Misadventures in Atlanta

By MistaO

August 28, 2007 8:17 AM | Link to this

Yep, mostly men react to women’s issues ect… Usually, and this is not limited to dating but marriage as well, women tend to read way more into a dude than what’s really going on. Most real men are very UNCOMPLICATED. All we want is peace at the end of the day, but it seems that many women like to go to war and if nothings going on, will make up something to be fustrated over. And again, the guy just wants peace and a nice smile and attitude and we are typically satisfied.

By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"

August 28, 2007 8:34 AM | Link to this

Good Morning hey everyone….

pssst….psssst…Stayece How you doing? fine… Here is your citation for that lonnnng azz post yesterday

lollolololol MLB for Life

ON topic this is a funny subject kinda like being at spaghetti junction with 5 wrecks infront of you….no matter where you go…it’s gonna be a mess

I had a friend of mine who had a girl go crazy because we were going to a bacherlor party….mind you he is even tempered…doesnt drink or smoke….doesnt party….i mean he is cool and at first we thought she was…well this lady and him were getting serious…enough to where she had a key..when he told he was going..she went nuts, came by his place at 1 am to get all of her things and to give him back his key…i still say she wasnt expected him to be there or for all the guys to be there….she is in her 40’s and that was childish This is why some men think women are crazy…just one of many examples

By TRAVIS SMITH aka "The Blogger That Keeps It Real"

August 28, 2007 8:58 AM | Link to this

good morning to those in bloggsville That is one true statement yall men do agree and react to what women say and their actions It will become a time where yall will stop getting played into a game thats a circle where yall cater and try to please each and every women yall come across I think its very true that a woman runs the relationship and that they will have yall whip until yall stop letting that warm wet feeling control yalls actions

By Foots

August 28, 2007 9:05 AM | Link to this

Good morning!

Ladies, do you think we indeed wait for a “finished product” instead of accepting the man as he is?

Personally, I’d rather have a self-motivated work in progress, since we’re never really “finished” growing. I don’t want to change anyone. It’s not my job to “clean him up” and push him towards my goals if he has none of his own, that’s his job as an adult. He’s getting a nicely wrapped package with something beautiful on the inside too. I would like the same and I don’t think that it’s expecting to much to want from him what I can provide to him. IMO, a man should be fully developed himself if he desires a wife and family.

By SexyLeggs

August 28, 2007 9:09 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. I have cheese grits, bacon and egg sausage, ruby red grapefruit juice, orange juice, coffee, tea and home fries.

By SSSBM

August 28, 2007 9:09 AM | Link to this

GOOD MORNING ROOM Mista O you hit it dead on the head. Women will find something to go to war about JUST CAUSE. If a man is having a great and wonderful day a women will mess it up just because she had a crap of a day. **women: do you see why we just hop in the car a ride around 285 for no reason.

By Wise Diva

August 28, 2007 9:13 AM | Link to this

Good Morning! I see the fellas are starting early today! S’ok, I can appreciate that!

MistaO, if peace is all men want, why do you think they “react” to the women’s issues, and further, what happens when you guys have your own expectations that aren’t realistic?

GaMan, so do you think you are hearing the entire story, I know you see your homeboy’s version, but do you know what it is like being in a romantic relationship with him?

Travis, so what are you trying to say in your not so subtle way, you don’t think you are included too?

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

August 28, 2007 9:14 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone!!

So how do we navigate this challenge of having unrealistic expectations of each other? I don’t know if I agree that they are unrealistic. I think the key is to communicate. If I have a set expectation it is because I have learned (via experiences,media,life) that I need that expectation. However, through communicating we can determine if those expectations can be met by each other or possibly adjusted because of the other’s expectation. It’s all a game of compromise.

I think we accept the man as he is and help him along the path to achieve his full potential. But I like that in a man as well. I like a man who challenges me to become better, more well-rounded person. I think it’s all in the way you approach a situation. Everyone is a work in progress…to think that no one can help you improve yourself is foolish and oftentimes it’s the people closest to you who can help you. But if you truly believe that the person accepts you for who you are (whether you change or not) then you’re more likely not to be so offended by their words of encouragement.

By Foots

August 28, 2007 9:16 AM | Link to this

SSSBM I see that you shortened your name! LOL!!

GA.man What’s up?? Yeah, your boy’s woman is crazy. I may have been a bit impetuous when I was in my early twenties (ahem), but who has time for that mess at our ages? It’s enough of that nonsense going on outside to bring it into your home. My grandmother always used to tell me “Be sweet”. It didn’t kick it that that statement had so much wisdom until I was about 26. LOL!!

By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"

August 28, 2007 9:25 AM | Link to this

Well Diva….i think there is always 3 sides to every story..his story, her story, and the truth…what gets me is that we you put yourself out there and start acting a fool in front of other people..it makes you look bad.

Now we have seen them out in public, on good and bad occasions…for some reason she will act out and go nuts(IMO) over little things….is this based on past relationships? i dont know….but you know she seemed cooled at first or was that just the representative.

We you know one and not the other we tend to jump sides, but being fair…i try to look at both sides…like i have said before..if my boys are wrong i would tell them

sometimes the clingy word shows up and there comes a problem….noone should be around you all the time…that i blame him for and told him i like my space and have to have it and wont settle for no less

By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"

August 28, 2007 9:29 AM | Link to this

I agree Foots…this is part of the reason….i see and hear so many women saying…“I want a Man..a good Man” and when they get one…they cut up when he wants to do things with the boys

now, let me clerify something….i am not saying spend time your lady..but come on even if i just wanted to hang at my place without company..and just chill….we all need that time for reflection as to our own lives…and i think alot of Women will cut their girls off once they get a man…then expect that man to do the same….

It’s been a minute since i started some ish….lol GaMan now suits up

By melo

August 28, 2007 9:31 AM | Link to this

Good morning all! I see the topic is a natural progression from yesterday, if u take Raqi’s point that, “u date to marry” Its important when u are in that dating game to ensure that your expectations of the man or woman are realistic.A lot of women want a man to provide(i hope iam right). So they expect that man they are dating to have goals and ambititons that will ensure security and peace of mind, in marriage.Man generally will not have the same perspective.A career man will marry a good woman and not expect her to change for the worse, in his eyes.Few man are looking for a career woman with lofty ambitions, because(never mind what man say in public and in politically correct speak) they are intimidated by career women.So a man does not mind a woman with a degree or two and a good job, as loing as eventually that will not result in a tilt in the balance of power in the home.(the cause of most friction and divorce) Dating, i would think, is very hard for the career woman because it is hard to find that man who is liberated in the mind and confident in their skin and does not mind the woman being the majority provider in the home.

By Ladylike

August 28, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this

Morning Blog, great Tuesday or at least I hope so!

Okay, so I am guilty of wanting a “finish product”. You tell Dyoung to go ahead and write the Thesis. I am also still balancing what to expect in a relationship, sometimes if I accept to little I get played so raising the bar has been someting I am trying lately. The guy need to be perfect but trial and error has been my teacher.

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 28, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this

What it do folks?

This is my 0.2 on this, so buckle up!

Most chicks are impatient,that is the bottom line!

Men in most cases will sit back and let the relationship develop, where as women want instant gratification, instant commitment, instant relationship!

It takes time to truly know a person and most of all, it takes time to build trust,loyalty and commitment.

When I say time, I don’t mean a few months or even a year in some cases!

If folks would relax and just let things naturally develop, without all the expectations, you would see a different outcome!

By Award Presenter MusingLee

August 28, 2007 9:44 AM | Link to this

And the award for “Most Yalls in a Blog” goes to…..

Travis Smith!!!

Travis passes the f/k out with excitement clutching his Skoals tobac’ky container

By Jake

August 28, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this

What up Peeps:

Wise your potnah has good insight. I agree that women tend to look at a man’s potential and try to mold their man, but that is literally impossible. A man is who he is, very seldom does the true character of man change, or a woman for that matter. I think we are much more likely to be satisfied with the woman that we chose. She just needs to keep herself together and we are straight.

GaMan Your buddy’s lady is Krazy,(see the K..lol), she is too old for that ish. Better now than later!!

Ladies You should never trip about a man going to strip club/bachelor party, an event where the ladies are already geting naked because that is entertainment, very unlikely that anything will happen, the ladies are working. The standard nightclub is much more likely to yeild a hit & run, because the ladies there are looking for something.

By AmazonRed

August 28, 2007 9:56 AM | Link to this

Morning MIA -

I don’t think women try to change a man as much as they think. What happens is that often times, we meet a man and he has all these goals, wishes and dreams. Fast forward and he’s still scooping dog poo at the pet store. I think a lot of women are trying to motivate their man to the guy they said they wanted to be. But to them it just seems like we are beeing pushy and nagging and that we are trying to change them.

I do admit my expectations are high. I really don’t think I come with a lot of baggage, so I don’t try to mask my disappointment with broken dates and general triflingness for no solid reason!

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this

Morning folks!

We’re damned if we do, damned if we don’t. If a woman won’t date the McD’s manager with dreams of owning a restaurant - we passed up a good man because of his current status. But if we date a man with hopes of helping him to his destiny, we want men to change.

At this age, I’ve adopted the theory of being able to accept a man for who he is TODAY. With that, if I don’t see it in a dude in the beginning, I walk away. I don’t want to be accused of trying to change a man and I believe that when a man reaches his late 30’s, early 40’s - he should be fully developed into the man he is going to be, as it relates to the basics. I don’t think anyone gets to the point where they stop changing.

As far as women changing - could it be just that she hasn’t changed, but that you are getting to know more of her? I know that is what happens with me - a man is not going to see the vulnerable, needy part of me until a situation arises. Similarly, a man is not going to see the Tazmanian in me, until someone pushes that button.

melo thanks for that candid response.

By T-Mango

August 28, 2007 10:00 AM | Link to this

Good morning all-

In my opinion, if an individual stays exactly the same, then they are not experiencing life and growing like Foots indicated. Hopefully, the changes that your SO undergoes are positive ones that make him/her a better person. In that case, the foundation, the core, the part of him/her that you initially fell for should be enhanced-not changed. However, depending on the circumstances folks also have the potential to change for the worse. It is what it is.

So, expecting a woman to stay exactly the same (like Wise’s friend stated) is an unrealistic expectation. Even men who intentionally seek out women that are unmotivated and need to be saved want her to change. The script is just flipped in that scenario because that type of woman is looking for direction. If you give it to her as her man, she becomes the woman you wanted her to be by your own design. That’s change-

Now true…some women do think that you can change a man. You can’t. A man will change naturally, (on his own terms) because he wants to be the best man that he can be not only for himself, but for you. So, by growing individually and with us, I think women would like to see their man become an even better man than he already was with time and experience.

I could never be involved with a man that expects me to stay exactly the same. That’s stifling. I’d never be able to meet that requirement. As a woman, I am evolving, reinventing and challenging myself as I enter new phases of my life and I learn more. As I grow, a brother has to understand that I’m not perfect, but a work in process. I understand the same as it relates to him. My .02.

GA Man-The SO of your friend was just insecure. Nothing wrong with a bachelor party. I just expect my man not to look funny when I tell him I’m going to a bachelorette party or a male revue…Brother’s gotta make that money too. So, please ask me “Do you have enough dollar bills?” before I head out the door. I like that:-)

By AmazonRed

August 28, 2007 10:13 AM | Link to this

Longtime Lurker

How long are women really supposed to wait? You tell us be patient, but what happens when it’s 5 years later and you are still waiting. I know women who have waited 5, 10, 13 years for their man to make that move.

