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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > June > 19
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Dating: Risky Business
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Last year, I wrote about “Date Profiling, Is it necessary?”. It was a great week of spirited debate that highlighted the many ways single people rule out potential dates and mates, which is not always good or fair.
I started thinking about how we do this as a defense mechanism, a self-protecting factor (SPF, as Mia once called it), so to speak. We don’t always take risks on people we should, and sometimes we take risks when we shouldn’t at all. So how do single people handle risk management in dating and relationships?
One of the reasons many of us have delayed marriage (or second marriages) is because we are keenly aware of what can happen when you select the wrong person, for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time.
I am not a huge fan of self-help books (I much prefer self-help blogs!), but a friend of mine emailed me a really interesting list of compatibility areas she read in, “Are You the One for Me?”, by Beverly De Angelis:
Physical Style - appearance, eating habits, fitness habits, hygiene.
Emotional Style - romance and affection, how partner treats you, expression of feelings.
Social Style - personality traits, interaction with others.
Intellectual Style - educational background, attitude toward learning and culture, creativity
Sexual Style - attitude, skill, ability to enjoy
Communication Style - how, attitude, other forms of expression
Professional/Financial Style - money management, attitude toward success, work habits
Personal Growth Style - self improvement, ability to change, willingness to work on relationship
Spiritual Style - morals, philosophy of life, religious practices
Interests and Hobbies
I have to admit these seem like the BIG 10 that we should focus on, but many of us don’t weigh these at all. Where does chemistry and passion fit in to this? Are these things too risky to build a relationship with?
What do you think about risk management in dating?
When do you start to evaluate risk factors on potential mates? Is it before you go on the first date or after a few weeks?
Does this approach take away from enjoying the dating process at all?
Do you prefer to throw caution to the wind and dabble in a little risky business in dating?
Ladies, does this come down to following your heart vs. following your head, as men seem to think we often do? Can you have it both ways?
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