Misadventures in Atlanta

By Bella

August 21, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this

Good morning, blog!

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

August 21, 2007 10:09 AM | Link to this

testing, testing, 1-2-3… I was beginning to think the Blog had shut down! Hi Bella!!

Morning to all who will join!! Hope everyone is having a great day so far.

On topic - Up until recently I felt like I dealt well with ex’s and past relationships. Didnt talk about it too much or dwell on it, just recognized the relationship was over and proceeded to begin the next chapter in my life. But since I was married and have a child, this time its a bit tougher. Its harder to move on, not b/c of feelings per se but b/c I have to see the ex all the time due to our child. But I am adjusting well to that too. Work in progress….

By Cinderella

August 21, 2007 10:10 AM | Link to this

Bella posting all cheerful this morning is not going to make us forget the blog wasnt up again. But in the spirit of the topic we’ll forgive you. LOL.

By Staceye

August 21, 2007 10:17 AM | Link to this

Bella * Mo good morning. Sure is empty in here! Hello-o-o-o-o-!!!!! Crickets!

On topic: I prety much bash all my ex’s. They deserve it! I do have a few where we just realized that we were not compatable as lovers but great as friends. Now the cheating lying b*stards…I call them everything but the child of God! And I wish them on the Concorde Jet to hell. Yes I know the concorde no longer exists…but it was fast and I want them to go to hell as fast as possible!

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 10:19 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I do not talk negative to my daughter about her father. I’m pretty sure she realizes that I don’t engage in lighthearted conversation with him, but I am very cordial. I do not/never have dwelt on past relationships, and I definitely do not dwell on my divorce….I am free, I am free, the rose has blossomed and moved on!!!

By Raqi

August 21, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

No. 4 should the first and foremost reason. My mom use to tell me all the time that my son will find out in due time what it is he needs to know about his father, so don’t talk bad about him. I made the decision to procreate with him so I have to deal with the outcome. I do sometimes wonder if my son even remembers all those days he would sit and wait for his father to come and he didn’t show up. I was the one that had to make excuses for him so that the boy wouldn’t think I was talking trash about his father should I have told him the truth.

No. 6 should be the next reason. You just make yourself unhappy holding on the bad emotions especially when the ex is probably not even thinking about you.

And then No. 10, it wasn’t all that bad. I got a handsome little hazel-eyed prince out of it.

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this

Raqi, your absolutely right. It wasn’t all bad, because I got a wonderful daughter out of it all.

By SSSBM

August 21, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

GOOD MORNING ROOM What it do STACEYE

Many of us try to forget what has happened to us without really taking the time to address the issue. I think that the process of healing a relationship requires more than forgiveness. You must also let go. I needed to be justified, I needed to be honored, the need to be right, the need to be vindicated, the desire for revenge, and the inability to move past fear of being alone. I had to forgive myself, by recognizing that I had a part in the relationship. By telling myself that I love me and approve of me. HEY BELLA and AJC, WE WILL FORGIVE AND FORGET THAT THE BLOG WAS RUNNING LIKE A 1986 Cutlass low on gas and in need of a tune up this morning!!!

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

Also, there really isn’t any reason to talk bad about the ex-husband or ex-wife in front of the children. What we’re expressing are our dislikes, discord, lack of understanding for the other. Most children definitely do not feel like the parent so why should they hear it. Children love their parents and most just can’t see what grownups see and they shouldn’t.

By Cinderella

August 21, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this

I’ve forgotten and forgiven my ex for things in our marriage. What I’m working on is my attitude with him NOW for the way he treats the children. When he doesnt pick them up when he’s supposed to I dont talk bad about him to them but I dont make up a story for him either. Raqi my mom tells me the same thing all the time. She says the kids will learn for themselves without any help from me. And they will remember that he never attends a game or takes them to practice and that he only sees them about once a month.

By Raqi

August 21, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

True SexyLeggs it is the disdain between the parents and not the kids but when those character flaws flow over into the dealings of the child it just makes you want to let them know what the deal is.

Cindy every time I had to make up an excuse for him I became that much more infuriated with him. To see your child crying because their father has failed them once again, I knew telling him that his father was a lying pryck would just make it hurt that much more. So I would tell him that he was working or some other kid friendly excuse. I just couldn’t hurt him anymore.

As far as he is concerned now his dad is the greatest. HA Does things for him, spends most weekends with him, takes him on trips, buys him a whole bunch crap he doesn’t need. Had I talked bad about him during those years of his absence, I would be the “bad” person now because all things he does presently outweighs all the past in the boys mind. I think. Maybe he just chooses not to want to remember. Why should he.

By Viera

August 21, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this

I have it really easy. I don’t have to see the ex-spouse. He lives in CA and we live in GA. The hard thing is taking the boys to the airport. I don’t talk bad about him in front of the boys. It p** me off when they go over there and he doesn’t find the time to spend alone time with them but includes his girlfriend and her 3 kids to all the activities. It got to the point where the older son decided not to go anymore. Which caused legal problems for me. The last visit he made time for them and learned how to include the other family with out messing up the boys visit. So we are blessed that his is not in the same state.

