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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2005 > August
August 2005
Opposite of Sex
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There is a sexual revolution going on. An asexual revolution! There are individuals who describe themselves as 100% uninterested in sex. These people are completely happy to be in this state of mind. They have no feelings of inadequacy nor do they feel conflicted about their asexuality. They are proud to be asexual.
From what I learned, asexual people feel that this way of living is not only feasible, but healthy. They deny any feelings of inadequacy or sexual dysfunctional. They believe that they are healthy, happy, well-adjusted people who simply have no physical attraction to anyone. They are so proud to be asexual they decided to create an organization called the Asexual Visibility and Education Network to spread their message.
Many asexual people will still seek out romantic and/or emotional relationships, but they won’t consummate these relationships. They are sure to communicate to their partners that they have no desire for any kind of sexual contact.
I learned that there have actually been studies conducted where a small percentage of people admitted that they never felt sexually attracted to anyone.
What are your thoughts on asexuality? Do you think that you could date or marry someone who is not interested in sex? How would you respond if your date or romantic potential revealed to you that they living an asexual lifestyle?
Permalink | Comments (168) | Categories: Relationships
Fools Rush In
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Fools rush in where wise men never go
But wise men never fall in love
So how are they to know?
When we met I felt my life begin
So open up your heart and let this fool rush in
(Kudos to anyone who remembers this song and who recorded it)
Dating in Atlanta sure has taught me a lot about myself and how I perceive relationships. I think that some lessons were learned the hard way and others were easy to find out. The common complaint I hear from single people is that they have had so many disappointments that it begins to impact their perspective on relationships altogether.
Men may feel as if they meet a female who puts her best foot forward to impress him, only to find out later that she isn’t the person she represented. Women could become utterly frustrated with men who talk the talk, but doesn’t walk the walk. The men may provide convincing lip service to entice women, but they quickly prove that they aren’t a good match after all.
When you first meet someone that you really like spending time with how do you maintain a safe emotional distance from them before you start to let your guard down?
If you met someone who seemed so wonderful in the beginning do you pursue things with fervor and eagerness or are you cautious and guarded?
If you have tried both approaches, do you think the outcome would have been different if you did the opposite?
How do you keep from falling too fast for someone who seems to be made for you?
I know a lot of “first-date brides” but do you think that avoiding physical intimacy would improve the likelihood of the relationship progressing to the next level?
Permalink | Comments (199) | Categories: Dating
How Deep Is Your Love?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I still have a job back home at a psychiatric facility that I can’t bring myself to give up. I really enjoy working with the people there and my boss tells me that my personality somehow puts people at ease. Generally, they feel very comfortable talking with me and sharing feelings.
I can only recall one patient that I ever had problems approaching. When I first approached this young lady she was extremely hostile. She would have extreme mood swings and in the next few minutes she would act like we were old friends.
One day this young lady had a visitor. He was an extremely handsome, well-dressed, polite man who introduced himself to me as her fiancé. He asked me about her progress and wanted to know when she could be released. I began asking him a few probing questions because I was curious about the dynamics of their relationship.
He told me how they met when they were freshmen in college. He said she was beautiful, sweet, and extremely smart. He went on to tell me that she had a wild girl streak and would often party really hard on the weekends. One particular weekend, she consumed some drugs at a party that sent her behavior spiraling. The girl he knew changed drastically and she became detached from reality, hostile, defiant, and out of control. Initially, her behavior was slightly erratic and then she began hearing voices. Her episodes escalated and became more violent. She had numerous suicide attempts by the time she was at our facility, and even tried to kill her fiancé.
I asked him how he handled all the stress that comes with loving someone who was mentally ill. He just looked at me and said,
“I don’t see her as being sick, I just see the woman I love.”
Wow. I was speechless.
As I listened to him explain how his love for her was strong enough to get through the hard times, I was amazed at his level of dedication.
I wondered how I would cope if I was involved with someone for a long time only to discover that they were mentally ill. Would my fears and trepidation prevent me from being supportive? Could I stand by them while they grappled with their condition?
I heard that the young lady had to be hospitilized again and she was brought in by her husband, the same young man who I met years ago. Clearly he decided to endure the hardships and challenges of his wife’s condition. It is rare to see a love like this.
