Misadventures in Atlanta

By Teresa

March 27, 2006 08:30 AM | Link to this

I’ve been divorced for 10 years. I didn’t date for two years after my marriage ended and then I went the internet route. I met some really nice guys, but the process of telling my life story over and over and over exhausted me, I got tired of being lied to and misled (I answered one guy’s ad and when I went to meet him, I thought he had sent his father!), then there’s the travel to meet someone (they always seem to live on the other side of the metropolis!). I have not dated now in more than two years and I love it! I do what I want, when I want. I don’t have to wonder whether someone is going to call, or should I call him. I have more energy for other things I enjoy. I have friends with whom I socialize (male & female), but the angst of dating is no longer part of my life. ~HappyAsOne.

By Jezebelle

March 27, 2006 08:43 AM | Link to this

Its been a while since I went on a date - I would like to go out on more dates but I jus dont make the effort to do so ( self sabotage U might call it ) Thought about going through the internet route but Im a bit skeptical about the whole deal as Teresa aforementioned . Hey laney, have U tried speed dating ? it seems like fun.

By Tray

March 27, 2006 09:06 AM | Link to this

morning! due to lent, I am in a ‘break’, actually it was a break from obsessing about men, which has turned out really good. I have focused more on who I am, what I want and how to get it, personal and professional. I’ve been hit w/a few things that trust me a few weeks ago I would be crying the blues, but the no obsess rule has helped. I’m still going out w/friends and flirting but it’s with the notion of FUN not finding a mate. when its right, it will be right… have a super duper day y’all!

By Chris

March 27, 2006 09:10 AM | Link to this

I have been divorce 5 years…I do want to date, but, the internet route is not that great..most of the men I have met lie about several issues such as age, whether or not they smoke, etc…I don’t trust them anymore! I have also paid over $2000 to join the right one….a dating agency..they stink, don’t go there…they match you with the nastiest people..help….are there any nice single men out there in there 40’s? Stillsingleandlooking…

By Fed Up!!!

March 27, 2006 09:12 AM | Link to this

Yes, how ironic this in the paper this morning cause I just took my page off Black Planet & BP Meet.com erased my entire guy contacts & just threw my hands in the air on this matter. It’s done, over a wrap!!!!! whatever happen to real good men?

By Juli

March 27, 2006 09:16 AM | Link to this

My last date was Saturday..and he took me to a SWINGERS CLUB! **that’s another story! I TRIED to take a dating break, but it just doesn’t work for me. Maybe 3wks at the most, and I am ready for action! I took the break to tie up “loose ends” LOL, and to relax, but turns out, I missed that man drama!

By Juli

March 27, 2006 09:17 AM | Link to this

My last date was Saturday..and he took me to a SWINGERS CLUB! **that’s another story! I TRIED to take a dating break, but it just doesn’t work for me. Maybe 3wks at the most, and I am ready for action! I took the break to tie up “loose ends” LOL, and to relax, but turns out, I missed that man drama!

By Juli

March 27, 2006 09:17 AM | Link to this

My last date was Saturday..and he took me to a SWINGERS CLUB! **that’s another story! I TRIED to take a dating break, but it just doesn’t work for me. Maybe 3wks at the most, and I am ready for action! I took the break to tie up “loose ends” LOL, and to relax, but turns out, I missed that man drama!

By Juli

March 27, 2006 09:18 AM | Link to this

My last date was Saturday..and he took me to a SWINGERS CLUB! **that’s another story! I TRIED to take a dating break, but it just doesn’t work for me. Maybe 3wks at the most, and I am ready for action! I took the break to tie up “loose ends” LOL, and to relax, but turns out, I missed that man drama!

By Teidra

March 27, 2006 09:21 AM | Link to this

I’ve pretty much given up on dating also. My story is exactly like Teresa, i.e. being divorced 10 years, not dating for nearly two years after the split, then doing online dating.

The online thing didn’t work out. I met men and the dating started off ok, but as mentioned, you get tired of the lies and the games.

It seems that Atlanta is the land of the booty call. Men here don’t want to date anymore. They don’t like to pick you up and take you to dinner or do activities. After an initial date, the men in this town seem to want to parlay your interaction with the into a sex-only relationship—no dates, no spending time together, no nothing. They just want you to have sex with them and that’s it.

Not only for spiritual reasons, the Atlanta dating scene has caused me to become abstinent because I don’t want to be bothered with me who only are interested in physcial relationships. It helps to screen men out much better. When I meet a guy and tell him that I’m not havingsex, they usually flee, which is good for me. It just shows me what they are really after.

The choice to leave men alone has allowed me to focus on other things in life. I don’t feel lonely at all. I feel relieved to not have men in my life.

By Teidra

March 27, 2006 09:22 AM | Link to this

I’ve pretty much given up on dating also. My story is exactly like Teresa, i.e. being divorced 10 years, not dating for nearly two years after the split, then doing online dating.

The online thing didn’t work out. I met men and the dating started off ok, but as mentioned, you get tired of the lies and the games.

It seems that Atlanta is the land of the booty call. Men here don’t want to date anymore. They don’t like to pick you up and take you to dinner or do activities. After an initial date, the men in this town seem to want to parlay your interaction with the into a sex-only relationship—no dates, no spending time together, no nothing. They just want you to have sex with them and that’s it.

Not only for spiritual reasons, the Atlanta dating scene has caused me to become abstinent because I don’t want to be bothered with me who only are interested in physcial relationships. It helps to screen men out much better. When I meet a guy and tell him that I’m not havingsex, they usually flee, which is good for me. It just shows me what they are really after.

The choice to leave men alone has allowed me to focus on other things in life. I don’t feel lonely at all. I feel relieved to not have men in my life.

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 09:26 AM | Link to this

mornin……

By Pandora's Box

March 27, 2006 09:26 AM | Link to this

I have threatened to take a break. I recently met someone online and swear that if this doesn’t work out that I am going to take a break. In the last couple of weeks I have been on 3 dates with guys I met online. 2 of them were losers. I don’t think I am going to be doing this online thing much longer. Most of the guys that contacted me evidently didn’t read my profile, because they were not a match!

By abc

March 27, 2006 09:28 AM | Link to this

I’m a divorced male, in my 40’s, shunned dating for quite awhile because I wanted to be without the hassle and drama for awhile, and I’d developed a bit of an attitude that so many women are just plain mean and after my money. Other female friends agreed with me on that, I wasn’t just imagining it. I tried the Internet dating thing and met a nice woman I’ve been dating. All of you talking about nothing but lying, I’ve heard that from lots of people, but never experienced it myself. I certainly never misrepresented myself. I don’t know any other men who’ve done Internet dating though, only women, they’re the ones who talked me into it.

By VANikia

March 27, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone!!!

Of course I’ve taken breaks from dating. I’ve spent most of my adult life not dating, but that works for me because I need a lot of me time.

By Sascha

March 27, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this

Yep—I too, have taken a much needed break from dating. Mainly because it’s exhausting and most of the time pretty disappointing. Finding someone who is in sync with me (spiritually, emotionally and financially) at this point in my life is a huge challenge.
So, no more dating for a while….
It’s good to be able to say that and be happy about it! :o)

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone! Interesting topic and I have my thoughts on it. I’ll be back…

By pamela

March 27, 2006 09:38 AM | Link to this

Now in my mid 30’s, I took a much needed break from dating. (4 years since my divorce) Found out alot about me and the person I am looking for. (The REAL person). I agree with the others, the lies are OLD!!! Why do you men lie about your age, smoking & kids???? Don’ you think we’ll find out? Anyway, one day the right one will come along…..

By pamela

March 27, 2006 09:39 AM | Link to this

Now in my mid 30’s, I took a much needed break from dating. (4 years since my divorce) Found out alot about me and the person I am looking for. (The REAL person). I agree with the others, the lies are OLD!!! Why do you men lie about your age, smoking & kids???? Don’ you think we’ll find out? Anyway, one day the right one will come along…..

By Ant

March 27, 2006 09:43 AM | Link to this

My last relationship ended about three years ago and I took a year long break from dating, just to regroup and take some time for myself. Since I’ve started dating again, it seems to get more frustrating with each attempt. Where can a guy find a nice lady (30’s-40’s) for a decent, fun evening? Hey Laney, why don’t you start a dating site here instead? We could just add pix to our posts ;=)

By Ant

March 27, 2006 09:43 AM | Link to this

My last relationship ended about three years ago and I took a year long break from dating, just to regroup and take some time for myself. Since I’ve started dating again, it seems to get more frustrating with each attempt. Where can a guy find a nice lady (30’s-40’s) for a decent, fun evening? Hey Laney, why don’t you start a dating site here instead? We could just add pix to our posts ;=)

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 09:45 AM | Link to this

“nobody wants to be alone” (said to the tune of Usher’s ‘you got it bad’)………….

By Jezebelle

March 27, 2006 09:51 AM | Link to this

From the looks of it, Im destined to be the spinster of neighborhood - I already have a cat, all I need is a rocking chair, porch and fifteen more cats to complete the picture !! And Im only 30…..sigh

By G

March 27, 2006 09:51 AM | Link to this

I take breaks all the time. I probably stay in “break mode” most of the year. It takes a lot of energy and motivation to stay up in the game. You meet so many different types of personalities, and most are not a match.

Men have to deal with a lot of rejections, preasure, and criticisms up front. All women have to do is sit back and watch us go through hoops, then pick the best clown out in the circus of dating.

I believe I’ve gotten used to keeping myself busy without dating. The con about this, is not being in “game shape” when I do get a date. Usually I’m never aggressive enough and let plenty of women pass by. My timing is so awful.

By reality check

March 27, 2006 09:51 AM | Link to this

Can’t help but notice that a number of posters today have given up on dating because of bad experiences using the internet. I tried the internet several years ago after my divorce and while I met some quality people I have concluded it just isn’t worth the effort. There is way too much misrepresentation. That can happen in the non-internet world too, but nothing like on the internet. I know there are relationships and marriages where the couple met on the internet, but on balance it just isn’t worth it.

By G

March 27, 2006 09:52 AM | Link to this

I take breaks all the time. I probably stay in “break mode” most of the year. It takes a lot of energy and motivation to stay up in the game. You meet so many different types of personalities, and most are not a match.

Men have to deal with a lot of rejections, preasure, and criticisms up front. All women have to do is sit back and watch us go through hoops, then pick the best clown out in the circus of dating.

I believe I’ve gotten used to keeping myself busy without dating. The con about this, is not being in “game shape” when I do get a date. Usually I’m never aggressive enough and let plenty of women pass by. My timing is so awful.

By THE FILTHY VILLAINOUS DK

March 27, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this

Morning..

Can I say this? Well here goes.. STOP LOOKING! When you stop looking and go about your normal Biz someone will appear out the blue. People can see the disgusted looks and the nasty attitudes towards dating.. Meet friends and let it mature to whatever. I never meet someone with the intention of this is the one.. I just go about it to have fun.. Thats it, Fun or as I like to call it Entertainment.. Oh yeah give a guy that you wouldnt normally give a chance some airplay, it might be become the most beautifullest thing.

Guys tell these ladies the truth it actually get you farther than runnin game, believe me I have done it both ways and since I burn it down I cant keep up with the lies any more. Yeah Ladies I probably would come to your house smelling like Cheech and Chong, but guess what we would still have a wonderful time.

By EDP

March 27, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this

Hey all,

This is a very ironic topic for today. There have been a lot of life changning things that have happened over the past few months and me and some of my girls have just decided to be done with the dating process for a little while. Take time out to enjoy life, travel and regroup. Personally, I am just tired of men wanting to come to my house, sit on my couch, ask me what I cooked or personal sexual questions that have nothing to do with getting to know eachother intellectually. I say enjoy the single life and have a ball. Life is too short for the emotional stress of getting to know a lot of men that have no good intentions.

