Misadventures in Atlanta

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 8:17 AM | Link to this

Slim slowly strolling in barely awake…heads straight for pot of coffee

By Biff

May 3, 2007 8:20 AM | Link to this

I’d suggest you quit watching so much T.V.

Chicks should quit worrying about how stuff looks on T.V. and fashion magazines and push away from the table and keep off that gut and thigh mass.

I think you’ll find that thinking about things in terms of how it looks in the movies is a sign of the beginnings of mental illness. Its not good to think like that.

By Atl Lady

May 3, 2007 8:21 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All I’m going to lurk on this one for awhile. I’ll be back.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 8:26 AM | Link to this

Good Morning.

I will answer this section of questions:

1) Have you ever begun dating your best friend? 2) How long did it take for the two of you to realize that you were a good fit for each other? 3) Was it easier or more difficult to start out dating someone you had already known for awhile?

1) Yes. But he was not my best friend, just a long time friend.

2) About 15 minutes after sitting on his couch talking and listening to the rain beat against the concrete patio. He fit me very well. Literally. LOL

3) It came fairly easy because I had a lot of respect for him and I trusted him already. But as far as dating was concerned I still had my drawbacks that I would have had with any other guy.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 8:28 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Bella

Although “When Harry Met Sally” is one of my all time favorite movies, and I still stop to watch it even now when flipping the channels on the remote, I still believe what Billy Crystal said in the beginning of the movie…”sex always gets in the way”. Personally, I have never once successfully escaped from the hated ‘FZ’. The result has never been romance, but always the beginning of the end of the friendship. Once romance enters the picture, a certain ‘tension’ enters the equation, or at least it has in my relationships, that tends to destroy the friendship.

I hope others have had better luck than I have, because in theory it is the best of all worlds.

By Herder

May 3, 2007 8:30 AM | Link to this

I think women tend to focus on wanting the emotions of love to engulf them when they meet “the one”, but passion/lust tend to burn out as quickly as it started. If you aren’t friends, then a relationship/marriage isn’t going to last. On that note, I haven’t dated a best friend, but my current husband and I had many long phone calls before becoming involved. Those calls were filled “yeah, me too” responses and when we would see each other, there was physical and emotional connections. When we started dating, we had a solid friendship and still are friends (in addition to being spouses) 15 yrs later.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 8:58 AM | Link to this

Having a solid friendship is extremely important in a relationship IMO whether it is formed before dating or as a result of dating. Friends talk to each other, confide in each other, lean on each other, love each other unconditionally and for the most part try to be as truthful with each other as possible.

Friends can keep each other company for hours and not have to speak a word.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 3, 2007 8:58 AM | Link to this

Morning ALL!! I will be mostly lurking today but will chime in when I can!

On topic, I have never wanted to date my best friend even though he is gorgeous. Many of my female friends question why I didnt date him! He is just so great as a friend that I couldnt imagine dating him, plus I was never attracted to him like that. I love still having my bets friend!!

Somebody tell For Real I could use another serenade today!! LOL

Til later, ya’ll have a great one!

By Justin Tyme

May 3, 2007 9:06 AM | Link to this

Morning all….I try dating someone who eventually became my best friend. I wouldn’t really call talking on the phone dating, but we realized that we were too much alike to be anything more than friends. We are still friends today (15 years later).

By Justin Tyme

May 3, 2007 9:15 AM | Link to this

this is where you que the happy music

By Island Girl

May 3, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this

Morning Errrybody!

I’ll comment later on the topic.

By sexual chocolate

May 3, 2007 9:21 AM | Link to this

Good morning… I don’t think dating a best friend is smart because you know too much about them and in the end there is nothing left to the imagination. I think the best relationships occur when both participants grow together and find out about that person through quality time. Yes, sometimes people hide things in a relationship but love is a risk all in itself. I think you should keep your friends as your friends and your lover as your lover because you never know how your friend can be your worst enemy as your lover.

By T-Mango

May 3, 2007 9:23 AM | Link to this

Good morning all.

I have never had a best friend that was male. The closest that I can get to the topic is dating my best friend’s brother when I was 17(should not have done that)…

I’m in Lurksvile today.

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 9:37 AM | Link to this

Sup Blog…cant say i dated someone and we started out as best friends..but during the relationship we bacame best friends.. I cant see how u can date someone..especially long term and not be their best friend if you love them and yall have good communication..and spend the majority of your time with them or at least thinking about them….Never saw that when Harry met Sally movie..but it sounds too fairy tell for me..

By MsUnderstood aka MsU

May 3, 2007 9:51 AM | Link to this

I think a relationship should start off as friends, that way you won’t get all caught up emotional with someone that you are not compatible with.

By Justin Tyme

May 3, 2007 9:51 AM | Link to this

Sexual Chocolate welcome to Blogsville. I have to disagree partially with your comment about friends becoming lovers. The difference between friends and lovers is the realtions (no pun intended). Bestfriends are pretty open with one another. Isn’t that what everyone wants when in a relationship?

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 9:52 AM | Link to this

Randyt (”sex always gets in the way”.)

It’s funny you stated that this morning. I posted an entry at my spot about a question that was asked to two married couples about temporarily removing sex from the relationship to strengthen it or to see where the relationship stands. I know it’s not exactly what we are talking here but it was ironic to see you post that this morning.

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 9:54 AM | Link to this

I never dated anyone that was a best friend first. Over time we became each others best friend.

By QC

May 3, 2007 9:56 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers have a wonderful, fantastic day……

QC is taking bets on the Mayweather fight this weekend….

By Justin Tyme

May 3, 2007 10:19 AM | Link to this

Randyt I wholeheartedlly agree that sex between friends is the best of both worlds. However, when monogamy rears its head that is when the problems begin. Someone wants the other to stop what initially worked well for them.

By For Real

May 3, 2007 10:20 AM | Link to this

What up Blog Fam!!!

Personally this being best friend stuff is all drummed up by women. It doesn’t make sense. Which is proof that it is the idea of a woman. lol.. We can be friends but best friends Hellz No. I got my boy for that and you got your girl for that. Besides when we get on each other nerves who are we going to talk to?? Oh I forgot our Best Friend… Do you see how this doesn’t make sense??? I want to obtain a position much higher than a best friend and hopefully the lady that I choose will want a position higher than best friend as well.

Off Topic: http://www.1-click.jp/

By For Real

May 3, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this

Mo I heard you here you go:

It’s gonna be tonight, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I can hear your singing, say you’ll stay beside me Why must it be, you’ll always be into my dreams, hey hey

Mmm, oh-oh-oh, huggin’ and sqeezing, huggin’ and sqeezing Why must it be you’re always creepin’ Into my dreams –my, my, my dreams

When I sleep at night, baby, I feel these moments of ecstasy And when you sleep at night, baby I wonder do I creep into your dreams Or could it be I sleep alone in my fantasy

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

For Real what in the world? lol Did you check out the link i posted yesterday?

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 3, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

@Bella Great topic!

I firmly feel that you should be solid friends first,before you try to date!

If you develop a strong friendship, then you have a foundation to build from vs. just going on emotions and lust and of course the bang factor!

Now on the flip side,as a dude, you never,ever want to end up living in the friendzone fo eva!That is like get 20 to life and you did not do the crime!

I got more than a few chicks I tried to be friendly with and somehow got stuck in the “friends without benefits” democratic party for justice.

Now we 3-4 years or more deep and all I get is a pat on the head and let’s hang out.

I even tried to get a few drunk, to see if the truth would come out about their true feelings for ya boy and you would think that they were sworn to secretcy or something!

Even slept in the same bed with a few and had one of them not much sleep moments,while they snored!

So I say this,fellas,you got a very small window of opportunity to be friends with these chicks and develop somethin long-term, that coould turn into something more than a smile and let’s hang out!

I will admit,I have not quite mastered this territory with a few chicks, that I got on the radar and cross hairs,so I am still in friendship to bang factor 101.

