Misadventures in Atlanta

By SlimOne

June 19, 2007 8:20 AM | Link to this

Slim dragging in A sleepy weak wave to the MLB & WLB

By GA.man AKA "Mr. Entertainment

June 19, 2007 8:22 AM | Link to this

Head nod the MLB….Winks and High School rubs against all the ladies of the WLB

By Raqi

June 19, 2007 8:37 AM | Link to this

For me certain factors only came into play once it had been determined that this was the person I will be with for a long while, marriage or not. For the first year or so we were just having fun…entertaining and keeping each other company. Once the talk of LTR began to surface then it mattered about his personal growth style, spiritual outlook and attitude regarding success. These are areas that we had not addressed that would have a bearing on me as a partner to this person.

The physical, emotional and sexual styles compatibilities were enough to keep us “communicating” during the infancy of the relationship. The social, intellectual and communication was enough to keep interested in each other but when it came to being a “part” of each other lives that’s when the more grounded areas mattered.

By QC

June 19, 2007 8:40 AM | Link to this

Morning

By Lady J

June 19, 2007 8:43 AM | Link to this

Morning All!! WD, great topic!

By SlimOne

June 19, 2007 8:54 AM | Link to this

Where does chemistry and passion fit in to this?

Chemistry would initially fall under the physical realm but then would spill over into all others once you get to know that person.

What do you think about risk management in dating? Regardless if you actually sit down and create some kind of profile for each person you date, we do it anyway mentally. I would like to think as you get older you begin to tweek certain things a lot faster because of past experiences. When you’re younger it may be more of a chance of you taking bigger risk because you aren’t necessarily thinking about the consequences..Hell at that age its fun new and exciting. I know with me being a woman, I’m constantly thinking and assessing whenever I date. I normally just enjoy the initial attraction when first meeting someone but then as we spend more time together and have more conversations, I’m listening to their responses, watching their behavior and making mental notes. That person may give me a response to a question or tell me a story about an experience they’ve had and I put it in my world to see if we are compatible past just the physical. As time goes on that persons ‘category’ may change from potential LTR to just friends to just Ohh I just want to see what he’s like in bed. True, none of these things my come to fruition but it doesn’t stop the mental process that goes on during out tenure, whatever level that is.

Does this approach take away from enjoying the dating process at all? Um, to be honest the only way I could see things being w/o doing a little R.M is have impulsive one-night-stands all the time. Other than that, i’d have a hard time not wondering things about someone I’m dating especially since i’m not really in the business of dating to be dating.

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 8:58 AM | Link to this

Good morning yall, Sexual Style - attitude, skill, ability to enjoy I guess this would go well with a revelation I found out last night thanks to the ever so popular text message. Last evening a friend invited me out for an after dinner drink. I hadn’t seen my him in a long time and he always have great stories to tell of his bout to bout love life so my ears was buring to hear the details. Well on the way to meet him I got a text message from him and it was really sexually explicit. How can I say this would out being repremended by Musing?? He said he was freay and wanted me to bring a strapn and us (not me)going to a gentlemen’s club later on. I knew that text was not meant for me cuz I don’t roll like that. The whole time I was there I just couldn’t look at him and when I did all I could say is WTF a strap*n?? What do yall think about this? Is he bi sexual but instead of being with a man he prefer a woman to do the do to him as if she were a man? Help me understand this.

By Wise Diva

June 19, 2007 9:01 AM | Link to this

Good morning fabulous ladies!

By abc

June 19, 2007 9:02 AM | Link to this

If not for so-called chemistry and passion, the intial meeting probably won’t happen anyway. Besides, that would change over time — not so much fade away, but evolve, adapt. The same old thing abount dopamine and seratonin levels, stuff like that.

By SlimOne

June 19, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this

purple He said he was freay and wanted me to bring a strapn and us (not me)going to a gentlemen’s club later on can you rephrase this because I’m not clear what he said.

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 9:12 AM | Link to this

Slim He said he was freaky and wanted me(not ME) to bring a strapon.

By MusingLee

June 19, 2007 9:17 AM | Link to this

Morn’in All,

Hey Wise and QC.

Purple I don’t know WTH dude meant about the strap, but it sounds gay in nature.

By SlimOne

June 19, 2007 9:21 AM | Link to this

Purple ??? Well he could either be bi or just change the he’s to she’s whenever he tells you about his love chronicles. What did he talk about when you and him finally met up?

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

June 19, 2007 9:21 AM | Link to this

Morning All! I leave for vacation tomorrow!! Can you tell that I am ready! LOL

PurplePassion You got this thing jumpin already w/that text msg!! WHEW! I would definitely say that he experiments (and that’s putting it lightly).

Soft kisses and hugs to the MLB and ponytail hair flip to the WLB

I’ll comment later, this is an interesting topic WD!

