Misadventures in Atlanta Blog is on the Move!
Attention Readers! We have moved! The Misadventures in Atlanta Blog can be found here. The new technology will improve our blog and commenting experience. Update your bookmarks and RSS feeds!
AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2006 > December
December 2006
New year, new start, new loves
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
So, this should be a no-brainer.
It’s our last chance to blog together before the new year. So I bet you can guess what I’m going to ask you…
What are your resolutions regarding dating in 2007?
As long as I have the podium, let me suggest some resolutions that I would love to see the men of the world adopt to make my life (and the lives of all women) better for the next year.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Better to say nothing! If you don’t plan to call, just don’t say anything, instead of saying you will call, leaving us to wait and wait for something that won’t ever happen. There’s nothing crueler than false hope. If you’re not sure, don’t tell us.
Tell us how you feel without fear. It’s okay to be honest. We won’t think less of you, and you don’t have to play hard to get all the time.
Remember the rules of chivalry. Even the strongest woman likes to be taken care of a little bit some of the time. Small gestures like holding the door, offering her your coat and paying the check go a long way.
Dance. We like to see you let loose. If you can’t dance, have a sense of humor about it and try anyway. And never underestimate the sensual power of a quiet little slow dance.
Try something new. A new restaurant, bar, place to shop, type of cuisine, sport, travel destination. It’s important to have interests, passions and experiences to share with your partner, and the more you try, the more you will have to tell us about. Who knows — maybe you’ll even meet someone new along the way!
Ladies, anything to add to this list (or subtract)? Men, any resolutions you’d like to see the girls embrace?
And what dating-related resolutions do y’all personally promise to make?
Incidentally, I know this is a bit of a quiet week, with people in and out of the office, home, etc, so we’re going to leave this blog up through tomorrow as well so that people have a little extra chance to comment!
Permalink | Comments (142) | Categories: Holidays
Do Mom and Dad know best?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season, whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or something else.
Home with the family, I couldn’t help but think of the scene at the beginning of one of my favorite girly movies, “Bridget Jones’ Diary,” where Bridget is home for the holidays and her mom tries to set her up with a family friend, Mark Darcy. Now, granted, it’s awkward at first, mostly due to his unfortunate reindeer sweater, but as it turns out, Bridge and Mark are perfect for each other and end the movie in utter, true love.
Is this luck, or is it possible that parents really do know best?
I was talking to a friend just before she left for the holidays, and she mentioned that while she was home, she’d likely be seeing a male friend of hers who she had some romantic interest in. Interestingly, she said, “if my parents were picking out my future husband, he’s the guy they would pick” — she said they invite him over for dinner even when she’s not there, etc. We joked that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to go back to the days of parent-arranged marriages.
But maybe there’s a grain of truth to that. After all, our parents have known us longer than anyone else. Perhaps it gives them an advantage.
Would you be open to dating someone who your parents had picked out for you?
Have you ever been on a date or in a relationship arranged by your parents? How did it turn out?
What’s your feeling on the mostly antiquated custom of arranged marriages? Should we bring them back?
Permalink | Comments (72) | Categories: Family
Naughty or Nice in 2006?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
While Santa Baby is checking to see who was naughty or nice, I am reflecting on the past twelve months of being single in the city. I must say that 2006 was a great year for me in the romance department. I have met some great guys, not all love connections, but I have two great potentials on deck going into 2007. I only met a few duds, and I had absolutely no dating drama whatsoever! My goal was to double my dating from the previous year, and I definitely did that.
Being single in Atlanta, you get the chance to mix and mingle, attend cool activities around the city, hang out with your friends, and actually enjoy the single life. You also have opportunities to be naughty or nice – which I guess depends on what you are into at the moment. I think I have had a little of both this year.
Naughty#1: There may be a gent or two that could call me the kissing bandit. What can I say - I love to smooch on cute guys that fine me sexy. It’s a tricky thing to hook up just for kissing though – I came dangerously close to floozy behavior. New rule: only kiss boys when sober.
