Misadventures in Atlanta

By Beautiful

October 16, 2007 8:36 AM | Link to this

Good morning to the Fellas I’m ready to learn what should be on my list. Of course I have an idea, but I want to read your comments and make notes. ;)

By Dan

October 16, 2007 8:52 AM | Link to this

@WD. Really, I wanna meet this friend. Set it up, becuase opening doors is standard practice for this southern gentleman.

In the same vien, I tend to find the female version of what your friend finds. Trying to be a good man is hard enough, esp. today, but to then have not only my motives but integrity questioned, irks me. There are the women that I talk to and they love the respect that the “D” shows, but then (Kinda like you said) there’s no chemistry. Tell me why, lo those 3 years ago when I was still grabbing a$$ on first convo, I had women falling over themselves to get at cha boy.

Now it’s a little scarier. These days you have a woman with an actual job that she goes to most days, and she flips the freak out on like….a Wednesday, becuase McD’s doesn’t have her salad dressing.

I all that to make two points, one some people are just crazy, and two, the opposite sex can expedite that process from sane to Bellvue exponetially. (Speaking specifically of women).

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 8:52 AM | Link to this

Good morning all.

Well, initially, I look for how well a man carries himself. Even if he’s not a thug, if he’s wearing a thug’s uniform = not interested. When I speak with him I look for eye contact and listen for intelligence.

Some qualities that must be possessed are being respectful and kind. You can’t be overtly sexual on initial conversation. I know what physical qualities are gonna draw you to me, I don’t need to be reminded of what I’ve got.

I have met a couple of men who approached me correctly but later turned out to be a few fries short of a happy meal. I can usually weed those out after the first few conversations and date.

By Beautiful

October 16, 2007 8:59 AM | Link to this

Sitting here, I thought of 3 things that’s a must! 1)family 2)education and 3)financial habits.

By SexyCool

October 16, 2007 9:00 AM | Link to this

common interest…common goals…common sense…

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 9:07 AM | Link to this

Dan, Bella is posting the topics this week, not WD. LOL

By Dr. Kym-Relationship Expert

October 16, 2007 9:08 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Hmmmm a checklist before dating.

Well for the good Dr. The only item on my checklist is must have excellent conversation and listening skills. The more you talk the more I will learn about you..what you value most etc.. If those things fall inline with my own values/ideas then great..if not still great. Yes, it is possible to talk to someone think they are the bees-knees(I like that phrase) and found out later they are a horse’s a*. It takes time. Besides as much we all may hate to admit it..when we meet someone new we all have our game face on.

Beautiful No one can tell you what should be on your checklist…because there is no right or wrong list of qualities to seek in a mate. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

P.S. How about those Fakecons? LOL

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 9:12 AM | Link to this

What i look for…how well she follows instruction…self image….T and A….lol..

By 2CPTG

October 16, 2007 9:17 AM | Link to this

hey folks…..

I can tell within a few minutes of conversing with ya, what level of interaction we’re gonna have….no prerequisities though, cause I’ve found that those don’t always give an accurate depiction of the person……kinda like folks who look good on paper (their resume), but in the real world they don’t if they’re coming or going….so I give every female a fair shake!

By Beautiful

October 16, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this

SexyCool your comment was all that needs to be said. thanks!

By Dr. Kym-Relationship Expert

October 16, 2007 9:22 AM | Link to this

Follows instruction?? Rell Come on guy this is not the 19th century.

By QC

October 16, 2007 9:23 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers

Have a great day…….

By The world's biggest lie...

October 16, 2007 9:26 AM | Link to this

Now it’s a little scarier. These days you have a woman with an actual job that she goes to most days, and she flips the freak out on like…a Wednesday, becuase McD’s doesn’t have her salad dressing.

DAN LOL funny…

Rell and 2can it’s good to read you two old heads again, y’all stay bless!!

Dr. Kym you team is looking ok this year…I when to the Falcons game last night. The way they were playing, I thought they were the Dolphins…

Go Dolphins!!

By Blue_Kolla

October 16, 2007 9:35 AM | Link to this

‘Sup blog…

Let’s see here… morals, style, character. That’s a good start.

Whacko identification: After the initial once-over, turn OFF your eyes and turn ON your ears.

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 9:39 AM | Link to this

@KIM…ok here comes the hate…lol

what is wrong with following instructions…women always state they want a man with direction..so if i provide some instruction on say helping you achieve a goal..what is the problem…why is it that when a BLACK MAN tries to establish AUTHORITY it is QUESTIONED or RIDCULED by a BLACK WOMEN….then you same BLACK WOMEN want to complain about WEAK MEN…SMDH

see my following instructions is more for the benefit of the team..not on some ego, but i can tell by your post you try to feminize most men you date….i am not trying to rule any women but lead yes….so really what is the problem…and my post was tongue - and -cheek with the whole follow instruction..but i know it is your duty as the BOARD HEAVY to brow beat with your idle comments….lady i am not the one to test..

