AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > June > 29 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USOne last problem to solve
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I can’t believe this is my last entry ever on this blog! I have really enjoyed talking to each and every one of you over the past year and a half. But I know I leave the blog in good hands with Wise Diva and Bella, and I am sure that all of you will keep on keepin’ on.
So for today’s entry, I tried really hard to think of a big issue, one that is one of my No. 1 concerns when it comes to dating. Hopefully y’all can leave me with some good advice as I go on my way.
As I know many of us do, I tend to fall for people who aren’t exactly what I had in mind. And once I fall, I fall hard. Now while I think that there is some definite value in keeping your expectations and your options open, sometimes, we have standards for a reason.
I know, intellectually, for example, that I don’t really want to date a guy who isn’t pursuing a career, or one who doesn’t make enough time for me, or who drinks too much or does drugs. But sometimes, our hearts take precedence over our heads, and even though I know that rationally “hey, this may not be the guy for me,” I can’t help but feeling strongly.
It’s this problem that has gotten me embroiled in several relationships that left me really hurt, and this problem also that has left me very entwined with exes who I know are bad news but whom I emotionally can’t resist.
So do you put your heart or your head first when it comes to dating? And what happens when they disagree? Should I end up with Mr. Big because my heart says that there’s something special there, even though my head says he should treat me better, for example?
How can you learn to ignore your rational side and go with your gut, or ignore what your heart is telling you and listen to the reasonable pros and cons in your mind?
Which is more important when it comes to love, your emotions or your reason? What experiences have you had that tell you the truth of this?
Maybe if you guys can solve this one for me, I’ll finally be able to bring my love life to where it ought to be.
Permalink | Comments (225) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Comments
By GA.man AKA "Mr. Entertainment
June 29, 2007 8:10 AM | Link to this
Good Morning hugs and winks to the WLB Head nods to the all powerful MLB
Need coffee…”Slim….Slim…dang girl where did you put my coffee mug?”
By SlimDaComfortableOne
June 29, 2007 8:11 AM | Link to this
Laney Best wishes to you and I’m sure the whole of Blogville will miss you.
Happy Friday! This is the last day of my Vacation Countdown
By Sexione
June 29, 2007 8:15 AM | Link to this
TGIF!!!!!!!!!!
Mimosas to the ever lovely WLB, full body hugs to the MLB
Laney As you get older (and wiser), you’ll learn to seperate the two (head and heart) and date more like a man. I always say “be true to self, know what you like and want, and don’t settle for less!!”, and you will be fine. Life lesson #100…….it is better to have loved and lost than to live with a fool for the rest of your life!
By T-Mango
June 29, 2007 8:19 AM | Link to this
…T-Mango arrives to blog breakfast singing “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” from the movie Cooley High…
Hair flip to the WLB and a pectoral stroke to the MLB-Happy Friday!
On the topic…go with your gut. I’ll elaborate in a few.
By SlimOne
June 29, 2007 8:27 AM | Link to this
GA.man My bad buddy. I had to use your mug for my shot of red bull. I’m done so it’s all yours. I might need it again later so don’t go MIA on me.
By Biff
June 29, 2007 8:30 AM | Link to this
Laney I think you have described the mindset of the typical American young female-snakes in her head.
Its sad but chicks have been reduced to this due to the so-called sexual revolution. When the men were running things women were considered to have special value to be cherished and protected. Now with the imprint of feminism they are considered attractive things to use. They realize this on some level and are unable to find their path.
Perhaps it would be best to reject feminism and go back to traditional values.
By GA.man AKA "Mr. Entertainment
June 29, 2007 8:37 AM | Link to this
GaMan now washing out coffee mug….thinking to himself…..sssssshhheeesshhh Laney leaving…now *RedBull in my mug….
*Laney you will be missed…but I agree…just look at it like a guy..if we want to we will…if not then *Kick rocks….enjoy whatever Your gonna do…party like a rock star, but always,always remember where you parked your car….(That means dont get toooo drunk k) take care and pop in from time to time……Welcome Bella
By Jake
June 29, 2007 8:55 AM | Link to this
What up Peeps:
Don’t miss the profound statement that Biff just made, he is dead on with this one. Its not an absolute, but its on point.
Its sad but chicks have been reduced to this due to the so-called sexual revolution. When the men were running things women were considered to have special value to be cherished and protected. Now with the imprint of feminism they are considered attractive things to use.
I’d like to hear the ladies thoughts on this.
By MusingLee
June 29, 2007 9:05 AM | Link to this
Morn’in All,
Laney even though you may not remember any of us in 2-3 years, good luck with all you do…If you don’t remember anything else, just do what makes you happy.
Musing now removes his Dr. Phil suit and fake bald head
By Sexione
June 29, 2007 9:07 AM | Link to this
Okay, initially I skipped that comment, but had to go back to read it………
When men were running things, women were (just as today) being used, abused, misled, raped, demoralized and degraded. Yes, I do think it has gotten worse (but what hasn’t in this world), but now you want to say it is because of feminism? So basically, it is our fault that men try to treat us like dirt? While I do agree that some things we as women do and say (mainly allowing these trifling beings to behave this way) have enabled this type of behavior, we are not fully to blame……..it takes two!
Sexi now dropping mike to the floor and sashays her plump azz off da stage…
By SlimOne
June 29, 2007 9:10 AM | Link to this
Jake/Biff they are considered attractive things to use WoW! That’s a very profound statement. From all of our previous discussions on marriage and the male viewpoint, it seems to be a running theme of a women having enough special value to make him want that type of committment. It similar to our world of techology and toys. When something first comes out, there is a real highten sense of intrigue and interest. But don’t fret my pet, something else better, faster, more astethically(sp) pleasing will be made to replace what you once thought was great. So now we are in the cycle of always wanting to upgrade, upgrade, upgrade. There are only a few that still like to hold onto the old model out of comfort and familiarity. Then you have those that like both the old and new. Sort of like the old floor model tv with the smaller better version on top of it.
