Misadventures in Atlanta

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 8:15 AM | Link to this

Morning All…Diva sorry to read about your lost loved one! May you find comfort with time!

By Sexione

May 22, 2007 8:19 AM | Link to this

Morning Everybody!!

I’ll post my .02 cents now just in case I don’t make it back later….

Yes, Wise, we as women are the nurturing, forgiving, forever understanding species. However, after awhile (and a child or two), our patience grows thin with certain things. I have definitely become more picky (man-like) in my dating (or lack thereof, lol). I was just commenting to a male coworker recently how it has been a loooonnngg time since I have even come across a man that I was truly attracted to enough to want to know. For me, it starts with the physical attraction, so if that is not a check, then there’s nowhere to go from there. On the flip side, he can be handsome and sexy to death, but if I get the vibe that he may be a jerk, a player, a fool etc., the interest is gone. I think a lot of this has to do with age and experience and the fact that I now have a zero tolerance for bullish. And yes, gurl, G. Garvin is sexy isn’t he….cooking up that food, all chocolate and whatnot…lol

By Jake.

May 22, 2007 8:21 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Ladies, head Nod MLB.

This should be a good one, i ‘ll just wait and see what happens today.

By SlimOne

May 22, 2007 8:24 AM | Link to this

Morning

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 8:28 AM | Link to this

We are more accomdating, accepting of things we know are not right, and tolerant of inconsistent behavior…I often ask myself is it worht all this just to have a man and not be lonely and just up the anty to want more and be truely single untile certain basic satandards are met…Of course I am still learning this process and it is not easy after years of putting up with nonsense to demand what is right…It is tricky I think as to what one say they want and what one truely deals with…

By BlatinoBrutha -

May 22, 2007 8:37 AM | Link to this

Morning, blogfam.

Wise, so sorry to hear about your cousin. That must be heart-wrenching. On behalf of the MLB, you’ll be in our prayers.

On topic, I’ll be lurking for a bit on this one….

By kinderbabe

May 22, 2007 8:39 AM | Link to this

good morning everyone! hope this day is going well for you.:) hmmm…date like a man, huh? well, i think in the terms diva put it, that means in a nutshell…valuing yourself enough to think that you deserve what you want. the difference w/men is they feel they are worthy even if they aren’t. the most low down, good for nothing, jackbutt of a man still feels like he’s worthy of the best woman in the world. w/us women, no matter how much we have it going on, a lot of us still feel that we don’t deserve to be treated right which makes us “afraid” to be picky. men definitely have that mindframe over us…they think they deserve a prize even if they aren’t one. it’s basically an entitlement complex. maybe it has something to do w/how they were raised. who knows…

any who…what’s up ladyj, slimone, mo, mochalatte, sexione…the WLB lol

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 8:42 AM | Link to this

Hey Kinderbabe we are almost there!!!:)

By Jay

May 22, 2007 8:49 AM | Link to this

Good Morning all. Do you feel man choose his mate based on what catches his attention in other women. Being stable and having a life is important. I think a man wants the woman that allows him to be a man. Hello LadyJ.

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 8:53 AM | Link to this

Hey Jay!!!:)

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 22, 2007 8:53 AM | Link to this

Diva sorry to hear about your loss. You are in our prayers..

What’s up Blog Fam!!! Hope everyone is doing well this morning!

Kinderbabe I agree with your post 100%! If women would start to have that same mindset that men have in regards to what we deserve, that would be something!! ^5 to the WLB

By Jake.

May 22, 2007 8:55 AM | Link to this

I not going to turn this into a battle of the sexes just yet, BUT ladies are not realistic sometimes.

Ladies are picky generally, men are picky for the long haul. We know that a bad decision can cost us Half, who wants to end up paying for someone’s lifestyle who are no longer there. Men are super careful about who they want to spend FOREVER with.

I’m not sure how picky ladies should be, but just try being realistic.

The dudes who you think are great, perfect bank account, nice, blah,blah, blah is probably as choosy as they come because he will protect himself and his interest.

The better the catch, the better the bait has to be.

I just got finish tellin my cuzin to be careful with these ladies because they are smart (we have comparable stats..he is under 30, no kids, new homeowner), if you let a woman get too close too fast, she’ll be in there…lol

By GA.man

May 22, 2007 8:56 AM | Link to this

Good Morning all Yes Wise i think all of the MLB is praying for your heart and your family as well….

Wlb your dues are due today…as well as your Light bill, rent, and your phone and cable boy talking about starting off in the RED

I am still having fun with Lil GaMan so i will be in and out again today

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 8:59 AM | Link to this

Yeah Mo Kinder is right!!!! Do you think self esteem is a factor with many women?

By The Truth

May 22, 2007 9:00 AM | Link to this

Morning bloggers.

Dam WD another great topic. This should be interesting also.

I’ve always wondered why a woman would settle for a guy that obviuosly isn’t “the one” and then commence to raising hell with her number 2, 3, or 4 selection. The poor guy wonders why she is so argumentative, mean spirited, and generally unhappy. This guy is just a fill-in until her “knight” shows up. This is another reason I think guys shouldn’t take one ounce of crap from a woman. I may not be #1 but I will not be #2 to some dude you either haven’t met or have met and it didn’t work out.

