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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > December > 03 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USCelibacy Blues
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This past Saturday, December 1, was World Aids Day. This day is important because it raises awareness and educates the world. According to the CDC: In 2007, there are over 33 million people living with AIDS, 2.5 million of that number are children under the age of 15. 2.5 million people were infected with this disease just this year, and over 2 million have already died from AIDS in 2007.
This means that AIDS is still very much an epidemic and pretending it doesn’t exist is not only deadly, it’s stupid. I was a freshman in college the day Magic Johnson announced he was HIV positive. We all got a wake-up call that day: if you chose to have sex, you were taking a risk. Are (we) single people still asking their sexual partners if they have been tested? How do you think the AIDS epidemic changed the landscape of the dating scene?
I know a lot of single people that choose to abstain/become celibate, solely because of the health risks involved. It’s not always easy to do it and sometimes it can drive you bonkers. How do you cope with your celibacy?
This entry was written to the sounds of Jill Scott’s Celibacy Blues
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Comments
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 8:05 AM | Link to this
Morning, Happy Monday!!!!
Diva driving me beyond bonkers…But I am surviving…lol…I am so ready to hit the streets after Wed…I am going to maintain not to settle though…If I could just take the emotional side of sex out…Wow …Some womaen can do it without blinking I think…lol
By Beautiful
December 3, 2007 8:37 AM | Link to this
i’m currently not getting any because i refuse to give it away to a man who isn’t mine. when i find a man we will go get tested together (exclusive/committed relationship). if he isn’t feelin’ the togetherness on this issue, i’m moving on. in the past, my sex partner took a hiv test every six months like i did. i worried more about getting Chlamydia, etc. but i’m sure the condom took care of that.
hope every1 had a good weekend.
By Beautiful
December 3, 2007 8:39 AM | Link to this
hey lady j!
By kinderbabe
December 3, 2007 8:40 AM | Link to this
hey ladyj:) hang in there girl:) don’t be fooled. nobody out there is having emotionless sex. those folks talk a good game but only they know how they really feel in those quiet moments when they aren’t runnin’ their mouths, convincing themselves that it’s “all good”….whateva! lol the right person will come along for you to share yourself with. stay strong.:)
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 8:45 AM | Link to this
Hey Beautiful and may I add SOMEBOBY ELSES GUY!!! LOLOL
By Dan
December 3, 2007 8:48 AM | Link to this
Right On Diva!
Everytime you lay down to have intercourse with a stranger you take a risk. Of course, there are precautions such as condoms, etc. But you still have the risk.
I could be banal and write all about the risk you take stepping out the door, or the risk you take eating and not caring for your self. I could, but I won’t.
Picking a sexual partner is more than the physical issues we so often talk about here. You have to take into account one’s emotional and mental makeup as well. If this person cares for their mental, spiritual and emotional growth, chance are they are concerned with thier health as well.
Complicated issue. Long post. My two cents.
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 8:53 AM | Link to this
haey kb!!! 3 more 3wks babe!!!! LOL I will!!! I will see what new coping skills I can come up with when I return home…It was easy to do cause I was at mama’s since Oct 21st and of course no haky panky going on there and my child and necies and nephew kept my mind of it!!! Now back to regular routine soon and I hope the CELL PHONE DEVIL don’t make me call or answer just for the moment…LOL
By MzLadyDiamond
December 3, 2007 9:02 AM | Link to this
Good Morning all
Aside from abstaining from sex there really isn’t anything out there that is 100% safe. I always ask a potential partner when there last AIDS test and the result. It really is a way to see how important being safe is, well at least if it even crossed their mind to have a test. If I am really considering going down that road with them, we get tested together. I agree with Dan, if a person cares for their mental, spiritual and emotional growth, chances are they are concerned with thier health.
Back to lurking…
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this
Though I am not celebate, I do abstain during the in between periods when I am not seeing anyone. It’s never “just sex” for me, but an emotional and spiritual committment.
What I do find odd is that many guys I have dated don’t bring up the “let’s talk about sex” talk before they are willing to go there with me. I guess knowing that they are going to wrap it up is a good enough preventative measure. However, I’m going to need to know when your last HIV and STD test was as well as the results! I’m going need to know you’re not having sex with anyone else - female OR male!
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this
One last thing, have you guys heard the radio commercials stating that almost 1 in 2 blacks are infected with genital herpes? That’s a staggering statistic.
By Dan
December 3, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this
I agree that the “sex and test” talk is often omitted in trysts, and when the conversation does arise it’s usually by a woman (and usually well after she and the man have….).
But I relate back to the growth equation, I need to know you understand credit, I need to know you get that the world isn’t just what you read in the paper, and I darn sho need to know your nasty a**e has had a test for every transmitted disease up to and including monkey flu or whatever.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this
Did this fool Dan just say monkey flu??? Too dayum funny!
By binford
December 3, 2007 9:28 AM | Link to this
God, I’m not getting the babes as it is and I’m clean a s whistle! What would happen if a were a dirty bird (Ron Mexico anyone)?
That’s a question I don’t need answered.
AR Thanks for sharing that you are NOT celibate - you’ve ruined my day!
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this
I know it’s still early but it’s kinda *crickets * in here. LOL. Maybe the celibacy topic is foreign to many…or maybe folks are still uncomfortable talking about these types of things still…
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 9:32 AM | Link to this
Morning
It’s no secret that our society is oversexed. We are constantly bombarded with sexual images, content, songs, tv shows etc. I’m so tired of the whole I’d rather get to know your CT then get to know you crap. I see why so many women are now turning to celibacy or adult toys for pleasure. No mo humping around for Slim until I meet a guy that’s interested to getting to find out more about what’s between my left and right ear than just my right and left leg.
WOOSAH!
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this
LOL @ Binford…I have a thing about the word “celibate”…monks are celibate. LOL. I chose to use the word “abstain” which is what I’m doing by choice right now. :-)
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 9:42 AM | Link to this
I second that Slim! I invested in a ‘very good and expensive’ toy for in the mean time :-)…I haven’t given up the possibility so I have to just be patient until the right one that deserves it comes along…I am finding that the old ones still digress so age isn’t even helping the issue but I know he is out there for me!
By li'demi
December 3, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this
In 2007, there are over 33 million people living with AIDS
That ain’t ish, according to same stats…Black americans make up 15% of the Dayum total!!
we make up 65% or the prison pop…70% of welfare…65% of AIDS’n’other disease cases…75% of high school drop outs…55% of unemployment…70% of kids headed by single parent house holds…75% of yearly murder’n’rape cases..45% of missing men and women…and most likely to die before the age of 55…All out of a population of 13 or 17 million peeps.
I smell some Bull Ish…Next: High risk for cancer.
Dont get me wrong…I know we do some very very risky things…But I’ve been around to many white folks to know something isn’t adding up!!!
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this
Hey Good People: Interesting topic for discussion today. Some very good coomments posted as well.
I made my decisions to utilize celibacy/abstinence as a means of protecting my best interest back in 1991. I met Dazon Dixon-Diallo (who was in the initial phase of beginning her international AIDS outreach program for women of the African diaspora) in 1989; she hipped me up to the Strecker Memorandum. And armed with the information in this vital document, I realized that reducing high risk encounters was not viable solution, it became necessary to eliminate high risk behaviors (the AIDs virus is smaller than the smallest pore of a condom). Period.
Add to that , the 30 or so friends, aquaintances, and others that I watched die from this dreadful disease. Enough was enough. I learned that the life you save may be your own. No amount of gratification is worth the risk.
And the other thing that really made me re-evaluate why I chose to be intimate with someone or not was the fact that in reality no one was really sharing the with me in the personal concerns to maintain my own best interest( a 30 foot, 2 story fall and six months in a cast; my finally going back to school to complete my degree, or my day-to-day survival). Not one person who wanted to share sexual intimacy with me, also wanted to share in these concerns. Mmmm-okay, Not! I may not be getting out of this life alive, but I will bye dayuuuummmm if I am going to die just from getting off.
FYI this site is very informative. It breaks down HIV/AIDs statistic by race, ethnicity, age, gender by state and overall. There are approximately 11 states where African-American make up more than 50% of the HIV/AIDS cases (MI, VA, NC, SC, GA, AL, LA, TN, DE, MD and DC).
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparecat.jsp?cat=11
By binford
December 3, 2007 9:54 AM | Link to this
AR If you met me, you would choose to keep with that abstain thing ;p
Actually, I’ve had a bunch of dates lately, but it’s a slow pack of horses and not a one is taking the lead. Collectively though, the field has left me BROKE!
By T-Mango
December 3, 2007 9:57 AM | Link to this
How do you think the AIDS epidemic changed the landscape of the dating scene?
I don’t think it has…I think the large percentages of people infected speak for themselves. If people were frightened by the presence of HIV/AIDS I think the percentages of infections would be lower because they’d take more precautions. Moreover, folks would not be afraid to talk about it (especially in church). Not talking about it doesn’t make the problem go away.
Heterosexual Black women and teenagers are among the highest groups affected by the disease. Still, too many of us refuse to get tested because “we don’t want to know.” Or, others choose to play Russian Roulette by engaging in risky behaviors when they know it increases the possibility of infection. For example, at the shelter that I volunteer with you can look at the security cameras and see transvestite prostitutes interacting men who drive up the street solicting their services. Most of the men that I have seen solicting these prostitutes have been nice looking, clean-cut professional looking men. The kind you’d probably try to step to if you saw them in public. So what happens? After services are received some of them probably go home to the girlfriend or wife that they proclaim to love and/or be committed to like they did nothing. Or, they stand in the pulpit on Sunday and tell you how you should live your life…
Be selective, be safe and wrap it up!
Disclaimer: The views expressed…
By SlimDiva
December 3, 2007 9:58 AM | Link to this
Good morning All! Good comments! Deciding to become celibate after Mr. Navyman’s and my departure was one of the best decisions I could have made.
A lot of pepole can’t understand how I can date and remain celibate. It’s a life-making decision. As others have stated, until I meet the man who is right for me and we both have been tested at least twice and obtain negative results, I will NOT be sexual active. Again, as others have stated, for me, sex has an emotional and spiritual connection, in additional to a physical one. Every time we give our bodies to someone we’re giving them a piece of our spirit and we’re gaining a piece of their spirit. We don’t need everyone’s spirit within us.
I must admit that it’s extremely hard, but I’m sticking with my decision to abstain. Our bodies are temples…only we can protect it.
By Beautiful
December 3, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this
binford when u least expect it … …
By itsmorenamorena
December 3, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this
Buenas Dias Wise Diva y tod@s…
Happy Birthday to my fellow Sagittarians!! I’m on the countdown to Thursday when the party begins nonstop through the end of the month LOL
Timely topic, indeed. One, my annual HIV test is next week. Two, yes, I ask potentials about their HIV/STD status and history. That’s a conversation that comes up pretty early on. Three, I haven’t had sex in nearly a year, and I won’t again until I’m in that committed, monogamous relationship I so desire. My toys keep me feeling good, but nothing replaces a man. But when the brotha says being with me gets in the way of him being a man of God (i.e., abstaining until marriage), what can I do?
Next….
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this
lol binford…
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this
M’Karyl, Dazon is very on point and informative…I graduated from Spelman with her in my class and she was on point then. Man, that was 1985! It is so not worth it…my most recent Ex, part of the reason we broke up was the risk he wanted to take with sex and I loved myself quit a bit more than to put myself in a questionable situation.
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 10:10 AM | Link to this
Amen SlimDiva! My Ex was retired Navy too.
By binford
December 3, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this
Beautiful I bought that line in my 20’s and until about 32 - that’s just not the case.
That’s OK though; as it’s better to not go through the rash of divorces people I know are going through now.
Btw, I am delibrately off-topic today because this topic is WAY TOO DEEP/DEPRESSING for a Monday. Buzzkill City! This topic should have been a Wednesday or Thursday topic.
By Cammi
December 3, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this
2 years, 2 months, 1 week , 1 day and counting. It’s hard waiting for Mr. Right….
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 10:13 AM | Link to this
(sp) quit -> quite my bad…
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this
I must admit that it’s extremely hard, but I’m sticking with my decision to abstain. Our bodies are temples…only we can protect it. Great Point SlimDiva!!!
Now J is ready to ready to some realistic coping skills that work from those of you who have sustain under preasure…J
By abc
December 3, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this
Sexuality without desire for real intimacy is just bonking like a couple of dogs. Intimacy is the goal. If that’s not what you’re after, keep your pants on — sooner or later you’ll meet the one that you do want real intimacy with, and all the clowns you bonked will only make it more difficult to achieve. There’s only one reason I know; takes one to know one.
By SexyCool
December 3, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this
the big disease with the little name changed how I dated…period…that whole ijuswannafeelyou line means nothing to me…in fact, it’s a turn off…
celibacy…been there, done that, got the t-shirt…self love made it easier to deal with…’nuff said…
By 2CPTG©
December 3, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this
Morning y’all….
no blues here….but to alleviate the pressure, or backed up pipes, occupy your mind with something other than sex; and if it gets to be too much…..masturbate!
Though I’m no Dawg fan, I am ticked LSU jumped over them in the BCS polls….that’s some straight bullshyt!
By SexyLeggs
December 3, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this
Good morning everyone.
Thanks * itsmorenamorena*
I’ve chosen to abstain solely due to my divorce and respect for my daughter. I had to get right w/SELF before allowing anyone to come into my life. I love who I am and will have to rely on some toys for the time being…LOL
By binford
December 3, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this
abc
Sometimes, even with someone you care about, all sex is is just pleasure. For some reason people seem to be conditioned it must have the most paramount meaning behind it every time. Poppycock I say!
And while you’d hope you had those times of true intimacy - other times it is NO different than the dogs that boink and howwwlllllll.