By T-Mango

June 19, 2007 9:22 AM | Link to this

Hair flip to the WLB and one love to the MLB

This is a good topic. Let me marinate on it for a minute because alot of good questions have been put out there. I’ll be back.

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 9:25 AM | Link to this

Musing that’s what I’m thinking. What else can a strap on be used for?

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 9:32 AM | Link to this

Slim after I got that text I wasn’t feeling like talking to him or anyone, I debated whether I show turn around and go home. After I got there we talked about his job etc… but honestly everything he was saying was like blah blah blah to me because I had a mental visual of that strap on and I just couldn’t shake it. I never saw him as bi or gay but if he is I still love him as a friend it was just the shock of the whole thing.

By SlimOne

June 19, 2007 9:36 AM | Link to this

Purple Also, if a dude has no problem with a chick using that type of device to go in that area, I don’t see why he wouldn’t let a dude do it. Either way, it seems very questionable to me. Red Flag Alert

By Ladylike

June 19, 2007 9:38 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All

I definitely enjoy the initial meeting of strong chemistry that is often followed by intoxicating passion. But sooner or later I have to do some Risk Management. Combining styles, interests and hobbies can very well determine the success or failure of a relationship. It doesn’t take away from the dating process I just had to realize that it’s a not-so-fun part of my responsibility when dating.

Oh yeah, Purplepassion the strapn sounds *risky. LOL I guess he’s doing his the thang.

By Wise Diva

June 19, 2007 9:44 AM | Link to this

purple, the only person that can TRULY make you understand, is the guy who made the request. Just come out and ask him what you want to know, listen, and be prepared for the answer. I’m sure you already know how YOU feel about it.

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 9:51 AM | Link to this

When he told me he was a freak I didn’t know he meant to that extent. When he said freaky I’m thinking something on the line of spanking, hot wax, flavored etible undies never ever did I think strap on. I was talking to another friend and he said that when some people reaches the peak of their sexuality nothing satisfies them so that’s when they result to devices and the choking mechanism to heighten their pleasure during s#x.

By SeanJohnson

June 19, 2007 9:52 AM | Link to this

Sup Blog….i was going to comment..but purple passion spoiled the mode off in this piece…

By Sexione

June 19, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this

Goodmorning Everybody!!!

Just peeping in……I miss y’all……..be back later!

By MusingLee

June 19, 2007 9:56 AM | Link to this

Purple you should ask him. He has to know he accidentally sent you that text…He is sure to be just as embarrassed as you are.

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 10:00 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva You are right! I want to but don’t know how. I know that the text message wasn’t for me. I guess I’ll have to come up with a conversation relating to the strap on and see where it goes from there.

By SlimOne

June 19, 2007 10:05 AM | Link to this

PP I agree with Musing. When the person the text was intended for didn’t respond to him, i’m sure he had to have checked to see who he sent it to. Sounds like it’ll be a constant elephant in the room if you and him never discuss it. I would’ve just handed him my phone and asked if he intended to send that to me. Of course I wouldn’t have wanted to actually say it out loud. lol

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 10:06 AM | Link to this

Sorry SJ

By Dr. Jake the Psychiatrist

June 19, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this

What up Ya’ll”

Purple

Your friend is refusing to see himself as gay, so he’s letting a woman violate him for the sake of saying he isn’t gay….or somethin like that…I really have the slightest idea what to say about that weirdo behavior…LOL To piggy Wise, ask and get back to us.

On Topic:

I think its dangerous to try managing the risk. Of course there are some standard to met, such as having a job, a place to rest your head, etc…The other stuff is just trial and error.

By Wise Diva

June 19, 2007 10:08 AM | Link to this

back on topic, trying to avoid a day of freak talk LOL please

a person who has a track record of infidelity, would that risk factor be too high?

By GA.man AKA "Mr. Entertainment

June 19, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this

Purple you just have to come out and ask dude if he is a POKEMAN…Hey **Musing give her some help…lol

By Jewel

June 19, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

Good morning Everyone!

WOW! I am going to like this blog today! GREAT topic, Wise Diva! I need to collect my thoughts and post a little later. My sweetie and I are approaching the three month marker…the cooling off, settling in phase…when those compatibility factors begin to prove the depth and sincerity of the relationship, in my humble opinion.

Be back later…

By Deeva4Life

June 19, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this

This is such a great topic and could not come at a better time for me.

I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over 2 months and we’ve spent a lot of time together in a short period of time. During this time he’s said to me on several occasions that he’s not looking to just date…he’s looking for something long-term. However, I’ve noticed that there are some areas (sensitivity, consideration of my feelings on issues, attentiveness, etc.) I feel he’s lacking in and those are areas that will determine (for me) where this goes. When I brought these things up to him, he told me that he has to be sure I’m the one before he gives 100% in those areas…I on the other hand need to see those things first before I determine if he’s the one for me. Having been married before, I now look at the big picture and I feel that people give you a preview of who they really are before you marry them. It’s up to you to accept it or not. I do believe that people can change BUT they change when they want to change not simply because they are in a committed relationship with you or even married to you.

