Misadventures in Atlanta

By Jazzyone

October 24, 2007 8:16 AM | Link to this

Good morning ya! Yes I think wedding rings are important and people should wear them. Married people are invisible to me and there is a limit to convo, interaction and the like for me. While dating I look for a ring and will ask if I don’t see one. if I find that the answer is yes I don’t have a problem letting someone know well im not interested. Wouldn’t want someone to do it to me and mine so I don’t do it.

Off topic and from yesterday Let me just clear this up quickly Benny B. What you wrote yesterday is what I’m saying childhood experiences and lessons make me, well me and that’s how I live not according to pschological outlines and that seems to be what you are calling it. In your earlier posts you discounted that. Going to Paris yes I do travel and work abroad to acknowlege other cultures and the diversity that exists in this world so that when Im out here helping the children with the organizzation I belong to I have something else to offer them other than the norm and give them an idea of what he/she may be able to accomplish in this world with hard work also my way of giving back to my community. Now you on the other hand are here posting on the blog about going and riding a roller coaster while I’m on a plane on my way to Italy in the next few months so do what you do and dream big in the meantime I’m living my dreams. Work with it bruh and take a needy kid with to the roller coaster you may be able to help someone with YOUR view and perspective on life..…. LOL I’ll always have Paris….

Ya have a nice day seriously lurkin…

By kinderbabe

October 24, 2007 8:17 AM | Link to this

good morning, everyone. hope this hump day is a good one for ya.:)

on topic: Are married, engaged, or coupled up people invisible to you in terms of dating and flirting? Yes. Once it’s known that someone is engaged, married or seriously involved, they’re officially off limits.

Is it a good idea to befriend them if you are really attracted to them? No, just leads to mess and confusion. I’m not into testing myself like that. Why bother?

By Beautiful

October 24, 2007 8:30 AM | Link to this

Good morning Wise Diva.

If I’m attracted to a married man, I stay clear. That is common sense to me, but it may not be to other females on this blog. I tend to fall hard if I’m into someone. And what sense would that make to invest in something I can’t get a return on!

I do look for rings when I’m lurkin’. If he does have a ring on, I’ll get my look on and bounce. Nothing wrong with that.

When I left my ex, I took the ring he bought me and asked the jeweler to make me a necklace with the diamond. Very beautiful. ;)

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 24, 2007 8:39 AM | Link to this

Good morning, all. :-)

Off-topic: Before I delve into responding on today’s topic, I wanted to blatantly and unashamedly mention :-) that the November issue of my newsletter has been uploaded to my Web site (www.blackthen.com), so I invite you all to check it out.

On-topic: Personally, individuals who are within the three groups you mentioned (coupled-up, engaged, married) are all off-limits as far as I’m concerned. It’s just a matter of principle, that’s all. I still hold to the mindset that certain things in this world are sacred and should be respected as such, and a “commitment” between a man and a woman, whether as boyfriend and girlfriend, fiancees or husband and wife, is one of those things.

I applaud the guy who had the character and maturity to give you his fiancee’s card, because, in my mind, such an act is proof that that relationship has a solid foundation; one that’s built on substance, not the emotional swayings of “at-first-sight” attraction. I wish that more people who are engaged would have the courage to mirror what he did and take themselves off the market up front, as opposed to leaving it to the other person to simply “back into it” through casual conversation.

Furthermore, I would not befriend a woman I am attracted to, but who is already committed to someone. I just couldn’t do it, because it’s a no-win situation for me. So, it would be better to just leave well-enough alone.

By Dr. Kym-Relationship Expert

October 24, 2007 8:50 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Not much to say on this topic-I have dated married men before (both knowingly and unknowingly) so I will just lurk in the background on this one.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2007 8:58 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Beautiful!

I am really interested in people’s opinions about wedding rings. Has anyone ever worn one to attract/detract people? Did it work?

By Beautiful

October 24, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this

I have to mention that it is a turn on to me if the guy tells me on his own if he’s married or in a exclusive relationship. I say to myself, “awww, I want one of those”. lol.

By NCGirlfromATL

October 24, 2007 9:06 AM | Link to this

YES!! I think married people should wear rings or at least have the decency to mention their spouse somewhere in the conversation (if it’s a personal, not business, convo). My trainer and I talk about this all the time in the gym. Most of the guys in the gym don’t wear rings. In fact, most of the women don’t either. Who wants to be lifting weights with jewelry on? It’s totally understandable, except that it’s almost like those same guys take off their rings, as well as their marriage vows. I can’t tell you how many guys have been openly flirtatious with both of us, only to later find out they’re married. I simply ask them if they are, just to end all doubt. Unfortunately, all of them aren’t honest about it, and if their wives don’t work out in our gym, they think they can get away with it. I’m sure some of the women are doing it too. I like to think that I have gay-dar and married-dar. Some men (notice I said some) give off a married vibe. They are more settled, less player-like, and tend to dress more conservatively than single men (i.e. less trendy with their fashion). Just my opinion, but it hasn’t failed me…yet. LOL!

