AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > October > 29 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USCall it what you want
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The weirdest part of dating for me is the nomenclature of different stages in relationships. For example, when I first moved to the South, I inquired after a couple of people who I noticed had been spending a lot of time together. “They’re talking,” I was told. Talking? “Yes,” someone explained. It’s when someone is in the pre-stages of dating. And it is an official label.
Well, that was news to me.
As I’ve gotten older, the people have matured, but the weird categorization of dating relationships has remained a mystery. Right now I have two friends who are “just getting to know each other” who couldn’t have spent more time last night hugging each other and rubbing each others’ shoulders. And this has been going on for weeks. You can’t convince me that they aren’t into each other. But their official stance: “We’re just getting to know each other.”
And yet, some people who choose to spend the night together wouldn’t even classify themselves as friends, much less lovers or significant others. And of course, there are all sorts of classifications in between.
Have you ever been in an ambiguous relationship? Something that defied classification? Or what about something completely classifiable that you felt was simply…mislabeled by one or both parties?
If your relationships are pretty cut and dried, do you have friends who end up in relationships that are difficult to define? “Allow me to introduce you to Ben, my…er…uh…this is Ben!”
Why does there seem to be such an infinite number of different types of relationships between “friends” and “lovers?” Is calling a relationship what it is really that difficult, or do we make it that way?
Permalink | Comments (228) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Comments
By Beautiful
October 29, 2007 8:29 AM | Link to this
I’m so sleepy……. good morning Bella and Rell.
Guys don’t like labeling. Not the ones I’ve dated anyway. It’s us females who want to put a name to everything. We want to know what’s up now. Guys always want to see how it goes. That’s my 02.
By SlimOne
October 29, 2007 8:42 AM | Link to this
Morning yaaawwwwwn
Hi Beautiful
By Beautiful
October 29, 2007 8:49 AM | Link to this
Wake up gurl? I should have stayed in bed like every1 else……..yaaaaawwwwn.
By Dr. Kym-Relationship Expert
October 29, 2007 8:52 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All,
Have you ever been in an ambiguous relationship? yes
Something that defied classification? No not really-we just simply didnt classify it as anything more than friends
Or what about something completely classifiable that you felt was simply…mislabeled by one or both parties? I have thought that something the guy felt was just friends was something more than that
Is calling a relationship what it is really that difficult, or do we make it that way? I dont think it is difficult because no matter what label you throw on something it is still a relationship. If you are just meeting for drinks and dating around..then you are in a dating relationship..if you are screwing around then it is a sexual relationship. etc.*
I agree with Beautiful that we (women) have a tendency to label things wayyyyy more than men. Men go with the flow if it happens..it happens..if it doesn’t well it happens. We as women have a need to want things define in clear terms…We need the words(label) as proof that this is real. Men on the other hand think “I went to the mall with you didnt I?” I got your oil changed..I ate your cooking what more do you want as proof?”
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 9:01 AM | Link to this
Morning all
waving @bootyful….lol
ummm is this spare tire the remix…lol
all relationships ambiguous…check the divorce rate again…the problem is folks dont respect growth..or let me say know how to accept in there partner….friends should be lovers…some of my best relationships have been with my female friends..for one your friends accept you as is….
By Mo (now known as Moeisha)
October 29, 2007 9:03 AM | Link to this
Mo draggin in, not quite awake..I am like Garfield this morning..I HATE Mondays… I sure could use one more hour of sleep!
BRB…need a Pepsi..STAT!
By Dan
October 29, 2007 9:03 AM | Link to this
Learned this one from a female friend this weekend:
“Exclusive ongoing physically intimate relationship.”
And that’s how she brought it to me. Shout out to the Kenneth Cole Signature!
By SexyLeggs
October 29, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this
Good morning everyone. It’s been so long since I’ve dated that I think I’ll just lurk today. However, I will say that this blog is very scary. The dating scene, as depicted here, is ominous at best. If and when I decide to date and mingle, I think I’ll just date myself and call it a day..LOL.
By Atlanta Pearl Girl
October 29, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this
I think it’s appropriate to just say “This is Mark” or whomever.
No need to go into details.
Atlanta Pearl Girl
By QC
October 29, 2007 9:06 AM | Link to this
Morning!
Have a great day bloggers…..
By Foots
October 29, 2007 9:16 AM | Link to this
Good morning all! Most of my relationships have been pretty cut and dried. Either we were together and knew that we were in a relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend or we were not. In the past, I’ve left it to the guy to let me know that we were official, if we were going to BE a couple, and that happens fairly soon after we start seeing each other (within the first month or two). If he doesn’t assign us a title, I assume that we are just “dating” or “friends”.