I think most guys have a formula and if you don’t fit that formula its a wrap. However, bedtime will extend our time together.

I need a little help. I was out this weekend with my girl having a good time, like we always do together, and I saw this chick that really struck me. I mean this chick was it. Anyway, she kept walking by me and looking and smiling and I was so tempted to give her a card but that would have been disastrous. I must admit that I’ve been thinking about marrying my girl (she really is a great woman) but if I’d of had a better circumstances I’d of got with that chick in a New York minute. Do any of you ever go through this? I felt like a confused teen not knowing what to do.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 22, 2007 9:08 AM | Link to this

Lady J I think self esteem has something to do with it in some cases. Just like some of it is related to one’s background.

GAMan dont start!! Go on and finish having a good time with Lil GAMan!!

By NCGirlfromATL

May 22, 2007 9:10 AM | Link to this

Blog hug to Wise! You and your family are in my prayers.

Whatup WLB (giving secret handshake)

I have to agree with Wisey on this one. I think men are choosey b/c they have the luxury of being choosey. It has been well-established on this blog that “marriage benefits women.” Although I disagree with this, that’s what the men think. So, in that vain, why shouldn’t they be picky? It’s to their advantage to be as picky as they want, b/c chances are, they will find who they are looking for loooooooong before we find a man that meets all of our so-called criteria. I think women have been lulled into complacency b/c of the larger number of single women in the world today. We feel like we have to compromise on this, to get that. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I tend to be one who will chose my battles. Back in my 20s, I had a whole list of requirements. I can’t tell you how much has come off of that list, and how the previous list of requirements is now a list of requests. LOL! I don’t know that compromise is bad, but in this context, I can see how it might seem a little unfair.

I guess like the late, great (*Jake, has he been buried yet?!?) James Brown said, “this is a maaaaaaaaaan’s world! But it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl!”

By Jake.

May 22, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this

Truth Boy, your azz is grass for the end of that post, but I’ll fight with you…lol

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 9:12 AM | Link to this

Great Post Jake!!

Truth I think you are old enough to know what is on the other side is not always best…JMO

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 9:16 AM | Link to this

Truth it will be a whole new set of issues to accept and deal with…No one is perfect gold does glitter but it sounds like your heart is with your current SO and I would vote for it to stay there!!! You been there and done that. There will always be preety chicks but the choice comes to do you want all or just one! lol

By SeanJohnson

May 22, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this

Sup Blog…Wise Diva..sorry to hear about your loss..

Regarding the topic…I think yall have it totally backwards…Men are not that picky when it comes to dating..we are more pratical…Some tips I would give females..have more men in your life..not only for dating purposes..but to get to understand us and why we do or act the way we do…second tip..stop listening to your female friends regarding relationships if she is not in a positve relationship..she is more likely to give you bad advice and you will end up single like her..third tip..be realistic…tv..videos are songs are NOT how relationships really are..no such thing as the perfect couple 24/7..

By SlimOne

May 22, 2007 9:23 AM | Link to this

Was out yesterday still trying to catch up

Hey kinder & the rest of the WLB

be back as soon as i can

By T-Mango

May 22, 2007 9:23 AM | Link to this

T-Mango arrives singing “Touch Me in the Morning” by Diana Ross

Good morning all (special shout out to the WLB).

On topic: This is going to be an interesting dialogue today. I don’t view myself as being “picky” as I date. I just know that I have my own preferences and I think they are realistic. I am comfortable in my own skin, and know what I want/need from a partner…so I expect the man I date to be in the same place. I do not believe that every person that you meet deserves to share in your energy or hold a space in your life. So, as individuals look for companionship and possibly a life partner, folks have every right to be as selective as they want to be in the dating process. I do think some women begin to yield to societal pressures with regard to “having a man” and that’s when some of us lower our standards, change preferences, and/or change ourselves to try to “get a man”. Some of us just fear being alone. Not the road I choose to take, but to each their own.

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 9:24 AM | Link to this

@SJ…Being realistic is true and more male friends does help educate me on dating…Great Post!!!

By SeanJohnson

May 22, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this

@ Truth..dude…if you and your girl are good together no problems…just say to yourself..damn that chic is fine in your head and try not to be disrespectful when u are checking her out..You already know..its Atl…u will always see something u like..A bird in the hand beats two in the bush…I see atleast three Mrs Sean Johnsons a day.

By BlatinoBrutha -

May 22, 2007 9:31 AM | Link to this

….walking in, notebook in hand, and stepping to the podium for a rare lecture sponsored by the MLB for a few lucky members of the WLB….

“Ok, my sistahs, lend me your ears. You’re about to be schooled on the real secret of men’s dating.”

Ok, the real deal is that yes, men ARE picky when it comes to their women, but the reason we so often end up with what we want is that we pick from a larger pool. We’re not talking about just the raw numbers, either. You see, we don’t eliminate any woman with the possible right credentials.