After this discussion, I told him it was clear to me that we weren’t at the same place and that maybe we should just be friends. I understand his position…he’s just trying to protect his heart but relationships are about risk and I just don’t think he’s ready to take the risk. Not to mention, the things I’m asking for are basic things that I feel you would do in any relationship (friendships, working relationships, etc). Since when do you have to have a committment to be sensitive or considerate?

By The Truth

June 19, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this

Good morning bloggers. Illegal reach and grabs to the WLB and handshake with an arm over to the MLB.

Raqi I found your post quite interesting. I for one look for signs early on that this isn’t going to be long term v. waiting till I’ve invested time and heart only to realize this isn’t going to work.

Purple ol boy is catching. I saw a show on the psychology of men v. women and they brought up how women are programmed to have things enter them while men are not. For a man it is a major invasion to get a shot, so if your guy is willing to take one for the team he’s a straight punk. You should ask him face to face and say you got that text message so you can check his expression. Then whip out a strap on and watch the smile on his face. I’ve got 2 words for you: D L

The Truth now hides in Mo’s suitcase (amongst the bras, rabbits, panties, garters, whips and chains- dam Mo’s a freak) to enjoy a free vacation to I dont know where. I will update the bloggers as soon as I know something.

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

Slim he a call and a few text come in while I was there. Sorry for going kinda off off topic but this was weighing heavy on my mind.

By SlimOne

June 19, 2007 10:26 AM | Link to this

Wise a person who has a track record of infidelity, would that risk factor be too high? Most definitely, No doubt about it. I’m not saying that folks don’t change and lawd knows I don’t want to bring Ling out of the woodworks to have a debate about a zebra changing its stripes, but I would have a harder time trusting someone that I knew to have infidelity issues in the past. There’s too much crap out there to knowingly put yourself at risk.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

June 19, 2007 10:26 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone

On topic: I think it’s hard to manage risk behavior because you can’t manage anyone but yourself. So in essence if you see risky behavior, serial cheater,can’t keep a job, etc you either throw caution and your senses to the wind. I think when it comes to your heart, it’s best to minimize the risk…you do that with business and everything else. Now, with all that being said, if the payoff seems to be that great…ie, the emotional pull is strong, the chemistry is off the chain, etc…then it might be worth the risk….but you still can’t manage it…it’s like the stock market…you do the research up front, make a decision to invest or not, but once you do…it’s out of your hands! You can sell and take your losses….

Off topic: the man is gay purple. I don’t know of a straight man who would want a woman to put anything there…if so, let one of the men from MLB step up and say so!

By Deeva4Life

June 19, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this

GA.man thanks for the movie review for Knocked Up…I went Saturday night to check it out and it was hilarious. I would’ve never gone to see it, but since you suggested it I went. Thanks.

By Teddy

June 19, 2007 10:29 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

Purple You friend sounds real suspect to me. Even if the message wasnt meant for you, then who the hell was it meant for?

On topic: a person who has a track record of infidelity, would that risk factor be too high? If I knew going in that she had a track record of cheating them I would just enjoy it for what it is. I would never consider taking her seriously. Maybe I shouldnt say never, more like highly unlikely.

By NCGirlfromATL

June 19, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

WD I think most people do some kind of internal risk assessment when they are looking for a relationship. I don’t know if the same can be said when just hooking up. Perhaps the risk assessment is “is she going to leave when we’re done?” “is it going to be good?” LOL!

Interestingly, I think that list you posted is partially what leads people to have requirements (or maybe it’s the other way around) when looking for a mate. That begs the question of whether or not you can actually find someone who checks out on each section of the risk assessment list. As far as when to make such an assessment, it depends on what you’re looking for. For someone looking for a LTR, they may make this assessment right away, and decide not to be bothered if the risk is too high. I have led w/ my heart, and often it has led to heartbreak. I’m much more cerebral about it now. Dunno if that’s a good thing either. LOL!

Yes, for me a person w/ a track record of infidelity is a risk factor that is too high.

By SeanJohnson

June 19, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

@ Deeva4life…so what are these basic things u are asking…just curious..

By SlimOne

June 19, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this

Deeva4Life Since when do you have to have a committment to be sensitive or considerate? I was thinking the same thing upon reading your post. If it’s in a person, it’s in a person. I can see not being as open to express deep felt feelings with someone you just met, but compassion is not necessarily something you have to hold back until being in the midst of a relationship.

By Cinderella

June 19, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

@Purplepassion- the first thing I thought of when reading your post was he sent the text to another woman and she using the strapon on another woman at the gentleman’s club. I didnt think about the strap being used on him…um, but what do I know!?

By Demi

June 19, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

Purple or he could have another female already there.