So then why is it so wrong to act on that then?
By Beautiful
December 3, 2007 10:22 AM | Link to this
Cammi i went 3 yrs before. it was easy for me to do at that time. when my ex came along, i wore him out. lol.
hopefully it won’t be that long this time.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this
PurpleOne
Yes, she is truly on point. I credit her with giving me the most essential and valuable information that I needed at that time in my life. It helped me going forward to know why I needed to changed lifestyle behaviors. I had questions, but I did not have answers. Her presence in my life was divine.
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this
meant read…
By Ha
December 3, 2007 10:26 AM | Link to this
I’d rather be celibate and safe, than active and infected (or risking it)!!! No celibacy blues here!!!
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 10:29 AM | Link to this
teachers out there it is teacher appreciation night @ the arena wed the 19th when the heat play the hawks…just sharing the flyer I am reading…J Of course it is a discount but the tix are already afforable…no pun intended…J
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this
Binford, I hear you on the issue of sex for pleasure but if I want to ‘use’ someone, I want to ‘use’ the person I love and have a commitment with. Of course it is even more ‘fun’ when it is with someone you care about, you can really let go! There is a time for true intimacy and other times, you just want to ‘hit it’…all with the same person.
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this
good point sexyleggs…
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 3, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this
Good morning blogsville.
On topic: Ok, here we go with tmi. I’ve had gonorrhea 3 times, chlamydia once, crabs once, and to many uti’s to count. Still i consider myself lucky. I was out sexing when aids was for gays (early 80’s) and just a rumor and I’d never heard of herpes. I was young, stupid, with testosterone flowing like the niagara and enjoying my freedom ( in the army). I wasn’t turning down jack and paid accordingly. Even if I wore a condom initially it was coming off as soon as possible. I was a crack fiend.
Luckily I learned my lesson, for the most part. I always got treated within a few days but that doesn’t mean I never had it. I still love it but now this ish has me scared straight. I know what comes from it.
I question cats that say they been with alot of chicks and never been burnt. Even with condoms its risky so maybe folks are fudging their numbers. My boy, who still knocks off alot of chicks, and I talk and he tells me how it goes down. I could never do it like him. Sex is full contact for me. If I cant do what I want I’d rather beat off.
This is the cruelest ish I’ve seen. I now have the convo, the place, the mindset to knock it off in droves and I’m scared to pull the trigger. This is booolshyt. LMAO
Binford I’m lmao at your posts. I’m emailing you the mlb manual for dating dude.
Hello to my good friends, at least those that will still talk to me and don’t think I have the cooties. LMAO
While I don’t abstain I’m not getting down unless I know whats going on. Dam I miss my ex now. Ain’t nothing like some good ol home booty.
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this
Hey Truth! I laughed out loud thinking about your Redan Middle school comment yesterday!!! LOL
By abc
December 3, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this
binford, because it’s so much less that way. It may seem to some that it’s all there is to it, but it’s not all there is to it. Every person that one is sexually active with leaves an impression, like an imprint. None of those have a positive effect. When you find the right one, then, you have all that history to overcome before real intimacy with them can be gained. It’s not worth it. For most adults, including me, having that knowledge after the fact doesn’t help that much, except to identify what the causes the difficulty.
By Dan
December 3, 2007 10:45 AM | Link to this
Slim regarding your 9:32am post:
Are the two ideas mutually exclusive? Does a man have to “get to know you” mentally apart from the physical?
We’ve talked on here about the stalkeratti, the enflamed sexual apetites (sp?) of both sexes, but let’s be real for a moment….
If getting to know someone is somehow seperate and apart from the mental and physical aspects of the process then where does that leave the human race?
Similar to: your assurance that I’m not after (just) your body, how do I know that you are not after (just) my mind/time?
Conundrum…..
By SexyLeggs
December 3, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this
SexyCool, you said it best self love made it easier to deal with.
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this
Wow Truth Formally known as The Truth *…I’m so glad that even when was younger, that I didn’t have a ‘thing’ that drove and dictated my life like that! I can’t imagine all you’ve been through and not getting the lesson after the first time…I’m just glad you finally got it b/c for some, it takes more to…I’m happy you are ok now. But you concern me with learning the lesson ‘for the most part’…so do you still risk it?! Is it that serious? I miss my Ex too but I LOVE me and *that doesn’t define who I am.
By Tazzee
December 3, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this
Morning folks!
Great topic WiseDiva and one that definitely needs to be discussed. I read the statistics about HIV/AIDS and it amazes me. Personally, I don’t know of anyone infected - but that doesn’t mean they aren’t it may be that they just don’t know. I know folks that don’t want to get tested or use giving blood as their test.
What amazes me is that testing isn’t more prevalent. For instance when I go to the doctor to get my annual bloodwork, I request that they do a complete work-up. I didn’t know that I had to request HIV test specifically. If I’m a member of the high-risk group, you would think they would offer it. The same is true with herpes. Now I ask for everything gotta add monkey-flu to my list, LOL
HIV/AIDS hasn’t changed the way I date because I’ve always tried to protect my heart and body.
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this
sighing but it is true…
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this
binford For some reason people seem to be conditioned it must have the most paramount meaning behind it every time. Poppycock I say! Well did it ever occur to you that some folks maybe tired of shallow meaningless pleasure? That gets old hooking up with some dude or chick you could careless about once you blow your load. I’d rather have all that intimacy, meaning, & connection from someone I actually care about. When it’s just purely sex, it feels so pointless. I can recreate those few seconds of OOhhh WOW! OMG with Mr. Bullet and guess what?…..he never makes me feel cheap or used afterwards. lol
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this
Ha
^5! Most definitely. I believe it is better to be safe than sorry.
By God's Child
December 3, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this
I’m lurker most of time, but I’ll give some insight on today’s topic. I’m a black female, early 30’s, and I’ve lived with genital herpes since my junior year of college, just over 12 years now. For me, I’ve learned to live with my STD, however, whenever I decide or express my interest in a man that I may be attraced to sexually or intimately, I choose to be very upfront and honest about my situation. You’d be surprised @ the number of men who say “Ok cool, I have it too, just never let anyone know about it”, so sistas and for those brothas as well, be cautious and make sure, you use a condom. You never know what a person has until you tell them your story. Honestly, having herpes hasn’t damaged me, if anything, it’s made me more aware of who I want to deal with on a physical, intimate level. I’ve had 2 meaningful relationships where the man wasn’t infected, but accepted my situation. It’s a matter of communication and honesty in my opinion.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this
binford, re-read your 9:54…you’re saying if I’d meet you I’d still chose abstinance? Dang.
But anyway, I think I got knocked off of your dreamgirl list because I am a Christian lady!
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this
My auntie got years back @ central in nc…it affects her to this day…she is hush hush about it but it does touches home for most
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this
Tazzee HIV/AIDS hasn’t changed the way I date because I’ve always tried to protect my heart and body.
I admire you for that high level of self-regard. I do not know how old you are, but I know for ppl in my generation (the baby boomers) the influence of the “free love” culture really allowed so many of us to be far more randomly promiscuous without the fear of “untreatable” consequences (the pill and penicillin). I found that many ppl in my age group had a very hard time modifying their sexual behaviors even as the reality of the HIV/AIDs epidemic became undeniably threatening. And for many it was a little too late.
By DreamsMaterialize
December 3, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this
According the the posts on here today, I think we can all agree that this blog is definitely NOT representative of the general population.
Everyone has sex in a committed relationship
Everyone has meaningful, emotion-filled, intimate “love-making”
Everyone gets a weekly AIDS/HIV test
Everyone goes to annual HIV/STD conferences
Everyone requires their partner to show their HIV negative credentials
Everyone has always used condoms, IUD, NuvaRing, AND dental dams at the same time and during every encounter
All I can say is LMAO
By For Real
December 3, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this
You do know you don’t have to sex in order have intimacy. The two are exclusive of each other.
To those of you that are not having sex out of fear, where do you draw the line as it pertains to fear and your reaction to it.
By Ms. Kitty
December 3, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this
Toys??????!!!!!!!!!! there is no intimacy in toys and you are truly not celibate if you are using them……To abstain is to do without, not to substitute something “unreal” for the original purpose that God created intimacy for…….You may as well be 100% celibate since the risk is so great……..
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this
Thanks for your testimony God’s Child. I’ve heard many say they’d never date someone with herpes. Many folks don’t want to admit that if they have ever had a cold sore, they have herpes and that it can spread to the genitals too. I spend a lot of my time making myself aware of what’s out there so that I can handle it if ever confronted with such situations.
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this
Danny Boy
Are the two ideas mutually exclusive? Does a man have to “get to know you” mentally apart from the physical?
I don’t have a problem with a person getting to know me physically. My issue is folks ONLY wanting to get to know me physically. I’m not sure if you know but a puddy doesn’t have a brain. It’s purely a physical involuntary type deal. If you rub it, it will come. No rocket science there. I’m so amazed at how many folk don’t even know your last name, how many siblings you have, if you use colgate or Crest etc but will know what it takes to make you scream up unto the heavens. Physical pleasure is so temporary but real intimacy goes so much further.
True as humans we all need touch and the whole other physical aspects of homosapien interaction. However, if humans are supposed to be the superier & more intellectual creature, why still go around acting like we aren’t by purely mating with every dizzick that comes along? If i can connect with a dude on a mental level then naturally I’m going to want to connect on a physical one. I’d love to have both is all i’m saying. It’s just as bad to connect with a person only mentally but have no physical attraction there. We’ve disccused that also, and we use the term Friend Zone to describe that. I’m sure you’ve heard females say, me and so-and-so could be so good together, we communicate well, we have a good time yadda yadda yadda BUT…..
By 2CPTG©
December 3, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this
Dreams….you didn’t know this blog was perfect? Nothing but stand up, upright, citizens here!
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this
DreamsMaterialize - exaggerate much?
By For Real
December 3, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this
So all of the ladies that crave intimacy from a man and is not willing to have sex anymore until that man gives you intimacy, what is the difference between what you do with your toys and having sex with a man that does not give you intimacy?
By SexyLeggs
December 3, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this
….Truth Formally known as The Truth, WOW!!! Thanks for sharing, and I’m glad you learned albeit the hard way. Also, glad you’re doing well today!
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this
DreamsMaterialize
I think what you have here are ppl who have decided, according to the individual’s lifestyle, to make sound decisions to be informed about the HIV/AIDs risk, to modify the behaviors associated with sexual engagement and to give tought to why a decision is made on whether or not to be sexaul active without forethought. No, this may not be reflective of the general publics behaviors and attitudes, after all GA is one state where African Americans make up 50% or greater of the HIV/AIDs cases in the state. But I am willing to give the intelligent ppl here credit for exercising good judgment.
By 2Sweet
December 3, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this
Good Morning
Great Topic….it has become, a much more common conversation amongst my family, and close friends. While some of us are married and single, I still make it a point that we all go & get tested once a year. I’ve read articles and seen specials on the effects that this disease can have….terrible. Ladies rather it be celibacy or not, encourage those in your inner cirle to go get tested.
I don’t think that there is anything wrong with living a celibate lifestyle. Toooo much emphasizing of sexual misconducts are truly appealing to the young and old. It’s highly publicized, and well over-rated.
This subject is amongst one that makes for another opportunity to educate both my inner circle and family. In my family we make it a point to get tested once a year. We’ve had several close friends of the family fight this battle and I must say that there is nothing sadder, than to see a person with so much potential cut their own life short. I think that America does such a great job of promoting sex. That many of us had accepted this way of life. As usual, people are longing to experience these short-term pleasures, without thinking about the consequences that follow.
It is my own belief that one can’t experience true intimacy, until you satisfy the spiritual inner being, then only can you connect with another person, on your level. Until then, just makes for hot passionate encounters that are never fulfilling.
Just some FYI: Dekalb County has an alarming growth rate. 1 in every 4 persons has HIV. Not sure about the other counties. Something else to think about; there is only 1 known village in the entire world that has not been affected by this disease. I will post this county’s name as soon as I find it.
To all Celibate Men & Women. Thanks for Making the World a Much Better Place. Remember that anything good/rewarding is always worth waiting for!
Sorry for the long post. I got a little excited. LOL
By For Real
December 3, 2007 11:23 AM | Link to this
Slim So to your point, if intimacy is sooooooo important to women, why do yall say yadda, yadda, yadda BUT…?
That’s very, very, very confusing to men. You talk about the value of intimacy and when a dude gives that you, then you scream BUT and go after a dude that you know good and well isn’t going to give you any intimacy.
By Beautiful
December 3, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this
DreamsMaterialize have you met the handful of individuals on this blog who stated that they placed sex on hold until their in a committed relationship? why would a person lie on this blog when their using a fake name? y r u so negative all the damn time? what’s wrong with you? what’s going on in your life where you have to spread all these negative vibes everywhere?!? stop the madness!!!! i’m tired of it.
By kinderbabe
December 3, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this
well dreams i don’t think that everyone is intending to come off “high and mighy” as you interpreted. i view it more as a “been there, done that…don’t want to go through that ish again” type mentality. you know?
By For Real
December 3, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this
Demi The blog ate my post but I agree with on the numbers smelling funny. There are only 33million African American in this country if you believe those numbers.
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this
Hmm, For Real, where to start…the toy, no lying, no cheating, not afraid to commit, no drama, do I need to go on? For me, the toy is just for physical release without the ‘baggage’…why would I want baggage from a man to get the physical stuff taken care of?!
By kinderbabe
December 3, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this
forreal what your speaking of is pleasure. toys and masturbating let you release some stress while delivering pleasure. now the intimacy factor that’s different. what some women are speaking of is that they don’t want just the physicality of sex. that scenario can be recreated w/a toy or by the way of her own hand. the intimacy that is exclusive to two human beings is special. it’s necessary. it enhances the sexual experience.
