Misadventures in Atlanta

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 8:31 AM | Link to this

I have heard about the 5 year itch years ago and I do somewhat agree with it. It really all depends on how much work a person wants to put into it. Mine lasted 8 years then crashed and burned with no survivors. :(

By Dan

November 2, 2007 8:49 AM | Link to this

I’ve thought about this a lot lately, and I’ve always disdained marriage. I thought the whole idea was greeting-card-media-fed-Rockwell crap.

As I began my journey for peace, I realize that I want someone to spend time with, but that’s about as far as I’ve gotten.

Now the “A” has some real down for you babes (some of the best in the world, save New York and Philly) and as I travel this country more and more, give me an Atlanta chick, hands down.

But the whole til-death-parts-us thing still scares me. Because for me, it will be til-DEATH-parts-us.

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 8:56 AM | Link to this

good morning Dan! i’ve never been married, but when i do there’s no divorce. i don’t believe in such a thing. i will do whatever to make it work, BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT if he cheats or turns into a crackhead like Truth says it’s a wrap!!!

By SexyCool

November 2, 2007 8:58 AM | Link to this

too often…the wedding is the climax and the marriage is the anti-climax…and just like in a novel…after the climax, it’s time to end the story because the reader has lost interest…

too often, couples give no thought of what to expect after the wedding day…we expect the happily ever after…that, in reality, is not happy every day…

at this point…i’m shooting for happy on more days than i’m insert any negative emotion here (i.e. sad, angry, upset, disappointed, challenged, stressed)…

and every now and then…i wanna feel joy…

By SexyCool

November 2, 2007 9:02 AM | Link to this

um…that last post should have contained an e.g. and not i.e.…

By Jazzyone

November 2, 2007 9:03 AM | Link to this

Morning ya! Im feeling you on the union thing till death do us part. Although the thought of marriage is appealing the older I become I tend to think im not the marrying kind.

Although it doesn’t scare me I just kinda love the be single when I want and be with someone when I want…just me…Life is good and maybe one day I’ll meet the one and it will be greater until then me and God are doing the doggone thang. Holla ya!

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

November 2, 2007 9:10 AM | Link to this

Morning All!

My expectation of marriage was that it would be great most of the time with some bad days in between, maybe some really horrible days every blue moon. I knew that I would have to compromise on some things and fight to the dayum-near-death on others. Instead I got more bad days than good and whole lot of questions as to “why did I do this?” I dont regret having been married, it was part of God’s plan for my life, but I do think that my ex and I didnt communicate enough about our expectations and desires. I have learned so much from the experience! But I know that I will marry again and it will be ‘til death do us part’.

By melo

November 2, 2007 9:13 AM | Link to this

Coincidence it is that u bring this subject today. I renewed my vows to my wife(renewing her contract) last nite, for the next 12 months! She made Da bomb azz chicken with baked potatoes and mixed veges last nite. Ohhh that recipe was so delicious, the best chicken she has made in 15 years! I said to her” who gave u this recipe?” She said,”your Auntie” in Michigan taught me how to make this chicken the last time we were in Detroit. I told her my relatives dont show and tell u how to cook, so u can cook for another man! There, while were eating our dinnner on the couch,i told her”I am urs baby as long as u cooking game is this tight!”My back is sore this morning coz she hurt me in BED so bad for that commitment comment!! Dushawn-from yesterday, i would marry a GED macd girl, if she were fine, had good convo, was good company and had potential to to advance at least to some college type qualifction. A fine, but dumb a* woman would be a life long bore(&embarrasment), if u are an educated man.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this

cosign that sexycool!!!!

By Raqi

November 2, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this

Just do what is right for you and your partner. One thing my friend Doc (married a total of 16 years) says all the time, she is married to one man and what pleases THEM is all that counts. Screw those unrealistic expectations and what society has to say.

By Bre

November 2, 2007 9:41 AM | Link to this

Good Morning….to all.

In the past I was all for being single and having fun. I did not want a real relationship for over 7 years. Then I get into one that has been holding together ok thus far. I’ve always been a ride or die girlfriend, so with being someones wife MAY, again MAY be possible. Although I know its a different concept. Not sure if I want marriage right now, but never in life did I think I could want it. But as I get older and hopefully wiser, I see its something I may want to do. My younger siblings have hit huge bumps in the short span of there marriages, but both refuse to get divorced. That may be due to they’ve seen the parents go thru it all and remain together for over 30 years. Then on the other hand I’ve seen people throw the towel in with less than two years of marriage. I’ve seen marriages in raw form, so my whole verdict is still out on it. I see it as progress that I can even concieve the thought of it.

By Staceye

November 2, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this

I am going to have to kinda agree with Jazzycool. I don’ think I am the marrying type. I love my space and my “me” time. Maybe it’s the only-child thing which makes me like to be alone and not like to share or have to compromise. I am one of those My way or the highway type of girls.

Melo You are too much man! LOL But I am glad you and your wife are still together and still love each other! Congrats man!

Dan I had no idea you liked NY women? Wink wink! LOL

By BLAT

November 2, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this

….carrying an overstock plate of pudding….

Yo Blog… Whatup. Flirtatious hand holds to the WLB. Mucow 90 toast to the MLB.

On Topic: My marriage lasted 8 years, but in reality it was over after 4. That’s when she cheated and I decided to take her back, but it was obvious she hadn’t changed her attitude and it was never the same again. WLB, we know when you’re truly ours and when you’re not. I stayed as long as I did becuase, like Dan n Beautiful, I simply didn’t believe in divorce.

Which is all to say that now…. After all I’ve experienced in my short 18months of being single, I don’t know if I’ll ever get married again. I’m aware of just how hard one must work to make that level of committment last, and it’s hard to imagine someone affecting my emotions to the point where I’ll offer them that much of me.

Regarding the PASSION, I’ve enjoyed so much of it after my divorce and so little of it while I was married - was denied my “conjugal debt” 2months + more than once - that I simply will NOT accept the idea of marrying anyone who couldn’t crack at least my top 5 in the the Blatino Certified NuNu Rankings. Only problem with that is that it seems that my best Puddy Providers are also the biggest head cases. On the other hand, no matter how the rest of our relationship is, if she’s not bringing it and makin a brutha fiend for that booty when i’m not smashin it, I’m not gonna stay faithful and I know it, so why put her and myself through that? Especially in a city like the Dirty where even an average MLB can go out 4 times in a week and make 4 new WLB networking contacts, LOL>

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this

Staceye you will get married. it’ll be later in life when it happens. maybe around 50ish. never say never.

By Staceye

November 2, 2007 10:08 AM | Link to this

Blat Blatino Certified NuNu Rankings uhhhh…you are a certified nut! LOL Only you would think of something like that! Gotta love Blat!

Beautiful I just don’t see it girl. I get bored real quick. I have the attention span of a 2 year old. Now when I am with someone I never cheat….but that does not stop me from pretending they are someone else sometimes. hey if I can where wigs, change my voice, put on make up and let my man call me by another name…he can do something to make me think I am getting something new too. But I guess it’s easy for me since I have been in theater all my life. Then again…it could be a case of multiple personalities.

By Hotlanta

November 2, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

Beatiful are you one of those serial married obsessed people that thinks the whole word needs to be married by telling Stacye she will get married. Honey I am the 50 and I ain’t thinking bout it. What if you don’t believe in divorce and your mate does. I listen to Dr. Phil wife Robin talking bout she was born to his wife. I am like right you are only saying that because you are rich and happy. That sounds psyhco to me and if they were to get divorced she will probably go crazy or kill herself because she was BORN to be his wife. Marriage like childbirth and sex is overrated and people are waking up to that reality honey.

By alvin

November 2, 2007 10:16 AM | Link to this

If I fall in love with the next woman and everything checks out (not just in the looks department)…I will marry her and do my best to ride the marriage B-ish until the wheels fall off!!!

While having dinner with the wife 5 years later

Wife: Alvin, I think it’s time for you to purchase a new car.

Me: Hell naw shawty, the wheels ain’t falling off this b-ish now, it has only been 5 years!!!

Time for marriage counseling!!!

wife is sitting there with a WTF!?!? Look on her face

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 10:19 AM | Link to this

Staceye i hear you. you know you best. i wish us both the best in whateva makes us happy. but one day you will look up and BAM, you gonna be staring him dead in his gorgeous eyes. lol.

By Today

November 2, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

This is a funny topic to see today, I am in the process of my second divorce and vowed that after the first on I wouldn’t do this again. We both vowed after our first marriage we wouldn’t do it again and we did, we did it to each other. I discovered I was fighting a loss cause, if he wasn’t there during the dating stage that why did I think he would be there after marriage (home every night). It is hard to get through at times, but I have to pray for strength a lot lately. I don’t know what being in a marriage consist of when I thought I was doing it all (cooking, cleaning, washing, folding, ironing, even a lot of S#@) and that wasn’t it. I don’t think, ummm, I know right now I will not do this again. I just need a little companion at time that lasts more than 30 min. sometimes a day or so will get me through.

sign, thinking

By Today

November 2, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this

In conclusion we didn’t make it to the five year mark, we starting departing after 2 months which lasted until we reach 3 1/2 years. It was over early and continued to be buried the rest of the way.

By Staceye

November 2, 2007 10:29 AM | Link to this

Sexyleggs where you at girl? I want to hear your input, having been married and I all.

By Charlie

November 2, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

Hey Guys,

This topic is so timely. Been married 12 yrs, together 3 yrs b4 marriage. She brought 2 kids into the marriage, I have none. Now we have hit a brick wall. Don’t wanna stay and don’t wanna leave.

My wife…well where do I began. When we met I was a struggling college student she was working at a bar. She took care of me, helped me purchase books for school, fed me, gave me money. I joined the Marines. She worked civil, making good $ in sales (car sales, mortage broker, etc). Things are going good. After five years i walked away from Uncle Sam. We moved to South Carolina. I found BS jobs and she began 2 b the primary bread winner. P** off because I would not reenlist she started spending ridiculiously. Everything ($$)that came in went back out.

I moved here (Atl) to find better opps. she decides to stay is SC, OK…she stays 2 years in SC and she has bills racking up, credit is shot, car repo’d, eviction notices. Mind you she got the kids going thru all of this. Finally get her to move here, so far she ain’t working(say she can’t find a job), money is tight. Sexually, I’m not really feeling her.

Went to purchase a house b4 she came…cause of her credit issues and my consigning on various things, deal falls thru and I lost 5K.

We receive no support from the kids father, I love those girls like they mine and would do anything for them.

My dilemna is she was there for me when I was struggling and I don’t wanna abandon her, she says she knows I will leave her soon. My fam thinks she is dead weight and I should move on. But I don’t wanna leave the kids. If I leave her she won’t make it by herself. I’on know what to do.

By alvin

November 2, 2007 10:35 AM | Link to this

Especially in a city like the Dirty where even an average MLB can go out 4 times in a week and make 4 new WLB networking contacts, LOL>

LOL, Awwwwwwwwww…Dayum

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 10:35 AM | Link to this

alvin i’m loving it, co-sign

By Staceye

November 2, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this

Today I’m sorry about your divorces. I know it must be hard. Does it make you question yourself. Or do you just realize you chose the wrong man?

By BennyB

November 2, 2007 10:39 AM | Link to this

On Topic: I’m too young to get married but when I will, I will want a one year renewable contract. I don’t like to be taken as guaranteed or take someone else as guaranteed. Sometime I even think that marriage should be a one day renewable contract. A German politician want to pass a legislation to void marriage after seven year, that may make people think……..

Off Topic: Yesterday someone asked me a question wanting to know the chicks name that did me dirty, apparently he want to speak with her. Man, I understand how attraction works; I know women don’t control it, how can I be bitter about people who can’t control how they feel? If you asked me this question, you don’t get it? Let me explain:

Women will spend their life telling you the quality they want in a man but they will never tell you what they respond to. The sad truth is that they don’t even know. Women will say one thing, do exactly the opposite and see it as perfectly correct because they are just following their feelings. What happens when a man say one thing and do the opposite? He is dishonest, a liar, a jerk. Men are not even allowed to change their mind, if one dares to do it; he is a player, right?

Women like to feel to feel good about themselves; they will always find reasons to explain their feelings afterward. Yes, I do have problem with women who list imperfections in a man to explain why they failed to have feelings for him; we are not perfect. It’s perfectly fine not to be attracted to man but dig negative reasons to explain the lack of attraction afterward is section 8 to me. Also, it should be perfectly OK for a man to lose interest for a woman without being labeled a jerk, a player or any other bad thing…..even if a woman has feelings for him.

By freegirl

November 2, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

Like my friends and I always say, “Why buy the pig when you can get all the sausage you want free?”!!