There’s nothing like watching a few beautiful ladies using strap-ons…on themselves, NOT ME!!

Hey Slim, Mo’s, raqi, and the forever sexy, Ms.QC!!!

By Ladylike

June 19, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this

As far as leading with my heart instead of my head, this is hard to do sometimes. But I’ve that including my head (logic) in decisions has really helped.

Wise Diva the track record of infidelity isn’t to high of a risk in all cases. I have meet some men and women who as they have grown older have really lost the desire to have this kind of lifestyle. It seems unbelievable to say but they have changed.

By Dark Brown

June 19, 2007 10:35 AM | Link to this

The most tragic thing about life’s lessons and love management skills and things of the like - Most often, by the time we learn these lessons and begin to consider issues and determine risks associated with dating and relationships, we are battle scarred and weary and jaded. The experiences that color our thoughts and actions leave us pre-disposed to judge the next relationship based on the last one. And a lot of times, we still end up getting it all wrong.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

June 19, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this

Truth You are soo crazy!! :0)

Mo taking inventory, making sure she has accounted for everything she needs for this vacation…”wow I didnt realize I had so much stuff I “needed”. Now I have to get all this stuff into my car…and this is just my suitcase, I have even gotten started on my shoes!”

PP i agree with the other bloggers, I would have to ask ole boy about that text.

WD a person who has a track record of infidelity, would that risk factor be too high? With all that is out there and all the potential drama, I would say yes…

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

June 19, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this

Truth You are soo crazy!! :0)

Mo taking inventory, making sure she has accounted for everything she needs for this vacation…”wow I didnt realize I had so much stuff I “needed”. Now I have to get all this stuff into my car…and this is just my suitcase, I have even gotten started on my shoes!”

PP i agree with the other bloggers, I would have to ask ole boy about that text.

WD a person who has a track record of infidelity, would that risk factor be too high? With all that is out there and all the potential drama, I would say yes…

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this

Teddy your guess is good as mine. I’m clueless.

Thanks to all for your feed back. I will find a way to ask him and take it from there.

By Hotlanta

June 19, 2007 10:39 AM | Link to this

You need to put RICH at the top of the list I can acheive all of the goals on the list.

By SlimOne

June 19, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

LDD I don’t know of a straight man who would want a woman to put anything there…if so, let one of the men from MLB step up and say so! LOL!@you trying to get them to come out the closet.

PP I just hope you didn’t have any expectations of possibly dating him. I’m sure it has really changed your outlook on him especially since he’s never given you the impression that he may like boys. Keep your head up girl!

By C tha 1

June 19, 2007 10:43 AM | Link to this

O.K., I haven’t posted in a while but purplepassion just set it off!! WTF?! STRAPON clap, clap STRAPOFF clap, clap STRAPON, STRAPOFF the STRAPPER clap, clap! This is simple … at least in my book. Dude likes something that’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

This past Sunday I saw this special on BET called What Black Men Think or something like that (I caught it in the middle of the show). Of course, the show had a barbershop discussion about black males growing homophobia, and the gay dude said something that was extremely relevant. In a nutshell he said that the problem of AIDS/HIV amongst AA is not neccessarily the fault of DL men, but LIARS! Unfortunately (I’m sure yall are all to familiar w/ this) men and women lie, to themselves, and to other people. Its on the level now where people convince themselves that the lie they’re living is a reality. So purplepassion when and if you confront ole dude abou the text message, get ready for a well thought out fabricated story, but actions speak louder than words.

By Deeva4Life

June 19, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

SeanJohnson on a couple of different occasions he’s been real insensitive and not considerate of my feelings. Then there are times when he’s not real attentive. To me those things would be considered a basic courtesy not something reserved for a relationship.

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 10:49 AM | Link to this

Cindrella I didn’t look at it like that but he said lets go to the gentlemens club later which would be after the strap on session. I know text messages are typed in code sometimes and you have to improvise when reading them - this message was not one of them though.

By kimmie

June 19, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this

Deeva4 - I totally agree, since when do you have to be The One to get simple compassion and consideration. So you are supposed to allow someone to treat you like crap until They decide you are The One, then things are supposed to change? How long do you have to take the poor treatment until a decision is made? This sounds exactly like an ex of mine! There were certain Basics he claimed he could not be until he decided he was going to marry a person! Yet, you need to be looking for basic character traits long before things get to that point! Sure, I can see not giving your heart right away to a person, but sounds like he’s playing games. Like SlimOne said, if its in a person, it is in them to be kind, considerate, etc. and they don’t have to make a special effort to show these things (or not). Life is too short for mess like that. I would never you to kick him to the curb because only you know how you feel and what you are willing to tolerate. Just take a hard look.

By SlimOne

June 19, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this

C tha 1 In the salon this past weekend, me and some of the other folks somehow got on the subject of different things folks are into that you would never guess. We got on the topic of gay males that don’t deem themselves gay especially if they don’t actually do the ‘giving’. That mentality to me is what they use as their security blanket against being outcast as a said homosexual.