By Beautiful
October 29, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this
Atlanta Pearl Girl, i want details. if it’s not clear where we are in the relationship, then he better not even get mad when John, Donte’, Chris, Randy, or Mark calls me. and he better not expect me to be available when he wants to see me or do somethin’. i don’t read minds. communication is extremely important.
By Foots
October 29, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this
Wise It’s funny that you mention the “talking” classification. Maybe it’s a South thing, because that’s how I still classify dudes that I have mostly just talked on the phone to and have met up with a couple of times trying to find some common ground, but it’s not moved to dating yet.
Because I grew up in a small town, you didn’t date, there was no place TO go. You only had one high school so you already knew of everybody who was available to you. “Talking” referred to moving past seeing somebody in the hall and saying hello to actually starting to talk to them on the phone, at school, and outside of school. If that worked out, y’all were a couple, just like that. We never used the term dating, just “talking” and “boyfriend/girlfriend”.
I didn’t know what dating was until after my first relationship ended in Atlanta. I broke up with I was with for two years in college and that weekend, I met someone here and we started “talking” and then we were a couple, just like back home, and stayed together for two years in total. After we broke up, I got my first taste of true ATL dating….and wanted to go back home. :-(
By Dave
October 29, 2007 9:23 AM | Link to this
Seems like all my relationships are ambiguous until there is a commitment.
My labels: Pre-commitment: single - not sleeping with anyone dating - sleeping with friends - may or may not be sleeping or off and on.
Post-Commitment: girlfriend - not sleeping or hanging out with other girls. Still tell close female friends I love them. Fiance - Not telling close female friends I love them, not doing anything that might be misinterpreted.
By 2CPTG©
October 29, 2007 9:25 AM | Link to this
hey y’all…….SexyLeggs, gal I met a cougar this weekend and couldn’t help but think about you…..I think I’m hooked!!….lawd, what have I been missin’!!!!!! ain’t nuttin happen, just the whole aura of it….
By AmazonRed
October 29, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this
It’s funny how some of y’all still can’t tell the difference between BELLA and WiseDiva! LOL.
Well, this topic hits home for me, because all of my relationships have been ambiguous for the last 7 years or so. I listened to men’s complaints that they weren’t into “titles” or that they needed time to be sure. It’s all code for bullshat! No longer am I gonna be the understanding cool chick where he gets what he wants and I’m sitting around waiting for him to “get ready.” This past “relationship” of mine made me realized that even if you meet the family, friends, go on trips, etc, doesn’t mean you are at all special.
So it’s no longer about what they want, it’s all about what I want. Either you’re with me or you’re not! There are plenty of men out there who are ready to tell the world who their woman is with no “confusion.”
*exhales * Whoo sah! That felt better. LOL. Morning all!
By SexyCool
October 29, 2007 10:01 AM | Link to this
*Have you ever been in an ambiguous relationship? *…haven’t we all?
By SexyCool
October 29, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this
i can SO tell the difference between wise and bella…
By binford
October 29, 2007 10:10 AM | Link to this
Hands AmazonRed a paper bag. Breathe darlin, BREATHE!
By 2CPTG©
October 29, 2007 10:20 AM | Link to this
Sexy Cool, give us something to talk about girl…….I’mma stop coming to 4th period lunch, this one is lame….!
By Bella
October 29, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this
Good morning, everyone!
I agree, Beautiful! Men are notorious for not wanting to define a relationship, but lately I’ve run into many women who are the same! Sometimes I think it’s not that they don’t want to define it, but are scared to ask the man in fear that he’ll bolt!
And for the sake of today’s blog, we’re not talking about someone you just met, like, a week ago. Let’s say you’ve known this person/had some sort of relationship with them for at least 6 months!
By Foots
October 29, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this
Okay, fine. I’ll apologize. Sorry Bella. I just read the entry and sometimes I skip the name. Everybody cool?
By kimmie
October 29, 2007 10:26 AM | Link to this
Amazon Red - I so feel you! Don’t matter if you meet the family & friends - doesn’t mean you are special at all. Been there, won’t do it again! Either he’s WITH ME or he’s NOT!
Foots - Did you watch the DOGS Saturday? Was that game not off the chain?!!!! Feels GOOD!!!!!!!
By AmazonRed
October 29, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this
Whoo…thanks binford, got my presha up this morning! LOL.
Foots, it’s all good. You weren’t the only one who makes that mistake. I just find it humorous.
By Em-H
October 29, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this
Snatches paper bag before it’s given to AmazonRed… “What are you handing that to her for? She’s cool… She ain’t snappin on nobody!! She’s having that self worth moment!” Kudos for you sweetheart and hopefully you continue to practice what you preach!
Em-H is the official spokesperson for AmazonRed although in this instance it may seem that way!!