By alvin

November 2, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

Charlie Look, you aren’t even allowed to jump off the marriage wheel…you both need professional help…sounds like she still p!ss at you and you need to go and find out why!!!

By KM

November 2, 2007 10:45 AM | Link to this

HELLO DON’T BELIEVE THAT 5 YEAR MARRIAGE THING… THE WORLD ALWAYS SPEAK DEATH OUT OF THE MOUTH AND IF YOU BELEIVE YOU WILL EAT THE FRUIT THERE OF…WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU IS FOR YOU.. WHAT YOU PICK FOR LUST YOUR OWN YOU OWN…NO MATTER WHO YOU WITH YOU CAN GO TO THE OTHER SIDE AND GET SOME ONE ELSE …IT ALL THE SAME PROMBLEMS..HOWEVER THERE IS A PROBLEM SOLVER PRAYER…YOU HAVE TO PRAY AND ASK GOD FOR STRENGHT AND DIRECTIONS ..AND LADIES STOP NAGGING A MAN YOU CAN WIN HIM OVER WITH SOFT SPOKEN WORDS AND SHOWING LOVE..AND MAN STOP HAVING SO MUCH EGO AND BEING SO STURBIN ..GOD GOT YOUR BATTLE ..JUST PRAY IT ALL WILL WORK IN THE END…

By Dan

November 2, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

The ill thing I’m a lot like Bre in that I never really thought about relationships like that, like that. But the more I think about the more I realized the relationships I had let slip by me.

Now that I’m learning what I want in a woman, I look for it and I can say what I want now, but 20 years from now, Hell 2 years from now….will she grow with me?

By KM

November 2, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

HELLO DON’T BELIEVE THAT 5 YEAR MARRIAGE THING… THE WORLD ALWAYS SPEAK DEATH OUT OF THE MOUTH AND IF YOU BELEIVE YOU WILL EAT THE FRUIT THERE OF…WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU IS FOR YOU.. WHAT YOU PICK FOR LUST YOUR OWN YOU OWN…NO MATTER WHO YOU WITH YOU CAN GO TO THE OTHER SIDE AND GET SOME ONE ELSE …IT ALL THE SAME PROMBLEMS..HOWEVER THERE IS A PROBLEM SOLVER PRAYER…YOU HAVE TO PRAY AND ASK GOD FOR STRENGHT AND DIRECTIONS ..AND LADIES STOP NAGGING A MAN YOU CAN WIN HIM OVER WITH SOFT SPOKEN WORDS AND SHOWING LOVE..AND MAN STOP HAVING SO MUCH EGO AND BEING SO STURBIN ..GOD GOT YOUR BATTLE ..JUST PRAY IT ALL WILL WORK IN THE END

By me 2

November 2, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this

Today much compassion and love to you. I’m rethinking about getting married. I’ve met a man who wishes to marry me but now that I’ve pulled my head out of the clouds and reality is setting in, I’m begining to notice things about him that I know I would not want put up with when we get married. His snoring erks the heck out of me and he’s very stingy on the dollar. He makes good money but making more money is all he talks about. I’m afraid if we get married I won’t be able to retire at age 50 like I plan to because he wouldn’t let me. Vacations will be out a thing of the past. Yeah this man is tight on the dollar. I will have to buy generic brand and eating out? not a chance. He laid it all out for me and I’m running for the woods. The love of money can ruin things, Between us we will make well over six figure. I just want to enjoy my blessings but he want to continue save save save, now don’t get me wrong I do save but I want to enjoy some of it too.

Hey Slimeone, SexyLeggs, Tazzee, Du, Jazzyone and the rest of the crew

By by km

November 2, 2007 10:49 AM | Link to this

HELLO DON’T BELIEVE THAT 5 YEAR MARRIAGE THING… THE WORLD ALWAYS SPEAK DEATH OUT OF THE MOUTH AND IF YOU BELEIVE YOU WILL EAT THE FRUIT THERE OF…WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU IS FOR YOU.. WHAT YOU PICK FOR LUST YOUR OWN YOU OWN…NO MATTER WHO YOU WITH YOU CAN GO TO THE OTHER SIDE AND GET SOME ONE ELSE …IT ALL THE SAME PROMBLEMS..HOWEVER THERE IS A PROBLEM SOLVER PRAYER…YOU HAVE TO PRAY AND ASK GOD FOR STRENGHT AND DIRECTIONS ..AND LADIES STOP NAGGING A MAN YOU CAN WIN HIM OVER WITH SOFT SPOKEN WORDS AND SHOWING LOVE..AND MAN STOP HAVING SO MUCH EGO AND BEING SO STURBIN ..GOD GOT YOUR BATTLE ..JUST PRAY IT ALL WILL WORK IN THE END

By abc

November 2, 2007 10:49 AM | Link to this

I would say that marriage is a covenant that is lifelong with a person who is God’s provision for you. If you can’t deal with that, don’t call it marriage. My 1st and 2nd wives couldn’t deal with it, so they left. While I’ll admit I’m not exactly a walk in the park, I can say that my commitment to marriage didn’t waver, I was always there, ready and willing to work through whatever the problems were. THEY weren’t willing to do that. I think that’s a more typically female mindset and perspective these days — if they don’t like it (for whatever trivial, self-centered, full of sheeit reason) they will simply run away.

Run run run away girl. Run run run away.

By Charlie

November 2, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this

Alvin,

Dude, that whole house deal has still got me fuming. And she sitting on her butt everyday, house is wreck when I come home, laundry piled up, nothing on the stove. P!sses me off to no end, but I try to keep my tongue for the sake of the kids.

By SexyLeggs

November 2, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

Good morning,everyone! WOW!

My marriage lasted 13 years, about 10 years too long. There’s the 5-year itch, the 7-year itch and the 11-year itch. Society says if you can get past these, longevity is a given. What most fail to realize is you can get past these “plateaus” if the marriage is being worked on and not years simply passing by. Passion, respect, desire, missing each other are key to the sustainability of any marriage. I stayed in mine for the right reasons for me at the time. I truly believed my daughter is better off that I’ve stayed all the years than if I had left when she was much younger.

Hey Beautiful, you stated that you’ve never been married, but when i do there’s no divorce. i don’t believe in such a thing. You may not believe in it and many do not, however, don’t adamantly rule it out because shyt happens.

They say never say never, so I won’t. Anything is possible. It would take a lot for me to do it again. No doubt, I didn’t marry “my husband” this time around. Because of that, I don’t know if I possess the strength to do it again. I’ve honestly believe that I’m not the marrying kind. I so love my time alone and my own space. Often during my marriage I would go back in time mentally to when I lived on my own and supported myself from age 19-35. During the marriage I carried the family and endured much. What’s weird about my situation is when my divorce was final I got in my car cried for about a 1/2 min., wiped my tears and have been smiling ever since.

Point I’m trying to make is if you can get over a marriage that quickly w/no regrets, never missing the person you just divorced, you were never truly married!!! Tamia has a song out named “How Can You Miss What You Never Had.” I think that’s the title. I have no memories w/my ex becuase we didn’t do anything. No vacations, not many pictures, etc. You can miss what you never had. It’s called longing!

By BLAT

November 2, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

OMG!!! Blat in the front row of the MLB united christian church stompin his feet n clappin his hands at BENNYB post!!!!!! cosign my bruh, cosign

Grand Poobah seal of approval.

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this

Charlie dont run just yet. counseling may help, may not. set small goals with her and hit them one at a time together. your family loves you, but sometimes their advise is not helpful, it should be positive advise. good luck. ;)

By John in Tampa, FLA

November 2, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this

My wife kept telling me she had an itch. Monastat 7 cured it though.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this

@bennyb, that was me…i was joking..but i see you took it to heart…and i cosign your post..but you read bitter homie..that all….but your right women bull ish so much they start to believe it…but i digress

By blackout

November 2, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

DONT FORGET BLACKOUT NOV 2, 2007

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

Well, the best people to poll are the ones who have lasting marriages. I love talking to my grandmother who is very candid about her experiences. She’s been married for 60 years now and not every year was a happy one.

She is the one who originially tell me that if you can make it to 7 years, there is really no reason for divorce except for selfish reasons. She says 7 years will allow you enough time to find out your spouses deamons and determine if you can live with them.

By binford

November 2, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this

Hrrrrrm, where to start?

The theory goes you are supposed to marry you best friend that you have passion for - that way once the passion goes, you have your best friend.

My theory is analogous to war in which you are in the trenches. Better make sure you the soldier next to you has your back and will value your life.

Misconceptions, unrealistic expectations, and the lack of understanding of priorities are abound when it comes to marriage.

For example, the marriage ceremony is a one day event that seems to eclipse all facets of the actual relationship. That is crazy!

I’ve heard this before at a church and I couldn’t have agreed more, it went something like this… “People look to Hollywood for guidance about love and relationships and that’s the LAST place one should look” It is so true!

I’m a firm proponent of pre-marriage counseling. Not the fluffy stuff from Churches, but real intense counseling about your expectations, your long term goals and what things will either kill or put the relationship in jeopardy. In addition, both parties need to enforce the respect factor.

I haven’t even gotten to the staying attracted and trying to maintain romance! We can all meet at Borders and I’ll be happy to lecture on that! LOL

By melo

November 2, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this

Charlie, feel u partner.U should know that what u going thru’, all mariages experience it. Its called lyfe.The woman has demonstrated she loves u. Return the favor and do the same for her and the kids.Be strong and be a MAN and the hard times will come to pass. Be POSITIVE and work on finding her a job, helping and encouraging her and trying to take care of the credit issues. Money is like morning dew, u see it and the next thing u dont. Dont fret about whats past, fret about the future and the direction u wanna go. When money is tight, u depressed and u come seem to be on top of bills, the sex will slacken.But dont worry,Luv is deeper than sex. U will get the groove back when u see the clear road ahead. Do not listen too much to a lot of relatives, unless they contribute to your bills.They will be laughing at yu behind ur back for all u know! Good luck!!

By Jazzyone

November 2, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this

I believe in the sanctity of marriage thats why I haven’t done it because I know I would be divorced right now….but hey this is reality and sometimes you have to cut your losses if it just isn’t working and you gave 100% to make it work and all fails period. You going to stay married to someone that you can’t get it together with?? self inflicted pain.

By alvin

November 2, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this

Charlie thats the problem…you guys really need to talk it out, was she like this when you first met? From your post it wasn’t so, something happened…I am just asking you to face your fears, MAN UP and do what you can to find out whats really going on. I am NOT placing all the blame on you, but as a man your job is to get to the bottom of the matter.

That is the least you can do

By SexyLeggs

November 2, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Hey Charlie, you said * If I leave her she won’t make it by herself. I’on know what to do.* Believe you me, she will make it by herself. I too carried my family. Don’t get me wrong, my ex did pay some of the bills, but I never knew when utilities would be cut off and they were. He had the nerve to tell me it was a good lesson from our child. She needed to know what struggle was all about. WTF, a child a 11 yeas of age shouldn’t have to worry about struggling to keep utilities on. OMG! Anyway, I too worried about his survival. However, believe this, if you back someone into a corner they will come out swinging. If their survival is at stake, they will come out swinging and do what keeps them afloat. Hell yeah it will take time, but they will do it. I don’t know any who decide to simply crumble and die. It’s not going to happen. You’ll find out, one way or another, what’s best for all parties involved.

By Charlie

November 2, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this

Beautiful

Somedays I feel the marriage is worth the counseling…but at other times I just say F/It. It’s like a double-edged sword.

By me 2(formally purple lace)

November 2, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this

Charlie did you know she was this way when you married her or did you marry her because she supported you? Most ppl get married for all the wrong reasons. I almost made that mistake but I thank God I was wise enough this time around to pull my head back on my shoulders and see him for who he is. Like Mya Angelo said “if a person shows you who they really are, believe them” I think I quote it right.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this

note - players….to get the women you want, you will have to up your game….whatever you are uncomfortable about is keeping you from that women you want..fix it…then when you get that women..become the leader not the follower…trump the sex card..give that women directions/goals/task/chores…lead your relationship into the direction you want it..but above all esle…be HONEST…play the game fair…and dont ever ever accept disrespect on any level..check that from day one….

By Jazzyone

November 2, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this

Hey charlie you are enabling her…deal with it or get out complaining about it isn’t going to change the situation caue obviously she isn’t hearing you on that. hey she will survive some poeple don’t realize how strong they are until faced with adversity…

Rell ya have some bullish in ya blood as well..

By alvin

November 2, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

Charlie but I am not going to allow you to place all the blame on wifey…

Sounds like she really believes in you…That you are capable of greatness!!

