Misadventures in Atlanta

By ATLborn

November 1, 2005 08:38 AM | Link to this

Sup Mia!

Am I the first poster today. WOW! I know I’m coming in to work too early for sure now.

By Cee

November 1, 2005 08:55 AM | Link to this

Morning! it seems when you put all your concentration on your career or whatever that’s when love happens to find you…when you least expect it. When you focus on making yourself happy, successful, etc then you become more attractive to others so yes, I think success in one area can transfer to others.

By Tray

November 1, 2005 09:00 AM | Link to this

Good morning nothing worth having is easy, so I’ve been told.

By Scornednomo

November 1, 2005 09:12 AM | Link to this

Good Morning.

Well, I guess that’s one way to look at it Mia. Sorta like Out of Sight, Out of Mind. You direct your focus towards other areas of your life, to not think about something else.

But you shouldn’t put all you energy into your career, because it’s easier that dating. Focus on your career because that’s where you need or want to be. We have to find a balance in our lives. Just be open to the possibilities when a potential mate comes along, while you are maintaining your career.

By Tazzee

November 1, 2005 09:41 AM | Link to this

Morning all!

Your focus should be on living the most fulfilling life you can. Like Cee said, making yourself happy.

Can success in one area of your life transfer to other areas? It depends, is the success based on your God-given talents or something that you’ve worked at? If you are just naturally good at something, that won’t necessarily transfer to other areas. But if you are the type of person that strives to be the best YOU you can be - then your successes will transfer.

In being the best YOU you can be, you should seek to perfect those areas where you are successful, while striving to improve in the unsuccessful areas. They are not mutually exclusive. The thing is, its hard to measure success as it relates to relationships because you are dealing with other people. You have no control over another person’s response to you - sure you can improve on your communication skills, etc - but ultimately it may be that the other person has the problem.

In the end, you must focus on being fulfilled/complete without a mate. Love yourself and live life abundantly. Then others will be drawn to you.

By christopher

November 1, 2005 09:42 AM | Link to this

I agree with what the guy in the seminar said. I have noticed alot of women do/say that. I don’t believe that if you’re not looking for love it will find you. When I actively went out to talk to women and date it happened for me because I put the effort into it and over time I met a great girl. Trying to ignore your “singlehood” isn’t going to make it go away but looking at it and concentrating on ways to meet those people you want to meet will.

By 2 can play that game

November 1, 2005 09:48 AM | Link to this

Mia, the question you gotta ask yourself, how important is dating? If you feel that it’s important to you, then yeah, work on it, if not, then it’s a non-issue…

morning.

By BlackIce

November 1, 2005 09:48 AM | Link to this

Morning yall

By LegalDiva

November 1, 2005 09:53 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All……

I have to be inclined to disagree with the seminar speaker…you can honestly focus on your career but not completely cast off the idea of being in a relationship. For now I’m taking time to adjust to a completely new career. I still go out, meet people, the whole nine but it’s with a much different goal in mind… i’m interested in meeting men for the sake of meeting them.. I’m not pressed to be in a relationship and I’m okay with that… I’m not really all that interested in dating either. I don’t think i’ve taken on this attitude because I’m running away from my singledom… I think it’s just how I’m feeling now…. it might change, and it might not. I feel like going in search of someone (for a woman) always leads to a problem….it’s like you reak of needyness and or desperation and the wolves attack……..chill out.. enjoy your life and when someone is met to come into it… he will. You can’t control fate or destiny no matter how hard you try… the person that’s meant for you will come into your life at the time that he/she are met to be there and not a moment sooner

By HayzeBlu

November 1, 2005 10:24 AM | Link to this

Good morning fam. As Scornednomo said, it is about balance: Professional life versus personal life. Nobody wants to settle in any aspect of life but we often end up asking ourselves which of the two are we more willing to compromise on. Women today are becoming more focused on self and thus there is a greater desire to succeed in their professional life. Sometimes that causes the personal one to suffer.

By HayzeBlu

November 1, 2005 10:36 AM | Link to this

Your career does not bend for your personal life. The key is to have the people in your life that will support your career decisions and help you to find that happy medium between the two.

By anonymousella

November 1, 2005 10:42 AM | Link to this

omg … i dated christopher. boy, stop using your real e-mail address!!! he’s a really nice guy, just wasn’t for me.

anyhow, mia if you need to take some time and regroup, that’s fine. but make it a mission of healing, not of hiding.

in your case, i think your focus is as much about hiding as it is about moving to the next level of your career. that’s okay. but while you’re scrapping to move up career-wise, i hope you’re re-orienting your mind relationship-wise.

By NoStress

November 1, 2005 10:47 AM | Link to this

@Scornednomo - congrats on the marriage didn’t get a chance to say that on yesterday. But you are 100% correct when you consider having balance in your life - however I think what we have to consider is motives behind why either is being pursued. Success in business or desired “successful” relationships don’t make you who you are. Too many search for validation for themselves in these avenues. The thing is, you will always go wanting if you can’t find true happiness within the genuine character of your own makeup. Hiding behind work or overly pursuing a relationships is only a set up for failure. Whatsgood Cee!

