Misadventures in Atlanta

By Michael

April 13, 2006 08:13 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers. Well my ex in college had a choice to study abroad in France or to stay with me and she choose to go to study. I would say that its important that both parties take off the blinders (i.e. the honeymoon mode) and really determine if there is a real future in this. If not, like Mariah says, I gotta do what’s best for me. Think about what you would be missing out on from both sides.

By Michael

April 13, 2006 08:13 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers. Well my ex in college had a choice to study abroad in France or to stay with me and she choose to go to study. I would say that its important that both parties take off the blinders (i.e. the honeymoon mode) and really determine if there is a real future in this. If not, like Mariah says, I gotta do what’s best for me. Think about what you would be missing out on from both sides.

By Miss QC

April 13, 2006 08:20 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers, now this is a great topic for a thursday, i’ll comment later…have a great day all

By Cee

April 13, 2006 08:30 AM | Link to this

This is a situation that may come up for me. There’s a good possibility in the near future he may relocate. I’ve always told him that although I wouldn’t want him to go I couldn’t ask him to stay. That would be pure selfishness on my part cause I know he would be leaving to achieve his goals. He had goals before me and they shouldn’t change cause he’s met me. Anyway, if we’re meant to be the relationship will withstand the distance. And if he’s bettering (is that really a word?)himself then it would only better our relationship.

By Pandora's Box

April 13, 2006 08:45 AM | Link to this

Good morning all Hum, that’s a tough call. I’ll wait ‘til later to comment. I’m just happy that today is my FRIDAY!!

By Peaches & Creamy

April 13, 2006 08:52 AM | Link to this

Morning everyone, i’m sure this topic will bring a lot of different views and bring a lot of people out of lurkeville i have several meetings to attend today so i’ll be in lurkeville. But i hope you all have a great day.

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 09:10 AM | Link to this

Morning, one more day, one more day!

Sup QC, how are you doing? Mail call.

I have a different take on this topic because I’m single but I’m not unattached. I have children in Georgia so relocating for a relationship or a job is not an option for me. I want to be around to go to the basketball games, soccer games, cheerleading practices, school plays, whatever. I’m rooted in Georgia now so there is really no point in me investing in a relationship or career outside of Georgia.

I’m really close to my parents, they live in Georgia also, and I’ve learned a great deal from my dad over the years. He was laid off for about 8 months two years ago and when he finally received a job offer he liked, it turned out that the company was based in Florida. Well, my mom truly didn’t want to move but she was willing to be the supportive wife and back his decision 100%. They put the house on the market and everything but after praying about it, they couldn’t do it. They decided they didn’t want to be away from my sister and their grandchildren. When my dad went to turn down the job they offered him more money and told him he could work from home and travel when they needed him. My parents put their faith in God and family first and God blessed them. My dad flew to Boston yesterday for work and I make sure to bring the kids over as often as I can for Sunday dinner at their house.

I guess my point is we all have to choose our priorities in life based on what stage in life we are in. If your dream job takes priority now then go for it, you only live once. If you want to invest in your relationship now and turn down the dream job, then do it. If it’s meant to be then in the end, it will be.

By G

April 13, 2006 09:19 AM | Link to this

I went through this with my college sweetheart. We dated for about four years. I made a decission to move to D.C. for school and work, over settling for something local. She chose not to move with me, and we eventually broke up. I chose education and profession over love, and where did that get me? Well, I have a good paying career, a house, a couple of cars, and as single as I can be. Truthfully, I would probably do the same thing if she was the one to leave.

By Dawn

April 13, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this

Hey Yall…

At this point in my life I probably would NOT put any personal goals on hold for Mr. Right. I guess I can contribute that to my hind-sight being 20/20 now.

I went away to college in DC and lived and worked there two and half years after graduating. I moved back home to GA with my soon to be husband and daughter.

Now, since divorcing, I have new goals and outlooks and I really don’t think a man, even the right man will be able have me put that on hold.

By VANikia

April 13, 2006 09:30 AM | Link to this

This is a great topic. I went through this a few years ago. I had to make the decision to move for love. No matter what I did roadblocks kept popping up. I prayed about it, but I guess in the end my prayers were answered, just not in the way I thought they would be. Right now I’m more focused on having my dream job so I would be willing to move for a job and education. Life would be easier if I didn’t have to choose job and education over love in the future, but I’ll do what I have to do when that time comes.

Great story runnin hey QC

Good Morning Everyone!!!

By Margie Stephens

April 13, 2006 09:32 AM | Link to this

If you feel you have the true ‘commitment to the relationship from the male,’ then you BOTH should act. Priority switches to your being together as a couple, preferably, the one who has the ‘most secure profession (i.e., no airline, auto, etc) is the main career they both should follow but, keeping in mind, that with time, ALL THINGS CHANGE - with your life & your mates, you both must be flexible people and able to CHANGE priorities and game plans as needed……. you BOTH will have to ‘roll with the flow’ until you both reach where you want to go.

By Miss QC

April 13, 2006 09:36 AM | Link to this

Hey VaN, Runnin

By CutieBeautie

April 13, 2006 09:41 AM | Link to this

I have to say that I would take the job. Who’s to say that you and this “soul” mate are really going to be together “forever” anyway? I’m with someone in a situation kind of similar. I’ve always wanted to be a model, now the opportunity has come along, my “dream guy” is now telling me that this wasn’t in his plans for us so now I have to choose him or my blooming modeling career. I’m choosing the career….

By gavi1126

April 13, 2006 09:45 AM | Link to this

Good morning everybody! Hai, QC, runnin Atl..The weather is great!!

I’ve never been in this sort of situation. But if it did happen, i would choose the relationship over career. There’s a chance of the opportunity for career again, but no guarantee on finding love of that sort!! If long-distance was an option, then ofcourse. My sister broke-off her engagement to this guy because she wanted to be close to us! now, she’s married to somebody else..extremely happy. She just got lucky in her case.

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 13, 2006 09:47 AM | Link to this

I can definitely relate to this situation. I worked hard for years, with school,etc. to finally get my dream job that I have now as Senior Director of IT Business Development of a major company and in the process, I have sacrificed several relationships. You have to give up a few things to get a few things.

Because I am now required to travel 80 percent of the time, it is hard to maintain a relationship, because most of the women I meet cannot accept the fact that I am on the road so much or suspect that I might be doing something on the road that I should not be.

The way I see it is that if I had to make a choice between my career or my mate, I would choose my career everytime! My career is more stable than a relationship could ever be and if I truly met met someone, who was really down for me, then the situation would work itself out.

By CutieBeautie

April 13, 2006 09:49 AM | Link to this

Now don’t get me wrong I love this dude. But this “modeling career” may or may not happen as far as long term. Why can’t he be supportive right now? And the thing that get me is, I’m not even leaving ATLANTA! I’m staying here, my contract is local….

By gavi1126

April 13, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this

@ CutieB

In u’re case. he just maybe insecure!!Just work a lil hard at assuring u not changing on him. @ Longtime L So, not none of those relationships made you wont to explain the exact reason you told us? U’re traveling, but didn’t relocate!

By Miss QC

April 13, 2006 10:01 AM | Link to this

Hai Gavi

CutieBeautie I wish you much SUCCESS with your modeling career, keep us updated on the blog we’ll support you from here as well Good Luck

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 10:08 AM | Link to this

Morning gavi1126. Your sister didn’t get lucky, everything happens for a reason.

Hey VAN, is that haircut growing on you yet?

By thirdwheelflunkie

April 13, 2006 10:09 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Yall!

By "Longtime Lurker"

April 13, 2006 10:11 AM | Link to this

@gavi1126 Like CutieBeautie said, I am not leaving Atlanta evvvva! Yes, I travel a lot and I am usually gone 3-4 days a week, but my situation is very similar to someone relocating.

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone! I have been in this situation myself…. When I made the decision to move back to ATL(I was born here but raised elsewhere) back in 1999 my then fiancee’ was NOT supportive at all. The area that we were living in in the state was stagnant economically & I could not get a decent paying job there AND be able to finish school. I wanted him to come with me. He chose NOT to & shortly after I moved away he cheated on me & got a woman pregnant! So needless to say I am extremely HAPPY with my decision & the eventual completion of my education & Tripling of my salary that came along with that! So ladies & gents I say if it’s real & this person loves you then they will love you enough to support you through this endeavor. If they are truly interested in being with you then they know the betterment of your career is for BOTH your futures. If not tell them to keep it moving & let them go!

By CutieB

April 13, 2006 10:14 AM | Link to this

Thanks Miss QC

By VANikia

April 13, 2006 10:16 AM | Link to this

It’s alright thanks for asking runnin. Mama D was right I can rock this style. Like India said “I am not my hair”.

By gavi1126

April 13, 2006 10:19 AM | Link to this

True everybody has to look out for themselves. But if everybody did that, then its going to be very hard to have a relationship, as we all need love somewhere along the road.

By Miss QC

April 13, 2006 10:19 AM | Link to this

mail call VaN

By Miss QC

April 13, 2006 10:21 AM | Link to this

you’re very welcome :-)

By Miss QC

April 13, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this

this “trade mark” thing is driving me crazy! gggggrrrrrrr!!!!!

By FitChick

April 13, 2006 10:28 AM | Link to this

Morning All.

My first goal has always been to pursue my career goals FIRST and a relationship SECOND. I think if I were meant to be with this potential soul mate, then things will work out. After graduating undergrad, I decided to pursue my masters degree in FLA while my college sweetheart accepted a job in TX. The long distance was a major factor in us breaking up.

runnin - You being there for your kids while they’re growing up is priceless. Growing up with both my parents involved in everything I did were the best experiences of my life.

Cutie - A career in modeling is very cut throat. Also the younger you are the better, especially starting out. I say jump at the chance and good luck!

By Dawn

April 13, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this

I want some mail….. Yall be ignoring me… I even spoke today!!!!. Waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!

By Thickness

April 13, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All, I must say that I would take my dream job. I can relate to the situation. To put it simply if he and I were meant to be, nothing could stop us from keeping intouch staying friends and growing together emotionally and spiritually from a distance.

There has to be more of a bound in the relationship, than just physical,if he is my dream mate. I will understand and love him for who he is and he would learn to accept my career plans, be patience, knowing the whole time that love will truly come full circle.

By runninatl™

April 13, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this

@QC For the last time, just copy and paste, boo!….lol.

By VANikia

April 13, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this

Thanks *Miss QC™ *. Also just copy and paste the screen name from here so you can have your trademark.

By VANikia

April 13, 2006 10:33 AM | Link to this

Hey Dawn I’m gonna send you some mail is that your real email address.

