Misadventures in Atlanta

By Staceye

August 7, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this

Hellooooooo….where is everybody?

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

Hey Staceye I’m here.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

August 7, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this

Wow. I come to work thinkin you guys would have this thing jumpin and its empty in here!!! What happened?!?!

Hey Cemeeli & Staceye Something goin on we dont know about??

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this

On topic I usually allow the guy do the pursuing. I’ll ask a guy on a date. lol…well i’ve only did this once and he had already taken me out before. So it guess that doesn’t really count as a pursuer.

By Demi

August 7, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

Bella hey sis…abcman can you please charge AJC a 150 grand and fix this site…

And For Real on open mindedness, your comment yesterday says it all.

I feel more black women needs to date outside of their race…And see how a woman should be treated…But it’s hard treating a black woman, like I treat women of other races…You risk being seen as a PUNK…By the women you are suppose to praise and lift up!!

By Bella

August 7, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this

Good morning, guys!

I had to contact one of our digital folks b/c the comments were not enabled. Thanks for your patience, to those of you who weren’t scared off!

By NCGirlfromATL

August 7, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

But it’s hard treating a black woman, like I treat women of other races…You risk being seen as a PUNK…By the women you are suppose to praise and lift up!!

Demi what do you mean?

I have asked guys out. Sometimes, they have responded well. Sometimes not. I prefer to be asked, not to do the asking. But, sometimes it just happens as a part of our natural conversation. I’m pretty reserved, so he’d have to be pretty cool to get me to ask him out. I think everyone wants to be pursued…it’s just the level of pursuit that is different for men and women.

By denise

August 7, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

To pursue has to do with efforts made to build on interest found in someone. Initially, it is based on (physical) attraction by one or both parties.

The interested party (usually male) makes contact by engaging in small talk and if successful can lead to further conversation and eventually a date. Thereafter, the potential relationship is casual in nature and can develop over time depending on the amount of interest the parties have in each other.

Traditionally, this pursuit is engaged in by the male and if handled in a dignified, respectful manner the woman will thereafter allow herself to be pursued, (meaning she will reciprocate the same level of interest), otherwise she will send STRONG signals that she is just not into him

By QC

August 7, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this

Hello everyone!

By SexyLeggs

August 7, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

Hello everyone. Just got back from NY and am so glad to be back home. I prefer the man to pursue me; however, I will pursue him if need be! Hey Denise, you said it best.

By SeanJohnson3000

August 7, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

Sup Blog…

@ Demi…break it down for me bruh…trying to see the point you are tryin got make…I never dated anything but bf’s….i am only attracted to women of color..But I wanted to ask someone who dates outside of their race..is this something u have to go out normal every day surroundings to do..like going to mixed clubs? I have no problem with folks that date the spectrum…But your statement is crazy..And see how a woman should be treated…

By Ladylike

August 7, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this

Hey Everybody,

Although, I enjoy being pursued by a man, and I like it even better when he’s creative. I have been known to let a guy know that I’m interested in him and maybe we should do lunch or brunch sometime. I don’t have a problem with going dutch or even paying the tab. To me the invitation is a nice gesture and I genuinely like making new friends.

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

Hey QC*

Thanks Denise for that detail definition. Sounds like most men are innate pursuers. Women then respond according to the attraction send signals back.

Mo glad to read you…these days as it stands here in Atl. ‘the shortage of men’ real mean. I’ve found sooooo many women seeking/pursuing a MAN til it become desperate tactics. Sometimes embarrassing !

By Jim-Bob

August 7, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

I’m a guy, and I’ve been asked out by a couple of girls. For me, that kills it right away—but it is ok (in fact, very helpful) to get some kind of signal—preferably non-verbal. And I’m kind of old-fashioned, I guess, but initiating kissing would definitely not be the right kind of signal for me!

By Gorilla O aka "Tha Code Cracka"

August 7, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

GoodMorning All! whats up Staceye, Cemeeli, Mo, etc

Men, do you have a problem with women pursuing you, or would you rather be the pursuer? PURSUE ME!!! i dont have a problem with it. i think the few women that dont mind being the aggressor just know what they want and dont care that its not the ‘traditional’ way.

Ladies, have you ever been turned down by a guy when you asked him out? if so, how did you feel about it? just asking because as a dude, and being the pursuer 99.99% of the time, you kinda get used to being turned down and roll with it. dont get me wrong, i have a pretty decent batting average, but there was a time when i got turned down more than michael jackson asking if him and my nephew can have a sleepover. and i went through my phases of getting made and loudly calling them out of their name, to calling them out of their name under my breath, to realizing you just cant win them all and keeping it moving.

By RC

August 7, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this

As I’ve grown, I realize that it shouldn’t matter who “pursues” whom. Most people who truly value good company and good people don’t allow themselves to get caught up in stuff like that.

If a man is really interested in a woman, her calling or inviting him somewhere won’t change the dynamics of the relationship.

I’m more likely to pursue a woman who acts like she’s interested [by calling, inviting, etc.] that one who sits and waits. In fact, I’ll want to do more for her because I won’t have to wonder about her intentions.

Women who sit and wait come a dime a dozen, so one who’s willing to do more really catches my attention.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

August 7, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

Sup SJ & Demi, Hey Blog Ladies!!

On topic I have asked a man out before, for his number and even been the one to persue. Even so I still prefer to be the one persued. Sometimes its ‘fun’ to be the one after the guy.

Demi please elaborate. Are you saying other races treat us better than our own?

By QC

August 7, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

Excellent point RC

By Gorilla O aka "Tha Code Cracka"

August 7, 2007 11:52 AM | Link to this

@Jim-Bob…in the words of the caveman in the geico commercial….Uh, Whut!!! why would a woman pursuing you kill it, and what the hell is ‘it’ anyway? AND she cant initiate kissing…..in the words of flavor flav, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!. i know you’re old fashioned bruh, but we are about to go into ‘08, not ‘58, but ‘08!! and you probably that dude that still opens the car door everytime yall get in and out of the car. wake up my brotha, its a new day!

By MrHughes

August 7, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this

I guess that my perspective is a little different in reference to this topic. I have never been one to chase girls. The last three long term girlfriends I’ve had made it very clear to me that they wanted to be something more before I ever thought of chatting them up or asking them out. I’ve never been the kind of guy to collect numbers or say “pssst” to a prospective lady. Every girl I’ve ever dated or mated with has approached me or shown her interest via flirtation, conversation, body language, or that special stare. I guess I am the kind of guy that prefers to step back and survery the situation rather than diving into the pool. So, from my perspective, women are the gate keepers of not only sex, but who pursues them. Let’s be honest ladies, have you ever let a guy start talking you up if there was no mutual interest from your part that you displayed to him in the ways described above? I mean this in a cold calling, hello I’ve just seen you for the first time, you look kind of dreamy, you clearly like me, and I want persue something with you at this very moment. In my opinion girls have to be chatted up, by the guys they allow to approach them. Also, the chatting up phases is where they make sure it’s likely you don’t have any felonies. Then again… maybe some girls like guys with felonies.

By Jake

August 7, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this

What up folks:

I’m going to jump out on a limb and try to elaborate on what I think Demi meant.

First he said, ladies go date other races to see how you should be treated, followed by the statement out taking the risk of being seen as a punk.

demi correct me if I am wrong, but here goes.

Many Black women are used to being treated poorly, when a good brother treats them well, these same women don’t view him as a good brother, but as a punk. I believe he is saying that you should try other races so that you will see that that good brother that you see as a punk, is really treating you how a woman should be treated. Dating outside will possibly show that the behavior you are seeing from the good brother is the right way (this assumes that the other men will all be good-not true, but I know what he meant).

The bullshyt that sistahs are accustommed to is bull, but is the norm in their experiences with men, therfore, when a real man shows up and treats her well, respects her at all times, she views him as a punk or weak because she has been conditioned to expect less.

Somethin like that.

By Gorilla O aka "Tha Code Cracka"

August 7, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this

Gorilla O cracking Demi’s Comment:

I feel more black women needs to date outside of their race…And see how a woman should be treated… i think Demi is being a little sarcastic. the stereotype is black men dont know how to treat our black women. so i think he’s saying to date outside of your race and see if the grass is greaner on the other side.

But it’s hard treating a black woman, like I treat women of other races…You risk being seen as a PUNK…By the women you are suppose to praise and lift up!! and here he’s saying if you treat black women how they say they want to be treated, then you’ll be looked at as a punk. so its a catch 22 with dating black women. if you treat them bad then you’re a dog, if you treat them right then you’re a punk. i feel where your coming from my brotha!