By Poppa Grande

October 24, 2007 9:08 AM | Link to this

As a married man, I have learned to keep myself out of situations that could lead to trouble. There are also times that my wife has protected me as well. (I laugh at a Chris Rock story about his wife taking him to the restroom with her so that he and her friend wouldn’t be alone together.) A similar situation happened to me. It really ticked me off because I felt that she didn’t trust me. However, it seems , especially now, that she didn’t trust the friend. The friend apparently likes married men. I didn’t even know….go figure. It definitely take two to tango.

BTW, I wear my ring all of the time. It is the only piece of jewelry that I wear at the gym. Even when I boxed (for exercise) at the Art of Boxing, I had my ring on inside my gloves under all of the wraps. (Really wasn’t a smart thing to do)

Wise, I, at least give kudos, to the man in your scenario. I hope that it was in order to be honest with you. We guys can be clueless at times at picking up signals that females send. He may have felt that you were interested but not picked up on it until later in your conversation.

By Poppa Grande

October 24, 2007 9:08 AM | Link to this

As a married man, I have learned to keep myself out of situations that could lead to trouble. There are also times that my wife has protected me as well. (I laugh at a Chris Rock story about his wife taking him to the restroom with her so that he and her friend wouldn’t be alone together.) A similar situation happened to me. It really ticked me off because I felt that she didn’t trust me. However, it seems , especially now, that she didn’t trust the friend. The friend apparently likes married men. I didn’t even know….go figure. It definitely take two to tango.

BTW, I wear my ring all of the time. It is the only piece of jewelry that I wear at the gym. Even when I boxed (for exercise) at the Art of Boxing, I had my ring on inside my gloves under all of the wraps. (Really wasn’t a smart thing to do)

Wise, I, at least give kudos, to the man in your scenario. I hope that it was in order to be honest with you. We guys can be clueless at times at picking up signals that females send. He may have felt that you were interested but not picked up on it until later in your conversation.

By QC

October 24, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this

Happy Hump Day Bloggers

Hey Jazzy1, kinderB,NCgirl, DrKym, WD, Beautiful have a great day everyone…

Morning brother D

www.blackthen.com

By Poppa Grande

October 24, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this

WD, as far as wedding rings go. It does seem to attract some women, oddly enough I run into it alot at the gym, Especially since I’ve worked out at LA Fitness. Camp Creek seems more like a club sometimes than a gym so I usually stay away from that one.

As far as the attention, I usually don’t pay them much attention. I usually just laugh it off and keep going.

It did surprise me at first especially.

By Raqi

October 24, 2007 9:28 AM | Link to this

I guess I would say wedding rings are important when it comes to letting the outside world know that you are in fact hitched. However, we live in an unfortunate state of some people just don’t give a damn. I had this guy hit on me not even 60 seconds after I got on the elevator after standing there talking to my husband. I mean really. Some people just don’t care. I notice quite often women flirting with my husband when they think I am looking. What can we do? This is vicious world we live in.

And..uh..WiseDiva about the guy at the networking event, Imma tell you like I tell my oldest, sometimes when a woman (guy in your case) is asking you for the time, all they really want from you is to know the time on your arm piece, not to be your arm piece. Just kidding really. But uh…yeah we have all made that mistake before.

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 24, 2007 9:29 AM | Link to this

Betrothed = already married already.

it is just as serious a matter as if the individual were married. PPL have watered down the whole process in my opinion, from court-ship on up to the wedding day.

and anyone who is wearing a ring to attract is just a no-good-low-down-triflin (you get the pt) who’s only going to attract the same. and they can have at it!

mey ‘fuse ta deal up inna such non-sense

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this

Poppa Grande, I had a lot of respect for him too. Looking back, he was being friendly, but not inappropriate at all, I was just wishful thinking!

I can’t believe how much flirting goes on in a gym! I think unavailable people look forward to going to the gym, LOL.

By Alvin

October 24, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this

Jazzyone you stayed up all night thinking of giving buddy a piece of your mind, huh? Who else did that…was it Foots, LOL. And where is LaLa?

D I will check it out later…

Off Topic That chick did not call V-103 about her rat problem, did she??!!

My mom is straight gangsta, she would have kill that little Mutha Mutha her Dayumself…and had me to clean up the mess!!

On Topic I have no problem dating a married woman, with hubby knowing..we’re All adult…her husband can sit in the corner and watch..while I do his wife.

Demi, I was young’n’foolish folk. I wouldn’t do it now, unless I am in the rope swinging mood.

