AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > February > 09 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USShe blinded me with science
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Wassup, everybody? My name is…well, I can’t tell you that except to say that I work with Laney at the AJC and I haven’t figured out what my official, super-duper-secret online identity is going to be yet. For now, just call me “Dr. L.”
Why the hokey medical title? I think it’s only fitting because I’m working on a theory and doubt anyone would take me very seriously if my alias included the letters “G.E.D.” Anyway, I’m thankful that Laney has graciously given me the chance to take over her blog for a day so my ideas can be properly peer-reviewed by her fellow Misadventurers.
My theory is simple enough, to wit: We’d all have a better chance of being successful at love if we stopped acting as if it’s some indecipherable mystery of the heart. Instead, we should start treating love like it was a science. Science!
That’s right, all the anxiety, anticipation, exhilaration, heartbreak and other emotional experiences we normally associate with romantic relationships are mostly the result of the subtle interplay between biology, chemistry and anatomy.
For example, if you think you’re eyeing some hottie across the bar merely because he has a killer smile and dimples to die for, guess again. The more rational explanation is that you’re reacting to the innate desire to seek out facial symmetry which has been hard-wired in our genetic code.
And what is it, exactly, that drives you crazy every time that Coke-bottle shaped co-worker strolls past your desk on the way to the copying machine? The easy explanation is that you’re just a typical “man whore.” But the geeks down in the science lab also know that you’re inexorably drawn to a specific waist-to-hip ratio that signals a woman’s, um, fecundity. (You can look it up.)
OK, OK. I admit the stuff I’m talking about here isn’t the result of me spending hours poring over test tubes, Bunsen burners and petri dishes filled with icky microbes. But while this information has been around for decades, I’m still amazed that most of us continue to blindly “follow our hearts” into relationships that are often doomed from the start without ever understanding the role that science plays in our subconscious decisions.
On Sunday, at 1:30 p.m. I’ll be participating in a Sunday Brunch on love, romance and marriage hosted by WAOK-AM radio show host Shelley Wynter where I’ll be discussing this issue in further detail.(For more information, visit www.sundaybrunchexchange.com.)
Please drop by if you can. In the meantime, I’m wondering if you believe, like I do, that science is the key to successful relationships? Is it God? Or maybe, since it’s almost Valentine’s Day, are you convinced it’s all up to some half-naked weirdo with a bow and arrow?
Permalink | Comments (119) | Categories: Dating
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By kinderbabe
February 9, 2007 8:13 AM | Link to this
good morning all! welcome dr. l!
the key to any successful relationship is based on the law of attraction. this law is discussed in great detail in a dvd called “the secret.” if you haven’t heard of it or picked it up, get it! the teachers from this wonderful video were on oprah yesterday.
so, dr. l, i do think romance is scientific to a degree. it’s based on natural law. the energy you send out, is the energy you receive.
By QC
February 9, 2007 8:17 AM | Link to this
Morning, welcome Dr L
we finally made it to friday…have a great day bloggers!
By Sexione
February 9, 2007 8:25 AM | Link to this
Happy Friday!!!!
I’ve never seen “The Secret”…I’ll have to check it out. I’m sure there is some scientific explanation to many things we do, so this is not completely shocking.
By Cinderella
February 9, 2007 8:29 AM | Link to this
oh lawd, science was my worst subject! I hope it’s not the key to a successful relationsip LOL
By Sexione
February 9, 2007 8:31 AM | Link to this
Oh, and welcome Dr.L!!
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 8:32 AM | Link to this
Morning …and welcome Dr. L. I’ve heard and watched many a program regarding the symmetry & waste-to-hip ratio that we are attracted to. I do believe that science is a big part in attraction and all of that…but once you get past those initial stages of attraction, Is Science the long-term entity that keeps the relationship going? Put it this way, if I see some fine brotha with some symmetry that’s creating some reverse osmosis down below and we hit it off….9 months down the line of dating, what part of science determines if our personalities are compatible or helps us stay together or break it off?
By MochaTreat
February 9, 2007 8:52 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Sexione, Kinder, Slim, QC, Demi, Musing, Foots, Rnady, Dr.L and crew
TGIF
If science is the key to a succesful relationship…thenI have to agree with Cinderella…I am in BIG trouble. I bearly survived science.
By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)
February 9, 2007 8:55 AM | Link to this
Truthfully, I do not know what I think about this one. I think ‘attraction’ is dictated by the “science” discussed here, although through history the preferred ‘ratios’ have changed with the culture of the times. There were times when more ‘full figured ladies’ were the rage, and there were times when the ‘Twiggy’ look was in, etc. On the other hand, I do know that the same lady, even in a group, will attract multiple men when she walks into the room.
However, as Slim One has suggested, how this applies to long term relationships (other than one or both getting ‘huge’ and their attraction for each other waning), I am not sure “science” holds the key for the long term. IMHO.
By C tha 1
February 9, 2007 8:55 AM | Link to this
@ kinderbabe,
I have that DVD, its some interesting stuff. I didn’t know the authors were on Oprah though. I don’t keep up with her.
By Sexione
February 9, 2007 8:57 AM | Link to this
Is Science the long-term entity that keeps the relationship going?
