Misadventures in Atlanta

By SlimOne

March 14, 2007 8:04 AM | Link to this

Morning All Had a busy day yesterday so hopefully I’ll be able to keep up today. We’ll see

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 14, 2007 8:19 AM | Link to this

Have a GREATTTTT Trip WD

Have you ever been in a situation where you constantly compare your dates to someone you are still hung up on? How did you handle it?

Nope…with the exception of Debbie M. in my high school freshman English class, I never dated anyone (at least until recently) who I thought ‘had it all’, so I’ve pretty much evaluated all on their own merits. (Speaking of Debbie…wonder where she is now???).

If you met the “epitome of everything you look for in a human being” are you really prepared for what that actually means? Be honest!

Good question. I am in a relationship like that now, and frankly it is hard to relax and just enjoy it. It is oddly challenging to accept someone really caring for you that is pretty much all you prayed for. It is safe to say that no relationship I have been in has worked or I wouldn’t be here now would I? I think it is really easy to be outside of one’s comfort zone when finally in a good relationship (so used to rejection and drama that when something good comes along, you don’t know how to handle it), that one is subconsciously tempted to sabotage it. I know that I did with the first relationship I entered after my divorce. Things would be going so good I felt uncomfortable and I would do something to (fill in the blank) it up.

I’m not pretending this makes ANY sense, I just know that I am guilty of it, and many others I have seen do it also.

By MochaTreat

March 14, 2007 8:29 AM | Link to this

Good morning Wise, Slim, Randy, QC, MO, Demi, Musing, GAman, SeanJ, Sexione, Kinder, Raqi, NC, Foots, Justme and crew

Have a safe trip Wise!!

I have never even heard of the movie Chasing Amy..but nevertheless…I can’t say I compare my new prospects with my ex…but I do know what I don’t want….and if he possess those same qualities…I run for the hills.

If you met the “epitome of everything you look for in a human being” are you really prepared for what that actually means? No, I don’t think so….because I know no one person holds all the attributes I look for…if I met some one sho did I wold probably faint. I know that no one is perfect (including me) so I would probably be afraid if I did find the “epitome everything I look for in a man”!

By JustMe

March 14, 2007 8:36 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Wise, SlimOne, Randy, QC, Kinder, Mo, Ling, Musing, Demi, abc, SexyLeggs, CP, Mocha newbies, lurkers and friends

We are gathered here today Oops wrong blog - LOL

Have you ever been in a situation where you constantly compare your dates to someone you are still hung up on? How did you handle it?

I wouldn’t necessarily say I was hung up on on the guy after all these years, but I do remember that I was very happy during our season. I long to feel that way again…

How do you cope with those lingering regrets you may have about the way you treated someone you dated? Do you make amends? Send them muffins? Offer to pay for the smashed dvds?

No regrets here, I go out of my way not to treat people bad (unless they just beg for some abuse). If I do accidentally hurt someone’s feelings, if I am aware of it and it was unintentional I will apologize immediately. I might buy luch, but I don’t bake muffins - LOL. I do not destroy other peoples property, so no replacing any dvd’s, cd, tires, windows, clothes…… nada, zero, zip zilch..

If you met the “epitome of everything you look for in a human being” are you really prepared for what that actually means? Be honest!

I would welcome the emotional excitment, I think I am ready

By JustMe

March 14, 2007 8:36 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Wise, SlimOne, Randy, QC, Kinder, Mo, Ling, Musing, Demi, abc, SexyLeggs, CP, Mocha newbies, lurkers and friends

We are gathered here today Oops wrong blog - LOL

Have you ever been in a situation where you constantly compare your dates to someone you are still hung up on? How did you handle it?

I wouldn’t necessarily say I was hung up on on the guy after all these years, but I do remember that I was very happy during our season. I long to feel that way again…

How do you cope with those lingering regrets you may have about the way you treated someone you dated? Do you make amends? Send them muffins? Offer to pay for the smashed dvds?

No regrets here, I go out of my way not to treat people bad (unless they just beg for some abuse). If I do accidentally hurt someone’s feelings, if I am aware of it and it was unintentional I will apologize immediately. I might buy luch, but I don’t bake muffins - LOL. I do not destroy other peoples property, so no replacing any dvd’s, cd, tires, windows, clothes…… nada, zero, zip zilch..

If you met the “epitome of everything you look for in a human being” are you really prepared for what that actually means? Be honest!

I would welcome the emotional excitment, I think I am ready

By JustMe

March 14, 2007 8:37 AM | Link to this

Wise Remember the rules……… B Safe and Have fun! That’s all!

By GA.man

March 14, 2007 8:37 AM | Link to this

Have a safe trip

hhhmmm mmmmmmm now i wouldnt say my epitome of everything is real…we are talking about a mixture of Pam Grier with two shots of Angela Basette and a dose of Michelle Williams….sooooo hey if that came i am cool…but i know she doesn’t exist sooo i am just looking for that person thats for me

By Raqi

March 14, 2007 8:38 AM | Link to this

Wow, South Africa. Buena suerte and Tenga un viaje seguro.