By SexyCool
October 29, 2007 10:36 AM | Link to this
foots…ain’t nobody mad atchu…i was actually just really pointing out that i can tell the difference in wise and bella because of the depth of their topics…
wise writes on a much deeper level…and it’s easily evident that the differences between the two are the result of age, maturity, experience and wisdom…
i’m not knocking bella…she writes from her circle of experience…i just happen to relate with wise better because i have more in common with her as a mid 30’s black woman than i do with bella as a mid 20’s white woman…
our lives are colored from totally different palettes (SP?)…
By Beautiful
October 29, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this
i was in a relationship that just ended last July where i couldn’t meet his kids or family!!! i went ahead with it like a freakin’ idiot because i thought it was a Georgia thang. never again!!! when i left him, he had the nerve to say i kept him behind closed doors. i told him that if i couldn’t see his kids he couldn’t see mine. you started it! lol. so lame. i can’t believe that i was attracted to someone like that.
By binford
October 29, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this
Bella , you’ve never seen the billboards menseekingmarriage.com? ;p
I was dating a girl for about a month and she was begging for a title. I told her I was seeing no one else and that I liked her but could not refer to her as my girlfriend yet, as the title implies a more serious commitment (to me anyway). She harped on it and gave me an ultimatum. Needless to say, she never became my girlfriend.
I know plenty and gals and guys who play the game straight-up. What occurs to me is that people are either afraid to progress in a relationship OR they are keeping their options open.
By Willie Dynamite
October 29, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this
As always a slight tap on da azz to the WLB and dap to the MLB
On-Topic-Not a whole lot to talk about here. I’ll lurk until the convo changes to something a lil betta (not boring).
By Jazzyone11
October 29, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this
Morning ya!..yeah been there before with the ambiguity in relationships, but I have to say in probably 16 yrs yes we do need to define where the relationship is going or ‘at’ in my world becasue I don’t have time for drama etc if he and I aren’t on the same page. If we don’t have that discussion he may assume that I am dating others or seeing others and he would be right. man or woman I think its important at some point to define a relationship and have a convo about it or you are setting yourself up for assumtion and guess work both in which can get your @ss killed….
By SexyLeggs
October 29, 2007 10:49 AM | Link to this
2C, too funny. I’m glad for you. Frankly, you’ve been missing quite a bit. That sensual aura/confidence can be extremely intoxicating. Are you going to call her and take her out, or are you going to leave her alone?
By AmazonRed
October 29, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this
LOL. Thanks Em-H!
binford, your story is a common one (at least from my experiences). Let me ask you this: In that month, were you guys also having sex?
I just find it funny that guys want all the perks of a relationship, but none of the responsibilities. Sex can result in a 18 year sentence (a child) with someone, but yet it’s the title of “girlfriend” that gets mens boxers in a bunch! Baffles my mind. LOL
By Beautiful
October 29, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this
binford, you hit it right on the head keeping their options open.
By Staceye
October 29, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this
Morning all….this is the story of my life since moving to ATL. I feel you ARed…think we’ve been dating the same men? LOL The last guy I dated gave me the “I don’t rush into relationships” crap! I never said let’s move in together or get married…just a relationship. It’s cool to them as long as they can get all the benefits of a relationship…but not having to commit. Ladies…if a guy says you are “dating” and he says he’s only dating you…the term dating means, currently I am only dating you but if the option arises, I ama asingle man I can therefore take it and I do not have to let you know about it. So don’t assume you are in a comiitted relationship. Clarify where you both stand so you are not the one left putting him in that only man I’m seeing box and he is out doing his own thing. If he tells you he doesn;t rush into relationships..tell him you don;t rush into sex and see if he stays around. And sitll beware of those that do stay because he most likely willbe getting it fomr someone else. He likes you…but not enough to calm his hormones for awhile to see where it’s going. Funny..I never had the committment problems in NY. Here because of the shortage of men..the eligible ones got that why should I only have one mentality. So they feed the “getting to know you” crap for as long as they can…then they bounce.
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this
@ar..what does sex have to do with..most men dont like labels because they dont want to be placed in a box…..and just most men are cool with the “as is”…women usually start in with the perks before even qualifying the man….
By Foots
October 29, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this
Let’s say you’ve known this person/had some sort of relationship with them for at least 6 months!
6 months?!?!? Wow!! In my experience, a guy can know that he wants you as his woman pretty quickly. He’ll claim it, if for no other reason than he doesn’t want anybody else to claim it. I agree with binford, if titling is a problem, people are either afraid to progress in a relationship OR they are keeping their options open. If they are on the level and know what they want, it won’t take anywhere near 6 months for a dude to refer to a woman as HIS woman.
kimmie OH MY GOODNESS!! I’m still on Cloud 9!! I got to rag my boss a little today about it too. It’s all good in Bulldog Nation right about now! :-)
By melo
October 29, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this
how can u not tell the difference between Bella and Wise when they have their names at the top on every topic? On topic, i think its better to enjoy the relationship than the tag. When you begin to share toothbrushes, time and money together, then you know its a wrap.Dont waste time on tags coz they have no substance.
