Misadventures in Atlanta

By lady j

November 8, 2007 8:15 AM | Link to this

Morning….Got that or got it i forget but i would love to read you oday regarding the topic…Diva this is a deep topic…The two go hand and hand…J

By Beautiful

November 8, 2007 8:19 AM | Link to this

Wise i have to agree. i want to be loved then respected. to be honest with you, comparing women to men is wrong all together. but there’s not a wrong answer when it comes to this question.

heard on XM Suite 62 this morning: thighs high by tom browne and just the way you like it by s.o.s band. loving it.

good morning y’all! ;)

By lady j

November 8, 2007 8:27 AM | Link to this

Meant today…

Truth I need to ask you a question and tell you something off this forum…please email me @ missj8@gmail.com…Thx

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 8:31 AM | Link to this

morning….

I’on know bout this one, cause as I ponder, I can think of a few examples of where I have respect for someone, but not necessarily love. Whereas, if I love someone, then naturally, respect is bestowed upon them….

By Kym-Proud Steeler Nation Member since 1994

November 8, 2007 8:38 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

I dont think it is a trade off. Love vs Respect. They go hand in hand. Sorry I understand this is suppose to be a deep meaningful discussion but I am not seeing it that way. How can you ever profess to love someone-spend your life time with them and not respect them at all? If you love me then you respect me, support me right-or wrong. The same is given to you. Period. One of the things I have learned is that we toss the word out there Love fairly loosely without ever considering what it means. Love doesnt mean I love you until I get tired of looking at your face or I love you until something better comes along. It is just that Love. I will watch and see what wonderful psychobabble this topic generates…but to me it is pretty plain. Love and Respect are a team.

By Dimples

November 8, 2007 8:40 AM | Link to this

Diva You topics reminds me of a book i read. check it out! Your guy friend was right. For women only-What you need to know about the inner lives of men by Shaunti Feldhahn

By Kym-Proud Steeler Nation Member since 1994

November 8, 2007 8:41 AM | Link to this

2 You dont have to love everyone you come in contact with but you should have some measure of respect for them. For example, a one night stand-booty call whateva. You didnt love that person, hell you may not have even really liked them. But surely you can have some measure of respect for them considering you traded body fluids with them.

By DasV (yea, its me)

November 8, 2007 8:43 AM | Link to this

great topic!! i now refrain from rushing headlong into a relationship not that i bypass the romantic side of things altogether; i just temper things with an honest assessment of potential partner. can i respect him?? his approach of things, not just what he does? is his modus operandi consistent with who he says he is??

loving someone comes easy for me; im a die-hard romantic. respect will keep me in the moment. maturity for me is discovering if i can respect him and his life-stance, and then consciously deciding to love him.

and i want the same: respect me (what i do and how i do it)then love me. cause even if my affections for you change, you will still respect how i deal with you and handle the situation, which will help to ease things should they come to that

By lady j

November 8, 2007 8:44 AM | Link to this

@Kym-Proud Steeler Nation Member since 1994…..Great Post!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 8:44 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks I’m going to get some warm food and drink for errbody this morning. It’s COOOOLLLDDD out there ya’ll.

Old school went home with me lastnight! What about ya’ll?

BRB!

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 8:45 AM | Link to this

Love = Respect, But Respect does not always equal Love…..

By Dan

November 8, 2007 8:49 AM | Link to this

Is it better to be loved or respected.

With regard to the military and or other organizations, respect is tantamount.

With regard to a relationship, love is what garners respect. Not just the abstract concept of love, but the actions that are involved in making love. And by making love, I mean the process of making love to your woman every night and every day that you are together.

After that, how could she not reciprocate your respect.

By Ohh la la

November 8, 2007 8:49 AM | Link to this

Good Morning,

Good topic. I would say that love and respect go hand in hand. However, as a woman, I would prefer to see that a man respects me first as opposed to loving me. Someone can claim to love you but if they mistreat you, beat you, etc., then they don’t respect you and love without respect is worthless.

By Willie Dynamite

November 8, 2007 8:50 AM | Link to this

Good Morning erybody.

MLB Stand up - it’s gonna get good today.

Two totally separate things. IMO-You can not love someone you don’t respect. You can however respect someone very much w/o loving them. At some point they are dependant of each other. No respect no love.

Love grows on you when dating turns to relationship. I don’t think thats possible if in the beginning you don’t have respect for the person you are dealing with.

It’ll be interesting to hear comments today about this today. I know alot on here have a healthy respect for themselves. I also know alot on here that don’t have that same respect for the other side based on previous actions/encounters. I think it’s gonna be hard for some to find love because they have an inherent disrespect for the other side from the beginning.

2C 1.25, I heard ya boi. That’s gotta be that good good.

By Wise Diva

November 8, 2007 8:52 AM | Link to this

Oh I don’t think it’s a deep topic, LOL. Well, I may not have conveyed the concept properly, I don’t mean to imply that there is one without the other, I probably should have place emphasis on want and need.

So let me rephrase: His point was that men need to be respected and they want to be loved. I think with women, it’s different, we need to be loved, and want to be respected.

Does that make any sense?

By DasV (yea, its me)

November 8, 2007 8:53 AM | Link to this

Kym ive had it where i was in love, married and then lost respect for the man i chose to wed…. before that, i wouldve never thought that the two could be severed. but thats what ive come to realize, appreciate.

to this day i love him. i want the very best for him and pray for him, and smile at memories we share… i love him still. but i cant respect some personal choices he’s made

By Beautiful

November 8, 2007 8:54 AM | Link to this

Kym-Proud Steeler Nation Member ^5.

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 8:55 AM | Link to this

Gone and eat while everything is still warm…

Grits, chesse toast, home fries, bacon, sausage, homemade cinnamon toast, oatmeal, biscuits, fried green tomatoes, hot cocoa, flavored coffee, bottled water and red kool-aid. Have at it folks.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

November 8, 2007 8:56 AM | Link to this

BRRRRRR!! I hate cold weather….

Morning All! Hope you guys are doing great! Cemeeli old school went home with me too! I had a great evening!

I will have to lurk on this topic, I just want to see what the responses will be…

By SlimOne

November 8, 2007 8:57 AM | Link to this

Good chilly Morning!

In regards to the topic, I think i’m pretty much like 2CPTG I can think of a few examples of where I have respect for someone, but not necessarily love. Whereas, if I love someone, then naturally, respect is bestowed upon them…. I don’t think i could’ve said it any better. To me love is supposed to emcompass respect.

By QC

November 8, 2007 9:00 AM | Link to this

Morning Have a great day all!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 9:02 AM | Link to this

Is love and respect a false dichotomy? No not false but lost in alot of relationships.

Do you think that women often interchange love and respect, while men tend to separate the two? I have the same view as your friend about respect me first because with it will come love IMO. And i’m a woman.

Do you think that we have problems in dating that stem from this caveat? I am usually surrounded by folks that have the same view exspecially the view on respect. So i guess for me the answer is no.

By Jazzyone

November 8, 2007 9:03 AM | Link to this

Morning ya…yesterday had me feeling real good and it carried over to today, totally appropriate to go back down memories lane before getting with Family for the Holidays.

If I don’t have respect for the man I am seeing I can’t possibly fall in love with him and I tend to move on. I also have to have respect in order to believe that someone truly loves me for me. I’ve had love before with a lack of respect and came to find out that he couldn’t possibly love me at all because he totally did not respect me and showed me in his actions…

I think you have to have both in order to have a successful fulfilling relationship….

By lady j

November 8, 2007 9:05 AM | Link to this

got you Diva it isn’t deep reading too much into it…J

By Jazzyone

November 8, 2007 9:05 AM | Link to this

On Direct TX XM Soul Suite is the bomb turn it on everyday when I get home and let it roll and enjoy my surroundings..Love it!!

By Wise Diva

November 8, 2007 9:06 AM | Link to this

@Dimples, thank you for that book suggestion! It looks like a great read, I am going to check this one out, and I am not usually a huge fan of self-help genre.

By aaa

November 8, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this

YOU HAVE TO BE RESPECTED TO BE LOVED. RESPECT IS EARNED. IF YOU RESPECT YOURSELF WHY WOULDNT SOMEONE LOVE YOU? THE TWO GO HAND IN HAND, I’LL TAKE RESPECT OVER LOVE. I CAN LOVE MYSELF, IF THERES NO RESPECT, THEN THERE CAN NEVER BE LOVE, EVER

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 9:13 AM | Link to this

NUFF SAID!

Men need in this order

Respect Love Loyalty

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 9:13 AM | Link to this

Foots When u get in here you’ve got to help me find some of that ole Sand de Sable gurl!!! LOL…I did not see that post yesturday. Lady you are Old School for that one.

By Jazzyone

November 8, 2007 9:13 AM | Link to this

I love some and don’t like them which to me is a lack of a certain amount of respect for them.
I know I can love the core of someone and lose total respect for them. For me I need to be respected not loved first thats not how I was raised and in some cases Love has nothing to do with it.

Anyway Im testing something fierce this morning ya be easy and have a great day..im lurkin out ….

By me 2(formally purple lace)

November 8, 2007 9:17 AM | Link to this

Wise I’ve heard that saying when I was growing up. You have to have a foundation to build on, love spawns respect; respect spawns trust.

Kym your 8:41 I don’t agree with. Booty call/one night stand is just that. There’s no love or respect involved, only gratification. If you love me you would respect me not to classify me as that.

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this

Hey Wise I didn’t read into your topic the deep way. I observed it as need and want. love & respect.

By Blue_Kolla

November 8, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blog…

Sounds to me like there is a lot of settlin’ goin’ on. IMO when it comes to relationships, exclusive ones that is, love and respect go hand in hand. For me one without the other is a no-go, and… gets you on the hit squad and me free agent status.

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 9:21 AM | Link to this

Okay…YELLING @ 9:11am in the morning a good way to start the day!?!

By cp

November 8, 2007 9:26 AM | Link to this

Yeah, I think there is a difference between love and respect in relationships. The person you’re in love with can do something stupid (doesn’t everyone at some point) and you may have less respect for them for a while but would still love them.

As far as men needing respect and women needing love, I do think love is more important to women than men, just as respect is to men. I think it is probably stems from cultural and psychological differences in the sexes. Men have been told to be the “bread-winner” and therefore need to be successful at work. That’s where respect comes into it. They get respect at work so why should it be different at home?

Women have been told to be the “homemaker” which involves being the nurturer. Obviously if she is a mother that role is even more solidified. And that is where love comes into it.

The sexes are tied up in their roles although I think we’ve come a long way into blurring them. Some fathers will stay at home with their children while their wives work. Some couples will both work and choose not have children. Some people elect to not get married / stay in a relationship so they can focus their energies on work…

I guess my point is that respect is more important to some (both men and women now) and love is going the same way as well. I still think that for the most part, men still favor respect over love while women favor the opposite.

By Got that?

November 8, 2007 9:27 AM | Link to this

I was going to lurk on this one, but lady j requested my thoughts. So, here they are. Fundamentally, I understand what he is saying. However, I disagree. All humans need love. Love forms the basis of everything else. Love exists in various forms: parental love, brotherly love, principled love, etc. So, to say men don’t need love is a fundamental misstatement. Without love there is nothing. Respect grows out of love. One can say that the respect one has for an enemy is based on principled love. The love between men is usually brotherly love and is expressed through respect. Where there is no love, there is also no respect. Love is the emotion expressed through respect. Put another way, lose the love, all is lost. At the end of the day, all there is is love.

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 9:27 AM | Link to this

Morning, everyone, and, great topic, by the way. :-)

As a man, I strongly concur with the premise that men want to be respected, but I also believe respect and love, as they relate to men, are not mutually exclusive. I believe women should understand that when a man says he wants to be “respected”, he is not saying he doesn’t want to be loved. We want both, as do most women.

In the context of a relationship, however, my receiving respect from a woman is actually what speaks love to me. So, in fact, the two go hand-in-hand.

And, just to clarify, by ‘respect’ I’m speaking of a woman who values my opinions and concerns (though she may not agree with them all), engages me in decision making and encourages me in my personal goals and objectives. Her doing all those things is what paves the way for me to love her.

I believe there is an innate desire within every man to be valued and appreciated. Those to things - when offered volitionally - are what equal respect to him. Well, to me, at least.

By AmazonRed 2.0

November 8, 2007 9:29 AM | Link to this

Very interesting topic!

Love is an “emotional” emotion. You can love someone and not respect them. This is why I can understand why people cheat on their mates. Loving them all the same, but partaking in actions that disrespect their union.

You can respect someone and not love them, but I think when you respect someone even without love, you do less things to hurt them. You are cognizant of who they are and what they bring to the table.

That being said, I’d always want both love and respect. But if I had to chose one. I’d chose respect. I have an example to give, but this is getting long, so I’ll post again in a sec.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

November 8, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli Thanks for the breakfast!! That hot chocolate is going to hit the spot for real!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this

Morning Amazon 9:29am post good points.