Naughty #2 I really, really, really crossed the line of flirting with a gorgeous married man. I feel awful about it, and I vowed to get a grip, and chill out. I am not a desperate single woman that preys on married men, but at the risk of sounding like a 3 year old, HE STARTED IT! That won’t fly will it? Fine! I’ll fall back and I hope that the karma train won’t run me over when I get a husband!
I haven’t been a devilish diva all year though:
Nice# 1 I have played matchmaker to a couple of friends of mine. They have been virtually inseparable since Halloween. I have my fingers crossed for those crazy kids. They look blissfully happy! My only request is that their firstborn daughter is named after me.
Nice# 2 My friend Chris called it my “Something New Syndrome” dating. I don’t know if I would call it that, but I have explored interracial dating more this year. It has been interesting, to say the least, and I plan to keep an open mind about this. I learned a lot about myself in the process. New rule: Don’t let the opinions of others deter you from dating who you want to date.
Have you enjoyed dating in 2006?
Are there any dating trends you plan to try in 2007? There is speed dating, friend referrals, Lock and Key Parties, meet my ex parties, cooking classes, trivia nights at local pubs, or wine tasting events for singles. All of these are great ways to get out of a dating rut and mix things up a bit!
Ladies, are any of you going on a man diet? Perhaps you have decided to just take a dating hiatus and focus on other things more. Be warned that this is rumored to be the exact time when you will meet Mr. Wonderful. Stay alert and positive!
What are your naughty and/or nice dating stories of 2006?
Do you regret any unethical dating choices? Have you learned from the experience?
Permalink | Comments (108) | Categories: Dating
Welcome to my double standard
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The scene: MF Sushi. The setting: Five guys and three ladies, including me, at the table - all of us over 30 years of age. One of the guys mentioned something about our attractive waitress. When she came to get our sushi/sake order, Reggie tried to flirt with the her. He’s 36 years old. After finding out her age was 20, he was even more interested it seems.
My friend Alicia remarked that the girl was clearly too young for Reggie to be interested in,which sparked a discussion about 30 year old men and 20 something women. I hadn’t really noticed before how some guys my age are seriously into women in their early 20s.
The women accused the guys of trying to relive their youthful days, dating women who are fresh out of college. When the tables were turned on the women, there were many “defenses” to why it’s perfectly fine for us to date younger men. Well, we thought we had valid reasons, but the reality is, we were using a double standard.
I even admitted dating the younger guy (barely legal) in my late 20s, but still scoffed at any parallels between them dating younger women. I still don’t know how well I debated my point, but I had to just cop to the double standard. Older women and younger men - nice set up if you can get it (of legal age, of course). Older guy, younger girl..well, there is an ick factor sometimes. There seems to be a fine line there, or maybe we just say that there is. Why does it seem to differ so much?
Do men in their 30’s prefer dating women in their 20’s? If so, what are your reasons? What about the wonderful 40-50 year old men, any young age preferences ?
If you are in your early 20’s, what are the ages that you seem to attract the most? What about the 30 somethings?
Ladies, do you ever feel pressure to “appear” younger to attract guys in your own age range? Is their some type of fierce dating competition between 20 year old vs. 30 year old single people?
Do you have any dating double standards that you begrudgingly admit to?
Permalink | Comments (231) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
If I bought it..
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Beyonce Knowles has a song on her latest album entitled Irreplaceable. Honestly, I laughed out loud when I first heard it! One look at the lyrics and anyone can see that this is the scorned woman’s new theme song:
Everything you own, in a box to the left
In the closet that’s my stuff
Yes, if i bought it, please don’t touch
Keep talking that mess that’s fine
But you walk and talk at the same time,
And it’s my name that’s on that Jag
So remove your bags, let me call you a cab
It’s not uncommon for songs like this to resonate with women who have felt wronged by a man. Carrie Underwood’s hit song, Before He Cheats, could clearly classify as another song of this ilk:
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires…
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.
Whoa! Hell hath no fury, right?
After giving someone their all (heart, body, and bank account), women are compelled to reclaim the power they feel was lost. Sometimes they try to recoup some of “the things” they sacrificed or gave - for the sake of the relationship.
While belting out songs like these can make a girl feel better, the reality is there are always risks involved in dating and romance. When it comes to giving gifts, why do some people consider the material things as some type of an investment in a relationship? Isn’t that like having your love for sale?
