December 14, 2007 9:05 AM | Link to this
Lady, you just reminded me… this guy who I was dating - actually the same one from the above story - asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Homeboy didn’t have a lot and I knew that so I thought I’d take the sweet/considerate approach… “Baby, just write me a letter”.
sigh He couldn’t even do that… all I got for my birthday was some quality time. Lol. It was cool though, I was “in love” so it really didn’t bother me when he showed up w/out an envelope in hand.
By chrissy
December 14, 2007 9:10 AM | Link to this
When it comes to breaking up I believe honesty is the best no matter what season it is. If you do not want someone free them, don’t hang on because of some man made holiday. You owe it to yourself as well as the other person if you have any kind of respect for yourself or others.
By DreamsMaterialize
December 14, 2007 9:21 AM | Link to this
If you know the break-up is inevitable, then don’t prolong it. Save yourselves some gift money, as well as the extended heartache. There are exceptions though. I waited until after the holiday to break up with someone before because she didn’t have any family, and the holidays can be a difficult time to spend alone.
By SeanJohnson3000
December 14, 2007 9:24 AM | Link to this
Sup Blog…two of my long term relationships were with females born on the same day a few days before xmas..since xmas and bdays fell days apart…i always had to be creative in buying gifts.. so breaking up wasnt on my mine at the time…i really dont think dudes really break up with females between 12/24—-2/14…like everybody thinks…More than likely he is with his main chic and doesnt have the time or resources to give gifts to the 2nd or 3rd string….either that or he just isnt in to you.
By Jazzyone
December 14, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this
What up ya!..Love giving little treats and things for the Holidays! I usually get things from others but love giving more. Also do allot of donating to the kids and the Step Up Society etc for the holidays so many people in need!
This year though I’m giving a pack of condoms to someone with the steel encased ribbing…LOL…
By Darrell (of blackthen.com)
December 14, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this
Morning, all.
I don’t believe “timing” - holidays or not - should have any bearing on when a break-up occurs. A person should do whatever their conscience dictates, as long as they consider the impact on the other person. Simply put, just “do unto others…”
By 2CPTG©
December 14, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this
“If you know the break-up is inevitable, then don’t prolong it.”
yep…..”That which must be done eventually, should be done immediately”……
By ImAPeach404
December 14, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this
There are exceptions though. I waited until after the holiday to break up with someone before because she didn’t have any family, and the holidays can be a difficult time to spend alone.
Dreams, I actually think thats an acceptable reason prolong the breakup. I wouldn’t think bad of anyone who did that :)
By JustMe
December 14, 2007 9:41 AM | Link to this
Good Friday Morning Everyone!
Do you consider yourself naughty or nice when it comes to handling gifting and holiday breakups? Nice - I am a serial over gifter. I only give gifts of a quality that I would purchase for myself.
Would your exes agree? I expect they would. Last year’s JustHim was gifted a pair of Jordans. He called this year to remind me what size he wore, and also offered up his favorite colognes. I hated to be the bearer of bad news……. but he hneeded to know, because I did not want him to buy me anything in anticipation of exchanging gifts this year.
I’ve gotten “wussy” in my old age, I’d probably not cut bait around a B-Day, Holiday or other date that might be sensative to my Soon-2-B-X.
By DasV
December 14, 2007 9:43 AM | Link to this
There are exceptions though. I waited until after the holiday to break up with someone before because she didn’t have any family, and the holidays can be a difficult time to spend alone.
since when did ‘dating’ become ‘babysitting’?? i am curious, oDreamOne did you find the breakup later on to actually be easier?
By AmazonRed
December 14, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this
I agree Dreams, you still have to take into account the fact that many people aren’t good being alone during the holidays. Especially if it’s going to be a “it’s not you, it’s me” speech, you might want to consider the timing. Depression and suicides all rise during the holidays. I just think people should be more considerate during the holiday time.
I’m not one to hold my tongue or waste time, but I am one to consider other people’s feelings.
By 2CPTG©
December 14, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this
Darrell….I agree in principle, to what you’re saying, however, if you’re really thinking about the impact a break-up may have on a person, and your conscience is the guiding force, then methinks that break-up may be a drawn out process….like Kym said, sometimes you just gotta rip it off, and do like Usher and let it burn!
By Blow Me
December 14, 2007 9:51 AM | Link to this
3000Funny, but real! lol!
