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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > November
November 2007
We met on StalkerSpace…
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My cousin has the following posted in his “About Me” section on The Facebook:
I want to take the opportunity to say this part is ridiculous. Everyone already knows the person and if they don’t then they are a stalker, I know, it’s how I met my wife.
It makes me laugh because it’s incredibly true. If you don’t know about the person who’s page you’re viewing, it’s probably because you have no business knowing.
But with the popularity of myspace.com and thefacebook.com growing, it seems that they’re actually starting to edge out online dating sites, according to an article in Business Week this month.
For the full story, click here.
Although most of us don’t use online dating sites at all, I know a few people on the blog have been encouraged to try them recently. For any of you that have signed up for an online dating service, have you had any success? Is your rate of return better, worse, or similar to meeting people “in real life”?
Have you ever used your social networking site to find a date? Via friends’ pages or randomly? Do you think it’s easier to meet someone via myspace or thefacebook through which you may have a mutual friend versus meeting someone more randomly via a dating service?
If you haven’t ever used social networking to find a date, would you ever? Why or why not? Do you agree with the article that the stigma of online dating (and possibly finding a date via social networking) has diminished?
Do you know of any success stories via online dating or online social networking?
Permalink | Comments (144) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Call me crazy…but at least call
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When the movie “Clueless” came out in 1995, it was a little silly, but there was a lot of truth revealed within its ditzy hijinks. After Cher goes on a date with Christian, the cute new guy at her school, her voiceover expresses her surprise when the telephone rings and he keeps his word:
“Christian said he’d call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday. So, you can imagine my astonishment to hear from him [the next day]”. (Christian later turns out to be gay, which further supports Cher’s theory about heterosexual male calling patterns, as Christian is exempt from them.)
When I first saw this movie, I don’t think I was old enough for men and women to be playing the phone call game yet. I just thought it was a funny quip that reflected an old dating joke.
But here I am, more than ten years later, and I’ve met more and more men who follow that pattern. Most recently, this week.
He didn’t call.
He said he would, but he didn’t. At least, not yet. But I can’t just wait around all week, hoping hoping hoping that he’ll call and maybe maybe maybe schedule a date for this weekend. I just can’t! I have concerts to go to, movies to see, parties to attend. And if I don’t hear from someone early enough in the week, I just make plans. HIS LOSS!
Do you call people you’re dating when you say you’ll call them, or is it all part of exciting someone’s anticipation? Is Cher’s analysis pretty accurate when it comes to the calling game?
If someone doesn’t call when they say they will, do you assume it’s part of the game, or is it a reflection of the integrity/honesty of that person?
If you’re waiting for someone to call you for a weekend date, how late in the week will you put off making other plans? Have you ever broken plans you made with friends because your love interest finally called?
If you’re the one making the dates, how early do you try to call to make sure someone can “pencil you in”?
Permalink | Comments (207) | Categories: Dating
Half ‘n’ half holiday
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The advent of the holiday season, of course, begs the question: How are you going to spend your time? If you’ve just recently begun dating someone this season, they most likely aren’t your first choice for prime time on Christmas morning.
But what if you have a significant other who has already met your parents and done the whole Christmas-at-their-house deal? And what if he or she has kids or other reasons for not traveling with you to your family’s place?
My sister’s beau, for example, has a pretty obvious solution. His family lives on the west coast, so flying home for Thanksgiving isn’t worth the travel. Their compromise is for him to spend Thanksgiving at our house with my sister, and then Christmas with his family out west.
But not everyone’s holiday plans pan out like his. How do you divide your “holiday time” between family and a significant other? (If you’re not serious with anyone now, dig deep back into your memory to when you were!)
Do you try to split the week (or day?) in half? Do you delegate one holiday to family and one to your SO? Do children factor into your equation?
Do your family and sweetie both live in the metro Atlanta area, or will you have to do some traveling this holiday season?
Permalink | Comments (173) | Categories: Holidays
Stop right there
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We’ve all ignored them at some point in our dating history. For some of us, it took longer to start recognizing them for what they were. But for all of us, they’re an indication that we’re either
a. wasting our time with the person we’re dating
b. in danger of being emotionally or physically abused by the person we’re dating
c. in danger of being cheated on by the person we’re dating
d. all of the above.
They’re red flags.