Dayum, Slim now wondering what model/category she falls into….dial-up or dsl
By SlimOne
June 29, 2007 9:10 AM | Link to this
Jake/Biff they are considered attractive things to use WoW! That’s a very profound statement. From all of our previous discussions on marriage and the male viewpoint, it seems to be a running theme of a women having enough special value to make him want that type of committment. It similar to our world of techology and toys. When something first comes out, there is a real highten sense of intrigue and interest. But don’t fret my pet, something else better, faster, more astethically(sp) pleasing will be made to replace what you once thought was great. So now we are in the cycle of always wanting to upgrade, upgrade, upgrade. There are only a few that still like to hold onto the old model out of comfort and familiarity. Then you have those that like both the old and new. Sort of like the old floor model tv with the smaller better version on top of it.
Dayum, Slim now wondering what model/category she falls into….dial-up or dsl
By MusingLee
June 29, 2007 9:10 AM | Link to this
Handing Biff a pointy stick and open faced riot helmet…while giving Jake a blog hot cup of coffee.
Now defend yourselves against the pms’ing WLB’s you’ve upset.
By Sexione
June 29, 2007 9:14 AM | Link to this
Okay, just in case the blog ate the first post, I’ll try again…….
I think it’s quite the opposite Biff. When men were running things, they thought women should be seen and not heard (ya know, barefoot and pregnant), which allowed them to treat us and behave however the dayum well pleased, and we had little to no say about it. NOW that women are running things too, and men can no longer control us, they figure may as well use us to get what they want (cause you can’t tell us nothing anymore, or so y’all think)…my .02!
By The Truth
June 29, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this
Good morning bloggers. Accidental frontal money drop to the WLB(causing them to bend over so I can see down their shirts)and Black Panther Power Fist to the MLB.
Laney this is easy. Step out of the situation and look at it from the outside and see if its a good situation to be in. Logic should always overrule heart, unless the price to pay is minimal. If done correctly the solution will be obvious, maybe painful but obvious.
GAMAN DONT USE THAT COFFEE MUG. SLIM LET ME USE IT FOR A SPIT (TOBACCO) JAR. I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS YOURS. SORRY BRUH. THAT CHICK PLAYS SOME CRUEL JOKES.
WORKOUT UPDATE: LAST NIGHT I PREPARED A POT OF BOILED CHICKEN (NO SKIN) AND RICE, WALKED FOR AN HOUR AND DID 2 SETS OF 20 PUSHUPS. BY NEXT WEEK I’LL BE DOING 4 SETS OF 25 OR 100 A DAY. Pushups come pretty easy to me with these nice strong shoulders and back. (Sorry, shameless self promotion)
T-Mango did you feel the pushups I did last night?
By abc
June 29, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this
Sexione, that is a crock and a half.
Laney, keep your eyes, mind and heart open, in order to recognize one who appeals to both head and heart. That’ll be the one. Leave behind the ones who fail, and don’t be afraid to take a chance. “Better to suffer open rebuke than hidden love” —Proverbs
Good luck!
By Lady Dark w/Dimples
June 29, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everyone!!
I have NEVER met a guy that I fell for instantly. I’ve met men that I was attracted to but emotions for me are something that develop over time. I think the fact that I’m very analytical plays into that…Emotions are totally based on my brain telling me that it’s okay to like this guy. In other words, if he doesn’t meet a certain criteria, I can’t even open up to the idea of dating him. So for me, it’s ALWAYS a rational decision decision when it comes to dating….
Now, with that being said, once I’ve fallen in love it is hard to let go…but I do! Usually, after I’ve stayed too long….
By Jokester
June 29, 2007 9:23 AM | Link to this
A BOSS WALKED INTO THE OFFICE ONE MORNING NOT KNOWING THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS DOWN AND HIS FLY AREA IS WIDE OPEN. HIS SECRETARY WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID “BOSS, THIS MORNING WHEN YOU LEFT YOUR HOUSE, DID YOU CLOSE YOUR GARAGE DOOR?” THIS WAS NOT A PHRASE THAT HER BOSS UNDERSTOOD, SO HE WENT INTO HIS OFFICE LOOKING A BIT PUZZLED. WHEN HE WAS ABOUT DONE WITH HIS PAPERWORK HE SUDDENLY NOTICED THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS NOT ZIPPED UP. HE ZIPPED UP AND, REMEMBERING WHAT HIS SECRETARY HAS TOLD HIM, FINALLY UNDERSTOOD . THEN HE INTENTIONALLY WENT OUT TO ASK FOR A CUP OF COFFEE. WHEN HE REACHED HER DESK, HE SAID “WHEN YOU SAW THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN DID YOU SEE MY HUMMER PARKED IN THERE?” THE SECRETARY SMILED FOR A MOMENT AND SAID “NO BOSS, I DIDN’T…ALL I SAW WAS A MINI-VAN WITH 2 FLAT TIRES.”
By Sexione
June 29, 2007 9:23 AM | Link to this
abc thats what I thought when I read his post!! lmsao
By Slim's Boss
June 29, 2007 9:25 AM | Link to this
Slim due to logistical problems, admin errors, our 2009 budget cuts, and 12 other factors that I cant discuss with you now, we’re gonna have to cancel your vacation next week. Don’t worry, we’ll reschedule it for sping 2010. And thats the truth. LOL See you monday.
By Jewel
June 29, 2007 9:26 AM | Link to this
Good morning Everyone!
Laney, I wish you much success in your academic and career endeavors. Live your life richly. Keep your focus and NEVER let anyone tell you that you can’t.