By Justin Tyme

May 3, 2007 10:35 AM | Link to this

Yo For Real I’m with you on that one bra. The point of a female friends is get a female opinions.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 10:39 AM | Link to this

ForReal Yea and Nay in reference to your comment. For me best friend is the highest rank. My best friend is the person that I will put my life in their hands. I have best friends that are women and my husband has also proven to be my best friend. The difference is the other stuff that friendships consist of…if that makes any sense to you.

By For Real

May 3, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

Slim That’s how the 1st mouse arrow was created. Yeah I did and that ish is additive. Especially to a competitive person. I was like boy stop get your dumbazz back to work. It ain’t worth it, it aint worth it….

By SmileyC

May 3, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

Good Morning

My best friend of 10years and I tried the dating thing twice after we had been friends for 5yrs…when it came to having sex with one another it was a turnoff…we just felt too awkward to do that with one another…he is very attractive and so am I :) However, it just felt really weird having sex with him…many of our friends and even my ex-SO’s think that eventually we will be together.

I really don’t think we will, I prefer to just stay real good friends because of the awkwardness feeling of doing things sexually with one another. Our friendship has cause him to have issues with his SO’s; esp. with his current SO. They have been together for almost 3yrs and his girl is still tripping about our friendship. I believe its b/c his family can’t stand her and they always bring me up when she comes around to aggravate her…I tell them that is so wrong…then they have pictures of me and him hanging on their walls and none of him and her…and last year he came to our hometown to be at my son’s his God son’s Christening and man his SO went crazy…

We do try to keep our distance for the sake of our relationship with our SO…but it’s hard b/c we want to talk all the time b/c we don’t get to see each other much since I live here in ATL and he lives in NY. He is thinking about moving down here to be closer to me…he knows the minute he tells his girl she probably would not like that idea at all!!

By Sexione

May 3, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

Hey Folks!! semi-lurking too

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

Justin You said this: Bestfriends are pretty open with one another. Isn’t that what everyone wants when in a relationship?

But then you agreed with ForReal. Which is it?

By abc

May 3, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

Yall should stop thinking that movies and TV shows mirror real life. It could become a matter of life imitating (ahem) art, but that’s not even based in reality, is it?

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 3, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this

…finally awake enough after two cups…

‘SUP Blog!!!

Ok, I’m just gonna be honest in the most Primal sense, and I need the collective cosign on this one - this means mainly you, Musing n LL n RandyT…

to answer your first question: WE ALWAYS WANNA HIT. we may be willing to go the friend route, and sometimes we’ll even forgo an opportunity after the friendship is established and we have genuine concerns, but bottom line is we always wanted to hit.

I’m personally a little torn on this topic as a whole. For most of my youth, i was a nice boy, aka President, King, and EMPEROR of the Friend Zone.

The first girl i came across that didn’t banish me to the FZ ended up being my wife, and those who know me all know how that worked out!!!

So then, newly single, i decided to the bad boy for a minute, Mr. NSA, no fluff, ain’t even gonna talk about a relationship. And it HAS been fun, i’ve also missed out on a few quality ones because of my newfound rep. Now I have a girl and I’m doing my best to be a good boy, but I’m fighting my instincts.

D@mmed if you do, d@mmed if you don’t

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 3, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

@For Real You got some HOTTT MESS going on, that needs to stop like immediately!

Either you in or you out!!! You can’t be having all your territory markings all up in his camp and expect his present SO not to be upset about it and then the random appearances need to come to a screechin hault!

He need his azz whupped for allowing all this mess to go on!

Boy, I tell ya, some folk!

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

abc

I totally agree that life does try to imitate art and with it, all of the various pitfalls that come from that. My daughter just wrote a major English composition about how we get our ‘distorted’ ideas of how life and people are supposed to be by what is portrayed in media (like all women should be a size 2, when in the real world it is more like size 8 to size 12).

It is a shame, but many/most people do fall into the trap of believing art should be or is reality…when it is, by definition just ‘art’, and consequently end up with a poor evaluation of who they are themselves since they can’t duplicate it.

By Island Girl

May 3, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

SmileyC

What is is inevitable that you and your best friend will get together. Homeboy wants to move to the ATL to be closer to you??….a blind person can see what that is about.

The timing may be a little off for the two of you, but wait and see. That awkwardness about sex you’re talking about will be a non-issue when the time is right. Feelings are feelings….we’re not talking about lust here. Just wait and see….just my opinion.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 3, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this

For Real You are really spoiling a girl! Thanks for my song!

Ultimately, you do want you SO to be best friend-ish. But, like someone said earlier, when you hit a rough spot and you would talk with your best friend, what do you do? I think your SO should be your closest friend, but you should still have that person that is down like 4 flat tires outside of your SO!

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this

For Real If you liked that, I know you just LOVE This

hehehehe

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 3, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this

@BlatinoBrutha I agree with you dawg, but this situation is the trickest of all tricky’s with dudes!

If you come off hard,you got a 1 and 3 chance of success!

If you come off as Mr. Friendly, you got a 1 and 3 chance of success!

Your D@mmed if you do,d@mmed if you don’t analogy applies whole heartedly!

This is why I said that ya boy is still being groomed in this area, as well as most dudes,I am taking notes today!

By kinderbabe

May 3, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

hey mo:) i agree w/your post. i think that your SO should be your closest friend but you it is necessary to have someone else in your life who is also a very dear friend. how’s everything going?

By For Real

May 3, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this

Raqi Ok to your point and to show you that there is a higher level than best friend. Now, be honest with this:

Your Husband, your son, and your best friend are all hanging from a cliff and you are the only one that can save them. You only have time to save one maybe two but you would risk losing your own life if you try to save two of them. List in order who you would save.

Raqi saved:

1st.

2nd.

3rd.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this

Hey Blatino

Most/almost all of what you say is true in my opinion, which is what Billy Crystal said in “When Harry Met Sally” near the beginning of the movie. The fact is that most men (but perhaps not all), do not enter into a “friendship” with a lady without some feeling of “where could this go”.

For All

I personally think that we throw the term “friend” around toooooo loosely. There is a major difference between “friend” and “friendly with”. They are NOT interchangeable. I do think that a lot of women think a guy is their “friend” when the guy often has hidden motives. I admit that I have become “friends” with ladies when what I wanted was “romance”…and usually all I got was a lighter wallet, wasted time, and a lot of disappointment.

I do believe that a man and a woman can become best friends inside of a relationship, and I desire that…but I believe that the “friends” normally comes AFTER the romance, not before. Just my personal opinion.

By C tha 1

May 3, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

Here we go with the friend issue again! I’ve expressed my objections to being friends with a woman several times on this topic. But in this context it seems the implied question is When is it cool to acknowledge a SO or a LTR as a BFF? or better yet Will my BFF (who is fine as hell) and I ever get to a point where it won’t be weird if we hook up?

As much as I speak against male/female platonic relationships, I’ll admit that I have a few. By accident of course. But its the mutual friends we share that keep us in contact as we travel similar circles. Plus, being bombarded by occasional questions/comments like When you and Gina gon’ stop bullshytin? or You and Pam should just f* already and get it over with.* At the end of the day being BFF is cool but the underlying attraction throws everything off.

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 3, 2007 11:23 AM | Link to this

Sup, LL!

Wow, bruh. You right about that. That’s why a man’s startin to think we might just be better off going the direct route n coming off hard. Get this: it’s a whole lot easier to convince someone who admits attraction to you that you can behave than it is to get someone who doesn’t see you that way to let you out da FZ. FZ is like life without parole. Let’s just be honest.

and to all my beautiful wonderful ladies out there, THAT’S HOW YA’LL LOSE OUT ON SOME GOOD MEN! you put ‘em in the FZ, where they patiently reside for a while til they get fed up, and some little thang scoops ‘em up, and you end up mad. don’t tell me it ain’t happened to every one of you at least once….