I feel you RC

By ada

August 7, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this

For years I waited for guys to ask me out…sometimes someone I wanted to ask me out did, but mostly not.
I finally got sick of waiting, and asked out a guy that ended up being the love of my life. Now it’s two years later and we’re married. I’m not saying all women should ask men out, do what you feel comfortable doing…but don’t be a wall flower. If you like him, and he hasn’t taken the initiative, then it’s up to you to ask him out!

By QC

August 7, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this

Hey Jake

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

Hey Gorilla O lol @ your post. I’ve only ask a guy out once. But it had no bearing on the comment made about being ‘traditional’. I guess i am more the type of woman that RC mentioned. I reciprocate interest [by calling, inviting, etc.] and even some spontaneous gestures that definetly let a guy know my intentions.

By Jake

August 7, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this

Gorilla O

You might b right on the sarcasm piece, but the second part, we all agree on. Its true, its might be sad, but true.

By Jake

August 7, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this

Hey QC

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 12:17 PM | Link to this

Hi Jake

By Gorilla O aka "Tha Code Cracka"

August 7, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this

so, Cemeeli, have you ever been turned down by a guy that you were pursuing?

By Page1908

August 7, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

Jake I see what you mean re: Demi’s post. I think it is true. I think the interracial dating topic has been beaten to death on this blog, but still, I believe the only way a woman can experience a different type of treatment is to try Something New..lol

For some reason, BF’s in Atl, still have not gotten them memo about “dating out”. I am a West Coaster, so for me, it’s commonplace and not a big deal at all.

Hey QC and SJ.

By Johnny Reb

August 7, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

Code cracka, If you don’t want to be treated like a punk by black women, why are other races. I have tried taking to black women, most seem to have a really bad attitude, but there are exceptions. Women who will supposedly give you chance only to check out your income levels. And then there are those who are truly nice ladies and give you and honest chance. If the latter were to persue me that would be cool. If she had a good job, a car and was on her own making her way. Why cann’t we be like them. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! but color doesn’t matter here. All races a do it, maybe some alittle more than others. But then again we are all guilty. Just like the women, if you are bringing something to the relationship, what makes you think your derserve a chance. But then again let’s loose the attitude and see where it leads. I like the ladies. They are prettier and smell alot better then men. There is nothing I can think of beeter to look at or spend time with that a lady that takes care of herself. And there is one who wants to pursue me, I think I would like that. Hell. I have chased enough that would say not interested until you were several dates and quite a fews dollars in. Now that suxs.

By QC

August 7, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this

Hey Page, Cemeeli

By flabredtxraised

August 7, 2007 12:28 PM | Link to this

Great topic Bella! All I can say is for the women who sit and wait but complain about it, change it up and see what happens! For the ones who know what they want and sometimes get it DO YA THANG GIRL! I love ladies who know what they want, who wants a women who will talk you to death about what she expects from a man but cant find a man to save her life! Have you ever noticed that the REAL WOMEN who can keep a REAL MAN can balance the B.S. her friends say and still take care of home, while the cacklin hens are lonely and upset! Open your eyes, Ladies you are alone because of YOU and not because of the so-called REAL MAN shortage! So swallow your pride and ask that guy out who smiles at you but goes out to lunch with the girl that everyone in the office hates, you might be surprised with your results!

By RC

August 7, 2007 12:31 PM | Link to this

Ada - You make a good point. I think if some women did a few things differently they’d have better luck getting the type of guy they want.

If a woman never makes the effort to get the guy she wants, she has to settle for those who approach her - who may or may not be what she wants.

I’m not saying that she has to do anything desperate or throw herself at a guy, but acting aloof and expecting Mr. Wonderful to magically stroll up is silly. Initiating a conversation or inviting a guy to lunch won’t kill anybody (as far as I know).

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

August 7, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this

Jake thanks for clearing that up. I have never considered dating other races, no particular reason, just lovin my brothas and have never really looked at other men of other races “like that”. I have been asked out by men of other races though and I must admit, even in that it was nicer than any other experience I’d had at that point. I remember the first time I received flowers (from a man outside the family) was from a white guy that was a co-worker of mine. He sent them anonymously b/c he wanted to take me out. I was floored and flattered!! LOL

Gorilla O my other eastsider! I have been rejected by the object of affections before and I just chalked it up to his lost and kept it movin. And I put in work (IMHO) pursuing him! I was in college and I initiated everything. We ended up being great friends though..

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 12:36 PM | Link to this

@ Gorilla O…No darling i have not felt the wrath of being turned down from guy i pursued. Not to say it couldn’t happen, just hasn’t…

@ your comment i went through my phases of getting made and loudly calling them out of their name, to calling them out of their name under my breath, to realizing you just cant win them all and keeping it moving. please elaborate why the first two reactions are necessary? Is that an ‘OLD’ reaction when a female would turn u down?

By Staceye

August 7, 2007 12:37 PM | Link to this

Whew…I feel better now. No one was here! ANYWAYS…I am the type of woman that knows and goes for what I want. I have no problem speaking to a guy first. Now usually a guy will approach me…but a strong woman does not have to play the shy girl act to appease a man. Now aftre the intial contact is made..I leave the rest of it up to him. Some guys are just not good with breaking the ice. And since I have an outgoing personality…I guess I can help a brotha’ out. Now I know that guys love the thrill of the chase…so that is why I back off and let him chase me after all of the formalities are over. I know that if it’s too easy…they won’t appreciate it. make ‘em work girls! LOL. As far as Black Women and our views of a man’s strength…I kind of agree somewhat with what was said. But in our defense…if all you are used to is a guy treating you badly…its not that we think you are punks if you are nice. We are actually scared. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop. We feel your representative is the god guy we get in the beginning…and then the real you comes out after you get us to fall in love with you. So were are cautious. But there is that other percentage of BW that like that treatment. I for one am not. I judge a man’s strength based on his personality, his own mind…meaning he is not afraid what others will think of him if he is secure in his own manhood, and last not least I look at his ambition and drive. he nneds to be able to hold his own financially. I am not saying take care of me because I have been doing a great job of that. But I respect a man who may not be where he wants to be in his life as of yet but is seriously working at it and not settling for the hand he was dealt and NOT blaming the man or whoever else for his short comings.

By Demi

August 7, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this

Jake and G-o you both are on point

SJ, there is nothing to break down…I personally feel some black women will benefit from dating men of other races. It time for us to get out of that STUCK mentality of, I am black I will only date black whatever or I am white I will only date white any everything. (LOL)

NC my girl (now taking a long slip of blog henny straight), use to tell me all the time, my niceness (behind close doors) was a huge turn off to her. It took a good while for her to get use to me sending flowers to her job for no reasons at all, rose petal bubble bath with her favorite CD spinning, and keep her car maintained (I can break some ish, LOL). She was 40 and wasn’t use to a guy doing those things.

To most women of other races, those things are normal. I do love my sisters more than any other race, but it’s not wise to open the door for every black woman. She will cut you that “You PUNK a$$” look with a quickness, LOL

When I brought it up, my girl thought I was stupid…Now happening to see it first hand, she’s like DAYUM!!

By RC

August 7, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli - You are on point. A little reciprocity can go a long way. I’m not promoting t**-for-tat, but if a woman is interested, I shouldn’t be the only one doing the calling. I think it’s pretty simple.

By ut96

August 7, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this

I have no problem with a women asking me out. In fact, it’s kind of nice, especially when I’m not so good at reading signals,lol. However, I’m somewhat old fashioned so even if a women asks me out, I will insist on driving and paying for the date. Also, someone above mentioned holding the door open for their date and absolutely, I do this as a common courtesy and as a gentlemen should do for any women. Like I said, in some respects I’m old fashioned. I just can’t help it.

By For Real

August 7, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this

What up blog fam!!!

I have to agree with Demi and Jake you are on point with your assessment of Demi’s statement.

MrHughes I fall into the same boat as you do. I don’t pursue women. I don’t catch hints, body language or any other none verbal communication. If you want to get to know me say so and I will do the same.

I also think women are sending mixed signals. On one point and very loudly I might add, women are saying I am independent and just as capable as you are so, you better get with the new times or get left behind. Then I hear I prefer to be pursued. I prefer the man pay for dates. I prefer the man to plan the date and show creativity. I want the man to open doors for me. Hold my hand when we are walking down stairs. Some, Some women even want a man to take care of the household finances. So which is it? And please don’t say both.