By AmazonRed 2.0

November 8, 2007 9:35 AM | Link to this

Okay, now on to my example. Y’all know I have been blessed to see lasting marriages in my family. The thing I really appreciate is seeing two different types of marriages. One based on love (my grandparents), one based on respect (my parents).

My grandfather has the type of love for my grandmother everyone wishes for. He’d love her no matter what. But for a long time he didn’t respect her. He had a lot of growing up to do. Drinking, sleeping around, keeping her from her dream (a phD). She sacrified a lot for her husband for love. Eventually, grandpa turned it around, became a minister and a model husband. But the respect was not always there.

Now my parents. I really see how they took their vows and respect the commitment they made. I can tell that they don’t always like each other. They have never been a romantic couple. But they have always navigated the ebbs and flows of their relationship because of the respect for each other. They know what they built and the family they raised. My dad never stayed out all night, never drank, never got himself into questionable situations. I’m sure he could have, but he respects what he has at home.

Okay, so this is long too, and I’m sure you get my point. LOL

By abc

November 8, 2007 9:37 AM | Link to this

When you get right down to it, ‘respect’ is a nebulous term. Respect for what, and how so? Respect for one’s ability to make a good living? Respect for abilities to communicate equally across demographics, get things done, have fun in most all situations, make a nice home, have compassion for other people and charitably volunteer, I mean, what? Personal respect, that leads one to treat the other fairly, non-abusively?

It seems to me that if one said they loved another but didn’t have respect for them, it’d certainly be a love-hate scenario.

By DasV (yea, its me)

November 8, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this

naaa, i want to be respected, cause love will naturally follow in all its varying forms. love gets blurred, too many grey areas. respect to me is more defined, and absolute. not swayed by emotion… based on facts, proven truths.

rell im witcha! Respect. Love. Loyalty. respect who i am, choose to love me, then prove your love over time

By DreamsMaterialize

November 8, 2007 9:42 AM | Link to this

I think that love/respect is a false dichotomy, but one is a catalyst for the other. Respect sets the precedent for love. Could you love someone if you didn’t respect them first? Probably not. Without respect there can be no real love.

By Chris

November 8, 2007 9:44 AM | Link to this

Shaunti Feldhahn wrote about this in her book, For Women Only.

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 9:46 AM | Link to this

Good morning Everyone!

Rell Here’s your chance for 15 minutes of fame. You have been stressing that black women do not respect black men, so I am eager to read your points on this topic. Actually, I am eager to read all of the regular, intelligent blog men. Should be interesting.

Do you think that women often interchange love and respect, while men tend to separate the two? I do not believe that men separate the two. As much as men want women to respect them, they do not love a woman that they do not respect. I think that some women believe that respect will flow out of love. You know, because you love me, you will do this or that.

Which quote best describes your own ideals about respect and love in relationships? Definitely respect is love in plain clothes. True love requires action. Contrary to the warm and fuzzy feelings we get when we see the man/woman of our dreams, love isn’t love unless you give it away.

By lady j

November 8, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this

Thanks Got that!!! Love reading ya!

By Foots

November 8, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli LOL!! I’ll have to see if I have a corner or two left in my bottle of Sand de Sable!! :-)

On topic If I have no respect for a man, I can’t love him. Once a man loses my respect, I look at him with disappointment and disdain. How can love exist in that?

I do agree with Wise’s friend, that men desire respect, then love. I haven’t read all of the responses in case someone has mentioned this, but the basis for this is definitely in the Bible…Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

That’s not saying that a wife and a husband can’t do both, but that they should do the most important thing that will matter to each other and the other component will be added as a result. For wives, respect your husbands (and his love will follow), for husbands, love your wives (and her respect will follow). Neverending circle of love and respect.

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 9:52 AM | Link to this

Truth/Got that, you forgot to change your moniker……but then again, we’ve known that for a minute now!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 9:57 AM | Link to this

Thanks Foots for the Ephesians verse AND for saving me a corner of that Sands. ;-)

Your welcome Mo. I’ll be drinking cocoa for the most part today. My bones are cold.

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 9:58 AM | Link to this

This topics brings to mind something I observed at Arby’s last week. This mother was waiting for her order with her two daughters. The youngest, maybe 10 or 11, was talking to her mother and asking her questions. She was kind, calm and gentle. Simply displaying the inquisitive nature of a child. Her mother, on the other hand, was abrupt and seemed impatient with her daughter. Yet, she would turn to the cashier and make jovial comments to him. I’m standing there thinking, she is nicer to this young man than she is to her daughter. He only took her order, but she lives with this girl and is shaping her character. If you love someone, respect should flow naturally. Sometimes, we take those close to us for granted.

By Anon

November 8, 2007 10:00 AM | Link to this

Respect is EARNED. You cannot demand to be respected.

By lady j

November 8, 2007 10:05 AM | Link to this

2 is that so I need to talk to Truth…you so funny starting so early…lol

By abc

November 8, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this

Similar to Jewel’s observation, I have found it most common among married couples that the wife will treat the husband with indifference if not mostly ignoring him altogether, but when encountering others will greet them with enthusiasm, and energetically engage with them. That used to bug me quite a bit when I was married. I considered it disrespectful, but hey, you can’t force someone to be interested in you.

By Foots

November 8, 2007 10:10 AM | Link to this

Amazon You can love someone and not respect them.

You know what? This must be the reason why women stay with men who mistreat them. I mean, how could you still respect a man who treats you poorly, and still claim to have “love” feelings for him? So there is your scenario, she actually doesn’t have respect for him, but loves him just the same. Just my opinion, but I think that this order is dangerous for women, it opens them up to situations that will be to their disadvantage.

Can some of the ladies who have experienced this speak on it? Have you ever continued to be with and love a man who you didn’t respect?

By TJ

November 8, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this

Uhmm…I don’t usually post here, but just FYI there’s a book on this called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (good title huh? :))that is based on the verse out of Ephesians and delves into WHY men need respect and women need love and what a relationship looks like without both elements.

But that’s not to say the opposite can’t be or isn’t true. Some women need respect and some men need love—but regardless I think we all WANT both to some degree!

By Latina_in_30004

November 8, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this

I personally, cannot love someone I don’t respect, but on the other hand I can respect someone without loving them.

In a relationship context, I believe that mutual respect for each other equals trust and that translates to a stronger kind of love.

By Foots

November 8, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this

Sidenote - This blog still smells like the Lagerfield and Love’s Baby Soft y’all were spraying up in this camp yesterday…

By Got that?

November 8, 2007 10:13 AM | Link to this

2CPTG©, I am not Truth. We are 2 different people, which can be clearly seen from the vastly different styles of thought and writing.

By me 2(formally purple lace)

November 8, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this

If you don’t love or respect yourself how can you expect someone else to love/respect you.

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

@Jewel…i will pass on my fame, if you know me then you already know how i feel about this topic..i will keep it moving, i have beat the respect horse enough to this point…but thanks for the shout

@foots…cosign, that verse is part of arsenal that i never got a chance to use…lol

By T-Mango

November 8, 2007 10:17 AM | Link to this

…men need to be respected and they want to be loved. I think with women, it’s different, we need to be loved, and want to be respected…

That made me think. For me, I expect to receive respect first because that is fundamental to establishing the foundation of a friendship or relationship. So far as love, I don’t want or need love from every man that I’m dating, but I do expect his respect. Ultimately, I do want to receive love from one person that holds a mutual desire/willingness to fall in it with me… and will help do the work required to maintain the love we create, we make & we share.

But on the whole, doesn’t everyone have the need to be loved or have some sense of belonging to someone or something? I think so.

What is love? What is respect? Our experiences shape how we define what love is to us. The same goes with respect. If each of us were define the two for ourselves, there probably would be different definitions presented. We’d probably have different views on what a person would need to do or what behaviors they’d have to display to indicate that they are respecting or loving us.

By China Doll

November 8, 2007 10:18 AM | Link to this

In personal (dating) relationships respect is of the upmost of importance and a dual exchange, for me anyway. A true sign of the level of respect you have in a relationship is in way you handle yourself and how you handle each other. But more importantly you have to respect yourself first. What I have found is that I carry myself in certain way (the way my momma taught me), so that commands a certain approach from day (1). I’m going to show you a level of respect anyway just on GP.

In certain other relationships (family) the same rule may not apply. For example: I have a relative who is completely out of control…I love him because we share the same bloodline…but he has lost my respect for his actions and character flaws.

By lady j

November 8, 2007 10:19 AM | Link to this

I concur and not being funny or negative…two different views on life…J

By AmazonRed 2.0

November 8, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this

abc, those are the women who married for stability…or just wanted to be married. That sucks.

By DasV (yea, its me)

November 8, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this

foots i stayed for as long as could after i lost respect for my husband… but like the song says, sometimes love just aint enough.

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this

Foots Lagerfeld, Loves, Sands AND Poison, okay…

By AmazonRed 2.0

November 8, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

Foots, the most famous example of your question is Kim “professional uterus” Porter! I don’t doubt that Diddy loves her…but it’s clear he never respected her. Yet she stayed. The money is most certainly a factor, but she should have lost respect for him a long time ago. In fact, she probably did, but the “love” won out.

I was re-reading her and Diddy’s Essence story yesterday. She really fell for the okeydoke with that one. For those of you who missed the infamous interview, click here

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this

Regarding that verse in Ephesians, you have to read the enter chapter to understand the context of the statement. Paul did not simply tell the women to reverance their husbands. There are stated responsibilities for the man that, when done properly towards his wife, she will automatically give him the respect that he craves. The two, working together as one, to become one.

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

Lady J, not starting anything…….

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this

…huuuunnnccc…yaaaaawwwwnnn…hu…

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 10:39 AM | Link to this

On yesterday’s topic: Willie D You correctly completed the phrase. You are the winner! LOL!

By lady j

November 8, 2007 10:43 AM | Link to this

ok 2 got you…

By Foots

November 8, 2007 10:43 AM | Link to this

Jewel There are stated responsibilities for the man that, when done properly towards his wife…

You’re definitely right. That verse 33 sums up the instructions for both parties succinctly, that the husband should love his wife as he loves himself (that’s mentioned first in that verse) and the wife should reverence (respect) her husband.

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 10:49 AM | Link to this

Foots/Amazon In my humble opinion, women who stay with men who mistreat them stay because of hope (that he will change), commitment (to the commitment she made), and pride (how can she face the people who know the truth). There are many emotional and psyhcological factors that play a part in this as well. But stay for love? I think she will stay and call it love. Somehow love, or rather her distorted definition of love, justifies her decision.

Why are the men virtually silent on this topic? Have women shunned you to the point of numbness?

By Tazzee

November 8, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this

Morning folks!

I have to agree with the overall premise of Wise’s topic. I expect to be respected AND loved, but when it comes to personal relationships my need for love overrules my need for respect. Looking back on past relationships and even current relationships with my girls, if I know someone loves me, I can forgive certain acts of disrespect simply because of the love. And if I know the love is real, I will talk to that person to try to get them to work on that respect. However, if after some time, the person continues to disrespect me - I definitely have to let that relationship go. Mainly because of my love for myself.

Page How ‘bout them Hawks??!!!

By Tazzee

November 8, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this

Darrell your 9:27 comment is how I understand the man to operate.

By AmazonRed 2.0

November 8, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

Jewel, I agree. I also think people, women especially, forget the respect part of love. He tells you he’s sorry, he begs to come back. He put in all this effort so you think “well, he loves me.” But you have to sit down and ask the hard question of “does he respect me.”

I know I’ve definitely stayed in situations longer than I should have, thinking he would change. There were not even gross offenses going on. Minor ones you think you can overcome. I’ve had guys who supposedly respected me, but disappeared for 2 weeks. That’s not a sign of respect. But you never want to throw that baby out with the bathwater. However, those little signs are there for a reason, pointing you to the fact that you’re with someone who doesn’t make your feelings a priority.

By Willie Dynamite

November 8, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this

Someone mentioned earlier that we all have varying definitions of love and respect. Some in bad relationships tend to let one overshadow the other causing an imbalance. We have many instances where a distorted sense of love because of disrespect keeps people in these bad relationships (Kim and Diddy). The need to be loved is in a fact a precursor to being disrespected. For some of us that need will make us diregard the fact that we are being direspected. Love and Respect are both seasoned with a healthy dose of common sense.

Jewel you can send my official prize pack to MLB headquarters. Better yet you can personally drop it off.

By Beautiful

November 8, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this

Jewel Why are the men virtually silent on this topic?

this is exactly my point. comparing us to men, why? asking questions on how they think about a certain topic, why? men are a different type of creature. then again, this blog wouldn’t exist if they didn’t ask.