By Bella

May 3, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

@SmileyCYour first post reminds me of that episode of friends when Ross and Rachel are finally on a date and it’s SUPER awkward when he tried to grab her butt! lol

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

@ Blatino…from my experience…what i call the friend zone is a good thing..i mostly take the “lets be friends” approach anyway…thats the angle i take and by doing it ..doesnt mean i dont wanna “hit” but more of i wanna hit and i may or may not want it to become of anything but alteast u have a good a friend. The bad boy role can be effective..but if a female have been hurt or burned by one..u are more likley not to get play..Trust me..women like a good male point of view…even to go out with a dude on a platonic level for dinner drinks and a movie..talk to about relationship problems etc..but its how u carry yourself..she has to know at all times you are going to be a man first..u won’t take it..but if the opportunity comes around and she ask you to how she looks in that dress or help her with the zipper..its a wrap…another brilliant plan comes together..like the A team..lol

By SmileyC

May 3, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

Island Girl

Yeah, he jokes about perhaps when he moves here…his SO and I will become friends or what not…we laugh about it because we know that is not going to happen. I do try reaching out to her on occassions…but she is just so jealous of our relationship…when he’s having a bad day he calls…b/c talking to me makes him feel better..and we laugh at each others corny jokes, etc…

So, I can understand why his SO feels the way she does, but somethings I think she can be extreme…

I don’t know, time will see I suppose…

By For Real

May 3, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this

Slim The firewall got me. I will have to look at tonight.

SmileyC You need to stop. You like being the one without the responsibility of being the one. You keep promoting his behavior and placing thought in his head that it is possible for the two of you to be together. That whole sex was awkward ish I’m sure was purely you. He wanted to but you felt bad about it b/c of his SO then you pulled back. Now he thinking man if I spend a little more time with her we can be together and finally tap that….

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 3, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this

Hey Kinderbabe! I am doing well. Ready for the weekend! How are you?

We will all have regrets about potentials that we put in the friend zone. Right person, wrong time..

By C tha 1

May 3, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

BlatinoBrutha your 11:23 post was on point. It seems most women want to change a dude that acts like he ain’t got common sense to some one who does. They’re actuall give grown men home training.

By kinderbabe

May 3, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this

mo glad to hear you’re doing well. everything’s cool w/me. ready for the weekend also. i plan to check out that movie perfect stranger. i’ve heard good things about it. we’ll see how it is…

i feel you on the regrets. i have put guys in the fz that are really great guys, they just weren’t for me at the time. it’s funny b/c now a few years later a look back and say “why didn’t i like him again?” lol

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this

For Real I’m disappointed because I can’t wait to read your response to that one. LOL!

By mickiedee

May 3, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this

It is interesting to read how many men have said that they have been placed in the friend zone. I can’t remember doing that to any man who outright pursued me and I just wanted to be friends instead. Cause usually I didn’t want them around at all. But on the other hand, I have been placed in the friend zone 2 or 3 times by men that pursued me but didn’t want a relationship but just wanted to be friends (actually friends with benefits if they could get it but I refused). I have not read on here (unless I missed it) where any woman has reported being put in the friend zone by a man. But it definitely has happened to me.

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 3, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

my man SeanJohnson!! forgot about you bigdog!

tru dat, tru dat. and understand, I have been that man many a time, and it has produced results. But for me, more often than not, it ended up in frustration. I would stick it out for months, of course having a genuine friendship, but also having the feelings there. What ended up happening in more than one case was that as soon as they saw i wasn’t paying them any attention, then they were all over my jock. but by then, i was done with it and moved on.

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 3, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

much thanks, C

By SmileyC

May 3, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

For Real

Whatever, we have discussed the possibility of us having a relationship and that’s not what either of us wants. We like being friends and doing things as friends do…

I am not promoting anything and I’m not placing any thoughts in his head about anything. When we did have sex with one another, he was not in a relationship with anyone at the time!!

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 3, 2007 11:52 AM | Link to this

This is to officially alert all blog bruthas of a pending ManLaw infraction…. n paying the fine in advance

MickieDee, Sweetie, that’s because we’ll never outright pursue if we think you’re the kind of girl we could really chill with for minute! We’ll guage you first, infiltrate as a friend, then try to casually bring up dating when the chance comes up, usually jokingly. that’s when ya’ll blow it off like “boy, you is too funny! that would mess up the friendship…” N there we are, sentenced to the FriendZone.

Bottom line is that if we just wanna hit and that’s it, we’ll usually be direct about it and not give a D@mn, cuz there’s always a next.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 3, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this

Kinderbabe ^5 on the “Now why didnt I like him again?!”

By SmileyC

May 3, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this

@mickiedee

I have been placed in that friends zone by men b/c I wasn’t interested in them and so they would rather have me as a friend then nothing at all and when this happen I make sure they know up front that by being my friend there is no benefits (yall know what I mean)

If that can’t handle that, then we need not to be friends!

By The Truth

May 3, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this

Ok, I wasn’t going to post anymore but I gotta drop my .02.

First to LL and Blat I say always go hard. If you want to hit it say so. If nothing else she’ll respect you and respect is a great way to get a*, especially in these days of 80% of the fellas being soft as cotton balls. (See past topics) Also don’t change up your game, the more you use it the stronger it becomes. UCLA won all those titles and never studied opponents game tapes. Coach said we do what we do better than they do what they do. Even if she doesn’t give up the a* today, she will after the next soft a* fella lets her down. Plant your seed and be patient.

To the ladies. You don’t really want nor could you handle having a best friend for your man. Running a household is like running a business. Decisions must me made that aren’t always popular. Like my buddy told me the other day ” this leadership thing is a full time job”. Now you can work out a mutually agreeable relationship but that best friend s** is for the movies. Would you want your best friend telling you they don’t want children yet, a bigger home, your not going to purchase something? That’s what a leader does. Your going to start doubting the friendship because its turning into a dictatorship. If he doesn’t run his home your going to lack respect for him (not strong enough) and we all know where that goes. Summary: Dam being friends. I have great friends when I want to talk to someone. We can be real cool but I know my role in this thing, don’t forget yours. If you respect a man you’ll work with him. If your friends your going to do whatever you want.

Randy (can you believe I cosigned Randy?) summed it up best, with friends you get a lighter wallet, wasted time, and alot of dissapointment. This only applies to guys to have had a female friend once. Every guy needs that experience to truly understand what their dealing with.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this

In a life and death situation your heart will automatically react.

ForReal that’s an unfair question but I will answer it. I love all of these people dearly but one of these choices exited my body. (A mother’s greatest fear…you are playing with my heart now) But anyway,

Without a doubt the first attempt will be my son. (I will never be my son’s friend. I am his mother so my love for him will abound over all.)

One of these choices I pledged my love to and has become one with my heart, mind and body. Second attempt my husband. But you already know this. This has nothing to do with my definition of best friend. (Do you not realize how many couples out there that are not friends?)

It easier said when not in that actual situation but I would want to try to same them both at the same time. The fact that my best female friend will come last does not mean I love her any less or that she is less of a friend.

Like I already stated for me a best friend is some one that I trust, I confide in, I can lean on, and I can be honest with. I get all of this with my husband and my female friends. They are only differentiated by the other things that make up our relationships.

The question is an unfair one…

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 3, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this

…The Truth has spoken!!! The gavel has been laid down and the verdict handed over. It is done.

Cosigning 110% on this one for you, man. Me not being enough of a leader ruined the first go-round. Ain’t gonna happen again.

By For Real

May 3, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this

Raqi No the question isn’t unfair it is realist. If you look in your bible you see the order of life and best friend isn’t in the top 3. GOD, Spouse and Children is the order of life that GOD wants.

Lets look at what would have occurred if you were to believe and follow GOD’s order of life.

1st. You would have prayed to GOD asking for help to save your family and your friend. (Your husband would have said the exact same prayer BTW)

2nd. You save your husband

3rd. Your husband who is stronger than you saves both your son and your best friend.