You know what I’m talking about. And what’s interesting to me is that there are some things that didn’t seem like red flags to me early on in relationships that ended up being very clear signposts of things to come.
For example, my friend Sarah’s husband was young when they got married, and was moving straight from a household in which he was pampered and spoiled into her household…where he eventually expected her to also pamper and spoil him. Additionally, he was used to spending lots of his parents’ money before they got married…and ended up shopping away much of their finances after they got married, too! His financially dependent relationship with his parents should have been a huge red flag for my friend.
But this case is nothing compared to some of the red flags that can occur in relationships, and sometimes we’re so blinded by love that we don’t pay attention to them.
Here are some red flags that I think are pretty universal:
- Not meeting any of your SO’s friends or family after months and months of dating
- Lack of interest in you or the relationship (ideally, we shouldn’t have to list this, but you’d be surprised
- Obsessing about your activities—where you were, who you were with, etc.
What red flags would you add to this list? Have you had situations in relationships that wouldn’t necessarily be alarming to others, but in your particular relationship were an indication of things to come? What types of alarming things have you seen in other relationships where the people involved were too blind to see them?
Permalink | Comments (305) | Categories: Relationships
Flirting radar
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This morning I found out that the cute guy who works at my Starbucks is…married! And all this time I thought he was flirting with me! Honestly, usually I’m a pretty good judge of who’s into me, but I’ve been way off my game this month!
On the other end of the spectrum, a guy I all but ignored at a party I was at last weekend called me up for a date! I couldn’t have paid the man less attention, so it was a complete shock when I got his phone call! If I had known he might be interested, I might have actually tried to turn on some charm!
Can you usually tell who’s interested in you and who’s not? How good is your dating radar? Have you ever flirted someone up for hours only to realize they weren’t interested?
How good of a flirt are you? Women, do you have any great flirting tips that yield a high rate of return (think the Bend & Snap from “Legally Blonde”)? Men, have you found there are certain ways of flirtation that women almost always respond to?
Is it easy for you to reel in potentials with your charm and character, or do you usually have to make it to in-depth conversations before you can securely hook someone?
What about the signals you give off when someone’s clearly got the hots for you? Do people seem to read your “get lost” signals, or does it take some over-the-top clarity to get rid of unwanteds?
Permalink | Comments (105) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Giving Thanks
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I know dating and relationships can be challenging sometimes, goodness knows I have enough misadventures to last me a lifetime. After all the bad dates, misunderstandings, and drama, one day it will all be worth it. At least that is what I tell myself!
Recording artist, Jill Scott has a song on her album, How it Make You Feel, that asks black men how would they feel if there were no black women. That song reminds me how important it is to be grateful for men, all men! Sure, the boys can drive me bananas with their jedi mind tricks or that he’s just not that into you behavior. I am sure I drive them nuts too. However, I really can not imagine a life without men.
So today, I want to give thanks for men. They smell good, they look great, and they give me butterflies. Of course, I could go on and on, but it doesn’t get any better than that!
What are you most thankful for about dating? What dating lessons are you thankful for learning?
If you are in a relationship, share with us how grateful you are that they are in your life and give thanks for your partner. Do you tell them how thankful you are to have them?
Ladies, why are you thankful for men? What man in your life or past, has really made an impact on you?
Guys, why are you thankful for women? Has a woman in your life or past been a wonderful influence on you that you are thankful for?
Have a safe and happy holiday!
Permalink | Comments (209) | Categories: Holidays
You shouldn’t have!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Have you ever dated someone who gave you a gift that left you speechless? Not the good kind of speechless! When it comes to dating and relationships, things can certainly get prickly when it comes to buying gifts. Different stages in a relationship can dictate various levels of gift giving. You wouldn’t buy a person you are casually dating the same thing you would buy someone you have been madly in love with for years, right?
So, with the holidays rapidly approaching, let’s help each other with a few tips to guide couples in gift giving:
Blind date gone great: you are shocked you hit it off so well. Great chemistry and conversation but you know precious little about them. Do NOTHING. Put in a phone call and let them know you are thinking of them. If you must buy something, make it fun and campy, play up your sense of humor.
New guy or girl: You just met Labor Day weekend, but they are already occupying a lot of your time, attention, and maybe even your place. Be careful, you don’t want your gift to send the wrong message: No lingerie, big ticket gifts, or jewelry. Best bets: new cd or itunes gift card, cool hat, or book - hopefully you know their taste in these already.