By Tazzee
December 3, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this
M’Karyl I did have my free-sex days, but that was before Magic Johnson’s announcement. I think for most of us, prior to that we didn’t think HIV/AIDS was something we needed to worry about. The thing is, I changed my behavior regarding sex and relationships right around that same time and it was for other reasons.
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this
For Real It’s all about balance bud period.
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this
you is perfect…we all have MIS Adventures that got us to this point of rethinking our actions I would think and I am quck to back slide but for what the same whining results…I do want change but I am in control of that…Not perfect J
By Dan
December 3, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this
Not to recreate that conversation but yeah, exactly, the Friend zone.
The fact is that quite often the women that lament their status have a man in their life that is a “really good friend” but for the “sake of ruining the friendship [read as he might be bad in bed and then where are we]” they just don’t do it.
Then there are the guys that could care less about Crest or Colgate, your last name, siblings, even that you have teeth (arguably a point either way). Those guys are the one ladies try to turn into the former, those are the guys spreading the herpestuberclosisphylissgoncoleria. But the men that don’t have it, then men that (like women) sit around and wonder “is itme?” are the one that are relagated.
My point is, you ladies know when all he’s after is the click,click, bang, bang. It’s never not obvious. What a lot of this abstinence and celibacy talk is a way of choosing. Nothing wrong with it, but be real…..
Guy: So you’re abstaining from sex.
Slim: No, I’m not having sex…(with you).
By DreamsMaterialize
December 3, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this
Sorry, did I exaggerate a little bit? LOL I was just trying to lighten the mood a little bit on a Monday. After all Monday is the day of the week with, by far, the highest frequency of suicides and holds true for all ages, sexes, and incomes. Not saying anyone on here is suicidal, but you never know what a little humor can do.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this
SlimOne
I don’t have a problem with a person getting to know me physically. My issue is folks ONLY wanting to get to know me physically. I’m not sure if you know but a puddy doesn’t have a brain. It’s purely a physical involuntary type deal. If you rub it, it will come. No rocket science there. I’m so amazed at how many folk don’t even know your last name, how many siblings you have, if you use colgate or Crest etc but will know what it takes to make you scream up unto the heavens ^5
This is so true. It is funny to my how many times I have been approached with b/c of my physical appearance, and almost immediately the subject of jumping bones comes up- Hey wait a minute “What is my name?” (other than M’) “Who am I” “What are my life goals or something about me?” How often have I heard that all I need to solve whatever ails me, etc. is to let someone to “tap my a$$” approx 300-400 times between 2003-2007, and approx 60 times alone living in West End for 18 months between 2005-2007. Apparently sex is a panacea for all that ails you-lol! yeah right! And what was your name again, dude?
By Page1908
December 3, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this
I am actually very skeptical at so-called “statistics” that people like to throw around to make their own individual point. Demi, where did you get that information from? In undergrad I majored in Sociology (the study of human behavior), where I had extensive courses in Sociological statistics, both quantitative and qualitative and I am aware of the fact that statistics can be skewed in so many ways, depending on what the person’s agenda is.
Although I believe “some” of the reputable data I have seen and researched on my own in regards to the topic today and other topics as well, I don’t buy into a lot of it because a lot of the data is not accurate, misleading and the source is often times not reputable.
Yes, we do need to do a better job at being safe with everything that we do, but I am not buying a lot of the comments that are being made here today.
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this
PurpleOne/4 Real Yeah, it just serves to take the edge off if you start to feel a like…aggitated. LOL! If you were to hook up with a jump-off, it would only open a can of worms. Next thing you know the cycle would start all over again. Why bother if you’re serious about finding what it is you want.
By Wise Diva
December 3, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this
Excellent comments this morning, guys!
God’s child and 2sweet, welcome and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this important topic. I enjoyed reading what you have to say!
By monb
December 3, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this
Let’s just say I am a 29 year old African American female who is still a virgin and waiting until marriage to have ANY type of sexual activity. This is because of my religious views about prematrital sex and the AIDS/HIV/STD epidemic…..So many people think they can walk the line of what is and isn’t deemed as sex or risky sexual behavior. Yes, at times I get the blues, not because I want to have sex now, but because I can’t really find a trustworthy man to date who really RESPECTS my morals not to participate in any sexual activity. I never know does a man want to date me because I’m a challenge he wants to conquer then throw to the wolves when he’s done, or does he want to date me becuase he’s tired of being a man w******* for so many years now he wants a good pure girl taht he knows won’t cheat?…..well this pure woman doesn’t want your sloppy seconds…btw, i don’t give out the virginity information on the first date outright, but I give clues of my religion ect, but by the 3rd or 4th month of dating it’s appropraite and time to tell…..maybe I’ll be blessed with a man who loves and respects my wishes, who’s not all used up, and has been tested IF he’s ever been sexually active at anytime, and will not pressure me before I’m ready and maybe he will be rewarded for his true respect on our wedding day, that is IF he’s the one! =)
My only frustrating thing now is where are all the GOOD men? (not nerds, goofy, no social skills, still living with mom type guy)….I want the good looking, professional, educated, independent, athletic, humorous, no children, no marriages, no criminal record, good credit, christian man….I’m not asking for anything more that I can offer him….and I have the above qualities as well… I don’t know if Atlanta is living up to that standard just now, but maybe some candiates will fit the mold in the near future!
CNN also highlighted a story on married people and the risk of AIDS still being high all because so many married people are having affairs and unprotected sex with multiple people (men and women), then bringing whatever diseases to their spouse when they have married unprotected sex with the spouse……my question is how do married people combat that issue of oh honey you’ve been stepping out on me but I still want to be married to you and have sex with you, but you know need to use a condom and also get tested to??? I’d freak if that happened to me, but we are all still responsible for our own bodies whether we are single or married…..but it’s sad that some people don’t respect the unity of marriage anymore! That’s kind of frustrating too…..I wonder since AIDS is such an epidemic now, will states try to reinstate the law that people need to have blood tests inorder to get married? I’m ALL for it, even if it’s not a law, it will be the law for my future husband and I will do the same for him! It’s all about safety too…..I hope my future husband whomever he may be won’t bump his head and step out on me in our marriage, but we will cross that bridge if it gets that far….but I’m praying I won’t have to experience that part….
Still gonna keep my single, virgin head up…..my prince will come someday!…=) Words of encouragement from friends and strangers alike always helps too!
By monb
December 3, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this
Let’s just say I am a 29 year old African American female who is still a virgin and waiting until marriage to have ANY type of sexual activity. This is because of my religious views about prematrital sex and the AIDS/HIV/STD epidemic…..So many people think they can walk the line of what is and isn’t deemed as sex or risky sexual behavior. Yes, at times I get the blues, not because I want to have sex now, but because I can’t really find a trustworthy man to date who really RESPECTS my morals not to participate in any sexual activity. I never know does a man want to date me because I’m a challenge he wants to conquer then throw to the wolves when he’s done, or does he want to date me becuase he’s tired of being a man w******* for so many years now he wants a good pure girl taht he knows won’t cheat?…..well this pure woman doesn’t want your sloppy seconds…btw, i don’t give out the virginity information on the first date outright, but I give clues of my religion ect, but by the 3rd or 4th month of dating it’s appropraite and time to tell…..maybe I’ll be blessed with a man who loves and respects my wishes, who’s not all used up, and has been tested IF he’s ever been sexually active at anytime, and will not pressure me before I’m ready and maybe he will be rewarded for his true respect on our wedding day, that is IF he’s the one! =)
My only frustrating thing now is where are all the GOOD men? (not nerds, goofy, no social skills, still living with mom type guy)….I want the good looking, professional, educated, independent, athletic, humorous, no children, no marriages, no criminal record, good credit, christian man….I’m not asking for anything more that I can offer him….and I have the above qualities as well… I don’t know if Atlanta is living up to that standard just now, but maybe some candiates will fit the mold in the near future!
CNN also highlighted a story on married people and the risk of AIDS still being high all because so many married people are having affairs and unprotected sex with multiple people (men and women), then bringing whatever diseases to their spouse when they have married unprotected sex with the spouse……my question is how do married people combat that issue of oh honey you’ve been stepping out on me but I still want to be married to you and have sex with you, but you know need to use a condom and also get tested to??? I’d freak if that happened to me, but we are all still responsible for our own bodies whether we are single or married…..but it’s sad that some people don’t respect the unity of marriage anymore! That’s kind of frustrating too…..I wonder since AIDS is such an epidemic now, will states try to reinstate the law that people need to have blood tests inorder to get married? I’m ALL for it, even if it’s not a law, it will be the law for my future husband and I will do the same for him! It’s all about safety too…..I hope my future husband whomever he may be won’t bump his head and step out on me in our marriage, but we will cross that bridge if it gets that far….but I’m praying I won’t have to experience that part….
Still gonna keep my single, virgin head up…..my prince will come someday!…=) Words of encouragement from friends and strangers alike always helps too!
By li'demi
December 3, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this
Everyone has sex in a committed relationship
YOU DAYUM RIGHT!!
Everyone has meaningful, emotion-filled, intimate “love-making”
OF COURSE
Everyone gets a weekly AIDS/HIV test
EVERY 6 MONTH…ONCE A MONTH DOING PORN TRY OUTS
Everyone goes to annual HIV/STD conferences
FOR WHAT…VIST GRADY AIDS, THAT WILL WAKE YOU UP
Everyone requires their partner to show their HIV negative credentials
….WELL I DO
Everyone has always used condoms, IUD, NuvaRing, AND dental dams at the same time and during every encounter
YEAH…I DO, CONDOM NOWADAYS HAVE SOME WICKED DESIGNS, COLORS, AND TASTE GREAT TO THE LADIES.
There is really no excuse to go raw, Imma fool..just not FOOLISH!!
Yeah raw dogging feel good as hell..but its not worth it with multi-partners.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this
2Sweet ^5
Tazzee
I can dig that, but we were off the chain. I have had many discussions with some of my friends who were highly and randomly active and when we think about what we did then (the numbers and the frequency) in today’s context-h3ll we would have been dead in a week at the rate we clowned without cause, purpose and concern. Seriously. It was not unusual for some ppl to sleep with as many ppl a month as there were days in that month-Whew!!!
By For Real
December 3, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this
PurpleOne It’s a piece of equipment and therefore you do not have any expectation of it except to give you physical release. The baggage you speak of is only there because you have expectations of a man other than to give you physical release. So back to my question. Why is ok to use your toy (no intimacy)?
By Dan
December 3, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this
@ Page 1908 right on, stats can be used to say the sun isn’t shining when it is.
@ M- On one day you were the freak of the week and the next you are offended by the men that notice that tendecy in you and approach you in that way. Hmmmm…sounds like choosing to me.
@ Slim - Yeah, BOB is a wonderful tool for those “in between” periods, yet ever wonder why they get progressively longer each time. Partly because BOB is holding down, what you (and not you personally) might not be willing to entrust to another person.
Fact is, I don’t have a problem with ladies “choosing” that’s fine…but know that since ‘06, I been choosing too, and I’m starting a movement. Fellas around the country are going to start really hating on some of y’all so called qualified…….
Get ready……
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this
monb
I applaud you and there is no shame in your game. I think it is admirable that your convictions are so strong and clear. May you continue on your higher road and may all that you desire come to fruition in God’s Divine Will. Peace little sistah!
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 11:54 AM | Link to this
Hang in there monb…kudos to you for sticking to what you believe and not letting your emotions influence what you have decided using your brain. I’m waiting too and have faith that he is out there!
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this
Dan Who wants to sleep with anyone that sucks in the bedroom? It’ll only cause problems down the road. If you are planning to get married or be in a long term relationship and will click click bang bang the same cutty for a long time, it needs to be some good click, click, bang, bang, boom, boom, oh right there…you get my point. Balance, balance, balance. I didn’t say that I was locking up the CT in a dark dungeon until someone pays a dowry of 3 goats, 1 mule, 4 horses, and a partridge in a peartree to my folks….however, if i meet a dude and all he wants to do is see how many licks and/or pokes it takes to get to the center of Slim’s Toostie Pop
By Dan
December 3, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this
Mon B
Stop it, stop it I say. Four….whole….months….????????
If after 4 months dude hadn’t tried you, you might wanna check him for the switch.
But if you looking for all that, I sincerely hope you find it before long. Becuase the “D” is afriad of a 30 year old virgin woman. Been there, done that, was 12.
By For Real
December 3, 2007 11:59 AM | Link to this
Slim You would be the one that is opening the can of worms because you can’t do with a man what you do with Mr. Bullet.
For Real now plotting on Mr. Bullet.
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 3, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this
ABC your right about the impact formers have on you. We guys act like it doesn’t affect us but it does. Alot of times it changes our perception of women, or men if thats what your into.
Purple I’m a recovering addict. LOL I can never say that I’m through with it until they lay me down, and even then I’m slipping my hand into the nearest females coffin. I’ve just adapted out of fear and experience. MK said it right. We came up in that great time when penicillin and the pill were a part of life. It was like a get outta jail card. You could do things and get away with it then. The penalty wasn’t as high.
Sexy how ya doing? I thought about you on thanksgiving. wondered what you had cooked, and what you was wearing. LOL I DIDNT GET TO COOK ANYTHING. My sister had already cooked at her house so I missed my lesson. My training programs has fallen further behind.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 12:02 PM | Link to this
Dan First of all Mr. Opioninated, my days of being buck wild where ended well before I came to the ATL. I made certain choices after my daughter was born about what I wanted to do with my life. I found most men in the ATL to be only interested in sexuallly expoloiting a woman like cheap puddy, there was no concern for the individual as a pserson. At least in my younger days, I had some sort of established rapport with my intimate mates, we knew each other as people before we had sex and I did not feel as if I was being exploited simply for their personal sexual gain. And at least they were capable of conversation and friendship. Some of which still exist to this day.
