Misadventures in Atlanta

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 8:15 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Justme,Slim,Ldd,Lj,Raqi, Kinder,Sexione,Mo,Mocha

Hey Mocha how about LadyM DivaM Let me know if you like or not then we can keep picking them

By Dan

April 24, 2007 8:21 AM | Link to this

It could happen but not likely, at least not immediately. Turn the tables and see what you think, if you wanted to have a romantic relationship with a guy he said hey I don’t want to sleep with you but we should still be friends. Most women would be insulted and take off

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 8:21 AM | Link to this

Good morning!

I don’t know what the problem is, but yesterday’s comments just confused me. Ya’ll notice I got really quiet! Let’s remember that we don’t actually know each other personally, so much of what is said here should be kept in perspective. We are offering opinions, having a virtual discussion, and NOBODY really knows each other enough to insult or take personal jabs. It’s just pointless. Disagree and debate all day long but please don’t use the forum to take out your own frustrations in life and dating, LOL. Keep it light, insightful, and fun, it’s how we prefer it around these here parts!!

Have a fantastic day!

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 8:25 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 8:29 AM | Link to this

alright Dan, I admit, my feelings would be hurt, but I can woman up and take it in stride. If we have so much fun, I would get over it, eventually. LOL

By Biff

April 24, 2007 8:31 AM | Link to this

Typical broadthink. If you ever wondered where the saying Men are from Saturn and Women are from France, read this blog.

The answer to this blog can and should be answered in a couple of words, not the endless mindnumbing dribble that is sure to follow by the “cult”.

The answer is no, the only reason the guy would spend one second with a broad of your mentality is for some action. So if you are wanting to tease him or are otherwise messed up with your sexuality, keep on. Otherwise, see a shrink.

By Chullato

April 24, 2007 8:36 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Wise, It’s a bit hard to go from wanting to be romantic to the friend zone because while we are friends we are still thinking ‘what if’.

I think your strategy of introducing him to a friend is the best bet. You are saying two things at once: I don’t want to date you and I think you are a great guy. Plus a ringing endorsement from a woman is the best kind.

No way the split is easy though and it might be best to simply say what you want out of your relationship.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 8:36 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva I already have my shot filled darts ready for those that get too serious today. I ordered a whole case of grain alcohol just for this occasion. Muah ha ha (evil laugh)

Hey Gaman

By MochaTreat

April 24, 2007 8:40 AM | Link to this

Good morning GAman, Slim, Foots, Raqi, Musing, Demi, Randy, Jake, NC, MO, QC, Dr. Kim, Wise, Kinder and Crew

I am off to class…talk to you soon

@GAman No, I don’t like those…please find something else.

Thanks

By Red Flag (Help)

April 24, 2007 8:41 AM | Link to this

Sorry to go off topic so early but I do lurk and need some opinions of some men out there to just be truthful about a particular situation….Okay say you have been dating this chick for about a year and a half…going out, calling, emailing, the bedroom thing, just dating and all of a suddden you the man stop returning calls as frequently, completly stop emailing, still going out on the town and to dinner but sorta distance with the little things you did to win this chick over…Then you go on to say nothing has changed…I like you what we do and I need to stop tripping…Okay 1st when a man say I need some me time what is he truly saying? If it is leave me alone why does he continue to go out spend money and still put time in but not a whole lot. I expressed to him it is hard seeing two women bc one will get the shorter end of the deal…He never entertains the comments and just say I am really tied up promoting a local rapper (side business)…Nothing has changed in his opinion but he stopped the little things and stepped 10 feet back…What should I do

By Raqi

April 24, 2007 8:42 AM | Link to this

Sometimes I do wonder about my friendship with Brian that lasted 25 years but began to dwindle the last five years of that time. I am still waiting for closure from that friendship. He never let on that he wanted anything more but he totally bowed out when my relationship with the man began to get serious. I can’t see a guy holding on in hopes of more to come for all that time.

By G

April 24, 2007 8:44 AM | Link to this

Straight torture to stick around. If goals of the relationship don’t match, it’s a waste of time to stick around. I don’t care how well we get along; I will become unavailable real quick if I’m put into the “friend-zone”.

I advise all my buddies to do the same. Women use the “flirtacious-friendship” scheme. They use the men to get what they want. Sometimes men get all tied up b/c the woman is so fine. They fool themselves to thinking she’ll change her mind along the way. It rarely works out that way. Bounce!

Dan makes a good point. Women would need psychiatric treatment if men did it to them.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 8:50 AM | Link to this

Biff, I can’t wait until YOU fall in love LOL. Guys with your perspective, protesting all things romantic usually fall the hardest and then all that tough “manly” talk goes out the window

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 8:50 AM | Link to this

Hi Wise

Touchy subject. If there is a possibility at all for now ( not three years from now), I would say that I agree with Chulatto, the “fix him up” route MIGHT be possible. The key is trying to determine what his hopes and expectations were. If he was not really feeling you then you have a chance. If he was, then he can come back as a friend only after the feeling, and the resentment have gone totally away.

I can only speak for my only feelings, but I can’t typically deal with the FZ because I would always wonder “what does this new dude have that I didn’t”. Men process this different from women. Men, to a large part, deep down consider romance a competition like any other sport or profession…if they get beaten, WHY did they get beaten? Women are much more okay with the “He is a great guy, but we just didn’t click”. A lot of men, or at least this one, do not process it that way, we want to know.

By C tha 1

April 24, 2007 8:53 AM | Link to this

Raqi what do you need closure about? It sounds like you kinda know the answer to your question. If all he was gonna be was a friend what’s the big deal.

By Rufus Rastus Johnson Brown

April 24, 2007 8:59 AM | Link to this

Bottom line is dis. Dat dude wants some tail. If he ain’t gittin any from you, he’ll quit wastin time on yo and go bang some other Hell, he’s probably stringin 3 or 4 along now. You just 1 of em.

By Atl Lady

April 24, 2007 9:00 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All I have been on the flip side of this situation more times than I care to admit. Guys expect a girl to be able to easily handle the rejection of a possible romance and not let anything provoke a sour feeling. What’s even worse is when they feel like you want to know about their escapades with other women and give them sound advice. I went through it again for the umpteenth time last year. The girl he spent all of his time with was so far beneath him in intellect and personality I started to wonder what I ever saw in him in the first place. Even worse is he tried to make us be friends. (I couldn’t stand her even before I knew they were dating. She’s a drama queen.) Usually, when the guy wants more than you’re willing to offer, it is an all or nothing thing. They’re playing to win period.

By G

April 24, 2007 9:09 AM | Link to this

As for the constellation prize of hooking the guy up with a friend……How often does this really work out? Women rarely hook the rejected guy up with someone that is as comparable as or better than her. That does nothing but add salt to the wound. She’s going to push her “tier-3” friend on the guy, and this usually turns out worse.

On the flip side, how many women’s ego could actually take the success of a hookup without a little bit of jealousy? You will be on the sideline, still single, thinking….”that could’ve been us, but I didn’t stick it out”.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this

see, now Rufus, you are starting too early this morning! Cut the offensive name stuff, you really can come up with an insightful comment if you try! LOL

By SeanJohnson

April 24, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this

@ WD…if you enjoy all of these things with dude…and u want him to remain in your life as a friend..you had to be attracted to dude to get to that point…my question is..did you sleep with dude and it wasnt good? Females put dudes in the frienship maybe 3 reasons….not attracted to him but want the perks he may give her…attracted to him but the sxual chemistry wasnt good when things went down..or attracted to him and in a relationship and wainting on the right opportunity to “take it” there..Best thing you can do is set him up with someone u think is a good match for him…that way he is still in your life just not romantically…but what is gonna happen is…all the time and things u enjoyed about him….the chick u set him up with is gonna to be getting all of that..

By Atl Lady

April 24, 2007 9:12 AM | Link to this

Raqi If he didn’t figure it out in the first 5 years, why would 25 years make a difference? I’ve had longterm friendships end, but it was never over the possibility of a failed romance. The only way to get closure is to seek it from him once and for all. After 25 years, you’ve earned the right to call him on the carpet and air it out. If he was family, you’d call and find out what happened. Think of him as a brother and you’re having an argument.

By C tha 1

April 24, 2007 9:14 AM | Link to this

^5 Randyt, I tend to process romance in the same manner. It is what it is.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 9:14 AM | Link to this

wait, a minute,G don’t start with that “still single” stuff, like that would be the worst thing ever, LOL Geez. it’s not a prison sentence to be single, you know!

if you are happy in your life, you can be happy for other people, goodness.

By SeanJohnson

April 24, 2007 9:17 AM | Link to this

@ WD…my post should have read..”Females put dudes in the friendship zone for maybe 3 reason”…

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this

No, there wasn’t physical intimacy whatsoever with this dude, or ANY dude. (I’m single for real) so we aren’t compatible for a host of reasons, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a fantastic guy for somebody else. I would be shocked if I actually got jealous after introducing him to somebody else, I just can’t see that happening. That sounds childish.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

April 24, 2007 9:21 AM | Link to this

Morning ALL!! I cannot wait to read some of the responses to this topic! Good One WD!

I’ll drop back in later…

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 9:22 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone

Y’all be good now

I have placed several guys in the friend zone over the years and I think the main reasons we’re able to continue being friends is that we genuinely like each other as people. One of my very best friends used to like me. I knew that…he told me that after the fact…but I’m really good in ignoring it and NOT letting it become awkward. If I like you as a person I’m not going to let something like a crush get in the way of our friendship. I’ve never had a problem with one of them saying that they don’t want to be friends anymore….they’re cool with it!

I’ve never been in that situation, but I would think it would be all good for me. There shouldn’t be alot of feelings involved so I can’t see why I would sweat it too much.

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 9:23 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!!

Slim we can take that grain alcohol and make some hunch punch!! lol

Wise cosigning your 8:21 with the stolen platinum blog pen hehehehehe And for the Biffs out there..yeah, yeah, yeah….we know they can talk the talk, but can they walk the walk?…..more than likely, NO!! lol

Oh and by the way, how many think that Biff is actually Rufus…show of hands please!! lmsao

By Raqi

April 24, 2007 9:23 AM | Link to this

Ctha1 Because I do. We became friends in the 6th grade and were basically inseparable for the next 20 years. He was a part of my life for my first marriage, the birth of my sons and he was a strong shoulder when I was at my worst. He dated other women and I dated other men but our friendship remained unbreakable until….

I have heard statements that he supposedly made but I am not a hearsay person. I need to get it straight from the horse’s mouth. He said things to my then not yet husband that implied what his intentions may have been. You know I have heard of taking it slow, but 20 plus years is a bit too slow for me. He is married now and expecting a child but I would just like to sit with him and hear him say why he ended our friendship. Losing a friend that was as close as he and I were is like having a brother die. I don’t think I would have entertained a romantic relationship with him, but if that is the reason he went MIA I would like to know.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 9:26 AM | Link to this

WD

G’s comments are not without merit. In breakup letters, the woman says something like “you are a wonderful man and I know there is someone out there for you”. The man always processes this as “there has to be some ugly, fat, lousy personality someone out there who is desperate enough to want you”. It isn’t what the lady is really saying, but the guy is still processing the “I’m obviously not good enough for someone like her”…and truthfully, women’s good intentions about ‘fixing the guy up’ seldom ever come to fruition.

It is a competition, and men do not want to come in 2nd, friendship or not.

By Ashley

April 24, 2007 9:27 AM | Link to this

One of my good guy friends isn’t speaking to me right now because he’s angry that I started dating one of his friends. I had made it perfectly clear that I just wanted friendship with the first guy but he obviously wanted more. He couldn’t handle it that someone else was getting to have the type of relationship with me that he wanted. It really hurts me because this guy has been my friend for years. The guy I’m dating and I have both tried to make up with my friend but he’s not budging. It seems to me that it’s really hard for men and women to be friends without one party always wanting more.

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 9:28 AM | Link to this

And for all the guys (G) that think that a woman would need psychiatric treatment if a man did this to her…….don’t hold your breath on it. That’s not the case more often than it is…….that’s just yet another difference. In most womens minds, we know that while you may not want us, there’s always another brother (just as good or better most times) who will…..and getting with y’all ain’t nearly as hard as getting with us (most times). Just a thought…

By Rufus Rastus Johnson Brown

April 24, 2007 9:29 AM | Link to this

Biff, I agree wit you. Mens ain’t got time to spend on relashunships. We just wants relashuns. I looks fo somebody that will give it up quick. I don’t want no part of dat emoshunal crap. Like da sayin goes. Wham Bam Thank ya, mam.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 9:31 AM | Link to this

Sexione the hunch punch is already made but only for the light-hearted folks today. All other bitter bums will get a dart or two of straigt grain..oops I meant happy juice if it gets out of hand. It’s only Tuesday for peaks sake.

By C tha 1

April 24, 2007 9:33 AM | Link to this

Raqi 20 plus years is an obsurdly long time to make a move, but he had to have a legitimate reason for waiting. Either you flirted with him endlessly without the intention of actually getting romantic(which can lead to resentment)or he is just a sucker for love and played himself.

By abc

April 24, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this

“Constellation Prize”, that’s funny.

If he’s rejected romantically chances are slim to none that he’ll be okay with ‘just friends’. People can meet each other and become ‘just friends’ from the outset, you know, one needn’t meet the opposite sex ONLY in terms of romantic conquest, as difficult as that is for people to imagine.

Opposite sex friends are a loaded topic , anyway. As soon as you cozy up to a relationship with someone, they’ll want you to ditch all your opposite sex friends, postulating that if it hasn’t gone sexual yet, then it will sooner or later.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 9:37 AM | Link to this

Hey Randyt, I see your point, women have to be reminded that you guys are all about the competition sometimes, and we can be the same way too.

By abc

April 24, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this

That men are ‘all about the competition’ is a false assertion. Such stereotypes are starting to bug me.

I’ve been reading a lot of Christian pre-marital material lately, and it subscribes to exactly the same stereotypes. What, are American men all a bunch of semi-neaderthals, American women all manipulative control freaks? From what I’ve been reading in those books and getting off the blog here lately, could be, could be.

By QC

April 24, 2007 9:48 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers i hope you all have a great day!!!!HOLLA

QC is leaving Blog Treats for everyone in the Blog Cafe, enjoy!

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 9:48 AM | Link to this

Wise I think fixing this guy up may work if he is not too into you. If in his mind he’s looking at a possible relationship, then tread lightly, he may need some time away from you. But if he’s still at the frindship point, only looking to hang out and have fun, then it just may be a go.

abc yes, opposite friends is a touchy subject…for men and women alike.

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 9:52 AM | Link to this

Morn’in All,

Wise I can’t beleive you are trying to move dude to the FZ…First off, dude ain’t trying to hear that…If he does best beleive his sole intention is now to “split it” and quit it…As far as setting him up with one of your friends, chicks usually set dudes up with the g/f nobody hits on anyway.

Now snatching Wise’s gold star from the chalk board

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 9:53 AM | Link to this

Hey abc

Re: the competition. I am not saying it is right, frankly it is dumb as hellz…but I know I think that way. Maybe others do not, and frankly I hope they don’t because it is childish. I just know that I will always wonder “what does he have that I don’t”, and that, by definition is “competition”.

By ImAPeach404

April 24, 2007 9:56 AM | Link to this

Mornin’

Haven’t read any post yet, so sorry if I repeat… If you and this dude aren’t romantically compatible, he probably senses it too. If not, no need to, like your friend said, bruise his ego. Once he tries you and you turn him down, he’ll get the picture. At that point its up to him to continue the friendship, or stop calling. If he stops calling… then, its not your concern any longer. Another one bites the dust! For all you know, he could feel exactly the same way as you, so, if I were you, I’d just go with the flow and not try to put a lable on it so soon.

What do you guys think? Would it help if I fixed him up with a great girl? No

Aren’t there situations where men are able to remain friends with a woman after being rejected romantically? I have a guy friend like that. But, I don’t think he was trying to make me his woman, he just wanted the draws. So, I believe it was easier for him to be cool with me.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Musing, now why do guys think he only wants to hit it, I am sure that is not the only intention. I mean, I am FUN to hang around too!

We met and had “immediate” attraction, but now I see where we aren’t really boy/girlfriend material for each other, so I just have to let it go? Is it selfish to still want to remain friends?

By C tha 1

April 24, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this

Any self respecting man will take issue w/ the FZ. Its like a lady wants the benefits of having a dog (man) but wants the dog neutered. At the same time gets another dog, because she’s an animal lover and lets the other dog keep his ballz. Cruel and unusual punishment.

