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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2006 > December > 27 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USDo Mom and Dad know best?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season, whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or something else.
Home with the family, I couldn’t help but think of the scene at the beginning of one of my favorite girly movies, “Bridget Jones’ Diary,” where Bridget is home for the holidays and her mom tries to set her up with a family friend, Mark Darcy. Now, granted, it’s awkward at first, mostly due to his unfortunate reindeer sweater, but as it turns out, Bridge and Mark are perfect for each other and end the movie in utter, true love.
Is this luck, or is it possible that parents really do know best?
I was talking to a friend just before she left for the holidays, and she mentioned that while she was home, she’d likely be seeing a male friend of hers who she had some romantic interest in. Interestingly, she said, “if my parents were picking out my future husband, he’s the guy they would pick” — she said they invite him over for dinner even when she’s not there, etc. We joked that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to go back to the days of parent-arranged marriages.
But maybe there’s a grain of truth to that. After all, our parents have known us longer than anyone else. Perhaps it gives them an advantage.
Would you be open to dating someone who your parents had picked out for you?
Have you ever been on a date or in a relationship arranged by your parents? How did it turn out?
What’s your feeling on the mostly antiquated custom of arranged marriages? Should we bring them back?
Permalink | Comments (72) | Post your comment | Categories: Family
Comments
By mel
December 27, 2006 08:41 AM | Link to this
My mom doesn’t tell me what guys would be good for me. She merely focuses on telling me how the ones I happen to date are the wrong ones for me. I think that the idea is not new or revolutionary, and would be fantastic. Mom knows best, and she would pray an awful lot that she picks the best partner that will be an equal for me. I get tired of picking the wrong ones, so I would not mind it at all.
By kinderbabe
December 27, 2006 08:47 AM | Link to this
good morning!! hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season.:)
not sure if i would go out w/someone mom and dad picked. i’m not sure if either one of them really knows what type of guy i like since i’ve been away from home for quite awhile. the one guy that my mother absolutely loves (who i dated in high school) is still in contact w/my parents. if it were up to my mother, that’s who i would marry…lol. in this case, mother doesn’t know best b/c this guy is an absolute jerk behind closed doors…lol.
By attention06
December 27, 2006 09:12 AM | Link to this
I went on a date once that my Mom set up, and lets just say it didn’t go well. See, Mom is a preacher and sees the inside of a person… and while I have that same gift too, I see the outside as well and her outside was nothing to behold. She was a sweet person, God love her (as that is the only one I suspect will) but aesthetically, she was lacking…
Trust, it will never happen again.
By Magenta
December 27, 2006 09:21 AM | Link to this
It might work better when the “child” is grown, if the parents acknowledge that s/he is an adult who has changed in the past 10-20 years. When parents try to manipulate a teenager’s romantic choices, it’s usually out of a need to protect. Let your kid spend a few years working and supporting him/herself, and then the parents (if they’re truly wise) can focus on trying to fix up their son or daughter with someone suitable, based on the ADULT child’s true personality and needs. Needless to say, sometimes it works, sometimes not.
By SeanJohnson
December 27, 2006 09:24 AM | Link to this
Sup Folks…I knew I shoulda took the week off…good thing its quiet around here..anyway…Never went on a date arranged by my moms..although she wanted to hook me up with a couple of girls at her church when i was younger…and she still keeps me updated with them periodically..I have though been ice grilled by a few fathers and a brother…asking me crazy questions while picking up there daughter…so i took at as I wasnt the type of dude they wanted their daughters/sister to be with..
By kinderbabe
December 27, 2006 09:26 AM | Link to this
06 now, that’s a shame…lol. i guess inner beauty isn’t enough.:)
By NCgirlfromATL
December 27, 2006 09:26 AM | Link to this
Hey blog fam!
My mom set me up on a date w/ a friend of one of her co-workers. He was totally not the type of guy I would have given a second glance on my own. He was really nice, and nice looking, but not really my “type,” if I had to say I had a type. We went out several times, and I ended up liking him a lot…until I ran into him one night out w/ another woman. (This braniac lived about 25 minutes from me, but took her out to a place at the mall 2 miles from my house!) He also had major issues w/ me making more money than him. Of course, that relationship was headed for doom anyway! LOL!
