Misadventures in Atlanta

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 8:22 AM | Link to this

I finally made it to work WHEW!

Slim hands out good ole fashioned church hugs to all.

Do first loves take more time to get over than subsequent crushes or relationships? Or does it depend more on the intensity/time commitment of the relationship? I would have to say for me, I’d like to think it depends more on the intensity/time commitment of the relationship as far as trying to get over a past love. I dearly loved my first love but it has nothing on my most recent past relationship of off and on for the last 8 years. Folks get over things in their own way and some don’t get over it at all.

By QC

October 2, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers

I often find myself thinking about my past love I’ve recovered but i just can’t get him off my mind; i’ve never, ever been so in sync with anyone i’ve met in my life…Oh how i miss your smile, your laugh, your kiss, your touch….so i already know i’ll have K from B-more on da brain all day

Slim1, can you pass me some tissue please…

By The Truth

October 2, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this

Good morning blogsville.

On topic: My ex wife still hasn’t gotten over our thing. She still asks some crazy questions like are we gonna get back together. HAH I feel for her. Her life hasn’t moved forward. For me I recover and move on. Some hurt more than others but I gotta keep on keepin on.

Special good morning to Slimmy, Footsy, Sexy, Mo, QC, Staceye, Red, Nipples, Tazz, Similac, WD, Smiley, Beautiful, and Jazzy . Blog roses and breakfast at a rooftop restaurant on behalf of Jake who is in lockdown until he changes jobs. LOL Wattup MLB and Ol Great Poobah.

Thanks Bella for keeping this train on time. LOL

For Real if you need to extend the exams though today I’m here for ya buddy. I even brought my chapstick.

By Got that?

October 2, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this

Do first loves take more time to get over than subsequent crushes or relationships? Or does it depend more on the intensity/time commitment of the relationship? I’d venture a guess that it’s a maturity issue. When it comes to relationships, adults become childlike and have unrealistic expectations. When things don’t go the way they think they should go, they act like children. Instead of realizing that everything isn’t always going to work, they hold on to the hurt feelings like their life depends on the other person. Part of growing up is learning how to deal powerfully with things that don’t go your way.

By abc

October 2, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this

“Love that lasts the longest is that which is not returned.”

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick; a wish fulfilled is the tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12

Unrequited love is a beeyotch, it’s difficult for anyone to get over. The only ones who can’t understand it are those that haven’t had to suffer it.

By QC

October 2, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this

Morning, Sir Truth

^5 abc

unrequited love is a beeyotch, it’s difficult to get over you ain’t neva lied, cause that is soooo true!

By Beautiful

October 2, 2007 9:53 AM | Link to this

Unfortunately, I’m still working on getting over my ex. He doesn’t know this. Letting it be known is BAD. The problem is that I love and miss him dearly. And what scares me the most is not letting go EVER! But I am determined to do this. I’m only human. What helps me when I get soft is thinking about all the women he did. When I left him, he married one of them to get back at me. It didn’t work. I left him a message wishing him the best, which probably broke him down. He wanted me to call crying and shiit. Anyways, time is the key. Remember you’re not alone. You’ll be amazed at how many people are going through this.

I have to say good morning to For Real, Truth and Staceye.

By Cemeeli

October 2, 2007 9:53 AM | Link to this

Hey Beautiful People Can we say

My ex fiance has move from here to the west cost several times since our break up, and everytime he is exiting one of his relationships he makes it his biz to find me and tell me … The song: ‘I should have never messed up with you.’

ME: I have not only moved forward I have also been made to know that his insecurities are still prevelant in his life even at age 34…bless his heart. So to answer i do recover from old heart very well.

Hey Super Truth Luv u babay!

Mo did you get the song piece i posted for you yesturday?

By Cemeeli

October 2, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this

Let me try agian: Can we say Monday night football is great! I love me some ‘Foosball’ as Bobby Shay momma would say.

By Bella

October 2, 2007 10:05 AM | Link to this

Good morning, everyone! I hope your day isn’t going to be as busy as mine!

abc brings up a good point. Does it make a difference whether it’s unrequited love or not when it comes to getting over someone?

By kinderbabe

October 2, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

good morning all:) i got that dreaded phone call from my “haven’t got over you yet even though it’s been 9 years” ex this weekend. i guess there’s just one or two people that will always hold a special place in your heart. the convo was cordial but i still felt that he was trying to see what was up w/me…lol. time doesn’t heal everything.

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this

Slim blows a kiss to Truthster

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this

Ironically, this happened to me this weekend. I was at the Dome for the AFC game and my friend and I met some Bruhs in the parking lot. They invited us to their tailgate during the Falcons game saying that it was a good mix of the fraternity brothers. I declined because my ex is one and I didn’t want to run into him. Of course, this piqued the interest of the guy I was speaking with and he requested the name.

When I told him, of course he knew him, they were in the same chapter and he had “just saw [my ex] yesterday.” Then it was the uncomfortable conversation of trying to figure out what he did or what I did. I was trying to come across cool and collected, but I’m not sure I did, as I didn’t want to slander my ex, but I didn’t want it to come across like he had treated me like a queen towards the end either.

I ended up just wishing I had kept my mouth shut. LOL.

By Jazzyone

October 2, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this

Hey ya! Hey Truth…I have moved on and loved again but there is one past love in my life that I have never and don’t think I will ever truly see his history removed from my brain..I loved this man more than anything and anyone in this lifetime..we parted without hate really I was upset but had to get on with my life..Ive always been able to shake em off the brain but this man from 8 yrs ago I could never shake….LJ By way of LA..I will always love you…I have moved on but will never forget you are still part of my soul….

AAAHHHHHH….As I shake that emotional Shyt off sigh

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

QC Here’s a piece of kleenex i found in the bottom of my purse. Don’t mind that piece of peppermint stuck to it…I only had it in my mouth for a hot second. LOL! Cheer up boo!

By Dan

October 2, 2007 10:35 AM | Link to this

@Bella: whether unrequited or not, love is a hard feeling to get over.

For me, there’s still anger and betrayal from the first lost love. That’s y no one gets that close. That’s a scar that may never heal.

@Got that: Maturity has little to do with it, You can grow to understand their reasoning and your fault; but ultimately that emotion is your own. And emotions don’t do logic.

By Foots

October 2, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this

Good morning all!! Big hug and kiss to you Truth.

I definitely have a few people who will remain in my heart always. The love is changed, but it’s still love in some form. It doesn’t interfere with my life now, because I learned how to live with it as a part of me.

What is unrealistic to me is that people expect you love with your whole heart, and then move on from it like it never happened. You don’t have to be in a corner rocking back and forth, in mourning for that person. Just allow yourself to feel what you feel and move on with your life.

By Staceye

October 2, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

Morning Beautiful, A-Red, SexxyLeggs, Truth, For Real, Slim, CT,QC, Mo & Cemeeli…

Dan For me, there’s still anger and betrayal from the first lost love. That’s y no one gets that close. That’s a scar that may never heal I can definetely feel you on that one. This is the story of my life. I can say having my heart broken by my first love has caused a snowball effect from then until now. That pain of being hurt by that person does leave a scar that never goes away. It’s like a keloid that raises up when it’s scratched. (Gross metaphor I know) Each time you get hurt again that scar is reopened and salt is deposited. So it burns…and hurts… and you try to walk around as if it is not bothering you until oneday it bleeds to free itself of the pressure and the salt. Then and only then can you start to let it try to heal yet again. I haven’t quite bled yet so that is why I choose not to date right now because I do not want to put my ailment on someone else. So instead of waiting to exhale…I am waiting to bleed!

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

Good morning Truth. Good morning also to Bella, SlimOne, QC, Cemelli, kinderbabe, Jazzyone, Dan and Foots.

By Cemeeli

October 2, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this

Amazon That had to be SOOOO uncomfortable.

Hey Slim QC: that piece of kleenex you found in the bottom of your purse w/peppermint stuck to the bottom of it. Is that your granny purse i seen left at the back of the church the other day? LOL

By For Real

October 2, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

What up Blog Fam!!!!!

abc Hit the nail on the head. Unrequite love hit us at our core and that is your pride. How could he/she not want to be with me. I am a good woman/man. I would do anything for him/her. Dammit I’m a good woman/man! So it’s not the love that you are hanging onto it’s the rejection and bruised ego.

Old dirty man hug to the WLB.

By The Truth

October 2, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this

Wow, I must say that I’m amazed by these responses. I understand hurting but pain is a part of the human experience. I guess I mourn when I’m supposed to and move on to the next chapter. I don’t have anyone that I remember like that because I know holding on to the past will block my future. I remember when I was going thru my divorce looking out the window and thinking while this hurts its nothing that I can’t overcome. I guess I have never been hurt to the extent that some in blogsville have. I really enjoy the lessons I learn in each situation. WOW

Am I abnormal or what? LOL

By BlatinoBrutha aka BLAT aka "Where the HE!_!_ have you been???"