Like another poster said, most men aren’t very complicated. Once they see what they want, they should want to lock it down. How long would you keep Halle Berry waiting?

Guys say be patient, but most often they want to keep their options open in case “the one” is still out there or they finally realize that there is nothing better than their current situation. And that realization can take YEARS!

By TRAVIS SMITH aka "The Blogger That Keeps It Real"

August 28, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

@ WISE DIVA That is true WISE ONE, I do exclude myself from other guys because in this short journey I call me life I have come to realize I have the power to pull just as many strings as women. I keep the ball in my court so if they want to play they have to come to the play ground on GLENWOOD If not I can take my ball in the house.

By BennyB

August 28, 2007 10:18 AM | Link to this

Some say that women were born “social worker”; they look for social case to take care of. Some women look for an unfinished man to fix (potential), but the truth is that this will always result in bitter failure. Praise to God that all women are not like that. A woman who chooses a man to fix more likely did not have a good male role model at young age. Mostly those women did not have a good relationship with their fathers; the father abandoned them at young age or did not have a relationship at all. They don’t have any idea about how a healthy male act or behave.

Women who are attracted to male potential and not the male in question have tons of serious unresolved issues from the past to deal with but most of the time, they are not aware of it. Internally, they have a deep lack of self esteem, they don’t think that they can attract a healthy male who got his life together, they settle for what other call mediocre. The sad thing is that we attract people who look just like us. Males who did not have a strong male role model don’t know how to act in society; how to deal with others men, they have a lot of potential but that as far as they go. (I don’t want talk about males who had strong female role model because their manipulative niceness is horrible)

Girls, if your girl friends always warn you about the males you are seeing, if the communication between you and your lovers is mostly shallow (you think that you need a male friend to get a male POV), if you are seeking for intimacy outside a romantic relationship for fear of being abandoned or hurt, if you think that your man will be perfect if only you can help him to change this one thing…..then you need a 180 degree turn. You attract the wrong kind of men and you are attracted to unhealthy kind of male.

The reality of life is that both men and women change as a result of life experience, spiritual and intellectual growth. Men who don’t expect women to change are simply immature; the only reason not to want a partner to change is the fear that your partner wills outgrowth you. Women should expect a man to growth but not to metamorphose. There is nothing anyone can do to change someone. The only person capable of changing us is known as self.

You may call this… the theory of unrealistic expectations but it is the theory of false expectations. Most people don’t know who they are, what their weaknesses are and what their strengths are. Most people have this idea that they are perfect just the way they are and don’t put any effort in changing many old maps in their heads and that’s just settling for the status quo and refusing to grow. In the end, let admit that most of us grow old year after year but never leaves our childhood fantasies.

By NCGirlfromATL

August 28, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

Ladies, do you think we indeed wait for a “finished product” instead of accepting the man as he is?

Lawd Lawd Lawd!! I am sick to death of women always taking the blame! Wise I have to take issue with the way this was presented to you by your friend. Why is it that who we are, what we are, and how we react is considered wrong?!? No one ever wants to consider that maaaaybe it’s not the women who are the problem. As women, we are constantly being told that we can do nothing right, where men are concerned, and we are constantly twisting ourselves in knots trying to appease the men in our lives. But, to quote the great Janet Jackson, “What have you done for me lately?”

Don’t get me wrong. I loooooooove men!! This is not about man bashing. Frankly, it’s about the fact that men seem to have a never-ending pass to say that women need to change to conform to their so-called ideal woman. If we’re so bad, then why bother? When is one man…just ONE…going to stand up and admit that maaaaaaybe it’s the men whose expecations are unrealistic. Men get to be exactly who they are, no questions, and if we’re being honest, truly no expectation/hope of changing. Fart, scratch, burp, watch tv, drink beer, get some puddy, go to work, come home, start all over again. If women, since the beginning of time, have been this way, then perhaps it is not us whose expectations/reactions/mere beings are out of whack. Perhaps it’s time for men to accept us for who WE are, and stop trying to make us go against our nature.

By kinderbabe

August 28, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this

good morning all.:) special shout out to ladyd and foots…how the heck are ya?:)

my mind is on school…can’t even think about a comment. have a great blog day!

By Staceye

August 28, 2007 10:29 AM | Link to this

Morning all…

GA Man how in the hellz you giving me a citation 24 hours after the alleged long post? LOL

As far as your boy’s SO…we do not know if there was some other reason that he did not tell you about that could have contributed to her reaction. However..I would not have gotten mad at my man for going to a bachelor party. I would have no problem with him going to strip club either. Do you boo! Just know that I will be doing my own thing as well and I want the same respect. I’d want a show from him when I returned home! LOL

On topic: I am very up front and direct about my expectations. So I feel a guy shouldn’t sign up for the job if he can’t perform the tasks it requires!

Longtime Lurker Men in most cases will sit back and let the relationship develop, where as women want instant gratification, instant commitment, instant relationship! I say the same for men when it comes to sex. You guys want instant gratification and not letting the relationship develop before you’re trying to get the knickers. If all women said, “no sex until we are in a committed relationship”. You guys would either bounce or go find some other chick to get your jollies off of. Again..what are the odds of a guy comitting to a girl when he can get all the benefits of a relationship without actually having to committ? I think slim to none…why try to fix what isn’t broken right?

By QC

August 28, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Bloggers

Great topic WD

i’ll catch up later peeps, gotta get my end of the month work out….i’ll holla!

By T-Mango

August 28, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

NC Ouch!…^5 to ya.

By AmazonRed

August 28, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this

Great point, Staceye! Wonder how dudes would really react to that!

I’ve actually done this with a guy I dated. What happened is we reached a stalemate. He wouldn’t commit w/out test driving the nookie and I wouldn’t give the nookie without the commitment.

We’re just friends now. LOL

By MusingLee

August 28, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

NCgirl Why are you moving your neck like that?!?! Looking like a broke duck.

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 28, 2007 10:45 AM | Link to this

@AmazonRed There is not set period to wait on a situation!

It’s like this, the problem with the majority of women who are single and looking is that they do not apply rules to a dating situation, based on THAT man and not all men!

Most women apply a general strategy to dating and not a specific strategy to THAT man!

Let me clarify, when you meet a dude, you need to study that dude like you would study for a Math test! You need to learn what makes that man tick and what it takes to motivate him to make you the one amongst many!

I often say that men marry women that are far different from anything they ever dated before, women that motivate them to do things, that they don’t do for other women, women that they want to spend time with, over hanging with they boyz! Women that they can be proud to be out with!

What you have to do is figure out how to be that woman and you do this by knowing and understanding that dude!

This takes time,a lot of time and you cannot be THAT woman, if you rush that dude or don’t make a longterm investment in truly knowing THAT dude!

On the time factor, I suggest you set “P.I.P.S” every 3,6,12 months,to see where you are in your relationship!

“PIPS” are Performance Improvement Plans to determine if you are a liability or an asset and they involve a discussion with that dude and a checklist.

Relationships should have checkpoints, to determine if both of you are headed in the same direction, at all times.

In most cases, if a dude does not have a better option and you are fulfilling most of his needs,but not all, he will keep you around, until he finds a better option.

If you do your “P.I.P.S” you will know if you are a asset or a liability!

By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"

August 28, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

Never make someone a priority in your life….when you’re only an option in theirs

you pull what you want to…you saw it and you liked it….just deal with it and live and be happy.

Both sides men and women need to understand and live this…alot more peace would come

By kimmie

August 28, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

Tazzee - I am where you are with accepting a dude as he is TODAY. If he’s in the age range I date (35-45), he should be well on his way, if not there already with any goals he might have. Hooking up with me is like the icing on the cake, LOL! If I want to MOLD someone, I’ll have a child! But no one, male or female, should stop learning or growing. I like introducing a person to new experiences, be it a different type of food or a different type of music than what they are used to. I would like for a man to be able to do the same. It makes life a little more exciting. Neither should force something down a person’s throat, though. I think that is the problem with women and men. But if everything is the same old, same old, with no growth over time, that’s where boredom and creeping are bound to show up!

LL - If you read over the topic from yesterday, Diva pointed out that a lot of men can be just as guilty of not being patient and letting a relationship develop. One date and some men are all ready to stake claim and lockdown. Amazon, I agree. If you talk to most men, it really does not take them that long to decide if you are “the one” or not. If they are dragging it out over years, it’s a safe bet that you are not the one, they are just waiting on something they percieve to be better to come along.

It has also been my experience that a lot of men use the “Don’t try to change me” thing as an excuse for bad behavior. For example, with one ex of mine, whenever I would call him on things I found unacceptable, he would accuse me of trying to change him. I can’t “change” a grown man, but I can change how I react to ugly behavior. In this case, I reacted by kicking him to the curb! I was patient, but some things are non-negotiable, and when I see basic character flaws, it’s time to jet!

By I ain't trying to be funny but.......

August 28, 2007 10:49 AM | Link to this

I cosign Staceye’s 10:29…men have all these rules and guidelines for women on how if we just followed the layout as indicated in LL’s post, we should land the perfect guy…guaranteed! In the meantime, are you (the man) going to stay on point as well? Are you going to refrain until we’re both evolved and reach that point? Or do we give it up to keep your attention while waiting for things to unravel and fall in place as should? Ummm, I believe this would be the best laid plan if both parties patiently waited for things to unfold…the woman understanding nothing is instant and the man patiently waiting (and getting nothing) until she arrives. It’s been adamantly stated almost daily on this blog that most of us are grown and if a woman ain’t putting out, then she can indeed look for the man to keep it moving. With all that being said, what’s my guarantee, while I’m following LL’s rules, allowing things to naturally process….and dishing out the goodies as well? What do I do when you (the man) decide while you waiting for things to naturally progress and fall in place, I’ve decided to move on?”…mind you she’s been fulfulling all the other perks you as a man require? I just so daggone curious to know….any man can answer as you all seem to basically have the same mindset.

By Staceye

August 28, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed now you see he really wasn’t in it for a committment. And if you would have done it…you might still be friends with benefits til this day. He is fully satisfied (getting the puddy and companionship…meanwhile leaving his”options” open for what else might be out there) and you are still feeling like something is missing. You got a new friend without having to bring sex into the picture. That proves that sex can mess things up.If a guy is really into you as a person and a potential girlfriend and future wife, then sex should not be a big issue….right guys? Let’s see if one guy can agree with that ladies. If not, it will go to show men always have puddy on the brain!!!

By BennyB

August 28, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed Are you serious? Do you really want a man who commits just to get the nookie? Do you really think that’s all you worth? I hope that you worth more than that and you got more to offer than what you denied to your dear friend. Also, I understand very well that you are free to do what you want, serve it to who ever you choose and when you choose it…just amazed…

By The Truth

August 28, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this

Morning bloggers. Wattup MLB.

On topic: I think a major concern is at this time in history women are making gains and striving for more in life while men have put it in cruise control. I can easily go out and find a motivated woman to go forward with but its much harder to find a partner who shares a dream. Luckily I have some boys that keep me going, sometimes when I haven’t even realized I’ve droppped off. We take turns be the motivator and motivatee. I think alot of dudes have lost that “gear” that makes them want to reach the stars. Also, they can now meet a women and ride her coattail to the promised land. EX: Bynum Along with that is a guys hunger for booty in this love buffet is enough to keep a cat off course for a good part of his productive years.