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 9:43 AM | Link to this

Damn Rell, you got some bass in those keystokes. Daaayum…Woo-sah…

By SexyLeggs

October 16, 2007 9:43 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. When I was in marriage counseling (by myself because he insisted there wasn’t anything wrong with him), my therapist told me my list was short. The list that I recited to him was that I didn’t want a man on drugs, didn’t want a man who would hit me, wanted someone nice. Basically, I didn’t want anyone like the men my mother had around her. Over the years, I realized I got exactly that. Now that I’m out of that marriage, I want a man who has self-esteem, loves himself, employed, has a wonderful soul, his moral and ethical fiber is in tact. Need someone who can converse w/me on various levels, a good kisser, a good lover, and an excellent listener. There are more virtuals I would like, but these are tantamount right now.

By Blue_Kolla

October 16, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this

Hmmmm… it’s Rell and Kym goin’ at it… just like old times.

I like the way you wrapped that up real nice and neat there bruthaman.

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this

@AR, i dont understand why a black man with some direction or at least a backbone is always made out to be the enemy….

how does following instruction mean 19th century….

Men are fixers by nature…it is in us to fix things or make it better if we give a dayum….but again i am suppose to just follow along..hell no

i like women that know how to carry out instructions…why be with me if you dont want a leader?

By Jazzyone

October 16, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this

Appearance, conversation, background, drama level, respect level, conversation, teeth, hygene, living quarters cleanliness…and more but these are a few and not nec in this order…

By Jazzyone

October 16, 2007 9:53 AM | Link to this

And sexual preference, heyal you never know these days I am not one for the confusion or madness..no beards here!

By MLB AMBER ALERT

October 16, 2007 9:58 AM | Link to this

Rell Please report to the stage for your MLB COMMENDATION MEDAL for that 09:49.

By Jazzyone

October 16, 2007 9:58 AM | Link to this

RellWTF??? you starting off all worng with that black woman black man isshhh….when I say I want a man with direction I want a man that has direction in his own life then maybe possibly based on his lead and track level and record leading himself he may be a candidate to lead me…and Im not talking about black and white men, I date all races just any man that I am attracted to Gee, take one day off have a Birthday and here you come kicking the door in with that belittling black women. * I am not having it today Period…relax yaself…

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 9:58 AM | Link to this

Well Rell, I don’t see where Dr. Kym said that a black man w/ some direction was the enemy. Maybe that stems from other convos you’ve had with her.

I guess she could have just asked you to to clarify what you meant, and you could have done the same. Your rant just seemed to come out of nowhere. I could see her statement as tongue in cheek too…

Just curious…if following instructions is for the benefit of the team…is your woman welcome to give you instructions on achieving your goals? Or can their only be one quarterback?

By SexyCool

October 16, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this

i relate to what rell says about a man being a fixer…sometimes, i tell coach things just for the sake of sharing things with him…and he always comes back with a need to fix it…

example…recently…this guy started working out in the mornings at our apartment’s fitness center…well, i’m in there dayum near every morning around the same time…after a couple of days of dude coincidentally showing up around the same time that i do…he finally got the nerve to strike up a conversation and of course, eventually ask for my number…which he did not get…

a few more days of him showing up at the same time…and one morning, i got up an hour early and started getting dressed for my workout…coach was like…”where are you going so early?”…i told him that there’s this guy that had been coming to the gym for the past week and i didn’t feel comfortable working out while he was in there, so i was going to go early…

coach gets mad at me and is like…”you don’t change your whole schedule for some knucklehead at the gym…what you do is tell me what is going on and have me go up there for a workout with you and i can make him understand man to man what the deal is…”

blew me away….i’m still working to understand the mars/venus thing because i totally was not thinking of it that way…

thankfully…i have strong male friends like rell and 2 and a couple others that continually give me insight so that i don’t sabatoge my ish…lol…

By 2CPTG

October 16, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this

I feel like being bad today……I think I’mma channel my alter ego for a sec……

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 16, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this

What it do folks???

Bella, sounds like your girl has a self esteem problem! If what you are saying applies to many women, then many of them have self esteem problems!

When I kick it with a chick, she must have the basics…

Outside of the above traits, we can work from there!

By Jazzyone

October 16, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this

* You think Im fololow you when you say oh I want T and A and oh yeah follow me im a great leader??!! Say what you mean and mean what ya say when you come up in here throwin’ shade on Black women and that isn’t the issue…GTFOH…*

By SexyLeggs

October 16, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this

Hello Blue Kolla.