October 2, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

whatup Blog…

this topic hits a little too close to home for the Poobah. like i mentioned a couple of days ago, me n my HS sweetheart still communicate and the flames are there, but we can’t be together. I judge every potential female by her as the measuring stick and they don’t stack up.

Poobah now writing himself a citation for code 89.257.12. TOO much MLB emotion on the blog….

By 2CPTG

October 2, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

Morning y’all……Staceye, I was waiting on your response to this topic, and you didn’t fail…..“So instead of waiting to exhale…I am waiting to bleed!”….damn! That fool(s) hurt you bad!

yeah, abc, and For Real, it damn sure hurts……but boy, once you get over it, feels like a 500 lbs gorilla has been lifted off your back! Sad thing is, there’s no cure-all to get over it….

By Jazzyone

October 2, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this

I think that I was hurt byt hte relationship having to end, we both knew that we had to part not by being hurt by him, he never hurt me the ending of the relationshop hurt like heyal but it was best for us both becasue we had to let go to grow. Our lives were so different I had to let him go so that he could see the world as he needed to because I had been out in the world for so much longer and my life was at a different point than from where he came.

I have rathered love than not at all I have a few great loves and cherrish the good memories of those past relationships so that I remain healthy and not jaded. When I look back or my mind drifts back during my reflection moments I smile at the expereinces and memories of those past great loves all of them make me ME….

By Mochalatte Peach with Extra Cream

October 2, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this

GOOD MORNING BLOG

Mochalatte is in tha house As for getting over a realtionship, it really does depend on the time for some. For others, it was the quality in the relationship. You can’t tell all those “Love at first sight” people, that they weren’t in a deep and committed relationship. I think depending on the honest true time you spent with that person and not their “representative”, that you are bound to feel a different type of connection. I know that some people have affected my life no matter how short of a time they participated. That’s just my .02!

Special shout-outs to the “regulars” and wink to the “new peeps” in the spot.

By QC

October 2, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this

Thanks Slim

Hey AmazonRed, Cemeeli, Jazzy1, King Blat, ForReal, Foots, Staceye, kinderB,

Where is Awwwww Dayuuuuummmm?

By abc

October 2, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this

I think it’s less a matter of ‘getting over it’ than of accepting things for what they are, the way they are. But then, that might just be another way of saying ‘get over it’.

Most everyone has somebody like that, often referred to as ‘The Good One That Got Away’.

By Cemeeli

October 2, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this

Truthy I am like that too. Able to love someone with all i have, get hurt in the process and then be able to proceed in life to the next chapter. Maybe its a defense mecanisim for me. I never return to those same feelings once i loved you and you hurt me. Even though my ex gave me the most passionate love i have ever even seen or heard about in my life even til this present time. But when we broke up I cried, mourned, understood it and moved on.

No I dont think that you are anomalus.

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli Don’t you know i’ve been looking all over for that purse. Did you see my brick in there still or did someone theive it from me?

By Beautiful

October 2, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this

I have been saying since high school that I wish I was a guy, because guys get over it quicker. I met a lady who went thru the samething I did 25 years ago. Hell to the naw! I pray god blesses me with a stronger soul to move forward. I can’t be trippin’ over this shiit 22 years from now.

By Deeva4Life

October 2, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this

To piggyback off what Staceye said, my first love hurt me during a period in my life where I didn’t know how to truly recover. So at an early age I learned the technique of transferring emotions. I never stopped to heal…why should I when there was always someone waiting in the wings to replace him/them? I applied this technique for many years…never healing just covering it up. Because of that, I’ve experienced a lot of heartache looking for someone else to “make it better” when the truth of it is no one will ever be able to. I finally came to the realization that until I came to terms with my feelings, my hurt, my pain, etc. I’d only keep repeating the cycle…wanting love but settling for a knock-off version of it and ultimately end up alone. I’m at a place now where I’m finally doing nothing…meaning I’m taking this time of singleness to get to know me…what I want, what I don’t want…who am I really? At this very moment, I’m dealing with getting over someone. And for me it’s about accepting reality and not dealing in fantasy. However, even in my accepting the situation there’s still a sting when I think of this person. I miss him terribly and I came to terms that, though I may try to replace him or reinvent what we had, I can’t. What I feel is real and I have to deal with those feelings first and move on.

Whew! I’ll take my citation for that one.

By Jazzyone

October 2, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this

*Hey QC sweetie, hey Amazon Red by the way I love that name it was my moniker in high school towering over everyone. Hope everyone is having a great day :’__ *

By For Real

October 2, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

Naw Truth you ain’t abnormal. You are faithful. Like my Paw-Paw used to say Give everthing you got in everthing you do and when you can’t go no furdder that’s when Gawd will carry you. And yall betnot laugh at the way my Paw-Paw talkted.

2E’s God made the human body to heal itself but you have to stop picking at first in order for it to heal.

By Cemeeli

October 2, 2007 11:35 AM | Link to this

Alright Sista Slim… Sista Bertha told you bout leaving you purse under that pew. If you gotta take sis a tissue don’t leave ya purse take it with you. Everybody in here aint ‘saved’.

By Jazzyone

October 2, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

DEEVA very honest and open of you to post so no you will not be getting a citation!

By seldomseen

October 2, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

Hello everybody

I used to profess that I never had trouble with getting over lost loves but I was fooling myself. I just buried it deep inside and didn’t deal with it. Way too much pride to make one of those phone calls talking about, “I sure did mess up with you!” Damn that! Like anyone I have regrets of about relationships past but now I can move on without letting it affect my current relationships too much.

By Got that?

October 2, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

Dan, maturity has everything to do with it. To be considered a mature adult, all parts must be mature, mental, physical, emotional, etc. The problem is, most adults don’t mature emotionally. They get stopped somewhere in their emotional development and never grow beyond that point. That’s why they get hurt, shut down, and don’t let anyone get that close to them. They don’t move emotionally beyond the person that hurt them. That’s immaturity.

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

Staceye Um…how can I put this nicely…GROSSSS…YUCK…EWWWW! I can’t enjoy my strawberry smoothie anymore. BLECH

By Dan

October 2, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this

@Truth. You aren’t abnormal. I’ve felt that way about every subsequent breakup. But it stems from not getting too close, at least for me.

By Staceye

October 2, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

2CPTG the reason I get hurt so deeply is because I am an all or nothing person. If I am with you, I can not love you 50%. I love with my whole heart so when you break it, I dang near impossible to heal. So over the years I see that all I di was stack hurt on top of hurt and then that burden became to heavy for me and it broke my back. And substitution is what seems to be the logical answer. But all that does is leaves you feeling empty because you are living the knock-off version of life when you really want authentic. What’s worse is when you still love someone and they no longer have that same love for you. That goes back to abc was saying about unrequited love. Hurts like a mutha’!

By DuShawn

October 2, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

I guess I’ve been lucky at love. I’ve never had a woman to leave me or cheat on me, as far as I know. I’ve been in very few committed relationships. I’ve been in love three times in four decades. The closest thing I’ve experienced to what other’s have posted is the ending of my last situation. This young lady and I were together for 5 yrs, cohabitated and were engaged to be married. The relationship deteriorated and we both knew it was over. When she finally moved out, I looked around the crib and was like dayum…… it’s over. I reminisced over all that she and I shared and actually got a little teary eyed. Then it hit me. Oh shyt….Imma bachelor again!!! I called my potnahs we reeled in some animals from the after hours and had a party. In retrospect, I camouflaged the pain with Hennessey and thighs. I still think about her often and hope she’s doing well. But she wasn’t the one for me.

By Deeva4Life

October 2, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

‘Preciate that Jazzy…lol

By Dan

October 2, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this

@Got That: I’m sure Diva will tell you, that stunting of emotional growth only happens in extreme cases of trauma.

Believeor not you are mature when you decide to be

By For Real

October 2, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this

This song is for all of the members of the WLB that has been hurt, I hope this helps. I know it helped me:

All right, come on Sing it one time

Yeah, yeah, yeah….