By Foots

November 8, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Darrell Very good comments. I can also see from your website that you have a deep thought process and understanding where these topics are concerned.

Jewel You’re right, all of those things could play a part in it. I had a friend who stayed with her husband (who obviously and vocally didn’t want to be married to her) probably because of those reasons you stated. Hope, commitment, pride, and also because she is a woman who enjoyed saying that she was married, she didn’t want to have to raise their kids alone, and she wanted to give their children what she never had, a real family. Everyone knew what was going on, or most of it anyway. Because we KNOW that folks don’t tell the worst things, the things she DID tell were so bad enough that I couldn’t even imagine the things she felt she couldn’t tell anyone.

She did end up leaving and getting divorced, although she still loved him. But I think that her love for herself and her realization of the example she was setting for her children gave her the strength to make positive changes.

By Foots

November 8, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this

WillieD The need to be loved is in a fact a precursor to being disrespected. For some of us that need will make us disregard the fact that we are being direspected.

That’s some POWERFUL stuff right there. That makes a good case for loving yourself first. As the great Frankie Beverly once said “When you feel deep inside, all the love you’re looking for, don’t it make it feel okay?”. If you have that love that you seek inside yourself, you won’t put yourself at risk or accept less than you deserve in order to gain love from someone else.

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this

Beautiful

Forgive me for butting in on your 11:04 comment to Jewel, but I don’t think so much a comparison as it is a contrast between the two (men and women.)

I think it was in the context of trying to bring to light contrasting viewpoints on the subject of ‘respect’ (as opposed to comparing those viewpoints) that this topic was originally raised. :-)

By AmazonRed 2.0

November 8, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

I think the men are rather silent on this topic because they see things more black and white. You ever noticed that a woman is more likely to take back a cheating man? When a guy gets cheated on, they are way more likely to drop her immediately. I think because cheating is one of the ultimate signs of disrespect and most men won’t tolerate being disrespected.

I’ve noticed a lot of men today have stated their position and maybe that’s really all that needs to be said!

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this

Foots Thanks for the compliments. (If I could only find a woman and put all that into practice.) LOL!

By abc

November 8, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

Jewel, I think there are lots of reasons women stay in abusive marriages: lack of ability to support themselves alone, afraid of change (that’s a whole other topic: women resist change), diminished self image after years of abuse and denigration and thus lack of self-confidence that they can make it on their own, and more. For women who are concerned about that, the Cherokee County Women’s Shelter can always use some more volunteers, other counties could too, I’m sure.

By lady j

November 8, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

wow foots his lyrics are powerful…

By Beautiful

November 8, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

Darrell gotcha!

By kinderbabe

November 8, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

good morning all. just to add to the current convo…women who stay w/men who mistreat them do it out of love alright…lack of love for themselves. when you really love yourself, you’re good to yourself and you honor your spirit. the other factor that sometimes keeps someone around is fear. fear that this is as good as it gets, so i might as well stay. respect and love go hand and hand. there isn’t one w/o the other.

By China Doll

November 8, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Beautiful

I know I’m entering into the landmine field with this comment

Just from experience, I think that most men especially our men think that because they are men they automatically should be respected bases on gender alone. And it seems that they think women have to earn or be worhty of their respect.

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone…Just arrived. I have a lot to read.

By SexyCool

November 8, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

from some of the issues that my SO and i have had in the past and some of the conversations that we have…i know that he places my respect over my love for him…regardless of whether he realizes it or not…on several occasions…he has said that you cannot love me if you act like you don’t respect me…

and then of course…that opens up the whole issue of what he considers disrespectful…sometimes…i am just blown away by some of the things that he considers disrespect that i have not taken so seriously…

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this

Alright see:

Amazon this one - You ever noticed that a woman is more likely to take back a cheating man? Yes i’ve seen this one often and i don’t know how they do it! I have some level of forgiveness for my guy but this one, i can’t take.

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

@DARREL…it is not hard to find women…i mean you have a vision…what is the problem…keep campaigning until you get elected….you make it seem like women are hard…they are not superhuman or from another planet..they are women…feel me…i dont see the problem, now granted…as told to me by a good friend you dont always get what you expect

but i say you not going to score if you not in the game..keep it mackish

By dino

November 8, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

I agree. how can you possibly say you love someone if you don’t respect them. in orde to love someone, you must have in this order: like, respect, love. all three go hand in hand.

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

HAH! Willie D I will be disguised as the overweight, hairy FedEx guy. LOL!

Thanks, Darrell. I believe that one of the objectives of this forum is to shed light on the differences between men and women. Hopefully we can glean an understanding, thus creating harmony for life, love and relationships. Was that melodramatic or what? Really, this is a concern for most men and woemn need to understand why they keep missing the mark, from the man’s perspective.

By Kara

November 8, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

Respect Rell, just wondering..what did Darrell say/post to make you think that he believes women are “hard”?

and mackish, umm huh? has that even worked for you?

By Foots

November 8, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this

China I have a few of extra-medium blog vests left over from Tuesday. Here take two… LOL!!

Seriously though, I’d like to hear the male perspective on your comment. I’ve certainly seen instances of this, and would appreciate the male insight as to whether or not this is true for them.

For me, the respect I have for a man is both freely given and earned. I start from a general level of respect that I feel that we as humans deserve, whether man or woman. And that person, by virtue of his/her actions, can either bolster or chip away from that general respect I gave to them at the beginning.

Like the “love bank” concept, deposits and withdrawals will be made as life is lived and that’s fine with me, as long as the “remaining balance” doesn’t drop below the initial deposit amount. If I come to realize that I no longer have even a basic level of respect for a person, that person has to go, because that’s the point where if they stayed, I would begin to compromise the level of respect I have for myself.

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this

Whew! First, ARed2.0, your title “Kim the professional uterus Porter” cut my funny bone to the core. I hollered!

I agree with Wise’s description that men want respect then love and SOME women want love then respect. I believe respect is more important than being loved. Love can grow out of respect. If you disrespect a person, apologize for it later, and disrespect again, it would very hard for love to be showcased. Love for one’s self is tantamount to receiving respect from another. When I realized I lost respect for my ex and realized I was on the verge of doing something I should do while still married was my eye opener. When you lose respect for a person, you also lost the love for that person. They go hand in hand!

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this

BTW Cemeeli, I took old school home last night as well.

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this

@china doll..our men huh…lol…here is a thought has not respecting our men worked for you…and when did earning a mans respect become a bad thing…lol….too much….and the battle continues…lol…

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this

Respect Rell

I’m a little puzzled that you garnered all that (in your 11:33 post) from just that brief parenthetical I added in my comment to Foots, but, for what it’s worth, I wasn’t insinuating at all that it’s “hard” to find a woman. I was only saying that I haven’t found one (yet.) That’s all.

By the way, your advice to “Keep it mackish.” cracked me up! LOL! I’ll try and do just that. LOL!

By Wise Diva

November 8, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

Lady J, I take it back, the topic is deep in some ways, LOL. The comments today have been VERY thought-provoking. Wow! Keep it up guys!

@Jewel: I believe that one of the objectives of this forum is to shed light on the differences between men and women, I will definitely co-sign that. Although things can break down into a war of words on here, that really is an objective of the forum, to me, anyway. Well said!

By AmazonRed

November 8, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

Co-sign @ Kara, I was thinking the same damn thing. LOL

By BennyB

November 8, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

Respect is the cornerstone of self discipline. Contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as love without respect. What some ladies here call love without respect is codependency (like Diddy and Kim). If a woman values a man she will respect him and vice versa. Respect is something that humans learn at young age, either you respect people, either you don’t. Have you ever dated a man/woman who respect you but disrespect everyone else? Have you ever dated a woman / man who ignore every phone call when he/she is with you? Have you ever had a friend who never returns your phone call unless he/she need you?

When I was dating, I used to monitor how a girl interacts with her circle of friends. If she valued them and treats them with respect, it was on but unfortunately many girls treat their friends like shizzzzzt, they don’t answer their phone calls; don’t return their voice mail when a man occupy their minds. Those girls are naturally disrespectful despite the respect-full-face they show to their man. Our social circle defines who we are. If it’s acceptable in our social circle to treat each other as value less being, then we lack respect in our interactions.
Women who tolerate to be treated badly don’t respect themselves and despite their crying and complaining they don’t have respect for nobody since to respect others one must respect the self.

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 11:48 AM | Link to this

Jewel

Nice post (@ 11:38.) I appreciate your objectivity and sincerity. :-)

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this

@KARA…ok you get one hater free post from me…so to entertain your feeble attempt to bait me….from previous post the dude reads like a bleeding heart..or one of those dont you see me types = nice guys/good guys…i mean the brother spits good game..so i am wondering what is the problem..that is why i assumed or percieved he may have or had some trouble in that dept

now on to my lil comment about being mackish….yes i said keep it mackish…keep being a man dont settle..etc etc, all the good things i would tell a fellow mack in the struggle to find quality amoung the rif-raff….and has it worked for me…YES…no details..so i hope this helps you…now if you still want to flame me please continue..i can take it

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 11:54 AM | Link to this

I need about 3 energy drink for lunch. I don’t even care that they are not good for your b’pressure. I’m so dragging…

Sexyleggs I knew you were. Talking about riding out in that Gremlin. What is Rive Gauche andyway?

By Foots

November 8, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this

Hey dino, good comment.

Foots now proceeds to blow a respectful kiss towards Rell, just lips, no tongue…

SexyCool sometimes…i am just blown away by some of the things that he considers disrespect that i have not taken so seriously…

Many times (many, many times) I have had the question mark on my face about the myriad instances of what people in general call disrespect. Some things that might not bother me would grate on someone else, and vice versa. For instance, I have a co-worker who sits near me. He won’t speak for the life of him even if you stare him in the face. Now, I don’t consider that disrespect because it just doesn’t affect me that much. But I know that some folks will MAKE somebody acknowledge them, even if they don’t truly care one way or the other, in the name of respect. That’s a simple example, but in past relationships those type of things have come up. You’re bound to run into a sore spot for someone where respect is concerned.

You know what though? I would be apt to go smoove off if someone walked into my own house and didn’t acknowledge me. And I chastise my nieces for not speaking when either I, their parents, their grandparents (or any elder) walk into their presence. I tell them “I don’t care what is on your mind, what you’re mad about, when I walk into this room, you better open your mouth to speak.” That’s simple but it something that I’m a stickler for.

By Daily Lurker

November 8, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this

repect and love…hand in hand.. no love no respect…no respect no love…

this topic is making me dizzy. Everyone is basically saying the same thing over and over in different ways.

SexyCool brought up a interesting point. People see giving respect in different ways. One person may feel disrespected when another may not. Let’s expand on the different aspects of respect…….

By AmazonRed 2.0

November 8, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

Off-topic, how many of you did it up for your 30th birthday? If not, did you wish you had? I’m thinking about hosting a party at the new house…but I really rather not play hostess. 3 of my line sisters and I have birthdays 4 days apart so we’re thinking of getting belligerent in Vegas.

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

Mean mugging at Tazzee! LOL…um, ok, yeah whateva! The Hawks got lucky last night against my Suns, but only because my dude Stoudemire wasn’t playing because of his bad kneee. It’s all good, though…lol. Of course, Joe Johnson had a decent game, which is cool, but of course, he used to be a former Suns player, so that is where he got his skillz from…lol. rolling eyes

By China Doll

November 8, 2007 11:59 AM | Link to this

Rell

My point is that “some” men think they are worthy of respect based solely on gender, whether their actions, character dicate it or not. Basically. it’s like a double standard. I was not trying to use “our” in a derogatory way but I trying to be PC.

Thanks Foots for the vest, I think I will a few more, keep’em coming.

By The Truth

November 8, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this

2C why you would think I would post under another name is beyond me. Check your shyt dude. I will say this again. I only used the name WTF??? on the other topic because someone else used Truth over there. I have no need to hide my identity to your azz for any reason whatsoever. I am alot of things but a coward isn’t one of them. If you feel some kind of way about any of my posts take a moment to tell me what they are. Other than that don’t use my name for that bullshyt. Muffagga, you aren’t worth acting like a bytch over. If I have taken your post incorrectly I apologize. If not take a moment to kiss my azz.

On topic: Love v respect is a matter of emotion v performance. Alot of people find love and not respect and wind up miserable. A mate that loves you will give you major grief over anything. Love is what they sell at the florists. Respect is harder to earn and worth much more on the open market. A mate that respects will get up at 2am to make you breakfast and see you off to work. A mate that loves you will roll over and say goodbye.

Ladyj did you get that?

Thunder Dan I gotta disagree on your post. Love can come from respect but respect rarely comes from love. Love is an emotion and a fleeting one at best. Respect doesn’t go away and ususally only gets stronger. My .02.

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 12:01 PM | Link to this

Respect Rell Re: your 11:53 post to Kara, I’m not a “bleeding heart” at all, which is why I intentionally added the “LOL!” at the end of the comment I made earlier to Foots.

