Misadventures in Atlanta

By Miss QC

February 27, 2006 08:05 AM | Link to this

Morning, great topic WD i’ll get settled here at work and comment later…have a great day all ;)

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 08:10 AM | Link to this

Everything has a reason and a season. People are brought into your life maybe forever or maybe even for a fleeting moment. Look at it as a learning experience, you saw the signs and your intuition kicked in, you continued to move forward with that little birdie in your head telling you beware.

Now if a similiar situation arises, you will know how to handle it because you have been there before. Everything is a test in this life, he has resurfaced to keep you on your toes and to see if you learned anything from the 1st test. A relationship can only go as fast as you let it, if you want to slow it down do so.

By Been Thru It All

February 27, 2006 08:13 AM | Link to this

Okay, I’ll put my foot in the fire first…. What are u upset about? The fact that he left or that he came on to fast, Ms. Wise Diva….. “please be gentle”

By Mark aka NoStress

February 27, 2006 08:28 AM | Link to this

@Wise - fast tracking relationships is only a luxury when the other person involved allows the pace to move as quickly as the one who is pushing it. But to compare another bruh to this cat isn’t fair nor can I figure out why you would want to - you didn’t even know buddy he just gave you an opportunity at the fairy tale and that is what you are really after when you consider another man’s courtship ritual. Can he sweep you away in this roller coaster of emotion that hopefully leads to your happily ever after - but as you see roller coasters end just as fast as they begin - so you decide what you want - the quick thrill ride that makes you “clutch your pearls” or do you want a lasting relationship deep enough to create diamonds? choice is yours

By Buzzworthy

February 27, 2006 08:43 AM | Link to this

Mark, I see your point. You always give very logical advice. However I see Wise Diva’s dilemma a different way. Why in a choice of fairy tale or ordinary should we choose ordinary? We see women all around us experiencing grand gestures and professions or love on a regular basis. Through this short interaction with this man, Diva saw first hand that some men are willing do these things with her and it can be a reality for her. Even though it was the wrong person and it didn’t work out, why isn’t it a possibility that a fairy tale experience could happen with a sincere individual?

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 08:56 AM | Link to this

A fairy tale experience can happen to anyone, but I think the point is keep your eyes open, and listen to your intuition, and learn from the experience, negative or positive.

By "The Real" Longtime Lurker

February 27, 2006 08:58 AM | Link to this

Good morning all…

To answer your question Wise..

Who sets the pace when you are dating someone new?

Women always control the dating process.

Are men really just selling a fantasy when they are “courting� women?

In most cases the dating process is a “fraud” and yes, we call it selling women a dream! This is not the case always, but a very high percentage of the cases are “fraud”

Why do men come on so strong, so fast, only to bail on you later?

If this happens, in most cases the guy saw something in you he did not like and moved on. Women do the same thing, initially you see the package and say “wow” but then as time passes, you see their true character and move on.

By Ivy

February 27, 2006 09:03 AM | Link to this

Good Morning, everyone!

Wow, Diva. I’m stumped. I’m sorry that that happened to you. He did seem like such a wonderful guy. Oh well to him and Lana….hmmmmmpf! So, have you opened the new email yet? If so, what did he want?

By BlackIce

February 27, 2006 09:05 AM | Link to this

Morning… So are you gonna open it? Curiosity is a mother. Do you think you feel apprehensive because you have not really gotten closure regarding the whirlwind?

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 09:09 AM | Link to this

He sounded like a wonderful guy? In three weeks how can one determine if anyone is wonderful or not??.

By Lady T

February 27, 2006 09:11 AM | Link to this

Even though it was the wrong person and it didn’t work out, why isn’t it a possibility that a fairy tale experience could happen with a sincere individual? Because a fairy tale is just that, a fictitious story, there is no reality to it. If you’re looking for something real, you get to know the real person. That takes time.

By Been Thru It All

February 27, 2006 09:14 AM | Link to this

If not three weeks, how long? What is an acceptable amount of time? People have been dating, married for years just to discover this person is not meant for me……

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 09:14 AM | Link to this

Good Morning!

@BTIA - I would say I am upset about BOTH. They equally annoy me and the bottom line is rejection. Women don’t handle rejection well period. Men may be more acclimated to it, but I sure as hell am not.

I have NOT opened the email, LOL.. I am a big ole chump, just don’t want to plunge head first into something unexpected.

By Been Thru It All

February 27, 2006 09:19 AM | Link to this

Ms. Diva… Did he “fade” you out…. I remember you having a topic about this very same thing a couple of weeks ago…. Are you really annoyed at how he broke up with you:-}

By mickiedee

February 27, 2006 09:19 AM | Link to this

Wise said it was 2 months not 3 weeks: Well, after 2 months of intense courtship and many promises to financially support me for the rest of my life…

I hate when they disappear like that. But at least he did send you an explanation. I would tell him to kiss my @ss now though.

Wise, How long ago did you first meet him?

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 09:24 AM | Link to this

Wise, you are Wise, remember that! You are also stronger than you think. Look at the situation realistically, you know what your past interraction was with this guy, what surprise could he possibly have? It should not be a surprise. Don’t feel rejected, he went back to his ex, it wasn’t about you, unfortunate but true. You have the upper hand, you know from where he is coming, you need to let him know where you are coming from and move on.

Some women do handle these type of situationswell, you learn from them. Don’t let these type of situations define you, look at them as LEARNING Experiences!

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this

Sorry, two months, three weeks, same difference. Her intution was telling her okay something isn’t right slow it down. She continued on with it at the pace it was at, and it ended the way it did. It is what it is.

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 09:38 AM | Link to this

I met him in 2004, so why is he coming back NOW? Why do they always come back?

I am not a closure type chick, for me…your lack of proximity is enough explanation.