By Obviously

August 7, 2007 12:46 PM | Link to this

Sorry Demi, But it’s hard treating a black woman, like I treat women of other races…You risk being seen as a PUNK…By the women you are suppose to praise and lift up!! That’s because black women want a whole man, not some little, deaf fraction of a man. That could have more to do with you being viewed as a punk than how you are treating them.

By Rocket

August 7, 2007 12:47 PM | Link to this

As a black male I found more white woman will speak to me just to be nice and they even flirt with me a little. When I speak to a black woman, just to say hi etc, they act like I’m hitting on them etc and will’nt part there lips to speak.

Why?

By SeanJohnson3000

August 7, 2007 12:48 PM | Link to this

@Sup Moeisha..& Page WCP…

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this

@flabredtxraised Do you think the chics that pursue a men that have openly shown them that he does not want her and these same women still pursue are DOING THEIR THANG or have does it become embarrassingly desperate?

…and yes, a woman that can balance the cacklin’/lonely gf’s AND her man is DOING HER THANG IMO.

By For Real

August 7, 2007 12:52 PM | Link to this

I hear you Staceye now come on over and get your schedule papsmear.

I also think more women need to feel the sting of rejection to help temper their responses to that dude taking a chance. But I have to admit, ain’t nothing funnier than a dude take that perp walk back to his boyz after he has been turned down.

By kimmie

August 7, 2007 12:55 PM | Link to this

Hi Jake - You asked about me yesterday, all is wonderful, having a great summer! Hope you are having a good one as well. As for what Demi wrote earlier, black men should not allow themselves to get caught up in a catch 22 when it comes to how they treat a lady. Treat everyone and every lady, regardless of race, with respect. Sounds simple, but can be done with little effort. Seems to me any woman that would view someone that treats her well as a punk would not be the type of woman you’d want to pursue anyway. She would probably be the one that likes a lot of drama, which would seem to not be very attractive, but to each his own. The basic premise to the “bad boy” phenom is that no one wants a boring, unimaginative, lifeless pushover doormat for a man. Unfortunately, nice guys have gotten thrown in that catagory, for whatever stupid reason. Any man that uses the tired excuse that they’ll be seen as a PUNK as a reason to mistreat women of whatever race is full of it. Why care what others think anyway - where did that ever get anybody?

On topic, I’ll give signals and flirt if I’m interested, but it’s sexy as hell for a man to pursue with vigor(just don’t cross into stalker territory)!

By Demi

August 7, 2007 12:56 PM | Link to this

He sent them anonymously b/c he wanted to take me out

Mo that dude what a stalker!!! LOL

SJ I am still a Miami boy, so I am use to dating anything pretty and fresh off the boats.

Demi is now getting beat down by the Cuban community

Hey Page

Who else is going to the Korn concert this weekend??

By Johnny Reb

August 7, 2007 1:01 PM | Link to this

If a nice looking lady, that takes care of herself would like to let me know she is interested. That would be cool, think I would like that. Race doesn’t matter. Just like I stated earlier, nice looking, takes care of herself, dresses nice and enjoys being a woman. Cool I game, let get started. You ladies may fee the same way, that is cool too. But I got a question for ya. How does a guy know if you want him to ask you out or not if you don’t say so?

By Tazzee

August 7, 2007 1:01 PM | Link to this

Afternoon folks!

On topic - if I am interested in a guy, I will let him know. If he doesn’t use that information to actively pursue me then I assume he is just not into me and keep it moving.

On the interracial dating - as I stated yesterday, I am just not attracted to other races. I don’t think that is a ‘stuck’ mentality no more than a man that won’t date a plus-sized woman. With that said - if I were attracted to someone of another race, I could see myself hanging out with them casually but I don’t see an intimate relationship.

By Gorilla O aka "Tha Code Cracka"

August 7, 2007 1:03 PM | Link to this

@ Cemeeli please elaborate why the first two reactions are necessary? Is that an ‘OLD’ reaction when a female would turn u down? of course. i was young then and didnt know how to handle rejection. as i got older and more mature i started learning how to deal with it. and now it just is what it is.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

August 7, 2007 1:04 PM | Link to this

For Real I used to be that woman you mentioned in your previous post, wearing my independence on my sleeve and being the pursuer!! LOL Then dad gave me the you-need-to-slow-yo-roll pep talk. I realized that while I had no problem with my actions, if I ever wanted a man I had to understand that wearing my ‘independence’ ran them off at times. I do want a man that handles his business but I want to compliment him and for him to compliment me. I dont mind paying for the date sometimes, I would prefer he hold a door open for me, etc. Balance is the key. So yes I do want both, have my independence and have a good man as well. I believe its possible to have both

By IslandGirl

August 7, 2007 1:08 PM | Link to this

Hey Blog Fam

I checked in earlier and saw there were issues…I’m glad it’s up and running.

@Gorilla O aka “Tha Code Cracka”…regarding your comment to Jim-Bob…I understand the point you were making, but it is still fine for a gentleman to open the door for his lady.

On Topic

I’m used to being pursed, but I’m not opposed to or afraid of pursing a guy that I’m attracted too. The fear of being rejected might be the biggest reason some women would not ask a guy out. A woman’s reluctance to ask a guy out may no longer be based on what the public thinks of her. I don’t mind holding on to traditional values, but some of those values may no longer fit into the scheme of our society (gentlemen opening car doors….I still like) :-)

Soap box confession:

As for generalizations…..when are we going to stop? I can’t understand why our race has such big issues supporting each other. Let me first say it is fine if you decide to date outside of your race. That is your prerogative. We are all responsible for our own happiness, but when folks start to say stuff like, “black women don’t know how to appreciate a good man”, “black women are too rebellious”, “black women are gold diggers”. It is just sad because we’re not all the same. The fiber of my character is not the same as my neighbor next do. JMO

By RC

August 7, 2007 1:09 PM | Link to this

@ Kimmie

I’ll admit that I’m oblivious to the “signals” that some women send. One woman’s smile might mean “I’m being cordial, so keep it moving,” whereas another’s might mean “I want you soooo bad. Come talk to me so we can wake up together.”

The hard part for many guys is trying to figure out which is which without approaching every single woman that smiles at you.

By SeanJohnson3000

August 7, 2007 1:10 PM | Link to this

@ Demi..i see your point and the point Jake made……i forgot about the demographics in dating…example…i have family on the west coast, nyc and in fla..and all of them date the spectrum..So being that i live in Atl..the paradise of women of color from all kinds of backgrounds and they come in assorted colors and flavors so i mainly see that view point….But i will say this…if you are naturally a good dude..sweet in nature ..to compromise who you are to make someone feel secure with being with you..its part of helping heal scares or baggage someone has..and it proves men are men and women are women..no matter the color….we are all products of expeiences and our environments that plays a part on how we react and respond to things and treatment…

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 1:15 PM | Link to this

@Gorilla O whew!!!…well it’s good to hear that from you. That’s one less dude that being STRAAAIGHT disrespectful to women.

BTW, why do guys hisss, psst, and shawty women? That is just a hot mess.

By flabredtxraised

August 7, 2007 1:16 PM | Link to this

@cemeeli, I said for the ones who know what they want and SOMETIMES GET IT they are still doing their thang, no one is always completely successful at whatever they want! The man she may want might be in a relationship, doesnt know what he wants or may take up her offer but why does she have to be desperate because she knows what she wants? We all know what kind of icecream we want, what kind of car we want, why not go out and pursue that, thats all im saying.

By kimmie

August 7, 2007 1:20 PM | Link to this

RC - I understand your confusion with the signals:)! I admit I confuse quite a few men. I’ve been told I have a tendency to look mean when I am just walking around with things on my mind, so I make an effort to look pleasant and smile. Some men take it the wrong way and think I’m flirting when all I am doing is being cordial. If we are just passing on the street it’s safe to say I’m being cordial. If I run into you all the time and try to make small talk, I might be INTERESTED!

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 1:21 PM | Link to this

@Island Girl - you made some good points in your post. I co-sign @ Everyone is entitled to date whom they want and should not be single out if they date outside of their race. But as for me and mine….the song ‘Brown Skin’ is my athem for a SO.

By Tazzee

August 7, 2007 1:23 PM | Link to this

Island Girl ^5 on your soapbox confession. Personally, I’m tired of defending the ‘all black women’ comments so I let it be. I had to let go of that burden just like I let go of trying to prove to some people of other ethnicities that all black people aren’t a certain way.

