Misadventures in Atlanta

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 8:05 AM | Link to this

Morning, Happy Monday!!!!

Diva driving me beyond bonkers…But I am surviving…lol…I am so ready to hit the streets after Wed…I am going to maintain not to settle though…If I could just take the emotional side of sex out…Wow …Some womaen can do it without blinking I think…lol

By Beautiful

December 3, 2007 8:37 AM | Link to this

i’m currently not getting any because i refuse to give it away to a man who isn’t mine. when i find a man we will go get tested together (exclusive/committed relationship). if he isn’t feelin’ the togetherness on this issue, i’m moving on. in the past, my sex partner took a hiv test every six months like i did. i worried more about getting Chlamydia, etc. but i’m sure the condom took care of that.

hope every1 had a good weekend.

By Beautiful

December 3, 2007 8:39 AM | Link to this

hey lady j!

By kinderbabe

December 3, 2007 8:40 AM | Link to this

hey ladyj:) hang in there girl:) don’t be fooled. nobody out there is having emotionless sex. those folks talk a good game but only they know how they really feel in those quiet moments when they aren’t runnin’ their mouths, convincing themselves that it’s “all good”….whateva! lol the right person will come along for you to share yourself with. stay strong.:)

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 8:45 AM | Link to this

Hey Beautiful and may I add SOMEBOBY ELSES GUY!!! LOLOL

By Dan

December 3, 2007 8:48 AM | Link to this

Right On Diva!

Everytime you lay down to have intercourse with a stranger you take a risk. Of course, there are precautions such as condoms, etc. But you still have the risk.

I could be banal and write all about the risk you take stepping out the door, or the risk you take eating and not caring for your self. I could, but I won’t.

Picking a sexual partner is more than the physical issues we so often talk about here. You have to take into account one’s emotional and mental makeup as well. If this person cares for their mental, spiritual and emotional growth, chance are they are concerned with thier health as well.

Complicated issue. Long post. My two cents.

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 8:53 AM | Link to this

haey kb!!! 3 more 3wks babe!!!! LOL I will!!! I will see what new coping skills I can come up with when I return home…It was easy to do cause I was at mama’s since Oct 21st and of course no haky panky going on there and my child and necies and nephew kept my mind of it!!! Now back to regular routine soon and I hope the CELL PHONE DEVIL don’t make me call or answer just for the moment…LOL

By MzLadyDiamond

December 3, 2007 9:02 AM | Link to this

Good Morning all

Aside from abstaining from sex there really isn’t anything out there that is 100% safe. I always ask a potential partner when there last AIDS test and the result. It really is a way to see how important being safe is, well at least if it even crossed their mind to have a test. If I am really considering going down that road with them, we get tested together. I agree with Dan, if a person cares for their mental, spiritual and emotional growth, chances are they are concerned with thier health.

Back to lurking…

By AmazonRed

December 3, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this

Though I am not celebate, I do abstain during the in between periods when I am not seeing anyone. It’s never “just sex” for me, but an emotional and spiritual committment.

What I do find odd is that many guys I have dated don’t bring up the “let’s talk about sex” talk before they are willing to go there with me. I guess knowing that they are going to wrap it up is a good enough preventative measure. However, I’m going to need to know when your last HIV and STD test was as well as the results! I’m going need to know you’re not having sex with anyone else - female OR male!

By AmazonRed

December 3, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this

One last thing, have you guys heard the radio commercials stating that almost 1 in 2 blacks are infected with genital herpes? That’s a staggering statistic.

By Dan

December 3, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this

I agree that the “sex and test” talk is often omitted in trysts, and when the conversation does arise it’s usually by a woman (and usually well after she and the man have….).

But I relate back to the growth equation, I need to know you understand credit, I need to know you get that the world isn’t just what you read in the paper, and I darn sho need to know your nasty a**e has had a test for every transmitted disease up to and including monkey flu or whatever.

By AmazonRed

December 3, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this

Did this fool Dan just say monkey flu??? Too dayum funny!

By binford

December 3, 2007 9:28 AM | Link to this

God, I’m not getting the babes as it is and I’m clean a s whistle! What would happen if a were a dirty bird (Ron Mexico anyone)?

That’s a question I don’t need answered.

AR Thanks for sharing that you are NOT celibate - you’ve ruined my day!

By AmazonRed

December 3, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this

I know it’s still early but it’s kinda *crickets * in here. LOL. Maybe the celibacy topic is foreign to many…or maybe folks are still uncomfortable talking about these types of things still…

By SlimOne

December 3, 2007 9:32 AM | Link to this

Morning

It’s no secret that our society is oversexed. We are constantly bombarded with sexual images, content, songs, tv shows etc. I’m so tired of the whole I’d rather get to know your CT then get to know you crap. I see why so many women are now turning to celibacy or adult toys for pleasure. No mo humping around for Slim until I meet a guy that’s interested to getting to find out more about what’s between my left and right ear than just my right and left leg.

WOOSAH!