By righteoussisterfurey

March 27, 2006 10:01 AM | Link to this

I’ve taken several. The longest was 4 years, after a bad love affair that ended just as my daughters entered high school. I didn’t date the whole time and didn’t regret it. Lately I’m going about a year between dates. But I have the best relationships with men in general that I’ve ever had, because I will not take slop anymore. If a guy acts like an a*, I’m gone. I’m not going to stay around and let him make me resent him, and I don’t give a crap about his approval. Fortunately I have a full life otherwise.

By Star

March 27, 2006 10:05 AM | Link to this

I’m a single woman in my early 40’s. I haven’t dated in several years. Never been married because I refuse to settle. Why does having standards mean that you need to settle for the lies and misrespresntation? Women play games just like men. If you are really serious about meeting someone, you must be real and true to yourself first.

By Mike

March 27, 2006 10:05 AM | Link to this

Women are just as guilty with the lying thing let’s just get that out there right now. Men deal with an entire set of lies and deception when it comes to dating. Most women want 1 of 2 things, to get married tommorow or to have kids right now. I am 27 and for awhile I was only dating women older then me 30+ because it was less BS then dating the 23-27 crowd. I found out the hard way you just trade in one set of BS for another. Since then I got two dogs for companionship. I already know how to cook, and can clean my own stuff. I don’t need a duel income I make plenty of money. So frankly at this point I am finding women useless to me, they simply have nothing to offer except headaches. Hey if you think you can prove me wrong have at it. I doubt it. Whats the point of dating marriage is a complete joke in todays society anyways.

By bebo

March 27, 2006 10:08 AM | Link to this

I love swearing off dating. I get my head out of the mush and manage to make some great guy friends because I’m not all worked up about it. And every once in a while it turns into something more - which is nice because there is already that basis of friendship.

By THE FILTHY VILLAINOUS DK

March 27, 2006 10:10 AM | Link to this

As for Internet dating.. Thats just lazy! People are always going to Pub themselves as if they were something else. I enjoy the interaction with a woman.. To stand there and talk, converse on current events, or anything, get in a few good laughs and TADOW! I dont do the interent thing cause I love to chit chat in person, you can watch a persons body language and let that tell you where the convo should or should not go.. I like to look into eyes and see the spark ignite after a few minutes of the million dollar mouth piece.

By SimpleLife

March 27, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this

I was glad to come here and read that the beautiful, well educated, round about women are having the same problem as us simple, church going, trying to live right women. Nobody wants us when it comes to a serious committed relationship and marriage. I couldn’t understand the Down-Low Brother epidemic at first but now I have seen the light. Black men today are looking for meaningless nonemotional sex. They have ran threw as many woman and have exhausted all possibilities. Now they have turned to each other. They don’t want to settle down and be husbands and fathers. I haven’t had a date in 10 years. The only real relationship that I had was the worst experience ever. If you want to part of someone’s rotation, you can find those guys a dime a dozen but if you want to be some ones wife I wish you much luck because chances are that won’t be happening.

By Juli

March 27, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this

It sounds bad in Atlanta! I’m in DFW, and there seems to be a never ending supply of men that want to date and woo a female! Shoot for men in their mid 30’s. They seem to be the ones that are ready to settle down!

By G

March 27, 2006 10:18 AM | Link to this

Actually, I haven’t had a “girlfriend” since 2001. Honestly, b/c I haven’t really put in the effort of meeting new people. The City of Atlanta has a way of keeping you single.

By runninatl

March 27, 2006 10:19 AM | Link to this

Good morning people.

I have to agree with DK & EDP, stop looking and enjoy being single. I have been on two “dates” this year and had a great time. The cool thing for me was that there was no pressure because I let it be known upfront what level I am on mentally and spiritually. At 31, I’m finally growing up…lol. I’m the reformed “bad boy” turned nice guy but I’m in no rush to jump back in the game. I’m focused on my kids, school, career, and becoming a better person.

Taking a break gives you some time to reflect. I have had time to look back and think, dayumn, I was a jerk, I was in idiot, I was wrong for that, etc. But I cannot change the past, I’m just determined not to repeat it. God has a wicked sense of humor, I’m divorced with 3 three daughters I need to raise. I don’t want to ever hear anyone say to them, “when you grow up look for a decent, Christian man, not the type of man your father is”. So my break is for multiple reasons but will be worth it. I’m traveling this year, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. If it is meant to be then it will happen.

I believe people sense happiness and confidence and are drawn to it. Sometimes when you are bitter or lonely it is more difficult to meet people because you give off that vibe. When you are happy and secure then it’s easier to meet positive people. If I end up 45, single, and a good Christian father then so be it. I’ll be that driving a sports car going through my midlife crisis, but happy!…..lol.

By Star

March 27, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this

Where can a woman go to meet quality men? I’ve heard the grocery store, church, happy hour, but to no avail. I’ve tried the Internet- too many lies! Getting married isn’t at the top of my list, but I would like to meet a nice guy and see what happens.

By divine1

March 27, 2006 10:32 AM | Link to this

I have to agree with the gentlemen on this one - I can’t believe I just said that - j/k. When you stop looking - that relationship will come. Why? Because you will not feel the pressure or need to find that person who is “The ONE”, but instead enjoy your time out being yourself, meeting new people and exploring all your options. Dating can be a lot of pressure if you allow it to be - the pressure of looking, feeling, acting GOOD all of time can get to be a bit much. I would prefer to go on a date where I can wear my baseball cap and some sweats, than to have to primp to go out with someone who I find out was not worth it. The less pressure I feel the more relaxed and enjoyable the date is for me.

As far as taking a hiatus from dating - I have several times. I needed to take time for myself to evaluate my needs vs. my wants and find a balance between the two. The one thing about being a single parent is that sometimes people are not as open to understanding that there are time constraints placed on you. As a single parent you can’t have a date every night of the week or if you go on a date you can’t stay out as late as you want because your time out may be money for someone else.

By menopausequeen

March 27, 2006 10:32 AM | Link to this

It’s been three years now since I was involved with someone. I love it most of the time; feel sometimes I’d like companionship and intimacy. Spent the years from 25 to 45 obsessed with relationships and didn’t develop other aspects of myself. Menopause is great because that obsession is gone now! Since I’m bi, I could go either way but end up going no way because it is such a drain on energy. I would never, ever remarry (tried it once and don’t believe in it) or even try to live with anyone again. I need a lot of alone time and the last two I got involved with (women) wanted a 24/7 togetherness that freaked me out! If I ran into someone who wanted to go out to dinner a couple of times a month or take a weekend trip once every couple of months, someone who has a life and isn’t so needy, someone who can make me laugh, someone interested in many things, someone a lot of fun to be with, and sexually compatible, I’d give it a go but I’m not actively looking. Finding a match? For a bi-sexual, atheist with an IQ of 140? I don’t think it’s gonna happen.

By Tray

March 27, 2006 10:32 AM | Link to this

dang Juli, I’m visiting!

By DasKrait2

March 27, 2006 10:35 AM | Link to this

I have to agree with those who say letting things happen naturally, as a result of meeting and becoming friends first, is what has worked best for me in the past.

I have done the phone-ads(in the back of papers) and the intanet online dating thing. Dating was better with the phone thing, as far as volume goes. The thing about online dating is people are always looking for the next better, and easy clicking makes that super easy. (sounded like Rickie Lee Jones there for a few, with Easy Money).

I did conclude some time ago, that life goes on, I have too much to do in life to want to spend alot of time online doing superficial dating. Abit of a waste of time. Have had good times that way, for sure, but…

good morning ALL

By THE FILTHY VILLAINOUS DK

March 27, 2006 10:38 AM | Link to this

@Star Just where ever you can meet someone at.. Just let a guy talk to ya.

By Chink

March 27, 2006 10:41 AM | Link to this

@ JULI

Where are you? I need to be there!!! DFW - Texas? I was thinking of relocating. I am alittle bit relieved that I am not the only one who sees the mess out here. And I thought I was being picky. Hopefully what I am seeking is seeking me as well. What is the deal with ATL…I just dont get it.

By Chink

March 27, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this

@ JULI

Where are you? I need to be there!!! DFW - Texas? I was thinking of relocating. I am alittle bit relieved that I am not the only one who sees the mess out here. And I thought I was being picky. Hopefully what I am seeking is seeking me as well. What is the deal with ATL…I just dont get it.

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this

Man, y’all are beginning to sound morbid! I routinely take breaks after longer lasting relationships, to cleanse myself from any muck and yuck tendencies that the next woman doesn’t deserve.

I’ve been in Atlanta five years and am still learning how to date. In the past I made accommodations, but now I view dating as a woman’s invitation into the life I already enjoy. As a mid-20s professional male with no children, Atlanta is an almost perfect place for me to have fun and enjoy myself, and if I’m lucky enough to have company, then even better! If not, maybe next time! I do what I want and ask out who I feel might be most interested in spending that time with me. Simple as that.

By divine1

March 27, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this

Okay - totally off-subject - Divine had a lapse in memory this weekend. I had 2 babies around me (not mine) but a little girl (at my girlfriend’s house) who would not let me go for anything and a boy (another girlfriends nephew) who just followed me around the whole time I was at her house. Why did I start thinking — OOOOOOO - I want another one. Then I got home and my eldest started getting flip with the lip and cured me of any “I-want-one” sickness. LOL.

By OnLineDater

March 27, 2006 10:46 AM | Link to this

I once ran an ad: “Atheist seeks evolved” as the header line. Got mostly hatemail from Christians. go figure. There was one promising woman, in Champagne-Urbana, Illinois!

By fatima

March 27, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

I’m just like the previous poster, its good to see i’m not the only one going through b.s. You know I try to date older guys because I pray they will be past that playa/liar/immature stage but the men these days are just getting worse and worse. Now you find 50 year olds still at the club trying to pick up women..THATS SAD. Thats one of the reasons I don’t do clubs anymore. These men don’t even feel they have to take a woman out anymore, they just call up and want to come over at ten and eleven at night!! Now they getting so sorry that they have no problem asking a woman to take them out or they content with not having a car or their own place and having a woman picking them up. Its sad out here. I sick of this b.s. Ladies the best advice stop settling for this B.S.

By Dawn

March 27, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

Good Morning! Recently divorced and having been with that man since my 20th birthday, yall have me terrified to even BEGIN dating. I am 32 now….

I don’t even know where to begin. But I love the advice of just letting it happen naturally.

I hear about so much MESS out here in Singleville that I don’t know if it’s even worth my time and energy to get out there…

By AShyGirl

March 27, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

I’ve decided to stop dating b/c: 1. I simply don’t measure up to the standards of most men. I’m not a fashion model, Halle Berry, or Janet Jackson, just a plain—but beautiful (in my mind)—girl. I’ve found that most men think that b/c I don’t meet the popular standard of beauty I must be a sexual freak who would do anything to capture a man. 2.The dating game takes up too much of my time and energy. In more ways than one I simply can’t afford to play. Instead I’ve learned to entertain myself. I follow my passions—I love the arts and sports, go to the movies, see plays and B-way shows when they come to town, etc. I could go on all day but I have to get back to work; without my job, I wouldn’t be able to afford my hobbies.

By THE FILTHY VILLAINOUS DK

March 27, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

@Menopausequeen I would be your man because I will never marry again, dont ever want to live with anyone again, I need alone time and dont want you to want to be with me 24/7. Hey I wouldnt even mind your Bi- interests we could shop for women together.. I can smell everything youre cooking except the atheist thing.. I dont go to church but I do believe there has to be a God looking out for me..