By GA.man AKA "Mr. Entertainment

June 19, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this

Deeva No problem….thats what i do….helping folks see things they might not have ever…ever…ever…gone to see…i love it so i will always let everyone know…..

That’s why I am “Mr. Entertainment”

MLB for LIFE

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this

Slim I never looked at him as someone I would date. He’s a handsome man-manly man. Well educated, financially grounded, kind hearted, just a good person to be around.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

June 19, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this

I agree with you Slim because a guy can always find a girl willing to take it in the rear…why pick a guy if you’re not gay?

By SeanJohnson

June 19, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this

@LadyDoubleD…please clarify that last post…trying to make sure i am following you correctly..

By Dark Brown

June 19, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this

Neither Coach Brown nor I have the best track record. With that in mind, the way I deal with his past is knowing exactly what program I signed up for, so does he. I am aware of who and how he can be, but I am not paranoid.

Besides, if I can be faithful, anybody can be faithful.

If at some point in the future, we have an indiscretion to deal with, we will burn that bridge when we get to it. In the interim, I am secure in the relationship that we are enjoying one day at a time.

Keep in mind that even if your partner does not have a “track record”, all track records start somewhere and temptation is around all day, every day even without you or your partner doing a doggone thing except breathing. All you can do is ask “lead us not” and keep it moving.

There is nothing you can do to pain-proof your life except not live it.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

June 19, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this

Purple if he’s not someone that you’re interested in dating then I wouldn’t bring up his sexual activities/desires…it doesn’t apply to you. It would just make an awkward situation worse….If he’s all those things you listed and you are NOT interested in him then carry on as usual! Keep his little fantasies secret…

By NCGirlfromATL

June 19, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

LOL! So much for not going down Freak Avenue today WD.

C tha 1 You stoopid! strong enough for a man, but made for a woman LMAO! Somebody’s got a secret!

Hey SJ!!

Purple I had a similar situation, except it was gay websites on my computer that a guy I was seeing was surfing. I was stunned. I asked him about them (and if he was gay), and he claimed that he was looking for something else (didn’t say what) and the sites just popped up. Except there were several, not to mention the books he had that had some very homosexual content…did I mention the slew of gay friends that I eventually met?…and the computer thing happened more than once. Of course, by the 2nd time, I’d peeped him, his books and his friends, and actually busted him w/ another man, so despite his (continued) very firm grip on the coat rack in the closet, there was no doubt in my mind. Thankfully, I figured it out looooong before we got too involved, and he holds a permanent spot in the FZ. Cemented there.

By T-Mango

June 19, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

I think risk management is important. We live in times where disease, violence and a lack of respect & common courtesy for others is prevalent. So…you really have to know the person that you’re seeing…their values/beliefs, background, views, how they treat others, etc.

On one hand risk management is a self managed process. In other words, we make individual decisions to go or not go, ask or not ask, do or not do, etc. However, on the other hand, there are some things that are apart of your life experience that will happen because it is apart of your destiny-your fate.

Ladies, does this come down to following your heart vs. following your head, as men seem to think we often do? Can you have it both ways?

I don’t think it’s fair to have to choose between your heart vs. your head. You can have it both ways. Yet, I think the key to this is paying attention to our ‘gut feelings’. As a woman that is where I find balance between my heart and my head…the inner voice. I believe that some of us as women do not pay attention to our gut feelings as much as we should. Instead, we let our emotions play the primary lead and ignore (or downplay) the facts that are in front of us. However, if we followed our ‘gut’, we’d not only feel, but think & feel. Then, make decisions accordingly.

By For Real

June 19, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this

What up Blog Fam!!!!

On topic: I always assess risk first and formost. Wise I have used that list all of my. Whether its personal or professional and it has never failed me.

Pee-Pee Dayummmm girl… your flamming thumbtack meant to send you that text. Yall have been girlfriends for much longer than you think if you think about it.

D4Life & Jewel How can I say this… IT HAS ONLY BEEN 2 & 3 MONTHS!!!! PULL THE F/K UP BEFORE YALL’S DUDES RUN AWAY!!!!

Ga.Man POKEMAN That is my friend is funny as hellz….

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

June 19, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

SJ I was referring to men who say they are not gay because they don’t receive it in the butt, but they like to stand behind a dude and give it all the same. I think they’re in denial because they are still being intimate with a dude. If they weren’t gay, then they would engage in that behavior with a woman….not a male.

By Deeva4Life

June 19, 2007 11:23 AM | Link to this

Kimmie thanks. And I have thought about it and I’ve decided that we’d be better off as friends.