GAMAN your boys girl didn’t just start showing out. She had tested ol boy for durability along the way and he failed. She showed signs of erratic behavior before and he either overlooked or never saw it. these chicks don’t just go off for no reason. They do it to those of us they feel will accept it. She did what he let her do. Thats why we as dudes must be willing to battle at every opportuntiy. As MistaO said she wants to war. Anything she is willing to battle over I am and we can go as far as she’d like. I’m not stopping. The best way to insure peace is prepare for war. Eventually she will leave or realize she has a worthy opponent and give the respect that is due. I am comfortable with either outcome but I’m not comfortable with my girl castrating me. Anyone that has ever played sports knows the joy of finding a worthy opponent, the same applies in realtionships.

To my MLB bro’s I apolgize but we have dropped the flag and the ladies have picked it up and ran with it. Thats why they wish we’d change. If we were marines it would be the ladies going out to recover THEIR wounded because the dudes are sleeping. MY .02

GAman, give my ticket to Wise Diva. Thank you. LOL

By Wise Diva

August 28, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this

We are both to blame NcGirl, I think the point is that we really do set ourselves up, and it’s not about being wrong, it’s about being real, and when you deal with real life relationships, understanding more about yourself and how you engage in your relationships with men, simply has to be the first step to having better success.

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 28, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this

@Staceye The problem with the statement you just quoted is that women hold out for sex in most cases, because that is you guys ace in the card game!

You feel that if you give up the puddy,ya boy then has the upper hand and you are now deemed vulnerable!

All men know,that women like to be in control and with holding out on sex, that is your control!

What you don’t realize is that if a man really likes you,you giving up the puddy tonight or 3 mos from now makes no difference, that dude is still gonna be down for ya!

The longest relationship I have ever been in, I met the chick on Saturday, we hit on Sunday and we were together 3 freggin years!

Remember this, dudes can determine a Tier 1 from a Tier 3 or 4 chick immediately!

By NCGirlfromATL

August 28, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

As far as women changing - could it be just that she hasn’t changed, but that you are getting to know more of her?

Tazzee…WORD!

T-Mango ^5 backatcha!

Staceye You brought it all home w/ the sex analogy. As Tazzee said (and has been my mantra for aeons) We can’t win for losing!

Musing Nah…no neck rolling. But, my eyes are stuck in the back of my head! LOLOL!!

By BennyB

August 28, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this

BennyB

Calm down. You read way too much into it. I know my worth and it certainly isn’t tied to sex. I got everything I wanted out of the relationship without sex mucking up things. We should all try to avoid pre-marital sex, if possible.

By DuShawn

August 28, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Off topic: Jake thank you homie, for puttin me up on Little Brother. I’ve been funkin The Minstrel Show everyday all day. I can’t believe they get no radio rotation. That’s dayum near the rawest shyt I’ve ever heard.

By I ain't trying to be funny but......

August 28, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

LL…if you don’t sound about as ignorant as they come. So you’re basically saying to woo and shoo him, love and adore him, study and learn him and you’ve got it/him? I see too many flaws in your theory. That’s crap. Just follow what you laid out, becoming head and shoulders above the rest…cater to his every whim need and you’re guaranteed to be in there? THAT WOMAN…THE ONE? Then why in the heck does the vast majority cheat?! I believe Dushawn called somebody either naieve or delusional yesterday for mentioning a friend or a friend of a friend (not quite remembering that part) being faithful cause she wouldn’t freak all the way out for her husband. Why, if your theory is true then, would the man just be accepting of that(in that case)and settles for a down home good girl? She’s my wife and just not willing to go that far, I love her and will be accepting of that. If she was the one, why does he then opt to cheat, with her being so different and all from the others, you know head and shoulders..which earned her that title cause she catered to his every need and spent all her time studying and learning how to please him? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking anything away from my beautiful sistas, but if it’s all that the your theory is iron clad, why in the heck are married men cheating? ‘Member she studied to and earned that title.

By NCGirlfromATL

August 28, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this

Wise I hear you. And I agree. But, my problem with it is that we are constantly doing that already! I guess my frustration is with the fact that there seems to be no recognition for what women do to try to accomodate men on a regular basis. No matter how hard we try, no matter what we do, often it is met with criticism. Even when we do what they say they want us to do, or give them what they say they want from us. What I am asking is: 1) where is the recognition for our efforts? 2) when are we going to see the same effort on their part? 3) when does the blaming stop and the acceptance begin? We’re all accountable for our actions, whether we want to be or not. But, this constant finger pointing at women as the root cause only pushes us further down the latter of self-esteem that we are constantly climbing.

By kimmie

August 28, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this

Truth - Spectacular post!

LL - I rest my case! When you said Remember this, dudes can determine a Tier 1 from a Tier 3 or 4 chick immediately, you’ve just proven my point that it does not take a dude long to decide if you are the one or not. That’s why waiting around forever is futile. There’s patience, and then there is WYT - Wasting Your Time!

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 28, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this

@kimmie I don’t dispute that there are some dudes, that want a “quick fix” but you gotta realize, that them dudes in most cases are trying to fill a void!

When you get into a rushed situation, it is usually to fill a void short-term, i.e. getting over some else or fear of being alone.

By SexyLeggs

August 28, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this

Never make someone a priority in your life….when you’re only an option in theirs…I love this.

By Wise Diva

August 28, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

Well if the finger pointing is what I played up in the post, that wasn’t my intent. I just think it would behoove us to identify what WE are doing and work on it because ultimately we will have to make the choice of who we invest time, energy, and emotion into.

I think sometimes we don’t want to face the harsh truths because it’s frustrating, especially when it SEEMS as if we are the only one doing any self-reflection, and honestly? sometimes I don’t want to even bother with it at all! But if we really want to be in a place where we want to share our lives with the RIGHT man, being realistic about love and relationships should be priority.

By Staceye

August 28, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this

I ain’t trying to be funny I thank you for the cosign and I see that you see where I am coming from. I have been in that situation. It was like we were going at it like jack rabbits…yeah I enjoyed it but I could have done without it. But he said sex was something he loved and I am like well ok since we are dating…not quite committed yet! So months go by and no committment. When I brough it to his attention…he said he did not rush into relationships. What kind of BS is that? But you rush to put the moves on me to get the knickers huh? Anyway…I felt like Boo Boo the New Fool. It was then I realized that just because I gave him what he wanted….DID NOT MEAN HE’D GIVE ME WHAT I WANTED IN RETURN. I am glad we are no longer dating. I think he was full of shyt! So lesson learned…no committment…no puddy! That will let me know right there if you really like me for me or are you in it for the booty!

GA Man I love the posting about priority and option…it is so true. It is now a movivational thought to add to my others.

Longtime Lurker your story is not the usual. Come on…most of the time a guy is not going to put himself on lockdown if he already got the goods. He knows that they have go to a new level and he did not have to turn in his player’s card. Men like options. Sure he make like that girl…but if she isn’t putting the relationship status on him….do you think he is gonna put it on himself and lose his option to date others? Come on!

By Foots

August 28, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

Oh my! I have to catch up.

TAzzee With that, if I don’t see it in a dude in the beginning, I walk away. I don’t want to be accused of trying to change a man and I believe that when a man reaches his late 30’s, early 40’s - he should be fully developed into the man he is going to be, as it relates to the basics.

We are definitely on the same page here.

melo Are you still a member of the MLB? You have been speaking a lot of truth.

Hey kinderbabe!! Everything’s just fine up in this camp. How is school going?

To my MLB bro’s I apolgize but we have dropped the flag and the ladies have picked it up and ran with it.

Dang Truth!! My goodness! You and melo have earned my gold stars for today! I’ve met several motivated men over the last few years. It makes me very proud to see them reaching their potential and pushing us all forward. I read somewhere that Adam didn’t need help until started fulfilling his purpose in the Garden. I am more than willing to help my Adam work towards his vision, just have a vision to work towards.

By Got that?

August 28, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

I think a fair assessment is that both men and women go into relationships blinded by what mass media says relationship should look like, completely oblivious to the stark reality of life — relationships are hard work. When problems arise, instead of focusing on the problem, they focus on the other person as if they are the problem, when they have collapsed what happened as solely the responsibility of the partner and there is no responsibility resting with themselves. This happens in relationships of all sorts, whether friends, acquaintances, or significant others. There is never a situation where 2 or more people are involved where one party is completely free of responsibility from whatever happened. Proof of this lives in this very blog.

By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"

August 28, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

Your welcome Sexyleggs

By AmazonRed

August 28, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

Longtime Lurker

Sorry for delay in response. Your response to my post was on point. Though I do think many woman hold out for THEIR man and not just any man (which is why they are waiting 5 years) but I see your point.

But let me tell you what would happen if I sat down with the main squeeze with a checklist. He already breaks out in hives with any mention of COMMITMENT…-smile

But I get your point.

By Staceye

August 28, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

I ain’t trying to be funny Whooo…now I am cosigning on your post!

Longtime Lurker When you get into a rushed situation, it is usually to fill a void short-term, i.e. getting over some else or fear of being alone. I agree..i have been guilty of trying to use a new man to get over the old. But now I no longer do that. Like right now…I am not dating and let any dude that approaches me know that. But as I mentioned yesterday, they are not trying to hear that. Then when they are trying to get at me and they receive my cold disposition, they get mad. But I am like, “I told you up front, now you think you can change my mind”! I am still in my healing process and I will not allow a dude to come in and mess that up nor will he catch me at my vunerable stage. I need my time to heal and focus on me. Now if I am being honest…why can’t men resepct that and leave me alone?

By Ladylike

August 28, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

This weekend I decorated an outdoor wedding for an older couple. The first things I notice immediately was that she didn’t play the sex card, I guess with grandchildren why bother. She didn’t look bad, she had really taken care of herself and had some spunk, or shall I say a sassy way about herself, confident. They dated for about a year, trying to enjoy every moment they had together not caring about tomorrow because it was not promised. I’m starting to understand that as a woman I do need to let go some of the small stuff, check myself, and start enjoying life. All this feministic thinking and proclaiming my own perfection is a joke.

By Foots

August 28, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

T-Mango and NCGirl Great posts. We do have some guys on here taking responsibility for the men’s role in the state of our relationships, so that’s good.

LL What you have to do is figure out how to be that woman and you do this by knowing and understanding that dude!

Do you believe that the responsibility to make a relationship work and flourish lies with the woman? And that the woman should change herself to be THAT ONE in a man’s life, basically molding herself to fit his interest? Isn’t the topic about acceptance?

Like GA.Man said, you liked what you saw and you pulled it. Why don’t you choose to pull a woman who is the caliber of woman you know you want instead of trying to get average chick to study you and change to become what you want her to be?

By abc

August 28, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this

I can’t say that most of what I say and do is in reaction to women in dating or any other capacity. Expectations are a moving target: one will imagine the other has expectations of this and that, while the other would wish to be perceived as who and what they are, what they say they are and show they are, and not what the one thinks they are.

If you want a man with a solid career plan, fine, that’s what you want. If you want a guy that knows how to have fun and keeps you laughing, fine again. If you want a woman that looks like that, or is career-minded, or is a born homemaker, likewise. It all just depends on what you want. Is your partner having trouble committing to you? It’s simply that they don’t want commitment, it’s not that complicated.