By fatima

March 27, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

I’m like the previous poster, its good to see i’m not the only one going through this mess. I have to take a break because this dating scene will drive you crazy. I try to go for older men cause I hope they will be past that playa/liar/immature stage but those jokers are just bad as the younger men. Now you’ll find men in there 50s and even 70s still at the club trying to pick up women. Thats just sad. THese men so sorry these days that they will meet you and on the first call be stupid enough to ask can they come over to your place at ten and eleven at night. NOT I would like to take you out to eat or to a movie but can I come over and get a little something. What dumb women are falling for this??? Now some of these men are so sorry they have no shame in asking the woman to take them out or not having a vehicle so they need to woman to come pick them up. they content with being 35 and at home with mama. This dating scene is just pathetic. Can someone please tell me where the real men are hiding out at???

By Star

March 27, 2006 10:57 AM | Link to this

@ fatima- AMEN!!!!!

I need to get out more so that I can meet people and men. Basically I work and go home. My teenage son get’ more play that I do.LOL I agree that you should just let things happen natually and not go out there lokking to find someone. I’ve been sitting back waiting for thing to happen for 5 years now. Still waiting.

By heisfaithful2u

March 27, 2006 10:57 AM | Link to this

LADIES, LADIES, LADIES - First of all stop giving up the goods (the priestly parts and the queenly quarters), and for God’s sake those of you that are, stop being desparate! LET THERE BE NO COMPROMISE AND NO MISUNDERSTANDING. I think then, and only then will you really begin to find anyone even close to what most of us (mature women) would even consider as a “decent man”.

MEN, MEN, MEN - Not all of us are after your money - some of us have our own. Not all of us are looking to have male bashing parties or attitudes. Some of us realize how blessed society is that God created a male and female to be together, and to conquer the earth.

Come on everyone, let’s not give up on each other. Be truthful about yourself, your situation - NO GAMES. What happened to plain old integrity. Anyone no what that is?

By Scornednomo

March 27, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this

LOL @d1 10:42 post. I had the total opposite to happen kinda sorta. After talking to my father on the phone for an hour Sunday I have finally come to terms with the fact that I will be a grandmother before this time next year. My stomach began to cramp up and I literally threw up. I wished I would have never had kids.

By Cee

March 27, 2006 11:01 AM | Link to this

Dating and new relationships are a lot of work and if me & eyecandy break up I think I would take a long break from stepping out again.

And why is it when you are looking your worst you meet someone and get asked out? I’ve always heard you can meet eligibles at Home Depot but that was my first experience. He was a cutey but I was honest and told him I’m in a relationship…sigh. Cutey’s don’t ever seem to approach when you’re available..hmph!

By AngieBee

March 27, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

This is my first post, and I had to post on this one because, being recently divorced in the past 2 years, and being on UP in age, with 3 kids, one teenager…Dating is the last thing on my agenda right now, BUT I have began to get that urge and for the life of me, there are slim pickings from what I have seen…I totally agree women stop giving it up so fast, and Men we dont need or want your money!! I just want a good wholesome man! I am not a ZERO looking for a HERO either……Any hints, tips will be greatly appreciated…

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

Boy, this is almost too negative for me!Laney, look at the mess you started!

@runnin: Where you at today, bruh?

By AngieBee

March 27, 2006 11:07 AM | Link to this

This is my first post, and I had to post on this one because, being recently divorced in the past 2 years, and being on UP in age, with 3 kids, one teenager…Dating is the last thing on my agenda right now, BUT I have began to get that urge and for the life of me, there are slim pickings from what I have seen…I totally agree women stop giving it up so fast, and Men we dont need or want your money!! I just want a good wholesome man! I am not a ZERO looking for a HERO either……Any hints, tips will be greatly appreciated…

By divine1

March 27, 2006 11:09 AM | Link to this

@SNM - OOOOOhhhhh NOOOO - Girl don’t say that. You know I checked my eldests phone (got him a picture phone - Honor Roll 3x this year & got the highest grade in the Math Mid-Terms for 10th graders in his school) - okay why did I see pictures of 2 girls (not the girlfriend I know about and a picture of his abs). Asked him about the girls - his response was - they are just friends - then I asked him about the picture of his abs (he can share pictures with his plan) his response “They look good don’t they, Ma” I had him delete it right away.

By THE FILTHY VILLAINOUS DK

March 27, 2006 11:09 AM | Link to this

I think everyone should take that hard look at themsleves before saying These Men keep playing games. Its not always the mans fault, could it be you were a B!tch with a attitude to boot.. Look at yourself before you blame your dude because if he was truly happy he would not have done whatever it was he did.. Then too some of ya’ll come to us with stupid on your forehead.. Its up to the dude if he wants to take advantage of the situation. I dont believe in taking advantage of the weak cause it shows how weak you are if you have to prey on somebody else to come up..

By menopausequeen

March 27, 2006 11:13 AM | Link to this

Now, really! What woman would be interested in a man using the name filthy villinous dk?

By divine1

March 27, 2006 11:14 AM | Link to this

@Cee - Isn’t that the truth… LOL. Ever notice that as soon as you decide to be in relationship - people start coming out of the woodwork?? It’s like - okay this must be a test of my faith. :)

By Dewaine

March 27, 2006 11:15 AM | Link to this

I have not dated in a long time. I have been divorced for over 13 years and have tried the internet dating services and other dating services. I was not impressed with them and I am not impressed with American women. They play too many games and are so materialistic. I got over materialism when I got my divorce. Do not want to be alone but do not want to play games. Games are for children.

By Been Thru It All

March 27, 2006 11:19 AM | Link to this

I am with mista on this…everybody relax, here is a joke to get you through when you think you have it bad….

When you have an “I Hate My Job” day, try this. On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable pajamas and sit in your favorite chair, carefully open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins - Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement, “Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested.”

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, “I am so thankful that I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson. “NOW, HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS!!!

By THE FILTHY VILLAINOUS DK

March 27, 2006 11:21 AM | Link to this

@Meno I only use that name here.. You would never know I was The Filthy Villianous if you met me… Just a little internet misrepresentation.. See I’m being honest about it.. Menopausequeen is not exactly A-1 either, but I’m not holding that against you..

By Scornednomo

March 27, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this

D1 The school work and grades got a lot better but unfortunately the damage had already been done. I am truly sick and will be for the next 7 months unless this thing turns around for the better. I will chiming in every now and then if the mood hits me, but until then I going into seclusion. Later.

For anyone who doesn’t know what I am talking about, NO I AM NOT PREGNANT.

By Mike

March 27, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this

I would rather be alone. You women are CRAZY.. I have a dog, he knows what loyalty is!

By divine1

March 27, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this

LOL @ BTIA - Hahahahahahahaha - Too funny.

By AShyGirl

March 27, 2006 11:29 AM | Link to this

To me, dating is like gambling: the odds of winning are stacked against me.

By Star

March 27, 2006 11:29 AM | Link to this

Let’s be true to ourselves. Ladies- Don’t expaect a man to take you to Pappadeaux’s and you’ve never been yourself. Women should let men know that they have been exposed to the finer things in life. A woman shouldn’t epect for a man to do for her what she can’t or hasn’t done for herself.

Men- Not all woman are gold diggers or looking for someone to take care of them. For once be with a woman without expecting something in return because you spent $20 on her.

We need to get past the physical because beauty fades.

By reality check

March 27, 2006 11:32 AM | Link to this

Cee is right about the Home Depot. Kroger works too, as will Publix. Clubs? Too many fake people looking too hard. For those who have taken the position that the best thing to do is to quit actively looking, they are right. There are a lot of attractive people in Atlanta and the most attractive ones are not on the internet or in clubs. They are living their lives working, shopping, and spending time with friends.

For those women who complain about lack of committment, get over it. The big problem is that more often than not marriages fail and the legal fight men (and women)have to survive when that happens is hell on earth. No intelligent man who has survived that is likely to ever give it another shot and there are plenty of men who have never been married or divorced who can’t help but notice. Thank the legal system ladies and get used to being single.

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 11:33 AM | Link to this

I’m just sitting back observing, but it seems that the majority of the bitter comments are coming from women in their late 30’s, early 40’s…..as DK stated, it may just be YOU who’s got serious issues! Truth be told, sounds to me like y’all ain’t got what you used to have, and now, because of that, you can’t buy a man!!!….bet ya didn’t have that problem when everything was perky and sittin up-right!

By NoStress

March 27, 2006 11:34 AM | Link to this

LIVE - that is my advice, it seems like we wait around to find a mate to give us a reason to be happy and give life air to breathe as if being in a relationship will answer some questions you have or help you rid yourself of some issues. As far as you know today is all you have so do your best to enjoy the heck out of you! be happy thats who you are and live for all the right reasons - at some point you have to be enough to make you smile and without the help of foriegn substances. If you have a dream go after it, it ain’t too late because even if you find that love and you squash that dream you’ll regret it in the end. When you chase that dream the person who is to come along side of you and support you and celebrate you in that dream will find you. If I’m man on a mission and you aren’t doing anything how can you help me accomplish me and what am I helping you to accomplish? Okay I’m done

By Chink

March 27, 2006 11:36 AM | Link to this

@ filthy

I think the point is we dont want to play games anymore. And yes it is not always the mans fault I agree. I was not trying to male bash, meeting quality people is hard out here thats all. I might need to relocate ..Juli where do you live? :)

By divine1

March 27, 2006 11:36 AM | Link to this

@SNM - Oh darlin’. I’m so sorry to hear that. I guess him rubbing her belly was a clue as to what was in the works. My prayers are with you. I trust he will continue to do well. Please don’t see this as a failure - because you did everything in your power to try to put an end to this, but we can’t be there 24 hours. You are still a wonderful parent and he is blessed to have you. Don’t go into seclusion. Use the e-mail address to reach me if you need to holler at someone or just to holler about someone. Keep your head up, Mama.

By runninatl

March 27, 2006 11:37 AM | Link to this

@mista I’m here and I feel ya, do your thing! I’m just gonna lurk today because this is topic is more personal preference.

Nah, too easy…lol. You have to do what is best for you at that particular time. I’ve played the game and the game doesn’t change much from city to city, not too much different from country to country either (military). Only the players change. I went through my “women ain’t shyt” and “HO” stages and I thank God every day that I do not have any STDs or more children than I have now. I’m blessed with what I have and my experiences for a reason. I don’t carry the negativity with me either. I still love women, black women!! (no offense to the non-black women out there..lol) and I’ll remain an active participant in the game. Right now I’m just in off season mode but spring drills are about to pop off!….lol. There is a lot of negativity online today, I’m guessing from bad experiences but you just have to use those experiences to keep you from repeating the same mistakes. There are certain actions or comments that a woman can make now that will cause me to instantly delete the number and move on. That’s because I’ve heard or seen that from someone I’ve dealt with in the past and I’m not trying to go down that road again. You just gotta stay positive and open, it’s not that serious. Is it?

By THE FILTHY VILLAINOUS DK

March 27, 2006 11:37 AM | Link to this

Star Well take me out and reciprocate the favor when I spend 20 dollars on you.. Cause after a while it begins to look like I am the 20 dollar date man, I am only good for the date on my dime.. The game is so polluted now days because everybody thinks everybody is out to get each other.. Thats why i say be friends first, i may take you out and you may take me out its a even swap no swindle kinda of deal.. If it matures into something else then so be it..

