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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2006 > September > 28
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Say Anything
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We have all heard that old saying “Women give sex to get love, whereas men give love to get sex�. I don’t know if this rings true more now than it did before. Being single in the “He’s (She’s) Just Not That Into You� era certainly places men and women on a different playing field in the dating game. Despite the latest dating self-help fad, and forgetting years of bad dating decisions, some women somehow disregard the fact that men can fake love and intimacy just as easily as we can fake the big O.
I have yet to see the “give sex to get love” thing work out. It always plays out like a bad romantic movie: Boy tells girl she’s The One, tosses out a bogus I love you, boy gets laid, then boy tells girl to hit the road (ok, he may ask her to make a sandwich or something first).
Women can’t just blame guys for this anymore because we are no victims. We need to learn how men really behave when they make the choice to be in a relationship and fall in love. Men seem to be a lot more pragmatic in how they proceed romantically with a woman. They generally tend to be pretty damn sure about how they feel before they put any type of investment in someone.
The good thing about men and their pragmatism with dating and falling in love is that they usually go full court press, once they are sure.. This is why they take their time making the choice to date, fall in love, and commit. They meticulously measure their options with “male” logic, reason, and careful assessment. Then there is that whole, forsake all others thing about relationships that can make some men a little twitchy. Actually, women aren’t always cool with that either.
I think more and more women are adopting this approach to dating. At least I hope we are! We need to reign in those romantic notions and get practical - just like the fellas. If we do, we can know how to spot the “say anything” guy. He is the type of guy that uses that “future talkâ€? stuff as a wooing technique.
Listen, if you and I met exactly seven days ago, you really have no idea how fabulous I really am. Yea, it’s cool that you see my representative as someone you want to wife up – it’s flattering, really. However, suggesting that you are ready to go ring shopping, repeatedly saying you want me to be your baby (retch), and promising me that you will take SUCH good care of me (after ONE week), honestly makes you appear a bit nuts. After you have seen all my flaws and imperfections, I would feel a lot better about your staying power.
Ladies, do you find that men will say anything, feeding you a fantasy in the very early stages? Do you ever find yourself playing along because it just sounds so delightful? How do we prevent ourselves from becoming jaded when we have these characters hyping up a fantasy, only to disappoint later?
Guys, what kind of advice can you give women on how to handle those “say anything� men that we meet?
Have you met women who use “say anything” wooing techniques on you? The type of woman that pretends she is cool with you dating other people, but she is really thinking of how to get rid of any competition. How do you know if she is saying anything to convince you that she is dating you on your terms but has her own hidden agenda?
Showing/expressing your interest or feelings too early in dating can be a red flag to me, but am I just cynical?
Permalink | Comments (280) | Categories: Dating