Good question! Dr. L?
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this
TGIF Sexione,Mocha,Kinder,Musing,For Real,Foots, Demi…all
By T-Mango
February 9, 2007 9:06 AM | Link to this
Good Mawnting All
Good question, Dr. L. That’s something to make you say hmmmm?
I’m in Lurksville today unless something is said that makes me come out of hiding!
Have a great day:-)
By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)
February 9, 2007 9:10 AM | Link to this
One bit of ‘science’ that I do absolutely subscribe to is the Keirsey Temperament Sorter / Myers-Briggs / Jung Quadrant Theory. All are derived from Carl Jung’s work and when you take one of the relatively innocent sounding exams (you can do this on line actually and get reams of information about yourself and any others who have taken the exam), the results are like looking in a mirror.
More importantly though, when you have yours AND your SO’s code, you can predict with high accuracy how you communicate with each other…and how you DON”T comuunicate with each other. When you study it long enough, you also get to the point where you recognize the traits in others and understand where your communications breakdowns will occur.
The book “Please Understand Me 2” is used often by marriage counselors (or used to be) and has sold several million copies. It has the test and how to use it.
By Mo
February 9, 2007 9:12 AM | Link to this
* TGIF!!* Hey Mocha, SlimOne, Sexione, Kinderbabe, T-Mango, Randyt and the crew. I am lurking on this one today as well, I am no science buff! I’ll keep checking back to see whats being said. Have a great friday everybody!
By JustMe
February 9, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Y’all
Welcome Dr. L
Science in Love and relationships……… well I guess anything that effects our internal infrastructure as a human being could be considered science. After all, medical school is all about science and learning how the human mind and body is wired. But when it comes to matters of the heart, I think love is more of a psychological issue than a scientific issue. Can the science of Love explain why a person will wait for a lover overseas, or in jail, or in a coma? I’m sure love has some effect on our endorphines and phermones, but is it science or our minds playing tricks on us because our senses are heightened or is it a scientific mystery……… I think love is more psychological than scientific. Now I’m going back to bed… y’all have a good morning.
By kinderbabe
February 9, 2007 9:21 AM | Link to this
hey mo, slimone, mochatreat
ctha1 i don’t keep up w/oprah either. i happen to attend a church that follows the same teachings as one of the authors michael beckwith. he is the pastor at agape in l.a. and comes to visit hillside (my church) at least once a year. there was an announcement about the show on sunday at church. i think it’s a great dvd, wish more people would check it out.
By MusingLee
February 9, 2007 9:21 AM | Link to this
Morn’in All,
Welcome Dr.L….Is science is the key to successful relationships?
No, science may be a key ingredient to attraction, but it won’t keep you together.
Musings SO is breaking up, and about to walk out of his life forever
Musing: Baby wait….Don’t go…You still like my symmetrical face right?….Look at it.
SO: And now you about to see my symmetrical azz walk out the door…Don’t try to pull that science isshh with me m/f.
Musing: But baby I just had your tonsils taken out.
By RUChinaDoll
February 9, 2007 9:31 AM | Link to this
Morning!
Amen Slim There is a science to attraction, but to love? It goes beyond that. I mean, I’ve been attracted to several fellas, but that didn’t lead itself to a successful relationship!
And take it from a scientist who knows and has degrees in this sort of thing, Myers-Briggs is crap. No offense Randyt ;)
By Jake
February 9, 2007 9:36 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Peeps:
I think there is some validity to the science argument. I definitely think I choose women whose waist-to-hip ratio is pleasing. As for science and long-term commitment. They have nothing to do with each other. Science might get it started, but that won’t make for great outcome. It not much different from life itself.
The sperm and the egg meet to create a child, we know this to be true by science, but whther that child becomes a productive citizen or azzwhole has much more to do with how he is nurtured. A relationship is the same, with the proper nurturing it can grow into something great, but more often than not will be a chapter in the your individual science book.
Hey Sexione,Slim, Kinder, QC, all the ladies Head nod MLB
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 9:36 AM | Link to this
Musing we really made an impression on your mind with the tonsillectomy huh? lol I wonder what type of science is involved in why men are turned on by women not having tonsils?
By SeanJohnson
February 9, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this
Sup Blog…TGIF..
I heard about the secret dvd..even saw a clip of the authors on Oprah this morning..i may check it out more in depth….As far science being the key to romance..um..doubt it..i see science as the key to our sx drive due to hormones somewhat influencing our actions towards the opposite sx. I kinda agree with kinderg…i read up something similiar and it basically paralleled male femle relationships with animals…gave an example of Lions..and how the leader of the pride the alpha male was the strongest and most dominant and had his way and bred with the most female lions. So men who are more athlectic, agressive confident may have a higher level or testostorone and approach women more and have higher sx drives..and women can sense it and are attracted to men like that. The article i read also said that…it is the reason why most women are attracted to the bad boy type. So IMO…science is related to sx drive and attraction maybe…romance…nope….romance is dead…
By abc
February 9, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this
WTH.