By binford

October 24, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this

Ah yes, having rapport with someone who is involved. Oh, I know it well. Frankly, if a lovely lady and myself hit it off (or she fancies me) I know she is one of three things…

Too young Too old Involved ….or the bonus, Bi-polar

I say if a woman wants to spend the bank for an “engagement” ring for me and get down on her pretty knee - I’m all for it. Or a t-shirt with “I’m Taken” is fine, as long as it says on the back - I’m emasculated and lost me nuggetz!

When you are involved you steer clear of bad situations - and you remain true.

Or, like me, you find out that totally nice girl you’ve just spent a half an hour talking had no interest in you. And that sucks.

p.s. AmazonRed I’ve decided …I’m ready for you!

By Bre

October 24, 2007 9:35 AM | Link to this

Good Morning to all, I hope that some of this rain we are getting in the NE head to GA. Heaven knows the south needs it.

On Topic I truely assume that a man has someone until other wise cleared up. I guess I know to many people that cheat, all of whom are hitched, commited relationship, or on there way down the isle. It crosses every color line and back ground. Almost makes a person like me wonder even if its worth it. As soon as a man mentions there is someone in the picture I’m running in the other direction. I really don’t have time for games. Life is short, and karma is a @#$%*&.

WD I do wear a right hand diamond ring, which men have gotten confused. But also I do have a ring that I can slip on the left hand on occassion. Sometimes I just don’t feel like getting into the drama of explaining my situation. However I’ve noticed now, when I wear it I seem to get more attention; than when I don’t have it on at all. Which trips me out, why go after someone who has someone.

Back in the day I had a girlfriend that only dealt with married men. That chick was never without a date or one of them doing everything for her: shopping, bills, car notes paid, everything. She said that she could give these men everything they were not getting at home therefore rewarded for it by gifts and exotic trips. I never judge whatever floats ones boat….

By kinderbabe

October 24, 2007 9:37 AM | Link to this

hey QC

By 2CPTG©

October 24, 2007 9:41 AM | Link to this

it’s the appearance of impropriety!!!! when a married male or female frequents a place of singles, and don’t show their band of committment, they are dead wrong!!! Now, if they let you know, and you still in it to win, then go for what you know…..

By Jazzyone

October 24, 2007 9:43 AM | Link to this

Alvin nope read the post this morning..

By Jazzyone

October 24, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this

Hey QC

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 24, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this

2CPTG lemme holler at cha when you get in… i was over on the ajc rand blog and my post there hit immediately. whereas on dis ‘ere blog……… huh??

By Staceye

October 24, 2007 9:57 AM | Link to this

Top of the dreary morning to ya…

I find that when I wear a diamond ring I have on my left hand I get some dudes still hitting on. I wear it purposely to keep dudes away. So that leads me to believe they do not care. When I say I’m married…they ask to be my friend. I’m like come on dude, If I were your wife would you want some dude who hit on your wife to now become her friend? You know that he has ulerior motives.

On the other hand..I see chicks…desperate chicks messing with a married man and all I can think about is KARMA and how I would love to see her get her just due. It’s not all her though..she didn’t take those vows in front of God…he did. So he is worst than she is. Some women use them to get their bills paid and to have someone in their lives without all the drama of a relationship. She gets all the pluses without having to boar his kids, do his laundry, or put up with his shyt! Some women are delussioned into thinking that he will actually leave his wife for her…poor sap! She has no other man in her life but gets upset that he spends Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. with his wife. Hmmm…who’s the dummy now?

I have met men that I found attractive and later found they were married. So I throw up a wall…and keep the distance. I will not interfere with a marriage.

By Demi

October 24, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this

QC you sound so cute when you post, LOL

Imma try and post cute too!!

Jazzy I just wanted to bring you back before the Lurks Hour hits!!

Bre’ Hey big sis!!

By Beautiful

October 24, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this

Alvin, are you married? I have no problem dating a married woman, with hubby knowing..we’re All adult…her husband can sit in the corner and watch..while I do his wife. Just wondering if you’re a swinger. I’m naive when it comes to swingers. There’s alot of them here in the A. Never came across one in CA.

By Bre

October 24, 2007 10:08 AM | Link to this

Demi Hey, how are you doing? We should chat.

By Midget Mac (Not Demi)

October 24, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this

Imma &*$# New York and her momma!!

Doing classic table jump (as seen on TV)

Staceye you need to get with a real man!!! Said while looking like Li’Wayne’s twin

By Jazzyone

October 24, 2007 10:13 AM | Link to this

* Hey Dem* im here just laying low don’t know too much about this subject personally so..and Im doing some testing..sooo how uuuuuuuuuuuu doing?