Could you date or marry someone who has been diagnosed with a mental disorder? Have you ever been involved with someone with mental disorder or extreme emotional issues? If so, how did you cope with it? For those who are already married, did you consider mental illness as part of your vow that included “in sickness and health”?
Permalink | Comments (244) | Categories: Matters of the Heart
How to Recognize a Good Woman
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This blog entry is dedicated to all the good women on the blog and to those striving to be better.
Five months after moving in to my new home and I’m still unpacking. I’m unpacking so slowly because these are my personal papers, journals, etc. So I don’t just take them out and put them away. I look through them and reminisce. I found this amongst my papers.
- A good woman is proud.
- She respects herself and others.
- She is aware of who she is.
- She neither seeks definition from the person she is with nor does she expect them to read her mind.
- She is quite capable of articulating her needs.
- A good woman is hopeful.
- She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true.
- She knows love, therefore she gives love.
- She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated.
- If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears.
- A good woman has a dash of inspiration and a dabble of endurance.
- She knows that she will at times have to inspire others to reach the potential God gave them.
- A good woman knows her past, understands her present and forces towards the future.
- A good woman knows God.
Are these all the qualities of a good woman? What would you add or take away from the list?
Permalink | Comments (149) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Career First
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I am putting everything on the back burner for my career.
I haven’t had much luck with dating in Atlanta (or elsewhere) so I’m putting my time and energy in to something I know I’m successful at. I’m not giving up on love and relationships I’m just laying the groundwork for some other things.
I’m choosing my career over an active social and dating life.
My new job requires that I work nights and weekends. I know some of y’all going to try and figure out what job that could possibly be…LOL. So while I’m at home my friends are at work and while I’m at work my friends are out and about.
I’m spending more time alone since no one is ever available when I’m off. I’ve cut back on going to the movies but I’m watching more netflixs. I haven’t been to D&B in weeks. Right now it’s just all a readjustment as my work/life balance is out of wack. I’m trying to figure out what I can do and when I can do it. I’ll be the first to admit my new schedule makes it hard to meet people. But this is all a new challenge and I’m taking it in stride.
Military Man was lucky and didn’t know it. When he was working the schedule I now have I made adjustments to my schedule so we could be together. I definitely feel for people that don’t work normal schedules.
If you don’t work a normal 9-to-5 schedule how do you make time for a social and personal life? Have you ever dated or been in a relationship with someone that had an odd work schedule? How did you make it work?
Permalink | Comments (57) | Categories: Relationships
Jedi Mind Tricks
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have a term for the games men play with a woman’s mind and emotions. Men are the masters of jedi mind tricks.
These masters hardly ever mean what they say and their actions never match their words.
While they are telling you they love you and want to spend the rest of their life with you they are telling everyone else how much they wish they could get rid of you.
I’ll be the first to admit that I was duped by one of these jedi mind trick masters. He was good because he was unsuspecting. Everyone thought he was such a nice guy and could do no wrong.
But ladies don’t be fooled. Here are few signs that your man is playing a jedi mind trick:
- He says she’s just a friend but every time that friend comes around you she is giving you dirty looks.
- He makes promises he never keeps but promises to anyone else he always follows through.
- He’ll say it’s all in your mind or you are misinterpreting a sitution when a conflict arises.
- He’ll say he is sorry and won’t do it again…only to turn around and do whatever he said he wasn’t going to do again.
- If you’re having a bad day, he’ll send you an e-card…but if his “friend” is having a bad day, he’ll send her flowers.
- His excuse for everything he does or says is that it is okay because he’s not sleeping with them, he’s only sleeping with you.
- He’ll be the master of white lies and half truths. He’ll tell you he went out only he won’t tell you he went out with his ex-girlfriend.
- “My natural dispostion is always to be happy.” Translation it’s easy to lie to your face and smile at the same time.
Even to this day there is one person whose jedi mind tricks continue. He’ll say, “Why can’t we be friends?” “I’m not the same person anymore…I have changed.” “How can I show you I’m sorry.” “When are you going to come and visit me?” But I have outgrown those games. But part of my misadventures is helping others to learn from my mistakes.