By Jake

August 28, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

Dushawn

No problem homie, but I am glad to say that you just barely got yours ears wet. You need to pick-up their first CD The Listening. I gurantee you will be even more impressed. They also got two mixtapes of their 1st CD out called The Chitlin Circuit, and the Chit Cir 1.5, but get The Listening first, you may have to hit Earwax for that one. They will instantly become one of your favorite groups. I gurantee it.

Sorry ya’ll, back to the regularly scheduled blog.

By BennyB

August 28, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

@AmazonRed

Back in time people used to marry their neighbors’ daughters, high schools sweet hearts, church friends or family friends. The dating turmoil wasn’t really necessary because in most cases people knew what they were getting and who they were marrying. Today, things have changed, you’re more likely to end up with a total stranger than your high school sweetheart. So, people in general want know exactly what they are getting into before they commit period. Withholding sex until W day, while is a strong moral value, it’s a travel to the past and surely a denial of today society and culture. While I would not delete a contact on my phone because she denied me the horizontal, I would certainly move on to other prospects. Ladies, tell me….Maybe you know about male psyche more than I….How in the word you want a man to feel totally accepted unless you share with him the only most sacred fruit you have?

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 28, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

@Staceye Timing and compatibility is everything to a dude!

Hell,I like having options just as much as the next man, but if THAT chick shows up and I weigh my options vs. getting a guaranteed first round draft pick, I am taking the first round draft pick!

I am holding out for the best available chick for my situation!

Sometimes you enjoy having the option to pick out a multitude of shoes on any given day, but if you see a pair that stands out and that you cannot live without, you buy THOSE shoes and you never look back!

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

August 28, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

Hey Party People!!! I see everybody is in this morning and even Truth dropped in (hey you)!

I am trying to catch up so I will comment later!

SexyLeggs Never make someone a priority in your life….when you’re only an option in theirs I got this from a calendar I had a couple of years ago…its PRICELESS!!!!

By NCGirlfromATL

August 28, 2007 11:48 AM | Link to this

Wise But if we really want to be in a place where we want to share our lives with the RIGHT man, being realistic about love and relationships should be priority.

I 100% agree! And you’re right, I do think that it was the blame that was played up in your post. However, I don’t think that that part sticking out was really an accident. It’s the truth. We take the blame for a lot! And your friend’s interpretation of women is quite common. One thing you said that I thought was quite telling was that it seems we are the only ones doing the self-reflecting. I give men credit for doing the same. I guess what I’m saying is that we (women) are who we are. And if men want us to accept them, lumps and all, they should be willing and able to do the same.

By melo

August 28, 2007 11:49 AM | Link to this

Thanks Tazzee and Foots.Melo just speaks the way he sees it, based on experience and my knowledge of the man species especially.No(MLB)group- think mentality for melo!!. Have a nice day all.

By Wise Diva

August 28, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this

Got That? you brought up a REALLY interesting point, I was also talking about this with Dyoung. We definitely have some twisted/skewed perceptions, and it can be fed by media a lot.

This one guy wrote in his book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs that it’s like “media transference”, where there is fake love fictionalized and we buy into it thinking something is wrong with us when it doesn’t “feel or look” like what we see and read about.

here is an excerpt: The main problem with mass media is that it makes it impossible to fall in love with any acumen of normalcy. There is no “normal,” because everybody is being twisted by the same sources simultaneously. You can’t compare your relationship with the playful couple who lives next door, because they’re probably modeling themselves after Chandler Bing and Monica Geller. Real people are actively trying to live like fake people, so real people are no less fake. Every comparison becomes impractical. This is why the impractical has become totally acceptable; impracticality almost seems cool.

and he goes on to say that “The mass media causes sexual misdirection: It prompts us to need something deeper than what we want.”

So, that seems like what you touched on too, what do you think?

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 28, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

@Foots The divide we have now between the new school chick and the old school chick is that the old school chick grew with that man, studied that man, helped to develop that man, molded that man. The new school chick does not understand the principle concepts of a man and how that man operates and what it takes to keep him!

I am NOT saying that it is all about the man, but a man has to see value in being with THAT woman.

Many women feel that all they have to do is look good and show up and that that man will commit to them. That may work for some men,but not all!

By Foots

August 28, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

BennyB I agree with your point about “back in the day” knowing what you were getting. I’m from a small town so I understand this intimately.

But we part ways on the How in the word you want a man to feel totally accepted unless you share with him the only most sacred fruit you have? comment. My total worth and value does not lie “there”, it is in my heart, mind and soul. THAT is the essence of who I am. That said, I can’t give my body to everybody because if I do, it will eventually affect my heart, mind and soul. Those are the most sacred fruits I have and they deserve my protection.

All women have puddy, if you will. But there is only one unique combination that makes up each woman in your path. If you really were interested in learning about the real “sacred fruits” of your unique woman of choice, you wouldn’t be so quick to move on other prospects.

By Foots

August 28, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this

LL Sometimes you enjoy having the option to pick out a multitude of shoes on any given day, but if you see a pair that stands out and that you cannot live without, you buy THOSE shoes and you never look back!

Now this is true. I don’t buy ANY shoes UNTIL I find the one pair that sticks out. I don’t buy the first pair to come around, THEN go looking for the shoes I really want, and take the first pair back (or throw them in the back of the closet) when I find the perfect pair for me.

Take your analogy to heart. Weigh your options BEFORE you take anything home. You may be without shoes for a while, but when you get what you DO want, you’ll be so much happier that you waited AND that you didn’t needlessly spend your resources or scuff up that other great pair of shoes in the process.

By T-Mango

August 28, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

@Longtime Lurker

You described what you felt was the difference between the approach of an old school vs. a new school woman is. *…In your opinion, what do you think is the difference between the approaches of new school vs. old school men as it relates to dating/relationships?

By NCGirlfromATL

August 28, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this

I am NOT saying that it is all about the man, but a man has to see value in being with THAT woman.

But this brings me back to my original comment: What have you done for us lately? What are YOU bringing to the table? Your post sounded very much like it was all about how the woman should be molding herself into the woman that a particular man would want to be with. Making it obvious that who she really is, isn’t good enough. As if who he really is, is! Why would any woman want to be with a man who didn’t value her for who she is, not who he wants her to be?

By The Truth

August 28, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this

LL that 1144 is 100% on a males psyche. What is the best chick for my current situation?

I would like to add to that that alot of dudes are picking above their pay grade. Its like an arena team wanting Vick (that may be a bad choice LOL). These chicks have raised themselves above these dudes level and have to look back to accept him. Its unnatural for her to do it but she may because she wants a companion. We are not pumping out enough fully developed men ready, willing and able to handle the reponsibilty of running their household. These ladies are selecting a 5th round draft choice and hoping he’ll improve his passer rating and footwork.

Ladies, my hope is that one day we fellas come back and reclaim our rightful place in our homes and relieve you of the burden you now shoulder. Then you will be free to be the caring, loving, giving and hella sexy creatures that you were meant to be.

This is not directed towards the MLB because over time I have found alot of these guys to be straight stand up cats giving 100% to their journey.

I gotta run, some MLB members are at my door with clubs and tasers screaming for my blood. LOL

By Got that?

August 28, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this

Wise Diva, that is precisely what I was talking about. Today’s society is so immersed in fiction, our perceptions and measurements of reality is steeped in this distortion. When we have problems, instead of studying the wisdom of the ages, meditating, and self-reflecting, we turn on the TV, radio, or grab the latest inspirational CD and get the quick fix. We measure our success the way the media says we should. We dress and act like the way the media says we should. People who don’t follow what the media says are perceived as weird and strange. Maybe they’re the ones who have it right. Those people are generally content and happy with their lot in life. Those people are in the relationships we want. Those people have the sense to turn off and tune out the crap continuously pumped into our brains.

By Foots

August 28, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this

LL the old school chick grew with that man, studied that man, helped to develop that man, molded that man…Many women feel that all they have to do is look good and show up and that that man will commit to them. That may work for some men,but not all!

And what did the old school man do while his woman was busy supporting him? He was busy providing everything his family needed, he knew what he was supposed to do. He made sure he had the means to support a family before he made one. His wife might not have had the emotional support that new school women need today because that wasn’t the expectation then, but she did expect him to be the provider of their family. Please stop pointing fingers and tell the whole story, tell us the behavior difference between old school dudes and new school dudes.

All women I know, even on this board, know that they have to bring something to the table. There is nothing wrong with assisting your Adam, but don’t you agree that the man needs to have something going on that he needs help with?

By Staceye

August 28, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this

Benny B How in the word you want a man to feel totally accepted unless you share with him the only most sacred fruit you have? That is crap! My most sacred fruit is my heart and men chose to abuse it…so why should I let him run all up and through my temple if he can’t resepect it’s Godess? If the puddy’s so sacred then why do men run through the puddy patch tasting all the others and being greedy? Since it’s so sacred…how about I hold onto it until I meet the man who is worthy enough to be called my husband? Then I know that he loves me and not my bedrooms acrobatics!

Men do not like to communicate their feelings. Don’t get silent or act stupid if I have done something to you. Be a man and use the mouth that God gave you to speak what’s wrong. How do I know what I am doing to p** you off if you don’t tell me. I don’t read signs. I think a lack of communication is the biggest problem. Say what you mean and mean what you say!

By Wise Diva

August 28, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

oh I am TOTALLY digging that shoe analogy!

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 28, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this

@T-Mango Old school cats took care of home regardless, meaning if they had outside relations, their family never needed anything and were taken care of, where as the dudes today cheat and don’t take care home.

Old school cats went to work, they did not wait on some chick to take care of them!

Cats had more backbone back in the day vs. cats today! Cat’s did not whine and act like little *itches back in the day, like they do now!

I think the increase in single women raising young men have made more cat’s soft in today’s society.

I understand that single moms are doing the best they can, with the cards that they are dealt with, but they must be stronger with they little boys, so those boys can become more responsible men to our women!

Please remember the boys you are raising will eventually be someone’s husband and provider one day!

By Ladylike

August 28, 2007 12:31 PM | Link to this

Often times we are deprived of this Truth. “Ladies, my hope is that one day we fellas come back and reclaim our rightful place in our homes and relieve you of the burden you now shoulder. Then you will be free to be the caring, loving, giving and hella sexy creatures that you were meant to be.” And just maybe this is why we do ask so many questions and are often not submissive or persay obedient. The frustrations can be overwhelming.

By Foots

August 28, 2007 12:35 PM | Link to this

Dayum Truth! Now don’t tell me you’re going to post a 5:00 retraction of everything you’ve said with a “Gotcha Snitches!!” behind it… LOL!!! You’ve been very thoughtful today. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you gain this insight?

LL In your opinion, what cards were the single mothers dealt?

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 28, 2007 12:36 PM | Link to this

@Wise Lurker You actually givin me props today,at 12:25?? Let me record this moment in history!

By Staceye

August 28, 2007 12:39 PM | Link to this

Truth Your MLB breathren will hunt you down! LOL But that is a great post about men needing to step up to the plate and be real men. That strong woman justs needs a strong man at her side…not a child that she has to mold and take care of.

LL Old school cats took care of home regardless, meaning if they had outside relations, their family never needed anything…come on. I don’t agree witht he Old school cats either. It’s like saying as long as he took care of home it was ok fro him to have a mistress. What that crap fly if the table were turned and the Mrs. made sure everything was staright at home but she had her a piece on the outside? Hellz no!!!

By Foots

August 28, 2007 12:44 PM | Link to this

Staceye Yeah, you caught how he made sure that he got out there that both old school and new school men are cheaters. One is just a lazy cheater. Right….