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 09:50 AM | Link to this

Jazzyone, you are so on point! I think that was a great learning experience. I just wonder why guys don’t wait till they are CERTAIN, before saying and doing certain things. I didn’t even think I was a fairytale kind of girl, but obviously he had me thinking it COULD be that way, and now I feel as if that is what I want, of course, with the follow through added in :)

By LADYBUG

February 27, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this

Do you all watch Oprah? Robin (I think that is her name), the psychologist that Oprah most often has on her show said something interesting the other day… The discussion was about men who win women over with the fairy tale romance—Robin said: “If you are swept off of your feet you are swept out of reality and that is never a good thing.” I think it applies here…. Wise, you are either lying thru your teeth or have the patience of the Dali Lama if you haven’t opened that email!!!

By Buzzworthy

February 27, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this

I wouldn’t open the email WD. It is probably something stupid like, “Since you were so instrumental in Lana and i getting back together, I would like to invite you to our engagement party.”

By Ivy

February 27, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this

Diva, you have to open it, if only to see what it says, it doesn’t mean you have to respond.

By VANikia

February 27, 2006 09:57 AM | Link to this

I need closure….. I am in a situation that I feel it’s time to get out of…. HELP!!!

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this

Oh really Ladybug?

By Ivy

February 27, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this

Oh, dang, Buzz that would be awful. Oh well. But, I would like to know what it says. I’m just plain nosy.

By Mark aka NoStress

February 27, 2006 10:03 AM | Link to this

@Buzzworthy - never said to settle for the “ordinary” I don’t believe in anything that constitutes settling - the point I was making was that - riding a preset idea of what the courtship should be can cause you to miss a lot of needful information because what do you really know about Prince Charming? Prince Charming or Knight in Shining Armor are just titles of the man not the character of one. Besides “Happily ever After” is just a story that hasn’t ended yet.

By LADYBUG

February 27, 2006 10:05 AM | Link to this

I thought it was good advice—granted this was said on a show about a man who was married to about 6 women all of whom “married him” after courtships that lasted from 3 weeks to about 3 months. I think there are a lot of people out there that crave intensity—some mistake intensity for love….and some men just really know how to play the game.

Ok, come on….open the email already! I don’t have an ounce of Dali Lama DNA in my body!!

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 10:07 AM | Link to this

@Wise. I understand what you mean, once a man treats you this way, you find that its the way you want it to be. There will be another to come your way, with the same behavior, and just think when he does, you will know how to handle it and determine if that fairy tale start will become your reality. If not? Keep it moving.

@Van and what would that situation be that you need to get out of??

By Relly Rell

February 27, 2006 10:10 AM | Link to this

@WD, the whole experience was for him…he wanted to see if he still had it. Lana probably dropped is lame azz after he was coming with the “sleeping with the enemy” game…you know, the kind that will throw up in your face all that he does for you…while tracking your car mileage. But here is the real question, if you were uneasy or had a funny feeling about this guy..why did you continue with him or where are the feeling coming from….sounds like you were just tolerating him..or at best just along for the ride. I am like when is the all powerful wise diva vunerable to this type of BS..I mean you had to see it coming….i know you might give it to me for that, but really you had to see that snow job coming.

By Scornednomo

February 27, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this

Wise delete the email and forget about it and him. Speaking from experience.

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this

@Wise, girl if you don’t open that email and tell us what it says, we will get you through it…hell I think we all want to know. Think of it as entertainment…you recog his game from the first go around, he can’t hurt you again. His character is flawed if he treated you this way. I don’t think you were the first person hes done this too. Can’t be mad at him, this is his game, but you don’t have to play.

Also, he was trying to get with you, while he was still wooing his ex to come back, you don’t need that in your life.

By DarkBrownGirl

February 27, 2006 10:15 AM | Link to this

Never pay for the same real estate twice.

Only a dog goes back to its vomit.

A sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud.

By DarkBrownGirl

February 27, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this

You’re better than all of that.

My advice: Delete the email. Leave it be.

The point in going through something is going to something and where you go has to be better than where you were.

By wrongway

February 27, 2006 10:25 AM | Link to this

DELETE it!!!

By "Longtime Lurker"

February 27, 2006 10:31 AM | Link to this

My question is this… why are most people assuming the e-mail is negatitive or that Wise should delete it, without reading it? Why is hate towards the dude coming out in others…YOU DON’T KNOW THE SITUATION!!!

Wise open the e-mail read it and chose if you want to reply or not. This is a form of bringing closure to the situation. If you delete it, without reading it, then you will always wonder what it said.

I think you are woman enough to accept and handle most anything and you are showing your “slip” on this one.

By Ivy

February 27, 2006 10:31 AM | Link to this

Rell, I think that all women/men can or will at some point be vulnerable to that type of attention. It’s one thing to do it for a couple of weeks and then stop, but he was consistent for a few months, so even with scrutiny and with your guard up, if someone is showing you Consistently (being the key word) that they are what they are having you believe, why would you believe otherwise unless you are shown something different? I guess it all boils down to trust and while I initially give trust until shown otherwise, a lot of folks seem to mistrust until the mistrust is proven. How can you ever have a relationship if you are constantly thinking you’ll be the victim of some ploy/scheme? By no means does that say be stupid or be blind to certain things, but in this case, he was consistent up til the point when he stood her up.

By girlsmom

February 27, 2006 10:33 AM | Link to this

diva, i’m a very long time lurker. i love this blog, but just never commented until now. this very same thing happened to me. i met this wonderful guy & we fell in love & talked about marriage & everything. i even introduced him to my girls, which i’ve never done since i’ve been divorced & dating - then he changed. a total 180!! i broke up with him, cuz i couldn’t deal with the changes in our relationship.

long story short - hadn’t heard from him in 2 months & he calls on valentine’s day to say (quoting him) “happy valentine’s day & i’m sorry i hurt you” he wanted to talk face to face… that was 2 weeks ago, still waiting for the talk….whatever.

i had a thousand questions, how could you just change? why pull me in so hard & fast & then be such a disappointment? i’m sorry this happened to you, but it’s comforting to know that i’m not the only one this has happened to. i know God didn’t send him my way for nothing. maybe it was a glimpse at something even better to come!! (sorry for such a long post)

By Ivy

February 27, 2006 10:35 AM | Link to this

So, how long have you had the email, Wise? Only because I think you want to open it and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to see what the heck he’s saying. If you didn’t care even an ounce, you would have immediately deleted it and said, eff it and eff him. So, open it, read it, and then delete it if you don’t want to respond.