By AmazonRed

December 3, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Binford…I have a thing about the word “celibate”…monks are celibate. LOL. I chose to use the word “abstain” which is what I’m doing by choice right now. :-)

By PurpleOne

December 3, 2007 9:42 AM | Link to this

I second that Slim! I invested in a ‘very good and expensive’ toy for in the mean time :-)…I haven’t given up the possibility so I have to just be patient until the right one that deserves it comes along…I am finding that the old ones still digress so age isn’t even helping the issue but I know he is out there for me!

By li'demi

December 3, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this

In 2007, there are over 33 million people living with AIDS

That ain’t ish, according to same stats…Black americans make up 15% of the Dayum total!!

we make up 65% or the prison pop…70% of welfare…65% of AIDS’n’other disease cases…75% of high school drop outs…55% of unemployment…70% of kids headed by single parent house holds…75% of yearly murder’n’rape cases..45% of missing men and women…and most likely to die before the age of 55…All out of a population of 13 or 17 million peeps.

I smell some Bull Ish…Next: High risk for cancer.

Dont get me wrong…I know we do some very very risky things…But I’ve been around to many white folks to know something isn’t adding up!!!

By M'Karyl

December 3, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this

Hey Good People: Interesting topic for discussion today. Some very good coomments posted as well.

I made my decisions to utilize celibacy/abstinence as a means of protecting my best interest back in 1991. I met Dazon Dixon-Diallo (who was in the initial phase of beginning her international AIDS outreach program for women of the African diaspora) in 1989; she hipped me up to the Strecker Memorandum. And armed with the information in this vital document, I realized that reducing high risk encounters was not viable solution, it became necessary to eliminate high risk behaviors (the AIDs virus is smaller than the smallest pore of a condom). Period.

Add to that , the 30 or so friends, aquaintances, and others that I watched die from this dreadful disease. Enough was enough. I learned that the life you save may be your own. No amount of gratification is worth the risk.

And the other thing that really made me re-evaluate why I chose to be intimate with someone or not was the fact that in reality no one was really sharing the with me in the personal concerns to maintain my own best interest( a 30 foot, 2 story fall and six months in a cast; my finally going back to school to complete my degree, or my day-to-day survival). Not one person who wanted to share sexual intimacy with me, also wanted to share in these concerns. Mmmm-okay, Not! I may not be getting out of this life alive, but I will bye dayuuuummmm if I am going to die just from getting off.

FYI this site is very informative. It breaks down HIV/AIDs statistic by race, ethnicity, age, gender by state and overall. There are approximately 11 states where African-American make up more than 50% of the HIV/AIDS cases (MI, VA, NC, SC, GA, AL, LA, TN, DE, MD and DC).

http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparecat.jsp?cat=11

By binford

December 3, 2007 9:54 AM | Link to this

AR If you met me, you would choose to keep with that abstain thing ;p

Actually, I’ve had a bunch of dates lately, but it’s a slow pack of horses and not a one is taking the lead. Collectively though, the field has left me BROKE!

By T-Mango

December 3, 2007 9:57 AM | Link to this

How do you think the AIDS epidemic changed the landscape of the dating scene?

I don’t think it has…I think the large percentages of people infected speak for themselves. If people were frightened by the presence of HIV/AIDS I think the percentages of infections would be lower because they’d take more precautions. Moreover, folks would not be afraid to talk about it (especially in church). Not talking about it doesn’t make the problem go away.

Heterosexual Black women and teenagers are among the highest groups affected by the disease. Still, too many of us refuse to get tested because “we don’t want to know.” Or, others choose to play Russian Roulette by engaging in risky behaviors when they know it increases the possibility of infection. For example, at the shelter that I volunteer with you can look at the security cameras and see transvestite prostitutes interacting men who drive up the street solicting their services. Most of the men that I have seen solicting these prostitutes have been nice looking, clean-cut professional looking men. The kind you’d probably try to step to if you saw them in public. So what happens? After services are received some of them probably go home to the girlfriend or wife that they proclaim to love and/or be committed to like they did nothing. Or, they stand in the pulpit on Sunday and tell you how you should live your life…

Be selective, be safe and wrap it up!

Disclaimer: The views expressed…

By SlimDiva

December 3, 2007 9:58 AM | Link to this

Good morning All! Good comments! Deciding to become celibate after Mr. Navyman’s and my departure was one of the best decisions I could have made.

A lot of pepole can’t understand how I can date and remain celibate. It’s a life-making decision. As others have stated, until I meet the man who is right for me and we both have been tested at least twice and obtain negative results, I will NOT be sexual active. Again, as others have stated, for me, sex has an emotional and spiritual connection, in additional to a physical one. Every time we give our bodies to someone we’re giving them a piece of our spirit and we’re gaining a piece of their spirit. We don’t need everyone’s spirit within us.

I must admit that it’s extremely hard, but I’m sticking with my decision to abstain. Our bodies are temples…only we can protect it.

By Beautiful

December 3, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this

binford when u least expect it … …

By itsmorenamorena

December 3, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this

Buenas Dias Wise Diva y tod@s…

Happy Birthday to my fellow Sagittarians!! I’m on the countdown to Thursday when the party begins nonstop through the end of the month LOL

Timely topic, indeed. One, my annual HIV test is next week. Two, yes, I ask potentials about their HIV/STD status and history. That’s a conversation that comes up pretty early on. Three, I haven’t had sex in nearly a year, and I won’t again until I’m in that committed, monogamous relationship I so desire. My toys keep me feeling good, but nothing replaces a man. But when the brotha says being with me gets in the way of him being a man of God (i.e., abstaining until marriage), what can I do?