When we meet a woman, regardless of the circumstance, we immediately start building the casefile in our database. If she fits our basic criteria at a 70% or better clip, she’s put in the prospect file until a later more convenient time. When it comes time to date, we pick from ALL the women we know, and go from there.

Now why is this significant??? Because, simply put, my WLB sistahs, ya’ll don’t!! You tend, for some odd reason, to try to add a second classification: FRIEND. This dirty little word is, in the humble opinion of yours truly, the biggest hidden reason why you and your fellow WLB members tend to have to scrape the bottom of the barrel. You see, while you’re sitting there working on your next reclamation project, ie the unemployed blue collar ex-con on your couch, nearly every one of you has at least one, if not two, good-looking, gainfully employed, genuinely marketable men that you don’t have on that couch. Why??? Because, and say it with me, “I only see him as friend.” You love to be around him, and you probably share a lot with him, but for some unexplainable reason, shortly after you met this affable young man, you relegated him to the Friend Zone. You know that place; it’s where most of you keep your good men that are in ‘reserve’, usually cuz they’re not “thug” enough for you. Well, catch a clue. They’re thugs for a reason. Now not to say you don’t want a little of that, after all, all real bruhs are gonna have a touch. But listen to me ladies, ya’ll got a lotta good prospects going to other women cuz they tired of sittin on your team’s bench waiting to get in the game.

Officer Musirello, Capt SJ, GAMan, Jake, Demi. Can I pleez get a cosign on this one???

By Raqi

May 22, 2007 9:33 AM | Link to this

WiseDiva sorry to hear about your cousin. Hang in there.

By BlatinoBrutha -

May 22, 2007 9:33 AM | Link to this

OMG, i forgot my bruh TRUTH! sorry mane.

By kinderbabe

May 22, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this

truth i think you’re o.k. a lot of people have those last minute jitters especially when you’re thinking of making a serious commitment like marriage. it sounds like you’re considering other options b/c of the BIG step your considering w/your current s.o. you did show some restraint and didn’t give your card to the woman. just take some time to think about why you are feeling how you feel and if you think your ready to settle down.

By Deeva4Life

May 22, 2007 9:39 AM | Link to this

In my experiences, I’ve found that since my divorce I’ve become very open about what it is I want and EXPECT in a relationship. Now I’ll be honest and say that I’ve still had my share of disappointments because there are men out there who come with this whole song and dance about looking for a good woman and how they’re ready to settle down (blah, blah, blah) however once you open up and give them a chance they start back peddling on all those things they said in the beginning. That’s why now I’m about words and actions coinciding. Then of course there are those that “think” they are a great catch simply because they are educated, homeowners, nice rides, etc. and to a superficial woman maybe that’s enough. However these same guys are jacked up emotionally and therefore can’t and/or not willing to give you what you need in return. I’m cool with a guy having standards and being selective about their mate but I too think that men don’t always know what they want. They can have a pretty, sweet, supportive, homemaker freak at home but something in them makes them feel that there’s something better out there…which makes me feel that some men are never satified…it doesn’t matter how good you are to them. And we as women have to determine when enough is enough.

I know for a fact that I’ve been too accommodating and too understanding in past relationships. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I deserved better or that I suffered from self-esteem issues as it was me trying to show that I could be the woman he said he needed in his life. I wasn’t doing it just to “get him” it really is who I am…I’m just a giver by nature. But what happens is some men take that for granted and when I started to realize I was giving everything and getting nothing in return then it was time to go. At this stage in my life (turning 30 in 2 weeks), I’m prepared to go the long haul until the one for me comes along…and he may not be the finest or the richest or maybe he will but most importantly he’ll be for me in every aspect of a relationship. And that’s what counts.

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this

BlatinoBrutha -I hate the friend word too but if there is no attraction beyond I want to be your friend is that wrong…Or are you saying we are missing out bc we won’t even give it a chance? I don’t know it has been a few that has been sent to FZ bc I just wasn’t feeling it…Is that wrong?

By JJ

May 22, 2007 9:41 AM | Link to this

Guy’s Dating Manual, Rule 2, page 2, section 2(b) - “If the woman doesn’t give it up on the first date, move on to the next woman. Keep moving on until you find one who does put out on the first date. After all, you spent money/time on her, took her out, so she needs to reciprocate. Then be sure to tell her you will call, get her number, and as soon as you walk out, toss her number into the trash, and just leave her hanging.”

Rule 3, Page 3, Section 3, “Next Victim……”

By Jake.

May 22, 2007 9:42 AM | Link to this

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT brought to you by SeanJ

stop listening to your female friends regarding relationships if she is not in a positve relationship..she is more likely to give you bad advice and you will end up single like her

This phenomemnon has always amazed me because dudes would never take the advice, it would be like this.

Dude: man my lady trippin

No Girl Dude: What up

Dude: She just gettin on my fuggin nerves

NGD: You should leave her if its that bad.