By Staceye

August 21, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this

Hey SSSBM you talking about the 1986 Cutlass you came to pick me up in on saturday? LOL

On topic: I am Childless so I can bash as much as like. See there’s that freedom I love so much. Not mention I have no constant living reminders of the jerks that have come and gone.I think I will stay that way…

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

ForReal I had to laugh at your last comment to me yesterday. No, I got my legs from running track, cross-county bicycling and dancing. I only TRIED to run from one fight (the one I knew I would lose).

By NCGirlfromATL

August 21, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this

Sup Blog…I’ve spoken about my ex-SO before. We had a bad break up, and after 8 months of almost complete silence, we started talking again. No, no plans to get back together. It’s a totally different dynamic now. I like it a lot better. I didn’t talk trash about him after we broke up though. Not my style. Plus, it only prolongs the agony of a break up. I prefer to keep it moving, and try to get past the pain as quickly as possible. So, my friends only get one chance to ex-bash, and then it’s time to move on to a new topic.

By SSSBM

August 21, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

@ STACEYE Since I have been blogging with you good folks I’ve noticed that a man has a short leash with you. Let me know if I’m wrong!!! Can a man catch a break with you? Is it that NY tough love show no weakness? What type of guys attract you? Because he got to have thick skin and a cool temp to deal with that LIP!!!! Inquiring minds would like to know?

By Staceye

August 21, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

Raqi why should the deadbeat dad get to be the great parent? A child should know the truth about Dear Old dad. I don;t understand that. My mom did not bad mouth my bio-dad..but she did not sugarcoat him either. If he F’ed up..she gave it to me straight no chaser. She kept it real with me and I appreciate her for that. I did not have this trumped up reality of what my bio-dad was. I saw and knew he was an *sshole. Sad to say he still is…and I have no dealings with him. But I was able to make that decsion on my own based on his actions and my mom’s non-fabrication of his character. I saw his true colors. Thank God for Step-fathers.

Viera that is sad when a man takes care of his new girls kids and neglects his own. That makes the kids feel like he loves the others more and that are not as good as his new family. Which we know is not truth…but in the eyes of a child it is and it hurts. How do you explain that to your boys?

By Jake

August 21, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

Very funny that this would come, this was Sunday’s Sermon. Forgiveness is a must, I do not believe it is so easy forget. Things happen, people hurt each other, its life, you just can’t dwell on it, and let it ruin you.

While I am on the pulpit, I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that brightened my day. Respect to everyone’s beliefs if you don’t practice this one. Inspirational Vitamin.

No Jesus, No Peace: Know Jesus, Know Peace!

By Ms. M

August 21, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this

I have bashed about an ex from my past, but i’m so over him! He’ll call me at work every now & then singing that same old song oh baby i miss you, i wanna see you, let’s go so we can talk i’m like “go out in public, i don’t think so dear” you’re better off with one of your 5 baby moma’s But my past is my past, that’s why it’s behind me. I hope you all have a great day!

By Staceye

August 21, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

*SSSBM8 I am a no non-sense type of girl. You cross me..I am done with you. I can pray for God to bless me to forgive…but I never wanna forget! I feel everyone is capable of anything so I’m automatically not going to trust you. Trust is earned not given. So once you show me that you can cross me…I cross you off. If you did it once…you can do it again. Fool me once…shame on you. Fool me twice…shame on me. Fool me a third time…I’m a d*mn fool!!! Yes is it tough love show no weakness….men use that to hurt you with later!

By SSSBM

August 21, 2007 11:48 AM | Link to this

@STACEYE Preshate that gas money you put in the tank so we could turn the AC on that $3.72 really helped out. I hope you wasn’t upset when you thought I was opening the door for you but I had to get in first because my door didnt open. I really thank you for flirting with that cop that pulled us over on bankhead hwy for driving without insurance, one tail light and doing 85 in a 35!!!

By EyesWideShut (formerly SlimOne)

August 21, 2007 11:54 AM | Link to this

Howdy Doody Folks

NC thanks for the comforting words. Slim don’t stay down for long. Where’s da party at?

By Raqi

August 21, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this

Staceye You don’t have kids so you wouldn’t understand but I will tell you from where I am standing. He was young. This was during the time he was 6, 7 and 8 years old. He was already broken hearted when his father didn’t show and it broke my heart to see him cry every single time. What good would it have done to make it worse by telling your father is just a liar? Do you think he would have grasped that other than to feel that I am saying his father is a bad person? And what sense would it make now to bring up what he did or didn’t do back then? He is being a good father now. The boy is happy and I am happy. Like I said he will learn what he needs to know about his father in due time.

And as it stands I am not the bad parent because I never spoke bad of his great father. You have to know how to deal with kids.

By Cinderella

August 21, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this

EyesWideShut is a betta name then Sucka. The party is wherever you be!

By 2CPTG

August 21, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this

G’ Afternoon…..

few observations….no need to bash the ex; simply learn to steer clear of whatever it was that ticked you off initially…

Stacye, just because a man includes his kids from a former relationship into activities with his current relationship, does not indicate neglect. Unfortunately (perhaps) for you Viera, and your boys, is that he has a new relationship; Sure, they’d like to have time with their father alone, and he should accomodate them as much as possible, but he’s not altogether neglecting them….

By Staceye

August 21, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this

Eyes Wide Shut huh? LOL So Sucka meet an untimely death just as Slim? Do you by chance have Multiple Personality Disorder? LMAO

Raqi I guess every child is different. I benifited from know the truth. When my bio-dad pulled the disappering act…my mom straight out told me the truth.