By Indy

February 27, 2006 10:39 AM | Link to this

Men can get caught up in the fairy tale too.

We want to be the knight in shining armor. However, our armor will always have chinks. His ex either was the chink, or knew where to find it.

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 10:46 AM | Link to this

So little time with so many carrying such heavy baggage. Why try to figure it out? People do what they do. If you have a healthy sense of self and know who you are and what you want and need in your life? This type of thing will happen, but you look at it realistically, determine what to learn from it or what you may need to change or open your eyes to see about you if nec. Close the bag and throw it off the train. I guess this type of knowlege comes with growth and development with thy self.

By Tazzee

February 27, 2006 10:46 AM | Link to this

Morning all!

I like those quotes DarkBrownGirl - I’m going to write them down and post them where I can see them CONSTANTLY because I am good for giving men a second chance.

This is a great topic Diva and the main reason for my 90 day rule.

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 10:46 AM | Link to this

If you know what you will not settle for, reading an email won’t change that.

By ATLborn

February 27, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this

Morning folks!

Go ahead and open the email. For all you know it may just be a “forward” chain or some ish. Some folks have been done with a person for a while that’s still included in an old group contacts they use for email forwards.

I doubt it in your case, but it could be. You may have one hard laugh if you open it, after agonizing over what this guy could possibly want to say to you after all this itme, only to find out the email is only a “Little Johnny” joke you and 30 other folks received from him.

By anonymousella

February 27, 2006 10:50 AM | Link to this

lol @buzzworthy and rell… that’s exactly what i was thinking.

re: fairy tales: sometimes relationships happen quickly. after two months of bliss, talking about marriage isn’t lunacy. going through with it? yeah. that’s crazy…lol.

wise i know you know the answers to some of your questions. he came into your life promising everything because he was looking to fill a void. you just happened to be in the right/wrong place at the wrong/right time.

now dismissing guys who don’t measure up to ivan isn’t fair. although i do think that using ivan as your ideal standard for how you’d like to be treated is understandable and ok.

By Relly Rell

February 27, 2006 10:50 AM | Link to this

@Ivy, your right everybody can be snowed, god knows i am leaving proof that god looks out for fools and babies. What i was trying to say is..that it all sounded to good to be true..and you know how that goes. All his actions were scripted..let me call moms…what?, my mom has only meet three of the women i have dated in my life and the third one i married..calling my mother when i think she is the one…that is game…period. All he did was try to franchise the same game he ran on lana to win Diva, his thinking if it worked before it should work on this one, they are all the same…he thinks he as it locked. And he was not worried about the panties because as men we have heard the celibacy angle numerous times…only to smash after we get the guard down…so to him, he was like if lana does not come around…i am still on my game because i got diva in the pocket, i will smash in about 2 months game over…he probably had trips lined up and shopping sprees..all in the effort to lock the game back down…he was not chasing just replacing….it is not tricking if you got it…and he has/had it

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

girlsmom, thank you SO much for commenting. It totally helps knowing I am not the only one that has been through it.

the email is dated for Friday. I just looked at it Saturday morning. The reason why I don’t want to open it is basically…there is nothing that he can say or do at this point to take away the pang of rejection that I felt/still feel, so why bother? If the wound is healing, why open it up and dissect it? I don’t need closure, he got GHOST, closure enough!

I do have a question for him.. WHY give your ssn to a chick you KNOW you are going to be shady with!? that is D.U.M.B.

Boi, if I was a vindictive chick, I could jack him UP. LOL

By Buzzworthy

February 27, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

I don’t know why guys resurface. My exes always seems to come back too. I think it has something to do with them liking the way they felt about themselves when they were with you. Or maybe it is that you represent an ideal or high standard of woman. Even though they didn’t choose to be with you, they still like the idea of you which causes them to send emails, phone calls etc. out of the blue 2 yrs later. i don’t know if this is true or not, just my own theories on male behavior.

By Perception is Reality

February 27, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this

murnin blog!

damn dva! we’ve all been there though.

and honestly, after you’ve been through the same thing over and over again…it’s hard to not look at the next fool as a fool … ya get “gun shy” and come to expect to be disappointed to the point where you don’t even want to be bothered with men/dating anymore!

mark aka nostress glad to see you aren’t blogging anymore… TOO FUNNY! you offer such great insight…please keep up the not blogging ;)

By Carrington

February 27, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Bloggers & Bloggetts!

Diva Baby…greta topic. Going to try and catch up….

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this

Atlborn, the subject reads: blast from your past, so I don’t think it is a forward, LOL.

anon - you are right, I just came along at the time when he wanted “add water, instant relationship”

and as far as why didn’t I speak up? well I ask myself that question a LOT. My track record with men has been “cynical”, not believing a word of what a man tells me, I am like SHOW ME, and I thought that is what he was doing, showing me. The thing is, I usually have to be “pulled along” because I can be a bit of a commitment phobe, so I think I was just relaxing in it, then I got caught up in it, THEN I got scared, but didn’t say anything. Lesson learned, speak UP, even if you come across as bitter/cynical, LOL..if it is the RIGHT man, he will have patience.

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 11:06 AM | Link to this

…after you go through the same thing over and over again? who really is the fool, the people that you interact with or you? No you aren’t the only one thats been there. I have also but not over and over again and no matter what someone elses objective is it’s all about my pace and what I will and will not tolerate in my zone.