Yeah, all that symmetry and waist to hip ratio stuff, kind of old hat, isn’t it? 0.7 is the supposed desired hip to waist ratio in women, getting closer to 1.0 with skinny models these days that don’t have much azz. Similar ratios apply for men via waist to shoulder ratio, with a V shape being preferred. Some cultures adhere to these but prefer fatness; some cultures will vary in preference for lighter or darker skin. In all cultures, extremes of these generalities are often ridiculed. In all cultures, those that represent the ideal symmetry and ratios are quite a bit more prone to promiscuity, infidelity, and open marriages.
It’s a clinical approach that doesn’t appeal to me. After all that is said and done, you still have to live with and interact with your chosen mate. The dopamine effect wears off, and you’re left with whatever else you have with that person. Unless you’re a scumbag slut (male or female) that simply goes cruising for more tail someplace else at that point.
By Demi
February 9, 2007 9:44 AM | Link to this
Heeeeeey MochaTreat,QC,Slim,KB,JustMe and sexione!!!
with a gangsta headnod Sup Dr.L
By "Longtime Lurker"
February 9, 2007 9:48 AM | Link to this
Man, what it is good folks?
I have been in overseas for a minute and because of the time difference, I am up when the blog is closed and sleep when y’all are talkin.
I have been reading the posts and y’all been off the chain for a minute!
No comment from on this one, as I am headed to bed. Looking forward to Saturday morning in a few hours.
Dr. L,I like your approach! Hang around for a while, I like what you got to say!
Folks, I will try to chat with y’all next week, before bedtime. I will be in overeas for a minute.
I am out!
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 9:51 AM | Link to this
Dang SJ …romance is dead???….you might need to check yourself into SlimOne’s Romantic Hideaway Treatment Center
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 9:54 AM | Link to this
A Science…I don’t know.
But my brother the Psychoanalyst believes that all human behaviors are genetic. He performed a study once on our family history and from the information that he was able to gather, there has never been one divorce in our immediate family lineage. There, however, have been 5 love children in the line coming down on my mother’s side alone and my second son would put us at number six. I guess that means I couldn’t help myself. LOL Yeah right. But anyway he tends to believe and so do I to a certain extent, that we are reared in certain ways that influence our behavior. And successful relationships could just as well fall into that theory if one believes we perform by example.
By Awwwwwww Dayum
February 9, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this
Awwwwwww Dayum…SJ, say it ain’t so…romance can’t be dead.
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this
SeanJohn What is your idea of romance since you feel that it no longer exist?
By Chocolate Peach
February 9, 2007 10:13 AM | Link to this
Wassup, TGIF!!!!!!!!!! I’ll be posted on this one.
By kinderbabe
February 9, 2007 10:17 AM | Link to this
hey jake, demi where ya been, demi?
sj i see i have a new moniker kinderg lol
By SeanJohnson
February 9, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this
@ Slim…where is the hideway treatment center located??? got any brochures?
By SeanJohnson
February 9, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this
@ Raqi..reason i said romance is dead is because the whole process of dating these days are like the songs that are out now..from the R&B to the rap..another example of what i mean its dead….i was watching girl friends the other nite..well flipping between that and sports center..and William was getting his girl a gift…it was a letter opener…and it was for her to use each year because he was going to write her a love letter each year for the anniversary…Joan thought that was so romantic…but still was like..so whats going to be her gift….typical female these days…give them something from the heart ..witth substance…and they would prefer something of monetary value..
By abc
February 9, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this
If romance is dead, how come I just spent $110 to get flowers and balloons delivered to my sweetie on Valentine’s Day? hahaha… man, the florists be gougin our azzes on holidays like that…
By NoNonsense
February 9, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this
Good Morning.
The only science to having a successful relationship in having the mental will and promise to stick with it. No matter how physically attracted you are to your partner or how much you have the warm fuzzies for them, you are not going to like each other all the time. So unless you have a will to stay don’t even bother.
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 10:35 AM | Link to this
SJ It is an undisclosed location. We are currently undergoing redesign of our brochures but some of our services include:
LOL
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 10:39 AM | Link to this
abc you said the key thing: 8the florists be gougin our azzes on holidays like that*
maybe you should get flowers for your sweetie when its not a holiday. Just a suggestion. Romance isn’t limited to holidays.
By kinderbabe
February 9, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this
abc that’s super sweet! i’m sure your baby will appreciate that.:)
seanjohnson you said what that you were some what familiar w/the secret. as you know, that which you focus on will draw more of that to you. so be careful w/those “typical, unappreciative female” comments. if that’s what you really think of women, that’s the type of woman you’ll keep meeting thus making it typical. you feel me?
By Alabama
February 9, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this
Morning all,
I believe a relationship/love/ and romance is based on science and God;after all science is not an exact analysis it is but a guesstimation(my word and I use it often). We continue to try until we achieve a half way satisfactory score or result. We, as humans, have this lasting impression in our minds of what love, romance and the perfect relationship is; until we open our mind and heart and enlarge our little box then we continue to make the same awful mistakes. As if you could not tell I love science, math and chemistry; I love it so much I went into the medical field.