By 2 can play that game

November 1, 2005 10:47 AM | Link to this

anon, looks like you see the same thing that I see……

By DKATL

November 1, 2005 10:55 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blogmates:

Dang I must have been gone a while cause scorned is scornednomo… Wow what did I miss??

By Cee

November 1, 2005 11:06 AM | Link to this

It’s Allgood NoStress!!

@divine1-if you’re lurkin disregard those emails I sent you. I see you on top of thangs…

By Buzzworthy

November 1, 2005 11:20 AM | Link to this

I think you guys are giving great advice, especially regarding obtaining “balance” in one’s life. However i think the reality is that it hurts being rejected over and over again and continually being on the recieving end of negative actions from love interests. It feels really good to recieve postive recognition at work from colleagues and superiors. It also feels good when you can be competitive and come out on top. I think it makes logical sense to switch your focus to something that builds your self confidence and eliminate something that threatens your self esteem. Its important to give yourself a chance to shine. Then at a later date try to achieve “balance” and tackle those other items that have been stressful and challenging.

By divine1

November 1, 2005 11:25 AM | Link to this

@Cee - I’m trying to get it going.

By NoStress

November 1, 2005 11:31 AM | Link to this

@DKATL - she got married

By Tazzee

November 1, 2005 11:35 AM | Link to this

Buzzworthy you make a valid point. However, until you realize your own self worth, the hurt from rejection is going to continue. When do you realize that you can’t control the desires of other people. The thing with work is, if your performance is good - you’ll reap the rewards. You have a job description, periodic evaluations and you know exactly what you need to do. But when dealing with relationships, its going to be different every time. The key is working on self, then when the rejection comes you can be confident that it wasn’t necessarily you. It could be like anon said (LOL @ you and christopher) that person just wasn’t for you.

Yes, rejection hurts and the easiest thing to do is focus on what brings you external recognition. But if you desire a long-lasting relationship with someone, you’re going to have to find peace within and learn to take other’s opinions for what their truly worth.

By DKATL

November 1, 2005 11:37 AM | Link to this

Well well congrats to the artist formerly know as Scorned..

Whats hananin No Stress?

By divine1

November 1, 2005 11:49 AM | Link to this

@Cee - It there is anyone else you would like to invite, please go ahead and add them to the invitee list. I’m looking forward to celebrating Scorpio style this weekend.

By Misin' ATL

November 1, 2005 11:57 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Mia, This message doesn’t tie in with the current blog, yet its a request for a future blog topic. Interfaith dating/marriage - Does it work? Does it fail. I am a Christian currently dating someone of another faith. For us it hasn’t been an issue, but I am curious to see how it has/hasn’t worked for others. Just an idea!!!

By Cee

November 1, 2005 12:02 PM | Link to this

I think you got it covered. I’m looking forward to it too!

By divine1

November 1, 2005 12:07 PM | Link to this

Well said HayzeBlu re: your 10:24 & 10:36 posts.

By DKATL

November 1, 2005 12:16 PM | Link to this

Hey people this is the A and it is many a buses passing the stops so you will catch one eventually.. People concentrate way too much on relationships, just have good times and date.. The person for you will eventually weed out the non performers and there you have it.

By christopher

November 1, 2005 12:27 PM | Link to this

ooops…. I am new to putting my 2 cents on the blogs so don’t know anything about hiding email addresses or anything anonymousella.

By DKATL

November 1, 2005 12:38 PM | Link to this

Christopher and Anon Play nice.. OK..

By Str8

November 1, 2005 12:45 PM | Link to this

It’s human nature to try and “hide/shy” away from things we’re not good at (be it perceive or not, momentary or long term). It’s the easy way out. So when on chooses to do something else in place of something that is important to them, they are simply hiding away from the issue… that is equivalent to someone having issues with the wife or at work and resorting drinking… it will hide the issue for the time being, but you’ll still face the underlying issue that needs to be addressed when they sober up…

That said, taking a conscious break from something that isn’t going your way so that you can evaluate it and re-address it is wise. It doesn’t equate to hiding because as much as you’re not actively doing ‘it’, you are not putting it in the back of your mind like it doesn’t exist or totally replacing it with a different focus. I hope this is your case Mia.

A successful career advancement and success in a relationship/social life can co-exist without one taking a back seat over the other. Living a happy life actually means having a balance in this areas IMHO.

By NoStress

November 1, 2005 12:49 PM | Link to this

@DKATL - whatsgood playboy, in simplest form you said it all - a lot of people just don’t know how to relax and enjoy themselves - too much expectation, too much emotion, too much stress when approaching relationships then we wonder why we aren’t happy in them. Reminds me of watching wifey plan the wedding - thought I was going to have to roll a fat one just to get her to chill - LOL

By anonymousella

November 1, 2005 12:55 PM | Link to this

hee hee dkatl i have nothing bad to say about the man. he was cool. just wasn’t my type.

chris: happens to all of us. but putting your email address online like that is just askin for some spam. use a throwaway addy like the rest of us :-). (btw, i’ll reveal my identity to you off-blog.)

By Scornednomo

November 1, 2005 01:17 PM | Link to this

Thanks NoStress & DKATL.

Tazzee what you say about self-worth in true, but when something that seems to come natural for others (i.e. Dating) is difficult to come by for you, a person can’t help but to have a doubt or a question about what they may be doing wrong.