Now on topic, Being a single mother with two kids with two different fathers I knew that it would take a really special guy to accept this. While being with Whitebread I learned a lot about men and relationships. I learned what I liked and didn’t like. I learned what it was like to be with a man that went out of his way to fulfill my needs and wants. Although he hurt me, how he treated me while we were together was/is unforgettable. After then I knew what I wanted in a man. Seven years down the road I got what I wanted and then some. The only problem is, the very things that I strongly desire in my mate are the things that drive me nuts sometimes. I love his take charge attitude but dang, let me handle it sometimes. I love his overpowering affection, but sometimes I just need a little space to think things out. I love that he is a go getter, but sometimes he just scares me with his throw caution to the wind innovative concepts. I always believed if a man loved his mother he will love his wife…(sigh).

By GA.man

March 14, 2007 8:40 AM | Link to this

Hey Justme sexylegs slim Raqi Randyt Musing Qc Mo Mocha Ling(Ling ling’ cousin) Chocopeach and anyone else i forgot

By abc

March 14, 2007 8:49 AM | Link to this

My girl IS my prototype, she was my girl in high school. Man, I hope I don’t blow it.

By Sexione

March 14, 2007 8:53 AM | Link to this

Happy Hump Day Everybody!!!

Have a fun & safe trip Wise!

I tried to go back and read the posts from yesterday, but with all the double and triple postings, I gave up! lol I got some good points for future reference from the ones I did read, though.

Mocha I’m with you….never heard of this movie….definitely don’t try to replicate any of the exes…and if I see like traits…..run, Sexi, run…I definitely know what I don’t want…..and I can thank my exes for that (certainly not for anything else)!

By JustMe

March 14, 2007 8:54 AM | Link to this

abc Good Morning……. I see yiu are love struck this morning and yesterday, and last week…… That beautiful baby! Congratulations, don’t F this up for yourself - LOL

By kinderbabe

March 14, 2007 8:56 AM | Link to this

hey everybody!:) have a great day today.

By GA.man

March 14, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this

Gotta run brutha got meetings this morning will check back later….

By T-Mango

March 14, 2007 9:22 AM | Link to this

Good morning all-

Wise-Have a great, safe trip.

On topic: There is no one that I have dated in the past which I constantly compare the next man to. So, no regrets.

If you met the “epitome of everything you look for in a human being” are you really prepared for what that actually means? Be honest!

Uh-oh. You got me here. As I look at my current relationship, I can say that there is something very different about the “tone” of our togetherness(not sure if that makes sense, but I could not think of another word). We connect to each other in a way that I have not experienced with anyone else. He embodies the majority of the qualities that I’ve been looking for in someone. He says the same about me. So, as we grow as a couple with time it is a possibility that our relationship could go to the next level. I’m ready for that if it happens-

By MusingLee

March 14, 2007 9:24 AM | Link to this

Morn’in All,

Wise Have a great trip. And return safely…Don’t get your groove back and start bringing dudes to the States though.

By Raqi

March 14, 2007 9:25 AM | Link to this

WiseD We all wish for a replica of the perfect mate, but here is something that I recently have begun to learn (Within the last 5 years or so). And no I don’t claim to know everything but I have had my fair share of experiences that has taught me a lot.

Love just like laughing and crying is a Universal Emotion. Every man, woman and child experience it. Laughter is brought on by different circumstances: being happy, being nervous and sometimes just being cynical. The same with crying. People cry when they are sad, some cry when they are happy, others cry when they are scared and some when they are angry. Love is no different. There are five acts or some say languages of love.

While we look for certain characterizations to signal love or the perfect mate, not all people perceive or present it the same way. They say that everyone require at least two acts of love to make a relationship what it is. The key is to find the giver that perceive love the same as you. But then you can learn to accept the way love is being given and one may be surprised to discover something about themselves that they didn’t know. Where I required physical touch and receiving of gifts as a show of affection, I have learned that quality time and words of affirmation touch me way deeper than I could have imagined. I love living and I love learning.

I hope this makes sense. I was trying not to write a narrative but still express my thoughts. Maybe I am having a day of musing.

By Got that?

March 14, 2007 9:28 AM | Link to this

I hope you have fun on your trip! Right now, I’m in Ostrava, Czech Republic. I’ve been gone for almost 2 weeks. I can’t wait to get back to Atlanta.

In one scene, Ben Affleck’s character tells his love interest: “You’re the epitome of everything I look for in a human being.” Can you imagine meeting that kind of person? Would you let them know they were your prototype?

Everyone expresses themselves differently. Treat your significant like they’re the most important person in your life and you’ll not have to use useless words. People can often talk a good game, but it takes a lot more to actually make it so.

Have you ever been in a situation where you constantly compare your dates to someone you are still hung up on?