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this
SeanJohn first of all that example does not apply because that lame excuse he (William) gave was something he came up with in the last 30 seconds of the show. LOL
I hear what you are saying, but it doesn’t have to be that way. The best romantic gestures IMO are those that are just because. Sending your woman a romantic card or text message just because you are thinking about her can mean a whole lot. The problem is if you only wait ‘til Valentine, Birthday, or Christmas to do these things then yeah, she probably will be looking for something of the higher monetary value. But if you do things throughout the year, and it doesn’’t have to be anything over the top, then you can get away with smaller more personal gifts on the more noted days. However the birthday gift should always be the biggest and flamboyant of them all because that is her day. All this stands true for the woman doing for her man also.
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this
abc It will be worth it. If you didn’t already know we women folk like the reception of gifts in public settings. LOL You will be rewarded.
By SeanJohnson
February 9, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this
@ KinderG….to a degree thats like you are what you attract..and we both know thats not 100 perecnt the case..do you feel me?? Not knocking what the homey ABC did by ordering flowers for $110 and having them delivered…its a sweet gesture and i am sure his SO will love them…but its typical too…how many people will take time out of there day to take the flowers to the job and present them to their woman? or how about we go pick some together…or some muscadines…
By abc
February 9, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this
Yeah Slimone, one needn’t be prompted by a holiday for giving gifts in general, BUT! I’ll be danged if anyone is going to ask my baby if she got flowers on Valentine’s Day and have her answer anything but ‘YES!’. And I want them to be from me, ya know. If some other guy sends her flowers too, the ones I send will be bigger and better (I hope!).
Curious about that Raqi, but the truth: the size of the audience at the time of delivery has everything to do with how much a woman appreciates flowers. To me it’s strange, but true.
By For Real
February 9, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Blog Fam!!!
Here is my take on this “In - Love or Attraction” is most definitely science but “Love” is a choice.
SJ I agree with you romance is dead. Men have to put on a dog and pony show to impress the ladies. You can nolonger do things from the heart unless in comes in a little box with a price tag.
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this
The best romantic gestures IMO are those that are just because. Raqi this is so true.
By kinderbabe
February 9, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this
sj i do believe that thoughts bring reality. now when a total a-hole is attracted to me, i take it as them acknowledge the light that i have. so yes, i attracted that person. do i keep them in my space?? NO! but if i’m in tune w/my “goodness” all types of folks will be drawn to that. that energy also works when attracting who and what i want into my life. that same energy draws to me my ideal situations. so your “typical” and mine are two different things.
i don’t have a problem w/how men or women choose to display love, as long as they’re showing it. who cares if it’s flowers, candy bars, picking apples, whatever…if it’s love and genuine, it’s good. that’s so minor in the big picture…at least to me it is.
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this
abc good thinking on your part. I’m sure the loving she returns will be representative to her appreciation of the flowers. All I can say is do your thang homie. I’m not even going to hate on that.
By NCgirlfromATL
February 9, 2007 11:23 AM | Link to this
For Real I think you and SJ are right, romance is dead. But, I don’t think it is totally b/c women require pricey gifts. That’s unfair. I think what women really want are gifts that are thoughtful. Most women…well most reasonable women (yes, many of us are!) would rather have a gift that showed you were really paying attention when we express interest in something, even if that something is inexpensive, than something w/ a big price tag. I’ve told the story of the best birthday I’ve had in years was with an ex who only had $60 to spend. We made that $60 stretch for the whole day, and did only things he knew I loved to do.
I think the reason romance has died is that people don’t spend enough time getting to know each other anymore. It’s all about meeting, eating and freaking. Oh, and then I’ll ask you your last name (LOL!) Romance develops when you spend time together, and notice those little things like, she really loves that Gardenia lotion, but is about to run out…so you spend $8.00 at Bath and Body Works, and leave it on the bathroom counter wrapped in a bow. See! Inexpensive and thoughtful!
By For Real
February 9, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this
Hey Kinder I agree with you but you cannot deny that our culture puts more importants on material items than on items from the heart. Just abc said BUT! I’ll be danged if anyone is going to ask my baby if she got flowers on Valentine’s Day and have her answer anything but ‘YES!’. And I want them to be from me, ya know. If some other guy sends her flowers too, the ones I send will be bigger and better If you want another example just look at the commercials if you want to make the woman in your life happy buy her diamonds, a lexus or some other material item. This leads women and men to base their love on matrial things instead of the substance of love *commitment and trust.
For Real Steps off his soapbox and pulls out his flashlight (in the daytime) looking or Slim’s Romantic Hideaway Treatment Center
By For Real
February 9, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this
NCgirlfromATL would that be sufficient for your birthday or Christmas???
By kinderbabe
February 9, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this
i hear you forreal but commercials DON’T run my life. i don’t accept everything i see on t.v. as my reality. people have to have a brain to think and also feel for themselves.
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 11:35 AM | Link to this
abc that’s a very good point you made to Slimone. That is what women like. There are just certain ways about the two sexes that make us different in our appreciation of gestures. For instance, I make breakfast in the morning and I make the concerted effort to give the man the best of what I made and then the boys and I get what’s left. The man appreciates this but doesn’t demand it and has never asked for it. It’s just a nice gesture on my part. For me I could care less about something like that, but then again I am a woman. Now when we talk about receiving gifts I am thrilled by the delivery and display of the gift as well as the meaning behind it. The man on the other hand wouldn’t care if I gave him a gift wrapped in last week’s newspaper. He just hopes it is something he can use. A man will proudly appreciate and walk around with a money clip in his pocket that his woman gave him and no one has to know about it. But us women, we like to discreetly show off and will place that new $450 Gucci wallet that we received for our birthday on the table while looking through our purse for a kleenex, LOL.
