Misadventures in Atlanta

By QC

October 22, 2007 8:35 AM | Link to this

Morning….

By SlimOne

October 22, 2007 8:50 AM | Link to this

Merning WLB/MLB & the rest

Do you think there is a difference between changing someone and helping them grow? I do think there is a difference. Some folks just need a little motivation and support for them to reach down and strive to be a better them. However, when it comes to trying to change a person just to fit what you want them to be for control purposes, that’s where things get a little on the cwazy side. It’s one thing to encourage a SO, but to act like their mother or guardian making off the wall demands is another.

I would appreciate a SO trying to encourage me and help keep me motivated in a positive way. I actually welcome it, especially if it’s something i’ve strugged with such as procrastination. I think when a couple can find the best way to go about this, they are like a well-oiled machine. LOL!

Slim now posting ads on Craig’s List for the guy willing to be her can of WD40

By Raqi

October 22, 2007 8:53 AM | Link to this

Up until nearly two years ago I had been the sole breadwinner and decision for my household the majority of my adult life. While that made me strong and confident in some areas it also made me selfish and untrusting in others, which is not a good thing.

I had not really given it much thought, how these past two years have changed me, but since you mentioned it, just sitting here purposely recalling the changes that have taken place in me, I can say that my husband is making me a better person. I am less selfish and more trusting. I can boldly say the same for him also. I have a positive affect on him. While some changes are subtle, a few are drastically obvious to those who know us well.

However, I have noticed a new habit that I don’t really care for. I don’t think it is something that he just started doing, but I just started to pay attention to it.

This topic has given me a splendid idea for an anniversary gift. Seven days and counting until number 2.

And anyway change is good. If one is truly “growing” into a better person then accepting change influenced by someone else is viewed as such, Growing.

But sometimes it is still hard…

Morning QC.

By 2CPTG©

October 22, 2007 8:54 AM | Link to this

Mornin, y’all….

“I’m a movement by myself, but I’m a force when we’re together”…..and that’s what’s up!

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 22, 2007 8:56 AM | Link to this

Morning, everyone.

I believe the significant thing about the Jack Nicholson quote is not necessarily the quote itself, but why he said it. I think he was deeply impacted by the fact that the woman was simply being herself and, as such, he was the one who determined he needed to make some changes, not her.

In other words, it was never the woman’s goal or objective to “change” him in the first place, but as she continued to just be who she was, he realized himself that change needed to take place and that’s how it should be with each of us. However, that can only happen as each of us is content with who we are, as opposed to trying to be someone we’re not.

I believe our willingness to tolerate the little nuances and habits of others, things that might otherwise get on our nerves or frustrate us, is what opens the door to our own “Jack Nicholson moment”, because the other person is bound to take notice and will, hopefully, be motivated to make the change(s) themselves - without our having to say a word.

Love is a verb.

Darrell

By AmazonRed

October 22, 2007 9:01 AM | Link to this

I think thier is a difference in changing someone and making them grow. And their is nothing wrong with making them grow, if they want to do so as well. My last two relationships, the guy and I pushed each other to do better. I finally left my good job and moved to a city I felt better for me, he upgraded to a better job which he had wanted to do for a long time. We were both happier once those changes were made.

With my most recent situation, the guy complained a lot about his job situation and how he hated it. We had begun running together and he had a real knack for personal training. I did some research and referred him to a personal training program. Now he’s on his way to doing something he’d rather do and is much happier. Too bad it didn’t work out between us tho.

By Jazzyone

October 22, 2007 9:02 AM | Link to this

Morning ya! Bonding with that special man will make me a better, stronger woman. When in a relationship I think its important to help each other grow and not use each other as a crutch. Don’t want to change anyone I am attracted to a person as they are and want to hold that dear don’t look for science projects in men.

By Rell - I LOVE YAMS!!!

October 22, 2007 9:13 AM | Link to this

TOP OF THE MORNING FOLKS

good post darrell

@AR…now that is how you play…you did your researched and pointed the man in the right direction…i pop my collar to you

what it dew….2C…MS PARKER!!!…diva

@S1…GOOD POST!!

By Jazzyone

October 22, 2007 9:17 AM | Link to this

OFF topic, has anyone else noticed that Evan Ross, Dianas son looks like Michael Jackson?? Or is it just me.

By AmazonRed

October 22, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this

Thanks Rell. Too bad he didn’t appreciate me.

By 2CPTG©

October 22, 2007 9:22 AM | Link to this

nah, it ain’t about changing the other person, it’s about becoming a better person! check out the quote from that Ne-yo song, above…….I’m doin’ it, by myself, but do you make me better? what can you do to enhance what I already got going on???? I think that’s what Diva is alluding to

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 9:24 AM | Link to this

Darrell your post of 856am was beautiful.

Its rare to meet anyone (male or female) for the purpose of friendship or an intimate relationship who ‘moves’ you to think, speak and behave in better form than you have up to that point, who makes you a better ‘you’.

make me up my game, and i will pledge my love for you, forever and a day

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 9:28 AM | Link to this

jazz more like an early rupaul… who by the way is making a comeback.

By Rell - I LOVE YAMS!!!

October 22, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this

note - How about folks should ALWAYS strive for self-improvement…before meeting that ONE…feel me.

one peeve of mine is folks stuck in the “I AM OK/PERFECT”..line of thinking…work outside the box folks..seek improvement from all angles…why would i want to come in and upgrade a women…that is the captians role….and i dont have a cap

we should add to one another…feel me

By Jazzyone

October 22, 2007 9:32 AM | Link to this

Hey Rell

By Annuts1bmun

October 22, 2007 9:33 AM | Link to this

Hello Bloggers,

I think that should be the goal of any relationship. Throughout time there has never been anything created that did not need improvement. Relationships either build/enhance you or drain/tear you down. Just my POV.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

October 22, 2007 9:38 AM | Link to this

Morning ALL!! Hope everyone had a great weekend!! Thank goodness we are getting the much needed rain!!

Jazzyone you are soo wrong for saying that cute lil boy looks like Mike!! but maybe he does just a lil round the eyes….hmmm LOL

Darrell ^5 on your post, I co-sign that!

I, like SlimOne, would love to have someone that can help me grow (make me better) as a person, especially in my weak areas (I struggle with procrastination too chica)! But I feel like most here, that when you get into a relationship its not about changing someone but helping them continue to grow. We are constantly evolving so we should always be reaching for that next level and it helps when you have someone that has your back.

By 2CPTG©

October 22, 2007 9:46 AM | Link to this

Rell….what up folks….no, none of us are perfect; But my thoughts are, if I’m holding my own already, and some lil lady comes with he notion of “upgrading” me, I’mma ask, How? What dimension to me, and my lifestyle do you think you can bring to the table……that, in turn, oughta make her think, not just about me, but about herself as well…..can she, in fact, get in where she fits in; and not just be dead weight….

By Staceye

October 22, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this

Good day bloogers…anyone as sleepy as I am? Who did not want toget out of bed befcause this if good lay in bed and watch movies all day weather?

ANYWAY….I do believe in growth. I can say my mom and step-dad made each other change things and mature. For years my mom was running things in the household and then he came along and she was step up from his previous wife. So he started to trust my mom and she let some of her responsibilites go to him. My dad has worked since he was 14 so all he knows is working. So he works 2 & 3 jobs just cause. He never has to worry about bills being paid because my mom has access to all the credit cards and his bank accounts and hers so she pays all the bills. He always has a hot meal and clean clothes and house. My mom is retired but has now started working part time because she got bored. But he takes my mom shopping all the time. But I feel they upgraded each other in different ways. I see two better people now. So it’s cool… My dad is the reason I do believe that all men are not bad fathers…just my bio-dad!

By Rell - I LOVE YAMS!!!