No, because I wouldn’t want her constantly comparing me to one of her ex-es. That has happened and I bolted. If someone is that hung up on the past, then they are not over the relationship and definitely not ready for a new one.

Trying to find someone like your ex is crazy. They are an ex for a reason. There was something fundamentally wrong that caused the breakup. Going after the same thing is only going to cause more breakups in the future. You have to know yourself well enough to know what works for you and what doesn’t work. Sometimes, going after the person you don’t think you have a lot in common with might actually be the perfect person for you.

By JustMe

March 14, 2007 9:29 AM | Link to this

Raqi Good Morning……. great post!

By T-Mango

March 14, 2007 9:33 AM | Link to this

Raqi-Nice post. We read that book “The Five Love Languages” in our book club. Our partners do perceive extensions of love differently.

By itsmorenamorena

March 14, 2007 9:41 AM | Link to this

Oooooohhhh, how exciting Wise Diva I will be in Capetown in December! Have a GREAT time!!!

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 14, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Have a blast in South Africa, Wisey take lots of pictures and then post them on Flicker or Snapfish for us to see.

If you met the “epitome of everything you look for in a human being” are you really prepared for what that actually means? Be honest!

I dont think there is an epitome of everything in any one person. We are all imperfect beings..and I would be completely taken back and run for the hills from someone who was my ever dream come true

I dont want perfect..I am not perfect..When I am ready to share my life again with someone it will not be because they are fitting the dream or model I have of the perfect man..it will be because frankly he is the person that touched my heart and that despite his quirks and irks, my quirks and irks..we can be in the same space and not want to maim each other.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 14, 2007 9:48 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone!!

Have you ever been in a situation where you constantly compare your dates to someone you are still hung up on? How did you handle it?

This has always been one of my biggest fears…always thinking about the one that got away and looking at the one I’m with like yesterday’s leftovers. I did go through a phase where I compared one guy with the last guy. That made me realize that I wasn’t completely over the last…my new guy would know it to. He would tell me….sometimes you just blank out and you have that distant look on your face. It was those times that I would be thinking…man, it’s a nice day and if me and Mr. Ex was still together we would take the dog and walk through the park.

What did I do about it? I chose to let go of the dream and get on with my life. When the thoughts would come…I refused to linger too long on them.

Now, I still do compare my current guy to aspects of things that I like about past Exs…is that wrong? I mean, when you experienced something you like…don’t you try to duplicate it?

By Jake

March 14, 2007 9:52 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blog:

You WD, have a great trip.

ON topic: Don’t really compare women, but I take my inventory of likes and dislikes, to many checks in the dislike boxes which were formed by previous women I dated and I’m gone in the wind.

And frankly, Chiquita, I don’t give a dayum…LOL

Got meetings, check back later.

By Chullato

March 14, 2007 9:52 AM | Link to this

Good Morning,

*If you met the “epitome of everything you look for in a human being” are you really prepared for what that actually means? *

I personally don’t feel like I would be able to handle meeting this woman. My mind is too feeble. Everytime I achieved or received what I wanted, it was never enough. I see it like the Calculus idea of approaching infinity, you can only get close but you can never reach it. I prefer to be in a relationship where we can grow into my epitome of a relationship.

By itsmorenamorena

March 14, 2007 9:53 AM | Link to this

Oooooohhhh, how exciting Wise Diva I will be in Capetown in December! Have a GREAT time!!!

By Foots

March 14, 2007 9:54 AM | Link to this

Good morning all!!

Have you ever been in a situation where you constantly compare your dates to someone you are still hung up on? How did you handle it?

Well, I certainly have been in this position with my on/off relationship with T. I held him so high on a pedestal that no one else could come close. Until we actually got together in our real relationship, that is. I think we had to be together for me to put everything about him into perspective. It actually helped me get over him quicker when I saw how he operated in that relationship with me. I still remember how it felt when I was with him and I doubt I’d ever feel that way again with anyone else, and I don’t really want to.

If I found the epitome of everything I was looking for in another person, I’d probably be nervous, because what if I’m not everything he’s looking for? And I’m not talking about perfection; a person can be perfect for another person without being perfect in every way. I do have a lot of what I was looking for in my current SO. But I’m with RandyT and abc in hoping that I don’t F it up.

By SeanJohnson

March 14, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this

Have you ever been in a situation where you constantly compare your dates to someone you are still hung up on? How did you handle it? …Kinda hard not to compare new women to the woman you really liked/loved…thats where the bar is set…not to say that something just as good hasnt came along or will come along..each person have different qualities that are attracts you…and as you grow..your idea of what you want in a woman should grow with you..good memories are just that..good memories..priceless..untainted..and i prefer to keep them like that..As far as being ready for “THE” one..I dont know..i gotta think on that one..

By Raqi

March 14, 2007 10:05 AM | Link to this

Perfect does not mean without flaws but instead it means having a sense of gratification while with someone. At least to me it does.