It’s all good, man. I’m definitely still in the game, but I’m more the type to keep it ‘mental’ as opposed to ‘mackish’.

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this

@benny b..good post

@foots..cosign your post..i work to gain a womens respect..so i expect the same in return work..not the old please impress me with your best and then i will decide if i want to return the favor…lol..back to lurking…lol

By Got that?

November 8, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this

BennyB, cosigning your 11:46. It’s like my grandmother says, charity begins at home. If you don’t love and respect yourself, it is impossible love and respect anyone else.

By Kara

November 8, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

oh I get it Respect Rell, any man who says uplifting, positive things about people (women), automatically is unattractive, too nice, and a door mat. Whereas, men who are to be revered as real men, don’t have to uplift anyone, nor show respect because they are the macks, the pimps, the true players who really get respect and “quality” women, is that about right?

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli, Rive Gauche is/was an inexpensive perfume I wore in H.S. first year of college. I absolutely loved it.

Daily Lurker, you said it all!

By melo

November 8, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this

There is no way u can love somebody and not respect them. You dont love them, you either love their money,the fact that u love the trimmings that go with being with him/her and u are insecure about leaving him/her. True luv and respect go hand in hand. Luv is unconditional.Its deeper than the infatuation of wanting to be with someone simply becoz it makes life a little bit easy for u and the kids. Benny B* i am with u. A lot of women are just looking for the easy relationship where the money flows, they go shopping and the home is well supplied, even though the man has other multiple women in other states etc. That aint luv. Thats another form of slavery. Luv and respect is a two way, back and forth thing. U luv and respect ur woman/man and they luv and respect u back.

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this

@darrell…i stand corrected…keep it mental…lol..

By melo

November 8, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this

“I don’t care what is on your mind, what you’re mad about, when I walk into this room, you better open your mouth to speak.” Foots, u like me and thats what i tell my kids.U will be a good mum, i know.

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this

Off topic I’m driving up to Charlotte Saturday for the Falcons/Panthers game on Sunday afternoon. Any other “gluttons for punishment” out there that are heading up for the game? :-)

I know. I know. But I’m a Falcons season ticket holder and I’ve got to support my team. So, don’t bash me too hard. :-)

By T-Mango

November 8, 2007 12:22 PM | Link to this

*women who stay w/men who mistreat them do it out of love alright…lack of love for themselves. when you really love yourself, you’re good to yourself and you honor your spirit.

Kinderbabe sometimes we all fall short of the glory. Some of us find ourself in situations we never thought we’d be in. Life is strange that way. But, experience is one helluva teacher.

I have loved one man who began to mistreat me in the past. In retrospect, did I love myself? Yes. What I found I lacked at that time was clarity.

Generally speaking, love is a powerful emotion and sometimes it can keep you from seeing things for what they really are. But, when you find clarity you may see that that person is not going to change(not for you or himself)…that this is a pattern… that you’re really not as happy as you thought you were, that maybe you were in love with the *concept of being in love and falling out of love with the man himself*

In my opinion, you can move on, but clarity has to be meshed with strength and the will to move on. Some people don’t love themselves because they don’t know how to. For some, clarity never comes. For others, it does. Either way, it’s an individual journey and that person has to not only live out, but be able to deal with the consequences of their decisions. Whether it was all worth it in the end is in the eye of the beholder.

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 12:24 PM | Link to this

@kara…yea what you said…lol, i told you one hater free post, and i am sure with the good sense god gave you…that you did not think i meant all that bullshlit you just posted..but for entertainment purposes….yea againg what you said…lol….people are too funny when it comes to words…lol

By Daily Lurker

November 8, 2007 12:24 PM | Link to this

2C is in the corner of the ring…bouncing back and forth, jabbing, getting ready for his comeback with a left hook

By TFAM

November 8, 2007 12:28 PM | Link to this

In the context of a relationship between a Man and a Woman. A Man can’t be with a Woman who doesn’t respect him and a Woman can’t love a Man she doesn’t respect. Period, Point, Blank…

By Dan

November 8, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this

Personally, I’ma have to say that I give respect and expect it in return. Now once a person (male/female) gets out of pocket, then the whole kit and caboodle is out the window.

I try not to enter into interactions with preconcieved notions (respect, intellect, what have you). So, by that token, I usually get what I give in return…a chance for the person to make the point about who they are. And not for me to do it for them

By SexyCool

November 8, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this

oh…and to the other point that wise made…i want/need to be respected as much as i want/need to be loved…

By Kara

November 8, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this

@Respect Rell…no, actually it is what you have said, how many times have you called women b*** on this forum? but don’t answer that, you’re dismissed from any further dialogue with me, please..carry on.

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 12:35 PM | Link to this

Just from experience, I think that most men especially our men think that because they are men they automatically should be respected

Question for the Men Is this an accurate assessment? Or, do you automatically expect it from us, since it is limited or nonexistent from other races?

By Wise Diva

November 8, 2007 12:40 PM | Link to this

Daily Lurker & Sexycool, interesting points! If women want to know how to avoid disrespecting the men in their lives, they would have to really communicate with their partners, and men don’t always want to TALK TALK like that, so it becomes a trial/error kind of thing, doesn’t it?

You see his reaction to some things, situations, etc, and gauge from that?

what do you think?

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

November 8, 2007 12:43 PM | Link to this

“I don’t care what is on your mind, what you’re mad about, when I walk into this room, you better open your mouth to speak.” I agree with this 100% Melo & Foots I tried this one time when I was in high school and my father grilled me for not speaking. my excuse: I had a bad day. My father said those exact words to me and shocked me. But now that I am an adult with child, I understand.

Its been some pretty good responses to the topic so far. I personally would prefer both the respect and love. I do agree with whomever posted that once I dont respect you anymore then its a done deal!

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this

Excellent point, SexyCool in your 11:28. The question then becomes are you willing to change the behavior for your partner’s sake, regardless to how you feel? This is when love is shown by taking to heart what the other person needs from you. If it is important to him/her, it should be important to you.

By Got that?

November 8, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this

Jewel, in answer to your question, I think it factors heavily into it. It’s a known fact that a black man in America has the worst lot. That is ingrained in the culture. Black men do expect sympathy of that plight from black women. Some view it as a reason for automatic respect from black women. Why? Because those same black women have fathers and brothers who have experienced, in some form or fashion, the hatred and distrust that is taught about black men. What black men choose to do about it, though, is an entirely different matter.

By Willie Dynamite

November 8, 2007 12:50 PM | Link to this

Truth welcome back, i know you been back for a few days but the real truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth showed up today.LOL!!!

Daily Lurker you the Don King up in this piece. Egging shyt on. Funny!!

Jewel Question for the Men Is this an accurate assessment? Or, do you automatically expect it from us, since it is limited or nonexistent from other races? I don’t think most Men automatically expect it from BW. I think we tend to be shocked and disgusted because it seems like we have to work harder to get from BW who go outta they way not to more than anyone else. JMO

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 12:54 PM | Link to this

I really like that T-Mango, CLARITY.

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 12:55 PM | Link to this

wait a minute, fvck boy! First of all, you barking up the wrong tree, with yo lame azz; You asked for it, so I’mma give it to you, and see if yo wanna be azz can take yo own medicine!…..

It ain’t hard to pick up yo vibe chump! And you talkin’ about kissin’ yo azz, ho azz niqqa, PLEASE! Yeah, yousa a ho, finger snappin and all (yo words, not mine)…bytch boy, you’ve had more farewell tours than Jay-Z, and everytime you call yourself saying bye, you come with some long azz Jerry Maguire type manifesto, like somebody really gives a damn! Like Jerry, vamoose niqqa, and we wish you well……like somebody called yo fake azz out once before, you’ve done more flips than a candy paint job, but yo lame azz probably have no idea where I’m coming from……You’re the type of clown that posts simply to see his name in bold face, that’s why all of your shyt is equivalent to a mini dissertation; yeah, some of it has validity, but niqqa say what’s on your mind, and be done..you sittin there trynna come up with the right words and shyt…..Da fvck I care about you…..don’t ever call yourself trynna call me out, ho! we can take it as far as you wanna go with it!

By SexyCool

November 8, 2007 12:56 PM | Link to this

wise…what frustrates me most about coach is that once an issue has cropped up that we’ve seen in different ways…he starts saying that if i really knew him that i would know how he was going to react…to which i respond that as well as i believe that i have learned who and how he is, i will never be in a position to anticipate is every reaction and that not only am i not going to attempt to do so, i refuse to second guess myself when it comes to certain things…

recently, we had a disagreement about how i handled something…i listened to what he had to say…then said what i had to say…he wanted to continue to go back and forth about how wrong i was…i finally had to say to him, “Look, we are going to have to agree to disagree on this. And whereas I respect your point of view, I think that I did the right thing and I’m not going to apologize for it regardless of how you may see it.”

By Jazzyone

November 8, 2007 1:00 PM | Link to this

I understand you post Got that. lemme just say this black women have stood beside you , behind you and under you for years even when you were being beat down and treated like less than human without question (and so were we, raped, beat up, tore up from the inside and out and bread to sometimes by choice and not).

What I think some men forget is we were and are in this together and we both male female need to garner respect for each other especially in the black community, where is the respect when there is so much ill will on both sides being thrown at each other…

TO continue to hear a BLACK MAN tell me he deserves respec?! Well shyt you been getting that from us thru history, when will that same respect be given. Period…

By Jazzyone

November 8, 2007 1:02 PM | Link to this

I understand you post Got that. lemme just say this black women have stood beside you , behind you and under you for years even when you were being beat down and treated like less than human without question (and so were we, raped, beat up, tore up from the inside and out and bread to sometimes by choice and not).

What I think some men forget is we were and are in this together and we both male female need to garner respect for each other especially in the black community, where is the respect when there is so much ill will on both sides being thrown at each other…

TO continue to hear a BLACK MAN tell me he deserves respec?! Well shyt you been getting that from us thru history, when will that same respect be given. Period…

By Jazzyone

November 8, 2007 1:02 PM | Link to this

I understand you post Got that. lemme just say this black women have stood beside you , behind you and under you for years even when you were being beat down and treated like less than human without question (and so were we, raped, beat up, tore up from the inside and out and bread to sometimes by choice and not).

What I think some men forget is we were and are in this together and we both male female need to garner respect for each other especially in the black community, where is the respect when there is so much ill will on both sides being thrown at each other…

TO continue to hear a BLACK MAN tell me he deserves respect?! Well shyt you been getting that from us thru history, when will that same respect be given. Period…

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 1:06 PM | Link to this

*Wise Diva

To your comment at 12:40, I understand exactly what you’re saying, and although you have a valid point on the one hand (about men not always wanting to “talk, talk”), on the other hand, I believe men have an obligation to “gauge” the woman as well, and why it is she wants to “talk, talk” at a given moment.

I believe such a scenario warrants both the man and woman knowing each other’s ‘love language’ and how to speak it to each other. (See the book on ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Dr. Gary Chapman.)

For example, one of the five love languages spoken of in the aforementioned book is ‘Quality Time.’ And along with that particular love language are two “dialects”: Quality Activities and Quality Conversation.

It could very well be that a woman who likes to “talk, talk” could possess the love language of Quality Time with the dialect of Quality Conversation. Meaning, it speaks love and respect to her when her man TAKES THE TIME to listen to her - even when it is “inconvenient” for him (i.e. doesn’t feel like it or doesn’t want to be bothered.)

So - and I say this as a man - a man can’t be “let off the hook” simply because he’s not wired to be a talker. If anything, the woman will probably be inclined to respect and love him even more because he does make the effort to engage her even when it’s not convenient for him to do so.

By Jazzyone

November 8, 2007 1:08 PM | Link to this

okay i didn’t do that on purpose so don’t trip…sigh

By SexyCool

November 8, 2007 1:08 PM | Link to this

jewel…to a certain degree, i am willing to make compromises and accomodations…however, not to the point of being untrue to who i am…i will not allow myself to compromise my basic beliefs or self truths in order to be with him or anybody…

besides, sometimes, it simply comes down to different outlooks because of the different experiences and different lives that we’ve lived before we came together…

it is at that point that we find our need to agree to move past what most often is a minor issue in the big picture of it all…

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 1:10 PM | Link to this

Thanks, 2CPTG & The Truth for giving us a visual of disrespect.

By The Truth

November 8, 2007 1:10 PM | Link to this

Got That “It’s a known fact that a black man in America has the worst lot”. Thats not true. There are way to many bm out there doing their thing to say that. The unforunate part is the ones that do mess up get splattered across the news. Modern day lynchings.

Wattup WillieD? Hope all is well.

Jewel that is a correct statement in my view.