By Brooklyn

August 21, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this

Do you know people who dwell on past relationships? Have you ever been hung up on an ex so much that you couldn’t stop bashing him or her? I wouldn’t say I dwell on past relationship but I do try to evaluate the mistakes I made or what I could have done differently. When a man does me dirty forgiving and forgetting is a hard thing for me to do, though. I tend to hold onto things longer than I have to. However, my friends allow me to have my male bashing moment and then from there on out they make it pretty clear that I need to toughen up and move on.

By Staceye

August 21, 2007 12:19 PM | Link to this

2CPTG HIS kids are his responsibility..not the new girlfriend’s kids. He should focus his time with his own kids and then bring the other kids in. Then his kids won’t feel like they are being forced into a new family…ease them into the new life…do not force it on them. It’s the father’s choice to get with this woman not the kids so they should not have to be forced but nicely meshed.

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this

Staceye and Raqi, I don’t think a deadbeat parent should be glossed over for the child’s sake. On the same tip, negativity doesn’t need to be bestowed upon the child either. I am a firm believer that the child will “eventually” see the “real deal.” Go figure, but most kids loves the parent that shows them the least bit of attention. It’s somewhat hurtful (a small pinch), but it’s a fact. I guess you guys know that I a staunch advocate for never saying anything bad about the child’s father or mother. Oh don’t get me wrong, I’ve been tempted, but my strong belief that this is a wrong thing do has always stopped me.

By Bre'

August 21, 2007 12:24 PM | Link to this

SSSBM Hold up that might be my 1986 Cutlass Coupe Supreme in Sparkle Blue, with the spoke rims and white wall tires. Not to mention the crush velvet interior in blue..woodgrain wheel. Push button controls to work the radio and air conditioner….clear floor mats in the front and back….no tint on the windows…chrome trim on the outside.

Gosh how I miss that car…..

On Topic I’ve only bad mouthed one ex I can think of in the end it only made me look bad. I realized after the fact I was the fool for letting the things unfold as they did. Now that I’m a bit more mature I let ones actions speak for themselves. At the end of the day I can say I held up my end.

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

EyesWideShut is better than Sucka, but this moniker implies that you’re still not willing to deal w/whatever happened…you’re in shock that whatever occurred occurred. Ok, never said therapy was my forte…LOL

By EyesWideShut (formerly SlimOne)

August 21, 2007 12:28 PM | Link to this

Cinderella I would say the party is here but they’ve been pulling the whips out on me at the job lately.

Stacye Do you by chance have Multiple Personality Disorder? Now you know i’m a Gemini. And to answer your question…YES! lol

EyesWideShut: Who said that?

Sucka: I don’t know maybe it was me.

Slim: Sucka you need to get some ballz. aint nobody say you did nuttin

EWS: well i guess i didn’t hear what i thought i heard.

inaudible voice

Slim: Oh hellz naw, i know i just didn’t hear another voice coming from somewhere! How many personalities can fit in this 107lb frame?

EWS: what did you say about my momma?

Slim now wrestling on the ground pulling her own hair out

By 2CPTG

August 21, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this

Staceye…hi, nice to meet you! My words can seem scathing at times, so before I say anything that may be misconstrued, I have to throw out that disclaimer……ummmm, I think it shows a great deal of responsibility by including them in his new thing. It would be irresponsible if he didn’t! And to be quite frank about it, they’re KIDS, meaning they really don’t have a choice in whom Dad dates! True, their feelings carry some weight, but ultimately it’s Dad’s choice to make. and as far as being forced to do something…..let me say it like this…..that’s part of society’s problem now, negotiating with their kids…da hell???? They aren’t being forced into Dad’s new thing….as Mom (Viera) said, the oldest said neva mind and didn’t want to go anymore…..And if his new girl has kids, and they’re playing house, then sorry, they are his responsibilty!

By Staceye

August 21, 2007 12:34 PM | Link to this

Slim, Sucka, Eyes Wide Shut Charter can help you know! If they can’t…take a trip to NYC..and check into Bellevue. They have excellent programs to help with all those people that live in your head! LOL

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 12:34 PM | Link to this

EyesWideShut, I’m hollering over at Slim now wrestling on the ground pulling her own hair out…man o man, the visual is hyterical.

By Viera

August 21, 2007 12:51 PM | Link to this

Staceye I told them that their Dad loves them. It was good enough for the younger one that was 7 but not the 10 yr old. When he turned 11 he decided he had enough and wouldn’t get on the plane. I was court ordered to take him to CA when he was 13. We went for a week and the Dad still was doing the same thing. Now he is 14 and the younger one is 11. This summer their father realized that it might be the last summer to spend with the older one due to the fact he will now be in High School and at this age he can choose not to go. The younger one never had a problem with it. Just as long as he got to see him and spend time with him. I prayed alot and I make sure that everything they had going on when he was here still happens. Even if I run myself to the ground trying to be everything to them.

By Cinderella

August 21, 2007 1:01 PM | Link to this

Viera my ex only lives 5 miles away. My oldest is 17 and he usually opts to stay home. The little ones are still happy to get any time they can get with their dad. The only time they do see him is when my oldest drives them over there because the ex doesnt come pick them up. I dont bad mouthe him at all but I dont sugarcoat it either. I let his actions or I guess I should say “non actions” speak for themselves.