This is a good topic. One thing is for sure: Life will teach you a thing or two about love, relationships, and what you need from both.
So do you put your heart or your head first when it comes to dating? And what happens when they disagree? Should I end up with Mr. Big because my heart says that there’s something special there, even though my head says he should treat me better, for example? I started my current relationship by telling him that I am not jumping “heart first” into anything. I must safeguard my heart at all costs. I know what it means to love, share, give, sacrifice and accept in a relationship. But, it is wise to not immediately do all of those things from the beginning. Emotions easily fool women if they allow those emotions to take the lead. It is a huge mistake to accept mistreatment because you allowed your heart to lead. If the person does not make you happy, or does not give you what you need, how can this be love? Do you instead love the idea of love? When the heart and head disagree, search within and ask yourself what you truly desire in a relationship. Compare those desires to what you are receiving. Be prepared for the truth and resolve to do what it takes to move on. The pain of holding on is much greater than the fear of letting go.
How can you learn to ignore your rational side and go with your gut, or ignore what your heart is telling you and listen to the reasonable pros and cons in your mind? Often times, our “gut” (instinct) is telling us this is wrong.
Which is more important when it comes to love, your emotions or your reason? This may contradict what I just said: Both are important, in my humble opinion. You might become cold and callous if you totally dismiss your emotions. However, I firmly believe that it is important to live life with no regrets. You cannot account for what someone else does. Be honest with yourself about what your relationship expectations. Communicate those things to the person you are in a relationship with and also understand their expectations.
What experiences have you had that tell you the truth of this? Life is a teacher. You either learn from your experiences, or repeat them over and over and over again. After the demise of my last relationship, I had to fight the urge to become hard towards men. I feel empowered when I remove my heart from the equation. I have a sense of control knowing that I am not vulnerable to my emotions. I know the question is for specific examples. Just can’t think of any right now.
Have a Powerful, Productive, Prosperous and Positive Day (and weekend)!!!
Life is not how many breaths you take, it’s how many moments take your breath away.
Shut up Musing and GaMan.
By SlimOne
June 29, 2007 9:27 AM | Link to this
GA.man Don’t worry, that wasn’t the same mug *Truth used as his spit cup. I actually put that cup back in his fridge. When I went to grab it this morning it wasn’t in there. I hope didn’t use that to marinate his chicken in. Ugghhh blech!
WORKOUT UPDATE: Slim went to get her hairdone, sat up under dryer long enough to put me to sleep, left there ate a side salad, picked my toe jam for about 3 minutes, took a hot tub bath, lifted all the crap off my bed for about 15 secs and went to sleep. Truth how many calories do you think i burned?
By Mo (now known as Moeisha)
June 29, 2007 9:28 AM | Link to this
Morning All!! TGIF!! Margaritas with umbrellas to the WLB in celebration of SlimOne’s vacation (cant hate on someone for taking a breather) and hugs with cheek-kisses to the MLB
On topic: in regards to Biff’s* statement, I agree with Sexione. While we as women have some fault I wouldnt blame it all on us. Men havent always put women on a pedestal. Look at all the men back in the day that had multiple families (and wives that knew about it but stayed). Women had to do certain things then that made us more dependent on men than today. Now as women gained independence it came with a price or a sacrifice, I will admit that. So now we struggle to find that middle ground. But WTH is Man’s excuse? Why cant a woman who is handling her business be respected and given hers props (granted she aint crushin a man for fun in the process)..
Just my 2 cents….LOL
By SeanJohnson
June 29, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this
Sup Blog…Good luck Laney
cosigning the Biffster…women can say what they want…but once upon a time…they were cherised, valued..and above all taken care off….These days the lack direction..and really dont have a clue about the opposite sx
By Lady Dark w/Dimples
June 29, 2007 9:37 AM | Link to this
Jake
That’s not even a concern for me…I would never look to a man define what special qualities and value that I have…I look for him to recognize them…God gave me most of them…the others I worked at! If there are men who struggle to find my value…it’s cool, keep it moving! But I won’t allow my self to be used…that’s a women’s choice…we either allow ourselves to be used or we don’t!
But I strongly believe that even the most progressive of men can truly recognize the value that women bring to a man and family…I don’t see this as an issue!
By SlimOne
June 29, 2007 9:39 AM | Link to this
Slim’s Boss I need to see you in my office.
Slim grabs bosses hand and sits him down in the chair. She straddles him, leans over REALLY close to his ear and whispers “If you fail to comply with my allotted vacation time and/or plans, I’ll tell your wife that you’ve been sleeping with the UPS driver, you have photshopped pictures of you and Paris Hilton on your pc, and you enjoy wearing women’s pumps & lace thigh high stockings. I WILL have my vacation.’
By NCGirlfromATL
June 29, 2007 9:39 AM | Link to this
(yawning) Mawning!
Best wishes to you, Laney!! You’ll be missed!
I always lead w/ the heart. Then, about 10 seconds in, my brain kicks in, kicks me in the butt, and I apply common sense to the situation. But, my heart is strong!! And don’t let there be some chemistry. Lawd! Chemistry is another way of saying, all rational thought has walked out the door, and emotions have taken over. Chemistry is my kryptonite. LOL!! I’m joking, but I have learned over the years that recognizing chemistry is the quickest way for me to forget all that home-training and common sense I’ve learned, and end up getting my feelings hurt.
My motto: Everything in moderation.
By SeanJohnson
June 29, 2007 9:41 AM | Link to this
@ Sxeone..your 9:14…u might want to retract that entire post…based on some of your previous posts
By crazydiamond
June 29, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this
ladies, I am sorry to bring this to your attention, but when guys put you on a pedestal, then you are not interested. This in turn takes the nice guy and turns him into something else, something that causes you to have to figure out whether to use your head or your heart. If your heart was more open to the guys that treat a lady the way she should be treated, then and only then will the two halves be combined into one and you wouldn’t have to figure out which part to listen.