By NCGirlfromATL

November 2, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

BennyB Unfortunately, I think a lot of people think exactly the way you do about marriage…hence the high divorce rate. I’ve said it here before, but given the topic, I think it’s worth saying again: Many people think of marriage and relationships as disposable. After years of watching folks tear each other apart in divorce cases, I’ve started to wonder if it’s worth it. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe in marriage. I hope and pray that I’ll meet a man that I’ll want to marry who will also want to marry me. But, I worry about whether or not he’s truly committed to the bonds of marriage. I worry that he’ll be like many of the people who come into my office everyday, who’ve only been married a few years (or worse, a few months) and didn’t give the relationship a chance. I worry that he and I will not spend enough quality time getting to know each other before we take the step to get married, and end up hating each other after we’ve taken our vows. I don’t think people spend enough time really finding out who they are in a relationship with. But, we sure do spend a lot of time smashing. Sex doesn’t make a marriage good. It’s a part of a good marriage, but if that’s all you’ve got, then you’ve got a pretty empty relationship.

A friend of mine once said, if everytime you see your SO, you end up having sex, then you’re not spending time on the right things. A good relationship has good sex and better communication. I want a brotha who craves my body and my mind!

By SexyCool

November 2, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

binford…name the time…i’m there…LOL…

By BY KM

November 2, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

PEOPLE NEED TO STOP!!! THEY GET THERE SELF IN MARRIAGE THEN START BLAMING EVERYBODY… YOU NOT CRAZY THERE IS ALWAY A SIGN..GOD ALWAYS WARN US IF WE LISTEN…SOME OF YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD CHANGE THE PERSON …SOME OF YOU WERE CHEATING BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED… SOME OF YOU NEED SERIOUS PRAYER..SOME OF YOU WERE TRUE AND REAL ABOUT BEING MARRIED …ITS ALL A LEARNING EXPERIENCE TO HELP YOU GROW AND BECOME STRONGER ..SOME PEOPLE NEVER LEARN THERE HARD HEADED AND THINK THEY CAN DO WHAT EVER.. I HATE TO SEE A OLD PERSON STLL TRYING TO BE COOL STILL LOST TRYING TO BE A PLAYER STOP PLAYING AND TRY JEHOVAH HE CAN RESTORE.. I PRAY THEY FIND JESUS IT SEEM THEY WOULD HAVE LEARN BY NOW IT ALL THE SAME O SAME O NEW REALTIONSHIP NEW PROBLEMS..NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN …FIRST YOU NEED TO LOVE JEHOVAH AND GET A RELATIONSHIP..LOVE GOD THEN LOVE YOUR SELF.. THEN HE CAN SEND SOME ONE TO LOVE YOU FOR YOU..OH YA PLS FOR GIVE THE LAST PERSON YOU WERE WITH AND PRAY GOD CLEAN YOU HEART FROM HURT OR ISSUE.. DON’T CARRY YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP AND MAKE THAT PERSON PAY FOR WHAT JOHNNY OR SUSAN DID ..PEACE

By Jazzyone

November 2, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

Alvin it seems she doesn’t believe in herself and thats a problem….sometimes you have to help yourself another person can help lift you but ultimatley if you don’t help yourself your a* is dead weight….and personally im not going to sink with another individual I’ll do my best to throw you a life jacket and paddle sometimes when you can’t but all the time heyal naw we both will drown F*&^% that!

By Charlie

November 2, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

Melo & Alvin,

We try to talk it out, but that leads to personal attacks and insults. We usually end up not talking for days and resenting each other which further damages the communication. We probably do need some form of counseling.

We are the type of couple that when we are good it’s real good, when it’s bad it’s real bad.

I’m tired of just existing, I wanna live. Get me!

By Jazzyone

November 2, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

Charlie She is also setting a poor example for her daughters..not saying shes sorry cause thats your twirl..but a sorry a* woman will raise sorry a* daughters trust it!

By BennyB

November 2, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage

By mqew

November 2, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Charlie,

If you treat your wife like she is the person you know she is deep in her heart, most likely you’ll start to see small changes in her. Not because you believe in her but because you believe what God said he would do for marriages.

One thing I’d like to add is that people put their all in their spouse. And, seriously expect a mere man/woman to be more than a human being with faults. When you put your faith in people… pleeezze that shish won’t and don’t work.

My 2

By Staceye

November 2, 2007 11:23 AM | Link to this

OOh Charlie um…ouch! I would suggest counseling..but if funds are tight that is not an option. But it seems like she is laying back try to get payback for having to support you. That is wrong. She should be happy that she was able to help her man then..now you guys can work together to get ahead. But she is stuck in the pass. Or maybe she is depressed. Depression can turn you into another person. I know that first hand. You don’t want to do anything. You kind of just wake up everyday going, “oh I made it through the night”, sarcasticly, because you hoped you wouldn’t. Depression takes away your drive, will and ambition. It’s a mental grave that you can come out of…but it takes treatment. You should find out what is wrong before making a decision.

Me 2 I can understand frugal..but it sounds like your man is cheap! LOL Maybe he grew up poor and he is so afraid of being poor again that he has become a meizer.

*Sexyleggs Do you think you stayed because what you thought marriage should be would eventually come to manifest if you gave it time?

John in Tampa LMFAO…you are so wrong for that!

ARED did yur granny forget men’s Mid-Life Crisis. You know..when they think they still got it and go out to mess with the 20 year olds and think that they want them for love when all they are looking for is a dumb azz suga-daddy! LOL

By SexyLeggs

November 2, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this

Charlie, I was just like you on many fronts, especially I’m tired of just existing, I wanna live. Get me! That’s exactly what I did. I was scared, but I did it. As they say, when you get to the point of no return only you will not it. Remember, if you go to counseling, it will only work if both of you go.

By DuShawn

November 2, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this

but hey this is reality and sometimes you have to cut your losses Jazzy I think that’s a defeatists attitude. Marriage can be difficult, but you have to be willing to stick it out. Melo that was good advice you gave Charlie. That’s marriage. One day you love her, the next day you want to break your ankle off in her azz. I have a lot to contribute to today’s discussion. Unfortunately my time is limited.

By BennyB

November 2, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

Charlie,Seriously, you do need to read this:

Overcoming Codependency

By Hotlanta

November 2, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

Today you wasn’t a wife you sound like a maid. I remember when my mom would have me to clean up she would always say, you gotta learn how to cook and clean because one day you are gonna get married. Never I needed to cook and clean because it was just a part of being responsible as I grow up. I remember an episode od wife swap where this lady was talking about she was gonna show the young girls how to be wives and she was cleaning the toliet and they were looking at here like WTF. Even in the wedding vows it does not say that this couple will not get divorced. Rell what do you mean give the woman directions/goals/task/chores. You don’t want a woman you want a puppet. You might as well get a blow up doll. This ain’t the military. If she disrepect you what are you gonna do act like a pimp and put a wire clothes hanger wrapped in a towewl and beat her. Been watching too many 70’s MACK movies. Step away from the DVD player bro.

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this

Charlie awwww hug. she needs to hear that passion for your marriage in your voice. say that to her 2nite!!!

By Jazzyone

November 2, 2007 11:31 AM | Link to this

If she supported you all at one time thats what she was supposed to do, it isn’t keeping score its easyer (is that a word??) with 2 but if not you can do bad all by ya’self….

By RELL

November 2, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this

http://youbetteraskher.com/

dont walk but run and get this…good stuff

By SexyLeggs

November 2, 2007 11:35 AM | Link to this

Even if funds are tight, you can get free/discounted counseling services from your church (if you’re a member).

Staceye, to be perfectly honest here, I stayed because of where I came from and how I was raised. I didn’t have a father and knew nothing about screaming when daddy came home, learning from “daddy.” The first few years were great. Afterwards, I thought this is what my daughter needed. Could I have been trying to alter a part of my past through her, hell I don’t quite know. I truly believed it was imperative that she grow up in a 2-parent household to know what one felt and look like. Once truly bad times fell and disrespect was so prevalent, I realized that I had another lesson to teach her. Had to show her throught example that you do not stay where you are not wanted, and you do not disrespect and belittle yourself for the sake of another human being. I had to show how that you can stand strong on your own two feet. With God on your side wanted her to witness that you can survive on your own through your own beliefs and convictions.

By Jazzyone

November 2, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

Dushawn i said that if you give a 100% on it and do everything in your power to work a marriage out and it still goes on for years without any improvement then yeah it is a defeated marriage and you going to continue to stay in it…you keep doing the same thing you will keep getting the same results. I know what it takes to make a marriage work my parents have done for more yrs than Ive been alive it hasn’t been peachy and roses and cream but they made it work thru hard work…

Somtimes that just isn’t enough for some marriages cause they should not continue on…im not one for a life time of self inflicted pain…unh unh not I said the cat..

By SexyLeggs

November 2, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

Sorry Staceye, don’t know if I really answered your question so the answer is NO. I realized what I thought marriage should be would NOT manifest and that’s one of the reasons why I left.

By alvin

November 2, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

Jazzyone I feel you, but something broke inside of her…I don’t know the full details…but they need to get to the bottom of the matter…we all need help at one point of our lives..you know some one to lean on when we’re going through, so I am not going to throw all the blame her way…that’s not right…

By RELL

November 2, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

@Hot

LOL, i knew it thanks sister for helping with the continued feminization of the black man….i have addressed this before, so i am not going to repeat myself…plus i was not raised to talk back or to disrespect my elders..so if thats how you feel then fine…but dig a lil deeper into what i am saying before you get upset, k

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this

Staceye, granny told me about the mid-life crisis. And they weathered that storm too.

By John in Tampa, FLA

November 2, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

Why does it take 6 wives with PMS to screw in a lightbulb???

By BY KM

November 2, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY ….DON’T LET THE ENEMEY SATAN CAUSE YOU TO CALL EACH OTHER NAMES IN A MARRIAGE WITH HURTFUL WORDS…YOU HAVE A CHOICE TO SAY SOMETHING NICE OR EVIL STOP BEING SO EMOTIONAL AND START BEING WISE..WALK ALWAY YOU DONT HAVE TO HAVE THE LAST WORD..GO PRAY AND GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE ANSWER IN YOUR HEART THAT WILL TURN THE EVIL ENVIROMENT AWAY TO A GOOD ENVIROMENT … READ THE BIBLE IT STATES THE ENEMY COME TO KILL STILL AND DESTROY.. BRIDEL YOUR TOUGE TURN THE OTHER CHEEK..NAME CALLING HURTS..HOWEVER IF YOU BE OBIDIENT TO GOD WORD AND READ AND FOLLOW THE BLUE PRINT IN THE WORD..THE WORD WILL NEVER FAIL YOU.. YOU WILL BE A OVER COMER..A FAMILY THAT PRAY TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER….PEACE

By DuShawn

November 2, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

Charlie……..dayum, I feel you. I don’t how your family feels about religion and it may sound corny or predictable, but when my marriage is hard, and my heart is full of anger and resentment towards my wife/situation. I begin the healing process in church. My advice would be to prepare today, to be in somebody’s church on Sunday as a family. No excuses. The family that prays together stays together is real. You have to start somewhere. Pray with her.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

@Hot so now women like men they can disrespect and walk over with no backbone….i get it now….silly me

By Monica Blewbillski

November 2, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

Dang, why can’t I find a husband?

I seem to blow my prospects every time.

Guess I’ll just go to the bar and get me a stiff one.

By Tazzee

November 2, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

Morning folks!

Still on the grind but I’m taking a time out today.

Bella, you got a lot of questions in your post, LOL. I’ll try to sum up my position.

I really don’t have any ‘expectations’ for marriage. I want to get married - to my best friend that I have passion for (thanks for that binford). And when we get married we will work through that thing together. My only expectation is that he’ll continue to be my best friend. So I approach dating from the standpoint of - do we enjoy one another’s company. Bump all that other stuff. Attraction is nice (especially a nice mouth) but if I can’t stand being around you - its a waste. Job security, ambitions, goals, etc - that’s all well and good, but what’s important is that we can be in one another’s presence - not say a word - and still walk away feeling like it was time well spent.

Overall, I think women have too many expectations and men don’t have enough when it comes to marriage - at least that’s what I’ve found in dating.

me2 Now I’m tight with the $$$ but I believe in living life to the fullest also. If this guy has set the rules already and you know those rules are not for you then you know what to do.

I’ve always been told that, when it comes to marriage, you should take the thing that irks you about your mate and multiply it by 100. The things that pick your nerves now will take up residence in your central nervous system in marriage, LOL. Now this is just what I’ve been told, but I take it to heart.