By Miss QC

April 13, 2006 10:34 AM | Link to this

Morning Dawn i’ll send you some emails, i don’t want you to feel left out…it’s all “blog love”

By Miss QC

April 13, 2006 10:35 AM | Link to this

mail call Dawn

By Laney

April 13, 2006 10:38 AM | Link to this

ah… a great topic, one very close to my heart. my relationship with my ex Mr. Big ended when he moved north and I moved south, both for new job opportunities. I never even really considered anything else - I was too young to give up my promising career path for ANYTHING. but at some point in the future, it could happen. I think everyone here is right in saying it really depends on where you are in your life and in the relationship.

hope everyone is enjoying the day!

By singlemom

April 13, 2006 10:38 AM | Link to this

When I meet my dream guy and he is offered his dream job, I will happily give up my job and keep him. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, and have been at it for 14 years, but it is not my “dream” job. My dream job would be to be self-employed, doing what I love to do, something, anything to do with kids. However, that is not the situation now. When Mr. Right comes along, and IF he is offered his dream job, I would sacrifce my job for him. And hopefully his dream job will pay lots of money so I won’t have to worry about my job…….does that sound selfish or golddiggerish????? I’ve just been a single parent for such a long time, and have really struggled let me tell ya, I would gladly take the dream guy with his dream job.

By Miss QC

April 13, 2006 10:39 AM | Link to this

gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!

By CutieB

April 13, 2006 10:40 AM | Link to this

@ fitchick That’s how I feel, it’s a very hard market to get into so it may not even happen. Yes I am young there is a 9 yr difference btween me and my boyfried. @gaviI think he’s just being insecure. I don’t see my being a model changing me in any way. I already have confidence, I never have cared about meeting celebs. That I know won’t change.

By VANikia

April 13, 2006 10:40 AM | Link to this

Miss QC©

Miss QC™

By SlimDiva

April 13, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this

GREAT TOPIC!! Mr. Navyman was stationed in Marietta when we first began dating and was here for 3 years. This wasn’t a problem since Atlanta this is were we’re orignally from and most of our family members live here.

After the three years expired, he was informed that he would go to Greece for a year and I was able to visit him. We decided together where his next tour of duty would be and he was sent to Hawaii for 3 years. He asked me if I was willing to relocate to Hawaii and I said sure. He told me that I couldn’t relocate as his girlfriend, but as his wife. I was prepared to leave and unfortunately, after six months in Hawaii, his tour of duty changed. He was sent to Japan for 3 years. I as adamant about not living in Japan for 3 years. This brought a LOT of tension into our relationship. Between leaving Hawaii and going to Japan we visited Atlanta to see family, but I’d decided to remain here. There was so much tension between us that everyone noticed it. He went to Japan and a few months later the 9/11 incident happened. He called me a couple of days before going to Afghanistan. Since that time, he’s been in Afghanistan, Cuba, Iraq and back to Japan. Now we feel that I made the best choice by remaining in Atlanta.

He’ll be home soon and retiring next year. It’s a sacrifice that we both had to make because we had minor children involved and I had to do what was best for our children.

The decision that you make have to be the one that you feel you can live with regardless of the consequences that you WILL face. My decision wasn’t based solely on my commitment to the man whom I fell in love with. I had others who depended on me to think about. You can only do what’s best for you.

By Rell

April 13, 2006 10:43 AM | Link to this

dawn i sent you a funny…lol

By db

April 13, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

Hey good people! Let’s see… it will depend on how deep we are in the relationship. If we’re about to get married or someting I’d definitely take keeping my soulmate over a job.

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 10:45 AM | Link to this

@singlemom: No you don’t sound selfish or goldiggerish. It’s your decision & each person is different @ how important their careers are to them. Under other circumstances I might have said that I would have stayed with my fiance but at that time it was just NOT the right decision. You on the other hand sound like you are in a place where you afford (monetarily & otherwise) to make that type of decision. I think that every person should do what’s best for them but again if you make the decision & the person is not being supportive then keep it moving! And Dream Guy or Dream Gyrl will make his or herself know sooner or later!

By Dawn

April 13, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

Thanks for the love…

By runninatl™

April 13, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

@VAN Just let it go, QC is short-bus special, no hope…lol.

By be original

April 13, 2006 10:50 AM | Link to this

Miss QC why the infatuation with the trademarks symbols? Didn’t others claim dibs already?

By Miss QC

April 13, 2006 10:51 AM | Link to this

@Runnin EAT ME lol

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

I DID IT, I DID IT..Thanks VaN

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

Hey Dawn - woo woo woo, Said Like Sinclair…I am sorry you felt ignored! awww. Every night I go skim over the blog and read so many comments that I missed in my “multi-tasking”. I try to scan for my name to see if people asked me a question directly (or posted a thesis like LL) and I end up missing great comments and cool new people! You should have seen me at night, when I first started, it was hilarious. I was like oh I totally missed that person, I didn’t greet that newbie! LOL..I was becoming obsessive, I had to stop. .I said all that to say, we really don’t intend to ignore, sometimes we are caught up in reading, responding, and laughing! Oh and then there is that pesky thing called work, blah!

By Keyboard

April 13, 2006 10:55 AM | Link to this

@QC

Ctrl + Alt + T = ™

Ctrl + Alt + R = ®

Ctrl + Alt + C = ©

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 10:57 AM | Link to this

@ be original i wanted it and i got it, that’s all that matters….so now i got dibs on it and i’m happy…now i have to run my reports i’ll check back later…runnin get your mail son!

By Dawn

April 13, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this

Thanks Wise…Yeah I wonder how any of you get any work done?…. Ha Ha

By FitChick

April 13, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this

My mom told me that you should be selfish in your late teens to mid 20’s and do what’s best for you. I took her advice and have created more career opportunities for myself by putting my education first.

Since my hubby wasn’t able to complete his degree because he had to serve after 9/11, I am able to better support him in completing his education. He’s currently taking classes toward his degree.

Slim - I applaud you for sticking with your Navy man! The support of family for men and women serving overseas is their lifeline. You created a stable environment for you and your kids. Luckily, my Army man is a reservist so we don’t have to move around. Make sure you have a big homecoming for him!

By Bre'

April 13, 2006 11:03 AM | Link to this

Greetings and peace to all this morning…

This has been a family debate for the last few months. My little sister has her dream job in Atlanta, but her husband and child(he’s 3) have been living in DC since October in there new house without her. She feels its time for her to grow in her job and that the family will take care of itself. Every phone call with her is a fight as I see she should be taking care of her child and home. But she says that’s not where her life is right now. I find it to be somewhat very selfish to put a job before family. And its not like its a financial thing, its a job thing and her freedom. We are very close knit family so we all try to do what we can and help him out. I’m single with no kids I’ve moved all over the states to advance my career. But only person I’m responsible for is me….However if McDreamy was to walk into my life and the plans for the future are for us….I would have to do what’s best for the family and if that means the job comes last then so be it.

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 11:04 AM | Link to this

@ keyboard….i got it now…thanks!

By be original

April 13, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

true to the form of a follower! I see why you post first everyday then wait to see what others have to say before voicing your opinion.

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 11:06 AM | Link to this

Wow, really interesting comments! Do you guys think we are too focused on our careers? Are we becoming cynical about finding true love?

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 11:12 AM | Link to this

@QC Awwww it’s like that now…lol. And how you gonna thank VAN when I told your slow azz the same thing 3 times yesterday?? Women (sighing!)…lol.

@Dawn Some of us just come to work to surf the net, pay bills, shop online, email, and do homework. If I ever get caught and they hand me my walking papers I already put it on here that I’m gonna need a HR hookup for a job. So let me go pretend to be in the field before massuh comes looking me…lol.

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 11:14 AM | Link to this

I know for a fact i would’nt relocate to be with anyone…i came very close to doing that a few years ago and i’m so glad i did’nt…

By Bre'

April 13, 2006 11:17 AM | Link to this

@WD I don’ know if I’m cynical about finding true love but I know its not on the top of my list of things to get done.

When I first moved to NYC I did not seriously date for almost two years. My whole focus was career and I may have missed some good guys doing the five finger rotation. But love was not what I wanted at the time, I needed to find a place where financial freedom was mine. I think I’ve paid the price for being successful but at each level I come to I want to go to the one. I don’t know if a man is really going to understand my determination but I hope so. But for the Right One(in all aspects) I could get into wifey mood and let career take a detour for a minute. I will have to see how he acts with it before I give it up 100%.

By Royal Chic

April 13, 2006 11:17 AM | Link to this

Wise-great topic and great questions….

I was wondering the same thing while reading all of the comments about choosing careers over love…..I agree with FIT, there is a time for being selfish or working on self development and personal growth….definitely late teens through twenties, but at some point when love calls you better answer because you may just loose out on an opportunity that will never present itself again…(at least not in the same form or fashion…)

As others have said, it’s a matter of timing, situation, and how true of a “soul” mate this prospect is…..

By 700v14

April 13, 2006 11:17 AM | Link to this

Money doesn’t always make you happy, although it can help. Your wealth is what you make of it - not the “man” that you will be working for. Always, Always follow your heart and what makes you happy. Jobs are plentiful, true love is not.

By CutieB

April 13, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this

@wise I am very cynical about love, even about getting married. Maybe it’s b/c I’m young but to me love comes and goes about as fast as one changes their mind (maybe not that quick)I am in love now but I don’t have a desire to get married or have children (I laugh @ the thought). But I do have the desire to have a very sucessful career and doing what makes me happy in life. If that’s selfish, then I’ll proudly say “Hello my name is CutieB and I am selfish”

By ME

April 13, 2006 11:20 AM | Link to this

Somebody send me some emails too. Whats up QC? How are you CutieB? Good luck on your modeling career. I want some emails now.

Ooops I forgot, how is everyone doing? I havent posted in a while. Hope everyone is doing ok.

On the moving part, love dictates that.

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 11:20 AM | Link to this

@Runnin hush up! do some work :)

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 11:20 AM | Link to this

Good morning Wise Diva! YES I do think that we have become cynical about finding true love. But the truth is is that people have changed so much that LOVE is not the same today as it was even 10 years ago. I think that because we have become so career focused that we don’t know how to LIVE & LOVE & WORK. But there has to be a BALANCE.

By Kenya

April 13, 2006 11:22 AM | Link to this

I would describe myself as a sucker for love at any costs and at the same time extremely independant. But judging by my past experiences, sacrifices and the results…I would not give up the opportunity to explore my future goals for a relationship I don’t care how good things are. If its meant happen it will. People are placed in our lives for different reasons, maybe this (guy/gals) purpose was to test our thirst for personal advancement or to see if our dreams will forever remain dreams.

By CutieB

April 13, 2006 11:22 AM | Link to this

@runnin I do the same thing. I know my coworkers be wondering why I be over here LMAO!!!

By Pandora's Box

April 13, 2006 11:24 AM | Link to this

I think that if you are 100% truely in love and depending on the circumstances, I would go with love. I can’t believe I am atually saying that either!