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 12:06 PM | Link to this
meant who is perfect…we have all been ther done that as said by kb…
By Jazzyone
December 3, 2007 12:06 PM | Link to this
So truth was this before of after you started swinging??
So um yes I practice abstaining works for me..aint’ going around getting down before durring and after sex we talking about it to the degree of what, when how were you tested…serious issues that needs to be addressed..and we wrap him up to his eyeballs if we can!!!
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this
For Real, I don’t know how else to explain it except to say, as I wait for the man that will give me all those intimate things, sometimes the physical body needs the release that I would normally get when in a committed, monogomous and intimate relationship…naturally, that is the preference but there are physiological (and biological in my opinion) functions that come from having sex so it is strictly for that purpose, at least it is for me…there is nothing wrong with letting off steam while I wait for the right man…I don’t want to be all mean and hateful when I do meet a guy b/c I’m ‘backed up’ and frusrated from a physical stand point and possibly blinded because of that and distort my ability to see clearly! As I mentioned earlier, sometimes you do just want that sexual release with a person but I prefer to do ALL my releasing while in a committed, monogomous and intimate relationship. The toy, it is strictly to release pressure, not to sustitute the real thing…I’ll never not want the real thing, just want a total package so no point in settling for a real thing and an empty shell…I’ll take the empty shell of a toy if that is the only option that I have.
By li'demi
December 3, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this
Page1908 thats how the numbers add up in my head, after reading them Dayum stats!!
I was just being funny bay…now take them glasses…Crap, now you got me thinking of them sex teacher videos…Where are you wearing by the way? LOL
For Real At the same time our folds need to practice SAFE sex more though.
Slamming F/Kwit-itpapers(credit scores, testing paper from 2005-to present, employment records, and proof of address 1999-present) down on Slim’s desk…We need to talk about what between your ears and every where else!!!
By For Real
December 3, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this
Monb You are not respecting the dude by holding out on the fact that you ain’t given up any until you get married. 4 months of lying ain’t good.
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this
M’Karyl I tell ya girl! Sometimes folk take having sex as loosely as a fast food transaction. You don’t really care to know the person’s name behind the counter just as long as they get your order right. lol
By You Nasty
December 3, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this
I AM SORRY BUT YOU NASTY, TRUTH!
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this
B.O.Bs have never done it for me. I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way…
By Dan
December 3, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this
Mon B
Stop it, stop it I say. Four….whole….months….????????
If after 4 months dude hadn’t tried you, you might wanna check him for the switch.
But if you looking for all that, I sincerely hope you find it before long. Becuase the “D” is afriad of a 30 year old virgin woman. Been there, done that, was 12.
By Dan
December 3, 2007 12:21 PM | Link to this
@Ms. M, I am very, highly, opinionated thank you.
But does that mean that my question was invalid.
To something MonB said…. Why are you still talking about the material those things that are static and defined (mark of the young minded).
But on that note, when can I have a conversation about the mortgage crisis, the declination of the dollar, instead of conversations about Sister to Sister, or retreads of convo here. I mean, where are the ladies that stimulate my intellect?
Is that too much to ask?
By Dan
December 3, 2007 12:21 PM | Link to this
@Ms. M, I am very, highly, opinionated thank you.
But does that mean that my question was invalid.
To something MonB said…. Why are you still talking about the material those things that are static and defined (mark of the young minded).
But on that note, when can I have a conversation about the mortgage crisis, the declination of the dollar, instead of conversations about Sister to Sister, or retreads of convo here. I mean, where are the ladies that stimulate my intellect?
Is that too much to ask?
By Tazzee
December 3, 2007 12:24 PM | Link to this
I must admit that one of the reasons I don’t do toys is that I don’t want to desensitize the honey pot to where it will be difficult for my man to satisfy me.
By SexyLeggs
December 3, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this
You guys are making some deep comments. Please keep them coming.
Truth if you only knew…LOL. No really, may daughter and I stayed in our PJs on Thanksgiving Day watching movies while clowing on each other.
Monb, keep on the road you’re on. Your reward is on its way!
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this
Dan For some reason I always get the sense that men have this distorted jealousy of the ‘tools’ women use for the in the meantime in between time. They are no replacement….let me repeat again…TOYS ARE NO REPLACEMENT of real live one-on-one or two-on-one (whatever you’re into) action. As easy as it is to just pull Mr Bullet out the nightstand drawer and be done in 2 minutes…It would never replace my want for a warm body next to me. I personally hardly ever use it. I’d much rather go to sleep and hope I have a dream vivid enough to have me shaking myself awake wanting to smoke a cigarette afterwards…and i don’t even smoke. As far as your Haterade movement goes…Hate on my brother. There’s a place and role everyone is supposed to fill. I won’t stand in your way of fulfilling your purpose. LOL
4 Real You would be the one that is opening the can of worms because you can’t do with a man what you do with Mr. Bullet. You must meant to say that a man can’t do what Mr. Bullet can. LOL! No for real tho…I love men, love to be intimate with men but I don’t want that shallow based type of interaction anymore. I’ve been there and done that. After a while it either gets old and routine since its no substance there, or a person starts to want more than was originally stated.
@lil Demi
Slim now filing disputes for items reflecting her in a bad light
By monb
December 3, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this
No Dan, don’t say those kinds of things…..words of Encouragement remember!!! geez Dan you’re making me depressed……..
ok…my 3-4 month rule about letting the virginity cat of the bag, I may have to upgrade it to 1-2 months…
but man Dan, way to make me depressed…LOL….I’m sure my patience will reward me and the “D” will work correctly…=)…
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this
SlimOne Sometimes folk take having sex as loosely as a fast food transaction. You don’t really care to know the person’s name behind the counter just as long as they get your order right.
LMAO-got that right!
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this
Oh The Truth, no, I don’t expect anyone that has been active to be ‘through’ with it! Just that they use their minds to be selective! I’m mid 40’s so I come from that same timeframe of all that but I was never ‘free’ like that…I guess I was ‘lucky’ that I was always in a long term relationship (average 2.5 years or more) that I do believe was completely monogomous and when I was in between, I just did without and made me better (got another degree between relationships, other educations/certificates and even started a business between one!). Longest break was 4.5 years and not my choice…Back in the day, I had never even heard of a bullet…It took early 20 year olds I worked with to introduce me to that and I was over 40! And, I had to send them to the store to get it b/c I was so shame…but I was in a monogomous relationship so it was incorporated there :-).
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this
12????
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 12:28 PM | Link to this
ARed neva tried it and not trying to…lol
By Dan
December 3, 2007 12:28 PM | Link to this
My point exactly Tazzee.
Battery poisoning
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 3, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this
Jazzy I think yur getting me mixed up with DU. I’ve never swung. I’ve done 3somes but not swinging, if theres a difference. Those were with a girl I was dating and her friend. LOL
Nasty when I want azz I go get it. When I want money I go get it. Anything I want I go get. Sometimes theres a price to pay. You never paid because you never got anything.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this
Dan
oh it is toatlly invalid b/c you do not know what I did when I came to the ATL . You only assume, and we know what the makes you-jack A$$
By 2CPTG©
December 3, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this
“But on that note, when can I have a conversation about the mortgage crisis, the declination of the dollar, instead of conversations about Sister to Sister, or retreads of convo here. I mean, where are the ladies that stimulate my intellect?”
boi, you said a mouthful!
By SexyLeggs
December 3, 2007 12:35 PM | Link to this
Tazzee, I often hear people talking along the lines of desensitizing their honety pot. I can’t imagine that happening to me. I don’t use my toys often, but feel comfortable knowing when I get the urge to the point of no return I can pull out a toy. Yes, I can make a phone call as well, but that’s not the route I want to take. On the other hand, just to feel the pull of the urge is not nearly enough to pull out a toy. You can’t just use them all willy nilly. They’re not meant to replace the sensation a man can give!
By Dan
December 3, 2007 12:37 PM | Link to this
@A Red yes 12.
@ MonB, I don’t fault the intention, it’s just that after a certain age and level of experience, it takes a patient man to deal with a woman’s virginity. No dis to you, I just couldn’t deal….
@ Slim We ain’t hating like that, like that, we just changing the determination of qualified. It ain’t just that simple, think of it less as hating and more asking the sisters to step the whole game up to another leverl.
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 12:38 PM | Link to this
I agree TAZZEE about desensitizing but like anything in life, it is about moderation and too much of a good thing…I don’t even think about the use more often than once a month, if that…but I have friend that has broken a couple of those things, LOL! According to her, it hasn’t even affected her and she does have a couple of men to take care of her hunger…
By li'demi
December 3, 2007 12:39 PM | Link to this
My only frustrating thing now is where are all the GOOD men? (not nerds, goofy, no social skills, still living with mom type guy)….I want the good looking, professional, educated, independent, athletic, humorous, no children, no marriages, no criminal record, good credit, christian man….
Get in line bay…you’re trying to find the same man 95.7% of the women are looking for…Good Luck
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 12:40 PM | Link to this
Truth
We came up in that great time when penicillin and the pill were a part of life. It was like a get outta jail card. You could do things and get away with it then. The penalty wasn’t as high.
That was the culture of the 70’s-old social barriers came down, archaic rules/norms were broken, the lack of readily assoicated consequence with unrestrained behaviors, the unprecedented highs in the divorce rate, women’s lib, swinger’s clubs-all of these things contributed to our generation just letting it all hang out without fear of the end game.
By Hotlanta
December 3, 2007 12:41 PM | Link to this
This blog is bias. It should have reported that high STD/AIDS rate for MARRIED people instead of single people not haivng sex. People wake up AIDS do not discriminate when it comes to lifestyle. As if single folks are afraid of catching AIDS and married people need not worry. WE all should worry. The one that we love/trust the most will be the very one to betray us. It doesn’t matter if you give it up for a one nighter or wait to ger married. NOONE is safe. I am getting mines because I don’t wanna be in the emergency room from battery poison. Can’t nothing replace the real thing. Don’t wanna be in the store buying batteries as if I am getting them for mt nephew’s truck. When I say where’s the beef, homeboy better delivery. That is on the real.
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 12:43 PM | Link to this
on another blog i guess potnah!
By Dan
December 3, 2007 12:45 PM | Link to this
Now Ms. M name calling? I thought you were over 40? Really? Is that a mature answer to a question?
You could’ve said “none of your business”. Or gone with the fact that I don’t know you so why would my question affect your day in such a fashion. Be e..a..sy!
And 2….That’s why I said it. I’m drained
By Jazzyone
December 3, 2007 12:48 PM | Link to this
da heyal?? is 12…hunh?? what is 12 i don’t feel like going back and reading…
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 12:52 PM | Link to this
@Dan when can I have a conversation about the mortgage crisis, the declination of the dollar, those tend to be regular conversations with much of my crew. In fact, I started asking questions about the whole real estate situation when Newsweek and Time magazines published some very good articles (Spring of 2004) about the looming bust in the housing market, mortgage fraud ( of which the ATL is a top-listed city, with West End having one of the worst crisis) and several other articles concerning this issue. And isn’t anyone conerned about the EU $$$ or the continually increasing debt the US owes China?? What did Gil Scott say….”When the producer becomes the consumer, then the consumer has to dance…” Know one one seems to see the writing on the wall…
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 12:54 PM | Link to this
All, NO ONE is trying to replace the real thing with a toy…it is a temporary ‘fix’ when you don’t whatever it is you want in a partner…for me, I want and deserve a commitment, monogomy and intimacy…I won’t sacrifice that…No shame in buying batteries…go to Sam’s Club to get a Warehouse pack and they should last more than a year if the moderation is there and again, if you are in a relationship, add it to that! My former Ex enjoyed driving it and seeing my reaction…
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 3, 2007 12:55 PM | Link to this
Purple I was in the army with alot of young women who were away from home for the first time. Plus I was in germany so we had locals at our disposal. I must say I’m not looking back in regret just lucky I made it through semi-untouched. This was pure physical pleasure. I still did what I did. Like I said, no regrets.
Looking back I’m glad it happened the way it did. I’d hate to be 21 now and out here in this market. Its like walking a gauntlet. Or worse be in my 40’s wanting to get out there and see whats happening.
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 12:55 PM | Link to this
Dan I’m curious, what exactly are you changing the perameter’s of qualified on? Qualified enough to bone or qualified enough for you to want to stick around afterwards?
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 12:56 PM | Link to this
Dan
OXOXOXOXOOXOXOX-sugah, still meant what I said!!
By li'demi
December 3, 2007 12:56 PM | Link to this
Page sorry for the dayum typos…
Slim I feel women toys are a life saver…isssssh, if I wasn’t hit on nothing, I would go out and purchase a custom made strap-on.
Be like: Dayum!! I always wanted a 14in’er
Demi is now shaking right and left, admiring his new found growth
By 2CPTG©
December 3, 2007 12:57 PM | Link to this
“That was the culture of the 70’s-old social barriers came down, archaic rules/norms were broken, the lack of readily assoicated consequence with unrestrained behaviors, the unprecedented highs in the divorce rate, women’s lib, swinger’s clubs-all of these things contributed to our generation just letting it all hang out without fear of the end game.”
M’Karyl, using that excuse, these degenerate youngsters of today can say they it’s the culture that forces them to act the way they do???? What about personal accountability?
“excuses are tools of the incompetent, those who specialize in them seldom accomplish anything…”
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 1:06 PM | Link to this
2CPTG©
I am just listing some of the well-known factors that contributed to so many changes during the baby boomer coming of age years that wervery different from our parents and grandparents coming of age years. These are not things that I just arbitrarily stated, these issues have been disccussed over and over again when ppl try to defne certain characteristics of the baby boomers.