By Daily Lurker

November 8, 2007 1:11 PM | Link to this

oh no! The Truth is down…1, 2, 3, he’s strugglin ya’ll…..trying to pull up with the ropes…wait a minute…HE’S UP, HE’S UP, is he ready for round 2?

By Jazzyone

November 8, 2007 1:14 PM | Link to this

Stnad up and be the best man you can be and the rest will follow..all this pimp ish and mack ish is rediculous that game will never change but maybe one day our community will…you call that repsecting a black women thats disrespecting ya’self and us….

Where is the respect for the black woman when we are approached with the same ole s** for years im a mack..im a pimp..bytch this. slap that ho that???!!!…Speak it and be it and we won’t have any problems you want all the respect from a black woman how about respecting yourself enough to grow up be a man about yours and approach me like a woman should be approached show me some respect and I will stand till the end with you like we all have done from the beginning of time and still get no props…puhlease….back to lurkin…

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 1:16 PM | Link to this

Can you say that one more time, Jazzy One. I think I missed your point the 2nd and 3rd time… LOL!

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 1:20 PM | Link to this

sorry, Jewel, as I told Lady J, I wasn’t trying to start anything…..but don’t invite me to kiss yo azz…..naw, I don’t do it like that…..again, my apologies.

By BennyB

November 8, 2007 1:21 PM | Link to this

Kara Sometimes I wonder if women speak a different language. First, when a man wrote: “If I could only find time and put all that into practice”; you question another man who conclude that the first man does not have time or perhaps find it hard to find time to practice? Very illogical…………

Second, you are questioning why a man who says uplifting, positive things about women is automatically unattractive…….well because that how culturally programmed women classify such man. Women in occidental societies are culturally programmed. They expect to feel some way when they meet a man they like. If they don’t feel the way they expect, you are out; they will label you as someone unable to create a connection with them. Very few smart men know that those feelings that women expect are not natural, they can be triggered. If you don’t have to uplift anyone, nor show respect to trick an unwilling woman to have those feelings for you; I don’t see a reason not to go for it. Anyway, feelings don’t make sense; why someone logical will use logic to deal (trigger) with feelings. Men are labeled real men just because they understand that they don’t have to be always logical to attain their goals.

By lady j

November 8, 2007 1:28 PM | Link to this

Truth what the heck are you talking about i really need to ask you something about your rental properties and just wanted GOT THAT PERSEPECTIVE about the daily topic…anyway!

Thanks Diva as always LOVE YOUR BLOG! The good bad and UGLY!!!!

And yes I got it!

Peace

By Got that?

November 8, 2007 1:30 PM | Link to this

The Truth, I didn’t say that to mean that we can’t rise above the mess. I said that because it’s simply a statement of what’s so. There are quite a few black men that do very well. Speaking from experience, however, it does take quite a bit more work and determination to succeed in this hostile environment. I was making the point that all things aren’t equal. For a black male born into this society, he starts out with 2 strikes against him. It’s up to him what he chooses to do with his life.

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

LOL, boy i see the battle lines are drawn…again….i respect black women..dizzy from all the word play…lol

you know what i think is disrespectful..emotional outburst…specially in relationships…why cant we talk about it…lol, i mean if you let me all inside you…exchanging fluids…but when it comes to a disagreement the name calling and the anger has to come..that to me is disrespectful..

By The Truth

November 8, 2007 1:32 PM | Link to this

2c* you 2 bit wanna be tough guy/pimp/playa/p***, watch your mouth when you speak to me. You and your gangsta talk are so old I thought you hung out with Frank Lucas. True, I have dropped off a few times but thats my addiction. I come back when I see something I wanna talk about. Otherwise I lurk because blogsville has gone downhill with bytch azzed dudes like you talking about firing up joints like that makes you a true cat. You’ve been a bytch since you got here, my .02, and you remain one today. You don’t wanna do anything with me, you wanna keep typing on your keyboard and act like you’ve done some hustling because we both know your soft as medicated cottonballs on the inside. Also, that was a nice little rant earlier but next time you want to say something to me say **Truth____ .Thats how real cats get down. They don’t make bytch azzed accusations.

Also, I’ve never fipped flopped. I’ve spent my whole bytch slapping puddies like you and I must say I’m enjoying my journey to the other side. The Truth is winding down from that bs. Yes dude, I enjoy my book club, movies, plays, the whole 9. I’ve been places that make guys like you wear lipstick and I never broke weak. I promise your bytch azz doesn’t have it in you to make it happen.

Do us both a favor. Keep typing about what kind of hustla you are because it looks good in print. Me and you both know your a coward azzed bytch. Once again, my .02.

In your post it seemed like you planned on doing something with your words. Tell me what you’d like to do bruh.

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 1:35 PM | Link to this

Rell! I am gonna have a talk with you, Mister! Stope being so mean! Hit me on email, pls. mean muggin.

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 1:36 PM | Link to this

Isley brothers - let me down easy

jamming this right now, thought i would share

Is love behind me? Though I need you to satisfy me Destiny will prove to divide me For you’re a part of me I feel the love within you Your beauty lies deep within you Touching me when you feel the need to Become as one with me

So let me down easy If ever you were to leave My love, let me down easy For all I know is you

Take you for granted? That could never, never be An advantage All this love, and free from demanding You have always felt the need to be pleased And you stay close beside me Though our minds are free for deciding The life to lead and desiring To see what they can see

Oooh! Let me down easy If ever you were to leave My love, let me down easy Ooohhh…

Ah! Spending time, time with you Counting the days of my life Oh, hoping that, that with me You will stay

So let me down easy If ever you were to leave My love, let me down easy For all I know is you

Being around you Lovely things I feel are about you Being strong until I’m without you For you’re the strength in me And you give me inspiration Realizing that it has taken More love and more love makin’ To fulfill my every need

So for me Let me down easy If ever you were to leave My love, let me down easy

If ever you were to leave My love, let me down Oh, easy

If ever you were to leave My lo-ove, let me down, let me down, let me down Easy, baby

Oh-ho! Let me down, hey, down, down, down, down Easy Hey, if ever, if ever, ever, ever you were to leave me

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 1:38 PM | Link to this

Okay i don’t any of this after my good lunch but imma share some of it………

……WOOOOOOOOSAAAHHHHH……….

What is going on in here?

Topic: Respect the man, PLEASE??????

By Peeps

November 8, 2007 1:41 PM | Link to this

Uh-oh! Bring out the d!ck measuring stick.

By Kara

November 8, 2007 1:41 PM | Link to this

BennyB, men and their logic vs feelings, men always want to shout that belief. The reality is that you men go by emotions you just have society telling you to hide them, or else you won’t be taken “seriously”. SO you guys run behind your emotional curtain and conceal it all in, until something triggers and you find yourself in a crisis, barely able to cope. That is when you see yourself for what you really are - human, instead of what you make yourselves out to be. The whole, don’t need feelings to achieve goals..yeah, you don’t need to call it feelings/emotion, but you are driven by something. By definition, men are able to feel their manhood only when they have the ability to make things happen, only when they can exert control over events, over themselves, over women, and that is STILL an emotion/feeling.

By Aggressively witty

November 8, 2007 1:41 PM | Link to this

Respect and love are so clearly different things. You can easily love someone and not respect them. A parent loves a child uncoditionally, that doesnt mean that if that child becomes a murderous, child rapis they resepct them.

How many times have you been in a relationship and feel like you LOVE a person but they do something that makes you lose respect for them. Do you love them any less, probably not. But your respect for them has diminished.

By the same token you can respect the hell out of someone and NEVER grow to love them. I would imagine that this is the case with all those ‘why cant you see the good man I am’ dudes who feel like they are losing the good broads. These broads respect you, maybe even admire you, but they could never love you cause the passion is not there.

No way do respect and love go hand in hand. Its nice to get that when you can, but neither is a prereq for the other.

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 1:43 PM | Link to this

LMAO at Truth and 2! now ordering more popcorn

By DeMetriix

November 8, 2007 1:43 PM | Link to this

i dont know people. i have pondered this for a while and i’d like to think that ultimately they both are one in the same. now i think that maybe it’s possible to love some on with out respecting them. look at monica kaufman she had several husbands and not one i think she had enough respect for to change her name until the current husband. she may have had some love for them or she wouldn’t have married them but i think not enough respect. the current husband i think gets both simply because now she has changed her name for all of atlanta to see.

By Dimples

November 8, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

@ Darrell I read that book also. It was great! I love the types of books. I believe it has a section in it about understanding your kids love language as well. Wise I think after reading from this topics someo f us are going to change your mind about self-help books.LOL

Jewel/Foots You two ladies brought out some good christians points in ref. to love/respect.

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 1:47 PM | Link to this

Channeling Florida Evans….DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

@bennyb…cosign, i have spent time in other countries and trust men are respect for being men!!!

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 1:50 PM | Link to this

SexyCool I agree 100%. In fact, your partner should respect the standards you have set for yourself. it is at that point that we find our need to agree to move past what most often is a minor issue in the big picture of it all Absolutely. Sometimes you have to loose a battle to win the war.

By Stop the madness

November 8, 2007 1:52 PM | Link to this

you guys exchange phone numbers and argue amongst yourselves, PLEASE! truth, 2c

By lady j

November 8, 2007 1:53 PM | Link to this

ok Cemeeli…back to lurking since I have nothing to offer…lol

By lady j

November 8, 2007 1:53 PM | Link to this

ok Cemeeli…back to lurking since I have nothing to offer…lol

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 1:57 PM | Link to this

Dimples I’m no “relationship expert”, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. ;-)

Seriously, though, I’ve taught several classes at my church on the subjects of singlehood and relationships and have leveraged many of Dr. Chapman’s books in the process. In fact, I’ll be teaching a class in early 2008 on his latest book ‘The Five Languages of Apology.’ (EXCELLENT read, by the way.) I’m also contemplating covering the whole ‘love languages’ concept in the newsletter I write for my Web site. ;-)

By China Doll

November 8, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this

Jazzy

I enjoy reading your post, you seem to articulate what I’m thinking. Good looking out Sis!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 2:00 PM | Link to this

OK Page1908 ordering popcorn…and telling ppl to move over.

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 2:04 PM | Link to this

Truth, here’s a nice, loving hug while nibbling on your ear.

2C how the heck did get him so riled up.

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 2:05 PM | Link to this

look at monica kaufman she had several husbands and not one i think she had enough respect for to change her name until the current husband. DeMetriix That’s because he is a gun-toting policeman! LOL! Seriously, perhaps her decision was based on the fact that she is now established in her career and her name is not associated with her professional reputation.

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 2:05 PM | Link to this

@phoenix fan…i hit you in your inbox..

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 2:10 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Florida Evans! ctfu

By Just IN

November 8, 2007 2:12 PM | Link to this

OMG - Wow!!!

Hello *Ceemeli - you come in with that woo-sah. I’ll take some of that. And i think some others need a drink of it as well. Anger Management has open enrollment.

By Dan

November 8, 2007 2:12 PM | Link to this

Fellas, fellas.

We’re on the computer (cyberspace) what can any of us do but type REALLY hard, or use bold A lot. Everybody be easy, keep it grown and think.

On topic, to the young lady (sorry I don’t remember your name) that posted a black man is born with two strikes, I have to disagree. Most of us are born with three.

The difference in being out and getting lies in WD’s topic: Respect. Respect for oneself is something that is ingrained, but can also be nutured to maturity. And it’s the respect of self that gets us to the point where we wanna get out and other people want to help us get out.

My honest opinion based on my personal history.

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 2:13 PM | Link to this

Trick, everythng I type is true about me! Tough talk? naw, more like real talk! ain’t shyt fake about me…..others can attest! As they say, it ain’t braggin if you can back it up!

negro, you funny to me…real funny…like you’re the only one that has a higher education….hahahahahah, if yo azz only knew….for all yo azzz know, pu$$y niqqas like you may be the subject of my next, yes, NEXT book! Keep talkin simp, and give me more ideas to add…….while I continue to laugh at yo azz……oh, since you wanna see who I’m referring to, you, Trick/Truth!

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 2:16 PM | Link to this

LOL Rell-gotcha!

LOL Cemeeli! Sometimes the convos are going great, then all of a sudden…BAM!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 2:18 PM | Link to this

@Darrell I’ve been on your website couple times (nicely done). Do you have a list of those books on your website anywhere?

By Jazzyone

November 8, 2007 2:20 PM | Link to this

Dan I give you applause ^5 On topic, to the young lady (sorry I don’t remember your name) that posted a black man is born with two strikes, I have to disagree. Most of us are born with three.

The difference in being out and getting lies in WD’s topic: Respect. Respect for oneself is something that is ingrained, but can also be nutured to maturity. And it’s the respect of self that gets us to the point where we wanna get out and other people want to help us get out

Thank you Mom and Dad for teaching me this!

By AmazonRed 2.0

November 8, 2007 2:20 PM | Link to this

batting my eyelashes* * @ **Dan.