Last month, Laney mentioned that the length of time you have been with someone plays a big role in gift giving. What about when you break up? Do you ask for gifts back?
I remember reading an article that talked about the “hanging male fly” using gifts to attract the female flies. Now that is pretty interesting, right? Well, the male fly will take back his gifts (um, that’s usually a big dead insect) after mating, to use on another unsuspecting female. Yeah, draw your own comparisons there. Things are much more complicated with humans! Aside from an engagement ring, would men ever want their gifts back after a break-up?
What if you just spent a considerable amount of money on a gift, trip, or jewelry, and weeks later things come apart, what do you do?
Gift-giving break-ups are common this time of year, are their ways to avoid it?
Do we place too much emphasis on what was given or not given when it comes to dating? Does it truly relate to the level of commitment?
Whatever happened to the spirit of giving anyway?
Permalink | Comments (223) | Categories: Breakups
Just be a man about it?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Although my male friends share similar frustrations about dating, they don’t seem to sweat the small stuff as much. Not the guys I know, that is. I admit that their resiliency and pragmatic attitude about being single is something that I try to emmulate. Guys even seem to have that whole detached, aloof thing down to a science. Is that all just part of a tough guy act?
As much as I dig being all girly and fabulous, I do wonder if being more guy-like in my dating practices could make my dating life easier. Women are notorious for over-analyzing every single thing a guy does, for many different reasons. Perhaps women feel that we have more to lose, or maybe we are just control freaks - want what we want, when we want it. At any rate, having a laid back, non-chalant attitude about dating can actually be a good thing sometimes.
Can dating like men have a positive impact on how women date? Could it improve our success in dating? Guys, what tips can you give us about dating that you think works really well for you?
Do you think women can date like men? If women can ‘t always date exactly like men, what are the top ways to date like a man?
I joke with my male friends that they could stand to embrace their feminine side, especially when they appear clueless about how women think. I think there are some things men could learn from us that may improve their dating experiences, too.
Ladies, do you think men could pick up a few dating tips from us that would improve their dating success? What are some dating attitudes, behaviors, or tips men could benefit in learning from us?
Permalink | Comments (158) | Categories: Dating
Total Misread
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The way things unfold on a first date can make or break the chances for the second date. I usually can tell if I want to see someone for a second time, but I rarely know when a guy considers me for a second date. I suppose I am oblivious to the signs, or perhaps I am just used to waiting for them to ask me out again.
Whenever I go on a date with a new guy, I always have one goal for the night: have fun. Sometimes the fun comes with great conversation, other times the fun is the crazy chemistry. Unfortunately, there is also the kind of date fun that only a couple of mohitos can provide!
Recently, I went on a first date with Mark and I honestly thought that I would never hear from him again. There were many uncomfortable moments in the evening - including the one when I inadvertently insulted his alma mater and his fraternity – all in one sentence. Nice, Diva.
To be fair, we both had a tough week at work which led to a venting session about things we disliked about our current jobs. (Me: micro-managed. Him: Overloaded with new responsibilities). Not exactly the best move, right? Commiserating about work on your first date just drags the mood down. At least that’s what happened to us.
To make matters worse, as we were parting ways, Mark’s cellphone rang. He didn’t bother to put the person on hold, so I waved him goodbye, and chalked the night up to a loss. Definitely no second date in our future, I thought.
I later received a text message from Mark. He said that had a great time (seriously, were we on the same date?) and he apologized for not properly ending the night. Then he asked me out again! So was the entire night a total misread on my part? Honestly, I am not sure so I guess only time will tell in this case. If we happen to go out again, I will be sure to have three things: martinis, patience, and a smile.
What makes a great date to men? Are guys more willing to go on second dates than ladies?
Ladies, how do you know when you want to have a second date with someone? Do you ever make the first move to ask him out for a second date?
Do you ever know when the second date is not likely to happen?
What happens when your first date hasn’t exactly been that enjoyable, are you willing to wait to see if things improve?
Are there ways to improve your chances for a second date? When do you decide to just cut your losses early and charge it to the dating game?