By lovelyliz

April 24, 2007 10:05 AM | Link to this

Friends after breaking up? Possibly yes.

Friends after being dumped? Definitely not.

By ImAPeach404

April 24, 2007 10:05 AM | Link to this

Raqi, maybe ‘the man’ had a friendly conversation with Brian and let him know that things were getting serious between the two of you and it was time for Brian to back off. Despite what you know about ‘the man’, it’s quite possible he was never really cool with the friendship. He might not have wanted to p** you off, so he went to Brian behind your back knowing B would never say anything….

Just a theory

By aa

April 24, 2007 10:06 AM | Link to this

No, My ex and are are still sex partners.. the feelings are still there…we tried to be friends..not happening.. too many emotional attachments.. Either you work it out..or stop talking totally…

By Chullato

April 24, 2007 10:08 AM | Link to this

Wise it would be selfish if you didn’t tell him where you stood. Tell him how you feel and let him decide

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 10:09 AM | Link to this

Wise I didn’t mean to sound like guys only want to hit…What I am saying is that once you shut him down from the relationship, especially if he liked you, then now his intentions are on getting the goodies while in the FZ before he moves on to the next catch…He’s hoping one day you’ll be vunerable and he’ll be right there to “clap clap”…That’s not what he started out wanting, but hellz, he’s on his way out “I might as well try!”

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this

Wise I’m curious…You said initially you both had immediate attraction to each other. So what are some of the factors that lead you to feel you and him wouldn’t work as a potential couple?

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 10:13 AM | Link to this

C tha 1 that was a great ballz analogy….

Better yet it’s like cutting the ballz off her dog, and walking down the street commenting on how big & nice other dogs ballz look.

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this

@Wise Lurker Girl, you are hilarious!

All I am going to say on this one is…Let ole boy know that you think he is kewl, but he is not the one for you and keep it movin!

Dude aint trying to be no catchers mit or a shoulder to cry on, when you have a run in with some other dude..puleese!

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

alright, fair enough Chullato, I should let him be the one to ultimately decide. But I’m a cool friend to have! LOL, Hopefully he won’t let this deter us from being good friends. If it does, I will respect that, and I won’t even try to entice him with tickets to sporting events. smile

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 10:16 AM | Link to this

RedFlag for your situation, if dude hasn’t given you a reason not to trust him…Then trust what he tells you until proven otherwise…If he’s lied before and you are getting that same vibe, then get out of the kitchen cause it’s too hot for you.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 10:20 AM | Link to this

well, Slimone,I don’t want to delve too deep into why, but it related to the “big” fundamental differences: race/cultural, religious, and some other stuff that we both have strong positions on, I just don’t see a point in exploring a relationship when we already know how each other views, feels about certain things.

LL, you know you and all the men folk on the blog really are something else, LOL it’s not like every single woman is in heat, humping everybody that buys her a meal. Good grief, most of us really like companionship, that doesn’t include serving up Os

By ImAPeach404

April 24, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

Oh yea Wise, I don’t know if you are, but if you and this dude are dating, please don’t let him pay for anything else. If you know you don’t like him, then all dates should be dutch. Because once he figures out you don’t want him, he’s going to be p** knowing you let him pay for all these dates wanting nothing more than a friendship.

I have serious issues with a friend how dates guys she know she doesn’t like just to get a meal or see a movie. Wrong, wrong, wrong!!!

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 10:22 AM | Link to this

@Fellas You know what is amazing about Wise Lurkers comment is, without hesitation, she is ready to put dude in the “friendzone” and is kewl with that, but if a dude she really liked did the same thing to her or any other female, they would be p** off and start a tirade!

Amazing….

By Becky

April 24, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this

Biff, you are 100% right on the mark with this..

By For Real

April 24, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this

Wise I’m with Lovelyliz let him hit it and then dump him and then yall can become friends. That way you get the friend you wanted and he gets the Jerry Springer he wanted.

Ok, I have solved that problem. For Real now wiping down the couch for the next lady that has a problem.

By Island Girl

April 24, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this

Good morining everyone. I’m lurking today…unless Musing, SJ gets out of hand. :-)

By Got that?

April 24, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva, putting him in the friend category is the absolute worst thing you can do. The point is you have rejected him. Plain and simple. Let him be. If some guy rejected you, would you want the relationship to be reclassified? Probably not. Passing him off to a friend is even worse. That’s like saying, “You’re not good enough for me so here date my friend.” Everyone knows that if you dated him romantically and things didn’t work out, it would be the utmost disrespect for one of your friends to date him.

By Chullato

April 24, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this

Wise Well if you give him tickets, then there is a mutually beneficial arrangement; you enjoy his company, he enjoys your tickets. But if he has too many drinks, he might try to rub on your booty.

By black coffee

April 24, 2007 10:29 AM | Link to this

I just wondered if it’s all or none, use me romantically or lose me as a friend.

I have had a great friend for 8 years. He was probably not happy in the FZ…but we did have a great friend relationship when I wasn’t ready for anything else. Movies, ballgames, concerts..we just hung out. He hung in and stayed around, no pressure…just hoping, and now we are a couple (of about 7 weeks) and our relationship is GREAT!! We truly know each other, good and bad, and it is all great. We are very happy and in love.. Sometimes it just takes a little(or years of ) patiencnce, kindness and understanding. For the record, when he got put to the FZ, it was because there was no sexual attraction on my end. After years of knowing what a kind, loving, generous man he is….my attraction and intentions changed. All FZ’s are not doomed…

By C tha 1

April 24, 2007 10:29 AM | Link to this

• … and I won’t even try to entice him with tickets to sporting events. smile*

WD that’s low, you would entice a man to a sporting event and purposefully keep him in the FZ?! WTF. Unless he doesn’t have any feelings for you at all, and can act like a complete man w/ high octane testosterone let him have his dignity.:)

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this

I don’t know about tirade, my feelings would be hurt, but I can’t get MAD if someone doesn’t want to be with me, that’s just silly, unless he was Lenny Kravitz, now that would make me mad. Lenny knows I am his soul mate, well he will if we meet.

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

@Wise Lurker You have yet to tell us why you feel that dude cannot be anything other than a friend!

I have studied you, Laney, Mia and other females on here and it seems that when a situation does not quite fit advantage point Wise or others,y’all quick to move on…

I think most of the chicks on here would have a serious problem with a male version of yourselves,that you were trying to date!

By The Truth

April 24, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

Let me chime in on this one. I have 2 thoughts.

1) Its a matter of self respect. If a guy has low self respect he’ll probably go for that scenario. Personally, I may not be #1 but I won’t be #2. Guys in the FZ get none of the perks and all of the drawbacks of a reltionship.

2) With that being said in my current position you can never know enough people and women send great referrals. I would not though be that guy you talk to everyday . I will call once a month or so just to make sure everything is alright.

Red Flag, its over move on. Most guys don’t need closure.

ABC, everything in life is about competition, its why we have evolved to this point. Go ask your boss for a promotion and this point will be perfectly illustrated.

Randy I personally don’t see how wondering what another guy has that you don’t could be constructive. You walk up to a woman, talk to her and either it happens or it doesn’t. As special as we all are we’re just not going to appeal to everyone. The smart thing to do is, once again, determine early where this is going and act accordingly.

By Red Flag (Help)

April 24, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this

@MusingLee…That is the thing never caught him in a lie and he has not been to the point of truly invasive just wants a little more space I think bc he felt we were getting closer and he truly wants to take things slow…I have not sensed another woman perse and can’t put anything on him just baffle with his kinda odd behavior lately…Thanks though I was thinking to ride it out some more…

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this

oh geez, I was kidding about the tickets, LOL lighten up!

and I don’t require men to spend loads of cash to hang out with me. For the record, he has taken me to a few places, I have scored tickets to some things too. It’s not a problem for me to enjoy a guy’s company and not spend money, really..it’s actually how I prefer it when I first meet men. But, most of the guys I truly vibe with don’t get caught up on that anyway, they don’t expect stuff from me because they took me to a concert, or a play. I guess I have been lucky to attract more mature guys, in that regard. I’ve never been accused (to my face) of using a guy to get a meal, or pampering, or gifts.

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this

For the record, when he got put to the FZ, it was because there was no sexual attraction on my end. After years of knowing what a kind, loving, generous man he is….my attraction and intentions changed.

Sooooo black coffee the dude you were chasing for all those years finally kicked you to the curb….LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

That goes to show you guys if you stick it out for 8 years pining over a chick, you MAY get snatched off the bench in year 9 of your contract…By then your knees are shot, the jumper is gone, and all you can do is foul and shoot free throws…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

By SeanJohnson

April 24, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this

@ LL…just proves how men can handle rejection better than women…we grow immune to it…women reject men on a daily/weekly basis…but when the shoe is on the other foot..they dont handle it well…they go through major setbacks..

By Aggressively witty

April 24, 2007 10:39 AM | Link to this

We are missing key points to this story

1) how long have yall been “dating”

2) How close have you come to being intimate

3) Did he know you wouldnt “sellabit” before he starting tryna court you?

If the answer to these questions are

More than 6 months, very close, yes he knew

Then he will go into the friend zone and play along there happily until one night that friend zone turns into RompHER room. And believe you me, with patience, time, some captain it CAN happen.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 10:39 AM | Link to this

Truth

Actually I agree with you, it is not constructive and I would even go so far as to say it is downright stupid. That said, I am guilty of it. Frankly I wish I was not, but I am more relational than analytical. Analytically it makes no sense at all.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 10:39 AM | Link to this

LL, sweetheart, I don’t know what you “study” in my blog posts, because I make a point to speak generally about my dating experiences. There is no need to divulge every single detail for people like you to judge and critique because 1) I am not living by committee, LOL. 2) I want people to share their experiences and wisdom for others to learn from.

and finally, never have I said I was perfect, by any means. I am very outspoken, sarcastic, a little too opinionated at times, but I am a fantastic woman that makes no apologies for being who I am. So save your arm chair analysis of me, because, you could be blogging from Charter Hospital for all I know, LOL.

By Smiley

April 24, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

Being friends is a very good possibility. I dated a guy that we discovered we were better friends than being dating material. We do things with the kids, hang out when we don’t have the kids. We have been to the beach together with no romance at all involved. We can talk about anything and don’t judge each other in any of those discussions. We never have to worry about the other one telling anything that we have talked about.

With this kind of relationship there are no pretentions at all. So the answer to your question is yes, you can have just a friendship after having dated someone.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

I don’t get why ALL the guys think we’ll have such a problem if the guy put us in friend zone. We have egos, but most aren’t as big as men. We move on….break the stereotypes!

I don’t think it’s a guy with low self respect that would be okay…quite the opposite. He’s confident enough to think her loss and just not sweat. If home girl calls him then it’s all good. I mean, the guys that hit on females while they’re at work, just because they say no they don’t stop going to lunch with the group or acting funny with the girl…they’re confident men who can accept…you win some…you lose some…

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

RedFlag since you sound a little green, I’m gonna say this..If you feel like something major has changed, then it has…You can choose to ride it out, BUT don’t fall for the okey doke..Have an ace in the hole incase dude trip out on you. That way you’re not running around wounded and hurt.

By Aggressively witty

April 24, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

Wise, lets be real you got these guys hypnotized like JJ in “let’s do it again” Them weapons of mass distraction keep you safe from the predators out there cause by the time they realize they didnt get anything they are back home with visions of cleavage dancing in they heads.

By Red Flag (Help)

April 24, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this

@Got that what is your take? Truth don’t think i is over just something but not over if it was truly over men know how to get the heck away and not return no matter what I say or do so give me another opinion please…Thanks It’s not about the sex either he said on Sunday it is more to us than sex bc again our sex went to 3 times a week to one and I am like dude you can have her I am out…So what is it really do men truly believe in their bones the can have their cake and eat it too…I am main chick and he will forever f around in the street?

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this

it’s not like every single woman is in heat, humping everybody that buys her a meal. Good grief, most of us really like companionship, that doesn’t include serving up Os Well said!!! I don’t think they truly understand that though!!

I have studied you, Laney, Mia and other females on here REALLY!!! Based on some behind the keyboard comments, huh?!!!! That’s funny as hellzzz!!!

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 10:45 AM | Link to this

Wise why was your neck moving while you posted LL???? LOLOLOLOL

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

Off Topic boy oh boy. Yesterday evening i’m doing my cousin a favor and walked her dog. This guy pulls up asking about the breed of dog which i shouted across the meadow that it was a miniature pincher, and I move on. Okay, buddy now turns around and drives over to where I am after I’ve walked to another side of 2 buildings and asks me again about the dog. I answer again and move on. Buddy then goes on to ask how he can catch up to me without the dog. I told him i was in a relationship (a lie of course). So he says that he is too. WTF! SO i then said, well i’m sure your girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate this. Then I noticed a sparkle in the dim sunlight of his left ring finger….DUDE WAS MARRIED. So i said, oops i’m sorry Your WIFE wouldn’t appreciate this I’m sure. And he gave me this look like So what? I mean really folks…what’s the freaking deal? It was one of the most akward situations i’ve encountered in a while because i’m walking the dog, he’s sort of on his cell phone trying to holler at me and acted as if being married meant nothing. What could buddy possibly offer me if he’s married and i’m supposedly in a relationship…nothing but sex right? I was so hot last night because i wondered if i had the look that made dudes feel like i was in search of a cut buddy. I wasn’t scantily dressed nor was switching and hopping around bending over showing my backside like i was ready to get bent over. I was merely walking the dayum dog!…Then to make it so bad, I believe dude lives in my complex! So he had total disregard for his wife in front of me AND whoever he was on the phone with hearing our conversation. He drove off looking like i was a walking p-dussy with a dog leash in my hand. He drove away saying, Well since you’re all in a relationship and all, I guess I’ll be on my way. I hope to see you around.

UUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Agg Witt, oh how I miss you some days.

1) how long have yall been “dating” Met 4 months ago, talked on IM, phone, and started hanging out almost immediately

2) How close have you come to being intimate. Nowhere near. Most of our time was spent out, going to activities.

3) Did he know you wouldnt “sellabit” before he starting tryna court you? He definitely knows, all men I date know, I cover that as soon as possible.

and ummm, I seriously doubt I would consume that much Captain

By SeanJohnson

April 24, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this

@ DarkDimples….How many times have you been rejected by a man in the last 5 years?

By For Real

April 24, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this

Wise “But, most of the guys I truly vibe with don’t get caught up on that anyway, they don’t expect stuff from me because they took me to a concert, or a play. I guess I have been lucky to attract more mature guys, in that regard.”

Please define vibe with and more mature

Musing what do you think ole Wise one means by this???

By abc

April 24, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

TheTruth, you’ve contradicted yourself.

On the one hand, you propose that everything in life is about competition, yet you also state that Randy shouldn’t speculate on perceived or actual advantages that someone may have over him in the competition. That doesn’t follow linear thought.

As for me and asking the boss for a promotion, I don’t want a promotion. I already have to supervise people, which I’m not fond of due to the hassle and lack of adequate compensation for supervising, specifically; I beat down way more money than I need without having to supervise people. I’m happy with my lot, in other words, not competitive in the workplace.

By The Truth

April 24, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

A 3rd point.

For any of the fellows that don’t understand women get yourself a friend and really listen to the the things she says and the way she thinks. Its the most valuable education you can have. Or you can just read this blog.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 10:49 AM | Link to this

Thumping Agg Witt, hush up CHUMP! LOL

@ MusingLEE, dude, you can see me!? LOL

rolling eyes @ LL, he don’t want it with me!