Cemeeli Where are you today??

By C tha 1

August 28, 2007 12:45 PM | Link to this

@ Jake

Is the Chittlin Circuit* mixtape a Gangsta Grillz joint. I can’t remember, I bought Little Brother’s Gangta Grillz mixtape a while back and it was bangin. But as always the good stuff some how manages to get lost.

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 28, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this

@foots On your 12:16, again, it’s not about what you bring to the table, it’s about you adding some crazy glue to that dudes gap process and can you get that dude to try steak, when he is used to eating chicken?

I think you see where I am going with this!!!

Atlanta is full of chicks,that bring something to the table, but few chicks are stepping up to the table and adding true value to a dudes bottom line and that is why dudes get bored with many chicks!

It is a trade-off in a true long-term relationship nowadays,that we all are capable of bringing something to the table, but very few people add substance or add true value to the other persons bottom line!

I can pick out a dozen or more women who bring something to the table, but struggle to find more than two woman, that can really show me how to improve my overall bottom line!

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 28, 2007 12:52 PM | Link to this

@Staceye and Foots If you choose to focus on the negative, then that is all you will get out of my message!

There is a bigger picture being painted in my words, but you have to decode it!

By AmazonRed

August 28, 2007 12:55 PM | Link to this

Amen to Foots and Staceye on their response to BennyB. I don’t even need to respond to him because you said it well! The sad thing is that creeps with that mentality sucker women into giving it up before they may truly want to. My sister spent her entire college career in Atlanta w/o a boyfriend because of those same stupid boys who felt it was better to go with the “easy win” than for the women who put more value on their virtue. smh

BennyB…how shallow for you to talk about a woman’s “worth” in one post then publically admit that you’d move on if she didn’t give you “the horizontal” when you wanted it. Give me a break.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

August 28, 2007 12:57 PM | Link to this

Truth I’m feeling your posts today!!

Lurker I’m almost feeling your posts today. I agree that you should learn what makes your man happy and be able to express your value to a person…we do that when we interview for a job. I would just add…I haven’t been in a place where I was so desperate that I had to just take any job. I’m interviewing the prospective company/position while I’m putting my best foot forward.

By T-Mango

August 28, 2007 12:59 PM | Link to this

LL

Interesting opinion. Your post just reduced men to a population of cheaters. Then, that position seemed to be validated as long as the man took care of his family financially. This would seem to go against the grain of being a “good man”-a man that has integrity. Cheaters lack integrity.

Does your position change if you assume the man is faithful? I would truly hope that there are more men that can be faithful to the right woman instead of being a group of spineless cheaters with testicular fortitude-

By Foots

August 28, 2007 12:59 PM | Link to this

LL I can pick out a dozen or more women who bring something to the table, but struggle to find more than two woman, that can really show me how to improve my overall bottom line!

Well, there you have it! You’re not just waiting for a woman who will bring something to your table. You’re waiting for THE woman to show you how it’s done. Gotcha!

By Pharress_Beuller

August 28, 2007 1:03 PM | Link to this

Long time no blog, fam!!! Hope all is well with everyone…

So how do we navigate this challenge of having unrealistic expectations of each other? I think it’s simply getting to know one another. As simplistic as that sounds I don’t think a lot of people do this to the full extent (I’ve been guilty of it in the past). The excitement and infatuation of a new prospect can build those false expectations.

Guys, do you agree that most of what you do/say is in reaction to women in dating? I think this is produced from experience in getting to know women and what they want or say they want. I mean let’s face it, we all (man or woman) want to be appealing to the opposite sex, so in addition to being the person we are and\or aspiring to be we take nuggets of what attracts…now, not to the extent of being fake, but just enhancing our qualities based off of the attractions of women.

@Jake - Bravo and a co-sign on that Little Brother…them dudes are the truth. I got a chance to check them out a couple of months back at the Loft when they came here. Getback comes out 9/25! Luvin’ that “Good Clothes”

By Pharress_Beuller

August 28, 2007 1:07 PM | Link to this

@C Tha 1

The Gangsta Grillz one is “Seprate but Equal”…get that Mick Boogie joint, it’s better and you can download it from his website for free.

By BennyB

August 28, 2007 1:11 PM | Link to this

• @Staceye*

When a man communicates his feelings, he is at his most vulnerable and weakest moment. It’s a huge turnoff (for women) to view a sign of weakness in a male prospect behaviors (even if all of us have some).

Quit pretends wanting a men who show his vulnerable side before you do….perhaps you don’t even know yourself and what you are attracted to….trust me it’s not a man who show his feelings.

By The Truth

August 28, 2007 1:15 PM | Link to this

Foots and Staceye I’m not saying anything different than I’ve said in the past. Usually if I got into it with a WLB member it was about a specific incident involving women and not the overall state of the black man.

I see everyday where dudes come up short in regards to their families. Whether it be not giving them all they can or just not ever being there. WE (black men) are well versed in how to abandon our families and me saying so shouldn’t be news. I just wonder what has to happen now to change what has become a ritual in our culture.

I KNOW if I put my thing down right any chick I roll with is gonna believe in my dream because she can see it, feel it, and taste it. You see, a good dream is one thats good for me and her. I just have to let her know what I’m doing, or trying. If she bucks its not because she doesn’t believe in my dream its beacuse she doesn’t believe in me. Thats what I need to know so I can make the necessary corrections which is to terminate that situation. You cant make someone believe in you.

Alot of you ladies have more balls than the guys you date. I think you should start wearing strap-ons and riding these guys doggy style.

If we were picking teams like in grade school it would be alot of cats on the sideline and they wouldn’t even mind that they cant play. They don’t know theres a game going on.

Hold on, BLAT is climbing thru my window with handcuffs and a black bag for my head. Dial 911. LOL

By Jake

August 28, 2007 1:17 PM | Link to this

C tha 1

Nah, that Gansta Grillz was made after both Chitlin’s, I guess you could say I am a fan..lol. You talking about Seperate But Equal, its bangin too.

Truth quit feeding the Lion-esses.

Yea its some guys who need to step it up, but you know just like I do, that some of thes ladies want you to be at the top of the stadium already. The sickest part of dating in this day and age is this.

If I have met my potential as a man, and you have met your potential as a woman, where in the hellz can we go together.

We live in a selfish society, everyone wants their mate to be at some point, so that they don’t have help each other grow, which is why we continue to fail miserably. In a relationship, there is a need to build together, to strengthen what you have because everybody gets tired of looking at the other person after a while no matter what. So if you both walked in on your high horse, what will sustain the relationship as the seasons of change occur?

Great Individuals, Don’t Make Great Teams. In order be a Championship Team, role players are needed.

just sticking with the sports theme..lol

By SexyLeggs

August 28, 2007 1:27 PM | Link to this

@Truth, you’re very deep and I love reading your posts. @T-Mango loved your question to LL and I liked his answers back to you. I’m only commenting on small things because I’m not dating and don’t know all the issues out there. Therefore, I’m lurking gathering insight into the minds of others.

By i'm swiss

August 28, 2007 1:27 PM | Link to this

“…if peace is all men want, why do you think they “react” to the women’s issues…”

Ahem… I’m sure I’m not the only dude who can attest to what generally happens if we ignore a woman’s issues… LOL

By QueDogTeaching

August 28, 2007 1:30 PM | Link to this

What up Blog Said while speed blogging and looking for a blue civic, with 20 inch chromed out hub caps, with a boom box in the back strapped in with the seatbelt playing Atomic Dog.

NCGirl For some strange reason when I look at your 10:28 post. I imagine you in a grey skirt, with a white shirt, some glasses, high heels, with you hair tied up banging on a podium to get your point across. Said with a big sideways smile, and wiping my forehead

Ga Man I have had a couple of women who were perfectly Normal except for that ONE thing that would set them off. One girl would have no problem with me lying between four naked women, but if I was around this one girl who I used to date she would go off. I mean if I walked into a room and walked by the ex and one of her friends said hello she would get mad. Some women just have that one thing that will trigger them. You have to recognize the trigger and stay away from it.

On Topic I can honestly say that I truly believe that men want the woman the way he found her. If she does change it has to be for the better or it is not respected. I as a man expect some change but not on a grand scale and definitely when it involves me changing. i.e. giving up sex just because you think it is now wrong If you think about it men will buy the same kind of shoes, drink the same kind of drink, and eat the same kind of food they have been eating since their early 20’s. My boys are still my boys since college. Women change friends every 3 years. We don’t change we just do things better.

O.k. now looking in my rear view mirror due to this long post.

By Jake

August 28, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

Pharess I can only listen to that bullshyt for so long before I have to clean my ears with some real music, since we on the subject, evrybody should scoop that new Talib Kweli-“Eardrum”, its bangin.

By .......Damn, I Can't Come Up With Anything Today aka Gorilla O

August 28, 2007 1:34 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon Everyone!!! Whats up Travis, where you been my ninja, QC, Jake, Staceye, Cemeeli, etc. Guys, do you agree that most of what you do/say is in reaction to women in dating? i agree 110%! the biggest knock i get from women i date is i only want to be bothered with when i want to, and i will go extended periods without communicating. the thing is, im the type that does enjoy my ‘me time’. like what travis eluded to earlier, i like to just ride sometimes and think. and when i let it be known that i want some time to myself, they dont seem to understand. wanna talk about it, is it something i did, what can i do…its simple, just leave me alone. then they want to ask, well how long do you need. not realizing that i may have just wanted to chill that night by myself, but since they make an issue of it, ill add an extra day on it. not doing it to be an a**hole, but respect when i tell you i need to just chill dolo for a second. then ive had the ones that will just call and call and call, so i purposely dont answer the phone. and depending on how i feel, ive gone a couple of weeks with no communication at all. the moral to the story is, respect a man’s space. if he says he needs his ‘me time’, give it to him.

By SexyLeggs

August 28, 2007 1:34 PM | Link to this

OMG…I am hollering and spitting at the same time at The Truth. Your post was blatantly truthful. But the reason why **Blat is coming through your windown is priceless..Your analysis of men/women relationships is the core to why so many beautiful, intelligent women sit home alone A LOT OF THE TIME.

By Cemeeli

August 28, 2007 1:34 PM | Link to this

Good day room MIssing out on the blog AGAIN today!

Cemeeli gets burned on the back of her right leg putting out fires at the office today….ouch

Hey Truth, Musing, Ga.Man, Jake. Hold it down **WLB Foots, NCGril, Tazzee, and Staceye.

LongtimeLurk I see you don’t started sumthin up in here.

Greeting to all the bloggers. I will catch up and add my two cent in a minute. This topic reinterates what LadyDark mentioned when her now fiance said to her prior to proposing. Congratulations to you and yours gurly!!

Catch this: The sweetest thing he said was that I trusted him enough to support him while he became a better person.

Come on yall..that statement should settle alot of what we so call a “Finished Product”.

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 1:36 PM | Link to this

Jake in sticking with your sports analogy, if you have a starting quarterback having to throw to third string WRs then someone’s going to get frustrated. Especially if that third string WR isn’t open to improving his game. The thing about the team concept is that no one is excellent in all areas, but that the players bring their excellent parts together to make an excellent whole.

So if I’m a pro bowl running back, what’s wrong with me wanting a pro bowl QB to lead me?