Permalink | Comments (140) | Categories: Dating
The point of no return
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I tend to go into relationships with no particular expectations. However, as I see things developing, it’s easy for me to start to expect they’ll stay that way. From the get-go, I likely wouldn’t expect a guy I’m starting to see to call me every day, and I wouldn’t get upset if he didn’t. However, if we’ve gotten into a pattern where he does call everyday and then suddenly he doesn’t, I am far more likely to feel worried or slighted or sad.
The same thing applies to e-mails/text messages (have you gotten used to them being returned right away?), gifts (do you always get them, and then suddenly they stop or become less frequent?), how much time you spend together, and many other such things.
Is this concern just a function of not feeling secure in the relationship? Can you ever reach a place where you don’t really have expectations, or at least don’t worry or fret when they aren’t met? Is that a place that’s good or bad to be in? Once your partner has shown that he or she is capable of certain behavior, do you have a right to expect it to continue?
The same general idea applies to “cooling down” a relationship. Let’s say you’re dating someone and you are exclusive and committed. Suddenly, they tell you they’d rather see other people, but keep dating you. Can you deal with this lower level of commitment? Or let’s say you’re very seriously involved, and your partner says he or she thinks things are too intense and that they “just want to have fun.” Can you handle backing off a level?
Once you’ve set a precedent for how you will behave in a relationship, is it ever possible to go back?
Permalink | Comments (94) | Categories: Relationships
Signs of the times
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Well, yesterday Longtime Lurker posed a question to me (and everyone else): What happened to people clearly stating their intentions up front?
To which I say: There are a lot of things that I wish people would make clear up front. Some people will say “that’s what dating is for,” but I think there are certain things that ought to be made clear before dating can ever even be put on the table.
I was joking around with some friends this past weekend, and I said, “I wish that guys would be forced to wear a placard if they are gay or crazy. So that we know.” It would be helpful for everyone, wouldn’t it? But really, there are a whole lot of placards that could come in useful…
About a week ago, I met a guy for the first time. Now, readers of mine know that most gentlemen are considered Dateable Until Proven Otherwise in my world. This guy was cute, charming, polite, had great manners, was well-dressed, had a good job, lots of cool interests…all good. Well, the next morning, I googled him, and found out that he was, self-proclaimed, celibate and abstaining from dating. Um…so much for that. I’m saying: Wear a sign stating “celibate,” save us all some energy, no?
What things do you wish you knew up front when you meet a guy or a girl?
What experiences have you had in the past where there were things that you said to yourself “Wow, I wish I knew that from the get-go?”
Are there certain things that we’re better off not knowing at the beginning? What are the flaws in my placard idea? (And yes, I’m speaking tongue in cheek, but you get the idea.)
Permalink | Comments (260) | Categories: Dating
Give me a signal, baby, show me a sign
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I get a lot of emails from readers of this humble little blog, and a lot of questions from people who I meet when I tell them what I write about. There is one question that I think probably gets asked more often than all the rest put together, though.
The dilemma: How do you show someone that you are interested in them without coming out and saying so?
I remember having this discussion with my friend Sky after she’d been out with a male friend who she had a crush on. I was regaling her with some tale of a date I’d been on that ended with some smooching, and she wondered why that never happened to her. She’s smart, gorgeous and fun — but she said she always ends up with guys assuming that they’re “just friends.” As she put it, she can never “make the conversion” when she meets a guy who she’s into.
I tried to think about it. There have been plenty of times where I met a guy, decided I was into him, and ended up hooking up with him by the end of the night. What did I do that she wasn’t doing? What subtle signals were going on — because I certainly never said “Hey, let’s go make out?”
My conclusion: Well, I’m not exactly sure what I do, or what anyone could do. I think a lot of it is sort of hard to explain and just chalked up to confidence and “chemistry.” But a few things I could think of that are big “go for it” green lights: Lots of touching. I tend to be a pretty affectionate, physical person in general, but if I’m with a guy I’m into, I’ll go out of my way to put a hand on his arm when we’re talking, etc. Lots of smiling — it may sound obvious, but showing that you’re having a good time does go a long way. Compliments, within reason.
But I’ll throw it over to y’all now. Maybe you can explain it better than I can.