Next….

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this

lol binford…

By PurpleOne

December 3, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this

M’Karyl, Dazon is very on point and informative…I graduated from Spelman with her in my class and she was on point then. Man, that was 1985! It is so not worth it…my most recent Ex, part of the reason we broke up was the risk he wanted to take with sex and I loved myself quit a bit more than to put myself in a questionable situation.

By PurpleOne

December 3, 2007 10:10 AM | Link to this

Amen SlimDiva! My Ex was retired Navy too.

By binford

December 3, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this

Beautiful I bought that line in my 20’s and until about 32 - that’s just not the case.

That’s OK though; as it’s better to not go through the rash of divorces people I know are going through now.

Btw, I am delibrately off-topic today because this topic is WAY TOO DEEP/DEPRESSING for a Monday. Buzzkill City! This topic should have been a Wednesday or Thursday topic.

By Cammi

December 3, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this

2 years, 2 months, 1 week , 1 day and counting. It’s hard waiting for Mr. Right….

By PurpleOne

December 3, 2007 10:13 AM | Link to this

(sp) quit -> quite my bad…

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this

I must admit that it’s extremely hard, but I’m sticking with my decision to abstain. Our bodies are temples…only we can protect it. Great Point SlimDiva!!!

Now J is ready to ready to some realistic coping skills that work from those of you who have sustain under preasure…J

By abc

December 3, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this

Sexuality without desire for real intimacy is just bonking like a couple of dogs. Intimacy is the goal. If that’s not what you’re after, keep your pants on — sooner or later you’ll meet the one that you do want real intimacy with, and all the clowns you bonked will only make it more difficult to achieve. There’s only one reason I know; takes one to know one.

By SexyCool

December 3, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

the big disease with the little name changed how I dated…period…that whole ijuswannafeelyou line means nothing to me…in fact, it’s a turn off…

celibacy…been there, done that, got the t-shirt…self love made it easier to deal with…’nuff said…

By 2CPTG©

December 3, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

Morning y’all….

no blues here….but to alleviate the pressure, or backed up pipes, occupy your mind with something other than sex; and if it gets to be too much…..masturbate!

Though I’m no Dawg fan, I am ticked LSU jumped over them in the BCS polls….that’s some straight bullshyt!

By SexyLeggs

December 3, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone.

Thanks * itsmorenamorena*

I’ve chosen to abstain solely due to my divorce and respect for my daughter. I had to get right w/SELF before allowing anyone to come into my life. I love who I am and will have to rely on some toys for the time being…LOL

By binford

December 3, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

abc

Sometimes, even with someone you care about, all sex is is just pleasure. For some reason people seem to be conditioned it must have the most paramount meaning behind it every time. Poppycock I say!

And while you’d hope you had those times of true intimacy - other times it is NO different than the dogs that boink and howwwlllllll.

So then why is it so wrong to act on that then?

By Beautiful

December 3, 2007 10:22 AM | Link to this

Cammi i went 3 yrs before. it was easy for me to do at that time. when my ex came along, i wore him out. lol.

hopefully it won’t be that long this time.

By M'Karyl

December 3, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this

PurpleOne

Yes, she is truly on point. I credit her with giving me the most essential and valuable information that I needed at that time in my life. It helped me going forward to know why I needed to changed lifestyle behaviors. I had questions, but I did not have answers. Her presence in my life was divine.

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this

meant read…

By Ha

December 3, 2007 10:26 AM | Link to this

I’d rather be celibate and safe, than active and infected (or risking it)!!! No celibacy blues here!!!

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 10:29 AM | Link to this

teachers out there it is teacher appreciation night @ the arena wed the 19th when the heat play the hawks…just sharing the flyer I am reading…J Of course it is a discount but the tix are already afforable…no pun intended…J

By PurpleOne

December 3, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

Binford, I hear you on the issue of sex for pleasure but if I want to ‘use’ someone, I want to ‘use’ the person I love and have a commitment with. Of course it is even more ‘fun’ when it is with someone you care about, you can really let go! There is a time for true intimacy and other times, you just want to ‘hit it’…all with the same person.

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

good point sexyleggs…

By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth

December 3, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

Good morning blogsville.

On topic: Ok, here we go with tmi. I’ve had gonorrhea 3 times, chlamydia once, crabs once, and to many uti’s to count. Still i consider myself lucky. I was out sexing when aids was for gays (early 80’s) and just a rumor and I’d never heard of herpes. I was young, stupid, with testosterone flowing like the niagara and enjoying my freedom ( in the army). I wasn’t turning down jack and paid accordingly. Even if I wore a condom initially it was coming off as soon as possible. I was a crack fiend.

Luckily I learned my lesson, for the most part. I always got treated within a few days but that doesn’t mean I never had it. I still love it but now this ish has me scared straight. I know what comes from it.