By Annuts1bmun
October 29, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this
As women we have to realize our value and stop letting men define your role, define your own role. See, men are not complicated…when they see us they already have a plan, we may not like the plan but they always have plan. You will recognize the plan by the way he treats you. The key is to recognize the plan and to play your hand. Your hand is either you are with it or you are not. Truth of the matter is…men will make very little modications to the plan once the plan has been put into play.
If you consider yourself wifey material don’t settle for the hit and run plan or layaway plan. Layaway plan=He will lay you in the cut til something betta comes along…and so on.
Really it’s not complicated.
By 2CPTG©
October 29, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this
nah, Sexy Leggs, not asking her out….just thought it was quite interesting, to say the least….and she had that thang about her….just made me think of all the stuff you’re always talking about….
By SexyCool...since 1972
October 29, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this
women usually start in with the perks before even qualifying the man….…and there you have the root of all problems…LOL…
By SexyLeggs
October 29, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this
Relationships are hard to define. There’s no mistaking that. This is what I received in the cafe this morning. A guy came up to me asking how my “onion” was doing. I told him to get away from me. This is the guy who licks the air when I walk by. He said he would love to sample it. I said “that’s what’s wrong with you so-called men today. I’m not looking for a casual sexual relationship w/a married man. He said’t that’s all he’s looking for. Told him if he says one more thing to me out of the ordinary, HR will be notified. I say this to say that it’s not only women who want a title placed on their relationship. Men want it too. Unfortunately, for most it’s one of “tapping it and dipping.” His intentions were clearly made.
By Foots
October 29, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this
do you have friends who end up in relationships that are difficult to define?
One of my girls was dating this guy for over a year. We couldn’t stand him, but for some reason she kept him around. She had decided early on that she didn’t want a full-blown relationship with him, he was really the rebound from a break-up that hurt her deeply. He had been claiming her as his girl since nearly the beginning and she always said he was her friend. Things came to a head when he started demanding a title and she broke it off and didn’t even look back.
I’m trying to figure out why dude hung in there for so long. It clearly bothered him that she’d never advanced their relationship, even though she wasn’t seeing other people. I’ve known her for years and it NEVER takes her more than two months to progress from dating to relationship, if that’s what they both want. I guess he was holding out for a miracle, huh?
By Dr. Kym-Relationship Expert
October 29, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this
I have a question(s)…I guess I am speaking for a different place.
But why is it you feel the “relationship” has to even have a label?
I mean I have been in the situation where binford was and frankly like I said maybe I am in a different frame of mind at the ripe young age of 35 or it could be I am commitment phobic. But I can see why binford bounced. He said he was seeing only her.. everything was fine and then she said either I am the one or I am out. So he called her bluff. Now he is the bad guy. I didnt read anything about him keeping options open or he was seeing anyone else.. just that he was not ready to settle down with the title of Boyfriend with this young lady.
By Foots
October 29, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this
melo Hey there!!! Speaking of titles, how are you and your wife doing? Gots to check in on the married folks every now and then….
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this
like i said before the only game women have on men is the sex card..take that out the picture..and BAM, you can have any women you want…and i stand on that comment
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this
@kym..cosign, that is what i read..basically she was like you going to let all this go away..like a dayum crazy women..
By Annuts1bmun
October 29, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this
Rell/Sexy Cool ^5
Perfect Example: The other day some of the women started describing themselves on the blog. Some were so eager to give measurements, physical descritions, sexual undertones, etc..while the men sat in the cut not giving their descriptions. Finally, one or two of the men offered general vague descriptions themselves after they were pricked to respond.
My point is…learn to sit back and wait sometimes don’t come out of the pocket,so fast. Marinate on the situation. Plan your next move before you show your hand. Stop falling for the emotion/passion of the situation before you have a chance to look at all of the angles.
Just my POV.
By SexyLeggs
October 29, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this
2C, and she had that thang about her…. There are a lot of cougars out there feeling good about themselves the same way I feel about ME! If I don’t believe in me and my own sexual/sensual/confidence aura, how the heck can I project to others. I believe in ME!
By mochatreat07
October 29, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this
* Hey QC, Slim, Foots and Dr, Kym*
Just dropping by to say hello! How is everyone?
By Beautiful
October 29, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this
a guy from ATL told me awhile ago that a man knows after two months what he wants to do with the female he is seeing. that’s where i got my two month rule from. my relationship that just ended in July lasted a wopping 18 dayum months.