By Staceye

October 24, 2007 10:17 AM | Link to this

Midget Mac what makes you suggest I get with a real man? I want none if I am wearing a ring to keep them away.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

lots of open marriages these days, the suburbs are full of parties, not to mention the club circuit

By Aggressively witty

October 24, 2007 10:26 AM | Link to this

My friends and I have been proponents of the male engagement gift for the longest. Not necessarily a post it or scarlet letter type thing but me and my boys have always said the engagement process is unfair.

You broads get a big ole rock and we get, well the joy of buying it. Only one of my boys has broken the ‘rules’. He got a damn crotch rocket, lucky bastid.

So yeah engaged dudes should get something to mark them as off the market but something THEY want. How about the engagement circular saw, or the engagement crotch rocket, or the engagement rims, better yet, the engagement season tickets for you and one of your boys.

Wait, I dont think this will let you broads know that dude is off the market either. Oh well.

By NCGirlfromATL

October 24, 2007 10:26 AM | Link to this

Sup QC!

By Aggressively witty

October 24, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this

Wise, you sound like you are real familiar with these ‘parties’ where they at huh?

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 24, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this

Wise D then why get married?? i don’t understand that…. blog-planation please

By Beautiful

October 24, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

Staceye, desperate chicks messing with a married man and all I can think about is KARMA and how I would love to see her get her just due.

I had the privilege of seeing one of the homewreckers catch karma. She married my ex. For some reason chick thought he wouldn’t cheat on her either. lol. He calls me every week expressing his love. I sit, listen and entertain it. What makes it worse, I wish him well and shows him that I’ve moved on. It’s his turn to feel the pain. All the others, I don’t worry about them gettin’ theirs. God promised that he’ll take care of that for me.

By Staceye

October 24, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva speaking of open marriages…about 3 years ago my girls and I went to Jamaica (Hedonism 2..yeah yeah I know) and this couple propositioned me. At the moment I did not know what was going on. When kept asking me to dance and I saw him there with his wife. So I kept moving…then she came up to me and said her husband wanted to dance with me. So we danced, but everytime he got close…I moved away. I did not want any drama. Then he said he thought I was pretty and his wife thought so too. So I said thank you…still not knowing. To make a long story short, ole girl came over and started dancing up on me from behind and asked did I want to go back to their room. That’a when it hit me…I got propositioned for a 3-some. I ended that dance…and went to the other side of the club.

By Jazzyone

October 24, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this

My ex fiancée was presented with an engagement ring when he presented me with mine…yes I knew his was coming because he went to my jeweler and he then called me so I matched his design to mine. What?? lock down chirp chirp…may not have stopped the tricks but at least she knew when she saw a shodow towerring over her back that it could possibly be his woman…

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 24, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this

staceye finish the story na-gurl.you went to the other side of hedonism…. and

By Jazzyone

October 24, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

Beautiful better watch out because while you sit and listen and entertain him (someone elses husband) your karma may be when you get married your husband will be sharing your inside marriage info with another…LOL…

By Jazzyone

October 24, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

Beautiful better watch out because while you sit and listen and entertain him (someone elses husband) your karma may be when you get married your husband will be sharing your inside marriage info with another..I mean moved on and all that you stated…LOL…

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this

I don’t know what you are talking about, Agg Witt, I don’t even like sharing my remote control!

I think you could easily spot the swingers in your local neighborhood or subdivision, well, if you knew what to look for.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

October 24, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

Morning All!!

I think its important that married folk where their rings, period. I personally think its disrespectful to not wear it.

Are married, engaged, or coupled up people invisible to you in terms of dating and flirting? Hellz yes! There is no way I would knowingly have an extended conversation with a taken man, period. I dont welcome drama and that is exactly what that is! LOL

For Real I will correct my name to SugaButt later, after I get my two songs for the day. Thanks Babe!

By Alvin

October 24, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this

Beautiful I am single sis, I just talk too Dayum much!! LOL. I deny myself nothing, which causes me to be very open minded when meeting women. There are alot of parties like that in Cali as well…amoung the richs, drugs, sex, and money flows like crazy!!

By Poppa Grande

October 24, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

I think that swinging is enjoyable for some because sex is just one part of the married life. If your spouse is involved it is not cheating. I ‘ve had friends that swing. I just don’t do it. Never really wanted to do it. I enjoyed my single days. I played football and made it with three NFL practice squads (Mia, Was, & Cle). I was never put on anyone’s active roster. However, I used the NFL affiliation though to “get around”. I even had a goal of “reaching” all seven continents. (If I weren’t for the basic inhabitation of the south pole, I would have gotten it.)

Anyways, I got variety out of my system. However, plenty other people did not.

It’s funny that swinging came up today. I saw In the Pursuit of Happyness Last night…pretty good movie. I read the book many moons ago. (Will and Jada have been rumored to be swingers.)