I question cats that say they been with alot of chicks and never been burnt. Even with condoms its risky so maybe folks are fudging their numbers. My boy, who still knocks off alot of chicks, and I talk and he tells me how it goes down. I could never do it like him. Sex is full contact for me. If I cant do what I want I’d rather beat off.

This is the cruelest ish I’ve seen. I now have the convo, the place, the mindset to knock it off in droves and I’m scared to pull the trigger. This is booolshyt. LMAO

Binford I’m lmao at your posts. I’m emailing you the mlb manual for dating dude.

Hello to my good friends, at least those that will still talk to me and don’t think I have the cooties. LMAO

While I don’t abstain I’m not getting down unless I know whats going on. Dam I miss my ex now. Ain’t nothing like some good ol home booty.

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

Hey Truth! I laughed out loud thinking about your Redan Middle school comment yesterday!!! LOL

By abc

December 3, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

binford, because it’s so much less that way. It may seem to some that it’s all there is to it, but it’s not all there is to it. Every person that one is sexually active with leaves an impression, like an imprint. None of those have a positive effect. When you find the right one, then, you have all that history to overcome before real intimacy with them can be gained. It’s not worth it. For most adults, including me, having that knowledge after the fact doesn’t help that much, except to identify what the causes the difficulty.

By Dan

December 3, 2007 10:45 AM | Link to this

Slim regarding your 9:32am post:

Are the two ideas mutually exclusive? Does a man have to “get to know you” mentally apart from the physical?

We’ve talked on here about the stalkeratti, the enflamed sexual apetites (sp?) of both sexes, but let’s be real for a moment….

If getting to know someone is somehow seperate and apart from the mental and physical aspects of the process then where does that leave the human race?

Similar to: your assurance that I’m not after (just) your body, how do I know that you are not after (just) my mind/time?

Conundrum…..

By SexyLeggs

December 3, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

SexyCool, you said it best self love made it easier to deal with.

By PurpleOne

December 3, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this

Wow Truth Formally known as The Truth *…I’m so glad that even when was younger, that I didn’t have a ‘thing’ that drove and dictated my life like that! I can’t imagine all you’ve been through and not getting the lesson after the first time…I’m just glad you finally got it b/c for some, it takes more to…I’m happy you are ok now. But you concern me with learning the lesson ‘for the most part’…so do you still risk it?! Is it that serious? I miss my Ex too but I LOVE me and *that doesn’t define who I am.

By Tazzee

December 3, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

Morning folks!

Great topic WiseDiva and one that definitely needs to be discussed. I read the statistics about HIV/AIDS and it amazes me. Personally, I don’t know of anyone infected - but that doesn’t mean they aren’t it may be that they just don’t know. I know folks that don’t want to get tested or use giving blood as their test.

What amazes me is that testing isn’t more prevalent. For instance when I go to the doctor to get my annual bloodwork, I request that they do a complete work-up. I didn’t know that I had to request HIV test specifically. If I’m a member of the high-risk group, you would think they would offer it. The same is true with herpes. Now I ask for everything gotta add monkey-flu to my list, LOL

HIV/AIDS hasn’t changed the way I date because I’ve always tried to protect my heart and body.

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this

sighing but it is true…

By SlimOne

December 3, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this

binford For some reason people seem to be conditioned it must have the most paramount meaning behind it every time. Poppycock I say! Well did it ever occur to you that some folks maybe tired of shallow meaningless pleasure? That gets old hooking up with some dude or chick you could careless about once you blow your load. I’d rather have all that intimacy, meaning, & connection from someone I actually care about. When it’s just purely sex, it feels so pointless. I can recreate those few seconds of OOhhh WOW! OMG with Mr. Bullet and guess what?…..he never makes me feel cheap or used afterwards. lol

By M'Karyl

December 3, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this

Ha

^5! Most definitely. I believe it is better to be safe than sorry.

By God's Child

December 3, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this

I’m lurker most of time, but I’ll give some insight on today’s topic. I’m a black female, early 30’s, and I’ve lived with genital herpes since my junior year of college, just over 12 years now. For me, I’ve learned to live with my STD, however, whenever I decide or express my interest in a man that I may be attraced to sexually or intimately, I choose to be very upfront and honest about my situation. You’d be surprised @ the number of men who say “Ok cool, I have it too, just never let anyone know about it”, so sistas and for those brothas as well, be cautious and make sure, you use a condom. You never know what a person has until you tell them your story. Honestly, having herpes hasn’t damaged me, if anything, it’s made me more aware of who I want to deal with on a physical, intimate level. I’ve had 2 meaningful relationships where the man wasn’t infected, but accepted my situation. It’s a matter of communication and honesty in my opinion.

By AmazonRed

December 3, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

binford, re-read your 9:54…you’re saying if I’d meet you I’d still chose abstinance? Dang.

But anyway, I think I got knocked off of your dreamgirl list because I am a Christian lady!

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this

My auntie got years back @ central in nc…it affects her to this day…she is hush hush about it but it does touches home for most

By M'Karyl

December 3, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this

Tazzee HIV/AIDS hasn’t changed the way I date because I’ve always tried to protect my heart and body.