By Ivy

February 27, 2006 11:08 AM | Link to this

Buzz, it’s true. Men always come back. Not sure why, but they do for whatever reason, they will try. I’ve never known a man that didn’t try to come back. It’s all about whether or not you accept them back into your life. For me, when I’m done, I’m done. If I were in Diva’s situation, I would have been done totally from the moment he stood me up because there would have been no reason for him to not use a phone to let me know something unless he were dead, but that’s me. I typically don’t believe in second chances, especially if you hurt/betrayed me, etc.

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 11:08 AM | Link to this

@Wise. You just wrote “anon - you are right, I just came along at the time when he wanted “add water, instant relationship”. SO why do you say that you were rejected?? you are talking the reality but it seems you are not absorbing your own words and feelings.

By Newkid

February 27, 2006 11:09 AM | Link to this

Good Morning,

Very interesting topic. @Wise Diva I feel you on the hesitation to open the e-mail. It appears this guy may be your achilles heel. I had one myself. He dropped me like a hot potato and came back into my life a couple of years later. I thought I was stronger and able to handle what, if anything, he had to throw at me the second time. I couldn’t. I got caught up once again. I ended up having two kids by him, which are two blessings I walked away with from the relationship as well as the lesson not to fall back into anything with him again.

So now I always have my guard up when I communicate with him, to ward off the evil spirits. I joke. But seriously, I do.

By DarkBrownGirl

February 27, 2006 11:14 AM | Link to this

I saw Tyler Perry’s movie this weekend. It made me want to fall in love.

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

no Jazz, in hindsight, it’s as if he was URGENT because he didn’t want to be alone, and I am not clear on where things stood with him and the ex, I didn’t even know she existed, so my point was that it seemed as if he was clinging to me so tightly, partly because he was in a serious relationship with someone and wanted that again, and he wanted it at the EXACT place, hence his need to jump SEVERAL paces ahead with me.

By ATLborn

February 27, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

Mark - good post bruh. Ivan sounds like one of those dudes that maps out his life and will stick to that map regardless of what roadblocks he encounters that should cause him to revise his plan. Seems that either he botched it with Lana or she left. He felt he may not be able to get her back, so he continued on with Wise, doing the same things he would have done with Lana. He had planned on getting married soon, having his woman establish the decor for his house, etc. Wise was inserted for Lana, when Lana came back home she reclaimed her spot and Wise was placed on the shelf.

Who knows what this clowns email is about. Maybe Lana has gone again and he once to go back to the woman he felt was an adequate replacement for her?

He could be feeling really guilty about what he did to Wise and wants forgiveness?

Who knows what the chump wants!
Reading the email may provide the answer.

By Carrington

February 27, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

Perception -ATL what’s happening people? Long time no hear from….hope all is well.

Diva -sorry that you had to go through that. It did seem like a fairy tale. If a woman came at me like that, I would prolly think she was in the witness protection program and was trying to get a husband to look as normal as possible -as quickly as possible.

Not saying that the fairytale can’t happen, but it hardly does happen like that. Usually once you realize you lived a fairytale, it is after you look back on something -not while it is happening. Luckily, your defenses did alarm you enough to keep you from dropping everything about yourself and becoming his homemaker.

By ATLborn

February 27, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Wise. Oh well, that answers that.

By Perception is Reality

February 27, 2006 11:19 AM | Link to this

Hey Atl! Got your message and I promise imma holla at you sometime in the near future. CHUMP!

Hey Carrington … how the hell are you?

Um…Tazzee u got gmail…mmkay?!!!

Dva — I would delete the email. It’s very liberating to ignore folks who want to come popping back up. Just last night I got 2 calls (cell and house phone) from Sir Licks A Lot (y’all remember him?) and instantly I started having flashbacks … I didn’t answer his calls nor am I going to return them. I’m sayn’ why should I? There is nothing he can do for me at this moment in time so there is no reason to ‘catch up’.

It’s been my experience that folks don’t just write/call to say hi. They always want something. ALWAYS!

By Ivy

February 27, 2006 11:24 AM | Link to this

HA! PI, now that’s one to pop back up…..oh well to him. hahahahahahahah

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 11:24 AM | Link to this

DarkBrownGirl, I am loving that quote!

Wow Newkid, I think it is always tough to gauge if we are “strong” enough, I think sometimes we really convince ourselves we are.

As for the feelings of rejection, that basically means, he rejected our friendship/relationship/fling to be with the person he wanted to be with, which is GOOD in the sense that I rather know sooner than later BUT I think it feels like rejection when you are stood up, and avoided, and THEN an EMAIL to “explain”.

Now as far as why do they come back, I WISH I knew why they feel as if they CAN come back. I must admit sometimes I want to go psycho chick on some dudes, just to ensure that doesn’t happen, LOL. It doesn’t pay to be the nice, understanding, non-violent girl sometimes.

By Relly Rell

February 27, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this

@atl, sounds like what i just said…dude is looney for real…because i was not going to marry a broad until she fixed me some tuna casserole…lol

By ATLborn

February 27, 2006 11:28 AM | Link to this

Sup Carrington! How you been man?

Sup PIR - aiight, I’ll look forward to it SUCKA! Oh yeah, I finally saw that new TV commercial that your mama is in as a taste tester. I didn’t know they still made Kibbles & Bits.

By Carrington

February 27, 2006 11:34 AM | Link to this

Perception -I am doing well. Did you just bring up Sir Lix a Lot? -WOW…you went way back with that one -lol. Did he leave you a message….Damn, he called both numbers. That is funny.

Ivy -what’s going on withcha ma ma/

Tazz -how are things with you? How is your nephew doing?

By Ivy

February 27, 2006 11:37 AM | Link to this

Carrington, I’m chillin’ over here and getting big. I’m craving BBQ so we are going to get some for lunch.

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 11:39 AM | Link to this

Hey Carrington! It’s good to see you pop in! How is mini-Carrington?

LOL @ witness protection! See? women would scare the hell out of a man, so I wonder are women always willing to believe in the fairytale? I learned alot about myself in that situation, some of it kind of surprised me.