By jaided

March 27, 2006 11:39 AM | Link to this

Yep…I gave up dating years ago. Whether I asked a woman out or friends tried to help arrange a date, it seemed the women weren’t interested for a variety of reasons…either because I was not a top executive or because I don’t drive a BMW or Mercedes or because of the graveyard work-hours I had at the time. I’m a professional male, highly educated, with a 20-year career…with a full head of natural blond hair too! HA! I have a new car-nice large 4 door sedan, own a condo on Peachtree, am not in debt, don’t smoke or do drugs…and I only have a drink on a very special occasion. But I simply gave up… And, the situation did not improve when I got a Monday-Thursday 7a-5p job…with a 3-day weekend! FYI-I have other male friends who say the same thing…most of the women they meet seem obsessed about themselves and just want to spend, spend, spend. And don’t get me started on the couples I’ve met who’ve divorced. Nearly everyone I know is divorced…really sad. I say—heck, I’m staying single…and enjoying life and my friends.

By Star

March 27, 2006 11:44 AM | Link to this

Q 2 can play that game- first of all yes I’m over 40 and proud. I’m not bitter just stating the facts. I dated a lot in my 20’s, it was all fun and games. Just being young and single. In my 30’s I felt it was time to settle down a little. I would like to think that we mature as the years go on. Don’t hate. Everything may not be a perky, but there are a lot of good looking women over 40!! There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have companionship. Maybe some of these men just need to grow up and stoip playing game at any age!!!!!!!

By divine1

March 27, 2006 11:44 AM | Link to this

@2 - Watch yourself now. I’m sure all of the women who have commented have several things going for them, it’s just that the options that are available to them may not be up to par. First and foremost, if the only thing a man is attracted to me is for the physical - then I don’t want him. I need/want someone who can see beyond the physical (of course, I understand that’s the first thing a person is attracted to but dang) and wants to get to know and appreciate me (The TOTAL PACKAGE). The women on here are just asking for someone who is not so narrow-minded that the only view they see is that of their hour-glass figure.

By THE FILTHY VILLAINOUS DK

March 27, 2006 11:50 AM | Link to this

I dunno. There are good guys out here and I know there are good females out here, its just you cant allow your past to handcuff your future.. Man whatever that other dude/chick did it doesnt have anything to do with us.. I agree with Runnin its so easy to press delete and keep it moving if its something you cant deal with.. Alot of ya’ll need to drink some prune juice and let the Bullish go.. LUDA

By Star

March 27, 2006 11:51 AM | Link to this

@ DK- I feel ya! Truce?

By DasKrait2

March 27, 2006 11:51 AM | Link to this

Wanted to mention on this blog, and someone just hit on the topic. so here it is.

Watched The Today Show Saturday morning and a married couple was on, and they had just come out with a book titled It’s (Mostly) His Fault.

The point was it was nearly always the man’s fault. So guys, get it together, accept that it is nearly always YOUR fault.

Wasn’t surprised, then, that I preferred to remain single, if that is what things have come to. LMAO. I wasn’t about to start waggin’ some puppy dog tail, with a “Yessa, Missa, Iza wrong(AGAIN)” viewpoint.

By divine1

March 27, 2006 11:52 AM | Link to this

@Star - The thing is Pappadeux’s is actually moderately priced compared to places such as Bones or The Atlanta Fish Market. I truly have no expectations of my date as long as we have a good time. Hell, if he is creative enough - he could take me to Piedmont Park for a picnic - we could play catch or just enjoy the scenery and I could have a great time - just as long as it’s time well spent. Take me to Thai Diner at Discover Mills Mall (if you haven’t been you have to try it - decor is fabulous and food - man, don’t make me make a trip out there tonight) and spend the evening at Jillians or go watch a movie - just make it fun.

By Juli

March 27, 2006 11:53 AM | Link to this

I AM talking about good old TEXAS! YES! DFW. I’m not saying I am in a great commited relationship, but I happen to be the commitmentphonbe around here! I seem to meet available, decent men pretty regularly. To the point where I can’t deal with them all. I came FROM Seattle, and it is completely different down here when it comes to dating! The men seem to be really decent, and I haven’t dealt with all that much game. The men in their mid 30’s, in general, seem to be ready for marriage. They are tired of the game like ya’ll. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND DALLAS/FORT WORTH. The possibilities are endless!!

By divine1

March 27, 2006 11:58 AM | Link to this

@Das - LOL - Stop that - you know if you found the right one - you wouldn’t mind admitting that you MEN are always in the wrong - j/k. LOL

By abc

March 27, 2006 11:58 AM | Link to this

On behalf of the 40-somethings, I’d like to submit that just because we’re getting older doesn’t mean everything’s drooping. One must put in the time in the gym, but barring accidents that may have maimed, one can get into the best shape of their lives if they only try. My girl was telling me yesterday that I have the butt of a 17 year old. Ain’t no fat on the 6 pack either. I’m an old fart and that’s a fact, but I keep it pumped and stay active. The gym is full of ladies that do the same.

That said, the gym is a lousy place to meet women!

By DasKrait2

March 27, 2006 11:59 AM | Link to this

The point was it was nearly always the man’s fault. So guys, get it together, accept that it is nearly always YOUR fault.

And if I wanted to subscribe to that view, I merely have to deal with any female member of my immediate family. Don’t need to do any high-falutin’ dating to experience that. LOL

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 12:01 PM | Link to this

1st off, I’m not a hater!!!! and Divine, come on now, you and I both know, it’s always the physical attributes that attracts you, and it’s the mental that keeps you!!! if a brother is ugly, how many of y’all would give him the opportunity to show he has a good and heart? just read what Cee has to say…she calls her man “eyecandy”!!!! so go figure.

By Brenda W. Arbuckle

March 27, 2006 12:01 PM | Link to this

Everyone is right and everyone is wrong. Speaking from a divorced and widowed almost 60 year old woman I’ve not given up and I mostly definitely will not settle. My conclusion is that there’s not a black man (single) who isn’t full of it. But the worst and most trifling of all are the ones who pretend to be single then when you get past the dinner and movie stage they want to be honest about a few things such as their wife or fiance. Then you get the poor brother who’s never had a chance that turns out to be a serious freak or bi/closet wanting you to be their front (not here boys).

I decided several years ago to date men of different races exclusively and it’s been quite enjoyable. And girls that “old myth” just ain’t true, ain’t true, ain’t true. I’ve been proposed to several times but just recently said yes to my soul mate who loves me for me not because I’m black, beautiful, intelligent, or my body parts.

By Star

March 27, 2006 12:02 PM | Link to this

divine- I agree. But that wasn’t the point I was trying to make. However, I think there should be some creativity on both part.

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 12:02 PM | Link to this

I think I’ll lurk too, runnin. And maybe I need to ask where I can meet people who have positive attitudes about dating and relationships, because this forum, at least today, is ridiculous!

By THE FILTHY VILLAINOUS DK

March 27, 2006 12:03 PM | Link to this

Divine I dont like you because of your shape I havent even seen it.. It is your intellect and calming effect you have across the internet with your words.. You have caught me on some tirades and I gave a few passes because of the way you presented the argument to me from the otherside. You even called me on the carpet a couple times because you saw me going for someones throat.. So for that Muah!!

Its a some peoples opinions I truly value because they came at me right from the beginning and there are some others that I totally disregard and have no respect for.

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 12:05 PM | Link to this

I am mostly lurking today….but let me add my two cents….

I, unlike many women who have previously posted, have had great luck with online dating. I, too, am a professional woman, highly educated, single, no kids, and beautiful. I find that the same games that are played online can and are often played in the “real” world, so, to me, there really is no difference in the game, the difference is that there is simply more OPPORTUNITY TO PLAY THE GAME ONLINE. As long as you understand that notion, it can work for you.

I also am NOT like most women who make comments such as “I don’t need a dayum man”. I actually DO need AND want a man in my life. I believe that when women carry those kind of attitudes it could be a major turn-off to potential mates. Everyone wants to be needed and wanted in a relationship, no matter what.

The problem that I am experiencing right now is that I live in a city where Black men don’t date Black women. And, if they do, she must have a certain look: light-skinned, long-hair, etc. Now, yes, I am of “mixed” nationalities, so apparently men here do like my physical beauty. But, they never seem to look past that because of whatever reason. As a woman, I do not hold each man I come into contact with responsible for my shortcomings as a woman. It’s very important for me to stay focused and have fun and enjoy dating, otherwise it becomes too much work.

By DasKrait2

March 27, 2006 12:07 PM | Link to this

D1 - hahahahahahahah (chuckling)

yeah, it would be just like family, wouldn’t it? except I make no such carte-blanche admission to them. LOL

By Jazzyone

March 27, 2006 12:10 PM | Link to this

What is the deal…been lurking today..this topic is bringing out all the bashers…Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t find the stress in dating and i’m over 21..

If that person isn’t the one for you, for whatever reason don’t hold it against the next person, just keep it moving.

If you put forth that in which you would like to attract then its really not a problem….Men can be dogs, women can be dogs. There is someone for everyone… When meeting someone don’t have any expectations, have fun with it, you may come out with a dear friend or not. It seems to me people make it so much more difficult than it really is…

By MusingLee

March 27, 2006 12:10 PM | Link to this

I think for the ladies, if you want to meet a quality guy, you can’t force it. There is no one place for ladies to meet good guys. We are everywhere, I like to hang out at concerts and cultural events, even the local Best Buy. Also, if he doesn’t see you or know you’re interested, go over and say hello. Guys love it when women come over and speak.

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 12:12 PM | Link to this

You tell ‘em Page!!!

By AngieBee

March 27, 2006 12:15 PM | Link to this

@abc….I totally agree, just because we (women/men) are upin age no need to let your body go…and I have a serious problem with meeting a man my age that looks like he is 65 and ready to retire…Whats a good place online to meet singles, anyone have any experiences with online dating??

By Royal chic

March 27, 2006 12:17 PM | Link to this

Afternoon greetings……

Guys stay around….everyone commenting is not being negative….just speaking their TRUTH….however negative it may seem it is what they are going through…

I have learned not to give others the power to take my joy or sour me on the idea of dating because to be honest when you keep experiencing the same ish on the dating scene….it probably has more to do with YOU than anyone else…..

As for the topic, I have had lots of fun dating in the ATL…..taking the good, bad, truly psychotic, spontaneous, surprises….it’s been a wild ride but the experiences are irreplacable and have taught me so much about myself…..

I am not pressed to be commited or in a marrige so I guess there’s no reason to be exhausted or overwhelmed right now….I felt emotionally drained because I had to learn the hard way that everyone doesn’t deserve to KNOW you…..let alone DATE you….once you know your worth….you don’t waste time on the WORTHLESS…..

By Tray

March 27, 2006 12:19 PM | Link to this

abc I agree on meeting folks at the gym, maybe gym friends but I’m there to work out for me, not socialize. Also gym rats look so strange in real clothes = )

folks don’t recognize me unless I’m in cutoff sweats and a hat, usually w/headphones attached also.

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 12:20 PM | Link to this

@ MISTA…lol….as a woman, I get so tired of hearing other women make negative comments about men because they are not all the same. Just like we women are not all the same. It really is sad, and all it does it hurt future potential mates. I would never want a man to judge me based on previous women that he has dealt with in the past. Therefore, I don’t do it either.

By G

March 27, 2006 12:21 PM | Link to this

@2can I have your back on that one. I’m in the gym 3-4 days out of the week. It makes a difference in comparison to not being in the gym. It kills me when women want sympathy for not being in shape, but are hard on guys that are under 6’ tall. It’s easier to get your fat butt in shape than it is to grow a couple of inches. curtail the snacks

By G

March 27, 2006 12:22 PM | Link to this

@2can I have your back on that one. I’m in the gym 3-4 days out of the week. It makes a difference in comparison to not being in the gym. It kills me when women want sympathy for not being in shape, but are hard on guys that are under 6’ tall. It’s easier to get your fat butt in shape than it is to grow a couple of inches. curtail the snacks

By Juli

March 27, 2006 12:25 PM | Link to this

I have been pretty successful in online dating. I met a dude on Black planet that is pretty decent. Bachelors degree, no kids, 35. Also, I met a FEW GREAT guys in AOL chat rooms! Now, in between I met a bunch of weirdos and wackos, but it was fun. LOL I think your success in online dating depends on how well you can sniff out a weirdo! LOL. Some people just have no clue until they meet a guy. I think you can tell on the phone, and I have RARELY been wrong!