By DuShawn

August 28, 2007 1:36 PM | Link to this

Off topic again: I really shouldn’t, but I gotta tell somebody. I’m working from home today. Right now, I’m in my office, jammin that Little Brother, UGK, Old school classic mix I put together, while watching my beautiful lady asleep in our bed. I walked down the hall and watched her beautiful girlfriend asleep in the guest room. I’m about to take a break, hop in the shower, fix me a Remy on the rocks and wake everybody up for a family meeting. At 4:00 pm, I’m a go down the street and walk my kids home from the bus stop, fix them a snack and help them with their homework. Sometimes I look into my son’s eyes and think “Your old man is a gangsta mutha fugga. If you grow up to be half the man I am today…. You’ll be one helluva man”. Believe it or not. Life is good.

By NCGirlfromATL

August 28, 2007 1:42 PM | Link to this

For some strange reason when I look at your 10:28 post. I imagine you in a grey skirt, with a white shirt, some glasses, high heels, with you hair tied up banging on a podium to get your point across.

LMAO @ QDT!! Since I’m not in court today, I’m quite a bit more casual. lol! But, I do work hard to get my point across!

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

August 28, 2007 1:44 PM | Link to this

Jake I agree with your statement…many women would love to have a man at the top of the stadium But that in itself isn’t wrong….it’s an ideal situation. However, if she ignores all the men who are truly in the hunt then that’s to her peril. But when does one ever reach their full potential? And how do you measure that?

Role players are indeed invaluable. In middle school I was the defense specialist (no.2 guard). I couldn’t shoot a lick, but no one else could get a shot off on me either!

By kimmie

August 28, 2007 1:53 PM | Link to this

Jake - If I have met my potential as a man, and you have met your potential as a woman, where in the hellz can we go together. That’s why you never stop growing and learning in life! And you can learn and grow TOGETHER! Nobody is perfect and not in need of SOME type of growth or learning, though some think they are!

Where the confusion has always come for me is - how do you communicate to a man that you want to help the BOTH of you realize your dreams TOGETHER without that man thinking that you are trying to change him? Because some men are quick to jump to that conclusion, when they really have things confused. I know some women(and men) can be pushy about it and really are trying to change a person into what they think they want instead of accepting the person for what they are. I’m not talking about that situation. I think a lot of people use that “don’t try to change me” thing as a scapegoat. But really, I am kinda like Tazzee and some others, you damned if you do & damned if you don’t. Brothers complain that we aren’t patient enough and won’t “work with a brother”, others say “get a clue, he’s not into you, you’re not the one” or “Men like to be needed” and if you got it all together, he doesn’t need you! Yet you complain if she can’t “bring anything to the table”. You just can’t win for losing! I’m not really venting, just showing how ridiculous things can be out here dating! If you have a great guy or lady, don’t take them for granted. Hold onto them, you are blessed!

By kimmie

August 28, 2007 1:53 PM | Link to this

Jake - If I have met my potential as a man, and you have met your potential as a woman, where in the hellz can we go together. That’s why you never stop growing and learning in life! And you can learn and grow TOGETHER! Nobody is perfect and not in need of SOME type of growth or learning, though some think they are!

Where the confusion has always come for me is - how do you communicate to a man that you want to help the BOTH of you realize your dreams TOGETHER without that man thinking that you are trying to change him? Because some men are quick to jump to that conclusion, when they really have things confused. I know some women(and men) can be pushy about it and really are trying to change a person into what they think they want instead of accepting the person for what they are. I’m not talking about that situation. I think a lot of people use that “don’t try to change me” thing as a scapegoat. But really, I am kinda like Tazzee and some others, you damned if you do & damned if you don’t. Brothers complain that we aren’t patient enough and won’t “work with a brother”, others say “get a clue, he’s not into you, you’re not the one” or “Men like to be needed” and if you got it all together, he doesn’t need you! Yet you complain if she can’t “bring anything to the table”. You just can’t win for losing! I’m not really venting, just showing how ridiculous things can be out here dating! If you have a great guy or lady, don’t take them for granted. Hold onto them, you are blessed!

By Jake

August 28, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this

Tazzee

There is nothing wrong with your wants, but we live in the Salary Cap Era, there are very few times, if any, where you will see a Pro Bowl QB and RB in the same backfield, and if you do, they probably did not get to the Super Bowl. The strange about this analogy is that someone has to sacrifice for the other make it to Hawaii. If Peyton is your QB, guess what RB, you won’t touch as much as you want to. If LT is your RB, guess want P. Rivers, just do what we ask and don’t turn the ball over.

Stop dropping the bizallz ladies, and you can stay on the field….hehehe

By For Real

August 28, 2007 2:10 PM | Link to this

What up blog fam!!!!

On topic:

By Jake

August 28, 2007 2:12 PM | Link to this

Now of course I know ya’ll know what I meant by both people having met their potential, but I will indulge.

LDD Of course that is ideal, but basically, people get into what the other has to have and get fugged over. My only standard is that she is self-sufficient. I think often attain things, and forget that they attained these things. Meaning they worked over time to make it, often they act as if they don’t understand the process when the person they meet is doing there attaining and dismiss their own happiness because someone is not at that point yet. The flipside is that when you a person with everything just like you want, people power struggle over who is gonna be the lead. I do not care what anyone says, someone has to lead in every situation in life.

By For Real

August 28, 2007 2:14 PM | Link to this

kimmie how do you communicate to a man that you want to help the BOTH of you realize your dreams TOGETHER without that man thinking that you are trying to change him? Ask the man what his dream is before you decide what his dream should be. If you tell someone what their dream is or should be and then you push that person towards that dream that you created then you are trying to change someone.

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 2:14 PM | Link to this

Jake But Peyton, Marvin and Reggie made it, LOL. Oh and P. Rivers made it with LT, he just pulled out because of injury.

My thing is this - I don’t expect a man to be perfect, but I do expect him to be a man at the point where he can take his rightful position as a man. If I accept otherwise - then I’m either trying to change him or I’m trying to be the man. So as I stated in my first post - we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

Sure everyone team can’t be the Colts but every team sure strives to be - and unless I get into a bind where I absolutely, positively need a pair of Magenta heels to make it - thus having to work with simply what fits and looks halfway decent (back to the shoe analogy) I’m going to wait until the shoes that I cannot live without come along, pick those and not look back.

By QueDogTeaching

August 28, 2007 2:19 PM | Link to this

Now getting up off the floor after passing out from reading Dushawns 1:36 post. With the song “What a wonderful world” by Louis Armstrong playing in my head. Rooo.

NCGirl You just don’t know what kind of lawyer thoughts are going through my head. Please believe you would not need to be in court to step out in that attire. I could come home and you could be in the living room telling me to sit down I am now on the stand. Oh yeah, put on the jacket that goes with the skirt.

Tazzee A couple of my best relationships have been late rounders that have worked hard and wanted to be apart of the team. It made them work their way up to all-star status. And in return I gave them all of the incentives, and benefits that come with a long term contract. On the flip I have had first rounders who were lazy because they thought they would be easily picked up by another team. That is why you see a lot of women who can get a boyfriend but can’t keep a relationship.

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 2:21 PM | Link to this

kimmie Amen Sister!

By T-Mango

August 28, 2007 2:21 PM | Link to this

Truth..Good points in your post as it relates to dreams. Honestly, I feel the same way as it relates to a man understanding and believing in my dreams.

If I have met my potential as a man, and you have met your potential as a woman, where in the hellz can we go together.

Well, there are very few self-actualized people out there. That’s why I don’t check for a man that just wants to simply reach his potential. I want one that is striving to achieve his purpose-

Y’all be easy. Have a great evening-

By The Truth

August 28, 2007 2:21 PM | Link to this

Jake most women don’t want you to be at the top but they want you to be heading in that direction. Preferrably further along than they are. I think thats a reasonable request for a leader. Also, there is never an end destination. Its just the path your on.

Du it sounds like its good to be the king. LOL

Hi similac, Tazz, MO and Leggs.

I can relate to these sports analogies. From now on when I want to get with a chick I’m going to tell to be my wide receiver. LOL

By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"

August 28, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this

Teachers…pardon the interuption….will the following students report to the office….Truth…LL….QDT…

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 2:27 PM | Link to this

QDT I understand what you’re saying but I can’t say the same. My longest relationships were with late rounders that I continued to try to work with - but they were lazy in the fact that they ‘had’ me. Then after I walked away - they had enough sense to improve and now another woman is blessed. Am I hating - naw, I’m glad another sister got to benefit from the fruits of my labor. Now I’m at the point my life where I’m ready to benefit. My years of training are over - I’m ready for game time players.

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this

Hey The Truth thanks for bringing The Truth today.

By For Real

August 28, 2007 2:33 PM | Link to this

Tazzee I don’t expect a man to be perfect, but I do expect him to be a man

By Staceye

August 28, 2007 2:33 PM | Link to this

LL focus on the negative? There is not positive…a cheater..no matter how paid or how ell his home is kept is still a worthless man! I would rather be alone than be a kept woman with a cheater who would try to hold the “at least home is taken care of and you want for nothing” crap over my head! He can take his money and shove it up his azz. This woman can take care of herself. Any woman that settles for that life is dummy…especially in this day and age where women have the options that our grandmother and women before them did not have.

Truth Alot of you ladies have more balls than the guys you date. I think you should start wearing strap-ons and riding these guys doggy style. OUCH DUDE! With no lube right? LOL

Gorilla I’m a only child so fo course Ilove my space…so I feel you on that!

Tazzee So if I’m a pro bowl running back, what’s wrong with me wanting a pro bowl QB to lead me? Let the church say AMEN….TOUCHDOWN!!!! Now walk it out!

By NCGirlfromATL

August 28, 2007 2:37 PM | Link to this

QDT As long as you’re wearing those gold boots, baby! Oooooow!! queing up Atomic Dog to set the mood… LOLOL!!

DuShawn…DuShawn…DUUUUShaaaaawn!! I look forward, everyday, to reading your insightful, intelligent and often thought-provoking posts. You exude an intelligence that is both refreshing and, may I say, innovative at the same time. And while I enjoy reading your thoughts on the topics of the day, I must say…I can’t wait to hear another one of your Erotic City Tales! Lawd!! LMAO!! I didn’t know Prince had male proteges too!

Picturing Du sitting around in some boxers, watching tv, eating some Cap’n Crunch in a big ole bowl…and deciding on a commercial break to set the TiVo and…well, break somebodies off! LOLOL!!

By Jake

August 28, 2007 2:43 PM | Link to this

T-Mango Yea self-actualiztion is at the top of the hiearchy. I think that statement is being taken out of context. The reason that I went into the growing together part of a relationship is because I think it has to happen, many of us reach a certain level in our lives that we find it difficult to find a match, but that is because of our own nonsense, not because there is no one out there.

I think its more difficult to merge and grow with someone when you have grown so much alone, we say we want to have someone grow with us, but not really, subconsciously we know that that fugger might slow us down or complicate the growing I am doing already. Hence, the statement that we don’t have anywhere to go together.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

August 28, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this

Afternoon everybody!!

QDT What’s up, long time no blog! :0) Glad to see you stopped in again on us.

I see this topic has the blog jumpin today so I guess I will add my .02.

I agree with Tazzee I dont expect my man to be perfect but I do expect and need him to be a man. I will do what I have to do to take care of Mo so please dont think that I would do anything less for my man. But I need to know that he will do the same for me. I dont think that is much to ask. I am a team player as long as you are as well.

For Real can I get a song please?

Jake i am still coming for you! ;0)

Hey Staceye, T-Mango, NCGirl, Lady Dark (my Fox Sports buddy), Kinderbabe and errbody else I left out!