Mom said she learned her lesson and has stayed out of my (lack of) love life since! LOL!
By Jack
December 27, 2006 09:52 AM | Link to this
I wished I would have listened to my parents about my ex wife of 4yrs. My parents begged me not to marry her and begged me to break up with her while we were dating. My ex wife not only was the wrong girl for me but has caused my life to be a struggle because I stupidly had 2 kids with her.
I am 36yrs old, my parents never tried to choose my girlfriends but they always were right about the ones that were a mistake for me to be with. So the only advise I can give is that if your parents think the person your with is the wrong one, then listen and get rid of them !
I never realized how much maturity and good decision making comes with age and experience until I myself got older and wiser. Parents are not as stupid as kids think they are. Trust me I learned the hard way that parents really do give good advise while I was making my way to manhood and maturity.
If your parents and other adults that have their life together are trying to teach you something, give advise to you, warn you about something, then LISTEN !!! Decisions can sometimes lead to life long problems and heartaches…….
By SexyLeggs
December 27, 2006 09:52 AM | Link to this
My mother would never set me up on a date…she only knows really old men. She has no idea what my taste in men is. All she keeps saying to me is “now that you’re divorced I don’t know what to do with you.” WTH does that mean? She lives in NYC, and I’m here in Atlanta. What can she do with me? Just wierd. Must be old age and the old men she knows…LOL
By QC
December 27, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this
Morning Bloggers, I hope you all had a great Christmas…My Mom or Dad never tried to set me up with anyone; but Mom had that Mom radar and was right about every guy i brought home now that i sit back and think about it, i laugh cause i always tried to “make it work” and of course it did’nt..but you live & learn - have a great day everyone! :)
By JustMe
December 27, 2006 10:02 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All sitting at ome in my PJ’s
Would you be open to dating someone who your parents had picked out for you? I probably would entertain the idea, both of my parents know how to read people inside and out without ever asking a question, they have the uncanny ability to get a person to tell their life story w/o being asked. They were right about my sperm donor and 11 years later I still say almost daily that I wish I had listened to them.
Have you ever been on a date or in a relationship arranged by your parents? How did it turn out? No. After I did not listen about Sperm Donor, they just said it’s all on you now…..
What’s your feeling on the mostly antiquated custom of arranged marriages? Should we bring them back? I think that we as a people have changed so much with the times that it would be a little harder to make what would apopear to be a great match. Men nor women are as likely to stay in an unhappy relationship in 2006 as they were in 1926. I think it’s worth a try if the man and woman were raised in the type of family where having a mate of a certain stature is expected and they are accustomed to this ritual as a lifestyle.
By binford
December 27, 2006 10:09 AM | Link to this
Binford wouldn’t trust his parents to pick out a date, as I’m not sure where I could even return those “classic” Z. Cavariccis they bought me for X-mas.
By Notachance
December 27, 2006 10:17 AM | Link to this
Not a chance I’d let my mom suggest a date for me. She lost her privileges about several years ago. She invited some random friend of hers to a family New Years Eve Party for me and without my knowledge or permission. He didn’t speak English, he was skinny, wore white athletic socks with black shoes, and OH he had silver capped teeth! I was thoroughly embarassed and everyone at the party was embarassed for me. She lost her privilege to ‘suggest’ right there. Right then.
By Bre'
December 27, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this
Greetings this morning to all….
Hmmmmm I’m pretty sure I would not date anyone my moms/pops picked out. One they really are not that in touch with who I am today. I know they would want me to be with a certain type of man which has no appeal to me. However I hope they realize they raised me to have a good head on my shoulders. And after all these years of the going thru the not so right ones and singlehood that when and if I settle down I’ve made the right choice for me.
By NCgirlfromATL
December 27, 2006 10:30 AM | Link to this
SJ The church hook up! lol! That’s how I ended up w/ the guy my mom picked out. My mom has good taste, it’s just not my taste. My mom likes light-skinned, pretty men (like my dad), and although I adore my dad, I’ve never been interested in the pretty boys. lol! Mom isn’t the only one who makes that assumption about me. My friends also think I like pretty men, and I’ve never dated a pretty man! Ever! lol!