By Jewel
June 29, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this
Jake My thoughts…
It is a limp excuse to say that the woman has brought this upon herself. It speaks volumes to the lack of a person’s character if they must use a person for selfish gain. Additionally, they have low self-esteem issues. Why do you need to use and demean another person to feel good about yourself? When do morals, values, respect for self and others come into play? In one sense, men are like pets. They are trained to behave and respond a certain way, depending on the stimuli. Like playing fetch. You throw the ball and chase after it, while the dog is standing there looking like Scooby Doo…Ummph? LOL! So yes, if things change, they do not know what to do and may behave badly. To some degree, feminism has caused men to say, oh, you want to be like me? So, what role do I play now?
I agree that the landscape of dating has changed. But of course, so has the value system…anything goes…it’s your thang, do what you wanna do…let’s be friends with benefits…etc., etc., etc.
By SlimOne
June 29, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this
Mo Thanks homie. Make sure mine is top shelf. Matter of fact, all of the WLB gets top shelf, give the MLB the cheap stuff.
By Jake
June 29, 2007 9:52 AM | Link to this
Musing Thanks for the cup of Joe, now Sexi, come back over here and bring that funky attitude with you..LOL
Now lets try to be objective, there will always be a percentage of men who abuse women, and there will always be a percentage of women who go against the grain a sell the puddy, but as you know I always speak in terms of the median.
I believe that the movement has hurt women in relationships. The sexual revolution and feminism has helped create an atmosphere for women to be seen as purely sexual objects, there is a reduction in the reverence that men had for women. Granted the are individual women who hold your feet to the fire, but in general women have helped degrade themselves. Where do artist find all the women to shake dat azz, oh yea they just announce that they need girls for a video.
There is a reason that men don’t treat women the way they use to: YOU DON’T HAVE TO!!
I’m not speaking from a personal perspective, this is just social commentary..lol
By crazydiamond
June 29, 2007 9:52 AM | Link to this
Bill Withers - Use Me
My friends feel it’s their appointed duty They keep trying to tell me all you want to do is use me But my answer yeah to all that use me stuff Is I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up Until you use me up
My brother sit me right down and he talked to me He told me that I ought not to let you just walk on me And I’m sure he meant well yeah but when our talk was through I said brother if you only knew you’d wish that you were in my shoes You just keep on using me until you use me up Until you use me up
Oh sometimes yeah it’s true you really do abuse me You get in a crowd of high class people and then you act real rude to me But oh baby baby baby baby when you love me I can’t get enough I and I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up Until you use me up
Talking about you using me but it all depends on what you do It ain’t too bad the way you’re using me Cause I sure am using you to do the things you do Ah ha to do the things you do
By Sexione
June 29, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this
SJ specifics? Nope, I said it and I’ll say it again!!! lmsao We are who we are, no matter what someone else says or does………..so even if a woman acted a certain way, if you are a true gentleman, you are going to treat her as a true lady. I’m just sick of all of the excuses for why “we do this and we do that”…….maybe it’s because that’s who “we” truly are anyway…and that goes for men & women.
LDD & Mo very well put!!!
By Biff
June 29, 2007 10:01 AM | Link to this
Couple of points:
A lot of bitterness shown by certain chicks. I suspect they don’t recognize why they feel that way. Its because this feminism thing took a wrong turn and left chicks and dudes with a lot less of a chance at real healthy relationships. This flows into the next point about guys putting chicks on a pedestal and that turns them off-they seem to want to be treated poorly for them to have interest. That is part of Laney’s question today.
Because chicks don’t appreciate dudes who treat them well we have learned how to act to conquer you. And you are getting what you deserve. I understand this but I don’t like it and don’t think it is healthy for us or our culture here in America.
By Jewel
June 29, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this
The sexual revolution and feminism has helped create an atmosphere for women to be seen as purely sexual objects Jake But, it is a mistake to use a broad stroke. Unfortunately, men who accept this belief approach a woman who cherishes and values herself as they would one who does not. Still, I believe that a person’s character guides them, not the actions of others.
By Sexione
June 29, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this
Jake I’m right here sweetie….ready for my….well you know…….lol Yes, I speak from the median too. My views are that we have all made it what it is today….women and men. Now what’s the solution? Blame each other? Stand for what is right? Go with the rest of society and use the excuse that “everyone is doing it”? Not I!! I stand for what I stand for……and no one can make me be any different (in a bad way), no matter how stupid (or disrespectful) they act. And I know there are some real men out there, who are looking for a real woman……..and until the one for me comes along, I will be solo……….’cause I refuse to allow that mess into my life. Just sayin………now come here…….lol
By Jake
June 29, 2007 10:06 AM | Link to this
crazydiamond cosigning the 9:45.
Not trying to start the all out war Ladies, but Biff, had a point, he comes off harsh often, so some might have dismissed it off the rip, thats why I keep my flashlight wit me…HEHE
By Mo (now known as Moeisha)
June 29, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this
SlimOne now you know its only top shelf for the WLB*!! Got to get this friday started right.
Jewel I agree with you on needing both reason and emotions. Its hard to have a real relationship without both coming into play.
By MsUnderstood aka MsU
June 29, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this
BEST WISHES TO LANEY!! Great Topic!! ^5 to all the Ladies. Christian hug to all the fellas.
Sexione you are defineltly on point!!
NCGirl you are too funny; i remeber those days.
*Slim *enjoy your vacation…
On topics: I have met some guys who deserved an oscar for their fake acts they put on. My advice is pray.. if you meet someone whom you feel qualified to date again pray and don’t ignore the flags weaving.. A lot of brother wear masks. Ladies zip your emotions up cause they get us everytime.. Guard your heart at all time.. and weigh your options
By NCGirlfromATL
June 29, 2007 10:09 AM | Link to this
The sexual revolution and feminism has helped create an atmosphere for women to be seen as purely sexual objects, there is a reduction in the reverence that men had for women. Granted the are individual women who hold your feet to the fire, but in general women have helped degrade themselves.