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this
@sexyleggs….dude is a dayum perv..licking the air..where are his handlers..that nut needs to be off the streets with that simp ish….smdh…lames fluck da game up
By SlimOne
October 29, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this
Haven’t read any of the posts, been busy but was just chatting with a male buddy.
I’m starting to think men are scared of a women falling (in love) with them. Wreaks of too much emotional responsibility on their part I guess. His response: thats because if u are not in love with them u basically are playing a game involuntarily
Sounds like a game of rush and roulette….trying to maintain getting the puddy as many times as possible before finally reaching that one on the chamber. LOL!
By Jazzyone
October 29, 2007 11:31 AM | Link to this
I think that dating is exactly what it is but at a certain point you have to have a meeting of the minds or it causes confusion, now Im not one for rushing into anything and if you come at me talking about titles after a week then yeah I will run away but at some point for me we have to determine what it is or going to be because just like he has options I do as well and I think when a person matures well some of us..if you don’t define your realm of relationships you open yourself up for problems, trust issues and the like when you never had a meeting of the minds.
Dating is cool yeah but once we are playing the in a relationship game then we have to determine is this what it is or isn’t. Otherwise you get drama. Some people enjoy self inflicted pain personaly I have too much to lose and too much shyt to do to be playing these childish a* games at my age…
Then you find yourself stuck for a nunber of yrs in some shyt you could have fig out was going to be stagnate if you communicated about it and not been a jump off for so many years…then turn around and cry about it when you are a willing participant in the madness and wanna label all men as this and that..this goes for men and women..puhlease…
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this
@annuts….cosign…most women jump in the pool because the water looks good..but after the jump they complain of the temp..feel me
By B
October 29, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this
Question for the women:
At what point in your mind does it crossover from dating to a defined relationship? Whether it be a length of time, amount of time spent together, or things like when you begin sleeping together. Just kind of curious, Thanks
By Staceye
October 29, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this
Rell I met a lot of lames at a Halloween party on Saturday.LOL and some of them just don’t get it…I am not interested!!!
By Foots
October 29, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this
Kym When I applied for this job, I knew the title and I knew that this job would be a promotion by the title. The title gave me the information about how I was going to proceed before I knew anything else about the job. Imagine how confusing things would be if we all worked at a place with no official titles explaining who did what, just a good working relationship… My title tells the world who I am with this company before I even open my mouth to explain what I do.
In the same vein, our titles in romantic relationships tell the world who we are to each other without having to explain a thing. The only time there seems to be an issue with giving something a title or a name is when there’s some uncertainty about what you want it to be. If everybody knows what they want and what they share, no problem!
By Jazzyone
October 29, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this
Beautiful and whos fault is it it..you blamming the guy for your own actions?? it lasted 18 months becasue?? you both participated.
ANNUTS^^
By SexyLeggs
October 29, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this
Annuts1bmun, sexual undertones is what this blog turns into every single day. The men were waiting in the cut because they found the topic BORING!
By For Real
October 29, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this
Here we go again!!!! Why do yall tie soooo much to what’s in between your legs? It’s not the only one in the world. If yall stop acting as if the dude is the only one that’s getting *”perk” out of the sex, then you would not feel like someone took something you gave.* Oh and why do women tend to undervalue a man’s body but over value their own body?
Now for this relationship thang. Relationship means women want all the benefits of being a wife and controlling a dude.
Even if you are upfront with a chick, she will try to make the dude do what she wants. If the dude doesn’t cave to her plans, then she will hit you with an ultimatum as if that is going to work.
By SexyLeggs
October 29, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this
SlimOne, this is cute Sounds like a game of rush and roulette, but it’s “Russian Roulette.”
By 2CPTG©
October 29, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this
annuts, you see some of these gals waving their pannies around too, huh???? crazy ain’t it…..
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this
men need to be upfront with there intentions..then we will not have this problem again..but i keep saying the same thing..most men are not strong enough to tell the truth..because they fear losing out on there sex card…that is the problem….i tell my folks all the time..let the chick know what it is from the door..hell she may be down but lying to her will only cause more problems..be a mack about your game and not a simp..
By Jazzyone
October 29, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this
B when we communicate and define it…
By binford
October 29, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this
AmazonRed, in all frankness no. I think she wanted to go there and to do that she wanted the title. I found that behavior to be immature.
But for the record, sex shouldn’t just be a perk for the guy. The way you wrote that it was like “hey, only men get pleasure and satisfaction out of sex”. I call BS on that. But yes, if a pregnancy was to occur, the woman would bear the clear majority of the consequences (i.e. give birth).
With most of my relationships, one day I just realized THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND and I slapped up the title on a billboard for all to see. I’ve always felt this was the most organic and natural way for it to happen. And no, it doesn’t take 6 months either.