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 2:22 PM | Link to this

Dan, I was cool til dude said Kiss his azz…..I can argue intelligently with the best of ‘em, but you cross the line with that shyt….I’ve said many times I’m not here to offend anyone, and I do offer apologies when, and if I do….

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

Damn, what happened to that warm, fuzzy blanket we all webbed yesterday going back to old school? Somebody has to take the high road and just BTFU. Walk away…this is cyberspace! You guys throwing punches and landing none. It’s really hard to connect in SPACE!!!!

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli

As a matter of fact, I do. Just click here… [http://www.blackthen.com/index_files/Resources.htm] :-)

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

Dan so on point. I’m going to use bold and re-post this one.

Thank you sir.

Respect for oneself is something that is ingrained, but can also be nutured to maturity. And it’s the respect of self that gets us to the point where we wanna get out

By The Truth

November 8, 2007 2:27 PM | Link to this

2C* I hope you write better in your books than do on here punk azz. You must be writing about s** you heard about beacuse from your posts you haven’t done shyt but blazed em up and got mad beacause the women you know quickly see thru your transparent azz. BTW, whats the name of your book? I’d love to read it. Also, I don’t need anyone to vouch for you. I know what you are and you do too. Bytches like you talk a good one but we know you ain’t going to bust a grape. You never have and never will.

If your a real cat these chicks might azz well start dating women because this thing has fallen apart. I would like to say you’ve flipped flopped too but I cant because you’ve never said one thing that matters. However, thats how it should be because you’ve never done anything. Then you wonder why a woman won’t believe in you. These women have carried around puddy there whole lives and quickly recognize it when they see and smell it.

Like I said, from your words you sound like you want go somewhere. Where do you want to go baby girl? If you don’t want to go anywhere quit crying like you want to do somethin you fuggin gump.

By Got that?

November 8, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this

Dan, I made the comment. I’m a black male speaking from experience, too. If we had 3 strikes, we wouldn’t have a chance. Unfortunately, we only have one chance to get it right. As a group, we’re the last ones hired and the first fired. Individually, though, we have to do what’s right, not only for us, but for all black men. On the subject of respect, respect is taught. No child is born automatically respecting anyone, not even itself. That’s part of the job of parenting, to teach children to respect themselves and others. That’s why we see so many people disrespectful of others. They never learned how to show respect for themselves or their fellow man.

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 2:31 PM | Link to this

@ ladyj - Come on back and face the music. And dont be trying to inhale all the Woo-sah! LOL!

@ Sexyleggs girl i’m with you. Can’t we just all get along and try to fit on one Big Wheel and find the steapest hill in town to ride down? Sexyleggs you gotta take them heavy skates off or you gonna make us tilt.

By Jazzyone

November 8, 2007 2:32 PM | Link to this

Yep that will attract just that…LOL…

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 2:35 PM | Link to this

2C having someone type kiss their a$$ can’t possibly yield the same reaction as if it was said to your face. Goodness gracious! That’s insane!

By Foots

November 8, 2007 2:36 PM | Link to this

Dayum!

Page, do you have any of that kettle corn? I like that salty sweetness in my popcorn…

By Wise Diva

November 8, 2007 2:36 PM | Link to this

Alright, everyone back to their neutral corners, please.

By Tazzee

November 8, 2007 2:37 PM | Link to this

Darrell give ‘em heck in Charlotte this weekend and don’t forget your black hoodie ;-) I tell you, I would be riding up there if I was in the ‘A’ hey Page! - but the flight from H-town is a little too much.

AggWit I always love your sporadic but meaningful comments and I think you hit the nail on the head.

As for me, respect is given freely - it’s yours to lose. I don’t go by the ‘respect is earned’ philosophy. So yes, respect comes first - then love. But as AW said, if someone (man or woman) does something that loses my respect - it’s just that. I don’t stop loving that person. And over time with some consistency, that person will gain my respect back.

With that said - I will never act disrespectful toward another person. Well….sometimes I do allow my buttons to be pushed that might take me there - but I don’t look at someone that I don’t respect and automatically put them in a category where I feel I can be disrespectful towards them. If that makes sense.

By QC

November 8, 2007 2:38 PM | Link to this

lol @ SexyLeggs channeling Florida Evans hey Cemeeli how ya doing girl?

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 2:42 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli, I’ll take the skates off, but why you had to find the steepest hill? We are all going to be ejected due to wind velocity and hit various trees. Been there, done that!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 2:45 PM | Link to this

What’s up QC everything is well with me. And you? How’s work, dwntwn, cuzin pookie, uncle nuk nuk…and ‘em?

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 2:45 PM | Link to this

OK, boys supper is served. Meatloaf, collards, yams, mac/cheese, white rice w/gravy. Wine is optional. Truth you eat in the dining room and 2C you eat in the kitchen nook only because Truth is the oldest and he paid for the set. Now eat and stop this damn cyber bickering.

By abc

November 8, 2007 2:45 PM | Link to this

Irony rules the blog topic about respect where the participants can’t carry on a civil discussion. One of yesterday’s participants waxed vulgar and then comes on here today to espouse the importance of respect. Apparently, many of you don’t understand what the word means. Look it up, please.

With all the discourse on here about the nature of being African American in American society, do you not consider your own behaviors a poor reflection on that same topic?

By lady j

November 8, 2007 2:46 PM | Link to this

lol Cemeeli…I am hungry and mom dukes is tired of me working her nerves…lol I am alwasy here!!! Addicted! LOL

By BennyB

November 8, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this

Kara, yes you are right men have emotions and most don’t hide them. What’s the point to show emotions to people who don’t care? Have you ever seen men with their fathers? No you haven’t that why you think that men hide their emotions. Men do what is productive for them. Females interpret men emotions as weakness, so why a man will show emotion to a female he is interested in? ……unproductive. Besides, most females are very insecure. Showing emotions to an insecure woman who need a strong man to support her is a recipe for disaster. Men have emotions but their main goal is productivity. If a man trusts you enough to share his emotions with you……he will give up his life for you. If he does not, he just don’t trust you enough……give him 20 years, you will get there. Women use emotions as a base to trust a man but men don’t. Men use predictability as a base to trust a woman. Most women become predictable after menopause, when their hormones become stable. If you think that men don’t show their feelings, you are just young and unpredictable. Grow up you’ll see.

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 2:49 PM | Link to this

LOL Foots Girl, you know I have the kettle corn! Dang, all of a sudden I am craving a candy apple, too…lol.

Tazzee LOL @ “The A”. Girl, do I have to start saying that now? I need to catch up with learning all of the dances from The A. You know I am still doing the Bankhead Bounce…lol.

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 2:49 PM | Link to this

Tazzee Thanks for the well-wishes and you can best believe I’m gonna do my part to help bring home a ‘W’ for my Birds. :-)

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 2:50 PM | Link to this

This song is dedicated to 2CPTG & TRUTH

Jewel clears her throat to perfect Joe Cocker’s voice…

You are so beautiful to me Can’t you see Your everything I hoped for Your everything I need You are so beautiful to me

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 2:51 PM | Link to this

Lady in Red……only for you……

buddy said I haven’t done anything!!!!!!! hahahahahahahaha!!!!!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 2:53 PM | Link to this

Lol Sexyleggs I know, i know…but wasn’t it FUUUUNNNN?

By Foots

November 8, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli/SexyLeggs We are all going to be ejected due to wind velocity and hit various trees. Been there, done that!

If you actually find yourselves embedded within a grove of trees, might I suggest the services of Personal Injury Attorney, Ken Nugent. Folks on TV be talking bout how Ken got them a check all the time. One call, that’s all!

And if you find yourself missing payments on the Big Wheel and skates before Ken gets you your check, might I suggest the services of King & King Attorneys??

just trying to make jokes, since the scent of Jean Nate and Drakkar Noir appears to have worn off already…

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 2:58 PM | Link to this

abc, my exact sentiments!

By ATLien (of StraightFromtheA.com)

November 8, 2007 3:00 PM | Link to this

Darrell Keep hope alive…!!

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 3:00 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli, hell yeah that was fun!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 3:01 PM | Link to this

Jewel you’re so nice. That was very sisterly. Hey that made me remember…did you post a poem to the MEN of the blog one day?…which was very creative or was that someone else.

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

2 What is your current book about? I would like to read it, maybe.

Speaking of books, I am a real book geek, so can anyone recommend some good fiction books by AA authors? WD any suggestions? I have a running list of AA authors I like to read. Of course, EJ Dickey, Baisden, Carl Weber…and many more. I’m not into anything deep right now…just pure entertainment. Oh yeah and what fun would it be without Erotica as well…lol

By Jazzyone

November 8, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

2can remember TOS…remember TOS…its the blog fam its the blog..half of it isn’t real fam it isn’t real…just chill you know you and thats all you need to worry about..forget the shade..its the season to stand out in the sun and let it shower you with its brightness…sigh

By ATLien (of StraightFromTheA.com)

November 8, 2007 3:03 PM | Link to this

Darrell Keep hope alive!! LOL!

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 3:04 PM | Link to this

Now, blog friends let’s join in and sing “We Are the World” to help Brothers 2CPTG & Truth! LOL!

We are the world…we are the bloggers…we are the ones to make a brighter (blog) day, so let’s stop bickering. There’s a choice we’re making…we’re refusing to type…we can still make this a better (blog) day, just you and meeeee……..

By Julia

November 8, 2007 3:05 PM | Link to this

We need to apply our general rules of morality and civility to our interactions on the Web.

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 3:07 PM | Link to this

on the real, Truth, I’mma offer the peace pipe!…..yeah, smoke one and calm down…

Kinfolk, the reason I’mma chill ain’t because I can’t go toe to toe, but because you don’t know me! Bruh, you don’t know from whence I came, nor wither I go….with that being said, I can’t even begin to go into details about ME! I’m not gonna spit all of business out there cause it’s irrelevant, but my arms stretch far and wide! Yeah, I got heated, and immediately put up my proverbial dukes; but me trynna prove something to you would only fvck my shyt up……

I will say this to you, and others…be careful what you put out here, cause you don’t know with whom you’re talking to! And I’mma leave it at that.

By SexyCool

November 8, 2007 3:10 PM | Link to this

bennyb…one of the many things that frustrates me about coach…in the beginning, he was very expressive about his emotions and feelings about me…these days, he’s more into it being about what he does is more important than what he says…

and while…i understand and appreciate how he shows me that he loves me…i miss hearing him say it in all the different ways that he used to…

i know…another female wanting it ALL…oh well to that…LOL!

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 3:11 PM | Link to this

ABC Well said!

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 3:12 PM | Link to this

Page, I’ll send you some info this evening…..I’m finished with the autobiography….current one (bout finished) is what TOS has been waiting on, Crumbs to Bricks!

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

November 8, 2007 3:13 PM | Link to this

ATLien ROFL!!! :-D

By The Truth

November 8, 2007 3:13 PM | Link to this

2C lets do this. I don’t like you (from your posts only) and never have. Thats why i’ve never replied to any of your posts or said shyt to you. From now on if you want to say something to me ask me. Don’t make bytch azzed accusations. I’m not going to appolgoize because truthfully I didn’t sat shyt I didn’t mean, including the comment on kissing my azz. I will say this isn’t the forum for our discussion so if you’d like to say something further you we can discuss them 1 on 1.

By Wise Diva

November 8, 2007 3:15 PM | Link to this

@Page, Darnella Ford is a great author, she has a new one, Naked Love, I think I will check that out, and there is a book, Selling the Fantasy, that seems like it would be good by Stacey L. Ford (no relation).

I got these suggestions sent in a newsletter email that I get from mosaic books website

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

November 8, 2007 3:15 PM | Link to this

What the heck happened up in here?!?! I go to lunch and comeback (an hour late) and all hellz has broken loose. Truth & 2CPTG, ya’ll cut the bickerin, we are too grown for this. This is all in fun and errthang. Let it go bruhs we are tryin to keep it light in here.

What’s up WLB: Staceye, Lady J, Foots, Tazzee, Page1908, ARed, Cemeeli, SexyLeggs, Jewel, WD and others that I may have missed.

Kisses to the MLB, got love for you all too!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 3:16 PM | Link to this

Now Foots Ken Nugent has been around a loooonnnnggg time. You mean to tell me he still doing his own promotions?

I’m getting 24’s on my Big Wheel. LOL And i want everyone to sign my ig ole red seat with a permenant marker with your nicknames….starting with Red.

By melo

November 8, 2007 3:20 PM | Link to this

will say this to you, and others…be careful what you put out here, cause you don’t know with whom you’re talking to Thats a nice joke!Are a comedian by proff?

By melo

November 8, 2007 3:20 PM | Link to this

will say this to you, and others…be careful what you put out here, cause you don’t know with whom you’re talking to Thats a nice joke!Are u a comedian by proff?