By White Man Post Test

October 16, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this

what is wrong with following instructions…women always state they want a man with direction..so if i provide some instruction on say helping you achieve a goal..what is the problem…why is it that when a BLACK MAN tries to establish AUTHORITY it is QUESTIONED or RIDCULED by a BLACK WOMEN….then you same BLACK WOMEN want to complain about WEAK MEN…SMDH

see my following instructions is more for the benefit of the team..not on some ego, but i can tell by your post you try to feminize most men you date….i am not trying to rule any women but lead yes….so really what is the problem…and my post was tongue - and -cheek with the whole follow instruction..but i know it is your duty as the BOARD HEAVY to brow beat with your idle comments….lady i am not the one to test..

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 10:09 AM | Link to this

@AR….of course she can..again that was an idle question..but of course she can…she can say bab…i need my oil changed by friday because i am going out of town..me ok i will do that for you

or bab i need your help with some errands i need you to do etc etc etc…ok i can do..because what effects you will affect me at some point….if you keeping everything level then your relationship should be 360

By 2CPTG

October 16, 2007 10:09 AM | Link to this

8Sexy cool*, what I dig about you, is that you will at least listen……you don’t give half of it, and expect a head nodding convention; you accept the truth, whether you agree with it or not…..and for that my dear, you always stay dear….

now let me go find my other half….and see what he has to say.

By Blue_Kolla

October 16, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this

‘Sup Leggs

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this

@jazzy…..not throwin shade…just stating my POV…most black women are programmed to automatically discount or disrespect black men….i mean the examples that are available to them daily are not redemming…feel me….and i am only stating fact….listen to any girl session and the bad of the black man is always present never anything good….

By BLAT

October 16, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this

Sup Blog Peoples…

@LL, co-signing your 9:59.

@sexycool, Coach is right.

On topic… mrs. wrong often feels sooooo right.

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 10:20 AM | Link to this

lol…@white man post test..that is funny

@2 cosign with you about sexycool..the women is a 1 of 1..

By SexyLeggs

October 16, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this

SexyCool, the reason you probably didn’t tell Coach is because you’re so independent. I was told a few months back that I should have taken a particular problem I was having w/a married neighbor who wanted to get a little feely feel w/me to a good friend of mine to solve. I handled things my way. He was p** w/me but understood that I’m not use to men defending me. I’ve always defended myself. Sometimes, one’s independence can get in the way. I defnitely agree w/Blat.

By binford

October 16, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this

If you really analyze successful marriages, you realize most times the couple are good friends. In contrast (a lot of the time anyway), is the attraction and “lust” factor. And in my years of personal experience and observation i find there has to be a balance; but if I were to lean in any direction - I’d lean towards the friend direction.

Unfortunately, folks see movies (and other media) and think it should be this way. Or you meet someone you have an undeniable physical connection with, but all else is wrong. You still explore! But why? A conflict between what is natural and biological to what is practical and sustainable.

But think to yourself… what happens when the attraction fades? Those are a fair percentage of the 50% or so divorce rate.

I agree with “Longtime Lurker” to an extent. But in addition to what he said, I would add you have to see a pattern of favorable behavior from that person that you feel is “inner drive”. I’d rather have that than a hot chick now that is going to jump the shark real soon and then I’ll be miserable.

Woman I know always complain there aren’t enough “good guys with stability” for them - and that is totally false. I have a bunch of friends who are great people with good habits - but what we all lack is the “bad boy” factor or hardcore flash. By no means are we dull or docile creatures, but we aren’t going to sell our souls to false advertise either.

The only thing one can do is to keep on keeping on, eventually someone will pick up how cool you are.

By White Man Posting

October 16, 2007 10:29 AM | Link to this

Rell Just confirming your theory. …notice the lack of flack.

By Dan

October 16, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this

@ Jazzy. While it might be a stale argument to hear, I have to cosign my man Rell.

Fact is, that is the basis for most of this independent woman/man argument. It boils down to a matter of dominance, esp. in a relationship. But the best relationship is give and take on both sides.

Like Jazzy, if she hadn’t heard it from the homies she wouldn’t have thought her man was doing what he felt was best to resolve a problem.

Tip of the day: 1+1=2

By Staceye

October 16, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this

Rell I am a grown woman…as a child I followed instructions. I’ll be d@mned if fall into the place of a child listening to a man like he is my daddy. We are a team not master & slave. He can have all the backbone he wants…but God gave me one too so I guess we both can walk upright. Women are not idiots we do not need a leader. We’ve got God who willnot lead us wrong. We have our own minds. Are we supposed to do something just because you say so…hellz no. Black men have been so trifling for so many years that women had to step up and be the female and the male. Somebody’s gotta do it since Black men turn into track stars and Whoodinis when faced with responsibility…the run & disappear. Now, I don;t feel I could ever depend on a man. I could never be a housewife. I am not downing those that are or what to be. But I need to make sure I am taken care of always…not only when I am “following instructions”. Our great-grannies had to stay with no good men because women had no options…now if you stay with a man that is not treating you right…you’re a dumb azz! Coming off my soapbox now….