By divine1

March 27, 2006 12:26 PM | Link to this

@DK - Thank you for the compliment. smile MUAH right back atcha. Actually, if you could see the calming glow that has surrounded me lately - thanks to a certain VERY special gentleman - you might mistake me for a woman on the verge of dare I say it….. Hell to the Nah. :)

By runninatl

March 27, 2006 12:29 PM | Link to this

@mista It’s cool bruh, people are just venting, not mad at them. I’m just done venting, it is what it is. We gotta keep it positive for the blog today, the MEN gotta step up…lol.

We all have our likes and dislikes, what pushes our buttons, thugs, thug princesses, gold diggers, whateva…lol. Tazee pulled my card on here a while back about being attracted to 5’7-5’10 women, size 4-8, and stated there is nothing wrong with that but you have to be ready for what that type of women brings to the table. So I have to step back and analyze the women I meet and if they fit any of the characteristics that I am not willing to tolerate. Am I wrong for liking what I like? No, just like women are not wrong for liking what they like, it’s life. Bottom line is we all choose and have chosen the people we have dealt with so we can’t blame anyone else but ourselves. We just have to live and learn! But you shouldn’t give up.

By Royal Chic

March 27, 2006 12:30 PM | Link to this

Hi Page!!

I agree with you….I never deny my desire to have a man in my life, to share my life, enhance my life, and build my life with….I value my independence, but I won’t deny that I need a man to complete my “package.”

By distantALsavga

March 27, 2006 12:32 PM | Link to this

Morning all, could not help but add a few words, THE WORD SAY’S WHEN A MAN(MAN) FINDS A WOMAN HE FINDS A GOOD THING, SO IF YOU LOOK,WHAT YOU FIND IS YOURS, AND YES THIERS STILL PLENTY OF US GOOD(GOOD) MEN OUT THIER. Its’according where you look and Who’s Guidence you are using.

By Tall&Lovely

March 27, 2006 12:34 PM | Link to this

Hey Jazzy and Page. I’m like you guys today there is too much negativity on here,women and men that have both had bad experiences like we all have and we all have taken a break for whatever reason to sit back and think some things over. But again I’m here but I’m quiet today.

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 12:38 PM | Link to this

off topic…..for all you Sopranos nuts, who’s gonna get whacked first, Paulie Walnuts, or the gay capo, Vito?

By Cee

March 27, 2006 12:38 PM | Link to this

@2- yep, I call him “eyecandy” cause honestly it was his looks that attracted me to him. I thought he was FINE when I first met him. But it’s his intelligence, generosity, wit, and his morals that keep me interested. I just stick with the nickname cause that’s what my friends know him by ;)

By E. Lewis

March 27, 2006 12:42 PM | Link to this

I never really gave up on dating, but I think eventually dating gave up on me. I am a college educated, full-time employed, smart woman who has travelled and lived all over the world,, is above a size 6 and has enough respect for myself that I don’t put out after the first date.

Gee, I wonder what happened?!?!?!?

By MissUnderstood

March 27, 2006 12:44 PM | Link to this

Whew, good afternoon fam!!!! Just popping in to say hello, can’t stay here long. I knew yall would be hot and heavy today.lol

Since I saw something about physical attraction, lemme just add me .02. I have given less than attractive bruhs a chance just to see where their minds and hearts were. I am sad to say that it was as disappointing as dating a bruh that was all that, a bag of chips and the coke.

If he ain’t about nothing, then he ain’t about nothing and nothing will change that. I am a very sincere woman, and I have always looked for the good in people. That lil nasty habit got my feelings hurt more than once, so now it’s like put your money where your mouth is. Talk is cheap, and unless you can show what you know, then shovel that ish somewhere else.

Ok, I’m done… Have a great day folks.

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 12:47 PM | Link to this

Cee, you just proved my point! His physical attributes caught your attention, while his other attributes kept it!

By Chinadoll

March 27, 2006 12:48 PM | Link to this

What’s popping???

Nothing significant to add, just lurking.

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 12:48 PM | Link to this

Hey ROYAL CHIC and TALL & LOVELY!!!

I am glad at least there are some women who agree with me. I mean, in my experience, I have come to learn that at 31 years old, both men and women say and want the same things. Trust me when I say that I LOVE Black men and have not given up on them in any way, I am hopeful that they have not given up on us. I mean, there is so much to consider when dating and it shouldn’t be like a part-time job! Heck, I can barely hang with the full-time job I have now!!!

I think it’s really unfortunate that dating is so competitive these days, but what can you do? I agree with whoever it was (too lazy to scroll back and see) who stated that it is a game. Butm the key is to not let the game get to you. As a woman, I know it’s hard, but it’s what is necessary. Like this past Saturday, this dude, who I met online, wanted to hang out that day, so I was like ok, cool. He said he was going to go to the barber shop to get faded up, and would call me when he got done. Well, he called me like at 8:30 Sat night!! I mean, was I upset, of course I was. But I refused to get ghetto, cuss, etc, because it’s not my style. So, after I asked him if he was on drugs and he said he wasn’t, I simply told him to MAKE LIKE A BANANA AND SPLIT!! Now, it’s on to the next person for me.

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 12:49 PM | Link to this

@Distant: The good book says when a man findeth a wife, (not just a woman) he findeth a good thing…BIG DIFFERENCE

@Page: Thanks for being a positive sister. When are you moving to ATL again? (wink)

@Runnin: You’re right, it’s on us to keep it smooth today. Before we smooth it out though, isn’t UConn the biggest f@8^!ng disappointment ever? I can’t believe that!

@Jazzy: Hope you’re feeling better today.

done shouting out

By Single&lonely

March 27, 2006 12:51 PM | Link to this

Hey Yall!

I am a single black 26 year old who just started back to college. I am fed up with the dating scene but my clock is ticking. I am not getting any younger and I would like to get married and have children before my parents die. My problem is if you are not blonde, or a size 2 getting a date is going to be hard. I haven’t had a date and “relations” in 4 years. I am going crazy!! I have been on the internet, I went through Great Expectations… (that place set me up with a 50 year old when I was 20), and I have a myspace account. The only people that want to talk to me are people who are bums who still live at home with mom and dad and who have 4 or more kids. Is it a requirement that everyone have a kid here in Atlanta? I am really fed up! All of my friends are either married or engaged so I hate going out with them being the third wheel. It’s sickening that I might have to spend the rest of my life alone… I have even thought about becoming gay just so I can have some companionship…. Where are the men???

By reality check

March 27, 2006 12:53 PM | Link to this

Page1908, it is just a matter of time before you meet somebody who suits you. He will love you for your inner beauty, but it is also clear you are very beautiful. The way the internet works is that there are a lot more men than women on the dating services. That is empirical. It is also opposite of “real world” Atlanta reality. In Atlanta, there are a lot more good women than good men, so guys can be choosey and uncommitted and still have all the companionship they want. What happens on the internet though is that all the men initiate contact with the good looking women. That would be you, Page, and as long as you have the tolerance to play the game online and sort through to find men of substance - because there are some on there - you will find what you are looking for.

I do realize there are men out there who want families and they are looking for a committed relationship, unlike me. Four children later I am proud that they all turned out well. That was a lot of work and a worthwhile part of what life is all about. Enjoy!

Laney, I am happy for you that you can take a break from dating. You can’t do that when you are married. I will tell you that as difficult as it can be, dating usually is much, much easier than being married. Being married really takes work. No exceptions. Even the best marriages go through rough times and more often than not they don’t work out. That is a statistical fact. If you want children marriage is…or should be…part of the deal. Otherwise, I would encourage you to question whether a permanent relationship is what you want out of dating.

By Jazzyone

March 27, 2006 12:57 PM | Link to this

@Tall, hey girl glad you came to visit.

Mista..feeling great today. Thanks!

By Str8

March 27, 2006 12:58 PM | Link to this

Just wondering… Where’s WD?

will catch up later.

By divine1

March 27, 2006 01:00 PM | Link to this

@Str8 - I was wondering the same thing myself.

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 01:02 PM | Link to this

@ MISTA Thanks boo:)). I have to stay positive in everything that I do, especially when dating. I like to communicate with men all over to get their perspectives on dating and I like to learn from all of my experiences. I know that I am not perfecr, so whenever I can learn something about myself, I jump at the chance to do so. It makes me a better woman for the person who will be right for me in every way. There have been times when I was the one to make a mistake or two in dating. I have also done great things, and those are the things that I take with me when dating. It’s all about learning. Believe it or not, women can even learn from both postive and negative experiences.

Mista, right now, my top 2 places to move are ATL and Dallas, TX. So, right now it is up in the air. I am hoping to move within the next 2 months before it gets 120 degrees in the shade here in Phoenix:)

off topic…I made the bomb azz chicken wings last night…lol….yummy::)))

By MistaO

March 27, 2006 01:02 PM | Link to this

All’s I can say is “I LOVE WOMEN”!!! I can understand some folks angst and what not, but no matter how PO’d I’ve ever gotten with a broad I always still smiled inside because there are always fresh bunz ready to come out the oven. God knew exactly what he was doing when he made women. I luv you all even when it’s all saggy and what not, still make it work :p

By MistaO

March 27, 2006 01:03 PM | Link to this

All’s I can say is “I LOVE WOMEN”!!! I can understand some folks angst and what not, but no matter how PO’d I’ve ever gotten with a broad I always still smiled inside because there are always fresh bunz ready to come out the oven. God knew exactly what he was doing when he made women. I luv you all even when it’s all saggy and what not, still make it work :p

By Lisa

March 27, 2006 01:03 PM | Link to this

hello,

i am new to the blog.

i feel that physical attraction goes a long way. i am a visual kinda chick. so a man’s physical attributes count.

in the same vein, i think it is equally important for a woman to keep herself up if she has a man or not. a man likes to feel that he has someone that values their appearence. it’s wonderful to see two good looking people together.

but the mental/intellect is important too. i want someone to challenge my mind, intrique me. you know the rest.

By runninatl

March 27, 2006 01:05 PM | Link to this

@mista Boy it’s getting depressing up in herr…lol. I knew the “bilogical clock ticking” was bound to rear it’s head in here. Someone told me that you cannot be happy with someone else until you are happy with yourself! Maybe some people in here need breaks to get themselves right, whether it’s college, careers, children, spiritually, physically, whateva. I’m at a point where I’m excited about the direction my life is headed spiritually, in my career, as a parent, just overall. I’m not a rush to jump back into the dating game because the ride is still a roll coaster right now and I don’t need the extra weight right now. When it smooths out, then it’s on! But even then I’m not going to settle. I know what I bring to the table, now and what I will be able to in the future. I’m not going to be anyone’s second choice, no more baby daddy for me, I’m not taking care of a grown azz woman, and I’m not putting up with unecessary drama, attitudes, boogieness, etc. Point is, you have to be okay with how things are going on in your own life before you can invite someone in to share it with you.