Walked in this place Surprised to see A big girl getting busy Just rocking to the go-go beat

The way she shook her booty Surely looked good to me I said, come here, big girl Won’t you rock my world Show that dance to me

(CHORUS) She was doing the butt Hey, pretty, pretty When you get that notion

Put your backfield in motion, honey Doing the butt Hey, sexy, sexy Ain’t nothing wrong if you Wanna do the butt all night long

Yeah, yeah, yeah…. What you gonna do about it Yeah, yeah, yeah…. Shake it

I took that girl out on the floor She rocked me from the backside We did the butt til it made me sore

Now, its a physical thing But not hard to do You just shake, shake, shake Shake, shake, shake. shake Doing the butt all night through, come on

(CHORUS) Doing the butt Hey sexy, sexy

That’s right, shake your butt Come on, gimme that butt Gimme that butt

Tanya got a big ole butt (oh, yeah) Shirley got a big ole butt (oh, yeah) Irene got a big ole butt (oh, yeah) Theresa got a big ole butt (big ole butt)

And Sonya got a big ole butt (oh, yeah) Melissa got a big ole butt (oh, yeah) Tammy got a bubble butt (oh, yeah) Little Keisha got a big ole butt (big ole butt) Now, gimme the butt

Yeah, yeah, yeah…. I’m gonna drop you lines Before we set up We’re screaming at the girls That got the big ole butts Sing it

Yeah, yeah, yeah…. I want your butt, that butt That big ole, big ole butt. ow

(CHORUS) Doing the butt Hey sexy, sexy

New York (we got the butt) D.C. (we got the butt) L.A., what you got to say (We got the butt)

Philly (we got the butt) Atlanta (we got the butt) Baltimore, won’t you come holler at me

Yeah, yeah, yeah…. Your butt, your butt, your butt, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah…. I want your butt, your butt I’ll keep my shut

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli, It was very uncomfortable! But mainly because I am very frank an honest. I really had not qualms about telling this guy how my ex treated me, but I knew by bringing it up it would just make me look like I was not over it and harping on it.

To make matters worse Bruh was like “dang, I’m gonna get on him about this. You are fine! Trust if I was not married I’d be trying to get with you, yada yada yada.” So I know he’s going to talk to my ex and my ex is probably gonna think I’m thinking of him IN THAT WAY. I’m not. He’s just not worthy of being in my life and all I was really trying to say is that it’s best I not see him. He’s due a good cuss out over some of the things I found out about him AFTER we were through!

By Foots

October 2, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this

Got That? I don’t see that as immaturity. We’re all different in how we handle things, but we are still only human. I surely know how to keep it movin, but there are times when my humanity just takes over and breaks me down for an hour or two. Then I’m back up and at em. It doesn’t make me immature because every now and then, I have the need to express emotion about a past that’s such a big part of me. It just makes me different than you…and that’s okay.

Now if you wanna talk “crazy and immature”, my ex from earlier this year calls me and talks about us getting back together someday. That’s looney. We’ve been broken up for longer than we were together at this point! It’s not that I can’t see it happening in theory, it’s just that I know too much about him now to allow it to happen. Am I over the whole thing? Probably not completely, because that relationship swept through my life like a Category 5 and disrupted a more than a few things. But I’m great at keepin it movin, so I’m free and clear to go about my merry way.

I am surprised though, at how much emotion wells up in me during our conversations. I think it’s because I know exactly how he feels and I know that he is regretful and has been hurt by his own decisions. I’ve been there myself a time or two.

Hey QC, Amazon, Slim, Staceye, For Real, kinder, Dan, Jazzy, Cemeeli and the crew!

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this

Slim fanning herself frantically Sistah Cemeeli errybody in herr ain’t saved? How could you say sucha thing? I’m bout to lose my religion up in her, up in here! Somebody need to be saved fore I perform an exorcism with my foot up in…..Whew lawd! Shummabumbbleclot! Quick, past me a shot of that communion wine to calm my nerves.

By The Truth

October 2, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this

Deeva I’m overriding Jazzy’s waiver and citing you $500.00 payable today. Please bring in a cashiers check made out to The Truth. (I want that Playstation 3 and finally figured out a way to get one) LOL Watch yourselves blogsville, I need a 60 inch plasma too.

Ladies and gents of blogsville, I must say this is eye opening info today. I do have a question for you. Most of you are religous so wouldn’t your faith in a higher power help you through rough times? Help you heal. Just wondering.

For Real your paw paw is right on point. I give all I can then I tap out (wrestlers tap out when their penned). I cant even imagine someone having that much power over my emotions. Life happens, keep it moving.

Fugg me once, shame on you. Fugg me twice shame on me.

Got that cosigning your 1137.

Hi Kinder, heres some roses and continental breakfast for you. Smooches.

By Cemeeli

October 2, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this

Amazon First, you seem very well able to deal with it (shown in you ability to talk to Bruh about it) and not rehash the hurt from the relationship. Which is a real good thing. Though IMO even if you see the ex OR hear from him i think you should be as genuine Amazon that you are. Forget cussing him out right off the rift just because you found out he did some foul mess, no no. That’s why he aint WORTHY!!!

By Jamocamecrazy aka Asparian

October 2, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this

Good Morning, Everybody! What’s up Foots, Staceye, QC and the blog fam as a whole?!

Man….this one sure does hit close to home…too close, well…I’mma give it a go anyway. Even though it hurt like hell and it took awhile to “come to”, I truly appreciate all that came with the love I shared with this particular man….everything – good and the bad. And yes, even still…I still love em’…, but from a distance is best. We used to joke about how close we were and all we had gone through together and yet even the frustrating moments made us love each other even more than we did the day before, we knew that if there would come a day when all hell would break lose, it would be an all out war, because I believe we just OD’d on everything we had and everything we shared. Times when you’re apart, its almost like you can just smell em, or even “taste em” on your lips…or when you go to pick up the phone, they ‘re already on the recving end dialing your number….or when they surprise you at work for lunch, to take home, etc…seeing them there is like the first time. Loving a person so much that you strived at giving them the very best of you and then at the same time having so much passion for one another, which to me is the same as lust- just wanting to take or consume, without no rhyme or reason…Awww…we knew it would be some ugly ish! Just never thought it would ever come to past. Sometimes, I would think about what my grandmother would say to me: “Baby, when you cherish someone or something too much, just like the Lawd gave it to you, don’t chu thank he can’t take it right back!” So, that could have been the Lord’s way of getting me back on track with my relationship with Him. Remembering the good times always helps me, when I feel myself getting a little sulky. And finally, yes, I have moved on, but I don’t know if I’ll ever love like that again…really, I don’t think I want to love like that again…it has a way of consuming you….I compare those feeling (when I made up mind to move on) to the symptoms of withdrawl. However, each day the weight gets a hell of lot lighter, my mind is clearer and it’s nice to just enjoy my life in its simplicity.

By Deeva4Life

October 2, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this

Truth and to think I thought we were cool…lol. Five Hun-ed Dollars???? See that’s why I stay in Lurksville…it’s cheaper…LOL!

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 12:17 PM | Link to this

Hey Foots & AmazonRed

For Real You ever thought of composing a book of all the life lessons your paw has taught you over the years? I’ll gladly accept 15% of the profits for providing you the idea. By the way, I only accept payments via direct deposit.

Truthster I’m not overly religious but would probably be more spiritual than anything. Folks do turn to their higher power during rough times but we are still human. When you’re really tore up inside, it can make it hard to feel a more tangible relief by calling on the intangiable. You just have those moments at times. I remember once i was in the car balling my eyes out in traffic about some ex-issues. After i got that all out, i suddenly had the thought: What in the h3ll are you sad about? Why wouldn’t you be happy now that he is no longer your problem…Rejoice in relief that you have every reason to move on. So in my case they go hand in hand. Had i not had that release of tears, snots, boo-hoo hoo’s and sadness, i might not have ever heard that voice that clearly….Plus that’s what i get for listening to that dayum Keyshia Cole cd lol

By For Real

October 2, 2007 12:21 PM | Link to this

For those who say they love with their whole heart. How does that jive with God requirment that you love him with your whole heart? In your answers please remember Abraham.

Church Lady Slim Ummm your orthopedic knee highs have slide down to your ankles. Ewwwww is that a tat? So that’s what happens to an old cherry.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

Thanks Cemeeli,

I loved this guy very much, but in the back of my mind, I knew we wouldn’t work out. It was easier for me to accept the end because I kinda knew it was coming. Ultimately, he wasn’t worthy of me and I’m better off. But I’m mad I let that mofo off so easily! (I literally just never called him again, and he never called me, so there was no official “break up”. Cold game huh?!)

By BennyB

October 2, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

I was in high school I come to learn about “Limerence”, google it guys…..

I disagree with you Dan. Feelings are associated with maturity (At least the way we deal with them). The problem here is that some of us grow up but never mature up. Emotions associated with romantic love or simply falling in love is precisely a temporary and partial collapse of ego boundaries. Ego boundaries must be hardened before they can be softened. The problem with early love adventures is that ego boundaries collapse when we are young, immature and unprepared. How we restore our ego boundaries when someone collapses them while unhardened? How we prepare ourselves for the journey called life? If we do nothing about it and just let time cure us ——we may never get over; miss a chance to restore and harden our boundaries and perhaps never get in touch with our feelings…….

Mature people know who they are, they learn that happiness come within themselves. When you reach a point where external factors are less important, when you take responsibility of your life and what’s happening or happened to you, you’ll be very in touch with your feelings and your emotions. Only then, it will be easy to let go….