On topic What I look for in a guy is he must be 100% STRAIGHT…not flip switching! I love tall men…so 6ft and taller, well manicured & kept (I don’t do thugs or goons (whatever that may be…I just know I don’t want it), race unimportant, employed, common sense, educated, intelligent, humorous, nice teeth (real or implanted),NO KIDS, cultured, adventurous, and last but not least spiritual!!

By Foots

October 16, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

Rell Regarding your 10:09, I think that most people bristle at the words “follow instructions”, especially when spoken from someone who is supposed to be a partner. What you illustrated in that post was how easy things can be when a reasonable request is made in a reasonable way. Nothing wrong with that.

About leadership, it depends on what your definition of a leader is. Some believe that a leader is one who tells his/her followers what to do and they do it, no questions asked. Some believe that a leader is one with direction, who provides basic guidance for their team, but trusts them to provide input and make worthwhile and responsible decisions about the situations that affect them. I greatly respect a man who is the of the latter persuasion; the other is just a dictator.

Guys I have a question too… We all know that men are fixers by nature. But women often say that sometimes we just need our men to listen to us, not offer to fix anything. We can come up with our own solutions, we just need a sympathetic ear and space to vent. Is that possible for men to do, to listen and not judge or solve, or do you refuse to go against your nature to give your woman what she needs?

By Blog Police

October 16, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

Staceye you’re a dumb azz!

That’s one.

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

Rell (regarding your 10:09), can she also say “bab, you need to get a better job because you need to bring more money in,” or “bab, you need to stop hanging out with Pookie cuz he drinks up all the SunnyD at the house?”

Would that be okay? LOL

By SexyCool

October 16, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

instructions…directions…suggestions…isn’t that just semantics, really??

coach is a natural leader…it is his nature to want to be in charge ALL THE TIME…not that he gets to be…but that he WANTS to be…however…he possesses enough common sense to know that there are things that i will take lead on…

(probably going to take a few hits for this statement)…coach is the head of my household…and i am his helpmeet but if he did not have the capability to lead/direct/instruct/suggest or however you want to state it…he and i would not be together…

i want to be with someone who has the ability to tell me / show me what to do sometimes because i don’t want to have all the answers and solve all the problems ALL THE TIME…

By Bella

October 16, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

Good morning all!

@DanFor me personally, I totally agree. I think every man I’ve ever dated since I was 15 has been a gentleman. But not all women have those standards!

@Longtime LurkerI think you’re exploring some important concepts when it comes to how your self-esteem is linked to your dating life. And many times, yes, I would agree that some women have issues that are causing them to settle for less. The weird thing is, this particular woman is incredibly confident, with higher self-esteem than most women I know. Weird, huh?

By Foots

October 16, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

Dan But the best relationship is give and take on both sides.

This is a very true statement. It is so important to remember that a couple is composed of two people with their own minds, ideas, goals, experiences and lives coming together to make a single unit better and stronger that either party was apart. If you have that, you can take over the world. But some people get so caught up in the idea of dominance that they lose sight of the benefit that is gained by having two thinking people that are able to collaborate on life decisions.

Relationships are most definitely give and take; as situations dictate, sometimes you can reach a compromise, sometimes you get to lead and sometimes you have to follow. But if you’re always winning and the person you love is always losing, what have you really gained?

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this

my 10:12 post again

@jazzy…..not throwin shade…just stating my POV…most black women are programmed to automatically discount or disrespect black men….i mean the examples that are available to them daily are not redemming…feel me….and i am only stating fact….listen to any girl session and the bad of the black man is always present never anything good….

now lets look at staceye response

Black men have been so trifling for so many years that women had to step up and be the female and the male. Somebody’s gotta do it since Black men turn into track stars and Whoodinis when faced with responsibility…the run & disappear. Now, I don;t feel I could ever depend on a man. I could never be a housewife. I am not downing those that are or what to be. But I need to make sure I am taken care of always…not only when I am “following instructions”. Our great-grannies had to stay with no good men because women had no options…now if you stay with a man that is not treating you right…you’re a dumb azz! Coming off my soapbox now….

and what did i say again my 10:12 post about the automatic disrespect…?!?!?!?!

@foots…i was speaking of the latter as well the leader that Some believe that a leader is one with direction, who provides basic guidance for their team, but trusts them to provide input and make worthwhile and responsible decisions about the situations that affect them

^^^^you said it better than me….thank you, but it is popular to bash the black man so i am not surprised by folks heat my way, but thanks for clearing it up for me?!?!?!

@staceye..lady if you would read my followup responses at no time did i say that my comment was directed to lord over a women or be a daddy….feel me..but i stand on what i say

By Dan

October 16, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this

@Staceye

Can I send you something that I wrote? I think it speaks to your point.

