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Misadventures in Atlanta

Who is Blanca?

In the 12 years since her parents allowed her first date, Blanca has dated, and dated, and dated. And she's single, tired, but not completely without hope.

Who is Wise Diva?

A 34 year-old transplant to metro Atlanta who has found her dating experience here quite entertaining...

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By Wise Diva | Tuesday, September 26, 2006, 08:00 AM

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Ok so money is not exactly the most romantic subject but the fact is, money matters a lot in dating. Even in the early stages of dating, it is the silent, third partner that is hanging out with you two. Money can be a tricky thing on the dating scene.

I have dated Mr. Money before and honestly there were many times we never agreed on money matters. He was very smart with money, financially secure, and a saver and I was a spoiled Daddy’s girl who loved to spend and get pampered (oh how I miss those days). We had vastly different upbringings and that meant we were diametrically opposed when it came to finances - and boy did it show. All he talked about was money and how he refused to be poor again - which was understandable and admirable even. However, when it came to my views on money, he felt that he knew more, he made more, and he had the most power. I learned a lot about dating and money while I was dating…Mr. Money.

I do feel that it is important to not see money as a challenge in dating, though. Practically speaking, it is just something we should be mindful of. It is important to find out whether you see eye to eye on financial matters when dating, but when do you bring it up?

What happens when you are a fan of valet parking but you are dating someone that refuses to pay to park? Or what if you cut coupons and your date is embarrassed when you pull them out? Can it really work? Can your opposing beliefs regarding money issues co-exist?

Are there ways to tell if you are financially compatible when you are just dating?

Permalink | Comments (293) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating

Comments

By Prince Charming

September 26, 2006 08:47 AM | Link to this

In dating it is not too important to see eye to eye in money management, but if it turns into a relationship then it becomes very important. I think it is something that doesn’t have to be “bought up” during the dating stages, you will just see how each other deals with it.

For me, I agree with the guy Wise Diva dated. I have been in very bad financial situations and I refuse to go back. I am not cheap with money but I am not frivolous either. My woman will be pampered and treated well but as an adult she should realize we can not have everything we want. As adults we have responsibilities and have to stay within a budget. There will be occasions when we splurge and the budget goes out the window, but realize sacrifices will have to be made eventually. My daughter on the other hand is a child and she should be (and is) spoiled rotten.

I have been told that most women don’t care about eating out with coupons. I have never done that but if so, I would not let her know I did it. Sometimes you can tell if you are financially compatible while dating by the little things. IE, the types of places you go, the activities you do, coupon eating, valet parking, etc.

By Just plain tired

September 26, 2006 09:02 AM | Link to this

I think you become incompatible when you are with someone that has to keep up with the Joneses - someone who defines themselves by what the neighbor has.

Coupons are not a big deal to me- saving someone a little cash. If someone is embarrassed by using coupons then I have to wonder about that person. Do they have an image to uphold or what.

By ImAPeach404

September 26, 2006 09:02 AM | Link to this

MORNIN’

Ironic topic - I have a new friend, and the first day I met him, he told me his situation. Situation = im broke right now. There was something about him that I liked and I gave him my number and I was very anxious for him to call.

I dont make six figures, but I do make a lot more money than him. This doesnt really bother me as much as the fact that he doesn’t have a bank account. I’ve said before this is one of my hang ups when it comes to grown men. We’ve been talking since July, and I’ve already asked him does he have an account, and he states he wants to open one… when I don’t know. I want to bring it up again w/out sounding like his mom, but I’ll let it be for now.

Money matters and sex are the cause of some of the biggest arguments in relationships. Thus far, I haven’t had any problems with either, its always been something else.

I look fwd to everyones responses

By QC

September 26, 2006 09:03 AM | Link to this

Morning, i don’t like discussing money while dating someone especially if we’re not serious, money is never an issue with me any way…..get some rest Falcons better luck next time….so, did anyone besides me see PRISON BREAK last night? oh my goodness!!!! have a great day people i’ll chime in later :)

By gavi1126

September 26, 2006 09:04 AM | Link to this

Good morning It can Work!! Its not that serious.

By Les DemiGod

September 26, 2006 09:17 AM | Link to this

Some look a like Mose has parted the Red Sea

Having money is a good thing…but some men and women…Need to learn how to balance their God given powers out…

By Thick

September 26, 2006 09:25 AM | Link to this

Good Morning This is what I love about just dating. I don’t have to share my money matters with a dating partner; money is not an issue at hand. And although I have begun to clip coupons and actually use them, be a consistent investor, and pay off debt; I am still the spoiled girl who likes to do whatever she wants with her money. Sigh, shoot just thinking about shopping makes me excited!
Have one of those PPP Tuesdays, you know like Jewel says Positive, Powerful & Productive.