* Deeva4Life*, sound like you are in charge of your life now. Go for girl, just call me when you get there…People like that are on list of protected species (very hard to find)

By The Truth

October 2, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this

For Real what the hell did that song have to do with making the WLB feel better? Please help me out with this one. LOL

I guess I too have been lucky with love. My first relationship lasted 8 wonderful years and when it ended it was the right thing to do. I’ve had 3 other relationships where I really loved the woman but for one reason or another it didn’t work out. I learned some valuable info from all of them though. I do have one woman I think about though. Not because I can’t get over her but because she tried to infiltrate my circle and cause havoc. She did more embarassing shyt to herself than I can ever remember a woman doing (Drug convictions, fraud, the whole thing). It got where I just didn’t want her associated with my name. When she called back I couldn’t even talk with her. Absolutely no respect at all. That killed whatever love I had for her.

Staceye how can you give all you have when your holding back so much?

By kinderbabe

October 2, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this

hey QC, foots, truth, amazonred. hope you all are having a good day.:)

truth thanks for the continental breakfast and roses. just make sure i have soy sausage next time…lol.

By Deeva4Life

October 2, 2007 12:30 PM | Link to this

^5 Slim on your post to Truth and I’m with you regaring the Keyshia Cole CD…I have to force myself to listen to something else; #5 is on constant replay…lol

By Foots

October 2, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this

Truth wouldn’t your faith in a higher power help you through rough times?

WHOO!! It’s helped in ways I can’t even BEGIN to describe. In general, those times when I begin to just lock up, I remember that everything is the way it is supposed to be in the grand scheme of things. And in those situations where I had no other choice but to walk away when something popped off(looking like a fool isn’t much of an option for me), I just thank Him that I was shielded from the REAL drama that the person was preparing to bring into my life. And if THAT doesn’t do it, Jeremiah 29:11 brings me peace.

By BlatinoBrutha aka BLAT aka "Where the HE!_!_ have you been???"

October 2, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this

…Pulling out his Grand Poobah Trump Card for use only when DISAGREEING with a member of the MLB Council…

Truth… Bruh. I gotta break ranks with you on this one. While it’s true most of the time that you must hurt, heal, and move on in that fashion, I think you’re misunderstanding where the WLB’s and the one or two MLB willing to admit it are coming from.

Simply put, the heart feels what the heart feels, and for most of us in life, there is that ONE person to whom we’ve given more of our heart than any other person. Also, it often happens in our younger years, when emotions are stronger and we haven’t yet been beat up by life a little bit, so those loves tend to carry a heavy load of optimism and big dreams. For some, it ends very badly, with getting hurt by cheating. Some have had that love die unexpectedly. Some simply never got the chance to take that love to all the levels they wanted to explore. Whatever the reason, it’s there, and our human nature dictates that all future experiences will at least be colored to some extent.

Those of us who have a faith do believe it can get us through, but even the Bible acknowledges that the heart can betray you.

Truth, I would suspect that you came across that one person in your life a long time ago, and that’s why it’s so easy for you cut it and move on now. None of these are getting anywhere close to your heart’s inner parts.

And Got That, I have to take offense with you calling it immaturity. It’s all in how you handle it in the future.

By Deeva4Life

October 2, 2007 12:34 PM | Link to this

Benny B thanks for the post…and just so I’m clear…is your number still 777-9311??? LOL

By Staceye

October 2, 2007 12:38 PM | Link to this

For Real loving someone with your whole heart is not saying that you don’t love God with your whole heart. What it is saying that when are with someone you don’t just love them somewhat…you love their goods & bads. You love them for who they are and what they mean to you.

By BennyB

October 2, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this

* Staceye*

Where is your militant side today? ……

“So instead of waiting to exhale…I am waiting to bleed!”

That’s depressing girl but maybe truthful, why don’t you go and do something challenging that you never done before (ex: get a sport bike, learn to play a musical instrument, or learn to fly a plane if you can afford it……) Extend your social circle and interest, meet new people that you never been exposed to before…….

By Beautiful

October 2, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this

TRUTH the only reason the bible says to leave your mate is when they cheat. Someone tell me if I’m wrong on this one. But I wonder sometimes why he chose that reason. If someone has more knowledge, please preach to me. I would think that if my mate had a cocaine problem, I would leave. But his only reason for me to leave is cheating!?!?!?!

By Staceye

October 2, 2007 12:44 PM | Link to this

Truth When I do love someone, those hurt emotions take a back seat. Not saying that I no longer feel them. I just push them backwards. Now when I feel something is not going right, such as I get the inckling that he is cheating or otherwise mistreating me is when those thoughts and emotions come back to the forefront.

By mqew

October 2, 2007 12:46 PM | Link to this

Afternoon all -

I have had issue in the past where an ex-fiance had implanted himself in my life (after him)… as a “friend”. Briefly, he was sort of a hs sweetheart, that went into the service. He was pretty sure I would do me, but reserve me for him. I ended up meeting what I deem my soulmate, my husband. He returned and was devastated. He didn’t take it well at all. I didn’t know how badly he took it until years later, when he was still dealing with it. He eventually wanted to be friends. I truley thought his intentions were genuine as he had a girlfriend (a few) and we were discussing relationships. Anyhoo eventually it came to light that he just wasn’t over me, still upset, and it ended very badly. He left a couple vm on my work phone after he found out I was pregnant. He said he was re-enlisting, and wanted me to call him back. I never did…

Beautiful - guys do not take it easier, IMHO.

Asparion - kinna reminds me of the topic/discussion yesterday. It sounds like since you always had it in your mind, it happened. And… I will go so far to say that if you don’t think you want that love again, you won’t. Maybe if you revised your def. of love…

Truth - I as well have never been the one trying to grasp at the past. Just never happened… I do miss one, but for the conversations we’d have.

By DuShawn

October 2, 2007 12:52 PM | Link to this

Reading some of the comments from the females on the blog has caused me to reflect on my past treatment of women. I can honestly say that I have never hurt a female that I cared about. Now don’t get me wrong, she may have shed a few tears during the course of the relationship. However, when it was all said and done, the good times far outweighed the bad and the final separation was amiable. The situation I just described was the minority. The majority of my encounters with women would fall under the ”Unrequited love” scenario. At the risk of sounding arrogant, most of the women I have dealt with were into me far more than I was digging them. Often times they would be in love, and I didn’t give a f*ck about them. I was much younger then, and I’m ashamed to say, I manipulated, mislead and took advantage of a lot women. Back then my mindset was shallow. I didn’t consider how my behavior would emotionally scar these young ladies. I was just trying get some azz and have some fun. When I tired of their company I would dismiss them. In retrospect, I was never a liar. I may have implied that certain scenarios may come to fruition if they behave accordingly. However, I never lead them to believe that we were exclusive and I definitely never told them I loved them. I know that’s no justification. I definitely believe that maturity and love are intertwined. I think young men tend to view relationships as a competition. Who ever falls in love first loses. When you’re older and wiser you realize the true value of the relationship. It creates a nurturing safe haven for those involved. Love is the bond that holds it together. Few younger cats have lived enough life to gain that type of insight.

By 2CPTG

October 2, 2007 12:52 PM | Link to this

Beautiful…..leave your mate, or your husband/wife? I’ll be more than happy to give my opinion on this one.

By Foots

October 2, 2007 12:55 PM | Link to this

Jamoca And finally, yes, I have moved on, but I don’t know if I’ll ever love like that again…really, I don’t think I want to love like that again…it has a way of consuming you…

I wish that I could find a column from Carolyn Hax long time ago that addresses this. When I read it, I cried because it explained so much about feeling this way. She put it in terms of the response a trained animal has when it doesn’t know when to expect a reward. She says that the desperate, intense feelings don’t occur in a calm, settled relationship where the love is constantly given and received. I’ll have to find it.

For Real When I speak of loving with my “whole heart”, I speak of Paul’s account of what love should be. Time can remove that type of love from the forefront of your life, but it never truly goes away.

By The Truth

October 2, 2007 12:58 PM | Link to this

Deeva baby, don’t take this personal. You know I have much love for ya but that PS3 is hot. BTW, lets make that $600 made out to circuit city c/o The Truth. I forgot about the wireless controller. Smooches

Mental note to self: Only soy sausage for Kinder.

Blat my grand poobah, you are wrong about the heart feeling what it wants. You tell it what to feel. Its your heart. You control the filters. One of the 4 agrrements is NEVER TAKE ANYTHING PERSONAL. If a chick cheats on you she doesn’t do it to hurt you. Its ultimately to make her happy. Remember though, it was always her puddy. She can do with it what she wants. You’ve never had cycle or cramps. You’ve never owned a puddytat and never will. When it was in her best interest to share with you she did so. When those circumstances changed so did the puddytat. Sometimes I have problems controlling my johnson, and I’ve owned it since day 1. You know what I’m talking about.