What are some other signs that someone is playing a jedi mind trick on you? I may be bias so are men the only masters of jedi mind tricks?
Permalink | Comments (208) | Categories: Dating
Forgiveness
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep…
I was raised to believe that prayer fixes all things. But I find it very hard to believe that if you call on the Lord in those few brief moments before you die all is forgiven.
And if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.
My brother’s father passed away. His time of death cannot be determined but when he was found he was in a praying position kneeling beside his bed. This leads everyone to believe that in his last moments of life he was asking God to forgive him for his sins.
You may or may not remember that I have a very unique family structure. My siblings and I have the same mother but different fathers. For namesake I’ll call him my stepdad but his relationship with my mom was long over before I was born.
Growing up all I ever heard was how badly he had treated my mom when they were together. Although I was not alive then I cannot respect anyone that treats my family or anyone I consider family badly. Blame it on being a Pisces.
My mom has never forgiven my stepdad. As she said it, when someone hurts you from deep down inside you never forgive. You accept and move on but you never forgive. She believes that what you do to others will come back to you. My stepfather alienated his children, step-children, grandchildren and people close to him thus his last years of life had been very lonely and unhappy. I guess vindication for my mother’s suffering was the fact that he always wanted her back.
I struggle with forgiveness both in life and in death. You are taught that you are supposed to forgive but no one gives you instructions on how you are supposed to go about doing that. One of my friends said how can you hold a grudge with someone who is dead? But if they had such a profound and negative impact on your life how can you not hold a grudge?
So one question I have is can all your sins in life truly be washed away with one simple prayer? And if God can forgive, what about those left to go on who suffered at the hands of the deceased? Does forgiveness come with death because you can’t hold a grudge with the dead? Will I only be able to forgive those who have hurt me once they are dead?
Permalink | Comments (144) | Categories: Family
Priceless
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I know there is no set price tag on love. Although a recent study shows that being happily married is worth about $100,000 a year. I think sometimes you have to make a financial investment in another person to get a return.
I miss the one that got away. I wish he wasn’t so far away and I don’t want to let another two years go by before I see him again. I know right now he can’t afford to come back here. So I have two options. I can either fly out to see him or fly him back to Atlanta.
Now I know some bloggers, particularly the guys, will think I’m crazy or desperate. But I don’t see anything wrong with spending a few bucks on a ticket to enjoy the company of someone I like and care about. For me the bigger concern is the message it will convey.
I know what I like and I know what I want. The one that got away is worth more to me than any dollar value. He just falls in to a very unique category. He is someone whose company I enjoy so much that we could do absolutely nothing and have a great time doing it. That kind of happiness is rare and priceless.
If I fly out there, what does that mean? If I fly him here, what does that say? Because all I’m really trying to say is I miss you, I wish we could see each other again and I’m willing to put the money, time and effort in to making that happen.
Permalink | Comments (154) | Categories: Relationships
Serial Hope Killers
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Serial daters. If you haven’t had the displeasure of meeting a serial dater then count yourself lucky. Serial daters are the worst type of person you could meet if you are at, or near, a point where you want something meaningful. I call them serial hope killers because if you let them, they can diminish your hope in finding someone to have a real relationship with.
Serial daters are usually very active on the dating scene, which by itself is NOT a bad thing. They rarely stay single for very long. Serial daters are usually toxic single people that go around imitating a person who is truly ready for a commitment. They seek out people who show real signs of wanting to be in a relationship. They intentionally seek to have you emotionally attached and draw you into an arduous cycle of lies. Serial daters entice people by dangling commitment in front of them and then yank it away when they get bored or find someone else. They are never upfront about their real feelings so they end up having pseudo-relationships with numerous people simultaneously. Whatever you do, do not develop feelings for them. Once you identify the signs of a serial dater you can better prepare yourself to deal with them. In fact, you can play the game too and maybe even have fun with them. Just don’t sink to their level of dishonesty.
There are some clues to spotting a serial dater:
They maintain online profiles on dating websites AFTER telling you that they want to date you exclusively.
They seem to have little weekend time available to spend with you. Aside from work commitments and parent responsibilities, someone who you are dating exclusively should be free to spend quality time with you on the weekends.