By chrissy
December 14, 2007 9:53 AM | Link to this
SeanJohnson Why do some men have 2nd and 3rd strings….what is up with that? What is wrong with one woman at a time.
By DreamsMaterialize
December 14, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this
ImAPeach404 Thanks. I figured it’s hard not to have family anytime of the year, but holidays just compound that feeling. No sense kicking a person when they’re down.
By kinderbabe
December 14, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this
dreams that’s a very considerate stance you took as far as waiting in on instance to break up after the holidays. it can be a rough time for some people w/depression and such when there are not a lot of family and friends around.
i’ve never broken up w/someone just b/c the holidays were approaching. however, i’ve had it done to me. maybe it’s b/c my birthday is on new year’s eve and it adds another gift giving occasion to the mix…lol.
By Staceye
December 14, 2007 10:01 AM | Link to this
**OOOOH Peach! LOL
I have as short list…just my parents and my grab bag gift. My girls and I have a grab bag party when I get home. We set the limit at $40 and each person buys a gift that anyone of us could use…one person hosts the party but each girl brings a dish or drink. Then we draw numbers to determine the order of gifting. Then our girls lil’ boy pulls the wrapped gifts from the bag and hands it to whomever is in the numeral order of receiving. At the end you can exchange if someone got something you want…the only catch is you can not leave with the gift you brought.
By Darrell (of blackthen.com)
December 14, 2007 10:01 AM | Link to this
2CPTG In raising the issue of potential “impact” on the other person, that doesn’t necessarily have to translate to a long, drawn out break-up process. In my mind, it all starts with how you’ve treated the person up to that point.
If you’ve dealt with them honestly and treated them respectfully before now, chances are, even if the break-up is somewhat abrupt, they’ll appreciate you for keeping it real with them. Break-ups that are abrupt or sudden don’t always have to be protracted.
By Alvin
December 14, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this
DasV Good morning, miss ya yesterday…
404 you did right, once you’re disrespected… (Depending on what it is or was)…you gotta make like CoCo’s hot 107.9 skit: Let Go!!!
QC I when and brought myself a new ‘Sky Blue’ cape’n’tights/w lime baby blue gators (WTH, this even a real color)…I’ll be picking you up at noon!
A gift idea for ladies with mates or boys above 12, LOL
I just pick up a INSIGNIA blue tooth mp3 player/w video for under $100.00 from Best buy…So far the player is holding it’s own against the mighty ipods under $250.00…a big PLUS, the Motorola ht820 stereo head set works with my cell phone and mp3 player…so now my ipod owning co-workers are hating on my wireless a$$!!
HEHEHEHEHEEHEH
Negative: talking with head phone on to the air, makes you look like a weirdo…I am like: Dude, I have no idea were the boom mic is!!!
Why am I hearing 1960’s Star Trek theme in my head?
By Staceye
December 14, 2007 10:05 AM | Link to this
Chrissy Why do some men have 2nd and 3rd strings….what is up with that? What is wrong with one woman at a time that would be something called right..and welll you know men never want to do that! LOL It’s one of the 7 deadly sins….GREED!
By Willie Dynamite
December 14, 2007 10:05 AM | Link to this
Morning All
I’m with the when its time it’s time crowd. Waiting until after any holiday just cause its the holiday is patronizing. One one hand it may be thoughtful but at the same time like you doing that person a favor. That to me is some Binford Azz ish (no offense just thought it fit).
3000 i really dont think dudes really break up with females between 12/24—-2/14…like everybody thinks…More than likely he is with his main chic and doesnt have the time or resources to give gifts to the 2nd or 3rd string….either that or he just isnt in to you. Simple as that. Holidays and Events are for the main chick. If you find yourself getting shunned and forgotten during certain times of the year more than likely you are not #1.
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 14, 2007 10:06 AM | Link to this
Good morning blogsville.
On the day you know its over let the other person know. Its the cool thing to do.
Jazzy if you were referring to me just give me a blow job. We can do it behind your closed doors tho so it doesn’t count for you being a ho. LOL
By Corbin
December 14, 2007 10:06 AM | Link to this
Off topic: I heard some talk about Ware County going to the State Championship game on the blog a couple of days ago … Well I hate to break the bad news to ya, but Northside H.S. ain’t havin’ it! WARner Robins, GA aka Championship City!!!