By T-Mango
December 3, 2007 1:08 PM | Link to this
Dan
A 30 year old woman engaging in relations with a 12 year old pre-teen makes that woman a child molester. Period. She should’ve been thrown under the jail for that-
By Bella
December 3, 2007 1:08 PM | Link to this
Good afternoon, everyone!
I actually know a lot of women now who are waiting to have sex until marriage mostly because of
a. the disease issue b. not wanting to give it up to men who are just going to take off the next week
I think AIDS is such a scary epidemic that it has woken up a lot of people in America, but there are even more women who are just sick of being used for sex.
By Atlanta Pearl Girl
December 3, 2007 1:11 PM | Link to this
I’m abstaining…… with batteries!
By li'demi
December 3, 2007 1:12 PM | Link to this
Another thought: Maybe some dudes are tripping on women, due to the fact after 10 million years all we have is our hands…
and Tazz is it really true about toys numb’n women to real sex (far as the way it feels?)…I enjoy watch women get off with them..make me just want to join in the fun with a flash light…(do they even feel good?)
What about personal accountability?
Isssssssh!!!!! In America dude??!!! See P.Bush!!
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 1:15 PM | Link to this
Hotlanta
You are very right, HIV/AIDS concerns should not be the soley the concern of single ppl. I worked at V’s on P’tree in the late 80’s and I can tell you I would not want to be the cootchie of any of the wives whose husbands frequented that jinks-h3ll to the naw. I was there and I saw what they did with my own two eyes. I know who was sleeping with some of the “movers and shakers” in the ATL (politicians, athletes, businessmen). Those women talked. The late 80’s in the ATL open my eyes and turned me off to the games played by means of sexual exploitation. And the sad part is that when I would run into some of those same tired oldheads (many years later), same caca-another day. Their wives need to be tested for life.
By Corbin
December 3, 2007 1:16 PM | Link to this
Question for the ladies: If you are abstaining out of fear of getting an STD, how do you cope if your in a relationship and your partner isn’t exactly monogomous? And don’t say you’ll drop him … I know too many women who willingly stay in unfaithful relationships.
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 3, 2007 1:16 PM | Link to this
Mk that wasn’t just the culture of the 70’s. Its always been there. We just came along when things were in place to reduce the pain. The Kinsey report showed that people were freakin way before that. Studying other cultures and civilizations (greeks, romans, chinese, egyptians) sex was a large part of their lives also. Its nothing new.
If it interests a person pursue it. If not pursue whatever it is that interests you.
By 2CPTG©
December 3, 2007 1:20 PM | Link to this
M’Karyl,
I feel where you’re coming from, that’s why I asked the question about todays youth; Gen X, and Y, can very well say then, that “I was raised during the Bling generation,” and my reckless conduct stems from such……it’s merely a cyclical downward spiral of moral, and social decadence!
By 2CPTG©
December 3, 2007 1:26 PM | Link to this
btw, to each his own, not judging one way or another……
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 1:27 PM | Link to this
Truth
Oh true they were freaking-have you ever read any of those Victorian era diaries. What I meant is that it was more out in the open, less covert compared to the rules of the 50’s. I am mainly speaking about American cultural changes in the mid-20th Century. Ppl became more real about what they were doing and things were a lot less underground and hidden. Fear of unmasked inhibitions where removed.
By Tazzee
December 3, 2007 1:28 PM | Link to this
Demi I’m not sure if it does, but I’m willing to bet there is some effect.
And ladies, I’m not implying that anyone is addicted to toys. I just feel that’s another hurdle I’ll have to deal with in letting a man do for me what I’ve been doing for myself over the years. For example, let’s say I’ve been driving myself to church for years. I know what time I need to leave to get there on time, I know the best way to go, etc. Then I get in a serious relationship and now my man, being the man that he is, wants to drive me to church. He drives a little slower than me, wants to take a different route, etc. And all the way there, while I love this man, I’m thinking ‘I could have been there by now if I would have just driven my dern self’
LOL, I know that’s a very general example but that’s the best one I could come up with.
By Got the package
December 3, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this
You are very right, HIV/AIDS concerns should not be the soley the concern of single ppl.
Just ask Magic’s wife, Cookie.
By For Real
December 3, 2007 1:33 PM | Link to this
Personal Accountability Does Not Exist In The US.
Slim I don’t believe men think toys will replace us (at least I don’t)but if they eva, eva develop something for men that provides what women’s toys give yall, the world will shut down.
Dude1: Yo man I scored some tickets to the Super Bowl, do you want to go?
Dude2: Naw that’s alright I just bought me a 12 pack of puddy that I’m run through tonight.
Dude1: Why you think I’m going to the game? I’m out. Can I…
Dude2: No my brother you has got to get yo own.
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 1:33 PM | Link to this
li’demi Boyyyy, if you had a 14 incher, you still would narrow down the pool of women that would actually mess with you. Plus you do realize that only about 4 inches of the 14 would get any real pleasure anyways.
By Page1908
December 3, 2007 1:34 PM | Link to this
I would love to have a conversation about the mortgage industry and my take on why Americans are in so much debt now than ever before. Whoever had that idea, please include me because I have a LOT to say on this!
As for this whole topic, ummm I still can’t get over the fact that Soulja Boy had the #1 record for weeks with that Crank That song because I actually just found out what exactly he is saying on that horrible song. People, wake up! And to think that we want to talk about Don Imus? Puhlleeze!
I would like to know QDT’s perspective, so if you are lurking , please chime in.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 1:35 PM | Link to this
2CPTG©
True dat, whatever the influences that ppl may use to reason or excuse their behavior does not remove the accountability factor. Thought (with or without intentions and consequences in the forefront) is the father of action; and action is the father of deed; and deed the father of consequence. But as a Social Historian, I always look at the influences, motivations and outcomes of any eras patterns of social history. Each individual is still accountable for his/her own choices and ignorance before or after the fact is really not apt justification.
By Beautiful
December 3, 2007 1:38 PM | Link to this
Rell, The Truth, 2C what are your signs?
By For Real
December 3, 2007 1:42 PM | Link to this
MK The Canadian dollar is more valuable than the US dollar. And you are correct concerning the foreign debt but if you look at every great in the past, they only stay in-tack for about 200 yrs. The US time is running out unless we reduce the size of government, regin in and control spending, balance our service economic with some manufacturing and change our foreign policies.
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 1:42 PM | Link to this
M’Karyl & Truth Just to add, the first vibrators were invented in the 1800’s. I actually watched a show on The History Channel not too long ago that discussed sex way back then. There was even a time where doctors used sexual practices to cure what they called hysteria of housewives whose husbands were often away from home. The doctors soon became overwhelmed by the overflow of female patients which then led to the invention of vibrators. (even though they were called massagers at the time and never listed the use for sexual purposes but for the cure or alleviation of other disorders)
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 3, 2007 1:44 PM | Link to this
MK yep, the doors swung open in the late 60’s(hippies) early 70’s. The moral decline that we speak of now has always been in place. A man/woman will take whatever they feel they can get away with.
By For Real
December 3, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this
Page I’m with you on that Soulja Boy ish. Thing that gets me is what do people think he is saying when he says:
Superman that OOOOOOOO or
Super soak that OOOOOOOO
Don’t get me started on Hip-Hop today. None these dudes can rap and they all say the same thing.
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 1:49 PM | Link to this
For Real Yous a fool…but think about it, do you think puddy in a can will beat some real life fiya brain?? Anyway, ss I stated before, toys are nothing new, the awareness of it is more visible, more talked about. They have whole stores that sell just about anything you can think of to ‘take yo tempature with’. lol
By nypeach
December 3, 2007 1:50 PM | Link to this
Hey guys, I need some advice. I contracted genital herpes in college. Years later I got married and told my husband. He was very understanding until he started cheating and wanted out of the marriage. Then he threw it up in my face. Now, I am dating a wonderful man who is very spiritual-minded, and just everything I could ask for. He is a great friend and a true Christian. BUt I am afraid of getting to close to him because I will have to tell him. There is no doubt that we will have this conversation. I see stats that say one in two people has GH, but why do I feel like I’m the only one ‘fessing up to it? Does it mean a man will automically discount me as a viable partner?
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this
For Real
Gil Scott “When the producer becomes the consumer…” and the US is now the consumer, sho’ nuff gotta dance now and we all know some folks ain’t got not rhythm-lol.
SlimOne See, them Victorian era wenches was just pent-up for denying what does come natural to the human being, but with some exercise in descretion and control. Those ancients cultures were not denying, hiding or lying about their needs and desires.
Truth So true. Tne confilct between the higher self and the lower self, so to speak, has always been at the crux of humankind’s conflict within self and with other’s. And, true again, that when given a inch, ppl will take a mile…
By Jazzyone
December 3, 2007 1:56 PM | Link to this
hey ya!! Soulja Boi is only singing what he sees on tele and in his hood and what his mother and father or lack there of do so don’t hate on him..
Music is a testiment in some cases of what goes on around our youth and in their environments..so they sing or rap about it not saying its right but for some it truly is a way out or a way to express themselves and not kill themselves and one of your family memebers…
The state of our community today has not a dayum thing to do with some hip hop music it is a lack of parenting skills and letting the tele and the teacher raise your dayum kid…don’t even start it today..LOL
By Page1908
December 3, 2007 1:58 PM | Link to this
For Real Exactly! I guess I am (a little) naive because I had no idea what that dude was saying in that song. When I moved here I asked some co-workers what that song was saying and they told me. I couldn’t believe it. So, I ‘googled it’ and found the lyrics and I was flabbergasted! Dude is what…16 years old making this song and it’s all over the radio, everywhere!!! Dude is saying “hoe” in the song, but no one says anything. Imus says “nappy-headed hoe” on the radio and everyone goes crazy!!
I guess whoever is the mastermind behind that song is an absolute genius, I must admit. Anytime you can be that creative and come up with a song that is just as equally offsenive as Tip Drill and others, and put a catchy beat behind and a dance and make that kind of money?! Only in America!!!
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 1:58 PM | Link to this
Why do you guys use toys…can’t your hand get the job done? LOL
By Dan
December 3, 2007 2:00 PM | Link to this
No offense, but having the conversation here is not the same as having a real-life conversation with a woman in my age range on an actual…date…
By handsome
December 3, 2007 2:01 PM | Link to this
Do the falcons ever beat their practice squad, when they practice at Flowery branch?
By DreamsMaterialize
December 3, 2007 2:02 PM | Link to this
What’s even worse than what soulja boy is saying is the people who know what SUPERMAN THAT OOOOOOOOOOO means and still sing along with enthusiasm. Pretty much gotta look underground to get at the real hip hop.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 2:02 PM | Link to this
8Bella* I think AIDS is such a scary epidemic that it has woken up a lot of people in America, but there are even more women who are just sick of being used for sex.
This is so very true. Perhaps the AIDs epidemic was also a wake up call for ppl to start evaluting why they were really being sexaully intimate with someone. So often, ppl fall into patterns of behaviors based upon what is expected from their gender-based identity without ever really asking why am I doing this or that?
And also, some ppl will never understand what it feels like to be debased, humiliated, abused or disrespected based on gender identity devaluation and expectations; especially when it is less of your own volition, but mostly as a results of some other objectifying your sexual value as a human being.
By Dan
December 3, 2007 2:03 PM | Link to this
@ Slim
It means the whole game. Being concerned about the genocide in the Sudan, knowing what a credit score is, knowing how it works. Debt to income ratio….
All that.
By Wise Diva
December 3, 2007 2:04 PM | Link to this
nypeach, there really is no way to predict how anyone would react to such news. You could be pleasantly surprised or you could be disappointed. That isn’t really the point in your situation.
The point is not to be selfish and dishonest. You should put aside your own fears about worst case scenarios. You can’t control how they react, but you can control how you handle the situation, which is hopefully with full honesty and disclosure before intimacy is explored. It’s the right thing to do, especially if you care at all about the person’s well being.
By Page1908
December 3, 2007 2:04 PM | Link to this
LOL Jazzy! Lawd, ok we are not gonna start it today…LOL I’m just sayin
By 2CPTG©
December 3, 2007 2:05 PM | Link to this
Beautiful…..a vivacious Virgo!
By Jazzyone
December 3, 2007 2:08 PM | Link to this
America is nt’ the only place these lyrics and the like get air play and spread thru the masses, plan a trip to Amsterdam, Germany, the UK and you will see the same thing so it isn’t just in this country,,you can even go to Africa where children don’t have a food and water but they know who the heyal Jay-Z is….before he even got the tho help give them clean water and create a system to pump it in without killing folks and thats what i can appreciate..but was that broadcast to the masses um no..so its all relitive blame them, blame him, blame us…its all about accountability F*&^ the blame at this poitn pinting fingers only gets them cutoff…
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 2:09 PM | Link to this
AmazonRed Why do you guys use toys…can’t your hand get the job done? See…although I have talked trash for years about the mechanical man, and the shelves being stock by shoe size-I have never actually purchased a toy. I have several sister friends that have bought this or that over the years, but I still think-why? LOL
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 2:09 PM | Link to this
So Dan are you saying you only date vapid women then? Don’t you have some control over which way the convo goes on dates?
By ImAPeach404
December 3, 2007 2:10 PM | Link to this
Hey yall
nypeach I guess there is always the possibility that he may discount you as a partner or if he is really spiritual minded, he may figure God placed you in his life for a reason and just keep the relationship going. How do you plan on bringing it up? How did you bring it up in your previous relationships? How long have you been dating this current guy?