So, are you (Jake/SJ/Biff and other blog men) saying that it would be better if women stopped working the pole, stopped making those flix you love so much, and wore June Cleaver-wear everyday? It would be better if we weren’t so independent and sexually liberated, and you’d be alright with us no longer rocking the mic for 16 bars? (*Thanks to SJ for that one! LOL!) Cuz, you know those ole skool women didn’t do that. You might get a burlesque show, but no more strip joints, etc. Oh yeah, and that woman that can make $100k and help you create the lifestyle you’d like to become accustomed to, that would be gone too. She’d be a stay at home mom, pushing out babies on a regular. And if the marriage ends (b/c there would be no shacking up first, or sex before marriage), you would be paying alimony *and child support.
Is that ok, boys?
By Jewel
June 29, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this
Question Where and from whom did the idea of feminism originate? What were the dynamics that deemed it a necessity for women?
By The Truth
June 29, 2007 10:16 AM | Link to this
Slim how did you know about the lace thigh highs and pumps? OOOOppsss I blew my cover. LOL
By Jewel
June 29, 2007 10:19 AM | Link to this
Good point, NC Girl! LOL!
Jewel waits to see which male blogger will be the first to attempt to talk with both feet in his mouth…
By Lady Dark w/Dimples
June 29, 2007 10:19 AM | Link to this
Jake But that’s the point…MEN NEVER HAD TO TREAT A WOMENT RIGHT…they chose to because of their own values and morales, not because women weren’t prevalent in the workforce. If seeing women in the workforce de-values her somehow then there is a problem within the man. Now, shaking your azz on TV is not what feminism is about so I think it’s misjustice to use it in that way…they’re abusing the benefits that feminism as afforded them. But I sincerely don’t think there is a valid point made here against feminism as the reason why some men don’t see the value in women? If you can’t see clearly…trying changing the lens in which you’re looking out!
Not you of course…
By crazydiamond
June 29, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this
Lady Dark- You are correct in one part, men didn’t have to treat you right, but in the past they were rewarded for treating you right. Now days men are punished for treating a lady right and rewarded for being the opposite. Just like a Dog, what happens when you reward them for innappropriate behavior. It becomes second nature and others seeing this will follow suit….
By abc
June 29, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this
Personally, I’d prefer to support the woman. I don’t consider so-called ‘independence’ and ‘sexual liberation’ positive characteristics. To what flicks do you refer, porn or something? Not my cup of tea. There has always been sex before marriage, as far as that goes — shoot, 11% of people still wait until married.
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with a woman who wants a successful career, she must acknowledge that it certainly does put a crimp in any plans of marriage and motherhood, at least in any ideal sense. Even at that, though, I tend to chafe at chicks in the workplace, they’re so often missing pieces of their puzzle as far as professionalism goes — ruthless, man. I’ll never work for a chick again, absolutely never.
By Lady Dark w/Dimples
June 29, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this
How are we defining feminism? Is the definition of feminism equal pay for equal work? Same rights as a man…the option to do a job that was solely a male’s job? And you guys say this is the reason why you no longer value us….seems twisted to me!
By SlimOne
June 29, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this
Truth OOOOppsss I blew my cover. Now that’s sad, a man shouldn’t have to blow his own cover. Let one of your fellow MLB’s handle that for you. lol
Oh yeah, I know about the thigh highs and pumps because when you leave the office I go put them on and dance around blasting Jamsey P’s Nookie Tonight. whatchu know bout dat
By C tha 1
June 29, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this
Most of the time I read Biff’s comments, take them w/ a grain of salt and move on w/ life. But in his 10:01 post, along with crazydiamonds’s previous 9:45 post, I can’t help but co-sign. Ladies, you say you want to be treated w/ respect that includes honesty and everything else attached to it, but you are turned off by guys who put you on a pedestal. However, yall respond to negative treatment by being submissive and loyal to men who are not completely honest with you and who certainly don’t put you on a pedastal. It seems men have to walk a happy medium.
I would say trust your mind over your heart … but I’m a dude, its easy for me to say that, but I’ll admit it took a little trial and error to put into practice.
By crazydiamond
June 29, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this
Just to be upfront, I support Feminism 100 percent. You should make the same money for the same job, you deserve the same rights as men, my comments have nothing to do with feminism itself. It has to do with the other changes of women over the years…
By abc
June 29, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this
Feminism started roughly around the 1840’s, with women who wanted the right to vote, which was finally gained with ratification of the 19th Amendment in 1920. In 1923 the first draft of the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) was drawn up, but it’s never been ratified. Renewed interest in ERA in the late 60’s and through the 70’s constitutes what people think of as feminism.
By Lady Dark w/Dimples
June 29, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this
crazydiamond Once a guy get out of their 20s are they rewarded for being a dog…I don’t think so. Alot of married men, who cheat, won’t even tell their closest friends that they’re creeping on their wives….they don’t want that image associated with them.
By Lacey (formally purplepassion)
June 29, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this
Good morning Everyone: I always to use lead with my heart and got it right on the head. Since being single/unmarried for the past eight years I have learned that technique aint working no mo. Thru trials and tribulations I have learned to lead with gut instinct and so far it has not lead me down Heatbreak St except for once with the ex. I leave all that mushy feeling out and see the person for who they are what their intensions are instead of what I vision it could be and by doing that I save myself and him a whole lot of unnessary time.