By Cemeeli

August 28, 2007 2:51 PM | Link to this

@Dushawn you still wild.

and plz…Leave single mom alone. You planted a seed in her life now let that be.

By Ladylike

August 28, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this

From reading everyone’s post it sounds like men need experience to become great QB’s and women have awesome potential to catch a pass and be great wide receivers but the game doesn’t really happen until both players are mature enough.

You might have a point there Truth, guys don’t seem as if they have a lot of balls these days.

DuShawn thought provoking!

Have we been doing our own thing for so long that sharing each others dreams is an impossible task?

By Foots

August 28, 2007 2:57 PM | Link to this

Jake I think its more difficult to merge and grow with someone when you have grown so much alone, we say we want to have someone grow with us, but not really, subconsciously we know that that fugger might slow us down or complicate the growing I am doing already.

You make a good point with your 2:43. Thought-provoking… So how do we get around this? Settle down sooner? Truth is right, I would like a man who is on the path to fulfilling his purpose. I’m aiming in the direction of mine. How do you actually merge two great visions together without compromising the importance of either or feeling like the other’s vision impairs yours? Things that make you say hmmm….

By Cemeeli

August 28, 2007 2:57 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Satceye @ your response to Tazze: So if I’m a pro bowl running back, what’s wrong with me wanting a pro bowl QB to lead me? Let the church say AMEN….TOUCHDOWN!!!! Now walk it out!

On Topic:I had something too add…but someone covered it earlier. That’s how it is when your day wont let cha hang out bloggin’. DANG!!!

By Foots

August 28, 2007 2:59 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli Did you get the pics I sent you?

By QueDogTeaching

August 28, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

Tazzee I do know this, sometimes you have to be a real good coach to get the most out of a player for your team. Because in the world of sports and relationships the person you see with someone else was always there. It is just that you have to adjust your coaching style for each player. No two players are the same. One might need a good cussing out between every big play, and some you just need to leave alone and trust that they will do the right thing. They know what to do they just have to work out the best way themselves. Some need to be babied and told they are the best, and no one is better. Adjust your coaching methods for the player you are dealing with and keep your franchise player on your team, instead of having them ask for a trade every year. Pretty soon your locker room will get worn out.

By Gorilla O

August 28, 2007 3:05 PM | Link to this

whats up truth. you my dude dude in all, and i respect your opinion, but im a little disturbed by some of your comments. lets go down the list of a couple shall we:

To my MLB bro’s I apolgize but we have dropped the flag and the ladies have picked it up and ran with it. i think it’s a big misconception that successful women far outweigh successful men. yea stats show that more women attend college, but a college degree doesnt always translate to success. that just means there are a lot of smart a* “office managers” out there. there are plenty of highly educated women that havent figured out how to turn that knowledge into success, whereas you teach a man something on the job, he’s gonna use that to get money on the side. and a woman can appear to have it all together (car, house, nice clothes, etc), but the majority dont know how to manage money, and dont know how to stay in their lane. so she might look good in that e320 benz, but you didnt know that she has to overnight a check to the finance company on 4th every month to stop the snatch man from coming to get it on the 5th.

most women don’t want you to be at the top but they want you to be heading in that direction. thats not true either. i think its most women want you to be at the top, but some will settle for for you to be heading in that direction. most women have astronomical expectations for men. its like they want us to already have reached the goals that they had set for themselves, and they can just piggy back off us.

Ladies, my hope is that one day we fellas come back and reclaim our rightful place in our homes and relieve you of the burden you now shoulder. that goes back to discussions we’ve had before about women wanting a man to be a man when its convenient for them. dont get me wrong, you have dudes that are no good and think they’re a man because they turned 21. but you also have a lot of men that want to be in their kids life just as much as the mama, but have an ignorant a* baby mama who uses the child to get at them. hell my baby mama took my daughter to california and said they would be back in two weeks…that was damn near 6 years ago. what im saying is, you cant believe all that shyt that these statisticians put in black and white. its not that simple, and its not always us men that are lacking. there’s a lot of good brothas out there. women just need to recognize when they have one, and stop running us away!

By The Truth

August 28, 2007 3:08 PM | Link to this

I’m a simple dude but here is my defintion of a man.

A man is a cat that takes care of his. His family, his woman, his kids, his car, his home. He’s also strong enough to let those with skills in other areas do their thing. If your woman is a great rb hand her the ball. If she’s a wide receiver toss it to her. Fully utilize everyones talents. Share in your kids rearing and finally make it look easy because it comes from the heart. Some of these cats with kids are to proud to sit down with them and help with their homework because they may not know the answer. I may not either but I bet between the 2 of us we can figure out anything. Even if WE have to go to the teacher together or the library. Don’t stop till you and yours get what you need. Nothing else matters.

Its like Du’s earlier post about going to pick up his kids. Its something he wants to do. Thats cool. That should be a highlight not a hindrance.

The main thing is mindset. Its a mental choice to decide that your children or family are more important than whatevers next in line. (Except football on sundays or the playoffs for any sport.) LOL

My .02

Staceye you know we do it Rahway style here. No grease. LOL

By MusingLee

August 28, 2007 3:08 PM | Link to this

Musing now hanging from Dushawn’s guttergards, trying to get a peek at what’s going on in the Playboy Mansion

By Ladylike

August 28, 2007 3:09 PM | Link to this

I think we are all impatient, not willing to sacrafice for the other. If we are not working on our own personal project all the time we feel there will be no accomplishment. When it’s understood that two heads working together is better than one much more can be accomplished. Sometimes it’s hard to tell yourself to take one for the team.

By Cemeeli

August 28, 2007 3:16 PM | Link to this

Foots Hey lady i just noticed your hello from earlier. Girl today, i am one minute working like massa’s slave and the next eating Bon Bons at the head table.

You know e’rry chance i get i checks in on my emails and MIA.

Pictures are cool. How in the world did you get ^up there? You was triyin to be modest about how far you’ve come along in the class. After viewing your pics…gurl shucks i might need to get one for da house and warm up. LAWD they gonna say: Why did you sign up for this class? I don’t think i can get up there.

By Officer Musirello

August 28, 2007 3:16 PM | Link to this

Wooooo, there Gorilla O that post was kinda long…Imma have to give Wise a citation.

Rippppp!

Wise don’t let that happen again.

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 3:23 PM | Link to this

For Real and QDT when I talk about a man being a man - I mean him being grown and not displaying immature traits. I shouldn’t have to ‘coach’ my mate on the responsibility of paying bills on time. I shouldn’t have to ‘coach’ my mate on being a man of his word - do what you say you are going to do. I shouldn’t have to ‘coach’ my mate on the fact that drama is not needed to express love for another person (‘I didn’t think you really meant it until you got upset about it’ WTF???). I shouldn’t have to ‘coach’ my mate on the importance of getting to work on time. I shouldn’t have to ‘coach’ my mate on how to communicate his point without yelling and making extreme accusations.

That’s the type of ish I’m talking about and I don’t think it’s unreasonable. And if another woman can work with that - then more power to her. So like I said earlier - I’m done with those days. Because while a man is in the mode of being fiscally irresponsible, unable to communicate in a mature manner, etc - all I would be doing is trying to change him while I’m with him. Which takes us back to the initial topic…again damned if you do…., y’all know the rest

By Staceye

August 28, 2007 3:26 PM | Link to this

Truth you from Rahway, NJ????

By QueDogTeaching

August 28, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

What up Mo

psst psst musing what’s going on said in a real low sneaking voice

Now on line looking for NC some thigh highs with garter clamps.

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this

…and another thing QDT at this stage in life, my encouraging (not coaching) style is what it is. I’d rather invest time in finding the man that I can work with than to change the way I work for every man. If a man needs babying to get him to realize his potential then he’s got the wrong woman. But I’m sure there are plenty of women that operate that way.

I guess I shouldn’t have gotten in on the ‘team’ concept because I’m only looking for one player at this point. So my analogy would be a tennis or beach volleyball teammate. While I am improving daily - I’m at the point in my life where I am ready to compete at Olympic levels. In order for us to be successful, he must be too.

The coaching is reserved for platonic relationships. Guys that I may refer to as little brothers, etc. At this point, those relationships are short-lived and limited to mini-workshops when I let a guy know exactly why I’ve chosen not to get romantically involved with him. Which usually leads to (piggybacking on yesterday’s convo) me suggesting we remain friends and him not being down with that.

By For Real

August 28, 2007 3:36 PM | Link to this

Tazzee My point is that every woman on this blog has their own definition of a man. A man can not be all things to all women.

Your definition is not of a man but of an Adult. I have met plenty of women that fit that very definition. So, unless you can be more definitive, all you want is Adult male and you will be happy.

Oh and everyone starts out fiscally irresponsible until they are taught not to be.

By The Truth

August 28, 2007 3:37 PM | Link to this

GorillaO you bring up some great points and for all of them I have 1 response. The chicks we have met in our lives aren’t the only ones out there.

Lets not kid ourselves. There are FAR more black women striving to get ahead than dudes. Their efforts may even be misguided but at least their trying. Alot of dudes have given up on the hunt. Also, these chicks are more resilient than modern man. They’ll drop the ball, scramble around, pick it up and head for the end zone again. Dudes now say take me out coach. Me and you are lucky in there is no shortage of women right this second that we could team up with and pursue positive things in life. Some of these women haven’t met a stand up dude in years. I’m not talking superdude but just a cat she can drop her armor around and be the woman she’s meant to be.

Are there flaky chicks out there? Hell yes. Are there some stars out there that just need a little dusting off? Hell to the yes. In the end tho its not whats out there but whats inside of me. If I am a man I can have things men have. If I act like a bytch I can have things bytches have. Its my choice either way.

BTW, I’m sorry ol girl took your kids. Thats plain wrong.

By melo

August 28, 2007 3:40 PM | Link to this

A man is a cat that takes care of his. His family, his woman, his kids, his carS, his home and his vacation home.Melo style Why should it only be the Kennedy’s or Bushes with a compound to hang at on holidays? If ur man has no such ambitions for his family somewhere down the road,DUMP HIM!!

By Foots

August 28, 2007 3:45 PM | Link to this

cemeeli We watched our instructors shaking our heads with our mouths wide open on Day 1. A year later, we’re doing own routines by improv and climbing like koalas. Don’t worry, you’re prepared for every step. You’ll be “changing lightbulbs” in no time!

By QueDogTeaching

August 28, 2007 3:46 PM | Link to this

My bad Tazzee to be honest you are not talking about a man, you are talking about a male who has moved out of his mommas house and is trying to move into yours. Does everyone need help sometimes? Yes. But you sound like you are dymn near breast feeding a grown male.

I hate that you have had to deal with males instead of men, Because most men I know and all the men I hang around are providers. Wrong or right they do what they have to do to be stand up grown men. At this point you sound like if a real man walked up to you, you would not know how to act, or that you might reject him. You would not be able to accept the gift in front of you because you seem to be blinded by the males you have delt with before. Let the grips of those immature males go and open your mind for a real man. Now standing with head bowed and fist high in the air.

By Staceye

August 28, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this

Gorilla I am real sorry about your baby…she is trife for that.

By MusingLee

August 28, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this

Que hey, how are classes going?

By Cemeeli

August 28, 2007 3:48 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli reading posts and the books steadily coming.

Had anyone noticed how loooong some of these posts are today? You all are in a talkative mood.