My point is just love the woman, flaws and all. When it goes south you understand why because you understand what you were dealing with from the beginning. All I seek is understanding. I can hang with a slut if i understand what she is.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 1:02 PM | Link to this

Bravo DuShawn for your posts today. You sound like a good brotha. If it wasn’t for your attraction to “ghetto sluts,” I’d make you my blog boyfriend! LOL

By Willie Dynamite

October 2, 2007 1:04 PM | Link to this

Wow this is pretty heavy today.

Fortunately I don’t have the heartbreak, can’t sleep, can’t eat story that some of you have. I do understand. I’ve seen it happen (and consoled a few). In my entire life I only had 1 that I would deem “The one that got away”. I wasn’t heartbroken over it just a little disappointed in myself because I coulda done more to affect the outcome. I’ve never been the one to fall head over heels for anyone (that maybe sad). I’ve been in 3-4 committed relationships in my life and they all ended for the betterment of us both.

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 1:07 PM | Link to this

Deeva4Life That truly is the one for me too #5…Oh boy especially:

*I remember when my heart broke.

I remember when I gave up loving you. My heart couldn’t take no more of you. I was sad and lonely.

I remember when I walked out. I remember when I screamed I hated you. But somehow deep inside I’m still loving you. I’m sad and lonely.*

By BlatinoBrutha aka BLAT aka "Where the HE!_!_ have you been???"

October 2, 2007 1:13 PM | Link to this

Truth, I say you’re about 1/2 right on everything in your 1258 post. Yes, you must use your mind to control your emotions, but we are imperfect and that control only goes so far for many.

Regarding the cheating, You are dead wrong on that one. Just dead wrong. Personally for me, the relationship where I was cheated on isn’t the one I haven’t completely let go, so I can’t say it scarred me like that.

But…. a woman’s puddy is always hers, but if she signs on the dotted line (MARRIAGE) and deeds it to you as her husband, she must first leave you and buy it back before she’s to be able to do with it what she wants again. But you’re right in that most times it’s not about hurting another person, but rather considering your own short term satisfaction more important than all other pursuits. Which is why the cheating was much easier to get over. I don’t have to waste on emotion for someone I apparently didn’t matter to that much, despite being married. She is but a footnote in my life, made slightly larger only by the amount of time spent in the relationship.

By Got that?

October 2, 2007 1:15 PM | Link to this

Blat, why take offense? It is life’s way of growing us up. Without adversity, there would be no growth at all. Most people are emotionally stunted. That’s why they get offended and don’t grow beyond that point. I’m not saying that emotionally mature people don’t have feelings, it’s in how they deal with it that makes it different. Most people go through life reacting to breaking up like a teenager does. They don’t separate the relationship from the person and deal with the failure from a position of strength. Look at all the nastiness in divorce. People attack each other like the person and the relationship are one in the same, but they aren’t. I respect the fact that you told me that you took offense, but I challenge you that that’s where you can grow. One day, you won’t get offended at someone else’s viewpoint.

By D.K.

October 2, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this

Hello bloggers, this is an interesting topic. I dont comment much, but I thought I’d put in my .02. I kind of agree with Dan on his 11:41 post about not getting too close b/c thats how my past few relationships have went…but im probably like that b/c of how things ended with my first love…just likeblatino and others have said there’s always that one person who u put your heart out there for, and depending on how that ends can shape how u handle future relationships

By Jamocamecrazy aka Asparian

October 2, 2007 1:20 PM | Link to this

mqew:

You know…regarding the statement “that if you don’t think you want that love again, you won’t.”…you probably have something there. Strange thing about it is, I don’t want to love the way I did with the previous relationship, and it’s okay with me. The harsh reality or so it seems is that – NO ONE, wants to be just friends. Now, I will go so far to say that I have past acquaintances that I may run into from time to time, who are either seeing someone or casually dating and we may even go for a bite or even meet up for local events…you know, just to chill and I hear all of what’s going on in their lives, not just regarding women, and we give each other feedback, whether it’s something we want to hear or not. In the end, I find that I’m a little relieved, because right now I know I’m at a place where it would not be good for myself or the other guy (who I have been spending time with) to get into anything too deep. And if he decides to move on….I am still okay. Some may call it fear, but I am just being honest with myself and I know at this moment what makes me feel good about me, about life and what still needs some work….just doing a little self evaluation and taking some time out for me and when I feel like hanging out with an acquaintance…I know that there is no pressure, for now.

By Cemeeli

October 2, 2007 1:27 PM | Link to this

okay I’m back.

…smck, smck… if you get a peach cobby that makes you close your eyes when you take a bite you’ve had some FIYA peach cobbler…hmmmm…mmm.

Slim Did i see you do the ‘church jerk’ with that sha bachin’? LOL

ForReal My healing has been in God and will forever be in him if i have to deal with hurt again. As far as my ex is concerned that was 9years ago and I KNOW now that i only gave him as much love as i could at that time. The love that i have to give to my next love is totally different than before. Which makes me nervous to think who really can handle such …. wow a thought.

By BlatinoBrutha aka BLAT aka "Where the HE!_!_ have you been???"

October 2, 2007 1:29 PM | Link to this

Got that, you’re right that it leads to emotional growth. It has to. But you implied that if you’re hurt and having a little trouble getting over a certain person, then you’re immature. I didn’t so much take a offense as disagree.

BTW, I don’t get offended by differing viewpoints. They make life more fun.

By Dan

October 2, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

BennyB and Got That: Maturity is process and love is an emotion.

Not to belabor the point but whether you are 18 or 80, love (especially lost love) is a hard thing to get over.

By NCGirlfromATL

October 2, 2007 1:34 PM | Link to this

Sup.

Blat to a certain extent, I have to agree with Truth. I believe that the heart feels what it feels b/c we open ourselves up to the possibilities. Great example is one of my married friends found herself in an emotional relationship w/ someone who wasn’t her husband. On countless occasions before she and hubby started having problems, I’d witnessed her receive a compliment or flirtation from a man, and brush it off like lint on black pants. She was a master at it. She’d smile politely and let them know that her husband felt the same way about her…and kept it moving. But, when she and hubby started having problems, all of a sudden she was receptive to those flirtations. And found herself engaging in a relationship she had no business being in. He was convenient. He stepped in at the right time, when she was already feeling down about her marriage, and her ability to brush him off went by the wayside. When she told me about it, her excuse was “it just happened.” BS! It didn’t just happen. She consciously allowed it to happen by letting herself be open to his flirtation and advances. She knew what she was doing, knew it was wrong, and knew she could have/should have walked away. But, instead, she let her brain take a break. We want to use our hearts as an excuse, quite often, for reckless or harmful behavior. But, we have to later be accountable for our actions.

I will agree that once the heart takes over, it’s a difficult train to stop. I’ve had my heart broken. I knew he wasn’t good for me, but once I opened that door to let him in, there was no easy way to get him out. I take full responsibility for being an idiot for that man. I saw all of the warning signs, but decided that it was worth the risk. My only regret is that it didn’t end more gracefully.

By Cemeeli

October 2, 2007 1:36 PM | Link to this

Prince is way out there with the Future Baby Mama song…lol.

By Jamocamecrazy aka Asparian

October 2, 2007 1:40 PM | Link to this

Foots:

When/if you come across that column from Carolyn Hax, let me know…it sounds interesting. You think may be I could google it? Do you recall the actual topic?…I guess that may be a slim chance, if it was some time ago…anywho, keep me in mind if you do.

By mqew

October 2, 2007 1:44 PM | Link to this

Asparian- Yeah, the friend zone is not a preferable place for many. I found it impossible to get as well when that was all I wanted/needed. Sounds like you are definitely trying to do you!

By The Truth

October 2, 2007 1:45 PM | Link to this

Blat there’s only one way to control a puddytat, with her consent. Its hers, I promise you. I remember growing up the old cats would tell us if you catch a chick cheating kill her azz. I thought like that until I got enough experience to decide for myself. If you catch your girl cheating guess what. She’s not your girl. Thank the cat that revealed that info to you. If you kill him you go to jail while she’s out doing what? Giving away more puddytat and telling her gfs about this dude that was twazy about her puddytat.

Love is like investing. Don’t put anything out there you cant stand to lose. Think of the worst case scenario, come to terms with it and either go forward or fold your tent. Will it hurt? A little. Will it make you better for having had the experience? Always

By Beautiful

October 2, 2007 1:47 PM | Link to this

OFF TOPIC where is the best club or hang out spot for a 39 yr old female to just have some fun?

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

Deeva I think the blog monster ate my posts…I was basically saying my cd player often gets stuck on #5 & 6 on her cd….She is my modern day Mary J Blige.

By Beautiful

October 2, 2007 1:51 PM | Link to this

OFF TOPIC where is the best club or hang out spot for a 39 yr old female to just have some fun? Not looking for a booty call, husband, etc. Just want something else to smile about and reminisce on.

By Dan

October 2, 2007 1:51 PM | Link to this

Let keep it all the way real fro just a second.