By just wondering

April 24, 2007 10:49 AM | Link to this

hi guys i have a situation and i need advice about it. just how would u all handle this or how would i make u feel. okay here goes i was interested in a guy who worked in my building on a different floor and before i even decided to put myself on the spot i knew him like a year of two before and i would see him come down on my floor and so just last year in oct he finally knew so we talked on our lotus notes at work and i discussed different things and he claimed to be single cause my coworker inquired for me before i even decided to take the chance and approach him he said he was single, and then when we were at work he always acted as if his interest in me was mutual. now at this time we had not went out or anything. so nov rolls around and i send him nice roses and did that like another time, i bought him and his 2 boys things for christmas and just was going out my way for him being nice and sometimes offering lunch and breakfast and then we were still talking. i would call him on the weekends and i even told him a was not trying to be a bugaboo and sometimes when i did try and call he would not answer the phone but claimed it was due to the fact that he was being mr. mom on the weekends and really was unable to get to the phone. when we were at work sometimes we would be in the elevator and grab a smooch nothing to provacative. and i just thought were good. now we still had not went out yet but had even made plans to do that and also i had not been to his house because i no it was too soon and i know that sometimes when u are just getting to know a person u kinda want to wait to bring them around your kids or whatever so that was not a problem cause i am the same way when it comes to my son. so im thinking everything is good cause were talking at work everyday and even sometimes in the evening. so in jan. we sleep together and i was in the process of moving and he was like he would come and see me and we were going to go out. well feb rolls around and i get him something for valentines day and he did not get him anything but i did not mind. so the week after valentines day he drops the bombshell telling me he has a girlfriend and lives with her and he loves her and their son. now before i go on the girlfriend he lives with has a 2 yr old by him, but he also has a 1yr old by another female. also another thing i found out was that some days he would not drive to work and he said he was carpooling with his homeboy and come to find out he does not have a car at all. so im like he could have told me this from the get go and been straight up with me because he knew i really liked. the things that attracted me to him were his funniness and he is real laid back and he does not look all that but i am the type of woman that when i am interested in someone i go out my way to just do whatever it takes to show them and i still have feelings somewhat what at first i was hurt because i felt like i had been used by him and it was unfair of him knowing that i liked him to do this. also he had informed someone else that he liked me as well. sometimes he still tries to play games talking about he is going to come and see me and since i went out my way for him he will sometimes think i will do the same. what really got me was after everything was said and done he said we were only friends. i mean i knew we started off as friends but i was like when u sleep with someone u have crossed the line of just wanting to be friends. so for a couple of weeks i said nothing to him and i think he could not stand it so he was like just speaking to me and is acting as if nothing has happened. i did inform him that he was a joke and did not know what love is cause love does not make u cheat mind u he has a 1 yr old from another female and i said what comes around goes around and maybe i just did not do enough on my part as far as being more careful but i did find myself blaming me for what happened and i was really hurt and crying uncontrollably. i mean this is the majority of the whole story so can u give me advice on how i should have handled this or on what u would have done or i just want to hear someone elses opinion.

By Raqi

April 24, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this

Wise Lenny Kravitz, Maxwell…I am starting to see a pattern here. Do you also have a liking for Kristoff St. John?

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this

@Wise Lurker Without writing a disertation, I am simply stating facts that more than just ya boy have noticed!

This is not a pointing fingers session, it is observation that when many of you meet nice dudes (from what you write), if they don’t quite fit advantage point female, you all tend to loose interest and move on! Timeframe is usually 4-6 weeks!

If the dude was not a good dude, you would not want to keep him around as a friend or value his opinion on anything!

This observation is not just on this blog, but in day to day observation, from other females.

SJ said it best, we handle rejection much better than you all do and I see a pattern of drop kicking the dude, before he does it to you!

In some of those situations,the dude may turn out to be eventually the one for you, if you give it some time! Please remember that your dating pool is not full of great options!

Sometimes a dude is like a pair of shoes, when you first buy em and wear them, they feel a little tight and uncomfortable, but after a little time, they feel just right!

Maybe you guys need to give things a little more time to develop…you think??

By Aggressively witty

April 24, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this

Just wondering, get some self respect. You buying gifts for dude AND his freinds and yall aint even been to waffle house.

You need to watch Alexyss Tylor. Smoching in the elevator at work and you dont even know this dude.

Actually I coulda told you where you went wrong immediately. Right Here:

guy who worked in my building

By Officer Musirello

April 24, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

just wondering you have exceeded the 3 paragraph limit…People with blog ADD will not read your “War and Peace” post…Here is you citation.

Musing now hands justW a blog ticket

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

Where’s Officer Musirello? We have a violator!! lol

So save your arm chair analysis of me, because, you could be blogging from Charter Hospital for all I know, LOL. Again, cosigning!!! hahahaha

Off to a class……y’all play nice…

By Museq

April 24, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this

Ms Wise, it can be done but of course, it depends on the maturity of the individuals involved. I have two lady ‘friends’ that I have no interest in sexually, but yet, we’ve been able to interact without complications (so far?). Even though, they have a deeper interest, I just deflect and stick to my guns, so to speak. I’ve learned that I’m past the ‘casual’ thing and holding out for the whole pkg.

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this

“But, most of the guys I truly vibe with don’t get caught up on that anyway, they don’t expect stuff from me because they took me to a concert, or a play. I guess I have been lucky to attract more mature guys, in that regard.”

For Real it sounds to me like Wise either goes out with a lot of “Greg Louganis” type dudes or she dates dudes that need to take Viagra 2 hours before strenuous activity…Either way those are the only guys that wouldn’t want anything from her immediatly following a romantic night on the town…LOLOLOLOLOLOL

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this

SeanJ If breakups don’t count then I haven’t been rejected by a dude….BUT, I still don’t think I would have a problem with it because I’m friends with just about all of my EXs…I dunno…I maybe missing something…but I really believe that I can channel my emotions into something constructive….but if you’re trying to get with someone…how much emotion is invested?

By For Real

April 24, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

lol @ Musing By then your knees are shot, the jumper is gone, and all you can do is foul and shoot free throws

So Musing your are saying for 8 years in the league dude was riding the bench and practicing against the starters. Management decided to go in a different direction. Management released or traded its starters. Management plans to start the bench warmers in order to tank season #9 and then regroup and get the number 1 pick in next years draft.

By G

April 24, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Too many women in the ATL to stay stuck on one trying to put you in the FZ. That time spent being buddy-buddy can be better spent with someone new. It’s always better to cut your losses early. I don’t mind being put in the FZ, because we can still hang if I have nothing else better to do. I would rather spend my time dating a friend, than being a “non-datable” friend to you.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

OfficerMusirello you’ve been dispatched to post 10:49. We haven’t assessed the issue there at that location..too long.

By NCgirlfromATL

April 24, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

LL/SJ I totally disagree that men handle rejection better than women. I think men handle it differently than women, but it is certainly no better. Your egos are legendary!!…and it’s reflected in how you treat the next woman. Some woman you thought was all that rejects you, and you treat the next woman like crap, if for no other reason, than to show so-called all that girl that she missed out on your good ish. Sadly, you haven’t figured out that what you should be doing is treating the next woman even better, if you really want so-called all that girl to be jealous.

Yeah, women cry and scream and get all emotional sometimes. At least we’re actually having some emotions about the situation. But typically, once we’ve gotten it out, it’s over. Sounds a lot better to me than months of passive/agressive denial of my feelings. UGH!

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

@just wondering Why the H E Double ll are you trying to date someone who works in the same building as you???

Second, dating co-workers and folks that work within a one mile range of you is foolish in my opinion and could cause you to choose between your job and them or loose both!

Never date a person who lives in the same subdivision,apt,building you work in! Neva!~

Always remember this…90 percent of the choices you make are the reason you are where you are 10 percent ish just happens!

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this

Question for the Men There have been several ideologies that the women’s pickings are few. However, the girl that you’re currently with or the girl that you’ll end up with…will you view her as a prize and gem OR will she just be an average chick who will be grateful that you picked her? Since it has been expressed that there are tons of good, smart, successful women in the ATL then I’m assuming that is the average chick in your eyes. I’m interested in the attitude that some of you portray…

By Got that?

April 24, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

Red Flag, since I don’t know all the situation, what I say is applicable in any relationship.

First of all, if your instincts tell you something has changed, it has. Whether or not the other person will admit it is irrelevant. Trying to get someone to face something they don’t want to face is a waste of time. If you aren’t happy with them seeing you and other people, then you have to deal with the consequences. Either you can stand up for yourself and say it me only or you can deal with the unhappiness. If it isn’t working for you, then you need to do what you need to do. Here’s the thing, people waste too much time and energy in some relationships with little to no return on their emotional investment. If you’re having problems and you’ve trying all sorts of communication that don’t seem to be working, the best thing you can do is put distance between you and the other person. Use the time to figure out what it is you want out of any relationship and honestly look at your current relationship to see if that’s what you’re getting. If it’s not, then it’s not the other person, it’s you trying to hold on to something that’s not right for you. Then, it’s up to you to decide what you’re going to do about it. It’s your life. When are you going to live it on your terms?

By SeanJohnson

April 24, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

@ Just Wondering…that was a LONG azz post…dang…but on the real…thats YOUR fault..not downing you..but how old are you? women kill me when they dont go about things in an adult manor…when you require less of someone..you GET less…u sound like a sweet female…thing is..you have to find someone equally as sweeet so u can do nice things for each other..when yall talked on lotus notes..did you inquire about him in detail? for him to be interested in you and him not take you out was THE SIGN u should have seen but didnt…so thats on you sweat heart..talk is cheap…men show how much they are interested..ear candy …is just that….candy

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

justW the most important advice I am going to give you is this…Don’t stalk this dude, Don’t call this dude, Don’t buy a hand gun, Don’t be seen at the office with this dude….First off he has told his boys that you’ve been smashed, and given out the details…You messed up with dealing with someone at your work, that’s a big NO NO! Second once dude knew you liked him, it was time for his move to ask you out…You kept persuing him asking to be “hit” and he broke down and “clapped” it…Do do anything other than leave dude alone and find a good dude.

By kinderbabe

April 24, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this

aggwit you brought me out of lurksville mentioning alexyss tylor…lol. girlfriend could use a few pointers from her. that lady knows she tells the truth. i watched one of her clips the other day.

hey everybody!! hope you’re having a good day.:)

By Dave

April 24, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this

It depends on the person. The older the guy is (mature in attitude) the better the chance is that you could have a friendship. If you started out dating and did not think there will be chemistry, he could be shy, polite, or wanting to take it slow because he thinks you are worth waiting for.

The meanest thing a woman can do to a man is LJBF him.

If he has a poor self esteem and is interested, he will say yes and hope you change your mind. If this happens, expect a mess in a few months, clue will be that he does not date anyone else.

If he has a good self esteem, then he will be offended, but may end up finding someone else.

Even if he does find someone else, he may still think that the time was not right and you will come around in time.

A more mature man will probably find that its no big deal and stay friends. Problem with that is the friendship fun will probably go away once he has a serious girlfriend and you will only talk a few times and not have the fun you currently have.

By Dr. Kym aka Relationship Expert

April 24, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All—

Wisey I swear this topic is related to a issue I just finished dealing with less than one day ago.

Why cant two mature adults listen, agree, and remain friends eventhough it is not working out? Why must it be drop dead Fred or take a hike Tina? Wisey I wouldnt set the guy up with someone but if you have differences that will not allow you to progress further what is the point? Why not remain friends and know that each of you are not the right one for the other?

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

Officer Muserello

just wondering you have exceeded the 3 paragraph limit

Just one paragraph…just dayum near the longest paragraph ever written here possibly. LOL.

NC I agree completely with your “men don’t handle rejection any better” post. Some men are better than others, some women are better than others, but neither is better than the other, just different as you stated. IMHO.

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this

For Real Yeah dude is getting to start because it’s a rebuilding period…He’ll average about 10pts, 5bds, and 2 assist this season…But he knows he’s going back to the bench as soon as Greg Ogden gets drafted to the team…He’ll be back to picking up jerseys, handing out Gatorade, and enjoying high fives on the sidelines…LOLOLOLOLOL

Dayum Shame too.

By Huh?

April 24, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

this text will be italic just wondering

You have some self-esteem issues to deal with dear…if you’ve got to wonder about his actions, please check your actions. The fact that you are a parent too, pls pls get some counseling to see why you would put yourself in that situation (sleep with him does not equal ‘in love’ or expression of love; you just had physical pleasure with and nothing else).

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

slim Girl, sometimes the married men are the WORST predators. They just refuse to live up to their commitments….It wasn’t you…it’s their desperate cries of immaturity!!

By purplepassion

April 24, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

Ditch work lurk the blog, WOW yall got it ripe in here this morning. Wise get your date on and who cares about what LL or anyone else thinks about you. I am an avid dater too and I have stories to tell. Some are comical and a few horror stories. The topic is one that I can certianly relate to. Me and my ex has been hanging out a lot lately. For my birthday he took me out to a nice restaurant for dinner. Thoughtout our conversation he casually asked me where was my “man” and why am I not spending my birthday with him well before I knew it I blurted out that I choose to spend my b-day with the one I love. Boy did I mess up because I yet I still care for him, I don’t love him. Fast forward we were talking the other night and he told me that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and I need to come back home. I don’t want to come off as playing. My question is how can I deter him without shattering him? I want to remain friends but don’t want to do the horizontal limbo yet still get hugs and goodies. Is it possible? Bloggers yall have given some good advice throughout my lurking time.

By NCgirlfromATL

April 24, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

NCReferee (loud whistle) Foul, #00, MusingLee…1st foul…Wise Diva gets 2 shots.

LMAO! Why she gotta be dating tiny trunks men or excitability challenged men? That’s just messed up!

By The Truth

April 24, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

LDD its a guy with low respect, trust me. Why would I volunteer to listen to your many problems, deal with all of your emotional outbursts, still pay for most of our meals, and not even be able to get my rocks off? Your not that interesting.(Not you personally, I don’t know you)(I have to keep putting that in here)

RED Flag its over. Test it. Don’t have sex with him and see if he ever calls you back. He won’t.

ABC your an interesting guy. I see you have the highest hopes for people. I hope your not dissapointed. Remember though, people are more interested in living up to their expectations than yours.

By cool breeze

April 24, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this

HELL NO! First off fixing him up with a friend is more confusing because he’s would be asking “If, I’m good enough for a girlfriend, why not goof enough for her?” It’s all or none. If there’s not chance for romance then there’s none for friendship. I’ve learned when a woman starts talking that junk it’s time to move on. It’s best to not talk anymore so he can go and find a girl of his own who is interested in him and a relationship. No there aren’t situations where a guy and girl can remain friends after she rejects him because he will ALWAYS be wondering why not him? And what’s wrong with him. People call me hardcore when I tell women no when they say we should be friends first or turn down a date and still want to hang and do stuff cause I do interesting things. I’m like naw, I can be using time I’d be wasting with you finding me a girl that wants to be with me and not be “just friends”. Not looking for a friend. Got enough of those.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

I think Dave just broke it down!!

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

just wondering okay i skimmed through your long post. I understand you saying if you’re interested in a single guy that you will ‘go for what you want’. However, you did wayyyy too much too fast when nothing was ever established in the first place. You sent him flowers, which looks like you did it on more than one occasion. You showered him and his friends with gifts. You and this guy never went out, he barely answered his phone and offered excuses for not answering. People make time for what they want to do. You came out the gate chasing a rabbit all around the track to find out that buddy wasnt at the finish line or at least not at your race. It seems like you ignored all the red flags on his nonchalant attitude towards you. What dude wouldn’t sleep with a chick that’s doing all this. He was probably really flattered at the attention you gave him. I’m sure it was a welcome change after being with his gf for however long they’ve been together living together. I’m sorry your feelings were hurt but I agree with LL you were crapping where you work and that hardly ever turns out good. Now you have to see this reminder of that mistake on a regular basis.

Like the old folks say. Never shyt where you sleep

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

LL, I disagree, ALL women have MANY and plenty of options for a mate. You can believe that good man shortage garbage if you want to, but we know better.

LIke Museq said, we are looking for the whole package. I have no need to force things that just don’t fit, nor do I feel compelled to relax my standards to marry or have a man. It’s just not necessary. and yea, I will feel this way at 45, 65, or 75, too.

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Just wondering you have lost your homework pass also….no tv..no radio…for that longgggggg azzzz post you just did…..matter of fact you are on post-probation one more like that and you will be going to see the JudgeGamMan

By Red Flag (Help)

April 24, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

Now Got that this is the Truth and you know what know that in the small corner in the back of my mind but bsing aabout what I need to do bc I want theis person and want him to want me as much as me…Anyway thanks I am out! Peace

By SeanJohnson

April 24, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

@ KB & AGG…i sent a few folks that clip last week…she didnt put NO cut on it..the females need to watch and listen to her..because she is telling them how it is.. and explains to them why they act out of character when they get piped the right way…i seriously doubt the older lady who was hosting the show can relate to what she was saying..

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

truth but when a guy ends up in a friend zone then he doesn’t do all those things…..my male friends that had a cruch on me…we go dutch or we take turns treating each other. It’s not the scenario you described…that isn’t a friendship…you made it sound all one-sided. read Dave’s response

By Will C.