GOD answered both your prayers. See your husband has the second position in your life and you have second position in his life. GOD has the first position. Keep it that way and yall will be together forever.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 12:34 PM | Link to this

And ForReal I can give you the names and numbers of about 10 different woman that will tell you they would save a stray goat on the side of a mountain before they would their husbands. You know why? Because they are not friends with them.

By Teddy

May 3, 2007 12:39 PM | Link to this

If used correctly the FZ can work wonders…lol. Some people use the FZ as a place to keep spare tires. Some bridges are better left uncrossed but I think you learn that with experience.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 12:43 PM | Link to this

No ForReal it’s God, Neighbor, then self. That’s the order.

And that half azz religious rebut you just gave is not what you asked. But anyhoo…

By For Real

May 3, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this

Raqi You keep saying friend and best friend which is it? As far as those ladies and the stray goat on the mountain, their husband are probably sitting next to the goat contemplating jumping…

Them not being friends with their husband is a by product of their finances, sex, communication (or lack thereof), work, and family. Because I bet when they got married all those women said “He is like my best friend” and now look at them. See by to my point obtain a position in your man’s life that is higher than best friend because best friends come and go.

By MusingLee

May 3, 2007 12:59 PM | Link to this

Even’in All!

Musing struts in all late’n ishh

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 3, 2007 1:05 PM | Link to this

@The Truth Mann… Ima tell you like I told these chicks the other day, you cannot apply one clear cut solution to many different situations!

I agree with 80 percent of what you said, but every chick is different and the game ain’t played on a level field!

It is a case by case situation in this jungle and many times the appearance does not match up with what personality that chick really wants and she ain’t gonna hand you a silver platter saying do this and end up in FZ,do this and you will win the prize!

Got me scratchin my head mane!

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 1:14 PM | Link to this

ForReal I see you are grasping for me to amuse you…so I will.

Yes I said friend and best friend. Some couples are not even friends, while I consider my husband to be one of my best friends. Get it now?

And yes friends come and go…but so do mates. I believe as long he and I remain friends as well as spouses our relationship will continue to thrive.

By Suga&Spice

May 3, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this

ForReal-I absolutely love how your mind works. I couldn’t agree with you more.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 1:20 PM | Link to this

Bella and All

Women tend to sort men into either ‘friends’ or ‘potential lovers’ right up front. Men see all women as ‘potential lovers’ or ‘not interested’. Can further ‘sorts’ happen, sure, but these tend to come first. Since the woman has already made up her mind you are ‘friend’ material, you are basically (fill in the blank) as a male if you have other ideas…the decision has already been made.

The problem with this whole dilemma is that women often would like a male “confidant”, someone that they can confide in, get the male point of view, and maybe even hang with. The male, more often than not, thinks if I can become her friend, maybe I can become her lover. The female, from the beginning, just does not think of her “friend” as a potential lover. Frankly she has made this assessment long before they get to this point, so he is considered “safe”. Dude, on the other hand, thinks that when she confides all of this personal stuff, she must really like him, not realizing that there is ‘platonic like’ and there is ‘romantic like’…and they are by definition different. It is dayum near impossible to turn ‘platonic like’ into ‘romantic like’.

None of this is universal, but I believe this is the normal way things happen.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 1:30 PM | Link to this

You know what ForReal I have been reading here a long time. If WiseDiva came here next week and asked “Would you stop being friends with someone if your S/O asked you to?” (It has been asked but worded differently) 85% of the congregation will say NO because friends are forever and S/O come and go. (I have read that answer 100s of times on here) And I guarantee you will be on of them. But today you state that friends come and go but S/Os….

Opinions on this thing flip flop more than mud flaps on a semi.

Which ever way the wind blows the tide will follow.

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 1:35 PM | Link to this

All this back and forth about men and women is tiring and a tad bit redundant. Best friends, friends, friends with benefits, etc….whatever, It is what it is. People or women should i say, don’t always plan things out as men like to think all the time.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 1:40 PM | Link to this

And yes my mood is somewhat crappy right now.

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 1:40 PM | Link to this

@ Randy..i am feeling your last post..

By Suga&Spice

May 3, 2007 1:41 PM | Link to this

Raqi-I dont know that I would go that way. If my husband came to me and said ‘Look, your friend so-and-so is damaging to our marriage and the productivity of our family and could provide me with supporting evidence. Then hey she/he has to go. I promised God I would love and support my husband not my best friend

By Sexione

May 3, 2007 1:42 PM | Link to this

Cultural Diversity

Several matrilineal cultures exist in the world, but on Orango Island, off the African coast of tiny Guinea-Bissau, women’s power to choose marriage partners is nearly absolute, according to a February Associated Press dispatch. By custom, the woman selects a man, then prepares a special dish of fish marinated in palm oil, after which any reluctance on his part is regarded as dishonoring his family. Before the couple can cohabit, though, a family home must be built from driftwood and mud bricks, and fortunately for the man, that, too, is her job. Islanders told the reporter that men are becoming more assertive, but that change has brought with it the unheard-of phenomenon of divorce.

Raqi Opinions on this thing flip flop more than mud flaps on a semi. Very true!!!

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 1:43 PM | Link to this

Hi Raqi

“Would you stop being friends with someone if your S/O asked you to?”

What if the ‘friend’ was an ex-lover and you see the current SO becoming a possible permanent fixture? It is tougher then. I was put in this situation fairly recently. (Funny thing is that months later, SHE got a “frineds only” call from one of her ex-lovers and the shoe was on the other foot). It is amazing how one’s perspective changes depending upon which side of the debate they are on.

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 3, 2007 1:43 PM | Link to this

Arribas Grandes to RandyT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

Hey Slim

women… don’t always plan things out as men like to think all the time.

Interesting statement, but could you expand on this. I think I agree, but I suspect women make just as many ‘choices’ as men, just not consciously as men tend to do.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 1:51 PM | Link to this

Suga Your moniker is an old head, right? I remember seeing it from way back. Now think back to how long you have been reading here and how many times people said that their friend was there first type of statements. That’s what I am talking about. I agree with you on my husband’s opinion mattering first. I have always said that. But I was just making a point…but I guess my crappy mood is getting the best of me. LOL

By Ladylike a.k.a Thickness

May 3, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this

I’ve been reading alot lately, mostly good points, even took some notes. Personally, I want my SO to eventually become my best friend.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this

Randyt I have always said my husband’s opinion comes first. I may not always agree but I respect it. He is the one I have to live with. (See my comment to Suga&Spice)

By Sexione

May 3, 2007 2:00 PM | Link to this

Even more interesting…

On Jan. 31, several hundred Japanese husbands recognized the second annual Beloved Wives Day to upgrade Japanese men’s notorious, deeply ingrained indifference to their spouses. Among the husbands’ vows: be home from work by the unusually early hour of 8 p.m.; actually look into the missus’s eyes and say “thank you”; and try to remember to call her by her name (instead of, as many apparently do in substitution, grunting at her). (Divorce in Japan remains relatively rare, but marital estrangement has been rapidly increasing in recent years.)

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 2:03 PM | Link to this

Randyt what i’m saying is on this blog because we are given certain topics and scenarios to comment on, it doesn’t mean that what is posted is how we necessarily apply it to real life. It’s not like women make it a mission to seek out a man, make him her best friend then try to up the anty to relationship status. Yes, that does happen as time passes on but it’s not necessarily a mission that we set out to do. When i first met my ex-SO I really didn’t care to be around him. But being that we worked together and spent at least 32 hours a week together, we had more interaction. In no shape or form were we trying to get with the other one. Matter of fact, he was talking to several girls or flirting at least in our building. Next thing you know things pushed forward and wah-lah, we started dating. What i hear from a lot of the male pov’s on here is that women make calculated moves all the time when it comes to dating and it’s not true. We can all say what we want till we turn blue in the face but all of those things may not really exist. Yes you want your SO to be that person you can confide in, trust your feelings with, enjoy and grow with but the mere fact that you are in a relationship, there will be times when you can’t or won’t tell your SO everything you would a regualar friend/best friend.