By MusingLee

September 26, 2006 09:26 AM | Link to this

Morn’in All,

Money should not be an issue while we are dating…Don’t ask, don’t tell!LOL…If I’m being frugal this week, I’m taking you to the park with ham sandwiches…If I’m feeling generous I’ll let you hit the Applebee’s…If I’m ball’in next week, we’ll scope out the City Grill…LOL…hahahahaha

By Sexione

September 26, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this

‘Morning All

I’ll never forget this one guy from several years ago…….every time we went out to eat (and these were reasonably priced places), he had to “discuss” the bill with the mgr. After noticing that, I thought, damn, if you can’t afford to go out, then don’t try. It’s not like I was asking for that (or anything else from him). That was very funny.

By ImAPeach404

September 26, 2006 09:30 AM | Link to this

Someone brought up the coupon thing on here once before, and I presented to the woman in my office. I asked “IF a guy used a coupon on your first date, would you go wout with them again?” It was strange, all the females that were married or in a relationship were like “Oh hell naw, I would never date him again!”, but all the single women were like “oh, thats cool. I wouldnt mind”

Once girl went as far as to say she would rather have him pay full price at Zaxbys than eat with a coupon at Emerils!

ps - GO FALCONS!!!!!!

By Thick

September 26, 2006 09:36 AM | Link to this

Happy to see the Saints win but the Falcons will be kicking butt from now on!

By C tha 1

September 26, 2006 09:37 AM | Link to this

Money, money, money … seems like the bane of my existance. Although I’m not where I used to be I’m certainly not Daddy Warbucks either. Sometimes when I read this blog, I have to laugh to myself because I’ve literally had to pull myself by my own bootstraps to get to where I am.

Honestly, I had to teach myself on proper financial management and sometimes women don’t want to hear the sh*t. Especially, if she is attractive and used to being spoiled by her parents and every boyfriend she ever had. From my experiences I’ve found out that the next person I get serious with has to have a firm understanding of the true concept of work and saving. True you can’t take money with you, but you can give it to your kids, which I plan to do with mine when I have them.

By Blue_Kolla

September 26, 2006 09:40 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blog

Prince As usual you laid it down. And might I add that any female that thinks it ok for you to wantonly burn up your stash in order to satisfy her own selfish delights, does not have your best interest at heart, and therefore, is not worthy of you or your time. Pull a Whoudini on that broad…

This is written from a male’s point of view so females, insert masculine nouns/pronouns where needed.

By ImAPeach404

September 26, 2006 09:40 AM | Link to this

True Story

First date, dude wanted to go play pool. So, I suggested Dave & Busters. He was like “Cool, I’ve never been there before”. When we walk in the door, he looks around and says “Man, this place looks expensive…”

I was like “…Lets go”

By MusingLee

September 26, 2006 09:41 AM | Link to this

Now slamming large coupon book onto office desk…Trying to find a Popeyes coupon for lunch

By QC

September 26, 2006 09:42 AM | Link to this

Hey Gavi have a great day!

By Blue_Kolla

September 26, 2006 09:45 AM | Link to this

404 all the females that were married or in a relationship were like “Oh hell naw, I would never date him again!”, but all the single women were like “oh, thats cool. I wouldnt mind”

Yeah that sounds strange alright… Sounds like either some bullshyttin’ or some bratty married broads if you ask me. So what is your reasoning as to why?

By Hot Sauce

September 26, 2006 09:46 AM | Link to this

Morning, money, money, money; i make it, i spend it on whatever/whomever - if you take me out and your funds are low don’t worry about it gotcha back Prison Break girl it was off da chain last night! I can’t wait to see how in the h3ll they gone get out of the mess there in now, and i knew that young dude was gonna tell on them. Any way have a nice day bloggers, hello Musing “Dem Sauces” still in class but sends there love to you!

By Kym aka Ride or Die Steelers Fan!!

September 26, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

I never ever ever get into money discussions with someone I am just dating casual or otherwise. What is mine is mine, and what is his is his. An there is no point in talking about it. If we go out we go Dutch. If I feel like treating then I will, if he feels like treating then he can. Money is a discussion to have with someone when you are considering a committed relationship ..living together or marriage. Otherwise it is really not the other persons concern.

By Bre'

September 26, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this

Good Morning to all….

