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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2006 > April > 06
Thursday, April 6, 2006
Fixer-uppers
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As you guys know, one of the things that is a deal-breaker for me is my potential partner’s political beliefs. It’s very important to me that I spend time with someone who shares the same outlook that I do on society, at least on certain hot-button issues that I think could create unresolvable conflicts between us.
The other day, I got a message online from someone who was interested in taking me out. He seemed cute and nice, but he specifically described himself in such a way that made me think we were going to clash politically. I asked him his stance on a certain issue that matters to me, just to see what he would say, and I found his answer so problematic and narrow-minded that I politely informed him that I didn’t think we would be a very good match and that I wouldn’t waste his time by hanging out with him.
I was telling this story to a few people the other night, and one of them asked me, in all seriousness, “Wait, why didn’t you try to go out with him to try to change his mind?” I just laughed, because it hadn’t even occurred to me.
But I know there is a category of people out there who do try to change their partners. Actually, almost all of us are guilty of it once in a while. There definitely is a challenge involved with taking someone who needs some “improvement,” whether it’s something superficial like clothes or hairstyle or something more substantial, like trying to make a shy person open up or a lazy one work harder.
It’s a natural tendency to try to bring out the best in your partner, certainly. But where does that line lie between serving as an inspiration and becoming a nag? Have you ever tried to “fix up” a potential partner? Has it worked for you? Has anyone ever tried to change you, and what was the result?
If you do get your partner to change, what then? Do you feel like they aren’t as authentically themselves, or is it an accomplishment for you and testament to how much they care for you that they were willing to change parts of themselves?
What things can you safely change for a partner, and what things should you never alter about yourself?
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