By aka Brother To The Night

February 27, 2006 11:40 AM | Link to this

@ WD Disappointment and pain is part of the growth process of any person. We learn from the bad experiences but the question is how we use what we learn. You know what he did and due to honesty it sounds really wrong to me. Don’t open the email if you can’t deal with him fairly.

By Carrington

February 27, 2006 11:43 AM | Link to this

Kibble & Bits…ATL* you rolling. I’m chilling folk…just making it do what it do…

Ladies -you ask why men keep coming back? Well usually it is because we are not the smartest when it comes to this soulmate searching thing. We sometimes jump a little too quickly at the first ding of dislike, or the first sighting of another big bootie. After the bootie has been conquered, we ralize we are feeling empty. We try to fill that emptiness with different females….dating and so forth, to only realize we had what we needed and let it get away.

So then we do things like call, bt leave no message, or send an e-mail, text message that says something like Hey Sexy…hoping to get a nice response back.

Then…sometimes we go back for pure sexual gratification….hey it happens. If some of you ladies thought about it -you prolly have back tracked for the Sex with the EX thing also…

In this case….I am with ATL and Relly Rell -this dude is just a little off in reality…

By aka Brother To The Night

February 27, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this

I do feel the cat on being alone though I hate it. I would love to jump a couple of places to have steady companionship although I wouldn’t promise marraige. I’m working on being single though, I’m moving to a spot closer to downtown(little five points area) and I’m promising myself to actually date for awhile this time.

By Carrington

February 27, 2006 11:49 AM | Link to this

Diva -Mini Carrington is doing great. Blowing my mind more and more -each time I see him.

Ivy -you better chill…remember those jeans -lol

By Carrington

February 27, 2006 11:50 AM | Link to this

got to log off for a sec….so if I do not respond to any comment directed at me -give me like 20 minutes….

Big Brother coming thru…

By Relly Rell

February 27, 2006 11:51 AM | Link to this

@carrington, i am with you…with the ex girl to the next girl…it is a built-in defense feature. You know we have to protect that ego..because with out it..we would be Females..lol. Ladies where does this he owns me closure. I am not understanding how you get so attached to somebody who can “take care of you for the rest of you life”…nothings last forever and every life has twist and turns unbeknown to the individual??…I understand the whole fanasties thing..but like carrington said you don’t realize you are in one until you look back…

By aka Brother To The Night

February 27, 2006 11:51 AM | Link to this

Agreed @ Carrington

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 11:53 AM | Link to this

so why would I deal with him fairly? Why can’t I deal with him the exact way he “dealt” with me? Am I supposed to be overjoyed he took the painstaking effort of drafting an email? (insert more sarcasm there)

By DarkBrownGirl

February 27, 2006 11:55 AM | Link to this

Two of those quotes come directly from The Word.

By Bre'

February 27, 2006 11:56 AM | Link to this

Greetings and peace to all…what a lovely Monday…

Jumping right in “WD”; I’ve so been in that place it’s like reading a chapter out of my book of life. I had a wonderful, wistful courtship of 6 months then he comes back from a trip and says engagement off he is not ready. Mind you, he had just gotten out of a relationship prior to me. Then he jumped into one three weeks after me. After a year of healing myself and what I considered moving on afterwards. He contacts me out of the blue saying he is sorry and he really messed up with me.

Needless to say it only takes one time to burn me. I don’t travel backwards in any of my relationships. What’s done is done. That might sound a little cold hearted but I went thru it for a reason/season. So Diva I’m on your side about just deleting the email and moving on. We will never know the real reasons why men/women do such things.

“Commitment Phobia” I never knew that was me until I started breaking myself down and taking a good look at singlehood. Add to that I refuse to settle for anything less than true 100% love. So its going to take a little bit more than just wooing to get me into a real relationship.

By Relly Rell

February 27, 2006 12:08 PM | Link to this

I hear alot of this L word thrown around…but ladies is love taking the good and the bad or just 100 of the good stuff…i am just wondering when does Real Love and the stages come into play in all these relationships we discuss. Because people have love feelings but not love. Because love is a funny thing, it will break you down before it builds you up. Look at any couple that has been together for 20 plus years..and i can tell you the stories they may tell you might not look like love but the proof is in the pudding..Love is hard ladies for real, and sometimes you have to swallow your pride and all BS notion about the fanasties we discuss….love is….????

By VANikia

February 27, 2006 12:20 PM | Link to this

mail call REll

By Mark aka NoStress

February 27, 2006 12:21 PM | Link to this

@Wise - “fairly” is relative - but as a side bar my question to you is this - in this brief but intense worldwind of a romance - what was it that you fell so hard for was it him or the fairy tale itself?

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 12:25 PM | Link to this

what makes you think we don’t? taking the good and the bad, what other choice do we have really?

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 12:30 PM | Link to this

it was him offering the fairy tale.. I don’t know the REAL him, just the one he presented.

By Carrington

February 27, 2006 12:36 PM | Link to this

Rell -your comment - but ladies is love taking the good and the bad or just 100 of the good stuff…i am just wondering when does Real Love and the stages come into play in all these relationships we discuss

says plenty. So when does real love come into to play…and when do you feel that you have actually fallin in love with your mate -there is a difference between loving, and being in love….

By 2 can play that game

February 27, 2006 12:51 PM | Link to this

Hey Diva!!!! Gal, you know it’s a man’s world…..we control ALL aspects of the dating game…….say it ain’t so!

By Socialite

February 27, 2006 12:53 PM | Link to this

Wise if nothing else, at least open the email for us. We want to know what he has to say for himself!