By lady j

November 8, 2007 3:23 PM | Link to this

Hey MO!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 3:25 PM | Link to this

Hi Mo. …waving…

I think since we sharing Woo-sah juice, comfort foods, songs AND we’re okay with loosing the war it’s about to calm down. I think gurl.

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 3:29 PM | Link to this

ok, I see you can’t be civil to niqqas; I don’t like you either, I was merely trying to squash the bickering, but, ask you to speak? negro please; these gals done pumped yo fake azz head up…and you think I gives a damn about you not replying to me….pu$$y niqqa please….again, I don’t post to see my name in bold face, but obviously you do……

like I care cause a clown don’t reply to me….If I recall, who asked “tell me a little about yourself, or, 2C you a travelin’ man?” Negro you can’t even remember your own bullshyt; fvckin’ clown, that’s all you are…..

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 3:29 PM | Link to this

Well, maybe they will fall asleep after eating SexyLeggs cooking…

Cemeeli It wasn’t me. I’m really not the poetic type. That sounds like SexyCool.

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 3:30 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli, you’re going to look like that lady in the commercial who uses a step ladder to get into her truck..LOL. Foots, that was funny!

Hey Mo.

I think a peace treaty is about to be signed.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

November 8, 2007 3:31 PM | Link to this

Hey Lady J! What’s up Chica?

Cemeeli I am next to sign the big wheel! LOL

WD thanks for the book recommendations. Page I was looking for a good read too, I have some of the same favorite authors as you.

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 3:32 PM | Link to this

Melo, I’m not even going to entertain you right now…..

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

Ok, thanks 2.

WD Thanks for the suggestions. I am with the Black Expressions, so I have a ton of books. For some reason, I want to read Karinne’s new book, but I don’t want to contribute money in her pocket for that trash…lol. Maybe I will check it out at the library…lol. A couple of years ago, in 2004, I started reading all kinds of fiction stuff by AA authors. I told myself that since I was an African-American Studies Minor in Undergrad and had to read all kinds of deep books, after I graduated, I was going to read pure trash from then on…lol.

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this

Oh, I know the perfect song…”Brotha” by Angie Stone

He is my King, He is my one Yes he’s my father, yes he’s my son I can talk to him, cuz he understands Everything I go through and everything I am That’s my support system, I can’t live without him The best thing since sliced bread, Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch And I just want the whole world to know, about my…

Black Brotha, I love ya, I will never - try to hurt ya I want ya, to know that, I’m here for you - forever true. Black Brotha, strong brotha, there is no - one above ya I want ya, to know that, I’m here for you - forever true.

He’s misunderstood, smoe say that he’s up to no good around the neighborhood But fo’ your information - alot of my brothers got education You got ya wallstreet brotha, ya blue collar brotha, Your down for whatever chillin on the corner brother A talented brotha, and to everyone of yall behind bars You know that Angie loves ya You mean so much to me, you give me what I need, I’m so proud of you (I said I’m so proud of you) I love you for staying strong, you got it goin on “I’m so proud of you* Going through thick and thin, brothas you gonna win I’m so proud of you (I said I’m so proud of you) Whenever you facin doubt, brothas gon work it out

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 3:38 PM | Link to this

Jewel, I burst out laughing on that one.

Cemeeli, when you asked or rather ordered me to take off my skates I immediately remembered my skate key. I still have it.

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 3:38 PM | Link to this

OMG LOL I remember Kym, I think last year was going off on someone saying that they only blog to see their name in lights…lol ctfu lol @ 2 and Truth!

By BennyB

November 8, 2007 3:43 PM | Link to this

This guy drop in here once and called this blog “Section 8”, where is that guy now?

SexyCool, I see that you need reassurance. Maybe you should just tell him what you need but without pressuring him. If I was you, I’ll pull back a little, be confident in my own skin and do my own things. Sometimes in relationship, one side gives too much, i.e. more than what they receive……..Another recipe for disaster. To forges a healthy relationship; never give more than what you receive or may receive.At the same time, you should not expect to receive anything when you choose to give…..

By Foots

November 8, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this

Hey Mo!! It did get krunk in here for a minute, didn’t it? But I think it’s going to calm down, somebody is letting the air out of the tires. As long as my nieces speak to me when I walk in the room, and I don’t catch up with Mr. White, my old band director, and nobody asks me for any of my Pineapple Now & Laters, I think all will be well. Now, if ANY of those three things were to happen, I might have to get a little froggy in this camp. LOL!!

Cemeeli Foots is now signing the seat of the Monster Big Wheel… Hey, is the Big Wheel going to be a new form of transportation for the WLB? Let me know cause otherwise, I’m going to have to find another ride to the store to pick up our 5-year supply of Sand de Sable….

By Tazzee

November 8, 2007 3:45 PM | Link to this

Hey Mo!

Jewell That is my SONG!!! Angie put it down with that one.

Page I don’t know if you would consider her deep, but Pearl Cleage (said like leg, and not league) is my favorite author. Lately I’ve been reading some Francis Ray (romance novels) and Christian Fiction (Tia McCollors from the A, Victoria Christopher Murray, Jaquelin Thomas, Kimberla Lawson Roby, and some others that don’t come to mind right now). Then there’s the suspense ones like Tanararive Due - I probably messed her name up bad - she co-authored Blair Underwood’s book Casanegra, but her books had me on edge. Anyway, if I think of some others I’ll let you know.

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 3:45 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs Don’t you cook nothing else today! SOME folks in here are not appreciating your hard work in that kitchen before Thanksgiving and all. Now imma say this one time.

You are to come and eat dinner and go home ot to your respective areas and SIT DOWN!

That’s okay …they don’t get to ride on the Big Wheel. Leave ‘em..

By AmazonRed 2.0

November 8, 2007 3:45 PM | Link to this

*making the gas face * Well, I’ve certainly lost some cyber respect for some male posters on here today. *smh *

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 3:45 PM | Link to this

c’mon Page….I’m trynna be civil about it…..

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 3:50 PM | Link to this

LOL Foots @ Sand de Sable. Girl, I used to rock Sunflowers for a long time! lol.

Ummm..I think someone is having problems with their TPS Reports!

By The Truth

November 8, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this

2C man I’m thru with you baby. You spoke as tho you were a travelling man. I simply asked a question. I always try to see where other people are coming from because my existence isn’t the only one out there. I’ve learned alot from others. Unfortunatley nothing from you.

Who you think you are or have been has nothing to do with how we get down. As I said, I never liked your bytch azz(Now thats just to me, others may think the world of you) and we can end this convo right here because you need to finish your autobiography.

Before I go, don’t offer me a piece pipe because I don’t smoke with muffaggas I don’t like, period. And if your putting shyt out here that could come back at you you really are more of a punk than I thought. I apologize, I should have given you full credit for being a true punk. I’ve never said or done shyt I regret, thats why I won’t be smoking with you captain.

Take care man.

BTW I bold ev1’s name, its habbit and a great way to see when folks forge my name. Do let the blog know when your book comes out because straight up I want to read it. If its good I’ll recommend it to my book club.

This squabble is over dude, take a nap.

By Wise Diva

November 8, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this

I know what you mean Page, I felt the same way when I was in grad school, after my head was scrambled from bioinformatics, I needed escapism books, LOL

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 3:56 PM | Link to this

If you haven’t read anything by J. California Cooper, try her. Love her writing style.

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

Thanks Tazzee. I had Kimberla on my list!

2 Come on, be nice, dude!

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

Lol @ Foots crasi self. I’m telling the blog po-lice (GaMan) about them Pineapple N&L if you don’t give me one. SORRY! Yes, i will sell out bout them N&L.

Cemeeli holding her hand out whilst Foots roll her eyes, but ever so nicely dig in her backpocket of her pink Levi’s for a pineapple N&L.

By aaa

November 8, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

THESE ARE SOME GHETTO FOLKS ON THIS BLOG, OH MY GOODNES, CALL THE CRUSING AND LACK OF SHALL I SAY, RESPECT

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 3:59 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli, you can hang my skate key from the rear view mirror in the big wheel. Here you go, passing the torch to a respected colleague!

By Foots

November 8, 2007 4:02 PM | Link to this

Page Girl!! I still have a 3/4 unused Sunflowers gift set in my linen closet! I have a good corner of Tommy Girl left too, that one of my exes bought me for Christmas when I was 17. What the heck do you do with stuff like that?? On second thought, I might rock that Tommy Girl this weekend, I gotta get rid of that corner…

By melo

November 8, 2007 4:04 PM | Link to this

To forges a healthy relationship; never give more than what you receive or may receive BennyB thats okay in theory but how do u quantify what u give or receive? I know that women and man have different ways of articulating their luv and appreciation. In fact, women are more likely to talk and verbalize more than man. Is that what u talking about or u talking about deeds. If a man is doing stuff for their woman but they dont speak much as far as saying ‘i apprecizte u or i luv u’, does that count against them.

By Tazzee

November 8, 2007 4:07 PM | Link to this

LOL @ TPS reports.

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 4:07 PM | Link to this

@Mo/Foots …thank you for signing the new WLB bus seat. But ya’ll siging with to many AKA and LUVs. Mo I did not know you ‘go with’ Dawayne from “What’s Happening”. Oh, not that Dawayne Ms. Gail’s son okay.

@ Page1908 I understand the ‘see my name in lights now’ it took me a while.

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 4:08 PM | Link to this

Thanks, Leggs! I think I have her on my list too…lol.

Off topic: Has anyone seen the latest list of “urban” names? They are hilarious. I have the list if anyone wants a laugh. Side Note: Why is it funny that a lady I used to work with name is January Martinez? It’s like the names April, May, and June are acceptable, but something about January is just funny to me. ctfu

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 4:16 PM | Link to this

@Page1908 Urban names…what til you meet the twin names LEMON and LIME. NO, for real!!!

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 4:17 PM | Link to this

LOL Foots! LOL @ “corner of Sunflowers left”. Yeah, I def understand that. Girl, my mom gave me some White Linen or something like that back in high school, and I just got rid of it when I moved here 2 weeks ago! LOL…girl, the powded had weird bugs in it, too!

Right now, I rock anything Ralph Lauren (Ralph, Romance, Polo Sport) and my all time fav by DKNY Be Delicious and Red Delicious! Dudes love that stuff…lol

By Tazzee

November 8, 2007 4:19 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs I was JUST given a book by J. California Cooper - and I mean like 30 minutes ago.

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 4:21 PM | Link to this

LOL Tazzee! Girl, that’s my movie! “You see…it would be this mat that you would jump to conclusion on…” CTFU at myself

LOL Cemeeli- you wanna see your name in lights!

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 4:23 PM | Link to this

lawd hammercy……

Diva, first off, I wanna apologize to you and your readers! I didn’t mean to interrupt a good topic with my mess! though I saw the 3:55 post directed towards me, no more comment on it…dude’s right, I came off my square! I’m mad at myself for entertaining the drama…..my bad;

But I hope you and your readers accept my apology……and my autobio is done!

By DuShawn

November 8, 2007 4:23 PM | Link to this

Dayum Fellas….Yall done got seriously hot with one another. On topic, I have come to the realization that some equate disobedience with disrespect. Additionally, disrespect, in some cases, is really a matter of perception. Prime example, Occasionally, I might hang out after work and not make it home until 11 or 12 o’clock. Wifey, can’t stand that. It’s her position that she’s asking me repeatedly to stop, I know it upsets her, but continue to do it; therefore I’m disrespecting her and our home. I look at it as having a few beers with the Bruhs. In my eye’s I may be disobeying her, but not disrespecting her. If I were to emotionally or verbally abuse her or If women were calling our home saying that they have been with me….that’s disrespect. In contrast, there was a situation where I felt she had been disrespectful and she was totally oblivious to it. We were at social function with some my business partners and she said something to the effect of, ”I don’t take risks. Consequently, my business decisions generate minimal returns.” I felt disrespected like a mafugga. I brought it to her attention at the first opportunity. She viewed it differently.

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 4:24 PM | Link to this

Tazzee, what’s the name????? If it’s “Family”, I going to blog faint.

By QC

November 8, 2007 4:26 PM | Link to this

Have a great evening bloggers….

www.blackthen.com

GOOD NIGHT

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 4:29 PM | Link to this

Alright Page get out of my collection cause when i put on that Delicous my son was just all in my face/chest. I like the Ralphs too.

I buy RL Sport for him. Yea he’s already into cologne @ 8. But of course i have to rash it out cuase one he smelled like he rode the horse with Mr. Lauren. Brother was strong.

By Bre

November 8, 2007 4:31 PM | Link to this

• FYI -perfume shelf life* Ladies you should not keep perfume longer than a year. After a year it does not even smell the same.

By DuShawn

November 8, 2007 4:32 PM | Link to this

My Favorite fictional author is Donald Goines. Is anyone familiar with his work?