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 16, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this

@binford In regards to your fifth paragraph, on your 10:24, I have realized that most women choose to ignore the “good men” around them everyday, due to height, weight, profession, their car, living situation etc. Many men who value saving cut back on driving a nice car vs. putting money in the bank. Every woman cannot have the same “5” dudes that the other chicks want as well! A man may live in a small undesirable place to save money, but will upgrade if he meets the right woman!

Women listen and listen real carefully, Atlanta is a credit driven city and many folks look good on the surface, but are deeply in debt! If you don’t believe me, look at the foreclosure rate! That man who is driving the hooptie many have more loot than the cat driving the benz, I have seen it first hand many times! The cat that is often being looked over in a lot of cases is laughing inside, because he knows in time, that he will be the one winning, while you chase the dude who is living in the moment.

I remember this dude that caught the bus for four years to work and borrowed his mom’s car, when he could. Women talked about him and would not date him and laughed at him for years! One day he boarded the bus and saw this chick, that had often laughed at him and would never date him and she said dude, when you gonna get a car? And he said headed to get one after work, a Lexus to be exact and it will be paid for! You should have seen her face!

You see it is easier to make excuses as to why you cannnot find a good man vs. what you need to do to find a good man!

I have asked maaaany woman, “how many men do you speak to or initiate a conversation with on a daily basis” and I always hear cricket’s!

It is my observation that most women do not fully explore their options, when it comes to finding and meeting a potential mate. They would rather sit back and wait for it to come to them, which is probably only 20 percent of what they are capable of meeting.

Men are conditioned to accept rejection far better than most women, so we keep pushing forward and have more dating options than most women, but women need to understand that you have to be creative, assertive and open minded when it comes to dating and using dating techniques that work.

These techniques include speaking, smiling and yes approaching certain men and initiating a convo. These techniques include not using flirting as a “safe” way to have that man come to you, but using flirting after you met that man, there is a difference!

Sending a man a drink is in my opinion a nice touch and shows you have class! Having a bartender or waitress send a note to a potential is a nice touch as well! Complimenting a man on his suit or attire is always a favorite with men, as men like to be acknowledged just like women do!

I could go on and on, but you will have to wait and buy my book in hardback in 08!

By Jazzyone

October 16, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this

Dan Nah you aren’t talkiing to me especially with the hommies crap dude..having a man show me a level of respect and one who can listen and not squelch me and my thoughts, desires and expectation is what Im about. Again I don’t run in packs nor do I fly in flocks, its whats best for me in this lifetime trust it. Im not one of those up in here waiting to hear what i should do or how I should live or run my life so you might be talking to them.

Tip of the day 1-1=0 and thats what it will be if you run up talking to me about some T&A so agree with that all you want a man like that wouldn’t be on my radar anyway..all you will catch with that is a chiken head..

By Foots

October 16, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this

SexyCool No hits, lady. It works for your household and it’s great that you have found a husband who is what you need him to be. That’s beautiful. If we all could be so lucky. How long have y’all been married?

By Blue_Kolla

October 16, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Good azz question there Foots.

Disclaimer: THIS IS ONLY AN ANALOGY. DO NOT TAKE IT LITERALLY.

I go at it as if I was teaching my kid to ride his bike. Although I want to be right there by his side, just in case he falls, I stand back because I know he’s thinking, “Don’t hold me daddy; I got it!” But in my mind, I know that he ain’t “got it”. But I stand close-by at the ready so that when he falls, here I come, ready to stand his azz back up to go at it again. Now if he falls 3x and let’s go of that pride and asks for help, at the time I will instruct him.

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

@foots

But if you’re always winning and the person you love is always losing, what have you really gained?

you dont it is called a Pyrrhic victory

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

Great post SexyCool. I’m just here for support in case you do take “hits” for your “head of household” statement. That’s how it’s supposed to be and I agree with your post wholeheartedly. Sounds like all is good in the Coach’s household. Blessings to you both.

By Jazzyone

October 16, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this

Ive never been the type to really dog a man out, heyal if he thinks he can come up in my world and handle the load I handle, the job I do everyday and the mental stability necessary to make things happen and be successful without any help or leaning on anyone?? then hey come on in I could use the rest…shyt I’ll make him a ham sandwich and some dayum kool aid…and I don’t even drink that stuff..

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

@LL….cosign cosign cosign….

By kinderbabe

October 16, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this

good morning all.:)

i know that i’m coming in on the tail end of this but…as far as the instructions things goes…i follow instructions everyday. it starts w/my first instructions from God to be positive, loving and kind. any instructions that i follow given by a human being are in efforts to follow my divine instructions to be peaceful. now, w/that said, if someone is just trying to flex on a sistah, and their instructions are not in my best interest, but just for the sake of being an a**hole, i’ll let them know that. following instructions is necessary to keep order. it’s not a bad thing. it’s the people who give the instructions that make it bad. live from your heart and not your ego.

By Jazzyone

October 16, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this

Rell thats stacyes view not everyones…not all of us are in the same place nor better nor worse and Im not judging it but you don’t approach every woman and every situation the same. Thats calling the kettle black…her post and your post is basically the same content just for the opposite sex..