By cool breeze

March 27, 2006 01:05 PM | Link to this

hmmm, sounds pretty bad in here today, I have taken a break from dating but that was more when i first moved down here and was learning the area and trying to establish myself. Now I have no plans of stopping until I meet the girl I am going to marry. I have to disagree with the sentiment that someone will apear when you stop looking. I am a “seek and ye shall find” kind of person and have enjoyed my dating experiences for good and bad. I have tried the internet a couple times in the past but it didn’t work for me. I have done much better approaching women in person. The internet thing for me as has been said before is lazy and to me it would be like me just accepting whatever fell in my lap instead of seeing/going after what I want. For me I always tell the truth to women and “keep it real” about what I am looking for and who I am. When I hear some of women’s complaints it’s amazing to me but I am kind of old fashioned where I pick the girl up, go to dinner and try to find some activity we can do to laugh or maybe something cultural going on around town, and taking a couple flowers is a must. Hate to show up empty-handed on a first date.

@ashygirl-great interests you have. I have the same as you. Been enjoying this ncaa tournament like crazy. I’m gonna be a gw fan for the rest of it.

By cool breeze

March 27, 2006 01:07 PM | Link to this

hmmm, sounds pretty bad in here today, I have taken a break from dating but that was more when i first moved down here and was learning the area and trying to establish myself. Now I have no plans of stopping until I meet the girl I am going to marry. I have to disagree with the sentiment that someone will apear when you stop looking. I am a “seek and ye shall find” kind of person and have enjoyed my dating experiences for good and bad. I have tried the internet a couple times in the past but it didn’t work for me. I have done much better approaching women in person. The internet thing for me as has been said before is lazy and to me it would be like me just accepting whatever fell in my lap instead of seeing/going after what I want. For me I always tell the truth to women and “keep it real” about what I am looking for and who I am. When I hear some of women’s complaints it’s amazing to me but I am kind of old fashioned where I pick the girl up, go to dinner and try to find some activity we can do to laugh or maybe something cultural going on around town, and taking a couple flowers is a must. Hate to show up empty-handed on a first date.

@ashygirl-great interests you have. I have the same as you. Been enjoying this ncaa tournament like crazy. I’m gonna be a gw fan for the rest of it.

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 01:10 PM | Link to this

@ Reality Check

Thanks for the kind words! Yes, I am hopeful and not in a rush by any means. It will happen I know. I just wished that more women would see things the way I do. Being negative will not get anyone anywhere. I think my bubbly personality and high-spirit allows me to see things in a different way, especially when it comes to dating. I mean, no one likes rejection. It’s simply the way you handle rejection and learn from it. I could probaly say that my beauty has gotten me to where I am in life and in my career, but I like to think that it is a combination of everything I have to offer. Beauty is nice, but if you have a personality of a wet blanket and a negative attitude to match, then who would want you anyway?! I mean, I know plenty of women like that….you know, the ones that go to the club and stand on the wall all night. Or are cooped up at the table all night “waiting” for someone to approach them…just not me:)

By cool breeze

March 27, 2006 01:11 PM | Link to this

hmmm, sounds pretty bad in here today, I have taken a break from dating but that was more when i first moved down here and was learning the area and trying to establish myself. Now I have no plans of stopping until I meet the girl I am going to marry. I have to disagree with the sentiment that someone will apear when you stop looking. I am a “seek and ye shall find” kind of person and have enjoyed my dating experiences for good and bad. I have tried the internet a couple times in the past but it didn’t work for me. I have done much better approaching women in person. The internet thing for me as has been said before is lazy and to me it would be like me just accepting whatever fell in my lap instead of seeing/going after what I want. For me I always tell the truth to women and “keep it real” about what I am looking for and who I am. When I hear some of women’s complaints it’s amazing to me but I am kind of old fashioned where I pick the girl up, go to dinner and try to find some activity we can do to laugh or maybe something cultural going on around town, and taking a couple flowers is a must. Hate to show up empty-handed on a first date.

@ashygirl-great interests you have. I have the same as you. Been enjoying this ncaa tournament like crazy. I’m gonna be a gw fan for the rest of it.

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 01:13 PM | Link to this

Go Gators!!!! can’t believe I’m saying that.

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 01:17 PM | Link to this

@ 2 Can Play…hey how’s it hanging today???

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 01:18 PM | Link to this

Back at ya Runnin!

@Single&Lonely: Sorry to hear you are fed up. Where are the men? I’m sure the ones you are most interested in are working at this time of the day, even though I’m doing a poor job of it today. LOL

@Page: How did you know chicken wings were my favorite? Stop that sweetness or we’ll have a BTIA/Bre’ thang going on in here!

@MistaO: No offense, but you need to work on another name…

By Lisa

March 27, 2006 01:20 PM | Link to this

cool breeze i totally agree. you must complete and whole within yourself b4 you even think of adding someone to your life.

as a divored female, i have taken a long hiatus from dating because of “bs and lies”. and personally, a lot of men cannot deal with a confident woman such as myself. they want you to be “real’ but when you are they become intimidated. i am just looking for someone who is up to the challenge.

By cool breeze

March 27, 2006 01:21 PM | Link to this

sorry about the double posts. computer’s acting funny today.

By runninatl

March 27, 2006 01:23 PM | Link to this

OFF THE SUBJECT UCONN was always overrated, and Villanova was too small. GO LSU!!!

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 01:28 PM | Link to this

@ MISTA

LOLOL…you LOVE chicken wings too? Wow…AS IF!! I consider myself a conniseur (sp) of chicken wings….I live my life for chicken wings, yoga, and green tea! LOL….as far as being sweet goes, it’s funny you mention that because most people have a hard time taking me seriously when I am mad because I never yell or cuss or do anything like that. I don’t know what it is…I have always been that way. I have told so many dudes to “lose my number” and they still call! I guess because I don’t get angry they assume that I am not serious….plus a few people have actually told me that I should consider a much more lucrative career on the phone (not saying what career was suggested), but I don’t think I could handle that…lol..

By Miesha

March 27, 2006 01:28 PM | Link to this

I never dated in highschool or in college. Just recently I realized hey Im turning 27 this year and Ive never been on a date. So like a mad woman I begin posting ads on the internet and answering online ads. Going out wasnt really an option I work two jobs and go to school. Anyway I was surprised and pleased with the number of reponses I got but also mostly disappointed. I was as honest as you can be in mine but most of the guys werent as honest. Some good did come out of it though, I got my first date, my first kiss, my make out and my first sleep over. (we actually just slept no funny business) But after going out nonstop for a month and half straight I called it quits. The quality if guys just kept going down. And the ones I liked never called me back. My final straw was when I went to meet a guy that said he was 5’6 and Im 5’6 so I was like cool. But it turns out I was three inches taller then him. He creeped me out too because he kept talking about future dates and things he wanted to show me and I was just trying to get through dinner without running away. So right now i am no longer dating. how long it will last is anyone’s guess

By Been Thru It All

March 27, 2006 01:32 PM | Link to this

side topic….

My sweets(Bre) will be back today….aaaahhhhhh!!!!

Go LSU

By needhelp

March 27, 2006 01:35 PM | Link to this

Going slightly away from the subject but I noticed that some of the women state that they are recently divorced. I am in the process of getting a divorce and I needed to know how long did it take for you to get over the divorce let alone start dating again? My husband walked out on me and my daughter because that’s what his mom wanted. She has always been jealous of me, for what, I don’t know! He was a big man and I’m a tiny woman but for 9 years I thought we were happy. I did everything for him except cook but he knew I couldn’t cook before we got married.

By Lisa

March 27, 2006 01:36 PM | Link to this

the dating game takes patience and diligence. you get out of it what you put into it.

there have been some dates and sexual encounters that i have regretted, but it’s all “par for the course”.

By fatima

March 27, 2006 01:36 PM | Link to this

@ Brenda you just prove that with age does NOT come wisdom. As you should be able to see not everyone posting on here is a black (man/woman) with complaints.
But these men on here talking about deal with it..are you crazy?? First off women have to demand respect. these men posting on here are proving the points we are making. It is not too much to demand faithfulness and respect. Some of you men just need to grow and leave your childish behaviours behind. Stop being content with being a bum and lady stop allowing them to bum off of you. You can do bad by yourself

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 01:38 PM | Link to this

I’ve always wondered why people lie about their heights. Guys and girls on this one. I’m 6’2 without shoes, so I meet most women’s height requirements, and every woman I meet is “and-a-half” inches tall! That’s if they don’t give you the “with or without heels” comeback…I get great chuckles out of of that.

@Runnin: Laced ‘em up at Metro Fitness Saturday. Your boy is some kind of rusty!

@Page: I could eat chicken wings any meal of the day! That might reveal the country boy in me, but oh well…

By AShyGirl

March 27, 2006 01:39 PM | Link to this

@CoolBreeze:Go GW!!!! I love cheering for the underdog, gives the game an adrenaline kick.

I figured why sweat the dating game when I have so many great hobbies and friends. More, what’s so cool is that I can enjoy some of my hobbies at my leisure, so if a guy is interested in me, he’ll have to meet me on my terms. Let the church say AMEN.

By VANikia

March 27, 2006 01:40 PM | Link to this

I LOVE MEN.

You guys are on it today.

By Jay

March 27, 2006 01:44 PM | Link to this

Hello People. Dating is what you make of it. I’ve always been told, anything worth having is worth working for. I find that we dont try to get to know people today. We take this microwave apporch. I want it right here and now. I also find that when I am a true gentlemen, which i am always. If you make no advances toward the woman, they see it as rejection, and want to know whats wrong with me. And I just want to get to know you. Not every man is looking for SEX.

By Sick and Tired!

March 27, 2006 01:44 PM | Link to this

It’s odd how this topic shows up after the weekend I’ve decided to go on another dating “break”. The choice of men here sucks! They are all about lying (about their age, jobs and whether or not they have wives), playing games, and getting as much tail as they can. Where are all the decent Atlanta Men I ask you?? I’m 35 years old, I’ve been here since ‘95 and have YET to meet a guy (my type and not my type) who wasn’t about some BS… This will be my 2nd ‘dating break’. My first one lasted 6 months…I’m sure this one will last MUCH LONGER! Sincerely, Over it!

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 01:46 PM | Link to this

@all the jaded folk: Let me know where you hang out so I can avoid it by all means!!!

By Sick and Tired!

March 27, 2006 01:47 PM | Link to this

It’s odd how this topic shows up after the weekend I’ve decided to go on another dating “break”. The choice of men here sucks! They are all about lying (about their age, jobs and whether or not they have wives), playing games, and getting as much tail as they can. Where are all the decent Atlanta Men I ask you?? I’m 35 years old, I’ve been here since ‘95 and have YET to meet a guy (my type and not my type) who wasn’t about some BS… This will be my 2nd ‘dating break’. My first one lasted 6 months…I’m sure this one will last MUCH LONGER! Sincerely, Over it!

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 01:49 PM | Link to this

yeah, I see Florida and LSU in the title game….with Florida takin it to da house!!!!

you heard it here first, FSU will be ACC champs next year, beating UNC in the tournament championship, then going on to the final four.

Page, I’m good sweetie…how’re you doing?

By runninatl

March 27, 2006 01:49 PM | Link to this

@fatima I must have missed some posts because I haven’t read any men say deal with it. I’ve read that you have to get over it, move on and get back in the game, when you are ready. And we already covered the fact that some women are just as, if not more scandolous, then most men so try to let go of the 90’s stereotypes and bitterness and LET’S ALL accept responsibility for the men/women we have chosen to deal with in our lives.

@mista Ah, I feel for you, I can’t let myself get rusty again. I had my youngest daughter this weekend so I didn’t get out but you best believe I will be up in Crunch this afternoon doing my best Kobe Bryant impression, no passing, just knocking down J’s!….lol.