April 24, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

Hey guys, DON’t fall into that trap. It’s a waste of time and money. If your objective is not met, walk away with your dignity otherwise you will have to listen to all the stupid men that she presently dates and sleeps with. Been there and don’t want to go back.

Rich Guys Trophy Wife Hot Girls Speed Dating http://www.richguystrophywife.com/

101 Dating Ideas for Atlanta Singles http://books.lulu.com/content/59240

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

@Lady Dark w/Dimples I can honestly say that having traveled all over the US and hittin every “Chocolate City” Atlanta, Charlotte, NY and DC has probably the best ratio of females that are ‘marriage material’ I have seen!

The problem is that many of these chicks don’t make you want to marry them in terms of seeing the benefits of being with them in a LTR!

It’s like this, I can date them and kick it with them and not have to marry them, but I get all the advantages of marriage!

It’s like why buy the cow, when the milk is free!

The other thing is that with every woman I meet and consider SERIOUSLY dating, I have to weigh the pro vs. the cons and in most cases, I am loosing by considering settling down with her, so I just date em!

Let me clarify… I have everything I could possibly want, but if I am going to get married,I have to see more than a few benefits with a wife, that I am not getting from the women I am dating!

I have not met a woman yet, that can show me more benefits than I am already receiving! And I always have to factor in the what if’s it don’t work out, i.e. loss factor!

Right now,I do not want kids, so what else is there??

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

Did you guys know that most affairs take place in the workplace?

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this

For real, why are you asking him what I meant? Is he my official translator? LOL you see what HE came up with!

define vibe: connection, get along really great, no major differences, really compatible.

more mature: they don’t really track every penny they spend, they insist on paying most of the time, they don’t feel like they are owed something at the end of the night. I generally date guys from different age groups (28-39), races, cultures, and the thing they have in common - real gentleman, and I suppose that is what appeals to me the most about them.

Now because a lot of men in Atlanta are leery of money hungry women, I end up going out of my way, to show that I DO NOT want excessive amounts of money spent on me, I have NO problem paying from time to time, and I will ask THEM out if I have something I want to attend and would enjoy their company. I don’t know why that is hard to believe for some people. A lot of my female friends are the exact same way

By kinderbabe

April 24, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

sj amen! she was definitely on point. i wondered too when i watched the clip if her mother really “got it.” nonetheless, her comments made plenty of sense and are very relevant especially in today’s dating culture. by the way, you got an apple for me??:) lol

By Cassie

April 24, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

Of course, another lurker has to chime in.

First, all my ex bf’s (although not the x hubby) I remain on good terms with. Dare I say, we all remain friends? I think I do - we’re ok to hang out, to have dinner, to catch a movie. None of them have ever expressed an interest in rekindling anything more. So I think it’s possible, and indeed WD your friend may already be firmly in that mental category if he hasn’t made some kind of move.

I currently have a FWB - I know there is no long term potential for this “relationship” and he does too (religion, race relations and politics are my big three dealbreakers), but we enjoy each others company, we have good chemistry, and we ain’t got anything else going on. So why not?

And before anyone pounces…for the record, I am not a slut. This is the first time in twelve years I have been anything even remotely close to single. I just tell people that I’m enjoying my twenties in my thirties! :-)

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

@Wise Lurker If you all have sooo many great options, why are so many of you guys still single and looking???

You all have maybe a 10 year or less window of opportunity to have a family, so what are you waiting on, if there are so many great catches out there??

Men can afford to take their time in settling down, you guys can’t, if you want to have a fam!

If you decide to opt out on raising kids, then more power to ya, but the real is that very few of y’all don’t want kids and many of y’all ain’t tryin to push a stoller at 45!

By For Real

April 24, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

J-Dubya That’s your fault. PERIOD!!!

PP ” want to remain friends but don’t want to do the horizontal limbo yet still get hugs and goodies.”

Blog ladies see she is doing what you claim only men do.

Slim Did you have a that white tennis skirt again? I told you about that ish….

Lw/2Ds I haven’t met the girl that I will end up with so I can’t answer your question.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

Lady D ‘preciate cha! He was looking like me and him were on a deserted island with no food and I was a sirloin or something. Grooosssss!

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this

see Smiley and Cassie are examples of when it can work. Thank you, I knew someobody could chime in let us know it CAN happen!

By Dr. Kym aka Relationship Expert

April 24, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

I end up going out of my way, to show that I DO NOT want excessive amounts of money spent on me, I have NO problem paying from time to time, and I will ask THEM out if I have something I want to attend and would enjoy their company

Wisey Come take a seat in the grown and sexy corner…because I know exactly where you are coming from. You know gentlemen if you would just admit that you are too gun shy for your own dang good then the dialogue could change. Yes Tabitha the shoe model did take your cash, Yes Raynella the hoochie did show you the goods but never did more than get a great meal out of you…but not every woman wants to bleed you dry. Some women are in fact ladies and they have learned over time and are versed in handling adult situations like adults but if you keep swimming in the cess pool you are bound to keep getting crap.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

Lurker If you don’t want kids and a family then there isn’t a reason to get married….(esp. if you don’t subscribe to no fornication). So, you’re sorta the exception on here, most of the men are involved or open to being involved….with the view of women expressed on the blog…I just wonder if the men feel like the ones their with are prizes or just grateful women…?? None of them responded….hmmmmm

By NCgirlfromATL

April 24, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

If you all have sooo many great options, why are so many of you guys still single and looking???

Because there’s a difference between having a lot of guys to choose from to date, and having a lot of guys who want to be in a LTR. There a ton of guys to just date, if that’s all you want to do. But, many of us aren’t looking to just date. And many of you guys aren’t looking for a LTR.

By SeanJohnson

April 24, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

@KB..yep got an apple for you…what u got for me?? any lessons?…the alexys taylor lady really need to hold seminars..to me she broke it down basically of how females orgasms are internal and it ultimately can control her emotions and render her under control of the D..so to speak…like LL was saying yesterday…how independent women have made it easy for us…if you are half way pulling your load or may be not pulling it at all…if you are bring the wood in the bedroom…its a wrap..

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

dude, we aren’t all wanting kids, we aren’t all wanting to have our own biological kids, SOME OF US, want to marry for love, not convenience, not for breeding.

we do have OPTIONS (race, age, you name it, we got options) and we can & will wait for true compatibility ( not a big wallet, not a hot body, not a handsome face)

if we bought into your line of thinking we WOULD marry the first suitor that came along talking sweet. UMMM, NO. We will wait for the right one, we don’t care how long it takes, we are NOT desperate. Sorry. LOL

ok, I am at least speaking for me in that rant.

By C tha 1

April 24, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this

It’s obvious that women’s definition of friend is distinctly different than men’s.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 11:48 AM | Link to this

For Real not at all…can you say jeans, sneakers and a semi long sleeve shirt. Believe me, it was a far cry from the slow motion scene from that movie Friday when chick was watering her grass.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 11:48 AM | Link to this

kym Some women are in fact ladies and they have learned over time and are versed in handling adult situations like adults but if you keep swimming in the cess pool you are bound to keep getting crap.

Well said!

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 11:49 AM | Link to this

LOL @ pushing a stroller at 45, jeez you sound like such a narrowminded person. have you SEEN 45 yr olds lately? They look, feel, and age amazingly well, and don’t insult women by saying we have to be yuong to have kids, if your 70 yr old man can parent a kid, so can my 79 year old tale, LOL

nobody (smart) buys that anymore LL, ya’ll should really let it go. LOL

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this

Objection Wise you are leading the witnesses….thats a no-no…you might want to get with Nc cause you bout to lose your argument

By The Truth

April 24, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

Just wondering you sound like a good hearted person. With that being said, you had to see the writing on the wall. If 2 single people are dating the only reason they can’t get together is because they don’t want to.

LDD your kind of taking this back to the end of yesterday but what the hell. Ladies (Don’t go getting all upset) you are no longer a prize. You forfeited that right when you started speading yourself around. (Sorry to be so blunt) Now, some guys will meet you and think the world of you but truth be told if he doesn’t get with you he can hold out and upgrade. Some of you will come back with that biblical “a man that findeth a good wife” line but we both know you’ve done alot of things that don’t line up with the bible. This is more of a free market. You put your product out there and see what you can attract. This is kind of like the question a few women asked me last year. “Why don’t men pursue women like they used to”? I told them now they understand you.

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

Slim What exactly were you wearing??? And could he see any possible “toe”?

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this

Lady w/2D’s I will answer your question….I am very lucky to have found my “gem”…However, I knew immediately how special she was…I dropped kicked my squad of chicks shortly after meeting her…And I got called some nasty names by a few.

By peachy

April 24, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this

@ ATL LADY I too was put in the “friend zone” over 10 years ago by a man I was sure I was destined to marry. We went on a couple of dates but remained friends with no bedroom time, but some benefits. We stayed very close until he moved 4 years ago and I met a new man whom I eventually married.

I love my husband, but I miss this man and what we had together. I dream about him (sometimes hot ‘n spicy, other times not) every week!

I guess I should be the one seeing the shrink here…help y’all!!

By For Real

April 24, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this

Musing What did Wise say? lol I hear ya Wise and that is very cool of you. You sound like a cool person to hang with. Now do you dress sexy when you are out with Mr. Louganis and Mr. Viagra 2?

Dr.Kym Men aren’t saying that there are not women like you or Wise. For the record I think Slim is like that too. She just has to get over her camera phone shyness. Anywayyy PurpleP just proved that there are women out there like her.

“I want to remain friends but don’t want to do the horizontal limbo yet still get hugs and goodies.”

By pruplepassion

April 24, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

For real I’m keeping it real with him and myself. What’s wrong with getting hugs and goodies minus the horizontal limbo? I’m not taking anything serious with him b/c he has not or have not brought up anything regarding a future with us outside of coming home cuz the grass isn’t greener on the other side. If I put some fertilizer on the grass on the other side it will become greener though.

Dating is data that you collect from a person. Either you use it or you lose it. Although some people chose to store their data to reflect for future references.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this

truth so your girl is desperate and grateful! That’s really all I’m trying to figure out…your perspective! Since you have a lady and she’s no longer a prize.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this

I have a question, what kind of low self esteem having, cluesless female would stake her entire self worth on having a man “deem her a prize”

like seriously, you guys should know that a grown woman doesn’t let any person (male or female) to define her like that. It’s just not safe to place your self-worth in how somebody else views you. Why would you?

DO you guys look to women to make you feel like a prize or a good man?

By Dr. Kym aka Relationship Expert

April 24, 2007 12:01 PM | Link to this

LL Since I am a mom already having a baby is the least of my worries..and trust me I know some 40 year olds who would need countless amounts of therapy if they were to get pregnant. So please stop letting the pundits feed you that crap about bio clocks running out. Women who want children can have them even if they have to buy a frozen sperm pop and a turkey baster. I said it at the end of yesterday and I will say it again today…sad life if all you really care for are material things that fade over time. Money, clothes, cars..big whoop you can walk out of your bldg now and get hit by a car and lose your life and all that you held dear would belong to someone else. Or with your attitude you could live to be 70 and died with all your stuff around you…key thing is will “They reminisce over you?”

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this

@NCgirlfromATL I totally agree with your 11:45!

It’s not that men don’t want LTR’s, it’s just that many women don’t give us a reason to be with them LTR/TKO!

I can honestly say that if I met a woman,that I felt that after a year of dating her and going through some situations with her, that I could not see myself without her,I would seriously consider being with her LTR, but being true to myself and having discussions with my close dudes and frat bruh’s,that are single and have been married in the past,we keep coming back to the same conclusion, stay single and kick-it til the wheels fall off!

My problem and many other dudes say that the majority of the women you meet nowadays don’t motivate you to marry them! Dating is a better option for a lot of dudes!

Now,if that dude is just ready to settle,then fine or if that dude is ready for a fam,then fine, but outside of that,there is not much to go on!

By The Truth

April 24, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this

Wise if you have so many options why don’t you have a man? LL you stole so many of my thoughts you owe me money. I’m like LL. I don’t want kids, to be married, or anything near it. Lets have fun and see where life takes you. For those that say you’ll wind up old and lonely, all of you will still be alone at 80 so I can always pick you up in the old folks home.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this

Peachy You’ve gotten yourself in a peachy situation! Just stop romanticizing over the guy. Focus on the fact that he didn’t see in you what you saw in him and your husband was able to recognize the gem that you are. If you keep fantasizin…and that’s what it is…a fantasy…you’ll never live happily in the reality that you have a husband who loves you and your flaws!

By Got that?

April 24, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this

see Smiley and Cassie are examples of when it can work. Thank you, I knew someobody could chime in let us know it CAN happen!

Wise Diva, it worked because they got the goodies. I’m not being pessimistic, just realist. If you haven’t gone down the consummation route in the relationship, putting someone in the friend category will invariably lead to questions and uncomfortable moments. The rejected one will always wonder about what could have been when you’re confiding in them about what’s not working for you in a current relationship. That’s why it’s easier to be friends after a failed relationship, because there’s no sexual tension. You already know what didn’t work and why. So, them chiming in doesn’t support your conjecture.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this

Musing It’s obvious that you believe you’ve found a gem. You talk so highly of your SO.

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

Off Topic: I spoke with a guy on the phone yesterday about a project I’m working on…So I finally go to his website today and find out he is really a Woman….LOLOLOLOLOLOL….Her voice had bass in it and er’thang…hahahahahaha…Dayummmm. I almost said “Thanks Man” when hanging up…LOLOLOLOLOLOL..hahahahahahaha…that would have been very bad!

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

Musing nah, I left my camel toe in the house before taking the dog out. I try not to take it everywhere…it’s really hard to replace if something happens to it.

For Real yep, i too am like that. I love to reciprocate and would have a hard time with allowing someone to be a paymaster so-to-speak…especially if i’m not feeling any vibe other than a FZ vibe. Now about this camera phone shyness. I have a picture of Musing’s camel toe that i wanted to send to you.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

For real, you got jokes, LOL ok.. I have a great time when I do date.

The Truth, since I have options, (meaning I am reasonably attractive and seek the same qualities that I possess), I don’t have a man because I am not in a hurry to get one. Sure the days may get lonely, but I have convinced myself that the lonely days are better than worrying about some foolish man. Now, when one of the many options that are out there makes me want to stop and take notice, I will be ready, willing, and able, AND I will behave accordingly. No worries !

By For Real

April 24, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this

DO you guys look to women to make you feel like a prize or a good man?

Nawwww, men pretty much already know what kind of man he is:

Good Dude

Alright Dude but tends to f/k sometimes

Ain’t ish Dude but its ok bc I like me

Now how many women know what kind of woman they are? And be honest… oh never mind. Yall are all going to say I’m a “good woman”

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this

Got that? we just don’t agree on this, I guess I don’t place the same emphasis of sex as you guys seem to - not saying I don’t like it, because I do (I mean REALLY do waving my hand in the air) but ummm, I don’t know…every situation is different, and I STILL think Cassie and Smiley (what little they shared) just shows how sometimes the individuals involved can forge a friendship if it’s mutual.

now see The Truth there you go, trying to make it funky, man please, you don’t know who is going to be alone and who isn’t, so save all that LOL.

Your comments are all over the place from insightful to insulting. Why can’t we discuss things without you trying to make stuff personal? And no, I don’t take it personally, but your lil jabs, buried under the surface are so random, you just don’t need that to make your point all the time, do you?

By The Truth

April 24, 2007 12:17 PM | Link to this

LDD my girl is a good one. She cooks, puts it down, we have fun together and we don’t argue. With that being said I’m not marrying her. As LL so eloquently stated, there’s no need. If she came up to me and said she met someone that she wanted to pursue, I’d pat her on that gorgeous a* and send her on her way. She deserves whatever it i she wants and I hope she gets it. Just not with me. This is a great time to sit on the sidelines and observe. Thats what I’m doing. I’ll always have a woman so why get all choked up about one.

Purple passion milk those fools for all their worth. I say go for it. If their stupid enough to do those things you should drain them. It’ll make em smarter next time.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this

For Real I’m a good woman LOL!

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this

Slim You have a detachable “Camel Toe”…Awwwww Dayummmmm…LOLOLOLOLOL

Dude hanging out at Slim’s crib..Slim is in the shower

Dude: Hmmmm what is this…Looks like a p-dussy?!?! Wonder if it works?