Another thing, men we get it….MEN WANT SEX. MEN CRAVE SEX. MEN HOPE TO GET SEX. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yadda yadda yadda. How many times do we have to hear that? You men sometimes come off like sex is your air and you can’t breathe without it. Obviously, men care about more things than just sex, otherwise some of you wouldn’t necessarily be in relationships/marriages/long time daters etc. So we all all seeking something….comfort, affection, safety, love.

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 2:03 PM | Link to this

@ Raqi…u ok? u spitting fire today.. …u might wanna call your bestfriend/husband so he can take care of that….

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 2:15 PM | Link to this

Calm down Slimone

I understand. Now take a few deep breaths, and kick the nearest cat. LOL. (Just playing with ya).

The reason this blog is entertaining often is because it gives the opportunity to express (without the interruption one would get in a ‘disagreement’ with one’s SO). I find it interesting to hear what a woman is honestly thinking without it being censored or dumbed down for pc reasons, or not thinking if that is indeed the case…often these are the very things most of us would never so openly tell our spouses or SO’s. Conversely, this is an opportunity for the men to try to explain those things that perplex (read” P!$$ off) the ladies. It is good and is also fun to sometimes not have to sort through the BS and get some clarity about how the other half thinks.

I come in Peace, Slimone! LOL.

By The Truth

May 3, 2007 2:16 PM | Link to this

Blat, man we’ve all been there man. Don’t sweat it, learn from it. Every chick on here wanting a friend will drop his a* like bad booty after she finds out he doesn’t have leadership skills. Women want to be led, but by someone they respect. What does arribas grandes mean blat?

LL whats up my friend. What I’m saying is it doesn’t matter what gm that chick requires, you run your program. Her requirements can and will change on a dily basis. Her will can bend, mine doesn’t. Lets say you bag some chick that needs a “friend”. Now you’ve got to be less than you are to entertain this woman. As you know, just cause your out fishin doesn’t mean you won’t have to throw a few back in the water. By throwing out that bad fish you make room for a wopper that can appreciate your mindset. Personally I’d rather have 1 call me papi than 10 call me friend.

On the so over the friend thing, a person that respects you won’t ask you to choose. A person that loves you will. My final decision would be based on my thoughts and feelings and not my partners. Can you imagine dropping all your friends and then your chick leaves you because your always at home? LOL

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 2:17 PM | Link to this

Slim, followup

Obviously, men care about more things than just sex, otherwise some of you wouldn’t necessarily be in relationships/marriages/long time daters etc. So we all all seeking something….comfort, affection, safety, love.

Nahhhhh, its just sex. You were right the first time. (JUST KIDDING).

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 2:22 PM | Link to this

@ Slim…i think u are taking the “men want sx’ comments from the blog in the wrong perspective..not saying u are right or wrong..but what u have on the blog…is the actual things thats in the heads of men..our thought process when it comes to women..when we talk about women..sx..relationships.. its from personal experiences..and most of us are not thirsty or hard up or act like it in person..or i would hope so..what i get from the women on the blog are females pov’s..to better help communicate and more so translate actions and languages females use….and females should be getting the same..good post though..because u are right..men care more about things than just sx..and we have needs too..it just so happends that sx is one of them..

By Sexione

May 3, 2007 2:24 PM | Link to this

Women want to be led WTF????? Women, what do you think abou that?

Wait, Truth or NonTruth should I say, maybe you should clarify? Led to what?….

it MUST be time to go home

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 2:27 PM | Link to this

SlimOne Men care about food, money, sex and sports.

They want us to cook their food, stay away from their money, give them sex and TiVO their sports. Period.

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 2:29 PM | Link to this

Randyt I’m calm…but this would be a bad time to tell me to kick that cat being that my cat bit me for no apparent reason last night. LOL! This blog does give us all the outlet to express certain things that we definitely wouldn’t want to discuss with our SO’s. Don’t get me wrong, I get lot’s of things out of seeing everyone’s POV. i guess i just got irritated at the fact of trying to pigeon hold us all like we’re some sort of alien species.

In the voice of Borat, Slim may need some “Sexy Time”

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 3, 2007 2:33 PM | Link to this

@SlimOne… Of course we want all those things, comfort, affection, safety, love. But I’ll speak strictly for myself - hoping for a cosign - when I say that if there’s not sex to go along with it, then we’re just friends, and right back where we started. Many women seem to have a problem with acknowledging this, but SEX is the only thing that truly separates friends/family from mates/lovers/SO’s. And the fact is most men are gonna go for that first and see if the rest is there or develops later. It’s how most of us are. Deal with it.

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 3, 2007 2:37 PM | Link to this

Hey, Truth, man, it means “Big Ups” in Spanish.

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 2:37 PM | Link to this

SeanJ My intent was not to take the s3x deal out of perspective or in the wrong way. I am fully aware that s3x is one of men’s main needs. I have no problem with that and I take from each daily blog what I feel can help me in the future. All men aren’t consumed with sex and all women aren’t walking around scoping out men to get married to and have babies with.

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 2:43 PM | Link to this

Raqi They want us to cook their food, stay away from their money, give them sex and TiVO their sports. Period LMAO!

Blatino um, i’m not sure if you read the first line regarding the sex issue. Here let me refresh your memory: men we get it….MEN WANT SEX. MEN CRAVE SEX. MEN HOPE TO GET SEX So i’d appreciate it if you refrain from telling me what to deal with. However, I do agree that sex it that defining line between friends and more than friends. I don’t have a problem with that at all. And also just because you do the horizontal tango doesn’t constitute a relationship either. I already know bruh.

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 3, 2007 2:43 PM | Link to this

Raqi……….. Finally, a woman who gets it!!!!!!!!!

By Suga&Spice

May 3, 2007 2:45 PM | Link to this

Sexione-For the most part I have to agree with Truth.(I may have my Independant Woman Membership Card revoked but hey). Well, let me say I understand the sentiment, I may not agree with the way he put it out there but I get the underlying point. When it comes to my household, I want to be able to play my role of supporter. I have to be in charge at work, in volunteer situations, among my friends, even within my own family. When it comes to my own household I want to have enough faith in my SO that I can let out and let him lead the way without feeling I have to second quess and question every little thing. I want to know that my SO is strong enough that when he says to me, ‘Babe, I got this dont worry about it.’ I can actually say to myself. ‘Cool, I can think of other things, he has that under control’

By The Truth

May 3, 2007 2:46 PM | Link to this

Sexi none of your sista’s jumped on board because they all know its true. I’ve never in my life heard a woman say “I want a man that will follow me”. Have you? I have heard many that said they just wanted a man they could believe in. Its the natural order.

Blat I cosign, but I’ll go a little further. If we were married, dating, whatever, and we stop sexing, its the beginning of the end. I’m not dealing with all that comes with taking care of a woman and cant even get some love. Its nothing personal, I just don’t want you. Thats 4 steps lower than being a friend.

Slim if it lives in your house and it bites you (outside of pleasurably) kill it. Now you see what guys go through chasing cat. LOL

By Got that?

May 3, 2007 2:47 PM | Link to this

SlimOne, a man’s willingness to speak honestly about sex isn’t driven by the need of it. It’s a cultural thing. Culture teaches us not to discuss sex openly — like it’s dirty or bad. However, it is a naturally occurring phenomenon that guarantees the survival of the human race. Men simply disregard the cultural constraints. Women, by and large, honor the culture, which keeps them bound to it and whatever blessings and curses that go along with following tradition.

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this

@ Blatino & Raqi…lol…yep..and doing all of that while walking around the house half naked..lol

By Will C.

May 3, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this

I don’t want a relationship with a friend. I have enough of those. Give me some good sex and we can work on the relationship. My male friends provide me with the intellectual and competitive needs in my life. I want my girl to take care of business in the bedroom.

Rich Guys Trophy Wife Hot Girls

By C tha 1

May 3, 2007 2:51 PM | Link to this

Most women are not as willing to give up that type of control so easily Sugar&Spice.