October 22, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this

@2C…i feel you, but why broadcast you bringing change…why not just show..why not surprise your partner with your skill or varied interest..say like if you have your exhibit game down with art..and i dont..why not expose me to that without the show….feel me…share with me to help me grow..dont broadcast that i am going to change you in that area

By R.I.P.

October 22, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this

Excellent Topic! I, for one, can honestly say that my mate has not made me better. In fact, I can go as far to say while I am more stable financially - As a person,I’ve become far more pessimistic, less fiery and incredibly insensitive.

I wish that he could make me a better person - not sure that he is entirely capable.

Happy rainy day y’all!

By Foots

October 22, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this

Good morning all! It’s funny because I was just talking to an ex about this the other day. On the flip side, he said that sometimes a man meets a woman and he knows internally he will have to change and become better to be with her, so he decides to leave her because he doesn’t WANT to be better yet. Even if presently, she accepts him wholeheartedly for who he is now. When I countered with “Isn’t it a good thing to be with someone who makes you want to be better?”, the feeling I got from him was that sometimes, a man doesn’t want that. He wants a woman who he feels he can be his own imperfect self with, so he selects someone who has just as far to go as he does. Now THAT’S a concept, downgrading your choice of mate because YOU don’t want to grow.

Personally, I have miles to go in my own growth. If I can be with someone who encourages me the way that I encourage him, we can both be everything we were meant to be. Unfortunately, I’ve never felt that kind of support from anyone up to this point, but I think I will one day.

There was one guy I dated that I felt intimidated by, but that just made me want to make myself better because I hated feeling “beneath” him. Too bad that didn’t work out. I could have been running for President by now! LOL!!

By Jazzyone

October 22, 2007 10:09 AM | Link to this

Okay why did this sitah from another floor that I talk to sometimes when i can take it tells me she broke up with a guy becasue everytime she went shopping he told her his sizes or asked her what she purchased for him, now mind you this is after their first meeting when he purchased shoes for her when they went shopping…

Now she tells him that turns her off and don’t ask her for anything…

OMG and this chick wonders why shes single..OMG! I just turned around and put my headphones back in I can’t take this dumb Shyt on a Monday..sigh

By 2CPTG©

October 22, 2007 10:09 AM | Link to this

yep, Rell, I agree……it’s all in the approach. That’s why I get shytty real quick if you tom’bout you gon change/upgrade me…….

By T-Mango

October 22, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this

You make me better…

The day that I can look a man in the eyes and say that I’ll know that he is the one for me. However, being able to acknowledge that is strictly for grown folks and not for the weak at heart. If you come to the conclusion that someone is “making you better”-to me that means that you’ve opened up and allowed yourself to be vulnerable with another person. It means you’re in the process of showing them you in your totality…the “good side”, as well as, your flaws. A person has to be close to you and has to invest time in you in order to see those facets of you and be apart of your growth.

In my mind, someone “making me better” is a gift. It is a manifestation of God’s love for me by using another person as a vessel. That in itself is freedom. In my lifetime, I hope to experience that-

Have a great week.

T.

By QC

October 22, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this

Hey Raqi

great post Brother :)

By Jazzyone

October 22, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this

T-Mango I loved your post!

By SexyLeggs

October 22, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this

Good morning, everyone. Every time I hear this phrase “I’m a movement by myself, but I’m a force when we’re together” I smile. What a wonderful thing to say or feel about a SO. I do believe a SO can bring a person up and can make a man/woman want to be a better person.

Foots, your 10:02 post was just sad. Why would anybody want to downgrade. Well, I guess “fear” of growing will stifle some. I can’t get with the concept, but I know it exists.

R.I.P. stop waiting on him to make you a better person. Make yourself a better person. In my case, I knew I would go absolutely bonkers if I continued to wait on my ex. I did everything so instead of having him turn me into a pessimestic, insensitive woman, I decided to upgrade MYSELF, my thoughts and my beliefs.

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this

t-mango i am so feelin that statement someone making me better is a manifestation of God’s love for me

seeing and having a tangible form of His love in my arms and holding me is a beautiful thought worth waiting for.

By binford

October 22, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this

I’d love for someone to make me better, because I’m under the weather today and need some chicken soup :(

Support, encouragement and the guardianship of some else’s hopes and dreams makes each person in a union better. Not easy things to find.

By Foots

October 22, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

R.I.P. Does he add anything to your life other than financially?

T-Mango and Darrell Good posts!

By SexyCool

October 22, 2007 10:43 AM | Link to this

rell…i made yams yesterday…LOL…

By T-Mango

October 22, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this

Jazzyone/DasV. Thanks. I agree that is worth waiting for! In the meantime, I continue to live my life to the fullest… Y’all be easy.

By Rell - I LOVE YAMS!!!

October 22, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this

@sexxycool……where is my plate…lol

By Raqi

October 22, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this

The thing about the character in that movie is dude was messed up but didn’t really know it. As with so many of us, despite popular belief, we don’t realize how off balance we are until being made aware of it and are in much need of some upgrading and/or change.

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 22, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

T-Mango

I think your post (@ 10:11) is very profound and I compliment you on it. To say that someone making you better is “a manifestation of God’s love” is not unlike God’s approach toward us and, likewise, our response, to Him in return.

Just as God proactively reaches out to each of us in love - in spite of our our faults, shortcomings and frailties - there are those who, in relationships, reach out to us in like manner. However, in each instance, the issue for us is whether or not we can be honest enough with ourselves to acknowledge that we actually are in need of what the person is offering. This is true whether we’re talking about God or our mate, because once the offer is made, we still have the option to either accept or reject it.

The thing we need to be careful of, however, is that as we recognize things within our mate which, in our estimation, are in need of “improvement”, we should remind ourselves that, unlike God, we are not here to “save the day” or to “rescue” that person. If anything, our role is simply to be available to them and to ultimately leave the decision up to them as to whether or not they want to avail themselves of what it is we’re offering to help them do.

As God Himself said, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Yes, God does knock, but He leaves it up to us to decide whether or not to open the door. And so should it be with us. Let your mate know you’re there for him/her, but let them make the choice to “open the door” (or not.)

Darrell

By Dr. Kym-Relationship Expert

October 22, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

I believe there is a difference between changing someone and helping them develop more.

I find it completely offensive for someone to say I want him because I would fix him up. Or if she was mine I would fix her. I stated this last week…why are you falling for someone you think needs fixing. It should be about what added benefit this person brings to you or you bring to that person. Not about how you can mold them into your ideal mate. In a relationship it is not about playing Pygmalion but about growing as one. That means taking your loves flaws and your own flaws and adjusting and growing. I am a firm believer in “you knew the job was dangerous when you took it.”

By FeelingGood

October 22, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

All I can think about is something Will Smith said - surround yourself with positive people that are doing the dang thing.

Take it from someone that is separated - you can not change a person and marriage is all about growing. You are not helping the person grow, experiences help the person and yourself grow. It is up to each individual in the marriage to take the opportunity to grow and to be a better person. NOW - you need to ask yourself who are you marrying and who are you dating - are these postive, motivating people that like changes, that take every opportunity to learn, to grow, to make themselves better. Shoot - ask yourself are you that type of above person - we are so quick to look at the other person, instead of looking at ourselves and saying hey, maybe I need to be a little flexible about this and do it his/her way.

By 2CPTG©

October 22, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this

Raqi…..“we don’t realize how off balance we are until being made aware of it and are in much need of some upgrading and/or change”………ummmm, who determines what YOU need in YOUR life?

By Rell - I LOVE YAMS!!!

October 22, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this

STANDING UP AND CLAPPING ON DR KIMS POST AND FEELING GOOD….cosign!!!!!…that is my line of thinking as well

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 22, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this

Dr. Kym

Your post (@10:54) reminded me of this song by the band Coldplay called ‘Fix You’. Not sure if any of you are fans of this band (I am), but it’s a really nice song and I think these lyrics say a lot about how many of us feel…

Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best but you don’t succeed When you get what you want but not what you need When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep Stuck in reverse.