There is not a man or woman posting here that hasn’t been hurt. What makes us different as human beings is the manner in which we process that pain. What give us hope is the commonality of the experience.

Two things (and I’m back to lurking/ working). One: that love exists is itself a wonderful thing, and part of my maturing has been to recognize that and to appreciate the past relationships and hopefully, learn to do better in the future.

Two: those of you that have seen me post know that Dan, regardless of his past, will always look toward the heavens “from whence my strength comes”. In that I trust that the pain and the process is leading to me a love that will truly be the one.

I wish that for everyone, and for those in pain, scarred, scared, whatever…it does get better with time.

Selah

By Beautiful

October 2, 2007 1:52 PM | Link to this

OFF TOPIC where is the best club or hang out spot for a 39 yr old female to just have some fun? Not looking for a booty call, husband, etc. Just want something else to smile about and reminisce on.

By Got that?

October 2, 2007 1:52 PM | Link to this

Blat, that is precisely my point. In that moment, you have to deal with the fact that you are reacting that way because you’re immature as regards to that situation. It doesn’t mean that you’re immature everywhere. Growth becomes more granular the older you get. That’s why you have feelings. They tell you where you are in your growing process. You’ll grow until you die. You’ll learn until you die. That’s the nature of life. Relationships will always present you with the challenge of growing up. When you think you’ve faced all there is to face, you’ll get waylaid by something you never expected and your reaction will be immature, because you’ve never faced that before. The problem is dwelling. If you don’t learn what there is to learn from the experience, you will develop ways to avoid that experience, aka moving on. That’s what we do. What we should do is learn the lesson, grow, and be complete in that area of life with that person. And, thank them for growing us up.

By QueDogTeaching

October 2, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this

What up blog Said while speed blogging and then slowing down and going back to the top.

Staceye The way you sound today is actually attractive. Its deep, reflective, and well thought out. In this very instance I now realize that you definitely don’t need a gun in your possession.

On Topic I had always said that no one would ever hurt me, because I know to many women, I always keep it moving, and almost every woman I have ever dated is still cool with me. Until…….. I met the one woman who I fell in love with from the first conversation we had in college. I had to have her but not right then. I knew that I would need her in my life later, so I just became her friend balled out as normal until 10 years later when the stars lined up perfect for us both. And for 2 years we were great. I mean we were great in the good and the bad. And I still love her to this day and she has said that she loves and is in love with me. But I have found out that sometimes you have to love people from across the street, Because passion is just like fireworks they are good and pretty, but if you stand in the way of them at the wrong time they can seriously hurt you. In closing “What makes you laugh can also make you drink a whole bottle of Hennessey.”

Where is NCGIRL

By Beautiful

October 2, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this

OFF TOPIC where is the best club or hang out spot for a 39 yr old female to just have some fun? Not looking for a booty call, husband, etc. Just want something else to smile about and reminisce on.

By Foots

October 2, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this

Jamoca I’m still looking. It affected me so much, I saved it somewhere. But I must have deleted it. :-( The search continues…

By For Real

October 2, 2007 2:01 PM | Link to this

Truth For Real what the hell did that song have to do with making the WLB feel better? I don’t know but I sure feel better after I do the butt.

2E’s God must be first and foremost in your life period. Maybe you forgot that with this dude.

On the issue of Maturity: We are always learning so no one has a lock on maturity. We are all maturing and will be until we die. A person’s reaction to an emotion is relative to that person’s ability to control their emotions. Women are taught to allow their emotion to control them to a point. Whereas, men are taught to not to allow your emotions to control you. So I would call an adult immuture unless they behaved like child.

Slim 15%!!! for an idea!!! If you make that strokes we got a deal. I actually have about 9 pages of quotes that I have been collecting and at some point I plan on putting them in a book.

For Real now calculating how many strokes Slim owes him.

By Foots

October 2, 2007 2:05 PM | Link to this

Jamoca I found it!!! Here it is:

Sydney, Australia: Dear Carolyn

I know you must get this question a million times, from a million places around the world — but how do I go on when I feel like I’ve lost the love of my life? I chose to walk away after suffering through almost two years of an on/off relationship that was making me increasingly unhappy, because he couldn’t offer me a commitment. He wanted the freedom to be able to do as he wanted, while still seeing me. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. I can’t help but feel unloved, and very sad and sore. Please offer me any words of wisdom you have on the subject. I’d be truly grateful for it. Thanks.

Carolyn Hax:

The “love of my life” loves you back. This will not help much at the moment, I imagine, but trust it and give it a chance to work. You had/have these really strong feelings that you can’t imagine feeling again, and maybe you won’t—which is actually a good thing. Strong, desperate, painful feelings tend to be what you get from off-and-on relationships. Anybody recall that study they did to test how creatures respond to rewards? They gave some monkeys (or rats or some other poor beasts) a constant supply of treats, or treats at regular times, or treats at random—and the creatures who got random, erratic rewards apparently became obsessed with the reward lever. (Details may be off, but I think I got the idea right.)

So, I see in you (and the million others) an obsessed monkey. True love of your life wouldn’t feel so … magnetic? because treat supply will be steady. But it would feel better. Hang in there.

By Foots

October 2, 2007 2:10 PM | Link to this

Beautiful I’ve heard that PlayDate is fun and it’s this weekend. Also Old School Saturday is coming up. It’s my favorite place to go to just dance to the music of my life.

By For Real

October 2, 2007 2:17 PM | Link to this

NC We want to use our hearts as an excuse, quite often, for reckless or harmful behavior. But, we have to later be accountable for our actions. I take full responsibility for being an idiot for that man.

Amen NC Amen… That is the definition of maturity. Accepting your responsibility for your actions.

I know I am not suppose to say anything yet but here NC take these coupons for two free pap-smears. That’s right WLB, on Wednesday the MLB will be sponsoring Pap-Smear Wind Down in conjunction with Breast Awarness Month. And mark you calendars ladies Friday the MLB will be sponsoring Earmuffintectomy Friday!!

Also sponsored by Tussy. Tussy a dab will do ya.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 2:19 PM | Link to this

To amplify off Willie Dynamite’s post, though I have loved and loved HARD, I don’t feel any of my exes are “the one who got away.”

I put my whole heart and my best foot forward in all my relationships. I appreciated having them in my life. Often times, it turned out they weren’t ready for ME. I could see many of my exes thinking I got away, but I don’t feel the same about any of them.

By The Truth

October 2, 2007 2:22 PM | Link to this

Thunder Dan I’m not saying I haven’t been hurt. I’m saying I’m no longer hurt. I mourned that loss, buried it and have moved forward. The next woman doesn’t have to worry about me flipping because my love button flashes red.

Now I look for a different kind of love. Not the kind they sell in a flower shop. Not the kind that makes me run around doing stupid ish.

Beautiful Club Truth is opening soon. Its gonna be of da chain. LOL

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this

Slim writes briefly on a piece of paper and gently slides it across the table face down over to For Real

I’m willing to negotiate a little on the profits. How about instead of strokes we make those monthly installments of earmuffilectomys done by you. Deal?

Slim now reaching into her faux-cleavage after a jellybean that has fallen down her shirt

By Foots

October 2, 2007 2:31 PM | Link to this

For Real Speaking of Tussy… I saw a commercial recently for Secret Clinical Strength. Now okay… If you need clinical strength deodorant and you’re a woman, you might need to go get yourself checked out. That sounds like something the Baby Powder Bandit needs… LOL!!!

I offer my most sincere blog apologies for those who currently use Secret Clinical Strength… As an added apologetic bonus, I’ll check with For Real to see if he has any coupons left…

By DuShawn

October 2, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this

QDT dog, lol..I guess we both subscirbe to that Cognac Therapy for dealing with problems of the heart.

…..“What makes you laugh can also make you drink a whole bottle of Hennessey.”

…..”In retrospect, I camouflaged the pain with Hennessey and thighs.”

By Willie Dynamite

October 2, 2007 2:37 PM | Link to this

For those of you that have been hurt badly I have to ask a question. At the time it happened was it worse because the other person didn’t outwardly show as much hurt as you? I know a few on here are saying they haven’t been hurt that bad as opposed to others. I am sure those are the ones that broke a few hearts(unsuspectingly of course). In my dealings I’ve found that heartbreak is usually magnified when it’s only one side feeling the pain. Amazon I screwed that one up big time. Ole girl was the one and I knew it. I was just playing when she wanted the game to be over. In hindsight I know I wasn’t ready and woulda ended up just breaking her heart.

By Deeva4Life

October 2, 2007 2:40 PM | Link to this

Slim…I like #6 also. But it’s something about #5. I think it’s the emotion she puts in it while singing. It’s like I can feel her hurt…or maybe I can just relate. That song just does something to me.

By Staceye

October 2, 2007 2:40 PM | Link to this

Benny B I am a very adventurous person. I am always trying new things. Right now I am so busy I do not have room for anything else.