What nonverbal and verbal signals do you send to show you are interested in someone?
As the recipient, what signals do you look for? How sure do you have to be that you are reading the signals correctly before you make a move?
What signals have you sent that have been missed?
Have you ever been told you’re sending signals that you didn’t mean to send?
Permalink | Comments (111) | Categories: Dating
Please don’t tease
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
So you meet someone new. You’re chatting on the phone, using your best raspy sexy voice, giggling and being your charming self.
You laugh and say something sexy like “Just wait until I get you alone, and we’ll see what happens.”
Your conversation partner laughs right back and says “Is that a promise?”
It’s a flirting ritual, a mating dance, a parlay that everyone’s used to. Sometimes, though, expectations don’t quite match up once it comes down to acting on those words.
Sometimes, it’s easy to let things slip that you aren’t so sure you want to follow through on. It can be easy to get carried away by the moment, especially when you’re on the phone or in an email.
But what’s the difference between flirting and being a tease? Are you required to follow through on every salacious suggestion you ever make, no matter how oblique, in order to avoid being slapped with the dreaded “tease” label?
What happens when you let your words get carried away with you? Can you ever “take them back”? If so, how?
How seriously do you take a guy or girl’s flirty comments, as a general rule?
Permalink | Comments (107) | Categories: Dating
Friendly friction
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
In theory, it should be easy. You like your friends. Your friends like the people they date. Therefore, you should like the people that your friends date, and you should ALL be friends, together, right?
Riiiiight. Somehow, it doesn’t always work out that way. But it does indeed happen that you are likely to spend a lot of time hanging around with your pals’ significant others. So what happens when you find something out that you’re none too thrilled about?
Let’s say you’re hanging out with a friend, and he leaves the room. While he’s gone, his girlfriend makes a snotty, rude comment to you. Do you repeat it to your friend? Should he know what kind of a gal he’s dealing with? Or is it his responsibility to figure it out for himself, and you should stay out of it?
What happens when your friend starts dating someone who you don’t trust because of their past behavior? Maybe they dated once before and it didn’t go well, or the new SO burned another friend of yours.
Then, of course, there’s the classic dilemma: You realize that your friend’s significant other is cheating on him or her. Perhaps you run across the SO out on a date with someone else, or accidentally overhear something you shouldn’t. Do you tell your clueless friend, or stay out of the way?
If you don’t like your friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend, what good can it do to talk to your friend? Is it worth opening their eyes up - or is it more trouble than it’s worth to get involved?
Have you ever had a situation where a good friend and your significant other just didn’t get along? How did you resolve it?
Permalink | Comments (191) | Categories: Relationships
Baby, It’s Cold Outside
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Brace yourself singles! The forecast calls for a cold winter, which translates into the cold AND dry season for some of us on the dating scene. Dating dry spells are prevalent this time of year as our prospects dry up. If spring didn’t bring you a fling, and fall hasn’t delivered your dream guy or girl, then the next couple of months can be REALLY cold.
When you add in the ever so lovely Seasonal Affective Disorder (yes, it’s literally SAD!), you can find yourself in a seriously funky mood that’s hard to shake, making your dry spell last even longer. Nobody wants to date a buzzkill, no matter how hot you are!
So what is a single to do? Well you may have to get a bit creative. My friend Jamie has decided to entertain in her home more. She will send out evites to friends, associates, and old flames to gather at her home for different activities: game night, chilli get togethers, or sports nights. They are encouraged to bring a pal so that the male-female ratio is ideal. These social gatherings could produce new potential dates or at the very least, the lastest object of her flirting. I am looking forward to attending too!
Have you ever experienced a dating dry spell? What is the longest dry spell you have endured?
How did you snap out of it? What causes us to get in these dating ruts?
I think a lot of bad dating choices are partly due to single people trying to get out of their dry spell. Taking applications for a maintenance man or arranging a “friends with benefits” may not always do the trick, either.
Have you made any bad moves in an effort to end your dry spell?
If you could create a survival guide for those who are unhappily in a dating dry spell, what tips would you have?