By kinderbabe
December 27, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this
nc you sound like me…that’s how my dad looks and that’s my mom’s type…lol. she goes for the billy dee, phillip michael thomas look, definitely not my type.
By SeanJohnson
December 27, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this
@NCATLIEN…yep church hook up…what was so funny…was that the females wasnt all sweet and innocent like moms thought..which is cool now..but when u are young it aint..one married a preacher..the other married a dude that is gay..well..had gay tendacies growing up…back to you and your taste..two light skin folks dating to me look more like brother and sister than a couple..opposites do attract
By JustMe
December 27, 2006 11:03 AM | Link to this
My mother always has and I suspect always will go for they type of man who is grounded in the church, gainfully employed and financially stable. Shoot I need to call her right now and be like
JM Mom, I’ve been thinking…. you have always been lucky in love, hook ya baby girl up with a real good man so I can settle down and get married.
Mom JustMe you know I tried to tell you about ya babdy’s daddy back in the day and you didn’t listen to me then, so why should I think you’ll listen to me now.
JM Mom, I know and you were soooooo right about him. I’ll lilsten this time and take all of your advice.
Mom OK, but this is my last ime doing this for you, you better get it right this time.
JM OK Mom, I Love You
Mom I Love you too.
two weeks later JustMe’s phone is ringing
JM Hello, Hey Mom.
Mom JM I have benn telling Sis. Harvey’s son all about you and he is dying to meet you. How much vacation time do you have available.
JM About 2 weeks sick and 9 days Annual. Why?
Mom that’s enough. Like I was saying,, I have been telling Sis Harvey’s son all about you and he bought you a plane ticket home for this weekend. Your flight # 197 leaves ATL at 7:54 PM and he will be waiting for you at the gate in Detroit.
JM OK mom, what dfoes he look like, girl don’t even worry about what he looks like, he is a good, God fearing Man and his last girlfriend had 8 Church kids and he took care of all of them til he caught her cheating. He’s a good man bay. I’ll cya real soon. Oh Yeah, there is a church social function this Saturday, so bring that pretty blue dress and a nice pair of shoes,, and baby, don’t bring none of those hoochie mama 4 inch heels you be wearing all the time.
JM OK Mama.
Friday Night I can not wait to see what he looks like, I hope is nice looking.
By dyoung
December 27, 2006 11:04 AM | Link to this
if your parents think the person your with is the wrong one, then listen and get rid of them
you know, i wouldnt be too keen on having one of my parents hook me up with someone, but i pretty much agree with this statement 100 percent. they’ve always been able to sense if someone wasnt right for me, or if they were secretly crazy and i just hadnt realized it yet
By NCgirlfromATL
December 27, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this
two light skin folks dating to me look more like brother and sister than a couple..opposites do attract
SJ I totally agree! A friend once told me that an athlete that I think is particularly handsome (and not light skinned, but not as dark as my friend), if he and I got together, we’d have see-through babies! LOLOLOL!!
kinder When my parents got married 40 years ago, light skinned was in. So, my very light, green-eyed dad was the shiznit back in the day. Well, he still is…lol. Ironically, the other qualities my mom would look for (generous, good heart, God-loving, athletic, crazy smart) are the same things I’d look for…just in a different package.
By Storm
December 27, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this
Good morning!
My folks just met my SO and so far, so good, but then, my SO confessed he was putting his best foot forward. LOL Oh, well. He was being honest. They found him quite mannerable, of course. My mother said he was very soft-spoken and NEEDS TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT! hahahaha We’ve both picked up a lil in the middle… he LOVES to cook and is very good at it and I LOVES to eat!