By CutieB

April 13, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this

@me Hey, I’ve have yet to get an email but I am a newbie. On your love dictates comment, who’s to determine what’s real and what’s not? It could be real today and not next month…

By gavi1126

April 13, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this

@ QuitieB… that’s great, so well just re-assure him of that. i tried modeling ..not my thing..i’m not rough/bold/loud-speakin ( its a good thing ) like them girls out there..I just ain’t got it.

@ WD

Yes i think a lotta ppl r getting caught up in ignoring the love!! Maybe i say this because i haven’t been in the situation i guess!! But looking at the blogs, i agree with that comment.

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 11:28 AM | Link to this

hey ME how are you?

By Str8

April 13, 2006 11:29 AM | Link to this

To really answer the question, one has to decide what the dream job means to them… What’s the definition of a dream job? Is it the company you’ll be working for? is it the job title? Does the dream job directly reflect your purpose in life? Is it the money?

I am sure everyone has a dream job, but what motivates or attracts them to this dream job is different…. depending on what THAT is, one can decide whether it’s the job or the date..

If for instance, a dream job defined by the money you’re going to make is less compelling in this instance than a dream job that directly reflects your purpose in life.

Wish I could expound more on this, but gotta go to a meeting…. can’t wait to read pples responses.

By thirdwheelflunkie

April 13, 2006 11:31 AM | Link to this

@Runnin you are soooo right!! I am surfing the net right now and working on homework… Too funny!! Also yes we are too focused on our careers but we have to work… Everything is going up and having a job has become a permant fixture now… Also the dating world pretty much stinks out there now and the divorce rate is high…

By Kenya

April 13, 2006 11:32 AM | Link to this

If the love is the real thing…it could still work out. Whatever kept him from leaving could change or if he really felt so strongly about the relationship he could sacrifice for you. I would never ask him to do this but if he did or at least if he offered and was for real…i would consider altering my career path for him. But not just on the strength of my love alone.

By gavi1126

April 13, 2006 11:32 AM | Link to this

@ CutieB, & RunninA

i do the exact, then i’m like, um sorry if i’m loud.. but i love it!!

By VANikia

April 13, 2006 11:33 AM | Link to this

Did anyone see LOST last night? Rose and Bernard’s story now that was love. That man said he will stay on the island if his wife has to stay.

When I think about it, I guess I can say that I have never truely been in love. So my thinking right now is just what I stated in my previous post, that my career and education is more important. I would love to find a love that would allow me to choose him over the career. ::Cringe::. I guess I have become a bit cynical Wisey because I felt like that was the craziest thing I ever said. I really don’t think it’s a good idea to choose love over a career, at least for me, for now and maybe not in the future.

By Pandora's Box ®

April 13, 2006 11:33 AM | Link to this

OK I was getting envious over the trademarks and other symbols so I had to get me one! LOL!

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 11:33 AM | Link to this

@Wise I don’t think we are cynical about finding love, I just think there are so many other factors that we cannot control, that you have to live for the moment, at least try to occasionally.

There is a lot of diversity out there in the dating scene, every day workers, college graduates, graduate school students, people hustlin, entrepreneurs, etc. There is no set time frame for when you will find true love or when you land your dream job, so which one do you stop and wait for?? There is no right or wrong answer, you just have to do you at the moment and try not to have any regrets. Nothing is guaranteed, relationships end, people get divorced, people pass away, corporations fold, people get laid off, so at some point you have to “seize the day” and keep it moving.

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 11:35 AM | Link to this

mail call CutieB

By Rell

April 13, 2006 11:36 AM | Link to this

@ME, you already slow…mail on the way

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 11:37 AM | Link to this

be original, who peed in your cornflakes this morning?

CutieB - I think that age definitely makes a difference in perspective, and both ways. When you are young, you may be more flexible, and as you get older you are less inclined to compromise. It really does vary so much on the circumstances, but I enjoy hearing different perspectives

Hi Fyre, glad you came back! You are right, balance is key. Sometimes you have to work a little harder to get balance.

By Kitty319

April 13, 2006 11:38 AM | Link to this

NEW TO THE BLOG: Blame it on Pandora’s Box

Location or Love: Always a good question. For me it is Love. I have a great job and in fact I have had my dream job before. It was no dream at the end of the day when I had no one to share it with. I am good at what I do when it comes to a career. I have always been able to parlay something into nothing. What I have not been good at is finding a soul mate. Right know I am seeing getting to know someone in the Army. We have talked about me living my job and being a military wife. No way to have a dream career there. I have never had such a connection to anyone. You only get one chance in life. No do overs. So I am going to my chance on love.

By gavi1126

April 13, 2006 11:39 AM | Link to this

@ RunninA

Look at u, Mr. philosopher. i like what you said though. And yes, diversity my friend is a beautiful thing..i’m part of it :) But when you do think that the love could be all that and some..why not try to keep it..

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 11:40 AM | Link to this

@runninatl I have to say I agree with you about there is not set time frame for when you will find true love or land your dream job. And that nothing in life is guaranteed. BUT I do think that with all the other things that we have to deal with LOVE is probably the one thing that we feel we should be able to count on. It’s obvious we don’t because if that were the case the majority of the people on this blog would be saying yes to Love & no to that new BMW 745. And I also think that if more people followed their hearts we probably would not be in the state of relationship hell that we are in now. Money is good but Love is Beautiful. AGAIN though you are ultimately right about it being your decision of the moment & to have no regrets.

By VANikia

April 13, 2006 11:40 AM | Link to this

Str8 My dream job would directly relate to my purpose in life which means total happiness to me. I don’t care about the money, the title, and the glory. It’s all about waking up in the morning being happy that I am getting paid to do me. I really can’t see myself being totally happy in a relationship without the total happiness with myself. That will always tug at my spirit. I do feel I have a purpose and until I get that purpose filled job I can’t be totally happy with myself.

By Kenya

April 13, 2006 11:41 AM | Link to this

Best said @ runninatl…carpe diem

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 11:42 AM | Link to this

oh Van, that show has so many subplots. I haven’t seen that episode yet. ..that sounds sweet though.

Hey Str8, those are good questions!

@ 700 - dream job could also mean ultimate personal satisfaction, not just money that a person strives for. .following your heart? Have you ever regretted doing that? Is the heart a reliable source for choices like this?

By Catherine

April 13, 2006 11:45 AM | Link to this

I went with love and don’t regret it a bit. I meet my husband during my last semester in school. I could have moved away to a great job but decided to move to small town GA and get married. It was hard finding a good job but I finally did and now I have both. I never thought that I would like the country life but I found out that I LOVE it. I am deeply in love with my husband and would rather be with him in Siberia than with a great job in a great city. True love last a life time a job is temporary.

By CutieB

April 13, 2006 11:45 AM | Link to this

I got mail, I got mail, yyyyeeeaaa

By Jazzyone

April 13, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this

whats up people..been lurkin…I dated someone when I first moved to ATL yrs ago. He lived in TN finishing up his M.B.A. Once he graduated he moved here to Atlanta so that we could continue our relationship and to start his career. Wherever I was he would have moved and vise versa. I have a career that I’ve built over the years. Fortunatley I can work or move anywhere in the world and work… If it’s a relationship that we both feel is worth investing time in and one of us resides someplace else its all about what matters to us both. If its best that I pick up and go..I’m gone…yes I will follow love because it isn’t often that I find myself in the ‘Love’ zone. So let him come kncoking and I’m out….and don’t let him pull out my size 7 1/2 Princess cut..I bet ya’ll can guess what I would do.

If I was just starting my career I would do things differently and pursue my career. SO to cosign I think it depends on the time, and stage of a relationship and how open you both are to change. It just so happens I always ask..so do you think you will reside in GA for the rest of your life?? It gives me some idea of what im working with.

Page1908 waving atcha’ wise hey girl..Diva wave atcha

By Kenya

April 13, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this

@ Wise Diva The heart is surely the worst determing factor for a major decision like this…Use the mind and the common sense within

By Stealth Mode

April 13, 2006 11:49 AM | Link to this

Wise, I think people are cynical about love in today’s world. A lot of people seem to have the attitude of not wanting anybody or anything mess up the momentum they’re trying to establish in their careers, goals, etc., especially in the early stages and that’s understandable. You’ve posed a very simple question with no easy answer. It just really depends on the people involved and impacted by these decisions, and it’s definitely no one size fits all.

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 11:49 AM | Link to this

@Kitty319 TAKE YOUR CHANCE ON LOVE GYRL! Because at the end of the day those of us you were so concerned with our careers(MYSELF INCLUDED) will be home by OURSELVES with no one to hold us up through the bad times that are SURE to come. And yes me choosing my career over Love helped me financially & to meet a few key goals but now that I have achieved those goals, other than a nice house & a few trinkets, what do I REALLY have? Do I regret decision is HIS case? NOOOOOO! But I have been down that road again since then with someone else & AGAIN I chose my career over it. Regrets? Unfortunately yes.

By Thinker

April 13, 2006 11:54 AM | Link to this

**Hands down…I would choose my career over a mate any day. The age old question know one can answer is “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” Which is my point exactly…Too often mates rely on an exhilarating emotion called Love to dictate their path in life. Love doesn’t pay bills, Love is broke…Love can’t afford the things that one desires. The key is to take care of self first, then and only then will the rest follow in accordance with their divine order.

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 11:56 AM | Link to this

@Stealth, I agree, my goodness it’s enough to make your head spin. I honestly can’t imagine what choice I would make, I can’t call it. I can say one thing now, but when you are knee-deep in it, who knows how things will unfold.

@Kenya, ok thank you, I was wondering if I was just in a “down with love” theory today. I agree with what you said!

What’s up Jazzy Jazz!

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 11:57 AM | Link to this

@thinker AMEN!!!

By gavi1126

April 13, 2006 11:58 AM | Link to this

Welcome Kitty319 .. u did the right thing.

By FitChick

April 13, 2006 11:59 AM | Link to this

Wise - I wouldn’t say I was cynical about love or career, just realistic. Love don’t pay the bills.

I wanted as much financial stability in my life and higher education and work experience allows me to have that. BUT, when I saw potential in the guy I was seeing, I balanced the two. He’s now my husband!

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 12:00 PM | Link to this

@FyreStarrter Oh, but that BMW 750Li in grey luster looks so good on 20s!…lol.

By Slim

April 13, 2006 12:01 PM | Link to this

Honestly, I think if the love you had for your soulmate was strong and undeniably the greatest thing you ever experienced, you will not even have to think about leaving them for a dream job. What’s the point of having the perfect career, the cars and a nice house if u have noone to share it with? Defeats the purpose….