By Page1908

November 8, 2007 4:33 PM | Link to this

LOL at an 8 year old wearing cologne.

By Respect Rell

November 8, 2007 4:36 PM | Link to this

SOMETHING SENT TO ME..LONG BUT GOOD MAYBE

Tough Love for the Sistas written by Rom Wills

Yeah,

A few days ago I came across an article entitled “Why Women Cannot Find Good Man” on a Pan Afrikan message board. I forwarded the article to a small group of brothas, one of whom, being the instigator that he is (you know who you are) forwarded the article to some sistas. After reading the well thought out viewpoint of one sista whose opinion I respect, I found out that sistas in general were hot over the article. I am writing now to the sistas not to necessarily address the merits of that particular article but rather to address a larger issue. This larger issue is how sistas react in PUBLIC forums and situations to instances where brothas will point out negative behavior which impact Black male/female relationships.

In other words sistas don’t respond well when brothas tell them about themselves. Ironically these same sistas can organize forums and conferences to outline a brotha’s behavior ranging from cheating to not picking up piece of paper in the living room.

Before I say what I got to say let me tell you where I’m coming from. I’m happily married to a Beautiful Afrikan Queen whom I’ve been with for more than seven years. We have two little Afrikan Princes who keep us on our toes. Before I got married I wasn’t one of those brothas who had trouble relating to the sistas. In fact, I related a little too well, as there was no shortage of sistas finding their way to my apartment or blowing up my phone. I had the total package as far as looks, physique, career and educational background. I was in the select category of Black men. I share this because I didn’t have to write this article. I’m not a part of dating scene. While everybody is having all sorts of drama I can sit back and chill with a wife who loves and supports me on all levels and will even hook me up with a ham sandwich if I ate pork. My wife will tell you the same thing about the love and support I provide her. But the thing is, we are still part of a community, of an Afrikan-American nation. I can’t sit and chill when I see beautiful Black men and women suffer because of issues relating to each other. I’m addressing the following to sistas because I talk to brothas all the time about their issues. These brothas respond like MEN are supposed to respond. It means nothing though if the sistas are not doing their part. What’s the sistas’ part? Sistas need to LISTEN when brothas tell you about yourselves.

The Black woman’s biggest issue with regard to male/female relationships is that sistas do not want to hear brothas point out their faults. Sistas do it all the time in public forums and in private meetings. For the most part brothas in attendance will sit and listen to the criticism even in the cases where such criticism is based on urban legends. When it’s the brothas turn to speak the sistas get bent out of shape and defensive. They attack everything about the brothas in an effort to discredit what the brothas are saying. The irony is that in most cases the brothas got their information directly from sistas. Let me share a personal incident with you. One time I was co-hosting a relationship forum where the main topic of conversation was how women had maintenance men for sex. There was one sista who challenged every single thing I said and even said in the forum that she DID NOT have a maintenance man and that she would never engage in such behavior. Sistas supported her and maintained the same stance saying that they would NEVER have a maintenance man. Funny thing happened, outside the forum the same sista who was leading the arguments against me said to me and a couple of her close friends that she did indeed have a maintenance man and that she and the sistas in forum did not want to admit that they engaged in this type of behavior in front of men who might have been potential mates. This was neither the first nor the last time that a Black woman said one thing in public and admitted something else in private.

My sistas, my beautiful Afrikan queens. This type of behavior hurts you more than anything else. You are losing out on the brothas not because of your supposed attitudes, not because you wear your hair natural, not because you are not built like Beyonce, and certainly not because you have a certain skin complexion. You are losing out because brothas cannot trust you. You cannot create trust by saying one thing in public and then something different in private. You cannot create trust by attacking a brotha who points out your negative behavior in public. How can you possibly trust someone who is a HYPOCRITE?

Sistas complain about men cheating but never talk about the women these men are cheating with. Sistas talk about men cheating but in more cases than not has a primary boyfriend or husband and still have somebody else on the side. Please don’t act this isn’t the case. I know about this from personal experience because when I was single maybe 80 percent of the women I encountered had a man. I used to be that maintenance man and trust me I’ve had MANY conversations with similar brothas.

Sistas pretend like they want nice men who will honor and respect them but when they get these men they disrespect and cheat on the men. And then get mad when the brothas wise up and leave. Sistas then have the nerve to say these brothas can’t “handle a strong woman.”

Sistas try to pretend that a man’s looks and physique don’t matter but for real once again from personal experience I got the most attention from women when I was broke, living with grandmother, and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I did have a gym membership though. Mine is not an isolated experience. Male exotic dancers get paid big bucks for a reason. Of course, they get their money from women who either church-going or Conscious who are stepping out on their boyfriends or husbands. Ask me how I know.

I can go on with examples but the bottom line is that when women say one thing publicly but do something else in private it creates a certain scenario in a man’s mind. Black men have got to the point where we don’t want to listen to what you have to say. Why should we when there’s a good chance that it might be a lie. See, my sistas, Black men pay more attention to your actions than anything Actions do speak louder than words. We are WAY more intuitive than we let on. You can tell us how pure you are for three or four hours and on the surface it may appear that the brotha is feeling what you are saying. The reality is that while you are talking he’s looking at your body language, your clothing, your voice inflections, and your eyes. If you SAY you’re sexually conservative but you’re wearing a short red dress showing much cleavage and most of your long shapely legs guess which statement he’s going to act on.

Sistas let me once again make something very clear, when you get mad and defensive when brothas point out your flaws you only hurt yourself. Regardless of what you say we’re going ignore what you saying because most of us have seen the real deal. We’re judging by that real deal. Trying to argue against our observations only makes you look more like a hypocrite. At that point a man will not see you as anything but sex partner. If the man really has substance he’s not even going to deal with you sexually.

When Black men say something publicly about your behavior don’t get mad and defensive. You’ve been getting mad and defensive for years and relationships between Black and women have got worse. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a change. What you’re doing is not working.

The thing to do is first LISTEN. My grandmother gave me a valuable lesson when I was young. She told me to always pay attention when people try telling me something even if I didn’t agree with what’s being said. She said that sometimes love is all gushy. Sometimes its love to whip somebody’s a* if that a* whipping provides a valuable life lesson. People who truly love you are not going to tell what you WANT to hear but what you NEED to hear.

The second thing to do is be honest. If you want a muscular brotha with fat bank account just say so. Don’t pretend otherwise because TRUST me, brothas going to pay more attention to your actions to see who you respond to. Don’t be a hypocrite about it. If you have had some questionable sexual experiences or have slept with quite a few men don’t try to play innocent because even though we may say otherwise deep down we really don’t think you’re honest with us anyway. If you tell us you’ve slept with five men, in our minds we put the number up to ten.

The main thing though is that when we criticize you or point negative behavior we’re doing it from a place of love. It might not seem that way but think about like this: we don’t have say ANYTHING to you. As every sista is well aware many brothas are dating interracially and for those who don’t want to go to another race, many are actively seeking out Black women from South America or Afrika. Many brothas want the Afrikan-American woman and are willing to do what it takes to get her. Don’t push those brothas away by refusing to acknowledge their viewpoints. Don’t push them away by saying one thing and doing another thereby creating mistrust.

One final thing, don’t respond to my statements by saying what the brothas do or don’t do. You tell us all the damn time anyway with the Western media helping you out. It’s time to move forward. If you are going to talk to me it had better be about what YOU are doing to improve the situation. If you have two men you need to come correct and drop one of them. If you are cheating with a married man you need to come correct and leave that man alone. If you saying one thing in public but something else in private you need to come correct. You only have control over yourself and no one else. Just like sistas tell brothas to take responsibility for some things y’all need to do the same damn thing.

Think on this.

Peace,

Rom Wills

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

November 8, 2007 4:36 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli You werent supposed to tell errbody that Dawayne is my man!! LOL

Foots I still like Tommy Girl and will wear it on occasion! LOL My new favorite is the CK N2U! Delightful. The ones I get most compliments on from the fellas is ‘Love’ (Carol’s Daughter)and one particular oil scent that I wont name on here! LOL

oh and can I have a Pineapple N&L please??? Now surely you didnt think that you could share with Cemeeli and not me!!

By 2CPTG©

November 8, 2007 4:37 PM | Link to this

c’mon now, Du…..Daddy Cool, W*******, Eldorado Red, Kenyatta’s Revenge…..what?????

By chi

November 8, 2007 4:40 PM | Link to this

Lonely days and lonely nights are waiting for me But I gotta leave From the day rise up until the night falls down I’m losin myself, so I can’t stay around

(Hook:) I’m still the girl that you met, you called me perfect But now you’re changin’ I’m not good enough anymore So I did it for us, I wanted to keep your love You tried to mold me And I thought that I would please you more

(Chorus:) You want me to be what you want me to be But you can’t Paint me over, you tried to paint me over I tried my best to be your everything But you can’t Paint me over, you tried to paint me over

Oh Ohhh

(Verse 2:) I close my eyes and memorize the girl that I was Before there was us Hard to remember, it’s been so long since she’s been around I gave up myself, and still I let you down

(Hook:) I’m still the girl that you met, you called me perfect But now you’re changin’ I’m not good enough anymore So I did it for us, I wanted to keep your love You tried to mold me And I thought that I would please you more

(Chorus:) You want me to be what you want me to be But you can’t Paint me over, you tried to paint me over I tried my best to be your everything But you can’t Paint me over, you tried to paint me over

Oh Ohh

(Bridge:) I must have fought for your heart If it was mine from the start Your love’s conditional Mine I let you have for free You had a price to your love, and gladly I gave it up And now there’s nothing left Because I let you change all of me

(Chorus:) You want me to be what you want me to be But you can’t Paint me over, you tried to paint me over I tried my best to be your everything But you can’t Paint me over, you tried to paint me over

By Wise Diva

November 8, 2007 4:40 PM | Link to this

Thank you, I appreciate your apology, Mr. 2, I am trying to stay out of it, because I can be biased.

By SexyCool

November 8, 2007 4:42 PM | Link to this

bennyb…my big brother tells me the same ish all the time…i don’t ride him about his feelings or try to force him to express them…

i just don’t care for the fact that while he was wooing me, he was able to express those feelings without being prompted…

for me…it goes back to the old…the same thing it took to get ya’ honey is the same thing it takes to keep ya’ honey…

but again…while it is something i have noticed…it’s not something that i stress over…

By Jewel

November 8, 2007 4:44 PM | Link to this

On the cologne topic…I am sooo very disappointed that Victoria’s Secret discontinued Breathless. Can anyone suggest something similar to that scent?

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 4:44 PM | Link to this

Page1908 do I wanna see my name in lights. Chile my name is so blogghetto. Some of the bloggers can’t even pronounce better yet spell it….LOL.

Ce-mee-li, WHT is that?

Heck no i do not want to see my name in lights, OK. Just holla when you can.

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

Damn, DuShawn, Donald Goines…yeah familiar w/him as well!

By Tazzee

November 8, 2007 4:48 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs It’s a compilation of short stories called A Piece of Mine

Page Lolita Files and Benilde Little

By AmazonRed 2.0

November 8, 2007 4:48 PM | Link to this

Rell, Cliff notes that ish next time! LOL

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 4:50 PM | Link to this

Well, looks like we wont have blogging tomorrow cause RELL has used up all the memory in the system with that post.

By DuShawn

November 8, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this

2CPTG I should’ve known you would be hip to him. I like that Neve Die Alone. They did a good job with the movie.

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 4:54 PM | Link to this

SexyCool, although you’ve noticed but not stressing over it is fine. It should be fine for you to sweetly say to Couch *while [you] [were] wooing me, [you] [were] able to express those feelings without being prompted…

for me…it goes back to the old…the same thing it took to get [me]’ honey is the same thing it takes to keep [me]’ honey…

By Tazzee

November 8, 2007 4:54 PM | Link to this

Rell that is long! But I plan to read it tonight and I’ll probably comment tomorrow.

Page - if my library had a function where I could see all the books I’ve checked out in the past I could give you more names.

Dushawn I’m like your wife, I would view your actions as disrespectful - and its things like that I was referring to in my earlier post when I said I’ve tolerated disrespect from folks that I know loved me. Oh and someone’s mentioned Donald Goines to me before, I’m finna put him on my library list.

By SexyLeggs

November 8, 2007 4:56 PM | Link to this

Ok, you’ll enjoy that one as well. If you haven’t read “Family”, get it from the library.

Good night everyone! Whew this has been a blog day for the record books.

By Foots

November 8, 2007 4:57 PM | Link to this

Y’all, I’m sorry, but I’m fresh out of Pineapple. I got some nasty azz Grape though…

Foots now tries to sneak past Cemeeli and Mo with the faint scent of fake Pineapple emanating from her pores…

Good night everyone…

By Cemeeli

November 8, 2007 5:00 PM | Link to this

Good night family. It was weal today. I meant WEAL!

Be safe.