By Demi

August 7, 2007 1:24 PM | Link to this

That’s because black women want a whole man, not some little, deaf fraction of a man.

Obviously LOL dayum that was cold…black women tell me that all the time…tell me something I don’t know.

But, why are you ladies so hard on dudes who don’t have any of my problem, far as height and deafness goes…

By Grand Poo bah

August 7, 2007 1:25 PM | Link to this

I won’t date women of color because they are too da%n bossy. White women tend to appreciate the little things, holding a door, getting the check, etc. but black women expect that, and their attitude reflects that.
Every woman should be treated like a princess, and every woman should be treated like sht. Then from there they can figure out the proper balance and treat the men with the proper amount of respect. Do not read into that last statement I am *not saying men deserve to be treated with respect simply because they are men. They too must earn it. And I believe every man should be walked over and taken advantage of (before the divorce :-)) but I can’t say they should be treated like princesses, ever.

By Gorilla O aka "Tha Code Cracka"

August 7, 2007 1:27 PM | Link to this

@ IslandGirl but when folks start to say stuff like, “black women don’t know how to appreciate a good man”, “black women are too rebellious”, “black women are gold diggers”. It is just sad because we’re not all the same. The fiber of my character is not the same as my neighbor next do. JMO whats the difference when yall say there arent any REAL BLACK MEN left, and we’re all dogs and underachievers? there used to be a time when we would here that we wasnt ish from the other race. now thats all that comes out of black women’s mouths these days. its bad enough that we’re at the bottom of the totem pole, now we cant even get love from our ‘sistahs’.

By Chocolate Peach

August 7, 2007 1:32 PM | Link to this

What’s Poppin? Long time no read….

It’s funny the topic of discussion is just what me & the other half had on Sunday.

For me I have personally found that when women (I) pursue a man he automatically thinks you want to bone him from the jump. No!!!!! Yes, it’s a physical attraction but it’s deeper than that, atleast w/me it is.

I have also found things are a bit akward when pursuing the man. Sometimes “Pursuing” the man can make U feel as if you’re desperate & not confident. Needy & not friendly, senseless & not attractive.

I will flirt, I will smile & make small talk w/any nice man but I will not pursue.

PURSUE- plan a date, make the necessary phone calls & text mssgs as well as penciling (my word) in most of your appts.

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 1:33 PM | Link to this

@flabredtxraised @The man she may want might be in a relationship, doesnt know what he wants or may take up her offer but why does she have to be desperate because she knows what she wants? i don’t think pursuing this type of guy’s situation is so called a woman DOING HER THANG. And yes, in some cases this has been d-embarrassing. Just not my thang.

By By love

August 7, 2007 1:35 PM | Link to this

If you want a good man or woman learn to love God first then love yourself and feel complete as a woman or man..To many people go into relationship trying to find a man or woman to complete them..you must do the right thing finding jesus christ first then you will find you soul mate..sex, looks and education want get it if so why are there so many divorces the right fomula is prayer and jesus christ …Try christ jesus will send you someone nice ….

By flabredtxraised

August 7, 2007 1:35 PM | Link to this

To all the ladies when you meet a Real MAN! Just accept him for what he is stop over analyzing his every move just go with the flow and stop blabbing to your friends his every secret, thought or aspiration. You might be surprised at the final outcome (IF YOUR FRIEND DOESNT TAKE HIM CAUSE YOU GAVE HER ALL THE GOODS WITHOUT ANY OF THE WORK)!

To all the REAL MEN who constantly fight this neverending battle to find real love and happpiness! It’s a mans world but its pretty boring without someone of the opposite sex to share all of lifes adventures with,* SO MAN UP*!

IM out I hear the lunch bell! (stomach growlin grRRRRR!)

By Tazzee

August 7, 2007 1:38 PM | Link to this

Demi it depends on how you define as being hard on guys. I’ve had guys get upset because I expected them to do what they said they were going to do. Errr? That flat out amazes me. I talk to a guy on Tuesday - he wants to go out that weekend. I’m like cool my schedule is open, let me know when. He says I’ll call you. No call. After the fact, dude acts like nothing is wrong and wants to chat it up and I’m not having it. So I’m wrong to take you at your word???

Or how about this one - dude offers to mow my lawn. I tell him, thank you - but you don’t have to do that (trying not to take dude for granted). He says, no I’ll be over this weekend to mow the lawn. OK. He doesn’t come over that weekend - calls (after the fact) with an explanation and that he’ll be over during the week. By the following Saturday - I mow the lawn myself and I’m accused of not ‘letting a man be a man’.

Now, I can’t speak for the other women - but the main problem I have with men is doing what they say they are going to do when they say they are going to do it. And if they can’t - grant me the courtesy of an explanation.

Now the women that you men have placed on a pedestal - they do what they do because you guys allow them to do it.

By Page1908

August 7, 2007 1:38 PM | Link to this

UGHHHHHHHHHHH oh no! Not the “race issue topic” again! Here we go………

BTW, what is the purpose of the moderator on this blog again?

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 1:42 PM | Link to this

there is luv for the black man Gorilla-O Don’t get it wrong. Sistas still love them some black men all of us don’t think the same way according to the hype.

By C tha 1

August 7, 2007 1:45 PM | Link to this

@kimmie, you said I’ll give signals and flirt if I’m interested, but it’s sexy as hell for a man to pursue with vigor(just don’t cross into stalker territory)!

So what does pursue with vigor mean? Back in tha day I would describe my methods of pursuit in that manner, but I’m not as intense today. Most women give such mixed signals that it kills the pursuit for some men. No dude wants to be described as the Bug-a-boo, but intense pursuit sorta borders on that line.

As of now I follow this simple saying, A woman won’t let you pursue for long, unless she doesn’t want to get caught. It keeps things in perspective for me, and stops me from playing myself.

By Gorilla O aka "Tha Code Cracka"

August 7, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

@ Cemeeli BTW, why do guys hisss, psst, and shawty women? That is just a hot mess. thats something else that ive pretty much grown out of too (im still guilty from time to time), though i have had success with it. and it really depends on who im trying to get at. ive always dated older women, so if she was older i would change my approach, but if it appeared that we were around the same age, i would psst her to death. FYI, if you have the i wish a mf would approach me look on your face, most dudes are gonna hisss or psst, because thats from a distance. He doesnt have to worry about the embarrassing ‘plank walk’ back to his boys (hence For Real’s 12:52 comment). Whereas if you have a more approachable look on your face you would probably get approached in a better way because he feels like he actually has a chance so he’ll come with something better than what it do shawty.

By Poppa Grande

August 7, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon to all…

I hope that everyone had a a great sales tax holiday weekend..lol. Really I hope that all had a great weekend.

On topic: I see no problem in female pursuit. Sometimes, males need a little help in recognizing that you are interested. Many women give different signals that it will leave a guy a little confused.

Must agree with Gorilla….we good black men hear that we are extinct. It is a generalization just the same as saying all women are bossy, golddigger, etc. Its not encouraging when you turn on the radio on most songs about men are talking about the bad ones.

One of my favorite songs in this world..track #6 on Jill Scott’s Who Is Jill Scott. “He loves me…..” She is not afraid to let the world know that she has a man that treats her right. Its the goal that I have when dealing with my wife. I want her to have that same feeling.

By Tazzee

August 7, 2007 1:49 PM | Link to this

The thing is, you can’t expect all women to act the same because our experiences are different.

I think this article pretty much sums it up.

By IslandGirl

August 7, 2007 1:49 PM | Link to this

*Gorilla O aka “Tha Code Cracka” *..check the people you surround yourself with and the ladies you attract.

I have two brothers and I’ve never heard my brothers complain of these things. It is sooo sad. I don’t have problems loving black men…never have and never will. Like it is often said….respect is earned and not given. In the same light, I’ve never been disrespect by a black man.

By flabredtxraised

August 7, 2007 1:51 PM | Link to this

She is doing her thing because its her decision, NOT YOURS! Im not talking about YOU these are examples of WOMEN WHO CHOOSE TO PURSUE MEN! Whether she is successful or not is besides the point, where would you be if YOU DIDNT PURSUE THE CAREER YOU HAVE NOW? Its about choice, some people TALK while others DO maybe you have tried to pursue the wrong man, thats all im saying about YOU! When a man can be honest about the fact he isnt sure if he wants a serious relationship right now is a different story, in ATL he more than likely already has something on the side that doesnt want a serious relationship either. Why would he give that up to be in a serious relaionship with one person, once again thats their decision!