Imapeach you are so right the major reason why people break up is sex and money. Gosh how I wish it was not true.

When hanging out I never ever want to discuss money with a man. I know in the south its a little bit more hush than NYC when it comes to money questions. Here people determine alot from outside things…where you live(city or boroughs), job title, clothes/hand bags, summer house(hamptons vs jersey shore) roommates or not, and even what lounges or clubs you go to. Here its a more in your face if you have or have not; not as bad as California but its getting there. Men have tried to determine how much I make based on how many vacations I go on in a year. I know I do better than the average person and that is a blessing. But when it comes to dating I try not to let it hinder. However it seems to always come up. I had a cop on the five finger rotation this summer and he was stuck on the fact that “he assumed” I made more than him and he would not be able to keep up with me. That’s on him. I never flaunt or bring up finances. What I have is mine a brotha can either deal or keep it moving. What gets me is the men that think that just because a sista’s make more than him she should take care of the bill most of the time or treat him. Simply if you have Ford Focus Funds don’t go buy a BMW and expect someone else to put gas in it.

By Les DemiGod

September 26, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this

off topic from columists Leonard Pitt Jr. out of Miami, Fl

new black/white doll test…We’ve spent 387 years in this country trying to get white folks to love us. Might help if we first learned to love ourselves.

Amen said while throwing dolls in the trash

The new doll test a short film conducted by a high school student from New York.

www.uthtv.com/umedia/collection/2052/.

By Kym aka Ride or Die Steelers Fan!!

September 26, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this

Now Fakecons fans you knew I was not going to let the day just go by without saying anything about last nights little fixer upper.

Top Ten Reasons the Fakecons lost on Monday night.

Bad Gumbo

Someone spike all the Gatorade with Hurricanes.

“See what happens when you don’t go to Mass/Church on Sunday.”

Vick was confused and thought he was Peyton Manning.

Creamy butter sauce from Emeril’s was on the football.

Looks like someone made a deal with the men in shiny suits.

Oh…we are playing NFL football! We thought it was a the Bayou Classic.

Voodoo

Someone put itching powder in the all the Fakecons jock straps.

FEMA!!**

By Hot Sauce

September 26, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this

Anyone planning on going to Tampa Bay in December when the Falcons play; I found out AirTran has round trip tickets for only $80

Information was given to me by an Atlanta Falcons VIP

By Hot Sauce

September 26, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this

Musing anytime you’re out this way and want to get some Popeye’s Chicken sweetie just come see us cause we don’t need coupons to get discounts, so as long as you’re with us it’s all good

By aggressively witty

September 26, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this

Funny topic. This was a HUGE issue for MWP and I when we initially started “dating” the chorus that she LOVED to sing was that I was stingy. This was by in large because i would not do “save a broad” stuff like buy her and all her girlfriends meals, or pay for everyone to go bowling. That is just not the cut of my jib, and she was used to being with dudes who either made money illegally so spending it was no big deal, or whose parents laced them up with dough so again spending it was no big deal. I really do think that because she has a pretty face she was used to dudes just doing any and everything she asked. The fact that I did not compromise my integrity just to get her probably increased my stock in her eyes. As time went on and I realized that she was indeed the LOML I started to become freer with my spending. I am still money conscience and I still have to check her on occassion about her spending habits, but it is not NEARLY as bad as it used to be. Much like Wise, this broad grew up like 34 day old milk so much of the blame on her sense of entitlement falls on her parents.

By Blue_Kolla

September 26, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this

Rhetorical Question: Why do chicks ALWAYS ask, “So what do you do?”

I’m always thinking, “Noneya fuggin’ business. Plus… you wouldn’t know if I told you.”

By crimson esq.

September 26, 2006 10:02 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone

What happens when you are a fan of valet parking but you are dating someone that refuses to pay to park?

it’s not valet parking so much as it’s a parking garage near the venue but it depends on the situation.. if it’s freezing outside.. or storming I have no problems pulling out my wallet to pay for a close parking garage if he won’t… or if there’s a concert.. I don’t want to walk close to a mile to save a few dollars..otherwise I don’t mind the walk…

Or what if you cut coupons and your date is embarrassed when you pull them out?

I don’t clip coupons..if I can’t afford to go to a restaurant then I simply won’t go..it isn’t even about being embarassed… there’s just something odd about having an option to pull a coupon out in a restaurant…those restaurants that typically have “coupons” bring something to scratch your head about..how fresh are the products that they use in order to have a buy one entree get one free option?? food for thought.. if it’s that cheap then I guarantee you that the quality isn’t that great..(and I’m all for good health and gracious living) it would be a lot cheaper to purchase some groceries and cook a quick meal.. as for grocery stores.. I look for sales..