Last thing: I would never, and I do mean NEVER introduce a lady to my family that I wasn’t serious with to the point I thought she could be Mrs. Binford. Anything less and it would be dirty pool as far as I’m concerned.
By Foots
October 29, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this
B For me, it’s usually after some type of conversation initiated by him. In my longest term relationships, we knew that we were a couple within the first month. My thing is, if I have doubts in my mind about whether we are together, we ain’t really together.
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this
@staceye…lol, but i bet you liked the attention…lol…did you have fun at least..what party
By For Real
October 29, 2007 11:49 AM | Link to this
Foots You have to compare apples to apples. A job and a relationship are toooo different to compare.
Dr.Kym I agree with you. Women are not the only one that gets to choices. Men get to choose too. Man up and move on.
Beautiful Do you think he wasted his time on you for those 18 months?
By Jazzyone
October 29, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this
Rell Some women/Men need to ask what those intentions are and take responsibility for your part in the madness…and not assume becasue he/she is busting your back out that hes your man or woman…..sex doens’t have anything to do with it…in my opinion…
people make things so difficult and its really very simple.
By kinderbabe
October 29, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this
reading these comments gave me a break from all the articles i have to read for tonite’s class.:) as mike baisden says, i can see that “everything is everything” on the blog…lol.
i’m undecided about the titles thing. some people need it in order to feel secure about their relationship and what they’re “putting in” to it. i definitely understand that point of view. i also feel though that when it’s a real good situation, it’s not necessary to have a title b/c both parties know that it’s real. sometimes people push for titles to make them feel better about what they already know (whether it’s good or bad).
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 11:52 AM | Link to this
@for real….Oh and why do women tend to undervalue a man’s body but over value their own body?
cosign^^^^^
besides a man last name the most valuable thing we give women is our seed…
By Beautiful
October 29, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this
Jazzyone, i honestly played along with it, but i thought that was how it was down here. i did try to put a title on it, but he wasn’t trying to hear it (in a nice way). i blame my ignorance.
By For Real
October 29, 2007 11:54 AM | Link to this
Slim I agree with ole boy 100%. If I get any since that a chick will fall in love with me I run for the hills bc she will never understand why I don’t feel the same way.
Oh did you get out for Halloween?
By QC
October 29, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this
Hey Mocha, Jazzy, 4 Real & WLB
Does anyone else pass out halloween candy it cute little bags to their co-workers besides me???? QC does this for Valentines Day & Christmas (gag gifts)
Hey Ga.Man i know you lurking!
By Dr. Kym-Relationship Expert
October 29, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this
In the same vein, our titles in romantic relationships tell the world who we are to each other without having to explain a thing. The only time there seems to be an issue with giving something a title or a name is when there’s some uncertainty about what you want it to be. If everybody knows what they want and what they share, no problem!
This my thinking on that..If I am with you and we are together..I dont need to define anything for the rest of the world. When I took my job and this title..I didnt need my employer to justify my role or title to the rest of the company. So in a relationship why do you need the title to justify it to the rest of the world?
Somewhere we lose the ideal of what the relationship really is and we become caught up in and this is my showpiece for the rest of the world. I know you may not have meant it that way but it reads more like this…
Hair -Check Nails-Check Career-Check Man-Check
I think it is like Rell said some people dont want to be a check box in your life.
By SexyLeggs
October 29, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this
2C, you’re co-signing with annuts is funny. You guys sling your dycks around here more than the WLB swing their panties. You guys are always going down that path. Most are having fun here, but don’t call the kettle black when your skettle is equally blackened!
By SlimOne
October 29, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this
SexyLeggs I stand corrected….Slim now spins the barrel in efforts to kill herself
For Real Well I guess you are just being honest. I’m sure you all have had the discussion of knowing women tend to get more emotional after doing the do….which always leads back to why get involved sexually with a chick if you ‘don’t feel the same way’? Don’t they have chicks that you can pay for the non-emotional business transaction?
Nope didn’t make it to the Halloween party. Had a pitcher of margaritas with my cousin.
No Slim is not condoning prostitution
By Jazzyone
October 29, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this
Beautiful This is the south not another planet. I honestly don’t undestand why you always say down here when the game here is like the game anywhere else…seriously I’ve lived in different states and countries and I dont’ find the game to be any different or maybe its just how i view it I don’t know…
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this
@jazzy..cosign
note - stop loving expecting something in return…stop giving up the good to not seem bad…feel me…just because you do good deeds does not make you a good fit…BE YOURSELF….
By Annuts1bmun
October 29, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this
SexyLeggs True it does get very sexual at times…and that is fine. But if it seems to be the only way some know how to communicate with the opposite sex that’s when the games begin. Flirting and all that is good…but if that that is your main mode of communication, you get what you put there. Just my POV.