The desire to mate is a natural act, so we would hope it would be easy. But as we see it isn’t. I agree with just living life and having fun. When you start compromising one thing for the other, you just create a bunch of ‘what ifs’ in your life. What if I had pursued my career instead of getting married? What if I had gotten married instead of a career? We need to try and avoid these a much as possible.

By Rell

November 1, 2005 01:24 PM | Link to this

I think that we take ourselves waaaaay to serious at times. Dating should be fun, Relationships should be fun, Your home should be a place of piece. Life is but the sum of our experience..we gain wisdom thru living. So expect to fail because you don’t know until you reach the other side. I am 33 and i just grew up last year..lol

By NoStress

November 1, 2005 01:36 PM | Link to this

@Rell, man I’m 34 and I still haven’t grown up and don’t have any plans on doing so - I need that kid in me to stay alive, it keeps me dreaming and finding amazement in this world - though hard at times. The Beauty of relationships is that you don’t have to sacrifice you and your dreams to have one - I promote my wife’s dreams even if it means she travels for a while in search of and she supports me in all that I do. That’s freedom to live when you all can celebrate who you are and find nothing threatning in their shine. Ain’t no guarantees but yet all things are possible

By Rell

November 1, 2005 01:46 PM | Link to this

@NoStress, i feel you dawg…it is a struggle erday for me not to just Nuking futs around here with all the stress in life. But i can find where my source of frustration is coming from and i stamp it out..without alot of fanfare. Just turn the negative thoughts and doubt into something positive, never be afraid to fail or make and a$$ of yourselve because at the end of the day you still should love you…Mia i already told you that your man was coming and he was going to be opposite of you…so from that tune your radar. My friend would always tell me that i had my eyes the wrong way, i would be chasing one chick but have three chasing me but they were not for me because maybe one was large or one did not dress fly or one did not just do it period…but that was because they were going against this fanatsy chick i was chasing now fast forward..Said one is not large anymore..ex, body banging, the next one came out her depression is always fresh to death..and the other one, well lets just say i am married to her…lol

By Hayzeblu

November 1, 2005 01:53 PM | Link to this

Divine - thank u maam. Just giving my 2 cents.

ScornedNoMo - u brought up another thing I have an issue with. U said people tend to question themselves when they see others around them succeeding at something (dating in this case but it applies to so much more). The problem is we don’t always know what is going on in that persons life. Often times we think their life is so great when they are actually miserable. But even if they are not, why do humans feel a need to “keep up with the Jones’s?” If anyone can answer that question, holla at me and we will get started on the book ASAP so that i too can one day say “I’m Rich Beyotch!!!”

By Tazzee

November 1, 2005 01:54 PM | Link to this

Rell your last post is why I stress not blaming self for failed relationships all the time. We really don’t know who we’re ‘competing’ against or the true mindset of the other person.

By lurking since the beginning

November 1, 2005 02:01 PM | Link to this

I have been lurking and sometimes posting since the blog started a year & a half ago. Mia mentioned in todays entry that her dating misadventures could be related to her choices. But I haven’t read where she shot a good candidate down and accepted a bad candidate. That is what people are always saying to me: “you have to look at who you are choosing if you always end up with same man”. But I haven’t said “no” to a non-dead beat. So I am at my wits end.

By Rell

November 1, 2005 02:02 PM | Link to this

@Tazzee, excatly…..but that is part of growing up, because the same is on both parts women compare men also…sometimes we pay because x brother has bounced and left you jilted and since you don’t want to deal with the pain let me give it you..lol. I just think folks need to be honest with themselves and start dealing with folks that really want to deal with them, not use them…feel me. Dating is easy when you realize who you are, until chill and enjoy life there is alot of fodder out there to keep you busy until you feel like planting your flag somewhere. Women do this all the time, hence the increase in restuarents in atlanta..lol j/k

By Scornednomo

November 1, 2005 02:05 PM | Link to this

Hayze, I said what “seems” to come natural for others. Which as you stated is not always the case. I agree. I am not talking about envying the “perfect” relationship. Does that even exist? But what I was trying to say is when something as simple as dating is working out for others, you may wonder what is it you need to be doing to make it work for you.

I have this friend that ALWAYS have a guy. To someone that don’t know her it looks like she knows how to get the man, but I know from associating with her that most of these guys are creeps. So where one woman may say, What am doing wrong that I can’t get a guy/guys like her, I myself wouldn’t settled for what she puts up with. The key word is “SEEMS”.

By Rell

November 1, 2005 02:06 PM | Link to this

@lurking, you need to reinvent. I was victim to the same behavior. i felt like if i did not have said female then i could not be happy or would not be happy with my mate. But i married the direct opposite of what i thought that i wanted. You have to want that person for the good and bad times not just for the good times.

here is a good one

Law 6

Court Attention at all Cost

Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all cost. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious, than the bland and timid masses.

By Rell

November 1, 2005 02:08 PM | Link to this

Law 25

Re-Create Yourself

Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.

By divine1

November 1, 2005 02:08 PM | Link to this

I’m not commenting on today’s topic because I am reading and learning. You all have made relevant points regarding the subject at hand - keep it up. Please be advised that I am taking notes.