When the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can’t replace When you love someone but it goes to waste Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below When you’re too in love to let it go But if you never try you’ll never know “Just what your worth”

Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down on your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face and I…

Tears stream, down on your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face and I…

Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you.

By Tiff

October 22, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this

Hey folks!!

I do believe there is a difference. I don’t see helping a person “grow” in a material sense but rather as a person. For me its going back and asking the exes (most of whom I still talk to often) “what didn’t you like about me when we were together?” Will their answers “change” me? Probably not, but it will make me aware of somethings that I probably didn’t even realize that I did or something I would say that would have a different effect then I intended and make me cognizant of it. To me that is growth. I’ve learned to say what annoys me or gets on my nerves about them in a positive and tactful manner instead of a nagging one. Am I trying to change them? I don’t think so. I’m trying to make our relationship grow and help them to grow in knowing you can say what needs to be said without hurting each other. I consider this growth because knowing this can help both personally and professionally.

By Dan

October 22, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

Good morning all,

With the rain, maybe Sunny Perdue can go back to doing nothing, as usual.

But on topic. Darrell, I agree with your post.

As a reforming womanizer I am learning from my past mistakes to remember EVERY DAY that I spend with someone I care about that love is indeed a verb.

It can get hard, when she makes you mad picking at little stuff. But as the referenced movie would show you, he changed because she motivated him to want a better life. While no one can be the reason for you to change anything about yourself, they can certainly motivate the change.

And it doesn’t even have to be a mate!

By SexyLeggs

October 22, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

*Tiff, that’s exactly what Jack Nicoloson did. He went back to some of his exes. You’re right, it may not make you change, but it will make you aware of certain things. Not many can or will do this. I commend you for that.

binford, I’ll definitely co-sign your 10:22 post. Man o man!!!

By For Real

October 22, 2007 11:35 AM | Link to this

What up Blog Fam!!!!

We do not have the capability to fix nor make a person. All we can do is point out what we see in a person that he/she may not see in themselves. They have already been made.

If you want to fix or make something start with yourself.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.” —Will Durant

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

darrell that song so speaks to a what a healthy relationship should be. sometimes you cant do anything for your partner but help them heal… not rehash past mistakes or try to replace what was lost, just sympathize and at the least empathize.

By BLAT

October 22, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

….when the Remy’s in the System…

Hola to the Blog…

K, so I haven’t read all the posts so far today, but from what I see it seems like this whole topic is like trying to solve the riddle from the middle.

Before you start worrying about what we or our partner needs to change or “grow”, we need to ask ourselves the following question… “Can I live with this person AS IS??? Can I love them for who they ARE and not who I’d like them to be, and can they do the same?” If the answer to those two isn’t Yes, then you shouldn’t try to be in a relationship with that person.

To me that’s the entire point of Jack Nicholson’s quote in the movie. He found someone who liked him for him, accepted all of his flaws and stupid quirks, and didn’t judge him negatively as a result. Lo and behold, he felt compelled to ‘be a better man’.

To me, there’s a simple reason for this. We live in a world that constantly beats us down, and sends us the message, in every way, shape, and form, that we’re simply not good enough. Many of us tend to give up and say “I’m never going to be good enough, so why try???” As a result, you have a significant portion of us out there stuck in neutral.

But…. when we run across someone who says “Yeah, you have your flaws. I know you’re not perfect, and I like you anyway”, we all of a sudden find a safety net, a sort of platform to work from, with the knowledge that if we don’t “improve” or “grow” right away, it’s gonna be ok. Now, there are plenty of self-motivated go getters out there who need no safety net, need no acceptance from anyone, but the reality is that those people are few among us.

And the bottom line is that everyone has room to improve, and the people you surround yourself with all have the potential to bring out either the best in you or the worst. The choice is up to us.

By Dan

October 22, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

@Foots

Babygyrl, I can tell you first hand that the man you seek, will come to you. Not just becuase God has brought him to you, but becuase God has worked the changes in you to make you ready.

While I am more spiritual than religious, I believe that I have to put in the work before asking God for help in that matter (I personally think He’s a little busy).

I said that to say this, no one outside yourself is responisible or capable of securing your happiness in this world. To grant that power to any one person is irresponsible.

By For Real

October 22, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

Phoots I think you may have misunderstood what he was trying to say or he stated it wrong. IMO what he was trying to say is that sometimes a man will meet a woman that on a particular path that requires more responsibility and commitment than a man is currently prepared to give. It’s not that he doesn’t want be upgraded (I don’t like that term bc God already made you and no man can improve on His works) he is not ready.

I may have all of the physical and mental tool required to play professional sports but I may not be ready for the other duties required.

By For Real

October 22, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this

Mo I know you haven’t asked but this rain go me in the mood for some begging music.

Is your love How deep is your love Is your love How deep is your love How, oh, how How deep is your love Oh, how’s your love

Been all day thinkin’, all night wonderin’ Why love has to change You kiss me, but it’s not real Tell me what happened

Are we living a lie, baby Is that magic gone Ooh, do you feel the same way you used to, girl Ooh, tell me is it wrong for us to love like this

How deep is your love (How deep is your love) How deep is your love (How deep is your love) How deep is your love (How deep is your love) Oh…ho…oh…oh… (How deep is your love)

You run your fingers through my hair You tell me you love me You act like everything between us is alright, girl But you know, you know that it’s not true

You love me or do you wanna leave me, baby Tell me, girl, I can take it Something’s just not right, I don’t know, no Tell me how deep is your love

(I love you) I love you (I love you) I love you Whoa…whoa…oh…oh… (I love you) I love you, love you, love you Oh, yes, I do, my baby (Shooby dooby doo) Shooby dooby do it up (Shooby dooby doo) Do it up, do it up, do it on up, babe (Do it on up) Mmm, mmm Shooby dooby dooby doo wop, baby That means I love you, darlin’ I just can’t figure you out, baby One minute I think you love me, and then next one I think you don’t I don’t understand it Woo…hoo…ooh… hoo…ooh…ooh…hoo…ooh…ooh… I’m just goin’ insane tryin’ to figure you out, baby How deep is your love I wanna know, you got to tell me, baby Hoo…hoo…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…

By FeelingGood

October 22, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this

To Blat: “Can I live with this person AS IS??? Can I love them for who they ARE and not who I’d like them to be, and can they do the same?”

Excellent questions - because hey, you are not marrying yourself - so adjustments/compromises will need to be made. If you do not like to compromise, move on until you find the perfect “YOU”.

By QC

October 22, 2007 12:06 PM | Link to this

Hey Tiff how ya doing??? I hope you’re having a great day…..

By Tiff

October 22, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this

I am QC thanks. Hope is all is well your way also. Hi to (NC, Demi, Jewel, etc.)

By FeelingGood

October 22, 2007 12:21 PM | Link to this

To Dan: “I said that to say this, no one outside yourself is responisible or capable of securing your happiness in this world. To grant that power to any one person is irresponsible.”

Excellent point: To often people look outside themselves and their family (mother, father, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, etc) for love and happiness. Now that I am separated, I can see that before I got married, I was happy - I was surrounded by family and friends who loved and respected me. I took that for granted and I have learned that my decisions affect not just me but my family and close friends as well. Appreciate the love you have in your life now - it may not be that significant other but it is REAL LOVE. BASK IN THAT LOVE

By Raqi

October 22, 2007 12:22 PM | Link to this

2CPTG It is not a matter of some one other than yourself determining what you need your life. The fact is sometimes others can see things that you don’t see. Sometimes some one else can show you a better way of doing that one thing you think you have perfected, whether it be a mate, friend, family or foe. We all like to think that we have our shyt together and for the most part that could very well be likely but guess what 9 out of 10 times it is not As Good As It Could Get. It could get better but sometimes it takes someone else to help us see that. Check the character of the movie. As far as he was concerned his obnoxious way of living was getting him what he needed in life. But then something better came along that he didn’t realize he even needed.