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 2:12 PM | Link to this
@handsome…Does it matter???? Draft picks and revamping the whole organization is needed…
By Beautiful
December 3, 2007 2:13 PM | Link to this
2C thanks babe!
By DreamsMaterialize
December 3, 2007 2:13 PM | Link to this
Credit scoring, or any other type of scoring, can be a tricky thing. Often the very people developing the scores don’t have a good idea of what it is. LOL
By Jazzyone
December 3, 2007 2:14 PM | Link to this
and when did not knowing words to a rap song make you naive to the game?? you play just as well as the next chick page..stop it..but why don’t you and all the others that preach rap music, kids behaving badley etc stop talking about it and go into some of these communiities and help or do something about it instead of blaming everyone else….I do and im not stadning on a soap box but half the masses believe everythign they read and see on TV meanwhile the communities need help and you blogging complaining on the dayum ajc…some of us are tired of hearign the same ole drag from people and no one helps but they want to be sick and tired…stfu with that madness..this is reality
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 2:15 PM | Link to this
2CPTG© Virgo’s rule!! 9/15 myself!!
Wise Diva
YOUr post ot ny peach was very well-stated. I really do wish her well going forward with this concern. It sounds like it bit her bad once, so I can imagine the fear in it happening again. The best to you, nypeach.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 2:18 PM | Link to this
@AmazonRed Love your 2:09-lol
By Page1908
December 3, 2007 2:24 PM | Link to this
Jazzy Huh?! I’m gonna leave it alone today. If you don’t agree with my opinion, that’s all good. Never once did I say I was blaming anyone for anything. My opinion is just that, my opinion. As far as me not doing anything about it?! Come on now, there is no way you would know that. I’m not even sure why you are all riled up about it, but ummmm…seriously yeah.
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 2:24 PM | Link to this
AmazonRed and M’Karyl, some of those toys actually do things more than what a hand can do! In my experience, I was introduced to the ‘Jack Rabbit’…blame Sex in the City…and that is two different things going on at once…I could never use a plain bullet after that! My most recent toy, is ‘High Octane’ with about 7 settings for the shaft and another 5 or so for the rabbit ears! Can’t do that with a hand!
By For Real
December 3, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this
Jazzy Go ahead and get started. I am of the same belief that it all starts with the parents. How do you call spanking or whupping a child abuse but then turn around and give your child a hallucinate drug and not call that child abuse. WTF!
Slim I think I watched the same show. Dude was walking around like he was the pied-pipper. I don’t know if they can replecate puddy to feel the same yall will be in trouble.
Dude: Hey baby gurlll
Chick: Hey there sexy boy
Dude: Man fugg this real girl ish.. It takes too long. I’m going to get me a 6 pack of Puddy.
Puddy that cool refreshing drink.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 2:29 PM | Link to this
nypeach, Tell the man you are dating to get tested for herpes. That commercial stated that 90% of folks with it are walking around without knowing they have it. They have no symptoms. I think there are a LOT of people who might get shocking results if they get tested. He’s gonna have to know his status anyway. Once he does it might make telling him a bit easier, especially if he gets educated on the prevalence of it…
By 2CPTG©
December 3, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this
M’Karyl…I know right, that’s why I said to each his own about doing the nasty, cause I know how this Virgo gets down behind closed doors…..
By Lady J
December 3, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this
ok folks…off to cheer practice…Great Topic Diva!!! Til in the morning!!! Peace and be easy folks!!!
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 2:31 PM | Link to this
PurpleOne Groove on little sister. I ain’t hating or disagreeing-each person certain things an individual has to define for herself-it’s all cool. Like I said, I have several friends that have the FAO Schwartz of pleasure toys-lol. Like the Isley Brothers said “”It’s your thang, do what you want to do. I can’t tell you who to sock it to…” And whatever that thang is, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it!! Cheers!
By For Real
December 3, 2007 2:31 PM | Link to this
Purple ‘High Octane’ with about 7 settings Dayummm girl I hope you don’t live by a hospital.
By melo
December 3, 2007 2:31 PM | Link to this
nypeach, this blog is the last place u will get sound advice on ur situation. I suggest u consult with the social services at ur health clinic or center.If it is a hospital, most have these have outreach social workers who can help u. U can also join a support group for people with ur condition and u may get peer advice on dating etc.Check some sites on the internet about that or with the local red cross office. But the social services at the local clinic would be my 1st port of call. Insist on a condom, if u decide to act on ur horizontal desires. I am lurking and have been enjoying some of the comments.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this
Thanks for the advice PurpleOne, sounds like sensory overload!
By SexyLeggs
December 3, 2007 2:41 PM | Link to this
ARed, there are times when one’s hand can get very tired (depending on the severity of the drought). It’s so much more tiltillating with the vibration of a toy and you don’t have to worry about breaking a nail up inside (if you go inside…LOL).
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 2:41 PM | Link to this
melo, why would this place be the last one to get sound advice on this topic? If anything, folks can share how they would react in the same type of situation. For some, that would be a deal breaker, for others, they’d try to get thru it.
As for me, as many folks as I see walking around with cold sores (which are herpes) on a daily basis, I know I wouldn’t let that diagnosis be an end all for me. I’d want someone in the situation to be straight up with me, and hopefully I’d handle it maturely.
By Jazzyone
December 3, 2007 2:42 PM | Link to this
You don’t know..Oh okay
Dude is saying “hoe” in the song, but no one says anything. Imus says “nappy-headed hoe” on the radio and everyone goes crazy!!
Ya dayum right people went crazy..this does not rectify the IMUS IMA WUS issue that was plain ignorance and hatred being spewed. The two have nothing to do with each other and his statements are and were wrong….
—not riled up but if you were in the trenches fighting this fight and see what the truth really is you would be disgusted by this post as well meanwhile you posting about your so called naivety…right….
By binford
December 3, 2007 2:46 PM | Link to this
Sorry the the time lapse in between posts (that darn work).
To AZ - I knew what I was writing! I was just poking fun - I am actually a handsome boy. As far as being a Christain… I am an accepting person, it’s the Christians I’ve dated that couldn’t accept me. There is a lot to learn from multiple points of view and a respect to be gained as well.
PurpleOne Your comments @ 10:33 AM were spot on.
abc We couldn’t be more opposite, even though we seek intimacy. Your posts sounds like Bible School propoganda. I find that every turn I make, right or wrong, leads me on the long and winding road to the door of the one I will be with. All of those experiences define and reinforce my intimacy. Being raised Catholic I know the guilt they try to instill with religion …and I will have none of it.
SlimOne We too disagree. Maybe my post came across as I want to hit anything that moves or that I am not the relationship type, but nothing could be further from the truth. My point is that even though you can love someone and have true intimacy (say a spouse), that SOMETIMES in that relationship, you just want pleasure and THAT’S IT. And that’s not wrong or shallow, and if it were - SO WHAT? You can’t have the most profound, meaningful relations every time. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Sometimes you or your mate just wants the pleasure, and lord knows with so much misery in the world, that some pleasure (with someone you are married, long term dating, etc) is a great thing. If that is how women are programmed, then I think that’s not a good thing - because it is unrealistic.
…and don’t even get me started about the shame that is bestowed upon people in this country for being sexual, which is OK and how 99.99999% when we can watch death and misery eating tv dinners. ridiculous.
Lastly Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth What is the mlb? Do tell.
By Hotlanta
December 3, 2007 2:47 PM | Link to this
The last thing I want to do in this cold weather is curl up with my vibrator. I wonder do women give them pet names and stuff like “Roto Rooter”. I also wonder if a woman use them a lot and when she finally gets some can she get the same sensation or do they me thinking about their vibrator while homeboy is getting busy. I wonder when they run outta batteries in the middle of the night do they recharge that bad boy by their car battery.
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this
M’Karyl & AmazonRed It can be sensory overload…hence the use of every 4-6 weeks b/c I would need a hospital near by and I don’t wnat to be ‘found’ like that…LOL! Just ‘extra fun’…even when in a relationship…my Ex was like, dayum! He knew he could ‘never’ make my face look like that and the bigger thing was, he wasn’t intimidated by that…he realized it was an electronic device and he was gonna get the ultimate benefit of where I was after he used it on me! ;-) Basically, it got me ‘crunk’ quick and after no less than bout 5 bit O’s in about 3 minutes, then he took over!
By kinderbabe
December 3, 2007 2:49 PM | Link to this
nypeach although it’s good to get objective opinions from people who don’t know you (b/c it’s safe), i agree w/melo that it’s best to consult a health care professional. ask your dr. about ways to introduce the convo w/your current sweetie. when you talk, be direct. avoid hypothetical situations and taking yourself out of the equation. being direct is the only way to find out how he really feels. give him and encouarge him to get as much info as possible about herpes. after all the cards are on the table, it’s up to him what he decides. i wish you the best.:)
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 2:51 PM | Link to this
For Real I wonder what celebs would sign up to endorse it. I could very well see Jamie Fox the first one to sign up. But it’ll probably have that same voice come on afterwards to do the whole disclaimer run that all med ads have now-a-days.
Please don’t drink puddy & drive or operate heavy machinery. May cause extreme drowsiness, penile irritation bleeding and/or shrinkage.
By melo
December 3, 2007 2:54 PM | Link to this
melo, why would this place be the last one to get sound advice on this topic? Simply becoz there are other places with well qualified pple( from a medical and a social services perspective)where she/he can go for advice before coming to the blog. I am not saying the blog is not comptetent, just not as well equiped and comptetent enough to handle the myraid of issues involved with a communicable diseases like HIV AND HERPES.
By Dan
December 3, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this
No not vapid. Beautiful but…
I just find it hard to converse with people that can go with me. I try to be A thru Z on most subjects, but general banality insults my intellect.
I’m not being snide or pompous, but in a lot of cases, I start talking about the interconnectivity of major issues and I get the physical equivalent of the telephone busy signal.
Feel me, I could play chess for three hours, basketball for two, talk trash and bar-be-que for 4 hours or just sit down and play spades. I try to be well-rounded renaissance man….where are the well-rounded women?
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this
PurpleOne
Chirl, I have some buds who swear by’em. See, if I got started, I probably be the fool to kill myself from overload and break it at the same time-lol!!!!
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 3:04 PM | Link to this
melo, while I see your point, she was asking a question that really comes down to personal choice. Your doctor can give you medical advice and stats, but he/she can not necessarily tell you how a red blooded american male would react to such news. That’s why this blog is a great place to ask for such advice. You are in an anonymous enviornment with several active daters. This is exactly the type of forum to ask such an “what would you do” type question.
binford, I know your stats boy. I have you on file! LOL. What are you though…an athiest? What is it about your beliefs that is hard for a Christian to accept?
By li'demi
December 3, 2007 3:05 PM | Link to this
Slim I doubt I would even give a Dayum, LOL
A.Red I think a dude using toys speaks volumes of his self-esteem…the lack there of
By Kara
December 3, 2007 3:08 PM | Link to this
I don’t think truly well-rounded people have a hard time finding each other. Perhaps if you took a leap off your self-righteous, pretentious high-horse, you could also connect with like-minded individuals.
It’s tres’ tacky to complain that people you meet aren’t on your level, when you don’t realize you lack class, thus you truly are attracting what you are.
Just a thought.
and for a hip hop translation: don’t speak about it, be about it
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 3:10 PM | Link to this
Dan
I can feel you on that level, bro. It is hard when a person can cover a wide range of subjects with interest and the conversational encounters with others leave something to be lacking in the exchange. I have dealt with this most of my life b/c the label “intellectual” intimidates ppl. And it does make it hard when that is one essential for a fulfilling relationship and it is not there. I guess I never thought about how difficult it could be for men too. I know it makes things that much more difficult for me and I am not giving that aspect of myself up to be with someone. The fanastic conversations are often the greatest turn ons for me.
By Tazzee
December 3, 2007 3:11 PM | Link to this
Dan I feel your pain, you just haven’t run up on them yet but there are quite a few well-rounded women out there. But she might be in her talking trash mode when you run up on her and you think she’s a little too hood for you. Or she may be in her intellectual mode and you think she’s a little to boriing for you…who knows, but we’re out there.
By li'demi
December 3, 2007 3:13 PM | Link to this
where are the well-rounded women?
Get in line bruh…Me, you, The Truth and 98.65% of the male pops, are looking for the same woman.
By SlimOne
December 3, 2007 3:13 PM | Link to this
binford I’m not even sure what we’re talking about anymore. lol Well I agree that within the parameters of a long term relationship simple pleasure is needed lots of times. There were times in my last LTR that all i wanted buddy to do was munch da cookie & leave me be…no talking, no questions, nothing to be returned. However, in the life of singledom i’ve done the whole cut friend deal. That has gotten old to me now. Friday my co-pilot at work was off so that doubles my work load. My supervisor even asked me to stay over. Needless to say I was mentally spent when i left the office. I was on my way home thinking it would’ve been so refreshing to have someone at the house other than the cat and dog to vent about my long day to. I miss those days you know. sigh
By brownsugarvixen
December 3, 2007 3:15 PM | Link to this
Hey all!
Nice topic Wise Diva.
nypeach- I’d have to agree that consulting with much more qualified counselors would be a great start. While we can all offer our advice, doesn’t make it that of a professional neither does is make it valid. This is a very sensitive situation that deserves immediate attention. For the sake of your friendship with this gentleman, being honest and up front should be a priority. Please give to him the choice that so many others didn’t give to yourself and many more. Hope that all will fair well for you. Since he is a christian brother, he should not judge you with a plank in his eyes. Good Luck.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 3:16 PM | Link to this
LOL @ Kara - always right on time with some zingers.