By John in Tampa, FLA

November 2, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this

IT JUST DOES, DAMMIT

By ATL MANDINGO

November 2, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

I have known a woman for 3 years now. We were friends only talking on the phone for 2 and a half years, we did not see each other, living in different parts of the country. We have great phone chemistry, and she has a great personality. She came to visit, and I am totally not feeling her physically. We knocked boots, and I had a time getting off, she does not appeal to me. She makes me feel guilty now, I do not call as much, do you guys think I am wrong? She had unrealistic expectations, I cannot make myself become attracted to her. She has a great personality, am I being too shallow?

By For Real

November 2, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this

Charlie The first thing the both of you need to do is forgive each other. That will free both of you from your past and then yall can plan for the future. Here is a quote I got recently. I hope it helps.

Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past. -Landrum Bolling

Oh and this one is from my Paw-Paw

If you want to solve a problem between you and another person, start with yourself first. – Paw-Paw

By Staceye

November 2, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this

Sexyleggs I feel you girl. You did right by your daughter.

Rell its not that woman want a man they can walk over and disrespect. However, we want a man to see us as an equal, not a second class citizen to do what we are told as if we are a child. I wll not tolerate a man thinking he can TEL me what to do. He can ask me or state his opinion as to why I should or should not do something. It’s all in how you present something. I am more likely to take your feelings and thoughts into account when I make my own decision when you do not come at me like massa to a slave. I think that is what Hotlanta was saying.

By binford

November 2, 2007 11:54 AM | Link to this

BY KM please stop typing IN ALL CAPS. It’s annoying and rude blogging protocol.

Secondly, chill with the religious rhetoric. This is NOT Misadventures in not being obedient to you God , It’s Misadventures in Atlanta. If that’s your foundation and it works in to the topic fine. But I’m not here to be preached to IN ALL CAPS.

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this

John babe, you seem bored. do you take anything serious?

By Charlie

November 2, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this

Some of you’ll sound like my fam. “Let that shyt go.”

Yes money is tight, the cost of counseling would require a life decision (gas/grocery or counseling). I know deep down she is a good person and has many positive attributes, but this meantime 10 month slump and mountain of bills is killing me. Seems like she would be on the grind not for me, but for the girls.

Maybe we should separate for awhile, maybe this will motivate her to get on the grind, kind of seems like kicking a dead horse.

By marriage is hard

November 2, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this

Marriage for me has been very hard, but I’ve stuck it out for almost 15 yrs. I married at 45 for the first time and married my best friend altho not the love of my life. We were very happy for five yrs until chronic illness (my spouse’s) came to be the third party in the marriage and it’s destroyed everything including our physical relationship. I have wished often that I could just leave but my personal beliefs do not include leaving a super nice person who adores me, brings home a steady paycheck, and is ill. I know life has problems and things are often hard and, yes, I had expectations that marriage would be happy and easy, because, of course, I thought everything would stay as it was in the beginning. But things change, unfortunately, for anyone, whether married or single. One’s personal struggles are also a factor; you each bring your strengths and weaknesses. If you have depression, illness, financial hardship, whatever, it can impact the marriage and be very hard. But recently my spouse was ill and I was scared and I became aware of a deeper love and concern I have not felt in a long time. Marriage takes guts and it ebbs and flows over time - just like the single life.

By Hotlanta

November 2, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

What do you mean the feminization of black men. So if a woman is handling her business she is suppose to dumb herself down so that he can feel better about himself. Some of yall are already feminine. If I see one mo black man shaking his braids outta his face I am gonna scream. I am scared I might see one of yall going to the same dressing room with me. Wake up my brother it’s a new sheriff in town. You better get on the train or get left behind. Did a girl steal your cookie out of your brown paper lunch when you was a chile. PLEASE

By Latina_in_30004

November 2, 2007 11:59 AM | Link to this

Happy Friday everyone!! My marriage lasted 5 years and I was very supportive of his dreams/goals to the point that I was working 2 FULL TIME jobs to support our family, while at the same time keeping the house clean, cooking every meal and taking care of our son.

I encouraged him to go back to school and that’s when everything changed. Right before his graduation, things started to go downhill in our relationship and he became verbally and physically abusive -and that’s when I decided to call it quits. I refused to let someone treat me that way or even worse, to let my son think that was acceptable behavior towards a woman.

A lot of time has past since that (12 years of being happily divorced) and I’m not bitter or resentful towards him. This whole experience has definitely helped me grow as a person. This time is all about ME. I’ve raised my son all by myself, I’m proud of my acomplishments and don’t see a need to change my status in the near future. Did that experience changed my mind about marriage? Absolutely not! Just because I chose the wrong man for the job, doesn’t mean the position has been closed forever. I’ll just have to choose more wisely the next time around.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 11:59 AM | Link to this

@staceye….again we have discussed this and i have explained what i meant…i stand on what i say…period!!!..most women dont want a man…they want another girlfriend with balls..thats all

By Willie Dynamite

November 2, 2007 12:02 PM | Link to this

Slight tap on da azz to the WLB Dap as always to the MLB

Good topic today. some very thoughtful and introspective comments so far. We all have an opinion on what OUR marriage should be and how it should work. The most important thing in a marriage is WORK. I’m only a few yrs into mine and this is the most work I’ve ever done. First thing first is get that TV, Magazine, Fairy tale Happily ever after Bullshyt out ya mind. It will be days when you want to tie her azz up on a rocket to da moon. It will also be days when you want to put out a full page ad to let erybody know that’s my baby and I luv her. Keep working at it and pray for the best. But please believe this, at the end of the day you have to be true to yourself and make the best decision on whether to continue. Some of you say you were not raised this way or that way but i’d also say you were not raised a fool. Divorce sometimes is the best thing that can happen to a person or family. You make the call!!!

By Tazzee

November 2, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this

Dushawn I’m glad you found a little time to respond…

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this

ATL MANDINGO no. i feel that there has to be some kind of attraction to make it happen. the guilt is gonna be there, but it will pass.

By John in Tampa, FLA

November 2, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this

Babe:

I am at work. Is that serious enuff for you?

By Staceye

November 2, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

ATL Mandingo Did you tell her that were not physically attracted to her?

Binford AMEN! LOL

Hotlanta girl I am cracking up over here. LMFAO!

By RELL

November 2, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

@HOT

did i say that a women needs to serve or dumb herself down…NO, thats how you recieved it…instead of focusing on a positive you only see a negative with have a strong man with direction and one that has the gift of vision…sorry it was not wrapped pretty like your pastor would say..but it is still applies…and again i am not going to get into a back and forth or power struggle with you sister…just know that the problem was not with what i said..but how you recieved and that speaks louder then my lil peeble in the pond…and i am done…

By Hotlanta

November 2, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this

Staceye Rell is mad because he can’t find nor keep a woman because he has no balls at all. You can tell when a man is bad in bed because they have a lot of hostility. That is why women should have sex with them before they marry them, Because who wants a lifetime of bad sex.

By BY KM

November 2, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this

IN YOUR MARRIAGE…WATCH THOSE JEALOUS GIRL FRIENDS AND THOSE HANG OUT BUDDIES…WHO TRY TO GET YOU TO CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE OR GET YOU TO CHECK OUT THE LADIES WITH THEM..OH YA THE ONES THAT SAY YOU ARE WIPE BECAUSE YOU WANT DO WHAT THEY DO….PLS STAY AWAY THEY JUST WANT TO CURRUPT YOUR MARRIAGE… AND THOSE JEALOUS GIRLFRENDS..GIRL THAT SAY THEY ARE ALL DOGS..BELEIVE ME THERE NOT..BAD EXPERIENCE WITH OUT HAVING CHRIST IN THERE LIVES… CAN LEAVE SOME PEOPLE BITTER..GET YOUR ADVICE FROM JEHOVAH AND HE WILL SEND YOU TRUE FRIENDS ..THAT WANT THE BEST FOR YOU….FRIENDS THAT WILL PRAY WITH YOU AND OR YOU…FRIENDS THATWANT THE BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.. BELEIVE ME IT ONLY A FEW GOOD FRIENDS

By Cemeeli

November 2, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this

Hey Room! My week has been crasi with month end and all. I have missed you all. Trying to catch up on some of today’s comments…

Rell LOL… WHAT?

By me 2(formally purple lace)

November 2, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this

Staceye he didn’t grow up poor and neither did I. I know that if we were to marry he would have me living like we were. I love him but it turns out his love for money is much more than for me. I can see it now-My showers will be limited to 2 minutes, I can only use 2 sheets per toilet use, but I won’t freeze my bums off cuz he hats the cold but I’ll burn up in the summer cuz he refuse to use the A/C

Hey Tazzee Tazzee

By Charlie

November 2, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this

Dushawn,

We used to got church on the regular but it seemed like we were being pimped every Sunday. Offerings, tithe, Pastoral Love offering, bake sales, youth dues, etc. We went further backwards financially instead of forward. We were more broke in church than out. But that’s another topic…but our vigor for church diminished.

We still believe in God and trust God with most things (speaking honestly) but have little tolerance for church and church folk.

By SexyLeggs

November 2, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this

Charlie, it’s all up to YOU. Never mind what your family says, never mind what this blog says. In your “heart of hearts” you will know what you want done. Just think it all through as much as possible. Everybody’s motitivation to stay or leave rests solely w/that person. Look at the positive, especially if they outweigh the negative and work on that. A transformation should occur, if not, then….it’s on you. It sounds as though you still love her and that’s a big start right there.

By me 2(formally purple lace)

November 2, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this

Charlie prayer always work. There is nothing that God can’t fix. Humanly it is impossible but with God it is possible.

By Stop that KM

November 2, 2007 12:21 PM | Link to this

ALL CAPS is considered yelling, in print, you don’t need it to bring attention to your posts. KM, try using italic/bold for emphasis.

By QC

November 2, 2007 12:22 PM | Link to this

I hope everyone is having a great day……just wanted to pop in to say hello..enjoy your weekend!

By John in Tampa, FLA

November 2, 2007 12:23 PM | Link to this

what my wife and i did:

We created an environment that makes us go home every day because we want to, not because we feel like we have to.

By NICK

November 2, 2007 12:23 PM | Link to this

Marriage is the TOUGHEST job, one will ever have.

You have to “re-invent” the relationship in order to make it interesting and to make it work.

Additionally, always give marriage counseling at least six months, if the marriage does not work out in the end, at least you made the effort.

By Translator

November 2, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

to get the women you want, you will have to up your game… - In order to get a quality woman, you have to become a quality man. If you want a woman that brings a lot to the table then, you have to consider what you bring to the table. If you’re not bringing it, how can you expect to be with a woman that does?

By SexyLeggs

November 2, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this

Charlie, are you here in the ATL?

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 12:30 PM | Link to this

counseling can be covered by health insurance. fyi.

By Translator

November 2, 2007 12:30 PM | Link to this

whatever you are uncomfortable about is keeping you from that women you want..fix it…then when you get that women - You attract what you are. Correct some of your own shortcomings and acknowledge your own inadequacies and then you will begin to bring better people into your life.

become the leader not the follower - Be prepared to be the head of the household.

trump the sex card - Sex is not the end all, be all in a relationship. If your relationship’s biggest positive is the sex, this may not be a good relationship or you should learn what it takes to make it batter.

By Rev Ike

November 2, 2007 12:44 PM | Link to this

@ purple lace & charlie - true enough prayer changes things but you have to be prepared to how God changes things and you may not understand or like how things are changed atleast in the beginning. First off not every marriage union God put together thats partly while a lot of marriages fail in the first place. So when u start involving God either the bond will be unbreakable to death do u part or the marriage will dissolve quick but for the good in the end.

By Tazzee

November 2, 2007 12:45 PM | Link to this

me 2 A friend of mine married a guy like yours a while back. As a matter of fact, I introduced them - but at the time I didn’t know he was so frugal. He’s a financial planner. She used to have this nice house - not too big, but nice nonetheless. After they got married they sold her house and moved into this duplex (her, him, and their 3 kids - each brought one in) - it wasn’t very appealing, but the rent from the other side paid the mortgage. Both had decent incomes, but she had more debt than he liked so that’s what they did. She didn’t like it, but she complied. He also pulled that fake diamond, real diamond trick. Her engagement ring was fake and then he put the real one on her finger when they got married.

But in the end - that’s not what she complained about - he was controlling in other areas too. Fortunately, they are still together - they’ve had more bad years than good (they’ve been married for about 10 years) but when I last talked to him, things were looking up.

I don’t know if that example will encourage or discourage you - but thought I’d share.

By MEN

November 2, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this

note - players….to get the women you want, you will have to up your game….whatever you are uncomfortable about is keeping you from that women you want..fix it…then when you get that women..become the leader not the follower…trump the sex card..give that women directions/goals/task/chores…lead your relationship into the direction you want it..but above all esle…be HONEST…play the game fair…and dont ever ever accept disrespect on any level..check that from day one….