I am never too old to learn. Bring it on if it’s for my good.

By Foots

October 22, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

For Real I can agree with that. He wasn’t ready for me, and I’m glad that God spared me from all that unpreparedness and insecurity. That’s why when he left, I never went after him. I recognized the blessing then. He later admitted that me never coming after him affected his ego adversely. It might be why he married the next thing smoking, but that’s another topic.

Speaking of ego, honestly, mine was hit a bit when I learned who he ended up with. Maybe it’s true, there is truly someone for everybody; she must have been good for him in some way. He doesn’t seem all that happy though and they’ve only been married 7 months. I think he’s been bitten by the regret bug… Oh well, as Dave Chappelle would say: Tough break brotha, there’s always FUBU… LOL!

By SexyCool

October 22, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this

a person may not be able to make you happy…but they can certainly do ish that makes you unhappy…

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

October 22, 2007 12:37 PM | Link to this

For Real I was getting around to it, but thanks for the song sweetie!! That song was perfect for a day like today….plenty of lovin going on somewhere! LOL

Feeling Good I am co-signing your 12:20 post, ^5 !!

By Singlesoon

October 22, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this

Off Topic, Does anyone have a contact(s) for a great GA divorce attorney? It would be greatly appreciated.

By Aggressively witty

October 22, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this

I think the thing with this upgrade/make you better conversation that is important is perspective. If a broad is coming in talking bout making superficial changes, The hell do I care. My wife came in and immediately wanted to do ALL my clothes shopping. The hell i care about that for? Please, upgrade me. I was/am just a regular dude and I was mighty happy wearing new balance sneakers, sweats/jeans, and t shirts. Of course I had some suits and some slacks n stuff but for the most part my gear would leave other people non-plussed. In that aspect, she upgraded, made me better, whatever the hell you wanna call it. Dont get it twisted, I still have veto power over selections and I have to remind her that banana republic and j crew stuff is cut for unathletic build ( see feminine framed) men.

Would I get offended that she said she did so? Would i get offended if she came right out when we first started dating and said I needed the change, no. The hell I care, its clothes. now if she came in trying to change my personality, morality, or how I relate to others, then we would have issues.

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 12:45 PM | Link to this

Raqi and 2CPTG I disagree (raqi). I think the character knew all along that there was another way to live, but before meeting her he never had a reason to do anything different than what he had always done.

in the case of someone who doesnt realize that a mate is added value, not the value of your life than what you need is not a partner but a good psychiatrist. Maturity is the abilty to make a honest self-examination… not of talents or skills but of motives and deficiencies in character…. a good mate accentuates your beauty, and helps to minimize what you lack because those are her/his strengths.

By BennyB

October 22, 2007 12:50 PM | Link to this

“You make me a better person”. - I once told a girl the same exact statement. To this day, it’s the neediest statement I ever made to a woman. It was my craziest totally off balance college summer then………

On the topic: You cannot help anyone to grow unless they ask you to do so. Anything else is an attempt to change him/her to your own ideal.

Raqi -

“The thing about the character in that movie is dude was messed up but didn’t really know it. As with so many of us, despite popular belief, we don’t realize how off balance we are until being made aware of it and are in much need of some upgrading and/or change”.

Thank you for bringing wisdom to this blog, some people here need it badly. By the way, did you hangout with Jesus this past weekend? Because he is the one who said that: “For many are called, but few are chosen” Matthew 22:14.

By SexyLeggs

October 22, 2007 12:52 PM | Link to this

Singlesoon, Dwight R. Johnson** (770) 593-3610. My divorce, uncontested, was settled in 5 months.

By Aggressively witty

October 22, 2007 12:59 PM | Link to this

benny B what makes you think telling a broad she “makes you a better person” is all that needy or insane?

It is my sincerest hope that every broad I dated has in some way taught me something about not only who i am, but also what I desire. Thus making me a better person. Now i am sure there were some dregs in the dating past that brought absolutely nothing to the table but a great head game and fun times, but at the very least they made me aware that it is not the dove, but rather the Swallow that is the true bird of love (the classics never die!)

Having someone make you a better person is natural. If you are sharing intimacy with someone both physical and emotional you cannot help but have them spur you onward in your ultimate goal of self actualization.

By Demi

October 22, 2007 1:01 PM | Link to this

A person may not be able to make you happy…but they can certainly do ish that makes you unhappy…

Aint that some ish…Hey SexyCool

Can I live with this person AS IS???

Sidddd, that sounds like a use car warranty.

Hey QC (I have a cute too short business suit/dress for you, with matching heels’n’purse.)

demi getting beat down by QC’s Bro (great post by the way)

By SexyCool

October 22, 2007 1:05 PM | Link to this

aggwit…cosign…

By Singlesoon

October 22, 2007 1:05 PM | Link to this

@SexyLeggs, Thank you

By FeelingGood

October 22, 2007 1:07 PM | Link to this

To Benny B: “You make me a better person”. - I once told a girl the same exact statement. To this day, it’s the neediest statement I ever made to a woman. It was my craziest totally off balance college summer then………”

The statement before this one was “You complete me” - another needy statement.

So off topic - You mentioned college and I started thinking about a college professor - Whew! I love a man that speaks well and is knowledgeable.

On topic - Do we really change or do we just keep our mouths shut to keep the peace? Just wondering!

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 1:16 PM | Link to this

you make me want to be a better person

you complete me

how are those “needy” statements?? basically i am saying i see who you are and i know who i am and you bring something to my cipher that without you i wont otherwise have… i dont need you to do it cause regardless imma do what i do, but i am glad that are here….

By FeelingGood

October 22, 2007 1:18 PM | Link to this

To Demi: “Can I live with this person AS IS???

Sidddd, that sounds like a use car warranty.”

You make me laugh - but the truth some of us need a warranty(WARNING, CAUTION SIGN). DUDE’S WARRANTY READS: Will work for a couple of months, then quit job and lay around the house for three months. Will constantly critize if things do not go my way. Will curse you out and say you made me do that.

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 22, 2007 1:24 PM | Link to this

FeelingGood

“On topic - Do we really change or do we just keep our mouths shut to keep the peace? Just wondering!”

Good question.

Speaking only for myself, I believe when faced with the choice to change or keep our mouth shut, the right thing to do is to opt for the former rather than the latter, even if it involves a certain degree of confrontation.

As I see it, legitimate confrontation is purifying for any relationship because it helps keep the slate clean. And, as we probably all know, lack of communication is devastating to a relationship, so it’s best to just get things out in the open as opposed to “keeping score.” Keeping one’s mouth shut only delays the inevitable, which, in this case, would be tantamount to Mount Vesuvius going off and years of dormancy and leaving nothing but dead bodies in its wake.(metaphorically speaking.)

Darrell

By NCGirlfromATL

October 22, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

A person may not be able to make you happy…but they can certainly do ish that makes you unhappy…

So true, SexyCool!

Sup y’all!

This topic is so timely! I know someone right now who thinks that she can make a man want to be a better person. Right now, she is wallowing…did I say WALLOWING in self-pity and self-doubt over the end of her relationship. It’s whooooa is meeeeeeee, and iiiiiiii’m so saaaaaaaaad, and he did me sooooooo wrooooooooong, and my life is oooooooooover!! Wah wah wah!! I’m all for the brief pity party, just to get it out of your system, but this chick has been at it since LAST DECEMBER!! We’re going on a year, folks! Anyway, I had a Come-To-Jesus talk with her recently, and tried to help her see that she alone is responsible for her happiness (and actions.) Yeah, he messed her over. But, it happened, it’s done, can’t change the past. Time to move forward and decide how you want your future to be. She is the type of person who thinks that, simply by virtue of being with her, you have been upgraded. I’m all for confidence, but let’s keep it real. She’s controlling, manipulative and anal retentive. It has to be done her way, b/c her way is really the only way it should be done…but she thinks she’s giving her man the pants in the relationship. Instead of making her man want to be a better person, she gave him an excuse to be lazy. Why should he put forth any effort when whatever he did wasn’t going to be good enough anyway? Let her do it, and take the credit, since that’s what she wants to tell everyone anyway?