By Rell

November 1, 2005 02:09 PM | Link to this

Hell, here they are for all to debate on. i try to practice one a week or depending on the situation presented to me

http://www.tech.purdue.edu/Cgt/Courses/cgt411/covey/48lawsof_power.htm

By Hayzeblu

November 1, 2005 02:21 PM | Link to this

ScornedNoMo - I agree with you. “I myself wouldn’t settled for what she puts up with”

People who question why they can’t find someone need to realize that if they are not willing to settle then they can’t compare themself to someone that is willing.

True happiness is when you can be happy with the person you are. It’s a beautiful thing when you can find someone that compliments that happiness.

By Hayzeblu

November 1, 2005 02:26 PM | Link to this

Divine1 - I am sure there is something you can share. Even your response to something someone else has said can make that person look at things in a fresh light. or maybe you can just share your notes with us one day…

By YRB

November 1, 2005 02:27 PM | Link to this

sorry for the sidebar but im kinda heated, can yall guess who uttered these lines?

“I don’t mean to say [that] as a snide remark toward a certain population in our society, but they have a limitation of their attention span, a lot of it probably due to too much rap music going in their ears and coming out their being.” In October 2005, these words came out of his mouth: “I think it’s important that the players take their end of it, get out of the prison garb and the thuggery aspect of basketball that has come along with hip-hop music in the last seven or eight years.”

By Scornednomo

November 1, 2005 02:32 PM | Link to this

My son is still ââ~B¬Å~Sjonesingââ~B¬? for the girl across the street, but the girl that he is with now is a pretty nice young lady. My hub tells him ââ~B¬Å~SIf you canââ~B¬â~D¢t be with the one you love, then love the one you are withââ~B¬?. And then you just may find true happiness. Heââ~B¬â~D¢s not telling him to settle, but it is evident that he can not be with the one he thinks he wants at this present time. So if he is making the effort to be with his present g/f, then make the best out of it.

By Rell

November 1, 2005 02:33 PM | Link to this

OOPS

http://www.tech.purdue.edu/Cgt/Courses/cgt411/covey/48lawsof_power.htm

By jRock

November 1, 2005 02:37 PM | Link to this

Afternoon folks..

Happy Birthday Month to Ms. Cee ;) and the All Seeing, All Knowing Divine One..

As for the topic of the day.. No comment, but in my first marriage, I use to work long and hard just to stay away from the relationship, is that the same?

Anyways, Mia I wish nothing but the best in your career and your relationships. In saying that, I’ve seen a picture of you, and you’re an atractive young lady, I say this because I was having this discussion with my wife the other day and I was telling her all my friends seems to be very fine, attractive women without a man. Why is that? And since there are sooo many fine women in the A, why would a man commit to one lady, when he can actually just be friends or friends with benefits with so many?

By Ivy

November 1, 2005 02:38 PM | Link to this

Ok, where is everybody???? Only 2 comments and it’s 2:38pm. Dang!

By yrb

November 1, 2005 02:39 PM | Link to this

did I break the blog spot?

By Scornednomo

November 1, 2005 02:40 PM | Link to this

our posts are going 2 different places.

By Ivy

November 1, 2005 02:42 PM | Link to this

UHmmmmmm, JRock, how have you seen Mia if she’s anonymous?? Just curious.

By Tazzee

November 1, 2005 02:43 PM | Link to this

what in the world happened??? I guess this is that conspiracy 2can was talking about last week because we just lost a lot of good comments.

By jRock

November 1, 2005 02:44 PM | Link to this

Did all the blog sites crashed? The 2LiveStews blog on Rodney Ho’s site crashed.

BTW… 3-7pm AM 790, Sportstalk 790TheZone, 2 Live Stews…

By Tazzee

November 1, 2005 02:44 PM | Link to this

Hey jRock! I think your second question answers your first, LOL.

By Cee

November 1, 2005 02:45 PM | Link to this

thank you j ;)

@yrb- what you think about your WP new hair do?

By yrb

November 1, 2005 02:47 PM | Link to this

well thank god she punked out. I knew she wouldnt do it.

By Scornednomo

November 1, 2005 02:51 PM | Link to this

My 2:32 posts makes no sense because all the prior posts are gone. LOL

By Cee

November 1, 2005 02:51 PM | Link to this

hahaha! we get that wild hair sometimes where we want to cut it all off but when we sit down it that chair we think “H3ll naw! it’s taken me forever to grow this shyt”. I bet she would still look beautiful bald..lol

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 02:53 PM | Link to this

We are having problems on all our blogs. Our help desk has been notified. Thanks for staying with us.

By DasKrait2

November 1, 2005 02:53 PM | Link to this

Mia has a picture posted somewhere? Jrock is not cruising on-line dating services, is he? LOL Don’t know if Mia has an on-line ad that might read “AJC relationship misadventures blogger seeks…” Okay, doubt it. Well, at least one worded that way.

Good Afternoon ALL,

topic: Well, when I was a ‘stavin student’ I was too busy with school for a relationship. Well, maybe I was not, but I was not going to have anything potentially mess up my goals, so…. Same concept MIGHT apply to career vs. relationship.

finally figured out who YRB was, a little mouse hovering helped.

By divine1

November 1, 2005 02:54 PM | Link to this

Thanks, J. Smooches to you.