By Jewel

June 19, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

Where does chemistry and passion fit in to this? Chemistry and passion are relative, in my humble opinion. These are important, but should not be the end all and be all of a relationship. Some days, I do not feel passion. I certainly have matured to the point that I do not expect fireworks and butterflies in my stomach every time I hear my sweetie’s voice or see him in person. I think if we become dependent on our feelings, we will automatically assume something is wrong if those feelings are missing.

Are these things too risky to build a relationship with? Actually, our relationships are an expression of ourselves…how we interact with others, who we choose to interact with. Every relationship is a risk. Trying to avoid risks only leads to regret later. You have to expose yourself to the other person and that is risky in and of itself. Will they accept me? Does any of our ‘styles’ match? Those are valid questions and should be considered. The order of priority is dependent on the level of commitment and the ultimate goals of each person.

By Alvin

June 19, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

C tha 1 dude, I could not stomach that show…at all.

Ladylike that’s true, I now date one woman at a time…old me, a 0e in different counties, LOL

I was young and dumb with no value of myself, LOL

Hey IG!!

I will not come out no time soon, cause I am in love stri…I meant a teacher.

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

Lady I was mistakenly given private information his sexual activites and I don’t plan to use it against him. Heck the way our conversations have been going he’s bound to tell on himself in due time. I sure hope that he was not trying to pick me to see where my head was at.

By 2CPTG

June 19, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

nice topic…..

In my lil humble opinion…..it all depends on YOU, the respective individual….initially (in your roaring 20’s, I like to say), ain’t no caution, ‘cause you really don’t know yourself…when you’re dating, or sowing your oats, you’re actually figuring yourself out! Seeing what you like, dislike, etc…once you’ve matured, then comes caution…’Cause now you oughta know better; and you should be quite selective in whom you choose to become acquainted with. On the flip side, if you’re too selective, and you see life passing you by, then you start throwing caution to the wind, and start settling, and the standards drop……stay focused…and keep ya eyes on the prize!

By For Real

June 19, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

D4Life “real insensitive and not considerate of my feelings” Please give examples and not the kind the NC gives.

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

I feel you on what you’re saying Lady but if the woman is the giver(strap on) and the guy is the receiver then what?

By SeanJohnson

June 19, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

Sup Council…

@ Lube/2D’s…gotcha..just making sure..

@ 4real..i was thinking the same thing…takes atleast 90 days of try outs and practices to even make the squad. If they dont pump the brakes..the dudes involved surely will…

By Deeva4Life

June 19, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

For Real I didn’t ask the man to marry me, I simply asked him to be considerate…what does knowing him 2 or 3 months have to do with that? I’m not asking him to give his heart or any of that to me at this point…just put your money where your mouth is. If you say you like me, then show it BY doing the basic things you do when getting to know someone you’re considering to have a long-term relationship with. Simply put. That’s all I asked. And he doesn’t have to run…I’ve made the decision that works best for me and ultimately him…we’ll be friends. The type that isn’t looking to pursue a relationship with each other and I’m perfectly fine with that.

By UT96

June 19, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

Beverly De Angelis,hmm, she has been divorced around seven times at last count. What does she know about romance, dating and especially marriage? Hardly seems like someone who should be given advice. Anyhow, it sems to me that dating and relationships tend to be over analyzed.

By Jewel

June 19, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

However, I’ve noticed that there are some areas (sensitivity, consideration of my feelings on issues, attentiveness, etc.) I feel he’s lacking in and those are areas that will determine (for me) where this goes. When I brought these things up to him, he told me that he has to be sure I’m the one before he gives 100% in those areas

Deeva4Life You are absolutely correct in expecting those things. It is the least a person can give in a relationship. IF he is truly looking for a LTR, he will invest in the relationship what he expects to receive in return. Waiting to be sure of what? Consideration of your feelings is RESPECT. Or, in the words of Aretha R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me Okay, there I go singing again. I think I was banned the other day…

By UT96

June 19, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

Beverly De Angelis,hmm, she has been divorced around seven times at last count. What does she know about romance, dating and especially marriage? Hardly seems like someone who should be giving advice. Anyhow, it sems to me that dating and relationships tend to be over analyzed.

By UT96

June 19, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

Beverly De Angelis,hmm, she has been divorced around seven times at last count. What does she know about romance, dating and especially marriage? Hardly seems like someone who should be giving advice. Anyhow, it sems to me that dating and relationships tend to be over analyzed.

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

WHOA NC that’s some crazy ish!! What did he say when you caught them?

Hey For Real (wink, wink)

By Blatino aka BMW aka BLT

June 19, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

…..d@mn… two straight nights staying in. careful, this might become a habit….

MLB for life!!…. yellow roses for the WLB.

Ok, gotta break off topic for everybody, cuz I need a little help. Dee Blatino has encountered a couple of new situations in the last few weeks that require the opinion of this distinguished panel of MLB n WLB experts.