^5

By Dyolf

November 2, 2007 12:56 PM | Link to this

Mine will make it to 7yrs in Feb, but then it is ending. I’ve been considering it for the last 5.5yrs. We tried, but I’m just totally unhappy and not in love. Lack of affection, disloyalty, and distrust has made me numb to her. Now I’m ready to cut my losses. I’m a big believer in marriage and not divorce, but I can’t live the rest of my life like this. It’s starting to affect my relationship with my kids. I will give marriage another go, but I’m going to be very picky with who I choose.

By alvin

November 2, 2007 1:08 PM | Link to this

Translator Don’t pull that ish again…we can give them too many breaks in understanding us

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 1:09 PM | Link to this

Damn…no wonder the state of the family unit is what it is. Is anyone really happily married? Did any of you married folks see any successful marriages growing up?

By Filster

November 2, 2007 1:10 PM | Link to this

Yes, there is a five-year itch, but the fifteen-year itch is so much worse. Recently, a friend of mine asked me if I was “getting any on side.” Embaressed, I confided that it had been so long I didn’t know they’d moved it.

By Translator

November 2, 2007 1:12 PM | Link to this

give that women directions/goals/task/chores - Develop common goals and plan to make them happen. Each partner in a relationship has strengths and weaknesses. Find what your partner’s strengths are and use them to the advanatage of securing the relationships common goals - long and short term.

By Translator

November 2, 2007 1:17 PM | Link to this

lead your relationship into the direction you want it.. - This again goes to vision. If you don’t have an idea of what a good relationship looks like for you, how will you ever have a good relationship? Know what defines / makes up a successful relationship and lay the foundation for it. Communicate on a level to determine if you both have the same ideas about what makes a relationship good.

By Charlie

November 2, 2007 1:21 PM | Link to this

Beautiful,

Yes, we reside in Metro Atl area. We both are from PA (Pittsburg).

Her parents have a solid marriage. I was raised by my Pops. My mom took off when I was 4 and my bro. was 6 months, she now resides in a metal facility. I haven’t spoken to her since I was 14 and I’m 35 now.

By Hotlanta

November 2, 2007 1:23 PM | Link to this

So Rev. Ike I know you are in the middle of getting your prcess using Duke Pomade in the orange can and all but can I ask you a quick question. So what you are saying if a couple breaks up God isn’t in it. If I lost a job, folks would tell me I would find another one because God got a better one for me. If I lost my marriage God isn’t in it. Even though my husband kicks my butt every other day at 3:13pm, a drug addict and we got our stuff in boxes moving for the 6th time because he can’t keep a job. God is telling me to hold on because you are married and this is the life I have chosen for you. God ain’t with that either.If I am single God isn’t with me until I am married. I thought God was with me everyday whether I am married or single. You can put your Du-Rag on now.

By Translator

November 2, 2007 1:23 PM | Link to this

be HONEST…play the game fair - This is pretty straight forward. Know where you stand in a relationship. Be forthcoming about what you do or don’t want from a particular individual. A part of this is honestly knowing yourself and what you want, not only from a relationship, but life as a whole. Don’t play the relationship game like an episode of Survivor - outwit, outplay, outlast. THIS game (if you choose to call it a game) has no place for manipulation, lying or underhanded tactics.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 1:24 PM | Link to this

@translator….THANK YOU!!!!!!….and i have a sneaky feeling you are women..so thanks for the breakdown

By NCGirlfromATL

November 2, 2007 1:24 PM | Link to this

Blog Q: For those of you who have been married and divorced, do you find that the next few people you are with (including your next spouse) is someone very similar to the first one? Not necessarily in looks, but in personality and demeanor? Did you learn from your mistakes with the first one?

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 1:25 PM | Link to this

i have to say that i am excited about my next relationship. i’ve learned so much from the last one. the things i will do differently and will do when i get married is: (1) talk more (2) manage money TOGETHER (3) be freakier lol (4) more hugs and kisses can y’all tell i’m touchy feely (5) hold hands more (6) support him in his ideas more (7) go to church at least twice a month (8) love his mother no matter how much she get on my last nerve (9) talk and be friendly with any and all ex’s (10) treat his children like my own with hugs more (11) allow him to lead thx Rell (12) share in the man chores like doing the lawn i think it will bring us close together and it’ll be fun (13) not talk bad about him to friends and family when he upsets me (14) keep our issues private (15) tell him i love him right when it comes to mind (15) don’t look for faults in everything he does (16) don’t look for flaws in him period (17) express that we can talk about everything no matter what it is.

By binford

November 2, 2007 1:26 PM | Link to this

AR Not to discount what those have said about problems in their marriage at all, but most people focus on the negative.

In our work and in our lives we tend to focus on the negative. People at my work complain a lot, but I know the while some things at the place can be bad, we’re all in pretty good shape. It’s harder as you get older to have wonder and to look at things with those rose tinted glasses. I think those that can do it live better.

By Translator

November 2, 2007 1:32 PM | Link to this

dont ever ever accept disrespect on any level..check that from day one - Communicate what you will and will not accept from day one, especially when it comes to your basic principles and beliefs. Do not allow the person in your life to compromise who you are. Tolerate no dishonesty, ill treatment, obvious manipulation or outright disrespect.

By For Real

November 2, 2007 1:32 PM | Link to this

The number one problem with marriage in this country is SELFISHNESS. Take a look at alot of the comments be true to yourself, you have to be happy, I don’t want to be married bc I like my space and I don’t like to comprise, I don’t want to share, I don’t want someone telling me what do… When you get married it’s no longer about you. It’s about the the two of you. God doesn’t see you Mr. & Mrs. he see’s you as one. This country’s ME,MYSELF & I culture is what is destroying the families and the fact that divorce/childsupport is a BILLION dollar industry now. When married, the man is suppose to think of God then his wife. The woman is suppose to think of God then her husband. If a couple would spend as much time thinking about how happy they can make their spouse as they spend on thinking about how happy they can make themselves the divorce rate would drop to 20%. Charlie when was the last time you actually put some time in thinking of a way to make your wife smile?

Now that’s the last serious thing I will say today.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 1:39 PM | Link to this

@FOR REAL…cosign…spoken like a brother with some type of direction to give….but i digress

By For Real

November 2, 2007 1:41 PM | Link to this

Hey Blog Fam!! I am thinking about starting a business and I am looking for some investors.

The business will recycle used baby powder. I got a source for tons of used baby powder. The name of the company will be:

FOR REAL’S USED BABY POWDER EMPORIUM

Our slogan will be:

The relief for that itch for less

By Dan

November 2, 2007 1:41 PM | Link to this

@ARED

While there are conflicting accounts, studies say that one key to a successful marriage is to see a successful marriage.

Now I have family members that have been married for 50 years, and while they may love one another, there are those days when Unc or Auntiee will just volunteer “I hate that MoFo.”

But I personally tend to believe that with regard to relationships, my longest one ended up being me&her vs. the world.

But truly, no movie, no TV show, no married couple will ever be able to give anyone of us the guidance to deal with the inevtiable problems. Why? It’s becuase we are each unique and we each have to live our lives according to the principles we hold ourselfs too.

By Rev Ike

November 2, 2007 1:44 PM | Link to this

@ Hotlanta i am saying is when you ask God to fix things in your life when he decides to do it, he does JUST that. Either he is going to fix the situation by changing the heart of the person or removing the person out of your life completely. So if your husband did drugs smacked you around and couldnt hold a job when you dated and you still married him what do you think he is going to do when you marry him. IF you had prayed about it before saying I do you would have realized that you two was unevenly yoked off the rip. So while u are trying to make jokes take the time to listen if not to me, to God.

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

binford, you may have a point. That negative living thing is so far from my realm of reality…though I must admit, it’s easier for me because I’ve had a good life, thus far.

I mean, I keep seeing folks say “marriage is hard” but heck, LIFE is hard, but we keep striving everyday to make it.

By Charlie

November 2, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

For Real,

Dude, I ain’t seen her smile in months but at the same time my azz ain’t smiled or been happy about shyt in a least a year.

By Magenta

November 2, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

If you marry to get your needs met, it will never work.

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 1:52 PM | Link to this

For Real, your post at 1:32 was the most on point thing I’ve ever seen you type. Props to you on that response.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 1:52 PM | Link to this

i must cosign with the good game being spit today by some of the brothers….and i am wondering why it is not taken into consideration v being attacked…

By mqew

November 2, 2007 1:53 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed - I’ve been married for 11 years (in January) and my grandparents were my role model. They were married for sixty plus years before my grandmother passed. (Grandfather remarried 8mos later.) My spouse’s parents were married for 20+ years until his father passed. I don’t think though that witnessing successful marriages have anything to do with it though.

Rell - I understand exactly what you’re saying and agree with most of it. I don’t think you have many female supporters with your thought process, so I thought I’d let you know that you’re heard.

By For Real

November 2, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this

Charlie You just proved my point. You can’t make her smile because you worried about yours.

ME, MYSELF & I

Is that really the way you want to end up?

By Hotlanta

November 2, 2007 1:56 PM | Link to this

Rev Ike slow your roll. I said doing these things doing the marriage not while dating. Some people play the game while dating then we they get married SOME people change for the worst and you are tellling me that the GOD that I love wants me to stay in a unhealthy and unhappy situation. He loves me whether I am with my husband or not that is what I was saying. Because people do say when a couple breaks up “God wasn’t it the marriage if he was they would still be together”. As if they know. God has to take us out of a situation to make it better for us. I am all about prayer but if I got to be in a situation and all the time praying and not enjoying it, we have a PROBLEM!!!!! Sometimes you can make a situation right by leaving, everything can’t be fixed. Some things are just what it is. Me and a lot of my girlfriends had to learn this valuable lesson.

By kimmie

November 2, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this

For Real - I appreciate you post & for the most part agree with it. But don’t you think for those that have ADMITTED that they don’t feel that marriage is for them because of their own selfish reasons, that they should remain single? I see them as being honest, stand-up individuals that are not yielding to the pressures of society, family, etc to couple up, only to more than likely fail at marriage. Then they are putting themselves, family, friends and possibly children through something that could have been avoided. Isn’t that the most selfish act of all? To me, it kind of compares to people that say they don’t want kids and take the neccesary precautions to make sure that does not happen. They are the most selfless people of all, I think. Why bring an unwanted child into the world? So, why enter into a marriage you know you don’t want? Just my 2-cents, but I agree when you get married you become ONE. That does not mean you stop being an individual with dreams/hopes/aspirations. The difference should be that you join with a person that has common dreams and you work to achieve them AS ONE - TOGETHER. I think over history, especially with women, her whole identity and purpose was tied to the marriage and children. Now the pendelum has swung the other way and it’s all about ME & my happiness. A healthy balance needs to be reached if the situation is ever going to change. The married folks I know that are the happiest seem to be those that have found a way to strike that balance.

By SexyLeggs

November 2, 2007 2:00 PM | Link to this

Charlie, I asked if you lived here because if you are truly tired of the churches nickle and diming you and you want to experience a genuine 2 hours w/God in his house try Church In The Now off I-20, exit 82 in Conyers. I have no doubt you and your wife will enjoy worshipping there. If you can’t make it “streamline” and get a feel for the church. www.churchinthenow.org.

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 2:01 PM | Link to this

Charlie You just proved my point. You can’t make her smile because you worried about yours. i see that 2.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 2:03 PM | Link to this

@mqew…thanks, i was not doing it for shock value..that was a real blueprint…that get this…can apply both ways if someone really thinks on it….kinda like the extra translator stuck on it…but like i said no one wants to see the black man lead..not even our women…smh

By me 2(formally purple lace)

November 2, 2007 2:04 PM | Link to this

RevIkeI agree that’s why we should never enter into marriage without much prayer.

Tazzee Your friend was good to stay in her marriage. I know what I will be getting into that’s why I am choosing to back away. I need more time to see if his frugalness is worth it. I don’t expect him to change and I’m not trying to change him. He is who he is and either I accept him or move on. Finance is a big windfall for almost all failed marriages.

By Foots

November 2, 2007 2:04 PM | Link to this

ATL MANDINGO Quick questions… 1. Why would you have sex with her if you already knew that you were not attracted to her?

Not that those ARE her thoughts, but it may be similar to that. Your idea of what happened may be totally different than what she’s thinking. Y’all need to talk and REALLY air out how you feel.

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 2:08 PM | Link to this

mqew, since I’m not married, I’ll have to defer to your opinion and experience. But I can tell you that seeing successful marriages in my OWN life is exactly why I’m NOT married. I’m able to identify the red flags much easier. Anyone can get married, but not everyone can stay married. I think if you’ve seen successful marriages, you are more prone to make better choices in chosing a long term mate. You’ve been married 11 years, I’m sure that’s by no accident.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 2:16 PM | Link to this

@foots, good breakdown….that is why i say play the game fair..