By Jazzyone
October 29, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this
Hey QC! Hope all is well ‘lil lady ;-)
By Beautiful
October 29, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this
For Real no because he trys to come back and rekindle things to this very day. i wont allow it, unless he wants what i want.
By SexyCool...since 1972
October 29, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this
grown people should be able to talk about sex…it’s not a taboo topic…h3ll, it’s in too many places in society to be afraid to talk about it…
talk about it, embrace it, love it, have more of it…lol…
By 2CPTG©
October 29, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this
Sexy Leggs, when have I described myself on this blog???? so who is your post directed towards….what I did, was ask someone who knows what my physical description is, and in a sarcastic manner, at that……y’all ladies, and some of y’all dudes actually gave out your own vital statistics……that’s why I did that!
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this
@annuts…chill homie, flirting is all good..and besides this is the internet…dont stick to much stock in what is said here…feel me…just have fun and keep it moving….and just because the convo has the sexual undertones..DOES NOT MEAN IT IS GOING DOWN..learn to trump the p card and you will see most of the flirting is just idle chatter..feel me
By FCM
October 29, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this
Bella are you peeking in my diary again? Your columns seem to nail where I am at!
Just got out of a ‘relationship’…He labled it ‘g/f’ but I don’t date….he never took me out amongst friends/assoc…I thought we were friends ‘hanging out’because he seemed camped on the couch for a movie….just like tons of my other friends male or female!
By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"
October 29, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this
Hey QC
and for all of the GA fans…congrats
Dont worry The GATORS will be fine and trust we have had our share of WINS
Last two B-BALL titles and Football
By Skegee
October 29, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this
LAWD! Hello all…long time no blog.
Straight to the point…my Pastor and 1st Lady hooked me up with a guy. He’s a teacher, he’s a minister, he likes to go out and talk on the phone, great sense of humor..blah, blah, blah.
Thing is he is TOTALLY not my type. No atraction. What. So. Ever…
I feel obligated to stay friendly with him because of the people that hooked us up but I honestly know it won’t be anything more than buddies.
I need strength!!!
By Annuts1bmun
October 29, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this
SexyLeggs Let me help you out, girl you gotta recognize bait. That’s the set up to see who will bite. This helps them separate the easy/desperate, etc. from the rest of the pack.
It’s really not that complicated.
By SexyLeggs
October 29, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this
annuts, but if that that is your main mode of communication, you get what you put there. I wholeheartedly agree. Just wanted it known that both the MLB and the WLB is at fault, not just one!
By Jazzyone
October 29, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this
Not all women get emotional after tossing em’ up….some are made for that and some aren’t pleasure can be just that pleasure with someone that you are attracted to..now I don’t get down easily but when I decide to I don’t want the cat to automatically assume I want to have his kids, get married and attach the handcuffs to his a*…I may just want to F**k his brains out and make his a* go home..seriously….
By melo
October 29, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this
Foots, im good, even though i recognize ur C/B moves..lol
By 2CPTG©
October 29, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this
yeah, what Rell said….idle chatter…..
By Staceye
October 29, 2007 12:22 PM | Link to this
For Real men are the horn dogs…woman can go without sex….so no one is undervaluing anything!
*Rell ..most men are not strong enough to tell the truth..because they fear losing out on there sex card…that is the problem That is the problem…men play games and lie and everything because they want the panties. But there are plenty of females out there that are ok with that. Why not find one fo them and cut the crap and games with the ones who seek more.
Oh and I went to Meet Market on Saturday.
QC I knew the gifts had to be gags coming form you! LOL
By Annuts1bmun
October 29, 2007 12:23 PM | Link to this
2C
After many years of spinning my wheels in draining, useless relationships, I had to define what I wanted and needed in a relationship. I discovered the main points I wanted and narrowed the negotitables(sp)that I would tolerate and I’m sticking to them. Granted it’s possible I may never find anyone who fits everything that I need or require and I am prepared to deal with being alone, it’s a possiblity. But I am truly OK with that too. I’m just not willing to settle for some broke down, piece of a relationship just to say “I’ve got a Man” Hello to the naw!!!
You only get different results when you do something different. I just usually set back in the cut and read…but felt like sharing little nuggets of knowledge today.
By SexyLeggs
October 29, 2007 12:23 PM | Link to this
2C, I never said you described yourself. I was just commenting on your comment. Annuts, I already know it’s not complicated. I understand it’s bait. But what are you really catching….fake fish. I was merely making a comment you. If you think the vitals given here are all accurate by all the bloggers, you’re fooling yourself. I was merely defending a belief of mine! It’s all good.
By SexyLeggs
October 29, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this
Rell your 12:10 post is what I’m saying…thanks!
By Tazzee
October 29, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this
morning folks!
been super busy lately and wanted to drop in and say HI!