By Chocolate Peach

March 14, 2007 10:13 AM | Link to this

Hey there peeps,

BEZ on em over there Wise…. Nope, DEFINITELY don’t do the comparison thing. For one I think it’s rude & it’s a reason their an X in the 1st place.

Yep, I got some regrets about the way I treated a few guys I dated. MAN…..We just had to go there. I still feel guilty to this day. That’s why I dont feel bad when I get played or something dont go my way cause KARMA is definitely in motion. Full Speed!!! might I add. I admit I was worng, I apologize & kept it moving also made sure it didnt happen again to any other dude I date in the near.

I finally retired from my “CHASING SHELDON” phase sometime last year.

U can’t catch A person that dont wanna be caught!!!!
Honestly, I wouldn’t know what to do if I met a guy that was EVERYTHING I wanted. That’s gotta B nice though!! A natural high I would have every single day. U couldnt get me off those clouds if U wanted too. LMAO!!!!

By Chocolate Peach

March 14, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this

Wow!! @Chullato 9:52 post.

“We can grow into MY epitome of a relationship”

I like…………

By Lady J

March 14, 2007 10:26 AM | Link to this

Hello All!!! Have Fun Wise!!! @Chocolate Peach…Great Post!!!

By Demi

March 14, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this

Y’all are mucking killing me…Wise, please do not bring any more Akons to the state, one is all we need…him and his whinny mass voice working my last nerves…

Compare ex to new lady, no. But I will hunt for women with certain body types or looks of the moment or for what I am in a mood for.

By Sexione

March 14, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

“We can grow into MY epitome of a relationship”

I like that too!!

Heyyyy Jake

By THE INFAMOUS DK

March 14, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this

Good Morning

WISE Enjoy your trip! South Africa is beautiful. I’m assuming you’ll be going to Capetown

Here are few activities done in Capetown:

Robben Island Table Mountain - My fav Waterfront (Shopping Mall) Tour of the peninsula Eat at Spier restaurant (ask for seating in the trees) Boulders beach (see thousands of penguins)

Also go of the beaten path and do a safari.. It’ll be about $200 but its worth it..

Where will you be staying?

By QC

March 14, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this

Morning everyone, i just wanted to pop in to speak i’m leaving early going back home; been out sick for the past 2 days and i should’ve stayed in today…so have a great day all, nice post WD

By Mo

March 14, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

* Morning All** Happy Hump Day!!

WD have a great and safe trip!

I will comment later, got to get a Pepsi first…

By Foots

March 14, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

How do you cope with those lingering regrets you may have about the way you treated someone you dated?

I don’t really have any regrets. The people that I broke up with know exactly why I did it; I communicated and let them know what I needed first and waited for the result, which was…no changes. So I kept it moving. I haven’t done anything consciously to hurt a dude. If I did inadvertently hurt someone, I apologized then and still kept it moving.

I like chullato’s honesty. I see his point about infinity…sometimes when you get most of what you’re looking for, you have to learn to stop right there instead of looking elsewhere for more or trying to change the things in that person that aren’t quite up to your “standards”.

By Got that?

March 14, 2007 10:43 AM | Link to this

If you met the “epitome of everything you look for in a human being” are you really prepared for what that actually means?

Nobody is ever or can every really be ready. That’s why hindsight is 20/20. If you could meet the perfect person for you, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’d be the perfect person for them. That’s an even worse situation. As you mature, your likes and dislikes change. What you’re willing to put up with changes, as well. In the moment, it may seem like the person is everything you’re looking for in a person, but it’s only in that moment. As you change, they change. In relationships, what got you there will rarely keep you there.

By T-Mango

March 14, 2007 10:45 AM | Link to this

Off Topic: The new Musiq Soulchild “Luvanmusiq’ CD is really nice. Something to play when you’re spending time with your prototype with the lights low…

By Mo

March 14, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this

T-Mango I agree about the new Musiq CD! Bangin!

By THE INFAMOUS DK

March 14, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this

On topic..

Yeah you always miss somethings about an EX but in general its not good to get caught up in it because they are an EX for a reason.. You’ll never go forward thinking about the past.. Gotta let it burn in order to heal and be open for the next exciting adventure of dating among the stars.

By Tazzee

March 14, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

Never dated someone I was hung up on after the fact, but I do admit to comparing the good things of a bad relationship to the next guy. I went through a phase where I was looking for a guy that was the combination of 3 different guys I had been involved with. It was like ‘I want some who loves Christ like Joe, adores me like Jim and looks like John…’

I think as we increase our dating experiences we discover more and more what we like. If a guy has a certain characteristic that I desire in my lifemate - then I will look for that in the next guy.

Hope you feel better QC

I know you’ll have an awesome trip Wise Diva!

By SlimOne

March 14, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this

Help! Your Advice

Okay folks this is kind of a wishy washy deal. How in sam hill do you go about letting a co-worker know that their…B.O (body oder)is offensive to others? I’ll say at least 5 other co-workers have spoken amoung themselves regarding the scent of one particular female. To make matters worse, she is in the same room as myself and 5 other people which force themselves to make it through each day. Since the weathers gotten a little warmer, the scent seems to grow. What do we do?