By Rell

November 1, 2005 02:57 PM | Link to this

@scornednomo..excatly my point in my previous post

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 02:58 PM | Link to this

being single doesn’t have jack to do with your looks, are you kiddin?

By Scornednomo

November 1, 2005 02:59 PM | Link to this

Yes, Rell. I was going to make reference to it, but when I tried to go back and make sure who said it, all the posts were GONE.

By Hayzeblu

November 1, 2005 03:02 PM | Link to this

Well since the blog has fallen into some black hole somewhere, I will take this chance to ask a question that has been on my mind since last night: What happened to kids dressing up for Halloween? I know some people celebrate Christian alternatives to the day and that is fine. But you don’t have to worship the devil to get dressed up and go get your “CANDY” on. The few kids I did see dressed up last night were young and with their parents. The majority of them though were just walking around in their street clothes. What happened?

By yrb

November 1, 2005 03:04 PM | Link to this

Cee, this crazy broad was going to cut it her self. her new growth look like a chia pet on steroids. I keep telling her to go to the place and get it relaxed, but she is like nahhh ima do the big chop and get a lo-fro.

whatever, as long as her mouth, her cooch and her cooking still works what do i care.

^that was crass

oh yeah can yall guess who this is:

“I don’t mean to say [that] as a snide remark toward a certain population in our society, but they have a limitation of their attention span, a lot of it probably due to too much rap music going in their ears and coming out their being.”

“I think it’s important that the players take their end of it, get out of the prison garb and the thuggery aspect of basketball that has come along with hip-hop music in the last seven or eight years.”

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 03:07 PM | Link to this

well one example Rell could be the fact that a registered sex offender in Gwinnett was running a haunted house. They had to send authorities over to shut it down. So is it worth dressing kiddies up to get some candy? I think we are getting more creative because of the times we live in. Even going to the mall to get candy is done with caution.

By HayzeBlu

November 1, 2005 03:10 PM | Link to this

WiseD - I did see that headline. I feel where you are coming from but I hope I never live in a place where I would not feel comfortable dressing my kids up and walking with them door to door enjoying Halloween like I used to. Maybe my opinion will change by the time I actually have kids…

By anonymousella

November 1, 2005 03:14 PM | Link to this

hayze: greed. greed and/or broke. paint something on your face… at least look like ya tried…lol.

this little boy came to the crib yesterday with his sister and their friend. he was about two feet tall, and said “i like your toys!” once he spied my future-step-kids truck and football. too cute. was prob. 3 or 4. had to give him his candy first… lol

By HayzeBlu

November 1, 2005 03:24 PM | Link to this

Anon - I’m with you. At least make an effort. My Lil’ Bro was wearing his street clothes when I showed up. Ten minutes later he was a full fledged Harlem Globetrotter and loving it. All with stuff he had in the closet. Speaking of the HG’s, seeing them when I turned 10 was the greatest bday gift I ever received :-)

By Tazzee

November 1, 2005 03:24 PM | Link to this

‘future-step-kids’… too cute.

I saw some of the cutest kids last night. I didn’t have any candy because - well I have this love/hate relationship with kids, but my friend/neighbor did. Well she was still at work - so when I saw the cuties coming through our area, I ran to her house and got the candy for them. Mind you, I was giving 4 and 5 candy bars to toddlers - I know their parents were mad at me - but they were just TOO CUTE. Later, when the older kids started coming around, they were in street clothes.

When I was a teen trick-or-treating, I would at least put on some old clothes, paint a mustache and beard on my face and go as a ‘hobo’.

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 03:24 PM | Link to this

your zip code won’t make a difference. Danger and evil people exist every where.

We grew up having church based functions, and made it more of a fall festival, but that was because of the pagan holiday aspect of it.

There will be a lot of things that we did as kids, that we must modify to create a different tradition for our children. Yea it is sad, but that is the reality of it.

By Scornednomo

November 1, 2005 03:24 PM | Link to this

AGGWIT, Jackson said that in the LA Times. Right?

By Tazzee

November 1, 2005 03:28 PM | Link to this

Oh yeah, sorry Agg - I was going to guess Phil too. Sounds like something that would come out of his mouth.

By Scornednomo

November 1, 2005 03:29 PM | Link to this

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to do Halloween, period. Even back then my father just had this thing about receiving candy from strangers and then there was the “evilness” of it that he didn’t like. We really didn’t miss it, and my kids don’t miss it.

By Rell

November 1, 2005 03:31 PM | Link to this

@Wisey, I never asked the question, Hazy wanted to know…lol

By 2 can play that game

November 1, 2005 03:34 PM | Link to this

which holiday isn’t pagan?

By HayzeBlu

November 1, 2005 03:36 PM | Link to this

ScornedNoMo - I respect that. For myself, there wasn’t any negative connotation to the day just because my parents wouldn’t let it be. I just think that kids today do things different from what I am used to and I have to get used to that. Part of it though can be attributed to me growing up on military bases and now seeing kids from different backgrounds. So I am learning.

WiseD - I agree that zip code won’t COMPLETELY make a difference but I think that combined with good parenting can provide a situation where I can allow my kids to be kids. Kids these days grow up ENTIRELY too fast.