Truth Update on my excerise yesterday-I took my daughter to the pool and while she swam around I pigged out on chips and spinach dip. After that I went home and excercise my brain to see if I’m smarter than a 5th Grader, and I am NOT smarter than a 5th grader. Tip the evening off with some pomagrante juice and went to la la land.
By QC
June 29, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this
Morning Bloggers
Sorry i’m late with coffe, muffins, latte, water, assorted tea, & donuts.., i know how you need your friday morning fix Ga.Man so enjoy everyone i’ll check back in later. Now adding a little rum to GMan’s new mug so he can have a nice hot “coffee royal”
By Blatino aka BMW aka BLT
June 29, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this
…. bullet-proof vest; check. helmet; check. .38 in the ankle…. check…..
Pre-fight bow to the WLB’s, tribal spear raise to the MLB Royal Guard.
Wow. Had to leave with bang, huh Laney??
@Sexi1 n Slim1…. ya’ll trippin. See, when men were runnin thangs the right, biblical way, women were not to be abused n mistreated. But since so few followed the path, that’s what happened….
NOW, with the “sexual revolution”, guess what? Men are STILL running things…. The scales may have shifted some, but the balance tilts toward us. Only now we are free to get what we want when we want from any one of you that allows it and feel no guilt becuase THAT’S WHAT YA’LL SAID YOU WANTED….. even though deep inside it’s not. Basically, women nowadays want the security of that loving man giving them what they want n need but the freedom to roll around and do as they please…
Sorry mama. Can’t have it both ways.
…Grand Poobah now retreating behind the Roman style shield wall awaiting WLB projectiles….
By Jake
June 29, 2007 10:43 AM | Link to this
NC, Don’t get it twisted, there have always been places where men can go see nekked women, but hellz, now you can’t see the booty for the chick and her chick-dude in the Timbs who beat you to the stage…and even June Clever rocked the mic for 16, but no one would ever know…lol.
LDD Yea, thats why I treat’em right, but a woman can go from a lady I’m feeling, to a piece of azz at the drop of a dime…if she chooses that treatment with her behavior.
But you know I love ya’ll ladies, soft bite on the earlobes to my WLB sweeties.
By Jewel
June 29, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this
Thank you, Professor ABC. LOL! Now, put that into the terms of dating, as Biff pointed out in his earlier post to spawn such a lively debate…
Gentlemen, stop generalizing your statements. Frankly, I do not want to be put on a pedestal. I am human and might fall off. However, any self-respecting woman (this includes me) wants to be treated with kindness, tenderness, love and respect. You know, the little things, the simple things.
By abc
June 29, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this
Yall must be in about no shape at all, I declare! Yesterday after work I did 144 reps of dips and pullups, 300 reps of various abs exercises, and 30 minutes on the elliptical. Day before that was for legs and abs; today is upper body and abs. I hit the gym 4-6 days a week, and then go home and walk my dog for 2-3 miles. Doesn’t anyone else in here exercise regularly?!
By NCGirlfromATL
June 29, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this
There has always been sex before marriage, as far as that goes — shoot, 11% of people still wait until married.
But it wasn’t as expected as it is now.
Dayum…every other week it seems, the women take a bashing and the guys get on their soapboxes about how we don’t let them grab their bizalls and pound their chests enough. WLB can we agree that we are not here to emasculate? Merely to educate and yep, empower. Personally, I find it totally ridiculous that men are so threatened by a woman’s ability to achieve that he says things like “it interferes with her abilities to be a wife and mother.” So, you going to work everyday doesn’t interfere with your ability to be a husband and father? Please elaborate on that, b/c apparently men have some superhero powers that we don’t know about, or perhaps it’s a delusion that it’s ok for them to only work and pay the bills, be a part-time parent and the women are only allowed to serve their every need, be a full-time parent, and gladly accept whatever the man doles out. You guys want it both ways. You want a woman who takes care of house, kids, and you…but you also want her to bring home a paycheck. And you say women are bad drivers! Sheesh! Pick a lane, please!
The bottom line is that men and women need to get over it. It’s called progress. I’m not, by any means, saying that you should ignore history. But, it’s history (and not the present) for a reason. There are certainly things we can take from our parent’s and grandparent’s generations, and perhaps some of those ideals should be better incorporated into our so-called modern lives. But, one of those lessons was that women are quite capable beings. We don’t want to be controlled. We want to be appreciated. Perhaps you should look at what you’re doing in your lives and how you treat the women in your lives, and ask yourself, what are you (men) doing to earn the type of respect you expect women to give you. You guys kill me blaming women for your feelings of inadequacy. Yeah! I said it!
By crazydiamond
June 29, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this
Lady Dark- If through there 20’s they are rewarded for being the type of guy that doesn’t have to show respect, then how do you expect them to revert back to being who they really should be. They got their wife by being that man, they will remain that man. Remember the phrase, You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Once you have learned certain actions get certain rewards, then you will not change. That makes it even more important to not go after those guys, because you are setting yourself up for dissappointment later. When your head is telling you that this guy doesn’t treat me right, then you should listen to it. Once you find that the heart and the head agree, then that is when you have found something special.
By Mo (now known as Moeisha)
June 29, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this
First of all we must stop lumping everyone together. Not all women are unappreciative of a man who will put her on a pedestal just like all men arent dogs. This goes back to the discussion we also had about backgrounds and their influence on how a person acts in a relationship. Ex: Take the mother that stayed with the father for the kids and the father had another family somewhere else. Now that mother is telling her daughter things like “take care yourself, be able to provide for you, etc”. Can you blame that girl that grows up with an extra heavy dose of feminism? I grew up with both parents in the household and my father always told me “no one can take care of you like you”. Now on one hand I could have turned out to be the ultimate she-woman, I-dont-need-a-man type chick from that advice. But as I got older, Dad came to me and revised that. He advised me that the same way I should be respected by man, I have to remember that men value certain things too (being needed, being able to be the “man” in the relationship) and to not step on his toes. That doesnt mean that I cant be me, just understanding the roles both sexes play in this game.