Dushawn I am reading your posting and how can you say you never hurt a woman and name the the things you did in the same breath? Those actions can hurt and permanantly scar a woman far more than you care to believe.

QueDogTeaching I would not shoot anyone unless they break into my crib or try to attack me.

By Jamocamecrazy aka Asparian

October 2, 2007 2:41 PM | Link to this

@ Foots:

” You had/have these really strong feelings that you can’t imagine feeling again, and maybe you won’t—which is actually a good thing”

…that definitely put something on my mind, for a spell.

and…”True love of your life wouldn’t feel so … magnetic? because treat supply will be steady. But it would feel better.” ….why did hit the head on the nail like that?

By Cemeeli

October 2, 2007 2:43 PM | Link to this

Hey Foots I saw that Clincal Secret cm too. WTH??? I just hope i never have to use such.

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 2:50 PM | Link to this

Foot Gurrrlll, you are cwazy…Now that you brought it up, i always wondered why someone would need medicated baby powder? Things that make you go Hmmm?….

By Foots

October 2, 2007 2:58 PM | Link to this

Staceye Actually, he said that he’d never hurt a woman he cared about. He just didn’t care about the ones that he did hurt. Therein lies the subtle difference. LOL!!

I saw your MySpace page and you are really pretty. You look like you are enjoying your life in spite of the things that have happened in your life, or maybe because of them. Anyway, keep doing what you’re doing and maybe someone will come along that will make you glad you were spared from those other fools who couldn’t appreciate you.

Jamoca I couldn’t get over how well it spoke to me at that point in my life. I had just gotten out of a relationship that had me so off-balance, I couldn’t explain why I felt the way I did. But now I know that real love isn’t supposed to feel that way, it’s more of a constant supply rather than feast or famine.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 2:59 PM | Link to this

W Dynamite, I could see my exes saying the same thing. You should give me your ex’s number. We should go clubbing. LOL

What prevents you from calling her again?

By the way, you probably broke her heart anyway, but I’m sure she is glad you got out before the feelings got even deeper.

By DuShawn

October 2, 2007 3:01 PM | Link to this

Staceye ..”how can you say you never hurt a woman. My post stated “I can honestly say that I have never hurt a female that I cared about.”

Those last three words make a world of difference.

By BennyB

October 2, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

Dan, You confuse love with Limerence man. Scott Peck explained that Love is an act of will both an intention and an action, we do not have to love but we chose to love. Limerence is like falling in love and is an unconscious choice. We can choose how we respond to the experience of falling in love, but cannot choose to fall in love. Falling in love is effortless, however love require some work. The feelings described by most posts today are not love but many confuse it with love. Now, you may ask that if falling in love is not love, then what love is. And that’s when maturity kick in……

Deeva4Life

777-9311……..My mother played that song more than I want to admit……How can you bring back Prince around?…..Now I got to download my “All Eyez On Me” album into my Ipod to listen to the Pac…Can you see what you did?

NCGirlfromATL

What can I say???………sound very powerful. It’s very sexy when a woman doesn’t blame and choose to take charge / responsibility of her life.

I take full responsibility for being an idiot for that man.

I’ll send this to all sisters in my address book

DuShawn

Men in your 12:52 PM…don’t try to make yourself feels good that you did not hurt anyone, that’s a lack of empathy. Common man…..

By D

October 2, 2007 3:07 PM | Link to this

My First real love left me at the alter after 10 years of relationship for another man. On that day, the man I was died and have been a dry shell since. I have no desire to try ever again, I have killed those feelings.

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 3:12 PM | Link to this

Staceye I’m being nosy…send me a friend request on MS….backslash somalislim lol

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 3:14 PM | Link to this

Welcome D,

Wow man, that’s deep. How long ago did she leave you? I think your situation is the toughest to get over, but you have to believe that something is better for you out there. Good luck to you.

By Foots

October 2, 2007 3:14 PM | Link to this

Big Blog Hug 4 D!! That’s rough, man… How long ago was that?

By atl2md

October 2, 2007 3:15 PM | Link to this

I can say that the guy I dated in college that was hard to get over. It took about 4 years to get him out of my system. I had to move away. When we broke up he was hurt too. He had all his friends calling me to tell me that he has gone crazy and to call him. He told me he couldn’t live with out me and even attempted suicide. So I went back…but left him again QUICKLY… I loved him too much and when I left I couldn’t eat, sleep nothing! I got over him with Smirnoff, tears and shopping. Those emotions were too raw and too much for me handle. I have never loved that deep since!

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 3:18 PM | Link to this

Hey Bloggers,

Do you ever think about how your life would have been if you stayed with these exes you loved so much? I know with my high school sweetheart, I probably would have been divorced already. We really weren’t compatable, though we had great passion and chemistry. I’d probably be broke too. He had a hard time managing money back then. Though we were young, you can tell that some kids are natually more responsible than others.

By QueDogTeaching

October 2, 2007 3:19 PM | Link to this

Du Dog Hennessey, a basement, and a good bruh reminding you of how much Cuda you have had helps out .

But, on Saturday afternoons when you are just doing things around the house before you go out, or on Sunday nights when the neighborhood is quiet. It makes you think, love is a beast. Because it is at those times that the only cure for your loneliness is someone who you have truly loved or who you know has truly loved you. And before the cynical Bloggers claim that “you never know if someone truly loves you” I will say this, either you are a complete social outcast or you need to stop lying to yourself to mask your inner anger and self doubt.

By Willie Dynamite

October 2, 2007 3:21 PM | Link to this

Amazon you real funny, I wouldn’t want to call or talk to her now(I’m lying). Prolly best if we never saw each other again. We had too many unresolved issues left hanging from the people around us that would make it very uncivilized.

D Bruh you sound real bad. i wanna tell you to Man Up but from the way you sound Man I just don’t know. Somebody please help this dude out

By DuShawn

October 2, 2007 3:24 PM | Link to this

BennyB “…..that’s a lack of empathy I’m at the stage of my life where I regret all my misdeeds. The names and faces of the women I mistreated ten or fifteen years ago have all faded. I’m not proud of some of things that I’ve done, but it was apart of my journey,…. as well as theirs.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 3:25 PM | Link to this

SlimOne, you are a slenda tenda too! You are a together chick. If I knew where Conyers was, I’d say we should hang out (I’m 29 as well). But I bet it’s far! LOL

By Staceye

October 2, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this

Foots Thank you girl!!!

Dushawn so because you did not care about them that makes it ok to hurt them? Do you have a daughter? If so, would you want a guy to treat her they way that you have done the ladies that you DID NOT care about? Suppose a guy did do that…you’d be ready to stomp a mudhole in him! I don;t understand that..guys think it’s ok to mistreat a woman, buut let another dude mistreat a female such as a duaghter, sister, mother, etc…you are all ready to go postal on the dude. But what makes you better than them? You did it too? Those women that you hurt are somebody’s daughter. Karma may not get you personally. But it would have to hurt if you are a father that really loves his daughter and see a guy doing the same crap you did to another woman. I am not jumping on you…but I am just trying to understand where guys get their so-called logic. Or do they even think at all with the head on their shoulders…or all they all lead around by the one that always leads them in the wrong direction?

Sim you so crazy girl!

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

Dang Willie, she was “the one” but it’s best if you guys never saw each other again? So if you marry, will you just be settling?

I just ask because I think an ex or two would think about calling me. But they never do. I think they know if they ever come back they’d have to be a the top of their game and ready to lock it down forever. All my exes are still under 30 so they haven’t finished “playing” yet. None of them are married (as far as I know) except for one who told me I could have easily been his wife if I met him 5 years later.

By Deeva4Life

October 2, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this

Benny B I’m sorry…but you know you luv u some Prince…lol.

By abc

October 2, 2007 3:40 PM | Link to this

It’s actually quite different but not that much less difficult to be the object of unrequited love. I try my best to treat them fairly, but it’s frustrating in that there’s nothing I can do short of reciprocation that’ll make them feel any better. Having been on both sides of the fence, I can empathize with them. In cases involving myself, as subject and object in situations like that, the feelings never go away or subside at all, really. One simply gains an acceptance of the way things are.

I wiki’d ‘limerence’. Interesting stuff. I’ve also read elevated levels of dopamine and seratonin in the brain that correspond to that kind of scenario.

By The Truth

October 2, 2007 3:48 PM | Link to this

D you missed a great opportunity dude. When that cat died another was waiting to be born. You assassinated the new you with feelings of pain and hurt. Forgive that chick, pick up your heart and move forward. There’s life after death. LOL

Picture me rollin, Flossin a benz on some rims that itn stolen.