Can it really work? Can your opposing beliefs regarding money issues co-exist?

here’s an example…

let’s say someone (male or female) buys a S class.. 7 series BMW..or a Phaeton.. has the best style in clothing that you can imagine… rents a 1 BR loft on Peachtree…has bills coming left and right due to his or her extravagant lifestyle… what does that tell you about their financial responsibility??

or someone that drives a Honda…Jetta..or Corolla.. owns a nice modest home..dresses well but isn’t concerned about labels..pays bills on time…what does that tell you about their financial responsibility??

I can tell you right now that the person in the first example would clash with me from day 1… I’m all for fine living ..but that isn’t it and I honestly believe that emotional stability plays a huge role in financial irresponsibility..

If two people have fundamental differences about the way to spend money then they will clash the moment that they choose to co-exist with one another.. and quite frankly.. I’d much rather know that someone is on my team in regards to how we spend money together.. rather than having to train someone to be financially responsible.. I reserve that for my clients and unborn children…

By MusingLee

September 26, 2006 10:02 AM | Link to this

I’ll keep that in mind Hot Sauce…LOL…off to my meeting!!!

By Les DemiGod

September 26, 2006 10:03 AM | Link to this

So, I suggested Dave & Busters. He was like “Cool, I’ve never been there before”.

Red Flag number one!

By Darkbuty

September 26, 2006 10:04 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone!!

I think your philosophy on money is critical to the success of a relationship. I could care less about a coupon…heck the little kids at church hit me up all the time for these entertainment books so I have to use the coupons somewhere. My current BF makes good money…but you wouldn’t know it by his spending habits…only by his assets. He’s very critical and observant of money matters so it’s a good thing that I’m frugal as well.

I know it’s one of his worst nightmares to marry someone who doesn’t share his philosophy on money….I think it boils down to love and respect within a relationship. You just don’t blatantly ignore someone’s opinions/ideas and do what you feel…(meaning..you just can’t go run up all the credit cards because you wanted to go shopping). I think that’s disrespectful. I would be mad if my man went and bought an expensive car and golf clubs without consulting me and I would expect him to feel the same way if I did the same thing….Now, of course we’re talking marriage and not just dating.

By Ms. Thick

September 26, 2006 10:07 AM | Link to this

^5 Bre’ you made some good points in your 9:48 a.m. post, so true, so true.

By SeanJohnson

September 26, 2006 10:11 AM | Link to this

Wassup Blog…money plays a very important part in dating these days…a female get major points if we are eye to eye when it comes to how to be smart when spending money when we date..

@ Ctha1…i am feeling your post..thats how i am right now…i have ran across too many females that want to blow or save or invest their money and expect for you spend your money dating them.

By Bre'

September 26, 2006 10:14 AM | Link to this

BK SO very true….My response to the question in regards to what do I do, I say I’m a secretary or I don’t work. That is usually the easy road to go in my situation.

By abc

September 26, 2006 10:17 AM | Link to this

Money is nothing more than means to an end, but differences in philosophy as regards money are insurmountable! If they’re too thrifty for you, you’ll call it cheap, so ditch ‘em. If they’re too free-spending for you, you’ll call it spoiled, ditch ‘em.

By aggressively witty

September 26, 2006 10:18 AM | Link to this

I dont understand what the big deal is about someone asking you what it is you do for a living? To me that is a natural part of the “getting to know you” process. It leads to other questions they can ask like…

Where did you go to school? and then that can lead to even more shared interest/topics of conversation.

Unless you a muhfugging spy or a rocket scientist why get offended if someone ask?

By Hot Sauce

September 26, 2006 10:19 AM | Link to this

Kym your list is cute and some of that maybe be true; i’m sure the Falcons will get even in November

By Chink

September 26, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this

Mornin

Do not need someone to pay for me but you should be able to pay for yourself…

My ideal relationship is no worries about money and we do whatever, whenever. We make it work. No matter how much we have.

Why do guys always think woman are after money?

When I see plenty of woman supporting them…..

By Les DemiGod

September 26, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

Blue_Kolla Hell I am still trying to find out what I do…

By crimson esq.

September 26, 2006 10:26 AM | Link to this

I dont understand what the big deal is about someone asking you what it is you do for a living?