By Dawn

March 27, 2006 01:50 PM | Link to this

i will continue to be optimistic on the dating thing… since i am recently divorced everyone urges me to get out and have some fun but the challenge is, how to seperate feelings when having all of that fun

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 01:51 PM | Link to this

@ Mista…lol I don’t know why people lie about their heights. I have found in my experience men do it often, especially the ones under 6’0”. It seems to me that when a dude says he is 5’10”, he is probably more like 5’8”…I have come to realize that men under 6 feet tall usually bump up their height by 2 inches. I mean, I am tall (5’9”), and yes I would prefer someone who was taller, but it seems to me that the dude is more insecure about a taller woman than a taller woman is more insecure about a short dude. I mean, if a dude is short and doesn’t mind being with a tall woman, then holla @ me…lol

Oh yeah, I am taller with heels, and even my lowest heel is about 2-3 inches. I mean, I have the feet to wear stilettos, so the higher, the better!

By Jazzyone

March 27, 2006 01:52 PM | Link to this

^5 Runnin

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 01:54 PM | Link to this

is anybody here, happy? damn…..

I’m single and I love this shyt!

By Tazzee

March 27, 2006 01:57 PM | Link to this

Afternoon Folks - thanks for the mention runninatl. It’s funny because I had the same type of conversation with this guy the other night. He was expressing his frustration with dating, saying how hard it was because he meets women that want him to spend a lot of money. I simply told him that its not that difficult - if she sends you a text msg talking about when are you going to wine and dine her, simply delete the message, her number and keep moving. It’s really simple if you ask me.

And I am one of those women that has a very bright outlook on dating. I’m 35, never married and no children. Once I took the position that I am responsible for my own happiness, it was on and popping. Sure I meet a lot of duds, but that doesn’t stop me from meeting men. Then once I got over this whole biological clock thing (I realized I don’t even like most kids) - I was really able to relax and just enjoy life.

And honestly, I AM HAVING THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE! I have taken these lemons and made some delicious lemonade.

By Jazzyone

March 27, 2006 01:59 PM | Link to this

Mista I feel you!!…drama..we all have had it…but if one continues to carry all that dayum baggage they will be broke down and raggedy…let it go…keep what you have learned in your mind and don’t make the same mistakes. There is no need for hate just realize you peeped the game and you are smarter for the next go round.

By needhelp

March 27, 2006 01:59 PM | Link to this

Going slightly away from the subject but I noticed that some of the women state that they are recently divorced. I am in the process of getting a divorce and I needed to know how long did it take for you to get over the divorce let alone start dating again? My husband walked out on me and my daughter because that’s what his mom wanted. She has always been jealous of me, for what, I don’t know! He was a big man and I’m a tiny woman but for 9 years I thought we were happy. I did everything for him except cook but he knew I couldn’t cook before we got married.

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 02:00 PM | Link to this

@ 2 Can Play Thanks, I am doing great. Trying to keep track of my SUNS scores, but other than that, it’s cool beans today. This past Friday, I got caught in a major traffic jam because of the 20,000 people protesting immigration. That sucked! I hear you folks in ATL had similar protests?

Oh well, it’s back to the grind today for sure. Hey, did you see earlier how I told some dude on the phone to “make like a banana and split”?! OMG that was sooo funny:)

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 02:03 PM | Link to this

@ TAZZEE- You go girl! Do yo thang. I am with ya on that!

By Jazzyone

March 27, 2006 02:04 PM | Link to this

@2can I’m happy!!!!

By needhelp

March 27, 2006 02:05 PM | Link to this

Continue from previous post: He had that gastric bypass surgery and almost died and instead of us coming together as a family should, his mom had the entire family treating me like I was the one that made him sick. MY family called to check on him so much that my cell phone bill was over $300 in overage of minutes. We stayed, me and my daughter, at the hospital every night for a whole month with him. I had to go to work and she had to go to school that was about 30 minutes away from the hospital but I sacrificed to get her to school and I get to work on time just be there with him like he asked. How do you deal with someone chosing their mom over you and your child? Was I stupid for being the bread winner and him sitting at home with me supporting him? Was I stupid for doing everything for him and him not working because of sickness? Was I stupid for putting up with everything that his mom dished out and not saying a word to her out of respect? Sorry if I put a damper on the blog but I need some advice!

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 02:05 PM | Link to this

2 Can Play…I’m happy:))

By Dawn

March 27, 2006 02:07 PM | Link to this

I have been told by men that I have an air about me that says “I already have a man” and that makes me seem un-approachable by some guys…

Is there any truth to there being any such air? Can a woman carry herself that way?

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 02:08 PM | Link to this

how long does it take to get over a divorce? want the truth? by the time you even get to divorce, you should be over it…cause you should have exhausted all means of reconciliation, then the divorce is only a formality….just my take…I know I was relieved when I got that final decree stating divorce avinculo!!!!!

By distantALsavga

March 27, 2006 02:09 PM | Link to this

MISTA, I stand corrected I should have said Wife .

By reality check

March 27, 2006 02:11 PM | Link to this

Miesha, my advice is for you to contact Page. When she tells all those men to lose her number she can give them yours!

Page, help her out! You two would be dating a lot of men of similar ages. You can keep the ones you want, but there should be plenty left to go around.

By runninatl

March 27, 2006 02:11 PM | Link to this

@mista, 2 can play, and Tazzee no doubt, single and enjoying it!

LMAO @ Tazzee you were wrong for that comment about kids! You made a lot of sense, you got to sift through the sour apples to get to the one for you. Can’t be mad at them for who they are or vice versa.

By Royal Chic

March 27, 2006 02:11 PM | Link to this

Waving wildly @ Tazzee…..how are ya??!!

It’s good to read happy posts on the blog this afternoon…..whoever said finding someone to love and love you back would be easy??!!

Nothing GREAT comes without a little struggle…..I always like to think that when I’m in a fulfilling relationship everything I went through will be worth while….

By FitChick

March 27, 2006 02:12 PM | Link to this

Afternoon All.

It seems like the majority of comments today are about negative dating experiences and dating and lack of good dating prospects.

I agree with who ever said to just go out to have fun and meet people and not worry about is he/she the “one”. Do things that you are interested in doing and maybe you’ll meet someone who enjoys the same things.

Most people refer to dating as a game. I don’t see it as a game because I’m not trying to play anyone or get played.

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 02:13 PM | Link to this

@Jazzy: Thanks. I try to keep it on the up and up. But Runnin and several others were right in mentioning that a personal balance and self-love plays into who jumps on your bandwagon. Some folks are fairweather, others are not; you just have to be smart enough to tell the difference.

@Page: That ‘Zona tone skin, 5’9, pretty feet plus stillettos is a sight for my sore eyes! Keep it pimpin!! I think I’m in love y’all!!! Seriously, if I could have fudged about my height at an early age I might be living a different life.

@Runnin: I live downtown and all the Crunch gyms are in the ‘burbs. Outside of Metro Fitness, a good run in town is hard to find.

@Mista: Wait a minute, that’s me…OK, I’m having too much fun today.

By olderandwiser

March 27, 2006 02:16 PM | Link to this

Oh, my. The negativity from both the males and females here is sad and disheartening.

To me, the problems talked about here aren’t with where we are geographically; it’s with where we are as people. We want the instant gratification and rewards of love without putting in the work required to grow from a first date into a lasting and fulfilling relationship. It’s an empty pursuit that only leaves us hungry for more. Only time, experience and maturity teach us that we will only get back what we are willing to give, and that must be of the best quality.

IMO taking a break is a necessity after a major breakup, a divorce or when you seem to be attracting the wrong people or situations to yourself. Smart men and women realize this and do it; the clueless just jump right back into the same water without bothering to learn any new strokes. They’re the losers who keep on drowning (and taking us down with them) and don’t know why.

The voice of experience: take all the time you need away from the dating scene to reflect, recover and to heal. That period varies with the person; there is no set timetable, but don’t wallow in it as an excuse to give up. During your break, limit the time you spend with negative people who keep dragging you backwards by dissing and blaming their current and former exes for their problems. Take your own personal inventory of your wants and needs in life and in a partner without borrowing from others’ lists and experiences. Recognize and learn from your past relationship mistakes, and then forgive yourself and your partner for them (very important). Improve your mind, education, spirituality and physical appearance as needed to increase your self-confidence, self-respect and attractiveness. Spend social time with positive coworkers, friends and family members whom you admire and want to emulate, and who want to help you grow into the fabulous person you want to be. And if you need it, get professional counseling to understand how your distant past has influenced your present life and how to make better choices in the future.

Above all, don’t get back out there unless and until you’ve dumped your old baggage and attitude and have only an honest and open heart, a curious spirit and a wide smile (plus your kids, if any) to bring along into your new dating life.

Hint: your new man/woman ain’t hangin’ at Kroger, the club or online at match.com. Meet new friends face to face in the light of day, in target-rich venues and in situations doing things you like to do or that are totally new and different. (It’s amazing how fun and attractive we can be when we’re enjoying ourselves and/or outside of our usual comfort zones.) Don’t always hang with a posse; do things on your own or with one other person to be more approachable. And the old standby: ask trusted coworkers, friends and family for introductions to people they know who seem to match up better with the new you.

Preachy? Maybe, but some things just don’t change with time. S/he is out there. Have courage and go find him/her. Good luck, y’all.

By Jezebelle

March 27, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this

Oh my, this post opened up a barrel of worms

By runninatl

March 27, 2006 02:19 PM | Link to this

@2 can play I don’t think there is a specific timetable to get over a divorce, it varies. I got over mine before I filed but I have two constant reminders. Why live in the past, why let that sequence in your life hold you back from future happiness? How long is it take to get over the death of a friend, loved one? No telling, you just have to put it past you the best way you can as an individual.

@Dawn I don’t think it matters, some men like a challenge and will approach you regardless, some won’t. You might like the men who approach you anyway or the way they approach you…lol. Maybe you just need to be conscious of it and try to vary your mood from situation to situation.

By Jazzyone

March 27, 2006 02:19 PM | Link to this

I would agree, self balance is the key!! You have to have a healthy sence of self in order to be able to even think about getting involved with someone. No one can make you happy, you have to take care of that yourself.

By reality check

March 27, 2006 02:22 PM | Link to this

Needhelp, I put some provocative posts on this blog trying to stimulate interesting comments, but let me answer you seriously from the perspective of a divorce recovery group facilitator.

You have been through a rough time and you are well rid of him. Even so, you have suffered a loss. There will be lots of well meaning people who will tell you to just get over him and move on, but that is unrealistic. You will need to grieve. That isn’t an easy thing. It is hard work and it takes a while. How long is difficult to say. It can vary quite a bit. Unfortunately, it can take several years. It will take as long as it takes, and while grief doesn’t feel good, that doesn’t mean something good isn’t happening.

It helps to be very direct about what you are grieving. To the extent you can, try to identify those things. One thing divoprcing people tend to grieve is a loss of self esteem. Another is a loss of trust. Still another is loss of an illusion - “How could I not have seen what a jerk he was”. There can be self doubt about how you could be so easily deceived. All these feelings, and more, are tough to deal with. That is the reason there are groups there to provide the unconditional support you need now.

Best of luck to you and if you are interested I will authorize Laney to provide my contact information to you on a confidential basis.

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 02:22 PM | Link to this

@ Reality Check, you know that’s right.I don’t know how much help I can give her…lol….sounds like someone needs to possibly take a long look in the mirror and see what their reflection is doing.

@ Mista…lol yeah the ‘Zona skin stays toned and glowing for sure. There is something good about living on the West Coast…lol…nothing like desert heat to keep a woman tight!

By cool breeze

March 27, 2006 02:23 PM | Link to this

@ page1908 I disagree with you on the height thing. I hear women say all the time they don’t date guys shorter than them if they’re a tall woman because it doesn’t look right. I am like, it doesn’t look right to who and who are you dating for/trying to “look right for?” Anyway, I don’t care if she’s taller than me or not. If she’s cute then for me it’s on. I have passions to keep me busy but I like having a woman around to talk to and enjoy things with. If I have a bad experience i do like jay-z said and brush that dirt off my shoulders and get back in the game. I don’t have time for letting other people control my life and stop me from enjoying dating or getting frustrated with it. I gots things to do.