They verbally tell you that they want the relationship to progress to the next level but there is nothing substantial that indicates this to be true.
If you happen to experience the serial dater’s antics, don’t let them kill your hope for a real relationship. Just be cautious with this type so that when you meet a genuine person you will appreciate them. The genuine person will actually call when they say they will or return your calls. A genuine person will show up on time and be considerate of your feelings. They are also able to effectively communicate their feelings and intentions. They have no problem being upfront about what they currently want or desire. It is up to you to listen to what they say and pay attention to their actions to ensure that they correlate.
Have you ever been a victim of a serial dater? What are some signs that could help others spot a serial dater? Have you ever been guilty of being a hope killer as a serial dater?
Permalink | Comments (133) | Categories: Dating
Golden Parachutes
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Do you have someone in your life that is always there to catch you when you stumble or fall? I am referring to the type of falls that injure your ego and pride in the process?
Is there a person that you can turn to that will catch you before you fall into self-defeating thoughts? This person is always a cheerleader for you and there for you through thick and thin. If so, you can call them your golden parachute.
My golden parachute is a guy from home. GP and I met through work and we immediately hit it off. He was such a great listener and extremely funny. GP just landed in the friend zone and honestly, I was really happy to have a confidante. At the time, I was going through a very rough period in my love life. When I was very close to a man-hating meltdown, he single-handedly redeemed my faith in men. He gave me sound advice and never judged me when I didn’t listen. He was always encouraging me to do whatever I had to do to be happy. We would talk about anything and everything. He would talk about his lady problems and I would try to listen and give my perspective. Even if I didn’t care for the women he chose to date, I always wanted him to be happy with whomever he was with. We were the poster kids for plutonic relationships!
Well we were until that one weekend when he came to visit. We had gone out earlier that evening with friends. I had a bit too much to drink and I was being silly and flirty. GP would usually laugh it off when I did this and normally would counter back with some witty banter. This time he didn’t. He just got really quiet and stared at my mouth and then he laid a passionate kiss on me.
I was floored. How could he do that out of the blue? How long had he wanted to do that? What was I supposed to say? The only words I could muster were, “ok that was weird”. He looked so hurt and I immediately felt horrible. That next morning I apologized if I hurt his feelings. He admitted his feelings for me grew a great deal since I moved away. We talked it over and we agreed that our friendship was too important to us to risk it in a romantic relationship (ok it was mainly me, but still he nodded in agreement!). We BOTH vowed that we would chalk it up to a one time kiss. However, our friendship was never the same after that weekend. I tried to return to normal but he kept distancing himself from me. If it was too awkward for him, I had to accept it. Our plutonic friendship became a distant memory and I was beginning to think that maybe men and women really can’t just be platonic friends.
Well Golden Parachute contacted me recently. He said that he misses me and our friendship. Even though I have found a great circle of friends here, I haven’t quite replaced him just yet. It feels good to know that I can hook up to my Golden Parachute again, in case I fall again.
Can you think of someone who has been your Golden Parachute? Have you ever had a plutonic friend reveal romantic feelings to you before? I know it is a very old argument that men and women can’t be platonic friends, but what are your thoughts?
Permalink | Comments (240) | Categories: Relationships
These Three Words
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
“The L Word”
It’s interesting to think back over past relationships and realize how easily the L word was tossed out. I think that people sometimes misspeak about love. They mistake it for infatuation, lust, desire, or wanting something that they can’t have.
I haven’t had a “perfect time” that these words were said to me for the first time yet, because each time I have heard I love you from a romantic interest, it always catches me off guard which leads to the MOST AWKWARD MOMENT. I can easily say it to friends or family, but saying it to the one who holds my heart has always been a slow, slow process. I usually reserve it for a time when I have felt something on a deeper level.
I have noticed that some people use the L word as a weapon to commit emotional larceny. They steal emotions from a person that they have no intention of being committed to. I have heard men say that they often use the L word on women with no self esteem to entice them into a pseudo-relationship (read: reason to sleep with them) and it works every time. I have also seen women do the exact same thing. They profess love to the man or say it back to him knowing full well that he is only Mr. Right NOW.
What I have learned so far is that it could be an EMPTY “I Love You” if:
- It is said by a person that is consistently selfish.