By kinderbabe

May 3, 2007 2:53 PM | Link to this

it’s so interesting how when some folks express their opinions their accused of being “dramatic or hyped up” but when others express it’s “the truth.” aint that some ish?? i appreciate you coming in peace randy lol…but everybody isn’t there. some of the male species on this blog have their platinum a*shole card and are working on a black card. keep working, you’re not far away.

anyway, slim i get what you’re saying. it makes sense…women don’t always seek out a man to be the bf. there is no one statement to be made that can summarize either gender, like you said.

By Sexione

May 3, 2007 2:53 PM | Link to this

Suga No need to revoke your card….you’re entitled to your feelings. I personally want a man to support me just like I will support him. Yes, there will be things that I want and need for him to handle, but in turn there will be things that I will need to handle and I want him to support and appreciate that too…and that’s inside the household and outside! I want a man to walk beside me (as a partner), behind me (as a supporter), and sometimes to lead the way. But I’m doubting that’s what he meant. Touche’………

Sexi is now leaving the building

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 2:58 PM | Link to this

The Truth funny but cruel :-) and part of the reason me and my ex broke up was because i guess he really didn’t know how to lead unless he was leading me to the bedroom. hehehehehe

Got that? well i guess i’m a different chick. I’ve never been ashamed to discuss sex. You can ask anyone i know. I’m a very open-minded, laid back type of female. If someone can’t handle it, love it or leave it. While the next person is sitting on their high horse Slim is letting em know what she wants. Cause I guarantee that those same folks probably lick booooty cracks when the lights are off.

Another thing, my step dad keeps it real with me. He said that everyone has a little ho in ‘em. LOL!

By SmileyC

May 3, 2007 3:00 PM | Link to this

SlimOne I agree with you men care about more things than just sex

ForReal he thinking man if I spend a little more time with her we can be together and finally tap that… if he was really thinking that he would have tried a lot sooner then waiting to we have known each other for 5 1/2yrs before even attempting to do such thing…just my POV

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 3, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

SlimOne, baby, it ain’t gotta be that serious. plus, I never said you didn’t know. all ya’ll know this, but you sure as heck don’t like it. and about dealing with it, it was meant for ALL women who may feel that way. I still love you, though.

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

@ Truth..in all honestly…i think a lot of relationships these days dont work because of men not following the women…And you are right its natural order for the man to lead and for women to be led..but in todays world..The order is backwards…With women being heads of a lot of house holds…girls are being raised to be strong and leaders and boys are babied and raised are not raised to be self providing leaders..I deal with it everyday..TOO many women do not know how to deal or communicate with a man thats a leader..Some females WILL NOT be with a man in a LTR if she cant “break” him and hve him follow her lead…sad thing is…when things go wrong and she wants him to lead..take responsiblity for something she phcked up…she steps aside and demands for him to be a “man” and fix it…

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 3:04 PM | Link to this

Suga&Spice (2:45 post) I am glad someone else is saying it for a change. I wish I knew which previous entry it was that addressed exactly what you are saying now and I would go back, copy and paste all the negative rebuttal that was said.

Most women like a man that can and will take charge.

(SeanJohn I didn’t work yesterday. Was that you I saw peeping through my window while I was sitting on the kitchen island with my legs wrapped around the man while wearing my tank and boy shorts?)

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 3:06 PM | Link to this

kinder preciate cha girl.

Kids are crazy these days. I was just informed that at a middle school 4 students were caught skipping school having sex out in the woods. The girls had hickies on them, dirt and grass in their hair. Oh my goodness!

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 3:10 PM | Link to this

Hey Slim

I agree about the pigeon holing, but this I have to at least suggest might have some truth in it…like we’re some sort of alien species

Hey, women have had me scratching my head and my azz so many times I don’t think my calculator even goes that high. Y’all might really be from another planet. I think it at least has to be considered. Hellz my daughter has been screwing with my head since she was about 30 seconds old.

By Chad's girl

May 3, 2007 3:10 PM | Link to this

C tha 1, we aren’t SUPPOSED to give it up (control) easily, men and women BOTH have to show and prove they are in a position to accept and handle that responsibility

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 3:15 PM | Link to this

Blatino nah, babes it isn’t that serious but since you’re just getting back into blogsville, you wouldn’t understand where i’m coming from because you don’t know. But I’ll gladly except the love you throwing my way. Matter fact, here’s some back at cha :-D

SeanJ you have some valid points regarding women now being raised to be function as if there will be no man there and the sons are being babied. However, there is a difference in a man being a leader and a dictator.

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 3:21 PM | Link to this

@ Raqi…uh…no…i am afraid not..missed that comercial

By kinderbabe

May 3, 2007 3:25 PM | Link to this

slim no problem girl.:)

to follow up on kids…they’re doing that in elementary too! a couple years back, a colleague of mine caught a student giving another a bj. they were both in the 4th grade! it’s getting out of control. of course, the mother insisted that they story was made up. just a hot mess!

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 3:25 PM | Link to this

To All

Part of me hesitates to wade into this whole “men should lead”, “women want men to take charge” issue, but I have to come down on the side of those saying women want this. I won’t betray the numbers, but I cannot begin to tell you in so many of those “pillow talk” conversations, how many women have told me they “lost respect” for their husbands. One theme that was totally consistent was that they wanted men who were “confident”, and they wanted men who would “take charge”. They stated often that they were “tired of carrying the load, and making all of the decisions”. Women, IMHO, tend to reveal their true feelings, thoughts, and hurts, after making love. This was a consistent theme. The problem lies in the fact that women often want men to “choose” to do it their way, to give them a sort of “right of refusal”, yet still “make the decisions”. It is tough all around, frankly. This is one of those things that has no easy answer in my opinion.

By Popcorn

May 3, 2007 3:29 PM | Link to this

There’s a big difference between having sex & making love

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 3:31 PM | Link to this

My friend Doc’s husband made a statement last night. He said that a relationship is a structure and when you start taking away parts of that structure you weaken it. Sex is an important part in the structure of a relationship. Take it away the whole thing will soon crumble. He made a very good point.

Men are born leaders. The voice of a man is highly respected over that of a woman. That fact cannot be changed. Whether woman want to ever admit it the male species dominates. I don’t care how unaccountable and how unresponsible they may become they will still be held as superior. Sad but true fact.

By The Truth

May 3, 2007 3:33 PM | Link to this

Sean ok, I didn’t want to go there but he we go. Your 100% right. These chicks have raised the men they now despise. A woman cannot run a household. That calls for skills she does not possess. If you doubt me go to any courtroom or jail in the country and look at the young bm’s wasting away. You all know I worked at a prison and a large percentage of the fellas I worked with came from single mothers. Now, if dad doesn’t do it we all know mom has to but ladies you cannot raise a man, period. This is why the dating scene is so messed up. You raised these b**tches you now go out with.

Kinder would I be less of an a-hole if I told you how much I wanted to marry you and have kids with you before I slept with you and left you? I don’t need to lie, your not worth it. I simply say what I want and you can process it any way you’d like. Truth be told we are all looking for the same thing, order. The problem is you wonderbabes think, because the men in your life haven’t corrected you yet, that in the natural order you are on top. You can be on top, but your not going to like whats under you.

Suga and spice and Raqi you didn’t have to out yourselves like that. I knew from the beginning. Unfortunately alot of fellas are going to read these kind of blogs and strive to be your friend and wind up missing there true calling in life. To be a man.

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

Randty since 30 seconds old? Well sounds like you should have a lot of practice by now…hence your house full of t-shirts.

kinder these were 8th graders and they can’t lie their way out of this one. They were actually caught in the act. Two of them would be the lookouts while the other two did it then they’d switch. One girl said, “But he didn’t even put it in all the way!”

By The Truth

May 3, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

Sean ok, I didn’t want to go there but he we go. Your 100% right. These chicks have raised the men they now despise. A woman cannot run a household. That calls for skills she does not possess. If you doubt me go to any courtroom or jail in the country and look at the young bm’s wasting away. You all know I worked at a prison and a large percentage of the fellas I worked with came from single mothers. Now, if dad doesn’t do it we all know mom has to but ladies you cannot raise a man, period. This is why the dating scene is so messed up. You raised these b**tches you now go out with.