By 2CPTG©

October 24, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

Beautiful, your name wouldn’t happen to be Sideequa Perryman, would it? she was a co-author of the book, The Key…her best friend married her ex, too……

By SexyCool

October 24, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

if you’re not wearing a wedding ring and you’re married…it doesn’t make you any less married to me…so, in my opinion, it really doesn’t matter if you wear one…

because…it’s not what you wear or say…i’m going to judge you by how you act towards me…

people who are dating while married are going to act a certain way regardless of whether they have a ring on or not…

By Staceye

October 24, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this

Beautiful isn’t that the best revenge? LOL Ahhhhh!

Das V My bad..I did leave ya hangin’ didn’t I? Well I did not participate..but for some reason they did not give up. I had just moved from NY to ATL and they lived in NY. So they figured if they got me to NY and hung out with them they could change my mind. So I let them buy me a plane ticket home and went my own way! That is what they get for trying to sneaky.I guess if you got money like that its no loss.

By Midget Mac (Not Demi)

October 24, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this

staceye that ring doesn’t stop anyone…It’s just for show any how…

Alvin: It’s meanless

By Beautiful

October 24, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this

Jazzyone, unfortunately I have a 8 year old son with this guy. lately, child support and airline issues had to be discussed because his azz fired his attorney. so he takes advantage of the time we’re on the phone. trust me when i say, i’m watchin’ my back! God don’t like ugly.

By Jewel

October 24, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Good morning Everyone!

Staceye I think you met DuShawn…Jewel ducks as DuShawn gets offended even though he puts his business out there.

On-Topic: Ring or no ring, some people do not respect another person’s marriage or relationship. Things have not changed much over time. People are just more brazen with their actions today. Many a*-u-me that “everybody’s doing it,” so just accept it. Back in the 90s, I would do a double take at my left hand and say, “I’m married.” Typical responses: “So am I” “He doesn’t have to know.” Idiots

Is it a good idea to befriend them if you are really attracted to them? I’m reminded of a scripture in Proverbs that says, “can a man take fire in his bosom and not get burned?” Or, something to that effect. The point is NEVER underestimate your flesh and desires. It is easy to justify wrong when it is something we want to do.

Hello Dr. Kym I picked up Supreme Discomfort from the library.

By SexyLeggs

October 24, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

Good morning! I believe rings should be worn if married. I also believe in wearing a ring to ward off unwanted attention. Dating a married man/woman can only lead to trouble, deceit, bad karma and a lot of alone time!

By Sybil

October 24, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

Darrell - I am standing up applauding at your honest self promotion. THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT! LOL!

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

Sexy Cool, I was thinking the same thing, the behavior of the individual would be more important then the jewelry.

I understand it can deter women/men, but I really think your behavior and words would go much further than the ring/band.

By Alvin

October 24, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this

Beautiful the Truth. Once, tired of single women. I when out and brought myself a nice wedding ring (straight from the pawn shop), and made up some nice “how my marriage isn’t working” stories.

Funny staceye, single women buys wedding rings in hope of turning men away. Single men buy wedding rings in hope of drawing more women to him.

By Demi

October 24, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

Bre Life is good sis and yes we should…how are they treating you in NYC?

By Staceye

October 24, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

Jewel LOL you wrong for that one. Dushawn is gonna get you!

By Swangin D

October 24, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

Good Story staceye…did you not know what hedo was…..i am not buying the story…lol…nothing wrong with getting your freak on…lol…

sexycool how you be lady. I always love reading you….you need to joing my party…lol

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 24, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

poppa thanks for your post. i am beginning to see that ‘swinging’ is basically ‘consensual cheating’.

not my thang, but hey!>…….

By SexyCool

October 24, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

if i were to use the logic that wearing a ring signals whether or not a person is off limits…then there should be dating seriously rings, living together rings and baby momma crazy rings, just got divorced rings, just call me chester rings, minute man rings, eff up your credit, hit-a-btch rings and i could go on…

By Swaggin D

October 24, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

DAYUM A RING…

By Beautiful

October 24, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

2CPTG©, you do like me! you said something nice to me. lol. i asked Rell to ask you to be nice. he wasn’t hearing it. saying i needed to hear it. lol.

anyways, no not me. i have been thinking about writing a book to help other women like me. i’ve been writing for three years now. it’s amazing how this bullshyt can interrupt/ruin lifes. the good thing about what happened though, is that i’m stronger than ever b4. the next man will benefit greatly.

By Staceye

October 24, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this

Swangin I do know what Hedo is…let’s just say it’s fun to watch the goings on there! LOL I am a spectator…not a participator in that aspect. Henceforth…my girls and I are headed back next month. There’s just something about swimming naked..and not getting arrested for it!

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 24, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

Sybil

Thanks (I think) for the props :-), but I PROMISE YOU - I don’t have a clue who’Trust Me I’m a Doctor’ is. HONEST! :-)

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

LMAO @ SexyCool!

