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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > March > 09
Friday, March 9, 2007
I’m all in, or I’m on the way out
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My friend has a new girlfriend. Things are going great. He should be absolutely over the moon about it. But instead, he writes this:
“Approximately 50% of me is completely enthralled with all this. Approximately 50% of me is deathly afraid of all this.
“I’m beginning to think there’s just something implanted within the souls of men that makes us a little bit squirrelly in these moments of contentment. It’s been a really long time since I’ve been in something which can feasibly be considered a “normal relationship” — ie. something without a rational easy out like ‘she lives in another city’ or ‘realistically neither of us want this to be serious or can even stand one another for long durations of time anyway’ or ‘she is moving away soon’ and it feels good, but I haven’t had to shift gears in so long that, even though I want to, I feel hesitant about doing so.”
Ah….the old classic. Fear of commitment.
I have to say, this is not something I’ve ever really struggled with. When I’m in, I’m “all in,” in the words of Luke Danes on Gilmore Girls. Either I don’t like someone at all, or I like them a LOT and am ready to commit. It’s hard for me to run in middle gear.
I think my friend is wrong about one thing though — it’s not just men who are afraid to commit. I am sure there are plenty of guys who feel like me, but also plenty of women who run scared at the sign of impending seriousness in a relationship.
So what gives? Are you afraid of commitment? If so, what are the classic signs that you’re about to bolt? Do you know where your fear stems from? Have you ever tried to fix it?
Is there anyone out there who is totally and permanently incapable of commitment, or can everyone do it with the right factors in place?
Have you ever been burned by someone who was commitment-phobic? What happened?
What advice would you give to someone like my friend, who is afraid of commitment simply because he hasn’t done it in a long time?
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