Dude: Shiiid, so I can be lonely like yo dumbazz

NGD: I ain’t lonely, you just puddy whipped

Dude: Whatever, so how is the Mrs.

NGD: You know ain’t wit nobody right now

Dude: Exactly, thats why your opinion don’t count

NGD: Fugg you!

By NCGirlfromATL

May 22, 2007 9:42 AM | Link to this

I’ve always wondered why a woman would settle for a guy that obviuosly isn’t “the one” and then commence to raising hell with her number 2, 3, or 4 selection.

Truth That presupposes that the woman was the only one with a choice in the matter. If she was so mean and argumentative, why would dude ask her to marry him in the first place? LOL! But you’re right. Settling sucks! But, I think you’re assuming that by compromising and being willing to be flexible about what a woman is able to deal with in a man, that she is settling. Our preferences change with the situation.

SJ You are on FIRE this week! Nice post!

Ga Man I still can’t figure out why you are under the very mistaken impression that the existence of the WLB has anything at all to do with the MLB. We are a completely independent entity. We own our facility (see! no mortgage!), and certainly wouldn’t be paying any dues to the MLB. Somebody done told you wrong, honey! Don’t get it twisted…we love us some men! But don’t worry, we got this!

WLB I think we might need to send over a goodie basket to the MLB to show that we are not a hostile group. Who wants to make the pound cake?

By Raqi

May 22, 2007 9:43 AM | Link to this

SeanJohn I was thinking more on the lines of your comment. Men are more reasonable in their choices.

The odd thing is a woman can the perfect mate for a man, but he can be less than perfect by her standards.

Now what does that say?

By Cassie

May 22, 2007 9:44 AM | Link to this

We women can find a positive trait of some kind even amongst the most heinous of people. How else do you explain prison pen pals that end in marriage?

Last time I checked, statistically speaking, women outnumbered me, so men can afford to be picky.

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this

@Deeva4Life…I feel you, I can right a book…LOL

By Ladylike a.k.a. Thickness

May 22, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blog

I think men are more picky about women they date, and when it comes to marriage men do have high standards.
Yes, I have been accommodating in the past. Having extremely high standards is a good process of elimination especially when you make the comparison to yourself. You can easily ensure realistic standards when you ask yourself if you would do what your asking.

By The Truth

May 22, 2007 9:51 AM | Link to this

Regarding kinders 839 post. I think most guys relive their greatest moments whereas most women relive their worst. For instance, a guy that made a game winning hoop in high school would associate that to himself even if he hasn’t done much else in life. Or as you say even if he is not a prize that moment will hold him over until his next great moment.

A woman, on the other hand, will go on over and over about how she wasn’t the prettiest girl or some boyfriend she lost or something like that that hurt her.

These thought processes affect every decision we make in our lives. As I’ve said before men are programmed to win, or mentally feel like he has. Thats why when a woman wears a dude out at home his spirit eithers dies to stay with her or he leaves so he can win. These are just my thoughts.

LadyJ I know in my mind the consequences but I love the hunt, that chemical attraction is so powerful.

Thanks Jake cover my back, this newly formed WLB has been known to kidnap fellas and take them to some hideout they have.

By BlatinoBrutha -

May 22, 2007 9:57 AM | Link to this

@LadyJ, baby, I ain’t sayin it’s wrong, cuz if you’re just not feeling it your just not. But ya’ll do leave some good men on the table. Just don’t act like you HAVE to settle for less than. You may have to check your own tastes and ask yourself, “Is it really working for me?” What’s really funny to me is that these are usually some pretty good looking dudes that ya’ll aren’t attracted to. Dudes some other woman snaps up in a minute when he’s done waitin on you. I say this because if you have one of those male friends in your life, better than 90% chance he wants to be with you if you gave it a chance.

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 10:01 AM | Link to this

Truth don’t let that chemical attraction become physical and make a terrible choice!!! You have a second chance to be a better person!!! That is my theme to living these days!!!:)

By NCGirlfromATL

May 22, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this

I’ve gotta say (not speaking on behalf of the WLB, as we are a group of diverse women, with diverse opinions) Blatino did break it down! LOL! We’ve all heard the complaints about the FZ. (Which is a lot different from the Ho Zone described in JJ’s post…but I digress…) Now, I can’t say that I have any unemployed, thugs sitting up on my couch, since that’s not my style in the first place. But, I agree that men have more choices, and they seem to be more open to those choices. It comes back to that whole “list” thing. If he doesn’t meet the requirements, he ends up in the…(shudder) Friend Zone.

But fellas, what’s worse, the FZ or the LTR zone? Cuz, it seems that you rarely end up in anyplace other than that. LOL!

By Mochalatte Peach with Extra Cream

May 22, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this

Morning Slim, Mo, Kinder, Wise, Lady J, Sexi and WLB

I think the appropriate song for this blog today is Ciara’s Like a Boy! It is exactly how I feel some days.

“What if I had a thing on the side, made you cry. Would the rules change up or would they still apply? What if I played you like a toy, sometimes I wish I did act like a boy.”