By Poppa Grande

October 24, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this

DasV, No problem. Married people are still people. There are different strokes (pun intended) for different folks.

Its not really my cup of tea.

I have divorced friends that seemed to get into more trouble for lying about it and being sneaky than the actual sex outside of marriage. The Trust was broken. (I doubt that their women would have let them do as they wanted anyways.)

By Staceye

October 24, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

Sexycool I love that idea of those rings. LOL

By Bre

October 24, 2007 11:35 AM | Link to this

Demi Life is good, nothing to really complain about. Lots of change going on. How are you and the lady doing? Email chat?

By SexyCool

October 24, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

Swangin’…i told you yesterday i had my ideas about how you roll…LOL…

you know i’m living it up in the land of square love…

By Jewel

October 24, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

If your spouse is involved it is not cheating. DasV I was going to play the semantics game with Poppa, but I think you gave it a nice term…consensual cheating.

SexyCool I like those rings. I’m sure we could market that idea! LOL! Add to that…down-low rings, 15 babies & 15 baby mommas rings, I take Prozac rings, I live with my momma rings…

By Swangin D

October 24, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

@staceye….fun to watch…i bet…lol…so when you want to buy tickets to my next show…my shows are ALWAYS off the chain…check my name…swangin

@sexycool..that was funny….how about “i like three screw” ring…that would be me

By NCGirlfromATL

October 24, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

Back in the 90s, I would do a double take at my left hand and say, “I’m married.” Typical responses: “So am I” “He doesn’t have to know.”

Jewel You are so right! It amazes me how many people totally don’t care that you are setting the boundary right off the bat. It’s like they think you’re telling your status to get their permission, when you’re actually telling them so they will back off. Are people really that clueless or is it just plain self-absorption? UGH!

By 2CPTG©

October 24, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this

Beautiful, I have nothing against anyone, sugar!!! I simply tell it like it is, or the way I see it, based on what you put out there….just got a keen sense and spirit of discernment. shoot, I even like Ms. Staceye….y’all tickle me to death…

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 24, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

ROTFL@sEXYcOOL you’s so right! add play witcha head bands, the 2’ thick problem with intimacy band, or the sized-just-right, but sloppy-kisser ring.

really, i am all for some sort of disclaimer, so i dont have to find out the hard way. i always thought it would be a good idea to talk the ex- and the ex-before-she, before going on that second date… it would save us both from the drama of finding out that the car you driving and the apt you’s livin in dont add up.

one does NOT cancel out the other ppl!!

By NCGirlfromATL

October 24, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

SexyC/Wise I agree w/ you about the ring…except that, given the opportunity, many wouldn’t open their mouths to say they are married. Of course, even when you ask, they might lie. But, at least if someone is wearing a ring, you can make the decision not to deal w/ that person (or to deal w/ them, if that’s your thing).

I had a friend who kept his grandfather’s gold wedding band in his car for when he went out to the club. He said he’d put it on before he went in, and he got more attention with the ring on than he ever did without it. So, women are clearly just as guilty of this offense as men. YIKES!

By SexyLeggs

October 24, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

NCGirlfrom ATL, you said it correctly….it’s “plain self-absorption.”

By Swangin D

October 24, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

@DasV……my disclaimer…..i hit the bottom…lol…i eat until you get sleepy…i could go on…lol

By Sunshine

October 24, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

Very interesting topic. My husband and I have been interested in trying out the whole swinging thing. We’re both young, attractive, educated black people. Can any of you recommend a good starting point? We’re interested in people who are similar to us in looks, class, and mind-set…

By Jewel

October 24, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this

I remember seeing this guy I had met in college. He’s flirting with me and I notice his ring. I say, “Oh, you’re married now.” He looks down and begins wiping his hand on his pants (for whatever reason). I think he mumbled “abracadabra. Now you see it, now you don’t.” Another idiot. I simply said “that’s okay.” And held my hand up for him to see my rings.

By Poppa Grande

October 24, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this

Its not cheating your spouse, if he or she is involved. Cheating in general is getting an advantage that others cannot have. Such as cheating on a test. If you have a open book test, could be called consensual cheating as well. Everyone gets the benefit from the book.

Its called cheating in a relationship because one person is getting something outside the relationship (usually sex, but not always…sex outside marriage is not the only way to cheat on your spouse) that the other person doesn’t get benefit of having.

Now, I personally feel that swinging isn’t cheating your spouse as much as cheatng God, and the promise that the marriage entails. “To have and to hold this day forth through sickness and in health as long as we both shall live”. It is a pretty deep promise if you really delve into it.

By 2CPTG©

October 24, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this

Sunshine….there’s a place called Trapeze, that’s right up y’all alley!