Hey Carrington!! I thought about you over the weekend when I went past Uncle Vitos. (btw- its MsK)

By sjea

February 27, 2006 12:54 PM | Link to this

rell…just for you…

love is…

if love…

if i could see love…it would look like the first ray of light after a dark stormy night…it would be the color of rain on sun parched fields…it would be waves of the ocean continually kissing the beach and caressing the grains of sand…

if i could smell love…it would carry the scent of a dozen roses…the pungent scent of summer rain…it would smell like baby’s breath…

if i could talk with love…there would be no empty promises unfulfilled…it would be a whispered conversation of sweet words…and love’s voice would sound just like yours…

if i could dance with love…it would be fast paced tango…it would be a slow waltz…and we would step in the name of love all at the same time…

if i could taste love…it would taste like vanilla ice cream…it would melt in my mouth and in my hand…i would taste cinnamon from my mother’s apple pie…

if i could look into love’s eyes…i would fall deep into the pools of its soul…i would find myself from within…and i would see reflections of you…

and i would know what love is…

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 12:58 PM | Link to this

@2cp…nah…not a man’s world in dating…unh unh…not from my view. Im not seeing that. It ain’t so!

By aka Brother To The Night

February 27, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

@ Wise When I say fairly I mean even-tempered, you’ll feel better about yourself if you always put yourself in a position to be the better person. I couldn’t deal with my most recent ex in a fair way so I cut her off. Not the easy route but I feel better about myself and the future of the way I do things because I did it the right way. If she would’ve came anywhere close I would’ve dogged her. I know that, you know that nothing good can come out of communication with that man. So why lose the golden aura. Let him miss you. Could be the best feeling you can get from the situation and still be right. sorry about the slow response meeting

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 01:00 PM | Link to this

heeeey SJEA…I was thinking when I saw Carrington, all we needed today was for YOU to chime in…and with POETRY too, sigh

simply beautiful…thanks for sharing that!

By aka Brother To The Night

February 27, 2006 01:01 PM | Link to this

Coming from an ex-dog ya’ll.

By Relly Rell

February 27, 2006 01:03 PM | Link to this

@Carrington, that is a question i still ask myself everyday. I just know that loving someone is not always going to line up with the fanasty of love….Feel Me.

@sjea, welcome back…..that was nice

By anonymousella

February 27, 2006 01:05 PM | Link to this

@mark: i don’t think diva said whe fell for the dude. she was enjoying the courtship and hoped it would lead to more. in fact, her warning bells went off… sounds like she was quite sensible, actually.

but when a dude seems fabulous and acts like he’s all into you suddenly stands you up, cuts you off, and weeks later follows up with a dear-diva email, it’s going to sting.

now that i think about it, something similar happened to me. lots of sparks. lots of interest. but through our conversations, i figured out thhat i was really just his last hurrah so i cut things off. in fact, i knew he was going to be trouble before then, but he was kinda fine.

my gut proved me right when i found out like a week later that got engaged to his “ex.” supposedly they had been doing the we’re-sort-of-together-even -though-we’re-not thing. and he wanted to be friends. i changed my hours so i could avoid his a##.

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 01:06 PM | Link to this

Hey MR. 2CPTG!!..now why you gotta take it there? LOL…I miss ya!

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 01:08 PM | Link to this

sjea..simply fabulous….

By Carrington

February 27, 2006 01:09 PM | Link to this

Sjea…or as I know her -Craziest Sexiest Coolest -what up ma? I see your words are still flowing as beautifully as ever…

Sociallite -hey there…how have you been? Speaking on Uncle Vito’s -I think may be going by there today. Got a real jones for a couple of slices….

By Ivy

February 27, 2006 01:11 PM | Link to this

LOL, Carrington, I’m cool. I got some new jeans and they fit just as nice, but are maternity.

Rell, for me, it’s taking the good w/ the bad, but the bad shouldn’t mean my SO is disrespecting me or dogging me out or treating like less that his SO. Real love is tested over and over again and nothing worth having is going to come easy, but in that, I think it shouldn’t be a constant struggle either. I shouldn’t be more sad than I am happy.

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 01:12 PM | Link to this

Hey anon, thanks for the info on Friday!

By Ivy

February 27, 2006 01:12 PM | Link to this

Hey, 2! it’s good to read ya!

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 01:16 PM | Link to this

anon’s right.. I said I felt like i was falling, in the beginning..especially when all things pointed to MR. WONDERFUL. He convinced me that I was Ms. Right but it was truly Ms.Right for RIGHT NOW. He was sweeping me off my feet, and I didn’t want to stop it.

Women do want to believe, we just have to get better at waiting on full disclosure and proof that the men are who they say they are, and time usually is the only way to tell. ..in the meantime, we just hope he is being sincere.

By Socialite

February 27, 2006 01:17 PM | Link to this

Carrington you know I moved like a mile from MW. Ironically I haven’t had a jones for it since I moved closer.

By Laney

February 27, 2006 01:20 PM | Link to this

I think I could have written this post based on MY recent experience as well, Ms. Diva…

as far as why you should deal with him fairly, there is no need to sink to his level! knowing you are the better person will only cement his eventual - but certain - regret about how he treated you.

hope everyone is enjoying this lovely day!

By sjea

February 27, 2006 01:20 PM | Link to this

carrington…still president of your fan club…i’ve just officially relegated sJeaSexyCool to lurker status…

only posted today cause i was feeling the flow…btw…that is so NOT a finished piece…

also…i’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately on exactly how i define love…how that definition would fit into a relationship…and how that relationship would fit into my life…

and with that…i’m out…y’all be easy…

By Carrington

February 27, 2006 01:29 PM | Link to this

Socialite if you are that close…you need to hit me up, let me know where you are. You have to be close to me. Maybe we can meet up for an after work cocktail to catch up. Weather is good this week….

MW is making dinner for me tonight. Not sure if it is going to be wings…or the Grilled chicken Roswell salad. Got to get right for 24 tonight….

2Can -what up witcha playa?