By Tazzee

August 7, 2007 1:52 PM | Link to this

Hey Page I only think the moderator steps in when the conversation is getting out of hand. Apparently this is an important issue for some because I think someone posts at least once a week why they don’t date black women, LOL.

By Tazzee

August 7, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this

Gorilla O please tell me when you’ve seen this posted “there arent any REAL BLACK MEN left, and we’re all dogs and underachievers?”

I’ll admit I don’t read every post, but I don’t recall women on here saying that.

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 2:02 PM | Link to this

@Gorilla O so your saying your approach depends on what type woman you are trying to pursue. Well why not treat them all with the same approach? Maybe the ones that are ‘use to’ being approached by what it do shawty would know what a guy should say. Myself i am always smiling so I get both ends of that spectrum when a guy is trying to approach me. BUt by the time i open my mouth and ask Mr. Shawty what it is a question it funny how the closing is …Miss Lady this and that.

@IslandGirl My brother is also a wealth of information when it comes those same issues. I am glad he is arund to keep me on point.

By Sunshine

August 7, 2007 2:03 PM | Link to this

Blog Men Some of you are giving your brothers bad advice!!! I personally expect and appreciate a man who opens doors for me (because it is the chivalrous thing to do). I look at a man like he’s a punk if he doesn’t open the door!

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 2:08 PM | Link to this

Hello Poppa Grande Cemeeli’s a Jill Scott fan as well.

By IslandGirl

August 7, 2007 2:09 PM | Link to this

Poppa Grande…I enjoyed reading your post. Keep giving that good loving to your wife.

I understand that our brothers are beaten down very often, but we have to start taking responsibilities for the issues that continue to plaque our society. In any case, it is great when love if found, valued and preserved. understand that our brothers are beaten down very often, but we have to start taking responsiblities for the issues that continue to plaque our soiciety. In any case, it is great when love if found,valued and preserved.

By SexyLeggs

August 7, 2007 2:15 PM | Link to this

@flabredtxraisedthe ending of your 1:35 post was right on the money. I don’t tell my friends much about my wonderful man…just the particulars but never anything about the fine print…LOL

By NCGirlfromATL

August 7, 2007 2:17 PM | Link to this

Not to barrel into the race topic (sorry Page) but I disagree w/ you Demi. I think it has less to do w/ what race you are, than, as SJ pointed out, what your experiences are. All Black women haven’t been treated badly throughout their lives by Black men. I think all women, just like all men have had bad experiences with dating and relationships. That’s what makes it harder for the next guy/girl. Not whether or not the previous one was Black or White or anything else. I dated White guys in college. The experience wasn’t any better or worse than the Black men I’ve dated since.

With age, comes wisdom, and the understanding that we should learn from our experiences, and move forward from there. It’s when we get stuck in our bitterness and regret that we make the next person pay for those experiences…hence, making you feel like a punk for doing something nice. I’ve been in your girl’s situation…a guy does something nice for me, and I’m surprised by it. But I promise, it wasn’t a turn-off! LOLOL!

By Ladylike

August 7, 2007 2:21 PM | Link to this

IslandGirl let me first say that I so appreciate your 1:08 post.

I would totally appreciate a man treating me like a lady and doing things for me. Why is it so difficult for men to be presistent in their pursuit of a good woman.

By aa

August 7, 2007 2:24 PM | Link to this

This is not a race discussions..Read the topic before you respond..

I think that it doesnt matter just dont be a stalker like like my boyfriends ex fling.. she was crazy as hell..

By Bre

August 7, 2007 2:28 PM | Link to this

Page1908I hope all is well, I miss the old days too..

OnTopicI’m up front and confident, I have no issue with approaching men at all. But that’s a rare moment in time, I’m old fashion I love men to take the first step. I’m not hung up on color, whomever speaks and says hello I give one back. I keep it pushing life is to short to get caught up on these little things of who did what first.

By Poppa Grande

August 7, 2007 2:31 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli and Island Girl…Thanx

I just love the self confidence of that song as well. She isn’t worried that another woman trying to take him from her. So she is proud to say that she is treated well.

To bring this back to the topic…that kind of confidence should make it no problem for a female to pursue a man. Now if he disrespects or isn’t receptive to that confidence, he isn’t the man for that woman.

By IslandGirl

August 7, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this

@NC…^5 on your post…that was well said. I can’t agree with you more.

By b.o.o.h.o.o.

August 7, 2007 2:39 PM | Link to this

I have had the experience of getting mixed signals from guys, and it is confusing,and after awhile makes me not want to do any pursuing. If a guy acts/seems interested, I try to give some encouraging behavior/words to keep it going and to take the pressure of of them. If I got any back, I might be willing to ask a guy out, etc. But generally the result of my response is a pull-back on their part, so what’s up? Don’t get it. Then the next time I see them it happens again…I think guys are the ones who like to play games, and they force women to.

By SexyLeggs

August 7, 2007 2:46 PM | Link to this

Poppa Grande I just love the self confidence of that song as well. She isn’t worried that another woman trying to take him from her. So she is proud to say that she is treated well. This is all well and good if it could more often work out like this. If you talk too much about how good your man is to you you tend to awaken the “survival of the fittest” (for lack of a better phrase) in most women. Let’s keep it real! My confidence is very high, yet I’m a realist!

By Demi

August 7, 2007 2:47 PM | Link to this

SJ I co-sign your 1:10 pm post.

IslandGirl I got nothing but love for my sistas!!! we can only do what best for ourselves

Tazzee I am speaking of the person character. You MUST be a man or woman of your words…that’s what defines you. I am speaking of the brothers who are about something and willing to work and earn your respect…Not bottom of the barrel cats.

NC *…making you feel like a punk for doing something nice * HELLZ YEAH!!! LOL

I think it has less to do w/ what race you are, than, as SJ pointed out, what your experiences are.

My experiences have taught me I really need to leave black women the ATLHelicopter along…But they are so dayum sassy, jazzy, smart’n’sexy, plus are available in all favors and colors.

*I just gotta wade the through all the nasty favors in order to get to my butter pecans, LOL

HEY BRE!!

Sunshine and Ladylike…I here by promise to let go of my Jerk chicken ways, LOL

Now off to get me some jerk chicken for real for real

By For Real

August 7, 2007 2:53 PM | Link to this

Tazzee Now the women that you men have placed on a pedestal - they do what they do because you guys allow them to do it. I might be wrong but didn’t you say that you are celibant? If so, then that is the man’s problem with keeping his word to. If that isn’t it call my office and setup appointment. lol..

Cemeeli Do you believe that men feel the same type of embarrassment you feel when pursuing a man? Also, the women folk on here keep saying they are different than the other ladies, so wouldn’t be logical for a man to have a different approach for each type of lady he meets?

Sunshine The blog men are not telling dudes not to open doors for ladies they are simiply saying it isn’t alway acknowledged or appreciated.

For Real now having a flash back of Harlem Nights hoping that this is the same Sunshine.

By IslandGirl

August 7, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this

Demi…hugs and kisses….let me know about that jerk chicken. :-)

By Bre

August 7, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this

Demi Greetings Sir, I hope your day is going well and lunch is tasty. Looking for butter pecan…hmmmmm.

Well said NC.

By Gorilla O aka "Tha Code Cracka"

August 7, 2007 3:01 PM | Link to this

@ IslandGirl check the people you surround yourself with and the ladies you attract.* like ive posted in other blogs, although im still considered young, ive dated a lot of ‘different’ women. from young to old, slim to thick, black to another race. and out of all the dating ive done, ive only met 3 that actually turned out to be my SO. and as far as the people i surround myself around, i have different friends too, who attract different types of women. i have the one set of friends who are still in the street doing what they do, of course i meet more ‘ghetto’ females while im kicking it with them. the other set consists of older successful cats that have everything going for themselves. and while im kicking it with them i meet the more ‘professional’, corporate female. same outcome!

@ Tazzee, i was just reading between the lines of what yall do say on here.

@ Cemeeli so your saying your approach depends on what type woman you are trying to pursue. of course. some of the things that i would say to a corporate woman, a ghetto female probably couldnt relate to. so i adjust my approach and my initial conversation to the type of female im dealing with.