Kinder would I be less of an a-hole if I told you how much I wanted to marry you and have kids with you before I slept with you and left you? I don’t need to lie, your not worth it. I simply say what I want and you can process it any way you’d like. Truth be told we are all looking for the same thing, order. The problem is you wonderbabes think, because the men in your life haven’t corrected you yet, that in the natural order you are on top. You can be on top, but your not going to like whats under you.

Suga and spice and Raqi you didn’t have to out yourselves like that. I knew from the beginning. Unfortunately alot of fellas are going to read these kind of blogs and strive to be your friend and wind up missing there true calling in life. To be a man.

By Chad's girl

May 3, 2007 3:38 PM | Link to this

and you let down the boys we now date, The Truth, so men should be accountable for the little boys (and girls) they left hanging too

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 3:41 PM | Link to this

Popcorn

I agree!!! Making love is much better. If one defines “making love” to mean that both parties are “in love” that poses a problem. There probably needs to be a middle category between “having sex” and “making love” that involves two adults that genuinely care for what the other is feeling, that includes a gentleness, consideration, and affection that are not always a part of just “having sex”. Mine have mostly fallen into this category or “making love” for a number of years.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 3:43 PM | Link to this

Truth and the fathers of these boys are where exactly? Right. No where to be found.

By kinderbabe

May 3, 2007 3:45 PM | Link to this

truth i’m not asking nor have i ever asked you to do ish for me. this must be one of few opportunities you have to be heard which explains your method of expression. moving on…

slim what a mess! i guess it’s an unfortunate sign of the times.

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 3:50 PM | Link to this

Truth if men recognize that their absence is the main part of that issue, why don’t they step up to mentor the young boys and show them what’s right? This generation is being raised by the media which is so far from reality. It doesn’t show a realistic aspect of prioritizing. Bling bling isn’t real, hotties and ho3s on that scale aren’t real, and everyone that can rhyme won’t be a famous rich rapper. We live in a world of Chaos and i’m not sure what it takes to bang the gavel and submit some structure and direction in this world.

By abc

May 3, 2007 3:50 PM | Link to this

Women are by nature manipulative and want to be in charge, that’s why it’s so hard for them to submit to a man. At the same time, they seek security more than anything else. It’s a weird dichotomy, but it’s true, pretty much across the board. They’ll chafe at submission to the point of resentment, but stick around for the security. If they don’t get the security they crave, they’ll not offer the man any respect.

It’s not so much that men are natural born leaders. It’s much more that women want them to be leaders. Whether women support their men enough to allow them to lead is another matter.

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

May 3, 2007 3:54 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon All,

I was lurking and figured since I carry the rally banner for single moms I would chime in. So Truth all your expertise in the field of single motherhood is based on what? The hoodlums you met in jail and the stories they told. Hmmmm not exactly a place to get a well-rounded view of the world is it.

SJ Just exactly how many single mothers are you speaking to regularly when you say they baby their son’s?

It seems to me you both are closet researchers…I mean if you are only speaking to “shoe models” and “jailbirds” to get your views on single parenthood. It would seem to me that you have a very narrow view. So before you go to Google and pull up stats and studies…I am well aware of all the crap that is out there. However Raqi makes a valid point…where exactly are the men who knocked these women up who are producing these jailbirds at such a alarming rate?

An gentleman what exactly in your opinion does it take to be a man? Enlighten Us

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

Making love is not done on a Sealy mattress. It is done everyday through personal interactions. All things mentioned on here earlier. Emotional support, mental stimulation, financial fusions and an abundance of laughter. The offering or gift of our bodies are an expression of the love formed by the doing of those deeds and show how much we care. Also the joining of our bodies is the bonding that makes two persons one…heart, mind and body. And then there is let’s get naked and have some fun sex. You got to have that also.

By The Truth

May 3, 2007 4:02 PM | Link to this

Raqi and Chads girl you 2 bring up a great point. Most guys don’t think they’ll be around long enough for kids so when you come with that good news he’s gone. . Remember, he really only wanted to get laid from day one. If I was a woman (bad visual) I wouldn’t let a dude bust one in me unless we had a great understanding of where we were going with this thing. Either way somewhere in this process things got screwed up real bad. That report Slim just gave is what I hear all day from clients in the education field so its no going to be any better in the near future.

Randy I must be wrong because lovemaking for me is not soft and gentle. Its hair pulling and a* slapping, and thats just foreplay. I’m just a full contact guy so maybe thats why my opinions seem so out of place in this joint. I’m talking to the wrong audience. LOL

By Suga&Spice

May 3, 2007 4:04 PM | Link to this

Gotta go, Talk to you folks later

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 4:05 PM | Link to this

And you know the difference by the way the act was initiated.

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 4:05 PM | Link to this

@ Truth..its sad bruh..but its true…we need to take responsiblity too…but utimately i can only make sure my lil SJ becomes a man..when u say they raised the lil boys they are now dating…another thing is..they also raised the daughters that grow up to disrespect them to the point that they cannot live in the same house when a young female gets aouund 18-20 yet they will let the son live at home till he is 30..shyts crazy..

By Got that?

May 3, 2007 4:06 PM | Link to this

I’m not knocking single parents when I say this, but children need both parents to raise them. I have a lot of respect for the single parents that are raising their offspring the best way they know how. However, those children are going to be at a distinct disadvantage when they reach adulthood. They would not have learned how to deal with the opposite sex sufficient enough to be the full capacity of man or woman they could be. Women raising sons can’t teach a boy how to be a man the way a man can. Conversely, men raising girls can’t do it like a woman. Even raising a child of the same sex, there are things that are missing that would bring balance to what is being taught. Viewpoints of both sexes are necessary for a child to have a balanced view of him/herself. Today, strong women don’t know how to yield to a strong man. So, they go after weak men and then are left wanting. Weak men form a dependency on strong women, because they were never taught how to be and what it means to be a strong man. Women naturally yield to a strong figure. Men respect women who yield when necessary, not those who fight for control all the time. It’s a delicate balance that one has to master while still a child. Sure, one can learn it as an adult, but it’ll take lots of bumps and bruises until they get it right.

By Raqi

May 3, 2007 4:09 PM | Link to this

Truth Bull. Please explain the actions of these fathers that are missing in action that were married to the mothers of these boys. Were they just out to only get laid also? Or did they duck out on their responsibility?

I am out. Everyone have a good one.

SeanJohn Imma go see if my bestfriend can take care of this little mood situation I am suffering with.

Night.

By Got that?

May 3, 2007 4:10 PM | Link to this

SlimOne, mentoring is not the same as fatherhood. While I can mentor a young child, I can never be his father. As a father, I can lay down the law when I see the need for mental readjustment. As a mentor, all I can do is recommend a course of action. My dad always said that if he didn’t beat me and make me do the right thing, the system would. That is exactly what is happening to these men who didn’t have fathers. I’m in no way knocking the mothers that raised them.

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 4:15 PM | Link to this

@ Kym…the majority of the females i date are single mothers..and i tend to date them rather than females that are childless..so i think i qualify to speak based on personal experiences with them..i dont have to google or look at “stats” i actually date them..and to add to the cosignature u endorsed on Ragi comment..Not being the father..i have tried to not discipline a females kid..just tell him/her things like the appropiate way to respect people..and gain respect or how to act..and what do i get? you are not my daddy..blah blah blah…or from the mom…”let me handle it”….So in the end i am only held accountable for me and mine..

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

May 3, 2007 4:18 PM | Link to this

Got That and any other man lurking Please enlighten us what exactly is it that makes a man?

I hear a whole lot of nothing rolling off of your fingers fellows…so what makes a man a man?