- It is said by a person who utters it expressly to get something from you: sex, money, power, attention, etc.
- Their actions are not aligning with their proclaimed love for you as evidenced by being constantly inconsiderate of your feelings, or if they become abusive in any way, shape or form.
How do you know if someone who says those three words really means it? When is it appropriate to tell someone you love them? When you say “I love you” to your partner or romantic interest, do you mean it?
Permalink | Comments (189) | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Behind The Velvet Rope
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Do I really want to get into the “Married People’s Club?�
When I was younger it sure seemed like the cool, hot place to be. I used to have a misconception that married people belonged to this ultra exclusive, trendy club. A fun place where it was all about good times and great sex. There was a period of time when all my focus was on getting behind that velvet rope and gain access into the Married People’s Club. I think my expectations for marriage were way off base.
As I matured my views on marriage changed, thankfully, and I became a lot less naïve. I know that marriage isn’t just about having someone to eat dinner with all the time. It’s not about having someone beautiful/handsome on your arm at parties. It’s definitely not about great sex all the time.
I spend so much time relishing in my singleness that I wonder if I am just destined to stay single. I have wondered that maybe I am avoiding marriage and long-term commitment because I wonder if I am “built” for it. I have the mentality of an overachiever and the thought of failing at something as huge as marriage concerns me. What if I won’t make a good wife? What if my attempts at balancing the roles of wife, mother, and career woman fail miserably? What if I cheat on my husband? What if my husband cheats on me? These are the places my mind goes if I sit and think about it too long, which is why I try not to.
I want my motivations for being married to be genuine. I don’t want to marry for the wrong reasons: out of desperation, to bear children, to get financial support. These reasons won’t compel me to jump the broom. I want to marry because I deeply love someone enough to share the rest of my life with him. I want to get married because the thought of my life without him would make me unhappy. For someone perptually single for so long, these reasons for marrying seem elusive.
Did your perception of marriage change over time? How can you tell if marriage is for you? Is it just about getting behind the velvet rope that single people sometimes feel separates them from the married people?
For those of you who are behind the velvet rope or have been there before, what were your motivations to get married?
Permalink | Comments (129) | Categories: Marriage
Shouldn’t You Come With A Warning Label?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Baby, can’t you see
I’m calling
A guy like you
Should wear a warning
It’s dangerous
I’m fallin’
There’s no escape
I can’t wait
I need a hit
Baby, give me it
You’re dangerous
I’m lovin’ it
- Britney Spears, Toxic
Yes, I just quoted a Britney Spears song. Shut up, it’s a hot song. I remember listening to this song the first time and laughing at the line “A guy like you should wear a warning” because my friends and I always say these exact words after a dating misadventure. That guy should have had a warning label on him!!
Danger: This man is prone to become jealous of your male friends that pose no threat.
Caution: This man has the worst bedroom skills ever.
Beware: This man has the best bedroom skills ever. You will become disillusioned and dazed, enter at your own risk.
Alert!: This man has the personality of a lobotomized turkey.
After hearing about the experiences of my guy friends I think they would have plenty of warning labels they could put on their misadventures too:
Warning: She may look sane but this woman will stalk you if you don’t return her calls in the time frame that she prefers.
Beware: This woman will vandalize your car when you try to break up with her.
Alert! She may claim to have awesome culinary skills but she really is seeking a guinea pig to test her food on. She is no Nigella.
Caution: She will want to start picking out wedding invitations and china patterns within one week of meeting you.
Warning: She has a psychotic ex-boyfriend that will threaten your life if you date her.
Wouldn’t it be cool if there were warning labels to save us the trouble of finding out the hard way that someone isn’t all that compatible with us?
It would also be interesting if we had “good warning labels” that would be like an engaging preview to the coming attractions of a wonderful movie. Good warning signs would tell all the great things you have to offer someone who is deserving of your best.
Caution: Fiercely loyal. Will motivate and support your dreams and won’t let you give up on them.
Beware: Has a tendency to relentlessly pursue your happiness.
Danger: Has the staying power to endure hardships, drama and refuses to give up on your relationship.
Alert: Hopeless romantic predisposed to whisk you away on secret rendezvous or surprise you with sweet acts of love.