I just don’t think you can set out to make a person want to be better. That’s like saying, I can make you love me. Ummm…no, hon, you can’t.

By Foots

October 22, 2007 1:32 PM | Link to this

AggWit It is my sincerest hope that every broad I dated has in some way taught me something about not only who i am, but also what I desire.

If you exchange “broad” with “dude”, I can say the same thing. Even when faced with men who were not the best choices for me, I learned something new about myself. It could have been as simple as knowing that I could move on without them, but whatever it was, they brought me something and when I left the situation, I was different from when I came in.

I think that if somebody is around people who add nothing to their lives, they need to find some new people to be around. If a person believes that they can’t use some improving and that other people can’t spur them on to making those changes, they need to keep on living, as my mom would say. They just haven’t come across the right ones yet.

By Foots

October 22, 2007 1:37 PM | Link to this

Feeling Good Do we really change or do we just keep our mouths shut to keep the peace? Just wondering!

Hmmmm…. That’s a good one. Or do we just keep our mouths shut to keep the peace or is it just about finding a way to adapt to and accept things in another person that we have no way of changing?

By Foots

October 22, 2007 1:44 PM | Link to this

you complete me

I feel a different way about this statement. I might need a blog vest for this, but I tend to see a grown (and still growing) individual as a whole half, a complete half. Because God created Man, and divided Man into Male and Female, individually, we will always be halves of that whole of Man. We may be a completed half by ourselves, but when we find the person for us, together we can become a completed whole. We add balance to each other, and to me, that is a form of completion.

By For Real

October 22, 2007 1:47 PM | Link to this

JOD = Joke of the Day:

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, “If you catch me you can have me.”

Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone.

“This is our most rigorous program.”

“Absolutely,” he replies,

“I haven’t felt this good in years.”

The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,

“If I catch you, your a* is mine.”

He lost 63 pounds that week.

By QC

October 22, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

Hi Demi aka The Cape Crusader i’ve been missing You!!!

my brother’s not the “beat down” type….he’s cool :)

By cool breeze

October 22, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this

nah, relationships aren’t like business mergers at all. That thought is why so many relationships fail. People think they can dissolve the partnership easily and stuff like that. it would hep if people would learn to love “the person” not what the person can do for you. Love is about what you have to give not what you can get. If it’s just you and a guy in a tent with some canned soup do you still love the guy? When people say “I love you” do they mean that they love that person or is it “I love how much you”…make/your career/what you buy me/ and crap like that?

By For Real

October 22, 2007 2:00 PM | Link to this

QC Do have to give back the pictures of you on my camera phone since your brother is on the blog now?

Phoots Your 1:44 post is gonna make me cry.. can you hold me??? Little tighter please.

By Pop Tarts

October 22, 2007 2:02 PM | Link to this

For Real that was a cute joke!

By Foots

October 22, 2007 2:09 PM | Link to this

For Real You are so doggone SILLY!!! LOL!!

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 2:16 PM | Link to this

cool breeze i am with you on that. its not a merger, its the start of an entirely new company with a new objective betw two ppl who have experience with running their own entities.

i dont think it disrespects you for me to inquire about your qualifications or why i should join your team over the next man’s team. i fully expect you to investigate me in the same way… please ask me what i am capable of bringing to the table.

i cannot agree with blog opinion that admission of a need is a weakness. i fear the person who says ‘i need nothing’. i also fear the words ‘i am a complete half’… half of what exactly? i am whole, looking for another whole and when joined by God become one. i also don’t believe in the 50/50 deal. both should be willing and capable of giving 100%.

By kinderbabe

October 22, 2007 2:19 PM | Link to this

good afternoon, all.

the only thing constant is change. it is possible to accept your “present perfection” while also acknowledging your works in progress. any level headed, reasonable adult understands that something about them is going to change if they’re fortunate enough to stay on this earth for a while. anything that ceases to grow dies.

as far as the completion thing goes, i was complete when i got here…meaning, anyone or anything made in the image of God is equipped and capable of achieving all that they desire. so when i do meet my life’s mate, it’s “completion” in the sense that this particular purpose in my life has been fulfilled. ya know? it just means that if it was meant for that to happen on my life’s journey, it has been fulfilled. it’s complete.

By Staceye

October 22, 2007 2:21 PM | Link to this

For Real you are crazy man! LOL

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 22, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this

DasV

“i cannot agree with blog opinion that admission of a need is a weakness.”

I have to agree with you.

The truth is, we’re all needy to one extent or another, otherwise, this topic would have no relevance. And, as we can all clearly see, it has definitely resonated with a lot of us.

I’m currently not in a relationship, but the thing that attracts me to want to be in one, is the possibility of there being a woman out there somewhere who needs what it is I have to offer her. And being able to fulfill that need would incredibly gratifying to me, because it would say to me that I’m valued and appreciated by her. And what man doesn’t want to be esteemed by the woman in his life?

So, again, I think it takes a great deal of maturity and security within one’s self to acknowledge that they are “needy” and we shouldn’t be so quick to attach a negative conotation to that word. We’re all needy in one way or another and the sooner we humble ourselves and admit that, the better we’ll all be.

Darrell

By Foots

October 22, 2007 2:40 PM | Link to this

Hi kinderbabe!! How is it going??

as far as the completion thing goes, i was complete when i got here…meaning, anyone or anything made in the image of God is equipped and capable of achieving all that they desire.

On one hand, I agree. But on the other, if we could achieve everything by ourselves, why did God decide that He would provide Adam with a “helpmeet”? In His wisdom, He gave Adam someone who could help him fulfill his destiny.

Personally, I think I can do just about anything. But I know that there will be a point where God says “Foots now needs a helpmeet” or “Dude to the left now needs Foots as his helpmeet” and at that point, we can achieve much greater than we could have apart.

By Jazzyone

October 22, 2007 2:44 PM | Link to this

hey look here, it can be like a job heyal you get a 90 day probationary period and can be let go without reason at any time…this is a at will state remember..LOL!

By FeelingGood

October 22, 2007 2:53 PM | Link to this

“You make me better” and “You complete me” are indications that a person is “needy”. There is a big difference between “needing help” and “being needy”. I might need help with my taxes (thank you very sweety for helping me). Needy is if I do not have you I will not be able to do my taxes (CRAZY - H&R Block can help you do your taxes).

By BennyB

October 22, 2007 2:55 PM | Link to this

DasV - “You make me want to be a better person”: translation - I need you to be a better person” “You complete me”: translation - I need you to be a whole. Actually both statements are manipulative. They make the other person feel somewhat responsible for the well being of the other (if he/she leave you won’t be complete anymore, you will stop better yourself). Both statements represent a masked tactic of saying: “please don’t leave me because I can’t leave without you….”

Foots, God created us in his image. You are saying that God is a complete half? What’s the other half of God anyway? We are created complete, we should want to have a S.O but we should not need them at all.It is a popular belief that we are not complete but those who look for S.O to fulfill their needs are setting themselves for future sorrow and bitterness.

(For 1:32 PM post)Some people cannot grow or learn who they are without being in a relationship or its turmoil, that’s laziness and explain why many relationships fail in the first place. The truth is that many relationships will not make it through the first date if people know who they are, what they desire and where they want to go. Many people stop studying and updating their skills because they are out of school, when new technologies arrive, they are challenged…….relationships are not that different.

cool breeze, Stay on this blog you’ll be stunned. Last week someone stated that love is what other people do for you………I could not believe what I was reading…….