I mean, women dating these days have to have a thick skin, and it seems that you have to be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!!! You have to date aggressively to find the person that best suits you, but when you meet him you have to turn all that off and become the sweet attractive, sexy, career-minded, yet in-tune with your man’s needs kind of girl. It seems like you can’t win for losing. Why should I have to change who I am in order to find a mate that I don’t have to “settle” for?

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 10:08 AM | Link to this

Hey Mochalatte Peach with Extra Cream!!!

Truth last thing as Luther sings…Love the one you are with!! You will be fine but really think before acting and be proactive with thoughts!!!:)

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 10:10 AM | Link to this

NCGirlfromATL…His post was on target…

By QueDogTeching

May 22, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

What up blog Said while blogging all early

I must admit I am very choosy, but good looks get you further, I won’t lie. It’s just that looks won’t keep you there. Boredom is boredom no matter what face and body it is attached to.

As far as dating, on my 25th b-day my father told me this. He said “son you have now entered in to a new phase of life. The innocence is gone. As it relates to women no longer will you meet the virgin, or the innocent girl, or the girl that has had one, or two boyfriends. You will now meet the girl who is a woman, she will have a little more weight to work off, she will be married and divorced, she will already have been messed over, she will have been in multiple relationships, she will have children, she will not believe anything that is being sold until she knows it works for sure.” He then added “Be careful because those are the ones who will hurt you” My brother who is 2 and some change older than me was nodding. Just what I was taught. So I am interested in this topic.

By SlimOne

May 22, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

In dating it seems strange that if you appear too interested in a guy he’ll play the game trying to keep you at bay by at least 10 feet. But if you turn it around and don’t seem too interested in them, they blow you up trying to hang out. Not sure what the deal is on that, i guess it’s that chase thing again. too many games

By Eyez

May 22, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this

I think it all breaks down to men seemingly being pickier after they get trampled. I am guilty as charged and I know several other guys that are the same way. I spent two years dating off and on before I had a prospect worth mentioning b/c I got passed over so many times for the “Friend” position. I laughed at these women b/c I knew they would be backpedaling once they got a hint of the bad boy they were ogling. They did too……And when they figure out that they made the wrong choice, I have already made my piece and rolled out.

Ladies: Look at the men around you on a regular and see which ones know how to have fun but can be respectful to everyone. That’s the guy you want to go for, even if he isn’t chiseled. More than likely the super good looking guys aren’t worth your time anyways, they just want to use you. So what if he isn’t bad enough for you??? I will put money on it that if you wanted him to he would do just about anything to show you how bad he can be.

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

SlimeOne…Great post and so true…Post my divorce in the start I was the call queen but I have truly learned not to call for days and the reponses are better…

By The Truth

May 22, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this

Lady J I have cheated before and will probably do it again. I am not faithful by nature but I’m working on controlling it. I’m not a ho but I had a gf for six of the years I was with my ex. I just need something different sometimes. No offence ladies. And for the ladies that will say what if she needed it too, she can have it. Until I find out.

SJ that is exactly how I felt. That was Mrs. Truth. That cleavage was screaming at me. She was banging. Of course my so was banging too the 1st time I saw her.

NC the worst thing in the world is to compromise and lose.

Cassie the chicks were lined up for Jeffry Dahmer. Who can figure that out?

ALL MLB MEMBERS due to recent events (mainly the formation of the WLB) all MLB members are required to blog in packs of 2. Any MLB MEMBER BLOOGGING SOLO DOES SO AT HIS OWN RISK. BE SAFE MY BRUTHAS

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this

Slim I feel you too the games are a bit tired!

By Mochalatte Peach with Extra Cream

May 22, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

NCGirl I got the pound cake. I’ll even it top it with a nice drizzle of lemon flavored icing!

MLB Get a clue. The WLB is a seperate entity. Totally self-sufficient and we have this thing under control. But thanks for the thought.

On a serious note WD God Bless you and yours. I find that listening to the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir’s version of For EVery Mountain really gets me through a stressful time. You and your family are in my prayers.

By SeanJohnson

May 22, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this

@ Raqi…explain what u mean by…The odd thing is a woman can the perfect mate for a man, but he can be less than perfect by her standards. that reminds me of KB’sthey think they deserve a prize even if they aren’t one….Both of those states leave a bad taste in my mouth…like yeah i got a man…but..he is not really what i want in a man..For the most part i think thats underestimating the love your man has/wouid for you…u wouldnt be just a token SO..u would actually be a prize..

By Wise Diva

May 22, 2007 10:35 AM | Link to this

Everyone, thanks so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it. Thank you!

By BlatinoBrutha -

May 22, 2007 10:36 AM | Link to this

So, Truth. Can i get a little backup? we ride or die, my brutha. Cosignin your last post.

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 10:39 AM | Link to this

Oh Truth that ain’t right…but that is life!

By T-Mango

May 22, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

I mean, women dating these days have to have a thick skin, and it seems that you have to be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!!!