By Jewel
June 29, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this
Co-signing NC’s 10:47 Enough said.
By Lady Dark w/Dimples
June 29, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this
crazydiamond I agree with you wholeheartedly, but I will only add…the way men stop is when they mature and decide that they want more out of life than the next booty call. When they recognize that they want to be a family man and the behavior in their 20s will only jeopardize their future family. When they begin to get tired of the games that they play and that women play. If they are not there yet, then women should run and run fast!
By Tazzee
June 29, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this
Morning all! I popped in to say farewell to Laney - Laney, I wish you the best as you move on to bigger and better things
Now onto this whole feminism discussion. Unfortunately ladies this is how men feel. Do I think it’s our fault? Hell to the naw! Its not that the woman degraded herself - she got to the point where she didn’t NEED the man for survival and because a man’s ego isn’t getting stroked in the same manner as in the past - he feels that he shouldn’t cherish the woman. It really is a sad state of the man’s mentality. If a woman works and takes care of herself - she is no longer precious? That is a short-sighted POV. I would think a man would take pride in the fact that a woman that could take care of herself chose him as her covering. But before a lot of men can get to that point of being chosen, they cower in their egotistical corners and think ‘woe is me, she has her own house, car, good credit - what can I give her? waaa, waaa, waaa’
And don’t EVEN start that bull about women throwing it up in your face. That may have been the truth of the matter a decade or so ago, but most successful women aren’t running down their list of accomplishments to potential suitors (although the men are and then wonder why they only attract ‘gold-diggers, but that’s another topic). Women aren’t running around proclaiming their independence - but as soon as she decides to do something for herself (usually because her mate was too slow to handle it) then you start crying ‘it’s not in the way she says, but she does certain things to let me know…’
And to take a step further - women don’t let it come out of their mouths until a man pushes her to a point. So busy trying to proclaim that he is a man and staking his rightful place - talking the ‘I’m the Man’ without walking as a man - that you push a woman to finally let go of trying to stroke your ego, trying to make you feel like a man, putting up with your shortfalls - that she might just blow and let you know that yes - she does not NEED you.
Sure, there are some women out there that haven’t learned how to be treated by a man. But there are far more men out there that can’t look past the status of a woman to even try to treat her like a lady. And that my friends is a testament to the sad state of man’s mentality - not the feminist movement.
Now - I am in meetings all day today, and I know I’m going to get a citation for my long post and some rebuttal from the fellas. Unfortunately I won’t be able to dialog with you guys today - but trust, I will be reading up later.
Have a great weekend bloggers and again I wish you the best Laney
By SlimOne
June 29, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this
SirBlat Um, i’m not tripping. I haven’t said anything. I guess you just happened to have Slim on your mind. Now keep it moving before I tip you over with all that armor on. You know it’s a bip trying to get back up.
By Lacey (formally purplepassion)
June 29, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this
C the 1 I can’t speak for every woman but I myself respond to being treated good. I enjoy being appreciated. Some men tend to put every woman in the same category. Sure you have some women who are rough around the edges because being disrespected is all they know or maybe that’s what they’ve become. Me on the other hand I have never been treated so cold and manipulated until recently. It’s like some men have an agenda and they don’t care who they burn along the way. Not all women are power struck. There are some women out there who carry themselves accordingly. A man builds up, a boy tears down.
By C tha 1
June 29, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this
Alot of married men, who cheat, won’t even tell their closest friends that they’re creeping on their wives….they don’t want that image associated with them.
LD where did you pull this from!? Not to give away any secrets, but a dude’s closest homeboy is gonna always know when they gettin some extracurricular on the side. He may not be aware of the exact time and place, but trust me your homeboy is gonna know. Why? Well if wolves roam in packs then that means one wolf knows the behaivoral pattern of the wolf next to him.
For example, my dog … my ace married his college sweatheart. Honestly, this was a minor miracle, because if she knew half of what I know it would not have happened. He claims he told her everything cause they have definitely had ups and downs … I laughed … he laughed w/ me, cause he knew what I knew, shyt we lived it. So now they’re married (and I love both of them and continue to wish them well), but I don’t have to ask about his personal creeping because 1.) I know when something ain’t right, and 2.) he usually tells me before I can ask.
By abc
June 29, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this
NCGirl, you’re reference to it as ‘blaming our feelings of inadequacy’ is poignant, in that nobody has stated that there are such feelings except women. Men don’t feel the heat of competition in the workplace from women. If that’s what you want, then fine, but along with that you have to acknowledge that you’re less attractive as a mate to most men. It’s not to do with ‘feelings of inadequacy’. It has to do with a man’s natural tendency to want to be the provider, and to have a woman who will support him in that endeavor.
I’ve said it before, my ex’s total focus on her career scuttled our marriage. She made me change careers so she could pursue hers, forcing us to move to Atlanta against my will, obsessing 24/7 about her work, coming to ignore me completely. Sucked.
By Sexione
June 29, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this
But, one of those lessons was that women are quite capable beings. We don’t want to be controlled. We want to be appreciated. Perhaps you should look at what you’re doing in your lives and how you treat the women in your lives, and ask yourself, what are you (men) doing to earn the type of respect you expect women to give you. You guys kill me blaming women for your feelings of inadequacy. Yeah! I said it! Preach sista, PREACHH!!!!!!
By NCGirlfromATL
June 29, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this
Sorry mama. Can’t have it both ways.
Yeah, Blatino, neither can y’all.
Jake June Cleaver might have been rocking the mic, but it was once a year, on his birthday, and she went back to her separate twin bed after. Oh, and she was probably wearing her do-rag SJ. My point is, you guys talk about things going back to the old skool, and I don’t think you’ve examined just how much you benefit from women today. The downfall of society is not due solely to feminism.