By Viera

August 21, 2007 1:04 PM | Link to this

2CPTG & Staceye I can see both of your points of view. I believe their Dad has every right to have his own life. He just needed to make the boys feel like he loved them regardless of his new situation at the time. This time around he did that and he made everyone feel comfortable. The girlfriend treated them great and the kids get a long and even myspace eachother. It was hard for them at first. Now everyone involved is secure with their relationship with him. I guess they are happy because I didn’t hear any complains this time around.

By Grand Poo Bah

August 21, 2007 1:09 PM | Link to this

Wow, we have some mad people here.
Here is how I feel about my exes. We were together and now we’re not. I do not wish any of them harm or unhappiness because for the most part I don’t care enough about them to waste my energy. There are a couple I do hope have found their happiness. One was because we just were not right as a couple despite 5 years trying, and the other because we could have been great had I not been an idiot.
BEFORE you bash me, I was an idiot because I did not respect her and treat her the way she deserved. I valued my friends and private time above her. I thought that because I took her out every once in a while and did not cheat on her that I was a great BF. I am older and wiser now and know a woman needs to, no she deserves to feel special.
The ex Mrs. Poo Bah treated me without respect, insisting on hanging out with her mom rather than me. When people ask me about her and why we divorced, I simply tell them “She is a good woman, she just wasn’t a good wife”.


Any extra would be an effort on my part, and I would rather place my effort on finding a new person to treat right.

By Viera

August 21, 2007 1:12 PM | Link to this

* Cinderella * The ex buys their plane tickets for them and either emails or calls daily. He does try to keep the relationship going. That was his only problem with the oldest was time issue when he was around him. I’m proud of the boys being able to express what they feel with him. It was all the counseling they went to after the split.

By 2CPTG

August 21, 2007 1:15 PM | Link to this

Viera…that’s the business!!!!! of course, it was going to be awkward at first, but as you see now, it all worked out….Glad your boys are happy!

By Grand Poo Bah

August 21, 2007 1:18 PM | Link to this

Staceye
I agree with SSSBM, it appears that any man you meet is going to pay for every other man who hurt you. That is crap and that will keep you bitter as any good man will run like hell from that.
Trust is earned not given ?????
That is billsh!t as well. Everyone you meet you should have a certain amount of trust until they prove otherwise. I am not saying give them your ATM card and pin code, but, and I cannot say this clearnly enough

If you expect the worst from people, you will get it!

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this

Hey Grand Poo bah, I use to say the same thing about myself “I was a damn good financial provider, but a p** poor wife.

By NCGirlfromATL

August 21, 2007 1:24 PM | Link to this

Slim (Sorry, but I must use positive reinforcement to get you back on track…can’t enable the EWS screenname. You are SLIM!!! LOL!!)…stop pulling out your hair! You know that weave ain’t on sale right now, and you’d have to replace those plugs you pulled out! LOL!! You are so silly!! Oh, and you’re welcome! You know, we single gals have to stick together!

Jake you are sooooooo on point! I was just talking about the same thing w/ my assistant about a current client. I find that forgiveness is the last thing on the mind of my divorce clients. But, the biggest part of forgiveness is acknowledging your role in the demise of the relationship (b/c no matter how bad she/he did you wrong, you weren’t perfect either), and forgiving yourself. Sometimes, that can mean, acknowledging that you made a bad choice in being with that person. You failed to acknowledge all of the red flags and sirens going off around you. You let your emotions cloud your judgment.

To add to Jake’s bumper sticker: Let go and Let God!

By Grand Poo Bah

August 21, 2007 1:34 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs yep, sometimes you just have to get hit hard enough for the lesson to sink in. And of course the learning the lesson usually involves a hard look at yourself. In my case I realized too late what I was doing, but I am taking that lesson forward.
Not to get deep, but I want to do it because I expect my woman to have enough respect for herself to call me on it, and I expect her to be the role model if I ever have a daughter.

By BallBusta (formerly SlimOne)

August 21, 2007 1:45 PM | Link to this

NC I have a chinee lady who got de low dung preyesis on hu weave et de flee markee.

By NCGirlfromATL

August 21, 2007 2:01 PM | Link to this

I have a chinee lady who got de low dung preyesis on hu weave et de flee markee.

(wiping the water off the screen that Slim just replaced last week! Dang…)

Hey, see if she has any knock-off Louis Vuitton’s too! LOL!

By MusingLee

August 21, 2007 2:04 PM | Link to this

Even’in All,

I’ve held on to bad vibes for an ex and I hated the feeling…I realized that as long as I was angry with her she had power over me. I learned to let go and focus on the things that I had control over. Mainly my ability to choose someone actually compatible and good for me.

By For Real

August 21, 2007 2:06 PM | Link to this

For Real now slapping the ish out of EyesWideShut and Sucka. Where the hellz is Slim. Slappp!!! Where the hellz is Slim…

Staceye It’s quite obivous that you are hurt by your father. So I am going to step in a spend some time with you. I will dress you up in a school girl outfit. We will talk about the birds and bees. I will spank your bottom when you are bad. I will bathe three times a day and let you air dry. We will play hid the African American Dolphin. And you can kiss me and say goodnight daddy. How does that sound to you?