@ AW I agree.. I don’t think that means that a person is sizing you up.. (though that may be some people’s intent)…it’s more of a getting to know you thing for me.. and if you’re hesitant to disclose that.. then what does it say about you? trust issues perhaps?

By kinderbabe

September 26, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

agg witty makes sense. i don’t see what the big deal is either. asking what someone does is just a conversation starter for most people. i never feel offended or that someone is asking t.m.i. if asking what i do. it’s not like i work for the c.i.a. or anything…lol

By Prince Charming

September 26, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

Sup to all the blog-brothas! It is funny the things a married woman says she would not do as opposed to a single woman. I bet the married woman put up with a helluva lot more to get her man! Am I cheap if we have lunch at Taco Bell but dinner at Bone’s? A lot of times with men, it’s not about spending/having the money. Its about how the female feels/acts/talks about you with her girlfriends if you are not up to “her level” the you “ain’t no good” I think this is where the money problems come in.

@ Peach, You know you are my girl so I have to help you out with this one. A grown man should have a bank account, period. Now there are situations that enable someone from getting a bank account, too many bounce checks previously, etc. Don’t make it your issue, let him handle his financial business his way. As long as he is treating you right and not asking you for money, it’s al good. Just keep your eyes open too see why he is in that situation, how he got there and what he is doing to get himself on the right track.

@ Bre, The south, at least Atlanta is far more materialistic than you think. What you described from New York is true. I know fo’ sho’ cuz I am from New York and I go back regularly. Atlanta is almost identical depending on the circles you run in.

@ Blue, Man before I met my current lady, I can not begin to tell you how females would size me up financially before determining if I was a good enough candidate to go out with. A lot of times I would slum it just to see the difference and it was amazing. Don’t believe me? Go out to any restaurant bummy and see how you are treated. Then go back there in a suit and see the difference, especially from the ladies. You made a great point.

By crimson esq.

September 26, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

btw back on that valet example earlier.. I have no problems driving my car either… lol

By C tha 1

September 26, 2006 10:30 AM | Link to this

Question for the ladies:

Why do some attractive women have a since of entitlement?

By Darkb

September 26, 2006 10:32 AM | Link to this

I find that alot of guys are asking what you do for a living….and people are trying to size you up when they ask that question upon first meeting you. My BF and I were out at an event and we were seated a table with another couple. The older gentleman stated what he did for living (no one asked him) and told us what his SO did…We just politely smiled….so then he asked what we did. Well, after my BF stated his profession and I told them mine…his eyes opened up and was like well that’s really good! Well, what makes that so good unless you were trying to evaluate us for our worthiness….I don’t know…it’s just a pet peeve of mine…I hate it when people ask me what I do upon first meeting me…

By Wise Diva

September 26, 2006 10:34 AM | Link to this

Good Morning!

Prince Charming, so are you saying you would approach a female who is dressed bummy?

I don’t think women are wrong for looking at a man that appears to be “pulled together” - if he is an azzhat, it will eventually be revealed - so dressed nicely or not, women who are seeking men with character really want to know you have good hygiene and put some work in your appearance. I don’t think that always means she is looking for Mr. Money, though.

By Sexione

September 26, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this

Yes Kym, your list MUST be true….WTF??

Anywho…..back on topic.

I’ve never understood why when initially meeting someone any man or woman would want to flaunt whatever it is you may be blessed to have. I learned at a very early age that 99% of the time, the very people who are “shwoing off” are the ones who really don’t have ish. The really “financially blessed” are the ones that you would not necessarily be able to look at and tell it.

By aggressively witty

September 26, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this

Atlanta is almost identical depending on the circles you run in.

Thats cause 64.59% of atlantas are from NY, Chi, or DC

By crimson esq.

September 26, 2006 10:37 AM | Link to this

@ Peach I thought I responded to you but I forgot to hit enter lol.. there’s something seriously wrong with a grown man or woman not having a bank account.. it says a lot about his or her financial responsibility.. 9 out of 10 there’s a back story there.. and I can almost guarantee you that it has something to do with writing bad checks in the past…he probably doesn’t have a bank account because he can’t open one…

By Bre'

September 26, 2006 10:39 AM | Link to this

AggWit/Crims….its not that there is a problem saying what I do as to trying to exlpain it. Only way somone will understand what I do is if there are in Finance when I say I sit all day working on EBITDA for companies all over the world ranging from gas processing, cargo planes, nonwovens to organic beef for a Distressed Debt Firm….Unless you are in front of a computer and can google it you have no clue as to what I do. Why waste an hour trying to explain it to someone who is going to forget it or never comprehend it. That’s my reasoning….at the end of the day I have a JOB….