ON TOPIC: I probably should have allowed my folks to pick them out for me before, since I did a poor job, most of the time. THIS one - my mom has been praying that we will make it work and marry BEFORE she even met him! She said she hadn’t seen me this happy in a long time, maybe ever. SJ, I’m my daddy’s only girl of 4 and the baby and as old as I am, Daddy still insisted on meeting my SO and put a threat out there before he met him, saying, “My life is practically ova, so it would mean nothing to me to stab a ni@@a!” So don’t sweat getting sweated by the men who care for the ladies you date or are involved with. That’s what they do… they’re suppposed to! That’s how they help us sort out the BS from the real. BTW, my SO’s response: I have 3 daughters of my own. I understand. I will cut you long, deep and continuously!
By QC
December 27, 2006 11:44 AM | Link to this
Hey Storm
By Storm
December 27, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this
Hey QC!
By Jo
December 27, 2006 11:52 AM | Link to this
06, that is just cruel & mean-spirited, honey. That girl deserves to be treated like a human being no matter what she looks like. She may not look so hot on the outside but by dissing her the way you did, the only person you caused to look bad is you. Obviously your mom has a much bigger heart than you do. You SHOULD try to follow the Lord’s example & show compassion to unfortunates who’ve not been blessed. As to my own experiences, my mom once tried to set me up with a very cute guy. Turns out he was gay & not long after we found that out, he was diagnosed with & subsequently died of full-blown AIDS. I know parent-arranged matches are the norm in other cultures & amazingly, it seems to work out! There’s less divorce & cheating. The emphasis is less on fleeting physical attraction & more on building a life & a history together.
By Bold & Beautiful
December 27, 2006 11:58 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All, My oldest sister always trying to pick out the kind of guys she thinks is best for me. She says i like those pretty boys. I tell her all the time, i want to be able to look at him and say hmmmmmmmm, not dayum what have i gotten myself into. She married a man she was not into or attractive too at all over 20 years ago because all the guys she was interested in was not interested in her. Now she’s head over heels in love. I’m sorry, not my cup of tea.
By Pink Rose
December 27, 2006 12:27 PM | Link to this
^5 Jo that is sooo true and besides she could’ve thought he was’nt that attractive also!
By Jo
December 27, 2006 12:41 PM | Link to this
Pink Rose, you are probably right. I have noticed that most men with an attitude like that are either not attractive, nasty in their grooming and/or have a teeny-tiny p—-s, so they have to compensate the only way they know how. Sad…
By Storm
December 27, 2006 12:42 PM | Link to this
Jo,Notachance, so far, your experiences with parental match making are the most frightening! ew!
By Mister_Bazz
December 27, 2006 12:51 PM | Link to this
Morning blog
Hope everyone’s Christmas was good.
As far as the topic I really can’t comment because my father is a complete dog. Twenty two kids and I was the only one he raised. I will say that he taught me well in what he knew, I broke my share of hearts as part of maturing but I also spot BS and games really quickly. Thank’s Pops.
All in all I think most parents have a good sense of who’s wrong for you. So maybe your folks can’t pick em but if they don’t like them I’d listen.
By Storm
December 27, 2006 12:54 PM | Link to this
i want to be able to look at him and say hmmmmmmmm, not dayum what have i gotten myself into
I hear ya!
You know, I’ve never been hung up on looks… I’ve even dated some s c a r y lookin guys! LOL However, I’m not into pretty boys, either… although, I’ve had one or two of them, as well. sigh… shaking head while taking quick stroll down memory lane… sigh
By JustMe
December 27, 2006 12:54 PM | Link to this
Waaaayyyyyy Off topic
What do y’all think about James Brown’s Maybe wife being locked out of their home?
By Bold & Beautiful
December 27, 2006 01:07 PM | Link to this
@Storm, To me they are not pretty boys, but my sister think otherwise. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beside, i would rather date an average guy who treats me right, than a pretty boy who treats me like sh**. It’s not his looks, it has to be some kinda physical attraction.
By Storm
December 27, 2006 01:14 PM | Link to this
JustMe, she prolly right. They prolly do wanna cut her out the estate so they can have whatever’s left.
By becca
December 27, 2006 01:15 PM | Link to this
I bet my parents would pick a fantastic man for me. They were right about my last husband being wrong for me and so I’d give their choice some serious consideration.