Slim: Heyyyy what are you doing out there???? OHhhhh, Ohhhhh, Ahhhhhh, Eeeeeeeee, WooooooooWooooooo, WobbleWobbleWobbleWobble

Slim emerges from the shower perm sweated out and dude fast asleep holding a detachable p-dussy

By For Real

April 24, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this

Slim Ewwwww.. No thanks on that picture. Now if you have a picture of Musing when he realized what his letters spelled in that Scrabble game with his SO, I’ll take that…

By Jake

April 24, 2007 12:21 PM | Link to this

What up Blog; Hey Ladies, head nod MLB

On topic:

Wise, is your fear of moving further with this cat mutual, or are crossing him out on some superficial ish even though you seem to be very happy with his company. Even differences in faith can be overcome.

Was that the longest post in history, or what?, I just wondering when that was gonna end…LOL

jw, you got yourself in a bad situation, learn from it and don’t sweat any dude that hard, and sometimes ish happens, I don’t remember who said it, but you made dude “hit it”. Now a lot of you sweet, sweet, ladies will dawg dude, but she made him do it, he did not even play along for real…LOL

By For Real

April 24, 2007 12:24 PM | Link to this

Lw/2Ds I bet you are with 2D’s

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this

truth okay, that’s fair. But it appears that the only men who are saying that women are no longer a prize are those who don’t want to get married….that’s cool I can understand your viewpoint better now…you’re not looking for anything from them but a good time and you get that everyday of the week. But do you believe that if women took that criteria from the dating pool…and just looked for having a good time…we can find that everyday of the week as well! If we weren’t looking to get married…man we’d date any guy who was legal, attractive, smart, and fun!

But I feel you now…

Oh, but don’t make generalizations…because as you see, Musing and others out there still believe that there are some prizes to be found…and it just sound like LL hasn’t met the women who motivated him to want to marry her….My SO can say the same thing before he met ME!

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this

MusingLee Awww man! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Slim to dude: Hey wake yo azz up! Could you do what you had did when i was in the shower? LOL

By Got that?

April 24, 2007 12:28 PM | Link to this

Wise Diva, it’s not that I disagree. While it can be great, more often than not, it doesn’t work. It’s not about how one sex thinks about sex more or less than the other. It comes down to attraction and how people deal with it. If you know someone is attracted to you in a way that you’re not attracted to them, then there has to be enough separation so that they clearly understand that you, at this point in time, have no interest in pursue that type of relationship with them. The problem is, while they may claim that it’s cool, it often is not. As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, they will be hoping for some change in their favor. This happens in both sexes. How many girlfriends do you have that are pining away for this guy that’s their friend that isn’t paying them any attention — at least, the attention they want? However, there are those rare people who actually move on in their dating and the friendship can actually develop. The key is that they moved on beyond you. So often the case is that they don’t move on and need a little prodding, which is precisely why the whole let’s just be friends conversation fails miserably. Great intentions, but poor execution.

By Chullato

April 24, 2007 12:30 PM | Link to this

LDD Every day I wake up next to my wife, I think back over my life and cannot find one act that I ever committed to ever deserve her.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this

For Real LMAO!

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 12:38 PM | Link to this

Chullato awwwwhhhhh, that is really special. I think all women want to be loved like this Chullato!

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 12:40 PM | Link to this

For Real even I would like to have a picture of the look on Musing’s face when he realized he got Punked into proposing. lol But may i interest you in a picture of demi getting out of his F150 using the step ladder.

By SeanJohnson

April 24, 2007 12:41 PM | Link to this

@DoubleD/DarkNips…i think if you are married …u should and its your duty as a husband to look at and treat your wife like a gem and a prize…because thats what she would be..and she should be shown and made to feel like one..and you the reciprocal

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 12:43 PM | Link to this

@Wise and other females This is the real!

Men nowadays have mannnnnnny options and can receive all of the same benefits of marriage, without being married daily! In some situations, dating is actually better than marriage!

Past record shows that marriage does “NOT” work in our favor,so why keep hitting your head against the wall, unless you can clearly see where you will “come up” or benefit more!

It is not totally about the financial, but financial is always a factor, when you could loose the farm, that you worked so hard for! loosing is not as big of a option with women and marriage, as very few pay child support or have to find a new place to stay, we call it starting over!

The way I see it,the bank will not give you a loan,without looking at all the risks involved!

The company will not hire you,until they have truly checked you out and weighed other candidates!

A credit card company will not issue you a credit card,without checking your credit and determining that you are a low risk to default, even mortgage companies are slowly eliminating sub-prime loans, based on high risks!

With all of that said, dudes have to weigh the risks of giving up their single life and if marrige really benefits them and their situation! Relationships/Marriage/Business are all one and the same!

In many cases and based on the past, marriage does not seem to be a round fit in the square hole for many dudes!

I will only get married,if I see clearly the advantages of me being married and they have to outweigh what I am currently receiving!

Many dudes are now smarter and doing the same!

By Island Girl

April 24, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this

Chullato…. thank you for sharing.

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 12:54 PM | Link to this

LL i know we dont see eye to eye on alot of stuff you say frat but this time you have hit the nail on the head….ddddddaaannnngggg why why would you go thru it(Marriage) unless it will benifit

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 12:54 PM | Link to this

SeanJ I’m glad you feel that way….buy why you got keep playing with my name? LOL!

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 12:54 PM | Link to this

I see the joint is jumpin’ as usual!!

Heeyyyy Jake

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 12:55 PM | Link to this

Slim Can I have that F-150 photo as well…hehehehehehe…That’s the last time demi kicks my 84’ Civic.

By Chullato

April 24, 2007 12:56 PM | Link to this

LDD and IG It didn’t hurt that she made me lunch and brought it to me today either…I need to call her!

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 12:59 PM | Link to this

SeanJnowLimpJohnson darknips oohhhh, not very nice but funny nonetheless.

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 1:02 PM | Link to this

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver’s license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “I will have to go home and come back later.” The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.” So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me” and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.”

By SeanJohnson

April 24, 2007 1:06 PM | Link to this

@ Slim….i started to tell you something…anyway..that was a good one on Demi…and DD know its all luv..

By Biff

April 24, 2007 1:07 PM | Link to this

See what I mean? Where’s Nurse Ratchett when you need her?

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 1:08 PM | Link to this

Sexi that is soooo wrong…LOLOLOLOLOL

Hey where is Jewel and her granny purse?

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 1:13 PM | Link to this

Demi kicks Musing’s car and it breaks down like that chinese man’s car in that car insurance commerical

lololololololol

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 1:13 PM | Link to this

SJ You know me…lotsa laughs & lotsa love. All i can say is JLM *(just love me)

By jazzyone

April 24, 2007 1:15 PM | Link to this

You know Im catching up and Im trying to figure out why you are here Biff if the writing has you all miffed and so disagreeable etc..why do you come back everyday?..im just curious?

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 1:15 PM | Link to this

oh alright, Got That? I can see your point, in your 12:23 post, that really makes sense. Something for me to think about.

@Jake, I don’t consider them superficial things, not at all. It’s way more than religion. I know there are things I really don’t want to bend on. It’s like many things that you discover about each other much later in the dating process.

I am still attracted to him, he’s just not right for me, and I am not right for him in many ways too.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 1:16 PM | Link to this

For Real anyway you could get these photos blown up and made into fliers? I had an idea for the blog bar. Step Stool Saturday’s Gaman/Musing what do you think about that? lol

By jazzyone

April 24, 2007 1:17 PM | Link to this

Speaking for myself, myself and my ex fiancee are the best of friends we don’t cross the line. If something happens to me he is there if I need him to have my back hes there, and the same for me. We discuss others that we date etc..but we don’t go backwards and try to rekindle something thats over. Period. Men and women can remain friends after the relationship. I tend ot focus on the good things about the person that made them attractive to me or made me want to create a friendship.

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 1:20 PM | Link to this

Seen in my local paper’s “readers sales” section.

FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of encyclopaedia Britannica. 45 Volumes. Excellent condition. $100 or best offer.

Reason for sale:- No longer required. Got married last weekend. Wife knows F**king everything.

By Lore

April 24, 2007 1:20 PM | Link to this

My ex boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. One night he called me on the phone and dumped me without explanation. We eventually DID talk about what happened, and we managed to remain best friends despite everything.

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 1:22 PM | Link to this

GaMan I’m glad you find my hooptie amusing. It’s a classic I still have the original casette deck that came with it…anddddd a vintage “Cool and the Gang” tape.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 1:23 PM | Link to this

hey guy, nobody wants you to get married if you don’t want to be married. It really is that simple. If you have that mentality, it’s perfectly fine to stay a bachelor for life, be happy and DO YOU.

For the women who would enjoy having an “official” escort through what’s left of our fantastic and fulfilled lives…we.will.wait. We will wait because we deserve to be happy with the person that we marry. We will be happy with who he is, how he makes us feel, Not because of what he offers financially, but emotionally, and then we are going to be content with life and not worry about what’s at stake to lose, because we will gain a husband that we love. It’s not complicated at all.

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 1:25 PM | Link to this

Yeah i like that Slim but make it StepStool Saturday with Mini skirts lolololol

By Cassie

April 24, 2007 1:27 PM | Link to this

Wise & Company -

I’m with you. I don’t want an LTR. I’ve decided that they suck, and that I will be quite happy being the crazy old lady with dogs!

Both genders have such unrealistic expectations of dating and ltr’s and marriage. It’s freaking WORK to stay married, to keep the spice alive, to make ends meet and to try to paddle in the same direction. It’s work!!!! So why get married? Why entertain a man that doesn’t live up to your standards? You don’t have to. You don’t need one. Y’all are nice to have around and all - you know, when I need someone with a chainsaw or a nailgun, you’re spot on. But all those other things? I don’t need a man to make me feel better, or attractive, or to validate whom I am as a person.

Nuff said.

P.S. To the males in the audience - some of you are preaching a double standard. If women didn’t “sleep around”, half of the male population would never get any!

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 1:28 PM | Link to this

Musing I know, but it was soooo funny!! Are you looking for Jewel and her granny purse or her granny drawzzz? lol

jazzyone I’ve been wondering the same thing!!!! my guess is to try and start some ish that no one is interested in commenting on..

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 1:29 PM | Link to this

Musing Gets into his car slides in Kool and da gang….waiting for song to start playing..when it finnally does it sounds like Ike and Tina…..Rolling…Roooollllll snap crack break* tape deck just broke and Musing is crying holding the case that the tape came in

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 1:35 PM | Link to this

Wise guurrllllll, you can talk til you’re blue in the face (or I should say type til your fingers are cramped, lol), but those that are stuck on stupid will always think the way they do…………every woman is dying to be married, is dying to have babies, will sellabit to the highest bidder, will always let the ex hit it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Obviously only a select few know the truth….that we all want different things (not babies, and husbands and sugar daddies), aren’t all willing to settle for whatever we can get, know, trust and are willing to wait until we find the “right” one for us, are comfortable and happy with our current state of being, and will not let you get the milk unless you have purchased the cow UNLESS we WANT you to!!! I could go on, but I digress….

By Jewel

April 24, 2007 1:42 PM | Link to this

Good afternoon Everyone!

WOW over 200 posts! In my humble opinion, I think it is possible to remain friends with a man with whom you have no romantic interests…just do not let a lot of time lapse before telling him. The more time a man spends with a woman he is interested in, the more hopeful he becomes. I have experienced this a few times. Once, I had to tell one man immediately following our first date because he tried to kiss me on the mouth! No need in stringing him along and fighting off his sloppy kisses! LOL! One rule of thumb I practice: If I tell a man I only want to be his friend, I do not share personal information. Specifically my other romantic involvements. I think this would only add insult to injury.

Kinderbabe and QueDogTeaching and any other Teacher on the Blog Happy Teacher’s Day!…or something like that. I think I heard it announced yesterday, but since I did not post, KUDOS to you today!

Have a Powerful, Productive, Prosperous and Positive Day!!!

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 1:42 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Sexione, you are probably right. Oh well to that!

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 1:43 PM | Link to this

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you’re going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

“The funeral director,” said his wife.

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 1:44 PM | Link to this

Ga.Man LOLOLOLOLOLOL….hehehehehe

Musing finds his Edward J mixtape and now driving home w/windows down and Jerri Curl blowing in the wind….Activator juice all over the car windshield behind him…..Musing arrives home to realize that a 20 car pileup has occured in the area he just left….Thinking to himself he’s lucky to be alive.

By JustMe

April 24, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

Afternoon Blog

Same Blog different Day.

ALl I have to say about those sho never if ever plan to marry.

WHen you are old and gray and you become sickly and ill and you have no one you can trust to care for you, it is then that you will see the err in your judgement. All of the material possessions you hold near and dear can be destroyed or taken from you in the blink of an eye, yet you place so much emphasis on having to have them all to your self should the cookie crumble. Well when the ultimate cookie crumbles, those material possessions will be sitting where you last left them and you will be dead and gone and none of those things are going with you, nor can they save you.

To whomever said they wouldn’t care if their mate left for the next dude, I say to you careful what you speak into existance, the universe has a funny way of shoveling ish towards those who least expect it.

Back to lurksville………

By Tater

April 24, 2007 1:47 PM | Link to this

Cassie. P.S. To the males in the audience - some of you are preaching a double standard. If women didn’t “sleep around”, half of the male population would never get any!

So we are no better than you are we..

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

@Wise Lurker Long sigh…

Jeezy the rapper said in a song on his last album..* There’s a message in my words, but you have to decode it*

I feel the same way! I have said at least(3)Three,the number before 4, the number after two,that I would consider marriage,ONLY IF,the chick brought her “A” game and won me over andONLY IF,I clearly saw the benefits other than what I have now,to go that route!

I am a very hard sell,but I know talent,when I see it/meet it!

I treat every chick I meet, like an interview process! There is nothing I handle different between interviewing candidates that I am considering hiring at my job and women that I am considering dating!

It’s all one in the same,cause both represent me LT and both are an elimination process!

You are NOT just going to walk in and get a job at my company and you are NOT just going to walk in and I am going to marry you or date you, without showing me that you are the best person for my situation!

In both situations,I am willing to wait for the best and if it does not come,I will have a temp hold down the fort permanently or until the best comes!

I think everyone should have the same approach and not settle for less or just get married to get married!

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

Heyyyyy Jewel.

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 1:51 PM | Link to this

A student comes to a young professor’s office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

“I would do anything to pass this exam.”

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

“I mean..” she whispers, “..I would do ANYTHING!!”

He returns her gaze. “Anything??”

“Yes,.. Anything!” She says.

His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you.. study??”

By Andrew

April 24, 2007 1:53 PM | Link to this

I may be in the minority here, but I feel like it is possible to remain friends with a guy. Personally, my perspective is this: If I am interested in a girl romantically, I am going to build a friendship with her. If things don’t work out romantically, why waste all that time spent building the friendship? Friendship should be the base of any meaningful romantic relationship, and so if the romance doesn’t work out, I do think it’s possible for the friendship to remain.

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this

JustMe ^5 Now where is my platinum pen again??!!

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this

To all the bruh’s and others….

This weekend,ya boy will be truly representing the Purple and Gold!

THIS IS WHY I’M HOT WEEKEND!

WHAT BETTER WAY TO START THE SPRING OFF THAN WITH THE BROTHERS OF OMEGA PSI PHI FRATERNITY, INC., THUNDERIN’ TAU CHAPTER

THIS IS WHY I’M HOT! WEEKEND

FRIDAY APRIL 27TH @ THE CASCADE CLUB www.cascadeclubatlanta.com For more info: 404-344-6181 | 2890 Continental Colony Pkwy, SW, Atlanta, GA 30331 ACROSS FROM GREENBRIAR MALL THIS PLACE IS BEAUTIFUL! STARTING @ 9PM TO 2AM DRESS: UPSCALE SEXY ADMISSION: $20.00 TWO FOR ONE ADMISSION WHICH MEANS YOU’ LL GET AN ADDITIONAL TICKET FOR SATURDAY TO ATTEND THE OLDEST PIKNIK IN THE SOUTH.

SATURDAY APRIL 28TH @ GRANT PARK STARTING @ 2PM UNTIL 11PM THUNDERIN TAU CHAPTER CELEBRATES IT’S 85TH ANNIVERSARY WITH AN OLD STYLE SOUTHERN BAR-B-QUE, SOME CALL THE OLDEST PIKNIK IN THE SOUTH

3 EXECUTIVES CHEFS SHALL AMAZE YOU WITH CULINARY EXPRESSIONS! LIQUID REFRESHEMENTS FOR EVERYONE, YOU JUST NEED TO BRING YOUR OWN SACK CHAIR OR BLANKET

STEPSHOW WILL START AT 5PM REMEMBER THIS IS WHY I’M HOT AND HOT ATLANTA!

* PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, NO PITBULLS IN THE PARK *

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this

LL, that announcement should come with a warning label, goodness. LOL

By Jake

April 24, 2007 2:00 PM | Link to this

Hey Sexione,

Don’t you still owe me a few things.

Wise I feel ya, just sounded like you really are into the cat, but oil and water don’t mix.

Ladies(esp. Cassie, Wise) Please don’t turn your back on us like that, I need you guys, the men are just talking, I love women, and all that ya’ll bring to the table, especially eggs, bacon, and pancakes, fried chicken, green beans, apple pie, cake, etc…lol. Just kidding sweeties!

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 2:00 PM | Link to this

A man left from work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 2:01 PM | Link to this

Thanks Andrew!

By Jewel

April 24, 2007 2:01 PM | Link to this

Okay. I know. I am waaaayyy behind…But,

RandyT The man always processes this as “there has to be some ugly, fat, lousy personality someone out there who is desperate enough to want you”. LOLOL!

ABC Pre-marital material I KNEW IT!!! LOL! Make sure I get a blog invite to the wedding!

C Tha 1 OUCH! On that dog analogy! Domen really take it that hard?!

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 2:01 PM | Link to this

GAman well if we’re going to combine StepStool Saturday with Miniskirts I think it would be only fair to make it Stepstool Saturdays-with-flat heel Miniskirts

Sexione don’t you agree or did you have a better idea?

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 2:04 PM | Link to this

To Any and All

I know I perhaps travel and date in different circles than many on this blog, but at the risk of breaking some “ML”, I have to defend some of the ladies on the Blog. The ladies I date have more self respect than are protrayed by some of the men here. They CHOOSE who they are going to sleep with, they have their own incomes and don’t NEED a man to support them, and they make conscious choices about who they get into an LTR with. They aren’t needy so they can pick and choose. Sometimes they pick the wrong one, sometimes they kick the wrong one to the curb that they should have kept…but they own up to their responsibility for their mistakes.

I’m saying that most of the women I know do not rhyme with a certain garden instrument. They are ladies, not (fill in the blank). The scary part is if enough men tell them that they are, they may actually start to believe it.

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 2:08 PM | Link to this

LL Man I almost choked on my gum reading that loud’azz announcement…LOLOLOLOLOL

Ladies at least you’ll know where a group of bald head dudes will be on Saturday.

By jazzyone

April 24, 2007 2:08 PM | Link to this

Wise I second that!..hey gal!

By Dr. Kym aka Relationship Expert

April 24, 2007 2:10 PM | Link to this

^5 Wisey and Cassie and thank goodness for men like you Randy and you know before any of you get on your whipped dude horse. With his attitude Randy is at least practicing Covey’s Habit 5 something I think we could all do alot more of.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

April 24, 2007 2:10 PM | Link to this

SlimOne & GAMan what is all this I hear about ya’ll trying to make my Step Stool something for everybody?!?! LMAO!!!! Now if everybody gets a step stool that means I will have to wear platforms!!!

Ya’ll are off da chain as usual in here!!

LL thanks for Omega Psi Phi weekend schedule! LOL

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 2:14 PM | Link to this

sporting I heart Randyt tshirt. Well said my friend!

Hey there jazzyone!!, I was just wondering if that was the real you! waving

By melo

April 24, 2007 2:14 PM | Link to this

But, most of the guys I truly vibe with don’t get caught up on that anyway, they don’t expect stuff from me because they took me to a concert, or a play. I guess I have been lucky to attract more mature guys, in that regard. I’ve never been accused (to my face) of using a guy to get a meal, or pampering, or gifts

I think ImAPeach404 was on point and this is the scenario playing right now with Wise Diva, never mind the denial. She thinks her guys are going to admit in her face that they expect something or all their troubles. Its not gonna happen. At your age, you must be old enough to know!! Otherwise u are what u are, a User.

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 2:15 PM | Link to this

@Randyt Which one of these chicks gave you a dollar,for the public endorsement???

Nobody is saying that these chicks on here are less or not worthy of being married!

I am just saying that more than a few need to step their game up to the point where the right dude for their situation will want to marry them, instead of just dating them!

The same goes across the board with other females!

Many brothers are just opting to lease or rent the chick vs. buying!

Sort of like getting a 12 mos or 24mos lease and turnin that chick in at the end of the lease vs. buying her!

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 2:15 PM | Link to this

Slim I agree OR it could be StepStool Saturday w/MiniSkorts….you know the short/skirt combos…..no goodies peaking for the sneaky hehehehe

Randyt thank you!!!

Jake this package is getting too big for the blog, I can give you some off the top, but you’ll need to pick up the rest in person!! hugs and kisses

By Jake

April 24, 2007 2:17 PM | Link to this

Kym

Excuse me for being misinformed, but What in D hellz is Covey’s Habit #5?

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 2:17 PM | Link to this

@MusingLee You know ain’t nothing quiet about us dawg!

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 2:17 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Jake, very funny! I won’t turn my back, but I sure will sit my happy tale down and wait for HIM.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 2:18 PM | Link to this

Dr. K

Thanks for catching that. That is exactly what I have tried to do since the end of my marriage 9 years ago.

By Raqi

April 24, 2007 2:19 PM | Link to this

Do any of you remember when you were kids and you or someone else got caught up in a game of “keep away”? It was always hilarious to the ones looking on but not the monkey in the middle. And the poor victim always resorted to saying “I didn’t want the stupid (fill the item) anyway” as a means of appeasing their internal distress and external embarrassment. When I read these “real” statements I can see some of those victims in action.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 2:20 PM | Link to this

Mo I’m not sure when demi told us about his motorized step stool that helps him get in and out of his F150 that he told us about. But if they make us wear miniskirts and give all the dudes stepstools, you might want to rethink platforms on that day. LOL

By Dr. Kym aka Relationship Expert

April 24, 2007 2:21 PM | Link to this

Wisey for Friday can we do something fun another poetry day or something? All this us them stuff is so draining.

Purple and Gold in Grant Park…try not to scare the baby panda.

By Leroy Smiths

April 24, 2007 2:22 PM | Link to this

I gots me alot of wimmins “friends”. I gots one over on Moreland, one over on Pine Skreet, one over on Spring, and one over on Ashby. Alls I gots to do is stagger over to each with some Newports, Bull, or some crack and they is my friend for about 30 minutes.My favorite friend is Laquita over on MOreland. I can usually get a date with her fo only a 1/2 pack of Newports and some chewing gum.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 2:24 PM | Link to this

and if they do expect something, they should let me know, that is what being a man is about too right? Honestly, I definitely don’t call what I do as using, and I honestly don’t think a good guy would even let me use him. I think there are just times when you enjoy a person’s company, so money AND sex, is out of the equation. You are just taking each other’s company as worthwhile. If I am in the minority, so be it. No need for me to defend what I am not doing, LOL. I think people are projecting and assuming everyone handles situations like they would, and it’s definitely not the case, in the real world.

By kinderbabe

April 24, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this

thanks jewel i didn’t even know teacher’s day had passed…lol.

sj see the above comment, you should be giving me an apple b/c it’s teacher’s day. it’s my time to receive a gift…lol. but if you really do need extra tutoring, it can be arranged…lol.

By Dr. Kym aka Relationship Expert

April 24, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this

Jake

Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits for highly effective people…

Habit 5 Seeking first to understand then to be understood.

By NCgirlfromATL

April 24, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this

LL Actually, I don’t think we really agree. The problem I have w/ your 12:04 post is that you put the responsibility of a LTR solely on the woman. A man is either open to a LTR or not. Why is it that we have to give you a reason? We are who we are. Why is it ok for you to be who you are, and do what you do, but women have to make a special effort to make a LTR enticing to you? Yeah yeah yeah. I know. Men have no incentive to be in a LTR. I think that’s horse ish! If that were the case, marriage would not only not exist, but it would be outlawed. Give me a better reason, b/c the argument that women aren’t giving us a good enough reason doesn’t make a bit of sense to me.

By melo

April 24, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this

Just wondering, give him some again and again. Maybe he will drop that gal for yur pdussy!!

By cool breeze

April 24, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this

99% on this blog are selfish people looking only for what they can get ou of someone or a situation and not what they can GIVE to someone else. You don’t give looking for getting anything back you give and you just love which is what ya’ll need to concentrate on. Women need to stop looking for men to show off to their girlfriends and someone with the right job, car, suit, etc. That crap doesn’t matter. So damn selfish and self-centerted and chasing waterfalls and crap that don’t matter. It’s crap that women don’t look for attention from ne and that they’er attractive and want to get married. The women on this blog are too busy being tough and acting like stuff don’t affect them and not being real with what they want hence the hostility and illogical comments and arguments. There are PLENTY of good dudes out there but womena re too busy being angry, making every dude a suspect, buying into what the media/magazines is telling them a man oughts be and should have the have taken the bait. rediculous. stop using the wordsd “settling” and thinking something is always better. you expectations are so out of whack that ya’ll don’t even know what a real man is and what he’s supposed to do that when you encounter one you don’t know what to do. rediculous

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 2:29 PM | Link to this

Dr Kym, I should! So, ok is it me that creates this hostile environment? I think I could blog about bubbles and ice cream and I would still incite mars and venus, how come you guys don’t do this to LANEY!? LOL

Man, I have been catching major grief today, LOL.

Seriously though, please, send me your topic ideas, shoot we may have to do a week of entries that’s nothing about dating or romance!

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

April 24, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this

SlimOne you are right girl!! Good lookin out!! You know GAMan & Musing are always tryin to steal a peek! Cancel platforms w/miniskirts

Whew! So much going on in here, I need a drank!!!

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this

Leroy aka Biff Go fly a kite in a lightning storm!!

Kym All this us them stuff is so draining. I’ve been saying that for a while now. I like it here, but it’s getting a little old/stale. Hence, my daily jokes!!

Raqi hmmmmmmm…..lol

Jake We’ll keep bringing it to the table….as long as we can use your face (not yours literally…not for all of us anyway) as the plate. hehehehehe

By For Real

April 24, 2007 2:33 PM | Link to this

Dayummmm LL That announcement was like the light the cop shines in your face when you get pulled over.

Slim Stepstool Saturdays-with-flat heel Miniskirts Nawww, the MLB wouldn’t be able to see some of yall with the heels. You know the blog ladies that 5’4” in heels…. Oh and hellz yes I would love to see that picture of Demi..

Musing Dub me a copy of that Edward J playa. Here is my tape..

Blog Ladies LL and Truth are saying the same thing that you are saying. They have standards too and they will not lower them either. Until they meet the right lady they will continue to do as Sexi said “wait until they find the “right” one for them, are comfortable and happy with their current state of being, and will not let her get the ends unless she has put out, put up and earned it UNLESS they WANT to!!!

See same thang.. Now for a blog ladies photo. Hands on your knees, elbows in, back stright, head up and big smiles.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this

Sexione That idea is even better. Yeah I know exactly what you’re talking about….but the guys probably don’t. hehehehe.

LL I’m curious. You said more than a few need to step their game up to the point where the right dude for their situation will want to marry them, instead of just dating them! So explain to me what exactly entails ‘stepping our game up’ to come off as more marriage material? Because if women do too much then you resort to your Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free mentality. If you make the loving too good, then you risk being put in the Good Coochie category but buddy won’t be able to see past that. IF you throw down in the kitchen all the time, then you run the risk of having a constant eating buddy then he’ll get the hellz on and meet up with Miss Good Coochie. SO with all that said, explain what YOU suggest a chick do to UP her game, your words, to make a dude want to marry her.

Slim standing by with dart machine gun ready to shoot out shots of Happy Juice

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 2:35 PM | Link to this

all the little immature kids, go do your homework and get off my blog, LOL.

By AnchorMan MusingLee

April 24, 2007 2:35 PM | Link to this

In our top story today…The baby Panda “LingLing” was found dead today…Zoo keepers say that she got into a leftover batch of Que-Juice and went buck wild…Hunching elephants and kicking penguins…Zoo keepers say LingLing died trying to wear an alligator as a pair of shoes. She apparently didn’t realize that alligators will eat baby Pandas…It is not known wheather charges will be filed against the alligator at this time.

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 2:37 PM | Link to this

i will say it like this and hopefully this will clear it up

A woman(or it can be a man) went looking for Mr.Perfect…she searched high and far…she found one man who was not too good looking but would treat her like a Queen and he had a good job..but the lady said nope you are not Mr. Perfect…her search continued

she then found another man..he had a better job than the last guy and he looked better..she thought i dont know..she knew he would treat her right and he could afford to pay for anything she might need and want but she said nope you are not Mr. Perfect…her search continued

Finally..she thought to herself here is the man that is Mr. Perfect..he was “EYE CANDY” and had a top job making more than the two guys combined..she went up to him and told him all she went thru to find him…..he looked her up and down and said thank you but you are not Ms. Perfect

By kimmie

April 24, 2007 2:40 PM | Link to this

Randy - Thank you sooo much for your 2:04 post. I only post a comment every now and then, I lurk most of the time. It is interesting to see what other people’s views are on relationships and I try to not take a lot of what is put on here seriously. A lot of Truth and Long Lurk’s(not LL, you are not even in the same class) comments are arrogant and just not nice, not cool. Yes, they can say, “I’m just telling it like it is, being realistic”, and they know they are pushing buttons. Yes, like every other creature on this earth, their ish stinks too! They are representative of the lack of respect that is present among both men and women, for each other and themselves these days. The pot cannot call the kettle black. Randy, you always come off as a very insightful, humble, respectful gentleman, and I appreciate your realistic views. You do not need to put anyone down to build yourself up, and it is much appreciated. You seem to genuinely love women. I observe that women seem to gravitate to men that truly love women. There is nothing sexier!

Wise, I feel it can be tough, but you can be friends after dating, but maybe a little time may need to pass for hurt feelings to subside. If one starts a serious relationship with someone else, your friendship will go through another change also, can’t be helped. As for some of these jerk comments, some guys just don’t know what to do when they come across a REAL LADY!

By Raqi

April 24, 2007 2:42 PM | Link to this

WiseDiva sometimes obsession can make people have a need to inflict emotional pain and distress on their fixation in order to fill an emptiness in their own lives.

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 2:43 PM | Link to this

ForReal Well I’ll be daayyuummmedd, we are in agreement! lmsao We are saying the same thing, but when the men say it, it’s the gospel and women should up their game and when the women say it, then we’re just playing games, or being golddiggers, or letting some dude use us and it’s all our fault. Men need to drop that double standard crap, because quite frankly, most women don’t buy it or care what you think about it. If it’s okay for y’all, then it doggone fo sho’ okay for us!!

Oh, but we’re not posing like that for no dayum picture. If we take it, it will be with the poses of our choosing!!! we know what you’re up to!! hehehehe

By melo

April 24, 2007 2:43 PM | Link to this

but I have convinced myself that the lonely days are better than worrying about some foolish man WD. when a grown up woman speaks this way, it speaks of some past resentment. Foolish man?

Thats so telling,and it shows in how u date and drop and FZ man.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 2:43 PM | Link to this

that was kinda harsh, cool breeze, LOL but some real great points in there, and of course, as usual, what you said can easily be switched to the men, so we ALL need a reality check.

and the word, settle gets a bad rap, when I used this earlier today, I meant in the context of change or compromise something important, like all of a sudden something won’t matter to me, because I want to be with someone. For instance, being with an atheist, when I know that wouldn’t fit with my beliefs, just an example…

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 2:47 PM | Link to this

alright melo, I wasn’t referring to any particular man, geesh, you guys are wound tight today! LOL

men have their rightful place in my life,that’s all. I enjoy their company, I am open to exploring a relationship, it’s all great because I am not lying to them nor sleeping with them. Sometimes, it just takes time and energy to figure out who is real and who is not, who is compatible and who is not, That’s all shrugs shoulders

it’s all part of the process, isn’t it?

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this

@NCgirlfromATL Humm…Let me try to explain it, I might mess it up, so don’t hold me acct.

I would have to put marriage in most men’s mind as a option and not a priority!

If you are used to eating chicken and some steak comes along, then you welcome the steak!

Just because the steak is new to you, does not mean that you will now eat steak from now on! The steak has to have a special something,to make you want to continue to eat that steak and desire it!

Once you see the steak as a “must have” then you tend to want to make it a permanent part of your diet!

The same goes for a woman, that you would consider marrriage with! She has to have the “umph factor” to make you want to be with her LTR/TKO!