My shmoopy. That’s right, you guys are at the nauseating pet name stage! I totally love this stage of dating, You are all euphoric and silly. You have established exclusivity by now so the gifts can show you are in it for the long haul. A pet you co-own, a trip somewhere fantastic in the future, concert or sporting event tickets. At this point, a special, well-thought out gift that proves you really know the person would go over well. Try to recall things that they are hardcore about, hopefully you listened!
Ball and chain. Just because you are married or have been together since the first Bush was in office, doesn’t mean you have stopped dating! Gifts at this particular stage should be romantic, sentimental, and meaningful. Gifts can range from things like sexy lingerie or something naughty to spice things up in the bedroom, to jewelry or electronics they have raved about. You have about 5 weeks, good luck!
Do you have any tips to add to the list?
Do you think that some gifts can be relationship/romance killers? Have you ever received a gift that was well-intentioned but turned you off instead? How did you handle it?
What was the best gift you have given someone? How did they react?
Permalink | Comments (320) | Categories: Holidays
First Impression Vs. Snap Judgment
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My past experiences have taught me that first impressions can be very misleading. I may have missed out on a couple of great guys because of my snap judgments about something they said or did.
I have wondered what type of impression I make on men and how often snap judgments about me prevented a potential connection with someone. I asked a guy that I am seeing what his first impression was about me. After a little prodding, he admitted that the outfit I was wearing made him think (hope??) that I could be a floozy. The day we spotted each other, I was showing cleavage and wore a rather short skirt. It didn’t take long for him to realize that I was way more than my cup size - but I definitely decided to tweak my wardrobe selections for those quick Whole Foods run!
When it comes to meeting and dating new people, do you know what people think when they meet you? Do you think they “get” your personality, humor, or attributes?
What are examples of typical snap judgments? Are snap judgments always unfair or are there instances when it can actually help you weed out potential mistakes?
How far does the first impression go when you consider someone to date? Do you decide if you will pursue your interest in someone if they had a less then stellar first impression when you first met them? How many opportunities do you think is necessary to have a fair assessment of someone?
A lot of my guy friends that complain about the women they date, don’t seem to connect those dots when they first met them. I always ask them, did you get a sense of who she was early on? Do men have gut reactions about women that they can gather when they first meet a woman?
Who do you think is more inclined to date (or not date) someone from snap judgments, men or women?
Permalink | Comments (423) | Categories: Dating
“Stick to the Code”
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
In college I had three friends who all dated the same woman—at different times, but one right after the other. These men were best friends and lived in the same house together for most of school. The woman wasn’t easy, but she had a close relationship with all three of them (at least in the beginning) because they were all from the same town. She finally married the third guy, and the last I heard from them they’re still happily married. I don’t know if the men ever repaired the rift that occurred in their relationship because of this woman, but it was sad to watch the incredible bond between the three of them ripped apart.
I have mixed feelings about honoring “The Code”—not dating your best friend’s girlfriend or boyfriend—that supposedly exists between members of the human race. On the one hand, I’ve always kinda figured that if someone is into you, it’s not your fault, so you should go for it if you’re interested.
On the other hand, your friends have the potential to be your friends your whole life, whereas most people go through dates much faster, so if you’re willing to sacrifice your friend, it had better be for good reason! Most times, I think it’s just better to honor your friend and his or her feelings than to throw away a friendship for something that may or may not pan out down the road.
Do you stick to The Code? Now, mind you, we’re not talking about cheating with someone—that’s a very different topic. We’re talking about dating someone once they’ve broken up with your best friend or sibling.
Have you made exceptions or have you found that, generally speaking, you leave your friends’ ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends alone? Does time release you from The Code? I mean, dating someone’s beau two years after the breakup isn’t the same as dating them after two weeks, right?
Do you have a success story—or know of one—from someone who broke The Code? What about friendships that have been torn apart only for a relationship with the third party that doesn’t work out?
Permalink | Comments (269) | Categories: Dating
Let me pencil you in…
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One of my friends who serves on a leadership committee with me forgot his responsibilities this week due to his new girlfriend. My friend’s amnesia is forgivable, and I’ll get over having to rearrange my week to finish committee work with him.