By Thinker

April 13, 2006 12:03 PM | Link to this

I get so sick of people saying this same line…”At the end of the day with know one their…BLAH BLAH BLAH” No…at the end of the day if you are happy with yourself and at peace with yourself and your God you will not feel an emptiness when you are in the confines of your space alone. That alone time will be a peaceful time for you not wishing a companion was their. With all the wonders this Earth holds and its majesties the only thing people can deduce is that at the end of the day everyone needs a companion…COME ON GIVE ME A BREAK.. Read a book, study, Reflect, Meditate, Bask on the glow of the sun, Face yourself!! Only then will you be able to face the world as a solid individual capable of standing on their own two feet not needing another mortal for emotional pleasures.

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this

Fitchick, yea! I hear you. Love is grand and good, but life is about choices. Now I am starting wonder if it’s really a matter of timing too. Because, now I wanna figure out a way to control things so I won’t be faced with this dilemma, LOL…set it up just right. Dream job, in dream city, with dream man showing up to top it off! I am such a control freak sometimes…sheesh

By abc

April 13, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this

My ex-wife choose her dream job of being a public school teacher requiring me to give up my career and move to Atlanta, and it wrecked our marriage. She wouldn’t allow that I could continue travelling while she made the move unless we divorced. I stuck it out for a long, long time, but in the end couldn’t forgive her for what she did. That’s different from ditching a boyfriend or girlfriend as a matter of degree, at least. If I had it to do over again, I’d keep my old career, even though I have a great job now and make far more than I ever thought I would. If it happened to me again in another relationship, I’m not sure what I’d do, it would depend I guess. But, trying to force me to do something like that without regard for my feelings about it won’t happen to me again.

By THE FILTHY VILLAINOUS DK

April 13, 2006 12:07 PM | Link to this

Good Day

But what if a child was involved? Do you take the child from his/her mother/father? Not speaking on deadbeat parents but parents who love their children and want to be in their lives..

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 12:08 PM | Link to this

@ Slim, interesting….so you think that if someone has aspirations and actually has to think about making the choice, the love isn’t real? Take money out of the equation, what about personal happiness and self-fulfillment. Those things shouldn’t matter when you are in love?

By Tray

April 13, 2006 12:10 PM | Link to this

hey all!
Can the dream job be the dream mate??? hardy har ha!

By Longtime Lurker

April 13, 2006 12:10 PM | Link to this

I don’t know if anyone but me is noticing the difference in the opinions with the men and women on this subject.

I am noticing that women are more apt to bounce, if they find love, where men are more focused on their career and where ever their career drives them.Love seems to take a backseat in most males lives.

I guess men feel that they can find love anytime and women seem to focus more on it now or when ever it happens and will put their career second.

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 12:11 PM | Link to this

Out for lunch….

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 12:11 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Tray..now that would be ideal! giggle

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 12:11 PM | Link to this

“NOT NEEDING ANOTHER MORTAL FOR EMOTIONAL PLEASURES”!!!! OMG I cannot even fathom not having someone to at least hold, touch, taste, smell, feel, kiss, hug, & TRUST. Ladies & Gents there is NOTHING wrong with NEEDING these things! We are in FACT BORN TO NEED THEM! (Just think for a SECOND the type of effect these things have on you when they occur) GOD gave us the ability to comprehend these events when they happen. And you mean to tell me that “Read a book, study, Reflect, Meditate, Bask on the glow of the sun, Face yourself!!” replaces & equates to ALL THOSE THINGS I mentioned above??? That is why our country is in the state it’s in right now because we have come to think we don’t need nor care about anyone else!

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 12:16 PM | Link to this

oh I noticed and expected it. It’s really interesting though because women are becoming divided on this in terms of which way they would choose. I think a lot of times we have watched our mothers, aunts, and other women invest and sacrifice. It’s like the female becomes the martyr, but she doesn’t actually feel that way because she gets personal fulfillment from everything she does. But when it goes bad? It’s NOT pretty. The man decides to “trade” his wife in for a younger model and wifey is left to fend for herself. Then the same female ends up running him over with the benz that he bought. I won’t ever forget that lady who shot her ex and his new wife. That kind of thing was like a cautionary tale for some women.

By Jazzyone

April 13, 2006 12:16 PM | Link to this

Thinker COME ON GIVE ME A BREAK.. Read a book, study, Reflect, Meditate, Bask on the glow of the sun, Face yourself!! Only then will you be able to face the world as a solid individual capable of standing on their own two feet not needing another mortal for emotional pleasures. …Interesting…I seem to do all the things you mention if I am in a relationship or not, for me doing all these things allows me to be free and see love when he’s coming…Being with someone else doesn’t make me lose myself. Self preservations allows me to appreciate someone else and what they have to offer. When one is in love it doesn’t become only about you it becomes about two.

By Erica

April 13, 2006 12:17 PM | Link to this

I had this scenario happen to me. It was a tough choice. I tried to lead with my head and my heart. Finally, I came to the conclusion that career opportunities are more readily available than a good person. I chose the person. It’s a decision I do not regret to this day. And guess what, good career opportunities continue to come. Only this time, I also ended up with a good lifemate, a family, and a career path that seems to work well for me.

It’s such an individual decision. It does force you to really be honest with yourself about what matters to you at the end of the day. Bottom line, it all depends upon how you as an individual define “happiness”.

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 12:17 PM | Link to this

@Wise Diva, Sure those things matter but you have to look at the moment in time & say to yourself if I make this decision & how will I feel about it a few kilometers down the road? Will I be happy if I choose my career & put my emotional health on hold? If you feel that way then GO FOR IT. Because it probably means your bond is NOT as strong as you once thought. But if in the moment you feel that this person is not the person you want to live WITH but the one you cannot live WITHOUT, then your decision was made for you BEFORE you even got to this point. That’s why I think we have become so cynical about love. One we all have made decisions regarding it & the outcomes were not always what we felt they should be. And Two we have all been hurt & NOW we feel like the builder the walls we build up around us the less likely that is to happen again.

By Jazzyone

April 13, 2006 12:19 PM | Link to this

What I am getting from the men and women is that women are more apt to make the balance between love and careers vs men not doing so.

By FitChick

April 13, 2006 12:20 PM | Link to this

Wise - Timing is ALWAYS a variable in any equation. I’m a control freak as well, but I’ve learned not to sweat the things that are out of my control. I felt I was more in cotrol of my career than my love life.

I’ve always wanted it all - a great man, career, kids. I believe its possible, but not necessarily at the same time. There are times you have to sacrifice one thing for another. That decision has lots of variables.

Thinker - I agree. If you aren’t happy with yourself, then you can’t expect someone to be happy with you. Many people tend to look outward for their happiness and fulfillment rather than within.

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 12:21 PM | Link to this

@Wise Poor woman…lol (j/k). I never understood the “control freak” thing. What in life have we ever really had control over besides our own happiness? We don’t choose our parents. We grow up trying to make friends but we have to be accepted by them. In school, we submit our work and our teachers determine our grades. We take standardized tests that determine what college we might be able to get accepted in to. We apply for loans, financial aid, scholarships that have to be approved by someone. We apply for jobs that someone has to agree to give us. We apply for bank loans, home, and car loans that must be approved by someone. Sorry for the tangent, but your statement just made me think and I know some true control freaks who may be worse than you are…lol.

By Longtime Lurker

April 13, 2006 12:25 PM | Link to this

Jazzyone you are right! A lot of men don’t value relationships like they used to. They see their career as security, where women seek security in a relationship….hummmm makes you think!

By gavi1126

April 13, 2006 12:26 PM | Link to this

Its great where we have the control of making the decision of choosing career over love ,vice-versa. But in lotta other countries, women put everything aside and follow the men. Given that divorce rates are a lot lower then ours.

By Thickness

April 13, 2006 12:29 PM | Link to this

We all should remeber that we grow individually as well as with a mate and even if he or she is your soul mate. If you do not meet your own personal expectations and desires of yourself you really will never know yourself and may never meet you true soul mate.

I think some of us are still in disquise and one of our cover-ups is our jobs. We have to get the dream job and go through that process in order to realize that our relationships are much more important to us than titles. Now that takes patience and love from your “soul mate”. Some people make the statement that life is too short but I differ in opinion I believe it takes time to build a strong bond and that involves all kinds of circumstances and situations.

By gavi1126

April 13, 2006 12:29 PM | Link to this

@ RunninA

u be coming up with some great answers/thoughts.. U’re right, all you control is u’re happiness. So, well i decide i’m gonna be HAPPY today!! thanks man.

By Thinker

April 13, 2006 12:30 PM | Link to this

No FRYE, It’s about understanding and loving yourself FIRST…If you can’t do that you are no good to anyone one else. Many people can’t look themselves in the mirror and say “I Love You”…they need to hear someone else tell them that, they can’t take themselves out to dinner alone.. they need someone with them, they can’t sit at home with the TV, lights and phone off and become one with the universe and themselves…a TV has to be on, a radio, playing or a phone conversation. When one is TRULEY at one and at peace they can perform these things and be perfectly fine alone. If a mate comes into their life it would be only to compliment their life not because they NEED them. In the meantime, God has blessed his universe with many pleasures not to include how advanced our minds are that we if we tap into how deep human nature really is we wouldn’t need to feel love soley from a mate but from giving unto others or time, our wisdom, our glory.

By ME

April 13, 2006 12:36 PM | Link to this

I like the comments today. I would also like to say thanks to all of my emails from my peoples. Rell, QC, CutieCutieCutieB.

Actually this is a very good topic today. Thinking of what 2 cents I want to add.

ME

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 12:39 PM | Link to this

@LL & Jazzy I think the differences in responses point at the fundamental differences in how men and woman think. Look at Fit’s comment “I’ve always wanted it all - a great man, career, kids.” I never really thought about getting married until I was ready to start looking for a ring. After I got married, I didn’t think about children right away, our first child was a surprise, actually both were. In high school and college, I didn’t think about the family, house and white picket fence, I was thinking about all the different types of women out there I could experience. So men are built differently but I think we come around after a while, it’s just no one knows when that will be…lol. So I think Lurker has a valid point.

Sup Jazzy!

By NoStress

April 13, 2006 12:39 PM | Link to this

@Wise - good topic - haven’t had a chance to read any of the other posts time very short today so I don’t know if anyone has already expressed this but please disregard if it is…

Of course there is no clear cut answer either way and with that there is no wrong answer - what it comes down to is “honesty of intention” every question that can be brought to the table in regards to this situation has to be taken down that road. I will not be able to live without this dream job, why? This is where the hardest of truths have to be stated - you have to really begin to diagnose “the need” in the job - because whether or not we understand ourselves well enough to express it or not there is a need that is attempting to be filled by the goals we set for our lives. The hard part is being honest enough with ourselves to break down whether or not the need is one that leads to “real” happiness or one that leads to a “supposed” happiness. The same thought process also must be applied to the person at hand because if you do not there will never be “freedom” in your relationship or your career if there is uncertainity in the foundation of what you are attempting to build. There is a lot more to say but I’m not trying to give the message today - though I may speak on this on either 4th Sunday or 1st Sunday in May -

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 12:42 PM | Link to this

alright LL..since you went there. Men don’t have “contents under pressure” like women do.