@ Sunshine I personally expect and appreciate a man who opens doors for me (because it is the chivalrous thing to do). I look at a man like he’s a punk if he doesn’t open the door! i dont mind opening doors. if we’re about to walk in a restaurant, the mall, etc i will do it no problem. but i think opening car doors is old fashioned! if its a special occasion, or just one of those nights, then ill do it. but dont expect it everytime…hell it should be a surprise the times that i do do it.

@ Ladylike I would totally appreciate a man treating me like a lady and doing things for me. Why is it so difficult for men to be presistent in their pursuit of a good woman. its nothing wrong with being ‘presistent’ but at what point do all of the games stop. if im diggin you and you have the same feelings for me then why continue to make me chase you. sounds like some sort of complex. and as we were discussing earlier, why is it so difficult for women to even take the initiative to pursue a good man…and how do you know he’s a good man off top, you dont! thats why you take that chance. but you’ll never know if you just sit there and wait for every man to approach you.

By Poppa Grande

August 7, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

Sexy Leggs.. I know what you are saying… As Chris Rock says: A guy will say that he wants a girl like his friends.

A girl will say that she wants her friend’s man.

Its not true in every case for every woman, but that seems to be the prevailing thought.

That is why I love that song also. She doesn’t seem insecure in letting the world know how her man makes her feel.

It sounds refreshing, and better than hearing the There’s a Stranger in My House (Tamia) or asking a man to pay her Bills, bills, Bills (Destiny’s Child) or even a guy asking a girl to *Pop, Lock and Drop It” all of the time. Radio is filled with so many examples of men and women disrespecting each other that it almost makes it sound like the thing to do.

By Staceye

August 7, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

Grand Poo bah let me ask you a question….are you secure in your manhood? Well the reason some Black women may come off as bossy and with attitude is because of the assumption of both roles in the household. When sorry azz men run out on their families…or leave a trail of baby mamas to raise sons they leave a void in that home. The mom then has to be strong enough to assume the role of Mom & dad. She has to become so independent and depend on nobody but God that she no longer knows how to be anything other than what she is. If you are a female being raised by one of thse strong women…you too will be a product of your enviroment. If I am head of my family for years…and then I meet a man…why am I supposed to become this meek woman? I wasn’t that way before. So why start now? I do not feel a woman should be ashamed of her strength or her success. That’s like if I got a great career, bangin’ house and a benz…I should be ashamed of what I worked so hard to get all on my own. NOPE! That just means a man needs to step up his game and not think I should bring mine down to stroke his need to be needed ego! We are not bossy…we just won’t stand for the BS that some men bring. We do not have attitudes…we are simply letting you know that you can’t run over us and we will NOT tolerate disrespect…nor will we stroke your ego or kiss your azz! Man UP!

By Tazzee

August 7, 2007 3:06 PM | Link to this

Demi - these are guys that have good jobs, etc - and appear to be men of character. But when I tell another man why I stopped dealing with them, I hear “Tazz, you’re just too hard on the brothers” simply because I expected them to follow through. Or if I expect a man to pay his bills on time. Even if I’m willing to forgo a night out so he can pay his electric bill on time. “Tazz, you’re just too hard on the brothers” Furthermore - if my experiences are attributed to me dealing with ‘bottom of the barrel cats’ - then why can’t your frustrations with the sisters be attributed to you dealing with ‘bottom of the barrel chicks?’

For Real - LOL, so what you’re saying is, if I give the guy a dip in my honey pot, he’ll be a man of his word?

By Page1908

August 7, 2007 3:07 PM | Link to this

Hey Bre! Good to read you…I miss the old days! Those days were the bomb blog days sigh…

LOL NC girl, you know the race topic always seems to come up one way or another. It’s cool, though…lol

Tazzee Ok, I thought the moderator was supposed to also contribute to the convo as well, but oh well…lol

By Cemeeli

August 7, 2007 3:11 PM | Link to this

For real My post about women being embarassed was based on a statment that i made earlier. Like when there are some that try desperate tactics…icldng still trying to get with dude when he has said NOOO in so many ways.

I have not felt the embarrassment of being let down from tryin to pursue a guy. So to answer, i dunno if men feel same.

Logically it would be just fine for a guy to have a different approach for different type women. But I think a respectful approach is appropriate for all women.

By SeanJohnson3000

August 7, 2007 3:12 PM | Link to this

@ Staceye…if i am not mistaken…u are childless..so if a man didnt run out on you/ or u ran one away….u are not entitled make references like u made in last your post..imma have to strike this testimony from the record…

By Tazzee

August 7, 2007 3:12 PM | Link to this

Gorilla Oh, so I get it - you are reading what you want to read. See, I think the hype has you to believe that’s what we’re saying. Just like that hype that has you men thinking we’re sitting around saying ‘woe is me, I don’t have a man…’

By Page1908

August 7, 2007 3:13 PM | Link to this

LOL Oh my goodness Staceye! Dang! Whoaaaa, this topic is something else!

LOL I wish Runnin or Musing would blog today…lol making sad face

By ut96

August 7, 2007 3:14 PM | Link to this

Ladylike, I read your post above about guys being persistent in their pursuit of females. How persistent are we supposed to be? I mean, I will take the initiative to ask a girl out but If I do I expect a simple answer to a very simple question. Yes means yes, No means no, and maybe means no. If I get a no or a maybe the pursuit ends.

By Tazzee

August 7, 2007 3:18 PM | Link to this

Page - I got you, I thought you were wanting someone to get us back on topic. Yeah - we haven’t had a lot of moderator input in a while.

By Page1908

August 7, 2007 3:19 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Maybe means NO! LMFAO…that’s true sometimes.

By IslandGirl

August 7, 2007 3:22 PM | Link to this

*Gorilla O aka “Tha Code Cracka” *..well then check yourself. The wise Forest Gump said, “Life is like a box of chocolate….you just don’t know what you will get”. If all the piece taste the same…could it possibility be your taste buds….jmo

By NCGirlfromATL

August 7, 2007 3:24 PM | Link to this

Daaaaaaaaaang!! Page pulled out ole Runnin’!!! LOLOL!! Longing for the golden olden days, huh? You know Musing’s off getting (well, has gotten) married? This is honeymoon week, I imagine.

Gracias! Demi, Bre & Island (wassup, giiiiirl?!)

By Ladylike

August 7, 2007 3:26 PM | Link to this

@Ut96 This point was made in response to the generalizations; most women who do have past hurts and bad experiences don’t go out with a guy on his first invite. This is unfortunate but it’s true. A man who is persistent just try’s again, it doesn’t just happen in the movies. Now you may not do this, but I would never generalize and say all men don’t.

By SexyLeggs

August 7, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this

Staceye just coming back from NYC is all I pictured while reading your post. Girl, I understand everything you’re saying yet I sense some baggage from yesteryear. No doubt your a strong NYer and a strong black woman. Keep your chin up! You said a mouth full guuurrrllll.

By Page1908

August 7, 2007 3:29 PM | Link to this

LOL NC girl, you know I did say Runnin! LMAO! And all the other old blogheads…lol. Yeah I remembered Musing was on his honeymoon, so I am sure he will be back in full effect soon…lol

By Demi

August 7, 2007 3:29 PM | Link to this

Tazzee you win babe, to show no hard feelings…I will give you a candle light bubble bath with your favorite flowers floating on the surface and of course your favorite cd will be spinning…LOL

DAYUM I MISS HER!!!

LOL…boohoohoo…LOL

By Mikel

August 7, 2007 3:30 PM | Link to this

The power of love is greater than the hate of society. For all of those that are true to the love that you feel in your heart regardless of the opinions of others, I commend you and wish you great happiness.

By Staceye

August 7, 2007 3:31 PM | Link to this

SeanJohnson3000 if yu read in full..I also said if you were raised byone fo these women….testimony can not be striken.

By Mikel

August 7, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

The power of love is greater than the hate of society. For all of those that are true to the love that you feel in your heart regardless of the opinions of others, I commend you and wish you great happiness

By Ladylike

August 7, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

Dang, not RunninAtl, you guys reach waaaaay back for him. LOL

By Hotlanta

August 7, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

A nice big fat check will make me get all ova a man real quick. Why folks always talking about the good ole days when folks didn’t have toliets or toliet paper, electricity or none of that stuff. I am happy for the good NEW days. We got to be head of the household with all of the men laying on their backs.

By Alvin

August 7, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this

Obviously that was F/K up ‘oe…

By Missing everyone

August 7, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this

Where are all the others regulars at….i miss reading thier stuff, i saw the mess on yesterday.