By THE INFAMOUS DK

March 14, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

Wise The Party district is on Long Street.. The tour of Capetown will show you the ropes..

By QC

March 14, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

thanks Tazzee

have a grand trip WD bring us all something back

QC.out…..HOLLA

By Mo

March 14, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this

Okay everybody, I can comment now, after downing half an ice cold Pepsi.

On topic, Wishing you can find someone just like him, have done this before b/c it wasnt a bitter breakup. I still care about this guy and we are good friends. I havent compared others to him but just wished I could have the ex again! I guess it is only natural that you would compare to a certain degree. Now when it gets out of hand (ie you start saying stupid issh like “why cant you do this, my ex did …etc) then you need to get a grip!

By Foots

March 14, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this

SlimOne That’s a tough one. Can’t somebody just leave a botttle of Tussy in her chair??

By THE INFAMOUS DK

March 14, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this

Slim Make a basket of scents and soaps and sit it on her desk. Leave it there late that afternoon when everyone is gone so youre the only one that knows you did it.. That way you wont be snitched on and she will get the hint that massengale will sell in the neighborhood..

By Raqi

March 14, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

SlimOne Type up a letter and mail to her house. That way you don’t have to see the expression on her face when she reads it. If you leave a message or something on her desk she will look around the room when she reads it and will definitely make eye contact with the one who put it there.

By Mo

March 14, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

SlimOne we had that problem in our office and our manager took care of it. Kind of hard to do without really offending the person! LOL But maybe one of you can pull him/her to the side and let them know.

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 14, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this

Slim Two examples but first how friendly are you with this woman? Does she report directly to you. If yes, then you may have to be cruel to be kind and say..to her that while she is a valued employee her personal apperance is causing a distraction. If no, then you may have to show some concern or interest maybe she has something medical going on or personally going on and it is affecting her appearance(BO is apart of your appearance.) But I dont suggest the follow:

Believe it or not I have seen it all done.

By Foots

March 14, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

SlimOne It’s not a cultural thing, is it? Some cultures don’t find BO offensive. Now if she’s just stank, I like Raqi’s idea if you can get her home address/home email address. If you send her an email though, make up a fake name on Gmail or something.

By MochaTreat

March 14, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this

@Slim Are any of ya’ll friends with her? If so, pull her to the side and let them know. If not, I agree with MO have a supervisor or manager or someone in HR (if they are on site) tell her.

By SeanJohnson

March 14, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this

@ Slim…all yall have to do is go in together and get her a basket..with a whole of of feminine products..soaps…body sprays..deordorants and a towel and wash cloth…she will get the hint…make it a big green basket and tell her it a stank patricks day gift basket..lol

By Got that?

March 14, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this

SlimOne If it’s that bad, someone needs to sit down with her and politely inform her that her personal hygiene is offending the noses of her coworkers. She may be unaware of it.

By Sexione

March 14, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

OMG!! Slim I used to work with a woman (just me and her in the same office) that had the WORST smell all year ‘round. And to top it off, she had a stank attitude most of the time. I finally left the job before anything was done (or said) about it. I’m sure she still smells to this day.

Now, to your situation, I like the letter mailed to her home suggestion…or maybe involving someone in HR. The soap thing is funny, but most times doesn’t work (she’ll just think someone is trying to be funny).

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 14, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

Dang for got the examples

One is to let Management handle it.(That has been said)

Two If you are friendly with her and if this smell is fairly new for her..”Say I notice there has been a change in your appearance the last few weeks is there something going on? She can either say yes, no, or none of your beeswax. Yes you found out, No draws a changes for open convo, none of your beeswax means go to management.

I know those baskets are great ideas but believe it or not if the person takes it in a hostile manner that can be looked at as a form of harrassment.(We live in different times)

By THE INFAMOUS DK

March 14, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this

Slim Or you can say Hey Chick!! Dont you know your a$$ Stinks. You cant come in here smelling like Badussy!! With one tear like that Indian in the dont pollute commercial.

Or put a sticker on her desk that says Give a Hoot, dont pollute

Its all kinds of ways you can rectify the situation..

By NCgirlfromATL

March 14, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

SJ You wrong for that! LOLOL!

Mo We had the same problem with an old co-worker in my office, and we finally got her supervisor (a woman) to talk to her about it. It really helped. The co-worker was from another country, whose custom truly was to bathe only once per week. So by Friday, we were all dying! But on Monday, she was so fresh and so clean clean!

As far as comparing, I’ve done it too. But, I realized that the things I was comparing were all of the bad things. I hope he’s not as trifflin’ as so-and-so was…I hope he doesn’t flake out like so-and-so did…etc I was missing out on all of the good things that made that guy who he was b/c I was so busy waiting for him to act like the last loser. I think I’m much more positive now than I was before.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 14, 2007 11:23 AM | Link to this

Slim I like Raqi’s suggestion best. The basket will be offensive and humilating and would make her think that everyone is in on it. An anonymous letter/email will bring it to her attention without making her feel that everyone is in on it.