By Alvin
December 14, 2007 10:08 AM | Link to this
JustMe you be kicking out men left and right…Now come here and give me a hug..thinking to myself, Mayne these twins are soft!!! LOL
By DreamsMaterialize
December 14, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this
DasV I wouldn’t consider it babysitting, but being aware of another person’s feelings. The break-up actually was easier for her afterwards.
She never knew her dad, mother was murdered at 7, and she was raised by foster parents who cared more about the check than their kids. She pretty much had no family to speak of. I’m definitely not a fan of victim mentality/behavior, but I do care about people and how my behavior affects them. Obviously, no one else in her life ever cared about that.
AmazonRed I agree. BTW, did you catch the meteor shower?
By SeanJohnson3000
December 14, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this
@ Chrissy…its just not men with teams…females normally have two men..maybe 3…one called dyck..one called money..and maybe one that fills that emotional void and listens to her…Dont act you u have never had to hide an Xmas gift in the trunk and or sneak it in the house.
By chrissy
December 14, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this
Just break it off….RESPECT.
By JustMe
December 14, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this
Alvin I think my guy-o-meter is on the low side 1 maybe 2 a year……
Let me put my heels back on before I hug you…… I ain’t trying to have you makin triplets out of my twins.
By Angel007
December 14, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this
Morning it’s Friday..it’s Friday…it’s da end of da week…it’s da last..Heeeey!
I’m surely a nice girl. I’ve never broken up with anyone during the holidays due to me not wanting to give a gift. I’ve always been a cheerful giver, who doesn’t look for anything in return. Now that I’m reflecting on it, I’ve gotten so really awesome things Xmas, & V-day.
By Rell
December 14, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this
@truth….ok homie..ya might need to ease up a little on the ho talk….that horse is dead..why you still riding it!!!!!…lets move on!!!!…dayum….plus my sis is no HO!!!!!
By ImAPeach404
December 14, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this
why do some men have 2nd and 3rd strings….what is up with that? What is wrong with one woman at a time
Chrissy oooh, not today girl. It’s Friday…not today!
By AmazonRed
December 14, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this
Dreams - No meteor shower for me. It was raining that day. When I left work the sky looked too overcast for me to chance it.
Next time tho! :-)
By Cemeeli
December 14, 2007 10:29 AM | Link to this
Greeting n’ Salutations Everyone!
On Topic: My gift giving is from my heart…so there go cakeing the breakup.
Off Topic: The Mitchell Report, Steroid use/Peformance Inhancement, MLB investigating Roger Clemens…WOW! A lot of things are becoming uncovered/made public over this last year….a lot of stuff. I don’t know what Hilary is thinking (supporters are supporting b/c the hope of Bill’s influence) I don’t think so…
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 14, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this
Rell if thats your sis you need to tell that bytch to watch who she’s talking to. And don’t ever try to step in and check me punk azz. Before you go playing capt go read her post.
By Alvin
December 14, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this
JustMe you know how to kill a brother’s fantasy…but it is cool outside, I think head warmers are nice LOL
SeanJohnson3000 you trippin’ bruh, us some God fearing folks on this blog…no one on here kepts 2,3,4,12 stringers…we date only person at a time., LOL
What is wrong with one woman at a time
Because you are most likely setting yourself up for failure…but you can always try again..LOL
By Cemeeli
December 14, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this
Alvin thanks for the info on that Insigna! I will be looking into that gat.
JustMe…step away from the eggnog!
@ DasV - What is the best gift you think you given a SO/guyfriend? all the ladies can answer this one? I’m curious…
By DasV
December 14, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this
Dreams i’on… i personally cant stomach ‘pity’, which basically what you’re doing when you stay with someone just because of the season. with the background she had, i am sure she was a lot stronger than you took her for…. just a thought——> it wouldve been cool for you to let her know that you needed to end the relationship, but that you cared about her as a person and still wanted to hang out through the season.
see, what i suspect is you wanted to break up (knew you were going to), but did not and you still were intimate, ….. thats not only pity, you ‘used’ her and everyone commending you on your “stance” oughta be ashamed.
jmho
By DasV
December 14, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this
good morning alvin yesterdays topic wasnt my thang, so i bounced.
*did your cousin give you my message?