Permalink | Comments (171) | Categories: Dating
You’re So Busted
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My friend Hannah recently ended a nine-month dating misadventure with Adam. Hannah and her boyfriend came from different ethnic backgrounds, which meant there were a few cultural clashes along the way. Things seemed to be going great despite the bumpy beginning.
Hannah mentioned that it bothered her alot that Adam had yet to introduce, mention, or talk about her to his parents. It was like she didn’t exist. Granted, the parents lived in England, and had strong opinions about who he dated. It was understandable that he would be a little apprehensive about bringing her up. However, once talks of marriage began to surface, it just seemed odd not to consider meeting the families.
Hannah’s uneasiness led to insecurity, which led to her doing a little “investigative work” online. Her and Adam met through an online dating website, so the first place she looked was that particular website, and snoop – there it was, Adam’s NEW dating profile.
When she confronted Adam about his seemingly active dating profile, his explanation was that his parents wanted him to help them find a “nice girl” for his brother. Yea, I didn’t buy it either, but she did. Soon after, Adam was temporarily relocated to another city for his job but they were still in a relationship. When his behavior became shady again, she found Adam’s dating profile on another website. She finally realized that he had no intention of retiring his “online bachelor” lifestyle, even though he was talking marriage to her. Either Hannah had skills that put Nancy Drew to shame, or Adam wanted to get busted.
What would you do if you discovered your date, mate, or the person you are seeing, actively seeking romance, rendezvous, etc. online?
How does online dating and virtual dating stages differ?
Do you impose a longer time frame to “get to know” someone that you met online?
Do you think it is harder to build trust with someone you met through a personals ad, blog, or dating website?
Have online dating, chat rooms, and personal ads become hindrances on the dating scene or relationships?
Have you ever been busted doing something online that caused problems with your significant other?
Permalink | Comments (180) | Categories: Breakups
You’re Beautiful
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Whenever my guy friends allude to a woman’s physical traits, I always pay attention to the adjectives they use. It’s interesting to me how the way a woman looks could possibly place her in a particular dating category with them. For instance:
Cute – When guys use “cute” to describe a girl, they consider her attractive like a kitten or puppy. Someone they would probably feel bad for never calling back and would be more prone to want to date long-term.
Hot – This usually means her body shape, cup size, or butt. (or ALL three) is just “hot” to them. This also means that guys probably think of (and want) sex – like immediately. They would REALLY enjoy dating “hot” girls, but it may take them longer to figure out if she has long-term potential.
Pretty – Now, when guys use pretty, there really isn’t a specific formula for what makes a girl pretty. It’s simply not definitive (as far as I can tell). I think it’s because a lot of different things makes a girl pretty: personality, humor, attitude, or “fair of face” (as our reader, abc says) . Some guys think that a cute girl can go to pretty and become even more attractive over time. Pretty girls are ideal for dates because they offer a nice mix of looks and personality. Pretty girls are usually not dumb and score extra points for being sports enthusiasts.
Beautiful – Now beauty is not a term guys throw around easily. It’s usually something deeper, more complex, than any of the above words they use. A guy usually thinks of “beautiful” if they feel something when they lay eyes on her, something that would make them fluster, act stupid, or maybe even blush. When guys see a beautiful woman, she really grabs their attention. These are the women songs are written about (James Blount, anyone?), or inspires poetry, and art.
Guys, do you agree with the list that I observed from my guy friends? Would you add or take away anything?
Ladies, do you think a guy’s looks makes a difference when considering them for dates? Are cute guys in your “friend zone” or can cuties catch your eye for dates too? Have you ever seen a man that took your breath away?
Do you ever think a guy or girl is TOO good looking to date because you think he or she would probably be high maintenence or a player?
Do you think we get hung up on looks a lot in the dating scene? Do we take it too far sometimes?
How can you tell if your date is with you only because of the way you look?
What if you were someone’s trophy guy/girl for dates, would it bother you, flatter you, or not matter at all?
Do you think singles have become a bunch of “looks snob”, not giving anyone a chance because we think they aren’t beautiful enough to show off?
Permalink | Comments (306) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
The Good Humor Girl
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
If you ask a single person to rattle off a “must-have” list for a mate, you would probably hear sense of humor. Nobody wants to date a stick in the mud. I personally love to laugh, share jokes, swap witty banter when I am on a date. It makes for a more relaxed environment so that you can really focus on getting a feel for someone’s personality.