I admire you for that high level of self-regard. I do not know how old you are, but I know for ppl in my generation (the baby boomers) the influence of the “free love” culture really allowed so many of us to be far more randomly promiscuous without the fear of “untreatable” consequences (the pill and penicillin). I found that many ppl in my age group had a very hard time modifying their sexual behaviors even as the reality of the HIV/AIDs epidemic became undeniably threatening. And for many it was a little too late.

By DreamsMaterialize

December 3, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this

According the the posts on here today, I think we can all agree that this blog is definitely NOT representative of the general population.

Everyone has sex in a committed relationship

Everyone has meaningful, emotion-filled, intimate “love-making”

Everyone gets a weekly AIDS/HIV test

Everyone goes to annual HIV/STD conferences

Everyone requires their partner to show their HIV negative credentials

Everyone has always used condoms, IUD, NuvaRing, AND dental dams at the same time and during every encounter

All I can say is LMAO

By For Real

December 3, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this

You do know you don’t have to sex in order have intimacy. The two are exclusive of each other.

To those of you that are not having sex out of fear, where do you draw the line as it pertains to fear and your reaction to it.

By Ms. Kitty

December 3, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this

Toys??????!!!!!!!!!! there is no intimacy in toys and you are truly not celibate if you are using them……To abstain is to do without, not to substitute something “unreal” for the original purpose that God created intimacy for…….You may as well be 100% celibate since the risk is so great……..

By AmazonRed

December 3, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this

Thanks for your testimony God’s Child. I’ve heard many say they’d never date someone with herpes. Many folks don’t want to admit that if they have ever had a cold sore, they have herpes and that it can spread to the genitals too. I spend a lot of my time making myself aware of what’s out there so that I can handle it if ever confronted with such situations.

By SlimOne

December 3, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this

Danny Boy

Are the two ideas mutually exclusive? Does a man have to “get to know you” mentally apart from the physical?

I don’t have a problem with a person getting to know me physically. My issue is folks ONLY wanting to get to know me physically. I’m not sure if you know but a puddy doesn’t have a brain. It’s purely a physical involuntary type deal. If you rub it, it will come. No rocket science there. I’m so amazed at how many folk don’t even know your last name, how many siblings you have, if you use colgate or Crest etc but will know what it takes to make you scream up unto the heavens. Physical pleasure is so temporary but real intimacy goes so much further.

True as humans we all need touch and the whole other physical aspects of homosapien interaction. However, if humans are supposed to be the superier & more intellectual creature, why still go around acting like we aren’t by purely mating with every dizzick that comes along? If i can connect with a dude on a mental level then naturally I’m going to want to connect on a physical one. I’d love to have both is all i’m saying. It’s just as bad to connect with a person only mentally but have no physical attraction there. We’ve disccused that also, and we use the term Friend Zone to describe that. I’m sure you’ve heard females say, me and so-and-so could be so good together, we communicate well, we have a good time yadda yadda yadda BUT…..

By 2CPTG©

December 3, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

Dreams….you didn’t know this blog was perfect? Nothing but stand up, upright, citizens here!

By AmazonRed

December 3, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

DreamsMaterialize - exaggerate much?

By For Real

December 3, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

So all of the ladies that crave intimacy from a man and is not willing to have sex anymore until that man gives you intimacy, what is the difference between what you do with your toys and having sex with a man that does not give you intimacy?

By SexyLeggs

December 3, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this

….Truth Formally known as The Truth, WOW!!! Thanks for sharing, and I’m glad you learned albeit the hard way. Also, glad you’re doing well today!

By M'Karyl

December 3, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

DreamsMaterialize

I think what you have here are ppl who have decided, according to the individual’s lifestyle, to make sound decisions to be informed about the HIV/AIDs risk, to modify the behaviors associated with sexual engagement and to give tought to why a decision is made on whether or not to be sexaul active without forethought. No, this may not be reflective of the general publics behaviors and attitudes, after all GA is one state where African Americans make up 50% or greater of the HIV/AIDs cases in the state. But I am willing to give the intelligent ppl here credit for exercising good judgment.

By 2Sweet

December 3, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

Good Morning

Great Topic….it has become, a much more common conversation amongst my family, and close friends. While some of us are married and single, I still make it a point that we all go & get tested once a year. I’ve read articles and seen specials on the effects that this disease can have….terrible. Ladies rather it be celibacy or not, encourage those in your inner cirle to go get tested.

I don’t think that there is anything wrong with living a celibate lifestyle. Toooo much emphasizing of sexual misconducts are truly appealing to the young and old. It’s highly publicized, and well over-rated.

This subject is amongst one that makes for another opportunity to educate both my inner circle and family. In my family we make it a point to get tested once a year. We’ve had several close friends of the family fight this battle and I must say that there is nothing sadder, than to see a person with so much potential cut their own life short. I think that America does such a great job of promoting sex. That many of us had accepted this way of life. As usual, people are longing to experience these short-term pleasures, without thinking about the consequences that follow.

It is my own belief that one can’t experience true intimacy, until you satisfy the spiritual inner being, then only can you connect with another person, on your level. Until then, just makes for hot passionate encounters that are never fulfilling.