By Ms. Thick

September 26, 2006 10:39 AM | Link to this

A man can ask me what I do for a living I don’t mind at all. To me that is not discussing finances. Discussing finances is talking about how much I make what exactly do I own, etc. Much of this you will eventually learn if you continue dating someone. What I do not understand is why some people don’t see money management on individual terms before they want to be in a relationship. I love being in control of the money I spend, but I know once I settle down that will change to some degree. What’s important now though is that I learn some fundamentals on how to save, invest, and when purchasing, reap the most out of my purchases. So that just in case I do get into a serious relationship or get married I want enter therein empty handed. Nobody wants a companion who can’t bring anything to the table.

By crimson esq.

September 26, 2006 10:43 AM | Link to this

@ 2 the same reason that some attractive men do.. they aren’t used to the word.. NO.. .somebody.. or a few cats spent time putting them on pedestals and created a belief within them that they are deserving of any and everything no matter how ridiculous it is.. it starts at home… and it’s unfortunate that good men and women spend time trying to reconstruct a person’s inflated ego.. I’m too old for that now…so I find better uses of my time than trying to teach life lessons of the id to grown folks…

By Darkb

September 26, 2006 10:43 AM | Link to this

C tha 1 Interesting question…

I think that all women should feel as though they are entitled to certain things…honesty, respect, and the pursuit of happiness…LOL. But on a serious note, I think the entitlement comes with your past experiences If every guy you dated paid to get your hair done, your nails done, and paid for every meal….that’s what they think is the norm…at least for them. And there are plenty of guys out there that would oblige.

I’m not talking from personal experience…just giving my 2 cents

By danielle

September 26, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

At this point in our lives money is not a problem. My husband and I have different views of money … he’s the spender and I’m the saver. I (we) have a pretty nice nest egg saved and will borrow from him before I touch our savings.** If we were to lose our money due to a financial setback of no fault of our own, I think I would be okay (maybe a little sad/disappointed) but that’s life.

However if he (or I) started making bad decisions with the money to the detriment of our family (loss of houses, cars, jobs, integrity, or loyalty to each other) because the money was squandered to support a bad habit, affair, sport/recreation or sheer laziness that would be a BIG problem.

By Laney

September 26, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

ahh, y’all know how I feel about this topic, I harp on it all the time…

I don’t care how much money you make, guys, honestly I don’t. I would prefer to date a man who can take care of himself but if a gentleman has a great personality and is a great date the money doesn’t matter to me.

THAT SAID, I do make a good salary and I like to enjoy myself once in a while. I’m not saying that I have to go to Ruth’s Chris every single time we go to dinner, but once in a while, like once a month, maybe, I do want to go somewhere a little nicer than the bar down the street that serves burgers. I would like a guy who could make that happen — and I’m not saying pay for me, just be able to pay his own way and not cringe about it. I think that’s my “dateable or not?” limit, from here on out.

Also, tipping is HUGE to me. It represents generosity and thoughtfulness, and I won’t date a guy who is disrespectful to the people who serve him.

By crimson esq.

September 26, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

@ Bre easy solution.. I work in the finance industry and I’m not a secretary lol…

By kinderbabe

September 26, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

c that 1 i think that some attractive women have a sense of entitlement b/c our society dictates that attractiveness is HIGHLY valued. actually, it’s more like, that’s all that really matters. sad to say, that we live in a pretty shallow time. beauty is considered to be worth top dollar. turn on your tv for 5 minutes, you’ll know what i’m talking about. i think the same applies for men. attractive men feel like they’re entitled as well. our society has put an extremely high value on physical attraction, so some of those people who fit the bill expect others who want them to “pay.”

By Chink

September 26, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

Sexion

I agree with you

learned at a very early age that 99% of the time, the very people who are “shwoing off” are the ones who really don’t have ish. The really “financially blessed” are the ones that you would not necessarily be able to look at and tell it

I always say if I was broke no one would know except me same goes if I was rich ….

I hear so many people always complaining about what they don’t have and honestly you won’t because you so busy complaining about it….

By ImAPeach404

September 26, 2006 10:49 AM | Link to this

Blue I was one of the single girls saying I wouldn’t mind. I couldn’t really put my finger on it outside of the fact that the females in the relationships have become “spoiled” and don’t remember what its like to not always have a date. I feel like they have become comfortable in their situation and may not appreciate a man going out of his way to make sure you have a nice time.