What struck me was that he scheduled a date with his girlfriend on a Tuesday night, the night we were originally supposed to meet. Tuesday? Is Tuesday night a great date night for someone you’ve been seeing for a couple of weeks? Don’t you usually work up to Tuesdays?
Alternatively, one of my girlfriends insists that Saturday night is the night men reserve for the women they’re really interested in. Otherwise, someone could be seeing you on the side on weeknights for months, but whoever they’re really into is whoever they’re out with on Saturday night. Do you think this is true? Do you hold out for Saturday nights or reserve Saturdays for the dates you’re most excited about?
How do you allocate your time when you start regularly seeing someone? You had a life before you met that person, so how do you shuffle things around to see him or her without alienating your friends and responsibilities? Are you a date-only-on-the-weekend kind of person at first, or do you throw in some weeknights as well?
Does it depend on the intensity of the relationship? Perhaps you start with weekends and build up to watching TV in your pajamas on Tuesday nights?
How many times a week is it healthy to spend with someone you’ve just started dating? Someone you’re seeing exclusively? Do you have friends who’ve gotten sucked into the seeing-him-or-her-every-night syndrome, only to alienate themselves from their friends?
Permalink | Comments (253) | Categories: Dating
Yours truly…
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This week the Living section of the AJC ran an article about a new book out called “Other People’s Love Letters: 150 letters you were never meant to see.”
You can read the full story here.
What’s really beautiful about the collection is that it’s not just all the ushy gushy love letters. Many of them are breakup notes or letters written during difficult times in relationships. Additionally, many of them are in nontraditional letter format—screenshots of cell phone text messages, notes on napkins and e-mails.
Do you keep old love letters? I know I have a box buried away somewhere at my parents’ house. But I have pruned the collection over time, throwing out letters that didn’t mean as much to me or those from suitors I’d long since stopped loving.
What’s the best love letter (text, e-mail, sticky note) you’ve ever received? Have you ever sent a note you thought was particularly poetic? Have you ever handwritten a breakup note or a letter about your disgust for someone?
Do you think it means more to receive a handwritten letter now that we live in an era of texting and e-mail? When was the last time you handwrote a love note?
Permalink | Comments (318) | Categories: Relationships
Singles who serve
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This weekend, in an attempt to broaden my heart (envision The Grinch’s heart growing three sizes larger), I’m participating in a singles event to contribute to Operation Christmas Child.
I’ve just recently realized how much I can do to support people who aren’t as blessed as I am, and it’s surprising how many of these charity events are actually tailored toward singles! Especially as we’re rolling into the Thanksgiving-Christmas season, I’m starting to see many opportunities to meet other singles as well as challenge my social conscience. Talk about killing two birds with one stone!
My hope is that during the activities this season, I’ll have the opportunity to meet others like me — not perfectly generous or altruistic, but at least willing to sacrifice some time or money because they know there are other people in this world that need help.
Have you ever thought about tracking down ways to serve with other singles, or possibly setting up something yourself? Are there holiday singles service events available through your work, church or social circle? Could you use an opportunity to grow your heart and possibly meet a cute single at the same time?
Have you ever met someone while volunteering at a nursing home, delivering a Thanksgiving turkey to an impoverished family or some other traditionally non-dating-scene activity?
If you participate in service projects, do you find you meet more “real” people through these events? Do you think doing service work can give you more insight into someone’s heart upon first meeting them (assuming they’re not there just to get a date!)?
What are the benefits of meeting someone while serving others? The cons?
Permalink | Comments (200) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
9-5 romance
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This week a woman on one of the message boards I read posted about a man at work who kept trying to corner her behind closed doors and coworkers who were helping him (!). She was having trouble deciding on whether or not she wanted to engage in such a relationship, moreso because of the logistics and less because of the ethics involved in considering an office romance (i.e. she didn’t know that she wanted to date someone she already saw for eight hours a day, etc.).
Have you ever dated anyone in your office or had an office romance? Would you ever consider a relationship that only existed within the confines of your work environment? What if it extended outside of the office? Does it make a difference if your company has a policy against intra-office dating, or are you going to do whatever you’re going to do anyway? Are the complications traditionally associated with a work relationship real or imagined?
Would your opinion change if the scenario included, say, your boss or upper-level management? What if you happened to be the manager and you were interested in one of your subordinates? Does your responsibility change?
Have you ever been surprised by a couple who hid their dating relationship in the office so well that no one ever knew about it? Have you ever seen someone’s office relationship blow up at work?