Girlfriends: Girl where you get that wallet?
By NCgirlfromATL
February 9, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this
For Real You’re asking the wrong woman! lol! I’ve never been one who has been the beneficiary of expensive or even numerous gifts from men. I think that whole “independence” thing gives men the impression that I don’t need anything! So, yes I have received the equivalent of lotion before as a birthday/Christmas gift. And it was nice, b/c he paid attention. But, my point was about romance…that it really is the thought that counts. And if you’re with a woman who doesn’t appreciate the thought, then you might want to think again!
By Jake
February 9, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this
SeanJ/For Real
I won’t say that romance is dead, I will say that its fading because some ladies do not appreciate the simple gestures. Besides, a lot of women don’t deserve it, yep Ladies I said it, your actions always determine how a man will treat you.
Here’s one to try, slip by the SO’s job on an ordinary day after she’s been complaining about work, and leave a card on her car just because. next time you see her, she won’t be able to stop smiling, that will get you a week or two of peace…but, not much longer, you know you always have to top yourself to keep a lady happy…LOL
Small and thoughtful still works on the good ones.
By For Real
February 9, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this
Raqi How much did the money clip cost for your man cost?
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 11:49 AM | Link to this
A black van pulls up alongside For Real. Two women dressed as sexy vixens hop out. One places a cloth of ether over his mouth while other braces his fall and throws him into the back of the van.
To me it’s definitely the little things that I love to enjoy all year round.
By For Real
February 9, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this
Jake I feel you on that but like my Paw-Paw said “Don’t start nothing with a woman you ain’t capable of doing for the rest of your life”
I will always remember that…
By QC
February 9, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this
Hey Mocha, Jake, Musing, Demi, and erry’body
By For Real
February 9, 2007 11:54 AM | Link to this
@ Slim
For Real OH LAWD IT’S DEM STUDENT LOAN PEOPLE THAT DUN GOT ME!!! *As For Real passes out.
By Mo
February 9, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this
NCgirlfromATL I agree w/your 11:23 post & your 11:39 post. Romance is about knowing your SO. I am HUGE on birthdays but not so much other days. I still give gifts on other days but I love to go all out for someone’s birthday. And while I love big gifts, its the little things that get me. One of the best gifts I ever gave was I had a message in a bottle delivered to my SO for Valentine’s Day. Totally different and unexpected, just what he liked!
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this
For Real LMAO!!!! You got me on that one…I must admit…you got me. LOL
Slim thinking to herself dayum, payback is a BIP! I should’ve at least offered to at least clean his pants after that mishap the other day in the car
By NCgirlfromATL
February 9, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this
Jake They STILL haven’t buried JB?!? Daaaaaang! What should be the “Ironic Twist”: Give the entire estate to the funeral home who finally buries him, since the family can’t get it together more than a month after his death!
By Tazzee
February 9, 2007 12:19 PM | Link to this
Morning folks - well I guess its afternoon there.
Its been a busy week, but I want to thank all you bloggers for keeping me entertained while I burn the midnight oil. Good week Laney
On topic: Science may be what attracts us, but I think using some business sense is what will help the longevity of a relationship. Don’t invest in anything where you won’t get a return
I think if more of us put in our due diligence before entering into committed relationships, we wouldn’t feel slighted on the tail end when the relationship failed. One author put it plainly - dating is simply gathering data. If we take the time to gather the data beforehand and determine if the person is a good fit (kinda like if a certain stock fits in with your financial plans and goals), we would make smarter decisions about where we invest our time (time is money, right?)
But many times we will see someone that is attractive and says all the right things (kinda like that hot stock tip) and enter into an exclusive relationship with that person without getting all the facts. Then as the truth comes out - we hang in there hoping they will change or get better (kinda like hoping that stock will go up and hanging on to that hope). Finally one day we realize that the person isn’t going to change (hopefully before marriage) and we break it off (that hot stock Company goes bankrupt) - then we’re mad because we wasted so much time (money) on something that wasn’t worth it.
So if you are expecting a return on your investment - make sure you do your research first.
By Jewel
February 9, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this
Good afternoon Everyone!
I have not read all of the posts. Perused the topic and began to wonder…Is Dr. L ABC’s secret identity??
By Jake
February 9, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this
ForReal Your Paw-Paw sounds like mine, I used to sit around him and collect those litle nuggets of wisdom too…much respect to the elders.
On Topic: I’m not hopeless, but a romantic nonetheless. I’ll bathe a woman ocassonally, just let to let her know I can appreciate her body without being in it.
Cool azz hell doesn’t go out of style. I like to say I’m keeping it going for the smooth brothers. Well dressed, clean cut, and hard to resist. If you can’t hear yourself walking on wood, you got on the wrong shoes…LOL
By Chocolate Peach
February 9, 2007 12:30 PM | Link to this
@abc, Gone head now!! do ya thang. I like how you put that… My sweetie said the same thing…. I cant wait!!