Just some FYI: Dekalb County has an alarming growth rate. 1 in every 4 persons has HIV. Not sure about the other counties. Something else to think about; there is only 1 known village in the entire world that has not been affected by this disease. I will post this county’s name as soon as I find it.

To all Celibate Men & Women. Thanks for Making the World a Much Better Place. Remember that anything good/rewarding is always worth waiting for!

Sorry for the long post. I got a little excited. LOL

By For Real

December 3, 2007 11:23 AM | Link to this

Slim So to your point, if intimacy is sooooooo important to women, why do yall say yadda, yadda, yadda BUT…?

That’s very, very, very confusing to men. You talk about the value of intimacy and when a dude gives that you, then you scream BUT and go after a dude that you know good and well isn’t going to give you any intimacy.

By Beautiful

December 3, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

DreamsMaterialize have you met the handful of individuals on this blog who stated that they placed sex on hold until their in a committed relationship? why would a person lie on this blog when their using a fake name? y r u so negative all the damn time? what’s wrong with you? what’s going on in your life where you have to spread all these negative vibes everywhere?!? stop the madness!!!! i’m tired of it.

By kinderbabe

December 3, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

well dreams i don’t think that everyone is intending to come off “high and mighy” as you interpreted. i view it more as a “been there, done that…don’t want to go through that ish again” type mentality. you know?

By For Real

December 3, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this

Demi The blog ate my post but I agree with on the numbers smelling funny. There are only 33million African American in this country if you believe those numbers.

By PurpleOne

December 3, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

Hmm, For Real, where to start…the toy, no lying, no cheating, not afraid to commit, no drama, do I need to go on? For me, the toy is just for physical release without the ‘baggage’…why would I want baggage from a man to get the physical stuff taken care of?!

By kinderbabe

December 3, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this

forreal what your speaking of is pleasure. toys and masturbating let you release some stress while delivering pleasure. now the intimacy factor that’s different. what some women are speaking of is that they don’t want just the physicality of sex. that scenario can be recreated w/a toy or by the way of her own hand. the intimacy that is exclusive to two human beings is special. it’s necessary. it enhances the sexual experience.

By Tazzee

December 3, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this

M’Karyl I did have my free-sex days, but that was before Magic Johnson’s announcement. I think for most of us, prior to that we didn’t think HIV/AIDS was something we needed to worry about. The thing is, I changed my behavior regarding sex and relationships right around that same time and it was for other reasons.

By SlimOne

December 3, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

For Real It’s all about balance bud period.

By Lady J

December 3, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

you is perfect…we all have MIS Adventures that got us to this point of rethinking our actions I would think and I am quck to back slide but for what the same whining results…I do want change but I am in control of that…Not perfect J

By Dan

December 3, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

Not to recreate that conversation but yeah, exactly, the Friend zone.

The fact is that quite often the women that lament their status have a man in their life that is a “really good friend” but for the “sake of ruining the friendship [read as he might be bad in bed and then where are we]” they just don’t do it.

Then there are the guys that could care less about Crest or Colgate, your last name, siblings, even that you have teeth (arguably a point either way). Those guys are the one ladies try to turn into the former, those are the guys spreading the herpestuberclosisphylissgoncoleria. But the men that don’t have it, then men that (like women) sit around and wonder “is itme?” are the one that are relagated.

My point is, you ladies know when all he’s after is the click,click, bang, bang. It’s never not obvious. What a lot of this abstinence and celibacy talk is a way of choosing. Nothing wrong with it, but be real…..

Guy: So you’re abstaining from sex.

Slim: No, I’m not having sex…(with you).

By DreamsMaterialize

December 3, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

Sorry, did I exaggerate a little bit? LOL I was just trying to lighten the mood a little bit on a Monday. After all Monday is the day of the week with, by far, the highest frequency of suicides and holds true for all ages, sexes, and incomes. Not saying anyone on here is suicidal, but you never know what a little humor can do.

By M'Karyl

December 3, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

SlimOne

I don’t have a problem with a person getting to know me physically. My issue is folks ONLY wanting to get to know me physically. I’m not sure if you know but a puddy doesn’t have a brain. It’s purely a physical involuntary type deal. If you rub it, it will come. No rocket science there. I’m so amazed at how many folk don’t even know your last name, how many siblings you have, if you use colgate or Crest etc but will know what it takes to make you scream up unto the heavens ^5

This is so true. It is funny to my how many times I have been approached with b/c of my physical appearance, and almost immediately the subject of jumping bones comes up- Hey wait a minute “What is my name?” (other than M’) “Who am I” “What are my life goals or something about me?” How often have I heard that all I need to solve whatever ails me, etc. is to let someone to “tap my a$$” approx 300-400 times between 2003-2007, and approx 60 times alone living in West End for 18 months between 2005-2007. Apparently sex is a panacea for all that ails you-lol! yeah right! And what was your name again, dude?

By Page1908

December 3, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

I am actually very skeptical at so-called “statistics” that people like to throw around to make their own individual point. Demi, where did you get that information from? In undergrad I majored in Sociology (the study of human behavior), where I had extensive courses in Sociological statistics, both quantitative and qualitative and I am aware of the fact that statistics can be skewed in so many ways, depending on what the person’s agenda is.