By PurpleOne
December 3, 2007 3:16 PM | Link to this
M’Karyl, I did have to ‘rig’ mine, the rabbit ears had a ‘short’ and I had just had it like a month and you can’t take it back so I got in there with tweezers and worked it out! LOL…I had paid $100+ for that thing! Well, I won’t say don’t start but like I said, I got it at such a late stage in my life (early 40s) that I was ‘ripe’ for it…truly in my prime…it can be addictive but I keep in in perspective.
By melo
December 3, 2007 3:18 PM | Link to this
Your doctor can give you medical advice and stats U conveniently forgot to mention the other professional i sighted that she would confer with for her type of qs. There are legal ramnifications as well involved(in case u dont know) in the event that she decides to follow thru with her desires for a man, without disclosing her status(if she were to go that route) and possibly have sex Are u honestly telling me that if it were u, u would rather consult an anonymous driven blog 1st and not a qualified prof. from a recongnized health care establishment?(shaking my head..and then u wonder why the HIV endermic is not abating among AfrAmericans…too much ignorant vooodoo advice in the hoods) Common sense is not that common, i see.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 3:19 PM | Link to this
Kara
I don’t think truly well-rounded people have a hard time finding each other. Yes and no. I have found that it all depends on how others perceive another person and respond to that individual. I have plenty of male friends that are okay with how well-rounded and diversified my interest are in many areas. But most men who “claimed” to be attracted to me are often very intimidated when I articulate myself on a level indicative of my intelligence, humor and broad-based interest.
Perhaps if you took a leap off your self-righteous, pretentious high-horse, you could also connect with like-minded individuals.
And, yes he does seem to be a little too full of himself, but I wonder what shade for blue bruise that behavior is masking???? But, I really do not think he is a negative person, he is just full of his own personal opinions of himself. So be it!! He actually seems as if he would be a very cordial and civil person to know if your expectations were no more that in passing.
By Dan
December 3, 2007 3:20 PM | Link to this
Again. A statement sparks a personal attack (truly, who lacks class?)
But Kara, to your other point. I’m not on a high horse about it. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have a conversation with another adult about pop culture exclusively. Neither is there anything wrong with stating the obvious fact that some women (I direct you to your personal attack and others for today) cannot have a discussion on topical issues without it delving into an ego contest of “Who right and who’s wrong”.
And as for the hip-hop connotation: I wrote the autobiography about it. So get yours fugly slut
By Mo (now known as Moeisha)
December 3, 2007 3:21 PM | Link to this
Well howdy errbody!! I know I am late so I am trying to catch up!!
Did someone say something about Virgos?? I am 09/12!
I am all for the use of toys as long as you dont overdo it or end up in someone’s emergency room b/c you cant remove said toy! LOL As for celibacy or abstinence, do what makes you happy. I do believe in being cautious, get an AIDS test every year. You can only determine and do what works for you, so do that and you should be alright.
Jazzyone I did see your post about kids and hip hop as I was scanning through. I co-sign with you, I have seen/heard too many kids recite rap lyrics and not know their names, addresses, parents names, abcs and 123s and that is from lack of parenting not hip hop. We want to blame music and tv b/c its easy. Some parents need to be accountable. I know we have some teachers on here (Hey kinderbabe) that can testify about some sorry parents! I hear about them often from my sister and friends, not just on the news!
BRB..need to catch up on everything
By Tazzee
December 3, 2007 3:23 PM | Link to this
and what Kara said, LOL.
By brownsugarvixen
December 3, 2007 3:26 PM | Link to this
where are the well-rounded women?
There are plenty of well-rounded women here in the A.. They may be not be noticed at first glance, or first convos. Look a little bit closer, and listen more instead of talking, and surely you’ll find them. Being well rounded is more than an image, it is a way of being. You have to delve beyond the surface of a nice smile, or figure to find us.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 3:27 PM | Link to this
melo - Way to overreact guy. I wasn’t saying this blog was the end all to be all for answers to this question. I merely suggested this would be an appropriate sounding board.
Didn’t homechick say she’s been living with this since college? So why would she all of the sudden NOT be knowledgeable about risk and prevention. That’s not the issue here, the issue was more on how to have an open and honest discussion about this topic with a guy she cares about.
You can miss me with the thinly veiled insults on any lack of common sense. Does not apply here as I’ve taken plenty of time to educate myself on topics such as these. Grow up. A difference of opinion shouldn’t bring out such an ignorant side of you.
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 3, 2007 3:29 PM | Link to this
Beautiful my name is larry and I’m a cancer. LMAO
All of these things we’re talking about here today start with the fact that the african american males is the most cowardly creature to walk the earth. Never in history has a man done to his people what we have done. There are actually cultures that offered a virgn yearly as a token to their god and they took better care of the remaining women than we do.
When I first came on here I said alot of things based on the current state of women in this country. One day it dawned on me that all these things come from the abscence of a man in the home. Some of our women have never known the love of a man, and the fact thats its different from a womans, and now expect us to relate the same.
I challenge anyone to point out a race/gender combination that has done to their people what the aa male has. And please don’t go back to slavery because others have gone through similar situations (holocaust) and come out stronger than before. Why is it that drugs, aids, murder, and any other ailment that comes down the chute affects our community more than others? Because we begin with a weakened unit. No head of household, no leader (and your preacher and Jesse Jackson are no leaders), and no direction. We are subject to the whims of anything that rolls down the street.
I read Dans post earlier about wanting a woman that can speak on a number of topics and The thought that came to my head was let me give you the number to 10 chicks that talk to me about that and much more. These chicks have picked up the torch that we sorry azzed fellas have dropped, trampled on, and refuse to pick up again.
If I was a chick I wouldn’t listen to that ish by a cat that won’t do what he was put on the face of this earth to do. I defintely wouldn’t open my legs to a cat that I know isn’t in the position to care for the result of our relationship, a child.
And yes, others see how we treat our families and have no respect for us, as we obviosly don’t have respect for ourselves. Thats why its easier to hang Barry Bonds than prosecute Jose Canseco. Why its easier to lynch Vick than go after the long established dog fighters that have been around forever, and are white. Why its easier to lock away the Jena 6 or Genarlo than go supervise their own kids who are doing that and much more (Conyers). We are easy targets because we come from weak units.
We keep trying to cure the symtom when we need to cure the cause of that symptom. Rap music, aids, black on black crime, one parent(largely the mother) hoseholds, no assistance for the mother from the father,those are symptoms of a hurting people. The real problem hasn’t changed in a few hundred years: alot of our brothers are sorry as fug.
Disclaimer: This long azzed post is no reflection of anyone in blogsville but just a rant from The Truth. While not endorsed by the MLB “I” do approve of this message.
By Beautiful
December 3, 2007 3:29 PM | Link to this
for all those who saw this xmas, is regina’s hair real?
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 3:31 PM | Link to this
PurpleOne I did have to ‘rig’ mine, the rabbit ears had a ‘short’ and I had just had it like a month and you can’t take it back so I got in there with tweezers and worked it out! LOL…I had paid $100+ for that thing! LMAO on that, h3ll for $100 I would have been riggin’ too. Tweezers, dayum they are about as versatile as bakingsoda-lol!!
By Kara
December 3, 2007 3:32 PM | Link to this
I doubt you would even recognize a quality, well-rounded woman, Dan. You are far too busy puffing your ego, espousing your beliefs ad nauseum in hopes that people will validate your intelligence. You are probably masking a boatload of insecurities, though. It’s totally fine though, there are many of your ilk running around trying to get others to see their self-worth. For your sake, I hope you are hot.
By binford
December 3, 2007 3:33 PM | Link to this
AR I do believe the is more to life than here on what we know as earth. I also believe that humans aren’t on the top rung of the food chain (and maybe more than a few rungs down).
Can I tell you what it is? No
Do I have a plausible explination as to why we’re all here and the meaning of it all? No
Do I have faith in a general sense in the universe and that things work out a lot of times the way they are supposed to. Yes
I have studied religion and philosophy in the past and have drawn a lot of pieces from a lot of different places to comprise what works for me.
That being said - I am usually open to hear other point of views. I give respect and expect it in return. If the conversation turns to “you’re wrong, I’m right” rest assured I’m not going to tolerate it.
That was profound ….sorry.
By Dan
December 3, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this
Kara I’d like to apologize for my outburst. I truly am sorry to have sunken to that level.
But it does not hurt my point that I can do me and you can do you without qualifying one to the other. I don’t know you, your opinion of what I think is irrelevant to me. Personal attack aside, you don’t know me, you don’t know what I’ve achieved and overcome to even be alive today.
It doesn’t hold much wieght with me. I’m sorry I let it affect me, and apologize for my reaction.
By Alvin
December 3, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this
I don’t think truly well-rounded people have a hard time finding each other. Perhaps if you took a leap off your self-righteous, pretentious high-horse, you could also connect with like-minded individuals
Kara you know, I was thinking the same thing. Unless you have a handicap problem like me, that is very difficult to over look…you have got to have your head up your a$$.
Funny, your blessing can make #1-9 on your list, but 99.98% of you will X them out, if #10 is missing
By William
December 3, 2007 3:36 PM | Link to this
Celibacy isn’t hard at all to do at all. Besides in my opinion sex is way overated anyway. Been celibate for 10 years and counting, and I could not be happier.
I plan on staying celibate till I hear the words “I do” at a wedding ceramony, no ifs, buts, about it period. In my experince, sex before hand seems to always lead the relationship in boredom or both of us getting tired of each other.
It may be a shot in the dark but, if I can wait till marriage for sex, then I request that of my partner as well. If they can’t do it (which is sad) then they are not the one for me. I have never understood why people act like they cannot live without sex.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 3:36 PM | Link to this
Truth - awesome post. That needs to go into the hall of fame!
By SexyLeggs
December 3, 2007 3:39 PM | Link to this
I love reading your posts Truth.
By nypeach
December 3, 2007 3:40 PM | Link to this
I’ve talked to professionals and I know all the information. I am celibate and the man I am dating is celibate. We plan to stay that way until marriage for religious reasons. But, i am terrified to bring this up. I know I HAVE TO, but I sure don’t want to. By the by, he has never had sex. And we are not spring chickens; he’s just determined to wait until marriage. I can talk to a health professional, but really, I don’t need anymore information. I know what this is and how it is contracted. I have been celibate for ten years—since my divorce. It has been a blessing to not have to have this conversation with a partner.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 3:40 PM | Link to this
binford - thanks for the explanation.
Dan - Good to see you apologized. Good luck in your search for that well rounded woman.
By Tazzee
December 3, 2007 3:42 PM | Link to this
The Truth applause to you man! I agree with you on so many levels. While I believe women need to be more accountable regarding the single parent household dilemma, I agree that it all starts with the man.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this
Truth Beautiful my name is larry and I’m a cancer. Float, float on…lol
By Foots
December 3, 2007 3:45 PM | Link to this
Demi Truth has already met that woman, she’s just a tad bit younger than him though… :-)
Tazzee I feel your pain, you just haven’t run up on them yet but there are quite a few well-rounded women out there. But she might be in her talking trash mode when you run up on her and you think she’s a little too hood for you.
Good points. Or… He may be in one of his “I’m going to be a jerk when I meet her because I don’t care about first impressions” moods and he runs her off.
By abc
December 3, 2007 3:46 PM | Link to this
binford, your self-description defines your beliefs as Agnosticism, it’s no surprise that you’d have conflicts with Christians. Live and let live, for sure, but Christians and Agnostics are quite diametrically opposed in their belief systems. In my experience, Christians get more flack from non-believers than the other way around, but your mileage may vary. Mine is a Christian perspective, that’s true; but I see the same thing in others, regardless their religious affiliation or non-affiliation: the more sex partners you have, the less likely you are to successfully achieve true intimacy with anyone. I’m not casting aspersions on others by so saying, I include myself in the same group.
By melo
December 3, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this
Amazon,So why would she all of the sudden NOT be knowledgeable about risk and prevention Only homegirl can say and thats why a social worker can still answer those questions. Having lived with the disease since college does not make the issues go away..as she grows she encounters even more societal issues. And the crosssection of issues,legal,societal,relationship etc changes constantly thats why talking to a prof. with a grip on all the issues involved would be my priority, not a blog of anonymous pple. Not hard to figure out from my vantage point. I am not one to jump onto every subject and offer ignorant advice.But others can claim that spot.
By brownsugarvixen
December 3, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this
Truth
I’d co-sign that post. Finally I hear it from a aa male. Even though it’s been stated time & time again. It still doesn’t change the fact so many of our aa men, are not owning up to and making those changes. I commend all men who are making those strides, but to all others, jump on the band wagon. A strong man is the rock of all families. While women do the great job of filling in, temp roles does not equate a replacement.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 3:50 PM | Link to this
nypeach, your guy is a virgin? Well, that is an interesting twist. One thing I know, herpes is not a death sentence. However, I know it will probably be disheartening for him to have to wait all this time, and then worry about infection from possibly the only woman he’ll ever have sex with.
That being said, he seems to be an understanding and PATIENT man. I would be prepared with information and resources for him to answer any questions he may have. The biggest issue he’d probably have is contracting herpes himself. I’m sure there are plenty of couples where one has the virus and the other doesn’t. He will probably have to speak to someone on his own, but you can at least make sure the stigma doesn’t stick. Good luck.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 3:52 PM | Link to this
melo - agree to disagree, bud. Woo sah or something. Sheesh.
By Tazzee
December 3, 2007 3:54 PM | Link to this
William meet monb, monb meet William
By Hotlanta
December 3, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this
William what you mean request your partner do without sex until marriage as you would do. That is just one way to CONTROL the situation. It is a game to see if they love you. Guess what, if you can do without sex while dating what cha gonna do when you get married and ain’t getting none. You say you been celebate for 10 years. Chile if you haven’t had sex in 10 years you ain’t celibate you just ain’t getting any. Your celibacy period has expired. Why is it that people who choose not to have sex always seek people who are having sex and wanna play those games. Then get mad when they are rejected. Can’t have it both ways.