Hell, I don’t know!

if you have Ford Focus Funds don’t go buy a BMW and expect someone else to put gas in it. Too cute Bre

Demi… you’re right about that Red Flag! I never thought about that :)

I think a good way to balance money out in dating is if one person pays for the event, the other person can pay for the extras like parking and tips.

Fellas… have any of you moved here from another city and find that women in Atlanta really expect you to spend, have a nice ride and be a baller? I always here men say “Women in Atlanta…” but I wonder what women are like in other cities.

GO FALCONS!!!!!

By Kym aka Ride or Die Steelers Fan!!

September 26, 2006 10:49 AM | Link to this

I agree with Prince Atlanta has become extremely materalistic. Men size women up as well based on your car, your job, etc..

I dont mind someone asking me what I do for a living..now asking me my church home will get u a stare.

By kinderbabe

September 26, 2006 10:50 AM | Link to this

laney good points. i feel you on the tipping…it does show thoughtfulness and consideration which are essential parts of any good relationship.

By MsUnderstood

September 26, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

Heeey EeerryBoodddy!!! Money is a big issue when it comes to dating. let me just tell yall what happen to me. I met this guy and we had been kicking for a few weeks when his car broke down. Ok so being that his car was his only transportation a sista helped him out. I took him home from work for a week. He found out that his car repairs were 1200.00 right. O. k he got his car fix but money was real tight for him, so on two occassion he had to borrow money; the 1st time he gave it right back but damm the 2nd time i had to dam near act a bi—- to get it back. Anyway after all this was said and done, my car broke down and when i call this nig— to have him to pick me up and take me to work he didn’t come through. he waited and call me at the last mintue talkin bout do i still need a ride yall i was mad as hell, he was acting nonchalant when he saw me anyway he friend end up taking me home from work and he was looking stupid. Have yo s** together before trying to holla at someone oh yeah he didn’t have a bank account and come to find out he ball with the majority of his money so money is important in arelationship if u boke don’t come my way.

By aggressively witty

September 26, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

Bre, I get what you are saying but mayhaps the one true love will ask you what you do, you will say what it is you do they will completely get it, or even if they dont get it completely have some clue and be genuinely interested in hearing MORE about where you spend at least 8 of your waking hours in the course of the day.

By abc

September 26, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this

Okay then, a question for everyone on the blog: what do you do?

By Pop tarts

September 26, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this

@ Blue and Les, men ask that same question too. There are alot of gold diggin men out there too. What do you call a man who is out there for men who seek out women just for selfish financial gain?

By abc

September 26, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this

…and, how much do you make?

By Chink

September 26, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this

Kinderbabe

our society has put an extremely high value on physical attraction, so some of those people who fit the bill expect others who want them to “pay.”

you are soo right…

By Kym aka Ride or Die Steelers Fan!!

September 26, 2006 11:00 AM | Link to this

I agree with whoever said it is the influx of other people from different cities. I grew up in Atlanta, and I guess now I am considered country or simple which is cool with me. Give me the smell of a paid for car over a ride I cant afford and have to struggle with any day. I am not to proud to eat with a coupon or go to the grocery store and whip something up at home(its cheaper).

By Blue_Kolla

September 26, 2006 11:01 AM | Link to this

SeanJ too many females that want to blow or save or invest their money and expect for you spend your money dating them.

Agg/Crim/Kinder/Erybody else This is my thing, if you want to know, lead off with your own info and then ask me to reciprocate… but don’t be asking me a bunch of questions when you’re not volunteering your own info. That’s me. I simply don’t like to be under anyone’s microscope.

Prince Go out to any restaurant bummy and see how you are treated. Then go back there in a suit and see the difference, especially from the ladies.

Man I pointed this fact out on this blog a long time ago and the females here acted as if I had crashed their office still holding the gun and the money sack.

By Bre'

September 26, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

AGGWit Ohhh my gosh how I wish it was only 8 hours a day…now you got me daydreaming about 8 hour work days. Yeah or maybe he will never ask…just be thankful I’m holding up my own.

I was home in Atl in June…I see there is a huge influence on tangible things. Gosh the good ol days are really gone. Can you imagine what this world is going to be like in 20 to 30 years from now?

By Thick

September 26, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

I like those points your making Laney.

I think how you handle your finances is your own personal choice, someone said earlier “don’t ask, don’t tell”. But how you spend your money expresses a great deal about your personality, whether you are capable of (financial) spontonatiety,do you use coupons when going to the grocery store, can you prioritize your spending, do you have good research skills in making large purchases so that you get the best for your money, you know checking for the 60” screen HDTV on sale.