Being fine, successful and holding your own is attractive, but not enough to make a cat marry you!

You have to have the “umph factor” and that dude has to clearly see the advantages of making you his wife and not just his girlfriend!

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this

AnchorMan MusingLee the baby panda is Mei Lan…Lun Lun is her mother…and I believe Ling Ling was in some other state and is already dead. audience is now wondering if AnchorManMusing got some of that Que-Juice himself lmsao

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 2:49 PM | Link to this

coolbreeze So you are putting the dating issues on women being bitter chicks that go by what’s in Cosmo and other mags as a dead set guideline for finding a man to simply show off to their friends….OKAY please step over here to my magical mirror. It has the ability to show you the truth.

You said: Women need to stop looking for men to show off to their girlfriends and someone with the right job, car, suit, etc

But isn’t that what you guys do all the time. “Ohh boy she’s bad, where da hellz did you fine that azz? Did you hit yet?”

You said: The women on this blog are too busy being tough and acting like stuff don’t affect them and not being real with what they want hence the hostility and illogical comments and arguments

If i recall correctly many women use this blog to get opinions about situations. If they were all tough acting like it didn’t bother them, I don’t suppose they’d waste time asking for advice here either. Also, you men act like you are GOD’s gift to talking about we need to UP our game. Then you say how there are soooo many good guys/women here. But if men are saying why deal with just one, that takes a large clump out of the pool of men that we would want to deal with.

You said:you expectations are so out of whack that ya’ll don’t even know what a real man is and what he’s supposed to do that when you encounter one you don’t know what to do. rediculous*

A man feels like in the dating world the women is supposed to bend over backwards for them and do all the things a wife would do w/o the committment. It is a two-way street. I totally believe in reciprocation. If a women OR man is in a relationship or situation where they arent being appreciated then they ARE settling.

I always put it like this. Everyone has been dealt a different hand of cards and we all have to play our hands accordingly. One person cannot expect the next person to play their hand in the same manner. Men have things that are important to them and vice versa. If you find that special person that compliments you then go for it.

Slim alter-ego Tiffani jumps back into sleep mode

By SeanJohnson

April 24, 2007 2:50 PM | Link to this

@ KB…the apple that i gave u was just because….i too didnt realize teachers day even existed…u like bananas?

By Dr. Kym aka Relationship Expert

April 24, 2007 2:50 PM | Link to this

Coolbreeze Bitter brother of one…I cant speak for the other ladies just me. But this year I will be 35(yeah me) and you can call it selfish, content in my own skin, whateva but in the last year I have grown enough and changed…I am not looking for perfect or even less than perfect I am looking for compatibility. Period. I know there are great men out there…doesnt mean they are for me or I for them. I am not angry or blaming anyone…however until I find Mr Compliment I refuse to throw ashes in the hair and slink around in misery…I am happy with the skin I am in…I am happy with were I am now…and when I meet Mr. C he will know it because I will wear that happiness and wear it well. You might want to go outside and catch a coolbreeze..because you are exhibiting the same behavior you are accusing others of..assuming and judging. You dont know anyone on here other than their words on the screen.

By AnchorMan MusingLee

April 24, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this

This just in from the news room…Sexi is wearing Panda fur Granny Drawls…That is all.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 2:59 PM | Link to this

Raqi, your 2:42 comment, spot on! as Cassie likes to say :)

By Rufus Rastus Johnson Brown

April 24, 2007 2:59 PM | Link to this

I’m startin to think you wimmens don’t want to hear da troof. I keeps tryin to tell you what us mens are thinkin and y’all keep changin or erasin my comments. Well don’t blame ole Rufus when y’all gits yo little hearts broken by some playa out dere just tryin to git as much tale as he can.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 2:59 PM | Link to this

Thanks Kimmie

It isn’t anything special. I just have spent a lot of my life observing people and trying to understand how they think and what is really driving them. As the years have past, a few things have stuck with me, and as Dr. Kym has suggested, I DO seek to understand. What does intrigue me sometimes, in reading some of the particularly macho posts, is that a lot of men think that somehow they get MORE by being aloof, macho, maybe even insulting, etc. I am not bragging, just stating a fact, but I really want to know a lady inside and out. If she is not worthy of that effort and respect, then I need to do her and myself a favor and move on quickly.

Also, contrary to popular belief, getting to know a lady encourages great physical relations, not takes away from it. Sex, if that is really one’s only goal, is easy. Great physical relations, however, requires a little more work, and pays back a hundred times over.

By For Real

April 24, 2007 3:01 PM | Link to this

Slim Tell Tiffani to stop spitting. Dayummm

By C tha 1

April 24, 2007 3:01 PM | Link to this

I think the title of the blog sums up the FZ argument in more ways than one. Regardless of how you see it Use Me or Lose Me implies that either a man or woman wants to be taken seriously as a potential SO. If not why turn a two step dance into an unnecessary waltz when obviously there won’t be a chance for a tango or samba or whatever enticing dance you like.

At the end of the day men and women alike want reciprocation. If feelings aren’t returned then what good can a friendship be if you can’t fully return neutral, platonic emotions. Sexual attraction can potentially spoil a friendship, or it can be the chocolate syrup that sweetens the deal.

Its nice that some of you are in control of your emotions like a Jedi Zen Master … maybe I can get there. But as for this stubborn Leo that knows his limits I tend not to go in situations I’m not totally comfortable with.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 3:01 PM | Link to this

Sexione know you know we couldn’t trust For Real taking out picture. For all we know, we’d be standing there posing for the camera all smiles but suddenly here the snap of the camera coming from behind us. Not falling for that pie in the face.

For Real good try though.

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 3:03 PM | Link to this

OOOOOOhhhh heck naw I am telling…Slim posted a 11 pg statement…..oooohhhh i’mmmmm telllll ooohhh i’m tellllllllll

By melo

April 24, 2007 3:04 PM | Link to this

and if they do expect something, they should let me know, that is what being a man is about too right? Its Okay to stick to your guns here, maybe foolish to continue the practice. One day, u will pay a HUGE price if u continue to ‘ignorantly’ accept favors.

By anger

April 24, 2007 3:05 PM | Link to this

i would like to comment. No we can not be friends after we break-up. I have been in three relationship and all of them was the same. They used me where they could not no more.One wanted me to be their mother,the second wanted to be everybody’s man. and the third was married and have filed for divorce.and was always broke.the last two had a boat laod of kids. i am now in a perfect relationship. we are getting married. he don’t use or abuse me. those other three are having bad luck to the way they treat all woman. nothing good will come after that.But, no we can not be friends unless we have kids and that is not a promise.

By For Real

April 24, 2007 3:05 PM | Link to this

Sexi I’m sorry what did you say I was looking at your cleavage..

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 3:09 PM | Link to this

I agree, intimacy with someone you are truly connected with is the ultimate, in my opinion, once you have had that, you don’t want to settle (yes SETTLE) for empty sex anymore

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 3:09 PM | Link to this

For Real Tiffani apologizes, you know that bip is crazy! She also told me to give you this envelope. I’m not sure what’s in it because it’s sealed and says Do Not Bend.

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 3:10 PM | Link to this

@SlimOne You put a very good question out there and all I can say is that every dude is different and every situation is different!

I can only say what works for me and what will get me to the alter, another dudes agenda may be different!

I think the problem is that a lot of women try to apply the same standards and principles to different situations and different men!

I have tried to date many diferent women and very few have adapted to who I am vs. the last guy they dated!

I am me and not that last dude, so what worked with him, may not work for me!

It’s not that I did not think they had great qualities,it was mostly because they did not fit my situation or my lifestyle,being the reason they did not stick around!

It is a two way street here,where her lifestyle,ideals,goals,etc. has to match my/his lifestyle,ideals,goals,etc.

Dude has to see your worth as Long-Term and not just present!

It is up to you to decide how you are going to get him to see that you are worth the investment and not just a temporary fix!

Women need to understand that all dudes are NOT the same and treat every dude they meet on a case-by-case basis!

By DuShawn

April 24, 2007 3:11 PM | Link to this

“In some situations, dating is actually better than marriage! I actually agree with this statement. That ring and the ceremony does change the dynamics of the relationship. When a women gets promoted from girlfriend to wife. She has moved up several levels on the organizational chart. Her promotion deserves and commands the respect and accompanying authority of the title. Believe me, if you forget, she will remind you. Whereas, the boyfriend to husband transition is more of lateral position change; new title, but no new authority, perks or benefits. That being said, I’m still a proponent of marriage. I’m of the opinion that a family begins with a husband and a wife. More valuable than the cars, homes, trips and other material trappings that one can acquire is that feeling a man receives when he has the love and respect of his family. I come home after a hard day and see my beautiful wife preparing dinner, (I could smell it as soon as I open the door) and then my little ones bum rush me, hop all over me and simultaneously scream ”Daddy’s Home!!!”. Man, let me tell you, it’s nothing like that feeling in the world. I look in their eyes and see unconditional love, innocence, unbridled excitement and pure joy. That moment is priceless. Even if you’re living with a chick and you all are playing family, it’s not the same. Boyfriends don’t get to feel that……….only husbands.

By melo

April 24, 2007 3:11 PM | Link to this

WiseDiva sometimes obsession can make people have a need to inflict emotional pain and distress on their fixation in order to fill an emptiness in their own lives Mature comment, coming from a mature and insightful woman!!

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 3:13 PM | Link to this

Gaman that wasn’t Slim at all. Tiffani doesn’t follow rules. She breaks them.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 3:14 PM | Link to this

i dont do anything ignorantly melo, you got me all the way twisted, dude, seriously, LOL

and if I was a horrible no good person, using men, I would think that Karma knows my address, and I am not hiding, so?? I have nothing to fear whatsover, what about you?

By NCgirlfromATL

April 24, 2007 3:14 PM | Link to this

LL Ok, point taken. However, your previous post made it sound like women have to take some affirmative step that we’re not taking to “make” a man want to marry her. It seems to me she is who she is…either she has that “umph” factor, as you call it, or she doesn’t. Just like the steak. It comes to you at the table as it is. It doesn’t have to do or be anything other than what it is…and either you are overjoyed with it, or it’s just another piece of meat to you.

My point is, don’t make it sound like we women aren’t doing our part, when the truth is that you guys are looking for something you can’t name in order to “make” you want to get married. If you can’t identify it, how in the h3llz are women supposed to do/be it?!?

MakeupArtistformerlyknownasNC: Psssst….AnchormanMusingLee Pssst….You’ve got some…psssssst…(AnchormanMusingLee looks over annoyed while pressing the IFB in his ear to hear what the producer is saying to him) Come here! Anchorman…

AnchormanMusingLee What?!? I’m trying to hear the producer!

MakeupArtistformerlyknownasNC Dude, you don’t need to get an attitude. I’m just trying to keep you from go on the air like that.

Anchorman (now ignoring the producer) Like what?

MakeupNC Like THAT! (pointing to the stain on Anchorman’s shirt…pants…wang area and holding up a mirror to show the spot on his chin) You got some QueJuice on you…I’ve got some wipes over here for you…tie your jacket around your waist so no one sees that one. I told you not to get too close to Ling Ling!

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 3:15 PM | Link to this

and melo, sweetheart, whoever SHE is, I am NOT her, ok?

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 3:15 PM | Link to this

C tha 1

Good post at 3:01.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 3:21 PM | Link to this

At Musing re: yesterday’s blog

I have to admit, I have never once technically thought about measuring a “camel toe”. Dude that was really funny. Made me want to go out and buy a tape measure.

By LaDivaBoricua

April 24, 2007 3:21 PM | Link to this

Red Flag Um, your name should tell you something, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for FREE?

By DuShawn

April 24, 2007 3:22 PM | Link to this

LL Roo Dawg, Imma be at the park this weekend. Me and all the back alley, gutta dwelling QUE’s I run with. Our paths may cross. Just find the outtest bruhs. I’ll be one of them.

By Sexione

April 24, 2007 3:27 PM | Link to this

ForReal lean a little closer….I want to show you something!! ForReal now dazed and stumbling trying to see clearly out of one half closed eye, looking around for his broken camera phone lol

AnchorManMusing is now mumbling into the camera, something about giant panda juice…..and the screen fades to black…

I’m out…y’all try to play nice….peace!

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this

LL I understand that men/women aren’t One size fits all. That’s why I get frustrated by some comments made on this blog. This is just a small community of folks opinions and experiences that I hope we all take something from daily that we can use to better ourselves and/or dating world. But it appeared that you were saying that we women were failing to put on flame drawz or do a triple aixlse, double back flip, no arm handstand to prove we are something special enough to make a guy want to marry us. If guys on one hand are saying they don’t feel the need to marry and women on the other hand are saying they want to find a special guy to get married to, then it’s nothing but a tug-o-war deal. Like NC was saying, we are who we are. If you order steak but you get chicken, then I can having a problem with that. If you order steak and get steak, not sure why you feel that you were supposed to get something extra especially when you didn’t request or make it known that you wanted that. But whatever. I’m not tripping.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 3:30 PM | Link to this

Dushawn that wasn’t you asking about the dog i was walking yesterday evening was it?

By NCgirlfromATL

April 24, 2007 3:31 PM | Link to this

LL/DuShawn/QDT Will you have Atomic Dog playing on a constant loop? LMAO!

You know it’s all Greek love! (Eeeeeeeeeeyip!) Ques always have the best cookouts! But just two questions, is there a spray paint your old Timberland’s gold booth set up outside the park? And is it a requirement to wear them on the HOTTEST day of the year? LOLOL! Have a great time!

By Get a clue

April 24, 2007 3:32 PM | Link to this

* Longtime Lurker* I have been a “longtime lurker” of this blog and I must say I cringe everytime you start to post. You seem to have the mentality of a 12 year old boy!! The only thing I can say for a woman who has the misfortune of dating you is, thank God for her sake you will not ask her to marry you because she would be doomed to misery!

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 3:37 PM | Link to this

DuShawn I may walk up and tap you on the shoulder bruh! I will have my gold boots on and the war gear!

I will be easy to spot,6-2,230,red and raisin holly hell! Friday night, suited and booted!

@NC & Slim One I think you chick rock in your comments/questions and I wish I had a better response or answer for ya, but it is what it is!

Again,speaking from my situations..I have met many a chick that I was all excited over and thought she might be the one! Then as I got to know her, I found out that she did not have a clue!

Don’t get me wrong, she was fine,educated,classy,etc. But she could not step in and make the winning shot,when I needed her to lead the team to a victory!

This has happened many times!

I am just saying to the ladies, you have to study that man and find out what makes him tick,then attack!

Even a chick that does not have the “umph factor” can win over a cat, if she is smart and knows how to hit his weak spots! This takes practice and is something that you have to work at!

A hour glas shape and a few benefits may attract him, but it definitely won’t keep him!

By jazzyone

April 24, 2007 3:39 PM | Link to this

Hey Diva! yep its me and I’m out here for the day..but um Randy your stock just went up one mill

By DuShawn

April 24, 2007 3:39 PM | Link to this

Slim That wasn’t me.

By DuShawn

April 24, 2007 3:40 PM | Link to this

put on flame drawz or do a triple aixlse, double back flip, no arm handstand to prove we are something special enough to make a guy want to marry us.…….that’s funny.

By Raqi

April 24, 2007 3:41 PM | Link to this

Let’s talk about something fun like this past Saturday morning I was standing in the middle of the bed dancing to ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’. I felt like I was 16 again. Fun and Refreshing.

By jazzyone

April 24, 2007 3:41 PM | Link to this

In LL’s defense althought I know he doesn’t need it… whomever he marries would not have to use guess work to figure out where his head and heart are. Hes an upfront guy about where he is and what he wants and I can appreciate that. i may not agree with him on some things or like his method for dating. But dude puts it out there for a chick to decide weather she will ride or not! sorry about spelling don’t care cause fridays mah B’day..yeah!!!!

Peace ya!

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 3:42 PM | Link to this

@NC I will have that joint on “stuck” I will be in the step show, so come check me out!

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 3:43 PM | Link to this

Slim was he driving a 84 pinto dressed up like a Honda….lolololol hahahahahahah**

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 3:43 PM | Link to this

Musing…So you are going to let slim getaway with her 2:49p post without a citation? It was good and on point…but still a violation! LMAO

By kinderbabe

April 24, 2007 3:50 PM | Link to this

o.k. sj you are officially in detention…, bananas?? tsk, tsk…lol

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 3:52 PM | Link to this

Gaman LOLOLOLOL! I did notice a string hanging off the back of the trunk so I pulled it off. As he drove away i could see the rust of the pinto unfolding.