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 02:23 PM | Link to this

Applauding olderandwiser

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 02:26 PM | Link to this

@ NEED HELP- you are totally putting a damper on the mood…lol..maybe you just need a serious BOB to do the job:))

By G

March 27, 2006 02:28 PM | Link to this

@Page…Guys lie about their height b/c most women prefer taller men. It’s the Wedding Cake vision we grow up with. The operative word here is “prefer”. I’m 5’8”, and most of my dates are taller than me. I’m not intimidated by taller women. If she’s cute and we get along, I’m cool.

By abc

March 27, 2006 02:29 PM | Link to this

I’ve never lied about my height. I prefer short women though, like 5’0” to 5’5”. It’s kind of funny, when a woman implies a man may be too short it’s often as if his manhood has been assaulted, and if a woman’s tall height is referenced she’s usually equally sensitive to the amazon implication.

By Page1908

March 27, 2006 02:30 PM | Link to this

@ Cool Breeze- Ok good point. But, all I am saying is that height doesn’t matter to me at all. I mean seriously, it might not “look right” dating a “short” man, but what REALLY doesn’t look right is me all alone on a night out, just for the sake of looks. I would much rather be with someone shorter than I am than alone altogether. I would never not give a brotha a chance just because he is shorter than I am. I mean, I can’t help it that I am tall!!! LOL…tha’s my dad’s fault…lol.

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 02:30 PM | Link to this

I’m sorry dawg, divorce and death ain’t the same!!!!! just because you ain’t in the bed next to that person every night, you can at least see them!!!! apples and oranges….

By FitChick

March 27, 2006 02:31 PM | Link to this

Taz - Hey Girl. A lot of people still fail to realize that they are responsible for their own happiness.

I saw another quote today could be applied to today’s topic - Sometimes life’s shadows are caused by our standing in our own sunshine by Ralph Waldo Emerson - If you bring hurt and pain from a previous relationship into a new one, you put yourself at a disadvantage by not allowing potential blessings and happiness to grow.

By NoStress

March 27, 2006 02:32 PM | Link to this

well said olderandwiser

By 2 can play that game©

March 27, 2006 02:33 PM | Link to this

had to read your last post again, runnin…I see you weren’t really comparing the two..but of course, everyone deals with any tragedy differently….my bad…

By sJeaSexyCool

March 27, 2006 02:33 PM | Link to this

okay…so…i’m exhausted after catching up on 183 mostly negative posts…

yes…i’ve taken dating breaks…have learned that my dating experiences have improved as i have come to better know myself and listen to that inner voice, being absolute about what my deal breakers are…refusing to idealize a less than ideal situation and like ope (oprah) says…believing a person the first time they show me who they are…

dating is not always easy…but…it’s such a small part of my life these days that i don’t stress about it…

By Pandora's Box

March 27, 2006 02:37 PM | Link to this

@2…h3ll yea! GO GATORS!

By divine1

March 27, 2006 02:38 PM | Link to this

And honestly, I AM HAVING THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE! I have taken these lemons and made some delicious lemonade - This is exactly why I LOVE me some Tazz. Hey Mama, can’t wait until April - so many good times approaching - trip to Florida with the boys, get to see my Mentor & Friend the following weekend and then I’m off to Savannah - Woohoo.

By needhelp

March 27, 2006 02:40 PM | Link to this

Raality I would like that very much please.

By Tazzee

March 27, 2006 02:40 PM | Link to this

Hey Royal Chic! I’m fine - getting acclimated to H-Town.

By runninatl

March 27, 2006 02:41 PM | Link to this

@mista That’s cool, I might have to check out Metro Fitness one weekend I don’t have the kids and I’m not bogged down with homework.

@olderandwiser I got to co-sign that one!

By Royal Chic

March 27, 2006 02:42 PM | Link to this

Well said olderandwiser….as we can see your name fits…..thanks for sharing:)

By DasKrait2

March 27, 2006 02:43 PM | Link to this

Looks like coxnet having difficulties again? LOL

By divine1

March 27, 2006 02:43 PM | Link to this

@FitChick - Ahem - that would have been me, believe it or not. LOL. How are you doing today, Mama?

@2 - Happily single and dating.

By mista don't play

March 27, 2006 02:46 PM | Link to this

Where did everyone go?

By reality check

March 27, 2006 02:48 PM | Link to this

olderandwiser is right about most things but the Kroger. Your future man/woman has to eat.

I also don’t think it is necessary to give up on dating after a traumatic event unless you want to. It is important to keep the right perspective, though. People going through divorce almost always experience great loneliness. If you re-enter the social world to have some fun it can be rewarding even as you work on learning from your experiences. In fact, dating can help you regain your self esteem and that is a good thing. The biggest problems come from getting too involved emotionally before you are ready. Everybody holds committment in high regard, but committment in that circumstance is not a good thing.

By Pandora's Box

March 27, 2006 03:00 PM | Link to this

@2 H3LL yea! Go Gators!

By Candrus

March 27, 2006 03:01 PM | Link to this

Hi… My name is Candi, and I’m very sorry about all of you guys and I’ve read so many comments. I hope that you all find yourself someone in your lifetime to come together as one. I understand how most of you feel, because your all saying the same basically. I really hope that you find that special someone.

By needhelp

March 27, 2006 03:02 PM | Link to this

Reality, I would like that very much. Thank you.

By MysticMe

March 27, 2006 03:03 PM | Link to this

I guess I am a short-term lurker, but I wanted to chime in on this one. I married my high-school sweetheart so I was committed from age 15-29. So my first taste of singlehood occurred here in Atlanta. Honestly I loved it. Even though I truly agree with most of the “negative” comments, because they are TRUE!!!! B.S. abounds outrageously in Atlanta. But my norm was being married so dating was fun…However I tired of the silliness, lies, cheating, and games and quit dating…six months later I met my new husband…

Go figure…

By Lisa

March 27, 2006 03:06 PM | Link to this

i’m happy!!!

to me, dating is also about being clear on your expectations. if you are looking for a husband/wife, let the other party know before things go to far. if you just want to hit it, let him/her know. therefore, both parties involved can make a clear, intelligent decision as to where the fling/relationship is going to go.

being honest from the start or when things start to develop saves everyone headaches. and no one feels duped.

By Tawana Norman

March 27, 2006 03:07 PM | Link to this

Hi everyone!! I am 17 yrs of age and i had been talking to this guy for 3yrs and 1 month!! well we have finally broken up!! It took me a while to finally get up the nerve to leave him alone!! but on the other had it was this guy that wanted to talk to me and i rejected him because i didn’t know how to accept him. For the simple fact that i sterotyped him!!!I thought he was going to be the same way as my boyfriend!!! I am saying all of this to let you all know that there are some good guys out there but don’t go looking for them i promise you the right one will find you!!! I know you are saying I am too young to know anything about this but i do have a little knowledge on dating!! trust me i didn’t have a 3year long relationship with someone and didn’t get anything out of it!! Every experience should be an educational one!!! One

By THE INFAMOUS DK

March 27, 2006 03:19 PM | Link to this

@2 Man I am loving my life right now too Guy.. I have no complaints..

By Tall&Lovely

March 27, 2006 03:22 PM | Link to this

@PAGE I feel you on your 1:51 posting. 110%!

By Joe

March 27, 2006 03:30 PM | Link to this

Its gotten so that the only women I can attact and afford nowadays aren’t worth the fights I have with my wife. I am just about to give up on dating.

By aggressively witty

March 27, 2006 03:31 PM | Link to this

Miesha, you 27, never date in high school or college and STILL in school!!!!! How many degrees you got sista? Good lord. What school did you go to. Never dated in neither place. Are you one of them ugly ducklings turned to a swan type broads? if so, thats hot.

I swear to god if I have a daughter I want her to be cute enough not to get teased but ugly enough not to get asked out until she is like 20. And even if she is so ugly that she gets teased that will just make her wittier for when she becomes fine. That would be the best of all worlds. Ugly and smart turned pretty and witty. Sadly the only hopes of this is if she picks up my genetics cause if she takes after the wife piece ima have to stab a lil boy in the heart. Gawd i hate a kid.

By Michael

March 27, 2006 03:40 PM | Link to this

@ olderandwiser-Thanks for your post.

I just got out of a bad relationship about 5 weeks ago so Im a free agent again. I ve mainly been developing my interests and focusing on my future. Since Im new to Atlanta, Ive mainly been attending business mixers and socials on my own and meeting some nice new people. I think things will only get better over time. I think getting dumped is the best thing that couldve happened to me. Besides, what do I need with a girlfriend right now anyway? Im only 23!!! Im just going to casually date. M.

By Get Smart

March 27, 2006 03:41 PM | Link to this

I put a self-imposed moratorium on dating because my life is all about me. If I luck into meeting someone and we complement each other, well that’s God’s will. People don’t need to date, they need to take the time to love themselves by getting their own lives in order and that can only happen by getting close to and worshipping God, following in his word and basking in his love. People don’t need dates, people need Jesus Christ. You need to love yourself and love God before you can love anyone else.

By Michael

March 27, 2006 03:46 PM | Link to this

@ olderandwiser-Thanks for your post. I just got out of a bad relationship about 5 weeks ago so Im a free agent again. I ve mainly been developing my interests and focusing on my future. Since Im new to Atlanta, Ive mainly been attending business mixers and socials on my own and meeting some nice new people. I think things will only get better over time. I think getting dumped is the best thing that couldve happened to me. Besides, what do I need with a girlfriend right now anyway? Im only 23!!! Ill casually date in the mean time. Thanks older! M.

By Laney

March 27, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this

hi everyone! just got in from a day mostly spent in the car…ick…sorry for my lateness! I will go check out all the fabulous things you have to say now =)

By divine1

March 27, 2006 03:57 PM | Link to this

What is really going on? Are we having server issues again…..

By Tray

March 27, 2006 04:08 PM | Link to this

where did everyone go???

By Grandpa Jack

March 27, 2006 04:30 PM | Link to this

Appreciating & applauding olderandwiser.

“Suggesting”, in addition to coworkers, friends, & family…church family.

By Pandora's Box

March 27, 2006 04:50 PM | Link to this

hello? hello? is this thing on?

By testing

March 27, 2006 04:50 PM | Link to this

testing

By Kimbers

March 27, 2006 04:50 PM | Link to this

Hi Everyone, I totally understand how everyone feels about the dating scene here in ATL. Yep! It pretty much sucks. Here I am in my late 30’s and have had lots of bad luck with dating, just like all of you on here. You are right! The internet isn’t the answer. How about joining some social clubs to meet some new friends. Get involved in things that you enjoy doing. Like bike riding, hiking, camping, traveling,going to a play/comedy. Since I am not into hanging out in bars, I have joined several social clubs to meet ppl. Try the Atlanta Travel and Social Club, Atlanta Ski & Social Club, Funhikes, Adventure Club. Do a google search on these and get their websites. Good Luck to all!

By Brenda

March 27, 2006 05:08 PM | Link to this

Yep, I’ve given up on dating because of the guy I met a little over a year ago, but it took about 4 months for us to actually go out! He’s THE best! After a long succession of “meeting” guys online and being lied to and then discovering one guy I was dating was actually married and his wife was pregnant, I met Richard! We work for the same company, and after keeping our dating quiet for 5 months, we let it be known at our holiday party that we are a couple…work-related, nothing has happened! I have wondered constantly where the amazing man has been my whole life, but things take time! GOOD LUCK to everyone looking for someone! :)