By Jo
December 27, 2006 01:18 PM | Link to this
BB,, that’s exactly what makes a man more attractive to me, that he treats me right. Looks aren’t important to me, but I do insist on decent grooming. No one wants to be with someone who smells like they haven’t bathed in months. Just Me, I don’t know WHAT to think..I’d have to know what the legal arrangements had been between him & her. Uh, this is hella immature, but I find it so funny her last name is “Hinie”!
By Storm
December 27, 2006 01:18 PM | Link to this
B&B, I am in complete agreement - there HAS to be some kind of attraction, chemistry, something and, no, it’s not about looks, really. Easy on the eye is good, though. LOL Most importantly, as you stated, being ‘treated like the lady I deserve to be treated as’ (not my words, SO’s) is mos def what’s up!
By Pink Rose
December 27, 2006 01:19 PM | Link to this
Never liked the “pretty boy” type. Was she or was’nt she really married to JB? i heard she can’t even come the his funeral, that’s awful
By Storm
December 27, 2006 01:22 PM | Link to this
B&B, could your sister be hatn cause you get the kind of guys that she wanted, but wouldn’t give her the time of day? Or could she think of them as pretty compared to what she settled for? Just theorizing ova here.
By Storm
December 27, 2006 01:26 PM | Link to this
CAN’T COME TO THE FUNERAL??!! Dang, that’s jacked up! That’s just wrong!
By JustMe
December 27, 2006 01:46 PM | Link to this
I had a long convo with Augusta this morning abouth this very subject. How in the world can they lock her out and cut her out. If JB chose to be with this woman and give her his son, then she dayum shollle deserve to be kept status pro quo at minimum. God don’t like ugly and Karama is a B that always come back to c-bout cha!
By big man
December 27, 2006 01:48 PM | Link to this
absolutely horrible idea. well at least in some cases. but parents don’t always know best.
By JustMe
December 27, 2006 01:53 PM | Link to this
Big Man You right! Some parents need to come with disclaimers - LOL
By kinderbabe
December 27, 2006 01:58 PM | Link to this
what up qc, justme, storm, mister…e’er body lol
i think that it was fair to lock james brown’s woman out…she does have a house right down the street AND they aren’t married. it was necessary for legal reasons. they need to get the legalities straight first before anyone gets free roam of the house. ya know?
By SeanJohnson
December 27, 2006 02:26 PM | Link to this
@ JustMe…thats why everyone should have a will…JB have kids..plural…just because he is the youngest doenst mean he is entitled to any more than the grown azz first born…JB jr..
By abc
December 27, 2006 02:31 PM | Link to this
JB’s wife was still married to her previous husband when she married JB, due to procedural mixup in annullment of the previous marriage. The annullment got fixed, but it’s unknown whether or not she and JB remarried after that. She says she can prove they were married. Whatever… both side trying to scam the other, no doubt…
Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag NOW, yall! Yeah yeah, hey hey! I hope JB’s talking ‘bout I Feel Good!
By QC
December 27, 2006 02:35 PM | Link to this
What’s up kinderbabe I agree with you SJ about the will everyone needs one available…i have a living will my brother suggested it and i think it’s a good idea
By Storm
December 27, 2006 02:35 PM | Link to this
Sup kinder! You make a good point, but I suspect it’s about more than legalities if the woman is being banned from the funeral.
By Storm
December 27, 2006 02:38 PM | Link to this
You crazy, abc!
Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag NOW, yall! Yeah yeah, hey hey! I hope JB’s talking ‘bout I Feel Good! LMAO
By QC
December 27, 2006 02:38 PM | Link to this
Hey abc how ya been
By BOLD&BEAUTIFUL
December 27, 2006 02:48 PM | Link to this
@Storm, Well, she did settle for someone she was not at all interested in, but as time went on she learned to love him because of the way he treated her. The package definitely isn’t something worth writing home about, but he catered to her and her kids. She’s really looking out for my well being, she wants to see me happy and with someone who feels the same way i do. Girl….you are too see some of the knuckle heads she thinks is a match for me……no way, sista. She and i always bumping heads about this very subject, i tell her, i’m the one who has to live with him, not you.