By SlimOne
December 14, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this
Staceye My family has a slightly different version of that gift game. We call it Dirty Santa. Everyone buys a set monetary amout gift. We then put all the gifts together, then pick numbers out a hat. The person with #1 picks any gift other than his/her own and opens in front of all. Then the person with #2 can either take #1’s gift or open a new one. The 3rd person can now take either #1’s gift or #2’s gift…so on so forth. It makes it really fun and exciting. With my family, there is no telling what kind of gift you may end up with. One year someone ended up with a Master-bation Kit and someone else a Huge bottle of MAD DOG 20/20! LMAO! (so gag gifts are fun too)
By Staceye
December 14, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this
Ared & Dreams the meteor shower should be visible tonight and tomorrow if the rain does not cause a lot of fog. Ha what am I talking about? This is GA…we don’t get rain! LOL
Rell & Truth back to your corners and take a sip of that nac and chill out! It’s Friday….HEYYYYYYYY!
By itsmorenamorena
December 14, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this
Feliz Friday to you all
Happy Birthday to all my fellow Sagittarians :)
On topic: If we’re done, you gets none.
As for time spent, the last few years I have been single during the holidays, so I was always with family and friends, here or at home in LA. Never had a breakup during the holidays. I enjoy giving gifts, and can’t say I ever expect to receive anything. But I’m pleasantly surprised when I do!
By chrissy
December 14, 2007 10:49 AM | Link to this
seanjohnson3000 I have never had to hide a gift in the trunk or sneak it in the house in my 28 years of life. (1) I would not be living with someone i am not married to and i would not treat my husband that way if i had one…he may never find out but God sees and you know were adulturers are going. (2) I really strive to treat others the way I would want to be treated….I don’t care if every woman in Atlanta had men on the side, it doesn’t mean i have to do the same or will.
By chrissy
December 14, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this
staceye LOL
By SlimOne
December 14, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this
Alvin Because you are most likely setting yourself up for failure…but you can always try again..LOL
Why did i get the visual of you trying to look in every girl you meets granny panties just to see if you were a winner. Sorry Please Play Again! lmao
By Alvin
December 14, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this
Cemeeli Morning sis, you are late…now you and slim go and get us some popcorn
*Now holding sign which reads:
Def Jam Streets vol.5: Corporate Thugz
only for PS3
By Cemeeli
December 14, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this
Slim I’ve been made to know that my dept here at work will be doing Dirty Santa this year. Is it fun? At first i was like WTH??? Then i don’t want to be a non-participant again…
By Willie Dynamite
December 14, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this
5,4,3,2, Who got the popcorn?
Off Topic- That Mitchell report was serious. Wonder how they gon handle that. Can’t just go after Bonds now. We’ll see if Clemens/Pettite gets the same anger from the folks as Bonds. I doubt it.
On Topic- Gift giving is just that, giving. If you give only to receive then you are setting yourself up for failure. I’d be shocked if someone today actually said they broke-up with someone to keep from buying a gift.
Das I’m Cosigning your reply to Drreams. I think on the surface it was thoughtful. But really really really patronizing. Thats some bullshyt. I think you hit the nail on the head(no pun) with the ‘I know you’ve had a rough life and no one ever cared about you. Ima do you a favor and kick it with you through the holidays’. My .02
By Rell
December 14, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this
LOL, staceye…lady i am cool…i am just wondering if homie is santa with all the ho ho ho he has going on..and if he is santa that brother owes me one green machine…lol
no more blog battles for me….told you i am the smoothie king from now on….freshly squeezed
By Staceye
December 14, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this
Slim I got a bottle of Hennessey last year..so I feel ya. I am thinking of a dirty gift this year….maybe somethign that vibrates! LOL
Chrissy I cosign your 10:49 post girl. I too am against shacking up and the side man thing. If I am not ready to be with one man…then I should not be married.
By binford
December 14, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this
Today I was just hoping to sit on the sidelines - yet still I get bashed.
So wrong!
Shame on you Willie Dynamite
By melo
December 14, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this
Why do some men have 2nd and 3rd strings….what is up with that? What is wrong with one woman Chrissy Supply and demand, the simple laws of economic apply as far as that is concerned.Men are rational investors, not emotional.They hedge their bets too by dating more than one.Hey, why put valuable resources to waste simply becoz the numbers are eschewed way too much in ladies favor. Good morning Blog
By JustMe
December 14, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this
Alvin My bad boo, I didn’t know your ears were cold……… c’mere put your head down here where it’s really warm
Cemeeli It’s Friday and past noon somewhere on this green earth. I’m nogging until 11 PM Sunday!