Not all women are unappreciative of a man who will put her on a pedestal just like all men arent dogs.
Amen, Mo!
By SlimOne
June 29, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this
Slim already falling into vacation mode and refuses to read all these long azz posts. Dayum it’s Friday!
By Lacey (formally purplepassion)
June 29, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this
WOW ABC if you’re trying to get muscles like Popeye all you got to do is eat spinach and if it’s the Incredible Hulk go out and let somebody make you made LOL
By SeanJohnson3000
June 29, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this
@ NCATLIEN…thats the thing…NONE ..Nothing is more important than the family unit…if u are married…the wife and kids…too often i see females look for so many other things to define them…career..edcuation..(masters)..money.clothes…cars..big houses..looks….not hating on no one..but in my world…i dont give a flying 747 about none of that shyt…these days..my smiles come from SJ 2.0 reloaded..
By GA.man AKA "Mr. Entertainment
June 29, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this
ok Jewel you know you behind is getting a citation for your earlier loooonnggg azzzzz post so pay up!!
GaMan grabs Jewel’s Granny purse and hits her with it
Thanks QC you know i love your friday morning’s you bring the good stuff….
Wow ok In life you have to rmember to treat anyone like you wanted to be treated…*Ladies if you want a man to R.E.S.P.E.C.T. you then dont knock him on the little stuff…trust me we get enough of that on the job
Fellows….we know there are some Women who..act a fool..then try to figure out why we don’t want to see them anymore….sometimes the best lessons in life are learned when you have time to reflect…not only about what he/she did..but what we did to help/hurt the situation
GaMan takes of his Montell Williams suit and joins Musing in the Green Room
By SlimOne
June 29, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this
Here Ye Here Ye I’m going to need all of you violators to sum up all that you’re saying in no more than 3 sentences per post. I left my adderall at home and my ADD is kicking in.
OfficerMusirello What’s your 20? You’re supposed to be patrolling blogsville. One more screw up and you’re getting a time out with pay and a free body massage.
By Sexione
June 29, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this
So today has turned into one of those us vs. them days, where not only will nothing be learned or gained, but we will yet again set the dating game (and gender relations) back another 100 yrs. Thanks!
Guys, if you all feel this way, then maybe you should look in the mirror first, fix what is wrong there, and then venture out. Same for us.
Time to dip….have a good weekend all…..peace!
By T-Mango
June 29, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this
I’m multi-tasking today…
Interesting posts on the feminism sub-topic. Mo…I co-sign with your 9:28PM. I also have to say that the fellas have a point about women responding to negative treatment and being quasi “suspect” at times of those that treat us with respect. How many of you have heard a girlfriend say “He’s just too nice?” Sad but true.
I’ve noticed some cats try to do the “negative treatment/disrespect thing” with me to see how I respond. Then, they are like WTF?? when I cut them loose. In some cases they try to come back trying to apologize, but I suggest that they keep it movin’. Chances are quite a few women before me took their BS and in turn they became conditioned to thing that every female successor would take it too. Not true…
However, I think it is unfair to blame it on feminism because not all women subscribe to its idealogies. For those that do, I think women who disrespect themselves or allow themselves to be disrespected set the movement back. Feminism does not mean that a woman deems a man as having less value. It simply means that females are loving and fighting for our womanhood similar to the way you love and fight for your manhood. That’s the root of many our our debates…he said/she said. Not only are we wired differently, we are viewed differently im mainstream society. Along with gender, if you throw race in, the picture changes even more.
@Truth-Nice work on those push-ups.
By Jake
June 29, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this
C tha 1, i was wondering where LDD, got that statement too, your dawg always know, hellz, sometimes an accomplice.
NC Now I didn’t say the downfall of society was feminism…ya’ll so crazy.
By abc
June 29, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this
Lacey, I just try to keep it tight for the girl’s benefit, and for overall health and functionality. Everything is still completely operational, ya know!
So, yall are not happy with men’s preference for old-fashioned women. My girl is very old-fashioned in those ways and in a lot more. It has much to do with what I find so appealing about her.
By MsUnderstood aka MsU
June 29, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this
* NCGIRL* ^5…
By Lady Dark w/Dimples
June 29, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this
Ctha1 My girlfriend is dating a married man and I’m really close to his bestfriend. The bestfriend has no idea that they’re sleeping together…But this is because the married man wants to keep an image of the successful family man around his family and friends…
Also, my SO say he wouldn’t know if his bestfriend was cheating…doesn’t ask those kinda questions once he got married…
If it’s just my circle then I stand corrected!
Now, when I hear a man say that a woman is less attractive because she works…that screams insecure or inadequacy. But I undestand that most men want their women to work…and be successful…
Am I wrong in this assumption?
By Jewel
June 29, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this
Tazzee (When you read this later) Has come in and cleaned up this blog! Co-sign your post. I told my man, no matter what material things I have, what I accomplish or achieve…there would always be a place where I need him in my life. I AM WOMAN enough to admit this fact. A real man knows this, finds that place and shines.
By For Real
June 29, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this
Ok here we go again….
Don’t lead with your heart because those decision are based on feelings. Feelings change from one moment to another. Thus, 90% of those decision will be followed with regret and remorse. The brain is the most powerfull weapon on the planet. Use it!!!!
All women aren’t ladies. All men aren’t a man. Just because you say you are doesn’t make you one. Your actions are the only way people able to determine the truth about you. Here another little hint: Whether you are considered a man or a lady is determined by the person who is considering you. You can’t force me believe you are lady if I don’t believe you are.
Mothers are/have raised their daughters to be single. This is a contributing factor to the increase in divorce (over 85% of all divorce are filled by women), single parent homes and women that are single well into their 40’s.
Here are some quotes that most of you have used