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 2:16 PM | Link to this

Grand Poo Bah, I knew I was a p** poor wife paying mortgage, taking care of our daughter, cooking (everything from scratch), cleaning, laundry, but fell out of love with my husband because he didn’t care if the survival of the family rested on my shoulders. Because I love and respect myself, and I realize I wasn’t about to do the “sexual” wifely duties on top of every else. So, I decided to get out before my psyche became destroyed.

By BallBusta (formerly SlimOne)

August 21, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

NC I tink she me have su cooch bags. No Oouie caton tho

ThugMiss jumps outta Slims body, body slamming For Real then sits on his face and farts

For Real: Slim are you in there?! I know that smell anywhere. Sliiimmmm! I know you’re….in…..th…ere For Real passes out then wakes up wearing nothing but a Wet Depend diaper and a baby bib

By b.o.o.h.o.o.

August 21, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

Guys! Get off Stacye’s case! on topic: I don’t think much about exes, I’m into moving on. But in the case of the two I have kids with, that isn’t possible. I feel like I try really hard not to speak ill of them, but when it comes to them not treating my kids right, I find it hard not to. My daughter spent some time in a psychiatric hospital last year, and in a group therapy session with the other kids there, it became very clear that especially neglect/denial of fatherhood by the children’s fathers (especially the boys) was a large contributing factor . Right now I am having to deal with GA allowing my 14 year old to choose to live with her father even though I don’t feel it is her best interest.

By b.o.o.h.o.o.

August 21, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

musing this is a powerful statement and applies to many situations and emotions.”as long as I was angry with her she had power over me”

By Hotlanta

August 21, 2007 2:28 PM | Link to this

I let an EX remain an EX. When it is over it is over. Once I have had a man and it is over I don’t want him anymore. I don’t wanna be his friend or nothing. BYE!!!!! Because I don’t wanna start my new life with the new me with him hanging around. That is why a lot of women are members of the EX-girlfriend club. They wanna remain friends. PLEASE

By Jake

August 21, 2007 2:28 PM | Link to this

Back on the board.

I can honestly say that I have never been to a point where I could not forgive someone. I think that because Mama made me sit in the pews so much that I learned how to remove myself from my feelings so to speak. As NC said, I let go and let God. If that isn’t your vibe, let whoever, Pookie, RayRay, ManMan, somebody. I’m actually cool with all my ex’s, I have always been able to maintain some level of cordialness(new word…lol)

@Staceye You already got called on it, but here is a double shot. I read your 11:28 and immediately said, dayum, she has been shaped to not trust us. I am glad that you had a great Step, but your tone tells on you. You are not very trusting, its difficult to get to know you. Don’t be that way, sexy lady..wink, catch this kiss I’m blowin at you

Grand Poo Bah Cosigning this, I have done it too.

I was an idiot because I did not respect her and treat her the way she deserved. I valued my friends and private time above her. I thought that because I took her out every once in a while and did not cheat on her that I was a great BF. I am older and wiser now and know a woman needs to, no she deserves to feel special.

By Raqi

August 21, 2007 2:29 PM | Link to this

Slim I must have missed it, but what brought on your name change?

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 2:35 PM | Link to this

Staceye, whatever problems you have with your father let them go. I’ll try to make this short. I was around 13 when I saw my father up close and personal for the 1st time. He was a police officer making sure the junior high talent show didn’t get out of hand. I was on the school steps with some friends. He kept looking at me. He finally said “what you’re looking so sad about? How about giving me your number and I’ll take you out to dinner.” I asked right then and there “Do you know who I am?” He said should I? I said yes, I’m your daughter. With that I ran into the school, out the back door and on the bus back home. He was on the phone w/my mother when I arrived. I didn’t want to speak to him and I didn’t. I use to cry telling this story, but not anymore. I met him again when I was 28. It was important to me that he understood the woman I turned into. The Bachelor’s Degree in Criminal Law I had completed. I wanted him to know that I survived w/o any input from him. I am fine with myself. My father has been a nursing home for the past 7 years due to a stroke to the right side of his body. His left side works, but he refuses to rehabilitat it. I told him along time ago that my survival skills had to come from Mama because I never would have given up if some part of my body worked. Anyway, when I recently went home, I went to see him and I took a picture because it just might be the last time I see him alive. No matter what the past yield, he’s my father!

By Raqi

August 21, 2007 2:37 PM | Link to this

boohoo if you don’t mind me asking why do you think it is not in the best interest of your daughter to live with her father? Is he unfit or do you feel you can better raise her as a woman? I am just asking since you brought it up.

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 2:39 PM | Link to this

Raqi Slim never told us what made her change her name. We are only surmising from her names something went terribly wrong. Now, they’re talking about bring in the straight jacket for her.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

August 21, 2007 2:44 PM | Link to this

Afternoon All!! Wow, its really going in here today.

Jake I am like you, friends with a few ex’s. Easy for me b/c once I am done, I’m done so I let all feelings subside. No reconnecting, our time is done! Now I have been fortunate to have never had a ‘bad’ breakup til my divorce and even that has bad and good days.

I WILL NOT bad mouth my ex around the baby and neither will I allow someone to bacd mouth the ex. I married that man so if I bad mouth him, I am also saying something about me b/c I was with him AND had a child! So I vent and keep it moving but never in the baby’s presence.