By SlimOne

March 14, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

Foots I can’t even explain the smell but it isn’t merely a matter of deo. It’s kind of a musty, closed up attic/basement, dusty smell. I feel like someone took their welcome mat from outside and shook it out in our office.

THE INFAMOUS DK we’re two steps ahead of you. In our office for the month of Feb. we have a weekly happy Monday gift that would go to an unsuspecting recipient to boost morale here. Well because of all the complaints we asked if we could nominate this person for the Monday gift and we did. It was a basket of lotions, soaps, and various smell good items. I’m not sure if she has it at home for decorations or a centerpiece but she was kind of dry when we gave it to her.

Mo that’s what we don’t want to do is embarass or hurt her feelings. She is a sweet person and good worker but I fear as the heat gets turned up that it will be more unbearable.

Dr Kym You are too late…in the same room as me is a woman with OCD, shee constantly cleans things. She recently confided in me that everyday after the culprit leaves, she sprays her area down with Lysol and air freshner. Yesterday we discussed putting plug-ins and or stick-ups in here. So that is NOT the things to do?

P.S. they are all waiting to here you alls responses.. :-(

By Jewel

March 14, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

Good morning and Happy National Potato Chips Day Everyone!

Wise Diva Enjoy your vacation!

Have you ever been in a situation where you constantly compare your dates to someone you are still hung up on? I have not been in this situation. However, I run a great risk of doing this if I am not careful and dive head first into another relationship presently. My healing allows me to embrace the good, accept the bad, and learn from the ugly.

If you met the “epitome of everything you look for in a human being” are you really prepared for what that actually means? If I may dip my profession into the discussion, hiring the “perfect employee” is always a challenge. One has to steer managers and supervisors away from their emotions and towards long-term benefits for the company to ensure the best-qualified is hired (or not hired). Some people are well polished during an interview, but never make it through the first 90 days. They appeared to epitomize the position, but failed at living up to the expectations. There are critical traits needed in a top-performer and one must establish a benchmark for measuring each applicant. After reviewing thousands of resumes and interviewing numerous applicants, it is possible to have maybe only two or three to choose from…and they only have six or seven out of the top ten skills/traits. The question becomes: Do I make an offer, or continue to interview? Well, that all depends on which traits the candidate matches. Hopefully, they have the traits most critical to success. The others you can massage and mold…or find out those traits were not needed in the first place. If an offer is made, one can only hope the salary, benefits, location, growth potential, etc. is the “epitome” of what the applicant is looking for in a company. Wow, I hope this makes sense…

Have a Powerful, Productive, Prosperous and Positive Day!!!

By Tazzee

March 14, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

SeanJ - LOL @ Stank Patrick’s Day gift basket

By kinderbabe

March 14, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

wow slim that’s somethin…hmm… i like raqi’s idea about sending a letter. that’s a good way for it to be anonymous. she’ll have to know that it’s more than an office joke too if she gets an anonymous letter at home. then again…dr.kym did raise a good point about the harrassment issue. does your co-worker strike you as one that would take it there??

By SeanJohnson

March 14, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this

@ Slim…that smell is in her house…u tend to smell like your house and not know it because you are accustomed to the smell…bottom line is this…yall can tell her in any method u see fit..but 9/10 she is going to get beter for maybe a week…and then turn back into a stinky azz woman…hygeine is something that is your choice when you become grown…u was made to take baths and have clean clothes as a child..when u get grown…its a choice…unless u are homeless

By Sexione

March 14, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this

Joke….

Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor. “Do you wash?” the doctor asked the smelly young girl. “Oh, yes,” Mary answered. “Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and I wash up as far as possible.” “Well,” the doctor concluded, “Go home and wash ‘possible’!!!”

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 14, 2007 11:35 AM | Link to this

It’s not always hygiene…sometimes it’s genetics and your diet. I was reading an article on a woman who had a severe BO issue and it took her doctor to analyze her blood to find the cause. The only cure was too severely restrict her diet. There wasn’t enough scrubbing, scraping, or perfuming she could to rid herself of the smell…

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 14, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

Slim I think you and your co-workers need to let management take over and maybe they can call her in and have a conference with her. SJ is right there could be a mold and mildrew issue at her home, heck it could be quite a few factors but if you guys go to her area and say “This looks like a good place for a stick-up.” Then well a very sweet person can become truly offended and hurt and lash back.

By kinderbabe

March 14, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

lol sexione

By Sexione

March 14, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this

LMSAO @ Stank Patricks Day u no u wrong!!! But you are right about her smelling like her house. I realized this waayy back in elementary school. There were some people that just smelled like their homes….and it was always that stale, musty, doormat kind of smell. Now what do you do in this case? It’s not about soap/water, deodorant or perfume….it her house!!