By Demi

October 24, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this

Bre demigdo33@yahoo.com or yahoo Im: demigod33..I check hourly or less.

She’s doing great…in Canada, she was just hired this past summer. She was in my life a short while, but has made a huge impact on me..in a positive way.

Staceye and be nice to my latest personality Midget Mac(not Demi)…you know you Wuv him, LOL

I am out y’all

By Swangin D

October 24, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

@sunshine….use google…lol

By Alvin

October 24, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this

Sunshine I am texting a friend now for the info…I am not getting back into swing no time soon mind you..

By DuShawn

October 24, 2007 12:17 PM | Link to this

Personally, I believe wedding rings are just a symbol of one’s commitment. I normally where mine, but sometimes, like this morning, I forget. While on vacation earlier this year my wife lost a part of her ring at beach. We searched but couldn�t find it. We had a flight to catch. She was so upset. I’m like: “baby, f that s, it�s just a ring, I�ll buy you another one, let�s dip.” Additionally, jewelry will not keep you faithful. When I was single, I�ll try a married chick in a heartbeat if I found her attractive. I wouldn�t be rude or disrespectful, but I would give her the opportunity to decline my advances. On the other hand, there is a multitude of women out there that don�t share the high moral standards of the female participants in this forum. They will blatantly let it be known that they are aware of your situation, and they still want to be with you. Finally, I don�t believe if one has committed adultery, inevitably Karma will punish them for their misdeeds. I�m of the opinion, that in life shyt happens. You deal with problems as they arise. Bad things happen to good people. It�s not necessarily a direct result of something you did in the past, it’s just life.

By Beautiful

October 24, 2007 12:21 PM | Link to this

Sunshine, try www.friendfinders.com and myspace. good luck destroying your life!

By Alvin

October 24, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

Sunshine Trapeze, is the spot my friend given me as well, the folks are pretty layed back, so weither you start or not, you will meet some cool folks…

I am out until later…

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 24, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this

swangin D at least yous gotta disclaimer. i aint mad at cha. but dont lemme catch you in a lie… :)

poppa im feelin that consentual cheating on a test. and what you said earlier about women being more upset at the sneakiness/lies/mis-repenstations than at the sex act itself is.

i cosign in part the ‘have and to hold’ comment you made, but the deepest part to me in the whole vows thing is stating your full name and your partners full name… cause to do that, you have know self (or suppose to)

all that vows is summed in ‘i love you’ before witnesses

(it dont mean nothing if he dont say it in public ladies!!)

By DuShawn

October 24, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this

DuShawn gets offended even though he puts his business out there. Jewel Don’t get it twisted. I don’t put my business out there. I may put it out HERE, but I never put out there.

By kinderbabe

October 24, 2007 12:31 PM | Link to this

beautiful i was over here seriously laughing out loud after reading your comment to sunshine…what a mess! you are so right….

By Aggressively witty

October 24, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this

Swinging, in 2007…mannn this aint 1972 no more where if you get caught up you can just got get a booty shot and be cool

Yeah I get what the swingers or pro swingers will say “we are safe” YRB. As many sociopaths out here in the world right now there is no such thing as safe. Even with the crazoid you married to. So not only do you wanna bring in the potential for emotional baggage but also disease. Man no thanks. Swinging sounds good in theory but in practice the ish is moronic. If not for any other reasons then the potential for yall to hook up with someone like dude in Miami who was going around infecting people with High Five on purpose.

yeah condoms huh, yall think EVERY broad that dude smashed out was going raw deezy with him? Doubtful. Pin holes and malicious intent is all a bamma needs for him to hook you up for life with that number 32 special. Also, how about herpes. Yall living up the ‘safe” swinging meanwhile the new exciting couple yall meet gonna give you a lifetime of excitement starting with pubic blisters and valtrex scripts.

Now to take this one step further. lets say you and your wife/husband go swing. Yall contract herpes. 7 years down the road you wanna have babies but now you gotta deal with the herpe infested birth canal. Lets make it even more real. You and your wife start having problems 9 years down the road. You wanna leave this broad but you start thinking about all the pratfalls of someone your age in the dating scene and you ALSO got to tell whoever you might date that you got penile blisters?

man yall better do like aretha told the sax player in the blues brothers…think, think

By Beautiful

October 24, 2007 12:37 PM | Link to this

DuShawn are you gonna share?

By Dr. Kym-Relationship Expert

October 24, 2007 12:38 PM | Link to this

Mark this day down…because Dushawn I actually agree with your last statement.

Taken from wikipedia—The explanation of karma can differ per tradition. Usually it is believed to be a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do. The results or “fruits” of actions are called karma-phala. Karma is not about retribution, vengeance, punishment or reward; karma simply deals with what is. The effects of all deeds actively create past, present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one’s own life, and the pain and joy it brings to others. In religions that incorporate reincarnation, karma extends through one’s present life and all past and future lives as well. It is cumulative.