Permalink | Comments (119) | Categories: Relationships
Dating and your privacy
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I am of the belief that I should know pretty much all the standard information about you when I date you. Not so much because I am nosy (well, I am a little nosy), but also because I really need to know exactly what type of character a person has.
I feel that if two people are making room in their lives for each other, you eventually become privy to some things. These details can range from his favorite brand of toothpaste, to his favorite body part on a female. I like knowing! It makes me feel more comfortable and I reciprocate that by being more open too.
I don’t go at men like some investigative reporter, but I like to engage in discussions that would reveal certain things. When I am unable to get a good read on a guy, I can get nervous and neurotic! My imagination kicks to high gear and I wonder if he is being TOO mysterious. Has anyone else felt this way? I get the sense this is strictly a girl thing!
Do you ever wonder if someone you are dating has something to hide?
Guys, do you think that your privacy in dating is important? Do you like to be the mysterious stranger or are you an open book?
What (and when) do you reveal things to someone you are dating? If you are divorced, do you share details about your first marriage?
How private should you be when you are dating someone new and you want to explore a relationship?
Permalink | Comments (279) | Categories: Dating
Respect the man, please
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A few months ago, my best friends briefly met a guy I had been seeing for a few weeks. I wasn’t sure if this was a great idea, but I figured it was safe to have a meet and greet. At some point in the interrogation, um conversation, the slightly younger guy made a remark that made us all pause: I would prefer my woman to respect me more than love me.
Interesting, right? Grandeur Girl asked him to elaborate and we began to talk about respect vs. love in dating and relationships. Sitting in my living room, I realized that this guy was more mature than I originally thought!
His point was that men need to be respected and they want to be loved. I think with women, it’s different, we need to be loved, and want to be respected. What are your thoughts? Is love and respect a false dichotomy?
Do you think that women often interchange love and respect, while men tend to separate the two? Do you think that we have problems in dating that stem from this caveat
Two quotes to share: I once read a quote by Frankie Byrne,”Respect is love in plain clothes”; and my father once told me that “Without respect, there is nothing to build on.” Which quote best describes your own ideals about respect and love in relationships?
Permalink | Comments (290) | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Old School Dating
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The other day I was thinking about all the cool things about dating in our post-modern, post-feminist society. Then I wondered what it would be like to date back in the day. You know that good old-fashioned courting that our parents and grandparents did.
They had formals, debutante balls, parlor and/or porch visits, and general courting when they were single. My dad scooped my mom straight out of high school and out-romanced some fellow that was courting my mom. He didn’t use money, flashy cars, or pricey restaurants - just his charm.
How cool would it be if we had some of the old fashioned dating?
What old school dating would you like to see make a comeback?
Do you think that you could ever make it happen in your present day dating life?
Modern romance vs old fashioned romance - which one works best?
Permalink | Comments (380) | Categories: Dating
Target Practice
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I finally figured out a way to reduce some problems I have in dating men: I need to shift to a new dating target. I can be outspoken, stubborn, and passionate about many things, ok most things. Of course, my dating targets are men who are just as outspoken and stubborn. They turn me on and it’s like a moth to a flame. Unfortunately, I have been burned (and burned them) too many times.
Not anymore. My new dating target will be someone who appreciates my outspoken, stubborn ways and allows me to be myself. If a guy prefers a submissive, demure, coy creature, I can now find the strength to let him be. No matter how much I want to rip his clothes off. Besides, all of that strong chemistry that I always feel towards the dominant, alpha male types usually just explodes in the bedroom or in a painful breakup (or both). I just don’t have the energy for that anymore! Well, I have the energy for one of those, but I digress.
Although, I still have that strong attraction to the alpha male, I accept the fact that we won’t thrive in a relationship. Not placing any blame on either party, it’s just a tough lesson I learned - like.. um last week? I have convinced myself that I can find that same passion and attraction with the type of man that won’t require me to relinquish the best part of myself. I also learned that letting a man be a man does not mean I have to be disrespected - actually, the parents taught me that one, I just now get it, get it.
When it comes to approaching/dating your type, do you think you need more target practice?
Are you dating the type of people that show the most relationship potential? If so, how do you know?
How do you decide who to give the green light to and who to cross off your potential mate list in terms of character traits that would co-exist with yours?