Although I believe “some” of the reputable data I have seen and researched on my own in regards to the topic today and other topics as well, I don’t buy into a lot of it because a lot of the data is not accurate, misleading and the source is often times not reputable.

Yes, we do need to do a better job at being safe with everything that we do, but I am not buying a lot of the comments that are being made here today.

By SlimOne

December 3, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

PurpleOne/4 Real Yeah, it just serves to take the edge off if you start to feel a like…aggitated. LOL! If you were to hook up with a jump-off, it would only open a can of worms. Next thing you know the cycle would start all over again. Why bother if you’re serious about finding what it is you want.

By Wise Diva

December 3, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this

Excellent comments this morning, guys!

God’s child and 2sweet, welcome and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this important topic. I enjoyed reading what you have to say!

By monb

December 3, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

Let’s just say I am a 29 year old African American female who is still a virgin and waiting until marriage to have ANY type of sexual activity. This is because of my religious views about prematrital sex and the AIDS/HIV/STD epidemic…..So many people think they can walk the line of what is and isn’t deemed as sex or risky sexual behavior. Yes, at times I get the blues, not because I want to have sex now, but because I can’t really find a trustworthy man to date who really RESPECTS my morals not to participate in any sexual activity. I never know does a man want to date me because I’m a challenge he wants to conquer then throw to the wolves when he’s done, or does he want to date me becuase he’s tired of being a man w******* for so many years now he wants a good pure girl taht he knows won’t cheat?…..well this pure woman doesn’t want your sloppy seconds…btw, i don’t give out the virginity information on the first date outright, but I give clues of my religion ect, but by the 3rd or 4th month of dating it’s appropraite and time to tell…..maybe I’ll be blessed with a man who loves and respects my wishes, who’s not all used up, and has been tested IF he’s ever been sexually active at anytime, and will not pressure me before I’m ready and maybe he will be rewarded for his true respect on our wedding day, that is IF he’s the one! =)

My only frustrating thing now is where are all the GOOD men? (not nerds, goofy, no social skills, still living with mom type guy)….I want the good looking, professional, educated, independent, athletic, humorous, no children, no marriages, no criminal record, good credit, christian man….I’m not asking for anything more that I can offer him….and I have the above qualities as well… I don’t know if Atlanta is living up to that standard just now, but maybe some candiates will fit the mold in the near future!

CNN also highlighted a story on married people and the risk of AIDS still being high all because so many married people are having affairs and unprotected sex with multiple people (men and women), then bringing whatever diseases to their spouse when they have married unprotected sex with the spouse……my question is how do married people combat that issue of oh honey you’ve been stepping out on me but I still want to be married to you and have sex with you, but you know need to use a condom and also get tested to??? I’d freak if that happened to me, but we are all still responsible for our own bodies whether we are single or married…..but it’s sad that some people don’t respect the unity of marriage anymore! That’s kind of frustrating too…..I wonder since AIDS is such an epidemic now, will states try to reinstate the law that people need to have blood tests inorder to get married? I’m ALL for it, even if it’s not a law, it will be the law for my future husband and I will do the same for him! It’s all about safety too…..I hope my future husband whomever he may be won’t bump his head and step out on me in our marriage, but we will cross that bridge if it gets that far….but I’m praying I won’t have to experience that part….

Still gonna keep my single, virgin head up…..my prince will come someday!…=) Words of encouragement from friends and strangers alike always helps too!

By monb

December 3, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

Let’s just say I am a 29 year old African American female who is still a virgin and waiting until marriage to have ANY type of sexual activity. This is because of my religious views about prematrital sex and the AIDS/HIV/STD epidemic…..So many people think they can walk the line of what is and isn’t deemed as sex or risky sexual behavior. Yes, at times I get the blues, not because I want to have sex now, but because I can’t really find a trustworthy man to date who really RESPECTS my morals not to participate in any sexual activity. I never know does a man want to date me because I’m a challenge he wants to conquer then throw to the wolves when he’s done, or does he want to date me becuase he’s tired of being a man w******* for so many years now he wants a good pure girl taht he knows won’t cheat?…..well this pure woman doesn’t want your sloppy seconds…btw, i don’t give out the virginity information on the first date outright, but I give clues of my religion ect, but by the 3rd or 4th month of dating it’s appropraite and time to tell…..maybe I’ll be blessed with a man who loves and respects my wishes, who’s not all used up, and has been tested IF he’s ever been sexually active at anytime, and will not pressure me before I’m ready and maybe he will be rewarded for his true respect on our wedding day, that is IF he’s the one! =)

My only frustrating thing now is where are all the GOOD men? (not nerds, goofy, no social skills, still living with mom type guy)….I want the good looking, professional, educated, independent, athletic, humorous, no children, no marriages, no criminal record, good credit, christian man….I’m not asking for anything more that I can offer him….and I have the above qualities as well… I don’t know if Atlanta is living up to that standard just now, but maybe some candiates will fit the mold in the near future!