By SlimOne

March 14, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this

Foots Nope it’s not a cultural thing. If it were i guess we’d be a little more understanding. We may just have to go to mgmt on this one.

Mocha nah, no one is really friends with her. She’s sort of a loner type chick. I don’t even think she’s ever had a man or anything like that. This lady asked me if a woman never has sexual relations, does that area go bad or sour if nothing’s ever been in there? I couldn’t help but laugh!

SeanJ stank patricks day gift basket you are a mess LMAO!

INFAMOUS put a sticker on her desk that says Give a Hoot, dont pollute Now that would be just plain wrong.

By Mo

March 14, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

SlimOne the person on my office knew that she occassionally stunk b/c she would ask from time to time “can you smell me” (hello, if you have to ask, then yes). She just didnt give a da….err-umm darn!

But I like the letter to the house method or have HR speak with her. If you can find a way to place stick-ups in your office without it seeming like they are all placed around her, then go for it.

By Sexione

March 14, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

Here’s a sample letter Slim..it sounds a little cruel, but….

This Letter is being sent to you by someone who has important information concerning an issue you should give total, uninterrupted attention.

I (we) have been trying to find a way to tell you something very important, in a manner as not to embarrass you in public. I (we) certainly don’t wish to cause you any more public humiliation than you are already are experiencing.

I (we) want to tell you that I (we) have been putting up with your extremely repulsive body odor on a daily basis for some time now. It has reached a point where I (we) can no longer stand to be in the same room with you, not to mention being next to you.

I (we) would encourage you to take care of this body hygiene issue as soon as possible.

I’m (we are) sorry for having to tell you in this manner, but it seems a fair and reasonable method to resolve this issue.

Regards

By Just Wondering

March 14, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

Slim, Raqi has give you the best solution. You said your co-worker is a sweet girl, so you wouldn’t want to embarass her. The anonymous letter seems like the most gentle method. No one wants to work in an environment that they feel to be hostile. You don’t want to create that type of environment. If you don’t feel comfortable sending a letter, then contact HR. Believe or not, they’ve heard it all and probably have a procedure set in place to approach an issue such as your’s.

By NCgirlfromATL

March 14, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

Oh, by the way, have a GREAT TRIP Wise!! I’m jealous! I soooo want to go to South Africa! Take lots of pictures!!!

Lady Dark I’m glad you pointed that out. There are lots of medical reasons why someone might have body odor that have nothing to do with hygiene. Certain medicines can make a person emit a foul odor, and of course other medical conditions. We always assume it’s something as simple as taking a bath. (Always makes me think of the old feminine products commericals…Are you having one of those…not so fresh days?) And it might not be the cuddy that is causing the problem. Underarm odor could be the culprit. I went to school with a guy who had breath so bad that you could smell it 3 seats away (which is where I sat) with his mouth closed. We tried giving him mints and Big Red gum whenever we had it, and he took it. And it was like putting cologne on funk. UGH! He was a great guy, but it was hard to get past that breath. My suspicion was that he had some serious gum disease. That’s not just a matter of brushing your teeth everyday, but also flossing and having your teeth cleaned on a regular basis. Lysterine doesn’t kill ALL of the germs that cause bad breath. LOL!

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 14, 2007 11:49 AM | Link to this

Sexione An that letter would be all the proof she needs especially if it comes to her house to say…Harrassment. If she is a loner maybe this is a cry for help or friends, maybe she hasn’t had anyone to teach her how to wash properly.

By Just Wondering

March 14, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this

Slim, Raqi has give you the best solution. You said your co-worker is a sweet girl, so you wouldn’t want to embarass her. The anonymous letter seems like the most gentle method. No one wants to work in an environment that they feel to be hostile. You don’t want to create that type of environment. If you don’t feel comfortable sending a letter, then contact HR. Believe or not, they’ve heard it all and probably have a procedure set in place to approach an issue such as your’s.

By SlimOne

March 14, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this

Sexione dang that letter is really harsh. What is she turned around and committed suicide or something, we wouldnt be able to live with ourselves.

By Demi

March 14, 2007 11:52 AM | Link to this

Slim LOL I know that smell…As SJ said, the problem most likely originated from her house…Sounds like spring cleaning is in order.

By kinderbabe

March 14, 2007 11:54 AM | Link to this

hey demi

By Jones

March 14, 2007 12:02 PM | Link to this

So you are going to South Africa. What are these poor bloggers going to do all day long? I guess they will have to actually work for their paychecks.
At least this “X-rated chat room” will close down for a few days. Ya’ll are boring….same stuff, different day……same 10 posters.

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 14, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this

Slim or she could turn around and bump the office off. Okay I will turn off the horror stories, we all know the human mind is tricky to predict.

By Jewel

March 14, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this

RandyT I am in a relationship like that now, and frankly it is hard to relax and just enjoy it. It is oddly challenging to accept someone really caring for you that is pretty much all you prayed for. That is the trepidation of moving forward. The subconscious “what if”, considering that you may have felt the same way in a previous relationship.