By kinderbabe

October 22, 2007 2:58 PM | Link to this

hey, foots! all is well girlie. thanks for asking.:)

notice that i used the word equipped. all things are possible. we can do all things through christ which strengthens us. if you can believe it, you can achieve it. there are also other sayings that apply to this thought. all of those things are an inside job. it’s starts with one first b/c we think the thoughts, speak the words, and put it into action. in no way did i intend to imply that no one needs anyone else and that we are islands. i just mean that we are complete and completion attracts such. i don’t want a missing piece rolling into my life…lol. i want another/better whole not half.:) being w/another whole person gives life a new meaning….it doesn’t give life itself meaning. there’s a big difference.

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 2:59 PM | Link to this

Foots one question what’s a “helpmeet”?? LOL

By FeelingGood

October 22, 2007 3:01 PM | Link to this

To Foots: Yes God made Eve to complement (harmonize, work together with Adam) not to complete Adam - Adam was perfect (although that was ruined) so he did not need anyone to complete him - he was provided with someone that could work in harmony with his characteristics - WOMAN.

I like that “work in harmony with me” - two people coming together for acommon goal or goals and working in harmony with one another - I guess the problem is - what is the goal? do you have the same goals? are you willing to compromise to reach “our” goals?

By FeelingGood

October 22, 2007 3:05 PM | Link to this

To BennyB: “You make me want to be a better person”: translation - I need you to be a better person” “You complete me”: translation - I need you to be a whole. Actually both statements are manipulative. They make the other person feel somewhat responsible for the well being of the other (if he/she leave you won’t be complete anymore, you will stop better yourself). Both statements represent a masked tactic of saying: “please don’t leave me because I can’t live without you….”

You are in my mind - I was thinking the same thing - manipulation. All I have to say is PREACH!

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 3:10 PM | Link to this

feeling good i think you have it wrong:

NEEDY is: what are taxes? is that something everyone has to do? i dont remember my parents having taxes? and my gramma never said nothing bout no taxes. if you change the ‘e’ to an ‘i’ its taxis, aint that cool??

NEEDING HELP is: i know taxes are a contribution for the support of a goverment required of person, groups or businesses within the domain of the goverment. I need you to help me figure out what i owe based on my annual income.

By Annuts1bmun

October 22, 2007 3:13 PM | Link to this

Just sitting back reading…I agree with DasV in regards to the company/merger analogy.

Speak on it, Sis

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 3:16 PM | Link to this

Benny and Foots i can only speak for myself but if i were to say: you make me want to be a better person OR you complete me what i am basically saying is: i see who you are and i know who i am and you bring something to my cipher that without you i would not otherwise have… i dont need you to do it cause regardless imma do what i do, but i am glad that are here….

only an insecure person would see those statements as ‘manipulative’. POV

By FeelingGood

October 22, 2007 3:19 PM | Link to this

To Darnell: a little clarification on keeping our mouths shuts - some arguments/confortations are not worth having especially in a marriage - and if one person can just keep his/her mouth shut (and believe me it is hard), it brings peace.

Not saying at a later date in a calming situation, you can not discuss it and communicate about it - but when you are arguing who is really listening?

Plus sometimes in a marriage you just have to say “that is how my baby is - he is not going to let the seat down no matter how many times I mention it.” Let it go!

By Foots

October 22, 2007 3:22 PM | Link to this

BennyB Nope. God is whole. Just like Man is whole. He said “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air”. Somehow “Man” became plural when he said “them”. How? Because “Man” together is “Male” and “Female”. You can interpret what it says as you wish.

By QueDogTeaching

October 22, 2007 3:23 PM | Link to this

What up Blog Said while still being a true Falcons Fan. And secretly watching old Mike Vick highlights on You tube, while drinking heavily, with a tear in my eye

This is funny because I was just having this discussion with a friend of mine about an ex. She was asking what was so good about the last relationship that I was in, did I get anything out of it. My exact words were “yes I am a better person because of her.” But, not like most people think, like she did something to change me or something. No, it was more of a new thought process. I learned things about myself. I was able to internalize things differently. I now know that I can be monogamous in a relationship. I also learned patience by having her son around me, and all my friends and family and loving him like he was my own. I also learned that I will be a great husband, and family man.

So some things are not about things that you can see (i.e. New clothes, not hanging out as much, more time in church, taking better care of appearance) but things that you kind of start realizing about yourself. I have been told before if you ever want to know that truth about yourself, go to a room or bathroom look yourself in the eyes in a mirror and say it out loud.

This is getting to long, but some relationships are not about them making you better, but about you realizing things about yourself and becoming better. Hence the phrase “That people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”

By SexyLeggs

October 22, 2007 3:25 PM | Link to this

FeelingGood, that’s not what needy is. To continually come off as “needing everything done or provided for you” is ridiculous. I agree with most here that to show you need this particular person in a particular can be endearing. As previously stated, what man wouldn’t want to be seen as a “MAN” in his woman’s eye. Being needy in any particular area doesn’t equate to being soft. It all depends on the degree of neediness one is showing…JMO!

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 3:26 PM | Link to this

feeling good WHAT??? according to your logic, if no one says the word “iraq* then the united states is not at war… how ridiculous is that?!

By Foots

October 22, 2007 3:26 PM | Link to this

DasV In the Bible, it is called “help meet”. You may know the term as “helpmate”, which is a helpful partner.

By Jazzyone

October 22, 2007 3:27 PM | Link to this

If i wanna ay please don’t leave me i can’t live without you thats what im going to express. Me saying you make me a better person is me relaying to my mate that I love you I’m glad you are here I have your back always as you have mine.

Al these dayum translations and such it isn’t that serious Gee wiz..holla ya~ im out for the day.

By Blue_Kolla

October 22, 2007 3:29 PM | Link to this

What up blog…

I can see that the blog as a whole has greatly advanced in its process of maturation, and for that, congratulations are in order. I remember when many on this here blog would talk that yang about not needing a complementary mate as if that they had already arrived.

Point is… that when you cross paths with that special one, it subconsciously forces you to seek change from within, in order to become the better you… for you… and that significant other.

QC ;)

By FeelingGood

October 22, 2007 3:29 PM | Link to this

To DasV: you made me think of Gone With the Wind: “I dont know nothing bout birthing no babies.” Too funny.

I am going to be thinking about that all day.

By SexyCool

October 22, 2007 3:30 PM | Link to this

some of this conversation is going deeper than it needs to…

i really enjoy kicking the willy on a lotta topics with you guys…

but…sometimes…we try so hard to psychoanalyze things and climb up so high on our soapboxes that we miss the point…

it’s okay to say to someone…i am better for knowing you…or that you are a part of my whole…and let it be that simple…

cause sometimes…it really is just that…simple…

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 22, 2007 3:30 PM | Link to this

FeelingGood

With regard to your post @3:19, I think you and I are on the same page, which is why I made a point to say in my earlier post that I was speaking of legitimate confrontation.

By “legitimate” I mean those selected instances where discussing the pros and cons add value to the overall issue at hand. In other words choose your battles, because that “hill” you’re trying to take isn’t always worth it in the end. In such cases, I agree that you should just let it go and move on.

Speaking of “letting it go”, I’m going to be writing about that very thing in the November newsletter on my Web site (www.blackthen.com), so look for it late next week. (Selfish plug.) :-)

Darrell

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 22, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this

QueDog

ROFL! :-)

As a fellow Falcons season ticket holder (section 345) I feel your pain, man. Nevertheless, I’m still heading up to Carolina in three weeks! Already got my tickets and booked my hotel.

Gotta stick with my Birdz through thick and thin.

Darrell

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 3:36 PM | Link to this

foots Oh. your meaning was ‘complement’… ok.