CNN also highlighted a story on married people and the risk of AIDS still being high all because so many married people are having affairs and unprotected sex with multiple people (men and women), then bringing whatever diseases to their spouse when they have married unprotected sex with the spouse……my question is how do married people combat that issue of oh honey you’ve been stepping out on me but I still want to be married to you and have sex with you, but you know need to use a condom and also get tested to??? I’d freak if that happened to me, but we are all still responsible for our own bodies whether we are single or married…..but it’s sad that some people don’t respect the unity of marriage anymore! That’s kind of frustrating too…..I wonder since AIDS is such an epidemic now, will states try to reinstate the law that people need to have blood tests inorder to get married? I’m ALL for it, even if it’s not a law, it will be the law for my future husband and I will do the same for him! It’s all about safety too…..I hope my future husband whomever he may be won’t bump his head and step out on me in our marriage, but we will cross that bridge if it gets that far….but I’m praying I won’t have to experience that part….

Still gonna keep my single, virgin head up…..my prince will come someday!…=) Words of encouragement from friends and strangers alike always helps too!

By li'demi

December 3, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

Everyone has sex in a committed relationship

YOU DAYUM RIGHT!!

Everyone has meaningful, emotion-filled, intimate “love-making”

OF COURSE

Everyone gets a weekly AIDS/HIV test

EVERY 6 MONTH…ONCE A MONTH DOING PORN TRY OUTS

Everyone goes to annual HIV/STD conferences

FOR WHAT…VIST GRADY AIDS, THAT WILL WAKE YOU UP

Everyone requires their partner to show their HIV negative credentials

….WELL I DO

Everyone has always used condoms, IUD, NuvaRing, AND dental dams at the same time and during every encounter

YEAH…I DO, CONDOM NOWADAYS HAVE SOME WICKED DESIGNS, COLORS, AND TASTE GREAT TO THE LADIES.

There is really no excuse to go raw, Imma fool..just not FOOLISH!!

Yeah raw dogging feel good as hell..but its not worth it with multi-partners.

By M'Karyl

December 3, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this

2Sweet ^5

Tazzee

I can dig that, but we were off the chain. I have had many discussions with some of my friends who were highly and randomly active and when we think about what we did then (the numbers and the frequency) in today’s context-h3ll we would have been dead in a week at the rate we clowned without cause, purpose and concern. Seriously. It was not unusual for some ppl to sleep with as many ppl a month as there were days in that month-Whew!!!

By For Real

December 3, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

PurpleOne It’s a piece of equipment and therefore you do not have any expectation of it except to give you physical release. The baggage you speak of is only there because you have expectations of a man other than to give you physical release. So back to my question. Why is ok to use your toy (no intimacy)?

By Dan

December 3, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

@ Page 1908 right on, stats can be used to say the sun isn’t shining when it is.

@ M- On one day you were the freak of the week and the next you are offended by the men that notice that tendecy in you and approach you in that way. Hmmmm…sounds like choosing to me.

@ Slim - Yeah, BOB is a wonderful tool for those “in between” periods, yet ever wonder why they get progressively longer each time. Partly because BOB is holding down, what you (and not you personally) might not be willing to entrust to another person.

Fact is, I don’t have a problem with ladies “choosing” that’s fine…but know that since ‘06, I been choosing too, and I’m starting a movement. Fellas around the country are going to start really hating on some of y’all so called qualified…….

Get ready……

By M'Karyl

December 3, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this

monb

I applaud you and there is no shame in your game. I think it is admirable that your convictions are so strong and clear. May you continue on your higher road and may all that you desire come to fruition in God’s Divine Will. Peace little sistah!

By PurpleOne

December 3, 2007 11:54 AM | Link to this

Hang in there monb…kudos to you for sticking to what you believe and not letting your emotions influence what you have decided using your brain. I’m waiting too and have faith that he is out there!

By SlimOne

December 3, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this

Dan Who wants to sleep with anyone that sucks in the bedroom? It’ll only cause problems down the road. If you are planning to get married or be in a long term relationship and will click click bang bang the same cutty for a long time, it needs to be some good click, click, bang, bang, boom, boom, oh right there…you get my point. Balance, balance, balance. I didn’t say that I was locking up the CT in a dark dungeon until someone pays a dowry of 3 goats, 1 mule, 4 horses, and a partridge in a peartree to my folks….however, if i meet a dude and all he wants to do is see how many licks and/or pokes it takes to get to the center of Slim’s Toostie Pop

By Dan

December 3, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

Mon B

Stop it, stop it I say. Four….whole….months….????????

If after 4 months dude hadn’t tried you, you might wanna check him for the switch.

But if you looking for all that, I sincerely hope you find it before long. Becuase the “D” is afriad of a 30 year old virgin woman. Been there, done that, was 12.

By For Real

December 3, 2007 11:59 AM | Link to this

Slim You would be the one that is opening the can of worms because you can’t do with a man what you do with Mr. Bullet.

For Real now plotting on Mr. Bullet.

By Preacher/Father/Bishop Truth Formally known as The Truth

December 3, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this

ABC your right about the impact formers have on you. We guys act like it doesn’t affect us but it does. Alot of times it changes our perception of women, or men if thats what your into.

Purple I’m a recovering addict. LOL I can never say that I’m through with it until they lay me down, and even then I’m slipping my hand into the nearest females coffin. I’ve just adapted out of fear and experience. MK said it right. We came up in that gr