@NCgirlfromATL I’m cosigning your 11:23 post…Soooo true w/me anyway.
Believe it or not that’s where I run into most issue w/the guys I date. All they wanna do is buy me , buy me. When there’s a problem…he goes out & buy, buy, buy!!
When the problem is still gonna be there once the gift have been recieved.
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this
For Real What difference does it make how much it cost? But since you need to know I got it when I purchased a sports jacket for him 2 birthdays ago from Brooks Bros. We were not married at the time but I spent that weekend with him. While he was asleep I got the jacket and clip out of my car, hung the jacket in his closet and took his money from his nightstand and put it in the clip. I never told him about it. We didn’t go anywhere that Saturday or Sunday so he didn’t pay any attention to the clip because he didn’t pick up his money, neither did he have to go into his closet to get anything to wear. That Monday when he was getting ready for work he saw the jacket and called me to thank me and later he went to get his wallet and money he noticed the clip. He called again. Like I said birthdays are the time for the nicer gifts. Oddly enough we got married about a month after that.
Now the least expensive gift that I gave him was a fogless shower mirror (less than $20) the Christmas of that same year, the year we married. He loves that thing. I didn’t tell him about that either. I just put it in the shower and he had shaved half of his face before he realized the mirror wasn’t foggy like usual. LOL I was still lying in the bed and he came out of the shower dripping wet and half shaved to thank me. I know, yall don’t want to hear that but I threw it in anyway, just because. LOL
By Chocolate Peach
February 9, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this
Tazzeee have spoken!!! so true…..
By Jake
February 9, 2007 12:36 PM | Link to this
NC At this point its gotten sad…somebody needs to say, “lets split it 50/50, but we should be ashamed of ourselves for making a mockery of daddy’s memory”…look at what his money is doing to his legacy.
By Tater
February 9, 2007 12:43 PM | Link to this
MusingLee
Musing: But baby I just had your tonsils taken out
Glad this topic won’t be ending anytime soon….
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 12:44 PM | Link to this
Tazzee that’s exactly how to look at it. An investment. So many people live for the right now but don’t consider what the payoff could or could not be. The fact that this man has a good head on his shoulders, is emotionally and financially stable, and has an actual plan for his life made accepting his proposal that much easier. I needed someone that would eventually add to what I am trying to accomplish rather than cost me needless pains and tribulations.
By Pharress_Beuller
February 9, 2007 12:45 PM | Link to this
Afternoon BLOG Fam,
Good aspects on this topic so far. I guess I’m going against the grain, but I truly believe there’s a science to everything…even love. It might not be explainable…yet, but being that love has a lot to do with the mental psyche (of course initially we as humans are visual in attraction) the mind seems to do the analysis after the initial attraction (i.e. what’s beyond the cute face & small waist)
To take my point even further, there are plenty of people who stay in bad relationships and mentally they know it’s bad and they should get out, but the heart (or love, h3ll fear for that matter) won’t let them. Is the heart stronger than the mind? No. It’s just undiscovered real estate so to speak, that’s why you have various opinions on the subject and the reasons so-called “experts” disagree. They say we only use 10% of our brain power, whether that’s true or not, it does speak to that lack of knowledge to know what makes us as human beings tick in every way.
Now sticking my head out of office door as Coke-bottle Coa-Coa from accounting passes by and remembering she was out a couple of months ago to get her tonsils removed
“Oh, Coa-Coa…have you had lunch today?”
By Mo
February 9, 2007 12:46 PM | Link to this
* NCgirl & Jake* They need to bury that man and let him rest. This is ridiculous that he passed Christmas Day and STILL aint buried!
By abc
February 9, 2007 12:56 PM | Link to this
The Hardest Working Dead Man In Show Business just can’t get down in the ground, hm hm hm.
Get down, James Brown.
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 12:57 PM | Link to this
Pharess…wrong..so wrong. LOL
By Tater
February 9, 2007 12:57 PM | Link to this
Tazzee Regarding your post 12:19, Amen brother. What a great guy analogy.
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 1:04 PM | Link to this
Uh, Tater, Tazzee is not a brother. Try Sister.
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 1:12 PM | Link to this
Question for the men: If I was to send a gift to my S/O via delivery for V-Day what would be a nice gift? Do you all like to receive flowers? or would candy or fruit be more appropiate?
By QC
February 9, 2007 1:14 PM | Link to this
Have a great weekend bloggers, QC has left the building…
abc, you are a mess…i wonder if James Brown will be buried by his birthday hmmm….take care bloggers
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 1:18 PM | Link to this
Never mind. I just found a site that does Long Stem cookie delivered in a flower box. He loves cookies so that’s what I am going to send.
By Tater
February 9, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this
Dr. L *Scientists say that the brain chemistry of infatuation is akin to mental illness—which gives new meaning to the term “madly in love.” In this state, excess amounts of serotonin are released into the brain and create an imbalance.
One researcher said couples usually break up after four years because that’s how long it takes to raise a child. No more firing of chemicals to spur love.*
Interesting…
By Cinderella
February 9, 2007 1:42 PM | Link to this
@Raqi do they let you choose the kind of cookie you want?