To your point. Yes… you do have to have thick skin in order to deal with moments of rejection. It makes it easier to dust your shoulders off and try again. It’s helped me:-)

I think women should be chameleons…beautiful enough to attract a man with enough inner beauty, intellect, charm and content to keep him interested. Keep it real-Not every women out there ia able to achieve that type of balance. So, while there may be quantity in the dating marketplace it is sometimes harder to find the total package. That’s why so many of us are still searching and trying…until we get it “right” as we define.

By JJ

May 22, 2007 10:45 AM | Link to this

TheTruth* You are a jerk for that last post. It’s ok for you to mess around, but not your SO? Why would you do something like that to someone you love? Do you think you are the man or what? You stated that you weren’t a “ho”, but you are. Your behavior is very disrespectful to woman everywhere.

By MusingLee

May 22, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

Wise Sorry to hear of your loss…Feel better.

Men can afford to be more discriminating when looking for a Woman because we can have children well into old age, as well as, younger Women love dating older Men…This allows Men more time and options when dating…Women tend not to have either of these luxuries due to biological issues and societal issues…Younger Men aren’t flocking to settled own permanently with older Women, as is not the case concerning older Men.

By kinderbabe

May 22, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this

sj i’m not sure what raqi meant by her statement but i know what i meant by mine. like yeah i got a man…but..he is not really what i want in a man. when i made my statements earlier i was referring to being accomodating and compromising. true enough, you can accomodate yourself right out of what you want. i feel for the most part, a lot of women are prepared to make these sorts of provisions where as men expect to get “just what they want.” i’m not saying it’s right, it’s just an observation. hope the bad taste in your mouth is gone now, if not use orbit it works wonders.:)

By Mochalatte Peach with Extra Cream

May 22, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this

Truth Yeah that is kind of foul. I have to co-sign with Lady J. There goes that “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” moment in life.

You would be put out if your SO decided that she needed a “little taste” outside of your relationhip.

On Topic: I think that women need to realize their worth. We are not just cuddy buddies, we have value and I think that when we as a whole realize that then men will have to step up their game. But since it seems like there will always be a woman out there who wants to settle just because she under values herself, we will always have men who think they can push the envelope with us. I realized that just a little bit of common sense in dating goes a long way. Try not being available for a couple of days and see who calls first. If he’s really that into you, he’ll call and be like what’s up? If he doesn’t call, you know that what you thought was there really wasn’t and it may be time to move on. JMO

By 2day

May 22, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

I’ve always dated older, mature men. They have lots of money, they are settled, drive nice cars, have nice homes, like to travel, take care of their woman, and don’t play these stupid games……

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

Thanks Mochalatte Peach with Extra Cream I needed that for real…

By Nick

May 22, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

Me and my friends have an analogy we call “chopsticks.” Say if ur out on a date and ur having sushi, and the woman ur with doesn’t know how to use chopsticks properly, then she’s out. It’s over.

The chopsticks are symbolic for any shortcoming that a particular woman may have that doesn’t live up to a man’s criteria for a future wife. Sometimes tho, it really doesn’t go that far… It can be difficult to find a girl that u can possible date for a while, let alone marry one day. Gotta slow things down a bit.

But the point is, in this instance, not being able to use chopsticks properly shows that this particular woman is not completely cultured to my liking so she’s out. That’s one thing that is very important is a well balanced social partner and using chopsticks is vital to a lasting relationship for me.

This can be applied to men to. A bald head may be the “chopsticks” for some woman with the men they date.

Chopsticks, if u will, is the DEAL-BREAKER. Call it being picky… I call it ensuring happiness!

By lovelyliz

May 22, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

I remember a book that was published a few years ago What Men Want, written by a group of men (doctor, lawyer,a & an accountant I think). The one thing I remember these guys said was that in general women were labeled as either good for now or wife potential and that once you were a good for now girl you could never be wife material.

By SlimOne

May 22, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

Wise excuse my ignorance but due to me being out i guess i’m lost as to what happened. I’m sure you don’t want to relive but where can I find this news?

By Island Girl

May 22, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this

Hello Everyone

Wise, sorry to hear about your lost. You and your family are in our prayers.

Slim, we missed you yesterday. The guys tried to get feisty yesterday, but the WLB held it down.

Somewhat on the topic:

I have to agree with SJ’s 9:19 post. I’ve learned a lot from my brothers. Women tend to make a lot of decisions based on emotions, whereas men don’t.

For decades, women have been taught to be subservient to men. Don’t get me wrong, I am very supportive of marriage and men who truly take care of their households. My concern is with women who have the engrained mentality of being less of a person because they’re single.

With this said, I believe a lot of women say they are picky, but truly are not. Like many others, I used to have a mental list that comprised mostly of physical attributes for the ideal mate. Over the years, I realized it is more important for me to appreciate inner qualities of a person. Some of those qualities include moral values, his perspective on spirituality, economics, education, and children.

If women would stop throwing caution to the wind when making the decision in choosing the type of person to be with; I think we would be better appreciated and not viewed as expendable. Just my two cents.