By NoStress

November 1, 2005 03:37 PM | Link to this

@Wise - I know you weren’t here in the A at the time of the Atlanta Child Murders which took place from 79 to 81 and I know some are too young to remember but even with that going on we still went trick or treating we just went in large groups. From razor blades and broken needles being put in candy and candy apples to potential child molesters there has always been dangers - I just don’t think these kids care as much about trick or treating as we did growing up. Halloween was just another excuse for us to be outside after the lights came on. Most these kids aren’t outside when the lights are off. We never wanted to be in the house and now you can’t get these kids out of the house.

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 03:37 PM | Link to this

sorry Rell.

I think it is VERY ignorant for people to think that dress code change will change people’s perception of the players. If a person thinks that a “thug uniform” is indicative of bad behavior, problems with the law, or any other kind of stereotype you want to throw out, seeing a player in a Armani suit sans cornrows, won’t make a damn bit of difference.

By yrb

November 1, 2005 03:38 PM | Link to this

yeah that was phil jacksons punk azz. I dont know how more of this hasnt been made.

Oh last night made me hate a kid even more. Greedy ungrateful bastids. The old ones too arrogant to dress up and dare you not to give them candy, the lil ones too stupid to realize you dont just walk into peoples house and make yaself comfortable, or that you dont ring a doorbell 4308947238472374 times. Then these lil fuggas wanna walk all across my lawn.

Plus, the sex offender running the haunted house is less than 3 miles from my house so now I got to watch out for the comic book store owner like dudley on a very touching episode of diff’rent strokes

By 900K

November 1, 2005 03:51 PM | Link to this

Going way back… Wise

If you are Fly, young and attractive young lady then being single cannot be as hard as it is on women who are the exact opposite of those qualities. I can’t speak from the first person on that subject but just being a single guy out here I can tell you if you don’t meet those standards I will not notice you at all or any other guy I’m with for that matter. looks play a hughe part in the dating scene don’t believe the hype. It’s once we get past the looks that you can get into trouble. There are plenty of VERY attractive young chicks out here in A-town with the WRONG attitude! If you think you may be a canidate then I suggest you be EASY ma ma!

By NoStress

November 1, 2005 03:51 PM | Link to this

ya’ll are just tripping now!

By divine1

November 1, 2005 03:55 PM | Link to this

Okay, I think it may be a wrap for today.

By NoStress

November 1, 2005 03:56 PM | Link to this

yeah - I’m out

By HayzeBlu

November 1, 2005 04:00 PM | Link to this

Can’t nobody take my pride, can’t nobody hole me down. Oh No! I gotz to keep on blogging…

For real though, I did just type something…what was it? Oh yeah.

Dress code thing has been blown way out of proportion. It has holes and will be exposed. Question is how will D.Stern handle it when it backfires?

As for the comment about the minority athletes, I don’t pay attention to such things for a few reasons:

1) Freedom of speech. Opinions and A-holes. Enough said.

2) I am not going to let someone get a rise out me simply because they chose to be ignorant for a moment. (For some, that moment lasts longer than others).

3) Not sure in this case because I heard about it second-hand, but the media does have a tendency to twist things.

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 04:01 PM | Link to this

no 900k..i was responding to the fact that women can always have a guy, any random dude..but My point is, the fact that she is cute and single doesn’t have anything to do with each other. Just because a chick is cute doesn’t’ mean she needs to have a man on her arm, or wants one for that matter.

By HayzeBlu

November 1, 2005 04:06 PM | Link to this

900k - don’t you think that’s kinda superficial? That’s just like a woman saying she won’t date a guy not making six figures and driving a Range. If that’s what works for you, so be it. But did you ever think that you may be missing out on something? I am not saying you have to date a duck.

By 900K

November 1, 2005 04:10 PM | Link to this

Not sure how the topic changed I guess I can’t see the entire story line.

Dress code for the NBA. Not a race issue here sorry and I’m a Philly A.I. diehard fan. Listen if you work on TV or there is a chance that you will be on TV while you are doing your job then a dresscode is a logical move. If I have to adhear to a dresscode as an inside sales rep that never sees my customers and get paid pennies compared to the last guy on the bench on any team in the NBA, then these guy’s should commit to something similar. There’s no way to justify sitting on the bench for an undetermined amount of time due to injury with a doo-rag on! Sorry… yeah that’s how I dress outside of work too, but thats just it I’m AWAY from WORK!!! These dudes need to stop crying man. I’d come with the toughest damn suits money could buy and look like the star that I claim to be if I had that talent and opportunity. I know there are some things in there that are overboard but I’m sure the guys trying to look the part won’t be pulled to the side and fined compared to the cat still rockin white tee’s rags and ripped jeans.

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 04:11 PM | Link to this

and please, I know about looks in dating, but don’t even try to tell me that dudes don’t screw ugly chicks, nor do they discriminate when she has a phat booty. If a guy/girl is on the prowl, they will find what they are looking for, if they want to do the stick and move. Then with the people who are seeking a relationship, of course you are going to seek out what appeals to you, but there are some extremely beautiful women who are NOT married, and I maintain..it doesn’t have jack to do with looks. If the girl is beautiful AND smart, she is going to have standards that eliminate a good portion of cats that are actually single and availabe for a relationship, and factor in the dude that KNOWS his value on the singles market, then the odds of beautiful girl meeting the dude that has what she is looking for…well let’s just say, it is no surprise she is single for awhile. I personally don’t see the tragedy in it. Eventually she will get the right person and hopefully be happy with self and with her mate.