By QueDogTeaching
December 3, 2007 3:56 PM | Link to this
What up blog Said while Speed blogging, and winking at Page all at the same time.
On Topic I am sure that all of us, well 99.99% (what up monb) can look back on life and say thank you lord. Especially when we were young. Honestly when I was a teenager I wouldn’t stop for fear that if I said “hold on let me get some protection” then the girl would come to her senses and put her clothes back on or pull her panties back from the side which ever applied. It really wasn’t until college that I began to become safe. And by safe I mean strapping up when not in a relationship. So I still couldn’t say totally. I have been tested numerous times over the years, and I have the actual paperwork to prove it. So I do live my life a lot safer. Am I celibate? No, by no means, and I don’t know if I want to actually be in a relationship where I am totally celibate. Just my choice I am grown and like to do grown man things. I just don’t have to hit everything that looks good to me. I can’t remember who wrote it, but married people have to be careful also. So if the only reason you are abstaining is because you think it won’t affect you because you will be married, then you might as well grab the closest guy/girl to you and go into the parking deck and get it on right now. But if you truly want to wait on the sanctity of marriage, then I can listen with open ears to your comments.
Also in teaching youth, there is a large number of youth these days that are born with the disease. Some don’t find out until there is a serious illness. And then mom and dad confess to the child about what happened when they were young and wilder. So on this long post I am saying make good decisions with YOUR life. No statistic, friend, family member, church service, preacher, or blogger can make you do something. You need to live right because you want to. Does knowledge help you to make better decisions yes, but please find out.
What up Page. Looking to bring Officer Musirello out of hiding with the long post. Also looking for a closet full of T-shirts from Randy T What up Mo and NC
By Alvin
December 3, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this
The Truth the oldest question…What can we do to stop the slide?
But we’ve came far these last 40 years or so, LOL…
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this
LOL @ Tazzee!
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this
Truth
Amen!!!There was an editorial in the Virginian-Pilot last week about how Black men die. The brother who wrote it said that although African Americans make up 12% percent of the population, we account for nearly 50% of the homocides in this country every year. He made reference to the football player for the Redskins as well as young brother (15 yrs old) who was killed by 4 young black youth between 13-18 while he was out eating pizza with his mother. The state of affairs with Black men is truly alarming, but what to do.
I guess that I am fortunate to have had so many wonderful Black men who positively influenced my upbringing. And I do not know what the pain from their absence, neglect or abuse means.
By Mia
December 3, 2007 4:00 PM | Link to this
Boys, they make toys for you too. From what i here those pleasure sleeves are just as good as BOB’s
By Mia
December 3, 2007 4:00 PM | Link to this
Boys, they make toys for you too. From what i hear those pleasure sleeves are just as good as BOB’s
By Foots
December 3, 2007 4:01 PM | Link to this
Truth All I can say is wow! I know that we’ll hear shortly “but what about the woman, what is she supposed to do?” Which only shows a failure to account for his own responsibility. I just had that conversation with my sister last night about submitting. Some men want to be the head of the household, but don’t want the responsibility involved with being a true leader. If our men step up and own their place as leaders, how great can we become? Just limitless…
Families are the building blocks of our communities. If the Family dies, our communities will soon follow. It’s hard to listen to all of the proponents of meaningless sex with strange on here with that knowledge in my head.
By Dan
December 3, 2007 4:05 PM | Link to this
Co-sign to that Truth
But the thing is, when you have those obstacles to overcome, not just the one’s you’re born into, but the one’s you pick up from your surroundings. It’s hard. It’s difficult to move from the street corner to the boardroom knowing that you possess the characteristics to do both well.
My problem isn’t with the sorry dudes they are who they are. My problem is with those of us that know better and don’t do anything out of fear, rejection, whatever. I’ve spent the better part of my formative years being a mentor to the kids my age, older and younger. Trying to counsel them on how to get out and all while trying to figure it out for myself.
I have been big brother, little big brother, and nephew to everyone that I’ve seriously interacted with. Me, I give back, not just money, but time and effort.
I don’t have all the answers, but I’m willing to ask the question(s) of myself and other until I get them.
I’m tired of lamenting for the long lost souls. Let’s save the one’s we can while we can.
And if the 100 Black Men didn’t have a buy-in price I’da been did it. Still may
By Wise Diva
December 3, 2007 4:05 PM | Link to this
I think the various responses she received were fairly insightful, including yours melo.
To be clear, my intentions were to address her concern/question about the possible reaction of her mate, that was how I interpreted her question. I suppose I gave her the benefit of the doubt in educating herself about her own condition.
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 3, 2007 4:09 PM | Link to this
MK I didn’t know who was going to pick that one up. LMAO
Foots I’m still looking for that fountain. LOL
Dan tell me what your looking for, down to the bra size, and I’ll hook you up with a chick with some convo for ya. LOL
By Dan
December 3, 2007 4:09 PM | Link to this
So yeah, I’m arrogant as hellz (said that before on here too!)
But at the end of the day….I’ve earned my stripes and display my scars cause I’ve seen the war, up close and personal.
PATNA
By Beautiful
December 3, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this
William meet monb, monb meet William, lol.
By Page1908
December 3, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this
Hey QDT. I was asking your perspective on something, but this is not the proper forum I see. I may have to email you…
By binford
December 3, 2007 4:17 PM | Link to this
abc I still strongly disagree for many reasons, but when a discussion gets to this point, its just good to say we can agree to disagree. I’m not thinking either of us are really going to move on our positions.
And for the record, I have no conflicts with any religion. I just don’t agree with them; nor do I think they are correct. But, again, that doesn’t mean there aren’t some nuggets of insight or wisdom to be taken from them.
By melo
December 3, 2007 4:18 PM | Link to this
Foots, from ur perspective, what would submitting entail?Just curious to know what stepping up would mean for a man. * If our men step up and own their place as leaders, how great can we become? Please share.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 4:18 PM | Link to this
WiseDiva your answer to nypeach was well stated. I thought your advice was excellent.
This topic could come up in many of our own relationships. We should all think about how we’d react if someone we cared about told us similar news.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 4:19 PM | Link to this
Dan
I’ve spent the better part of my formative years being a mentor to the kids my age, older and younger. Trying to counsel them on how to get out and all while trying to figure it out for myself. To whom much is given, much is also required. We are obligated to share our wisdom and our insight with others, no matter at what age it may come to us to do so. It is a blessing to have been so endowed with this level of astute reasoning. And yes, some times, only the souls who can be saved wil be-the others are lost by choices of volition and vices. The Kybalion states that truth only comes to those who seek it.
By Ladylike
December 3, 2007 4:23 PM | Link to this
Great comments today guys, interesting reading. Have a great evening!
By 2CPTG©
December 3, 2007 4:24 PM | Link to this
“To whom much is given, much is also required. We are obligated to share our wisdom and our insight with others, no matter at what age it may come to us to do so. It is a blessing to have been so endowed with this level of astute reasoning. And yes, some times, only the souls who can be saved wil be-the others are lost by choices of volition and vices. The Kybalion states that truth only comes to those who seek it.”
Gal, you aiiight with me!
By Dan
December 3, 2007 4:25 PM | Link to this
Right on Truth
That’s an offline conversation. Hit me up @ Danbynight@netzero.com
By 2CPTG©
December 3, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this
btw, what you know ‘bout the Kabbalah/Kybalion? And the quest for the ultimate truth?
By For Real
December 3, 2007 4:29 PM | Link to this
Truth I agree with most of your post but the number one reason AA’s have been in this position is because AA males and AA female have been divided and pitted aganist one another. If you remeber this statement use to apply to AA’s “The one thing I can say about Black people is that they stick together”. Foots I’m just pointing out the a cause I am not using this as an excuse. Truth look at how the welfare system was restructured to break the family up. Women would be denied support if their man lived in the household. In essence, get rid of the man and we will give you money. So while I agree with on the states of some AA males, I believe AA females are in that same state of mind. But I believe the first 10 steps belong to the men.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 4:31 PM | Link to this
2CPTG©
Virgo represents!!
By Dan
December 3, 2007 4:32 PM | Link to this
Thanks Ms. M
forgiven for earlier insult
By DreamsMaterialize
December 3, 2007 4:38 PM | Link to this
M’karyl
I agree with. Of course, the Kybalion also says that said truth will come to you only when it is time.
By M'Karyl
December 3, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this
2CPTG© The 7 Principles of Truth, the philosophy and teachings of Hermes Trismegestius (Thrice Great)? You mean that-lol! The Teachings of Mental Alchemy from whence all things-Chemistry, Physics, Psychology, Religion, etc. got their roots of truth? That stuff? Oh, I thought that was common knowledge, umm must of been seeking truth when I found it-lol
By Foots
December 3, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this
melo The true act of submission comes naturally when you have a man who is submitted to God. It comes from following this pattern: Husbands love your wives, Wives respect your husbands. If I have a man who loves me as Christ loved the church (which is how he is commanded to love his wife), then I don’t have a problem letting his authority be final in the household. He is the one to have to answer to God for the problems and the successes in our relationship and family, therefore the burdens and the joys are on his shoulders. Very few men understand that or want that type of responsibility. They may see if as the “what I say goes” principle and they like that part, but the truth of the matter is that it’s hard being first in command, it is difficult being the one your family looks to for an answer. Ask a CEO whose company is failing, despite the best efforts of his people. When it all comes down to it, he has to answer to why the company failed.
It takes real courage for a man to take his rightful place as the leader in the family. Some are just not equipped with the type of knowledge, confidence, grace, humor and humility it takes be a good leader.
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 3, 2007 4:40 PM | Link to this
Foots I’m going to let some in on a secret that I’m sure you know. Every woman will GLADLY submit when she meets the right man. I don’t know of a woman that wouldn’t gladly lay down her shield if the right dude would pick it up for her. This whole superwoman thing is a cover for a woman forced to wear boxers when she wants to wear lace.
A good man, simply by his actions, causes a woman to submit. If I meet a woman that bucks its because she doesn’t believe in me, or herself, which is all I need to know.
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 4:41 PM | Link to this
Whoo, I’m so glad I don’t live in the Northeast anymore! It always storms up there on my birthday!
By Foots
December 3, 2007 4:42 PM | Link to this
For Real Glad you stated that, and ended the way you did. It did sound like you were going the route of “but look at what they did to us” victimhood for a minute there…
By Kara
December 3, 2007 4:44 PM | Link to this
Dude, what? No need to apologize. Could care less about your jabs at me, really.
By 2CPTG©
December 3, 2007 4:46 PM | Link to this
uh, oh…..I think I found a new friend! ummm, you familiar with the Emerald Tablets of Thoth, who was said to have been Hermes, reincarnate?
By For Real
December 3, 2007 4:49 PM | Link to this
Alvin
Give back and not just with your money but more importantly your time. Look at your piece of the world and develop a plan to do your part. AA men need to stop being so selfish. It can’t always be about you getting yours can it? As Dr. King said “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity”. AA’s need to stop depending on the Government bc the Government is partly responsible for the situation. “Capitalism is the extraordinary belief that the nastiest of men, for the nastiest of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all.” In addition, remember on the “Blackout” date, what if each and every AA donated $1 to Tom Joyner’s HBCU foundation instead. That would have been $33million.
By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth
December 3, 2007 4:49 PM | Link to this
For Real I understand what your saying but if papa stayed it wouldn’t be left in the states hand. We already know what they’ll do if we give them the opportunity. 100% co sign on ” But I believe the first 10 steps belong to the men”. I was really interested to see how the fellas saw this thing.
We can easily look at the women and blame them but if we really look we’ll see they act the way they do because we don’t act like we should.
By melo
December 3, 2007 4:49 PM | Link to this
Foots, thanks.I am glad i meaure up somewhat to ur definition even though the reference to God part makes me shudder a little. And not because i do not recognize His authority.
By Foots
December 3, 2007 4:56 PM | Link to this
Truth I don’t know of a woman that wouldn’t gladly lay down her shield if the right dude would pick it up for her
I don’t know of one either. But then again, you have dudes running around here, pounding their chests, talking about “She doesn’t respect me!!!”. The question I have for them is “Are you handling your business?”
By AmazonRed
December 3, 2007 4:57 PM | Link to this
Insightful discussion today. I learned a little more about some of you. Have a great evening.
By Foots
December 3, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this
melo I said God, not Preacher. That should make you relax some.
By Tazzee
December 3, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this
Have a great evening folks!
By For Real
December 3, 2007 4:59 PM | Link to this
Truth Hey man we need to sit and talk bruh. Maybe it’s time for the MLB to hold a meeting of the minds. Poobah what do you think?
Foots You are correct 100% but do you agree in this day and age your statement fly directly in the face of today’s “Superwoman” mentality and the “I’m get mines you get your” mentality?
By DreamsMaterialize
December 3, 2007 5:01 PM | Link to this
Am familiar with the Emerald Tablets of Thoth, but I have not read those which have been made available.
By brownsugarvixen
December 3, 2007 5:03 PM | Link to this
Great Blog today. Remember to pass on some of this great advice to all that you come in contact with. Never know whose life you may affect in a positive way. Until next time …..peace!
By Foots
December 3, 2007 5:06 PM | Link to this
For Real If I can’t handle my business now, who will? I was raised to be able to take care of myself and a family if I needed to. And so far, I have needed to. When it comes time that I am in a partnership, I will behave as a partner should. Would I like to share my burden? You dayum right! Who wants to carry a load alone, especially when you have a 200+ pound man staring you in the face everyday? This is what families are about, providing leadership and direction to the next generation. I need a strong head of household to spearhead that.