By Mark aka NoStress

February 27, 2006 02:00 PM | Link to this

@anon - this is what Wise said in the beginning…

“I knew it would only transport me back to a time when I was madly, deeply falling for him.”

now I don’t want to over simplify nor over complicate the matter, however I just can’t stop from wondering based on the comments given - that you didn’t know the REAL him and HE was the one presenting in the “fast forward” fairy tale - what was it that you were madly and deeply falling into? I wonder primarily because I’m much more apprehensive and I’m very methodical I don’t like to make emotional decisions can’t trust them not long term anyway so I’m just seeking some common ground of understanding

By Socialite

February 27, 2006 02:02 PM | Link to this

Carrington will do. Maybe Thursday or Friday.

On topic- I find that guys always cycle back. I’m not sure why. Their well must run dry or something and they start putting out bait to see which girl will bite. I know when I think I am talking to someone for the last time that it probably isn’t the LAST time. They’ll be back. Unfortunately for them, I am seldom interested.

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 02:11 PM | Link to this

falling..it felt as if I was falling..on my way down..being swept away, blah blah.. I wouldn’t say I was head over heels, I was priming myself for it though.

By Jazzyone

February 27, 2006 02:25 PM | Link to this

No what it really is is a man cycles back because having sex with someone you already know is safe and the best sex is break up not together anymore sex…for some…

By abc

February 27, 2006 02:30 PM | Link to this

Hey yall!

If you’re feeling somewhat trepidacious in a new romance you should make that known and not get pushed into more than you’re ready for. I’m in that situation now, putting on the brakes and asserting that neither of us really wants to take it so fast, even if she thinks we should. Rushing into marriage is, most of the time, a big mistake.

I’m sorry your heart got bruised, WD! Rather than reply to his latest communique, give us his address and we’ll go alter his uh, perspective! :-)

By divine1

February 27, 2006 02:31 PM | Link to this

My advice would be to delete the e-mail and keep it moving. His explanation for why he left your life as swiftly as he came into it - was weak. Granted he may not have been in a place to recognize that he had residual feelings for the ex, but he should have kept with the image that he portrayed to you (of being up front and open) and respected you enough to be let you know he was not as ready as he thought.

There are times when we push ourselves into things to get past the hidden pain - self -medicating ourselves with something fresh and new - that looks like the one.

Diva - You are an AWESOME woman and he probably recognized that in you. He wanted to make sure his bid was in - for when he was truly ready to embark on a new journey. That prince of yours is coming. ;)

On the Madea’s Family Reunion tip - That movie is worth seeing more than once. I loved the part when the elder aunt made her presence known at the family reunion. Cisely Tyson’s speech is right on time. :)

By Relly Rell

February 27, 2006 02:33 PM | Link to this

@Ivy, thats all i am saying..sometimes we get lost because we have fanasty days on here where everything is all good, but some of the lurkers are looking for answers..let them see your war wounds is all i am sayin..nothing wrong with that…that will make those…”love” days feel just alittle better, because they will understand the struggle…

We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do;and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery. - Samuel Smiles

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 02:34 PM | Link to this

LOL…Jazzy, I think you make a good point there.

I wonder if guys get tired of that though, like seriously, do they ever tire of emotion-free, sex with women they don’t care about?

By anonymousella

February 27, 2006 02:35 PM | Link to this

@mark she said “falling” not “fell.” … lol. lucky for her, he ducked out before she actually lost her mind and started loving this dude.

@jazzy: you’re welcome… don’t remember what info i gave, but ok…

man, there’s one dude… pops up every 6 months like clockwork with an IM or an email. it’s been five years dude…and we live in different cities. let it go. lol.

By anonymousella

February 27, 2006 02:37 PM | Link to this

um wd for the sake of curiosity, can you forward the email to me? you might not want to read it, but i sho do…lol.

By Carrington

February 27, 2006 02:40 PM | Link to this

Diva -the answer to your question

I wonder if guys get tired of that though, like seriously, do they ever tire of emotion-free, sex with women they don’t care about?

a resounding NO -we may get tired of the feeling we have afterwards, or trying to tel her in a nice way that we only wanted to hook up….but never the sex!

If a man tells you diferently -he is most likely lying. He can only be close to feeling that way if he is really old…and can’t do it much, has a heart that is truly filled with religous beleifs -ther may be like two other reasons…but that’s it!

On that note…I am out for my slices of Pizza…

By divine1

February 27, 2006 02:42 PM | Link to this

@Wise Diva - Probably, but their nether parts don’t - LOL.

By Miss Me

February 27, 2006 02:47 PM | Link to this

DIVA hells naw and they care…care enough to think to call you and offer you up some of that emotion-free luvin…I mean really what guy would turn down anything having to do wit being FREE…. free meal, free ride, free phone, free rent, free clothes, free likker…emotion-free luvin is like hittin the lotto for some of these fellas. J/K hehe

oh yeah, heyyyyyyy

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 02:54 PM | Link to this

LOL anon..THEN it would drive me NUTS knowing that YOU know but I don’t know. He shouldn’t even matter, but alas, he did floor me.. I am not liking the randomness of this pop up. At lunch, my friend reminded me that it was the end of 2003 when we met, early 2004 when he dipped, so that is REALLY, a day late a dollar short!

By db

February 27, 2006 02:54 PM | Link to this

WD; Sex with an emotional attachment is ideal. If you don’t have that special somebody in your life; emotion-free sex is better than no sex at all. If you recycle some old (good) stuff, you’ll get some sort of comfort or familiarity that you wouldn’t get if you were to find someone new. I’ve recycled before when i’m in some sort of drought; luckily for me it’s rare that I end with someone on bad terms so I have the ‘get stuff free’ card with a lot of my past flames. It may not be ideal; but h3ll, it’s better than a sharp stick in the eye.

db

By Relly Rell

February 27, 2006 02:56 PM | Link to this

@WD, we only get tired of trying to chew whatever body part off you guys are snuggling on…..lol.

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 03:09 PM | Link to this

emotion free sex is better than NO sex at all? really?

By mickiedee

February 27, 2006 03:16 PM | Link to this

It sounds like some sort of emotion to me if you are getting some sort of comfort out of it.