Lady D I already took care of that deal. For Real must’ve never opened up that envelope that Tiffani gave him of Musing drunkenly making out with Ling Ling the bear at the zoo. The cause of her passing was Musing 16 centimetered her to death.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 3:56 PM | Link to this

Randyt I can see OfficerMusing trying to hand out citations for chicks camel toe not being up to code. LOL But what is funny is i’ve seen a guy with camel toe. Buddies jean were too tight and I don’t think he was wearing underwear…..OUCH! Kind of gross really.

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

Slim you are tooooooo stupid lololololololol

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Slimone, hilarious. I have a mental picture of that, even though, I have no idea what Musing looks like, LOL

now, get a clue, let’s not make it personal! I am sure LL will make a great husband for someone, she will be VERY patient, at the very least, LOL

By For Real

April 24, 2007 4:02 PM | Link to this

HAHAHAHAHAHA Dayum 16 centimetered her to death Oh that’s funny Slim

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 4:02 PM | Link to this

@jazzyone Exactly, on your 3:41!

I get heat from y’all, but I never have issues with females knowing where I am coming from and my dating perspective works for my situation!

I have been told maaaany times, by females that I am a good catch and I know exactly what I want, so I will lay back and lurk until the bait comes along!

I am just trying to give some of the females a point of reference, from somebody that has (a)dated quite a bit (b)is single(c)never married(d)childless(e)educated(f)a real man/good man(g)is marriage minded IF the right chick comes along!(h)supportive(i)goal oriented and a list of other things!

Many of the the other dudes on here have the same if not all the same qualities, but many of y’all don’t hear us!

We are trying to educate you for free, so stop trying to take our words as rhetoric, because we could be doing other things, besides giving you this info!

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 4:04 PM | Link to this

SlimOne

i’ve seen a guy with camel toe

Geez, that is a visual that is going to kill my appetite for dinner. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

(although, if anyone doubted that women check out a guy’s package, SlimOne just dispelled that myth, LOL)

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 4:06 PM | Link to this

wait, LL.. uuhhh did you just say you are marriage minded!?

SERIOUSLY?!

By melo

April 24, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this

**It’s not that I did not think they had great qualities,it was mostly because they did not fit my situation or my lifestyle,being the reason they did not stick around!

It is a two way street here,where her lifestyle,ideals,goals,etc. has to match my/his lifestyle,ideals,goals,etc.**

There is contradiction in your views. Marriage is a compromise, a true two way street like u say. But is not about a woman ‘fitting your situation’, thats slavery. Its about the two of u getting to a ‘fitting arrangement’ If u looking for subjugation in a woman, which seems u are, stay single. They are plenty women around to ‘enslave’, but not marry.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 4:17 PM | Link to this

Randyt I didn’t mean to ruin your appetite but how could you not notice a guy wearing circulation cutter jeans? I cried laughing that day. What is it called when only the male-member is paralyzed Cause I mean how could he possibly be comfortable walking around like that? I mean, whenever, i have a wedgie I KNOW i have a wedgie. Same difference right? lol

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 4:19 PM | Link to this

@Wise Lurker Yep, if the situation fits me and my bottom line and there are benefits on both sides of the fence!

I ain’t in no rush,but if a chick comes along and can carry the team, go through a few wars and battles and can prove her worth,then she may get the prize,but you better believe that she gonna have to bring it and the risks are gonna have to be low on my end!

By NCgirlfromATL

April 24, 2007 4:22 PM | Link to this

LL Unfortunately, I will be up here in NC, working over the weekend…did I mention that my b-day was this weekend?…so, you’ll have to get your stomp on w/o me. Knock em dead!

Slim You are killing me with the camel toe! Dudes w/ camel toe are just gross! The thought of stuff all squished up in there, precariously pressed against a metal zipper…that’s just not a good look on a guy! Bleeech!

randyt Of course we check out the package. And sometimes, the package checks us out. That’s when things can get out of hand! LOL!

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 4:25 PM | Link to this

me, me, me, I, I, I, what she can carry, what she is worth…maaan, I am not married but I REALLY don’t think marriage is only about one person, it just seems like the expectations are unrealistic in that sense. Why should she marry you (and not you personally), but what are we (as singletons) ready and willing to give and sacrifice for someone we love. Shouldn’t that be considered as well?

By Aggressively witty

April 24, 2007 4:26 PM | Link to this

The old saying goes

Low risk, low reward

or in other terms

scared money dont make none

By Island Girl

April 24, 2007 4:26 PM | Link to this

Wow, the blog was smoking today. I think there were great points made on both sides.

LL, man you are a piece of work. I’m scratching my head on some of your posts, but one has to respect your opinion on the matter (since they are reflective of your expectations in a potential wife).I will definitely come out to the park this weekend…considering we can feel your enthusiasm for the upcoming events by your blog announcements.

SJ and Musing, you guys were well behaved today.

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 4:29 PM | Link to this

NC Of course we check out the package. And sometimes, the package checks us out. That’s when things can get out of hand! Girl you are crazy! You be running around the house playing peek-a-boo. “I seeeeee yyoooouuu.” LMAO

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 4:30 PM | Link to this

SlimOne

I thought after I posted. I guess a guy COULD sort of split his ballz, but dayum!!! Wearing those jeans that way would hurt like a bytch. Dude might attract something with his ‘bait’ that way, but could he USE it?

Fish he caught: “Hey baby, I want to see those things NOW!!!”

Dude: “Hold on honey, while I attempt to remove myself from these britches and give you a real treat!!!”

Fish (still on the bed five minutes later): “Hurry Baby, I only have an hour lunch break and I want to see that package!!!”

Dude: “Dayum it women, don’t hurry me, these things are swollen a little and maybe stuck to the fabric…I got to wait until the swelling goes down, this ish hurts!!!”

Fish (five minutees later, still watching Dude trying to extricate himself): “I can’t wait Baby, I’ve got to get back to the office, maybe I’ll see you tomorrow!!!”

Dude thinking, “awwww ish, not again. Got the ‘fish’ on the line and can’t get um into the boat…dayum my ballz are aching”.

By Jake

April 24, 2007 4:32 PM | Link to this

Sexi play fair, butI like the spunk.

Slim That wasn’t you I saw walking a pit this weekend, over in Decatur.

randyt

I know they watch the package, and they are worse than us. I teach a training class at work, and I realized one day that the ladies were paying no attention and tuned in into the “ball-game”, I have not worn those slacks since…LOL (and for you smartazzes, no they were not tight, its hard trying to stuff a bear in a birdcage…HEHEHEHE

By MusingLee

April 24, 2007 4:36 PM | Link to this

Thanks IslandGirl..

I’m out good peeps!

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 4:37 PM | Link to this

LOLROTF at Jake

By abc

April 24, 2007 4:38 PM | Link to this

I’d go the other way, to minimize the woman’s risk instead. I’d never want a wife to feel trapped in a marriage with me, she’d always have a good way out. Any prenup will specify protection of her assets and make mine available.

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 24, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this

@Wise Lurker It ain’t all about me, but dad gonnit, you gotta look after your bottom line, before you look at someone else’s!

I bring my portfolio to the table, you bring yurs! We put the two together and hopefully we can build a successful company called “Successful Marriage,Happy Union Inc.”

It’s about being smart and not repeating other folk’s mistakes!

Stupidity,Rush,Good Looks,Money have all gotten many folks messed up for life!

By Cassie

April 24, 2007 4:42 PM | Link to this

Look, I was married. The man I married was great for the two years we were together prior to being married, and turned into an…non working, pot smoking, online girlfriend collecting (and offline too), insecure, selfish, immature idiot six months after.
And silly me, we were married for five years because I thought it was MY DUTY AS A WIFE to make the marriage work.

Now I’ve had a 2 yr relationship since the divorce (recently ended by yours truly). It made me realize that there are things that I cannot tolerate in anyone, irrespective of gender. So I’ve made some rules about what I would want from a relationship…

1) Mutually agreed upon Fidelity. 2) Complimentary religious leanings. 3) An understanding of each other’s political viewpoints. 4) No daily pot smoking. No getting hammered every time you have a beer. 5) Must actually have some money. Must make at least 2/3rds of what I make (I was the “monopoly bank” in my marriage and relationship, and I’m not going there again). 6) And both of us must be willing to be flexible as it relates to traditional gender roles. I mow lawns, and fix leaky toilets, how about you do some laundry? 7) Finally, must be very family oriented. My family means the world to me, so I need someone who understands and appreciates that bond.

I really don’t think that is too much to ask from anyone, but judging from what I’ve met lately, it seems to be!

Feedback is appreciated!

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 4:43 PM | Link to this

(applause) Randyt ^5^5^5

“Dayum it women, don’t hurry me, these things are swollen a little and maybe stuck to the fabric…I got to wait until the swelling goes down, this ish hurts!!!” OMG! LOLOLOLOL!

now THAT creates a very interesting visual…stuck to the fabric.

dayum my ballz are aching it should be aching after being locked up like that all day. Can you imagine how worse it would be on a hot day? WOW!

Jake Nah buddy. The miniture pincher I was walking would get killed by a pit. But dang dawg….stuffing a bear in a birdcage????? You might want to try some Nair if you got the bush going on down there like dat. I’m sure that might free up a little more room for you. Ask Randty lol

By SeanJohnson

April 24, 2007 4:43 PM | Link to this

@ Irie Girl…i am always well behaved…but its a time a a place for everything…The blog has been off the chain this week…i can only imagine how friday is going to be..

By The Truth

April 24, 2007 4:45 PM | Link to this

ABC i just caught your 1048 post. Its not contradictary. If a woman has chosen someone else its not competitive because your not even in the race.

LL sometimes when I read your posts I think its me. You are on point.

Let me try to summarize in away that won’t offend. Life is good. Not because of my watch, car, or material possessions. Life is good because I am happy. The most important thing in life is being happy. I have been poor, wealthy, travelled, stayed home, educated, lucky, and unlucky. None of those things matter now because I am happy. That doesn’t mean that if I hit a wall my hand won’t hurt. It will. Being happy means it is very easy to recognize when an element comes into your life to alter that state. Now I see it a mile away. Marrying it means its much harder to get it away from me. If tomorrow morning I decide that I could be happy with a particular woman I will let her know that. Until then I’m going to enjoy every day.

Randy how can I say this without sounding like I’m on your case? I can’t. You support women who repeatedly drop kick you in the mouth. Your a glutton for punishment. You are a shining example to all the men out there what can happen if you don’t open your eyes. Your in a shark tank and their biting the isht out of you and you think its a kiss. I feel sorry for you. I have some female friends I want to introduce you to so they can finish cleaning you out. My cut is 10%.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 4:45 PM | Link to this

ok we FINALLY agree on something LL! Yipee! I knew we would sometime today! LOL, well said.

By GA.man

April 24, 2007 4:46 PM | Link to this

I’m out everyone stay up

By Cassie

April 24, 2007 4:46 PM | Link to this

freakish…I think my original post went to la la land, so excuses if I have posted this twice!

Look, I was married. The man I married was great for the two years we were together prior to being married, and turned into an…non working, pot smoking, online girlfriend collecting (and offline too), insecure, selfish, immature idiot six months after.
And silly me, we were married for five years because I thought it was MY DUTY AS A WIFE to make the marriage work.

Now I’ve had a 2 yr relationship since the divorce (recently ended by yours truly). It made me realize that there are things that I cannot tolerate in anyone, irrespective of gender. So I’ve made some rules about what I would want from a relationship…

1) Mutually agreed upon Fidelity. 2) Complimentary religious leanings. 3) An understanding of each other’s political viewpoints. 4) No daily pot smoking. No getting hammered every time you have a beer. 5) Must actually have some money. Must make at least 2/3rds of what I make (I was the “monopoly bank” in my marriage and relationship, and I’m not going there again). 6) And both of us must be willing to be flexible as it relates to traditional gender roles. I mow lawns, and fix leaky toilets, how about you do some laundry? 7) Finally, must be very family oriented. My family means the world to me, so I need someone who understands and appreciates that bond.

I really don’t think that is too much to ask from anyone, but judging from what I’ve met lately, it seems to be!

Feedback is appreciated!

By Illich Poonan

April 24, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

Anyone wanna play tonight?

By Rufus Rastus Johnson Brown

April 24, 2007 4:48 PM | Link to this

Damn, y’all keep deleting mine and Leroy’s comments. I think y’all just a bunch of racists and don’t want us here cause we black.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 4:50 PM | Link to this

ohh Cassie, now why didn’t you type this earlier today, LOL I would love to see feedback on your last post!

well, now you have to come back, commenting closes at 5 pm here :)

By abc

April 24, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this

I wouldn’t think your list would be all that difficult to satisfy, Cassie. Frankly, unless you’re really into yardwork (some folks are), I have a hard time believing that a man would allow himself to sit around with a beer while you mowed the lawn. (shrugs)

By TC

April 24, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this

There is not too many places where I can go and get good advice and great laughs from total strangers, but this blog is definitely one of them.

By Wise Diva

April 24, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this

you have a problem with this blog RUFUS and LEROY, then email ME, directly, yea, I would really welcome that :)

By SlimOne

April 24, 2007 4:55 PM | Link to this

Truth* wow, that was harsh what you said in reference to **Randyt

By Illich Poonan

April 24, 2007 4:55 PM | Link to this

Racists fo sho. Not nair shawty wanna holla at me tonight. I got the goods fo sho.

By Cassie

April 24, 2007 4:55 PM | Link to this

Oh, the horror! The embarassment!

I posted twice. So sorry.

By Jake

April 24, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this

LMAO@slim

These are NO-NAIR-NUTZ over here..lol

Take your silly butt home, and I’ll do the same, catch you tommorrow.
Be easy folks

By DuShawn

April 24, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this

I think our generation is the first to be faced with the protection of the material vs. love dilemma regarding marriage. When my parents got married they were both young, recent grads, starting out and basically broke. A pre-nupt wasn’t an issue. They built wealth together. Today, people are getting married later and most are more monetarily savvy and aggressive. Their mindset is, I want to be financially secure before I get married. There is nothing wrong with that line of thought. However it’s a double edged sword. Now that you’ve got a little bread, the toys and the homes, you’re scared to death to marry the wrong person and jeopardize it all. The acceptance, prevalence, and accessibility of divorce forces one to be cautious. A broke brotha doesn’t have that problem. He will marry whoever loves him and makes him happy. Those that have acquired more tend to place more value on material possessions than love and are naturally suspicious of anyone trying to infiltrate their heart, and rightfully so. Maybe the solution is to marry your money, but even she can still leave you.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 24, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this

Truth

My choice Truth. I know what I want, and I have what I want (by the way, the lady came back, very apologetic, and we are stronger than ever, but that is academic).

As DuShawn stated about seeing his kids come greet him, I’ve experienced that rush too. You can have your material things and your “I am the Master of the Universe” philosphy, I swam with the sharks (investment broker, top 5 in the world, fifteen years) for many years and know my way around the shark tank just as well as you I guarantee. What I found out is that it isn’t “the one who dies with the most toys wins”, it is who we love and who love us.

Go play your ‘big boy’ games Truth, I’ve been there…and figured out what is most valuable to me.

By Illich Poonan

April 24, 2007 4:59 PM | Link to this

I love all of you.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

April 24, 2007 5:00 PM | Link to this

truth do you even realize that you sound petty, jealous, and insecure when you attack another man. I swear you’re on his every post…do you want him? LMAO

By The Truth

April 24, 2007 5:00 PM | Link to this

Cassie, you can definetly get better than you got. Improving on that should be easy. But remember, he only did what you allowed him to do.

By Cassie

April 25, 2007 8:47 AM | Link to this

ABC -

Make that sit around, smoke grass, play a video game while I mowed the lawn while perodically yelling outside to tell me I missed a spot!

And TT…what’s this allowing him to do stuff? I’m not his mother. He is (in theory) an adult and should have an adult’s sense of responsibility.

We had that whole “SOGOTP” conversation many, many times. They’d end by - “you are a frigid biatch and won’t let me have what I need” or “I don’t feel like a man in our relationship so I need other women (to make him feel like a man, I guess)” or “I don’t give two Sh*ts what you think, I’m going out anyway”.

And yeah, I was stupid by staying. I really, really didn’t want to be the first in my family to divorce. I also really, really thought that marriage was supposed to be that hard and that I should stay and work things out.

Oh well! Live and learn!