SLIM,TRUTH,GAMAN, did they all leave?

By Staceye

August 7, 2007 3:36 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs thank you gurrrl! I see you feel me. How was NY? Did you burn up and your hair looks like crap from the humidity? Is your tongue red from the shaved ice from the buggy? Did you run through the hydrant with a can spouting the water 10 feet in the air? Ahhh…I was just home last month. It’s good to go home…but great to leave! LOL

By For Real

August 7, 2007 3:38 PM | Link to this

Staceye

What two roles are you talking about? So, just bc you have to take responsibility for your choices that gives you the right to be bossy?

You can’t be a dad. You can only be a mom. Beside it was your choice to have kids and it was your choice to have kids with that man that has baby momma. So don’t complain about the decision you made.

What is she? An adult that is suppose to take care of her responsibilities.

Who said that you have to become meek? I am sure that man has been the head of his household so why would he become meek just bc a woman is in his life?

I agree you should not be ashamed of any of your sucess but if a man has all of those things and if very proud of himself and will not settle for a women that doesn’t have the same, how would you respond to him telling you he will not step his game down for you nor kiss your azz? Be honest.

By Page1908

August 7, 2007 3:38 PM | Link to this

LOL Ladylike girl, you know Runnin is ole school.

By QC

August 7, 2007 3:39 PM | Link to this

What’s up Demi

By Tazzee

August 7, 2007 3:41 PM | Link to this

Demi Thanks sweetie ;-) Seriously, I’m not trying to battle, just showing how things appear to be so different based on our filters.

By Demi

August 7, 2007 3:42 PM | Link to this

QC hey pretty girl

By DuShawn

August 7, 2007 3:46 PM | Link to this

I have always been flattered when pursued by a woman. I respected her courage. However, in the back of my mind, I knew it would be relatively easy for me to put those thighs in a pretzel. Half the work had already been done. I would’ve been pleasantly surprised if after they initiated our interaction they played hard to get (that’s a free scoop of game for the ladies). However, from my personal experiences, when women pursued me, the courtship was brief. Regarding dating other ethnicities, in the words of one of our modern day poets “I like them brown, yellow, Puerto Rican or Haitian.” I’m a Miami Boy also. Down there, we taste the rainbow. But I have never felt comfortable dating a Caucasoid. I found myself taking them places where I would not be seen. For some strange reason I felt embarrassed. That’s just a personal hang up I guess.

By IslandGirl

August 7, 2007 3:50 PM | Link to this

NC…girl..I’m enjoying today’s conversations…I know we got off topic, but it’s all good. At least we’re not at each others throats like the other day…:-)

By SexyLeggs

August 7, 2007 3:52 PM | Link to this

Staceye yes, it’s good to go home but better to leave. I had an OK time. My family basically ignored me so I went to Manhattan, SoHo by myself. I had a ball…Girl that dirty dog, pizza, Mr. Softee and White Castle were absolutely DELICIOUS.

By For Real

August 7, 2007 3:53 PM | Link to this

Tazzee Yep!!! H3ll let me dip your honey pot and I will force him to keep his word.

Ahhhh man Tazzee that was unreal girl. You did your thang. I’ll be right back.

For Real: now kicking in dude door at 3am. Get yo azz up and go mow Tazzee’s yard.

Dude: Who the h3ll are you?

For Real: You can call me Honey Pot.

By SeanJohnson3000

August 7, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

@ Staceye..i am guilty of not reading your entire post….once i read where it was going and i remembered u are childless…so didnt have to..no saying your momz was not a hellava woman..but relationships are a two ways street…NEVER have i heard a single mother say or will admit..she ran the man off…do you not think that happens in some cases..not saying it happen in your mothers case…but YOU should have a clean slate when it comes to men..in that respect u are carrying someone else baggage as your own..when u dont even had to…..i just read your entire post..smh..u will/could be broken down easily

By Gorilla O aka "Tha Code Cracka"

August 7, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

Staceye i get so tired of hearing about how a man leaving a woman with kids is the reason women are like they are. that single mother bit is getting old! if you’re by yourself you can be bitter all you want, but when you get in a relationship, you cant continue to use that as an excuse for your attitude. if that was the case, us black men would have the most fugged up attitude for what we have to deal with on a day to day! like yall tell us, MAN UP! my dad was there, but he did have to go away for a couple of years, but when he did my moms held down the fort…with 4 kids. and although she was stressed as hell, it never changed who she was as a person. she just did what she had to do, simple as that. and furthermore, if you wouldve read the signs from him off top (no job, love the streets more than he love his momma, disrespecting you), instead of thinking you can change him, you wouldve known that he probably wasnt the right one to get pregnant by!

Tazzee, im only taking it how its given to me. just last week the thing was women not being able to find a man because a REAL MAN wouldnt step up. if yall would stop knocking us down when we do step up and stop thinking that just because we are men we should be able to just roll with the punches and keep coming back in hopes of finally thawing yall out, yall would be ok!

By Demi

August 7, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

Tazzee I often forget how different each of our experience is and how we each over came…something, but I don’t know what…LOL

In an attempt to over come his deafness, Demi remove hearing aid…

Boss lady is now beating Demi with uplifting shoes, for not being able to hear her rant and rave

By IslandGirl

August 7, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

Hey DuShawn..good post. Some solid notes for the women.

By Staceye

August 7, 2007 4:01 PM | Link to this

For Real it takes two to have kids. A woman does not lie down alone and get up pregnant. There have been plenty of times where a married couple decides have a kid and the so called man getss up and leave. Then it is the responsibility of the mom to be both.

I am not asking that a man becomes meek but it seems that is expected of a woman once she gets with a man. They are equals…but some men fail to see that. They are stuck in that man is the head of all mentality. I feel if we are both working and paying the bills and doing stuff together..then he should not expect me to back down to his decision. I for one have never been, or will ever be the backing down type. I will fight you tooth and nail to let you know that you can not run over me or dismiss my opinions.

Also I do agree a man should look for his equal. He can tell a woman to step up her game as well. I don’t believe in double standards. If I was a financially stable man I would not get with a girl who has kids that she can barley feed and depending on a check from the state to do that as she looks for her next baby daddy with promise of the fat stack to take care of her.

By Poppa Grande

August 7, 2007 4:02 PM | Link to this

Staceye…just a quick note:

There is a story in ajc.com’s business section about H&M coming to Atlantic Station in the Spring.

I am actually a native of Atlanta (one of the few and far between it seems). I just happen to like NYC to visit. My wife is from upstate New York. So she likes to visit NYC to shop from time to time. (Its cheaper to find a flight there than to other parts of New York.)

As far as interracial dating in the South, you gotta keep in mind that due to Jim Crow, interracial dating was illegal until sometime during the ’60s (depending on when you neighborhood decided acted right). That’s not but 40 years or so. Remember Emmett Till got killed for whistling at a white lady. So, its probably gonna take some time for that open-mindedness to come about totally. 40 years in no longer than 2 generations for some families.

By Awwwwwwwww...Dayum

August 7, 2007 4:03 PM | Link to this

Awwwwwwwww…Dayum Du!! You rank them Caucasoids right along with them Buttaheads, huh?

Mayne he’s cold

Hey QC…

By Grand Poo bah

August 7, 2007 4:04 PM | Link to this

Staceye, I am plenty secure in my manhood. I for one have not left a trail of babies all over for others to take care of and raise. If that is your reason for having attitude, that’s fine. I admire women who raise a family alone without financial and emotional support of the father. Still though, I will not pay for someone else’s sins. I am not looking for someone I can run over, I am looking for an equal. And if I meet a woman who expects me to do do do for them because I am the man, well she is not worth my effort. I will do for her because I want to, not as a condition of being in a relationship with her.

By Missing everyone

August 7, 2007 4:04 PM | Link to this

ok sooooo noone saw my question, i am new here. where is everyone else?

By Missing everyone

August 7, 2007 4:05 PM | Link to this

or do i have to be a regular blogger to get a responce

By QC

August 7, 2007 4:09 PM | Link to this

Where is Slim, Sexi, MsU? Do i need to read yesterday’s post?…hey Mo

For Real you always give me a good laugh before i leave work, thanks!

By Ladylike

August 7, 2007 4:10 PM | Link to this

Demi hahahaha, LOL, man you so crazy, put that hearing aid back in. hahaha

DuShawn good points, I’m gonna have to remember that when I invite a guy to lunch or brunch.