As far as gifting goes, I think JustMe is more precious than anything I could ever purchase :-)
By 2CPTG©
December 14, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this
Willie D, those are my sentiments as well; that’s why I was askin Darrell, to elaborate a lil more on his first post….if you’re breaking up with a person, who gives a damn how they’ll take it! really! Unless they’ve committed an egregious act, which would call for immediate dismissal, then that break-up was a proces within itself…..meaning, you’ve tried to work it out, to no avail, so now parting ways is the thing to do……
By Cemeeli
December 14, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this
….Dang! why I always gotta be the errand gurl?
…getting a big ole tin of cheese, carmel and butter popcorn…* Drinks???…naw forget that nobody has given me any money…so we’re having water.
By Lady Dark with Dimples
December 14, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this
Dreams I think you did a good thing because you were trying to be thoughtful. What people are forgetting is that if you care about people it’s not always about what you want and when you want it. You don’t ALWAYS have to act the minute you decide something…there are ALWAYS other considerations. Sometimes, it may be that you do’t want to add to that person’s drama. Whether you broke up with them today or next month doesn’t change the outcome, but it could have a lasting impact on that person. Suicide rates go up over the holidays more than any other time of the year. The fact that someone wants to be considerate enough to put someone before themselves is the essence of compassionate.
By BLAT
December 14, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this
Sup, Blog!
Dayum, Pasta Truth!!! the Poobah thinks you might need to check the congregation…. We apparently are hearing loud testimony from some members of the First Church of the Holy and Untouched Pudding infiltratin your masses. That’d be Staceye, Chrissy, Jazzy, the Trinity of Pious Itches. LMAO
And let’s not forget their official Eunich, Rell.
By Beautiful
December 14, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this
melo ok, so when y’all off doin’ the damn thang with all these females, don’ start crying like a lil biatch when 1) she beat yo azz 2) you come home from work and yo shyt is gone 3) she moves far away and takes your child with her 4) you come out the house, shut the door, take the keys out your pocket and look up to see yo car is jacked the pluck up, etc. lmao.
By Willie Dynamite
December 14, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this
Binford no offense Mayne. I was just using the phrase how Websters would want it used. It is part of the lexicon now. Right. Anyway jump on in with the topic. I’m sure you have a interesting take on the holiday gift giving relationship breakup matter. I am also sure that you will reinforce what Binford means. J/K bruh.
By Darrell (of blackthen.com)
December 14, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this
2CPTG “….if you’re breaking up with a person, who gives a damn how they’ll take it!”
I do.
By SlimOne
December 14, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this
Cemeeli I’ve never played it at work but I’ve always had a great time playing especially when folks come and take your gift because it’s a good one..next thing you know, you’ve gone from a bottle of Goose to a travel size Etch-a-Sketch or something equally as bad. LMAO!
Staceye I can’t say I’d give away a bottle of Henny. That would have to be a gift to myself from myself.
By 2CPTG©
December 14, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this
y’all killin’ me……
son, I’mma beat yo azz for messin up in school………next week though, since it’s the holidays……..whatever!
By Cemeeli
December 14, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this
Hi LadyD good to read ya…speaking of essence how is it going with you and fiany? It’s Christmas I’m single and want to hear about positive/productive relationships…
By Belinda
December 14, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this
if you’re breaking up with a person, who gives a damn how they’ll take it!. You sound like quite a catch. So, when was the last time you had a healthy and loving relationship? Did you end things with the same amount of respect you expressed in this sentiment?
By DasV
December 14, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this
CEEmee handin you some funds for the drinks
stupidest gift: another girl
most thoughtful: flew his momma in from island
most expensive: coldplay tickets in NYC
By Lady Dark with Dimples
December 14, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this
if you’re breaking up with a person, who gives a damn how they’ll take it!
Just because you’re breaking up with someone doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care about how they feel. It just means that you’ve decided that there isn’t going to be forever after with this person in a romantic sense.
By Angel007
December 14, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this
Beautiful girl you a fool I needed that laugh. Truth be told people don’t think of the consquences of their actions. Goes to show that character of lots of people. Nobody says that you have to break-up on pens and needles. Men/women love many different ways and each person surely is entitled to handle the situation the way they feel best. Just know that you can be the cause of something extreme all because you had a don’t give-a-fugg, imma do me attitude.