Can’t comment on today’s topic because it’s been a long time since I really had a relationship that deserved a title. And honestly, unless the title is fiance, I can do without the rest.
Quick comment on something that was posted last week (or the week before)…Casanegra is a great book. I read it in 3 days and can’t wait for more. I think Blair is going to do a Walter Mosley with this character (Tennyson => Easy Rawlins).
have a great week folks!
By Dan
October 29, 2007 12:30 PM | Link to this
That’s the problem with committment, when one party doesn’t want to go as far as the other does…you have problems.
The important part in a relationship is communication. Take the time to say “I want this” or “I want that” before you get to getting what you want.
At least that’s what grandmama said
By Dr. Kym-Relationship Expert
October 29, 2007 12:36 PM | Link to this
Hey Tazzee,
That was me with the Casanegra book. I wasnt to sure about it at first but towards the end he grew on me. So I have to give Blair props. How about those Steelers?? :-)
By QC
October 29, 2007 12:37 PM | Link to this
Staceye, yep i try to keep them simple but fun
Ga.Man Now that Ga/Fla game was great, but that NE game was sick, lol
By SlimOne
October 29, 2007 12:46 PM | Link to this
Skegee Will you be at TU’s homecoming this weekend? I’ll be there with a cup in hand. Woo hoo hoo!
By BennyB
October 29, 2007 12:47 PM | Link to this
Women excel at reading body languages. In presence of a man, they can tell a lot about him. They can tell if he likes them or not, if he wants to kiss them, if he wants their fruit……..Some men know consciously or unconsciously that women can almost read their minds and have learned to send confusing signals. They date many women at the same time; they are known to be very good with women because they intrigue them. Women in such relationships think that they give a lot and gain little, in reality just one woman gain everything because our society applauds monogamy. I can understand that it is heart breaking and somewhat draining for women but I have to acknowledge that young women like a man who intrigue them, who confuse them, a men who they feel can dump them at any time, a men who will make them feel like they won something at the end, a man who they feel they cannot have, a man who’s different (and send them mixed signals). With maturity, most women learn to love themselves in the first place and re-learn to trust their instincts that they ignored for very long. Seriously, you think that men don’t like to define relationships? Stop trying to find external explanations for everything, start taking responsibility by trusting your God given instincts.
On the other hand men cannot read a single sign from a woman (“hint idiots”). Men don’t like to be relegated into the friend zone but some men listened to their mothers one second too long and have decided to be different from their fathers and uncles. They have been raised to think that its class to date a single woman, they even accept to be treated badly by a woman, some even accepts to live in friend-zone. Those men have a phobia to be rejected; they try to convince women to like them, they dream to be upgraded to the love zone while those women claim them as just friends /too nice /loser /good on paper. Those men don’t even know how to choose a stable women who can appreciate their niceness; they prefer desperate cases where they are perceived as rescuers but in the end and with God’s help and maturity, some finally learn that women are good at reading body languages, that women can read men’s mind, that they can date many women at the same time and get away with it, that it’s ok to be like their fathers…….and the cycle continue
By 2CPTG©
October 29, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this
Sexy Leggs, of course, it’s all good, love…..and as you stated, half of what these folks puttin out here is straight bullshyt anyway; so again, that was my reason for asking someone who could actually give an accurate depiction, if such exists……
and annuts, I feel where you’re coming from too; I can’t say I was spinning my wheels, but what I was doing was hardly conducive to a healthy relationship; I said a few weeks back, sex is overrated to me; and I still feel that way. Now, it’s all about a compatible companion; I’m not looking for it, if it comes during my pursuit of happyness, then so be it, but fun is my main objective…..havin a good time, and enjoying my blessings….
By Got that?
October 29, 2007 12:52 PM | Link to this
Titles become less and less important the older you get. This can clearly be seen from the responses on this blog. Titles are only important because you don’t know what you’re about. So, you need a title to make up for the deficiency. Once you know who you are and what you’re about, you no longer need a title to make that declaration. You simply become that. As people mature, their dependency on outward titles becomes less and less as their lives take on more significance. It’s not a male/female thing. Nor does it have to do with the act of sex. It comes down to maturity. Mature people don’t fret over what to label something. They already know what it is and are comfortable being it, not referring to it as if it’s something outside of them.
By Rell - since 1972
October 29, 2007 1:07 PM | Link to this
@got that..cosign
By 2CPTG©
October 29, 2007 1:08 PM | Link to this
Well said, Got That! of all the hats I wear, the most important one of all is Daddy! all the others are relative;
Even on the job (when I decide to have one), fugga title, just pay me accordingly…..shiiid, you can call me, that dude, for all I care.
By DuShawn
October 29, 2007 1:11 PM |