Over the weekend I saw a friend who I’ve known for almost a year but hadn’t seen in months. I always had a thing for her, but never had approached her about it, and she’d blown it off the one time i’d hinted. Well, Friday night I laid it on thick, no holds barred. Told her I was feeling her, been feeling her, the whole 9. We met yesterday for coffee n we’re kinda sorta gonna see where this goes; aka taking it “sllooooow”.

…… on the other hand, I’ve got this shorty down in Fla that I met a few weeks ago when she was seeing some friends. We’ve talked regularly since then, always for long periods, and even though it’s just friendship, the chemistry is there and we’ve already talked about me visiting her down there; she wants me to come down for July 4th weekend.

So here’s the problem; they’re both almost identical in that they’re family oriented girls who are going to school and just basically the opposite of my ex and all the other girls i been messin with. If they were both here and I had to chose, I’d choose the one in Fla, but the other one is also real nice and available here.

Although we aren’t anything yet at all, at what point is it cheating to continue to pursue the one down in Fla, along with my other potential casual dating partners around here??? I’ve gone from a dry well to a bunch in a short period of time, but it can all evaporate just as quickly if i don’t play it right.

Help me out, BLOGFAM! Truth, GAMan, BK, SJ, ForReal, abc, Jake, Musing, Demi…. NCGirl, WISE, Mocha, T-mango, Slim….mad love for my blogpeeps

By Jewel

June 19, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

PurplePassion I concur with others comments: GAY! GAY! GAY! A real man is uncomfortable with a prostate exam…

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this

Does this approach take away from enjoying the dating process at all?Dating is hard and when you enter it with a bunch of expectations and the other person isn’t adding up to the grand tally then you get disappointed and lose interest fast. It’s a risk because you’re putting yourself out there and relying on that person to be right for you. IMO there are risk in everyday situations.

By T-Mango

June 19, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

Blat…You may want to take your time with this… Just be honest about wanting to date other people so that you’re not leading anyone on into thinking they are your one & only. Then, just let things take their course. Take your time…

…I think it all boils down to not only what you want, but what you can offer at the place you’re in within your life right now…Flip side: 1.) What can these ladies offer you in return? 2.) Are these ladies feeling you the way you are feeling them? 3.) Are these women looking for serious relationships? 4.) Are you willing to put in the work that it takes to maintain a long distance relationship (if you go that route?)

By Deeva4Life

June 19, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

For Real I don’t really know what you meant by not the kind the NC gives but here are two examples:

Inconsiderate - Last month, he moved a single, female co-worker in his house…said he was just letting her stay until she closed on her house. The problem wasn’t him moving her in but he never said anything about it to me. I just so happen to stop by the Sunday she moved in and he says to me, Oh by the way, “Keisha” moved in this weekend. To which I responded, “really”. Then he says, I thought we talked about that…uh, I wouldn’t have been sitting there with such a look on my face if we’d previously discussed it. Now, apparently he moved her in on Friday and Saturday…he talked to me on both of those days (obviously while he was moving her stuff) and never even brought it up. Granted, it is his house and he’s allowed to do what he wants in his house, but we’ve been dating and I’ve spent the night at his house on a couple of occasions…would it have hurt him to at least mention it? Not for approval but more of a “FYI” type deal. And then for him to try and play me with the whole, “I thought we talked about this” crap. To me, it wasn’t what took place, it was how he handled it. And for him to say he likes me and wants to be with me, why not be considerate enough to mention it to me?

Insensitive - He’d been gone for a week and when he got back in town I was supposed to go out with my girlfriends. I decided I’d rather spend that time with him since he’d been away. When I told him my plans he responded with a “I hope you don’t mind going to bed early”. Here I was trying to be sweet and do something nice and he comes back with a dry remark like that. If he were not in the mood for my company, he could’ve just said that or if he was tired and would’ve rather spent the time sleeping, he could’ve said that. I would have totally understood. But his tone and overall response IMO was so insensitive when I was attempting to do something nice. Maybe that was me looking to deep in it but that’s how it felt when he said it.

There are other examples but these two are the first that came to mind.

By NCGirlfromATL

June 19, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this

For Real Smooches!

Purple What did he say when I caught them? LOL! He introduced me to the guy, and then we all went out to dinner…as if I hadn’t just walked in on a big ole booty-fest. It was insane! And yet, he still denies that he’s gay. I don’t care if he is or not, but I guess he has other issues that keep him from coming out.

Blatino Don’t stress it right now. Have fun, and see where things go w/ both women. Right now you’re all in the representative phase, and in a few weeks, one or both of them could cut tha fool, and you would have the answer to your question. You’ll know when it’s cheating, b/c you’ll feel really bad about being w/ one and having to lie to the other. Until then, no strings, no worries.

The above comments to Blatino are not representative of the WLB, blah blah blah…

By Wise Diva

June 19, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this

@ Blatino, it’s only cheating when you are dishonest with all the women you are involved with. If they think they are the only one that you are pursuing, spending time with, then it makes it seem as if you are running game.