By For Real

November 2, 2007 2:16 PM | Link to this

Kimmie I understand what you are saying but selfishness is not a good trait. We were not put here to be islands. I agree with you on respecting people who know that they are selfish but if they identify that trait in their personality and do nothing to change it then no they will not get my respect. Liars and selfish people are the same. You can’t trust either one of them. Would you even want to work with a selfish person? As far as people who don’t want kids, again the reasons for not wanting goes straight back to being selfish not selfless. One of our task as human being is to reproduce and leave a legacy. You don’t have legacy if you don’t have kids. Look at Oprah. Who is going to remember her when her money runs out? When people choose not to have kids they choose not to exist anymore. There will be no little boy or girl running around with those big ears or those pretty eyes because you were so selfless not to share with the rest of the world. Oooops I mean selfish.

So nobody want to invest in my new startup huh?

By me 2(formally purple lace)

November 2, 2007 2:16 PM | Link to this

Forreal is that you? LOL I’m impressed. Well said. We can go on forever giving our opinions about why some marriages fail and others are a success, but at the end of the day You make work what you want to work. I’ve never been thru a divorce and from what I’ve seen and heard it’s very painful. I can’t see anyone going into a marriage looking for a divorce. Then again I take that back since I’ve been asked to sign a prenup by Mr when we get married just incase we get a divorce.

By DasV (yea, its me)

November 2, 2007 2:19 PM | Link to this

translator thank you so much for your posts. i agree with and appreciate what you had to say on a real level…. i would just add for us womens, learn to accept headship….now. you dont have to have a man in the house to learn to concede to a greater authority. we all have to follow the rules at some point,…. maybe at work if our attire or speech does not conform with policy. or when we have to submit to bags being searched before entering a public event. or something as simple as how we choose to handle the employee that messed up our order.

we can start now, in anticipation for the future ‘law of the husband’ that we will be under in a successful marriage.

By elaine

November 2, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

I don’t know about any 5 or 7 year itch. I have been married twice. The first time for 17 years. We had 3 children, one right after the other. I was a homemaker for the first 13 years. He was my best friend and soul mate. He was from a family where domestic violence was the norm. After our 2nd child was born he had been drinking got angry at me and hit me. He swore it would never happen again. It didn’t, for 14 years. Then he beat me so badly I could not stay. I ask him to go to counceling but he refused.

I missed my best friend and my soul mate. Sometimes I still have things I wish I could discuss with my best friend.

I remarried 7 years later, I love my husband very much. We have been married for 9 years. But I don’t have the same sense of knowing that this person is my soul mate. There has been no 5 year or 7 year itch, I will most likly spend the rest of my life with him.

I believe todays society has made divorce to easy and young couples go into a marriage with the idea that if they don’t like it, or if they meet someone they like better they can just get a divorce. That is not the way it is suppose to be.

By For Real

November 2, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

A-Red You can’t mirror someone else’s marriage. Marriage is like everyone of us, different.

It’s like this Slim uses alot and I mean alot of baby powder for medicinal reasons you might not use baby powder at all. See different but it works for the both of you.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

November 2, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this

ARed Is anyone really happily married? Did any of you married folks see any successful marriages growing up? I have wondered the same thing about marriages. I have talked to more people that seem unhappy in marriages as of lately. For myself, I have seen nothing but successful marriages. My ex and I both came fron two parent households, parents been together for 25+ yrs. Now I also had both sets of grandparents and all of my aunts & uncles still married, yet he didnt.

Rev Ike I agree with you when you talk about God being in a relationship. With my marriage, we tried to control when God should be in it and when he shouldnt. But even more than that, WE made all our decisions and in the end God sat back and said “you have done it your way, now lets do it my way, let ME help you”. I dont think that couples marriages fail b/c God wasnt in it, I think they can fail b/c they try to control the relationship without consulting with God first and then doing what they want. Looking back on it, if I had been listening to God, I wouldnt have married my husband. I felt that God told me in many ways that my ex was not the mate He had chosen for me. However I wanted what I wanted and now I am divorced.

Hotlanta I agree with you and to me you and Rev Ike are syaing the same thing. Sounds like you are talking about situations in which God guides you to what may seem like unconventional solutions (i.e, leaving your marriage or whatever). I totally agree, the Lord wont put more on you than you can bear, but you have to listen for his guidance and assurance as well.

WHEW! now….For Real…its friday and I ams still waiting on a song. You are slippin! Do I need to find a replacement??? :-)

By Charlie

November 2, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

For Real,

You right Dude, there’s nothing else I can say about that.

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this

For Real, my point wasn’t saying that you can mirror someone’s marriage. No one can teach you to be married, just like no one can teach to to be a parent. What good examples can do is equip you to see different facets and make more informed decisions.

By kimmie

November 2, 2007 2:33 PM | Link to this

For Real - I respect your opinion. But what if you can’t have children? Or say you can conceive, but having a baby puts your health at risk, so you possibly won’t be here to raise the child. Or, you don’t have the money to adopt. Or you are a person of poor character(murderer, pedophile, etc). Should a person like that be able to reproduce or adopt? I have what I think is one of the greatest bosses in the world who is also a cancer survivor. His wife suffered from health issues that made it impossible for her to conceive naturally. They made the decision to not have children. You may call him selfish, but as I said, he and all that work for him agree he’s the greatest boss in the world. He is a Christian also, and I’m not saying he has never lied because he is human, but I’ve also never met a person more honest. I thank God everyday that I can come to work and do my job and not be stressed out by a crazy boss. So as I said, while I respect your opinion, everything is not cut and dried.

By Hotlanta

November 2, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this

So Oprah or other people doesn’t have the right NOT to want kids. You act as if havings kids is one of the easiest jobs in the world. That is probably one of the reasons why Brittany is freaking out now because she sees how kids really change your life. That is why SOME people are killing their kids because they are caught in a cute fantasy and in reality they can’t deal with it. I would rather for a person who are honest and want kids not to have them, than for someone to fake the funk to try to please society and have them. That is how a lot of kids get abused but no one wants to talk about it. Who wrote the book and said EVERYONE is SUPPOSED to have a child anyway. If a person doesn’t want a child and dosen’t have them that not being selfish that is called being a responsible adult. So if a person wanted to have a baby and can’t have them are they being punished. If Lady didn’t have a dime she will still be Lady O and she will still have her legacy because she has done enough good in this world. Do you think the Bounty Hunter wants his son to exist after he turned that N-Word tape on him yesterday. Yeah he is sharing his father’s legacy with rest of the world. A legacy is not about money.

By Staceye

November 2, 2007 2:41 PM | Link to this

For Real as a person who deos not want children…it not selfish that I do not have the longing to put my body through pregnancy and the after effects. It’s also not selfish if I don’t want the responsibilty of other person’s well being. I love my life and freedom to come and go as I please. I love to travel and enojy myself. Children bring some joy….not me. I like the babies…they are cute. But then they grow up and the cuteness wears off and they become irritating. I can’t send my child away when the cuteness wears off..well there is boarding school..but what’s the point? Unlike some selfish people, they bring a child into the world and then realize it not as fun as they thought and that child suffers. Trust me..its no fun thinking that you are the abortion that should have been…or the accident that mom decided to keep but resented later. That is a horrible feeling….even if you tell the child they were planned. But if you do not feel that you could properly care for a child or love a child without causing them mental scars…then you should not have them. Just because you have a functioning uterus….does not mean you should be a mother. If that’s the case…the drug addicted babies were just results of a woman doing what she is supposed to do…leave a legacy…crack addicted or not!

By alvin

November 2, 2007 2:44 PM | Link to this

Hotlanta can I buy you a drink ma?

I am just happy with my one…He may live to 18, LOL

By Corbin

November 2, 2007 2:46 PM | Link to this

Question for the ladies … the fellas can answer too if yall feel like it: What are your thoughts on prenumps?

By Velonese

November 2, 2007 2:47 PM | Link to this

Has media-enhanced instant-gratification warped our understanding of marriage? Of dating?

You think? I mean seriously if your asking yourself this question, just go ahead and hang up your dating boots. Media has warped almost every aspect of our lives since I can remember. Majority, almost all people are controlled by this in this counrty. Friction between races, religions, and way of life have always been manipulated by the media.

Its all rather sad, but I don’t feel sorry for one person, sheep blindly following their Media Sheppard’s and trends deserve their follies its the only way they will ever learn.

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 2:50 PM | Link to this

For Real, just when I give you props you make me snatch them away.

Oprah’s legacy will live on after she’s gone. She’s done more for children in this world than many parents do for their one or two offspring.

It’s foolish to think your legacy lives on only through your children. So I guess the only notable thing Martin and Malcolm left were their sperm deposits (children) on this earth. I dont’ think so. And not one of their offspring has made a bigger impact on our lives than their fathers.

By melo

November 2, 2007 2:51 PM | Link to this

I am hitting Strokkers tonite, lyfe is good.Who is going?

By For Real

November 2, 2007 2:52 PM | Link to this

Okay Mo this song is for all the people think about breakup:

Everybody claims that they want the best things outta life, (ha) but not everyone, not everyone wanna got through the toils and strifes.

Like this particular fella, walks around all day long singin’ this song sha na lah dah dah lah dah dah dah dah

Harry Hippie, lies asleep in the shade, life don’t bug him cause he thinks he’s got it made.

Oooops

I wanna dedicate this song to the lovers of the world tonight. And I expect that might be the whole world, ‘cause everybody needs somebody or something to love.

When it’s cold outside, who are you holding? You know, if y’all don’t mind, I’d like to talk about this woman of mine. She’s always complaining about me never being at home. But when I’m there broke, She’s telling about the things that her girlfriends got what she ain’t got. And she wants to go out and get it for her brother. But, girl, I can’t be in two places at one time.

If you think you’re lonely now, huh, Wait until tonight, girl. (If you think you’re lonely now,) I’ll be long gone, (You just wait until tonight, girl.) And you’ll never find another man that’ll treat you right. (If you think you’re lonely now,) But I ain’t there to rub your back. (Wait until tonight, girl.) Just remember I made it a long fight.

When the skeletons come out of your closet, And they chase you all around the room, And the memories sail on like a ghost, And mess you around with a sad long tune.

Ahhhhh. If you think you’re lonely now, Aw, wait until tonight, girl. (If you think you’re lonely now,) I’ll be long gone, (You just wait until tonight, girl.) And you’ll never find another man that’ll treat you right. (If you think you’re lonely now,) If you think you’re lonely now, Wait, wait, until tonight, girl.

Oh, ain’t it funny how tables can turn When things aren’t going your way. But when love walks out and the pain walks in, You weep and still you wanna say… Oooooh.

(If you think you’re lonely now,) Lord, help me. (Wait until tonight, girl.) I feel like I wanna testify. If you think you’re lonely now, Girl, wait until tonight. If you think you’re lonely, lonely, lonely now, (Wait until tonight, girl.) Aw, you just wait until tonight, girl. If you think you’re lonely now, Wait until tonight, girl.

You see, tonight’s the night for when your needs come out, When your needs come out to breathe. And you toast the stars, And there ain’t no way you can sleep. Ooooooooh.

(If you think you’re lonely now,) If you think you’re lonely now… (Wait until tonight, girl.) I feel like I wanna testify this evening. (If you think you’re lonely now,) I’m lonely, ‘cause I know I got a baby that’s born, Girl, I just take her home. (Wait until tonight, girl.) (If you think you’re lonely now,) Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, oooh. Oh, girl, you just wait. (Wait until tonight, girl.) (If you think you’re lonely now,) If you think you got problems now, baby, you just wait, Wait until tonight, girl.

(If you think you’re lonely now,) Too far gone. (Wait until tonight, girl.) I got to pack it up now. (If you think you’re lonely now,) Ooooooooh, oooooooh, hooooo, hooooo, hooo, baby. (Wait until tonight, girl.) You say you’re a little lonely, (If you think you’re lonely now,) But everybody needs somebody to love. (Wait until tonight, girl.) (If you think you’re lonely now,) It’s good to know that you got somebody that’ll stand by your side, But I’ll build you up when you’re falling down. (Wait until tonight, girl.) And you had that someone, baby, (If you think you’re lonely now,) ‘Cause I done my time. (Wait until tonight, girl.) And it’s your turn now. (If you think you’re lonely now,) If you think you’re lonely now, (Wait until tonight, girl.) Wait, wait until tonight. (If you think you’re lonely now,) I’m tired, tired of the same old, sick and tired. (Wait until tonight, girl.) It’s been too long (If you think you’re lonely now,) To think we can start all over again. It’s been too long (Wait until tonight, girl.) To think we can start all over, start all over again.