By NoStress

November 1, 2005 04:16 PM | Link to this

@900K - about the NBA dress code - thank you about time someone agrees with me about that - besides if they don’t like it quit! I don’t hear anyone holla’n racism because my company has a dress code

By yrb

November 1, 2005 04:18 PM | Link to this

900k the whole point of being an athlete and a professional one is to be COUNTER CULTURE. To NOT have to work 9-5 and be business casual, to NOT have to go to a job everyday that you dread, to NOT have to abide by the same working man rules that the rest of society has to. Well that and the endless dough stack and poon that comes your way.

Add to that the fact that this dresscode is a way to appease the white male audience who can afford to go to the games puts a racial touch on it. The fact that anything outside of their norm is considered, THUG, PIMP, PLAY, CRIMINAL, HUSTLER and to them all synonomous to BLACK adds another layer.

How many proponents of this dresscode ONLY mention the HIP HOP gear that players wear? That says nothing of the slovenly way tim duncan, steve nash and peja stojakavich come to work. While the dress code does include them you do not hear the rationale for it including the slacker, stoner, surfer look they sport. This adds to the idea that the tone, idea, and reasoning for the code is to make young black men dress, and i suppose the idea is act, more like cooperative members of society. Fact of the matter is, no matter how you dress these dudes up the majority of owners, fat cats and other people who profit in major ways from these dudes skills are not going to have them over to dinner, or want them to date their daughter.

By anonymousella

November 1, 2005 04:18 PM | Link to this

dang, this blog just lost its mind… (er uh, AJC, if y’all need some help porting to wordpress, holla at a sista).

and i’m cosigning what wise said… beauty doesn’t guarantee anything, and we’ve all seen some ugly folks coupled up with each other. (like my college roommate… two fat and quite unattractive geeks. they’ve been married to each other for about 7 years too…lol)

By NoStress

November 1, 2005 04:22 PM | Link to this

@Wise - I feel what you are saying for real, but doing a “mud duck” was against my religion - LOL. 900 isn’t totally wrong in his assessment, looks matter to a point, what’s real is beautiful and smart in buisness doesn’t translate into beautiful and smart in relationships. Beautiful and smart can be on crazy street just as much as ugly and triflin’. Looks create the attraction - personality sustains the attraction - or in more informal circumstances personality can create and sustain the attraction. But degrees, financial smarts and all the plaques you can’t possibly mount on the wall or the lack thereof doesn’t guarantee anything in relationships other than the fact that too many stereotypes dictate our approach to this madness

By HayzeBlu

November 1, 2005 04:23 PM | Link to this

Blog has been trippin so comments were earlier have disappeared. That is why it seems like the conversatin changed subjects. I agree that the dress code is a good thing. Once again, I say my problem is with the way David Stern handled it… by pointing out everything that was not allowed. Headphones, Jewelry, Doo Rags, etc. All he had to do was say that Players now have to abide by a business casual dress code when on NBA time (which starts from the minute you step into the arena or any other venue where you represent the league). I don’t think Headphones, Medallions, Doo Rags, or anything of those nature falls into a gray area of the business casual standard.

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 04:27 PM | Link to this

well said Agg, and I think it is wildy hypocritical to recruit players that come from parts of the country that identify closely with hip hop culture, and then expect the affiliation with it to end when their bank account gets fatter.

Not to mention, the jerseys are NOT purchased mostly by the dudes who work in suits..not at all.

so it is ok to recruit young dudes who identify with a certain lifestyle because they are making you money out the wazoo but if it makes a particular group of people feel uncomfortable, then there has to be something done about it.

You may not want to call out the racism parts of it, but you can not deny the hypocrisy of it all.

Personally, I fear the outfits that we may start seeing. You guys remember how outrageous the players can be with their attire…shudder

By NoStress

November 1, 2005 04:27 PM | Link to this

question though - why is it when we see white kids or kids from other races dressin THUG, PIMP, PLAY, CRIMINAL, HUSTLER we say they are trying to be black - is this how we are supposed to define being black? Who adopted this as black culture - when hip hop first started it wasn’t about all of that so you can save all that hip hop culture non-sense,

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 04:35 PM | Link to this

hip hop culture is intimately associated with African American people…there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that. The perception is there for a reason.

By 2 can play that game

November 1, 2005 04:37 PM | Link to this

hmmmm, lemme get this straight….the NBA is full of thugs because of their apparel…What’s to be said of NASCAR and the “image” they’re portraying? Never known a doo-rag to kill someone, but cancer sure does, and some of NASCAR’s biggest sponsors are tobacco companies…..

By yrb

November 1, 2005 04:38 PM | Link to this

I never said that those ideas or fashions were synonomous with being black. All i said is what I gather they see from the comments that are made.

Russell simmons has proved that a t shirt and some jeans CAN be the attire of a multi million dollar business ceo. Just like Jack Welch, George Bush and countless other “business dudes” have proved that a suit or business casual attire can be that of someone with a THUG mentality.