You guys coast along in life at 60, you are the silver-haired hot dude. You said it yourself, that men can have kids, make good money, and have unattached sex, so they have security (or think they do) that somebody will always want to be around them

A chick hits 29 (YES 29) and she starts getting asked what is wrong? You have hips for breeding what are you doing in a boardroom silly girl!! LOL..

so the security that you speak of, isn’t just relating to a woman needing/wanting to feel secure in a relationship, it also becomes a matter of internalizing what has been shoved at us since we came out of the womb.

Now with reproductive alternatives, more success in career and business, women simply don’t have to be the martyr and sacrifice for love and family. She has more options to seek out, and that makes it more feasible to have love, career, and personal happiness with both without giving up everything.

By Jazzyone

April 13, 2006 12:44 PM | Link to this

Longtime Hey there guy, I agree it sure does make you think…it can be a difficult balance for some…I happen to view ‘security’ as my career and adding a mate to it helps us both enjoy that security. No matter where he lives and where we move my career allows me to have this security.

Runnin whats up man…so if we have no control over our lives how can one benefit from the things that you mentioned are controlled by others??…There is a certain amount of control that one must have in life that is necessary in order to reap the benefits of the things that others control..such as car loans, college, finances, and so on. I think your path in life and a certain amount of control has a direct impact over the enjoyment and benefit of the things that you mentioned.

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 12:44 PM | Link to this

I would most definitely relocate for love. At this point in my life, I have already achieved a level of success that I am happy with career-wise, so I am down with relocating. I have heard many people say who’s to say the relationship will work out anyway? Well, to that, I say who’s to say the so-called dream career will also work out???? Everything we do in life is a risk and NOTHING is guaranteed.

I once had a dream job and thought everything was all good until one day my bossd called me into his office and said “Page1908…let me be frank with you…it’s just not working out here for you”. I was devastated!

To me, I can have all the career success I would ever dream of but without a meaningful relationship, it means absolutely nothing to me. I have said to my friends and family a million times, that I can work anywhere. Working is a necessity, so no matter where I live, I’m gonna work. I have a Master’s Degree and years of experience in my field, so working is never going to be a concern with me. Just 18 months ago I relocated to the city I am in now and already, I am ready to bounce again. Will there be love for me in the new city? I don’t know, but for me, it’s worth taking a chance on love, if it is out there for me.

It’s funny because recently several of us on the blog have been discussing statisitics in regards to how the numbers are stacked against Black women who want to get married. Many of us were unnerved by that discussion, and only a few days later, the majority of the women on here, those same women, are now saying they would not relocate for love. So, make yp your mind…all I know is that if the man I truly adore and absolutely think the world of is remotely interested in pursuing something serious with me, there would be no doubt in my mind if I had to decide to relocate or not.

waving at Jazzy..hey girl

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 12:52 PM | Link to this

Making sad face…man, er’body talking about getting emails…nobody sent me any emails:) making sad, pituful face again

By Lyrazel

April 13, 2006 12:52 PM | Link to this

I am not a regular here but thought you might like some OLD LADY been there before experience.

First, when I was twenty (45 years ago) women just WENT with men no matter what no questions asked. We know what resulted: women who were scandalously divorced and completely unable to care for themselves or their children. Divorcees were piranhas of society because somehow divorce was all woman fault—and divorcees lost all their morals and would come after neighborhood chubby hubbies…blah blah…blah.

Ok, I went to college and found my soulmate! Just as you can imagine I wanted to be his everything and then some. We were so in love we had sex! (Now, isnt it common to share a bed?) Well, la di da on me. My soulmate wanted no part in the life of a husband, he was a poet with dreams. Sorry, I DO love you…but… honey but I got things to do, poetry to publish, people to meet, ladies to love and…blah blah blah said with all the insensitivity of a 22 year old dreamer!

Anyway, I went on my independent by default way, found myself in a career, wed a different man. It was not all fun, but it was not all tribulations. After 26 years we divorced but I had my career to fall back on… Well, how many of you remember when the sewers backed up through VA/Highland? There I was rescuing a whole slew of trash from sludge…and what do I find but a photo of my old soulmate…so I send it to him with a note: Were we ever so young? I had always kept his moms address (dont know why…) and oddly always transfered it into new address books but never wrote or phoned…maybe thats what is done with soulmates?

Wouldnt you know my poet wrote back a long letter and we corresponded about a year before he came to visit in Savannah where I now live…and cant you guess by all this balderdash that we have been married now 6 years.

Shattered dreams and expectations that happened made me see how co-dependency is primary part of most American courtship. Yes, even now. Do not be deceived by the ruse that meeting a soulmate means: A. She/He is rich. B. He/She will stay 60+ years. C. He/She will be ready TO BE a soulmate when you are…you might have to wait 20 years…but its a delight daily! Also, find out where his/her parents live…and keep a light on in the heart after the sundering of childish is cast in ruin to the floor love because a soulmate is a soulmate and a husband/wife may never be soulmate but are worthy of respect and commitment.

Good luck to you all.

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 12:54 PM | Link to this

@Page, so a black woman needs to just grab the ring and not be concerned about what she has worked hard for too?

I think what was unnerving to me was the “perception” that black men don’t want to be with us (apparently). I just refuse to buy into that notion though.

I think the stats are skewed. The black women who aren’t married may not really want to be, or if they do, they are fine with waiting until the right man comes along, even if that means delaying motherhood.

and on top of all of that, people aren’t marrying as much period. Some are even boycotting it.

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 12:55 PM | Link to this

LOL @gavi1126 thanks and you are welcome boo, do you!

By Pandora's Box ®

April 13, 2006 12:57 PM | Link to this

Don’t be blaming me kitty! Get back to work!

By Thickness

April 13, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

@Wise, we as women are not given the options and choices that men have, in fact I believe we still live in a rather bias society as far as men and women. There should be any questions if as a woman I am not married by 29 or 30, just as men I could still finding myself.

@Page1908 I agree, your will reach the top in your career no matter.

Some of us as dream mates are chasing something we don’t really need or want in life. You probably will not be able to be intimate with this person because along with alot ambition comes a great deal of ego but that’s all part of the growing process. It takes truthful people around us to understand and remain faithful as friends.

Corporate Board Rooms and being a Multi-successful Mogul can be a cold place and I really think you lose a special part of yourself when you put all your eggs in one basket so-to-speak!

By Jazzyone

April 13, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

side note…Dayum, okay now America is on Tiger Woods back because he stated his opinion of how he played on the greens as similiar to playing like a ‘Spaz’…now there is another world wide uproar about it…lawd help…

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 01:00 PM | Link to this

awww! what a sweet story Lyrazel, thanks a bunch for sharing that! I bet you learned a lot about yourself after all of that.

Wow..it’s just asking to be made into a movie on Lifetime Television for Women. Hmmm. I may be finding you to write a script about your love story, LOL…I am such an opportunist.

By Royal Chic

April 13, 2006 01:01 PM | Link to this

Wise, you made me think of an interesting perspective when you said….”so the security that you speak of, isn’t just relating to a woman needing/wanting to feel secure in a relationship, it also becomes a matter of internalizing what has been shoved at us since we came out of the womb.”

I recently wrote a poem entitled “Strength Misunderstood”……the women’s movement has changed and improved lives of women all over the world; however on the opposite ends of the spectrum the new found “strength” has handicapped our emotions and ability to believe in love in it’s original form….

As women we believe that love will fit into our perfect idea of it…..instead of the white picket fence, two kids, and a dog (not that I subscribe to this picture perfect outlook of life)….we want the great career, city life, house, car, etc….then love comes last after we’ve found that none of these things replace our NEED for true love…..we come full circle back to wanting what? LOVE…..

Not to say that we should neglect our wants, desires, careers, lives……all in the name of love, but we need to feel that it’s okay not to want to display this “strength” all the time and just simply say I NEED someone to LOVE (only when you have learned to love yourself can you truly say this)…..I guess if you’ve never experience love that changes your life it’s hard to grasp this concept…..

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 01:01 PM | Link to this

@Page, I have to say that I would probably relocate for love to because with the career I have chosen I can be anywhere & still do what I love doing. I would just prefer to do with the support of someone that LOVES me as much as I LOVE myself (funny that almost seems not possible—THINKER!).

@Wise, it concerns me as well that maybe men are so focused on their careers that they are not thinking about the good life AFTER their career is over ( and believe me it WILL be over some cases SOONER rather than LATER). How do you think we should address this problem? Again it has gotten so much about me me me until it’s hard to ascertain that it might be better with WE WE WE.

By CARLA

April 13, 2006 01:07 PM | Link to this

IF YOU HAVE REALLY FOUND TRUE LOVE NOTHING WILL KEEP YOU APART. THERE ARE WAYS TO COMPROMISE.

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 01:07 PM | Link to this

@ DIVA. No, I am not saying that a Black woman should not be concerned with what she has worked had for too. What I am saying is that Black women should be independent and secure with themselves 100%, and when that happens, she can be successful no matter where she relocates to. I think Jazzy stated that her career allows her to work anywhere in the world, so the actual location per se, doesn’t really matter. If it is your dream job, then you should be able to be successful no matter where you live. I could say that I have a dream job now, but so what? They could come in right now and tell me to make like a banana and split, for no reason. Because of my level in my organization and the state I live in, not GA, I can be terminated at anytime for no reason. Then what! Dream job gone just that quick. When you live in what is called an at-will state like I do, nothing is guaranteed. So, if I have the option to pursue love, then that is the path I would take.

In regards to the statistics, I do not believe they are skewed. Part of my job is to research things like that and because I believe numbers don’t lie, I beleive the stats to be true. On the other hand, yes, there could be many reasons why the numbers read the way they do and any statistician or sociologist, for which I am both, will tell you that it is the information behind the numbers that is important, but the numbers are still pure facts. I think to chalk it up by saying people aren’t marrying much is an absolute cop out. So, DIVA, I am goig to have to disagree with you.

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 01:08 PM | Link to this

@ Rev Stress, you bring up a good point: The hard part is being honest enough with ourselves to break down whether or not the need is one that leads to “real” happiness or one that leads to a “supposed” happiness.

there are so many of us that are not always self-aware! It really makes a difference to be that honest with yourself.

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 01:08 PM | Link to this

mail call Page

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 01:12 PM | Link to this

out to lunch

By Str8

April 13, 2006 01:13 PM | Link to this

Slacking off in a meeting to follow up our meeting.