What kills me even more is that those talking the loudest…most likely were raised by a single mother…or they were raised with both parents and still managed to come out screwed up so in that case who do you blame? Sorry bullcrap…I know too many sucessful males, black and white, raised by single mothers who didnt wind up gay, womanizing, limp dyck, or any other unmasculine word you can come up with.

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 4:19 PM | Link to this

@ Slim…i have enjoyed your post today…is that you..or Tiffany today?

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 4:23 PM | Link to this

Raqi

Re your 3:57 post. I agree, enough said. I’ve had pretty much all of the above listed wild sex/making love/whatever…and yet lovemaking, sometimes spending a whole day in bed with someone you really like to be with, ignoring the dayum cell phone, talking, laughing, getting up naked to get the lady a bag of cotton candy or whatever silly something she likes, taking two or three showers…yeah, that is the best for me.

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

May 3, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this

SJ Then I say to you that you are dating the wrong ones.

First rule of single motherhood…you date for companionship for you not your child. SJ if they are bring you around little Suzie or Harold before you two have a solid established relationship then run dont walk for the hills.

I tell all the single mothers and will make a PSA right now…Ever man you meet does not have to meet your kid. I don’t care if he does say I will take you and BayBay to the movies. He is dating you…when he is ready to commit to you and you to him…and commit means more than a weekly booty call. Then you can discuss with him and your child a outing together.

By For Real

May 3, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this

Ok lets see what the topic is now.

I think I am caught up now…

By The Truth

May 3, 2007 4:28 PM | Link to this

DR do I need to do extensive research to see whats happening on my street and every street in america? No. The fact that we are here is just plain sad. I’m with Got That 100%.

On what makes a man. Men handle their business, whatever that may be. They provide for theirs. Thats their job, its what they do. But they don’t do it from the back seat of the car.

Kinder you sound like one of those angry chicks with dicks wondering why no guy wants to get screwed by you. Is being rejected constantly starting to wear on you? Moving on

SJ your totally right, men do need to step up. But whose going 1st. Most men now know they can get laid anywhere so whats the incentive to stick around. That and the fact they’ve never seen a family unit work. Its a wild time in history, thats why I’m sitting this round out. LOL

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 4:33 PM | Link to this

Truth

Had plenty of the kind of wild sex you described during the early years after my divorce. It was fun, but I eventually realized that I wanted more. I’m not saying that I don’t get crazy sometimes now, and I am certainly not saying that I have never gone crazy, but these days I actually like talk after sex, I like the laughter, and I like the tenderness. Just me Bruh, not for everybody.

By kinderbabe

May 3, 2007 4:33 PM | Link to this

truth thanks for re-emphasizing my point. poor you.

By Atl Lady

May 3, 2007 4:34 PM | Link to this

I was just lurking for today and have been a little bit busy, but I can’t help but comment on the tone of Truth’s blogs. Your tone is bitter. Why are you so angry with women who make the wrong choices when all they are doing is taking a chance at finding true love or even love for the moment? Are you taking time to school the brothers or b*ches that are left behind for the women to date? Do you have any sense of what it’s like to be a woman? No. Hell No. You’re not left to raise these kids. You’re not the one who has to search her mind and soul to make the decision to even lay down and give birth to anything whether it is in the bonds of marriage or not.

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

May 3, 2007 4:37 PM | Link to this

Truth Then maybe you need to move to a different street…or stop being on the outside looking in. As for your answer of a man is someone who handles their business…then I say to you if that is all that it takes to be a man then I maybe we should all have penises. I not only teach my son about handle business but I teach him that if he screws up then guess what he is responsible for it…See that keyword Personal responsiblity it is something that is seriously lacking in both sexes period. But it is a value I teach my son…why because I dont want him to grow up to blame others for his messes. If you did it then hold your head up and take responsiblity for it. So if that is what it takes to make him a man—-Thanks I got that part on lock.

By SeanJohnson

May 3, 2007 4:37 PM | Link to this

@ Kym…u are right..but the odds are against one…how can you ..Kym…tell a boy child about experience and things to do or not do ..when u NEVER experienced them…u can so go by second had info?…but u know what..lets agree to disagree…

By Got that?

May 3, 2007 4:41 PM | Link to this

Dr Kym, there are many married, single parent households. When one parent does not take an active role in the child it’s the same as a single parent household. When you say successful, you have to define what you deem successful. You’re right, there are a lot of outwardly successful individuals out there who were raised by a single parent. The ultimate test is how they are when it comes to intimate relationships. That’s when the true colors come out. A man knows how to listen — he knows discernment. A man knows how and when to speak and when not to speak. A man knows how and when to lead without being authoritative. A man knows hows to delegate. A man knows how to accept criticism. A man knows his place and accepts nothing less. A man knows when and how to stand up for what he believes in. A man knows when not to fight. A man knows when he is needed. A man knows how to be supportive and dependable. A man knows his limits. A man accepts assistance when he knows he can’t do it alone. A man knows there’s more to a story than what he’s told. A man knows that he will never truly know himself, so he learns and accepts himself as he comes to know himself more. A man knows he will never change anyone other than himself. A man will respect another man. A man will tolerate another man. A man will honor another man by being a man. I could go on and on. How to be a man is something that is passed down from previous generations, from father to son. It is something that can never be taught to, nor truly appreciated by a woman. It’s a gender-based role that is a culture in and of itself. One should never ask what makes a man. One should request that a man shows them how to be a man.

By For Real

May 3, 2007 4:41 PM | Link to this

Truth I disagree with this statement 100% “But whose going 1st. Most men now know they can get laid anywhere so whats the incentive to stick around.” Naw man.. the woman may be foul in the way your seed came here but to walk away b/c of her???? That ain’t no man.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 3, 2007 4:45 PM | Link to this

Dr.Kym

Can’t let this go without saying that the lack of “personal responsibility” is to me the biggest single issue that has turned the country into such a friggin mess. It is refreshing to see a Mom (or a Dad for that matter), teaching her children what could be the single most important lesson he/she can ever learn. Good job.

By For Real

May 3, 2007 4:46 PM | Link to this

Kym I feel you on what you are saying and you should go as far as you can with your but Truth or SJ are right. A women can’t make boy a man. Just men don’t understand the raging harmones of women. Women don’t understand the raging harmones of men.

By SmileyC

May 3, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

For Real I don’t need someone else’s man I have my own sweetie!!

Have a good evening all leaving the office now

By SlimOne

May 3, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

SeanJ Me and Tiff are tag teaming it today.

For Real you’re a fool

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

May 3, 2007 4:54 PM | Link to this

Got that Now just put WO-in front of all the reference to what a man does…and that is exactly what a woman…a real true woman does..contrary to popular belief and popular opinion there are woman who do everything you describe and to quote a famous fem…”in high heels”.

An to quote another famous line “What they see is what they will be.. if a child sees their parent either parent doing all the wrong things they will believe that behavior is acceptable. An they will not do or try for anything better. Because all they see is that…hence my comments on dont bring everyone around your kid(s).

By The Truth

May 3, 2007 4:56 PM | Link to this

Randy I was referring to sex with my girl of 2 years. It never has to get boring. LOL

Kinder thanks for re-emphasizing my point.

Atl Lady its not bitterness as much as amazement. Somewhere this has to stop. No more coddling. No more I’m sorry’s. This is a tough world and we are stacking the odds against our children. Its tough out here and its only getting tougher. It seems that alot of women are going out of their way to ruin 3 lives. Theirs, the childs, and the mans, all in the name of finding love. Thats sad. I’m not against single parent households because honestly no matter what we do they’re going to exist. We are already so far down this road the minority is the child with both parents. I don’t know the answer but for me bringing another child in the world is not it.

SJ cosigning your 437.

This is like the church, lets not address the real issues and maybe it’ll go away. Sad.

By Got that?

May 3, 2007 5:00 PM | Link to this

Dr Kym, then we agree that a woman can’t teach a boy to be a man just like a man can’t teach a girl to be woman. There are some things the opposite sex will never experience and therefore is in no position to speak about. That’s why children need both parents actively engaged in their upbringing.