The real injustice to me is to act as if all of hip hop is about diamonds, $400 throwbacks, and du-rags. And to act as if this speaks to the ENTIRE black experience.

The fact that the nba has allowed itself to be marketed through endorsement deals with companies who have become leeches on the multi billion dollar industry that is hip hop makes the notion that hip hop and the stylings associated with it (as seen by the majority) make this dress code and the ideals behind it disingenuous. And pardon me but Mike Jordan wore suits, but dude also wore white tuxedo socks with dark colored suits, not the paragon for fashion we try and make him, or any of his contemporaries out to be.

what gets me really upset is seeing charles barkeley wax poetic about these players wearing this gear and how the young black kids who watch them in these clothes will get discriminated against in the ‘real world’ for wearing similar ‘fits. Isnt this the same dude who had an outrageous ad campaign from nike in which he utter the famous lines “I am not a role model”

Like wise said, the hypocrisy is staggering.

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 04:39 PM | Link to this

and there is no way to define black, not to me. I ain’t gonna let somebody else define how I dress, what I listen to, or how I speak. That is a box that people try to place you in, and I refused to be boxed in. I almost live my life to debunk myths and shatter stereotypes. I just love doing it, LOL.

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 04:44 PM | Link to this

Alright! I think we are fixed!

Thanks BLOGMASTER!

Thanks for hanging around you guys! Please read up on earlier comments today. We had excellent input on the blog today..even if it is schizophrenic-like with all our topic changes, LOL.

By yrb

November 1, 2005 04:47 PM | Link to this

No stress one more point I take umbrage with is the idea that when hip hop started it wasnt about some things.

Hip hop is an art and Art imitates life. When hip hop started alot of the things that are rhymed about today where not even in the american lexicon. So to try and compare hip hop now to hip hop then is kind of silly. As life becomes more advanced, more real, and as emcees become more skilled, more evolved of course the subject matter will evolve with them. Throughout the history of hip hop there has been a wide range of topics covered. I just dont get why the idea of having all the things that make up the black experience from the desire to get a nice car and nice house (really the AMERICAN experience there) to speaking lovingly about your woman, to hating the chic you got pregnant and the dude up the street who is tryna hustle on your block. All of these things happen in real life. The music and the culture is just a reflection of that.

By 900K

November 1, 2005 04:51 PM | Link to this

Okay there are now six topics at one time on here, not bad though I like to multi-task

1st @ yrb… WTF??!?!!? As soon as you started with the Pimp, Hustle & Flow sht I just scrolled down. Doggs if you go back over what you just wrote… that the reason they instituted the dress code in the first place: WE ARE NOT ON THE CORNER, WE ARE NOT AT THE GRAVEL COURT UP THE BLOCK!!! This is the NBA PROFESSIONAL BALL PLAYERS they get a pay check to play a GAME! That means the work here is not on the court but mostly off. I once heard a coach say that you don’t get paid to play in the game, you get paid to practice! Take that same motto and that’s what this boils down to. You get paid to not only show up and drop 30pts/ game but to do mandatory interviews Rasheed, show up to every practice on time!!! A.I. You get paid to meet with training staff for sched physicalls and check-ups, You get paid bonuses to lift weights!!! And now part of your paycheck is to wear a suit on the sidelines and in interviews and walking through the airport. There is no black & white here brotha they want the men in this league to look the part! Last time I checked so did Malcom X, MLK, My pastor at my church coming up *”When you come in here put on a suit or some nice clothes…Pull your pants up!” -I remember. My father said the same things as do I, and I don’t even have kids.

Why look broke if you’ve got cake? 3mil/ year on average for NBA players by the way.

Get real doggs I roll with Goons everyday and we still a go out rockin a hot suit and pull every chick you dreamed about!

Thugs, pimps, hustlers… this guys nuts.

By DasKrait2

November 1, 2005 04:52 PM | Link to this

now all the posts that were made when the ajc was having ‘problems’ have disappeared.

By yrb

November 1, 2005 04:59 PM | Link to this

900 you got too hype way too soon. I was in no way saying that I, YRB, thought this. Re-read it brother.

While I am sure that you associate with a vast majority of goons and the like and that you all pull any chick i ever dreamed of, and you are proud of that fact, I am equally sure if you paid as much attention to detail regarding what I wrote, and not what you THINK I wrote you would understand more clearly what I was saying.

Fact of the matter is, a 4 karat diamond earing does not LOOK broke. A $400 throwback does not LOOK broke. $145 jeans does not LOOK broke. The fact that you go to a church where your pastor chastises someone for not wearing a suit speaks volumes also. i am not religious at all but I know a lil scripture and the word says “COME AS YOU ARE” You want to bring religion into this, and i am sure to you Jesus probably LOOKED broke.

lol @ being hype about rolling with goons everyday. You doing shyt I did in ‘88 when I was TWELVE. Grow up.

By Wise Diva

November 1, 2005 05:01 PM | Link to this

Having on a suit will not make people view you as less threatening. Why not ask why it is perceived that attire/clothes are associated with behavior of violence?

You think because you rock a suit you won’t be racially profiled? Will it lessen the odds of you having someone feel less threatening? That is the issue that is looming here.