Hi Jewel-Reading about Clarence Thomas is not on my booklist. I have taken a recent interest in learning about other cultures and since the Dalai Lama was in town I am looking for his book along with Bill Cosby…that waiting list is wayyyyy too long.

By mqew

October 24, 2007 12:40 PM | Link to this

Hey Yall,

I wanted to jump in real quick as I’m a married fe that have not worn my ring in three years. Actually, my husband has never worn a ring in all ten years. He’s one that doesn’t know when he’s being pushed up on, but after he realizes it, he puts on the brakes. I’m with Diva and Cool - it’s definitely in the attitude. I was at a bar by myself recently minding my own and a brother came over and asked, “Where’s your ring?” I told him it was at home, he nodded, and bought me a drink (had a couple of compliments) and kept it moving.

NC - you know ring or no ring if he’s single/married, he still may be an a*******hole…

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2007 12:40 PM | Link to this

oh how I heart Agg Witt. You have a talent for breaking things down, I just love it!

By SexyCool

October 24, 2007 12:40 PM | Link to this

my man can say whatever he pleases in public…if he’s not showing he loves me in his private and/or public actions…all of it is just talk…and we all know that talk is like a crackhead slobjob…cheap

By Dan

October 24, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this

To the faithful “Judge not lest ye be judged first.”

The fact that someone wants to be gay, participate in socially “alternative lifestyles”, or is a “minority” does not make them anything but different.

And judgement is reserved for He who is I AM.

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 24, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this

AggW snaps in the air, snaps in the air* and doing what looks to be an indian rain dance, but its really my ‘amen bruh, amen!’ dance

By Jewel

October 24, 2007 12:43 PM | Link to this

It is not as simple as worrying about karma, or knowing that you will reap what you sow. It is a matter of having an ounce of respect for another person’s union. It is a matter of putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. How would you feel if your husband/wife deprived you of intimacy because his garden tool drained him? How would you feel if every time he left your presence, you wondered if he was with another woman? How would you feel if even his small acts of kindness towards you was suspect?

I pity women who dupe themselves into believing that a man who lies to his wife is honest with them when he says, “I’m unhappy.” “She doesn’t make me feel the way you do.” “She doesn’t understand me.” Do you really believe that the woman who washes his dirty drawers doesn’t understand him?

By Willie Dynamite

October 24, 2007 12:46 PM | Link to this

My .02—Married people should wear their rings in a social setting. Wearing a ring doesn’t signify trust, morals or any of those other things. The person wearing the ring signifies that with their actions. You market yourself my your actions.

I can openly admit that during my single days I had the “I’m hitting nuthin but Married chicks phase” It was so easy. I do believe in karma but i also believe in that taking care of home addage. I think Men cheat for different reasons than women. A man will cheat because he can. Women cheat when something is not right at home (my opinion).

Now all of that doesn’t mean that a married person is invisible or shouldn’t flirt.

Now that I’m married are you saying I can’t sit and have a conversation (maybe even flirty in nature) with a single woman. Da Hell.

Good conversation is good conversation if you know how to let it go at that.

By DuShawn

October 24, 2007 12:51 PM | Link to this

Aggwit everything you described in your anti swinging tirade can happen to a couple that does not engage in that lifestyle, but are unfaithful to their union in the traditional sense. I think the biggest risk of swinging is the emotional toll it can have on a couple when they don’t know what they’re getting into. That lifestyle is not for everybody, but obviously a lot of folks dig it. It’s a multi billion-dollar industry.

By Jewel

October 24, 2007 12:59 PM | Link to this

Oh, DuShawn here, there, everywhere…tomatoe, tomahtah.

Dr. Kym Yeah, that Tom Joyner interview last week just has me curious. Thomas was in town last week with his smiley face on. I guess to counter the bad PR…

Agg Witt AMEN! Jewel gets ‘happy’ while fanning DasV. LOL!

By Aggressively witty

October 24, 2007 1:00 PM | Link to this

Dushawn, exactly why in the start of my post I said

“As many sociopaths out here in the world right now there is no such thing as safe. Even with the crazoid you married to.”

So my point wasnt that the risk is not there in a ‘traditional’ union where a partner cheats it was that why risk it knowingly?

I mean cars get stolen every day, does that mean you would park your car in a south jersey, windows down, unlocked with an ipod, cash, and weed in the front seat?

And that wasnt as much an anti swinging tirade as it was an anti-moron, people be smart PSA.

By DuShawn

October 24, 2007 1:00 PM | Link to this

Beautiful What do you want me to share?

By Jazzyone

October 24, 2007 1:02 PM | Link to this

Heres a good one! Guts and Balls - The Distinction

We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do yo