I was raised to have a certain healthy level of respect for a man that repects me and I give him the same. Why because my parents have done the same for each other for over 43 years..so I got this.

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this

LL, great post, but as always it’s a two way street. Yes, many women are shallow and focused on the wrong things, but many men are shallow and focused on the wrong things. Men have the added advantage of being more “in demand” and there for many are very selfish as well.

Not to take anything away from what you said, because it’s an excellent point, but just calling a spade a spade.

By QC

October 16, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

BK What’s up…how ya doing!!!

www.blackthen.com

By Blue_Kolla

October 16, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

Sexy coach is the head of my household…and i am his helpmeet but if he did not have the capability to lead/direct/instruct/suggest or however you want to state it…he and i would not be together…

Well damn… that sounds just like what Rell said. But I guess he’s getting all’at extra because he used a variation of the word “instruct”.

A lot of (<=== Disclaimer) women have their priorities mixed up, listening to the pride monsta and dem silly doo-wops in the salon on saturday.

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

@jazzy…lol@ hame sandwich and kool aid..and i get your repeated reference to my T & A comment…lol, tongue and cheek my dear tongue and cheek..k

By SexyCool

October 16, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

foots…coach and i are not married…but have been together for almost two years…are we planning on getting married??? eventually, possibly…no hurries either way…

ARed…most IS good in our household…we have our moments, our rough spots and growing pains…and i expect that we always will…that’s just the way love and life goes…

i don’t want to paint a picture of utopia for what goes on in my life and my relationship…yes…i tell you guys most of the good…but EVERYTHING ain’t good…there are things about me that coach cannot stand and things about him that i would love to see HIM change (i know i can’t change him)…but as long as there is more good than bad and we each get our fair turn at giving and taking…i’m not going anywhere…and neither is he…

By Willie Dynamite

October 16, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

Hello ladies of the WLB Dap to the MLB

On-Topic- What I look for first and foremost is the ability to have deep and interesting conversation. In my view no matter how good you look or keep yourself you will eventually get old. i don’t want to spend my golden days with someone that use to have a nice azz and now I can’t stand to be around her azz.

Rell I’m co-signing you bruh. I understand the mentality of the lead-follow-or get the hellz on. it’s not a matter of following instructions per se’. Most women read that and immediately go into the I am woman hear me roar bullshyt. Men just want to be Men. it’s not a point of Master/Slave the point is in every relationship their is a clearly defined leader. Thats the way it is now and has always been. Not to get too philosophical but look back through time (bible) and show me where any successful relationship didn’t have a leader.

WLB Most men don’t mind the independent-I can do it myself type. We actually look for that type. It shows strength and character. Women do have to recognize when they have a good man and put that attitude in its proper perspective. Nowadays relationships end if you haven’t established some type of teamwork. With every team their is a captain. if you are not willing to allow the captain to be captain then you are obviously on the wrong team.

By Jazzyone

October 16, 2007 11:23 AM | Link to this

Rell @jazzy…..not throwin shade…just stating my POV…most black women are programmed to automatically discount or disrespect black men….i mean the examples that are available to them daily are not redemming…feel me….and i am only stating fact….listen to any girl session and the bad of the black man is always present never anything good….

A fact for Stacye maybe, but not for me we are not all alike. I wasn’t raised to down or hate black men or any man for that matter. I have a wonderful example, My daddy who is a beautiful black man so I know that all men aren’t bad and im not the jaded type if you have read me ever on this blog.

By Blue_Kolla

October 16, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this

LL You’ve done your job supplying the water with that 11:02. Great post.

By Staceye

October 16, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

Blog Police God bless you too!

Dan proceed sir…

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 16, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

@Bella Not buying your 10:55! Your girl cannot possibly have any ounce of self esteem, based on your comments, sorry!

AmazonRed Men are not sitting around fretting over meeting a woman, having a baby or getting to the alter, so even though I agree to a certain degree with your post, your point in mute in this discussion!

By Jazzyone

October 16, 2007 11:31 AM | Link to this

I guess for me i don’t look at it as leading I look at it as he and I doing it to make it in this world I got his back he has mine so whoever leads at that particular time is what it is I have never approached it as leading..never had a problem with someone coming in and sharing their world and I share mine, if you wanna be the head of the household okay cool, but just know I gotcha back always.

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 11:35 AM | Link to this

By the way binford, you and your friends sound exactly like what I’m into. I LOVE nice guys! I love guys my parents love. You do have to have some fire, but typically drive is enough.

If anyone in your crew is over 6 feet, we should get together for a drink. LOL

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this

Lurker, men may not be fretting over that…but since women need men to achieve marriage and babies, my point can’t be “mute” (moot). For every dumb girl you mentioned laughing at the brother with no car, there is an upright chick that’s just looking for a good one. And their usually battling 5 other chicks just to get to him.