By kinderbabe
December 27, 2006 02:51 PM | Link to this
i agree too w/the will comments. it’s so important to have!! i hope james brown had some type of will or this thing is going to be a hot mess!
storm you’re right, i think there’s more to it too. his acct and lawyer were extremely loyal to him from what i’ve read. they probably never liked ole girl in the first place. this is the perfect time for them to pull every technicality possible to keep her at bay…especially if they didn’t like her from the jump.
abc i read similar things about jb and his woman never remarrying due to the mixup. i know they married once but it was null and void since she was still married on paper to someone else. isn’t that messy in itself?? i’ll just keep reading to see what comes out next…lol
By Storm
December 27, 2006 03:30 PM | Link to this
Your sister is right to look out for you and be concerned about you, B&B. I don’t have a sister, so count your blessings. Personally, I tried to do what your sister did, but it didn’t work for so many reasons. Because it was conditional love that I had for him, when he failed to meet the conditions, it failed. Not his fault. I now know I MUST have unconditional love (love his dirty drawers)for me to be in it to win it… and I think I might have that now. sigh
By JustMe
December 27, 2006 04:01 PM | Link to this
Yeah that all the same info I have heard about *JB and his psrtner is how they are referring to her now….
At any rate, if her legal residence is elsewhere would be the only reason that she should be locked out.
The way I see it (not right but real), all of the bad things they could say about her might be, could be and may be true to some degree, but whatever that woman is and however her life is and was with the GODFATHER is what he wanted to deal with and his children, accountants, lawyers and no one else should Jack her in the game cause they don;t like her….. heck their Daddy loved her too. What about respecting a mans wishes once he’d dead and gone without everyone drawing daggers when the last breathe is gone!
By JustMe
December 27, 2006 04:03 PM | Link to this
Kinder, abc, QC, Storm, SJ What up my bleeps (blog peeps) LOL
By JustMe
December 27, 2006 04:04 PM | Link to this
Janet is jammin on Oprah!
By JustMe
December 27, 2006 04:05 PM | Link to this
Janet talking about the Superbowl to Oprah!
By Bold & Beautiful
December 27, 2006 04:12 PM | Link to this
@Storm, Yes, it worked in her favor, but, i’m with you, i don’t think i can do it. The less thing will turn me off. Did he know that the attraction wasn’t there for you?
By kinderbabe
December 27, 2006 04:20 PM | Link to this
hey justme i never thought i’d be countin down the hours to go to they gym…lol. my day has been that low key. i had the flu for a few days so i’m ready to get back into civilization.:)
By QC
December 27, 2006 04:23 PM | Link to this
What’s up JustMe i’m sitting here watching the clock, waiting on 5ive!!!
When is the Super Bowl? i’m going to need that Monday off i’m sure ;)
By kinderbabe
December 27, 2006 04:28 PM | Link to this
oops, i meant the gym. got a spin class at 7.:)
By JustMe
December 27, 2006 04:31 PM | Link to this
Kinder I hope you are felling better now.
QC T minus 30 and counting……… Hang in there girl!
By Akeem
December 27, 2006 04:33 PM | Link to this
I wasn’t really keen on the girl my parents picked out for me, so I went to America with my best friend Simi to find a bride. And I did. In Queens, which is part of your New York City. We have been married happily for many years now and have many children. But … I still have sex with my bathers.
By kinderbabe
December 27, 2006 04:37 PM | Link to this
thanks justme i think i’m almost fully recovered. by the weekend i’ll be 100%…i better be, my it’s my birthday weekend! ;)
By QC
December 27, 2006 04:48 PM | Link to this
Night all
By QC
December 27, 2006 04:50 PM | Link to this
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KINDERBABE
i’m off friday, enjoy your special delivery day
By JustMe
December 27, 2006 04:51 PM | Link to this
Happy B-day week(end) Kinder Yeah U betta be or it will suck to be U - LOL
By Becky
December 28, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this
Just had to “answer” this one. Not only did my mother (and future mother-in-law) set me and my husband up, we’ve now been married almost 14 years!! We were introduced at a mutual friends wedding (they’ve been married now about 16 years), and started dating shortly after that wedding.
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