By DasV
December 14, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this
Lady postponing the inevitable is drama… not shooting straight and laying things on the line, ie telling the truth.
you cant be serious with basically saying you would prefer someone keep having sex with you and at the same time x-ing of the days on the calendar till they breakup with you??
and if someone is going to consider suicide just because of a breakup, then the relationship is the least of their problems…..
By Rell
December 14, 2007 11:35 AM | Link to this
@blat, and this is coming from the man that is 7months pregnant with truths baby…..so you know that you get the side eye from me…..plus i cant really understand what you typed with truths dyck in your hands….so please homo back da fluck up
By Alvin
December 14, 2007 11:35 AM | Link to this
DasV No he did right…I date a girl like, I broke up with her after her birthday…and to this day she thanks me…what I say old have issue and no family to speak of…wow, I and lucky to have a mother, sis, bro, and mini me.
JustMe LOL, you made my day…remember on 5’10 and up, I only do standing O’s…LOL heheheheheheh..hahahahaha.
I will hit you all up later
By 2CPTG©
December 14, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this
Lady Dark, and Belinda, you’re taking it out of context…..no, you don’t say, “get the hell out, or B get to steppin”….not at all….but when it’s over, it’s over, point blank!!!! Shyt, for all of y’all out there receiving support from an ex hubby, do you give a damn how he’s going to pay you that exorbitant alimony/child support? hell no!
By binford
December 14, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this
Willie
Surveying the blog around me
Nope, I still got nothing. Nothing to add to the legend (or lexicon) today - oh no sir re bob!
By Lady Dark with Dimples
December 14, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this
DasV There are a couple assumptions in your post…Oftentimes at the end of a relationship people ain’t hitting on nothing…Also, I wasn’t referring to the breakup that would cause a suicide, but statistically speaking suicides are higher because of depression and loneliness over the holidays. If you know that someone is having a hard time around the holidays (based on Dream’s example) and you prefer to have that conversation another time then I just don’t view it as self-serving behavior.
not shooting straight and laying things on the line, ie telling the truth
Where did he lie? Dream’s post didn’t insinuate that the conversation happened months later (unless I missed it) or that he was telling her how much he loved her in the meantime and can see them raising kids together.
When someone finally does approach you with ending the relationship…you have no idea how long they been contemplating doing it!
By Lady Dark with Dimples
December 14, 2007 11:48 AM | Link to this
Cemeeli Hey girl! Me and SO are doing well praise God! Knock on Wood! Pick up a Penny!
Counseling is good and the pastor wanted to cut us loose after this Monday, but I was like oh NO I’m addicted to counseling now…is that crazy? But we’re learning so much on what it means to be married, how to communicate, even how to be considerate….
But we’re planning on going to the National Black Ski summit in January. Weren’t you thinking about going at one point????
By Staceye
December 14, 2007 11:49 AM | Link to this
Binford I still luv ya boo! LOL
Dreams I agree…I think it was good that you waited ubtil after the holidays. They always symbolize family and if they have no one that could bring a serious depression. Kudos for you.
Blat you know I am far from Pius…I just have certain things I believe in. If you standing for nothing…you will fall for everything!
Beautiful I am picturing that chick jacking up Melo’s shyt! LOL he never saw Fatal Attraction.
Slim I too have given myself the to Staceye from Stacey gift! LOL Let’s just say that bottle never made it back to ATL….thanks mami! LOL Everynight I came home…that bottle got a lil’ lower. Then the last shot I let it sit…and as soon as I walked in she goes, “either you drink it or I will…no need in letting it stew”! LOL
Das the suicide would not be because of the break up…the break up would be the straw that breaks the camel’s back….so to speak.
By 2CPTG©
December 14, 2007 11:49 AM | Link to this
some of these comments are proof positive that folks like to be lied to!
if a guy or gal ain’t feelin it no more wouldn’t you want them to be forthright with you?
By AmazonRed
December 14, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this
Wow, the men on here really do seem to be more catty than the women. Geez. What’s with all the beef?
By abc
December 14, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this
Regarding 2CPTG’s post about ‘who gives a damn how they’ll take it’: I think he has a valid point.
Nobody is responsible for another person’s reactions. Especially if one has dealt fairly with another, the reaction to any situation, regardless of impetus, is the sole responsibility of the bearer, regardless who or what brought on the situation.
That’s not to say one shouldn’t bear responsibility for one’s own actions; it is to say that one needn’t necessarily bear responsibility for another’s reactions to one’s actions.
Maybe it’s too fine a hair to split.