By Foots

October 22, 2007 3:36 PM | Link to this

Feeling Good So if someone said to you “You make me a better person”, you would feel manipulated? Instead of taking it at face value, knowing they mean “You have brought something incredible to my life and taught me things about myself”?

Now if somebody said, “If you leave me, I’ll just DIE!!”, that’s manipulation. Telling someone that you’re better because of them being in your life, that’s more like appreciation and gratitude.

I wrote a long email to a friend of mine years ago, telling her how her friendship changed my life for the better. Would I have turned out fine without her? Maybe so, but you realize as Que says, people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Yes, I worked hard to get where I am with the support of my family, friends, and God. But I appreciate all that she brought to my life and it may have taken longer for me to get to this point had it not been for her being in my life. You think she felt manipulated by that?

By Blue_Kolla

October 22, 2007 3:42 PM | Link to this

Que/Darrell Yah’s loyalty is admirable. But don’t let me see yah walking around with paper bags on next week. LOL

By FeelingGood

October 22, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this

To DasV: are you commenting on my confortation email with your “iraq” statement. Because I am not sure what logic you are talking about.

By BennyB

October 22, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this

Darrell, Yes it took a courageous CEO to acknowledge that his company needs to file Chapter 11, but it take more than courage to get the company out of bankruptcy. Yes, we are all needy in one way or another but the sooner we will fulfill our needs, the better we becomes. Finding someone else to fulfill our needs is giving up our own future as collateral.

1)You need a woman so you can fulfill her needs because you will fill gratified? Are you serious? Who told you that women are here to gratify us?

2)“because it would say to me that I’m valued and appreciated by her. And what man doesn’t want to be esteemed by the woman in his life” Why you need a woman to appreciate your value? Damn? Why you need a woman to esteem your self worth? Man, who do you think woman are? They are your equal, not your Goddesses. Women are not here to esteem you. Man women are creature like you, please stop putting women on pedestal.

FeelingGood, I been sharing my weak knowledge (call it preaching) here for many weeks but I feel like I speak a foreign language.

By Demi

October 22, 2007 3:45 PM | Link to this

Darrell MusingLee is going to get you for adding your name after ev’ry dang gone.

Demi

(LOL I had to try that myself…Nope I don’t feel any different)

QC girl, my son is a trip!! That little boy force me to grown up and become a better man. The main thing I’ve learned from my son is how to pray for patience…Lawd please spare this child from my belt, for throwing my IJUSTBROUGHT$300.00DOLLARSCELLPHONEINTOTHETRASH!!!!

I use to be very selfish and unforgiving of others…because Li’demi, I am learning to be selfless and forgiving towards others…which leads to having a positive relationship with men (non-sexually/business only) and women (both sexually and non), LOL.

How to p!ss folks off: You’re 5’4 and your lunch date is 5’11 with heels

Oh No That Short Mutha Mutha, Didn’t!!!

My co-workers were like, Awwwwwwww…Dayum she’s fine!!!

Said Broke Pastor: It’s all in your at-t**’de peeple!!

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this

darrell thanks to you for helping me understand feeling comment. i dont believe in ‘non-confrontation in hopes it’ll go away’ mentality… but i can appreciate your point that some things are not worth huffing about.

i do have an eyebrow raised that amongst adults that has to be stated….

By SexyLeggs

October 22, 2007 3:50 PM | Link to this

I was waiting to see what would spark today’s topic into a mild confrontation….Feeling Good takes home the prize.

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 3:54 PM | Link to this

benny you are speaking a foreign lang…LOL. cause the bible says men are to cherish(look it up) their wives and wives are to deeply respect (look that up too) their husbands. both are defined as ‘esteem’.

i think you must read ‘esteem’ as ‘validate’… and in that case than you would be correct.

By SexyLeggs

October 22, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

BennyB would would you feel like this I been sharing my weak knowledge (call it preaching) here for many weeks but I feel like I speak a foreign language. A lot of us agree with most things you say. ???

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 22, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

Benny

I think you might be taking my earlier comment out of context.

No one is saying that a man needs a woman “to validate him” as a PERSON. What I am saying is that within the confines of a relationship, a man likes to feel that the woman he loves needs him and values him. That’s a completely different context than talking about what gives a person worth “in general”.

I ask you again - what man is there who doesn’t give a damn whether or not the woman he’s involved appreciates him?

Context, man. Context.

Darrell

By Blue_Kolla

October 22, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

Demi Darrell MusingLee is going to get you for adding your name after ev’ry dang gone.

Mayne, you know I was about to pull his coat about that “signature”… as if we ain’t know who was posting.

Where is skitman Musing anyway?

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 22, 2007 4:01 PM | Link to this

Demi

Thanks for the tip. I told ya’ll I’m a rookie here. :-)

(no name)

By Foots

October 22, 2007 4:04 PM | Link to this

BennyB Yes, we are all needy in one way or another but the sooner we will fulfill our needs, the better we becomes. Finding someone else to fulfill our needs is giving up our own future as collateral.

In your relationship, what does your woman provide you? We know it won’t be love between the two of you, because we know how you feel about love not existing. But does she fulfull any of your human needs, like affiliation, security, intimacy, sex, etc? Do you think that you could fulfill ALL of your needs alone?

If so, why would a person want to be in a relationship if they have and can provide everything on their own?

By QueDogTeaching

October 22, 2007 4:04 PM | Link to this

Feelinggood I think you have something valid to say, I just think it is being lost in translation because you are trying to prove your point with bravado, a toughness. A lot of time no one is trying to get over on you. Sometimes in relationships the other person really admires you and express what they believe will show you their true feelings. You almost sound like someone with low self-esteem. Almost like you don’t believe that you are worthy to be admired and loved. Like it is unbelievable that a young lady can be completely infatuated with you.

Blu-Kolla As soon as I find musing, and he gets the civic back rolling, (its sitting on bricks right now, Dayum rent a rims place) Darrell and I are going to roll your way. Don’t get scared, the birds are still dirty. They are just a little down right now. . And we will get a new QB. And the dome will be packed with home fans again. And our defense will get a sack when it matters, And we will win a game even when we are down in the fourth quarter. And our coach will stop running up the middle on first and second down and then throw on third and eight, but the receivers are only running five yard out routes. And forget you Kolla. Fist now balled up tight and I am walking around in circles

By Demi

October 22, 2007 4:10 PM | Link to this

Blue K. Good to read you bruh…How life? D is just letting the blog know who he is, LOL

On Musin he married this past summer and he has a lot of projects to finish up before the year ends…So he blogs when he can.

By 2CPTG©

October 22, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this

Sexy Cool……I Need to cosign your last post…….too funny.

By QC

October 22, 2007 4:12 PM | Link to this

Hey BK

Demi you are still a mess

Have a good night Bloggers!!!

GO FALCONS, GOOOOO FALCONS

QC is not a “season ticket holder” like her brother…

By Blue_Kolla

October 22, 2007 4:17 PM | Link to this

Que Falcon woes won’t end with a new QB. Petrino gets the call here because HE didn’t rally the team, fans, or media around Joey after Vick’s exit. Joey played his azz off while the line sat back and watched as he got his azz beat and supposed-to-be team-leaders like Crump dropped balls and criticized the coaching staff.

But to keep it real, my Skins only show up for the first half and run out of gas in the second; but our record hides the fact that we really ain’t that good.

By Apoco

October 22, 2007 4:20 PM | Link to this

I never really understood what the “Real” Benefit of a relationship or marriage is for man. Let alone let some woman have a say to change me or control in my life. First of all Women don’t have an inkling of what a mans needs are but they sure think they do. If anyone is Needy, its women, you can do and do for a woman with little to no appreciation and it will never be enough to satisfy them never(they have special needs).