By QueDogTeching

May 22, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this

@ truth On your 9:00 post. It’s called the green grass theory. It always looks greener on the other side. This is what I have said to myself in those situations, even when I am by myself. “If I was with the other girl, would I want to holla at my current girl?” The answer is almost always yes. So I figure I’m straight.

@ Blatino Brutha On your 9:31 post. Said in my best old school deacon voice “Preach brother Preach” said while standing straight with head bowed and fist high in the air. Black glove on right hand.

The friend zone should be for little girls. Maybe women should do like guys, after about the age of 13 I had no female friends. They all became potential team players. That’s just how I grew up.

By Paul Alducin

May 22, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this

Ladies…. Here’s my “secret tell”…. If she doesn’t pass this initial test she’s gone.

I always open and close the passenger car door for her. If she doesn’t make an effort to reach over and unlock my door or at least hit the power lock I know right away that she’s not the one.

Remember this ladies…. I’m not the only man who uses this formula. In fact I have several friends who do exactly the same thing.

By lovelyliz

May 22, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this

There was a book that came out a few years ago *What Men Want written by a group of men (doctor, lawyer & an accountant I think). The one thing that really struck me was when these guys said that women are labeled as either good for now or wife potential. Once you were labeled as a good for now girl, you would never become wife material.

By Ladylike a.k.a. Thickness

May 22, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this

I gotta admit dating as a female is so hard but I have picked up some speed of the past year. I guess some dap should be given to the men on this blog, but anyway the thick skin point is good. It’s hard for some women to bounce back after rejection.

Wise Diva I don’t know what’s happen but girl God Bless you and your’s and may his Peace comfort and sustain you.

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this

@lovelyliz…I hate those labels but they do exist…Not that I am trying to marry somebody asap but I don’t know men do use them them and as Truth put it as long as the sex is there the good for now can go on for years and a woman still can miss out on the mate for her by accepting the current bs…Wow!

By The Truth

May 22, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this

SJ I think what their saying is they’ll marry a guy they know they shouldn’t and then throw it up in his face for as long as their together. When they leave they still want HAFFF (Said with my Eddie Murphy Delirious voice)

Blat I got your back, even if your wrong. Like you had mine when I was wrong a few times. LMAO

Mocha, LadyJ, and T-mango, and Slim I don’t think you have to do any special contortions or be anything other than what you are. Guys don’t change for you. He do what he do and if you don’t like it he moves on. You must be comfortable with someone you may have been interested in not wanting you, like most guys are. Remember, this whole blog is used to discuss how to get a round peg in a square hole. If you walked outside today and met “the one” you’d forget about this blog and the WLB (which i highly recommend anyway, lol) in a hot second. You wouldn’t have to change a single hair on your head cause he’d love every strand. The games are only played by those who want to play them.

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

Truth men play games too and my thoughts won’t change on that but I do comprehend your post…Oh and it does take two to play so I truly feel what you are saying…

By SlimOne

May 22, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Truth Dating is pretty much a game babes. I’m not trying to date anyone right now anyway. There was this one guy that said he had to tie up some lose ends which was cool but by the time he came back around i really wasn’t feeling it. So that’s what I was going by in regards to the guy now coming around after the chick pulling back. I told him i guess we’ve switched roles or something because now I have ‘lose ends’. He always jokes around about him needing to find another girlfriend to settle down with and i told him good luck. I have other things going on right now that I can’t give that much attention. Sometimes life is about having the right timing…or just maybe we weren’t put in each other’s path for the basis of dating. Who knows?

By Island Girl

May 22, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Paul Alducin

Chivalry is not dead.

By T-Mango

May 22, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

Truth-Who said anything about us changing to please a man?

I think there are women that do. I can’t speak for anyone else… but that’s not how I get down. You can’t squueze a size 7 foot in newborn baby shoes…

Being a chameleon to me means showing different sides of yourself. Either you have the characteristics that will display or you don’t. But, you can’t develop or enhance the characteristics unless you work on them for yourself because you see its’ inner value. That’s where I’m coming from-

By Mochalatte Peach with Extra Cream

May 22, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this

Okay Paul how many times did you watch “A Bronx Tale”. So do you also believe that there are only 3 great ones? I mean gee wiz. I’m sorry, there was so much sarcasm in that.

By Wise Diva

May 22, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

hey slimone! here is the CNN report It was so sad, she just got married 2 years ago, so the picture they used in the program was of her smiling in her wedding gown sigh

By SeanJohnson

May 22, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

@KB..dont get smart..mess around and get your car egged on the last day of school. To respond to your post we all have compromised and over accomodated in relationships..its just a personal tolerance level that u have to set..What women to understand is…as we age..our options and dating range expand…women are marriage/serious relationship minded at a younger age than us..and we can get the benifits from women 25-45 with out the having to commit fully and this leaves a bad taste in females mouths because we are not giving them the security factor that all of her accomdating and comprising will pay off for the long term..KB..u dont come off as being bitter…how have your dating been for the last 5 years?