By Jazzyone

November 2, 2007 2:53 PM | Link to this

Cornin want him to sign one…and I would be happy to sign one as well.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 2:55 PM | Link to this

those brit boys are bringing the soul back…check this

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8ouI5KcyHfE

By Jazzyone

November 2, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this

Corbin I would want him to sign one to protect myself as well as what my parents have built as entrepreneurs …and I would be happy to sign one as well if he likes.

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this

Corbin, I go back and forth on the pre-nup thing. Asking me today, I’ll say I’m against it.

By me 2(formally purple lace)

November 2, 2007 2:57 PM | Link to this

Corbin I think prenup is a predestination for divorce. You’re already planning a divorce before the marriage. To some it may be just a contract protecting one’s assest as said by Mr, but I see it as a receipe for a divorce. As I told Mr I refuse to sign a prenup. I have just as much to lose as well. My emotions and my sanity means much more than material goods.

By mqew

November 2, 2007 2:58 PM | Link to this

MO - “you have done it your way, now lets do it my way, let ME help you”

Exactly! Divorce it prominent because this statement never happens.

By Hotlanta

November 2, 2007 2:58 PM | Link to this

For Real since you love kids so much. How many kids the ones that don’t have homes have you adopted? How many kids have you helped and I don’t mean at Xmas time when we get a name off the Angel Tree and go to BigLots and get a coupla of toys as if we have done somethings. Kids need stuff all year round 7 days a week. Alvin stop. I bet Dog right about now wanna put his son 6 feet under. He act as if Oprah feels real bad about getting on HER plane and she doesn’t to strap a baby in a car seat. Ain’t nobody trying to have no baby hanging on their breasts all day. PLEASE stop the madness.

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 2:59 PM | Link to this

What are your thoughts on prenumps? i don’t have a problem with one.

By Jazzyone

November 2, 2007 3:00 PM | Link to this

To protect what my parents have built for my family as entrepreneurs and to protect myself as well.

By BLAT

November 2, 2007 3:06 PM | Link to this

To answer your question, Corbin… Honestly, it’s probably fiscally wise to sign a prenup, especially if one person brings substantially more financially to the table than the other.

However, my realistic side says A: they don’t hold up well in court if she’s got a good lawyer, and B: If I felt like I needed a prenup to marry a woman, she’s probably the wrong woman.

By Rev Ike

November 2, 2007 3:08 PM | Link to this

@ Staceye poor child you really need healing you are more hurt that i realized. Come in this back room and kneel.The good Rev Ike still being a man and of the flesh thinks to himself Staceyes mouth and chin is built for deep throating

By RELL

November 2, 2007 3:19 PM | Link to this

for the soul lovers…WOW..nice mix under juxbox link

http://www.daptonerecords.com/

By For Real

November 2, 2007 3:21 PM | Link to this

A-Red I agree with you

Kimmie We were talking about people that choose not to have kids. As far as people with poor character who gets to decide that a person has poor character? God put that killer or poor character person here for a reason. If that person has a child, then God wanted that child here for His plans. Life is more black & white than you think. We are the ones the add the grey because of our selfishness.

Hot Okay I don’t think you read my post. I never said you don’t have the right to do anything. I never said having children was easy. Nothing in this life is easy. Brittany’s troubles started long before her kids arrived. Hell here kids will probably save her life. It gives her something to live for and it gives her life meaning. People that kill their kids were sick long before they had children. But if you want to use that as a reason for not having kids that your right. Where in my post did I say anything about what society expects from you? I simply said choosing not to have a child is selfish. You are right no one wrote a book and said you must have a child but I’m pretty sure Bible (a book) said that married people should be fruitful. Choosing when to have child is call responsibilty. Choosing not to have a child is selfish. Again, I was talking about people that choose not to have children. My didn’t say anything about not being able nor did my post say anything about being punished. I simply said Oprah’s legacy will run out when her money does. Bloodline run wayyyy longer than money ever will. Yeah I’m pretty sure the Hunter wanted to kill his son but how can he went he was the one that raised him with those money values. Lastly again, I don’t think you read my post. My post was all about legacy not being about money.

By kimmie

November 2, 2007 3:27 PM | Link to this

Bella - Is anyone else experiencing problems with the blog? When I go to refresh, some of the prior posts have disappeared.

By DuShawn

November 2, 2007 3:32 PM | Link to this

For Real First of all I’m feeling the Bobby Womack. Secondly, your 1:32 comment said a lot.“…when was the last time you actually put some time in thinking of a way to make your wife smile.” That’s really the key to a successful marriage. Unfortunately, it’s hard to make her smile, when you feel like punching her in her shyt. When marriage is hard, it’s a vicious cycle. Everyone’s angry, spiteful and vindictive. That’s when you have to remind yourself of why you fell in love with her in the first place. Even if you have to pretend, create a home environment of peace and love. The main goal is to stop the negativity. Charlie I understand where you’re at with the church folks. I’m no saint. As a matter a fact, I will probably break almost every commandment tonight. However, I do believe the creator must be an integral part of any successful union. Iyanla Vanzant, in her book Everyday I Pray, has a Prayer for the Married Couple. Find it, read it, post it on your refrigerator and bedroom mirror. Not only will those words provide comfort and guidance, It will also indicate to your lady, at least he’s trying.

By Foots

November 2, 2007 3:33 PM | Link to this

Such good comments today from For Real, Rell, Mo, melo, Tazzee and others!

Corbin Honestly, I’m split about prenups. I can see where they may be necessary to protect assets, but I can also see how that can be seen as “preparing for the end”. I think that if I ever agree to one, it would have to be with someone who was as conflicted about it as I am, and with the attitude of “I’m just worried about protecting what I got”.

By Foots

November 2, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this

Oh, that should have said “and NOT with the attitude of “I’m just worried about protecting what I got”.

By elaine

November 2, 2007 3:37 PM | Link to this

If you read these comments, the majority of them will indicate the reason most relationships today do not last. No one takes them seriously. As I said before most people today go into a marriage with the idea if I don’t like it, or if I see someone I like better, I can just walk away. They do not have any real commitment to making a marriage work. It is so sad.

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 3:39 PM | Link to this

Boo…I really want to get a baked potato from Jason’s Deli, but I’m trying to stick to this daggone blackout thing. LOL

By Beautiful

November 2, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this

As a matter a fact, I will probably break almost every commandment tonight. i love how u live on the edge.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 3:48 PM | Link to this

@elaine….cosign!!

@ar..dayum the blackout..another media hype thing..why not direct that same energy to opening new black own business in our community…how about that..versus a one day boycott…now what..misguided..because tommorrow you still going to the india gas station, the white run walgreens, india run blockbuster…but yea i forget the black owned liquor store…

By Hotlanta

November 2, 2007 3:51 PM | Link to this

You still have not answered my question. What is selfish about not wanting a baby? Why is it that we live our lives and say we have choices but when we make a choice about what WE want to do other people freak out. Since you so want everybody to have a baby. Have you written your congress person about lowering daycare rate/better schools from K-graduation. What about night daycare for the parents who have to work at night. Everyone doesn’t work a 9-5:00pm. Did you write a letter to Bush when he vetoed insurance for the KIDS. What about counseling for women who have post-pardon depression after they have a baby. Where they want appear to be a freak when folks tell them this should be the happiest day of their lives. This is the real world not some commerical on television with harps in the background.

By kimmie

November 2, 2007 3:51 PM | Link to this

For Real - We agree to disagree, because, like others here, I still don’t see what is wrong to choose to not have kids. My boss & his wife can’t naturally conceive, but they could have done so artificially. They chose not to. To me, that’s a grey, not black & white. And you ask, who gets to decide if a person has poor character - how did you get to decide if a person is selfish or not because they make an adult decision? You talk about what the Bible says - suppose you don’t believe in the Bible? See, I decide this is all grey. Hot & Staceye made some compelling points. Also,a child whose pedophile daddy abused them may be less inclined to reproduce, and if they made that choice, their life experiences are what may dictate it, no matter how many Bibles they read or counseling they partake in.

By Foots

November 2, 2007 3:52 PM | Link to this

I wish I could get started on that Blackout thing, but this is the dating forum and y’all don’t want to read a post two miles long on the topic.

By Corbin

November 2, 2007 3:53 PM | Link to this

It should be of no surprise since more women are becoming homeowners and starting to bring this and other financial assets to the table that they are embracing the concept of a pre-nup. It may seem unromantic but from a my personal male perspective, I would not be offended if a woman asked me to sign one. Why? Because I don’t want another person’s shyt like that for one thing… I can come up by other means.

By For Real

November 2, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this

2E’s All your reasons for not having a child point back to your selfishness. Count how many times you said I.

A-Red First you are an Indian giver. 2nd read what I said about Oprah. I said when her money runs out so will her legacy. I never said kids are your only legacy. If not for Martin and Malcolm’s kids we would only mention their names in Feburary. So, who do you think they were fighting for? You or so that their kids would have a better life?

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this

Rell, I can lend one day of support for a cause I think makes sense. I don’t see why you couldn’t do both, how much energy does it take not to spend money for a day? You can still channel that energy into entreprenuership.

By melo

November 2, 2007 3:56 PM | Link to this

Thanks Dushawn,Foots FoReal i liked ur comments too on the marriage and selfish stuff u referenced.Raqi, good point.Beutiful, yeah liked that too. Those not married yet, but looking, dont lose heart.There are good people out there who value the institution of marriage and want to be in it for selfless(not me reasons). For me,and my kids and wife, for the most part, its good.Once u mentally accept the responsibility of marriage,u accept the challenges it brings, good or bad. Matter of fact, she just called,’baby, u want me to cook?’Said ‘no’, im gonna pass by the British pub and get me the Fish and Chips! Nothing out there that i really want(female wise), that i cant get at home!

By Foots

November 2, 2007 4:02 PM | Link to this

Corbin I would not be offended if a woman asked me to sign one. Why? Because I don’t want another person’s s&^% like that for one thing… I can come up by other means.

Okay, so what if you told her that? You said to her “Baby, I don’t want what you came into this marriage with. I can come up by other means.” And she said “Okay, baby, I believe you. Now here, sign this so that the courts believe you too.” Would you be offended because she failed to trust and have faith in your word?

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 4:09 PM | Link to this

For Real, LOL @ indian giver. You made me. LOL

Second, we’ll agree to disagree on the legacy thing. I think legacy’s can live on once the money runs out. Plenty of people can step in and continue the work of someone like Oprah long after she’s gone. And with the legacy she leaves, her money will probably be the only thing left at the end of the world…along with the roaches. LOL

By DuShawn

November 2, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed I’m Happily Married…..well for today anyway…lol My biological parents have been married for 48 years. They live ten minutes from me. I’ve seen a successful, loving, nurturing union my entire life. However, they still get on each other’s nerves and often get mad, but they never stop loving one another. That’s the thing. If love, not joint assets or credit scores, is the foundation, you can withstand the tough times. I’ve heard it said that finances, or lack there of, is one of the main contributors to failed marriages. Often times, as adults, when money is tight we become bill battered and worry ridden. If not recognized, this troubled state of mind will infiltrate your relationship, and drive a couple apart when they need each other the most. However, if you rely on the two true pillars of matrimony, love and God, you can see it through. Melo I agree with you. When it’s all said and done, I’m happy with where I am on my journey. Marriage isn’t easy, but for me, it’s better than the alternative. Let me tell you, at the end of a hard day, when the world has kicked my azz, there is nothing like the warmth, comfort and security of my wife’s peanut butter thighs.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

November 2, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

On the kids thing: I dont think that a person that chooses not to have kids is wrong or selfish. If you know that you have no desire whatsoever to be a parent then dont punish that child by bringing them into the world. Every woman that can bear a child is not automatically parent material. Its just as unfair to say women that cant bear children arent meant to have them (maybe not through their own bodies but they could be great parents). I feel the decision not to have children is a mature one. It makes no sense for me to stand on the outside lookin in and tell you “You should have a child, you are being selfish if you dont”. I dont know your reasons for not wanting to have a child. If you are meant to be a parent then you will be one, God has a plan for us all and no one can deny that. I used to think that I would never have children, my desire didnt seem to match that of my friends. I didnt have the typical dreams most girls has (so I was told). I didnt dream about my wedding, my house and what the kids would look like and all that. My thoughts were graduate from high school, graduate from college and then get a great job and livbe happily ever after. Somewhere along the line, God’s plan derailed mine and now I have a baby. Wouldnt trade him for anything but I am not having anymore either.