@Van - that’s the point (we share same values). If your dream job definition goes beyond money, titles, and image and is stictly related to purpose in life then it almost a no brainer. If one’s personal purpose in life does closely matches to the mates, then this question would almost be unnecessary… But if their purpose differs greatly, then you’ll get the dilemma… and there might also be other compatibility issues.

for example, if i have a passion to helping pple in Africa and my mate does not care a dime about pple in Africa, that’s a conflict that gonna rear its ugly head sometime. Whether its in dream job scenario or just how and what I use my resources for.

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 01:14 PM | Link to this

Yeahhhhhhhhhhh mail call….thanks Miss QC*

By E. Lewis

April 13, 2006 01:15 PM | Link to this

It would depend on how far into the relationship I was.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen too many friends give up something important for a maybe relationship only to have that not-quite-ready-for-the-next-level relationship end.

If marriage is your ultimate goal, you need to look at where you are at. I would not recommend using the threat of moving just to get your significant other to pop the question, but if marriage is not a definite part of your partner’s immediate plans and something else wonderful come along, I say take it.

The world is always full of possibilities.

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 01:15 PM | Link to this

@page Mail Call

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 01:15 PM | Link to this

I also find it interesting that the men don’t have as much to say about this subject as those in the past. Where are all the men at? I SEE YOU RUNNIN What do THEY have to say about this? Are we as women ALONE in feeling that there has to be a balance of both?

By Str8

April 13, 2006 01:15 PM | Link to this

back to the meeting… can’t wait to read all these comments.

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 01:19 PM | Link to this

I feel like people should just be honest with themselves. I have put off doing what I’ve dreamed about doing since I was 11 yrs old, I graduated, then college, got married, divorced, new relationship, all the while having this dream and putting it off for who? A man? Neither my ex-husband or ex-boyfriend are still around now and here I am 23, yes I said it 23 (got married after HS I’m still young)trying to pursue somthing I should have done at 18! Now I put love second, myself and career first!!!

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 01:19 PM | Link to this

@Jazzy Don’t make me check you boo!…lol. I never said we have no control, the premise of my post was about people who consider themselves control freaks, since we cannot control everything. (hug)

@Lyrazel Wow, that was a powerful story, there is hope for us all!!!…lol. Thanks for sharing.

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 01:21 PM | Link to this

@Page…I can see your point in many regards. We can disagree! LOL..I am a firm supporter of research and stats, but I think it is hard to pinpoint. What about the black women that can’t marry their female partners? So, I will agree the stats represent something, but I guess for me, the stats wouldn’t impact my personal choice. I just didn’t interpret them that way, I suppose.

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 01:23 PM | Link to this

@E. Lewis..well stated. Ultimatums like that are dangerous, and could backfire.

By Jazzyone

April 13, 2006 01:25 PM | Link to this

Runnin I can make this grimey or be a lady. I think I’ll chose being a lady wit’ it today..so listen dude, I wasn’t attacking you I was asking a question..

Check me??…hmp you are a funny guy patnah’…You can’t handle me man..

By Tall&Lovely

April 13, 2006 01:31 PM | Link to this

Hello everyone, I hope you all are having a great day.

I agree 100% with what Page is saying. When I made the decision to move to the Atlanta area I was in a realtionship with someone for about 2 years. I figured that I could find love in whatever city that was the easy part but getting this job offer was maybe a once in a lifetime opportunity. Although I felt bad about just “up and Leaving” my So as he put it I figured the road ahead was worth it. Needless to say 3 months after moving here I was terminated from that “wonderful” job due to cut backs and was back at square one with not only no job but also no one really there to lean on and go through that tough time with. I think really it truly just depends on what works for the person because again neither that job or love is guaranteed so you have to figure out what is best for you in the long run. I don’t think I would take it back for anything in the world but it is definitely one of those life lessons I keep on file.

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 01:32 PM | Link to this

Mail call Miss QC and CutieB

By Longtime Lurker

April 13, 2006 01:33 PM | Link to this

Wise Sorry, I ain’t buyin that!

Men have pressures from society like women do, like be a dam man!, stand up strait, be paid,take care of your family,be a role model,be able to provide for your girl,if she needs somethin,etc.

This is the reason most men are so hell bent on doing the dam thing with their careers!

As someone said earlier,love don’t pay the bills and bull ish runs the marathon,so let’s face it, if a dude don’t have his ish together by 35, he is looked at as a failure..period! A woman can still be runnin around cute at 35 and will have no problem finding a man.

Most of the things women go through (i.e. having a baby at a certain time,getting married,having a relationship(s))they put on themselves,not society!

The bad thing is most of these chicks have nothing to truly offer a dude. Yeah, most women want a successful man, but how many of them same chicks have what they are askin for,not many!

What I have personally experienced is that many African-American women don’t invest in their men, when they are trying to make it to that next level. I was often scolded for staying on the computer too long or passing on a date, when I had school work to do. When I was working on my master’s and PhD,I wish I could have tape recorded convo’s I had with chicks, corporate chicks,average chicks,etc. that made the situation all about them vs. where I was trying to go. Now at 34 I run the entire IT division of a 3 billion dollar company, where would I be now,if spent more time with them???

A lot of women could not understand why I was not spending more time with them, vs. doing what I had to do to succeed, now those same women want to hook up, now that I have gone through the “fire” and the blood ,sweat and tears and made it. My question for them is…Why were you not patient with me, when I was bustin my azz back in the day?? No answer of course!

So, to close, I think many women are missing out on that diamond on the rough,because they cannot see past tomorrow and see the potential in certain dudes. In most cases, guys marry the women who stick by them, even when they don’t have.

By olderandwiser

April 13, 2006 01:36 PM | Link to this

I grew up as a corporate gypsy whose father moved in and out of the USA for work; until the past decade or so my adult life was much the same way. From that I’ve learned what is important to retain and take along, and what can be left behind, and that timing and circumstance play huge roles in determining the value of a major move. Change can be both good and bad, and it has consequences.

When you’re young, single and/or without children, it’s relatively easy – and almost a necessity – to be mobile to achieve your personal and professional goals. IMO most people find they need to gain experience in life, mature emotionally and establish a sustained career on their own before they are able to make a final and lasting commitment to someone else. Few of us are blessed early on with a great mature partner and solid love to grow with. When and if you are, then you’ll find out how to balance out your love and your work, despite time and distance.

With marriage your decision-making process changes dramatically. Somebody else’s wants and needs must to be considered equally with your own. IMO childless partners can and should take turns in being the one on top when circumstances warrant a major change. (Reality check: the Biblical Ruth has largely feminized the role of the one who adapts to another’s moves.) But when you have kids, and the move would create such stress and conflict that their/your wellbeing could be destroyed, then you must “cast down your bucket where you are” (Booker T. Washington, 1885) and deal with it.

Life lesson: classes, jobs and houses come and go all the time, but committed family love cannot be so easily exchanged or replaced. Always be ready to make your best choices among these things. Just ask any Katrina/Rita survivor.

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 01:39 PM | Link to this

LL..dude what in the world are you talking about? I didn’t say men didn’t have ANY pressure, I meant to say not the SAME pressures. You wrote: women seek security in a relationship..all those things you mentioned about men aren’t referring to security in a relationship, so the pressure you speak of is not applicable to what I said.

or maybe I am just hungry, I will be back, LL is asking for more brain power than I have to spare right now, LOL

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 01:43 PM | Link to this

Thanks Tall&Lovely for that story. I can definitely relate. The bottom line is that nothing is guaranteed no matter what. No one likes rejection, whether it is getting rejected from a SO, and employer, credit card, car loan, or anything. It’s all a risk. That dream house you may have, may not be around. Heck….in California, where I am from, do you know how many people have dream homes and no earthquake insurance? So what happens when the BIG one hits? That’s it! There is nothing you can do. Nothing is guaranteed.

I would hate to be gone tomorrow while my loved ones looked back on my life and say “Yeah, that Page1908 was a great employee…too bad she never found love and took a chance on love”…man, that would be really sad:) making sad face

By Been Thru It All

April 13, 2006 01:43 PM | Link to this

Hello people… I saw the “Lost” episode last night and I agree with dude on the show. If I had come across a woman that was the one for me, I would follow her to the ends of the earth… Dream job?? I wanted to play professional football until I tore my ACL in college and that went out the door, but I got my degree anyway and I have a job that I like. Maybe we are asking ourselves the wrong question…If you have to choose between job and love then you might be confused in the beginning. If career is what you aspire for than go after it!! If a marriage is what you want, than hop to it.. Know from the jump what you want to do. Then take the consequences(good or bad) with that decision you have made. I believe that true love doesn’t come that often, I can get a “dream” job anytime.

p.s. my dream job as a child was to be a cowboy, glad that dream didn’t come true…lol

By Sugar

April 13, 2006 01:49 PM | Link to this

Guys, Guys, it’s about sharing your life not giving it up and eventually resenting the person whom you think you made the grand sacrifice for. I think our basic instinct is for self preservation and if we say we are giving up anything of importance whether it’s the dream job or annything else (except the parental sacrifices) for anyone, we need to check our self motivation. Would that be a deep insecurity?

By Royal Chic

April 13, 2006 01:54 PM | Link to this

I have to agree with LL on your last post…..

Both genders have pressures from society…more often than not women are not willing to wait while a potential “great guy” builds his empire…it’s now or never or better yet when and how I want it…..painting a perfect picture that will never come to be….just a whole lot of wishful thinking….that leaves you without love…..

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 01:57 PM | Link to this

I think again one MAJOR point that most of us seem to be missing is BALANCE.* LL* Its sounds like you were not willing to find a balance between love & career & whilst that may have worked for you for the majority of the people it will not. It also sounds like of the choices you made in women were not indicative of the type of person that you are. Type A’s need Type A’s & so on. BITA It’s so nice to hear a man talk about following a woman to the ends of the earth. These days that comes up so rarely. Love is a STRONG & beautiful thing. Careers whilst the results are immediately gratifying unfortunately ARE NOT. Ask the many people who worked for companies like Worldcom, Bellsouth, Delta, Enron which they would rather have not that their careers are in the toilet.

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 01:59 PM | Link to this

LL I think the right woman would wait but the guys who are building their empire won’t always check for her…the right one. If she doesn’t wait, she ain’t right, LOL.

@Sugar..- your comments were rather profound. I am enjoying responses today, very thought-provoking.

oh and I wanna go find my Mary J Blige cd, now Share My World!

By Longtime Lurker

April 13, 2006 02:01 PM | Link to this

@Wise Men and women see security in different ways! Men are more focused on be able to provide for their woman or familiy and most women want a man who has the ability to do just that! So, security to a man in a relationship is financial and trust in most cases.

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 02:03 PM | Link to this

But how long is too long to wait on your potential to build their great empire??

By ME

April 13, 2006 02:05 PM | Link to this

I know that this is off topic, but I got XM satellite this week, and it is the best thing you can ever put in a car. Forget the local radio stations.