By chrissy
December 14, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this
melo if a man wants to date several women at one time that is fine…as long as he is willing to tell each woman that he is “rationally investing” in her and a couple of other investments to see which one brings the most satisfying return. Most men will not be honest, but play the deceitful role and make each woman feel like she is the only one….thats what i have the problem with.
staceye the shacking is not cool. I really believe that is one of the causes of broken homes and children not growing up with the benefit of both parents in the home. If he/she won’t marry you then you should not let them live with you.
By BLAT
December 14, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this
Rell, and if don’t? Who’s gonna stop me? You’re lil punk, neutered, garden-tool sistah defendin azz? Puh-leez, Bych. U ain’t s#!t.
And since you’re such a fuggin simp that u gotta go right to the f* angle to drop a lil zinger or two, leave the insults to your hoe bag sister. She’s obviously the brains in your family.
By Beautiful
December 14, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this
Angel007 lmao. coming from experience, females take these types of things harder. so to me, whateva happens after you pluck up is yo fault.
By DasV
December 14, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this
Lady are you serious?! you dayum well know when someone is contemplating breaking up wit you… i quote you Oftentimes at the end of a relationship people ain’t hitting on nothing… what is that exactly?? i will tell you what that is: thats someone fenda breakup wit yo arshe, thats what that is.
and since you dont know,imma tell you where the lie is: its in going through the motions of being in a relationship with the breakup AND a date in mind (sometime after the season) that is a LIE. and there is no disputing that.
Alvin we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one too, bruh.
By DreamsMaterialize
December 14, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this
DasV “pity” is synonymous with compassion and sympathy. Not sure why that’s difficult to stomach. I think you may have a problem stomaching CONTEMPTUOUS pity. If that’s that case, then I can’t stomach that either. We broke up shortly after New Years, so there was no prolonged period where I was “using” her for intimacy. I stand on more solid principles than that. It’s always easy for people with things to say how people without those things should act/react. I just tried to do what I thought was right…my intentions were honest.
By Lady Dark with Dimples
December 14, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this
Let me ask this question before I go to my noon meeting:
Where is the LIE?
Unless you woke up Christmas morning asking me if I still wanted to be in this relationship I didn’t lie to you. I’m going to let you know it’s over if that’s how I feel. It may be the next day or next week. Even if it’s not about a breakup…some other heart-tugging news…people typically consider if this is the best time to tell them the bad news. They know they have to be told eventually…the question is the timing. It’s difficult only because you still care and respect that person. If you didn’t…easy decision.
By Rell
December 14, 2007 11:59 AM | Link to this
Something for the weekend…for all my folks looking for that spark
Our desire for another person almost always involves social considera¬ tions: we are attracted to those who are attractive to other people. We want to possess them and steal them away. You can believe all the sentimental nonsense you want to about desire, but in the end, much of it has to do with vanity and greed. Do not whine and moralize about people’s selfish¬ ness, but simply use it to your advantage. The illusion that you are desired by others will make you more attractive to your victims than your beautiful face or your perfect body. And the most effective way to create that illusion is to create a triangle: impose another person between you and your victim, and subtly make your victim aware of how much this other person wants you. The third point on the triangle does not have to be just one person: surround yourself with admirers, reveal your past conquests—in other words, envelop yourself in an aura of desirability. Make your targets com¬ pete with your past and your present. They will long to possess you all to themselves, giving you great power for as long as you elude their grasp. Fail to make yourself an object of desire right from the start, and you will end up the sorry slave to the whims of your lovers—they will abandon you the moment they lose interest.
[A person] will desire any object so long as he is convinced that it is desired by another person whom he admires.
By DasV
December 14, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this
Eye the suicide would not be because of the break up…the break up would be the straw that breaks the camel’s back….so to speak. if a relationship breaks the camel’s back, the camel was lame to begin wit and he’s back was gonna break regardless. (trust - i am in no way condoning that you disrespect someone when you end things)
By Belinda
December 14, 2007 12:02 PM | Link to this
Just because people want someone (who probably claimed to have cared for them) to treat them with dignity and respect does not mean they want to be lied to.
By Jazzyone
December 14, 2007 12:02 PM | Link to this
Thanks Rell I think the entire world can see that this ole dude is sexing and ain’t protecting and thats the most dangerous thing in the world and if BLAT wants to cosign its cool…call me what you want it doesn’t matter and its humor to me cause the important issue has already been stated…LOL
By Chink
December 14, 2007 12:02 PM | Link to this
2CPT
Yes but that means communicating ….if you not communicating that I aint feeling you then all of a “sudden” on 12/24 you want to break up …thats crude.