Staceye hate to join the bandwagon but you are truly scarred girl! Gotta ease up just a little, cant make every man pay for past man’s mistakes and mishaps. Its their loss, dont lose out on life by harboring ill feelings!

For Real I am still waiting on my song!

SlimOne & NCGirl you guys are too funny!!!

By BallBusta (formerly SlimOne)

August 21, 2007 2:45 PM | Link to this

Raqi My name yesterday was Sucka…I just a joke played on me but it wasn’t funny. That’s life but now it’s time to party like it’s 2025….Yippeee!

By Viera

August 21, 2007 2:45 PM | Link to this

I’ve heard “Forgive but don’t forget”. Once you forgive it’s in the past and you move forward. I believe you don’t forget the hurt that has been done to you but you need to learn how to move on. You learn from the wrong that has been done to you and the wrong you have done others. It takes a person to reflect on their actions to learn from it all.

By Jake

August 21, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs

I shouldn’t, but I will, and please forgive.

Was your father actually making a pass at you in that pedophile way, or this dinner statement was just said?

By For Real

August 21, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this

For Real: Get off me ThugMs. I got something for you.

ThugMs: What you got for me.

For Real: ZIPPPPPP!!!! Black cake!

ThugMs: Wowwwwww Black cake

For Real: I knew Slim was in there cause she loves some black cake.

By DuShawn

August 21, 2007 2:50 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs Did I read that right… Your father was a police officer and a pedophile? That’s deep. I know you’re a survivior. I was read that: God gives the best students the hardest test

By Raqi

August 21, 2007 2:51 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs did your father not know that he had a daughter? If he knew, had you two never met before or he hadn’t seen a picture of you?

I know that doesn’t change what he was propositioning but I am just curious?

By For Real

August 21, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs is still running. She now closing in on Forest Gump. Run Sexyleggs Runnnnnn.

By MusingLee

August 21, 2007 2:59 PM | Link to this

boohoo, It takes energy to be angry with someone. And I reached a point in my life where I realized I had spent way too much energy dealing with a particular situation. I take this approach to may things that don’t really require my energy…Sure, there are somethings that you will need to spend energy fighting over, but do I really need to be angry over someone stepping on my white shoes???

By Staceye

August 21, 2007 3:05 PM | Link to this

Grand Poo Bah If you expect the worst from people, you will get it! I feel if you expect the worst from people….if you get it…you are already prepared!

For Real you sound like a dirty old perv! I like that..it’s sexy! Do I get an ice cream cone and a lollipop too? Will you push me on the swing? LOL

SexyLeggs if you did all that…then what was he there for….to take up space and be a dependant on your taxes? Oh maybe the sex was off the chain. Girl..you are the bomb to do it all…SuperMom. And he was there…why? LOL

But on the topic on my father…he is such a jerk that he makes himself feel better by downing his own kids. As a child that cause me lots of pain, anger and issues. Now that I have written him out of my life I am better. If I had not..I’d probably be in Bellevue right now. So when I notice any of his Satan-like qualities in a guy…I run like hell. The wall goes up and I am ready to hurt before being hurt. He calls my mom’s sister and tries to get her to get me to talk to him. He even went so far as to say he was sick..so my aunt says I would feel bad if he died. Honestly..I would not be happy or sad. I am numb when it comes to him. I have given him many chances to make right with me. He’s ok for a little while..then it’s business as usual. So I say good riddens! No more chances.

Thank you b.o.o.h.o.o!!

Jake smooches back atcha’!!

Slim Bellvue is waiting hun! LOL Ming Lee brought you a Coach Straight jacket. Oh my bad…it’s C-oach! LOL

By For Real

August 21, 2007 3:05 PM | Link to this

Here you go Mo

Come here, baby. Mary I love you. Do it girl. Chorus: Mary Jane, Mary Jane

I’m in love with Mary Jane. She’s my main thing. She makes me feel alright. She makes my heart sing.

And when I’m feeling low, She comes as no surprise. Turns me on with her love. Takes me to paradise.

Do you love me Mary Jane? Yeah. Whoa-oh-oh. Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?

Now do you think you love me Mary Jane. Don’t you play no games.

Chorus. Mary Jane, Mary Jane

I love her just the same. I love her, Mary baby, just the same. The woman plays no games.

Now, now, now. I’m in love with Mary Jane. I’m not the only one. If Mary wanna play around, I let her have her fun. She’s not the kind of girl That you can just tie down. She likes to spread her love And turn your head around.

I’m in love with Mary Jane. Chorus. Mary Jane, Mary Jane

I’m in love with Mary Jane. Yeahhhhh! Ooowoooo. Oh baby. Oh baby. Hit me. Whoah, Mary. Only love. I love you, yeah. Whooo! Something until we give it now, lovey-dove. Uh-huh. Wow, baby! Sing! La-du-da-da-du-da-dahh. Sing! La-du-da-da-du-da-dahh. Sing it for me baby. Come Mary, Mary Jane. Sing it for me baby

By QC

August 21, 2007 3:11 PM | Link to this

Slim & For Real y’all are so crazy lol…girl your chinese/asian comment was funny

By For Real

August 21, 2007 3:21 PM | Link to this

Staceye Do I get an ice cream cone and a lollipop too? Will you push me on the swing?