By Tazzee

August 7, 2007 4:10 PM | Link to this

Gorilla OK - I’ll concede, like I said I don’t read all the posts so I don’t recall anyone saying a real man won’t step up. It’s probably my filter because that is not how I, or any of the women I deal with on a regular basis talk. Now we do talk about men keeping their word but that’s about it. But then again - because I believe a man is only as good as his word…

By QC

August 7, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this

Welcome Missing everyone Not sure where “everyone” is…sorry :(

By QC

August 7, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this

Welcome Missing everyone Not sure where “everyone” is…sorry :(

By Grand Poo bah

August 7, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

I remain secure in my manhood, and now must say after reading that Staceye does not even have children that you are one angry and bitter person. Not all men need to MAN UP as you so eloquently put it. Perhaps you need to WOMAN UP and start treating people with a little respect and not like trash because you have unresolved daddy issues. IF you have a great job and insurance, I encourage you to take you azz to counseling and leave the great men of the ATL the he!! alone.
Good day!

By IslandGirl

August 7, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

SJ…..let me be the first to make that admission. I am a single mother who ran my child’s father off….being young and naive and having a baby is not the best formula for a successful relationship. At the end, I decided to leave him, although he didn’t want the relationship to end.

Some may say that was a selfish decision, but I say….my sanity is more important. Hense, we are great friends and parents today.

By Ladylike

August 7, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

Okay Missing Everyone since you are new here Welcome to the Misadventures in Atlanta, a Dating Blog, we are glad to have you, please don’t and come again tomorrow.

By Missing 'Missing Everyone'

August 7, 2007 4:16 PM | Link to this

@ MISSING EVERYONE, while u r waitin on a reponse go jump on i285north going southbound and by the time you make a complete circle we’ll have an answer for you.

By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"

August 7, 2007 4:17 PM | Link to this

Hello how is everyone’s day going?

Man, a brothu just left court and I am tirrrred

By Demi

August 7, 2007 4:19 PM | Link to this

I will do for her because I want to, not as a condition of being in a relationship with her.

Grand Poo bah yep!!

SeanJohnson rules are the still the same, the stronger you are the harder you fall…Men and women forget that.

By Missing everyone

August 7, 2007 4:19 PM | Link to this

??? ladylike what d you mean?

By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"

August 7, 2007 4:21 PM | Link to this

Wow, too much to read, but i wouldn’t mind a female asking me out..it does show some form of courage……..plus it is a turn on

By NCGirlfromATL

August 7, 2007 4:21 PM | Link to this

Regarding dating other ethnicities, in the words of one of our modern day poets “I like them brown, yellow, Puerto Rican or Haitian.”

NC muttering: Dayum…now I can’t get that lyric out of head either. If it ain’t Rihanna and the blasted “ella ella ella” or Beyonce and “getting bodied” it’s DuShawn and a lyric I’ve heard a thousand times, but now can’t put into context…aaaaaaarggg!! *turning on the country station just to cleanse my brain for a minute…(static)…Nooooooo!!! “Beauuuuuuuuuuutiful giiiiiirls” (hate that song!) LOL!

Back to what you were saying, DuShawn…so, if a woman had pursued you, it would have been a pleasant surprise for her to play hard to get? Is that about flippin’ the script a bit? She was chasing you, now you’re chasing her?

By b.o.o.h.o.o.

August 7, 2007 4:22 PM | Link to this

I hear you, Stacye. I’ve been a single mom for awhile…my kids’ dads do see them and one did pay child support as required. However, I had a male friend say I am “intimidating” because I can “do it all”. When I asked (in all seriousness because I want to know a man’s perspective) “what am I supposed to do, act all needy to get a man while my kids and I go to the poorhouse?” he didn’t want to get into it. so we’re d’d if we do, d’d if we don’t…

By Gorilla O aka "Tha Code Cracka"

August 7, 2007 4:23 PM | Link to this

CHECKMATE for Grand Poo bah’s 4:13 post!!!

By IslandGirl

August 7, 2007 4:23 PM | Link to this

QC….it got a little ugly yesterday…over the meet/greet affair. I hate bringing it up so go read yesterday’s blog.

By Staceye

August 7, 2007 4:24 PM | Link to this

Grand Poo Bah I am woman enough…in fact too much woman for a lot of these weak azz dudes who call themselves men. Great men of ATL….now that’s a laugh! No I am not bitter… If I am angry then it comes from the boys who disguise themselves as men…play games with your heart and then keep it moving like it’s nothing. I do not need counseling for your info!

By Ladylike

August 7, 2007 4:26 PM | Link to this

I meant: Okay Missing Everyone since you are new here Welcome to the Misadventures in Atlanta, a Dating Blog, we are glad to have you, please don’t feel left out and come again tomorrow. That’s what I meant, it is often said we are not welcoming here, and this is a blog welcoming everyone.

By Angie

August 7, 2007 4:28 PM | Link to this

I would love for a eligible man to approach me and tell me what is on his mind. I’m to shy to approach. I try to, but I’m scared of rejection. ;)

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

August 7, 2007 4:53 PM | Link to this

Staceye Be angry, trust you have a right if you have been hurt. But dont make the next man pay for the jacked up actions of the previous man. Easier said than done, yes, but possible. play games with your heart and then keep it moving like it’s nothing….girl dont let’em see you sweat. He will get his, in the meantime you are mad, worrying about him movin on and he is chillin. Now I am not saying become void of emotion. What I am saying is, if he left you, its his loss. So dont treat it as anything else. We all get hurt, cry and everything, we are human. But at some point you have to move on. I have been hurt before too but I refuse to stop living (or loving) b/c I know that there is a man out there for me. you love learn and move on..

Whaddup GAMan & DuShawn

By Demi

August 7, 2007 4:55 PM | Link to this

b.o.o.h.o.o. just do you…This is the way I look at: it takes a special person to come into your life and be able to handle your situation…

I am bout to gain custody of Li’Demi, a child who isn’t even mines…yes I know it’s stupid, I don’t want him to grow up in the state…So you know I am catching hell, LOL

I can handle it…not on my own of course…but with God’s help I can do it.

By DuShawn

August 7, 2007 4:57 PM | Link to this

Staceye “I am not asking that a man becomes meek but it seems that is expected of a woman once she gets with a man.” I disagree; most strong men seek out strong women. They need aCoretta Scott if they’re gonna be King. Real men want a woman that could lead the family if need be. However, men do not want females that are overbearing and lack humility. Granted, cultural changes and economic necessities have blurred the traditional gender roles, but women with wisdom know how to reinstate those roles in their relationships without diminishing themselves. On another note, Atlanta is the only city where I have seen so many fine sistas cutting their own lawn. What is up with that? I have also never seen people so concerned with choosing or dismissing potential mates based on financial and educational accomplishments. I guess that explains why this city has so many monetarily successful couples, nice communities with manicured lawns and single women. NCGirl ”Is that about flippin’ the script a bit? She was chasing you, now you’re chasing her? Exactly, That would’ve made her different from the others in my eyes. Initially, I would’ve thought she’s just another chick jocking my swagger, I’ll knock her off when I have time. But if I tried and was denied, it would peaked my interest and raised her stock. Unfortuantely (or fortunately ) that rarely happened.

By GA.Man AKA "Mr. Entertainment"

August 7, 2007 4:59 PM | Link to this

How you doing Mo? QC? Staceye? all the pretty ladies

By Demi

August 7, 2007 5:00 PM | Link to this

Mo go head girl and keep Staceye focus on the positive!!! LOL

By The Truth

August 7, 2007 5:01 PM | Link to this

Good afternoon bloggers. Glad to see that y’all fight daily wether I’m here or not. LOL

On topic. Fellas, let a chick choose you. At the very least it should be a mutual choice. If you choose her and she’s not game you’ll be deep in your wallet before you know it. Once you start chasing her you’ll be doing it your whole time together. If she chooses you and she’s acceptable you will enjoy the process so much more. Let nature take its course. All booty ain’t good booty. LOL

Its 100+ outside but hotter than that in here. LMAO

By b.o.o.h.o.o.

August 9, 2007 2:58 PM | Link to this

thanks Demi, I agree. getting back to this two days later, but I want you to know that YOU ARE AN ANGEL and a saint to take care of a child who “isn’t even yours”. There is nothing sadder than a child without love, and it doesn’t matter who gives it to them, they need it. so, for myself and the world, THANK YOU for stepping up.