I have never been told (to my face) that my humor is a turn off to guys. While my wit can be acerbic at times, I usually don’t resort to insults to get a laugh. Do men like women who have a sense of humor? I know a lot of women who absolutely love it when a guy can make her laugh, some even calling it sexy.
I was spending time with a guy recently and I shared a joke with him. I thought it was extremely funny, but he didn’t crack a smile! He just kind of shook his head and changed the subject back to sports (we were watching the Falcon’s game). After that joke flopped, I realized that he was usually the one making jokes, being the humorous one, so perhaps he doesn’t like “good humor girls” all that much. Or maybe I’m not as funny as I think I am! (No, that can’t be it, I’m funny!!)
How important is having a sense of humor to you?
Do men and women consider this to be important when they are looking for a date or mate?
Have you ever dated someone who was extremely witty or funny? Was it a turn-on or turn-off?
Do you prefer to be the one telling the jokes or laughing at the jokes?
Men, what is your perception of women who have a sense of humor?
Is it necessary to have similar types of humor as the person you are dating?
Permalink | Comments (151) | Categories: Dating
Tell Me Lies
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One of my well-intentioned, match-making guy friends introduced me to Paul, a 32 year old entrepreneur from Gwinnett. After a few games of phone tag, we finally connected and set up a time to meet. We had a nice time talking, getting the traditional get to know you information out of the way.
Like many single women, I have a few standard questions I generally ask men that I am seeing. I usually pepper these questions over time because I wouldn’t want a guy to feel as if he was being interviewed by Ms. Good Man Hunting. Well, I found out that Paul outright lied about something I specifically asked him about. Now I wonder if I should bother bringing it up, or do I consider it a red flag and move on.
One of the most frustrating things about dating can be dealing with dishonest people. Single people seem to lie about everything, often times for no real reason at all. Do single men who date have to lie?
My friend Eric says that guys don’t always have to lie, but it is something they instinctively do for different reasons. Men lie about their income, conquests, ambitions, intentions, and their past. The comic, Chris Rock once joked that men lie so much, it’s like a second language.
Ladies, we aren’t completely innocent either. Guys often say that we lie BIG, while they have more innocent, harmless lies. Does it really make a difference?
Isn’t a white lie still a lie? Why do single people lie so much?
What do you do when you find out your date has been dishonest about something?
If you are withholding pertinent information from someone that you are dating, how do you handle it when the time comes to divulge it?
Could you be with someone that misrepresented who they were?
Would it make a difference if you understood the reasons why they lied?
Permalink | Comments (188) | Categories: Dating
World AIDS Day
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Today, December 1, is the annual day to recognize World AIDS Day.
I know we’ve talked about AIDS in this space before, but I don’t think we can let the day go without discussing it again, since it is one of the most critical issues facing people in our age range, especially those who are actively single and dating.
First of all: GET TESTED. It never hurts to repeat it. Knowledge is power.
Today in New York City, amfAR, The Foundation for AIDS Research, is hosting a very unique event to draw attention to some of the issues faced in a world with HIV and AIDS. Married couple Shawn Decker and Gwenn Barringer will be holding a “bed-in,” where they spend the morning in bed in a shop window. Shawn is HIV positive. Gwenn is not.
The event is meant to draw attention to the fact that life doesn’t end with an HIV or AIDS diagnosis. It’s critical to get tested so that you are aware of your status and can get proper treatment. But it’s not a death sentence — nor does it have to mean the end of your love life, as “sero-discordant” couples like Shawn and Gwenn show. There are ways to have a safe, satisfying love life even if you have been diagnosed with HIV — or another STD.
Would you consider dating someone who had HIV or AIDS? What about herpes, HPV, or another STD?
What would you do if you found out that your partner to whom you were already committed had one of these diseases? Would it be an automatic “death sentence” to the relationship?
If you are living with an STD, how does it affect your love life? Keep in mind you can be anonymous on this blog to tell us your story.
Permalink | Comments (191) | Categories: Current Events
