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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > November > 01
Thursday, November 1, 2007
The root of the matter
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The qualification I hear mentioned most from women looking for a man is that he have… (say it with me now) a good job. And sometimes I know my male friends feel pressured, as if they have to be doctors or lawyers to date a nice woman. What about my friends who are landscapers or waiters? Are those considered good jobs? Does a “good” job mean you make a lot of money, have a lot of prestige, or both? What qualifies as a “good” job?
My thoughts about the whole J-O-B qualification were tested last month when one of my friends approached me about beginning a serious relationship. There are a lot of things I like about this man—his quirkiness, his compassion and his thoughtfulness. But he doesn’t have a job.
And here’s the plot twist—it’s because he’s got a trust fund. A big, fat, lump of money sitting in a high-interest account just getting larger. So who needs to work when you’re already wealthy, right?
Well, that’s not exactly what I thought. In fact, I realized that the root of the matter is not just having a job; there are other things I associate with not working long-term—laziness, lack of leadership, lack of discipline, lack of energy or effort. It’s not about the money—it’s about the qualities I associate with people who can and do support themselves. Maybe if this man displayed those qualities, unemployment wouldn’t seem like such a big deal. But because I don’t see them in him, it makes me think that a job can indeed be a representation of those characteristics.
Women, we’ve touched on the job issue before. But my question to you now is a little different. Would it be a no-brainer for you to date someone who is independently wealthy who didn’t have a job (read: you think I’m the biggest idiot ever)?
Additionally, is it OK for a guy to be lazy (undisciplined, fill-in-your-least-desired-quality-here), because he can afford to be? Do you associate certain qualities with people who work for a living? Does work ethic for men or women transfer into the home?
Would it make a difference if someone inherited money versus, say, developing a patent on something he or she worked on in their late 20s and then living off of the money later in life?
Men, is it equally as important to you to find a woman who makes her own living? Or is it OK for her to be kept by her parents or partners until she marries? Do you associate certain qualities with a woman who does or does not work?
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