By Mark aka NoStress

February 27, 2006 03:17 PM | Link to this

@Wise - depends on the dude and how often he gets its - if it is a once and a blue moon type of thang - heck nah he don’t get tired of it money is just happy he’s tappin somethin - but if the jelly is always in the fridge and all you got to do is open it up to get some then eventually you do get tired of it - you be like dag “grape” again but then again you got bruh’s who are hooked on grape - so again it depends on the dude

By aka Brother To The Night

February 27, 2006 03:22 PM | Link to this

Yes emotion free sex can be some if the best ever. You don’t have to wake up the next morning and deal with emotions. Wish I could be having it now but I’m too emotional to deal with ex.

By Tazzee

February 27, 2006 03:23 PM | Link to this

Hey Carrington - I guess my nephew is still alive. He really ticked me off the week before I left Atlanta and I haven’t talked to him since. My sister says he’s fine though.

By Socialite

February 27, 2006 03:25 PM | Link to this

MissMe you getting a spanking the next time I see you. I have tried calling but you never answer! Hope you are doing good. and lil Miss Me too!

By db

February 27, 2006 03:28 PM | Link to this

WD: of course emotion free sex is better than no sex at all! You mean to tell me; if you were thirsty and all you had available was tap water, you wouldn’t drink tap water because you only drink Dasani? Sheeeeee-it, give me the tap water until I can get my hands on some Dasani. Terrible analogy, but I’m sure you get the point. Something is better than nothing at all.

By abc

February 27, 2006 03:33 PM | Link to this

I’m sure I thought that emotion-free sex was fine when I was 21 and cruising New Orleans for tourist chicks, but these days (and pretty much ever since then) I’d rather go without sex than participate in sex without love.

By Relly Rell

February 27, 2006 03:33 PM | Link to this

dang the lady is back Miss Me, i always loved the rebel at that lady….straight off the chain..welcome back firecracker..lol

By Relly Rell

February 27, 2006 03:36 PM | Link to this

anything is better then palmella and her five sister..lol

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 03:36 PM | Link to this

is it just me or have the comments been slow showing up today?

anyway..um Bre…I am like that now, after Ivan…I don’t want to JUST hear the words, I want to see the actions and I want to see staying power. maybe that isn’t fair to the next guy, but I don’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes.

@Mark..I love your insight, your male perspective is quite enlightening. YOu and Brother to the Night give it straight up, I appreciate that…even if I don’t agree with what you are saying, I DO listen. LOL

Carrington I am VERY glad to see you comment, you are giving me something to think about!

Longtime Lurker…missed your comment earlier today..so you think Women control the pace?

By Mark aka NoStress

February 27, 2006 04:06 PM | Link to this

@Wise - I can appreciate that no doubt - hey erybody ain’t gonna agree 100% of the time - but if I can get you to thinkin’ I’m good.

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 04:10 PM | Link to this

Did anyone see Grey’s Anatomy. I am so hooked on that show, man..it’s wonderful.

By Tazzee

February 27, 2006 04:12 PM | Link to this

I know I’m late with this - but I have to say that I think both parties dictate the pace of dating. Sure a man may try to speed things up but its up to the woman to put on the brakes if needed. Unfortunately, I don’t think we women exercise our authority as much as we should.

By DC Native

February 27, 2006 04:17 PM | Link to this

@ WISE - I was just thinking about that show! I was sitting here thinking, hopefully Goerge can get himself a woman. I am definately hooked.

By Bre'

February 27, 2006 04:20 PM | Link to this

@WD Of course I watched it, it was really good. Laying in bed with my glass of wine, chilling. It leaves you really wondering what next. I like how they introduced the new chick sweating George.

Is some sex really better than no sex? Do you get to an age where your response changes then changes again? I think more like a male than female when it comes to sex so I’m going to leave it alone.

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 04:22 PM | Link to this

ohh thanks Divine1 (still catching up)..you are too kind, thanks so much for that comment.

Tazzee, I agree, it seems like it is getting harder to find someone who wants to go at the pace you are comfortable with…then again, I don’t even know what I am comfortable with anymore, some days I embrace my solitude fully, other days I don’t. I think I am weird like that. I would probably figure out which works best for me if someone wonderful came around again.

By Relly Rell

February 27, 2006 04:23 PM | Link to this

Nope but i did see flavor of love…that show is hilarious, but last night was over the top with the whole face spitting thing…

By Wise Diva

February 27, 2006 04:28 PM | Link to this

@Bre..I like how you watch Grey’s Anatomy :) …and the writing is just outstanding, no other way to put it. George’s new girl of interest was nicely timed, LOL.

I won’t admit publicly to watching Flavor of Love, LOL!

By divine1

February 27, 2006 04:28 PM | Link to this

@Wise Diva - You deserve it. Trust that men recognize a true flawless diamond when they see one, they may pick up a few Cubic Zurconia’s or cheaper imitations - but once they have seen that flawless diamond - they don’t forget it. ;)

By abc

February 27, 2006 04:33 PM | Link to this

So, you go for recreational sex with someone you don’t really even know that much, they consider it gives them some kind of couch pass and you find you don’t really even like them all that much. Sex is worth the hassle of ditching them?

What is it about sex that makes the (apparently stereotypical) male forget common sense, even manners? Willing women make it all okay? Ever wonder if you had kids you never knew about due to such casual encounters? If you never cared… man, don’t say so, that’s just a shame, IMHO.

By anonymousella

February 27, 2006 04:54 PM | Link to this

haaa @miss me … lol. one of my (male) college friends had a saying “if it’s free, it’s for me.” i guess that applies to emotion-less sex as well.

@wise: yes emotion-free sex is better than not gettin any. at all. human touch and toe-curling Os are beautiful things. and if he likes to cuddle afterwards, all the better… LOL. the hard part is finding somebody who you don’t want to call afterwards who also ain’t trying to call you.