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this

@sexycool…cosign your post lady..well said

@jazzy…i know not all women…but there are a majority out there with the same song as staceye…feel me…that was all to illustrate my point…

By Foots

October 16, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this

binford Let me converse with you for a minute about this: I have a bunch of friends who are great people with good habits - but what we all lack is the “bad boy” factor or hardcore flash. By no means are we dull or docile creatures…

I have a situation that I think is common for a lot of folks. It’s not really about the “bad boy” factor, it’s just that we’d like to have something to be interested in, something that drives us to want to make a connection. Something that is not…well…dull…

Okay, so I met a guy who seems to have himself together, all the check marks in place. On paper, he’s a male version of me. LOL!! In reality though, we struggle with conversation. I try my best to come up with interesting, witty conversation but it ends up one-sided. I try to talk to him about things that interest him and I get one-word answers. When we do manage to get on a conversational roll, it’s very surface level about jobs, what happened that day, what’s on the news, etc.

I feel like he’s not interested enough in getting to know me or in me getting to know him to continue, and I’m exhausted with trying to form a real connection and finding commonalities. So I’m considering bailing on the “friendship”. I may be wrong for that, but shoot, I’m bored as hellz! It’s like drinking a flat Coke. Yeah it’s Coke, yeah it’s good, yeah it has the ability to quench your thirst. But isn’t it even better when it’s all fresh and fizzy?

I know that he’s not thinking the same way I am, because he thinks that he IS showing interest and being interesting. We’ve talked about all of this, even the way I’m feeling about how things are going. He still calls several times a day and says that he enjoys talking to me. But I’m confused. If I’m not the one talking, all I hear are crickets. :-(

I think that this happens for other folks too. Ideal person, few social skills. So here are a few questions I have for you:

Does a man (or woman) have enough social skills and can build enough interest (because of the things they have going on in their own lives) so that the opposite sex WANTS to forge a connection? Who are you and what do you have in your life that makes another person want to be a part of it? Is wanting someone who not only has his/her ducks in a row, but also is an INTERESTING person wrong?

So help me out… What say you?

By Blue_Kolla

October 16, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

Jazzy if you wanna be the head of the household okay cool, but just know I gotcha back always.

Now see this is some of that male/female left/right brain stuff here. This looks to be your bottom line, but you took us through like 4 posts to get to it. You should’ve just stated that from the giddyup. LOL

By Poppa Grande

October 16, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

Good Morning, all,

As a married man of over 6 years, I must say that it is about balance. Yes, I give requests and she does as well. You have to know your spouse well enought to know the intentions.

As far as my list, it was pretty short but very similar to Longtime Lurkers’ list.

My wife said something to me (back when we were just dating)that really reeled me in hook, line & sinker. I remember the words to this day. She said the following..”God made you the man that you are now, and the includes both good and bad things. Who am I to interfere with God’s work?” That was what I was looking for most of all. We are grown people who are all on individual life journeys. We all have to answer for own life’s sins. Its nice to have someone that willing to support you through that journey.

She was someone who understood that I wasn’t out to hurt her, mistreat her, or hold her back from acheiving her goals. Its understood that what I do affects her and vice versa. But, its a give a take relationship for the both of us.

During the engagement period there were times that we bumped heads, but as a whole, we have trust in each other. We view each other as icing on the cake instead of the whole cake.

Sexycool, my wife had to learn the samething about having me there to fix things. I’ve had run-in with men trying to get my wife’s number. I know that she doesn’t need me to fight for her all of the time. But I do need to know about these instances, and she understands that. It keeps the trust element strong. (Also, it allows me to be in the know in case she runs into a crazy that won’t take no for an answer.)

She runs most things by me not for permission but so that I am kept in the loop with things.

By Foots

October 16, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

SexyCool Oh, okay. I just assumed that you were married when you said he’s the head of the household.

LL I could go on and on, but you will have to wait and buy my book in hardback in 08!

What will your book be about, what women should do to find a good man?

By Foots

October 16, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

WillieD What I look for first and foremost is the ability to have deep and interesting conversation.

I look for a lot of things, but this is DEFINITELY in my top ten! See REALLY long post above for reference materials… LOL!!

Sorry, GA.man, I had to get that out… Where do I pay? LOL!

By Jazzyone

October 16, 2007 11:52 AM | Link to this

Blue I know right..LMFAOFF..heyal my head hurts from my own posts…

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 16, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this

@AmazonRed You just confirmed my point!

Based on what you said, why are chicks continuing to shoot themselves in the foot over and over again?