By SlimOne

May 22, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

Wise wow!….I missed a lot while i was out. Sorry to hear that. You know we’re always here if need be….or even if you don’t ‘need be’. smile

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

Not taking sides and hope I don’t need a blog vest but SJ you are right about not being fully comitted and that bad taste as to what many women tolerate…JMO On the flip side there are just as many women that won’t tolerate this behavior for a second and will be single and not trip on the outside I think I don’t know…Not trying to open a can of worms just speaking from my experiences and thinking about my college friends…we were so different when it came to dating as what we wanted and truely tolerated…

By Granny's panties

May 22, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

you are in my prayers, Ms.Wise

Now cosigning BlatinoBrutha 9:31 post with WofMD!!!

This young lady threw me in FZ (just a month), so she could give her married boyfriend another chance.

(sorry for sounding lika b-ish igga) So I ask her why she is so willing to wait on someone like that. She replied, “Because he is nice to me and treats me good.”

But forgot to mention how he dogged her out with other women.

Now she is walking around down and out saying, “All men are dog.”

I am like WTF!!??

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 22, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this

Wow I step out for a minute and it gets heavy!! I have read some pretty good posts from you guys though. Especially as I prepare to “get back out there” LOL!!

off topic anybody going to Jazz Fest this weekend at Piedmont Park?

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this

I will be there Sunday Mo…

By abc

May 22, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this

If I’d have been so picky I would have never gotten married, nobody’s perfect; that said, I should have been more picky than I was, as I choose quite poorly. Live and learn, live and learn.

Frankly, I’ve always thought that women were pickier.

By NCGirlfromATL

May 22, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this

NC the worst thing in the world is to compromise and lose.

Who said anything about losing?!? Compromise is a part of life. If you can’t compromise (b/c despite what we’d all like to believe, we aren’t always right, and certainly aren’t perfect) then we are destined to be alone. If you read my post, I said that compromising doesn’t mean settling. If you think you’ve settled, then you probably have lost. But, you guys are always saying that women have too many requirements and aren’t willing to work with a brotha. Isn’t working with a man the same as compromising? Isn’t letting go of some of our so-called requirements the same as compromising? Trust me Truth I’m not going to settle! I make my living watching people who’ve settled get unsettled. I don’t want to go through that, even if it means I have to wait a little longer. Granny’s Panties post is not only settling, but it’s just plain stoopid! Married boyfriend?!? Lawd!

By SlimOne

May 22, 2007 12:06 PM | Link to this

IG I had faith you ladies could hold your own. :-D

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 22, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this

Lady J I plan to be out there myself this weekend!

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 22, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this

@BlatinoBrutha You got me with my chest stuck out, like a proud poppa on the 9:31 post dawg!

I ain’t got nothin to add to that!

Chicks,break out your notebooks!

By Lady J

May 22, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this

Mo i am going to see Morris tonight and can’t wait!!! I heard this play is really good!

By The Truth

May 22, 2007 12:19 PM | Link to this

Come on Tex, you can do way better than that. Recent divorce got you gloomy?

MOCHA I do think most people only get a few “ones”. This thing is not endless. Just look how hard it is to find a good mate once. Let alone twice or three times.

SJ you have been right on point this week. Your 1136 is right on point. You get MLB player of the week dude.

One point we have all missed though is we as a society are no longer trained to endure relationships longterm. We have dysfuncional women getting with dysfunctional men(I’m including me in this one LMAO) and trying to make it function.

T-Mango cool. I’m with you.

Ladies of blogsville. I must admit that this blog is what has me thinking about getting married. Its refreshing to be able to hear a womans side without having to marry her. Some of your comments have forced me to rethink my thought process. I’m not making wholesale changes but just rethinking some things. Like the cheating thing. Anyway, open your arms so THE TRUTH can give you a huge bear hug in these nice, warm arms. Dammmm that felt good.

By SlimOne

May 22, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this

Truth personal growth can be so rewarding and/or refreshing. I’m glad you are remaining open-minded.

Slim down on one knee…Will you marry me?…NOT!(like Borate) kidding hehehehehe

By Shooter

May 22, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this

It’s obvious that guys secrets for picking wives should be flushed along with the other crap. Haven’t you heard marriage has a more than 50% failure rate. It’s obvious that both women and men need to be pickier than in the past.With the divorce rate where it is 2 people in more tha half the marriages are full of beans and should have stayed single.

By kinderbabe

May 22, 2007 12:44 PM | Link to this

sj not bitter…far from it. i walk to school so good luck on the edging of the vehicle…lol. unless it means your gonna steal my shoes instead…i’m out. have a great day everyone.

By Mochalatte Peach with Extra Cream

May 22, 2007 12:45 PM | Link to this

Truth I love your breakthrough moments! You get the Breakthrough Blogger of the Day award.

Truth comes to the podium to accept his award from various members of the WLB

But seriously, I get what your saying. I actually like the “great ones” concept. The movie was great. I was just picking at Paul.

Lady J Girl your post have been on point today!

Mochalatte giving Blog Hugs all around to members of the WLB

By Mochalatte Peach with Extra Cream

May 22, 2007 12:48 PM | Link to this

Peace Kinder. Don’t step on any small children on the way out. LOL. It