Staceye you can’t be that hard on DU. Some cat somewhere was feeling you too until you stepped on his peepee. You probably didn’t even notice. The difference is DU is lookin back and has learned his lesson. BTW, if he had never hurt a fly in his life his daughter would still be hurt by someone. Thats the way of life. I’m with QDT, you should never own a gun. LOL

Red I think every single thing that happened in my life happened for a reason. If not I wouldn’t be here at this moment. If I have hurt someone, forgive me. If you hurt me, I already forgave you. Lets have some clown loyal and laugh and talk about it. On second thought theirs nobody I need to settle up with. More clown for me. LOL

By NCGirlfromATL

October 2, 2007 3:52 PM | Link to this

QDT I’m here! LOL!

BennyB LOL! Thanks!

4Real You so silly!

By DuShawn

October 2, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

Staceye before you go off on this Karma tangent, please refer to these wise words; I take full responsibility for being an idiot for that man. Furthermore, I never once said that I was without blame or regret. We’ve gone down this rode several times in this forum. The typical company line at this point in the discussion is :Who’s to blame at the kill, The lion or the prey Personally, I think they share the responsibility. Regarding my daughters, Imma tell them everything I used to do, so they can see it coming. Imma try to equip them with a bullsyt detector as well as not keep them sheltered or overprotected. I intend on maintaining in open dialogue from when they get their first cycle to their first heartbreak, both of which are inevitable. Ultimately, It will be their journey, Imma just try my best to prepare them….

By Willie Dynamite

October 2, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

Amazon I too couldv’e probably wifed her if I’d met her 5 years later. I just couldn’t see the forest for the trees. I don’t think I would settle for anything. I don’t compare other ladies to her because I never got the chance to fall for her completely. I do think about her alot but mostly to let me know how to handle myself. In a way she turned into my teacher. I’ve learned alot of things about myself as well as the people around me. I am pretty good friends with most of my exes. I don’t burn bridges and try to be upfront with all of em. I wouldn’t want to go back and do it over.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

Good work, Truthee! I don’t think there is anyone I need to settle up with either. So let’s break open that Crown!

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 4:00 PM | Link to this

Amazon where do you live…Conyers if far but it ain’t exactly timbuktoo.

By DuShawn

October 2, 2007 4:02 PM | Link to this

…..”He wanted the freedom to be able to do as he wanted, while still seeing me.” This is an interesting statement. Ironically, my lady said almost the same thing to me recently. It was something along the lines of “Oh…so you think you can just do what you want.” My response was ”..you are absolutely mafuggin positively correct. Imma grown azz man. I can do as I please.” Of course I had to qualify that statement. Meaning I would never choose to behave in a manner that would dishonor our vows or jeopardize our family, but short of that…. hell yeah, I could do want the f%ck I want, and so can she. Maybe it’s a female thing, but I don’t understand the: “the freedom to be able to do as he wanted” mindset. Implicit in that statement is that a woman is the figurative *Ball & Chain” that takes away a man’s freedom. I occasionally have to remind mine that she is neither my boss nor my probation officer (I had both when we met) “so don’t make the mistake of convincing yourself that you have been elevated to some fictitious position of authority because I put that rock on your finger. We’re equal, we both have the freedom to do what we choose. Now, if I was you, I’d choose to get in there in fix me a mafuggin turkey sandwich, with da swiss, tomato and mayo before I go Ike Turner up in this piece……….“

By The Truth

October 2, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this

Dayuum, did Du just go straight out of charachter or what? LMAO

Red if you appreciate crown your alright in my book. Smooches. Btw, I’m toting 1.75 liters over here. Plenty to go around. LOL

Did I miss Sexyleggs in this spot today or what?

By DuShawn

October 2, 2007 4:12 PM | Link to this

I got carried away on that last post.. got caught up in the moment, my bad.

By For Real

October 2, 2007 4:14 PM | Link to this

D Here are couple of quote for you:

2E’s Those quotes are is for you too. Also, no matter what Du did or didn’t do in the past, his daughter will get hurt. There is nothing anyone can do to stop it. Oh when are we going to hangout? A brother is tired of paying for his own dranks. And don’t think of it as me using you, it’s more like I’m help you get over a hump and you are thanking me by get dudes to buy me drinks.

By For Real

October 2, 2007 4:21 PM | Link to this

A-Red Conyers is also know as Lower Athens. Don’t let Slim fool you. You better take your toothbrush, a change of clothes and some medicated tussy if you are going that far.

By Staceye

October 2, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this

For Real you trying to pimp me for drinks….so sad! LOL Are you refering to Dave and Busters when I got the guys to buy me drinks? That was merely a coincidence! LMAO!

By SlimOne

October 2, 2007 4:37 PM | Link to this

For Real No medicated Tussy is needed. I have preparation-H at the house and from what i hear, its just as good. lol

By For Real

October 2, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this

2E’s PIMP!!!! Psst girl naw I ain’t trying to pimp you for no dranks. Come on now you know me better than that…. I thank you are cool people and I’m just trying help that’s all (said in my high pitch voice)

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2007 4:41 PM | Link to this

SlimOne, I’m a city girl! I live right here in the good ole city of Atlanta. I do not do well if I have to commute to all the fun.

LOL @ 4Real’s assessment of Conyers. I have heard of it, but I don’t know where it is. Anything outside the Perimeter is far to me. LOL

Wille D Good answer. You sound like a good brotha.

Truth, I don’t drink the hard stuff but I do appreciate the Crown when the Omegas mix it into their Omega Oil. LOL

By Cemeeli

October 2, 2007 4:42 PM | Link to this

Dushawn thanks for catching that. I had to turn my head sideways when i read that post. Lol…

But you have a point there is something about that freedom gets taken away when the commitment starts*. I don’t ever want THAT I needs my freedom…keeps me balance to not see the SO somuch. Or for him to know what i’m up to at all times.

By Cemeeli

October 2, 2007 4:44 PM | Link to this

Slim/For Real You two trippin’ with that BPB and Tussy. …Lol

Good night yall. Be safe out there people.

By Foots

October 2, 2007 4:46 PM | Link to this

Amazon Do you ever think about how your life would have been if you stayed with these exes you loved so much?

Actually no. I know that it’s best that we are not together for whatever reason. Just waiting for whoever God has in store for me next, cause none of them were the one.

abc It’s actually quite different but not that much less difficult to be the object of unrequited love. I try my best to treat them fairly, but it’s frustrating in that there’s nothing I can do short of reciprocation that’ll make them feel any better.

Oh wow! I posted about this earlier, but you describe it so much more eloquently than I can. I feel so helpless, because I couldn’t take him back even if I wanted to. It hurts to hear him in so much pain. But, what can you do, other than be as kind and as helpful as you can be?

DuShawn …..”He wanted the freedom to be able to do as he wanted, while still seeing me Oh, I can clear that up in a jiffy. That means “he thought he could cheat, sleep around and see other women while we were supposed to be monogamous”. Like Staples, that was easy.

By NCGirlfromATL

October 2, 2007 4:48 PM | Link to this

Dang, I didn’t know that my post was gonna get quoted so much today! LOL!

DuShawn If you ain’t crazy! Keep on w/ dat Ike Turner ish…there’s gonna be some consequences and reprocussions. LMAO!! You gon eat yo cornbread?

(Sorry, just having a Life moment there.)

Slim LMAO!!! You and the babypowder bandit are scheduled for a duel in the parking lot at 6:00pm. Bring your squirt gun! LOL!

QDT Because it is at those times that the only cure for your loneliness is someone who you have truly loved or who you know has truly loved you.

Who you tellin’? Lawd! Had one of those moments the other day. Couldn’t figure out what was bothering me until I talked to a friend who was talking about something special he and his woman did together. Dang…just brought it crashing home there for a minute.

Ok folks, I’m out. Hold it in the road!

By DuShawn

October 2, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this

Staceye I haven’t visited your page, but obviously you’re a beautiful girl based of those have seen you. So why don’t you have a man? I’m just curious.

By For Real

October 2, 2007 4:55 PM | Link to this

For Real: Ummmmmm good morning Slim? How did you sleep.

Slim: Ummmmm good For Real… You are an animal… I slept like a log.

For Real: Well.. Iamma change your name to Gusher Girl and oh yeah you know you pootied on me.

Slim: I’m sorry Big Daddy Long Stroke.

For Real: That’s okay GG. I going to jump into the shower. Why don’t you fix me some breakfast.

Slim: Anything in particular?

For Real: I’ll eat what you give me.

Slim: Lawd ain’t that the truth.. woooo!!

For Real: Awwww Dayummm!! I left my deordrant.

Slim: Here you can use this preparation H, it’s the same thing.

For Real: Really I didn’t know that. Squirt some out so I can smell it.

Slim: Ooops!!! I sorry did it get on RamRod?

For Real: Owwwwwwww!!!! It’s burning Slim. Blow on it Slim!!! Blow on it!!!

By Jamocamecrazy aka Asparian

October 2, 2007 4:59 PM | Link to this

“You gon eat yo cornbread?” LOL!!!LOL!!!LOL!!! hahahaHA!!!

Everyone be safe out there.