My dad often told me,that “you cannot keep doing the same thing over and over and expect to get a different result”

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this

@FOOTS…this is what i am saying..dude is prolly a riot, but he is so feminized by the current state of black male/female relationships he is doing everything not to mess up his chance with you…meaning he is walking on egg shells…he cannot be him for fear of backlash for being a man…true story…try this go watch the game with him at a sports bar on sunday and then see how he acts….he is just handling your situation with care he does not want to mess up….smh….give the guy a chance let him know that it is ok to be himself and to mess up…feel me

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this

Lurker, I confirmed your point ages ago. We aren’t adversaries here. I know many women need to do better. So do many men.

The trust factor left out of the black family unit long ago. Now you have men and women circling each other, waiting for the shoe to drop. It’s just a sad state of affairs for the men and women who get it and still have to wade thru all the muck.

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 12:02 PM | Link to this

@LL..COSIGN

you cannot keep doing the same thing over and over and expect to get a different result” = CRAZY PERSON

@Poppa..cosign brother.

By Blue_Kolla

October 16, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this

QC Hey, what’s up?!

By Dr. Kym-Relationship Expert

October 16, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this

Mr. Rell…First off my own post was tongue in cheek…but as my grandmother would say..since you got your azz on your shoulders…There is a difference between instructions and advice. To give instruction(see dictionary.com) the act or practice of instructing or teaching; education. knowledge or information imparted.

To give advice-an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct,

In other words if a mate or partners has your best interest at heart then they can give you advice state their opinion…etc. However, no one black man, white woman, brown man etc.. Wants someone telling them something as if they are Lording over them.

Finally since you seem to want to keep track of my movements as the board Heavy. I have not posted on this board in many months..but is so good to know that you were thinking of me. Kisses

By For Real

October 16, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

Being a leader is very, very difficult. Most people say they want the job but few ever live up to all of its challenges. In order to be a good leader ones has to adjust to the moments in life. If life requires a dictator then that leader will be a dictator. You can’t just arbitrarily remove a qualification from the definition of a leader because you don’t like it. If you are a leader you must accept all of the facet of being a leader and if you are following a leader you too must accept all of the facet of the leader.

Phoots to answer your question with a question. If you understand your problem and you know how to solve your problem, why are complaining/venting/just-talking about something that you can fix? Fix it and move on. Why do I need to hear about it?

Jazzy A fact to one will be a fact to all. People do not get separate realities. The truth will stand in everyone’s life whether they want it to or not.

2E’s Your statement was an expression of your life, your granny’s life and the men in all of yall’s lives. Now if you want to go around blaming all men for what your granddaddy did, your daddy did, your boyfriends have done then that’s your choice but that doesn’t make it a right or a fact. Because how can you rationally judge 10 million men on the actions of 8 men? Now, that 8 maybe higher or lower but in either case it’s irrational.

I am soooo tire of this “independant woman” thang. Ladies what would you say if a man kept running around screaming that he is a strong independent man that pays his own bills and takes care of himself?

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this

@Dr Kym…ok, i accept your point of reference….moving on

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this

Rell, your comment to Foot’s situation could definitely be one way to look at it. Or it could simply be that she and dude are simply incompatable! Folks are always overthinking things. There are boring people in this world. Maybe he really is one.

By AmazonRed

October 16, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this

For Real, to that independent man I’d ask him to take me to dinner. LOL

By For Real

October 16, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this

Phoots: Hey baby.

Dude: Hey lady. How was your day?

Phoots: Well let me see where should I start? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah. So what are you feelings and thoughts.

Dude: yeah me too. You wants some fish?

Phoots: WTF!!!

By Rell aka The Teacher

October 16, 2007 12:19 PM | Link to this

@Ar..overthinkin..prolly not….hell she maybe boring so she picks boring dudes hoping he is not….but i get what you are trying to say…i am not a know it all…just stating my POV

By Willie Dynamite

October 16, 2007 12:21 PM | Link to this

Seems most of you are posting the same thing just from differing points of view. When we look for a mate we don’t always know what we don’t know. Dating use to be the way to find these things out. Some of us treat dating as a way to disqualify the other person. If you are looking for a mate then dating should be about qualifying yourself to be the right persons mate. In our younger days our peception of what we thought we were looking for was in most cases not built for the long haul. Some people never got past that. It’s not difficult to spot which of our blog-mates that are obviously single because of this.

By For Real

October 16, 2007 12:30 PM | Link to this

Phoots Why do women like to play 20 questions? Why do women like to ask a dude to talk about his feelings? The only feelings that I ever discussed in depth was to answer this questions:

Are you hurt or injured?

Why can’t women just ask that question and let it be?

By Jazzyone

October 16, 2007 12:34 PM | Link to this

For real this is what you wrote Because how can you rationally judge 10 million men on the actions of 8 men? Now, that 8 maybe higher or lower but in either case it’s irrational. then you turn around and write * Jazzy A fact to one will be a fact to all. People do not get separate realities. The truth will stand in everyone’s life whether they want it to or not. *

get it together you are contradicting yourself, and no I can deffinelty say ones truths may not be my truth or the reality that I live in t