Officer Musirello, Ga. Man I only noticed 1-2 citations today. WTH??? Yall slacking. I’m reading post 12:45 no citations and counting.

By For Real

August 28, 2007 3:49 PM | Link to this

Truth I am going to have to disagree with you on There are FAR more black women striving to get ahead than dudes. Look at your circle of friend. I know my circle have been on their path since college. How do you define straving to get ahead? At this point in my life I am not out to prove anything to anyone. I number one goal has been accomplished and now I looking to shape the way I want to live which doesn’t involve owning my own business nor working in corporate. So am I striving to get ahead?

By melo

August 28, 2007 3:50 PM | Link to this

Foots, can i see the pics too? takpat78@gmail.com Very curious?!!!

By NCGirlfromATL

August 28, 2007 3:53 PM | Link to this

Now on line looking for NC some thigh highs with garter clamps.

NC strolls into the room in her black stilettos, grey suit, with a hint of thigh highs and garter belts showing. Runs her hand down her thigh for effect….(Pop) Oooouch! These things might look sexy, but that metal clamps hurt like a mug! Teeheeheee!!

By Wise Diva

August 28, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this

why do I get citated for his post? LOL, I am revoking your badge, officer, that’s abuse of power!

LL, I had NO idea you were the author of that analogy today, had I known that, I would have kept my props to myself, LOL!

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this

For Real don’t get me wrong, I want more in terms of personality - but as far as the basics, that’s the bare minimums. And yes, everyone starts out fiscally irresponsible - but in my dating age group you should know to pay your bills on time. I’m not talking about having a certain income, but knowing how to work with what you got. I’m talking about being able to take care of yourself before trying to commingle your life with another person.

I’m willing to work with the things that come with merging two functioning lives. Things like learning to be considerate of the fact that you have another grown person to think about when making decisions. When I talk of encouraging a man to his destiny, I’m not talking about teaching him how to balance his checkbook to make sure he doesn’t have overdraft charges - I’m talking about encouraging him how to watch his checkbook to ensure that the $500 per paycheck he wants to set aside for his entrepreneurial venture is not compromised by the spontaneous trip to Vegas.

To me, that’s the difference between coaching a boy to manhood and encouraging a man to his destiny.

By For Real

August 28, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this

Melo Ambition and Ability are two different things. Most people are born with Ambition but most people are not born with the Ability to get those things you mention. Also, Ambition is relative just like success.

So, ladies if dude takes care of his. His family, his woman, his kids, his car, his home but he is doing all of that on 30K a year, does that still make him a man?

By Officer Musirello

August 28, 2007 4:02 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli you get a citation for snitching….

Rippppppp $200 Fine

Please pay in cash (or booty pops if you’re not too old)…

By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"

August 28, 2007 4:06 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli you are sooooo right we have not given out enough post…we were looking into the Playboy house to see how/and why women come every hour on the hour

But we do have a law against being the po-po…..So Cemeeli here is your citation for impersanation of the Blog PO-PO

Riiiiiip thank you have a nice day……..lololol oh yeah pay the lady at the front desk

By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"

August 28, 2007 4:07 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli you are sooooo right we have not given out enough post…we were looking into the Playboy house to see how/and why women come every hour on the hour

But we do have a law against being the po-po…..So Cemeeli here is your citation for impersanation of the Blog PO-PO

Riiiiiip thank you have a nice day……..lololol oh yeah pay the lady at the front desk

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 4:07 PM | Link to this

Actually QDT I’m not blinded by the males I’ve dealt with in the past - not at all. I’m glad for the experiences because I can clearly see when one is coming now. And that is why I have a lot of first dates but few relationships. I don’t think it’s because I can’t keep one - because believe you me, if all I wanted was a relationship I could be in 4 at the same time and none would be the wiser.

I’ve seen plenty of men and that is why I know there are some still out there. I’ve encountered some good men, that just weren’t good for me or I wasn’t good for them for some reason or another. It is because I’ve seen y’all out there, that I’m not bitter or frustrated that I’ll never find a man. I am simply patiently waiting for the right one for me and content in myself until that time.

By melo

August 28, 2007 4:10 PM | Link to this

For Real,Ambition gives you the motivation to develop the ability to get the things u want. For example, ur ambition may be to be a CEO of a Fortune 5 in 5 years. If u are at some level in the corporate ladder, u have to develop those skill sets to get to where ur ambition desires. U cant just have Ambition and then sit and Dream on it!! U go out there to do what u have to do to get there.

By For Real

August 28, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this

For Real now shinning a Black Lite on Cemeeli’s booty*

By The Truth

August 28, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

For Real its not about how much you make. If a dude is dead set on living in the woods and that’d make him happy then he is a man. You are only measured against what you say you want. If you want a fam, care for them. If you want a woman, care for her. Its that simple for me.

By Gorilla O

August 28, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

Staceye & Truth, yea ol girl pulled one over on me, but karma is a bytch. and she’s getting it now with her new baby daddy. now instead of us just having conversations about my daughter, she wants to ask how im doing and reminisce about when we used to be together. and when i went out to there to drop my daughter off (i get her for the summer), she telling me she’s thinking about moving back to atlanta. i just play it cool, cause i guarantee if she does come back, she aint got a snow balls chance in hell to ever leave with her again! and thats on er’thang!

By Cemeeli

August 28, 2007 4:14 PM | Link to this

@For Real So, ladies if dude takes care of his. His family, his woman, his kids, his car, his home but he is doing all of that on 30K a year, does that still make him a man? Yes. In my opinion it’s the principle. He takes care of his family. Dude with 3x as much a year can be the most irrespondsible person. It’s not about worth unless you know what to do with it.

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 4:16 PM | Link to this

For Real “So, ladies if dude takes care of his. His family, his woman, his kids, his car, his home but he is doing all of that on 30K a year, does that still make him a man?”

As far as I’m concerned, as long as he’s taking care of his - it doesn’t matter how much he makes.

By BlatinoBrutha aka BLAT aka "Where the HE!_!_ have you been???"

August 28, 2007 4:19 PM | Link to this

…………Enter Blat………..

Sup, Blogalicious Ones!!!!

Ok, I’m really feeling this dayum topic and hate that i missed most of it…. But I’ll only respond to two posts from earlier. My apologies if i repeat something already said…

First off, I 100% agree with Dyoung, Wise. I’ve said for years that that is at the root of most relationship problems, not just dating in the Black race but everywhere.

@TRUTH n SexxyLeggs….. Ok ya’ll, it’s like this. Truth, I’m not breaking into your window for two reasons: 1) the Poobah does not get his hands dirty, and 2) I actually agree with some of it.

And Leggs…. allz i got to say is you had to bring out da bittah in me today…. You wanna know why so many women sittin at home??? Cuz when ya’ll DO find a motivated man who’s willing to work on himself for the betterment of family and strives for more and is generally a good cat, ya’ll either put him in the Good Boy Friend Zone. Or if you do take him you abuse the privilege and the world ends up with dudes like Me, Truth, and GAMan, who ain’t got no love for ya and basically just do us and our careers.

………….Exit Blat………….

By Cemeeli

August 28, 2007 4:23 PM | Link to this

:-0))) GA Man I’m not a Po-Po mouth. I’m just saying yall slippin’ on the ticke… Nevermind i’ll pay the lady at the desk.

Cemeeli gets a nice welcome package from Ga.Man for tryin to keep his pockets phat. WTH??? Dats okay chico…dats okay!

By SexyLeggs

August 28, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this

Blat, get your butt back here. Sorry if you’re bittah. I was only making an observation from what people have told me. There are many women sitting home alone for many reasons. One of which is because they want to, another one of which is because they don’t want to put up with trifling a$$ men, another of which is because they don’t want to put up with trifling a$$ men. I’m not one of those sitting at home alone, let’s not get it twisted!

By Cemeeli

August 28, 2007 4:28 PM | Link to this

@ For real…that aint right. You trying to use your power to shop lift a look at my booty!?! Alright.

By SexyLeggs

August 28, 2007 4:29 PM | Link to this

@Blat, I just realized you are a nut case! You’re talking to me as though I’m one of those women who p** on men. I’m not one of them. Please remember that. I don’t use anyone.

By BlatinoBrutha aka BLAT aka "Where the HE!_!_ have you been???"

August 28, 2007 4:35 PM | Link to this

Calmada, SexxyLeggs…. I wasn’t talkin about you, ma. Just responding to what you said as to why some women be sittin at home alone…

Sidenote - It took you this long to realize i’m a nutcase??? LOL

PS…. There be plenty ah dem trifflin arse females ouuut derr too.

By Foots

August 28, 2007 4:36 PM | Link to this

So, ladies if dude takes care of his. His family, his woman, his kids, his car, his home but he is doing all of that on 30K a year, does that still make him a man?

For Real Yes. The size of a man’s wallet is NOT what makes him a man.

By QC

August 28, 2007 4:38 PM | Link to this

Hey y’all i know i’m super late, there are way too comments to read…so i’ll say good nite, drive safe, stay cool & be blessed…i’m out HOLLA

By Ladylike

August 28, 2007 4:38 PM | Link to this

ForReal taking care of your family on 30K per year is not a problem, as long as he is doing what he needs to do. What I do have a problem with is the man who does not want grow and make more the 30K a year eventually, he’d rather stay at that salary forever.

By For Real

August 28, 2007 4:41 PM | Link to this

melo I understand what you are saying but Ambition only takes you so far and you can’t learn ability, it has to be there. Example: You might have all the desire in the world to be NFL player, which do you need the most Ambition or Ability.

Truth I agree with you. I just wanted to check to see if finance played a role in definning a man.

Tazzee Do you realize that you when you are sitting you don’t close your legs all the way?

By Foots

August 28, 2007 4:41 PM | Link to this

melo I’ll see what I can do…

By SexyLeggs

August 28, 2007 4:45 PM | Link to this

Ok Blat, I’m back to feeling you..LOL.

By SexyLeggs

August 28, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

**Good night everyone and have a safe evening.

By For Real

August 28, 2007 4:49 PM | Link to this

Ladylike Be trying to change a man. What if he is doing something he loves would you still have problem with him not wanting to earn more money?

By Wise Diva

August 28, 2007 4:50 PM | Link to this

ummm For Real, I know you aren’t taking a couple of jabs at Tazzee are you! ?

Where is my vaseline and tennis shoes? Diva taking her jewlery off

By Ladylike

August 28, 2007 4:51 PM | Link to this

Have a Great Evening All.

By sky-eye

August 28, 2007 4:53 PM | Link to this

@ Truth Guy wants to set in the woods the rest of his life, that cool with him. Then a female come along and wants to go to town what will he do?

By Wise Diva

August 28, 2007 4:54 PM | Link to this

I really appreciate the healthy debate, everyone kept it classy (well mostly) . Loved it!

Have a fantastic evening everyone!!

By Tazzee

August 28, 2007 4:56 PM | Link to this

For Real what the heck are you talking about?

By Foots

August 28, 2007 4:57 PM | Link to this

ForReal You might have all the desire in the world to be NFL player, which do you need the most Ambition or Ability.

First you need Ambition. It makes you want to get in the game. Knowing the game and rules that make it possible to play = Learned Ability. Having speed and strength = Natural Ability.

Having the intelligence to use your speed and strength while being able to interpret the rules of play to use them to your advantage = Priceless.

Though the ambition to be a star has to be there, learned and natural ability must be trained and honed in order to actually attain star status.

By Foots

August 28, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this

melo mail call…