The reality is that some people would not pay attention to the “danger” warnings even if they were flashing neon signs. A lot of times we go into situations with hopes that the warning signs are either not really there, or not THAT bad. We usually end up regretting this and often times we can look back and pin point the precise moment when we should have walked away. Despite all the blatantly obvious warning signs we stayed in hopes that the person would turn out to be The One. Hopefully, you learn from these situations so you won’t be doomed to repeat the same mistakes and ignore the warning labels if and when they emerge again.
Warning labels may not be written on a post-it note and smacked on a person’s forehead, but they are there. They are implied and inferred through behavior, actions, comments, and dialogue. It is up to you to figure out the warning signs when they first appear. You just have to address it directly, ask questions, and probe further past the superficial things that initially attracted you to the person. It may take some time but it would be well worth it to find out sooner rather than later.
What are some good and bad warning labels that you would place on people you have dated or married? What are some good and bad warning labels you would put on yourself: be honest!
Permalink | Comments (172) | Categories: Dating
Things I Have Collected
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One of the great things about dating is the chance to meet people who are different from me. I enjoy learning about different hobbies or unique interests that expose me to something that I may not have discovered otherwise. The process of getting to know someone new can be really exciting, especially if that person is different than anyone who you have met before. Each dating adventure or misadventure always seem to have some sort of impact on me, some deeper than others. They say that we are the sum of our experiences, and I think that includes dating experiences.
I can flip through my mental rolodex and find an assortment of things that I collected that I still enjoy. I have a deeper appreciation for jazz music after spending time with a musician that educated me about the great history of jazz. I think my taste in music grew up a bit after meeting him.
I still frequent a Mexican restaurant where a date took me once because they make the absolute best quesadillas I have ever tasted. I met a guy once that had his entire closet color-coded, including shoes. When we were dating, I rearranged my entire closet the same exact way and I loved it.
I remember watching Runaway Bride and laughing so hard at the scene where Julia Robert’s character ate her eggs the same way her current beau did. I was thinking about how I take on the same behavior when I date someone except that I adopt their favorite sports team to root for.
So these are a few things that I have collected from dating cool, interesting people. I imagine that if I were to contact people who spent time with me, they would be able to mention a few interesting things they collected from me as well. So maybe the saying rings true for dating and we really are a sum of all our experiences.
Do you agree? What are some things you have collected from dating, relationships, or marriage?
Permalink | Comments (306) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Meet Wise Diva
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Meet Wise Diva, a 33 year-old transplant to metro Atlanta who has found her dating experience here quite entertaining and humorous. Her dating life is juggled between graduate school, working full time, and shopping, but she makes sure to have fun at each of these.
Wise Diva started out as a regular commenter on the Misadventures dating blog, voted among the favorite female bloggers. Now, she co-writes the Misadventures blog as a community blogger, sharing her experience, opinions, and humor about dating in Atlanta.
“I think that every experience, good or bad, will make me appreciate the man of my dreams when he finds me. So, bring on those frogs so I can start finding my prince!”
Follow her and Bella as they attempt tandem blogging about dating, mating, and relating in Atlanta.
Share your stories and offer your advice here in our online blog. Our commenting will be open from 8 a.m. till 5 p.m.
Permalink | | Categories: About Wise Diva
Taking a back seat
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This is not goodbye, it’s I’ll see you later. Because after doing this blog for over a year I’m stepping to the side.
Y’all just don’t know how hard it is to come up with ideas every day of what to talk about. I try to keep it interesting but sometimes I just experience writer’s block.
I recently got a promotion and I will no longer to be able to blog daily. So someone we all know and love who has been with me from day one is stepping in to the ring.
For the longest I have debated what to do about the blog. I didn’t want to shut it down because it has been successful, it was the highlight of my job and I love this community we have created. Y’all are my friends and family without faces. So the only way this blog could continue is if someone else stepped up to keep the blog going.
So I want everyone to give much love to my play cousin, WISE DIVA.
Wise Diva will be taking over tomorrow because tomorrow is Friday and by damn this blog is going to be happy. I’m not completely going away. Wise Diva and I will alternate blogging.