By Wise Diva

September 26, 2006 11:06 AM | Link to this

My friend sent me this little test - the Love vs Money quiz. I made a 55.

By kinderbabe

September 26, 2006 11:07 AM | Link to this

chink thanks for feeling me on that. i think that a lot of men and women feel like there’s a cost involved in wanting to get w/them. i found it hilarious when i discovered here in atlanta how a lot of men want to be “dated.” in other words, b/c they think they’re fine, in good shape or whatever, that i should be jumping through hoops to be w/them…lol. i figure between the societal value on attractiveness and the essence magazines stats constantly reminding us of the man “shortage” these negroes feel like you should pay for them. and the women, that’s a whole nother story…the videos tell it ALL!!! you know a fine woman definitely feels like a brotha should pay. what do you think?

By Lah Lah

September 26, 2006 11:07 AM | Link to this

Hey ya’ll.

kym your top ten had me silently snickering over here. Too funny.

Why do some attractive women have a since of entitlement?

Hey C All attractive women don’t feel like they are entitled to your ends. Why would you think that?

Hey I remember being really really young and I was at the Inman Park train station with my granny. I know that was the train station because I lived in the apartments directly infront of it for a long time after we moved to Atlanta. Anyway, she was singing the song, ain’t nothing going on but the rent, you got to have a J.O.B. if you wanna be with me. Anyway, even as a child, I knew the song well and started singing along with her. Then she started laughing and asked Ms. L cause that’s what she calls me to this day what you know about that song? This topic just reminded me of that….

Anywho…. in dating, I do think being financially compatible matters. Although you aren’t sharing bills and living expenses, you are going out and spending money on one another. If you have two people that view money differently even that won’t work.

If she likes to fine dine and he prefers to grab a burger on the way to the crib, someone won’t be happy at the end of the night. If she likes to sip on top shelf martini’s @ The W and he prefers to “get right” with the stash in his trunk, someone is going to end up feeling cheated. If she likes to take vacations quarterly and he would rather stack up his money for a rainy day eventually they will bunt heads.

But on the other hand, that could also be a opportunity for one person to teach the other.

In my case, I love to valet, travel, fine dine, attend wine tastings and go to the spa, ooooh and I love to shop. However, I only endulge in these things when my budget permits. So I could definitly understand if a guy that I was seeing had to keep a tight budget. Wouldn’t nessesarily be my preference but I would understand and would be able to adjust accordingly.
I really could I would just know what not to expect and make the desicion to roll with it or step.

But if I really liked a guy, all that probably wouldn’t even matter.

By Just plain tired

September 26, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this

@Kym, It is not just Atlanta but all over. That is what television is sending out - more bling, more money, bigger houses, flasher lifestyle. I think ATL promotes this “hip hop” image more than other cities, especially with that theme song. People have to keep up with the Joneses. No one wants to live within their means anymore. Shoot, people on welfare act as if they are making six figures.

By Lah Lah

September 26, 2006 11:11 AM | Link to this

Blue sometimes people ask what you do for a living to generate conversation. It’s not always to find out how much you make.

abc ain’t nobody entertaining that question on the blog.

Oh and I will say this, if I’m just dating you it shouldn’t be any of my business if you have a bank account or not but since I’m done with the casual dating and going forward I plan to “date with a purpose” your financial business is to a certain degree my business.

By kinderbabe

September 26, 2006 11:11 AM | Link to this

blue kolla i understand what you’re saying. no one wants to feel like they’re under investigation or being interviewed. i am a very open person regarding conversation and would initiate questions by giving my own answers first,that way it would feel like more natural, not like i’m trying to juice a brotha for info. it’s all in the way it’s done. you know how the old saying goes, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it….

By Wise Diva

September 26, 2006 11:12 AM | Link to this

oh, also Prince Charming and your co-signing partner Blue_Kolla - we all know that same little experiment could be applied to a woman who comes in a place in a “fat suit” and comes back without - totally different treatment, but PLEASE, don’t let me start us talking about women’s sizes again, I promise, I am just making a point for the sake of discussion! LOL (hush, runningatl)

By Ms. Thick

September 26, 2006 11:13 AM | Link to this

Thanks for the test Wise Diva, I’m going to take it now. Tell you what I made in a minute. I will probably fail miserably. LOL, hehehe

By Just plain tired

September 26, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

@Diva,

I find that most guys tend to approach you when you are dressed down anyway.

By QC