Do you clash with a particular type of person? Do you know which personality seems to complement you?
Have you ever dated someone only to discover how incompatible your personalities were? What did you learn about yourself?
When it comes to dating, do you prefer the type you need or the type you want? Better yet, do you know the difference?!
Permalink | Comments (312) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Does size matter?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Last week, Bella wrote that qualities such as “laziness, lack of leadership, lack of discipline, lack of energy or effort” were the qualities she associated with people who don’t work. I think these are also qualities that are associated with people who are overweight and obese. Many people who struggle with their weight, also find it challenging to get a date.
My friend Andrea turned a chubby guy down because she didn’t think he was healthy. She said that if she met a larger guy who was healthy, she would be willing to date him, but she referenced lazy as one of her concerns.
Have you ever had problems finding a date because of your weight? How did you handle it?
Do you think single people should lose weight in order to land a mate? How can you navigate dating while you are trying to lose weight?
Ladies, would you date a guy who was chubby or overweight? If that was the only thing about him that bothered you, would you be willing to overlook the weight?
Man are such visual creatures so the “don’t date fat chicks” rule is pretty much in their heads while they are still in the sandbox. Does this mentality change as guys get older?
What happens when you date someone and they gain weight after you have been in a long term relationship? Would you dump them?
Permalink | Comments (240) | Categories: Dating
Itching for more
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A study recently released confirmed that married couples are getting divorced earlier—around the five-year mark. If however, couples could surpass what is now the five-year-itch, they were significantly more likely to stick it out together for the rest of their lives.
For the full article, click here.
Anastasia de Waal, head of family and education issues at Civitas, a research organization in London, surmised the following in the article:
“The main reason seems to be increased expectations of both relationships and what a happy marriage should be like. In a climate of media-enhanced instant gratification, the stakes have been raised as mere contentedness is no longer enough in a marriage. We increasingly expect that more passionate element to continue indefinitely,” she said.
Whether you’ve always been single or whether you’re divorced and single again, do you think your expectations for marriage are realistic? How long should the “passionate element” continue in a marriage relationship? Do you know married couples who exemplify this timeframe of passion vs. contentedness?
Has media-enhanced instant-gratification warped our understanding of marriage? Of dating? Do you think the timeframe in which you date someone before marriage has any effect on how long passion endures after marriage?
Permalink | Comments (232) | Categories: Marriage
The root of the matter
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The qualification I hear mentioned most from women looking for a man is that he have… (say it with me now) a good job. And sometimes I know my male friends feel pressured, as if they have to be doctors or lawyers to date a nice woman. What about my friends who are landscapers or waiters? Are those considered good jobs? Does a “good” job mean you make a lot of money, have a lot of prestige, or both? What qualifies as a “good” job?
My thoughts about the whole J-O-B qualification were tested last month when one of my friends approached me about beginning a serious relationship. There are a lot of things I like about this man—his quirkiness, his compassion and his thoughtfulness. But he doesn’t have a job.
And here’s the plot twist—it’s because he’s got a trust fund. A big, fat, lump of money sitting in a high-interest account just getting larger. So who needs to work when you’re already wealthy, right?
Well, that’s not exactly what I thought. In fact, I realized that the root of the matter is not just having a job; there are other things I associate with not working long-term—laziness, lack of leadership, lack of discipline, lack of energy or effort. It’s not about the money—it’s about the qualities I associate with people who can and do support themselves. Maybe if this man displayed those qualities, unemployment wouldn’t seem like such a big deal. But because I don’t see them in him, it makes me think that a job can indeed be a representation of those characteristics.
Women, we’ve touched on the job issue before. But my question to you now is a little different. Would it be a no-brainer for you to date someone who is independently wealthy who didn’t have a job (read: you think I’m the biggest idiot ever)?
Additionally, is it OK for a guy to be lazy (undisciplined, fill-in-your-least-desired-quality-here), because he can afford to be? Do you associate certain qualities with people who work for a living? Does work ethic for men or women transfer into the home?
Would it make a difference if someone inherited money versus, say, developing a patent on something he or she worked on in their late 20s and then living off of the money later in life?
Men, is it equally as important to you to find a woman who makes her own living? Or is it OK for her to be kept by her parents or partners until she marries? Do you associate certain qualities with a woman who does or does not work?
Permalink | Comments (301) | Categories: Matters of the Heart