Please everyone show as much love and support to Wise Diva as you have shown to me. This is a new endeavor for the AJC and if it is successful there will be more opportunities for people in the community to have blogs on the site.
To all the naysayers and people who would love for this blog to end, I have not been silenced and this blog will continue to exist. But it’s time for a change and as I have grown so will this blog continue to evolve.
I really think this is a win-win situation. The blog will continue and with a mix of my writing style and Wise Diva’s we will keep the blog creative and fresh. For me it will be nice to not have to wrack my brain day in and day out with what to talk about but it will also be a new challenge for Wise Diva and I to not overlap each other in topics. So I’m looking forward to this and I hope all of y’all are too.
Permalink | Comments (221) | Categories: About Mia
Be a better dater
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’m always reevaluating what works and does not work for me. I really didn’t meet anyone this summer and I can’t figure out why. I was definitely out and about. But overall it was a good summer for me. I had a great time with my friends. But as fall nears and we head in to winter I do want to put more energy in to dating and not just hanging out for the sake of hanging out.
In the August issue of Essence there is a package of stories on marriage, finding love and keeping it. One article gave a few tips on how to be a better dater.
- Adopt a positive attitude
- Don’t wait to be asked
- Make friendship the goal
- Risk being yourself
- Include him or her in your social circle
Dating is supposed to be the easy part. Do you have any suggestions on how we can all become better daters?
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Straight to the Heart
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The way to my heart is not an easy route. A man that is truly for me will have to deal with a few challenges and pitfalls.
To earn my love a man must first be patient. There is definetely some barbed wire around my heart to protect me. He has to be understanding and supportive because I will be the same. We tend to take ourselves too seriously so he has to be able to laugh at himself. He has to be affectionate. Some times I just want his attention and to feel his arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. The little things are extremely important to me. Although expensive gifts and dinner would be nice I would really prefer a nice massage as I moan and groan about my day or a bubble bath for two to soak the worries of the day away.
I guess ultimately I want someone to romance me and their words and actions to be consistant. If you love me, don’t just say that you love me…show me that you love me.
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I hope that is not true because I can’t cook but I will gladly go out to eat or pick my man up something on the way home. I don’t believe guys are that one dimensional but is food really the one way to a man’s heart? What is the way to your heart?
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Pettiness to the extreme
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Hello bloggers and lurkers!!!
Y’all just don’t know how much I missed y’all. I’m so glad the past week is behind me. I feel like I made it through the lion’s den although not unscathed I’m still here and still moving forward.
So as you know I was at a journalism convention last week and the more I attend these conventions the more I realize that some organizations are just not for me.
At one time I used to be very active in this journalism organization. My love of the organization was something Hurricane and I shared. But when the relationship ended I no longer felt like family but an outsider.
To think that Hurricane left me when I was pregnant with our children but every one sees me as the bad guy. Maybe they don’t know the story or the whole story but we are journalists. To not be objective and only take his side is not the kind of journalism we are taught to practice.
I feel so bad for my friend that stayed with me for the first part of the convention. She was excluded from certain outings because people within Hurricane’s clique would have rather not risked me coming along with her so they just didn’t invite her. But yet they say she is their friend. I tried to make it clear that just because she was staying with me did not mean that I had to go out every where with her or her every where with me.
And Hurricane wonders why I hate him. He left me over two years ago but supposedly I’m the one holding the grudge. For the most part I don’t talk about him because I was taught if you can’t say nothing nice don’t say anything at all. I try to not talk about him at all, even on this blog, because the memories of what I went through are so painful for me.
But he continues to perpetuate the myths and lies about me.
So after this week I have resolved that I must pull back and possibly pull all the way out of that organization. It’s just not for me. I don’t have time for the high school antics. I’m not going around telling people to not talk to or associate with him.
To my friend, again I’m soooo sorry they did you dirty because of the bad situation between me and Hurricane. You did not deserve that and they are wrong for that one. To Hurricane, you never deserved one ounce of my love. And this week just further proves to me how your words never held any true meaning. The only person you cared about then and now is you and with an ego that big you can’t possibly truly love anyone but yourself. Let’s all pray I never write my true tell-all book because no one is ready for the Confessions of Mia.
Permalink | Comments (131) | Categories: About Mia