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 1:53 PM | Link to this
Cindy The long stems and holiday arrangements are Chocolate Chip only. But if you wanted to do a bouquet or gift basket you could get Oatmeal Raisin, Peanut Butter, Sugar as well as Chocolate Chocolate Chip.
By FYI
February 9, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this
Raqi If you change your mind about the cookies and want to go with fruit, check out http://www.ediblearrangements.com
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 2:09 PM | Link to this
FYI Thanks for that info. That would be nice but the only problem is he will not be here for V-Day. He is flying with his mother to see her sister that week and I am looking to send something to him there. I could send it anyway but I know him and he will tell me I should have waited until he got back to give him that. But I am definitely putting that site in my favorites menu. Thanks again.
By FYI
February 9, 2007 2:14 PM | Link to this
@Raqi You’re welcome. I hope that you two have a great Valentine’s day eventhough you’ll be apart.
By Dr. L
February 9, 2007 2:19 PM | Link to this
Wow. I have to hang out with the people on this blog more often. Y’all are the shiznit. I’m intrigued by those who don’t think science — in this case neurochemistry — has anything to do with sustaining relationships. Au contraire. There has been some amazing research done on prairie voles and vasopressin, oxytocin and other chemicals that seem to affect whether they’ll be monogamous or not. Needless to say, the relative absence or presence of these chemicals also affects other mammals — including us. If you’re interested, here’s a link I just found on the subject…ttp://nationalzoo.si.edu/Publications/ZooGoer/2004/3/monogamy.cfm
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 2:29 PM | Link to this
Did you all know that these title loan companies charge up to 25% on their loans? My dumb idiot knucklehead son pawned the title to his car without my permission and went to the man to get the money to get it back. He knew not to ask me but it didn’t matter anyway because the man came right and told me. He has a 69 Lemans Sprint that appraises for $25K and he borrowed $1,000 because he was afraid to ask me for money to buy the grandbabe some things. He signed a contract agreeing to pay 30% interest which is against the law, but he didn’t know that. I called my attorney friend a little upset when she assured me that I have no reason to be upset because the only thing he has to pay back is $1,000 if that much. That is if the company wants to avoid a law suit for entering into a contract with a minor and then charging him 5% more in interest than the law allow. Not to mention that fact that the title is in my name. With these companies you have to give them a spare key to the car so if you don’t pay them they will come and take possession of the vehicle. It has been two months and my son was getting scared that they might come and get the car. Man I tell you people make a career out of taking advantage of unsuspecting victims. That’s the latest happenings in my life. LOL
LOL Dr.L The shiznit is correct. But you will see that there are culprits here such as myself that will talk about any and everything whether on topic or not.
By aggressively aging
February 9, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this
The argument here is somewhat flawed in that the good Doc has given us physical reasons for attraction but then bemoans the emotional reasons for staying.
While scientist can explain the seemingly inate desires of the flesh for a specific archetype what would satisfy the libido this in no way speaks to the very specific situations that people live out on a day to day in relationships.
So we have very clear ideas of what makes someone attractive. This to me is an example of people following their “junk” (the scientific term) rather than following their “heart”
The unexplained collaborative effort of junk and emotion is the thing that is missing here. Perhaps the doc fleshes this out in more detail other places but to bemoan the “emotion” of love but only site “physical” items as examples of how people are caught up in “emotion” is somewhat incongruos.
Love is in many cases a mysterious sequence of events in which science and mysticism or spirituality play very specific roles depending on the persons involved. Further the examples displayed in this post do nothing to explain the very real love or physical attraction that our Gay and Lesbian human family members feel because clearly a gay dude is not seeing another dude for his “child bearing hips”.
Science can explain a ton of stuff and I am a HUGE proponent of science and rational, fact based thought and theory. But in this instance the only thing science is explaining is physical attraction and after reading WHY we are attracted to who we are attracted to the gaping hole of “what about these EMOTIONS” is still left.
Now if you want to discuss simple physical attraction than even those are archetypes that science cannot fully explain because of the insistence on man to invoke thought. This thought changes the paradigm of what is “attractive” seemingly DAILY.
Using the coke bottle example, for the most part elle magazine, vogue, and mtv are not big upping what I would consider “coke bottle” broads and the vast majority of white males I know are not chomping at the bit for J hud or Beyonce. Rather its Mary kate and Ashley or Paris hilton, decidely uncokebottle-esque.
By Sexione
February 9, 2007 2:54 PM | Link to this
Okay, checking in now after a 4.5 hr training session. What have I missed?
Heyyyy Jake
By Cinderella
February 9, 2007 3:00 PM | Link to this
uncokebottle-esque… hilarious LMAO
By James Brown not MusingLee
February 9, 2007 3:01 PM | Link to this
Now pulling out little black book….Thumbing through to decide who to hit up for Valentines Day…….Now scheduling coffin to be moved so as to serenade Maya Angelou
JB: I hope Maya appreciates what I doing this year…Cause I don’t want another dayum poem from her’azz.