By RELL

November 2, 2007 4:16 PM | Link to this

@ar..lol..ok lady, you missed my point of course i am down with the ban..i ate breakfast at kings this morning..for lunch i went to sunshine’s for some carib food….for dinner i will prolly hit up ceybons or kings again..and will get my haircut at big boys..all blacked owned business..and to keep it all the way real..i will party tonight at dudleys…BLACK OWNED..but my point is that folks go for the sugar instead of the ish first…or let me say they go for the glory first instead of addressing the real problem…smh.

By BennyB

November 2, 2007 4:18 PM | Link to this

Corbin, it’s foolish actually stupid to think about getting married without a prenuptial financial agreement. All those people talking against it have health and medical insurance. Are they planning to get sick or committing suicide? Is having a home insurance planning for fire or flood? Emotions can be wrong and they got nothing to do with financial wealth. With 50% of divorce, you have to be as crazy as Sir Paul McCartney to avoid a prenuptial. If someone love you not your money why in the heaven a prenuptial will be a problem? It’s a red flag if someone you plan to merry start controlling you on your wealth and how you want to protect it.

By Hotlanta

November 2, 2007 4:18 PM | Link to this

Mo before I roll up outta here. God doesn’t always talk to us in our brain in a whisper he speaks to us loud and clear with action and shows us things staring us right in our face. When God is showing me something he is talking to me then to leave and don’t worry I got this. That way I know the man ain’t playing. That is all of the assurance I need.

By Foots

November 2, 2007 4:18 PM | Link to this

melo Sounds like you have had a lot of success in your marriage. That’s encouraging. Make sure you take her something home from the pub in case she’s a little hungry when you get home!

Off topic Since it’s almost the end of the day, I’ll just say this about the Blackout: I’m with Rell. My personal opinion is that the scope is too broad and the action does not tie to the effect they would like to achieve. If it was just one particular business or sector that I could tie an injustice to, (like what happened with Cracker Barrel, Denny’s, a particular gas company, etc.) then yes, I would be happy to support. But it doesn’t make sense to me HOW this will change the mindset of those who interpret the laws. The way I view it, this is a fight against mindset, not against business.

And anyway, it was thrown together too fast. If our people can’t figure out why it’s happening and haven’t heard of it, you can be sure that the people whose pockets we’re supposed to hurt have no knowledge of it, don’t care, and won’t even notice. This is the ONE time I can actually agree with Frank Ski. If someone can tell me how an attempt at a minor financial impact can change the minds of the people who make up the Justice Department, to coerce them into differences in law interpretation and enforcement, I’d rethink my position gladly.

and it was only 1 mile, not 2…

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 4:20 PM | Link to this

Mo, you can’t say God’s plan derailed your original thoughts and then say you aren’t having anymore kids! You know who is gonna decide that for you then, right? LOL

By For Real

November 2, 2007 4:22 PM | Link to this

Hot Are even reading my post? You are on another topic all together. You are ranting on about things I never said but to answer your question, yes I do help children as much as I can. Every year I give a student graduating from my high school a $500 scholarship. Yeah it ain’t much but it’s what I can do. No haven’t adopted any kids bc I have two of my own but I do choose two boys each year that I sponsor all year long. So, the questions isn’t how much I love kids it’s how much do you love them? But again, that was not what my post was about.

Kimmie That’s cool but if you are going to support the reasoning for not having kids because of the evil that’s in the world, how do you explain leaving your home everyday? I never said your choice was wrong or right. I simply stated if you chose not to have children it was for selfish reasons. I think you are getting caught up in Hot’s rant about another topic. Again, you keep bring up your boss and his wife. Why? They didn’t have a say as whether they could or could not have children. So they are not relevant to the what I said. Oh and defining a person’s character is a matter of opinion. Defining Selfish is in the dictionary.

Webster defines selfish as: : (1) concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others (2): arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of others (3): being genetic material solely concerned with its own replication

By RELL

November 2, 2007 4:29 PM | Link to this

@AR..i wonder if you can name that many black own business that you go to before this ban…lol….lets take out the hair salon and start from there….

By me 2(formally purple lace)

November 2, 2007 4:30 PM | Link to this

BB*If someone love you not your money why in the heaven a prenuptial will be a problem?* because you don’t love them as much as you love your money that’s why.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

November 2, 2007 4:33 PM | Link to this

ARed I can say that I am not having anymore kids, meaning if you ask me and its totally up to me then no I wont have anymore. Of course I know that if God plans it for me then I will have 12 more. I recognize that, but again if you ask me, alone, then I would say no.

Hotlanta you are right, God speaks to us all in different ways. Listening to HIM (acknowlegde the red flags or whatever) is what we have to do.

RELL C’est Bons is closed sweetie, sorry.

By DuShawn

November 2, 2007 4:33 PM | Link to this

On the subject of Pre Nups If you don’t trust her and you have real bread, make her sign it. We were broke when we got married, so it wasn’t an issue. On the decision to have children: if it’s part of the creators plan for you to have kids, you will. My sister didn’t have her first child until she was 40.

By Lady J

November 2, 2007 4:34 PM | Link to this

Hey Good People!!!! J is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYY to be on line FINALLLLYYYYYYYYY!!!!

WOW!!! I missed the internet…I fell and broke my ankle in two places….Had surgery and been on crutches without my laptop….Got it now!!! This happen last week and I hoping I can return to work the 12th…It is not fun being home!!!! Anyway the blog has been in my thoughts…Will surely be blogging next week!!!!

Everyone have a great weekend!!! Het FOOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 4:35 PM | Link to this

No Rell, I got your point. And since I have no desire to be a business owner, I’m going to be a worker bee for those who are actually trying to accomplish SOMETHING instead of sitting on their azz knocking other’s efforts.

Folks are so cynical and rather pick action plans apart instead of participating and seeing what impact, if any, could actually be made. No one ever said that this blackout was a long term solution for anything. But maybe if there is some kind of blip on the financial radar folks can realize that we can make a difference with a bigger boycott, for a longer amount of time. I was thinking about the Montgomery Bus Boycott and how it would never work in 2007 because too many cynics would be doing nothing but complaining about how it won’t work.

Glad you supported black owned businesses today tho.

By melo

November 2, 2007 4:37 PM | Link to this

ThanksFoots, in fact we had our battles, especially early on when we lived together as singles.But we all wanted marriage and believed in getting married for lyfe. So we soldiered on and got counseling.Not from commercial folks(i dont like& believe in those), but from family elders we admire,look up to and would trust with our personal stuff. I have manly issues that i have to deal with myself and so does everybody. But we focus on the prize(our marriage), our kids and our extended family and yes God. I entrust my wife with running the budget at home and keeping it warm and supplied. I get up, so does she, to go to work and work on improving myself in my career, 401k, savings and investments and business(in 5 years).When u communicate and foster common goals and not focus on running the mouth and trashing ur mate to friends, family etc, but running a tight ship, marriage is bliss!

By Corbin

November 2, 2007 4:37 PM | Link to this

@Foots … Yes I would sign it.

By Tazzee

November 2, 2007 4:38 PM | Link to this

I’ve chimed in on the legacy thing before. If I mentor and a young man/woman is a better productive citizen because of that - that is legacy. I don’t have any children running around with my beautiful smile, but there are quite a few folks that inherited my spirit, character and integrity. So I started building my legacy a long time ago.

And children can mess up your legacy too - just look at Abernathy.

As far as being fruitful and multiplying, there’s plenty of that going on without me having to chime in.

By Foots

November 2, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this

For Real Webster defines selfish as: : (1) concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others (2): arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of others (3): being genetic material solely concerned with its own replication

Just my thoughts This definition can solve everything. If you choose not to have children because you don’t want to mess up your body, your time, your life and your happiness, you are thinking of yourself only, and I believe those are selfish reasons. If you choose not to have children because you know in your heart that you will not be able to provide for them the kind of life you know they deserve, or because they may be born with a prevalent genetic disorder if you’re too old to have them safely, or if you know you won’t be around to raise them if you’re terminally ill, etc, you’re thinking of the child’s future, and I think that’s unselfish.

By Foots

November 2, 2007 4:41 PM | Link to this

HEY LADY J!!! I’m sorry about your accident. Hope you’re feeling much better.

By Tazzee

November 2, 2007 4:41 PM | Link to this

And For Real if you look at #3 of your definition - it’s selfish to WANT to have a baby, LOL - you’re so concerned with replicating yourself. I really had to LOL when I read that one…

By kimmie

November 2, 2007 4:42 PM | Link to this

For Real - Like I said, we agree to disagree. I agree that selfishness is not a positive trait, the way you cut & dried it and tied it to liars seemed judgemental & self-rightous, all not positive traits either. Marriage and bringing life into the world IMO are extremely serious decisions that should not be entered into lightly. The emotional effects are lasting. You operate according to your beliefs and religion and others operate according to theirs. That does not make either party right or wrong. The God I worship made us all different. Differences should be respected.

By Lady J

November 2, 2007 4:45 PM | Link to this

Hey **MO!!! Meant HEY FOOTS!!!!:)

By DuShawn

November 2, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

I entrust my wife with running the budget Melo I tried that before. My wife wasn’t working at the time. I would spend my weekly allocation and have to ask her for more of my own bread. Hell naw….that shyt was humiliating and emasculating. We had to have a family meeting and changed that.

By BennyB

November 2, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

For Real, I have to disagree with you, choosing not to have children (not for any other reason mental or health) is not selfishness, its pure insecurity.

By Poppa Grande

November 2, 2007 4:49 PM | Link to this

I agree with Foots about the blackout. if we spend more on the 1st or 3rd, it evens out their bottom line anyway.

I have just supported more black businesses today instead. Lunch was in the West End at Taste of Carribean. Dinner will be at the Busy Bee.

As for the topic, I have been married for 6+ years. It hasn’t always been easy but as someone said earlier you gotta try to make that spouse smile. As Chris Rock put it….”turn that old “kitty” into new “kitty”.

Prime example was about a month ago. I went to the FAMU/Tennessee State game with guys. After the game, we went to Taco Mac at Lindbergh to chill. While hanging out, she gives me a call asking when I will I come home and such. Whe I leave I give her a call.

When I get home, she asks me to come to the back because she needed help with something. To my surprise, she was in the office wearing a referee’s jersey and nothing else. It was something that she had never done before. We’ve known each other for 8 years.

By Tazzee

November 2, 2007 4:49 PM | Link to this

Welcome back Lady J - praying for your speedy recovery. Although I don’t know why you’re in a rush to get back to work, LOL.

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 4:50 PM | Link to this

Very cute, Rell. I bet you don’t know me. And since you don’t, you don’t know what I do and don’t support.

By Foots

November 2, 2007 4:50 PM | Link to this

Amazon I was thinking about the Montgomery Bus Boycott and how it would never work in 2007 because too many cynics would be doing nothing but complaining about how it won’t work.

If Marta decided today that all black folks had to ride on the last two cars of every train, you better believe that a boycott would work. People deciding to find alternate ways of transportation would hurt Marta, and they would lose a LOT of money. They would be forced to change their policy if they wished to remain in business. This logic makes sense to me, and many others. It demonstrates how a direct action can have a direct effect for a change, and it would be visible, widespread, and felt very quickly.

A general boycott against ALL business under the general umbrella of justice doesn’t make sense to me. If we do something, it needs to be a punch in the gut, something direct, focused, well-advertised, and something where the financial impact can be easily measured. This “movement” didn’t even take the time to find out what that particular “something” would be. Once we find that “something”, I’ll be first in line on the front lines.

By Corbin

November 2, 2007 4:50 PM | Link to this

Honestly it does sicken me to see anybody inherit someone’s previously established fortune through a simple divorce … that’s cheap.

By abc

November 2, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this

I insisted on a prenup to protect my fiancee’s assets. She didn’t earn them herself; I don’t want them to intrude upon our lives. Either I make enough for us, or I don’t, but that money has not to do with anything in my life.

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this

Mo, Okay, I see what you meant.

Lady J - OUCH. Welcome back.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

November 2, 2007 4:54 PM | Link to this

HEY LADY J

By Lady J

November 2, 2007 4:55 PM | Link to this

Hey Tazzee!!! Thanks Darling and I am at my mom’s bless her heart she is taking care of me and my sis has twins and a three yr old and I have my 2yr old and I am like Whew!!! Thank God she keeps our kids while we work but I could not do it!!! I would rather be at work any day!!! LOL

By AmazonRed

November 2, 2007 5:01 PM | Link to this

Foots, I see your point on why you chose to not support. And I’m not knocking your for not doing so. However, this was widely publicized for to folks who do more than listen to V103. I also believe that just because the parameters didn’t fit into certain folks boxes about the best way to go about this, doesn’t mean that it wasn’t worth a try.

Agree to disagree.

By Lady J

November 2, 2007 5:02 PM | Link to this

Thanks AR!!!! The pain is beyond words!!!!!