Yes you do with sprinkles on top and of course I will underhand push you on the swing. Hellz I’ll even give you an allowance (in my Prince voice) but only if you’re good girl

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 3:23 PM | Link to this

Jake yes, he was hitting on me. He did not recognize me. I couldn’t understand why I knew him and he didn’t remember my face. He help make ME. Yes, that was the first time I’ve seen him since I learned how to walk. My mother told me little about him. I just remembered how he look. In my late 30’s I called him and asked him point blank if he remembered that day and did he know I was his daughter (only because Uncle Melvin swore he was acting). He admitted that he did not know who I was. Like I said, I can tell this story now w/o crying.

DuShawn, yes a cop.

Staceye, yes I did all that. I promised my daughter when she turned 2 years old that she would grow up in a house. I moved us all into the house when she turned 6. Yes, I did it all, I put the down payment down and I paid the mortgage whereby he paid the utilities when he could. I wasn’t raised with a father and desparately wanted to give my daughter the 2-parent household until I couldn’t do it any longer. That’s the bottom line.

By BallBusta (formerly SlimOne)

August 21, 2007 3:24 PM | Link to this

For Real: ZIPPPPPP!!!! Black cake!

ThugMs: Wowwwwww Black cake!

For Real: I knew Slim was in there cause she loves some black cake

ThugMs: Uggghtt! This isn’t black cake. This taste like….like…burnt brownies. What you been eatin’

For Real: Ming Lee

By Raqi

August 21, 2007 3:32 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs you remembered what he looked like and you hadn’t seen him since you were like one?

Don’t mean to sound cynical but, HUH?

By Jake

August 21, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

@For Real

At least she tasted the black cake.

By baddog

August 21, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this

wow Sexy Leggs your Dad was sick that is a hellva story

By For Real

August 21, 2007 3:40 PM | Link to this

For Real perplexed as to how to bring Slim back.

With Slim’feet secured to the left and right leg of her desk. For Real perform an EMERGENCY EARMUFFINTECTOMY while Slim is on a conference call

By Jake

August 21, 2007 3:43 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs You are such a strong one…as for the guy on the couch. I am glad you left, sounds like he wasn’t worth two dead flies!!

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this

Raqui my mother showed me the pictures she had of him. Uncle Melvin was his best friend and would also update with a picture or two. He looked like Lou Gosset, Jr. to me and that’s what I kept in my head. When I saw him standing there, I knew. I was his first daughter and he should have found a way to know me, especially through Uncle Melvin and he choose not to.

By For Real

August 21, 2007 3:46 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs Looks like you need a father figure too. I take Staceye back to her mamma on Sunday.

Jake yeah tasting my black cake usually does it for Slim but for some reason I can’t seem to get thru.

Hey QC

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 3:50 PM | Link to this

Laughing at Jake, you nailed it. I got so tired of the couch. No doubt I enabled him because he knew I wasn’t going to fail with my family. He stayed on that dang couch so much I wanted to turn it into “The Burning Bed.” Thank you, I am a very strong woman and I take immense pride in it. I don’t wear like a badge, I just do what needs to be done (legally) for survival. Any NYer knows this creed!

By BallBusta (formerly SlimOne)

August 21, 2007 3:54 PM | Link to this

Slim at desk during conference call

Slim: So I see we’ll need to implement the Customer First Program during this….oohhhh-cough cough Excuse me, I had a little tickle in my throat. Where was I? Oh, yes. The launch of this new proooooOOOOO GRAMMMMMMM!!!! Wow, excuse me again. My allergies are acting UpppPPPPP!!!! Can we take a 15 minute break?

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 3:56 PM | Link to this

ForReal thanks for the laugh. I always needed a father figure, but acted like I didn’t. I was much like Staceye (strong, independent, never let my guard down). I wasn’t too bitter, but I was too strong for most men. I slowly let my guard down and took notice of people and their ways. My pregnancy turned me completely nice. It really did. I was kind and in love with everyone. It continues to this day. Yep yep….

By NCGirlfromATL

August 21, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

Sure, there are somethings that you will need to spend energy fighting over, but do I really need to be angry over someone stepping on my white shoes???

Musing this is soooooo how I try to live. Yes, I get angry sometimes, but I’m one of those slow to anger, quick to fade kind of people. My mom is the grudge-holder. She’s been chewing on some grudges for years, and I just don’t see how that serves her at all. My parents have been married 40 yrs and my dad’s parents have both passed away. But to this day, my mom is still angry about the amount of money my grandparents borrowed (took) from my dad and never paid back (and of course, died w/ no money, so there was nothing to get from the estate), and the way they treated her when she first met them. They weren’t always very nice to me either, but they were my grandparents. I forgave them a long time ago. That doesn’t mean we had the closest relationship, but I cried and mourned at their funerals, and I try to remember the good times and not dwell on the bad ones. Takes waaaay too much energy to remain mad. It’s so much easier to let it go and be happy as much as possible.

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 4:05 PM | Link to this

SlimOne, now that was funny!

By QC

August 21, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

Hello For Real

Good point Jake

Have a nice, cool, safe evening bloggers!

Slim girl you are a mess, lol!

By Staceye

August 21, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

Mo it’s a lot easier said that done.

Weeee…yeahhhh…thanks For Real.