By Demi

March 14, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this

Hey KB

Maybe our boy Dr.Musing can shed light on young lady’s problem.

By SlimOne

March 14, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

Demi & SeanJ actually a couple of months ago her bathroom caught on fire in her house. So her and her mom are staying in an apartment until their house is repaired. But I think the smell was an issue before that even happend.

Another thing I noticed is she wears these black loafers everyday without any stockings, trouser socks…just bare. So she takes her shoes off and you can see the bottom of her feet. There is so much dead skin on the bottom of her feet and it’s a light green color to it. It’s enough to make you want to vomit

By SlimOne

March 14, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this

Straight from a co-workers email

Hey they have the same ideas as us and we have tried the basket…no go

we have sprayed the chair now the mixture is

Funk-ta-fide!

what is next soap on a rope (around the neck)

By Sexione

March 14, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this

Slim Yeah, I know that was a bit harsh….I didn’t compose it! Maybe a softer version of the letter could be used….take out a few words, tone down a few. And if it’s sent to her home anonymously, she would have no way of knowing it came from anyone in the office. Just a thought…

By Chocolate Peach

March 14, 2007 12:17 PM | Link to this

C-A-L-L-I-N-G…All MEN!!! Where…R U?

I’m thinking they do more comparison than anything.

“My last girl had Beyonce thighs, Butt like Trina, face like Gabby & this new chic hair isn’t as wavy as Mya’s but she do have a good job”. I can just hear it now!!!

And they’re regrets on dating. I betcha that file is HUGE!!!

I step away to come back & find someone is STANK!!! Oh Goodness…..That has got to be the WORSE. I hate bad smells of anykind let along a woman Geesh!!

By Jewel

March 14, 2007 12:21 PM | Link to this

You’ll never go forward thinking about the past. Good point DK.

Slimone If you report to the same manager, tell him/her. They, along with HR, can handle that situation appropriately. She might have other personal issues that management is aware of…and you cannot predict her reaction.

By worried

March 14, 2007 12:22 PM | Link to this

hey guys, great posts! Have a great trip WD!! I have met and married my “souls counterpart” so i am perfectly happy with that. It was a love at first sight kind of thing. As far as your problem Slim I would go with Raqi’s idea. That seems to be the best, or the HR one. Everything else seems mean and it would be something out of her control. That is awful though, I feel for you. I am around a lot of smelly people daily and being pregnant makes it worse ;)

By Sexione

March 14, 2007 12:24 PM | Link to this

The woman I spoke of earlier that I worked with smelled like she was on her cycle AALLLLL the time………..so it could be worse!!

By SlimOne

March 14, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

worried Um…you’re around a lot of smelly people? what kind of work do you do?

By Chullato

March 14, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

Another thing I noticed is she wears these black loafers everyday without any stockings, trouser socks…just bare. So she takes her shoes off and you can see the bottom of her feet. There is so much dead skin on the bottom of her feet and it’s a light green color to it. It’s enough to make you want to vomit

I just threw up in my mouth!!

By worried

March 14, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this

hahaha that did sound kind of bad didnt it? Well I work at an apartment complex and by no fault of their own certain people eat a lot of a spice that seems to soak into their skin and clothes and the apartment, etc.

By worried

March 14, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this

Slim another thought since you mentioned the foot thing… you could all pitch in and get her a gift certificate to a spa and have already signed her up for all kinds of different services, esp a pedicure…

By Jewel

March 14, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this

Good points Lady Dark, NCGirl and Kym. That is why management should handle the situation. Unless you know her personally, you should not have her home address to mail a letter. Harrassment, divulging an employee’s personal info…not a bright idea.

By Raqi

March 14, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this

As of 12:30 pm I nominate today to officially be “Smack-Your-Husband” Day. When you get home just walk up in the house and slap the crap out of him. Man I just hate men sometimes.

By SlimOne

March 14, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this

Sorry Chullato but i can just imagine her going to get a pedicure and the foreign lady really cussing her out and talking about her in their native language….I need to take a walk outside.

worried okay, I gotcha now. I was a little worried when I read that. I was thinking you were a mortician or something. lol

By worried

March 14, 2007 12:38 PM | Link to this

haha no!! although I think that sometimes the dead people can smell better than some people who are still living ;)

By Chocolate Peach

March 14, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this

Okkkkk I just fell out my chair @ Raqui 12:30 post.

4 the singles: Can we just slap ALL men we come in contatct with today?

Slim, Invite on the blog so she could read it for herself HA!!! Lol……

I cant stand STANK women Ewwww….. There’s NO!! Xcuse 4 it NOT 1.

By Jewel

March 14, 2007 12:52 PM | Link to this

Sacramento Jury Awards $19 Million To Terminated Employee Who Was Harassed Because Of Body Odor A jury in Sacramento recently awarded $19 million, including $15 million in punitive damages, to an employee who was harassed