Do NOT make false promises, be straight forward about what you are doing i.e. spending time, getting to know people - casually dating.

I think you have time to decide, because it’s so early on, and sometimes things transpire and you will clearly see who is better suited for you, anyway.

I think some women can handle dealing with you while you are exploring things with someone else. It could be that they are fine with that because they are doing the exact same thing, but if they are putting all their energy and time in YOU - while you are juggling them - and they don’t know, then that is a little unfair. So it’s good to let them make informed decisions, and hope for the best.

Personally, I feel that one should stand head and shoulders above the others (as far as being compatible to you) but you won’t know that if you spread yourself too thin.

and no citation Officer Musing, I had a lot to say! LOL

By Jewel

June 19, 2007 12:06 PM | Link to this

Dark Brown Love your 10:35 and 11:12 posts.

For Real No thanks for the unsolicited advice…re-read my first post without your clogged MLB filter.

By Jake

June 19, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this

Blatino What did the five finger say to the face?….Slap

Man, you gotta stop the madness. It ain’t cheatin either way. I say, keep talkin to both ladies, don’t let that bird in the hand get away because you are staring at bushes in Fla. Besides, is Ms. Sunshine only dating you, you don’t know do you?

I’m not saying the lady in Fla. ain’t secial, but life is about timing, and you are too far away to know if that clock is actually ticking.

Just my opinion!

By GA.man AKA "Mr. Entertainment

June 19, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

Devaa and NC both of your men are in the Village People…one is the Indian and the other is the Cop….ya’ll see the sign now……leaveeeee…..Run Foresst..Run

Truth you have no relationship with either right now…..there is nothing wrong with seeing where it goes with them…normally someone will take themselves off the martket….and if you chose wrong.you are up a creek

By Demi

June 19, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this

Blatino Dude!!! Just be honest with them both and take it slow, they already yousa 0e, LOL Just don’t play games with their feelings and enjoy the show…what looks good now, may look ugly down the road, but you never know until you take a flying leap…to Hellz will me, musing, and Blu…LOL

MLB4Lyfe

By purplepassion

June 19, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this

Blatino You won’t be cheating unless you’re in a relationship. Be careful to let the other women know what your intentions are so here won’t be any misunderstanding.

By Dark Brown

June 19, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this

Okay, I have been trying NOT to ask, but…what in the blue blazes is WLB and MLB???

thanks, jewel…me just be giving y’all the view from my little window to the world…

By Jewel

June 19, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this

SeanJ Ditto on my comment to Not So Real…

Men seem to forget that women have the same options.

By Wise Diva

June 19, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this

@ UT96, I suppose you have a point, then again, a person who has made THAT many marriage mistakes could ALSO know a little about what to do because they learned the hard way. It’s all about perspective, I think these 10 areas are important, regardless of the source, it still rings true. I always take self-help books with a grain of salt too -though.

By Jewel

June 19, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this

DarkBrown

MLB: Men who Like being Buttholes

WLB: Women who Like to remind men that they are Buttholes**

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

June 19, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this

Okay, did anyone read the story on abcnews.com where a woman allowed her 41 yr old boyfriend to have sex with the mother’s boyfriend while she recuperated from surgery? The daughter agreed because she was promised that she could then stay overnight to have sex with her own boyfriend….I tell you the truth…just because you can make a baby..doesn’t mean you deserve to have one!!!

By Dark Brown

June 19, 2007 12:39 PM | Link to this

Off-topic - Coach Brown is taking me on a cruise to Nassau this weekend. Are there any on-shore excursions that you guys would recommend? Thx…

By GA.man AKA "Mr. Entertainment

June 19, 2007 12:41 PM | Link to this

Dont listen to Granny purse carrying Jewel

MLB stands for the Man Law Book

WLB stands for Womans Law Book

GaMan Now grabs Jewel’s granny purse and pops her across her head for misleading people about stuff……WHACK!!!!

By genius

June 19, 2007 12:43 PM | Link to this

By GA.man AKA "Mr. Entertainment

June 19, 2007 12:44 PM | Link to this

Okay, did anyone read the story on abcnews.com where a woman allowed her 41 yr old boyfriend to have sex with the mother’s boyfriend while she recuperated from surgery? The daughter agreed because she was promised that she could then stay overnight to have sex with her own boyfriend….I tell you the truth…just because you can make a baby..doesn’t mean you deserve to have one!!!

Ok whattttttt(Said in my Geico CaveMan’s voice…. was it suppose to read like this…or did you type it wrong…….

By genius

June 19, 2007 12:46 PM | Link to this

GOOD GOD, BROWN, GO TO TRAVEL SITE WITH THIS OFF TOPIC !

By SeanJohnson

June 19, 2007 12:53 PM | Link to this

@ Blatino…i think its consensus…from even the women on the blog…Hit both of them…

By Dark Brown

June 19,