I don’t like women, never have, never will (Please go on with the assuming cause I know someone will). To me women are nothing more than free loaders, spoiled to the core, they demand the world but are shady when it comes to giving back. If a woman wants control over me or change me she’d better have a good lawyer or a firing squad.

The only thing that a woman can guarantee a man in a marriage or relationship is that their cost of living will sky rocket, he will spend more money on her then she’s worth, if he screws up in any way she will take him to the cleaners, if they have children and he has to work a second job she will be sleeping around on him while he is busting his butt for her cause he is never there.

Lastly I see women today as more like prositutes. Cause you have to pay out your mind for them just for affection like a simple hug and even that can be costly. Men probably be better off just sticking to the pros, they are cheaper than trying bleed your heart out for some girlfriend who will more than likly drop kick you for the Bigger, better, deal that comes along even though they might not be a quality person. Woman changing me? Please, they can barely govern themselves.

By Demi

October 22, 2007 4:28 PM | Link to this

Darrell I know I am sounding like a groupie Cool site bruh!!! Keep up the good work!!

And how in the hellz you got Ms.QC, your own sister hooked on Falcons, of all teams!!!

Demi is now tied to a Falcons chairs and force to watch all 80’s Falcons clips with Que, D, and Vick

By SexyLeggs

October 22, 2007 4:28 PM | Link to this

Apoco, just curious. Why wait to post at 4:20 such venom for women when there’s only 40 mins left to this blog. You fight like a sissy running behind the clock.

By Staceye

October 22, 2007 4:33 PM | Link to this

Apoco your mami hurt you deep huh? Geesh..and I thought I was bad! Ok guys..I can officially hand my hat over to Apoco. He need the hug and a dose of Jesus more than I do.

By 2CPTG©

October 22, 2007 4:36 PM | Link to this

Lena, I’mma NEED for you not to assume, about Apoco….ok!!! Him said he didn’t like y’all…..lawd hammercy!!!!

By Rell - I LOVE YAMS!!!

October 22, 2007 4:36 PM | Link to this

@Apoco….you need a hug homie…lol…dont let them get you down dawg..ALL WOMEN are not like that, up your thinking or pick quality!!!…feel me…because a DIME…will not do those thing…but a BOOGERWOLF will!!!

By SexyLeggs

October 22, 2007 4:37 PM | Link to this

Too funny, Staceye with every read of Apoco’s vent, I thought he was so much worse than you and here’s your post right after mine. Too funny.

By Blue_Kolla

October 22, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this

Now check how I’ve matured - At one point in time, my reply to Apoco would’ve been to accuse him of being a f@g with a thing for takin’ it up da azz.

But now, I chalk his issues up to running into one random broad that dragged his heart and goodwill through the mud and treated him like a polar bear rug - just made to be walked over.

Keep your chin up bruthaman. There are a few truly virtuous women out here that will definitely change your view as stated above. Keep your chin up dawg.

By Wise Diva

October 22, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this

Great comments today, guys. I’ve been reading along, quietly.

I am cracking up @ Apoco’s comments! Apoco, welcome to the blog!

By BennyB

October 22, 2007 4:42 PM | Link to this

Foots When did I said that love does not exist? By the way I’m not perfect at loving and I got issues and weaknesses too. Let me add that human needs that the self cannot fulfill are not primary or basic needs. About what I get from my girl friend; it’s a bonus that I never want to take as guaranteed.

* SexyLeggs* Thanks

By Keith Brookings(For Real Drinking Too)

October 22, 2007 4:43 PM | Link to this

I don’t need no woman I satisfy myself by jumping on piles of big ole men all the while collecting an assist for a tackle. Add all those pile jumping up at the end of year and I get voted to the Pro Bowl by fans that say look he had 150 tackles which means I jumped on 75 piles of big ole men for the year. And to think I get paid for it too.

By SexyCool

October 22, 2007 4:44 PM | Link to this

2…i really wanted to say a little more with that last post…but………………………you feel me…

By SexyLeggs

October 22, 2007 4:44 PM | Link to this

The other award for stirring up controversy if there was enough time goes to Apoco. DAMN!

By Darrell (of blackthen.com)

October 22, 2007 4:44 PM | Link to this

Demi

Thanks for the props on the site. I appreciate it. :-)

As for sis and the Falcons, she’s either having pity on me or she knows I’ll never make her pay if she wants to use my tickets. LOL!

By Got that?

October 22, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

Apoco, I know you’re being real, but that is too funny.

By Wise Diva

October 22, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

oh, take it easy Sexyleggs, LOL, Maybe the man was working! Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. :)

By Demi

October 22, 2007 4:48 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs Oooooooh, how you gon up and out call buddy a sissy….*Apoco, now you hate women, you didn’t turn to men did you?

Staceye well…if it makes you feel better, you’re still mean cute’n’sexy eyes to me…

Demi is now drop kick straight back to hellz in a flaming 18 wheeler

…Dayum this sucks

By Foots

October 22, 2007 4:48 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Rell and the BOOGERWOLVES!!!

Regarding apoco, he just wanted some notoriety before the day was out. I’m sure he doesn’t think that way about his mama.

LOL @ Staceye giving up the crown!!

By DasV (yea, its me)

October 22, 2007 4:51 PM | Link to this

Apoco bruh your pain is so raw right now. congratulations, cause the real growth has just begun. your pain will bring into focus your personal truth. by way of suggestion consider this: is my choice of woman and not women in general the real issue??

… and come’ere, let me hold you while i sing ‘fix you’ at no cost (financially or otherwise, but just cause i can and i want to)

By BennyB

October 22, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this

Appoco, I can tell that just one not that good woman made you hate the rest of all. Not fair, but I let you run since this is your first post.

By Foots

October 22, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this

BennyB You were swearing me up and down that it didn’t exist the other day. Wasn’t that you? The limerance dude??

Let me add that human needs that the self cannot fulfill are not primary or basic needs

Yep, needs like affiliation, intimacy, etc, are fulfilled through other people. You can do your best to achieve the needs you can get by yourself. After that, other people have to fulfill them, through family or other relationships. That’s why I didn’t agree with your statement: Finding someone else to fulfill our needs is giving up our own future as collateral. It’s not giving up your future, it’s realizing that no man is an island.

By Foots

October 22, 2007 4:54 PM | Link to this

Que And our coach will stop running up the middle on first and second down and then throw on third and eight, but the receivers are only running five yard out routes

HA!! I was just telling somebody this yesterday while watching the game…

LOL @ SexyLeggs for giving out awards at the end of the day!!

By SexyLeggs

October 22, 2007 4:55 PM | Link to this

Wow, even if Apoco isn’t as serious as he comes across, if Staceye or somebody like Staceye posted that you guys would be on them like white on rice. I think it’s rather comical. Wow, Demi, he’s a “buddy”. Now, I know what most are saying when they talk about the dbl standard. Personally, I was playing w/my comments, but WOW!!!!

By Demi

October 22, 2007 4:55 PM | Link to this

Darrell LOL

Apoco holla back tomorrow, you need blog love bad.

Oh yeah, Gangsta Head nod to Lady Wise

I WUV You Big Sis!!!

can I borrow two dollars to buy some candy…it’s for NC

By SexyLeggs

October 22, 2007 4:56 PM | Link to this

Instead of saying “sissy,” I meant to say punta in my best spanish accent!

By For Real

October 22, 2007 4:57 PM | Link to this

2E’s vs Apoco Who hates the opposite sex the most? Be sure to tune in on tomorrow folks. Same Bat channel and same Bat time. As we lock 2E’s & Apoco in a broom closet with pictures and audio recordings of their ex’s.

Stay Tuned!!!

For Real now running down 85 with one shoe trying to escape 2E’s. You ain’t funny Middy Fickey!!!

By Staceye

October 22, 2007 5:00 PM | Link to this

Thanks demi I’m out guys!

By SexyCool

October 22, 2007 5:01 PM | Link to this

may the most you wish for be the least you get…