If we been having our issues and we both have addressed it and on 12/24 we peacefully break up…thats fine.
I think a lot of factors play into this such as time in the relationship and what we have together.
Sometimes saying I aint feeling u no more when ya’ll both live in the same house isn’t that “simple”.
Don’t lie to me but don’t treat me like crap either……unless I am in denial/psycho then you might have to be rude and kick my a** out.
By Cemeeli
December 14, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this
LadyD I AM of course still trying to come up with a “plan of action” (in other words extra $$$) for the trip. I want to go really bad. BOy that would be the bomb winter vacation plus the fact that i have never skiied a day in my life.
If i would slow down and STOP shopping for Christmas (i’m on some mo’ stuff this year buying $100+ gift for folk). Then i could go!
My younger cousin called me yesturday to ask if i want to purchase his almost new PSP for my son. And i know i’m going to get it b/c he (cuz) wants to shop w/money and my son has been eyeballing it since lastyear. Me being a gadget-geek…i want to get a hand on one too. SEE I have a problem. getting of my box
Glad to hear you and yours are doing well ;-)! …addicted to the counseling…I see you’re on some mo’ stuff too…Lol!
By Rell
December 14, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this
Desirability is a social illu¬ sion. Its source is less what you say or do, or any kind of boasting or selfadvertisement, than the sense that other people desire you. To turn your targets’ interest into something deeper, into desire, you must make them see you as a person whom others cherish and covet. Desire is both imitative (we like what others like) and competitive (we want to take away from oth¬ ers what they have). As children, we wanted to monopolize the attention of a parent, to draw it away from other siblings. This sense of rivalry pervades human desire, repeating throughout our lives. Make people compete for your attention, make them see you as sought after by everyone else. The aura of desirability will envelop you
By 2CPTG©
December 14, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this
Lady Dark….c’mon sis……it’s difficult if you still care and respect that person? No! if you respect that person you tell them the damn truth! witholding the truth is just as bad as not telling it!
If you ask your SO how he feels about a certain thing, and he doesn’t answer, or says, “I’ll give you my answer some other time”…..is he being considerate?
By Rell
December 14, 2007 12:14 PM | Link to this
Symbol: The Trophy. What makes you want to win the trophy, and to see it as something worth having, is the sight of the other competitors. Some, out of a spirit of kindness, may want to reward everyone for trying, but the Trophy then loses its value. It must represent not only your victory but everyone else’s defeat.
By melo
December 14, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this
Staceye i dont normaly watch movies unless its documentaries or good reality shows. I dont like illusions. Beautiful&Chrissy i was talking about dating and not when married.Even at that, im only pulling ur legs ladies, just to keep it light. Dont get so hang up on my comments and allow that to cause a relapse on ur part due to the shyt ur man pulled on ya’all. I dont wanna spoil ur fridays, so chill..okaaaaay!
By Willie Dynamite
December 14, 2007 12:28 PM | Link to this
Hindsight is 20/20. Easy to say you are being thoughtful and all that. My question is after the fact if you knew someone was gonna break up with you how would you feel if it was prolonged just because of a holiday? I think some of yall took 2C out of context with the mean part. He was basically saying come clean. Some are more blunt than others. Some beat around the bush. however you want to deal with it the most important thing is dealing with it.
By Rell
December 14, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this
Everyone wears a mask in society; we pretend to be more sure of our¬ selves than we are. We do not want other people to glimpse that doubting self within us. In truth, our egos and personalities are much more fragile than they appear to be; they cover up feelings of confusion and emptiness. As a seducer, you must never mistake a person’s appearance for the reality. People are always susceptible to being seduced, because in fact everyone lacks a sense of completeness, feels something missing deep in¬ side. Bring their doubts and anxieties to the surface and they can be led and lured to follow you. No one can see you as someone to follow or fall in love with unless they first reflect on themselves somehow, and on what they are missing
By chrissy
December 14, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this
melo Ok….I’m chilling. Happy Friday!
By Staceye
December 14, 2007 12:34 PM | Link to this
Chrissy I agree…if I can have a baby with you….or buy a house with you…then why can’t I marry you? That would be putting the cart before the horse. Th