SexyLeggs you know I know the NY Creed!My pregnancy turned me completely nice. It really did. I was kind and in love with everyone. It continues to this day. Yep yep…. Remind me to stay on birth control forever! LOL

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 4:15 PM | Link to this

Musing and NCGirlfromATL you two nailed it. It takes too much energy to be bitter and harbor ill feelings toward another. I’d say either of these 3 things daily depending on what curve ball has been thrown my way. (1) “I will walk with a song in my heart and a smile on my face, (2) It is what it is, or (3) This too shall pass.

By Jewel

August 21, 2007 4:17 PM | Link to this

Good afternoon Everyone!

Great comments about forgiveness! Staceye Just a few sister comments from one who knows the affect of “daddy issues” in her life and relationships…Choosing or not choosing to forgive someone is not a gift to that person, but rather a gift to yourself. You must choose to forgive from your heart, not your head, by acknowledging how his behavior has affected you. In my humble opinion, subconsciously, your actions are an attempt to make your father pay for the way he hurt you. And, you will hold every other man in your life responsible for doing what your father never did. Impossible Your comment: * I have given him many chances to make right with me.* is classic of making your father responsible for a debt he cannot possibly pay. We create situations (and expectations) that the person is incapable of passing because it allows us to hold on to the hurt…actually, what I call the offspring of rejection - anger, bitterness, controlling attitude, fear of failure, among other things – and justify why. You are not doing this for him. You are doing this for yourself.

This topic reminded me of a story I read a few years ago about forgiveness. I could not remember all the details, only that it compared carrying a sack of potatoes with carrying unforgiveness. So I googled it. Enjoy!

A teacher once told each of her students to bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes to school. For every person they refuse to forgive in their life’s experience, they chose a potato, wrote on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of their bags were quite heavy. They were then told to carry this bag with them everywhere for one week, putting it beside their bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to their desk at work. The hassle of lugging this around with them made it clear what a weight they were carrying spiritually, and how they had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget and keep leaving it in embarrassing places. Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty smelly slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity! Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and it clearly is for ourselves!

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 4:19 PM | Link to this

Staceye, I’m on the floor over here. I had too many people telling me how I did a complete 360. Oh, I still have a machete for a tongue and am expert at giving you a lashing if you need one, but for the most part, I really good people to be around. ForReal, DuShawn, Musing stay nice.

By Jewel

August 21, 2007 4:26 PM | Link to this

One more thought Staceye… Forget the pain, not the lesson. Forgiving your father will not leave you vulnerable to getting hurt again. Forgiveness will empower you to live rather than existing, waiting for the axe to fall.

By MusingLee

August 21, 2007 4:32 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs My daily sayings are “Ohhh hellz naw, not me!”, “f/k that”, and “One day, POW right to the moon.”

By Staceye

August 21, 2007 4:33 PM | Link to this

Jewel I feel what you are saying. That story kind of puts a new perspective on it. But I am better off without him in my life. He made it hell for me when I did speak to him. So now that I have a great step-dad who does what my bio-dad should have done it helps…but not heal.

SexyLeggs you set yourself up for Musing, DuShawn, Poo Bah, Musing and SJ3000 to let you have it for the tongue lashing comment! LOL It’s on!

By Jake

August 21, 2007 4:34 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs

Dude had the materials list from the Loser’s Handbook on you: The essential elements are in Bold Print

Nice Couch, AC and Heat, TV/25inch or more, DVD’s, Video Games, Snacks, Drug of Choice, No Motivation, a Lady Blinded by Love.

By NCGirlfromATL

August 21, 2007 4:38 PM | Link to this

Slim if you ain’t quwazy!!

Slim’s boss Slim, why is this report all gibberish?

Slim (still recovering from her earmuffintectomy seizure) Uh…wha…huh? Whatdjasay? Report? (slurring) Idon’tknowwhatthefugyou’retalkingsssssabout.

Boss (noticing Slim’s legs are still twitching) Oh…I get it. You tasted the Black Cake aaaaaand you got the Chocolate Milk Shake.

Slim passes the f/k out from too much sugar in her tank.

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 4:41 PM | Link to this

Jake I have tears in my eyes I’m laughing so hard because you nailed EACH ONE ON THE FREAKING HEAD!!! OMG!

Staceye as soon as I typed it I knew, but all my life I was told I had a machete for tongue so I left it in.

By MusingLee

August 21, 2007 4:53 PM | Link to this

Staceye You see how I let SexyLeggs slide?!? I didn’t say anything..LOLOLOLOL

By Jake

August 21, 2007 4:57 PM | Link to this

Sexyleggs

Glad you are smiling: I’m tellin you, that is straight out of the handbook, I didn’t make it up, it was written long ago, just upgraded as time goes on. And the ultimate addition, it is not an essential, but if somebody can pull this too, they can be a world class loser.
A CAR TO PICK UP ANY MISSING ITEM.

By Grand Poo Bah

August 21, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs I feel you. It sounds like we have had some similar experiences with our former mates. As for the rest, I am thankful I have not had to test that out, you are strong.


Staceye No. It is this simple, If you expect the worst from people YOU WILL GET THE WORST FROM THEM. You are setup that way, and as I said last week, that is sad.
Until you can learn to look for and accept good from men, no one worth anything will wait around to pass your tests. Perhaps I am wrong, but as a man, I wouldn’t put up with your attitude for a NY minute, even if you are Halle Berry, forget just looking like her.

By SexyLeggs

August 21, 2007 4:59 PM | Link to this

MusingLee thank you…lol