Now practicing spin moving inside casket, while singing “Cold Sweat”
By Tazzee
February 9, 2007 3:03 PM | Link to this
Thanks for clarifying my gender Raqi :) - Your stories about your son are always interesting. But umm yeah, those payday and title loan places are off the chain. You should take them to court just to teach them a lesson - well if you didn’t have to pay to take them to court. But seriously a minor??? title not even in his name??? They need their doors padlocked for real!
Oh and to teach your son a lesson - y’all should have taken the car and hid it somewhere so he would think they repo’d it, LOL. Keep sharing - its good birth control…
By aggressively aging
February 9, 2007 3:10 PM | Link to this
Devil’s advocate. Your son is old enough to know he needs 1000 bucks, he is old enough to have a baby (assuming grandbabe is hin (thats right HIN), he is old enough to sign a contract without reading it.
Reasons number 349823940823-8 why I hate a kid. See this lifetime of issues kids bring. Also, I dont see anything wrong with title loan places and the like because the majority of the time people who go to places like that are buying stuff they dont need.
A phrase I like to live by that MWP often says, “People who dont understand interest pay it, people who do, earn it”
If you cant get through to him, make him watch the wedding payment plan episodes of Good Times.
By MusingLee
February 9, 2007 3:12 PM | Link to this
Musing struts over to the fine girl holding up the wall.
Musing:Dayummm baby, you have the fattest isotopes I’ve ever seen…I want to spray Deoxyribose Nucleic Acid all over them.
Musing then runs for the bathroom to remove accidentally sprayed mace from his eyes
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 3:14 PM | Link to this
as requested by GA.man
It’s Friday, It’s Friday. It’s the end of the week, it’s the last day. I’m going to get my drink on, I’m going to get my date on, I’m going to get my study on All weekend long!
By Mo
February 9, 2007 3:22 PM | Link to this
Hey SlimOne!! I am in on the friday song! **It’s Friday, It’s Friday. It’s the end of the week, it’s the last day. I’m going to get my drink on, I’m going to get my work on, I’m going to get my sleep on all weekend long!!
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 3:23 PM | Link to this
Tazzee my brother told me if my kids weren’t deathly afraid of me they would not get into as much as they do. LOL I haven’t given them a reason to be afraid of me but I expect certain things of them. But really they are good boys and they both are the mirror image of their fathers. My first husband was mild mannered but was always getting himself into something trying to be the big man. I don’t really know what I am going to do with my youngest. The more time he spends with his father the more habits he pick up like him. I think if had given birth to girls they probably would be just like me and…I don’t even want to think about that. LOL
Yeah and on the car title situation I know he didn’t think of that on his own. That gal put him up to it. I just know it.
By Sexione
February 9, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this
Have a great weekend everybody!!! I’m outta here…….
By SlimOne
February 9, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this
Mo I definitely have to squeeze some sleep in there somewhere too. lol
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 3:30 PM | Link to this
aggwit I curse the day he met that girl across the street. I know he should have his own mind but right now his brain doesn’t work to well because all the blood has left it to reside elsewhere. It seems like everything that comes up now it has something to do with her or she is at least lingering somewhere in the shadows. Her parents pay for her apartment and utilities so she doesn’t “need” a job. And everything else she is trying to get out of him. I am being extreeemely patient in this whole situation but it is only a matter of time before I tell her not to bring her narrow behind back to my house. I am getting tired. I am trying to help her as a former single mother to a present single mother but this is not my job. I am getting tired.
By Jake
February 9, 2007 3:30 PM | Link to this
Hey Sexione, , 4.5 hr training session…Dayum, can I do the scrubbing for you…LOL (see 12:29)
winks and kisses
By abc
February 9, 2007 3:33 PM | Link to this
I feel dead Yeah, that’s what I said I feel dead that’s what I said So dead, so dead, bury me! HEY!
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this
I love that little baby but you just don’t know how many times in the back of my mind I have wished it wasn’t his. I feel guilty for wishing that but I can’t lie and say that I don’t have it. I am getting tired.
By MusingLee
February 9, 2007 3:43 PM | Link to this
Raqi She’s not a single mother if your son is around. Sounds like he’s trying to step up and be a Man. But, he has to learn that you can’t be there to cover all of his mistakes….So, he has to make the best decision the first time……Hellz you know how hard it is to be a single mother. It’s their son together, so she is gonna bug the isshh outta him to get what she needs for that baby…and that includes bugging the ishh outta you too. You’re the grandmother for a lifetime now.
By Raqi
February 9, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this
aggwit I have put him out twice since this whole mess started and that’s what he wants me to do now. He wants me to put him out so he could go to her apartment. As long as I can be held responsible for his actions he will remain under my roof. Now…I have made it possible for him to go to college. The funds have been set aside from the settlement that I received when his father was killed. He doesn’t know this and I won’t tell him. However, should he choose to take the less desired route and not go, then I will give him half the money and tell him that they can go and screw each other until their brains explode. Just don’t expect me to pick up the pieces when it does. I wish he would find another girlfriend.
Do any of yall have a nice respectable daughter between the ages of 15-17? LOL
Now my head is hurting.
I’m out. Everyone have a good weekend.
By Demi
February 9, 2007 3:47 PM |