As far as moving, I will keep my comments to myself. I dont want any female enemies on here today.

ME

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 02:09 PM | Link to this

@BTIA What up O.G., tripple O.G. I feel you on the ACL bruh, never the same after. You gotta be careful about following people to the ends of the earth. I’m not mad at ya but you don’t want to lose yourself or your identity in a relationship either. Hate to beat the dead horse but what happens if that other person isn’t there any longer, moves on? Then you stalkin!…lmao.

By Royal Chic

April 13, 2006 02:10 PM | Link to this

I feel that sometimes we don’t look at both sides of the coin…..the pressures that men have are equal to or greater than the pressures that we have as women…..

Well, I can only speak for the microwave generation when I say we want what we want when we want it…..not ever willing to sacrifice for anything….when it’s convenient for me let it come….what if love comes before you finish your degree?? Do you choose that which is tangible (degree, career, material possessions) or the intangible??!!

By VANikia

April 13, 2006 02:12 PM | Link to this

Yeah ME I’ve had mine for over a year now. I don’t know how I did without it. I am kinda mad they are taking away one of my favorite channels, but XM hits the spot. I can even listen on DirecTV.

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 02:15 PM | Link to this

Miss QC, Page1908, ME Mail Call….

By ME

April 13, 2006 02:16 PM | Link to this

If the love wasnt strong in Topeka, KS, what makes you think that it will be strong in Atlanta. People need to stop making decisions based on money or the fact that they are moving somewhere else. If the love is not in Topeka, it will not be here in Atlanta. Didnt I say that I was not going to comment? LOL

And I am not having any male bashing today.

Now who is going to send me some emails?

ME

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this

This is so off the subject. There is an advertisement on the radio about mystery shopping. This is a scam I am a mystery shopper, you do not have to pay to register with companies to be a mystery shopper!! Plus they only pay $10-$50 per assignment. Not worth it! Just thought I’d pass that along

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this

@ME Yeah, I had satellite radio in a rental last weekend and it was tight. I still need my Ipod too though.

Don’t be scurred of the women up in here!!…lol.

@CutieB Now you know only the individual in their own situation can decide how long is too long.

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this

@BITA Don’t let these hard heads discourage you from being in LOVE & HAPPY! @LL I agree with you that men & women see security in different ways.

By Been Thru It All

April 13, 2006 02:24 PM | Link to this

@RUNNIN whats up DOGG!!! just saying something on the ends of the earth thing, i’ll follow her to the end of the street!!!…lol

By ME

April 13, 2006 02:31 PM | Link to this

Here is another off topic for ya (sorry Wise). Is anyone going to a happy hour tomorrow? Im ready to see who I bloggin with up in here.

ME

By Stealth Mode

April 13, 2006 02:33 PM | Link to this

A couple of people have touched on the thoughts I’ve had (I believe it was Longtime Lurker and Page 1908). We constantly hear how men can be trifling and need to get their act together and well, sometimes you approach a crossroad in life that pits career versus relationship and you have to sacrifice one of them at that juncture. Some women hang for the long haul due to the man’s potential, some can’t wait that long. If you follow with the man as provider premise, men feel they have to have stability in their lives before they can bring someone else in the fold (at least that’s how I think). Part of that stability is doing things such as a career to bring in the resources in order to provide for the family. I’m not saying career is more important than family, but sometimes it’s hard to strike a balance.

I also believe when you’re faced with these situations all you can do is make real-time evaluations of your life with calculated risk analyses based on current events to apply to some future scenario that no one knows how it will turn out. Sometime it works out, sometimes a curve is thrown into the mix (relationship dissolution, layoff, last minute back-out by one party, etc.). You’re basically trying to play your best hand at career and relationship and hope for the best.

By Ms Corporate

April 13, 2006 02:35 PM | Link to this

Sorry..I’m late on the blog..been kinda busy today. Anyway, this is a tough one for me also. I’m a native and all of my immediate and extended family lives here. So it would be hard to leave at first, but if we are talking a substanial amount of salary increase and a great opportunity to explore new skills and talents(that’s the corporate side of me talking..lol)I think I would choose the dream job and try a long distance relationship. This job market although has been picking up some is still very unstable, so I would have to try my luck with the dream job. If he is really my soulmate and we can’t work it out immediately, hopefully with the cosmic clouds we can be together in the future. That’s just my take on it.

By db

April 13, 2006 02:36 PM | Link to this

Waaay off topic… does anybody know where some good bass fishin’ holes are around the metro Atl? I’m trying to grab my pole and have a lazy Saturday…

db

By runninatl

April 13, 2006 02:37 PM | Link to this

@NoStress I broke in the Jordan 21s yesterday, they are kind of heavy, gotta get use to them.

@FyreStarrter Hey, my career and 401k is not in the toilet just yet…lol. I feel BTIA, just gotta keep yourself on top of your game as well and not all caught up in someone else.

@LL Keep spittin knowledge bruh, and the fellas are gonna keep shopping that joint book deal with you and Micheal Baidsen, gotta get my %…lol.

I’m out, ya’ll be easy.

By FitChick

April 13, 2006 02:37 PM | Link to this

LL - Financial security is a top priority of mine. Since I love math and science, I chose to pursu an education in those fields which are among the most lucrative. Although jobs aren’t guaranteed, my degrees and experience allow me more options.

I wanted to have my own security so when I met my future mate who was equally secure, we would build our empire together. I wouldn’t ask something of someone that I couldn’t provide for myself.

Without my family’s support, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to go to college. And my career allows me to help out my family financially when necessary.

By bluedove

April 13, 2006 02:40 PM | Link to this

There is an email chain going around and is supposedly written by a man that states “If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.”

That is LOVE. It goes the other way also. Now if both love each sother so strongly and are willing to stand together no matter what… then a relocation to better the unit should not be a major decision.

I was married to someone in the Military, so not relocating was not an option. I wanted my family, so I gave up the great job, the promising advancement to better paying positions etc. I know both men and women who make this sacrifice. It’s all about what you really vlaue.

Life is a risk and the question one should ask is “IS the one who you are with a risk worth taking?”

By cadillac

April 13, 2006 02:41 PM | Link to this

my grandmother always said “its a lonely world at the top”. yes i do understand that these are the times of getting while the getting is good. everyone is in their own world selfishly trying to get what can be easily taken away. through the will of God anything is possible. if that job is meant to be, it’ll be. if that man or woman is meant to be, then it’ll be. nothing happens without God’s stamp of approval. it’s us that get in the way of these chosen battles. i would truly want my man around through any endeavor in my life. there’s nothing like a man’s compassion. you can’t get that from your mother, best friend, brother or sister. someone stated that they had a house, couple of cars, money and all these other material things….still probably playing games because they didn’t have someone to appreciate the growth with them.

By Pandora's Box ®

April 13, 2006 02:46 PM | Link to this

wow with all this lovin’ with the mail calls, I’m feeling a little neglected bottom lip poked out LOL!

By bluedove

April 13, 2006 02:46 PM | Link to this

CutieB…mail call

By MusingLee

April 13, 2006 02:48 PM | Link to this

Hey All,

Lets party…I’ve got the wings and chips…Who’s got the beer and dip…Yeahhhh*(in my Lil’John voice)

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 02:52 PM | Link to this

Bluedove..YES, I love that email If A Man Wants You. In fact, I just sent it to MissQC and CutieB a few minutes ago. I actually have it printed out and posted on my mirror in my bedroom. If anyone wants it, holla at me via email and let me know….it really is an eye-opener.

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 02:55 PM | Link to this

@pandora Mail Call @musing Where the party at?

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 02:57 PM | Link to this

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH Musing is here now….gimme some wings! I think Jazzy is on her way with the potatoe salad and bbq baked beans. I also am craving some ghetto candy…lol…Musing you got any Chicko Sticks, Boston Baked Beans, Lemon Heads, or Fun Dip???lol

By VANikia

April 13, 2006 02:58 PM | Link to this

yes page* send it to me and send **Pandora something so she will stop pouting.

By cadillac

April 13, 2006 03:01 PM | Link to this

i got that email as well. that is sure reality!

By Longtime Lurker

April 13, 2006 03:02 PM | Link to this

Sorry folks, I am in aout of meetings and posting when I can, but I think a lot of great points have been made so far.

My biggest point to the women is…That great guy you want comes in all types of packages and possibly not the package you prefer. What you have to do is be open to new options and different types of men, that you are not used to dealing with and most of all quit puting expectations on things, let them naturally progress.

I got on Wise yesterday, because I saw her heading down a dead end road and she did not realize it. That’s what folks who truly got yo back do is to say go left, when you are headed right.

Although many of the women on this blog have education,looks,personality,etc. that does not make you a good woman or a great catch. The same goes for men. What makes a person successful in meeting the right person is timing and having your self “truly” together.

If you have issues, recognize and resolve those issues, before you seek a mate. If you have trust issues, find a way to let go those trust issues and move forward. If you have hangups about dating certain men outside your comfort zone, then you are limiting yourself and may never find the person truly made for you.

Let’s face it women, you don’t have a ton of options falling out the sky to choose from, but there are good men out there and they are available. Men don’t have a ton of quality options to choose from either.

What you have to do is expand your horizons and take chances. You cannot continue to be so guarded all the time. If it feels right, go for it, but be cautious!

Learn to listen more,instead of always wanting to talk. You can’t learn a damn thing if you talk all the time! Men tell women all the time what they want, but you don’t know, because you don’t listen. Someone once told me that they brightest and most successful people have mastered the art of listening and knowing when to speak…it takes practice to perfect!

Ask more questions…If I cat got something to hide, then he don’t want you to ask questions….period!

The same goes for women. A person that does not have anything to hide, understands at this stage in the game, questions are needed to cut down on the bull ish!

Get references! If someone has been here in Atlanta, for over a year and can not provide at least one good female or male (or both)reference….run like hell! Again, the goal is to cut down on bull ish!

Make sure the words line up with actions always! If what they sayin ain’t adding up, go dectective on they azz!

Okay, that’s all I am givin today, any more is gonna cost you $59.95 in a hardback version.

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 03:03 PM | Link to this

@Page1908 Can u PLEASE send me that e-mail gyrl?? I have not seen that one yet! THANKS!

By bluedove

April 13, 2006 03:03 PM | Link to this

@ Page1908…I love that email. I have sent it to a few women who are trying to figure out “how can i make him love me, call me blah blah blah.” I keep telling them “you can’t if he’s not feeling you like that.”

By abc

April 13, 2006 03:04 PM | Link to this

@db, I know some folks that pull a lot striped bass out of Lake Allatoona, size ranges 7-20lbs. Smallish catfish aren’t hard to catch if you know how (I’ve watched them do it, but I’m no fisherman). Local natives often refer to Allatoona as the Dead Sea though, thing is you have to know where to fish. That in itself is interesting though, there are photo mosaics of the lake just before the Corps of Engineers filled it for the first time in 1949, you can see the original creekbed, roads and bridges (them fishies dig the submerged bridges), house foundations, etc.

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 03:04 PM | Link to this

VAN and Pandora mail call…now quit being a baby and quit that pouting! LOLOL

By MusingLee

April 13, 2006 03:05 PM | Link to this

@CutieB Partys at your house….Ha HA HA HA….Yeahhhhh in my Lil’John voice

Page You know I got you covered…Look in that brown bag…Bam!

!Hypnotic!

By Pandora's Box ®

April 13, 2006 03:08 PM | Link to this

Thanks Page and Van! LOL

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 03:09 PM | Link to this

Fyre Mail call!

LOLOL at all the mail calls….ya’ll better remember me when I send you emails from now on and don’t be like “who in the heck is this Page1908 girl” and delete them…lol swirling neck and popping gum

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 03:10 PM | Link to this

THANK YOU PAGE!!!!

By FitChick

April 13, 2006 03:11 PM | Link to this

Page - If you give me some of your Fun Dip and I’ll share my Now & Laters!

I want some emails too!!

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 03:11 PM | Link to this

Okay pandora I’m late but mail call…

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 03:11 PM | Link to this

Ok, I have another profound email called A Sister’s Poem and a Brother’s Response. Man, that one is deep also. Holla at me if you want it…

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 03:14 PM | Link to this

LOLOL Musing at bam..so what is this? BYOB? hahaha

By girlsmom

April 13, 2006 03:15 PM | Link to this

@ filthy dk - 12:07 post. being a single parent, i could not relocate. even though there are times that i truly can’t stand my ex… he’s a great dad & it would kill my girls if they were away from their father. right now, what’s best for them is my first priority & if that means giving up the dream job or even the dream guy, i have to do it. i do believe that if i’m putting my girls first, God will provide the dream job & the dream guy…. my day will come!!!

By anonymousella

April 13, 2006 03:19 PM | Link to this

heh.. in my case, it was an e-mail. i was the one who could have gone. but i know that leaving would have broken my heart too, not just his. a long-distance relationship is doable if we’re talking savannah and atlanta. but this would have been san francisco/san jose to atlanta. shoooot. our wallets would break us up if we didn’t…LOL.

sweetie said he would have moved with me. but i made the decision to stay because he has two kids. a once-a-month fly-in from cali wouldn’t be that much different from our arrangement now. but i didn’t feel right asking him to make that move. so i stayed.

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 03:19 PM | Link to this

Hahahaha…FitChick mail call dangit! Since when did I become the mail lady? LOLOL…Musing send me some mail:) giving the evil eye

By MusingLee

April 13, 2006 03:20 PM | Link to this

Since I’m too late to join the conversation…I think I’ll party the rest of the day….CutieB Where is your bathroom, and crank that music up….Owwwwww (said while holding a Henn and Coke in both hands)

I think someone’s at your door…..Can you get that?

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 03:22 PM | Link to this

@FitChick Mail Call I want some mail too!

By olderandwiser

April 13, 2006 03:23 PM | Link to this

I’m enjoying today’s blog without the reams of childish off-topic prattling by the poseurs to scroll through. Must be the holiday factor as well as the subject.

@Erica…I enjoyed your post. Thanks for sharing.

@LLurker…I’m impressed by your career achievements and congratulate your success. A question: did you make enough time for the good woman/women who stood by you while you attained them? There are too many patient women who stood by a man while he completed his education or got his dream job, only to be set aside for a younger and/or better-looking model once he’d gotten there. Love, security and trust are mutual needs, not exclusive to men.

@BTIA … I can relate to LOST’s Bernard and Rose, the lovely 50+ couple. They showed us that for older people, health, happiness and longevity become more important as time goes on. Our career goals and monetary needs have been met (we hope), so enjoying what life remains to us with a loving partner matters most.

My personal career vs. love story:

As a young and unattached woman I moved around a lot for my career. There was little that interferred with that, and I was busy improving my personal and professional circumstances. Then, love hit big time around age 30. I left everything behind to move across the country for my new husband and his daughters. I was ready for that major spouse/parent career move; alas, my DH wasn’t prepared to accept his. The divorce was devastating in every way; it took years to recover from. I returned to a mobile career and solo life and have done well since, but perhaps because I chose not to move again for love alone. I found that achieving a positive balance between love and work to be a necessity for my overall happiness.

Now, I have a serious younger BF who has kids. Would I move for his new mid-life career (a strong possibility)? Well, my career is mostly behind me; I’m financially and emotionally secure; and I’m comfortable with packing up my stuff and making new friends elsewhere. But, although marriage is being discussed now I don’t know. Perhaps I too am fearful of history repeating itself. Only time will tell. Please wish us both luck with our decision.

See y’all next week. I hope you enjoy the lovely weather and appreciate this meaningful holiday season.

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 03:27 PM | Link to this

@musing Bathroom is at the top of the stairs to your right!!! LOL

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 03:31 PM | Link to this

I’m loving all my emails from my all my new email buddies, thank y’all so much

By G

April 13, 2006 03:32 PM | Link to this

Is it possible to marry your career? I think I’ve dated my career since high school, through college, then married it when I accepted the job and averaged over 50 hours a week. Paychecks are my babies. The bigger the better.

By FyreStarrter™

April 13, 2006 03:35 PM | Link to this

@older: Gyrl I will PRAY for you because I believe in the importance of love & I believe that you will make the decision that is best for you. Much Luv Sweetheart. Hey everyone I am gone…Got to hit the GYM! Much Luv to everyone & talk to everyone tomorrow! If I don’t “see” you enjoy the Holiday!

By George

April 13, 2006 03:37 PM | Link to this

Just a comment or two. First if you’re not married there is really no “our plans”. Second, in a true committed relationship (ie, marriage) always remember that it is not about being with the right person (the so-called “soulmate”), but being the right person. Big difference.

By MusingLee

April 13, 2006 03:38 PM | Link to this

CutieB this sour cream is old, you should throw this stuff out…Page did Fit eat all the Now&Laters?

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 03:43 PM | Link to this

Musing I don’t rememer buying any sour cream… Maybe you’ve had too much to drink…

By Longtime Lurker

April 13, 2006 03:45 PM | Link to this

*@olderandwiser8 I think it depends on the dude and if a cat leaves you, generally it for other reasons with you!

During my struggle, I always expected that I was going to be where I am now, but just did not know when it was going to happen,so I did what I needed to do to get there and did without the distractions. I figured that when I achieved what I needed to do, everything else would fall in place.

I had a few chicks that tried to hang in there with me, but I eventually saw their game plan and called them out on that ish! Overall, finding a woman that will stick by your side no matter what is just as hard as finding a stable,qualified,ambitious,goal oriented,intelligent and outgoing mate.

To be perfectly honest, a relationship has never been at the top of my list, even now. If I meet someone, who happens to have that oomph factor, then I will deal with it then, but I am happy how my life is now and most of all I don’t have to always please somebody else, I please my damn self.

I value marriage, but if I am going to do it,I am going to do it right! I have seen too many of my boys,friends,other people crash and burn and I am not trying to go that route.

By MusingLee™

April 13, 2006 03:51 PM | Link to this

This Party is freak’in sweet…I’ve had 3 Henn & Cokes, nachos, and hypnotic! HEHEHEHE

By db

April 13, 2006 03:56 PM | Link to this

abc: thanks; I went out to lake allatoona last summer and caught a grand total of 1 little fish. LOL. Nobody else out there was catching anything either; I just chalked it up as a crap place to fish. I’d like to find some small little lake somewhere where I can sit in the shade, drink my beverage of choice, and catch some dinner. I may try allatoona again sometime, but definitely a different spot.

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 03:58 PM | Link to this

it’s time for my annual Spring warning for the blog. It’s HUMP YOUR EX SEASON. This means that your exes are coming out of the woodwork right about not to lay the foundation for potential springtime hook-ups because they spiked spring fever.

By VANikia

April 13, 2006 03:58 PM | Link to this

How’d you get that picture of my ex Miss QC and I thought I was the only one that he gave that poem to SMH

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 03:59 PM | Link to this

I’m just in a place in my life where love has gotten me nothing but headache, heartache and fu**ed up finances. I don’t need it. Love has just soured me… Now I’ve met a few guys here and there, but mostly they end up falling back cuz I have a nonchalant attitude about relationships.

By bluedove

April 13, 2006 04:06 PM | Link to this

@Page…mail call

By cadillac

April 13, 2006 04:09 PM | Link to this

i figured there were a lot of hurt sistas on this page. i try to give everyone a chance until they give me reason not to.

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 04:12 PM | Link to this

Thanks for sharing that olderandwiser. I wish you and your family all the best! I think you will be just fine!

By abc

April 13, 2006 04:15 PM | Link to this

@db, folk who fish tell me that Lake Juliet near Macon is a very good natural lake, i.e. not stocked.

By Longtime Lurker

April 13, 2006 04:25 PM | Link to this

Well, I am out folks. Gotta take this Red Eye flight back to the ATL. Looking forward to some better weather than what is out here on the West Coast!

Have a Great Easter!

By CutieB™

April 13, 2006 04:25 PM | Link to this

Bye all my new friends, have a good evening. Be careful in that traffic…

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 04:35 PM | Link to this

lol @VaN

i’m signing off bloggers, today was a good day…be safe everyone and be good to yourself……HOLLA

have a good one CutieB

By VANikia

April 13, 2006 04:37 PM | Link to this

For all New York (Flavor of love) lovers… she has a petition to get her own VH1 show. I can send the link if anyone wants it.

By MisplacedGaPeachNoLonger

April 13, 2006 04:38 PM | Link to this

My mom quit working 37 years ago when her and my dad got married. Dad has moved us all over 2 countries, and mom has always been there to support him.
I truely believe that when one door closes, another one opens. I had my choice to move with a guy I was dating, and I didn’t. He moved closer to home to be near his family, which would have taken me from mine. He was killed in a car accident. Had I moved and put down roots, I would have had the choice again to make on if I should move or not.
It is a hard choice, but if you listen to your heart, and your gut, you will know what is best for you.

By Pandora's Box ®

April 13, 2006 04:39 PM | Link to this

Thanks for the emails! I’m out for a long weekend to see my twin nieces! Have a great weekend everyone!

By Page1908

April 13, 2006 04:54 PM | Link to this

LOL Musing….who made nachos?? eyeroll

By Miss QC™

April 13, 2006 04:56 PM | Link to this

send me the link VaN

thank you!

By Grandpa Jack™

April 13, 2006 04:59 PM | Link to this

Trademark, whoda’ thunk. :-) :-) :-)

By Wise Diva

April 13, 2006 05:00 PM | Link to this

Have a great night